The Basement Yard - #379 - There Is A Bomb In My Ass

Episode Date: January 2, 2023

Frank & Joe talk about a man who shoved a bomb in his bum.. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the Basement Yard. Happy New Year too Frank. Oh, uh, uh, I'm sorry What was that? I didn't expect the happy new year too. I know well because I forgot that it was well patrons are seen this before the new year That's true. They're seen as the day after Christmas, which is what do they call it some stupid shit boxing day Oh, and like Britain. Yeah, and like Britain and Canada. They're like, oh happy boxing day. Yeah, why do they do that? I think it's like boxing like Boxes like they like oh, it's like they're cyber monday Why? Boxes you get packages. I don't know but cyber monday's parcels

That's what they call it over there parcels. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense petrol What's that gas? What else, you know, you tuned in your keyed into the I know one about cigarettes that i'm not gonna say yeah Well, yeah, obviously. Yeah, that's that's one that people know a lot. That's on them. That's 100 on them by the way and they They said it a weekly white lotus update Finish season two. They say it in the show. Oh, yeah as a cigarette or they say as a cigarette, but it's said by a gay guy So it's safe Safe safe confirmed safe. Yeah, they can say it. It's their word. They're taking it back

Right, uh, just like we learned that the drag community is taking back the word sissy apparently Are they that's what i've heard when when so if you guys haven't seen the drag episodes out Yeah, me and frankie, uh, we we said that if we hit 12 000 patrons, we were gonna do a full drag episode So we hired we hired a professional, uh drag artist to come in here Uh, and uh, he did us up and we were in dresses. He did us up in fat drag fat drag My wig is right here. Yeah, this was mine. Yeah, yeah It was very tight. It was quite the episode, but you guys, uh, if you want, we'll throw a um We'll throw a clip into this episode so you guys can see

Right now And we're back and welcome back after watching that clip isn't it crazy how many racist slurs joey used in that clip They can see the clip. Oh, well, maybe they got to go back and watch it again Um, but you guys can watch the full episode and uh, you know episodes every friday that are exclusive on patreon At patreon.com slash the basement yards or go sign up there. We're trying to hit another goal of 14 000. Yeah, we already hit 13. We're working on doing something for that. Yeah It's there's a whole bunch of good stuff going on. There's a lot of shit happening. So I What's crazy is when we were doing the makeup, which by the way a lot of makeup tons

I had a hard time getting it all off. You did you left here looking not I left here looking full Uh, what's that idiot from green day? Billy june? I I lid it'll Italy Billy june, Italy. Yes, that's him Billy june, Italy. What's his name? Billy holiday? No, that's not it. No, his name's uh, something joel armstrong Billy joel armstrong Okay, um, yeah, I don't know louis joe armstrong. No louis armstrong is a different guy. That's your guy. Yeah, I went to yeah Uh, wait, what what am I doing green day? I was gonna say cast. What do you call them members green day members?

Billy joe, Billy joe Oh, you should know that you know all joes. No, okay. Yeah, Billy joe armstrong. Okay, where's this dude from dude? That's the most hick ass name Billy. I think it's probably a stage name. His real name. It's probably like william Yeah, oh my god. I thought that was his name. Uh, he's from oakland Oakland. Yeah, my god. It's a gang banger to the day. He dies. What's good. Don't know about that. Yo, he's fucking 50 Yeah, he's he's aged like a fine wine. Let me tell you good for him I guess screaming about the country for the last 40 years really does good on you. Do you have the time? Yeah, really to listen to me

Wine rime rime or wine. Mmm. Good. Don't know. Don't care. Yeah, I don't know But when we were doing the drag makeup Which like I said a lot of time getting off. I actually got home and miles goes kiki. What? And I was like, yeah, long long story. You had a lot of eye shadow on that was the hardest part I'm not the eye. I liner liner was very hard to get off very and you like you saw like I he said He's like put it over let it sit and then wipe away. Right. I did that did nothing I did not wipe away not one bit But he told me because I when we were doing the video

Of us getting ready. I was like, oh like am I do I need to like sissy that walk and he's like, yeah They've taken that word back and I was like, did I just use a slur? I didn't even hear you say that. I was like, did I just use a slur? And he's like, no, no, no, he's like, but Apparently it was like RuPaul who is like The the like the drag queen. Yeah, you know The drag What's bigger than a queen

I don't think anything. Yeah, I think that's it He unless you're talking about mattresses Then it would be king then it'd be a california king. Yeah. Oh, is that the biggest one? That's the longest one california regular king Is wider california king is longer Got it. You like thickness or length? I like efficiency You like the motion of the ocean. I like yeah I like whatever because like, what am I going to do like complain about like five inches or something?

Yeah, can you hold up five inches again? Oh god, um But RuPaul Reportedly it was like a thing that people would say to people that were doing drag like you're sissy I've been called to sissy. Yeah, me too. It hurts for like wearing like knee pads or something Yeah, it was like rollerblading and well knee pads weren't sissy like it was the wrist pads that were yo I had those. Yeah, I actually really I actually liked them. I'm sure you did I liked the pad because when I would go rollerblading my mom would make me wear them

And it's like they cover your wrist. So if you fall down you just like Well, because a lot of people don't talk about this and I don't I don't I don't think kids get this injury as much as we did as kids I on a hundred Like a hundred times in my life from the ages of like four to twelve Scraped my palm yet with like rocks in it. Yes. I've gotten rocks in the center of my palm Yes, and it's stung like a bee sting like yes, and they always like kids don't get that anymore I know and you didn't want to get a carpal tunnel now. Yeah now. They get like, you know depression or whatever. Yeah You know and um

You know one time I actually got a I was gonna say a disease that's not what I meant But I I I was playing basketball In my alleyway with my basketball into a garbage can okay And my mom just let that happen And you got like a bro. I was violently ill for like four days. It's okay throwing up like crazy Yeah, well, you know There was recently a stomach bug that went through my house and everyone wonders why I didn't get sick and throw up by it It's because I was drinking from the hose when we were playing basketball and garbage Kansas kids

