The Basement Yard - #376 - Bring On The Zombie Apocalypse

Episode Date: December 12, 2022

Joe and Frank discuss their readiness for the zombie apocalypse Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. How's it going Frank? Yeah, that was good I that was a little bit of a wind-up there, and I kind of tossed it to you Oh, thank you a little bit of a alley-oop as one might say yeah, I'm not a basketball guy So are you doing Dustin from stranger things cosplay or what's what the? No, I have all my teeth He's still he's a child you piece of shit. No. No. No. No. He's like a young. He's a teenager now yet now But now Jesus. No, no, no. He's we can make fun of him now. He doesn't have collar bones. You know that he does That's weird. Yeah, but I like that. It's do you I would I would kind of do without mine

He's got that that face where like this part is real small and this part is real rubbery. You know what I'm talking about I'm not like you said it him for it What it's a children he's a teenager now you can't make fun of children because they're too innocent teenagers are the opposite They're fucking evil Okay, he's on Broadway. He could sing apparently. Yeah, apparently. He's like you know sing over twist What is he is he Oliver twist? He's something like that. That seems backwards. He's not British or poor Definitely not poor. Mm-hmm. I Don't know if it's Oliver twist. Yeah, you're Evan Hansen

Is he Evan Hansen? I don't even know if that's running anymore. I've never seen you saw a dear Evan Hansen, right? Mad good Yeah, the movie. No Yeah, I mean I refuse to watch it because you had like 35 year old Ben Platt trying to pull up like play a high school Kid would have broken on me the fuck out of you. Yeah, no one cares about that. I will say this. I never saw Dear Evan Hansen I hear it's wonderful almost made me crap. Okay But the posters made me not want to see it just a broken arm It was a broken arm and on it. It just said you will be found and I know that's like a thing in the show Yeah, it is but that's such it's a slap to cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but like what a line

You know what I mean like you will be found and it was like That's such like that's such like a 2006 Zangapoam line. You know what I mean? Like it's very basic You would know wouldn't you? I would know about Zangapoam. It's probably in your like a way message You're trying to like guilt trip some woman into liking you or something Back then they were girls though. They were not women Although I do you know, it's funny. I remember when I was like 14 There was like a family friend who I like who was like 19 years old. Yeah, and I was like I got this

How old are you 14? Got it. Guess what I didn't have That this that yeah this or that I did not have that this or that neither here nor there I like convinced myself that like yo, I couldn't At the time I would use the term bag that bag bag that which is looking back bad idea. Yeah Uh, and and I you didn't I didn't I wouldn't have right and I don't know what happened to them now They might be dead for all I know You just assume everyone's dead that you don't like no, um, I also back then my space I remember getting a message from a woman. This is my first encounter with a possible pedophile

Or a kidnapper. Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course, you know, I could have been trafficked. I don't know. It was a very cute boy But I got a message from a woman with very large breasts And her name was at all things. Yeah, she had big Nick knocks. Did you know this person? No, okay It was a random person clearly older than me than I I was maybe 15. They looked something of late 20s 30s Okay, uh double your age big bags as I said before her name Tiffany diamond great name fake name joey I didn't know you were catfished. I obviously frank. You're a catfish. Obviously I was being catfished by tiffani diamond

But at the time it was like a new thing. We didn't know about catfish. The show didn't exist No one no one warned me of this that is on the news and my mom would be like, yo, let me check in my space But then I but I don't know. Yeah, there was there was a like a news report once on like cyber And everyone was like, what is that and parents like freaked out because it was like cyber sex Yeah, kids having cyber sex and I remember that being a thing and my mom was like, you're not doing it I was like, no, I'm not but guess what? Yeah, I was in those chat rooms fucking I was weird acronyms. I would go to a chat room and I would just because you remember on aim You can type in the number chat room you wanted to go to so like when you would start a random one

It would be like chat room 104 5 6 8 9 3 2 2 2 1 1 I would type in chat room Why oh one just just just number one And it would be hundreds of thousands of people in there just going asl asl And if you responded which I did yeah fake asl, which stood for age sex location Wait, what would you put would you say you're a girl? No, I would say 18 male new york Oh, you were like i'm legal. Yeah I wasn't even going like 21 or something. I was going 18. Oh when I used to do it

I used to be I used to be like, oh 14 males. Really? Yeah. Yeah, did you get more mess? Well, you never faked your age. So you don't know. Yeah, no, but but I did you got some messages Yeah, I did. Oh, that's but I didn't even know back then. I actually we were younger than 14 No, I think like prime aim was like 14 15 16 I would say after no that's high school, bro. I wasn't using aim in high school Yeah, you were after aim went like after was that yeah after high school, bro I would say like after like sophomore year high school aim went down because like bbm went up Was that high school? Yeah, bro. I'm telling you

Anyway, me and frankie were clearly playing in the muddy waters of the Yeah, oh, I'm pretty sure I think I've catfished someone too You don't pretty sure that you just you have done it or you have not done it I think at the time because I was lying about my age As as this little boy did right uh, don't do it anyone out there to a man or a woman I don't know. I've spoken about this before remember. Hey, it's me one two three. Oh, yeah They wanted you to put a thumb in your ass. They said finger yourself and I said wear So that should have given away my age. Yeah, maybe maybe if you were older, you would have known where yeah, well

Uh, wait, maybe if they oh you said you were a boy Yeah, oh, okay, and I I remember like sending out They'd be like send a picture yourself and I just google like big dick and I would just send it out Oh You never did that damn I uh for a quick second I thought this was patreon I would just google big dick and just send it out Oh I don't think I've ever

sent uh Wait, would you do that with your I thought when they said send me a picture of your face Sometimes but it would also not be of me I've never done that. I would just I would google like model and I would just send that out there boy model Not boy model. I was a man joey. Oh, I was pretending to be a man. Got it. How old did you say you were like you're like 18? Barely a man Enough of a man in the eyes of the law Oh

