The Basement Yard - #366 - Let's Get Drunk

Episode Date: October 3, 2022

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Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome back to the basement yard Go okay Today I forgot to swallow Jesus as I do today. We're oh, okay. Oh, that was a com joke Hello, yes today. We're both wearing Yankee hats. We are we're going to the Yankee game We are going to the Yankee game. Hopefully by the time this comes out it probably already happened shout out to my man Aaron judge AJ well, no, I was gonna say shout out to oh our super boy I thought well, what's going for the record? I was I was referencing the record
Starting point is 00:00:39 But well, can we say him will he get in trouble if they find out he listens to this? No, what's our fucking boy? Jose Trevino What's up? We're name dropping now. Yeah big time tell everyone about your famous friends So we decided we're gonna have a couple beers we're gonna have a couple beers because we the game's in um four hours Yeah, so obviously and we're late. Oh, yeah, honestly Too late to start drinking. So we have some catching up to do. Mm-hmm. What you can honestly Well, that's a that's a hazy IPA. It's a little hazy 9% But I'll get you into this
Starting point is 00:01:14 My butt's gonna be open. I gotta tell you I I drank that as I ate for the first time today So I'm feeling a little floaty. You know what I mean like a little like right here. Are you horny? I'm not horny at the moment. Do you get horny when you get drunk? Oh, I don't think I'm more or less horny when I'm drunk. I think I'm just have like a baseline of horn I think I have a pretty good baseline of horn dude. What the hell? I'm I I'm not saying I'm sure you have a healthy horny baseline, but I'm saying like it doesn't like either increase or decrease You know what I think increases I think not anymore because I fucking I'm married but like During college. It's not that I was horny when I drank. I was lonely
Starting point is 00:01:52 So I wanted to like I don't say real stuff. I know it can't be real, right? Hold on me Well Where the tits that wasn't that was disgusting. That was almost worse. Yeah, it was almost where would you say? Where's the tits? Yeah, I had a drink to become more of a hyper hyper man hyper man hyper masculine as a word man. Yeah, I'm gonna reek like beer Dude, that was a given We're all gonna smell like beer. Um, no, I think it's just like I remember back in my college days I just wanted to hang out with people like I never wanted the party to stop. I wanted to like keep going
Starting point is 00:02:27 Yeah, which is sadder than being horny. Ask me You get horny when you're drunk. Yeah You you get like real horny The way you just said that yeah, you get real Well, tell me what you want me to be fucking rock rocket shipped right now Well, are you gonna get horny that it's gonna be me? No, no, no surrounded by 58,000 yanky fans I don't here's the thing. I think that like when you when you're drunk you're like, yeah But then also I'm like probably not though. I just think because once I hit an uber
Starting point is 00:03:08 I'm asleep and then I don't remember anything. Yeah, you do fall asleep pretty easy and you also disappear pretty easily You're the big spoke about it before. Yeah, I wish you're the king of irish goodbyes. Yeah, and you're irish I like to dip the fuck out I just think that you I had people at my apartment the other day and you just went to sleep bro. I'm sleeping on the couch And someone goes, yeah, are you sleeping? I'm like, no I'm like this, right? Then all of a sudden I'm like Dude, I just got up went into my bed and shut the door. Yeah, and I woke up and people were gone Yeah, that's not
Starting point is 00:03:42 Like you should say bye No one said no, no, I no one got the buy that was to be on the other end of the spectrum though Like we went to josh's wedding recently It took like an extra 20 minutes for me to leave because I had to say goodbye to every person I said hello to So like as I was walking I was like, all right, later sir. Good seeing you. Good. See you. Let's catch up But but but but weddings definitely not you're you saying bye to the bride and groomed. I'm fucking out the groomed Yeah, who's that? I don't know. I I mean, I had to say bye to the bride and groom. Yeah, of course Um, but like I wish I didn't do by the way. Oh, I yeah, you say of course like yeah, I'm gonna do that
Starting point is 00:04:17 But I went back to the hotel. No, you fucking it didn't matter. You didn't of course Yeah, no, I said bye to the bride and groom said bye to the people that I said hi to and then I was fucking out I was on the same bus as them, bro. We're on the same bus. Oh, I didn't say bye Well, yeah, technically you didn't have to say bye. You were going to the same centralized location Right, but yeah, you're big. You love that shit. You love just being like Out there are nights that I remember having the most fun of my entire life and you being there And there are other points that night where you're just not That's what I do, baby
Starting point is 00:04:44 Sometimes I got to go outside and peeing in alleyway the last time I did that Hold on you leave a bar with a bathroom to go peeing in alleyway Yeah, I've done that mad time because because because you want to get caught No, you like the thrill because you're horny and you want to go do You know diddle-daddle people's fucking. I'm not slapping it in an alleyway. I'm going to piss. I'm going to urinate So but the reason why I did that is because the last time I did it Uh, we were at a bar, but the line was so long and I was like I got my bladder's yelling. Okay. Let's talk My bladder is having an argument. So I had I had to leave
Starting point is 00:05:16 Why there should never ever ever be aligned at a men's bathroom ever You know how long it's too. It's too unisex It's the women. Oh As usual, it's the fucking women. I I swear to god Yo, being a woman. I can't do it because I drink too much beer and I got a pee and women. Yeah Bro, you guys are in there. You're fucking sitting down. You basically have to like fucking like get naked and give your body to christ In order to pee dude women who wear robbers. It's like you haven't thought this through bro. That scares me I I don't understand or like body soups
Starting point is 00:05:50 You gotta like unclip your puss and then like open up the whole suit to take a shit or piss Listen, it's crazy. All I'm saying is we need to be in many ways more accommodating of women in their pee situation So like give them more like give them they should have special women pants that have a zipper underneath Not like on on the top a zipper underneath Frankie That women aren't gonna have a zipper down here Open it up and then stretch it open and piss through that. Why not wouldn't you I've done it You piss like an idiot. I don't piss like an idiot. Joey. You don't piss in a logical fucking manner I pull my pants down and I pee like a person big pants. You shove it through a little
Starting point is 00:06:29 Zippo hole big pants Big pants gave you the opportunity big fucking pee with your pants on and you're deciding not to take it I'm clearly just trying to utilize the fucking tools that have been handed to me You on the other hand you want to ignore logic You want to fucking pee like a psychopath by pulling your pants all the way down to your ankles like some fucking Idiot in middle school first of all No one pulls their pants down to their ankles. You idiot I literally just go like this. I just I flop it out
Starting point is 00:06:55 I go Bruh And then I pee and then I flop it back in Joey was the kid in elementary school that had the elastic bottoms of his gray sweat pants That would pull his fucking pants all the way down to his ankles bare ass pee in a urinal that was at his feet But generally never done that that was you 100% It wasn't I utilize the fact that the pants come with a fucking a piss alley. What about what about sweatpants? What then hot shot? I pull them under my balls