There's no water on the face of the earth that is better than the fire hydrant water in New York City Literally none. It is the best fucking water ever. It's fucking delicious. And there's probably Rusted metal in it, but no, no, apparently it's like the cleanest water in like yeah But when it's coming out of the fucking old fire hydrant, you know, yeah, but that's a little bit a little Trace amount of rust a little metal in your mouth. Yeah. Well people take iron supplements I mean, what's what's a little rust gonna do exactly? It's just a little rust right eat the paint chips while you're at it, too Exactly. I but I did have I I bro my dad because my dad wait wait you ate paint chips

Oh, no, no, no, okay. Good. Just wanted to make sure no, I've never eaten a paint chip Jesus Um, but I used to peel off my wallpaper as a kid all the time. My parents hit me is wrong with you Yeah, my parents hit me so much because of that bro. What so much and you know It's crazy is like wallpaper and like the 80s and 90s was like super chic and like expensive So you were ripped off the wall. You're a psychopath. I would just sit there because like where the where the Paper meets the other paper and like there's a little cold and I would just go like this And I'll get it off and I start peeling it and then my dad would come up to stairs And then he would get in the room and we would pretend we're sleeping and then he go

What is this and then I and then I'd be like this Obviously, then he'd be like, what is that? I know you're awake and then Keith would start laughing and I'm of course Yeah, Keith gave it up and then my dad would make me point it out and he'd be like who did this And then like I I you would always take the hit even if it was Keith. Oh if it was Keith. I'm 100% squealing I had no my dad used to Hit me for telling on Keith. There's no. Yeah, that makes sense. You can't do that But I'd rather take a beating for being honest than for being a liar. You know what I'm saying Oh, and I was doing both. Oh, yeah

I was gonna hit for both like I was like you did the right thing you got hit you did the wrong thing You got a hundred percent. Yeah, well, I mean, that's a good way to really create mental illness in your children Yeah, yeah. Oh, I've got hit with the with the belt with the hockey stick. Jesus christ, Joey with um with um shoes hands Your parents were hitting you with their hands Mine were hitting me with the tongue and they were just screaming at me to the point where I was that sounded fucking disgusting No, it sounded like your parents were tongueing you down. No, not anymore. Uh, they What do we have to never my parents ever tongueed me down cool I have a number for a therapist if you want to like chat with someone else about that sort of joke that you'd probably

I don't know. I feel like are you crying right now? I'm not crying. I'm completely okay But yeah guys go check out the the drag episode. It's fucking incredible and gotta say we look pretty good Yeah, I thought we looked great. I have a lot of pictures pretty good And uh, we we made a lot of people's probably year doing that So patreon.com slash the basement yard or scared a bunch of people because well right now being in drag is like a very It's like going backwards It was like it was taboo in like the 90s and then everyone loved drag performers and like the early like Mid to late 2000s and 2010s and now people are like they're trying to fucking suck our kids

And it's like no, no, no, they're not But oh, I saw that but honestly like All right, here's here's what I'll say when he says all right and stops like that, you know some heat is coming I've I saw this thing uh, where they had a a drag queen Go to a school and like read books to kids

two things and honestly both sides The people who freak out like what the fuck the kids are That's that's dumb. You're okay, but also on the other side. I'm like What is the point of this? Yeah, it's so funny because we're in such a place like politically where it's like You are either end of the spectrum. You're either. This is incredibly great or this is incredibly. This is incredibly awesome If I like I'd be like what is going on there? There is something get a gay guy in there to blow a guy And if any of the kids say what the hell's going on you kick him out of school. Well, bro

I I won't say where I heard this But I was recently within the last couple months and talks with someone who a school curriculum Wanted to offer to Uh, like fifth grade kids an elective class. It's called it's called like gay art And it's fucking dicks Gay art. Yeah, bro. It's like it's like exploring the artistry of like gay lgbtq ia plus artists through history and a lot of their art just like gay most bro most art gay whether gay or straight gay

Whether gay or straight it's gay whoever paints it. There's a lot of penis Because but not just that nipples. It's also fucking nipples and like pussies bushes though big fatties. You never see You never actually see vagina or things are like melting. Guess what? What are you talking about? You know what melts Penises. Yeah. No the penises are crazy. Yo all the sculptures. They're like, oh, let's make this dick as small as possible It'll be a sculpture of like a man like david and it's like he has a plain face curly hair But his dick has so many details So same, bro. If you're the artist that you'll hook this guy up, man, let him like slap it around for your fucking Come on read that. You guys didn't think michael angelo was gay. He was sitting there. He's like, I have made this

It the beautiful statue and look at the penis Oh, it's a beautiful penis and the statues are so tall or at least in the like museums they are and they're like on a thing that The dick is there. It's not it's not even there. It's here. It's the north star You're following dicks around the museum You really are and it's crazy because no one they were just like oh michael angelo

He's just a crazy guy that you know just draws stuff and tries to invent stuff And it's like bro. He sat there and painstakingly carved out You know how many tries it took to get the perfect penis and marble and then also had to like Rub it down and make it smooth. You know what he's rubbing a statue cuff I don't know if he was bitch. Actually. No, he probably was bitch shining Well, they were using some stupid shit like the oil of the fur of a fox or some yeah dumb ass shit. No, but like They they wanted to offer like a class which cool. I think exploring artists through history

Whatever cool, but like the art that they were good that was in the curriculum to show them was like was Pushing it pushed. Yeah, it was full-on fucking penetrated. What? Yeah, dude. It was like it was just like gay guys like But like well, it was it was it was it like artistic or was it just a picture of a guy with his It's art. I mean all art is artistic Wow, beautiful like that but like it was Like homoerotic in addition to being

Like of nude people right and I could say this my uncle was an artist and he painted so many dicks, dude Yeah, well, yeah, you have to paint cocks. I think that's also a lot of tits That too you have to bra. I remember when we were kids. My dad would bring him to My dad would bring my brother tonight to my uncle's art studio in brooklyn And he always had pictures and like drawings of like because he was also a gay man So we had a lot of models come in just like throw their shirts off All over the walls of just boobs. Nice. So me and my brothers are like seven eight years old. Yes. This is dope Look at those man. Can't you a question? Yeah, I don't I don't want you to lie to me either

Have you ever rub the tit of a statue? I've been like Oh, that's a good question Bro, I've definitely definitely a mannequin Definitely. Yeah, dude. Who's that rubbing the tit of a mannequin? Listen. Listen. I if there's a mannequin there I'm I'm all about it if I'm eight and there's a mannequin around bro I'm first of all. I'm taking a look inside your pants and I don't care what fucking what they got going on Okay, no arms. No legs. Don't care. You got tits. I'm feeling them. Yeah, I'm gonna write up this fucking little crop top Oh, yeah