Oh, that's crazy. Um, did you ever chat with a man? I probably shouldn't have ever chatted a man Uh, knowingly. No knowingly. No You ever chatted a man there. There are very few times I say things that I'm like, shit. I I shouldn't have said that I saw a comment on tiktok being like joey confesses a lot of stuff It's funny because this is like our our therapy at least my this is my therapy because I don't take real therapy right. Um, yours you're uh talking to men

Oh boy, what an episode you guys are getting. No, I was not talking to a man. I was trying to like trip you up Wait, hold on you're talking to men. No, no, no, uh, the only person that I had like real interactions with, um Obviously on like the aim chat rooms people would be like, oh like if I was like, oh 13 male Whatever and then it would be like, oh, I'm a 14 female from new york. Also. I'm like at the time I was like, oh cool. Yeah, sweet. But then I'm like this guy's 30 involved and yeah, look back. It was it was a guy It was you could also tell because like kids are Like that were actually our age had like cool screen names It would be joe mud, you know, low columbian pit fire breather. Yeah, you know, like, you know, rock and roll all day

but then like People that were posing as kids would have obviously fake screen names fun boy skate time one two three Yeah, exactly. What are you doing? Yeah, the rock and roll guy ate and it's like we know this isn't that's very close to the rock Roll one you said before Rock and roll all day Well, the all day makes it different. Oh, yeah, clearly. It was rock. Mmm roll Oh rock and roll all day. We got it and day would be spelled dai But rock and boy eight would just be spelled rocking boy eight. Got it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah

but that you could also in hindsight look back like People I knew that had screen names. It was like queen's coolest, you know, like aq all day And then I would get a random message from, you know Have fun together Oh, yeah, this is clearly not your screen name is Fun together. Yeah, hold my hand. Yeah, exactly. They'd be like because I just love having fun What was the screen name that you made when you hit up one of our friends to pretend to be a girl? Oh, I don't remember

I remember. Oh, but I wanted you to say it. Oh, I don't I don't remember if I'm sure in the annals of our You know, okay, this is stories. It's there. This is a real story that happened Frankie when we were like 12 hold on 13 I think 15 is really where the dumbest things happen regardless When we were like 15 years old Frankie created a fake screen name and would and hit up all of our friends catfish them Yeah, well catfish them but like hit up all of our friends and

Real good prank would try to real good prank real good And would try to have sexual conversations that like fucking around with them The screen name and this is why I wasn't caught is because the screen name was Skeet on my face xx No, I remember skeet on my face being Someone else You would skeet on my face. Yeah, you were skeet on my face xx. Was that well, hold on You were skeet on my face. It's not like openly. All right. I would say you was closeted skeet on my face

You were you were fake skeet on my but I knew that you were skeet on my face. So, okay Well, you know, that's how you could but don't say you weren't any of our friends I had a brain should have seen that. No, it was fake. Joey. I know only two of them got caught. Yeah But I remember another one of our friends created like a fake myspace And was like hitting up another one of our friends. I'll say it don't care not patreon. I'm not gonna do that Almost what was the name? I don't remember but it was like a uh, what would be classically described as a busty blonde It always is man. You can't trust big titted women on the internet. They could be someone else Tiffany diamond almost got me back. She got you. It was probably a guy with some rope, but yeah

They Oh god, not patreon. No, they're getting a treat today. Uh, yeah, no, I vaguely remember that I haven't told that story in so long. Yeah, but hey, they got franked as the You've been franked. Yeah, I need mtv The Frank show man, you've been franked. Yeah, that'd be I'd be fucking the next punked I'm writing it for you. I love that. Yeah, you've been frank first the one it's like to people you don't know You've been frank like fuck are you what who's frank? What were we we started talking about the stranger things kid and we started and then we got to this

You you also I know you said you wanted to talk about the new videos you've been doing on youtube Oh my god, Frankie. Thank you for saying that you're back, babe I am making videos on the original main channel on youtube youtube.com slash joe sanagato They're bi-weekly on tuesdays like old times But yeah, go check those out There's two from up there right now if you guys don't know so yeah youtube.com slash joe sanagato the king of the internet's back Back up back to his roots my roots. Yes, my roots doing the damn thing right That is what I'm doing. They're great videos. I watched you know both of them so far and you're doing your thing

Thank you, Frankie. Um, also Can we talk about um zombies for a second because zombies you why are we talking about zombies because apparently um There's a zombie virus frozen under a Siberian lake for more than 45 48,000 years and and it's been revived by scientists now First first question. I have an observation the first thing being of course Siberia What's that mean? That's a pretty evil sounding country Siberia. I feel like in any like james bond movie

It's like in the middle of Siberia. Well because it's all very cold I believe that's the coldest like one of the coldest livable places on earth. Yeah, I mean Honestly, that sounds good to me. I don't know you imagine it's like it could get down to why revive it Yeah, why who revived this the scientists the site the Siberians the Siberian scientists have revived the zombie virus Say that five times fast. This is gonna be some I'm telling you this is gonna be some warfare Shit, they're gonna come get us and then this is how the world ends Is like they're gonna be like oh, we'll get them with this chemical warfare And then we're all gonna turn into zombies and it's gonna be like a walking dead and the zombies are gonna rule