Starting point is 00:07:18 What I pull them under my balls. You pull what under your balls the whole pant Hold on Are you joking? What what is there to choke about you wear sweatpants? Yes, right? Yes, I do you have to pee Yeah And when you pee with sweatpants on you pull the whole pant and you you pull your balls out Yeah, you put the elastic band under your balls. Yes
Starting point is 00:07:42 For why well, you know the boys like to get you know Even fucking prisoners have a couple minutes of wreck time in the outside You know give the boys some time to play I don't even know what to say to you You don't have to say anything outside of the fact that I have six beers at my table and you have three and that says more About my personality than you will find out who has more beers at the end of the fucking episode, bitch You just want to be very clear. Is this a competition? I don't want to say that because if it is you have a big thing coming your way
Starting point is 00:08:12 Well, no, I'm gonna start shotgunning beers then What are we we want to are we I feel like we shouldn't because it's gonna get everywhere Oh, no Um, there's rugs. Yeah, there is rugs. I mean I can control it Control what this is off the rails already. Yeah, we aren't even a full B. I can control it I can control the amount of liquid on the floor. You can even piss correctly. We could you could you have no control? I gotta say I gotta be honest I don't really like your slander my techniques of pissing
Starting point is 00:08:41 I piss in an efficient clean and fucking like smart manner where you're out here and you're just like let me whip out my fucking Cock and I'm just like bro. I'm in there for business the bathroom isn't a time for fucking You know you spend more time taking out your balls. I take out less things than you you understand that right? No, do you know how long it takes to take out balls? Longer than it takes to not take them out. No, you grab them with the dick. There's no different. No, I There's no difference. Does it take let me ask you something Does it take you longer to eat a piece of pizza with pepperoni or cheese? There's no difference because it's all in the same bite, baby. I'm grabbing my dick and balls in one fucking swoop of the nest
Starting point is 00:09:19 Horrible horrible fucking metaphor. No, it's not that was horrible. It makes no sense No, you want to fucking you want to you want to fucking Parse through your dick and balls in order to pull only your dick out and it's quite the laborious task I have to admit It's not that fucking say that word one more time This is three episodes in a row with this shit with the laborious. But listen I don't know what your dick and balls looks like. I I've seen it years ago I'll tell you this maybe hasn't changed much. Well, I'm just gonna say maybe
Starting point is 00:09:47 I don't know that if a car smashed into there and mixed it all up Because what you're talking about right now is that you've got to sift through to find your dick and balls What's happening down there? Nothing because that's not what happens for the rest of us Listen, you need to you need to specify if you want to pull your dick and you ever pee with a boner Oh, yeah, it's violent Peeing with a boner is basically like recreating a crime scene What's up peeing with a boner is like recreating a crime scene? Yeah, I what the fuck does that it's a very violent
Starting point is 00:10:23 And why are you saying it's violent because bro? You pull your dick out and fucking fiddling a langle langle langle that too. Yeah, you know And then you have to like aim aim it and then the pee comes out like there's no control. What do you do? You go hands on wall No, I go I go both hands on deck And you just point down I point it down. Yeah. Oh, but sometimes I'm too boned. I can't point all the way down And it hurts it hurts. I mean you could but like it hurts your dick comes hinged against your body joey How are you not able to point your dick down?
Starting point is 00:10:54 Bro, but I'm also fighting my boner sometimes the boner is too strong Does your boner have roots and you're fucking ass? Why does it go all the way back to your body where you can't point it down? It's definitely yeah, I mean honestly probably I don't know the anatomy behind it Probably rooted in my the rest of my shit get a boner right now. Let me see If I try to push my boner all the way down flat, that's not happening Like I'll get well first of all flat my dick doesn't look like it could fit in the fucking, you know You know I mean like point it down point the whole sometimes I I have to angle myself
Starting point is 00:11:26 Yeah, so I'm saying sometimes I'm in the wall. No, I can I can stand up and keep a good center of gravity Just Michael Jackson it I do I do a bit of Michael Jackson just lean it I've also I've also I'm like really desperate occasions like really drunk occasions sat down like straddled the toilet bowl api like that With a boner. Yeah, dude. You have to how wait sat on straddle it. Yeah What do you mean? Just like you're facing the toilet take a sit piss. Well What you hold on You mean wait is this The the thing you're looking at the ball you're looking at the no this is the tank the balls in front of you
Starting point is 00:12:02 You hug the tank. Yeah You piss reverse. I've done it before You've never done it Have I pissed reverse? Why because it's a it's a sharp. That's a sharp dangerous situation Frankie What you pissed reverse Yes, when was the last time you've done that years ago? How many
Starting point is 00:12:26 Seven eight. Oh, so you're not piss reversing all the time. No, no it was college That was a fun. It was an experimental time cause it was a great time I can't believe that you did that. You've never you know, this is something that you do Joey I want to do it though. I do want to do it. I definitely want to piss reverse Just because Someone that you haven't done something you look upon it is like this is crazy wrong wrong It's crazy. No the issue that I have with you Is that you do things in a wild manner and won't even acknowledge the fact that it's unorthodox and I go, hey, man
Starting point is 00:12:59 First of all, I just take my penis out and pee and you go what you don't take your balls out and fucking flicker the lights on and off No, Joey No, no I like to get creative with the way that I I'm a very efficient person I often also probably every time every time I pee I flush the toilet in between like as my stream is dying down So I don't have to as my stream dies then flush it. I try to be as efficient as possible I do that sometimes you do that. You erase it. Yeah, but I messed up. Yeah, me too. I messed up all the time I hate that. No life is you're not perfect
Starting point is 00:13:29 um You hold on hold on speaking of nobody's perfect All the thing I said you the other day with Kirk Cousins. Yeah, it was an old Kirk Cousins. He's in the quarterback in the NFL. Super religious. I guess is he? Yeah, I'm pretty sure Oh, uh, what's he? Is he like christian catholic probes jewish? I don't know man. He's one of them But enough to hate gays. I know that he's that religious because you don't have to look hard to find a religion that hates the gays Someone a reporter asked him like how would you feel about it like a gay teammate and he's like no one's perfect
Starting point is 00:14:07 Listen, it's wrong. Yeah, but hysterical. Yeah, because that's a hilarious response. Nobody's perfect Because I think He thought he was being nice. I thought he was being like, yeah, like listen like all of us have things, you know But he's basically saying that that that's wrong. That's not making them perfect You know like he's saying like it's like he could have been a great guy, but unfortunately He's fucking gay. He loves sucking dick. Yeah, you know, do you think you think all of them like I don't think no No, no, no, absolutely not. Not all men like not all heterosexual men like, you know Uh, reading the books of you know pages of a book if you catch my drift. What does that mean?