When my mom isn't looking yeah, ma. Look at that fucking really cool blouse over there and I'm behind her just like Yeah, bro. There's definitely like security cam footage of me in 2002 It's gonna say 2001 about that. You know what? That's enough. That's a lot going on. There's a lot going on that year But 2002 after the dust settled that was also a bad 2003 we'll go 2003 To what that dust some might say still hasn't settled. Yeah, no, um, but there's definitely footage of me There's definitely footage of me and like a macy's being like Yeah

My world I thought I was done with like busty mannequins because most mannequins are just like you thought you were like I'm done with this. I'm done with it I got all I got like 17 and I was like bro mannequins are they're plastic or wooden or fiberglass This isn't a real woman But then I discovered bro where my dad lived in Jackson Heights little columbia Colombian mannequins. Oh Dude, those things are walking fucking anomalies. They got fat asses You know that like picture of like the triangle, but it's like impossible or the mc. Escher staircases. Yes. Yes

These things are like those. There's no way that they would possibly stand. Yeah, they put you know They got fat asses on those fucking in like the Spanish neighborhoods that the mannequins are on a different level Bro, these Spanish neighborhoods the boobs are size q. Yeah, and the nipples are like Crazy insane dude like pointy dude and like they they get pretty detailed with them. Yeah, they do. They're good. Wow. Wow. Wow Bots dude the buds Bro, she got to put those jeans over and also they know what they're doing They put the the the feet like this like they're in heels. Yeah, so like pops it. Yeah, yeah Man mannequins are hot dude mannequins are wild. Yeah. Yeah, we're how did we get here? I have no idea

I have no idea. We were talking about a drag wing going into a school Yeah, no, I but you know that you remember how you would find that crease that line between the wallpaper There's a thin line. Oh, I didn't know what you were talking about. I thought you were talking about mannequins again I was like, I've never seen one of those. You're right. You don't see the creases. You don't see busies You make your own holes joey. That's what you told me. No, I I actually did that By accident wants to a stuffed animal foot. We know ticker. Yep. Yeah, we know we know that you fingered your ticker You don't have to just say it again. If you know Why not? I'm just saying it happened. Um

So the whole point that I was getting to by the way about the drag queen thing is like I think it's crazy. I think outrage about stuff like that. It's just kind of insane But I also think at a certain point it feels like this What is the point of this like there were times where people came into our school and like, you know Put on presentations or whatever, but it was like a point like it was like career day or was like this person did this or that Person and I think there definitely should be more like integration of like and representation. It is important Absolutely, but it's like I feel like sometimes people jump right all the way to the other side of the spectrum, which is I think counterproductive because all the people over here that have the outrage are not going to be on board with like

Okay, we need more uh representation. Let's get a drag queen in here to read a book about two men who are fucking And like there's a dick on the cover. You know what I mean? Like Yeah, it's like this is this feels like not the right way to like, you know bridge the gap I forgot where I heard this quote and I feel bad that I'm not able to you know Give credit when to do but there's it was something along the lines of like we are in a time of so much information but With that information for some reason has come so little context And I feel like people have lost the ability to read the room and yes, there should be representation and absolutely

But read the room You know what I'm saying like maybe maybe not in that moment or the way that it's being done Like the outrage on both sides of the spectrum people are like we're acknowledging gay people now put them everywhere Put them here put them there put them in your cereal and it's like bro. Let's like Yes, we need to make sure that everything is a representation of what the actual fucking human experience is like But we don't want to shove stuff down our throat to the point where it's like like that uh like the remake of What was it beauty and the beast?

Where they were like there's a gay character in this movie and you're like, oh my god Oh, well who's gay and they're like lafoo is gay. You know lafoo. I have no idea. Lafoo is like gaston's boy Oh, I don't and they were like there is the director said like there is an exclusively gay moment for lafoo in this movie And people are like all right cool representation And the moment is like he like winks at a guy and people are like, all right Like come on like you need to give it a little more. Oh you want more sex Well, you need more depth and like there needs to be more You know instead of just being like we're proactive. This guy loves dick. This girl loves boobs. We're fucking awesome

And it's like just give it a little more fucking nuance instead of stuff like that Then it comes off a shallow and pedantic. Yeah. Yeah, that's where I think it gets like, you know, whatever Because I do think like there obviously is a spectrum psychos here psychos here And where do you lie? Right here. No, I don't think so. No, I actually lie here. No, I would say you you you lie right here Watch it No, but I feel like uh I think the whole point is to bridge the gap

Not just like push these because it just like then you move forward like this instead of sort of bridging the gap So it's like, you know, wow also like bro me in fifth grade Bro, if you put I got kicked out of sex education. Yeah, I remember you laughed at dick. Yeah. Well, she no she said penis penis is a miracle And she was an old german She's still kicking Schnatz, yeah Yeah, she's she's throwing she's throwing her back still hell. Yeah, she retired probably probably I would hope so

Yeah, like Jesus takes some time off. She got the goofy pad out of there. You know what I'm saying? Oh, shit I forgot about that. Yeah, you always do when I bring it up and I've brought it up multiple times keep it going the goofy But yeah, I got kicked out but I can't imagine being in a in a whole class That's like we're just gonna look at fucking Artistic dicks all day because when we did go to the museum for a field trip I was giggling. I'm seeing. Oh, of course, bro. Penises are inherently hysterical um They're funny. Well, we're hiding them. We're hiding them. That's their skin. They're skin noodles hanging from your fucking

Let's think you're in penis. They don't fucking care about dicks. Yeah, but they have a different world over there I know they're like in spas and we are in you know, what's gonna be really interesting We are in a place right now where we are really testing the boundaries of kids emotional Maturity and like we are going to see what happens like can kids handle because bro fifth grade me if you if you sat Someone from the drag community in front of me. Oh god They're they're they're not gonna make it to their next birthday. You know what I'm saying like as a classroom We were just gonna be evil little pieces of shit because we didn't have the emotional maturity people didn't talk to us about You know other than us, you know people like us also, bro

