The Basement Yard - #360 - Europe Changed Joe

Episode Date: August 22, 2022

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Welcome back to the basement yard Frank. How's it going buddy? I'm not don't don't try to fucking don't what you know What what I'm just living my life you just live in your life in a cloth shirt and a fucking glasses on it's called linen It's European friend You just got back from Greece Frank there's two kinds of people in this world okay people who have been to Europe Uh-huh and people who haven't yeah Are you gonna be one of those people that goes spends a month abroad in Spain and comes back and says like it's a spanya You know people over here over there don't even eat until midnight. It's true. It's true And not the eating part

But the party part for sure party part. Yeah, I figured that so that is an actual real thing that I didn't know They don't party until midnight Midnight's early dude We would show up to places at midnight and it'd be like basically empty and I'm really where's all the people well? Mekinos is like the Las Vegas of Europe like it's just a tourist attraction. It's not like there's no people that live there, right? It's attracting people probably have one or two bucks because they were not kind to my wallet or my ass a buck or two Oh your ass. I was gonna say hold on no careful. No, no, no my wallets ass

My wallets a careful Joey because I hear Mekinos They like to do a little bit of butt play no, no, no I wasn't I wasn't getting but you came back from Greece and brought Greece with you. Yeah Yeah, so I gotta say I gotta say we didn't and the flu got the flu. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, confirmed to be the flu confirmed Yeah, we we checked I thought I had COVID and I was like, you know what I kind of feel fine And then I went to get a test and they were like It's actually funny because I had I got two emails. I remember you sent them both to me sent the first one to Frank and it said

COVID not detected and I was like boom see you tomorrow and then I literally two minutes later sent him another screenshot that showed That I tested positive for the flu and was like boom Fuck yeah So yeah, that was rough. We had to put off but listen if a trip to Greece means that you get the flu There's a little flu. It's all right. You do it all over again. I will say I flew with the flu though That's not good. Yeah, no, that's not good You should probably honestly stop talking about it because you'll get put on the list Well, I didn't know I had the flu you didn't but you didn't feel well and at the time if you would yeah

But I was coming off of a bender, babe You were coming off of it. I was like, I'm hungover. What was your drink of choice in Greece? Was it Uso? No ill. What did you eat a lot of like a gyro? Yeah late night actually there's there was a place that about Agdopu polpo literally every day Okay, dude, and they served it the they did grilled octopus with the ink and I was like this looks like I'm eating a pen It just looks like someone emptied a bunch of pens on octopus. It was good Damn, I mean, I don't think the ink really tastes like anything. I want to get some ink. Yeah I would like to some ink in here. I want to get some ink in here now, but the seafood was great

I had a lobster linguine one day, and it was fucking ridiculous dude like fresh pasta Damn you living it up. Yeah, it was really good. The food was the best part. Good for you, man That's not true The fun was the best part the food was really the best part was being amongst your boys On on it, you know, it was crazy to me and like this is stupid because I I mean It was just wild to me because me can also so small So when you're like flying in it's like one of those islands like you can walk to the other end if you really wanted to Yeah, dude, like it would take 15 minutes to drive the entire thing. Wow half an hour half an hour, but I

when I'm when you're over it, you're like this is the whole thing, right like it's crazy and Our place that we stayed was like on the side of a mountain sort of so it's like We're looking over this like cove and there's much a fucking like yachts and shit But the water's right there, and it's just fucking water. Yeah, this freaks me out I don't fuck with that shit and it like blends into the sky and I'm like, we're fucking in this big Yeah, you are nothing and then I'm looking at my phone And I'm seeing New York and then I'm seeing Greece and I'm going I'm so far you're far away from home If you and if you had a swim back, you'd be in big-time trouble

Swim back. Well, you know, it's all that water in between you guys Doesn't freak you out man. I wouldn't even attempt You see any like sharks or anything like that or anything spooky. No, but we did have a we did There are a lot of stray cats. It's Greece. We did charter a boat for an afternoon. Oh my god, you fucking piece of shit Yo, honestly and on the boat, that was the first time I had muscles, too I had never had muscles for some reason. Hold on a second. You're Italian and you've never had muscles. I don't I I don't know how that happened. I'm also Marina. No, you never had muscles in Yy sauce no clams mostly but muscles, too. Yeah

What is clams casino by the way? Where's the casino? I think yeah, I don't know why they call it clams casino because it makes it more appealing I think it's just like a stuffed clam. I could be wrong or there's like something red in there I don't know. I don't know but first time I had muscles They had a whole plate of muscle like the the crew like cooks it while you're on the boat Yeah, and did they catch it from the water where they're like, yo, what do you guys want? Hold on. I got a fucking swordfish would be tight though. I would be sick But they had muscles they made some risotto and then they had something else that I don't remember

But it was oh like a Greek salad. Oh a lot of feta, bro. Was it good feta? Was it creamy feta is like that chunky. I kind of like creamy feta, you know Slut, you know the the tzatzik so good. I make better tzatzik No, you don't yes, I do then then the Greeks. I am the Greek Frankie You're an American Greek. I am but I am the Greek. These people are Greek 24-7. Yeah I'm Greek 24-7 to I wear like a badge of honor bitch. Oh, yeah, nice Tika nice if got a store You're fucking Greek for two days out of the year. I'm one Greek Easter. What was the other one? I don't even know I'm saying Irene's something

I'm Greek all the time. All right. Don't you ever fucking forget it, but I'm also more Hispanic true I you know, I got a plate to see that. I got a plate. What was that? What I could say No matter a time before you go down to Columbia and you come back and you're like Yoda chorizo I love Can you just eat something normal for once he's be like, yo, I had box mac and cheese I do eat box you don't fucking eat normally. That's not you don't fucking eat normal dude You don't eat normal. It's like, yo, what do you have for dinner yesterday? It's like, oh, I went to a private dinner in a fucking apartment underneath a building and I did do that

