The Basement Yard - #371 - We've Been Petting Lots Of Animals

Episode Date: November 7, 2022

Joe and Frank discuss petting furry things. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. How's it going, Frank? Who's your favorite football team? Haha, you're killing it with these jokes. What are you wearing? A Waco, Texas hat? You know what happened in Waco? You're a big fan of what happened in Waco,

aren't you, you six fuck? What is it? You know exactly what happened. What, it was something that light people did I'm assuming. Yeah, you don't remember the massacre in Waco, Texas? Whatever, dude. Massacres make for good Netflix documentaries.

I actually, I think it wasn't, it was like, let me back that a little bit. It was, I think it was a cult leader, the blue Gatorade, I think that was there. Blue Gatorade. Or no, no, no, that was different. That was when they like opened fire on them and like with like assault rifles.

A lot of weird shit happened. What are you talking about? It's a, it's- What was Blue Gatorade? Blue, that was I think Jim Jones, maybe I'm wrong, but he convinced, like he was like a cult leader and he convinced everyone that like, if they were to die together,

they would go to like this like ethereal plane of existence and they all drank like Poison Laced Blue Gatorade. Or Kool-Aid, I believe it was Kool-Aid. Oh, cool. That's cool. Yeah, so some bad stuff happened in Waco though, so. Well. They did that show on Netflix,

but I think the guy that's from Friday Night Lights used the quarterback. You know. Which one? The white quarterback. Taylor Kitch, he was the fullback. Ah, wait, I didn't watch a show. No, he wasn't the quarterback.

Well, he was one of the white guys in the show, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there you go. So you're just love supporting, you know, mass murder. I guess. You know. That's not what I was going for, but I'll take it.

Oh, I think. And then what is it, Magnolia Market? Oh, sweet, cool. I'm pretty sure these are two people from like the HGTV, that channel, where they like build houses and shit. Oh, that's right. Chip and Joanne. Joanna?

Chip and Joe. Chip Jones? Chip or Jones. It was Chip or Jones. It was Chip or Jones. Former Atlanta Bray, former Silver Slugger and MVP Chip or Jones. Chip or Jones, yeah, he builds houses now.

Yeah, I mean, he probably does a lot of money, I would assume. I would assume he has some real estate. He's a smart guy, he does. I mean, I would hope so. Atlanta, apparently, great place to be. I've never been. OK. How are you?

Dude, how are you? How are you? I didn't tell you this. I have a video of it on my phone. I was driving. I left here, and I was driving. And I get on the highway. And you know what?

I'll just play the video. Just play the video. Some buffoonery happened on the highway. Buffoonery? Yeah. Bro, a spider crawled across my dashboard. A white one. What?

A white spider crawled across my dashboard while I was on the highway. A white spider. You had a white widow, Joe. You might be smoking a little too much at a high you don't. Wait, is a white widow like a real thing? I don't black widows. I saw a black widow in my backyard a couple days ago.

You know, I had a period of time in my life as a chai where I was terrified of black widows. Oh, I will tell you. I have a period of time where I am now currently living, where I am currently terrified of them. Don't they bite you dead? Well, you don't turn into a fucking Marvel superhero. Yeah, no, no, nothing cool, although that didn't happen

to the character of black widow. I was like, apparently for adults, it's bad. And you need to get it treated at the hospital. But it's like fucking fatal for dogs, animals, and children. So now I'm really freaked out. At least you're safe, dude. Well, yeah, that's the most important thing. And it won't get up to the moneymaker.

By the time I figure out it's there, it's below the belt. Of course, if you can't kill a spider and you're over there thinking you could kill a girl. Bro, I gotta say, this thing, first of all, hold on. I want to set something straight here, OK? Because I'm going to set something straight before you show me this video of you doing something illegal and using your phone while you're driving.

I can't tell you how sick I am at this bullshit. I've gotten tagged in so many tweets, our own fucking Josh tagged me in a tweet, because someone tweeted something like, 7% of people on the planet think they can beat a grizzly bear in a fight. I have made it very clear, very clear. I am 90% sure I cannot beat a grizzly bear in a fight.

The 10% is where I'm really upset. No, I'm not one of those people that's like, yeah, I can do it. I know I cannot 90% of the time. No, Frank, leave out the last ending part of that. That 10% I have a bazooka. I don't even think you can. You don't think I'd win with a bazooka, Joe? No, I think you fire a bazooka at a bit.

Don't even get me started. Anyway, this is me freaking out about the, not freaking out. I was more upset. I had a long day. OK, that's not it. This is it. What the fuck is going on? What the fuck?

That was it. That's all you said. Bro, look at this thing. Was it a big boy? Oh, that is not a small whore. That's white. It was a big slut. That's a white spider.

It was a white spider. It was kind of yellow. Was it throwing up gang signs? No, I had a fat butt, though. It was wearing one of those like spider jackets that people in the late 2000s wore? What do you think? What do you think?

I think it was. And you had a spider jacket. You love that. My dad had it, and I took it from him. You robbed your father? I didn't rob him. He said I can have it. I was the inheritor of the jacket.

That was your inheritance. But did I ever tell you about the time? So the night that we recorded the slam poetry, version three, v3, which I'm saying I got a CD as YouTube now, that's five. No, this is a v. Oh, OK. I was driving home because I had driven from here.

I had driven Greg to the place that we filmed at. And then I parked, got out the car. On the drive home, I look on the dashboard, and there's like a frog figure. So I'm like, what the fuck, figure? Bro, like an entity or like a thing? No, no, no, like I'm looking at it, and it looks like a frog. Like an action figure?

Yeah. Oh, bro, I thought you meant like a figure. So I'm looking at like, like, like, like, you know, like a frog. Yeah. And I'm looking at it, and I'm like, did Greg like plant something to fuck with me? I'm imagining that Grant, Grant, his name is Greg, like wanted to fuck with me in some capacity,

so he put something in the car. And then it fucking jumped. Bro, I was driving home at 10.30 at night with a live frog hopping across my desk. It was a real frog? Yeah, bro, it was a real fucking frog. How did a frog? I have no idea.

I have no idea. I legitimately, no clue. The only thing that I could think of was that it must have gotten in my car where I live, because we often have frogs in our lawn. Right. And it just like hung out in my car for the day. Hold on.

In the summer heat. This thing was on your dashboard, and you left it, and you were driving, and it was just still chilling? I thought, bro, I thought like, I was like, no, because when I got in the car and left the car, it wasn't there. I was driving on the parkway home. Oh, and then you saw it.

And then I saw it. I was like, oh, shit. I was like, Greg. And then it jumped. And then I think, yeah, I texted him when I was getting gas, and I was like, ha, ha. Did you leave a toy frog on my dashboard? He's like, no.