A drag queen is supposed to look like Over the top. Yeah over the top exaggerated of whatever remember we were talking to the uh To the the drag artist and and he was like it's not supposed to look like good It's supposed to look ridiculous insane because that's the point of it So you put like a drag queen in front of like fourth graders, you know like Hey, yeah, she looks great It's gonna be really interesting though in like 10 15 years if we can look back and see If the emotional maturity of kids have changed because no matter how much you talk

To kids of a certain age. I I don't know. I think that there's always the stressors of like community and social norms and fitting in so like Yes, I can believe and you know Support, you know Equal opportunity and rights for everybody But the moment my friend in fifth grade is sitting next to me and he says look at that Fucking penis over there. I'm gonna burst into laughter because it's a stare. Yeah, if I see a cock, too I will be laughing you could put me in a room right now with like

Like I don't think I could ever go to a one of those things where it's like You know, there's an artist and she's painting and some dudes just up there like Yeah balls are out. I'd like to your boss full naked Well, I'll tell you there's actually another place where paintings do happen and you wouldn't expect to see balls But it has happened joey and that's in the trial for rapper young thug Okay, rapper young thug Well, you like that transition. I don't know what the transition is the transition is they do those courtroom paintings and

They painted a dick in one hackers derailed the young thug trial by Showing gay porn on the computers of all of the screens in the courtroom No, yeah So a young wait, what kind of porn gay porn? But no, I know that but we're talking to like when I hear gay porn joey. Is there like softcore gay porn? I'm saying there could be like some solo stuff Like is it a video of a guy just like beating his stuff from what I've seen dudes making love from what I've seen from videos Uh, you've seen the video that they show the video

They they show the like attorney with his screen up and then like Guys they show men. Oh, yeah, show me. I want to see the gay sex We can't show it obviously we can't you guys can look it up. It's porn. The guy's just looking at his computer Yo, this guy must be freaking out. Yeah, the whole courtroom is there's one guy in there That watched porn the night before and he's probably like Oh I mean you can see he's like trying to ignore it and he's scrolling through his things just like what is going on? Have you ever been caught?

Looking at porn and something like that Have you ever been caught? Looking at porn in some sort of way. Uh, yeah. Yeah, I definitely have I know I have and I've actually had after this has happened Confirmation that I was caught When I was a kid my dad at the lake house he got direct tv But this is back when direct tv like when it first started when you had to put a card into The cable box. What the fuck I didn't even know that. Yeah, so it was like it was a cable box But you had to insert like it looked like a credit card

Yeah, but it was like what your account was linked to okay, and my dad got like all like the skin of max That was horny as shit. Yeah. Yeah, you know after him and my mom. Yeah So he also got playboy channel But this was bro reception at the lake house in fucking early to mid even till like the late like 2009 2010 was not fucking good spotty Bro, we used to have to the only place you got reception It was on your cell phone holding it up like this with that fucking antenna out at the top of the hill So the the cable would always go in and out especially if it was like a windy day

Oh my god, please tell me this bro. So my dad was like all right go talk lenny I'm like, all right go go talk to lenny dad The moment he went away Playboy channel went on nice and I mean you see the cabin. It's fucking all windows. Yeah, the whole thing The whole thing and he came back and like I didn't know he was coming and it froze on Yeah, it froze on boobies and and butts and all that stuff. Wow And I like quickly shut it off And at the time I felt like I got away with it because your dad didn't say anything my dad didn't say anything

Literally like three four years ago. My dad was like, yeah, you guys used to watch all fucking playboy channel. That's why I knew you weren't gay I was like I was like, all right. Thanks dad. He's like, yeah And I said I was like you never got mad. He's like, why would I get I'm not gonna do the accent I was like, why would I get mad? I was like, I don't know because the kid he's like I was elated I was like, why because we weren't gay you fucking bigot And he was like, no because like you're exploring like you're seeing boobs and stuff like whatever

Why am I gonna get mad about that? I get mad if you like call someone something bad I was reckless with the tv porn. I remember we almost got caught at your house me and you What? Yeah We were watching porn together not watching porn together. We were on funny junk And it and there was a video that at the end of the video it like stopped on like titties Nice and it froze your computer when your computer was in your parents room and like the corner Oh god and and we were freaking out and you just shut the whole computer down

Because your dad was like, yeah, your dad was like coming up the stairs. Oh my god. I don't remember that at all Yeah, I remember that very clearly Dude, but I remember I used to have the illegal cable box. Oh, yeah, and it was like channel like 65 spice channel Yep, it was 65. I know exactly what it was and uh, I went I would go to it when my mom was like making dinner In the fucking kitchen right there and I'd be like, probably you're fucking reckless Because also and you always talk shit about me like I was some fucking bad kid You're sitting there jerking off your little fucking eight. I wasn't I wasn't jerking it off I just wanted to see something and I saw a lot of bush

I remember one time specifically dude. I swear to god. I can I'm there. I'm there right now My mom's close your eyes. Bring me with you. My mom's in the kitchen. What's she cooking? I don't know, but it was probably chicken color. You ain't there. No, but I remember the the lights of the dining room were on The lights of the living room were off And I was in the uh in the living room and I put it on And my mom was in the kitchen. I don't even know where anyone else was The tv faces the window that faces the street. So if you're walking by you're seeing me watching bush. Yeah, it's all good. Yeah um, and I like I had it on and then there was bush up there and then my mom

Comes out of the kitchen with like a plate of food and shit. Oh, I didn't you can't go bush and then this joey You can't please Don't do that to me Please she comes out with a plate Yes, good job puts it on the table and I would just went And I hit the fucking button because the channels were on the thing Yeah, I remember and I hit the button and I like clicked all the way down to like 52 Yeah, then you went to like I didn't even jerk off like I just needed to see before dinner

Yeah, your mom walked in and probably saw you watching like history channel was like, oh my good boy Yeah, no, but I was looking at fucking, you know, Veronica fox or some shit Yeah, I remember we didn't have because bro. We all had those illegal cable boxes. What's up statute of limitation. It's done now, but Channel 65 was spice channel at laurence's house Bro in laurence's house. That was a horny home, dude. Yeah, they had a lot of stuff bro. The minute parents left Fucking porn went on. Yeah, whoever was there Brothers sister anybody it was like, you know how like people put on the gal like yo, let's watch a big game Uh, the grandma was always there by the way