I'll be honest with you, bro. A zombie isn't gonna kill me Bro a fast zombie you ever see 28 days or 28 weeks later. No, what is that? You've never seen those movies No, but a fast zombie who's like running real fast those those are in that movie. Usually zombies are just like Yeah You know, they're very slow. Yeah, and they always get people with bites You know how easy it is to not get bitten literally been bitten zero times 30 years Bitten zero times never been bitten not as many people have tried right, but uh sexual biting maybe but

Those are allowed You're doing sexy biting. Um, I usually don't get bitten. You don't get bitten. I like to bite sometimes. Yeah. Yeah, what do you bite? Whatever is in front of me a butt Oh, I would love yeah, but but a butt shoulder shoulder neck. That's kind of bony though I'll bite your fucking tit if you get it near me. Don't bite my tit. I'm not saying you I'm just saying like in general You're biting bro. That's dangerous. I will bite it. I won't like chop that and eat it bites a bite Yeah, no, no, there's levels of bite a nibble A little like that

You bite like that Um, I don't know. I don't know. I just it's like in the moment. You just bite stuff. You just feel it It comes over you. Yeah, you don't like bite like fingers or anything. That's crazy. You can bite fingers Why not? I mean you could but it just feels like not sexual. It's like Can I ask you a question? We'll get back to the zombies. We're Yeah Where do you stand on this whole sucking fingers is sexy thing fire wait me sucking a finger Well, anyone's sucking fingers. Oh, yeah. Yeah, really? Yeah, really? Why not? I guess

But you don't you don't I mean I think in the moment it's happening I'm cool with it. But like if you were to ask me to like write down the things I find sexy I don't think sucking fingers would be up there I think that it wouldn't not be on my list I would it's not like it's at the top like yo when I get home. I'm gonna fuck No, but like people love to see other people sucking on their fingers Um, I think it's a power thing. They love to see it And like like someone sucks on their fingers or they suck on their fingers

I mean, I mean, I wouldn't suck on a finger. I mean, no, I wouldn't I wouldn't I don't know I don't think so I think more of I would be one gay if we suck on fingers If that finger is a man's dick. Yeah Okay, that's why I said fingers Don't try to do what you're doing. I'm just saying like Is it gay like all right? No man and woman right here me and you who's the woman? I you are okay. Okay, and we're you know a little foreplay

And you put your fingers in my mouth. Yeah, is that like no homoerotic. No, no, no, no Unless you take it and you start like cradling fake balls I'm like trying to get it as far like if you're like if you push it further Then we're like, uh, what's going on? Okay. Okay. It's like we're having a little fun, but you're celebrating Yeah, it was like you kind of you know, you gave an inch took a mile Yeah, so you're trying to like gag yourself with a girl's hand. Well again, I don't know. I don't know You know, you know, you're not the the the person to ask Yeah, I wouldn't I wouldn't but I like my fingers getting sucked. It's not like it happens

Like, you know all the time, but it's like if it were to happen I think if if I were to put my fingers in your mouth and you're the guy here um If you just you know kind of accept the fingers and do a cute little you know suck on it sweet cool if you like Shove my hand further down your throat. Yeah, that's when I'd be like who yeah, I'd be like, you know, where is your dad in your life? Oh, I don't know if you saw uh beckas tweet But uh, it's going on around twitter She got a caramel macchiato or some some one some starbucks drink and I tasted it and my immediate response was uh, it tastes like my dad

She's like, what's that? Caramel caramel macchiato your dad tastes good that dude, but when have you tasted your dad? Well, so that's I was I had to back up a little bit your dad's lips. No It was I remember my dad would get a specific coffee drink when we were younger and that's what I meant But she took it as like, what are you doing with your dad? Like his skin tastes like caramel macchiato. No, my dad doesn't take my if my dad tastes like anything black and miles Yeah, black and miles Uh wet concrete and croquettes

And Back to the zombies Do you think I would love zombies a zombie outbreak comes you'd be all right a zombie what outbreak? Um, yeah, I think so It would really suck to have to like kill my dog if he got infected I don't think that's the thing like in like in that movie. Oh, and I am legend Yeah, I've never watched that movie for that reason. I don't I can't I think that's different I don't think the dog was bit

I think it's like in the air and when you die it comes out or something like that, right? No because he killed his dog Yeah, because his dog got like mortally wounded Spoilers for 2007's I thought it was uh, I thought it was a zombie kind of thing, but regardless, um I don't know. I were we're reviving zombie fucking diseases I don't think that's necessary. This is doesn't make sense. Also. What do that mean? Because I don't think that it's why revive it. Do they use a little But like what yeah, I don't know clear, but like what? But what does it mean to be a zombie because there's no way it's like oh when you die and you come back as this thing

I think I think we have a pretty good understanding as to what zombies are joey. I don't think it's that hard to figure it out They remain infectious A zombie is basically, you know like what is a zombie? It's not a zombie that we see on tv It's a mindless being that has an infectious disease That like passes it along. There's also like plant and fungus that does this type of shit. You ever heard of cordyceps? No You're you're you try to educate yourself. What is that? It's a fungus That when it takes over an animal it like grows like an antenna on its head and it the fungus controls the animal

Looked at it up. First of all, I learned of it. Who's it cordytex cordyceps cordyceps seps sex in court cordyceps cordyceps c e p t s uh These are supplements. No, no, you're you're looking up the wrong thing there cordyceps fungus cor dy c e p s Court uh, let me tell you something about fungus. All of these things are ugly

Cordyceps cordyceps. That's what I said cordyceps. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes And this thing controls the mind of it can people take it. Yeah, but there's other ones I'm not taking a thing that controls animals This the first of all we're all controlled by big media big big big media big pharma big media big big democrat. Yeah But yeah, I can like take over your brain and shit. It does it to ants all the time So like mind controls ants. Yeah, so we're trying to revive this shit I think we need to fucking put the kibash Yeah, what's with scientists, bro