And then it fucking, you know when you can see frogs like, you know, like doing this breathing thing? Yeah. And then it hopped across my dashboard. I was freaked out. Damn. It was not that big, but then I had to worry about this thing hopping on me when I was going 85

down the parkway. Bro, a fucking frog. Are you OK? I'm all right. I'm drowning over there. Yeah. If a frog jumps and lands on my face, dude, just I'm just going to flip the car.

Yeah, you might as well. I'm just going to do that. So then when I got home, I spent like another like 25 minutes like trying to get the frog out of my car. And I just gave myself chills. I mean, it's a frog. No, no, no, because I was thinking of like what you just said was like, you spent the rest.

When the spider, by the way, I killed it with a $10 bill, because it's all I had. I knew you would like that. All I had, it was in my. I was like, oh, I was freaking out. I'm just, you know what's funny is in addition to what this story, I imagine like the people on the fucking BQE coming up to you asking for money.

And you're like, no, no, I got no cash. And then you're fucking squashing a poor spider. In my house, we try to save spiders. Unless they're like, we can't get them out of the house. Oh, so when I saw this black widow in my backyard, I couldn't believe it. I took a picture. I would have stomped that thing.

I did. I had to. I had to stomp. So it was in my lawnmower, like where I like open a hatch and like I put like the leaf trap on it. And that's a leaf trap, you know, like the grass. The bag or whatever. Yeah, the bag.

And I saw a fucking spider. And I was like, oh, shit, that's a pretty cool. Well, that's a very black spider. And then it moved. And I saw the red on its abdomen. And I was like, I got to look this up. I got a picture of it and everything. It's a pretty fucking rad.

I got to say it. I want to see it. Did you say rad? You just said it's pretty fucking rad, dude. What do you, a fucking skater from 1998? It was pretty rad. Where is the, yeah, look at the black widow. I, hold on, give me this.

Hold on, hold on. I took it. Yeah, dude. Yeah, it was, I didn't think, I thought it was just like a regular like fucking like forest spider. And then I, Frankie, I thought you were showing me a fucking party city spider. No dude, that's a real spider.

I don't even want to touch your screen, bro. I said I could do those magic tricks where it fucking pops out at you through the screen. Yo, that's not, you're fucking with me. Why is it so shiny? It's plastic. That's what, no, no it wasn't. Give me the phone, I'll show you another picture.

Bro, it was fucking real. Dude. I couldn't believe it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yo, I'm getting goosebumps right now. I'm very afraid. I'm getting goosebumps.

Yo, I would have literally screen, it took off screaming in the other direction. So I took a picture like when I opened it. Is that, yeah, that's the picture. That thing's fucking huge, bitch. I took a picture and I was like, oh shit. And then I saw the red, I was like, wait a sec. And then it moved around and it gave me a better look.

It does look fake. I am right there with you. It was very real. Dude. And minutes later, very dead. How'd you kill it? I had to. How?

So I had gotten like, oh my God dude, that is so scary. That's way too big. It was terrifying. So in our backyard, we had like a plastic baseball and it had cracked open. So I put it, I like scooped it in the baseball but it was real shallow. So I like ran over and I dumped it on the ground

and I stomped it out. What the fuck was that tongue thing? Did you eat it too? It didn't, I didn't. I can't eat it. It's how you die. I was not expecting that literally at all. Yeah, it was pretty.

I've never seen a spider that, I mean, besides in, when I was in Sedona, then I saw a tarantula that big. But I've never seen a spider like that because tarantulas are like one thing. And they're hairy and gross and piece of shit. Yeah, like those are one thing. But those are like actual like evil demon looking, sharp hands, spider, you know what I mean?

Honestly, it looked like a spider out of a fucking Tim Burton movie. Yes, bro. Oh my God. Legit. Yeah, yeah. And then I said to myself like, great, now I can't be confident with my kids playing in the backyard

because a fucking black widow spider's gonna crawl in them and bite them. That's fucking insane. Yeah, it was pretty scary. No eggs. I checked for eggs. There were no eggs. But that thing got stomped out pretty quick.

Fuck that. Yeah, well, what do you get to do? Get a blowtorch, blow it up, horse the yard. No, it's dead. It is very dead. And I don't think. What'd you do with the carcass? I left it there for any birds or any, you know, people.

Animals that want to eat it. But it was fully dead. I stomped that thing out like it owed me money. Right. Yeah. So is this like I was thinking, bro, I'm so I all jokes aside, which I'm not joking. I was not expecting that at all.

And that's why when you first show me the picture, I went because I think you're fucking no, dude. It was very real. And it was it was like maybe it looks bigger in the picture, but it was still like that big. It was like, wait, what are you showing me? Your fingers are the hole that you're making with that big. This big?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, Frank, that's way too fucking big, man. And when I saw the red, I was like, whoa, dude, that's pretty bad. And then it hit. And I was like, oh, fuck, there's their problem in this backyard.

The spider that I saw was like a little pussy compared to that thing. Yeah, a little pussy spiders don't scare me, but the ones that can do damage. You know me, bro. I don't I don't like that they don't like creepy crawlers. I don't like creepy crawlers. And then when I killed it, I killed it with a $10 bill.

That is I fucking I lost it, though. And I was like, well, it's dead. Well, I don't know. Well, you say I need to get that body. Sometimes when you kill a bug or an animal, you feel its life leave its body when you crush it. You know what I'm talking about? See a therapist.

I lost it. I lost it in the $10 bill. I was like, oh my god. So then I used another $100 bill that I have lying around to smash that. Let me guess. So I was like, it was a fuck. And then I saw it was hanging.

It was hanging off of a thing. So then I got the bill back. And I went like this and I crumbled it up. And then what did I do? I put it in my door. The $10 bill? With the spider in it. Can I have the $10 bill?

There's a spider in it. You can have it. I don't care. Throw the spider out. Give me the $10. You can have it. These $10 have never made. I'm not touching a spider bill.

First of all, that makes it sound pretty cool. Spider bill? Spider bill. It's like a Spider-Man Bill Clinton mashup where you're swinging through the city. He's like, ugh. That better. Jokes, I think.

Better than I think. For any of you guys out there that want to know the real person, if you're with a partner, if you're dating someone, whatever, and you want to know the real type of person they are, have them walk through a spider web. Then you will see the type of tough person that they are. Because I can absolutely guarantee you

that they are just like the rest of us. They are little bitches. Yo, I'm not brave. When it comes to animals, I feel like when there's actual panic and stuff, I feel like, OK, I'm all right, whatever, with human shit, shooting or something. I feel like I'd be like, OK.

Wait, did you say human shooting? Yeah, it was just like, yeah, human stuff. Oh, you'd be brave if there was a gun. Not brave enough to be like, I'm going to go tackle that guy. Unless he got really close to me, then I would think about it. And I would start saying, I was going across the room so all of the criminal would need to do is just have a spider shirt without a doubt.

