The Basement Yard - #382 - The Great Gum Debate

Episode Date: January 23, 2023

Joe and Frank debagte about gum....of course Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard Frank. Congratulations. I'm here. Yes. He's a new dad. Well, you're no dad with a new Reason to be a car. It's like you have you've had your license, but like you get a new car. You know what I'm saying No, you're not good at No, it's like I just compared my newborn daughter to a vehicle to a dad. Yes to a car's license. Yeah. Well, no I'm the driver's license Okay, being a dad is the driver's license. You see why this is not a good analogy I guess I guess I'll concede here and I will admit that I lost that one. You got a new baby. What's her name? I did get a new baby. It was handed to me and then I by the stork by the stork the stork gave her a mape

Mape mape and it's funny the inst like as soon as the first person we told the name because we you know We didn't do name. We didn't tell people names beforehand Right, he goes. Oh from the show the boys and that's the last place that I connected that I went to sex education Yeah, I mean we didn't name it after a character. Yeah, but like their names in that show But like would you name it after why'd you like the name? The only the only name in there is her middle name and it's after Robin Maeve Robin and it's Batman and Robin No, Robin egg blue. That's a good color. It is a good color. Also Robin eggs underrated Easter candy Yeah, very I kind of like them to the big ones the little ones are too like stupid idiots

My sister likes the Cadbury cream eggs that I don't disgusting. It's you know, it's a legitimate like jizz in there There it is. That's what I was gonna say. I don't like that. They do have the caramel ones which aren't too bad, but like With candy. Oh with candy. I don't want cream Yeah, I don't sound a little too. I like donut cream I like my donuts the cream on me for sure and I like them to jelly on me too Well, you've been I thought you like the cream in you and in the donuts real nice father for God's sake The only the only name that was after we just like the name Maeve the only name that has meaning I guess is her middle name Robin and it's after Robin Williams. Oh

Wow, you like that you like that one, right? Yeah, I do. Yeah, it's a nice one. It's a cute one I like Robbie will good old Robbie will. Yeah, what does Maeve mean? I think it's like like Protector of the night something like that. I don't know or it's like seduction seduction or something or like Influential or something like that influential. I don't know but apparently there's like a Story of like a an iran Irish Queen and her name was Queen Maeve and she like just slaughtered a bunch of guys That's fire. That's pretty cool. So is she cool? I mean she looks just like you your daughter That's so funny. I don't I guess I don't see it because all babies come out looking like old men aliens I know and like that's a thing I

Say that and I because I never see a newborn baby and go. Oh, she has your nose or whatever I'm like, this is just a thing. This it's a mush. It's a clay. It's just a bunch of clay That's exactly someone tried to do pottery and and was not doing well and made a baby and was drunk Yeah, but when I saw the picture of your daughter, I was like this looks just like really Yeah, the first thing we noticed when we came out is the hair. She came out a full fucking head of hair Oh, yeah, like like a big ol head of hair Yeah, and that's the first thing we noticed and we noticed what Ruby Ruby had my eyes She has big eyes big dark eyes big dark eyes and

Careful, I didn't say big dark guys careful there. I know exactly what you're doing You fucking little prick And we saw the hair and we were like, oh, that's what she got for me, but she's actually pretty fair-skinned like Becca She's great. She's gonna sunburn. I hate fair-skinned people. Well, you I I do. Yeah No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Yeah Are you though? Are you really? I am kidding cool, but there's actually a funny story about when she was born So did I did I ever tell you? I don't know if I spoke about this on the show, but the labor with Ruby After like the labor went great like this fucking like in and out like quick

Careful with that sound and my wife's vagina. I'm saying like boom by like came the right out still not a good sound I'm not making good sound not at all, but afterward. She had got something called spinal headaches Which happens when you get like an epidural like the spinal fluid leaks and it causes headache probably But that's undercutting it. I've had headaches in my life Apparently like Becca would stand up and she would hold her head because she thought it was gonna pop bro insane and So we this time we were really really really like cognizant and like trying to do what we could to avoid spinal headaches so

When these nurses come in bro, they ask the same 20 questions There's like different people poking you and prodding you and they're always asking like what's your name? Confirm birth date stuff like that and I think I I made the nursing staff believe that I was just like some like real piece of shit like asshole, okay What'd you do? So The nurses had asked questions to Becca as she's getting poked and prodded and one of the ones that they asked a bunch of times Which was the last thing you ate and the last thing she had eaten earlier that morning was a bagel with cream cheese and They no joke asked her like four or five times and she was experiencing contraction