We just don't learn like when are we gonna figure out like if it's dead let it it's gone for a reason just chill Bro, just like Hang out I think do different science people think that like there was like sickness back then that would be like We've already overcome it so we can use it and it's like bro. We don't know what the oh, maybe that's why they're like Let's use this to then reverse engineer some of things that we don't understand No, I just tried to make sense. No, it's not it's not gonna work We're gonna kill ourselves in the process. Why do that? I would like to see to see a zombie though like one

I would say I would like Five of them to run wild in Manhattan. That'd be cool. No like shut the bridges you want to hold on You want to have five zombies five zombies in the most populated Dense place in the united states. All right fine. We'll keep them like in the west village. I would say this They already are there probably. Yeah, I would say this. You know how they have like, uh Uh like smash rooms and stuff like that. Yes go to room break a window A tv to let out some stress. Yeah, if they had that but with zombies You can go in and hit zombies. You can go in and kill a couple zombies

Oh, like you get 30 minutes the zombie is a muzzle and and mittens on so it can't like really hurt you And like you can just fucking beat this thing to oblivion Would you do it? Yeah, really? Yeah, you think that you have the urge to kill Hold on those things don't line up If you want to walk into a room and just fucking for sport beat the shit out of a zombie and kill it You don't think you have the urge to I don't have I have the urge to kill a zombie is not a person It's a it's a former being

Okay, so I have that's like saying like you eat steak you have the urge to kill No, it's already dead and on my plate and cooked perfectly. No, that's not what it Yeah No, because if you were like I want to go to a farm and cut a cow's neck off. We know someone that does that What? We know someone who killed the cow. Yeah, that goes to a farm. Oh, I know about this Yeah, and like them and you pick out the cow you go that one kill that one And then they kill it though, and then they do the killing. Yeah, and then you just get the meat

I'm not gonna lie. That's kind of dope. I I realize that it's fucked up. I realize that it's fucked up If you don't look the animal in the eyes, it doesn't matter if you what don't look them in the eyes Oh, yeah, so that's the thing. I think On popular opinion, I don't know if it's an unpopular opinion, but I feel like top of the food chain Do you want I disagree with putting the small cages and stuff though? Oh, so you'd rather them be just dead in a field than alive in a small cage Ideally I would you know, we should just hunt Okay, but

We're too smart So we made buildings that you just send them and and we catch them easily and then we breed them And then we just kill them like yeah, we fucked up. We fucked up. I doing that, but like I love a nice thing So you're not so you're not going to want to kill a zombie something That's already dead It has no like you don't know who the zombie is It could be fucking anyone from you know, albuquerque or something. Okay, so if it's actually uh like a dead It's a person who died. That's a zombie

Yeah, I'm like tv. I don't know if that's exactly what this is. I'll call it a zombie Okay, we're gonna say like the fake zombies. Yeah, you know blasting that thing's head off with a with a shotgun I want to see it explode. No, I'd get a little volatile with it. I'd cut fingers Oh Yeah, see this is now we're back to you being weird. I'm not weird. I'm not gonna torture a zombie I'm just gonna blow his head off So you're telling me if you go to a smash room and they say you have 20 minutes and you can just destroy this tv You're gonna blow the tv the smithereens walk out and be like done

No, you'd want to like hit it with a golf club hit it with a bat throw it around the room a little bit Yeah, if you want to torture a person no They're zombies joey, but they're shaped like people So if you eat a candy cane shaped like a person first one that came to my mind That's a horrible example. You eat a cookie. You eat a gingerbread cookie. You're a fucking psychopath because you eat a cookie shaped like a person I'll tell you what would make you a psychopath if you had a gingerbread cookie and the way that you ate it is if you like You cut off the hand and then the wrist and then the head and people do that No, they just bite it bite off an arm. They just bite it. They just bite it. They don't torture

That's how I eat. Uh, you know, what are those things called the cookie? Uh, the the gram bears cracker bears What are they called? Uh golden gram. No, no What are those called? Grams, honey grams, gram bears. No They're not bears. Yes, they are. I know they're bears, but they don't call them bears. They're graham graham Honey grams, honey grams. No, that's something different. No, I think they're honey grams. Cookie grams. They're not cookie grams Honey grams Graham cracker

Oh, they're not it's not honey. Graham bear. Wait, how do I how do I graham bear graham bears? Teddy graham What a fucking couple of idiots that's how I eat teddy grams Me too. I beat I bite an arm. I buy an arm a leg a leg an ear and ear and then the rest Ear, bro. This thing's this fucking thing. Do you bite your ears off of it? You eat it like an ant Jesus christ, dude. No, I bite the head off. You bite that thing. You decapitate. I decapitate it. And then I make you a psychopath I mean, no

I wouldn't say so. Teddy grams are good. You know you gotta do you get by teddy grams And then you buy a thing of icing and then boom you got dunkaroos, babe. Or watch this buy dunkaroos too expensive Also, you have unlimited icing. You could just I don't need too much icing is not good enough Oh, there's not enough icing in the world. You know they sell a yogurt Dunkaroos now Oh my god, you healthy bitches, bro. You guys ruin tricks yogurt You absolutely well that was legitimately What I don't know like yogurt-fied cigarettes probably

Like this is not You know, I just kids nowadays. I like yogurt. This is why kids. I have yogurt in my friend I have yogurt in this fridge This is why kids nowadays don't want to work because they're eating yogurt instead of sugar. I like to eat healthy There's yogurt in the fridge right there zero zero sugar Uh chibani greek yogurt. He's not lying. There is it's a good source of protein But if you're gonna have dunkaroos Just have the dunkaroos