If, listen, if a robber comes into my apartment, I'm fucking going to have to go after him. You have to. But if he has spider legs, he could have everything. Oh, so it's the legs. All right, so hear me out. I want to become a career criminal, and I want to start just burglarizing houses.

I'm just going to bring with me a bag of crickets or cockroaches. Cockroaches will make me move. Spiders. I bring a bag of spiders. You know how you can go to Petco and you can get a bag of crickets or whatever? Crickets won't do that for me. Really?

For some reason? They'd piss me off. Yeah, I don't like them. What if I got just a bag of assorted beetles? I'm out. I may even burn the shit before I leave. Throw some kerosene. Get some insurance at least.

Yeah, that would actually be. But literally cockroaches, spiders, I will just leave everything that I have behind. What about, I've pet a hissing cockroach. They have, you know where I'm going to bring you next time you come to Tom's River in a couple of years? I am going to bring you to Insectopolis. It's an insect museum by us, and they

have like a petting zoo part of it, where they have like millipedes, centipedes. Why doesn't this fucking broke ass zoo get a goat? Because I've pet goats. And that's fun. It's all about insects, dude. Alpaca. Who wants to pet a cockroach?

Freak. You're going to zoos where you pet cockroaches? First of all, we brought the kids there, because we thought it would be fun. You brought your children to a cockroach farm. It was a museum. Disgusting. It's a museum for insects.

It's pretty cool. They also have a lot of cool butterflies. You made your children pet a cockroach. You freak. He wanted to. Also a tarantula. You pet a tarantula? Yeah.

Yeah. I'll tell you this, very furry. Yeah. Yeah, they got hair, man. But this one was, I think it was like, it didn't have fangs or something like that. What the fangs? And it was just like pumped to be there.

It was like, it was hanging out. It actually crawled on me, like up my neck. Frank, shut the fuck up. The crawling on my neck. I tried to put my leg up to sound. I'm wearing a hood. Look at him speaking. I don't like it.

I don't like it. You know what I'm saying? Yo, for real. Listen, for a second. No, don't fucking laugh. I'm being dead serious when I say this. Please, for the love of God, please don't ever push on this button of mine.

Like, don't ever fuck with me and throw shit at me, or put a spider. Just don't, because I will get violent. What about fake? I will get violent. I will be very fucking upset. All right. You put an actual?

Greg, bring him in. You put an actual spider on me. And I'm going to fucking hit you. Every time I did that once to someone. You put a spider on someone? Yeah. You put a cockroach on me, bro? I'm going to punch you.

We're going to argue. And then on my way out, boom, right to your fucking window. Really? Bam. Really? Stupid fuck. As I'm in the street. And then I'm going to tell all your neighbors.

You're going to tell every single one. Who's going to make shit up about you? Like? You're racist. Yeah, yeah, that won't check out, because I'm not, but. I mean, they, I'll say he's good at, I'll make. Dude, I can come up with something. You know, now I got to think about this.

Now I think that if I just make one quick phone call to my friend, Ant, we can do a fear factor type episode or standing out at a studio or something. I thought about that. Well, not about that. Dad, I'm not doing. Fuck that. I already told Ant, too.

I'm like, yo, you do the bugs thing? Just bugs. Yeah, you are going to have to find a new job, because that's not happening, bro. I'm not doing bugs no more. No more? Have you done them before? Bro, there was a video on Sandicato Studios

where I had to fucking eat shit. And one of the things was like a fucking bug. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember. It was like, it was like a beetle. It smelled like a mummy. You won't even eat dead ones? You'd eat a beetle? Yeah, I'd be way braver than I.

I've eaten, remember Danny went that one time, got a. Yeah, that was crickets and scorpions and shit. I'd do it if they're dead. And I know that they're gone. Their souls have left their body. Want to hear something funny? When you talk sometimes about animals,

you sound weird when their souls have left their body. And I can consume it like, what are you saying? Want to hear something funny? Like the bogeyman. Since we're on the topic of bugs, recently we were at the house. And Miles was playing with something. We were watching TV.

And there was an earwig on the floor. You know those things that have like the fucking pincers on the back. I don't really know what they look like. They look like little bugs. But on their butt, they have like fucking teeth, like pincers they look like. OK.

But he was like, oh my god. And I was like, dude, just get it. And he's like, no, and he clearly wanted to save it. And I went over and stomped this thing out. And I go, oh, it's an earwig. They don't have souls. Who cares? And he was like, and Becca was like, what are you?

And I was like, oh, he's still alive? And then I flushed him right down the toilet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you guys try to save everything? What have you found out about this? I mean, with reason. If we can save something, we'll try. Like we've tried to save as much as we can.

But there are certain times where it's like mosquitoes and flies. I have no sympathy for those fucking little racists. I get them. I destroy them. And I don't care. And I'll like ticks too. I can't tell you.

Ticks. Yeah. You have ticks? They're ticks in the world, Joe. Yeah, I know they're in the world. Not in my world. Not in my house. We've never had a tick at our house.

But I remember we were, I think it are in-laws because they live fairly close to kind of like a wooded area. And they pulled a tick off one of the dogs. We put that son of a bitch down and I fucking burnt it alive. This is, remember what I was saying before about the way you talk about it? Like, why?

That's what you're supposed to do to ticks. You can't just kill? No, they say burn them. They say burn them? Yeah, they. I think you burn them to get them off your skin. I think burn them like blowtorch them. I think it's like a thing that we do.

It's like we've figured out like to get back at the ticks. If by they, you mean serial killers. No, big, big, big tick. Big bug tells us to burn the ticks. Big bug does not. They say, but you could burn them off your skin. Why? Off.

Well, I don't know, but I will say this. The only thing that there is consensus across the board. Big bug told us like, hey, listen, kill those lantern flies. And everyone's just like, all right, no problem. Yeah. You know, the United States of America will be like, hey, wear a mask. And you have, you know, a portion of the population

are like, fuck you. Oh, do that gay shit. And then you have it. And then they're like, but you have to kill these bugs. And everyone's just like, no fucking problem. I am your soldier. They're bugs, bro. They're disgusting.

Also, actually, I'll say they're very pretty. They kind of have that red little thing. It's kind of cute. Yeah, and they have like a dragon fruit wing. What is that? There's like little dots on it. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, if you don't, what's it called again?

Lantern flies. Look those up. I will tell you this, though. I have no respect for personal space. Those things fly all over the place. Bro, the first time that I came across one, because I had seen it, and Marco, he was on a run once, and he was like, yo, I just saw like 40 of them.

So apparently they're like on the west side. Yeah, dude, they are. And so I hadn't seen any. And then I saw one on my terrace. It just like landed. And I was like, oh, my time, right? Yo, these things are hard to kill. They are like, yo, you go to step on them,

and they jump in the air. Like a kangaroo. And they literally, the first time I saw one, I felt such an internal like, this is, I have to be of service to my country right now. I've never been man enough to go into any branch of the military, whatever. But at that moment, I was fucking hurrah, fighting,

going down for this country. And I went to step on it, and as my foot's here, it's fucking bink, like right now. Juke your shit. Yeah, dude, juke. I chased that son of a bitch around fucking parking lot for a good minute or two. Wow.

