The Basement Yard - #355 - Learning How To Do Butt Stuff

Episode Date: July 18, 2022

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Welcome back to the basement yard Frank. How's it going, buddy? I am doing quite well And I look good too. You're wearing a baseball jersey. I look good doing it. I smell good being it What I haven't what is that? You know just being a good-looking guy. I think I Love those like the first half of that sense was confident and then it merely wasn't yeah Yeah, being a great-looking man I hope well you recently put out like rate yourself on a scale of 1 through 10. I did didn't respond to my Actual response. What did you say? I said 10 no joke. Oh, I didn't even see that I said 10 no joke and it's all my personality right. I think I'm a meaty like mediocre league good-looking person. I

think that you're like Way better looking now than you were When you weren't Yeah, that's how that works. Yeah, are you saying my long hair or my buzz cut? No, that the long hair You didn't like the long hair and the stupid long beard shit, too I didn't really do a long beard. I don't know I did I would normally shape like normally you look great now Thank you. My beard was not long. My hair was super long. I kind of miss it, but also don't you looked not good

Well, first of all, I don't need a fucking look good for you, bitch You don't have to but I'm just telling you my opinion. Well, why why did you feel that way? I thought you looked just like dirty. You thought I looked dirty. My hair was always pulled back I know I thought that you looked I thought that you had more potential What the fuck does that mean? And I was disappointed. What the fuck does that mean? Because look at you now I think that you look amazing. Well, you could have looked like that back then, but you didn't I chose not to because I Still think I looked good Yeah, I think I looked great. Fuck you. All right, bro. You don't you have no fucking

Ground to stand I never said no ground to stand I never said your fucking hair I would take my pulled back long fucking hair over your fucking flip any day of the week And you know it was bad too because you actively make fun of yourself you bitch Yeah, but at one point you look like a fucking like a like a like a like a Spanish Janitor or something like a Spanish janitor. Yeah, like but one that's like cool and like listens to rock and roll on a little Radio that he pushes around, you know, that sounds great I do love rock and roll. Yeah, and second of all, what where the fuck do you come up with that? Was I wearing overalls? No at some point you had like curls that would come out of the hat

And I'm like, I did have curls that came out of the hat, but it's because I have naturally curly hair Well, I'm just saying it's also a big baseball look boy. You're not a baseball player boy I was at one point in my life. You worked at Target boy. Okay. Um out of necessity I don't that's a little further away from baseball then you'd like to admit apparently never know I was throwing things. I was throwing deals out left and right sales. Yeah, absolutely It's like you have off crest toothpaste this week. Damn. I Don't think that ever happened. Yeah, probably black Friday, maybe I don't think Crest toothpaste was on sale on black Friday, Joe. I don't know. How are you doing? I'm doing good. You know back welcome back

You didn't go anywhere. No, I went to your house. I'm you did you did we already spoke about that on our patreon video Check out right now patreon.com slash the basement yard is good video. You're gonna want to see it But you're going away. I am I'm going to Arizona. You're going to Thotsdale, Arizona Yes, you're gonna be a little boy over there a little bitch. You're not afraid of what scorpions and snakes I assume they don't live Wait, I didn't even think about that. Well, I went to Sedona, which is like out in the desert So if I would have saw and I saw a big fucking spidey out. No, I would have stomped it out like fucking young buck bro For some reason I and I I have like I don't

Okay You don't like bugs my I don't like bugs. We clearly we've established that we've gone over that I hate bugs, especially little crawly once and When I was in Arizona, we were in the pool at night and then I saw a giant hand-sized spider that big and yeah And the only thing that could trigger something in me is I started gagging I Don't know why like I was like afraid but I was like I feel like I'm gonna throw up really yeah Like it made me like like it's just like I don't know and I don't do that

That's an intense level of fear and I don't do that like when something smells bad or something or someone's like oh They're talking about like shit, but if I would start gagging you would start gagging No, I wouldn't start but that's if I was already gagging that doesn't make me gag But if I was already gagging and then you started doing that, I'm puking. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I'm barfing. You're I hate that word That's my least favorite word But yeah in like Arizona Scottsdale is like a city though in Arizona most homeowners have black lights Because scorpions are bioluminescent so before they would wait what did you what scorpions? They're invisible or no, that's not what that means Joey

Bioluminescent means they give off a natural light So if you were to put a scorpion like if you hold a black light to a scorpion they glow like a fucking glow in the dark like wild thing Okay, and what why would you need to do that and not just have a flashlight on it because flashlights don't necessarily like It's if it's like dark out. I don't know why but Some of them can like hide like some of them are clear like in their white So they might not be as a bit evident by a flashlight. There's no clear scorpions. Yes, there are Frankie They're not say that's not true

I'm not saying like super clear like you could see through them But like fucking like off-white like where they blend in with sand and shit like that in the desert I can't I don't know but a lot of homeowners and I've seen animal planet things on this so it's real Have black lights and any time like in the mornings or at night when they put on their shoes They flash it in just to make sure that there are no scorpions in their boots When I did go on that bachelor party to Sedona They we walked into the house and I was like this is amazing because like when you first walk in through the doors That the house was huge and straight back. It was like this massive house. You stayed in

There was a big like opening like Door that led to this infinity pool. So it's like when you open the door immediately like oh my god This is amazing and then as soon as I took a step in the house So I went by the way when you take off your shoes flip them upside down so the scorpions can't get in yep And I went what yeah, and immediately my trip was like immediately kicked back like five Yeah, you got real excited when you got there and they had to put you they had to bring you back Yeah, I walked in I was like this is where we're staying and then scorpions and I was like I need to go Yeah, and apparently it's not the big scorpions that you need to worry about

It's the little ones because the big ones can control the amount of venom that they produce So if it's a little scorpion, they don't have that control yet So they'll just pump fucking venom into you and you'll be dead in minutes literally I'm gonna be completely honest here. I'm less worried about the venom like when I think of scorpions I don't even think of venom. Oh, I just think of little pincers. Oh, no, dude And like gross hands worry about the fucking venom on their tail, dude Yeah, but you know, no, no. Yeah. Yeah, don't fucking worry. These are just for grabbing things that back there The fucking weapon. I'm not worried about the pain. I'm worried about the gross