Oh, yeah in the back never left the room No, never seen her and she also fair what she did give fair warning when she was coming out though, which was very nice What'd she say? No, yeah, it was a wild time bro porn used to be everywhere and now it's again still everywhere, right? Let's get to these ads The first ad that we have for today is Shopify, okay? Shopify is the commerce platform revolutionizing millions of businesses worldwide. I use Shopify everyone I know who has a e-commerce business is using Shopify. It is the best one has all these features that you can use to Where they give you information where you can retarget people you find out who are your top

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And free shipping. So like I said, if you want to turn a new leaf and start eating healthier definitely a way to do it If that's what you choose on their side I like that. Yeah, uh, so but yeah back to what I was saying. So the they played Porn because apparently this young thug guy. I don't I don't know any young thug songs. Do you? Yes, I do what give me a couple. I'm trying to think of one that you would know Um, should I just look them up right now? I'm typing his name young thug songs I put sons. There's a like uh

You would you would know him from uh I forget the name of that song. I'm looking. I gotta be honest with you. I'm looking at a couple I know you don't know any of them and I know none. I really don't Uh, but there isn't a very old one. Do you remember this? Uh, the uh the song lifestyle lifestyle Lifestyles of the vichy the fame maze. That's young thug. Actually. Yeah, it's not good charlotte. It's young thug that song. Yeah Uh, apparently he's on trial for I believe it's like racketeering or like so big rico case. Yes big rico case Uh, which by the way, what's rico? Hear it all the time. Don't know

racketeering india canada sierra hotel india ecolima delta shield I don't know what that is the shield from wwe cool Uh, but they so they on this on the screens. They had hacked and broadcasted gay porn with text across it says free young thug Fire dude, which listen dude If I was on trial Play like something rad

Like people are now are going to be like yo young thug like why was there gay porn at your trial? I think it's a dope way to like I mean, it's hysterical to dunk on People put it from porn on and then just being like free young thug You know how it is in in the world of being a gangbanger. It's all about clout. You know, it's all about clout So like would if they were to play like what would you want them to play at yours? So it wouldn't tarnish your reputation not saying there's anything wrong with gay porn go for it But some people might see there's something wrong with gay porn. You know i'm saying, okay

I would want something rad like like uh Like a fucking like jon claude vandam fighting like godzilla. I've also I I That's the most ridiculous thing you've ever said in your life and two I've never seen a frame of a like jon claude vandam. I saw the expendables three. I think I saw years ago I saw uh one of them. I don't remember which one um

It's you know, it's it's like it's it's okay. You know what I realized the other like not too long ago steven sagal is like an actual like He could actually do stuff. No, I thought he was an actor. No, he so he he's a martial artist but like have you seen first of all, he's good boys with your boy kim jong-un and He goes to do shows over there and they're insane Have you seen clips from them? No, is he like fight like koreans? Well, like he does like shows, you know, where they'll be like they'll try something You know like martial artist shows where they like kick fucking like wood planks and like other wood planks

But like they'll like run at him and he'll like step out of the way and like flip them But he's doing he's in such bad shape and doing barely anything that it he's not doing anything It's insane. I gotta I have to look it up steven sagal Uh fight show I don't know why I type that in like I'm Fight fight. What's the word I'm looking for? I have no idea dude performance. I guess I'm gonna be honest with you I it's hard for me to give a shit

About what you're saying. Oh, he's cool with like russians too your other boy I remember bro, he like doesn't he like barely does anything people like flip and jump at him and shit. Well, it's probably it's fake Well, yes, it's choreographed, but like I wouldn't say fake Definitely fake. He's not beating up Koreans dude look They like run at him and he's just like no you go down now go down go do up by and big time flip

Like he's not very weird Like you could tell he's not doing anything I used to think this was the coolest thing when I was like seven like I was like, I'm gonna be a ninja And I just like would do flips and I would like would do this with my hands and try to chop my fucking brother in the neck Yeah, I I still to this day have had zero martial art training But still believe I can like fight people with martial arts. Yeah Do you think martial arts is real? Do you think martial arts is real?

Barely That was a joke I think like the ones that like teach you how to like fucking like choke someone out are but the ones that are just like Focus and punch this wood. Yeah, that's yeah, of course like anything in like MMA is well Mixed martial arts, but like, you know Fighters are a real thing But the way that they're portrayed where it's like you can put 30 guys in a circle around them

Or it's like Yeah, or it's like stand in front of this wood fucking column and punch until your knuckles bleed to make you tough Nope, that's real get the fuck out of here. It's real. And you know what? It's not wood. It is stone I've seen there was a there was a I forgot where it is, but there was like a big stone On this pedestal or whatever. Okay, and there was this old man Yeah Fucking up his hand breaking his hand. It's so like they fracture their hand their hands here Right and like they're stronger. So when they come back, it's like hard as fuck or something

What would be so cool about that? Bro, if I fucking pow you in the side of the head with a strong bone. Good night Guess what chances are even with a weak bone, you'll fuck me up. That's true. You know, it's not going to take much I'm not I'm not that strong. Well, they're not going up against you. You're not like the big bad man I uh, you're right. You're the big bad man. I'm not the big bad man You're not the big bad man But there are people that are big and are bad and something that is big and bad joey Are this a transition our world war one explosives, okay

Now let me tell you I have a story here actually from not long ago of an 88 year old french man Who probably absolutely we can agree smells like shit, right? Probably. Yeah, it smokes mad cigarettes. Oh my god Slowly recovering after an eight inch long two inch wide world war one explosive was removed from his rectum, which If you don't know where the rectum is it's your angel home. It's your angst. Yeah for sure. Um He put a bomb in his ass So there's layers to this story joey the bomb I would say is the big layer No, the also the other one is that he went to the hospital told them about it and they had to evacuate the whole hospital He's got a bomb

But it's from world war one bro. This is a hundred year old bomb. I would say that it's like a you know It's shaky bombs are like soda Once they're they just lose their power. It's a flat bomb. It's a flat bomb You know, they lose their power once it goes off you hear like a And then there's no real like powerful explosion. I don't know dude. That's scary. Could you imagine? Why would you shove a bomb in your ass? Um, also, what is a bomb like was it a grenade? Or is like I mean the picture here might be misleading It's of like something that's phallic shaped. So it looks like like a flash grenade or looks like a giant bullet