I got it. Nice. They're a little squishy. Yeah. Who was I talking to? But they were like, you can't just step on them. You have to step on them and drag your foot. I'm like, relax.

Oh, I give them the tap. Oh, you give them the one-two step? I step, and then I fucking. What was that? You step and then give it a little rabbit foot? Yeah. Just to make sure it's dead. And if it's not, honestly, kind of also no.

I put it out like a cigarette. Yeah. You just stomp and squish? Squish like that. I sometimes, I stomp on it, but light enough so that it's just disabled, but it's still alive, so then a bird can come and eat it. Frankie, you haven't said anything about insects

in the past, whatever, that have been normal. I think it's normal. I think that someone needs to talk to you. No, I think I'm just trying to do. You just said you disabled a fly so that a bird could eat it. Well, I mean, I'm trying to give back to the circle of life, baby, because guess what's going to happen to that bird? Why does it need to be alive?

Go. It's more fresh. I'll save you time. What do you need? It's more fresh. You want fresh ingredients. Better ingredients, better pasta. Oh, better and good Papa John.

Papa John, you're a big fan of his, aren't you? You've had for years and years. You told me. I can't go to that seminar. You're right. I was like, yo, I love Papa John's, really good pizza. You're like, I feel like the owner's got a lot of good ideas. That's what you sound like.

I never said that. I like the pizza. He was like, yo, this was like 2008. The mission statement that the CEO had was really good. This was like 2008. And then you came back from that retreat with him and those other white hooded guys back in like 2015, 2016. You're mistaken me for someone else.

You told me. No, no, no, I'm pretty sure. Papa John actually has a lot of bright ideas. And I was like, I don't know about that. I didn't say that. You did. If I did say that, I was in reference to his food. It was not in reference to anything he said in his lifetime.

Well, I just feel like, and you were on that business call that he made that one time. Was I? I don't. I feel like you were. Oh, I don't think I was on that business call as much as I was recording it for you if I was. I mean, you're pretty adamant that you

like to be included in all these calls and stuff. Yeah, but really only because I know you like it. And I'd like to get you a good birthday present. I do like the food, but you have always been a big fan of Papa John the person. Well, we can agree to disagree. I think you're getting me wrong here. Oh, man.

But it's funny. You brought up a petting zoo before. And I actually, I went to a party the other day that had a petting zoo at it. And I had to bring this up and tell you about it because I couldn't fucking believe what happened. We'll get right back to that in a second. I can't.

Let me bring this up because that's how the cookie crumbles. That's how it crumbles. I also went to a petting zoo recently. Oh, cool. This is how it crumbles. Are you just saying words? Cookie. OK.

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Go to fitbot.me-basement. Again, fitbot.me-basement, F-I-T-B-O-D-dot-M-E-slash-basement. All right, there you go. So, Frank, please. So, someone in our area, a kid that's in Miles' class is parents through a Halloween party. Which, by the way, you're throwing a party and it's not a birthday, all power to you.

Like, it's one thing if you have it for your family, but if you're inviting a class, that's a lot of work. You have a big house? Yeah, pretty big house, but just a lot of work. However, the point I'm getting to is they, in the invite, said they were having a fucking petting zoo in the backyard. So I get to the backyard.

A petting zoo at a Halloween party? Yeah, bro. I get to the backyard and I'm like, all right, no petting zoo's here, but I saw the truck out front so I was like, oh, I'm sure they're gonna set something up. They set up like an enclosure without exaggeration, half the size of this room.

Which, not small, for an animal. Right. They put like six fucking goats in it. Fire, love goats. Goats are pretty cool. They had the horns, too. Yeah, those are rams? No, the rams are the ones that have like the twirly ones.

The twirly ones. Oh, these ones were like, yeah. These were like, you know, just back. A donkey. Was it laughing? Or what is that? What is that? That's a hyena, Joey.

Honking? What's that called? Yee-hawing? Not yee-hawing. They're not doing whatever you were just getting. Honking. I don't think honking is. What does a donkey do?

Yee-haw. Yeah, he hon. Oh, he hon. Yee-haw. What's that? Isn't that called honking? Am I making that up? I don't know where the fuck you would have gotten that from.

I'm also thinking honky, which is like not it, obviously. Honky is like honky-tonk. No, isn't that like a derogatory white person word or something? Honky. I think so, yeah, because we want to just upset somebody there. Yeah. Yeah, upset all the white people that really get offended by us. Some guy named Brad's freaking out right now.

Yeah, and he's like, I can't believe they did it again. And then the part that I couldn't believe. Remember, you have five goats, a donkey, which are not. They're smaller animals. The donkeys are pretty big. By the way, the enclosure, it's a metal fence that kind of goes like barricades, barely taller than my daughter.

Maybe like a half foot tall, like six inches taller than Ruby. And she's a short little idiot. So, bro, they brought in a fucking bull. A bull? A bull, bull. And I knew it was a bull because I immediately, anytime I see an animal like that,

I check for titties. I check for the udder. Every time you see an animal, you check for a tip. Well, whether it be a bull or a cow, because you need to know. Bro, you can tell the difference between a bull and a cow. No, sometimes they can look fairly similar. Like you have cows that look like bulls

and bulls that look like cows sometime. I mean, a black and white cow. Well, not all cows are black and white. You fucking stupid idiot. You have brown ones too. Jesus Christ. Yeah, but come on. No! My farm bulls black.

Not all of them. Bulls are just male cows. I don't know about that. And I'm telling you about that one, Joe. Yeah. So what color was this? Bull. Brown and black.

So you would have been terrified of it. So this is... So it was a brown and black bull. Brown and black, dude, and it was big. Massive bull. Big, like, no joke. It's 1400 pounds. What?

Bro, big. So if this thing decides to take a nap, your daughter's dead. Well, that's the thing is that it's a fucking kid's party and there's a full bull. Were you wearing red? Was anyone wearing red? I'm trying to think, what was I wearing? Is that real, also?

Are bulls gonna run after red? I don't know, I don't think so. I think that's just a trick that, you know, conquistadors wanted to come up with. Not them, the matadors. Yeah, matadors. Trying to think. Ruby, was she wearing...

I don't think she was wearing red. She was wearing green. Miles was... Green means go, though. Green does mean go. And no, none of us are wearing red. I'm sure there were people there wearing red, though. Yeah.

Bro, and this thing started to fucking fight with the donkey. No! Yeah! And I'm sitting there and I'm like, we're gonna have to, if this thing gets out, I'm gonna have to take it down. Was there a guy? Yeah, here he goes.