I know you did those are really good I'm sure it was but like you guys should check that out too because the chef is fucking cool Don't give him a fucking free plug. This is my show, bitch dark room in my seat Fucking christ. No, it's really good. Um Damn, that's that's kind of fine. A lot of people talk about mekonos though as being like just like so touristy So like it's just it's all it's a party island. It's I honestly Don't really see Lindsay Lohan there. I did not see Lindsay. She's there. She has the clubs there and stuff, right? Yeah, I don't know that she still does but

I heard that too and a lot of people talk about mekonos as being a like a haven for the LGBTQ and not even the lgbtq just the gay population um I were you gay there? No, not there but I did uh, I did um Well, I went to fire island and that is like, you know gay mecca And key west. Yeah, also wait, that's the game. Hold on a sec. Hold on a sec. Yeah

Fire island I'm laughing down vacations you've been on showy. That's not the last three but the last one the last What have named the last three vacations you've been on? Uh, this one technically I went to miami after key west. You went to arizona on a guy bachelor party That was so straight. We're supposed to go on bachelor party to be even gayer. No, uh, yeah, actually, uh key west key Fire island mekonos well fire and you're going with all your boys and no one no one knows what goes on except for you guys said a word, um, but, uh

I didn't find it to be like Super gay or anything like that. Okay, definitely not like fire island. Yeah That place key west was pretty. I mean, I've never been a fire. I can't I can't draw fire island if fire island and key west got into a fight I don't have no idea who would win It would be wild. It would be a that'd be a war brawl Uh, all that to say that I I didn't like maybe it's touristy for Greek people, but like I didn't really Meet a lot of americans there like everyone

Also, I felt like a piece of shit for only knowing one language. Yeah, well, you are a piece of shit And you probably should have learned at least a handful of greek terminology before you went Yeah, I got I had none also french would have been nice too because You had a layover in paris right in bali. Well, our entire flight was air france. So all the uh, Flight attendants and the pilots and stuff for a french and you flew first class. How is that? Are you being a little bitch? I saw you spoke about on the patreon patreon.com. Yeah flying flying first class was definitely worth it. I'll be honest. Well, it's it's worth it Like money-wise. It's not fucking better be worth it. They better be worth it. Yeah, they give you like a free like champagne

They'd be like, yeah, it is your champal. Wee-wee. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, yeah, they they also like So immediately just give you orange juice, which was I thought was strange orange juice. Why like you board the plane You sit down or was it a mimosa, but you were no There are you sure because bro. I was fucking sure I've been tricked before no no no Dude, I would I would know when I was it in like a champagne flute No, it's like it was like a little glass but then but then it's they asked you what you wanted to drink And I was like do you have champagne? Yep

And it's just included in the thing. Yeah, there's did you get a do you get a meal? Yeah, there's two meals. What was it good? The first one was good. Oh, yeah, they were both like decent on the way there on the way back. I absolutely garbage Yeah I'm like living vicariously through you right now the on the way there I had like they give you like a little piece of fucking lobster. What? Yeah And then like I don't remember the meal to be honest. It was something like something actually on the way home I had some beef shit. That was pretty good. It was like beef something That doesn't sound you didn't make that sound appealing at all. Why I said beef shit

Well, no, but like when like I don't know I can't bro whenever I had red meat. I don't call it beef anything Like I'm not saying like a beef round beef Well, like it was like beef braised or braised beef whatever the fuck that doesn't sound good. What should I say meat? Steak it wasn't steak, but it was cut. It was a thing you could pull apart with your hands Oh, was that like was it like a short ribs beef short ribs? I don't know. I don't know Damn, I know more about food than you and I've never been in greece. So What's up?

What's up? But while you were in greece, I've got a store. Yeah, I've got a store Tecani Was any what's up? You don't know. I'm pretty sure it means like what's up. You have no you say it to like each other like yo tecani Like yo like how like people like elsewhere say like yo, what's up? Yo, I I told this on the patreon episode, but I'm gonna tell you here We ran into probably the most dangerous guy in all of greece Are you well, you're okay because you're here. Yeah, no, he was on our side. Oh our side. What was he like?

Well, he was our driver. Oh, was he like, yeah, the russians. Was he like certain? No, no, yeah, so dude this guy right unassuming looking dude like tall lanky Yeah, you weren't worried about him. Yeah, let me let me take a wild guess at his skin tone, joe Where well you're in greece. So go ahead try tan Kind of yeah, okay. All right He was a white guy who had a tan. Yeah, so you weren't scared of him Go go on so

He picks us up In a car right because they have like an uber sort of thing there And it's it's called like I move or something. Oh, I thought it was going to be way more of a greek name. No Like a memnon ride or some shit so he picks us up and he's like a cool dude and we're driving into town and All of a sudden he just comes to a stop and like the entire time there. They would just get out and open your doors for you Um, so we stopped but I I thought we were it was going to take us longer to get into town because we had done it Three nights already, so I was like we're here already and they're like no

so I was like sitting and like waiting for this dude to open the door because I'm right next to the door and Uh He's not coming. So I just turned and look because I was facing This way and the like we were driving that way So I turned around and I could see through the windshield. He's yelling at someone in the car in front of us like going off Oh, like like a road rage incident bro going off on him. Okay, the greeks But it's tough to tell the greeks can sound like they're yelling but they're being like really like compassionate I got confirmation as soon as he got back to the car because he got back in there saying a whole bunch of shit

in English Broken. Yeah, but he was basically saying he said you you make malakia. We kill you. That's what he said to us Not at us, but he was talking about that guy. He's like they think they can't be able to say fucking do whatever I was like, yeah, I'm gonna make malakia. Yeah, that's that means gay Bro, he was saying all types of shit. So this guy this dude wasn't really the most progressive I was gonna say you say the guy starts on your side Then you create he's coming out and he's using anti homophobic slurs No, I'm saying I said that because anti homophobic homophobic slurs. No, I'm saying