So it was getting to a point where she was like super uncomfortable and couldn't answer right so the anesthesiologist comes in and They go what's the last thing you wait and there's a fucking giant fan in this room blowing that you can't hear shit and this woman the nurse Was really nice, but she was under a mask and she's like You couldn't hear shit Yeah, so by the way, you've done a great job justifying whatever you're about to do So I slapped her like would you say So the nurse goes back is having a distraction you could tell you could see it on the screen and her fucking face She's doing the contractions. She's doing the

And And the nurse goes was the last thing you ate and I step in you know how like in like movies and TV There's like the abusive husband. Yeah, and she's fine. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, she's ordering the waffle Yeah, I'm off the burger, you know, and I like stepped in because I knew she was having contractions So I said I was like bagel 9 a.m. This morning or whatever and I thought they said what type And I in my head. I was like they really want to know this type of bagel. She had so I whatever whatever they said I heard What type so I go cinnamon raisin lightly toasted a little bit of cream cheese on it Everyone is like

I think they asked like what time what time or some shit So the anesthesiologist goes dad take a walk what I got kicked out of the room Like immediately bro like right after like a minute after maybe he goes dad take a walk and He was one of the cool doctors. He came in with like one of those like bandana sculley Yeah, you know like the medical ones. Yeah, this one had like pirate faces on here like an unstrapped like yes Yes, yes, and I go and they're like go take a walk and I leave the room and it's when they're giving her the epidural now I'm sure it's like Protocol, but when I got back, I tried to come back in like twice and they were like no, no, no

And when I got back Becca was like they were asking me like if I'm safe at home Dying laughing because me answering made them like the nurses are like, oh, yeah, okay get out They're like is everything okay. Is this fucking idiot? Are you allowed to are do you even like cinnamon raisin? What cream cheese is really forcing it on yeah So it was funny we were laughing because we were like me like I was trying to do the right thing Yeah, because in them in labor I'm not in labor right she is It's so like it's happening pretty quickly when like things are happening

There's a lot of downtime where like you might just be lying around and resting But like when things are happening, it's like boom boom boom boom boom. Yeah, so I wanted to Like she was she was so uncomfortable and in pain that I wanted to just respond for her But it made them think like the nurses are like what fucking idiot And I was such in that moment I don't know they need to know diet and shit like that. Oh my god in that moment I felt like such a knight in shining armor like I was like I was like I'm all like Lay back babe. I can I can do this to me if they lightly toasted

cinnamon raisin a little bit of cream cheese and I was so I made them think that like wow this guy is so stupid and he's got to be fucking Possibly physically abusing her that is so funny picture What what time you answer with Oh my god, I think it's also were you like were you annoyed though in that moment? Are you just no you said it too loud? No I I knew like when they give her the epidural they need her to like relax so she can get this big fucking needle No, but I'm saying when like what?

Do you think you just said it in a way that they misunderstood like like were you like kind of fed up with all the questions? You know because like they're asking the same things No, it was 9 a.m. Was it such like I tried to ride about like because you know how I am in Hospital like in situations. I try to like crack jokes and be like witty Yeah, but like I need to know that like I don't think Becca likes that in all situations. I know that's not true I know she does she's fine with it But like when she's experiencing pain I need to yeah be awake like read the room a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, so I'm trying here like there were multiple times

Where like they would say something and I had the fucking response teed up in my head But I was like just stop Frank. Yeah, let you know and in that moment. I felt so like I'm on this Yeah, I'm on this. Oh, you don't need to respond, babe. That's so fucking funny. Yeah I know you had the baby and everything babies there cut the cord again. Is that cool? So wait, they just hand you a pair of scissors, bro. We talked about this. It's so funny I know but I don't remember someone recently posted the clip on tic-tac based on you on tic-tac Are you having a have you clip in the thing of us talking about it when Ruby was born? I don't even remember that conversation

I don't remember conversations as soon as we're done with I know me neither But like you were like super excited and gross out at the exact same time because it's like it's kind of cool But also at the same time. I'd be like ill ill ill Well, that's exactly it. It was it was pretty rad again And it you know, they hand me the like the babies in their hands and they're like dad Is it like scissors or is it like the mayor opening? No, it's not so long No, they're like medical scissors So they look like this and then like like it like hinges upward like that