Starting point is 00:14:44 Eating vagina kind of lingers. Yeah Yeah, but this doesn't mean they don't like vagina No, it doesn't mean oh, no, we're talking about straight oral stuff. Yeah oral Yeah, oral is a texture thing you can imagine, you know You know sucking penis is probably super hard It's probably like tiring. All right, we got drinks in this I'm just saying doesn't it doesn't it doesn't it feel like you talk shut up. It feels like a lot of work I'm just gonna say that I gotta be honest with you. It seems
Starting point is 00:15:12 Like seems like too much. It seems like it would just be Like a pretty Tiring tiring. It's a lot going on. I know there's this and the whole body because like the thing with you know Pleasuring orally pleasuring Someone with a vagina sucking cock. Oh, well what and It's like it's all on the outside. You can keep your mouth closed And you can just do that. You do what? What about saying I do that? I'm saying like, I don't know what you did What you can do? I'm saying like it's all on the outside. You know what I mean? Yeah with a penis
Starting point is 00:15:44 It it becomes part of your body at that point in time So like you need to welcome You need to welcome this thing into your mouth and then you need to like really put on a show for it You definitely have to roll out the red carpet for sure You catch my drip like you need to welcome them into your home and then you need to fucking like, you know Be our guest for a week and a half. Yeah, you gotta entertain them. That's a lot man Being a being a host is not easy. I just feel like we don't have to move too much. I mean, I guess it's an even trade Actually
Starting point is 00:16:11 Gay dudes have it the worst Bro gay dude 69 is probably sweet Not for the one on the bottom I mean, you don't need to be on bottom or top. You can do side by side That's fair Wait, no, that would be a Pisces. Yeah, whatever. We're talking numbers here. Pisces are 69s Yeah, is there like a thing? I gotta imagine there's a thing where it's like an astrology person is like 69 is loved by Pisces
Starting point is 00:16:41 Yeah, if you do it side by side, it's like, let's get in a Pisces position Oh, there are people that like swear by the stars that love that shit. Yeah, I don't believe in the stars that It's an led screen. Yeah And the birds aren't really there, right Are we shotgunning? No, if I do one and I can prove I can do it without spilling anything. Will you do one with me? No, because I like I'm not confident that like if I if I bite the can
Starting point is 00:17:07 too high Then water can just drip out No, if you puncture it like here by the you Yeah, you can you can suck enough of it And then when you put it down if you just get it below the you you should be okay Yeah I don't know. I think we should no guys at this point in time. I want like youtube doesn't like that We have yeah, no youtube does set with us. I would be shocked if this gets monetized in any capacity
Starting point is 00:17:36 I don't care about that. I just don't want them to take it down. Oh, I care Wait, well, can they take it down? I don't know bro. I'm overreacting. I don't want the episode to be gone. Anyway Today, I don't forget what I was gonna say. It's like joey. What were you gonna say? I was gonna put the patreon patreon.com slash the basement yard So people could sign up we can get us at 12 000 We can get our fucking drag show artists to come in here and you know Make us look like beautiful drag queens and then we can have an episode document in the process and in full drag But you know, they don't want to do that. So go check it out at patreon.com
Starting point is 00:18:05 slash basement yard Okay, um, anyway today You got a few topics One thing that is sweeping the nation right now folks is a beautiful dish That people are apparently ingesting which is a chicken dish Where you take chicken and then you put nyquil on it And then you marinate chicken and nyquil. Yeah, apparently wait wait wait wait wait wait. Hold on nyquil
Starting point is 00:18:35 Nyquil no, no, no, I know the brand What do you mean marinate like they cook a chicken in like like the blue nyquil and make it make it like blue That seems dangerous to me. Yeah, because like when you take like You know Like drugs or whatever the fuck. Yes. What do we call drugs? We call them drugs. Are they drugs? Well, it's a it's a drug like a medicine, I guess And you add heat. I don't know. Does that like change it? I think it'd be
Starting point is 00:19:06 I think it becomes like mustard gas or some shit. That's wrong um But yeah, so the fda had to put out a warning because of course the children Uh, they're like, oh, I saw this on tiktok and it got some views I'm gonna do exactly that because I have no fucking soul and when I'm 32 I'm gonna probably lose my mind and shave my head and move to taiwan. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what happens. Yeah You don't know who you are anymore But anyway, uh, the fda had to put out this thing and they said it, uh, it was warning
Starting point is 00:19:35 Put out a warning about these videos and also boiling a medication can make it much more concentrated And change his properties in other ways Even if you don't eat the chicken inhaling the medications vapors Yes, while cooking could cause high levels of drugs to enter your body. It could also hurt your lungs Yeah, because it's just sniffing this chicken. You give yourself some uh, Pneumonia isn't that when there's fluid in your lungs and shit like that? I mean, so here's the thing I know the fda came out and said like, you know, I don't don't do this could be bad for you I have a
Starting point is 00:20:07 possibly hot take You think it's fucking sick? No I think Let the fucking morons that are doing this and dying come on the children Okay Obviously, I don't want kids to do it. Don't let kids do it. But let adults do it And let those adults die. Okay, because You know
Starting point is 00:20:28 We need less stupid people and we need more smart people and it's clear that we're not going to be able to educate dumb people to be smart So why don't we just kind of you know, you know Let the dumb people be dumb Apparently this started as a joke like someone like tweeted out a picture of like chicken with like knikewell And then they tweeted like if she makes you knikewell chicken do not let her go And then well, yeah, you can't because rigor mortis will set in and your body physically can't Let go of someone when you die. Yeah
Starting point is 00:20:59 Uh, is that true? Like bodies just fucking stiffen up. It's called rigor mortis I know, but does it happen every single time? Um, I think when people die, it stiffens up for a period of time. Yes Shiza, dude, there's rigor mortis Liver mortis, which is you know what it is when your liver gets hard. No, no, no Liver mortis. Oh when you're hard and alive. No Oh, you're living inside of the no It's when you die your blood pools in the position in which you died Pools pools. So what do you mean? Oh like when your hands get black and shit. No, no, no
Starting point is 00:21:34 So if you die laying face down, yeah, and you're left like that The blood will pool on this side of your body. Got it. So that's how they can tell what position people have died Nice sometimes and then algor mortis, which you know what that one is, right? Yo dying's gross. Yeah. No, it sucks Dying is disgusting. What's you what do you have any fears about? You're seeing a dead body. Yeah, I've touched one multiple Yeah, but like furials and stuff. No, I've seen like a like a like a you've seen a you've seen a raw dead body. Yeah Yeah, where where where so when I was in college my senior year I uh, I don't know if I could say what town it was but Probably said it before you listen enough, you know, I interned with police departments
Starting point is 00:22:13 CSI unit And we would get and we got called when I was there a cool guy with sunglasses like He got left out. I gotta say the sergeant in the unit was pretty rad. Damn the officer that I worked with he was nice He was pretty cool, but also not as rad as the sergeant. Did he have like a bluetooth thing? Uh, no oddly enough. I did how do you like that's fire? No, I've never worn one of those I want one so yeah, I wore one and I was told I looked like a Puerto Rican uber driver Uh, I damn, that's just facts is what it is We got called the only like fresh in front of my face case that I saw was
Starting point is 00:22:48 We got called to a homeless man that slept outside and because of how cold it was froze And died in the night And then of course I went through like their case files and you know like look through like some of like the dead bodies They had there and shit. It was pretty nuts. That's not chill. But algor mortis. You know what algor mortis is Al Gore algor mortis Algor mortis. Yeah, I know albus dumbledore. You do know that so when you die There's rigor mortis liver mortis and algor mortis algor mortis is like something about an algorithm. No You die on social media. Nope