I'm saying he was on our side because he wasn't directing it at us He was like he was just saying that like I hate the gays to another man. I guess Okay, why does that make him on your side joey? I'm saying he wasn't screaming at us you idiots Oh, so you were not the target of no gay slurs. Yes, that's why I was violence. Gotcha. Thank god Because But we almost were though you almost yeah, well, and honestly fucking ryan lynch almost sold us out Because no, no, no even worse probably but this guy he says he goes Uh, he was saying all types of shit and I was just like bro. I'm not I mean like nobody make malakia in here

Or whatever the fuck we're doing. I don't want to get fucked up on this guy Don't make malakia. All of a sudden he goes, you know what they do I don't know what the ethnicity of the guy in the car in front of us was but he was probably saying all types of I would I would assume greek I don't know. Okay, but then he started then he's like, you know what they do when they're born they cut their dick And I was like and I go what? Right, I go what And I go ew, you know like I'm going like what it goes. Yes. Yeah, it's going. Yes. They cut their dick

That's what they do and they fucked out a mom pussy mama. I was like, yo, that's crazy, bro What how how could they do that to a baby? So we're all sitting back One of us one of you guys doesn't have a cut dick. No, and I think I know who it is. Yeah, exactly Yeah, but and then lynch goes pretty sure all of us and I was like shut the fuck up dude I'm like keep it down this guy almost he would be like and I was like dude Pull your pants down. No For the greece. Yeah, he's gonna make us show us his fucking shirt like show me your fucking hood

Yeah, I was like, dude Oh, that would have been fucking you would have been. Yeah, bro. He's lynch said I was like pretty sure all of it. I was like Stop shut up. Shut the fuck up That's such a lynch thing you do you should be like, I don't like circumcision don't want to talk to us Yeah, absolutely don't want to talk to us. I was like this dude almost fucking killed someone on the side of the road here For simply just being circumcised. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, that was that was a close call with death there boy As soon as he said that I went what? It's great

I was like, yeah, did you guys have drinks in you at that point in time because that would have made it worse if I was there I don't think so. We were like going. Oh, uh, no, no, that's not true We had like we had dinner drinks. So like one or two a glass of vino I don't think I had oh, that's not true. I drink a lot of white wine on the boat I only drink wine on the boat one well run in Rome Also, bro the boat Let me tell you something about me. Yo, shut up Fuck shut up. No stop with this shit

Well, let me tell you about this boat that we chartered and let me tell you about the fucking ocean view that I had And let me tell you some food that I drank. Let me tell you something about make it else There's a lot of wind Oh, but if you take a boat and drive it into the wind It makes the wind much harder. That was a I and I've been I stayed home during sandy Because we were gonna protect the house. Of course. We never got any rain. Yeah Some people I mean people got rain. I'm not saying we as a whole

Definitely some people in New York got flooded in Astoria. Yeah, we we luckily did not get any like Bad rain where we our house flooded which our house would flood like once a week, but You're really trying to fix this. No, but it's true that my house would flood all the time But we didn't get any water, but it was so windy and that was a fucking hurricane This was like legit double as windy I'm like this my fucking glasses are flying I had a cup of wine and the the wine just blow it in the wind out of the cup somehow How are you gonna survive without your probably just pour more frank. You just pour more

Well while you were in fucking Mekinos, I was offending women at a christian university Woman I shouldn't say women you went to a christian university. Yeah for work. I had to go to a christian university for for work And uh, uh, you know, I find I seem like I am coming up with new creative ways to offend people of the You love to offend the christian subscription. Yeah, I don't I don't like to offend them subscription or domination Oh You said that not me domination. Isn't that what it's called? Domination. Yeah, wait, what's it called? No, that's what it's called

Like a domination christian Domination no Denomination. Yeah I'm like, oh my god, the christian You're saying I'm offending them You're saying I'm offending them and you're calling them as a unit the domination. I was like god damn the christians will dominate I mean in theory they already have. Denomination. Denomination. Yeah. Yeah one of the nations, baby Yeah, but it was a when I when I meet with people for work

I have to take statements and in that statement part of that statement is I need to take a You know like I need to get their their information god forbid for you know a case or something We need to track them down Of course So I asked the person their name their phone number address and I'm like, all right date of birth, please and she goes Oh, uh, june 8th 1966 and I was like, oh She's like what I was like so close I'm what she's like so close to what I was like. Well 666

She goes Yes, I did because let me let me preference it with this two days earlier or the day earlier I had met with someone for work Whose birthday was july 8th 1977 So I was like, bro. You're one day off all sevens. You could you know, and he's like, yeah, I know, you know joking around So the next day she's like june 8th 1966. I was like, you're so close. She's like to what I was like 666 I'm and the woman's like What?

I was like, oh, you know I didn't know you don't like I didn't know what to say comedy. I was doing a bit. No, I wasn't I didn't even in my head it didn't even fucking Like Computate that that was the what did you just say? You could have just said computer I mean, it's a word But you know

It didn't even compute. Yeah, joey. He didn't click it's in my head The number of the beast the good the the devil man the back. Oh, you know, you weren't thinking devil I didn't even think a devil bro. I would have been like, oh, he owns a devilish bitch It was a demon In my head, I didn't even come up with the idea that like the devil was in her Like I I wasn't thinking that I was just thinking of like all right Like it was just like the devil was in her bro. Like I know someone like I remember years ago I knew someone that got married like they made it their whole personality. They were getting married October 10 2010

You know what I mean 10 10 10. Yeah You give us 22 minutes. We'll give you The news the world Are they divorced? Oh, I don't know one of them was a real miserable person. Oh, I was gonna use a bad word But I didn't bitch. Yeah Oh, you were talking about the woman then. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah, but um I didn't even know and I think she was like because like for the remainder of the interview She seemed a little off