Don't even worry about the pain because the pain might be temporary that venom. That's forever, babe. I know but they're wet Scorpions they are they are wet looking they are wet looking bro. I hate it look up black light scorpions They're fucking you might need to like hope that the Airbnb that you guys are saying that has a Fucking black light in there like a little flashlight so you can see you might you might imagine putting on your shoes No, I'm wearing fucking slides the whole time. Why do you do this? I said, I'm gonna sleep upstairs. Oh, I mean, I didn't say that I just how did I get that from this like? Oh, that means you're sleeping upstairs. Okay. He's pointed for those are audio listeners. He just pointed to the ceiling Like I'm supposed to know what that means. No, I am I I'm gonna I can't I can't do oh because scorpions can't climb stairs

That's right. I mean it's more of a trip for them. It would be more of a trip. You are you are correct That's that but good luck, man. I hope you have a good time over there and you don't find any torpians Yeah, I don't want to find any torpians either or snakes They got big bad rattlesnakes out there. They got diamond back snakes. They do but I'm an idiot I feel like it's just an outrun a snake or some a juke it bro. You might you might outrun one into another one Yeah, Frank. I'm going to be in a ball. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I'm going it's a drink in a bar. You think you can out. Do you think you can juke a snake? Yeah

Joey dude Joey out. It's fucking sneakers. You clearly have no idea the power of the animal kingdom If you think you can out juke a snake I could definitely but you think you could beat up a bunch of animals because I think I can juke a snake now I'm fucking crazy. You are fucking crazy. I don't say I could beat them up I am very you said you literally could convince a gorilla not to kill you Yes, that I said I could do in a one-on-one fistfight gorilla's killing me 10 times out of 11 I'm juke and what I'm saying is that I can make a fucking gorilla feel passionate for me

Snakes bro. Look at those eyes. Those are evil animals They don't give a shit if you talk to them if you love them or whatever They'll fucking take you out. Do you think you can out juke a snake? These are things that that catch jukeing animals Yeah, they sneak up on them, bro. No, the fucking animal tries to like get out of the way and they're just like, yo Oh Dude, you're getting 10 times out of 10. You're gonna. I've juke a snake in utah. You have not juke the snake I juke the snake. What kind of snake a gardener snake? Do you think I stopped and fucking examined it and then asked a fucking professor? How big was the head?

How big was the head? Yeah of the snake? Yeah, I don't know That's not a snake, dude. That's a worm. That's a glorified worm. Oh, it was a snake, bro snakes are like this, dude What did you even just do you did this at me you clawed at me? It was a snake I don't think so and I jumped on a rock and I saw it and I merely jumped back I'm sure you did but before we get into some stuff that we want to talk about make sure you go check out patreon again As I said earlier patreon.com slash the basement yard We like to tell people that I mean it's the place for all the goodies

You know what I'm saying my goodies my goodies my goodies not my goodies I got a sick reputation for handling broads. All I need is me a few seconds and more You can get all of that at patreon.com slash the basement yard. You like hearing me come up with more pd. Pablo songs I'll do it freak a leak That's that's all that's those the only two I know it's a good song. I know there are more in there, but Patreon you set up for that first tier uh you get these weekly episodes a week in advance So when you go on youtube you see those comments six days ago. Oh my god. What is that? I am I feel left out those are the patreon members and then that's second tier

Well, guess what you get exclusive episodes every single friday, which are a little saucy a little naughty A little beep beep and any exclusive videos we put up there Like for instance the one of me getting a brazilian wax, uh, which is still up there Forever has it all grown back? Uh, yeah, and then some Oh, and then oh, yeah, no, I I people need to do that frequently I'm never doing that again. Got it But if you want to see why I never want to do it again, go check it out patreon.com slash the basement yard We're almost at 12,000. We keep peeking open the high three

11's I don't know why I said threes but the high 11's and if we get to 12,000 Guess who's doing something this time? Guess who's getting a little bit of something going on to them? All right, that bad boy right there. So patreon.com slash the basement yard speaking of snakes joe. Yeah I you know when we go on preparing for our episodes and talking about good old things I come across some things that sometimes you're like, what the fuck where did you find this? And I found a list that was put together and I want to I want to teach you Okay, now this is from what I found in the list and it's basically scientifically

How to do anal you're gonna teach me how to do anal. I'm not teaching you how to do anal because I'm not who am I to teach? I'm saying You're not an anal queen. I'm not an anal queen. I'm not there are people out there that are way cooler and anal Yeah, yeah, you know people do it for like everything um but What is that even me? I don't know But there's this list that I found the best anal sex techniques backed by science

Oh, so there's science to this joey. Oh, I didn't even know science I you know could be scientific and there's some there's some terms Here that I'm going to give you actually in particular three Oh a vocab test. Yeah to see if you understand what they're saying. Okay, and this is like how to do anal This is how to be good at it. Do the best of it. I don't think I'm gonna do well I think you'll be okay. All right, joey. So the first one they they recommend something called anal surfacing Now if I were to ask you what that is, what do you think surfacing? Yeah, I'll be honest with you It sounds like surfing honestly the first thing I thought of was like when a whale comes out of the water to breathe

So like isn't that called breaching it is called breaching Um, but anal surfacing maybe that's like just like making sure the surface is chill You know I'm saying you can't have no poop. No fucking, you know bing bong back there Oh, like just do a quick like sweep of the sweep of the surface sweep of the airbnb before you get out of there Anal surfacing is like make sure the surface is chill so that we can like get inside and like Find out what the fuck's going on with the interior. Wait, what I don't know isn't I don't understand that bro. You got to check the surface like the surface is on top

So we're talking about what you can see, but it's not the surface that you're worried about it's going in You don't care about the top of the pool. You know, wait, is this a get anal? I thought so or give. Yeah, that's what I'm saying or give surfacing. Make sure your surface is fucking clean Do you think it's a cleanliness thing? I think it's just about your surface. Yeah, like cleaning your surface Wrong This is a known as a sexual touch on or around the anus, but with no penetration in order to Prime the area. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. Well, yeah, so it's like a little like, you know You dip your toe in the water so to say before you dive on in yeah dial 9-1-1 on an old clock