You think you're saving the world I have the dip in it in yogurt. That's also probably let's be honest Not yogurt. Yeah, that you know what that is That's putting a hat on a hat and thinking kids and parents are good to forget about the fact that hey, guess what still dunkaroos That's what it is That's what it is folks. Um, we do have some ads for today We're gonna get to those go get to those in a second off the rails this episode by the way Yeah, that was a hot start. I'm really going all over the place. I don't know what to do All right, we're gonna start off these ads with liquid iv folks if you're thirsty all of the time in your

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and we told you We were gonna do an episode and drag a patreon episode in full drag We got the makeup artist all set ready to come in Uh, it's gonna be quite the episode. So thank you for getting us to 12 We're actually inching pretty close to 13 Yeah, and uh, we got something lined up for 13. So, uh, thank you for loving support And we continue to ask you to get patreon and get the gift of patreon It's is the holidays the holidays are upon us

And what's better than to give the fellow basepin yard fan in your life the gift of more basepin yard that first tier gets you Well, these weekly episodes a week in advance and that's second tier That's where those goodies come in those exclusive episodes that people Don't get to see and they come out Friday morning So you could start and end your week with the basepin yard and get a little raunchy or a little How you doing her? So go check it out patreon.com slash the basepin yard today Yes, uh, and uh, yeah, I'm not excited for 13 000

patrons, um, but uh, yeah, we broke the top 20 you're actually 19 I believe on patreon for patrons, which is sick. I mean we need to get in the top 10 now Yeah, the top 10 we could do it. It's a ways away, but yes, I would love to oh god. I'm so fucking jazzed The fact that you just said jazz Is alarming I would say I've been getting very excited lately That's good very yesterday. I'm working I get home and Becca goes. Hey, uh, can you come help me with something in the room? I'm like sure no problem. I go in Full Christmas bedding

Oh, she changed the bed bed. There's full Christmas. What does it look like? Like like cozy Christmas bed Red blanket red and it's like the red like flannel. Yep, and then we got like garland going in on the headboard Did you jump on I fucking I swear to god I got in bed at night. I was like I I love doing that. Oh my god getting in bed at night like when it's like usually the room is very cold And it's like the winter and then you get into your bed and it's kind of warm and you're just like Yeah, yeah, yeah, just take your feet. I I've been finding lately. I have no place to put my Yeah, yeah, you're you're it's going right in your hands. Yeah, so I just squeeze really like hearty here Yeah, and I I just let my excitement kind of build up. That's good

Until I will either one have a nosebleed or two heart attack right so one of those are coming right But one of those are coming. Yeah, I was really excited. There's something else. I saw that I actually wanted to talk to you about too Oh I don't know if you saw this joey There's a movie coming out And it's called cocaine bear Oh, I did see it now. Listen up. There's so I hold on I did see it So I didn't see I watched like some of the trailer and I was like, what is this about

But then I don't I didn't like listen to it. I just watched it So I would recommend everyone watches the trailer. It looks out of fucking control Cocaine bear. It's a movie about what? There you go. It's in the title. So basically it's a story a true story of how a bear had gotten in like ransacked It's true. Yes It ransacked and took cocaine How much? Enough, okay, and went on like a fucking spree

Just like attacking people and shit In a fucking neighborhood one day Damn, what is now here's the question I pose you Don't ask me if I could beat up a bear I I wouldn't ask that. Okay, because I know the answer would be no, right But what other animals on drugs would be as terrifying as a cocaine bear turkey without a doubt really dude Yeah, have you ever been around a turkey? Yeah multiple. Yeah Alive in the street. Yes. Oh, yeah, dude. They're fucking scary. They don't get you and if a

Any of those bird animals that kind of look like that So like a bird on drugs or like a rooster, bro a rooster's fucking crazy I fed a rooster once and I'm like take it easy, bro. Bro. They they don't fuck around. They're quick as it is Dude, they're fucking Eating food out of my hand. I'm like, bro. You're fucking shit is sharp No, man, and they're always like, you know calling. What's it called? Like? Yeah, uh, what's that called cocking cocking. I think it's a cock. No rooster. No cockadoodling Cockadoodling, I think it is crowing bro. No, that's what crows do brewing roasting

What are you doing? I don't know. I would just say cockadoodle doing wait. Is it calling call? Maybe it's calling I think that's what I said to begin with what do chickens? No roosters. What do roosters? Yeah, come on roosters do Hmm Well, that just says they protect the flock They're their roosters will start to crow crowing crowing. All right. All right. Take it easy. It's not it's not just for crows They would be and like and oh, can you imagine a pigeon on like harrowing? A pigeon bath salts What is that?

Bats it's like are they Did you put them in your bag? I don't think they're really bath salts and it's funny because when they started becoming popular in guess where? Florida. Yep I saw some popular meaning people were dying. Yeah cool One of my friends had to think of bath salts by their bath and I was like, what's this? You're like, bro, what you got here? Yeah, what are you doing? No, but like they like make people like It took like one guy got shot like six times to take them down or some shit like that Damn, maybe that's the zombie shit. That might be the zombie shit

So a bird on some sort of drugs Yeah, like like a turkey because I feel like any of those birds if they start running at me like I'm screwed like if a rooster ran at me Bro, I'd do you one better. You know what are violent to begin with geese Geese I got bit by a geese Pact single a single goose. There you go by one goose. You got you got bit by one. Yeah, you ever get checked Checked Yeah, you have teeth joey if you get bit by a wild animal. You're supposed to get checked It wasn't wild. It was at the zoo

Okay, actually then that's okay. But why what fucking shitty as zoo did you go to where they were like geese? Central central central park zoo. Yeah. Why why go see geese in central park zoo? Well, no, it wasn't actually wasn't like in an exhibit They just had like a it was like near a walk around type of like part of the fucking whatever Were the geese part of the zoo or were they just visiting? That's a good question. I don't know. It might have been a wild geese, then I think Yeah, a wild goose. I mean you you probably got attacked by a wild goose. Well, I'm good. I think When was this?