So I think she was just like as I was trying to get this information from her She was like doing a couple like hail mary's for me, you know, like full of grace full, you know, hail mary What's the other popular prayer our father our father? That's it that one. There's hail mary. There's our father She was doing a couple. She was like our father who does art in heaven. Hallowed be thy name. Yeah Well, it's not that who does art He doesn't do art our father does art in heaven. Frankie. You think it's our father Yeah, because does art in heaven arts and crafts no art like the idea of like you think god's an artist I get well technically. Yeah, but it's careful what you say. That's what I thought it is because like they're doing art

No, bro. He arts in heaven Who art in heaven like you are in heaven. I don't know what art. Then why would they say art? Because they're fucking old stupid idiots Who does art in heaven? I try to do it because they're doing who does arts and crafts and no, I'm not saying arts and crafts joey It's like, you know, like how they like put symbolism to like god doing his thing and like, you know Like I create the god, you know, I create the water and the you know the grass and shit like that and like that to them Is art so they're like our god who does art in heaven. He doesn't do art in heaven. He arts in heaven, but He arts bro. He's just starting honest jokes aside. So are you 100% sure that it's

Not that I'm not correct here. Frank. I'm confirmed You have been confirmed in the in the eyes of the lord our father who does Where prayer Our father who art in heaven how the fucking what the fuck does that mean who art? He art there you art and you like you art over there But that doesn't make sense. You are over there. Like, why are they bro? Why do they gotta use these stupid fucking words? They'll say thy kingdom come just say the king the kingdom Wait, so the kingdom thy kingdom or my kingdom. So our father who art in heaven

Hallowed be thy name. Hallowed be thy name. What is hallowed? It's like hallowed. Definitely hallows Oh careful. I mean, I don't know dude. A lot of people Thy kingdom come thy will be done. I will be done On earth as it is in heaven. So so he's doing art. Exactly. Thank you. No Well, how is that confirming art because what you do up there you do down here, please Yeah, well, yeah, I think yeah, that's what he's saying. Give us this day our daily bread Which is a weird way of saying can we have bread today and forgive us for our trespasses our trespasses Just instantly starting off like yo, we're gonna break in. Yeah, we're breaking into someone's yard

Forgive us for it. Forgive us for the crimes. We will commit for the for the trespassing which I to be fair I think that's one of the lighter crimes Trespassing. Yeah, I think it's a matter of what you do when you're in there. That's the problem Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us So you could come into my yard and I'll come into yours and we'll just call it even well That's why you were in Greece. You were coming in yards all the time. That's what I'm saying Uh, and lead us not into temptation. Don't lead us into temptation. Don't deliver us from evil. That's a cool one What deliver me from evil like bro like who's fucking like wrap me in a little bow from evil

Yeah, amen Yeah, and it was hail mary full of grace the lord is with you with me with thee with you with me Oh, they changed us are now upon wisdom or something like that. I thought it was amongst women. Oh Uh, wait, would you say amongst wisdom? Bless us are now amongst bless us are now. I don't fucking know Joey bless us are now Yeah, well, they're saying art is in heaven. Yeah, of course there's art in heaven Well, yeah, but I say art you aren't over there. You're gonna be like, yo, please bless us us They're saying that shit. They're all over the place these fucking guys. That's just like an unnecessary plural honestly Hold on hold on

Hail mary full of grace the lord is with thee but more art Blessed art thou so I'm right art means are Wait bless blessed bless not bless us blessed art art thou Among women when you're among women you're blessed. I consider myself and blessed is the fruit of thy womb The womb oh because mary's his mom facts And blesses is her womb just like so bless your fucking bunge. Yeah, like yo your womb is like fruit both blessed

That's some holy bunge. They loved fruit holy mary mother of god pray for our sinners Now and at the hour of our death Amen Now right now and then at the hour of our death in between now nothing now and the whenever that comes Those are the times. Thank you. Hail mary. I had to say like five of those for my confirmation Really? I don't I'm sure I have said I went to sunday school for like a hobby You know way more of that our father than I thought our father who art in heaven How would be that you know about the trespassing that kingdom come that will be done on earth as it is in heaven

Why do you know all that? I went bro. I went to sunday school for like a quick sec Wait, what what what we were in the same class joey for like three years. You're not catholic I know i'm a fake. Oh my god. You were behind enemy lines. I'm a fraud brah. I was a spy in there I was in there you took our prayers and left I was in there And I was like yo our father give it all to me and I bring it back to the other greek church And I'd be like yo Zeus wait wait till you see what I got Wait till you see what I got over here bitch. Yeah, oh not juice bitch. Whoa. Yeah, yeah I don't want to let's blast for me. You're no longer blessed as the fruit my fruits always blessed bitch

My womb is blessed. You you don't have a womb I could definitely make a womb. Here's a question All right, here's a question if they call a woman's uh, you know pussy well Where the baby's from? Uterus. Yeah a womb Because the baby like brews in there and cooks Do we call the do we call the guys balls little wombs because that's where it comes from So technically we got wombs

We're allowed in the womb what women have we want now Yeah, it's not fair that women can have it and men can't I feel like as time goes on They have too much Just like they got the womb come on ladies you get it all you get a blessed fruit in there You get a blessed blessed by fruit and womb And you get a womb bro, and you get you get bean bags Having a womb is dope. Yeah, you sure about that? I mean Yeah, you really think that if you had the ability to get pregnant you would do it

Dude Because I'm a man Yes, there's no way At this point in my life that I would but I feel like women And lately have like this nature shit in that bro that makes them be like I want to procreate And I want to do this and I want to you know sacrifice my butt But as a man when you see a woman go through it like I watched my sister give birth to I was just not I wasn't fucking there. I'm saying I was alone for the process. I wasn't alone for the process