Starting point is 00:23:21 We're all dead on social media. That's the fact. It's when you when you die Your body's internal temperature drops. I think it's like 15 degrees every hour or something like that. Yeah, man, cold That's why it's like I could come cold Well, that's why they could be like, you know, they can look at a body and be like, oh, the body's 20 degrees You know, it's 20 degrees cooler, which means it's been here and died maybe for like an hour and a half Oh, you know, you see bro, you're serving like Education I got you baby. Listen. I went to school for this shit. I got my education in this year Yeah, thanks for telling us about the mortis brothers or whatever it was. Yeah, the morty morty boys the morty boys
Starting point is 00:23:56 Was it algor algor mortis liver mortis and rigor mortis Sweet that's pretty rad. Now. We know more about the dead, but it is still gross Yeah, I always finding a dead body. He's probably like, oh, ew. I felt bad when I found it because he was like a Homeless Hispanic man and he was frozen. I was like His mouth opened. Don't make jokes about deads. No one knows who this man was. I know but He knows he's watching you dude. He ain't watching bro. He they don't have they don't have tv's No, whoa, dude Dude imagine ghosts are real
Starting point is 00:24:33 And they're just watching you. That'd be fucking weird Like they're just like chill. There's like random ghosts that we've never had a conversation with just hanging out in here I think we'd know because like we've talked enough about our dead relatives that they'd be like, oh chill chill chill My grandma would come near this place. You don't think so? No, my grandma would be like She would hear me say come and be like, no, that's it. Really? Your grandma was a prude She was just like a very old-fashioned Irish rod so prude I guess you're thinking about the fact that your grandma had to just get down. Yeah, she's like unreal. Isn't that wild? I know you think old people like at that age suck dick
Starting point is 00:25:09 Bro, yeah, I do think so. Um, yeah, they're too classy for it. They'd be like, hey, no to my mouth. No, no No, I think they do dude old people probably get crazy And that's the thing bro, when you get old and you're like, bro, I'm kind of like In 10 years, I could be fucking dead. Like my shoot is up you know, like we walk around and like anyone could die any day but like When you're fucking 80, you're like any second now. Yeah, it just happened You're playing with house money at that point and so that's why I think that like old people are probably just like whatever roll the dice I'll fucking like I'll get fisted or something. No, no, no. I'm not saying when they're old
Starting point is 00:25:48 I'm saying that I'm saying never look at like an old person It should be like, yo when they were like, oh when they were in their prime like when they were yeah when they were You know, like no, no, no people were fucking disgusting back then. You don't think so I think they showered last I think people like, you know, like they were reported. I think they all had sex and had Cigarettes in their hands. Oh, well, that's where that comes from like afterward. They'd be like a light up a cigarette Yeah, as a guy with a bush and like a soft dick and he's like Give me a beer gotta say Men in the 60s 70s even parts of the 80s
Starting point is 00:26:20 They they weren't helping themselves with bushes dude. I remember once I'll tell the story. I don't care This isn't patreon, but I don't care. I'm drinking right before you get to that. Let's get to the ad for today Oh The first one being I don't know if they'll like that the first one being stitch fix Stitch fix is like having your own personal stylist. Okay, you go on to stitch fix.com You fill out a style quiz and you tell them I like this kind of fit. Here's my sizes Here's my height my weight and my waist or whatever the hell
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Starting point is 00:27:53 Online therapy. I think that everyone should be in on therapy and doing it. It's so healthy for you And I think it's great. I've been in it for years. I think it's amazing and if you want to get started with therapy better Help is a great way to do it. Um, it's affordable definitely more affordable than in person therapy Which could be just like insane, especially if you don't have health insurance um So yeah, go try out better help, uh, and in addition to it being, you know, more affordable than in person therapy You can also get 10 10 percent off of your first month by going to better help dot com slash basement yard That is better help dot com slash basement yard for 10 percent off of your first month folks, okay
Starting point is 00:28:34 So go do that Frank What are we gonna say? Oh I just thought about it. I don't know if I should say this It was a bush. I'll say yeah. I once found one of my dad's porn tapes not like of my dad Bro, I was about to be like go get it not like of my dad But a tape of porn that he had what was it on was on like a vhs. He had a vhs porno. Yeah, where was it? It was in his dresser
Starting point is 00:29:04 It was like in his sock drawer. Yeah, that's where my dad's playboy magazine was fire Maybe that was just like a thing back then. I think it was all the secrets were in there Yeah, if you think your husband's cheating on you just check a sock drawer And I remember I popped it on how to take a look for you know I had to take I had a c so you waited Wait, what did what did it say on it? Nothing. It was blank. Why did you watch it then? How did you know what it was? I didn't I was you were just like I need to watch this tape I was like, what is this here for? I need to check it out
Starting point is 00:29:32 Really? Yeah Weird dude you're prepared to see your dad's con. Sorry dad. I'll tell you. Have you ever seen your dad's dick? Yeah, dude. I've told the story millions of times. Oh, yeah, that's right. I forgot my dad was dicks out all the time That's crazy. Yeah, I'm scarred for it. When was the last time you saw it though. You saw this recently? No, it's been a long time Six years no way longer. Oh 10 years way longer Damn it. I was trying to get you. No. Okay. So what was on the tape? Porn. Yeah, what kind like just like sex
Starting point is 00:30:02 I know what porn is sex porn I know but what I'm getting at is like they all have full bushes and like the guys look like shit Like the women had cool bushes women bushes were sweet because they were like puffy Yeah, they were like sweet You know like they they made you feel like there was a there's a homie feel about them You know what I mean? Like you feel at home. They looked like Like you want to just go like this to them. You know what I mean? You you want to As you tell me all the time grabbing by the pussy. That's what you said
Starting point is 00:30:32 That wasn't me. That's you. That's what you just did. No, you're confusing me with your hero. No, not my hero Yes, not my hero. No, no, you told me no every yo you used to FaceTime me every day and salute Really did I did I was that before after you called me and told me to wake up and pull myself myself up by my bootstraps? No, that What are we doing here? We're like two beers in yeah, you want to go more? Hmm you want to go more? I just opened this. I'll chug this whole bitch right now. Okay. I believe you. Yeah
Starting point is 00:31:06 I'm sad. I don't care Damn, dude, you said Uh-oh, who's calling? No, I was gonna smash a bug. Oh, I caught a fly earlier That's one of the best feelings in the world. It literally I just went and I was meeting with an attorney. I was like What would you do if I told you under this hand? There's a fly. She's like pretty cool I just went like that and it flew away. Damn her answer didn't make me want to kill it as bad What'd she say? Pretty cool. Uh, yeah, no, what a bitch Take it easy. Is she watching? That's not very nice. I mean, I hope not, but if she is she's a nice woman
Starting point is 00:31:37 She's gonna sue me She might get you. Anyway, Nyquil chicken. Yeah, what the fuck? I honestly let the people do this This doesn't even sound delicious. Nyquil was my least favorite Honestly, now if they had that bubblegum motrin children's motrin chicken, that's my favorite medicine of all time I might if they have bubblegum I said come. Yeah Bubblegum that sounds disgusting Bubblegum bubblegum bubblegum in a dish. How many pieces do you wish how many splish splashes? Do you wish? Yeah?