Who was the person, was it a man? There was an un-man standing in the middle of the ring with a hat on and a hands in his pocket. And you know, oddly enough, I actually, it's funny I bring this up. He looked exactly like Vin. Really? Like spitting image.

My brother-in-law. Yeah, and I said to Becca, I was like, that looks like Vin. But just didn't move. And like the donkey and the bull would start to full-on fight. And what would he do? Chug.

Oh, he would just give him one of these. Like a season- Oh, shut the fuck- A season Milan. Ha! Fed up, pet. And they'd stop? I mean, it'd take a sec, but yeah, they would stop.

But bro, this thing was fucking big. I couldn't believe to a kid's party they bring a bowl. Did you pet it? Yeah, of course I did. Why would I pet that shit? I fed it apples. I was gonna say, can you feed them? I fed it apple and carrot.

Does it have a big tongue? It had a really big tongue. Because I just went to a petting zoo and I fed some fucking goats and shit. And I love tongues. Like a goat's tongue, bro. You go to the thing, you put 25 cents in, they give you a little bit of-

And it kind of like rolls out of their mouth. Like it's like- Yeah, like shit's rolled up like a fucking- Yeah, bubble tape. And then it rolls out and it's like- What was that? Well, goats, yeah. Cows have big tongue.

I'm like, yo, just take a bite, son. He's just like- Well, goats are little idiots. What was really funny though is that- Oh, I fed an alpaca. Your time. He was mean. The alpaca was mean.

I'm surprised, they're like, they're miserable little bitches. He's getting, they got teeth. That's a full animal and insect episode. We're just going for it. I don't know. I love feeding it. There was a bull, no, a hog.

A hog, a fat pig. Yo, the fattest. Looks sick. Like nose running. You know how they always look like that? They all do, they all do, yeah. It's just sneezed. You know, like a child that just sneezed?

Yeah. And it's just shit coming out of his snout. And I was like, oh, I love you. I love hogs. I would have jumped in that fucking thing and rolled around in the mud with it. Yeah? Yeah, cause he was a buddy who's walking around

with his little like- I'm shocked you haven't gone to the Bahamas to swim with them yet. That's like a big thing that people like to do. What I want to do is go to the Galapagos and start really touching some animals. Not like that. Whoa.

Joey, Jesus Christ. I meant like, you know- Joey wants to go to a tropical island and start jerking off pigs. That's not... I meant like, yo, you know what I'm saying? Get up close and personal with a Komodo dragon or something.

Oh yeah, that would be sweet until it, guess what, bites your neck off. Yeah, but I'll have like a bunch of like raw meat I'll throw it over there. Oh, you know, as one does, just carries raw meat with them. Oh no, someone will give it to me. No, I'm all about petting animals,

but the moment I saw this thing was utterless. No, because that's what you would think. You'd bring some with tits to a kid party. You know what I mean? Like an animal with tits. Of course, let us milk this shit. Exactly, that's the allure. You've milked a-

We've milked a- I was gonna say we've milked. Yeah. You know? Without each other. No, we've never milked each other. No, no. And I've never been milked.

I... Oh, I saw in that show the little dicky show. I've never been milked either. Oh, I was gonna say, okay, are you thinking back to a time in college or something? No, no, no. I've never been milked. Oh yeah, no.

I've never been milked either. With confidence, I can say. Never been milked. No milk. But I have milked. I've milked a fucking- An animal. Where were we, bro?

Boy, I can't- I wasn't too hanging it. I can't wait for that. This was a- That was a mistake. I can't wait for it. This was a mistake. I'm not gonna lie.

It was more like this. It was like, you know, that milk comes out of cows at a thousand miles an hour. Dude, that thing, I can't tell you. It hits the back of that metal pan and it's like- It's like-

It's like- It's like- It's like- It's like- It's like- I love that. Yo, I love that sound. It's so good.

Yo, it's crazy. I haven't milked a cow, bro, in- 25 years. 25 years. But I know exactly what udders feel like right now. Yup, yup, yup. And I know what it's gonna sound like and it's so sick.

Bro, and there are people that do that every day. Where they're just like, they wake up, spit into a can, they put a bucket under a cow and they're just like, quack, quack, quack, quack. Yeah, and they're probably nice with it.

They're probably like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah, man, that's probably- That cow's probably fucking- They could probably, they could probably two, you know, double finger it. Oh, like, want to eat.

Yeah, just like- Like, when you're in Vegas and they're making you a drink with four bottles of milk, you look just like- Yeah. You just like- Yeah, yeah, absolutely good. Dude, I need a milk of cow.

It's strong. I love that. Strong. Too much. Yeah. I'm gonna take a spaceship flying by. Shh. Pfft.

Dude, not enough? Could I look up? I wonder if there's a sound. Of course, if there is a video. If there is someone milking a cow. Milking cow. You should go to a fucking farm, dude. Metal pale.

I went to the queen zoo. I saw a puma. They got fat, barreled tails. Whoa, geez. Dude, their tails were like this. Look at me. I was like, damn, bro, those things got a fat tail.

Do they like use tails? I don't know. I don't know about that either. Hold on, I'm trying to see if there's a sound. Cause now, technology nowadays, now we have just like titty suckers that they put on cows. They're just like automatically milking them. Oh my God, do they?

Yeah. Damn, dude, farmers are lazy. Yeah, they are pretty fucking lazy and stupid. Jesus, I take that back, I'm sorry. I'm trying to, I really want to hear how to milk a cow in the pan. How to milk a cow by hand or coat. So, goat milk.

Oh wait, do they have udders too? I think female goats have udders. Really? Ah, these little fucking cowards, they have a plastic bottle. I hate that shit, bro. Get a metal pan, like bitch. Yeah, it's like the metal is the what people want to hear.

No one wants to hear it just fucking hitting a play school bucket. Same thing. That shit is fucking sick. I love that sound. Bro, this thing, yo, legit, comes out 150 miles an hour. Oh wait.

The first thing you do when you go to milk is you're going to take your thumb. I want to hear it. Then you're going to grasp. It looks like a penis. I'm pretty much pinching it off at the top to hold all the milk in the teak canal. Then I'm going to take my other fingers

and squeeze the milk out. Ah, that shit is hot. Yo, that's, oh, I love that sound. I want to tug on it or pull on it. You just want to. Damn, it sounds like she's cutting wood. Bro, this thing legit looks like a dick. Dude, that sounds like she has a mitre salt,

like a table salt. That thing's coming out. It's like a fucking, those like water cutters. You know what I mean? It's like they cut metal and shit like that. That shit comes out fast. Yo, that milk is ready to go. Have you ever had raw milk?

Raw milk. Yeah. What does that mean? So the milk we have is pasteurized. It's boiled, burned off bacteria, cooled down, served to us. Have I had dirty milk is what you're asking me. Sure. Yeah, I guess you could say.

How would I ever have that? There are places that sell it. You can go to like a farmer's. Fucking freaks in the Amish. So double freaks. Uh-oh. They can't listen to this. They can't hear it.