I'm saying I you know, I when she was you know, whatever I just stop But after seeing all that I'm like I'm good on this like who signs up for this Yeah, bro. I wouldn't Becca like said to me what she's like if you could feel the beauty of like the kick would you I was like nah Yeah, like I'm not feeling a whole bunch of beauty from out here. I mean that's fuck you That's really fucking mean that you say that cool, man. You've never been with a woman. Okay. It's a comedy show. Go ahead Go

No, I just I wouldn't do and then there are people that are like, yo like all right Would you try the fucking like the pain simulator of like giving birth and shit like that? No I would do it. I'd try the pain simulator. It's not like something you can readily get your hands on You know like go to a clinic. Yeah, but I would Do it if I could hold the button Nah Yeah, see I don't trust you. I was gonna say can I I don't trust any women either because I know they're gonna be like You're gonna. Well, we know we know that joe. Yeah, who would be a good neutral party to hold the button greg

A fuck no no greg. I would trust literally anyone you could find in this building before I would trust greg Really a hundred percent greg. I think would be he'd be all right greg would torture me Good Good good good. That's smart. I don't even You know, don't do this. I think that would be fun. Yeah, I feel like you're looking at me weird like you set something up Bring a man bring in the simulator. What would you do if I brought in a fucking pain simulator right now leave? Let's get to these ads before anything else before we offend anybody else any further the first one being plenty of time, baby Yeah, we do the first one the first the first the first one being a stitch fix which is uh like having your own

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We tell you guys about patreon all the time and guess what it's a great place to be baby Patreon you sign up today that first tier you get these weekly episodes a week in advance get out on the conversation the jokes All the stupidity that normal people get to wait until it goes on youtube Just what patrons they get it a week in advance And that next year well, that's where you get those eggs gloom theme episodes every single friday morning at 7 a.m patreon.com slash the basement yard and then while you're there Well, I don't know if you can find it on patreon But make sure you go online and look at you know secret handshake foods everything bagel hot sauce. This is a free plug

From me. I'm waiting on my check to clear, but nonetheless make sure you go check it out. It's fucking delicious. It's the world's only and first Everything bagel hot sauce by the heatness which you can check out at what website Joe? heatness.com You can go to secret handshake dot shop as well and it'll redirect you right there You can put this little you can put this little bad boy in anything. Look at this How's that? I mean you made that way worse than it needed to be worse I gave you a free plug on my show. You fucking idiot

Fuck you mean worse. Well, you know what I mean? No, I don't That that scorpion pepper just snuck up on me a little bit. It'll sting your fucking got me a little bit Yeah, I put that the other day. I put it on some pizza. Oh my goodness What did I put it on the other day? Oh, I I had just a plate of fries and I just dumped it all over. Oh, yeah It really is so good. You know what is really good on two and I had it on my incredible wife one day made Uh, tuna bites wrapped in bacon fuck Tuna bites wrapped in bacon. Yeah with that. Yeah, dude. It was fucking delinquins

Delin- delinquins. Um, yeah speaking of uh We're not speaking about anything that relates to this Tommy Lee dumped his fucking cock out on Tommy Lee's back was dick Yeah, guy's got a fucking haven't seen that dick in about 20 years No, I've seen it recent or sooner. Why? Well, there was that show Pam and Tommy. I know that wasn't Tommy Lee But it was the actor who came out and said like, yeah, that's my real dick. Absolutely Dude, no way. That's your real dick. We got a fucking faddle problem. Yeah, relax Sebastian Sebastian stand. That's right. That's the actor that played him. Um, I

Why why are we still seeing his dick? Everyone knows what it is at this point, right? Yeah, and it's an issue Is it To me. I mean, I think he should Dude, he should have an only fans. Is he still with that vine girl? Is it britney, uh, furlain furlain Super married, I believe are they good for them. Is she okay with him? Just fucking dumping dick out all over the place I want to know if she's okay from getting fucking railed by it

Well, I would imagine that you know, there there is she's walking to my knowledge, right? I've only seen her sitting down. Is he like the probably the Is he like the best known celebrity penis? No, who else? Because there's obviously john ham who's walking around with a fucking. Yeah, we've never seen that wrench socket wrench We've never seen that we've seen it through his pants. Well That's penis is bro. Penises all look the same and you see him from the outside. Who's got the most famous wiener? Uh, I think it might be tomie lee, dude. Really? Think of like another celebrity start looking him up celebrities wieners

Why don't we do it? I can't think of another male celebrity the most famous celebrity penis I remember benedict cumberbatch dumped it out recently not a great look Okay, I don't like this list Uh-oh, this is not true. Well, orlando bloom. I've seen that thing What where have you seen orlando blooms? We he was like paddle boarding with katie parry and he's just fucking cock was just fully out Really? Yeah, that's a europe thing, dude. It was it was in europe because you were telling me and me can

I was everyone had their balls out, right? Oh, dude. Did you go to any nude beaches in me canos? No, but dude, you know who's on this list and really pissed me off the guy joe man Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, this guy's hot enough. Let me let me find out. Yeah, let me find out You got a big old slab of me in a fucking stab. Yeah, this guy's walking around with a red wood. This guy's look at this guy, bro It's a good looking guy. Hell someone told me I look like him. That's not a joke Look at this. Yeah, that's a hot dude. What the fuck is that married sophia vergara? That's a very good-looking relationship Holy shit, you want to know something funny? I think I told this story I might have I might have told this story on the episode, but if I didn't I'm gonna do it again. I don't care

um A couple weeks ago we went to a diner me beckon the kids and roman reigns was on good morning america and miles goes Kiki he kind of looks like you It's like that's all I needed, baby All I needed I do I think the features are similar watch this ready Is This is you going to roman reigns. That's roman reigns face. I got it. You don't think there's any like we couldn't be related

More so him than uh Joe Manginello, I think there's a good there's a good look Frankie. I think Joe Manginello. No, no, no By the way, I think we're saying it wrong. I think he's just mangello. I don't fucking care what his name is I think what makes him hot is he's fucking shredded No, yeah, I think bro. Look at his face. Yeah, I think him and I have a similar face You're really upsetting me. Why because why is that upsetting? Seriously? Yo, seriously pull pull that picture back up. Let me see his face and I'll do his face You're really gonna piss me off today Frankie. Oh, well, what are the famous penises are on there?