Starting point is 00:32:11 um That was my favorite medicine I used to take it by syringe for some reason. Mm-hmm. Even though what was the point of that? I think the syringe is meant to scare kids Oh, that sounded like you had more to say No, I remember when I would when kids were sick In like when we were in like third grade or something and they would come to school and they would have the syringe with the I'd want it. Yeah, I'd be like fuck dude. Yeah, jealous. That should taste mad good. I used to
Starting point is 00:32:39 I'm not gonna Dead serious when I say this when I was younger and I was sick I would get the medicine from my mom and I was like that should taste is so fucking fire because it was Bubblegum flavor that the next day even if I was feeling better. I was like, I don't know. I'm gonna a little bit Yeah, a little bit more, you know, I didn't know the effects of medicine. That's how I was with the luden cough drops The cherry flavor. I'll eat a cough drop right now for no reason Dude, but not any cough drop like rickola. It'll like put fucking hair on your chest. Like those re colas wild Bro, who the fuck has those and things like mmm delicious. Yeah, I'm like eating a hot rock. It's like I'm eating like exactly
Starting point is 00:33:11 No, you put on top of hukas. That's why I feel like a re colas. I'm just like taking one of those That's exactly what they are hot. They put the hot coals. They took it off of a huka fucking Yeah, like a product and you package it up and call it a re colas. No, but those luden's babe Well, like oh, this is medicine. I'm like, dude, I know I know candy That's straight candy. It is and the cherry flavor. Don't give me fucking like I had orange flavor ones Now listen, they weren't that bad, but that cherry flavor candy straight candy. Yes The og one is fire. I remember on the packet. It was like do not exceed three per 24 hours I was like bro. I have three in a sitting also that makes me feel like my throat is so slick
Starting point is 00:33:45 Yeah, like you drink water after having one of those and the water's just like But I'm like, you know, I'm just gonna keep taking it's fucking rushing down your throat Yeah, just like coming everywhere rushing down your throat and it's fucking it's getting there hard. Yeah, what what take it easy You're saying a lot of Sexual no, no, no, I'm not saying sexual things like the way you said coming hard straight down your throat When you drink water when you have the the cough charge. I know what I was saying. I know what I'm saying too Apparently not. Uh, you're doing you're being inappropriate. Honestly wildly inappropriate for a fucking youtube episode that people have access to the public What are you even saying now? You're talking about things rushing coming down your throat. That's what you said
Starting point is 00:34:22 No, I said I'm just saying take it easy when you drink water That's what happens You think though Wasn't the Yankee maybe not you think they're gonna let us in it's not the first time I've been thrown out of Yankee stadium You have been thrown out of Yankee stadium. That's right on tv I've never been thrown out of Yankee stadium But you have I didn't get thrown out of this stadium one of my favorite Yankee stadium definitely had tossed out of the Sex one of my favorite Yankee stadium memories was I went to a game in 2007 the Yankees were playing the Cardinals
Starting point is 00:34:52 Uh, no, not the Cardinals the Cleveland doesn't matter unnecessary good the guardian. No, it is necessary the guardians But they were the Indians back then I want to say this real quick. I just wanted to be on record Which I don't know why I wanted to be on record, but I just want to say well It's going to be on record regardless of what you say it's being recorded. Yeah, uh I know that logo is like offensive, but it's pretty sweet logo His name was even more offensive. It was chief wahoo. Nonetheless. Why was that offensive because It was oh like And they were like, oh, it's not well. They were simulating name americans not fucking super mario on world 3 1 joey
Starting point is 00:35:32 I mean I'm just saying like I've been on record When I was younger being like, yo, that's the coolest Not like logo. No to me. I thought it was although the g with the flying. That's pretty cool I think now too, but nonetheless playing the Cleveland at the time Indians now guardians and travis hafner Remember that fucking meathead. No was in the on deck circle and I was sitting right next to the on deck circle I was being like no one loves you your family hates you your wife is cheating on you I was a fucking piece of shit 14 year old. You were that close. Yeah, and he heard you. Yeah, we got this kid
Starting point is 00:36:06 And I went to the game and convinced the like a security guard to let us sit there He's like, bro, no one comes these seats yours. We're like sweet. We stayed there the whole game. Wow And we were we were like talking shit to him. He was pissed boy. He was not happy with us You told him that his wife was cheating on him. Yeah, but worst probably worse things too. I was like, yo, your kids suck. You suck All through 14 15. Wow. That's good age. Oh, fuck him. That's prime heckling age. I would say Yeah, it was pretty good because what are you gonna say back? I'm gonna beat you up 14 year old I was like do it Travis Hapner. Yeah, what do you know? Yeah, make my day pay for my college Literally pay for everything that I want and right now
Starting point is 00:36:45 Yeah, honestly speaking of uh weird foods nightcloth chicken whatever also in the news Uh, there was these new there's a new potato chip on the block. Oh, yeah You can think of good flavors, but I bet you would never Guess that this flavor Is pussy. Yeah Oh, yeah, we got pussy flavored chips pussy flavored chips now. Listen potato chips coming a variety of flavors
Starting point is 00:37:13 I've seen what your favorite potato chip honestly hold on Because I I'm gonna fucking catch it catch that bitch this this is gonna be clipped So I need to start this because I just want to yeah, okay. Can you drink more so I feel like I'm less of a loser Yeah, hold on hold on one sec Oh, yeah, oh, yeah Oh Holy ship Joey doesn't burp either so that's sitting right there sitting right here. It's gonna blow out the back. What if I No, that doesn't make me gag. All right. Um, what's your favorite potato chip?
Starting point is 00:37:54 Oh Ridge already, no, yeah. Ridge is the worst kind of chip. No, it's already. No, no way better ridged. What ridged sour cream and onion You were close Because cheddar and sour cream is better than that and that's the only rich chip that I will sour cream and onions rich is wack Shit is hard, bro. No, I like it more because like it's more like put together like you see it And you're like that's a good that's a well put together chip. No, no, no I see it and I'm like this is gonna hurt my mouth. You have the mouth of a fucking infant. What's wrong with you Are you complaining about captain crunch fucking cutting your fucking mouth joe rich chip is legit
Starting point is 00:38:34 I could kill someone with one every person that has captain crunch knows. It's what it does It does a little a lot But not more than a rich chip. I eat those. It's like I'm eating nails No, dude, do you have fucking molars? You should be able to figure it out Sometimes I put the captain crunch of my mouth and the you know crunchies the crunch berries Get away from my teeth a little bit chips are way more sharp than those They are sharp, but I not ridged chips your favorite chip is this What is it sour cream my favorite chip or my favorite type of like flavor chip
Starting point is 00:39:07 My favorite that's legit the same question. No flavor of sour cream and onion my favorite chip period is dipsy doodles Yo, let me tell you something Tell him baby. Yeah, let him go the worst fucking Like what your favorite chip is dipsy doodles. How is that the worst chip of all time? That's the best type of chip That chip is such legit fucking garbage I can't even are you fucking kidding. I legit. How is it the best people love fritos? And what's the best way to make fritos fresh better is put them in a zigzag chip, dude
Starting point is 00:39:42 I can't believe you're you're serious right now You're 100 serious that you think dipsy doodles are the worst chip. I'm I'm hoping you're joking Please tell me that you're gonna say something like fucking honey barbecue. You fucking loser When I open up the bag to dipsy doodles, I feel like it's taking air from me Like the smell sucks so much that I feel like I can't breathe like I'm like, what is that bro? It's perfectly salty. It has a nice consistencies to it. It's a corn chip and it's a childish name Dipsy doodle. What are we at the circus? Be an adult it keeps the childlike wonder of chips. You open it. What do you want to open a bag of?