It's like if they hear something through the airwaves, they have to like, you know, like. Praise God. 12 Hail Marys. Yeah. An act of contrition or something. While playing with a faceless straw doll. Yeah.

Sounds like a lot of fun. But yeah, we have quite a bit to talk about today. I want a milk of cow bad. Let's go to a petting. Let's see if we can go to a farm. Let a 30-year-old man milk of cow. Or is that too much? Yes, of course they'll let you milk a cow.

Yeah, but at like a farm? Like I have to wait in line with children? Nah, go by yourself. They'll be like, yeah, why do you want to do this so bad? Bro, you've got the one thing that people in this life want to make things happen for them. Fucking money. Just go to a farmer and say, yo, like, give me 10 minutes.

Just go to a farmer. I will, what am I typing? You know what, I'll type into Google Maps. Farm. I guarantee. It'll take me a fucking whole food to something. Yeah, it probably will. You're not wrong there.

I'm sure if you look and ask hard enough, you can find a cow on a farm that you can just play with their fucking nippies all day. Well, not all day. I don't want to become desensitized to it. I still want it to be fun. Well, do it once every couple years, so you really get to appreciate it.

Like Pete, Pete, what else can you do on a farm? You can. Sheer a sheep. I don't want to do that. Well, you need to be apparently very trained to do that. It's not like something that you need a lot of. I've watched those Sheer Sheeping videos, and they're pretty fucking fun to watch.

So you ever feed a chicken? Yeah, that shit is scary. Yeah, bro, they'll fuck you up. I fed a chicken. That shit is dangerous. Because you put your hand out, and there's like, pow, pow. Ow. I shit myself.

They don't know how to eat nice. Well, they eat very mean. They're very evil characters. And they just like, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow. Ow, ow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like my hand. And they always just get one.

They're very fast with their head. They're giving head way faster than you've ever been able to do. And I just don't understand why they can't just just casually eat. Yeah, like get a tongue going. You ever feel a bird's tongue? No, I've never.

You're making out what birds? They're so dry. You're making out what birds? No, this is what birds do. No, I remember I had birds. You did have birds, that's right. But I put my finger in the cage like this, and then they bite my finger, and then they go.

Just your finger you put in there? You think I'm going to bite my fucking penis, Frank? But their tongues are so dry. It's like a little like, I can't even describe it. I don't know what it would feel like. Yeah, I've seen videos. Like a raisin, like a raisin. Ew.

Yeah, they're fucking, fix your tongues. Disgusting tongues, dude. Fix your tongue. Not even a wet tongue. Probably the driest tongue in the animal kingdom. What's that up? That's a good question, mostly because most other tongues are inside.

You know who's got wet tongues? Chameleons. I don't know that I've ever experienced one. You've never, I've seen a chameleon. They're pretty rat. We almost bought one as a pet. Fun fact. Really?

Yeah, Becca and I had gone to, we were in Philly. Oh, recently? Yeah, like two, three years ago. Right before the pandemic, so 2019. We went to Philly to see Becca's sister and brother-in-law. And while there, we like went to like a plant shop. And in the back of the plant shop, they had animals, like for sale.

And they were like, oh, do you want this chameleon? And we were like, oh, we went to PetSmart. And you can get a chameleon for like 20 bucks. And they're like, yeah, because they're going to die in a week. They're like, this chameleon was big. How big? You were going to get a fucking animal that big?

Yeah. And they were like, how much? And they were like, $300. Holy shit. Yeah, dude. Because we wanted it, and we were like, oh, it'll turn colors and shit. And they were like, no, like, they only

do that when they're scared, because they're hiding. Oh, I'm scaring this thing, dude. Oh, yeah, dude. I'm not going to have a chameleon, and the shit doesn't change color, $300. You better turn into my fucking ceiling. Apparently, from what they told us, that when they're happy, they have like a base color.

And then when they're like terrified, that's when they camouflage. So they're like, people want them for the camouflage, but they're like kind of stressed out when you do that. But that thing, that tongue, it comes out. That's a cool one. It comes out, and it fucking like, it has like grabbers on the end, like a suction cup.

Oh. And it like sucks onto something. Oh, you know, it's a disgusting animal. What? Ant eaters. Bro, you eat ants. Ew. I'm eating ants.

You're eating ants. They sell like chocolate ants. What makes you think I've eaten ants? Well, you're right. I don't like bugs. You're right. Well, if they're already dead, and their souls are not there, you might stop talking about souls.

You might just eat them. Because you talk about souls like you're Lucifer. I'm not Lucifer, Joe. That would be. Oh, they don't have souls. It's easy to, what is this? The soul's gone. It's just a form at that point in time.

You don't feel bad about eating it. I don't feel, Frankie, the souls don't scare me, or make me feel, ew, what scares you? The legs and hands and the fangs. Yeah, those can be scary. I would understand that. But I do hate their stupid faces where they're like their tongue is coming out and it's just like,

you know, it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but like also, bro, imagine putting your tongue in a fucking ant hill. That's crazy. I put my finger in ant hills, but that's it. Which is a finger? Yeah. Why do you think I put my dick in everything?

I don't know. You faked an ant hill before that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. That's one of my favorite things. You have very strange things that you enjoy. I don't. Wait, so wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

I haven't done it in a while. I haven't figured an ant hill in quite some time. You're sitting here and you're like, I'm not eating ants? I see an ant hill. And I'm like, all right, that makes sense in the news. Like, oh, I'm shoving my fucking fingers in every ant pussy that I see. And I was like, whoa.

I'm not going to lie. When I was a kid, I used to finger legitimately every single ant hill that I saw. And apparently, also you're stuffed animals, Joe. You were fingering everything. That was literally a confidence. No, you said it on the show. No, but I usually finger them slow though, because I don't want.

Oh, because you want them to enjoy it? No, I don't want to hurt any ants, but I do want to finger it. I want to finger their hill. You know what I mean? Also, to my understanding, which made me feel a lot better about when I was fingering all these ant hills, was that most of the building is below the ground.

Well, yeah. So I'm just fucking up the top. You're just fucking up at the facade. Everything, the internal works are still game. Yeah, I mean, and listen, they're very strong. You guys can fix this. Bro, ants are super strong. How did this become an entire episode

about insects and animals? We wanted to talk about Kanye, a fucking guy that hasn't showered in 70 years. What the fuck is going on? Don't stop it, because I like it. I don't want to stop. Also, you know what I really liked? You know what we had in my basement?

You probably know this. In my basement, you remember the little bugs that we had all the time? For some reason, I wasn't afraid of them. The roly-polyolis? Roly-polyolis. I remember I saw them recently, or like within the last couple of years,

and I was like, oh, roly-polyoli. And Becca was like, you mean a potato bug? And I'm like, the fuck is a potato bug? Yeah, she calls them, she called roly-polyoli bugs, potato bugs? Potato bugs. Did you scream? Divorced.