You know saying like a rotary phone like Little circles in the fucking bunghole I thought you were saying like practicing calling 9-1-1 before you actually call. I'm saying you have to see a rotary rotary Yeah, I had one. I had a rotary phone. We have one in the old studio. Yeah, I'm gonna bring it in Please do. I'm gonna bring it in. People always complain about my background. Yeah, I know But yeah, so apparently 40 of women surveyed saying that they enjoyed that approach as the start to the booty play This or the probably thumb, right? I don't know. Um, you could do it. However you want I feel like this goes for the butt and this is for the so you kind of like land the heli the helicopter

Land the helicopter grab a grip, but then also like okay Yeah, all right, or you can do people there are but lickers too Butt lickers that could be is that surfacing though? I thought I would think it's a surfacing thing because you You need a powerful powerful tongue to stick it in a bud No, you know, I mean the tongue is is the strongest muscle per capita. You are correct Yeah, so you could definitely fly through a hole. I think so. Yeah, I knew a kid in college That was like all about licking butts and I remember at the time I was like, what is that even and he's like It's like licking the tip of a pen

Okay, and I was like, huh? I've licked pens. He was like it tastes inky. I was like inky. That's what he said, man Is he fucking? I don't know eating a fucking octopus. He's asked He said that his he was eating ass and it tasted like ink identified it as inky his kid's name was ray I'm not going to give more I'll say one time some kid told me that he ate vaginas And he was like, you know, I went down on a girl and it tastes like uh Like a bloody nose or he said it tastes like coins and I was like bro Okay coins. That's weird. Yeah, I've never I've never tasted a vagina. I've also never tasted a coin

I've tasted well, you've tasted a coin, bro. When the fuck have I put a coin in my mouth? I've put a coin in my mouth mad times. Okay. That's a problem All right, but also you can assume what a coin tastes like because you get that coin smell You know why I remember it because I remember at elementary school when they would serve those like roasted chicken breasts That compared with the metal banisters and the stairwells my hands would smell like I just jerked off robocop. Got it. Um But yeah, I've I've I've you know tasted a few of vaginas Okay, one or two here or there a couple. Yeah, none of them have tasted like a nose. Yeah I could confirm that no if they tasted like blood

Yeah, there'd be There could be something happening. Yeah, there could it could either be menstruation Or it could be a big ol fat problem. It could be yes, which Uh, I don't plan on being in both situations at all. Me neither. Also coins. Yeah, I wouldn't describe it as that either I wouldn't I I've never I've never what would you describe it as? I It's a tough one. I don't know yet. Nothing else tastes like it's got its own thing. Yeah, it's got its own thing Yeah, it's its own flavor. I think we need to get that when you think the pineapple thing like

Or was it how do you make your vagina taste better fruits or something? I don't know like I've never even Doing that and all of a sudden I'm like, oh your strawberries. I'm like like bro. We're lying. You have an apple earlier. Yeah, so I'm like I'm getting blueberry. I'm getting blueberry I'm getting a hint of elderberry and thankfully I have juniper I've also never been in a situation where I was being intimate with a with a woman and been I've been like this is terrible Yeah, that's never happened to me. Nothing even close to that. Yeah, I consider myself quite lucky That's never happened to me

And I honestly it also could be because the standard at which women are held under that they have to be You know a lot more kept down there than men do is something that has been toxic in our society for dozens of not Hundreds of years joey. Well, frank. We're all they also have an open Hole, okay down there So it's like it's gonna require a little more just like how sirk dudes are gonna have to wash a little more You know I'm saying uncirked any uncirked. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Um What was I gonna say? I don't know. Let's move on to the next one. Okay. Uh, the next one is something by the name of anal shallowing Shallowing when I hear this you got to make your asshole shorter. I was

I was instantly going So anal shallowing what do you think it is um Probably like that sounds like just a tip type of shit like stay in the shallow end Like the like don't go full force into this bond That's such like you remember like that was such like a high school concept just the tip just the fucking tip Let's play just the tip. I've also never done that. Yeah, I can't my penis is going like fully into this thing Well, it's not like I have like a ton of tip here Yeah, you definitely don't have a ton of tip. I've seen your tip not that much real estate to work with

Wait, tell him out. It's a fucking normal regular tip. Yeah, but I was making a joke You're more shaft than you are tip Everyone's do you have more tip than in your shaft? Oh What are your dick looks like that like an actual mushroom that would yeah It's just like and this is your fucking tip my if my hat goes all the way back, you know what I'm saying You're I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding Uh, but so you think it's like one of those where it's like you like introduce Yeah, like shallowing like just stay shallow. Don't go in the deep like you call the parents before you meet them for the first time

You're not ringing the doorbell you're calling. Hey, I'm outside. Got you. You're not gonna walk up to the door No knocking. No, no Jesus Christ. That's also actually in actually that's a bad thing. I would say it is knocking before you're entering That's knocking. That's what it is. Okay. You're not just gonna walk into someone's house You know You're gonna knock so shallowing stay shallow. You're pretty much correct It's uh touching just the uh inside the anal opening no deeper than the fingertip or knuckle Whoa, dude, bro. Those are two different things two different things my fingertip and my knuck That's like the double. That's double the amount of bro. That's triple

Think about it. This is oh, I thought I was going first knuckle Oh, I don't even that's a knock. I don't consider that a knuckle, but I guess that's probably what they're referencing I thought they meant like this knuckle. Oh, yo, dude. This is like also. I went right to middle finger So I guess I did too. Yeah. Why is that like well middle world? Well, well, we're my space generation boys So the middle finger was everything. Well, also we're middle fingerers. I think You don't know what the fuck I am. Joey. I'm asking. I mean you went like that. I start I start pinky No, you don't I'm not I'm talking about vaginas