Starting point is 00:40:19 Lay's potato chips like oh sweet. Go live in Idaho. You sad fuck I want dipsy doodles where I'm gonna open it and be fucking joyous the whole time Lay's is the worst chips too. They are they don't like they're fucking plain. I would say I would say, uh, what's the one with the girl on it? Bishes no rid of ridges. I like the ridges from wise wise wise chips Oh, I'll take it back. Why is this fucking why is rigid? Why sucks dude? What do you like? I don't know. What do you like? Lay's might be better than why do you consider a cheese doodle a chip because I love cheese doodles. I'll be honest. Why is this a joke? I think I think they're a joke. I think so. How how do they how are they a joke?
Starting point is 00:41:00 I'm pretty sure they're a joke. No, they're not. They're a good chip. They make great sunflower seeds too They make sunflower seeds the green skinny bags That's them. That's them Okay, I like those I'm blown away right now. What chips do you like then you fucking psychopath? If you say something like hers, I'm gonna put my head through the fucking wall. Also. What the hell is that? Also I'm sorry. I got to back up a little bit. I think my favorite type of chip is um
Starting point is 00:41:30 Salm vinegar. I like lul salman. You do like that. I do and turns the inside of my mouth raw like fucking monday night Yeah, you like that your lips get all fucking. They do they get like white. Yeah. Yeah, like I have thrush or something. I used to I used to hate salt and vinegar chips, but now I like them I like them for some reason. All right chips salt and vinegar I I like I like a cool ranch dorito cool ranch doritos are good, but I don't consider like Doritos are like fast food in a bag. They're not those are chips But they're careful. They're they're legitimately chips. They're like chips plus, you know what I mean like you get chips You get youtube and youtube red doritos or like youtube red, you know what I'm saying like they're a little more chips
Starting point is 00:42:12 They're looking at this argument. They're a little more definitely chips a little more higher up. They're a little more upper class Okay, that's normal people have to have fucking like flat out the bag just shitty like normal people chips Literally 25 times not anymore 35 You remember you used to be able to go to the store Get a barrel drink a bag of chips and a cosmic brownie for a dollar. I don't know good day Yeah, also cosmic brownies are like, all right. You know what I don't like they're okay. They're okay Yo, you know what you notice is a hot take people are not gonna like this hotter than cosmic brownies being all right Yeah, I have I have a what do you fucking eat you loser ding dongs?
Starting point is 00:42:53 Uh No, my mom loves ringdings though. Yeah, your mom is an idiot. We know that already but you We had hope for you. No, here's a hot take. Liz. I love you. You're not an idiot People are not gonna like this. I don't like this conversation as it is. Oh god I'm ready another beer in me. I might jump across the table and strangle you listen. You fucking bastard Yo, rainbow cookies are fucking trash. They're good. I wouldn't sit there. You know, they're all black Yo, why Italian people fucking love them and I'm like these suck bro Italian people are weird They're like, oh, I have this beautiful cookie with almond paste and I'm like get the fuck out of here
Starting point is 00:43:29 I just think that like there's so much hype around the rainbow cookie and it's like One I don't like foods that are multicolored and have one flavor. Joey. Hey, Joey really just likes white colored things He doesn't want multicolored things in his life. Now you're starting with this shit. You said it. I'm saying foods Gotcha I'll I'll I'll meet you halfway with this rainbow cookies aren't bad per se But there are a lot dude. It's like a meal. I don't like like eating a snickers. It's a whole fucking meal Yo, also snickers overrated Kind of whack. I had a snickers the other day and I was like, this is not I didn't even I took one bite
Starting point is 00:44:07 I was like, I'm done. I I bro exactly. I have a snickers and I'm good for the whole day. That's breakfast lunch and dinner Whack, what is that? I think it's all right. It's like eating a fucking it's like space food. It's not real It's like eating a like a a tempura pedic mattress. Yes, exactly. It's like this is what mattresses are made Yes, like when people like when they make the new get in the factory They people put their hands in it and go back and go watch see one time. I forgot who it was It may have been like a stranger at a bar Nelson Mandela. No, uh, no, no, no, okay um, it was someone at a bar And I some people these beers are flowing
Starting point is 00:44:43 some man don't One time I asked someone what their favorite candy bar was and they said three musketeers and I swear to god I Thought about murdering them. Yeah, the whole family. Yeah, everyone thought about Killing their whole family around them. So they had to watch they had to watch that and then killing them at the end of that I like three musketeers. No, I don't But if I ever said it was my favorite, just know that I'm like on the verge of death I Will not eat one. I'll eat one. I don't mind. I will not. No, no, no. I won't eat a full one
Starting point is 00:45:17 I'll eat the little that's how I mean ones. No one will eat a full three musketeers. I don't I'll I'll take it one step further I'll take it one step further I don't think I've ever seen a full-sized three musketeers bar because it's too much because it doesn't exist Also in those bags where they have three musketeers. They also have milky ways, which is the supreme Milky ways are very very good. The best bar shaped in that way. That's a well. No. No, hold on the best the best chocolate bar is twix That's not that's not what I mean. I mean like a chocolate bar with the dick vein Yeah, like bars, you know like the dick vein. I would say even 100 grand is better than fucking Snickers
Starting point is 00:45:53 Yeah, tell me about your dentures too. You fucking hag. It is an old. Yeah I was like, what do you want? I want 100 grand when Becca and I were dating She was like, oh my god, I can go for a peanut chew right now. And I was like, who the fuck are you? What and what fucking retirement community do you live in? She said peanut chew? Yeah, and you guys got married We did we did get married. Yeah, honestly, I forgot about the peanut chew into this very moment She's gonna have an earful when you get on relationships on the rocks now Peanut chew what a Well, it's all right. One of the people in this room have
Starting point is 00:46:26 Openly admitted to eating Charleston shoes and the other I was just gonna bring that out because I know you hate them And the other person in this room is me. Yeah So they're not bad. Well, it's just like marshmallow You're like malamar's Yeah, I do like malamar. Yeah, my mom used to buy those like I didn't know I should be like, oh like I didn't know I remember like because they would disappear like half the year and then all of a sudden she'd be like, it's malamar season I'm a big fish. I'm a big. Well, I'm a big fan of Like during Easter how they have just like marshmallows covered in chocolate and you bite into it. Oh, I don't like that
Starting point is 00:47:01 Because that chocolate's fucking get better. It's not great chocolate But it's it's the ratio for marshmallow to chocolate is enough. Why is there so many different fucking chocolates? Just make chocolate one thing two things dark milk. That's it What do we need more chocolates for I white chocolate? Garbage shut up Garbage shut up easily the worst shut up. I agree No, I don't dark chocolate dark chocolate is way worse, bro. When I'm having dark chocolate. I feel like I'm having a cup of coffee It's like who the fuck what why did I smoke 12 packs so rich? It's so rich very very rich
Starting point is 00:47:34 White chocolate is but here's the thing right I I I kind of agree kind of don't agree because during like Easter time I grew up in a block where they were like super religious people, you know, you know across the street from the church and stuff God bless and People would give out the like white chocolate like fucking roses for Easter and shit like that and I love them so much But I'd like them more if they didn't call them white chocolate Just call them what they are and it's sugar water paste. That's it. There's no chocolate There's none. It's sugar and water. Really? Yes. You didn't know that