Wow, like a giant bullet Which is ripe for getting shoved in a bud eight inches long two inches wide. Yeah, so half of people you know First and last you get it all here folks half of who by the way peter. Yeah Bartholomew not molino. Got it Got it. Sorry Peter Adolf That's his actual middle name

Whenever you talk about pete's dick on the show, he he just hit the stuff and he goes So did you guys talk about my dick on the show or something because i'm getting follows on instagram He gets like 30 follows That's a bit funny at pete 27 likes dick chasers, by the way, dude. What the fuck is that? I mean about big dicks You're like, I'm gonna go. I mean listen, man If I I would out of curiosity if I'm being honest if you were a girl you think you would want a big dick Like a big fucking like a like a mean dick. Wow. My my kids are gonna have questions for me when they're old enough Really? Oh

Would you want to you want me to be for real? Yeah? Well, you want to you want to mean one or do you want like someone and you don't want a nice one either? I think it's you know, it's like disney world You want to go penises. Yeah, okay. You want to go once to experience it You want to see it you want to be overwhelmed by the size and girth and everything that goes into this, right? But it's too expensive and then you're like this is too much. It's too much. I can't do this all the time Yeah, you definitely can't do it all the time because that's when you'll just be like, let's just go to the park down the street Exactly you settle for the park down the street as you want. It's free too easier to get to it's nice. You still have fun

Yeah, isn't disney world, but disney world is a whole thing. It's a whole big thing That's why people that are that are that don't have kids go to disney world all the time because they can afford to take a day or Two off right they can just do anything that they want with their time But disney world bro. I gotta take a week off for this bro, and it's a whole thing if you got kids You can't go to disney world. No way. That's why you don't find many Husbands that have big old slangers That's why because of disney. How could you take a big slanger? It's true every day of your life. It's it's exactly That's a that's a jet. That's a really it wasn't

When you marry a man, you also marry a penis That's true. Just saying that is true and and you don't want to be working with something all the time That's the least laborious to get in and out like just make it simple on yourself. Good lord. It's very easy to deal with Unless you got a big old cavernous vagina and then you're fine, but those are fake, dude Those are like you know minotaurs and shit. They're myths, but I'm sure that people have very uh Malleable vaginas out. Is that the right word? That is right. You're good I think I think you might want to say elastic because malleable means you can mold them into whatever you want a vaginas a vagina at the end of the day Um, okay

Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, yeah, they're probably malleable on the inside. Um, no I think they're actually people who have put their foot and women before and their hands Well, guess what they don't shape their to be a foot shaped vagina after where it goes right back it snaps back into place Yeah, okay elastic fine. It's elastic real quick quick digression, but Do you remember back in the day? There was like a very famous video that went around and the guy was putting his head in a fucking woman's vagina There's a bald guy. He was a bald guy putting his head in a woman's vagina, but I don't know if it was real

Come on. I don't know bro. You can't fit a head in a vagina. You what kind of fucking, you know, what kind of uh, uh, you know Yeah, what kind of what? I've blew your mind is what happened. What kind of uh, what's it called? What's it called vagina? What's it called? What's it called? Uh, you're not giving me anything. What's it called? What kind of budget do you think they have? What kind of budget yeah, you think they it's got enough to make just prosthetic giant vaginas if a bald grown man Can put his head in your vagina You could literally give birth to four babies at once and guess what joey people do no they do it

One after the other well sometimes you can't put two and I don't think I don't think there's many if any quadruplet Vaginal births. I think because of the way that it's done there. I mean that bitch who had eight babies What's going on over there? Yeah, and listen. I'm all about you know, whatever I believe You know, I'm not like oh, she had a baby. She's probably loose, but I'll be away Bro, it's wild. I don't one day. I don't that's that's insane I don't even think recover from someone that is currently I mean by the time this comes out My daughter may be here may not from a single-handedly experiencing what a woman goes through through fucking pregnancy crazy one One

Two would be wild my mom did two insane. Yeah, that's wild three out of this world eight Psychotic yeah, we should like give them money. Well, we gave him a show. Well, that's I think that's what happened. Oh mom Yeah, she was the octo mom and then didn't like her husband cheat on her I mean I don't know. I don't know. I could imagine. Could you raise eight children at one time with someone and love them? I don't think so Eight babies at the exact same time bro. She only has two tits True, what do you do there? It's not like she's a dog and can just like everyone go to town

Bro, and there's nothing you can do because like guess what if they don't do breastfeeding They have to do formula right and guess guess what? Very expensive and also not easily accessible. There you go. Especially nowadays. There was some uh Outbreak or whatever the fuck and the you know, god damn for the with the spaceship No There was like an outbreak and formula. Oh, yeah, they recalled all of it. So no one had fucking I remember we were going to stores trying to get formula for I remember I was looking I was looking for your brother Yeah, my sister in law. Yeah

Um, all right, let's get to these Yeah, we had so many things to talk about we did and we've hidden hidden And we've hidden okay, what is this? Ah Guys perfect the new year. What what is this because I couldn't read for a second It's the new year Like I said earlier people want to get back into shape. They want to start eating healthier or whatever Here's what's a great thing you guys should sign up for fitbot

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And I believe it's discrete shipping too. So you don't have to like, you know Your neighbors so someone's dropping off a rocket ship dildo like you're like, hey, sorry fred It'll be discreet. So go to adam and eve.com use the code basement b a s e m e n t Uh, and you can get 50 off, uh, the podcast off of the the your whatever you're buying. All right, go crazy over there Drop a drop a bag on some toys some lube things that are edible. Whatever go nuts. They got it all baby What they don't have though is a world war two bomb Uh, which this guy right I am They have something probably the same size eight inches with two inches wide. You could do that

Whoa, why me? Why are you doing this to me? You could do that technically Technically no eight inches as wild Yeah, but two inches is what I'm worried. I'm worried more about the I've been to a doctor who's not had an eight inch thumb And it wasn't cool Does he just go for it or does he like no the first time? Uh, I he went for it and I was a little like sir I could have I could have snapped his finger off with the force at which I resisted Yeah, I was a little upset with him his bedside manner was not what is it table side manner bed side bed side bed side