I'm talking about vaginas. I know what you're referencing. Joey. I'm not going to talk about this I'm a man of honor. I got my asshole wax on a video camera Okay, okay. No, that's exactly what it is apparently um stay shallow 35 percent of women found it was most enjoyable when they started This way. What are the other Wait 30 only for 35. Yeah. Oh, so the majority of women are like just fucking send it just go in I guess But you got to imagine that the surfacing helps. Oh, you got to surface. Yeah Yeah, I would you can't not surface and not shallow things are a lot easier It's easier to digest your food when you're drinking water. You know what I'm saying

Okay, you wet it up a little bit in there wet it up Last uh last one I have here anal pairing pairing pairing not like Oh, that's I was gonna say that's scoring. I was I was thinking of like making a fish with skin on it. That's scaling. No, you pay you You you score score the skin You don't cook so you don't understand Okay

I think that's scaling No, you do scale but I'm what I said is like you have a you have a fish You lightly score the skin so you can cook the skin. Oh, and then it also goes through the rest of the binge Got it. Got it. Got it anal pairing. What do you think this anal pairing? Hmm I'm thinking of like wine pairings assholes so like Strawberries and cheese. Yeah, which also I'm not a big fruit and cheese anal pairing

Okay, because a wine pairing is something that is additional to your dinner, right? So you're like kind of I'll have the pairing It's not well. That's pairing food with wine. I'm aware, but I'm saying like but the wine They usually pair it with like this goes well with that. So maybe anal pairing is like Lubricage Okay, so like pairing this anal with some sort of lubricant. So like So like some sort of of a substitute Or just some sort of like Cream or something not cream but like an oil so you could like slip in and out of there, you know

I mean, yeah, you could you could you could it could be a pair. Of course, you know usually is Uh, uh, what's sex without saliva Frank? Sex, yeah, but not yeah. No, no, no. It's still sex. I know, but it's not No, it is Also, you're wrong. Oh, yeah, what is it? You want to know you want to give it another shot in the dark pairing another spit in the dark Is pear spelled like there's two pairs or is it pear spelled like this is a fruit? You think that they're talking about anal fruit Maybe what would be the best fruit to shove in your butt three two one grape

What would be the easiest Cucumbers That would be tough Carrots bro carrots are designed those are vegetables though. They are designed. Um, okay anal pairing By the way, this is what we're fucking talking about. Wait, what is anal pairing? What is it anal pairing is? Pairing anal penetration with either vaginal penetration or clitoral Stimulation. Oh pair it pair it up. That's the wine you go and choose the bathroom joe when you're a kid

You know what I'm saying, but yo you can't go Ask plus you know what's saying you have to go ask the butt. Well, no, that's the same. I know you're saying front, but you can't yeah The fun, but yeah, you know, yeah, you can't go you can't go ask the fun, but Can't go ask the butt. Yeah But you could do like, you know, like A toy first a butt and then oh You could do a toy, you know, like you could you could You can hit both, you know, yeah, of course you can notch both of those boxes

Yeah, no You check the boxes. You do not notch the boxes you notch boxes. You don't you definitely do you notch belts and you check boxes We've gone over this but reportedly 40 of women's surveyed found that pairing anal penetration with either vaginal penetration or clitoral stimulation is pleasurable Yeah, of course, dude We're really going like none of these percentages have been over 40 percent. That's kind of crazy That's kind of like what that tells me is that women who are into anal that are just like just fucking Blast through the doors. I guess man good for them Well, you have to assume that if you're someone who like frequents anal or like you like anal there is a

Sort of like a masochistic I guess they're you know, you drive the same route to get home every day, you know what I'm saying like you got to imagine I'm giving you a warning now No, I'm giving you a warning now because you've done three so far. All right. You've done three metaphors And I'm just giving you a warning I'm just letting you know you're on a dark path because they're gonna get worse and that one made zero So I don't know where we can go from here. Listen. Listen. You take the same route home every day You know how you want your anal and you're going to be fine with it. You know what I mean?

Every day you you have a tuna sandwich. You feel me? I know, but that's that's not what I was saying What I was saying was that women apparently are like, I'm cool without the servicing. I'm cool without the shallowing And I'm I'm like indifferent about you gotta imagine that this is like, you know, this is anal 101 This is the introductory class taught by mr. Ralson. Like this is not fucking like anal techniques for pros And your third year elective. This is like, you know, like you're taking this for fun Right not not something that's gonna help you, you know determine where you want to go with your life I got it but like

Whatever dude, what was the steps also? Those are the steps. Oh, it's just three steps. Yeah, three steps for for fun good anal play So you have to what was it birth? No, it's whoa What was the first one the the the surfacing The breaching swearing swearing you gotta scream at it You're gonna scream at the asshole You need to scream at it. Yeah surface it. Yeah, you know a little

Oh shallow it shallow it stay in the shallow end until you get your well, this is just like swimming bingo Yeah, stay in the shallow until you get your sea legs bingo and then get in there bingo Exactly. You want to stay in the shallow end until you learn how to swim? Dip your toe in only go in, you know waist deep. Yeah, and then when you're in we're a floaty Anyone just like swimming you never forget. Yeah, it's like riding a bike Or Fucking a butt or fucking a butt. Yeah, exactly On that note, let's get to these ads. Oh, there it is. We do have the ads today coming off a

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Go right now true bill.com slash basement. It could potentially save you thousands of dollars. So you better go do it Uh, what are you doing? I forgot that was in my drawer. That was just hidden in your drawer. Yeah, I forgot it was in there. Yeah I actually have uh, that's perfect for what I have that way for what we just spoke about for what wait Well, yeah that but also, uh There is a new show coming out. I think in the uk What the old doughy? Yeah In the uk people hate but love our british accents

What do you think because you think of our accent apparently that's like one part of britain Yeah, we don't know the england. What is the difference? Oh, I mean britain's a collection No, no, no, that's the uk. No great britain great britain is the cool one That's where like all the rich people live because it's so great. Wait. No great britain I thought was just like the greater part of it is like england and shit. I don't know. What is great britain? Here we go, what is the difference between great britain and the united kingdom? Oh, no an article