Starting point is 00:48:05 Wait, wait, wait, wait. Stop. Stop. I didn't know the chemical breakdown of white chocolate. No, stop stop You thought white chocolate was chocolate. I thought there were some element of chocolate in there. Yes I'm gonna I'm gonna be the person to break this to you. You're a stupid idiot Frankie I don't I think that most people would think if I'm being told this is white chocolate I have to assume. Well, Joey, that it's chocolate. Sorry. I didn't do a fucking By the way, the first time I learned about what white chocolate was. I was fucking eight So forgive me for not growing up and doing hard research on figuring out. What's the chemical compound? Joey, what is this actually not all frogs are toads and all toads are frogs
Starting point is 00:48:42 You hear what I'm saying like you're just sitting here putting yourself in a situation Where you're gonna fucking make yourself sound more dumb If you didn't know that white chocolate was not chocolate What is wrong with you? You know what I found out the moment I looked at one of those fucking Hershey's cookies and cream bars You didn't love those. No, I didn't. Yeah, you did you little whore. No, I didn't I was a gum guy I'm always been a gum guy. I'll still be a gum guy to the day I die top three gums big league chew watermelon That's one bubble tape Okay
Starting point is 00:49:13 Bubblicious watermelon I'm sensing a whoa Wait Bubble tape. That's number two. You love that. I love bubble tape. I haven't had it in quite a while Were you the one that would bite the side of the fucking thing? We would do it Joey, do you I have a picture of you and I putting a whole roll of bubble tape in our mouth and chewing it I remember that picture, yeah I was in a marshal falk jersey. It was the times Joey was in a white tea that went down to his knees
Starting point is 00:49:42 I was um You want another beer? dude Um Wait, I thought you said you like juicy fruit. I do like juicy fruit, but I wouldn't put it at top three Yeah, you know number one with added out his big league chew watermelon. I'll I'll die for that gum My nephew's birthday recent hairs, dude But my nephew's birthday recently
Starting point is 00:50:04 Uh was baseball themed and my sister bought A bunch of big league chew And then like cracker jacks and like other shit like I was like, you know, this chew is coming home with me Listen that big league chew. I slam the chew and I need to make some yo deceiving fucking gum by the way I need to make something very clear Big league chew is my tobacco like I put it in my lip. I keep it there and I Probably I was like, you know That's my tobacco. I know that's what it's meant to look like. I don't know what my favorite gum is
Starting point is 00:50:34 I don't fuck with dentine ice because that shit is so fucking fresh. It's cold, bro Man, it's cold, bro. It's cold. Also, they have sexual ass commercials It's like, you know, have this gum and a girl's gonna ride you like what the fuck are you talking about? Bro, I used to get horny for the fucking five gum commercials Remember it was like what it's like to chew five gum and it's like a girl writing a fucking vibrator in the middle of like A fucking stereo. What is that? It doesn't make any sense. It's like dark and like there's like techno and it's like We're talking about gum here. What it's like to chew five gum and it's someone like getting a fucking flamethrower in their ass like Oh
Starting point is 00:51:07 Like it didn't it was very sexualized. Yeah, I know we're all like having fun and like making stuff up But like that one concerned me like what are you talking about? It wasn't me. It was the commercial. I'm pretty sure that wasn't the commercial. It's a pretty flame thrower and someone's asked Or I can't you remember the orbit on tv. There's rules. You remember the infamous orbit commercial, obviously, right? Where it's like she had shit. Who are you calling a cutie queen? You lint liquor? Yeah, that's classic. I like orbit. I don't mind orbit. Orbit was the one that I was pranked on People told me they were like, oh, you could eat the paper and I was like, all right So I chewed like a whole pack with paper like a fucking idiot
Starting point is 00:51:39 Why the whole pack seems like a little well not all together one piece at a time. Oh Wow, you're an idiot. It was dumb. You just called me an idiot. Well, you are too. Don't be confused You remember in fucking high school by the way this episode off the rails. We shouldn't drink on episodes anymore. Yeah Yeah That's cool. I'm gonna get to these ads We have two ads left folks. Uh, the first one Okay, I've never done that before. I mean, why would you? Okay guys, uh
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Starting point is 00:54:36 Instant transfer transfer fees banking provided by Evolve member fdic Uh, so yeah, go check them out Dave go get that money If you need it, then you got it Also, one thing I want to point out. I know that we got a completely off track, but these uh Pussy chips pussy flavored chips They're made in a white country like Scandinavia or Norway or some white shit I'd love to tell you where they're made, but
Starting point is 00:55:02 This site is in a completely different language. It is and I can't read anything Also, these these chips by the way limited edition and we also tried to buy them and they don't ship to the u.s No preservatives, which is huge. Whoa. Well, then what? I don't know. Uh, they're pussy flavor and they're 18 Plus so if you're 17 you can't eat a pussy chip That sucks. That's kind of whack dude. Why is that though? Why eat chips? You the fuck at 17, right? Wait, is there a legal age to I don't know what country this is in But I don't think it's like
Starting point is 00:55:37 Oh, I should probably not say this I don't know and this is actually me legitimately asking Yeah, if you're a 17 year old and you're engaging in hello be easy. I'm saying like if you're 17 In the u.s the way it works If you're 17 and you engage in consensual sex with another 17 year old Are you breaking the law? Is that what you're asking me? Yeah. Yeah, that's kind of what I was asking too I don't know. I think maybe it like I'll tell you what statutory charges. If that's the case Lock him up. I broke the law. Yeah lock him up, baby. I'm not daping you up. Why all right
Starting point is 00:56:13 You lost your virginity before you're 18 too No, I don't lose my virginity until I met my wife joey This guy This guy loves to try to say I'm a virgin I Your tongue is freaking me out And honestly, I saw it It's like that's a little too purple. Can I ask you a question? Sure
Starting point is 00:56:37 Never mind. You're not gonna answer it. I probably won't but I asked it anyway You ever have sex in a school? No, no, absolutely not either. I've absolutely not I've made out in a school. That's pretty much it Oh, I've made out hard in schools. I think it touched a vagina in a school once I In a school in the confines of the school. I was in Spanish class on campus Oh, no, I wasn't I've made out. Yeah, absolutely. I was in eighth grade You horny little horn. I know and I touched a vagina. You're a bad little bitch
Starting point is 00:57:09 I know and then and then I remember was it like did it feel like mac and cheese? It felt like I was like going correct What? What? I I didn't feel like mac and cheese. I don't know what you're talking about. Um, well, I'm talking about vagina. Yeah, I know I know that you know But I remember doing it and then like a couple of days later Her friend was like she said it was like the greatest sexual experience of her life and in my head I was like, wait, I would hope we're in eighth. We're in eighth grade. I would hope that it was 2005 was eighth grade 13 years old
Starting point is 00:57:44 Four years after 9 11. Yeah Joey You gotta You gotta stop it hits every time. I don't know about that. They're bad. Yeah. No, but it was Spanish class fail that class Well, I could because you were literally doing everything but learning. I was yeah, I was I was learning. All right Yo, do you know one time? I don't know if you know this story but My in eighth grade our Spanish teacher, right
Starting point is 00:58:13 She was also my homeroom teacher Uh, so I don't know what was it. She No, that was sixth grade. Uh Or no, that was seventh grade. Uh, uh, her name was miss rosin blatt another Not appropriate Spanish teacher. Yeah. Well, I don't know what she was to be honest with you Um, but she fucking hated me But I wrote in her yearbook at the end of the year. My teacher's hated me too. Don't worry, dude