This was years ago. Oh, so you're okay now. Yeah, you would have been dead if it was rabbit or something Yeah, but they don't have teeth No, but they still have fluids. I mean You think do you think geese can't fuck you up? No, I don't I could fuck up a goose They they're not even sharp like their face isn't even they're uh spout heard their snout. What is it? They're beak Yep, that's actually so funny that you bring that up because there was a uh an article put out recently With percentage numbers of how many people in the u.s versus how many people in brian could beat up certain animals

How are they making the distinction between british survey of 2082 great britain adults and 1224 u.s adults Conducted in april and may of 2021 so What percentage joey Of brits. Do you think believe they could beat up a grizzly bear? Hopefully zero. Yeah, pretty much Brits are on pretty much in agreement with zero on gorilla line elephant and grizzly bears and the americans aren't No, this is why we're the dumbest fucking country

Americans with grizzly bears. It's about five percent Elephants it's about nine elephant. How are you gonna kill an elephant? Truly. They're so nice Elephants they're so nice not in a fight the nice though No, you see elephants painting and like all those like painters. No you go out into the wild and elephants run your car over Nah They do bro. No, I saw a video once of an elephant coming out of the trees I wanted to be there so wild elephant, but like go meet a nice one at the zoo Go get a nice one. Meet a nice one at the zoo where the carnival where they're like a nice one

Yeah, have your mother set you up with a nice elephant. What are you talking about the ones that like stand one foot on a fucking On a box Those are the probably the most dangerous ones because they're one more whip away from the fucking Just picking up the ringleader and splitting them in half in front of a child. All right Same number of uh, us adults believe they can beat up pretty much a crocodile gorilla lion About that's good about almost 10 percent. You're 10. Whoa 10 percent of americans Think they could beat up a crocodile. Yeah And this the survey specifically asked if they could beat them in a fight if they were unarmed

So not like the one percent was like, yeah, I'll have a fucking non-mill I will say The crocodile one I sort of understand only because I've talked about this new set I got a studio video out right now. Go check it out Only because I've seen like there's dudes or there's this is their job. They have to jump on the back of a crocodile Yeah, but they just tape them up. They're not as smart as me Um, okay, how many brits do you think believe they could beat up a wolf versus how many americans? Do you think could beat up a wolf? I assume americans are higher on everything everything. Yeah. Yeah, um, I would say

six percent of brits Be double. Yeah a little less maybe like three percent and then how many americans about 20 percent probably no no No, it's more like 11 percent 12 percent. Jesus crazy. Uh kangaroo I don't know. I did see that video that guy just slapping the shit out of a kangaroo box a kangaroo pretty well That was really cool. Like his a kangaroo was holding his dog And then his dog got through and they do like walked over. I was like, what the Bang, yeah That was pretty cool. Um

But yeah slap the shit out of a kangaroo. The reason I brought this up is because goose is on here Yeah, uh, and uh, that is the one that has the biggest differential between the brits and the americans How comfortable are you that you could beat up a goose? Pretty confident. Okay, like it's a fucking bird with a rounded beat. Give me a percentage Like how many times out of a hundred would I win? What percentage do you think? Uh out of a hundred times I think fucking 98 times two times You know, I had a bad day Okay, most americans are at about

62 percent of a goose of a goose. Yeah Brits at the other hand are at like 41 percent What are you? Yeah, but they're they're goose they're geese are probably different They probably got big teeth They're probably over there and they're like scarier and shit because they you know, they're they're under the under the monarchy Right, you know, they have to be Uh, also on here the only one you think you could beat up a goose, right? 100 000 how would it hurt me is my question there is it might get a it might you know

Land a blow Yeah, but if that thing starts biting me and gets close to me like I'll be scared more than anything But once I get my hand on your neck, you're dead dead. I'm swing. I'm swinging this thing like I'm fucking nothing I just take it like this. I go Oh, you're pulling it out or I just go. Yeah Oh, well, I think I think it's fucking next can do that Oh, they're gonna have to well then I make a balloon animal out of its fucking neck then My life's on the line with a goose. I would say 100 of the time

Fucking win it against me. The only one I hear that was really surprising to me was uh, rat Only 40 only, uh, it's like 63 of brits believe they can beat a rat and only like 66 of americans 100 percent of me believes I can destroy rat. Let me make that very clear. Um That is my nightmare. I almost would rather Take my shot against a bear because a rat Crawling on me

I wouldn't be able to fight What do you oh Yeah, oh my god. No really really bad. What if what if the rat was on cocaine? Oh No, no, no because oh my god, dude My body right now is just like crazy if a rat crawled on my body And like up my leg No, I would be like no like I literally wouldn't I couldn't fight I'd be punching my That's for real that scared me. I'm gonna I'm letting you know one day

I'm gonna bring a thing of crickets in here and I'm gonna launch pretty crickets I'm gonna bring a thing of roaches in here and I'm gonna launch it at you. I'll tell you this right now Seriously, you bring a big roach in here, right? A one single roach. It could it could be half a roach rank Any percent a tenth of a roach in here. Okay, and you put it on me Are you? There's going to be a physical augmentation Well, not if I have the roach on me You're not getting close to me if I got the roach you better sleep with it because as soon as you put the roach down