That was a bad article. I clicked out of it. I think they're just naming like just penises that you've seen. Yeah, that people have seen okay the most Famous male penises male celebrity put celebrity because they might just put like Oh boy, uh-oh What is this The most famous penises that went down in history like Rudolph Dude, you know who's on this wrist wrist his list

Damn, well, he had like fucking thousands of kids, didn't he? I don't know. I think they're doing it like, you know, like the most like prolific baby makers in history like Thomas Edison Thomas Jefferson Rasputin Genghis Khan had like thousands of kids Somehow These are this is a rumor Rasputin's penis ended up being worshiped for fertility reasons by a group of Russian women in Paris Russian women in Paris When Rasputin's daughter heard about this, she demanded the women return the specimen and that was the end of it. That isn't a specimen Apparently he had a fucking hog

I guess and that is until 1994 when a collector of oddities showed up and waggled a penis around for anyone who wanted to see Unfortunately, this was actually a dried up sea cucumber. Oh, man. So no fucking cock. So they're just giving you historical wings Oh, he was assassinated Rasputin. Yeah, and his dick was cut off. Oh Oh I don't even know this dude. Honestly, I was he was like a bad guy. I know his name, but like I don't know anything about him I think he wasn't a very cool guy. Apparently he was a sex machine. So yeah, well Prince Albert. Well, that's because of the piercing. Yeah, I guess I also think of you know

the wrestler You don't remember Jimmy head. Oh, what's his name? He's got a fucking Uh, was uh, slimy. What's his name? Salaam. Yeah, Lenny Kravitz. Lenny Kravitz. We've seen Lenny Kravitz as being bags Yeah, he's they came out during a show Napoleon's on this list. Get the fuck out of here with this little little boy. Yeah, but I gotta say I think we've seen enough of Tommy Lee's because he was just dumping it out on instagram, which can get you in trouble, right? Yeah, that's not the place to be dumping it out twitter is the lawless place twitter

You could put whatever the fuck you want on there. There's a wild west. You can do whatever you want There's the wild west post your dick and site riots. I remember. Yeah I remember I remember years ago. There was someone uh When I did the wrestling podcast there was someone on that account that we followed that like Would just openly post and repost porn And I had to unfollow them because I was like scrolling through twitter one day on work and like it just like popped up and I was like, whoa

You could do whatever the fuck you want on twitter. Yeah Whoa It was a rumor that Hitler had a micro penis. I don't think that's her. I think we can all confirm that You don't get that angry at the world and not have a fucking little tiny fucking dick He also did art I think we're seeing a combination I think we're seeing something here

Hitler himself believed to have had two forms of genital abnormality So not only did he have a micro dick it also an undescended testicle and a rare condition called penile hypospat spadius in which the urethra opens On on the underside of the penis Bro, what? Yeah, hold up. This dude was pissing at the grounds my guy Wait, it says he was peeing out of he had a hole in his shaft Yeah, but that shit was facing the ground. He was pissing like his penis would be like this and be pissing like this

That's kind of fucking nuts dude. Get the fuck out of here. Doesn't little dicky have some shit like that or something I thought it was just for the show type in the medical thing We got to see what this what hitler's wiener looked like a condition in which the opening of the penis is on the underside Rather than the tip So peepies we pee this we pee that yeah, but he was peeing this whoa Oh Do you got pictures damn dude? That's like a legit faucet. Do they have pictures of what hitler's dick looked like? No Do you have a hit?

You might have found one didn't you? Well, I'm looking at something but These are some wack dicks. Well We're not shaming people that have this in real life. We are we are publicly shaming hitler though Oh, yeah, we're shaming hitlers fucking cock. Yeah, I mean Isn't it a surprise that hitler had a tiny fucking me son Yo Also, I will say this. I'm just gonna say this. I'm just gonna say it the way I'm saying it

All of the ones that I see with this are nothing And there's nothing wrong with that, but it's just an observation But well, it's because it's road untraveled. You know what I mean? Yo, some people So this is like a real thing And Some people have it as low as like the like low bro Like on your shaft

Like they're peeing out of their balls, basically Yes, stop some people. Yeah, let me see. I don't want to see actually. No, I don't want to see. No, this is a medical thing It's not it's not an actual I don't care if it's medical. I don't cartoon you fucking freak. All right. Cool. I'll see cartoon dicks Dude, what that's a see that one. That's crazy. That's a vagina, dude. No It depends Bro, but that's why I didn't know that he had an undescended ball He had one ball that was like this. He was pissing out of and onto his balls Listen, I'm not trying to shame anyone, but I'm definitely gonna. I'm gonna shame hitler the shame the shit out of hitler

He's deserved one or two shamings but His dick was a fucking nightmare come when it comes to this this is all making sense now small dick Right, which is fine. Do get your small dick out there and run around most fine. Listen. I'm not gonna open this can of worms Okay, I'm opening it. I'm not gonna open this can of worms because what are you afraid of that nazi's coming for you? Yeah Aren't you joey? No, you're not and I'll tell you why in your cloth shirt Uh, I am just gonna say this I think if you look at

notable people of History that have not been considered great Uh stories are they have little little beanbags little wieners. Maybe but can I just for a second just think about this for a second? Yeah, we can Hitler yeah, right? You know oh, uh Adolf yes. Yes, okay that one. I know that one. Yeah Small dick. Yeah, we which is okay. It's okay. It's a great other problem. Yeah, we don't listen. We love we love dicks Yeah, some women