She's gone. You call a lawyer? I've been single for a while. Potato bug, oh, because they look like a baked potato. I mean, not even, do they? No, they look like roly-polyolis. They're roly-polyolis. You know why?

Because they roll, they pull, and boy, do they all. Holy, holy, roly-polyolis. Yeah, man. I did like those. We had, we didn't. And you can, and you can roll them. Yeah, when they're terrified and afraid of being killed, you put them in your fingers.

You can roll them, yeah. And just, you know, when they're just there. I would scare them on purpose. You would. I would see them walking, and I go, and I put my finger down like this. And I, oh, actually, I pretend to be a person, and I would have legs.

Was that, that's right. So instead of being yourself, you're just like, now I'm a person. OK? If they could be walking, I'd go, not so fast. And then it would roll up, it would roll up, and I'd grab, and I'd go, look at this. And you grab them, and you'd go like that.

And then you feel, you feel their essence, just leave their body when you squish them. This is right. Frankie, you really scare me when you talk about animals like this. You feel like they're in your hand, and you have all that power. No, like you're a sick person.

I think that's for it. I'm not sick, dude. I think that you're sick. They're insects. You only hear about serial killers killing cats and fucking wolves and shit like that. You're not hearing them kill insects. Wolves.

I don't know why I was like, cats and wolves. We have more ads, though. More? What has happened to us? More ads? Who is it? Please tell me it's, please tell me. It's like ASPCA or some shit.

Imagine. This one is a wolf company that we have here. No, OK. Well, here's something that Frankie could probably use, BetterHelp. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp is online counseling therapy. So you can talk to a therapist in just under 48 hours

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Just go to Stamps.com, click on the microphone on the top of the homepage and enter the code basement. All right, there you go, folks. Man, I love bugs and animals, dude. I'm glad that we're talking about this stuff. We're just having a bug in the animal field there. This is gonna really, really resonate

with 1% of our population. Well, I think it's resonating with a lot of people, especially like now. Oh, we hit a million followers on TikTok, by the way. God damn it, you cut me out, Joey, I was gonna say. And if we get 1% of our followers on TikTok to move over to the basement yard, Patreon, we're gonna be able to dress up and drag.

Patreon.com, slash the basement yard, joined today. We get to 12,000 Patrons, which we're fucking super close right now. Granted, sending, so we're gonna dip a little bit. But if we get to 12,000, Joey and I are gonna do a full episode in professional drag. We're gonna have a makeup artist come in, do the whole shebang, document it, do an episode in it,

but it's gonna be for our patrons. Patreon.com, slash the basement yard, sign up for that first year. You get these weekly episodes a week in advance. Get in on all the conversation a week before anybody else. In that second tier, that's where you get those exclusive episodes on Friday, so every single week you get two doses

of the basement yard. Patreon.com, slash the basement yard. Very good, Frank. Yeah. Where is my phone? Uh-oh. I was gonna pull up the dirty man, but now I don't know. No, fuck it, let's keep talking about birds and dogs and shit.

No, not birds. Well, we did talk about birds and their gross ass tongues. Yeah. I had a guana, I've told about my guanas. I've seen monkeys jerk off. I don't know if that's the right segue. What? But I have seen it at the zoo.

You've seen monkeys jerk off at the zoo. At the zoo. Jerking off at you. Yes, from behind the screen. I can monkeys do it, but Louis C.K. can't. It's a great question. Yeah. The Louis C.K.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It disappeared, my phone. All right, well, we could, do you want me to talk about it? What? Well, there was a, I believe he was Iranian man by the name of... Oh, good luck with this, by the way. Amuhaji. Okay.

Very easy. Well, okay. World's dirtiest man dies after 67 years of not taking a shower. The gentleman was 94 years old and he gained notoriety for his pursuit of what some might consider a filthy lifestyle. His fellow villagers in Deja, hope I'm saying that right, Southern province of Fars said Haji gave up bathing after emotional setbacks in his youth.

Stop. What is that? Someone made fun of him and then he was like, fuck this, I'm not washing. It's like, you're too clean. And he's like, all right, watch this. Yeah. That's 67 years of not showering.

What does this dude smell like? Apparently he also, he lived in a cement block house. I saw that. Which was covered in... Isn't that just a house? I guess, yeah, which was covered in soot. He was covered in soot. Which he and the house were probably covered in.

You don't get one without the other. No, no, no. And he lived on a diet reportedly of raw meat and cigarettes. Hitting all of the categories that you need to hit. So not only was he externally disgusting, internally also disgusting. His lungs were covered in soot. Yeah.

Yeah, it's not only the dirty part on his outs, it was the ins. Can I say something about soot? How do you spell it? S-O-O-T. Oh, okay. What did you say? Where did you think I was gonna,

what were you gonna throw? Q in there? I don't know. So, soot, hmm, when was the first time you've heard of soot? Fire prevention week. Really? Yeah. I'll tell you mine, and I'll tell you why.

I was like really interested in it as a kid. Wait, you were interested in soot? What the fuck? What the fuck is that? Would you say it back to me? Yeah, you were like, I'm gonna tell you why and why I was really interested in it as a kid. But I could say that about football, insects,

you know, fucking drawing, other shit, not soot. Let's not tell you why. 101 Dalmatians. The Cartoon Movie. There's a scene where the fucking dog, or one of the dogs or a bunch of the dogs, they start playing in some soot. I would say about 101 of them probably.

So they start playing in the soot, right? And it gives them different spots. Oh no, they look like black dogs because they're covered in soot. Okay. So it hides them from whoever, Jasper and Horace. And the...

Was that their name? Yeah, okay. So when I was younger, I saw them playing in the soot and I was like, damn, that shit looks fire. So I was trying to get my hands on some soot. So you can go blackface. Now that you said that. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Innocently, when I was a kid, I probably did, I was like, yo, that'd be so sick. You innocently, as a kid, wanted to do blackface. Yeah, before I knew anything. Which, that was the only a probably, definitely not appropriate time to do it, I would say. Yeah, I don't think there was an appropriate time ever. So you were, let's just,

I just want to summarize your story here. Just put it in a nice, neat little ball so it's less laborious to tell this story. Holy fuck. You were interested in soot because you watched the 101 Dalmatians animated movie where the dogs rolled around in it. Yeah.

And I was like, that looks cool. And it looked sort of like it felt good. You think that rolling around in a fucking residue. Yeah, it's crazy. Gotcha. I've never said this out loud. Well, and it just reminded me when you said the word soot. It was just how stupid.

I was like, you only used to like that. Of how stupid it was. It's all right, we've all been there. I think I'm the only person on Planet Earth that has ever been like, I'm a big fan of soot. No, trust me, something I've learned from our show and the comment section is that you, for some reason, are in touch with the freaks of the world.