I'll be there. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I might get you to come to jersey more Yeah, I'll come right down burn the whole thing to the ground Frank I'll burn the and then I'll find out what you don't like no and buy a thousand of them and surround your home with it mustard I will dump I will have an airplane dump mustard all over All I'm saying is if I come in with like a centipede or millipede or something No, I'm not afraid of those you're not afraid. Hold on. You're afraid of roaches and not centipede or millipede. Yeah, I don't know why That's weird. Centipede's and millipede's like even just roaches

And like yeah, like like water bugs and oh, oh, so I can get water bugs No, what about like the hissing water bugs? Yeah, I would fucking lose my mind like that is that is terrible and and rats rats Oh, well, I can't get a rat in here charlie would lose his mind Forget about charlie. I will lose my mind. I will lose it. No, you'd be all right I would not be all right. You want to see this cocaine bear movie? You want to go see it? Isn't it theaters or no? It will be in theaters. I believe really it's gonna be nuts Yeah, should we do coke and then do it? I'm not a coke boy. You coke boy. No, you're a coke boy

No, but I have seen you sniff coca-cola before. Oh, I was gonna say hold on. Yeah, no I haven't seen you do coke. That's not funny. No, but I have seen you sniff coca-cola and your nose blood. Yes I also have uh on a dare I sniffed the sugar from the bottom of a sour patch kid pack Jesus. Yeah, that one wasn't as fun. Oh, let me be clear. None of them are fun No, I I I don't have any to sniff anything in your nose. No, what if it was a crushed up powdered? No Uh cockroach Why would you think that would change my answer? I don't know. I actually have a story about cockroaches after you did this next round of

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Woman that licked an envelope never heard of it what There was a story that I had heard of a woman licked an envelope And immediately after start to felt like felt like she had a paper cut on her tongue And it was like she was getting really uncomfortable really uncomfortable And she noticed her tongue started to like feel strange in the middle like where she had licked the envelope and She went to the doctor and the doctor's like we have no idea but your tongue looks like it's like inflamed

So they went and did Some x-ray or something on her tongue an image of her tongue And the doctor said we need to put you in for surgery because it looks like your tongue is going to burst What the hell and then They went and put her in surgery and while she was under they cut open her tongue and Cockroach eggs fell out You never heard about this story

Don't fucking tell me that ever and I'm never licking a fucking envelope Cockroach eggs fell out and they asked her like what happened and she's like ever since I licked this envelope That I sent out It started to feel uncomfortable And they were like whatever happened with that envelope like it put cockroach eggs in your tongue or something like that and Baby cockroaches were starting to form in her tongue Can you imagine?

This is I'm being I'm being I'm trying to be as serious as possible when I say this yeah If that were me I would Cut my head off I would just cut it clean off nothing to live for Uh, and at there's cockroaches living in my tongue Frank gotcha Cut my head off And burn it let like just go to the to die put me in a guillotine and cut it the fuck off Well, I mean slow down. I don't know if you need to do all that

How else would you cut a head off? You know Yeah, but it would be it would be way less painful to just get a guillotine cut my head off I that's the only thing that freaks me out bug-wise is bugs that like burrow into skin like ticks Or uh, I saw a video once of a person pulling a bot fly larva out of a back. I've seen that Yeah, I've seen that. No, no, no, no not for me. They're like, oh, it's a bot fly. I'm like, what the fuck is that? They live in like, you know chile or argentina or one of those. Oh my god, dude. I can't I can't

If there's like a hole in my skin and someone pulls a fucking bug out of it I'm faint. What about the videos of people getting like spiders pulled out of their ears and she liked that ear? Or like Do you want to know a good one? Do you want to know a good one? I got another story for you. Remember that show monster inside me? Yes, yeah, uh, that you used to google that all the time for different reasons There was put a monster inside monster cock inside me. So, uh This is not related to the show, but Becca actually told me a story and I've confirmed the story with the person that

They were out in like nature like on like a hike or something And a moth. No You don't want to hear what happened a moth flew into their ear No And was like in their head. No, and and like they started to go crazy from the sound and feeling of the moth scratching Yo, it's so weird. This is my real response to that like I can't I can't Something living and they had to go and get it extracted and it was like clawing not trying not to get out And it scratched like their inner ear or something like that. Yeah

Dude, I'll tell you this right now And moths are big dude. I'm not making it to the doctor before I put a fucking drill in my head I would just take a drill and be like you're going down with me Yeah, you're coming down because you're not there's not gonna be any fluttering fluttering in my head What would be like the worst animal to burrow into your head or skin or or something like that anything that could get in there Yeah, anything with feet What about these people that get like cool worms to like stay fit and stuff like that? I would rather have Oh, yeah, I would write. Yo, give me a tapeworm. Yeah. Yeah, dude. I'm in a cut right now

They eat half my meals. Yeah, that's no problem. Yeah, you want to go fight in the ufc Just kind of two slices of pizzas and I mean I want for you all for me. I have them as it is and I look great I'll tell you that I'll tell you this right now When I first got charlie, I remember you sent me the picture. Did I yeah, dude when I first got my dog He had three different parasites. He was very underweight and I was like Jesus I could see his fucking dogs like whatever. He was 12 weeks brought him to the doctor And they're like, yeah, he's underweight