I don't know bro, you know, you're going to tell me and i'm going to forget and we're going to go right back And look this up in like six episodes. This is too long bro. Just give me like a uh It's the same thing same exact thing. I think so I think great britain doesn't include ireland Yeah, because that's great ireland Right and the united kingdom is just all that shit. I think because they united the kingdoms. Well, but they're brexitting

They're breakfasting. They're breakfasting. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what that meant. And you guess what? I don't have to know though. I we don't need. I'm a dumb american. Yeah, babe Just let me be that. Yeah, you can't we need someone needs to play up to the stereotype of being an idiot american I'll do it bro. You don't need to tell him to do it. No, I'm done. He's done but There's a new show coming out in the the united kingdom The kingdom and uh, it's called too large for love which at a glance You're like, is this a show about like these people? Yeah, like my 600 pound life or something like that

Is this like people who are obese and they're like, I can't find someone I want to love it's a dating show That would be cute. That would be very nice. Yeah Cute. Yeah, that'd be cute. That sounded very like patronizing. No, I wasn't patronizing. I think I'd be cute Everyone needs help getting a little love and You know, I think even flavor flavor needed help flavor flavor did you ever heard his stories of those shows? Yeah, he and like Brett Michaels who remember rock of love Yeah, they're just fucking they were doing all of the sex with all of them always It's one way to live. Um, but anyway too large for love is not about uh, you know fat people

Trying to find love. It's about men with Largest cods Oh my god, and it's like their dicks are too big so they can't find love. Listen up. Okay. What a problem Oh, yeah, this has got to be the most like whoever came out. Oh, it's a documentary. Sorry Regardless, this is one of the most like eye rolling ideas ever You have to imagine the producers like, oh, you can't you can't find anyone Dude, I understand though because imagine. Oh, do you Joe? No, no, no, I don't understand on a firsthand basis

That's not what I meant. I meant that I understand because imagine having like a huge ding dong, right? Oh, yeah I think about it all the time Like Imagine done Well, imagine I'm a big ol fact ain't done. Yeah, we're so big to the point where like Like getting a blush is not even really cool because it's like I can't put this in there and then also like some people got really Tight small vaginas. There are tight vaginas out there and then you can't you can't have states I

Don't sad life to live, bro. What have you made a little love of your life? And now she can't put your and then or you can't put your there's always some way to go about it What unhinging her job like a cobra just throw You throw a couple oven mitts on that bad boy. Just crank it until you crank it until the fucking oven mitts. Yeah Jerk someone off with oven mitts. That was the first thing I thought of you thought of oven mitts All right, no, this is one of the most eye-rolly show ideas ever Because you have to imagine that the people that are writing in it's like You know, there's been like five or six or or or ten submissions that are like, yeah, you know

My willy's too big my tally waka is too massive I can't find anyone to love on me And they're like, all right, let's see it and it's just like normal It's like a normal thing and it's like, yeah, I'm sure it's the big ol fucking thing about this If you have a nine-inch dick, that's fucking crazy Done go ahead. But if you had a nine-inch dick, that's fucking crazy A show where you can't physically have sex with people This dick must be fucking massive. I I could imagine that that would be I listen. I joking aside

I'm sure that there are troubles and problems But the last thing we need in this world is another show about big fucking big fat cock men That are having problems finding lovers and it's like bro, you know What are you doing a recent survey found that nearly half of the male population wish they had a bigger penis. Yeah, so Probably I could say probably a hundred percent of the people in this room Wrong they're wrong. Yeah Oh A recent survey found that nearly half of the male population wish they had a bigger penis

So a bigger penis a better life, right? Well, not always. No, this is making it sound like a like a scary movie. Will Not know what lurked around the corner. Yeah, uh, a brand new documentary is to Um, a brand new documentary is to discuss the hidden problems of the of the living With a very large penis. What the who the fuck wrote this of people who live with very large penis That makes it sound like they're also going to do another of the living on the dead of the dead big fat dicks. Yeah Uh living with a very large penis how it affects all aspects of their life including your sex life And what help is out there for those in need? What help is out there? Cut that fucking dick in half. I mean, couldn't you couldn't you do that?

I think you can get shortening but the problem is I don't think that like it's the length of the dick It's the fatness. Yeah, I think it's because if you have a big fat pain Also, that's super annoying once you get in there Like you can figure it out, you know what I'm saying like no Like that's what I'm saying. I'm agreeing with you. It's like it's the it's getting in there. That's a problem It's like a nightclub like once you get into a nightclub like that's the issue Yeah, once you're in there have the time of your life right, but if the issue is getting into the club That's an issue. That's a big issue. What do you do?

Go to a new club. You're gonna have to you will find a club that'll let you in Yeah, that's fucking crazy, man. Imagine having a big old. Have you ever spoken to anyone on opl? That just like their love life has been ruined because of their just their wigwam We talked to a man with a micro penis. I remember you said that and I don't I think That would probably I'd imagine be treated more like a novelty Would you rather have a micro penis or one of these penises? Serious jolly What kind of question is that dude? But at least the other ones you can have sex with people. Can you?

I think or do you just rub them until your fucking shirt lights a flame you'd be nice No, but technically a micro penis is like Even if it was two inches you could have sex with a two inch penis Bro, you know how close you would need to get to someone? Well, I guess I mean I'm pretty fucking close to her Yeah, no, I would imagine that that is way harder, but this one makes it like near impossible I mean, both of them are tough. It's you know tough and also I'm thinking about away from sex, right? You're way more aerodynamic with a micro penis having a big old sack of lunch downstairs while you're trying to just like run on the treadmill

It was a little crazy. I will say as someone that Would do crunches at the gym. It was harder I would imagine if I had a micro penis and with micro penises that micro balls too No, oh just regular old balls I think so. Okay. I would I would I for someone that does crunches Why do you keep saying that? I won't let the world know I'm working on my body. I got you I know

but It's easier to do crunches with a small wiener than it is to have bigger one like the bigger your wiener gets the harder It's got to be to do crunches. That's why he's dude. It's like running. That's why Pete doesn't do crunches He just looks the way he does right, right, right? It's all like upper body strength from having to carry that fucking Yeah burlap sack ball sack around. Yeah, dude. He's got one of those things You ever seen like old movies where they're like running away and they have like a sack on a stick Yeah, tied with a bandana jam that in your pants. Yeah, that must be really annoying