Oh my God, that was so funny. Yeah, no, but this guy was just like living, like he didn't shower because apparently he had said that he believed that soap and water were going to kill him, which this guy sounds like he was all fucked up. Well, that's a conspiracy. Maybe it's like a drowning.

Drowning. Yeah, like he's like a fear of drowning. Like a hydrophobe. What do you call me? Hydrophobe. Oh, okay. Yeah, I would say something like that, probably. Yeah, I mean, the world's dirtiest man.

How do you measure that? Like, yeah, let me do an autopsy. Well, when you have the record for not showering. That's fair. Bro, I don't shower. Like I've gone a day without showering. And I... What was the longest you've ever gone without showering?

Honestly, two days. That I can think of. Bro, when we used to go to Connecticut. That's not true. That's not fair. First of all, I had a house there, had a shower. Two, the lake is like showering. I mean, come on.

No? A shower is a shower. Jumping in a fucking lake. Bathing. Bathing, we should say bathing. Okay, what's the longest you went without bathing? I honestly, that I can remember two days, I'm sure there's longer though,

but I physically can't remember. I can't, I don't know the, I wanna say four days. I can tell you when I don't bathe, I get like, there's like a bitter smell to my pussy. Like an onion pussy. Yes, honestly, yes. You have an onion flavored pussy. I have my...

Undercarriage. Yeah, it smells like sharp shallots. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a spicy... Like something that's been seared. Yeah, yes, if you cut into it. No, well, searing browns it, which makes it sweeter. No sweetness here, babe.

Yeah. I got a spicy ass, bitter pussy, and an astringent bonch. I mean, that's a word I'm not familiar with. Astringent? Look it up, you figure it out. Is that your new one? No, good.

Because I can do without these words. Joey, the fact that you... I wonder how long this laborious streak is going to last. There's no streak, Joey. It's a part of my vocabulary. So it comes up during our episodes. That's it. That is it, isn't it?

That's it. It's a natural part of our conversation. Whatever. Read the tea leaves and you'll see. But how old was the dirty man? 94. Oh. That's a bad age to not shower

because 94 year old smell like shit anyways. Do they? Bro, you ever smelled an old person? Not a 94 year old. Oh my God, they've got so many wrinkles and just gross shit. Yeah. Damn, I hope no one has to wash me ever.

Yeah, me too. Someone washing me? I'd just be like, bro, just fucking... Kill me. Just cover my face with a pillow. Just not even. Just like, fill up the bathtub and put me in face down. Yeah.

I won't get up. Yeah, just throw a TV in there. Not even. TVs. You know how big TVs are nowadays, Joey? Do you think that's real though? Do you think that like... TVs?

No. Do you think that if I got my bathtub and then someone threw their toaster in it, I would just fry? Yes, Joey. Really? I mean, a plugged in toaster, not a fucking unplugged one.

Dad, I know. Yes, Joey. Really? Yes, Joey. You know what? Give it a shot. Go for it. You think there's enough wattage?

I would... Or volts? What's the difference between volts and watts? No clue. Letters, I guess. I think volts are the power. Wats are like volts. Okay.

I got you. I think I figured it out. Volts feel like power. But volts are the external power. So like if I'm shocking you, you're getting hit with volts. Okay. But what I'm shocking you with,

it's getting charged up with watts. So it's wattage. The wattage is what creates the volt. I think so. And honestly... This is coming from two men, by the way. My family, all electricians. I should know this.

It's all electric. Literally every single one of them. My dad owned a construction company. What do you think, Joey? It's volts. Are you ready? Wattage is the SI unit of power. Up.

Volts is the SI unit of potential difference. But that's not... That's not... That's not... Sports Illustrated? This is not answering. How many watts are in a volt? Five.

No. 100. 100. One. Oh. Understand the difference. All right. Hold on.

There's no difference. It's the SI. Actually, I knew it. It's the SI. Yeah. There's literally... I mean, like, very scientific terminology used here, and I don't care to try to figure it out.

If I would love to... I think it's all like... It's probably all like frogs and toads. The frogs and toads. Like, all watts are volts, and volts are not all watts, you know? No, I don't know. I neither do you.

I think that's it. No. I think I figured it out. I would call my dad and ask him, but... God only knows. We're at the end of an episode. Should I call my dad? No.

That would be good. Because my dad would... Frank! My dad... We pretend to know things and don't. Right. You know where we get that from? Yeah.

Do you know where? You think it's a cute thing we do for the Basement Yard podcast? You could find on patreon.com. So I said, Basement Yard? No. I would call my dad. I'd be like, what's the difference between watts and volts?

And he'd be like, volts are gay. I'd be like, all right, see ya. I'd call my dad. He'd be like, well, I'll tell you this. Watts, that came from George Lincoln. And I'm like, all right. It would be, no, my dad would do the same. You ask him a question.

He goes, well, hold on. We gotta trace it back. And God forbid I told him, like, oh, I'm on the Basement Yard. He'd be like, oh, well, hold on. He'd explain all the things. I almost don't know. Electricity, Ben Franklin, the kite. I'd be like, bro.

I almost don't know if my dad would play it up if I was on it. I'd have to be like, because if I told him like dad were recording, he'd be like, what? He'd be like, he wouldn't get it. I don't think he'd grasp it. But yeah, my dad, he would come up with some absolute bullshit. And then I wouldn't believe him.

Swear he's dumb, despite the fact that he spent 30 years in the electrical union. Of course. And then go on with my life. Isn't he on like a board somewhere? Or is that your uncle? That's my uncle. Oh, okay.

If I call him, he'll be like, what is your geolocation? I'm on my way. I'm writing my organics. Don't worry about it, I'll fix it. I have a grass-fed bike. I'm on the way. Grass-fed bike. All right, well, I don't know what the fuck to title this thing.

Just talked about spiders the whole time. The boys versus creepy crawlers. OK. Got it. There it is. That's a good idea. Creepy crawlers. You remember that toy from when we were kids?

No. You don't remember creepy crawlers? They were, it was like a station. And you could make your own gummy worms, or like gummy spiders, and stuff like that. My mom never got us any of that. Well, anything where you had to make shit? Really?

We had some of it. We had a, it was a Harry Potter one that you could make potions, and they came out like gummies. Damn, that's fucking fire. It was pretty frat, honestly. And it like, the wand spun itself. It was pretty sick. I gotta show you it.

Damn. Yeah, pretty cool. FAlvors8085 on Twitter. The Frank Alvors on Instagram. Cameo, YouTube. Go check out my YouTube show. Getting that off the ground, doing some food stuff on there. So check it out.

And then patreon.com. You guys can go follow the show on TikTok and Instagram. Just hit that million on TikTok. Already at 1.1. Trying to shoot for two. A million, a million. Like I said, go to TikTok and Instagram at the basement yard. And that is all.

See you guys next time. Don't go killing bugs or chasing waterfalls.