We're gonna like test his what a blood or whatever the fucking like oh, he's got three parasites Sounds like great. Thank you. Um, and then we immediately started putting him on medication and then Arentobiox, whatever and Then they're like, he's gonna shit out a worm Like the tapeworm like one of them was a tapeworm. The other one was like a hookworm or I was like, I don't fucking know It was all this shit This dog Took a shit

And in your house in my house The fucking Thing that came out of him was like this thick. It was a worm. It looked like a fat rubber band Yeah, I remember and it was long as fuck and I'm like Oh, yeah, man. He was there and warmed up dude. It was insane. I don't know how I was able to just be like, yeah I'll pick that up. Yeah, that's wild. I wouldn't but any party you'd be like I'm gonna swallow that worm You just asked me if any part of me wanted to pick up a worm that came out of my dog's ass

Now covered in dog shit. What you rinsed it off Go back now you're asking me if I wanted to Take the worm that came out of my dog's ass. Yeah, that is now covered in dog shit Was it alive or was it like dead? I think it was dead. Oh, that's what the medicine does. It kills the worm So that was out. Yeah, and then you want me to go wash it off like it's a piece of macaroni and then eat it I saw a video once of someone having some sort of parasite in their thumb and they pulled it out And it was just like a gaping hole left and the worm was like real long I hate this fucking conversation

So much I love to end on things that are really gonna upset you because what's funny is and this is serious Joe is gonna take this conversation with him for the rest of the day It is because and then I'm gonna be like googling shit and and make no mistake tonight I Will think I'm getting any I'm not gonna be able to sleep. I'm like, oh, it's something to call my fucking ear now You ever been like lying in bed and you feel something like you think it's crawling on you Dude, and then nothing's there one time I uh

Like you know when you're like sleeping and then you like like the covers get like kind of low. So you like pull them back up I think my blanket got like turned around or something because the tag was right there And I like pulled it up and I felt the tag Climb up my back because I was sleeping sideways like this and I pulled the thing and I felt it on my back Bro, you know me. Yeah, like with the with the roaches and shit I in my head. I'm like, there's a roach on my fucking back. Oh, yeah I don't even know what I did. It felt like I was That I jumped and it hit the ceiling

Realistically if I were to figure out a way to prank you with a box of roaches I'm being you know being dead Yeah being dead cameras off. Yeah, like how would you react? I would be so fucking mad at you. Like I would be so mad Like I think I'd be like, okay. Like at a certain point. I'd be like, okay. Yeah, funny like for everyone else, but like I also think that I would be so upset at a certain point that I'd be like, yo

Please don't do that. Like I would make you feel so bad Like I'd be like bro the one thing like please don't do it might be on episode three or frank dude You've been frank. You've been frank. I'm like, I'm going to cut you in half You've been frank. You've been fired. You've been fired. Frank. How's that? No, I that would be so bad, dude. I whenever I watch like fear factor and stuff. I'm like these people put their heads That's nothing to me whether like you have to lay in a box of worms I'd be like fucking I'll sleep here like tyrone bigums when they did that worms could do it Worms could do it roaches. I don't care scorpions. I could do it

snakes Yeah, I'm not afraid of snakes Like I'm not really afraid of I'm not like I'm not afraid of these things. You're afraid of their teeth I'm not no, I'm because I'm not afraid of like roaches. I'm like grossed out by them Yeah, like I have such a like it's creepily crawling on you. Yeah, like that is just the worst thing ever So anything that could crawl like that like I don't like I'm gonna prank you. I'm gonna prank you one day You're not gonna prank anything. I'm gonna prank you one day and I'm going to uppercut you No, you won't uppercut me. I'm pretty honest as you wrote. I don't know

I don't know because I will be so scared that I'll just like Especially if you back me into a corner, dude, I'm hitting back you into a corner Yeah, I feel like chase me like yo, come on and then I get to a corner and you're like, come on Come on. I'm just gonna fucking hit you. I'm gonna find the world's largest bug and have it crawl on you That probably wouldn't be as scary. I only I don't like small All right, I'm gonna inject Fucking like a little maybe roach eggs into like your penis hole Think of the most heinous crime you could think of because that's what I would do

I would just I would just murder my family Without in an afternoon I'd get all of them In an afternoon Just drive a car through it. You guys want to see Joe murder my family Uh, thanks. Are we wrapping up? Okay. All right, Frank Alvarez. Here I am, baby Living the dream just kind of I'm gonna get you good. You watch, baby. You watch. Just watch. Just watch Shut up F alvarez 8085 on twitter the frank alvarez on instagram

Cameo youtube and then the patreon patreon.com slash the baseman yard. Go check it out. It's quite the time Oh god, you really ruined my day you're You you laugh like a carnival clown What the fuck was that? You don't laugh like that ever? No, you left like really when I get really excited I laugh like that Now it's getting scary. No, I've heard that in the middle of the night. I'd be like, well, I'm dead

Um, what would scare you more a clown in the middle of the night or a child? Like if you were sleeping in bed and you child without you heard like child No singing fuck out of here A child singing too like Yo, I'm trying to picture me waking up through a child and there's a there's a kid in my room In the corner, bro. I'm gonna one day. I'm gonna get you with the most elaborate prank ever Frankie seriously For that kid's safety don't do that because if I wake up in the middle of the night And there's a little demon child at the foot of my bed. I'm gonna murder it

Like I'm just gonna fucking Hey, a little girl. I'll take her head right off. I'm sure you will do it for real. I think I would yeah, yeah After ice cream. Yeah That's not like I said after ice cream All right, you guys can follow me at joe sand I gotta go follow the show at the basement yard on tiktok and instagram and like frank said go hit up the patreon patreon.com Slash the basement yard. We're breaking into that top 10 soon enough We're coming for the number one spot and that is all see you guys next time