I I joke aside again. I could understand how this is tough, but Tough for the women too dude imagine trying to be like, yo, I know I gotta deal with this thing you have to Like there it's a bit Like do we need to see how tough this is right now? Like look at the current state of the world where women's rights are being systematically taken from them Do we need to hear about the troubles of men with huge dicks? I think so. Yeah. Okay. I think so. Yeah, okay um Because you know they deserve a voice

They do and if and if they're not going to speak up Who will for them? No one because no one feels bad for the big dick bandits No one does and I even when I watch this documentary. I'll watch it rolling my eyes in a fucking Throw it around like a circle. It really would depend how big they are Uh Do you think the documentary shows their dicks? It must

It's the uk. Oh, yeah, they don't care over there. It's great. They have like fucking boobies on like kids tv Um, he's bonnie. He's touching c cups What's that? Barney touching c cups. What does that mean? I made the joke about in the uk. They have boobs on children's tv Oh Do that? I don't know but now they do. Oh, you made that up. Yeah a hundred percent. Oh, you're just talking about the uk Yeah, it's a baseless opinion Yeah, no, but guess what? It's my opinion. I can have it even if it's factually wrong. I don't care cool

I feel like that's the yeah, I know it's the it's the state of American political affairs right America baby. That's the way we work America You watched that movie recently. I haven't but I was at a place and they were playing the song That song where? I don't know but I just remember hearing America. Fuck. Yeah, it's a great song even better movie. So fuck. Yeah, where was I? I was like, why are they playing this song that song is By the way, we're talking about team america world police if you guys have never seen that movie If you guys have never seen dolls fucking. Well, here's your chance bro. It's it's so much more than that

It's fucking perfectly satirical of like the current dolls current but the state of affairs in america and are there dolls fucking now There are dolls fucking There's also dolls throwing up and dolls doing karate Hey, yeah Exactly. Yeah He was saying that the night of the night. Yeah, he couldn't stop the night of the slam poetry, which guys Wow frank. I can do it all. Frank. I can do it. No, don't Uh, the if you didn't know

Volume three of slam poetry is out now. Santa got a studios, uh, youtube channel if you guys didn't know there's Videos up there every single week, but the current one that is up there right now One of them is slam poetry volume three people have been asking for it. We contacted our friends Joe Dante and francisco. We asked them if they could do another You know, they had they were recluse and they had to come out of hiding in order to do it So we thank them. We were behind the scenes filming. They were the ones that went on camera. So go check it out Santa got a studios on youtube. Yeah Uh, also, I have a story here of a

New Oh, the vegans did this. Oh What what now? What else? Uh, they have gone. This is what the thing says vegans have gone crazy Have gone crazy and created a burger that tastes like human flesh. Wait, what? Yes. It's a burger that tastes like human flesh From a company called oomph Okay, that's exactly. It was in halloween limited edition. Okay. Um, human meat plant-based burger That sounds like a dichotomy and like oxymoron Human meat plant-based. Sorry. I yawned. Yeah, I bore you

Yes How okay, I have can you read more because I have a lot of questions. Look at about that. Let me actually serious question. Yeah Would you eat human? And there needs to be more variables to that I More variable. Yeah. Well, here's the thing if we lived in a world. No, no, no. I'm talking about this world, right? Yeah, but And it was like edible and like whatever and it wasn't like illegal. Yes And no, no, no, that's my answer. Yes, you would eat it. Yeah. Why?

Curiosity just like a cube bro. You're at your birth that you had rabbit sausage You're gonna tell me you're not curious as to what human tastes like. Well, I don't have to eat humans I don't have to either But If it was a world where like it was not like frowned upon and people were like it was like a delicacy Like it was like known thing that people eat. What do you think is the tastiest part of a human? Oh the thigh Yeah, or the or the breast

It might be good titty titty the fatty fatty tissue. That's a very marble tit But the ass Oh, you want to go for like a budgie. Can you imagine if it were like a thing that like they were to sell parts of humans Like if it was like, oh, we she passed away four years ago, but we have this exclusive rare cut of rihanna's thigh That's disgusting. Well, obviously to think about But it actually makes so much sense. It probably just tastes like normal shit Shit no like like shit like you know I'm saying like food shit like chicken like a london broil

Yeah, like when you think about it other animals have the same shit as us They have like skin they have hair and they have like it's like blood and muscles or whatever not souls though No, um, but you have to assume that Humans taste like that, right? I don't know because like you look at different types of like red meat and they taste very different Like lamb tastes different. Oh, well, yeah, then fucking cow And even like the age of the cow like the times I've had veal. It's very different than fucking

You know like a like an ox I don't I think those are different animals, but you know what I'm saying lamb That might be my favorite meat lamb lamb is good lamb is good. It has like a natural like taste Yeah Yes, yes, I don't know why that was so funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it does. Um, I don't know. It's hard to be Like a steak. Yeah, that's when I cooked a tomahawk couple weeks ago My goodness gracious great balls of fire any

State any like meat that comes on a bone. I'm like, yeah, lamb shanks lamb comes on a bone. I know I know Did you have it with mint jelly? No, that's like a thing apparently people put mint jelly on lamb I don't like mint in my shit. I like mint. I like mint in my cocks cocktails. Oh, I was gonna say No, I don't like a minty cock Well, I you said it that I had to ask no, I know I meant cocktails cocks Um, but uh, I had yeah, I did have lamb recently lamb chops Fucking unreal. There was like some curry shit on it. I was like, bro. They are very very good. Um, I need to go to an Indian restaurant

Now I had Indian food a couple months ago and it was Out of this world But yeah, I would I would try it if it were like not like frowned upon You would eat a person and illegal Like if the person if you can sign up like, you know how we sign up to be like organ donors Yeah, if we can sign up that like after a meal our death. Yeah, we become a meal I would do it So you would