Starting point is 00:58:38 In eighth grade I wrote like it's been such a pleasure being in your class and then wrote dot dot dot psych in a big way Oh, yeah, I was an idiot. Dude, you got her so good. I know fucking flamed her crushed her But anyway, so in that class we had we had a substitute, right? This woman miss gomez and she would come in and she seems more appropriate for a Spanish class Yeah, she was like very nice too and I felt so bad this happened to her But like in the back of our classroom There was like a kitchenette thing and it had a water fountain on it And we found out because I sat near it that like if you like it became like loose
Starting point is 00:59:11 So he just started unscrewing it slowly Right and like water was pouring out of it like a little bit And we kept doing it and kept doing it because people would get up and then we get water in the class all the time Then one time this kid What was his name shamir His name was shamir, right? He's like can I go get water and we at this point we had unscrewed the shit like a lot Like me and a couple of my friends this kid goes to drink water and the thing just snaps off and it shoots up at the ceiling like a geyser
Starting point is 00:59:41 And you know how the ceilings of classrooms were like that like cardboard Right through that like that's how strong it was bro Teacher runs over And tries it puts her hands over it. She's soaking wet big mistake. I'm literally sitting there like this like holy fuck Yeah, there's water going everywhere. He's ruining the structural integrity of this whole building did they flooded like half of that floor It was incredible the floor the floor bro Why wouldn't they just turn the water off joe? I guess no one know how to do it Yeah, I don't know
Starting point is 01:00:15 You're I was just like yo, I was like, yo, there's a geyser. You're a man. I was like, yo, look I didn't do first of all I shamir technically you want another one. I have one right here. You're a menace, dude But there was like water everywhere. There was like an inch of there was like this much water on the floor how much So about 10 inches. Yeah, gotcha. This yeah about 10 inches this right here, which is fucking huge About nine and a half inches right here. Yeah, it's about all you need Probably I feel like this would be all you need I would say that's more than enough if it rains this much you're really wet anything more than that is just overflow
Starting point is 01:00:53 Right, it would be it would be like it would hurt pointless I would say it would hurt pointless pointless word. We're looking for and unnecessary Remember on a patreon when you said you had a a sharp penis that was crazy Was that this episode? No Was that patreon? Yeah, it was oh you said you had a sharp penis. I'm getting they gotta be honest with you Yeah, this is starting to blur the line and I know what you guys are thinking like he's only had three beers I don't drink anymore. But also you had some beers before that. Um, yeah, but it was a nine percent beer
Starting point is 01:01:26 This is true. I don't drink anymore. Yeah, I have children now And I know that if I drink I'm gonna be miserable the day after so I don't do it, right? But special occasions. Yeah, like my birthday when we had a big bottle of wine Oh my god, that was a fat knickknock. I am surprised we finished that. I'm not that was actually not bad We had a couple, you know, uh, uh, You know, I think I drank a lot of that fucking wine luscious at the table between me you Keith Lynch And Espo gets going you start talking about golf people like well, he'll drink all night
Starting point is 01:01:56 Yeah, Espo had everything you needed talk about golf wine and meat It's all he needs and then he had a cigar at one point and a shirt literally I don't know how it's gonna get in a collared shirt. He had he was in his fucking glory. Yeah, that was he's gonna Tied the next day. It's true. I almost died that night the air in that fucking cigar lounge Did not bode well with my lungs. Yeah, I don't know that I could survive in one of those It was really nice. It was really really nice But it was it was the air was thick. Yeah, I had to go to the bathroom and outside like two or three times So you did piss outside. No, no to the bathroom and outside
Starting point is 01:02:31 Oh, oh, I thought you meant piss outside. No, no, I piss in the bathroom. I went outside for fucking by the way I meant to say this before but when I left the bar to go pee in that alleyway Uh, I was greeted by a bunch of rats Did you pee on them? I didn't pee on the rats. I didn't want to upset them and have them run at me Well, I don't think they would run at you. I'm very afraid of rats. Yeah rats I don't tend to be like, you know, like no, I'm afraid rats are big. They're basically cats yeah
Starting point is 01:02:57 And um, if you get bit by one of those you might as well just kill yourself because there's no coming back from that Yeah, you got all of new york city's Biggest diseases right in you people always say like, oh my god, like the rats in new york city and it's like there are rats But like I'm not seeing enough to be like, whoa Yeah, I understand what you're saying like there definitely are rats But the thing is like if you see four rats Like if if you go out in manhattan one night, right, bro, if I see four rats in a day, it's a fucking anomaly. It's christmas time It's christmas time
Starting point is 01:03:33 No, but like if i'm in manhattan like all night Like you're out until like 3 a.m. Or 4 a.m. Or something You'll definitely see one one But like people are talking like you go in the subway and you see a fucking serp like a subway surfing rat I mean I used to take the train to work all the time I would say that like at least
Starting point is 01:03:53 Three times a week. I would see a rat. I would see one baby once a week and that was when I was Take it If I slow down, I will need to nap, but I'm not gonna slow down. You can't I mean at this point I mean once I start drinking once I stop, but Yeah, yeah, so let's just not stop Let's get there and just buy stuff hats jerseys I love you said stuff. What do you mean? Just like items? Yeah, you don't want to buy drinks
Starting point is 01:04:22 Let's buy a jacket You want to go buy a jacket? I want to buy that yankee leather jacket that has all the world series patches Frank don't be a piece of shit Anyone who wears a yankee jacket with all the patches on is a fucking asshole. Are we? Yeah, no, it's like having the yankee like a Tattoo on your calf. I feel like every fat yankee fan has that Got him. Nope. He flew away Yeah, am I wrong? You know any fat yankee fans?
Starting point is 01:04:53 tons like Danny Lopiori Not fat anymore. He actually looks pretty good. I gotta say he lost a bunch of weight. He did lose a bunch of weight Not fat anymore. Um I'm thinking of white people though So am I in the spanish person conversation? Do you consider me fat? And no, why did you say like that? Just no Yeah, I don't I don't say all right. So let's redo that. Do you consider me fat? No, thank you
Starting point is 01:05:20 You went um, no like like there's an argument there, but I'm not gonna I think that some people would be like, yeah, dude, bro fucking someone call me fat. I'd bully their whole family Seems like someone's insecure. I'm not insecure. I just I'm upset No, but you know, you see someone you go, you know, did you just hit your head? Yeah Okay, I think we should get the fuck out of here. Honestly It's starting to get hot I'm starting to sweat
Starting point is 01:05:48 Guys, we're gonna get the fuck out of here. Yeah, it's honestly it's been all over the place But we actually did we do all the ads because I can't I think so Dave is in there. Yeah. Yeah, we're good We're uh Shopify. I think was in there god damn right. Well, uh We wanted to give you guys a little treat So give us a treat. We also wanted to drink. Yeah, we did Patreon.com size of basement yard. I've said all I have to say f alvers 80 85 on twitter. The frank alvers on twitch Instagram cameo tiktok
Starting point is 01:06:18 And uh youtube i'm gonna actually start doing some of my own stuff. Thank you for posting that. I really appreciate that It's a lot You guys can go follow me at joe sanaga I'll go follow the show at the basement yard on tiktok and instagram and that is all See you guys next time

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