Bedside manner. It wasn't very good. I was very upset but Uh, I don't think I would I could fit that Of all all right of all the phallic objects in the world Give me the top three that you would be most inclined to shove in your butt Inclined or like that. I could definitely do a little bit of both a battery. Uh, no, I would put That would kill you within hours. You would be dead for sure I'm just I thought of like a battery would be super easy. I'd be like, uh,

Yeah, you know, it would also be easy the battery acid is the trip on the way Yeah, the trip on the way to the fucking morgue the battery acid would be an issue. Yeah, it would have to stay intact No, it would leak through because your ass will destroy this battery. Wait, will it I think I thought you weren't sure and then you weren't sure but yeah getting bad or bad bad. Hello getting battery acid in your ass Is probably not cool. It's probably not chill Um, I would categorize it as many things definitely not chill. All right What would you all right? Hold on. Let's put ourselves in the let's forget about asses. Let's be women. Yeah wait

Yeah, I'm there. So now we're women, right? Yeah Never mind. That's kind of a weird conversation. I guess. Oh, we're gonna draw a line there Well, I was gonna say that I'm just saying like are you more of like like we've done some weird shit when you were younger Like when you first started like explain your penis. Well, don't attribute that to us talking about shoving things in ourselves Well, no, that's not what I mean. I mean like, you know the way that you Your penis like you do weird stuff. You jerk off with weird things or you jerk off Because of weird things. You're like, oh my god, that tree kind of looks like a woman. I'm gonna you know what I mean? No No, I don't just do me a favor. Just elaborate just a little bit more so we can understand

Just just to be clear. Yeah, you were jerking off the trees. I wasn't I've never jerked. I don't I don't want to say never. I don't want to say never But anything could have set me off at that point. I was there. I was on edge the entire time I was ready to beat this thing. You had the world at your fingertips. You had kaza and lime wire ready to go No, this is before that bro. I didn't get a computer until I was like Fuckin nine Before nine you wanted to jerk off joe I don't know bro. Uh, what? I don't even think that my penis existed before I turn maybe I'm making this up

Um, when are we 10 2002? We're a year one year. Yeah, I got it Um 2002 fifth grade. I think you're like fifth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Okay, so fifth grade. Yeah fifth fifth to eighth grade. It was the weird face of just your horny for everything Yeah, like we like, you know, you know, it's funny is I don't push on it. I don't think I was like that I see that in like tv shows and movies where like the one that I could think of at the moment is uh, sex education Yeah, I think it's like season two. It opens up with uh,

Otis just like being in a car seeing a sweatshirt and just starting to jerk off in the car and he comes on his window Yeah, I've never in my life and maybe it's because of the way that I'm wired Been so moved when I'm out somewhere random that I'm just like I need to do this right now Have I I don't think so either. I've never like I've never like jerked off in a car Yeah, but like like in that moment I mean if you watch if you remember if you guys have seen it too, he's so like he needs to jerk off right then in there Yeah, and it's like bro. You can hold it together. Well, maybe I don't know

But you were just everything was getting you going at that age Sailor moon What yeah, yeah, hell yeah stupid question. Yeah stupid. Yeah, all right. Take it easy idiot. Yeah, all right Yeah, no, but anything I forgot the point of that question by the way. Oh the reason why I brought this up was like the female version of that Is like I'm just gonna see what it's like putting this thing In here. Mm. So it's like random objects

So like remotes Certain fruits and veggies. Yeah, you know like maybe a fucking. I don't know you kick it like a key Yeah a key Just want to make sure we're not going to gloss over that one. I'm just saying like Do you think or like the a brush handle? I think that's a popular that's probably girls have a lot of brushes and cones Exactly. So I think that probably brush handles, you know, those were going up there I'd like to take a poll on that like most of but actually that's a weird question to ask, right? Is this a

Oh, yeah, joey. I'm sure it's very appropriate to ask random people on the internet what they shoved in their body at certain points in their life Technically, I'm not asking them. I'm just like the questions there. I from what I understood about uh girls that age is Whoa, I don't know what happened, but there's a commercial that popped up on my screen And it was of a vagina like pouring water probably peeing It's a tampon. What side are you on? It's a tampon ad. Oh ebombs world. Oh speaking of fifth grade Yeah, yeah, um, it's a tampon ad for some reason. This is literally what was up on my screen when I looked over Oh, dude, that's a full vagina um

What was I saying? I'm distracted by that. Yeah, vagina. Um, I would say it's it's a bit inappropriate to ask people that joey Maybe don't but hey, you're you're king of the internet people might not be upset with you I don't want to upset anyone your dad joe My dad everyone wants daddy to ask them about what they're shoving in them I don't think they do I really don't think they do. Oh my god Speaking of daddy

I called my dad yesterday because he gave me a gift for christmas and it's just like a a wooden plank Yeah, you brought this up. Oh, yes with a prayer on it. It was like my boy It's like dear god here's for your many gifts and whatever it's like to keep an example for my son proud and strong It's like this thing very strange, right? Yeah, so I called about 20 years too late. We would say yeah. Yeah, so I call I called him and I said Uh He goes hello and I go so I see you found the lord Right and the lord found him dude and he like laughed at the time

But then near the end of the conversation He started to realize that I was that I like had made fun of him. So when we hung up he texted me Oh, no, dude, what did he say? Wait your dad can text. I'm astonished. Yeah. I'm shocked This didn't come through in an email. He also gets really upset because sometimes he sends me checks For like 300 bucks and I don't cash him. So he gets pissed off fucking money boy over here So he goes like this Fucking money bags. He says we money when I'm just like fuck you dad. I got it now That's not what happened at all. That's exactly what you say

But he goes he sends it to my mom's house and like if I don't go to my mom's They just sit there and then I get it and then I forget to do it and I understand you don't need to explain Anyway, so he texted me and he said this is very after we hung up. He goes. Hey kiss my ass you bastard I just went into my amazon purchase and reread my gift to you. I think it was a loving heart film mess To you saying how much I love you and how proud I am of you as a father So now whenever I send you a check I will wait for you to posit it and I will bounce it and hope it fucks up your bank rating No more religious gifts for you

Now you get post-it notes that say fuck you Which is what he calls text messages Post-it notes post it. Gotcha. Gotcha. There he is I thought we I thought we lost him for a second and I said ha ha ha. I love you and you said yeah, yeah, yeah up yours with gauze Gauze at least he wants to be sanitary. Yeah, that's actually very very responsible of him. No more religious gifts for you. Fuck Yeah, sometimes Sometimes your parents do things where you're just like who is this person and then they get you right back with You know the next thing that they do