Love small dicks. Yeah, right? I got kids I gotta stop. Yeah But but then but then you add you add Uneven balls because he had one undissented the other one had yeah descended. Yeah, it looks like the face of a clock So he looks like this. Yeah, you know, mm-hmm Then hole tip hole underneath That's a pretty banged up peep. That's a best. Yeah, and then he gets rejected from art school This guy has literally didn't win his whole life

It was tough and he lost the war. Yeah. Yeah, he did Yeah, he did man Fuck this guy though. Yeah. I mean listen if anyone deserves ridicule. It's this, you know Fucking genocidal maniac that single-handedly, you know change the course of but it does make me feel better to know that he has a fucking Whack, dude, if I like you know how like bro They say like oh if you can have dinner with like one person from history I it wouldn't be Hitler personally

but If we had a chance to like bring back one and roast them to the point of like, oh my god, they're so upset I would bro. I would bully Hitler so hard. I was flamed Hitler bro. So hard I'd be like, yo pull your fucking pull that fucking back dick out. Let's see that fucking leader hoson, bitch Yeah, let me see that little fucking. No, you're we know your reno schnitzel. Yeah, let me see it And I'd let him have it. Yeah, also aside from the micro penis that Hitler might have had There was also talk of his need to be injected with bullseye into boost his libido Bro, I don't think that that was

Bro, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. You're injected with com2 dude. Oh my god Bro, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Yo, Hitler's getting flamed. Your dick is so wack. You need to get fucking horse You need to get combed in bullseye You need to get combed in viable. You're so wack. You need to get cream pie in order to get it to work. That's so trash Dude, Hitler's taking so wack. Dude. He need to get cream pie by a bull, bro. That is so So trash. You know how, yo, you know, you know what gets me off? Bulls in me. Hot women. You know what gets a Hitler off? A fucking bulls, dude. Frothy, frothy, bullet jackalot

It totally got him, dude. Totally got him. Fuck it. Finally, someone got him Finally, someone got this bitch You okay? Nazis, they're not real, right? I'm scared now. These facts? No, no, no. These gotta be real. I'm saying Nazis No, like be bad. No, no, no. The Nazis are very real, Joey. Still? Still? Yeah, bro. They're hanging out Yeah, they're like 95. I'll beat the shit out of a Nazi right now. Um, they're like Being bred and like taught still at young age. Oh, yeah, neo-Nazis, but they yeah, bro Oh, they don't count. No, they don't count, right, Joey? Bro, this is great. What are their medical facts about Hitler?

Those are some pretty big ones. How do they figure that out? Who was the doctor that was like? Hitler Got it. You know, Ava Braun was I think that was his girlfriend's name or something like that I don't know, bro. That was crazy just now. Hey, man. The more you these are the parts of history We need to learn about because they teach us about world war two history through school high school middle school Ba-ba-ba, but like they don't tell us the parts that make these fucking losers seem embarrassing where they're like, yeah, bro like this fucking This guy hitler like awful person. Yeah, super evil

Tiny weiner whack whack in the sack. It was whack. Couldn't couldn't satisfy his girlfriend So he had to get fucking bull semen Jacked into his veins. That's crazy. That's wild, dude. Also. What is the thought there? There's no way that works. Well, you look at a bull That's a that's a bucking. You know Yeah, I know, but you're like, no, you gotta like put the put the comment. I'm like, oh, it's like I want some of what he's You know, it's like when you go to the restaurant and you're like, I want what they're having You know what I'm saying it passes by your table. You're like, damn that looks whoa That looks what are they waiter? What are they eating? That's how desperate he was. He was you know, I don't know, dude

Put some bull coming me. I go. I saw a bull. He was like I was gonna do a German and Austrian impression. I'm not gonna do it But he was like, I saw those bulls go at it I'll have what he said. I'll have it. Yeah, I'd like to I'd like to do that Oh, oh my god, that's I honestly guess what if this is fake Let me die. No, it ain't now, bro. Yeah, let me die not knowing it. I don't care. I don't want to create a new one Um, what hold on what a create a new rumor. Oh, I thought you were gonna say Hitler I was gonna say, uh, chill

No, I said because you were like if it's true or not, I was like, oh, you want to start rumors about Hitler I read that so I didn't write this who's gonna defend him and and then and I'll fucking you defend him. I dare you defend hitler. You piece of shit. All right. Let's not dare anybody. I get scared I What a day. I was I was a hot sauce. This is not planned at all No landing hit my day. Guess what we talk about this openly. We plan to talk about certain things Hitler's Hitler's dick Not on that list

Flaming Hitler's penis was not on my agenda this morning when I woke up It wasn't but guess what happy accidents often happen. Can I have that? You want a little bit? Yeah, you liked what I just did. Yeah, that was fucking cool I'm pretty sick I was like, yo, you ever have you ever been at a bar? I wish I fucking wish bro I want to go to Ireland just for that because I feel like that's where it happens. If I let's open a bar And just throw beers down. You like, yo, like we'll make a fucking racetrack On the fucking thing. There's yo, I see that in movies and tv shows all time

I want it so bad order up and they fucking throw a beer the length of the bar No one grabs it and the guy at the end is like Thanks, Jimmy. Yeah, I want that so bad. I want that I've never had that happen But mostly because the bars I've been to the beers that I get They come in like tall glasses that like will fall over and shatter instantly. Oh, you feel like you need like one of the mugs You know what I've you know what I realized? I don't think I've ever had a beer out of a mug at a bar What?