Forgo Saving lives so that some rich whites you they can they can harvest my organs the important stuff heart Oh, but the figures and shit. Yeah. Yeah, like my fucking. Yeah, who's gonna want my palms? Yeah, I'm fucking dumb. You are No one's gonna want my like, you know, oh, let me have his bicep That part can be throw that on a fucking with some butter and garlic Some thyme rosemary and then just keep basting basting basting with the tiktok loves thyme and rosemary. They do they absolutely Time some rosemary on everything. But here's my question about this swedish uh, uh company

How the fuck did they figure out that this is what human flesh tasted like? There's no one asking that bite yourself bro, you can taste you No, I can taste me taste you. I was the last time you tasted yourself. Oh, that sounds like come That sounds like I'm that's what I've meant I'm salty, bro I'm a little salty too, but I also taste like hand sanitizer I'm not tasting anything. Yeah, but here's what I'm asking though. It's kind of tastes like tits But in order to eat like I don't eat myself

Oh Man, I don't eat myself. I can lick myself, but this you're like chomping and ingesting Yeah, so like how and what? I don't know bro. I don't know. I don't know that I could eat a human though It's just I've been I'm too old to like Change my ways. I did the first 30 years like being like ew, but now all of a sudden something's gonna bring out fucking There's that movie. I think I spoke about it last week that movie fresh Where the guy like he's like a high-end meat dealer of humans and he'll like serve like this week is like a beautiful

You know a potato crusted boob of a 28 year old female from Idaho I don't if it were not like illegal you eat a tit I'm not saying like I hope people don't take this as me being like a fucking sociopath I'm taking it as like in a world where like the same way we eat fucking caviar and the same way we eat You know Trout yeah, it would be a world where like they also had fucking you know human shoulder

Right slow cook a smoked Shoulder shoulder dude. Can you imagine? I mean I mean, I know there are people in the world like caviar Never had it. Whoa really never had caviar. I mean, you're not really missing anything. It doesn't taste that my understanding Is it it's probably just like little balls of salt? Um and it's a little creamy You know what it's like what you ever have that gum?

That has like those little balls in it and they like explode a little. Yeah, it's kind of like that. Yeah, okay I know you're only supposed to use a pearl spoon I thought I know or an ivory like I not last time I had it was at a brunch And there was like these slow cooked eggs with caviar and it was fucking good I'm sure it was but I wouldn't I've never had it I maybe one day, but you're also not supposed to eat it with a metal spoon or fork No, I ate it on like a bagel Oh, okay for something. I don't know. Yeah. No, I've never had it, but I

I'm very curious and like this is some horror movie. Shit. This is some soiling green shit Who it's a movie go watch it Where like they're saying like oh, it's it's based off of human flesh, ha ha But then there are people in what what country was this what fucking freak show country sweet Okay, sweeten and then there's like oh 30 people have gone missing and they found traces of their DNA and burgers Could be that this is some horror movie shit man. Don't be surprised if you find out That this is maybe not or or this is just good marketing and it's just like a regular vegan burger

Oh, here goes joey the entrepreneur. Here he is Honestly, genius marketing you get the market talking supply and demand Really work your way up the supply chain in order to really understand the inner workings and analytics of the business It's like fuck you. It's weird joey I I I agree. I don't I don't like lying to the peeps I don't like you know what they need to do There needs to be a burger place that for halloween comes out with like a demigorgan burger or like mind flayer

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cash back, babe And the last thing I kind of wanted to talk about here is something that like I don't like besides like the little insects What are you doing with your face? Everyone does that when they stretch they make a weird noise or face. You're right. Um Yeah, apparently in texas You know where all that stuff just happened recently in the news, uh, also they have some other problems They got a couple Uh dozens of creepy dolls have washed up on the shore there

I heard about this like like They're just like heads like some of them are just it's just doll heads of dolls sometimes It's just heads, but then there's like full body. Oh, so you have like cute little like fucking like polypockets And barbies like cabbage batch cabbage patch kids. Oh, that's a cute Covered in like coral and like one hat. I had a wait. Hold on a sec bro Hold on. Let me show you a picture because one of these dolls. I don't know how this happens Where is it? Yep, here it is

Whoa, dude, does that thing have a fish in its fucking eye? What is that? I think that's a doll with a fish in it. Is that like what are those things called that are like? It's such a cool name, but they look evil as shit Bro barnacles, are those barnacles? Look at this one, dude. Fuck that. That looks like an actual baby. Is that what that is? It's got a penis. Oh, no, no, no, that's just like I don't know what that is. Is that a pee pee? It's not a penis Wait, so these fucking demonic dolls are just washing up on because I had heard someone saying like oh, there are dolls on beaches And I was like I thought they were talking about like, you know, how Texas does just hating women

Dude, fuck that. What is that, dude? That's like some shit you would find in Sid's house and Toy Story That's what I'm saying because that kid was fucking around with dolls Dude, they found like a bunch that were like washing up on the shore. There's like tons of pictures But there was like this team that goes there and they like They survey some 40 mile whatever the fuck and they found just like a bunch of fucking doll heads. Where are they coming from? um I have no idea, dude. I mean the ocean Who the fuck is throwing away dolls like that? Well, that's my the ocean doesn't make dolls

Joey, so my question is where the fuck are these dolls coming from? I can't prove that the ocean doesn't make dolls So I'm just going to leave that at that. He's not wrong. He is honestly actually not incorrect. Yeah So I'm not right, but I'm not correct. A lot of mysteries of the deep exactly. Okay. Um, yeah I don't know if these fucking dolls just pop up and I don't really fucking this is a thing, bro I don't really fuck with like cursed shit and I feel like dolls is one of those things So they get cursed think they're cursed I'm telling you this if I was at the beach think about this you're at the beach. You're in the fucking water And then all of a sudden you see a doll face that's like covered in shit. Let me tell you

I know you can't set water on fire But I would fuck it would the top. Yeah, I would fucking burn that beach to the ground I would not be having a good time if I was like seeing if I was surrounded by a bunch of fucking doll faces Bro, that is terrifying. No, you have to imagine that there's someone that's In that situation where they're like digging on the beach like oh, haha Let's dig a hole and then they fucking come across just a demon doll Yeah, yo speaking of that digging at the beach Did you ever go to the beach when you were younger and you'd be digging and you see like sand crabs or whatever?