And uh, your dad got you back with that one. No, yeah, he's great, dude. Well, that's good I'm glad to hear that he's so funny back in uh, you know, he's back to his normal ways of Generally just being inappropriate and offensive. Yeah. Yeah. There's uh, he has sent me So many like text messages that are just like I want to read them but Yeah, you probably shouldn't my dad has gone full columbian in his old age He's ja ja ja where he's ja ja jaing putting a bunch of commas after saying hi

And then like sending like shimmering graphics at say like my son my life And i'm just like dad you can call me here. You guys want a good one? Dude tom just told me my brother tom just told me you're on the way to greece Talk about a homo fest. Yeah, there he is. He's back. You know why greek dads never join the army? They don't want to leave their sons behind. Have a great trip. Please be safe I Was going to greece That's what he texted me. It was great. The greeks are known for butts

Yeah, I know we know we've talked about that. Yeah, you were there Oh god, what was it like? Did anyone offer you butts? When you were in greece? No. No. No one was just like, ah egin. You want to show me my name yorgo? No, honestly. No. No, and a lot of people there weren't even greek. I feel like They're just from different parts of europe. Do you think? Okay What are you doing? What do you think?

You know how here in america we have like, uh, like slang terms for penis You know we call it a hot dog or like come we call cream Do you frankly we don't do that? Hot dog yeah, people will be like, yo, let me see your hot dog. You're shaboy boy. You're glizzy No one no one says that no one says let me see a hot dog. So do you think in other countries? It's like whatever is of that Consistency there. So like in greece will be like, let me get your sanziki Probably I want your gyro. Well, like spanish people say like leche, don't they? Do they say leche? I think so. I didn't know they said leche, but that's just milk. We all have milk

Yeah, but they're talking about cum. Yeah, but if they were to say like yo quiero dulce de leche That's a that's a pretty exclusively spanish thing. Okay, you know conquito I said con I was like conquito Yeah, I was like the fuck I just I wonder I wonder I wonder that was your big thought that was that you're like, let me see your lamb By the way, this is a weekly episode This is not a patreon where we decide I have written down kind of break the breaks off a little bit

Yeah, I don't know man. It's okay happens. We're living we're we're we're talking about bomb in the ass Bump. Yeah, and then also brushes in the Brushes in the womb in the hoonge in the in the womb in the thanks be to god I actually did a cameo the frank albert cameo where someone asked me to tell their friend that they had a stinky punch Punch to you know how we say that when yeah, yeah, like well you say yeah by front pouches. Yeah, um the front bag Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah the lady dictionary, right? I The lady dictionary

Got pages. There's a lot in there This is why yo, this is great because vaginas are the lady dictionary Because one there's a lot of pages and no matter how much time you dedicate to it. We'll never figure it out There's a lot to learn in there so much dude technically everything you need to know is in there and every responsible household has one Right, but now because of the internet. It's all on the internet. It's on the internet You could find lady dictionaries everywhere. You could pay for them, you know, you could get them on amazon But no one pays for a dictionary anymore They just they ask nicely and the ones given to them because the world wants people to be you know smart

Yeah, we should go. I don't know like Lady dictionary is that took me by surprise. Yeah, they asked me on an episode on a cameo to just tell them that and I felt weird Did you tell them? Yeah. Oh, here's a fun one that I got. Hey, Becky Here's a fun one. I got they asked me they were like, hey, um, we couldn't afford a joe one. So could you Could you do one being like passive aggressive and saying like, you know, you're not her favorite? Being like, hey, I'm not joe, but I'm I'm here to you know, just like I haven't had cameo on in like two years I figured and your price was significantly higher than mine. Yeah, uh, but yeah, it was it was very I I've gotten a handful of cameos that ask for you in particular

When I was doing cameo, there was some that came in. I remember one guy was like just rip a fucking fart into the camera And I'm like, oh, I never had that. Yeah, no I guess I would do it though. I guess that would make sense. Like that's where to do it at cameos only fans, but with less Stunge, right What is that one mean? It's all it's all the same, baby. Uh, but yeah, I I did not rip that fart into the into the thing that you know Or do you just ask for more money, but Would you fart into a camera for like a hundred bucks? We've had people offer us Remember the fartslave the fartslave the fartslave has asked we have not responded

Yeah, uh, he's he's actually gotten back to me recently. Nice saying like, hey, just want to check in mr. Frankie Yeah, or mr. Frank. Uh, are you willing to sell your farts? I think I think things need to be going really tough in order for me to do that If this show ever ends I might have to start selling feet farts and other stuff Yeah, me too. Definitely fingernails panties I don't know why I said panties. Yeah, like I wear those Did I did I ever tell you that Becca told miles like she called his underwear for years panties And I was like you need to stop when I when I came around those are underwear kids stop because you're gonna get skit bullied

He's gonna go to school and you'd be like my panties hurt people are gonna be like, what the fuck little kid my panties hurt Yeah, well, you know my your panties are hiking up or something I don't know how kids talk about it My panties hurt. Yeah, you know, um, anyway, I guess we could wrap it up there guys. Happy new year You just kiss the microphone a little bit hot. Where can they find you Frank? Uh, right here I'm uncomfortable It's getting worse. Give me your best kiss seriously No, just give me one like legitimately like if I were to ask for a tap kiss what you would do. Mm. Pow. No

I would seriously I'd be like Look at your lips. They're so out Yeah, well because I like I like full lip Maybe you're like making them hard That's how you do it. Yeah What would you say? What did you say? muckas

What did you say? I heard muckas muckas There we go the tongues out. Jesus Christ It's just like, you know how your family you're dead to that stupid ass shit and pow pow Yeah, we have muckas You guys do muckas. I mean, I only do it to ruby really. I don't really do it to muckas And sometimes I give her a muckas muckas. I'll go muckas muckas

Go kids, man Muckas life is wild f alvarez 8085 on twitter the frank alvarez on every other form tiktok youtube Gami, oh, you're your mother's basement Uh, and then make sure you check out the patreon patreon.com slash the basement Your drag shows up go check out the drag show And uh, you can follow me at jo san agato and go follow the show on tiktok and instagram at the baseman yard and that is all See you guys next time muckas