It's always been in a glass in a cup You never had a mug I thought I could think of no dude We gotta we gotta go somewhere Go somewhere and just be like bro. We need to bring that back bar tenders are not as cool as they used to be back in the day Now they're like super like artists Where they're like, oh, do you want your what do you want? You want a side of fucking fermented?

You know celery root with your beer fucking bitch Yeah, I want to go to a bar and just like I have an open tab and I just put my hand down like that and I just fucking And I drink it Take it easy. I'm gonna smash the fucking thing open. Oh, no Oh god It's fine I mean, no, there's nothing I'm joking with you. You got me. You're playing tricks on me. I'm playing tricks on you Was there any hot sauce in Greece? Was it like grecian hot sauce?

Yo, you know what I had a spicy they have a spicy fetage. Yes, Frankie. Yes I was just gonna say they have a spicy feta. That's the best thing I've ever had. Oh really? Okay Better than sex Joey I love when people say that this food is better than sex like those are completely different. Yeah, very different If you're sexist like soy sauce, it's weird How would you describe sex with your wife salty? I would say it's exactly like I'm Salty umami. It's like bro. It's like a stack of fresh pancakes. Yeah

It's like, all right. Take it easy. Um No, but one of the restaurants we were at had just pita bread and they had this spicy feta I was like, holy shit. Yeah, I was like, this is incredible. I don't know what they used to spice it But it was like, I want to go to a Greek restaurant. Did any of you guys get pasticcio? Or musaka Or galactoburico By the way, we ordered spani copita. Yes And it wasn't what I thought over there. That's different. Am I understanding? It was like it was like a salad

Oh, no, then you didn't order spani copita. No, we did. No Yes, because I remember because we ordered it and then we came over It was one of the only fucking greek words. I know and then she was like, this is the spani copita I was like, of course it is and it was not was it. What was it? It was I don't know That doesn't sound right, Joey. You might have been ripped off that would be like these stupid greek americans don't know It was on the fucking menu. I thought it was going to be like the little pastry thing Well, that's what it normally is Damn, now i'm hungry for some spinach. Oh

You want to get some food downstairs after this because I am lonely a hero It's gyro, bro. I know over people are like, it's a yiddle and it's like bro Come on. Just just give us new york or something. It's a gyro. There was a Like late night come home Sorry, um, no, but late night. There was a uh, there's a chain suvaki place Unreal really? I think you have greek. It's called like suvaki stores. Do you have apparently greeks are known for very good coffee too Do they have good coffee? I did not have one coffee down there. You didn't want to spit out your butt Everybody's down there. You were across the water. I think it's down. I think it's up. No, it's down. Okay

um, but uh, no, I just didn't you know, I was just like I'll just have a A cock. I also don't like cocktail. Yeah, I just don't I also don't like having espresso After a meal Yeah, people that are like for dessert give me coffee. I don't drink coffee But I I could imagine that that's like a fucking nuclear weapon I could do like an espresso martini But I can't just like I mean I can have an espresso. I've done it before but it's not really my preference

I asked about coffee not espresso, but well They don't really do coffees. I guess you don't listen to me joey. The greeks are known for coffees. They they they didn't smoke cigarettes They have coffee. Well, they they didn't they well, you could get like an americano Do you crush any cigs when you're over there? No cigs inside. No, no Damn, dude. No cigs for the boy. You still got that streak going. You didn't do that's right. Yeah I've never how about the weed was the weed over there were very weed like did not do any weed No, we do any drugs no weed over in me canos. No, no weed I would imagine that me canos has like good weed because they have mountains don't they because they have mountains. Yeah, it's like mountain weed

Did you get any greek mountain tea? No, you didn't get me any tea from greece Greek tea. Yeah, bro. Greek mountain tea Never had it. It's very good for you. There's an herbal tea spot in Astoria that you need to go to because it's all sourced from the greek mountains man That's the end of that Anyway, where are we talking about tomie lee's bing bong hitlers hitlers hitlers and well, we started with tomie lee Yeah, and then we moved on to hitler. What a scale we did by the way two very different people Let's make it very clear two very different penises

Wildly apparently. Yeah. Yeah, how would you if you wanted to have a celebrity penis? Would it be tomie lee's? Absolutely not. Who's what you want? I don't know. I haven't seen enough But I feel like that is like Actually, I'll take it Oh, if they had to twist your arm, huh? Yeah, I guess so I I would take like a run of the mill Like a like a I'm pretty happy with mine, but like if like I found out that like, you know Leo had like just like a couple more inches. I'd be like, yeah, I'll take that Am I alone on that one the ways

Yeah, I'll tell I'll take that one. I don't care That's beautiful Leonardo Crafio's penis everyone. Frank. Where can they find you? Oh, that's where we're ending Why not f alvor is 80 85 on twitter the frank alvor is on instagram And then go check out the patreon patreon.com slash the basement yard sign up today We have narrowed down what we believe our 12k patreon goal is we are not going to tell you yet because we just need to work out some kinks So go check it out patreon.com. I forgot your suggestion. I know mine Okay, we'll talk about it afterward We're recording a patreon episode after this

I feel like we should bring it up then and we'll kind of discuss and let them decide Okay, so go to patreon.com slash the basement yard. I feel like my suggestion is pretty good My mind is very good too. I know I forgot it, but I was like, all right. Yeah. Well, you forget most of me Yeah, uh, you guys can go follow me at joe sanagato and go follow the show at the basement yard on tiktok and instagram And uh, the patreon like I said, we're gonna we're setting a new goal for something crazy to happen the last time Frankie waxed his ass hole and nut area Don't you're underselling it here joey. It was a full brazilian wax. Yeah, all of brazil. Yeah was waxed Uh for frank, uh, but we're gonna be doing something similar for 12,000. Um, we're like a thousand out I guess at this point. So, um

Yeah patreon.com slash the basement yard join up. We'll be doing that soon and uh, yeah, see you guys next time. Mm-hmm