Or what are those things called? Uh like horseshoe crabs. No, they're bigger. Those are huge, dude No, the little sand crabs a little like it was like a shrimp, but it has legs and yeah, yeah, yeah I wasn't afraid of those for some reason Wait, so let me get this straight. You're afraid of literally anything else that small and crawls. Yeah, but not those I don't know why Those are my you're just a man of the ocean joe. No, but I would figure it out I would be digging and then I would see one and when they see the light of day

They go chill and they like run and they dig so I like watching them dig You're a psychopath. We've established today that you have no, I put the dirt back on them You like to see little crabs squeal and run away from you. They don't squeal squirm There's a bit of squirming. So it's mostly digging. Okay, they like fit right back in the sand They go in the dark again They're running away from you because they're terrified of your big old fucking human hands No, they're already in the dirt. I know but then they see that you're there You're a fox in the hen house and they like I need to get away from this, you know

Explorer, right because he'll call it manifest destiny after he tears me to shreds And then they run away, right and you like that. I don't like the power dynamic I more so just like watching them dig I think we've established that you might like the power dynamic there joe Joem, I think I think you're a freak I'll say it And you like the power dynamic With me and sand crabs

Joey, listen to what you're saying. Okay, you sociopath. I like watching them dig, bro Soon you said you liked I also like watching old people at the beach do that metal detection shit That's awesome. Yeah, because you know, they're not going to find anything and be miserable and die soon That's why you like it. Just call it how it is. Some people find a lot of phones like what? Phones bro phones and like change jewelry. How many people? Oh, I lost my earring, bro These old people have it. I don't think those are real I think people like to say that so more people can I think that's I think that's big metal detector That's telling people that it's like bro someone last week found a thousand dollar piece of paper and it's like bro

It's metal. Maybe maybe maybe honestly They're trying to control the market. They were huge back in the day. I feel like everyone was detecting Yeah, the ones with like the headphones. Yeah They do the headphones so no one else would know that they found something but then they have to dig I'm gonna know. Yeah, but like if I come over something and like I I only hear it And I remember the spot and then I go back and then come back We're gonna go back at night. What do you think you're gonna find? It's probably a fucking nickel Exactly, they're not finding anything crazy. That's what I'm saying. Why would they go home and come back?

What if they find those fucking dolls though? Bro, I swear to god, I would think I was cursed. I'd leave my house Yeah, honestly, there's not like when we walked in here I was like, I don't like that because when we opened the door There was a chair In the far room facing the other facing the other way like down the hallway and I was like from oh, I remember what it's from Yeah, yeah, it was for a video that we did but uh I was like, I don't like that. Yeah, I was a little scary boy. I've said that before one time when I was younger

I came downstairs and in my living room. There was a chair just In the middle of the living room and I was like I just went back upstairs. No, no, like the smallest things like that could like set me off if I'm like, this feels demony. I'm out Yeah, I I can hear you. I can feel you on that. I also have no choice because my woman my wife brought home my woman Yeah, explain that my wife your property. Yeah, is that what you mean? How much did you buy her for frank? Not enough. Tell us about your woman. My wife brought home a wooden fucking idol that washed up on the beach By far the dumbest thing she's ever done

Besides marrying me. Well, yeah, well come on and then uh Didn't after that like there was like a mouse in your house bro brought the mouse your roof just broke Yeah, we were cursed a hundred percent my roof fucking this is her fault. Yeah, we a hundred percent It's all her fault There was one night where she was like someone's in the living room and I went out there and it was nothing And every time I'd go back into the room we would hear like Oh, no chill and we just kept looking and we deduced that it was a mouse We caught the mouse

Killed it. No. Yeah, you spiked it hard. I actually caught another one recently. Okay Killed that one too. I didn't kill that one just starvation and probably dehydration did Mm-hmm But then Like we she was nervous like it was a spirit I mean bro. She's got a fucking washed up. Yeah, well wooden idol. She brought home a cursed wooden idol from god knows where

We were we were we were In dire straits because of it Yeah, no, that was probably a stupid thing to do but you don't think you're in a horror movie until you are You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you just wink at me Can you are this on camera that you're doing that? He's just swinging this fucking fist at me by the way that thing

I Posted you like fighting it on the wall. Mm-hmm, and then someone went My god, I thought it was a dildo and I showed back it is What else would that exist for I I don't know I think like there aren't there like freaks that have door like doorknobs that are just hands like this Yeah, like you've seen that right? Yeah, people who are into horror movies and stuff do stuff like that Like they're like it was like oh, here's where you hang your jacket. It's like ill. Yeah, that's kind of that's kind of weird because it takes one one Wooden idol coming back into your home for that thing to start grabbing people

Forget about that. Imagine you slip and fall and you land on a hand I mean some people would be pumped about that Not this guy. Yeah me neither. I would not be Excited in the slightest. No, I'd be hurting for quite some time Do you think you can stick that to the desk and then pick up the whole desk? Let's try it. Give it a good one Oh, no way you're not able to even get it off. I mean the desk is pretty heavy to pick up like just through this Oh

Did you rip it? No, but my dog's gonna eat it. He's gonna freak out. Can I all right? All right. Yeah, let's get the fuck out of you We don't want charlie charlie. We were just joking but f hours 80 85 on twitter the frank alvarez on instagram Go check it out and make sure like I said earlier check out the patreon patreon.com Such basement yard if we get to 12,000 this little guy is going to be sitting on that bad boy Sicking it up his butt. Maybe for the first time. You never know never doing that. You never know. Oh, I know. No, you don't I have free will so Not for the internet joey

Sorry, that's just me So yeah patreon.com. That's the basement yard. Go check it out and thanks for those that have supported Yeah, and you guys can follow me at joe sanagato Go follow the show at the basement yard on tiktok and instagram and that is all see you guys next time. We'll see you guys next time