Nice, so like you like closed down on it and it fucking whams whams it it whams. Does it does it like? No, it's not like a snake, but is there spray is something spray. There's no spray There's nothing nothing comes out. I didn't see anything come out I could be wrong But and then you know, I cut it and they took her over to like the fucking they put her in like some like thing I don't know what it is, but like they like check her vitals and legs. This is gonna be a stupid question Yeah, I'm ready for it The the god damn it I know this is gonna be a clip and we're gonna be in trouble, but like the umbilical cord

Yes, right your dad, so you have to know this. I can still be dumb, but like it's connected to the baby Yeah, right and Then it's connected to what it's like a parachute, you know when like people like it's on the inside It's going in there. It's going in. I think I what is it? Is it also connect? It has to be connected It's connected inside. I believe it's connected to the placenta. I'm probably wrong. Yeah, okay But like I'm saying like when you cut it, right? Obviously this end you cut it off the baby We make a little big bang, right? Yeah, and then But the other half is still snaking out of you know

So something that a lot of people don't know is that when women give birth vaginally, I don't know what it's like ain't only I don't know when it's like a caesarean But they have to kind of give birth twice, so they give birth and then they have to give birth to the placenta I wouldn't call it bullshit. Yeah. Yeah, but they have to like give birth to the placenta Yeah, and I think that's what the thing is hooked up to so that's what I'm saying Like it's like, you know when you see people skydive and they throw that they first one they throw the first one and it's like Yeah, yeah, well nothing is doing that right, but like that's what it is

It's like when they throw the parachute got it. It's hooked up to the umbilical cord. Okay, so the second It's hooked up to the second birth of the stuff the Placenta I like they're not going in there like we got unhooked this no Well, then they have to go in and do like a fucking A massage and shit like that. Oh, yeah, bro. It's wild women go through it Oh, so there's some whole hands in there I don't know about whole hands, but I know because I wasn't looking I wasn't looking Becca said she's like listen Really? She's like keep your eyes up here. Oh, I would I would I would be like I have to well

Like with Ruby at like at one point I peeked and I saw the baby's head and I was like good All right, like you know she asked me not to be like super involved down there, so I didn't want to you know What about this one of you did you get a little What was that like a peek at what was happening? Like I said, I was standing up with her and then they Look they got mirrors and shit too, right? They don't have mirrors. Also. She can't see no. She's never seen it I I don't know. I guess not Wow I'd have to I mean, it's her body. She doesn't want me to see it. I'm gonna say like okay, you know like whom I'd argue it

No, of course, but I'm saying like if I was her I'd be like well, I gotta see what's happening Oh, like you want it like you like they say girls do that Like that I got to see my stuff like they use mirrors to look at their one I thought it was like standards that there would be a mirror I would assume like everyone needs to know what they look like I get her being like don't don't look but for me if I'm her I'd be like well, I have to well, I mean, I guess that's yeah That's you and when you give birth you you could do that. I don't know honestly I've never asked Becca if she's seen it, you know as it's going on. Yeah as it's as I would assume it'd be a little tough

It'd be tough because like Well, no, bro, you can't you're not fucking how you doing. I'm saying someone has like a you know a little There's not someone in the back with like a fucking like a white monitor. Yeah Just like, you know, you know like Italian mobsters what they sunbathe with. Oh, yeah That big like fucking like three-way mirror. It's like a foldable thing. Yes No, I don't people put that in the windshield of their car. What does that do? It stops the inside of the car from getting too hot. Oh, that's fucking yeah, I just let your car get hot Yeah, like just deal with it deal with a hot-ass seatbelt. Yeah, exactly

That's what keeps you know people from not having their kids or pets in the car. I'll tell you what In my old car by Mazda. It was all black. The interior was black Got real hot. Yeah couldn't get in my car because of the handle and then once I get past that the whole inside is hot Bro, I was driving like with my fingers because I was like my steering wheels hot as shit Dude, that's my car. I'm black leather steering wheel black cloth seats So like I get in and it is a hundred thirty degrees and I literally have to start the car and like I use I put my hand through the steering wheel and I use that Mm-hmm a little higher though

I Fucking do it you basted, but yes birth baby's good. How was the mom is good? How was the cafeteria situation like after the baby was born like what do you guys eat in there? Oh, it was all right jello jello. No regular food regular sauce regular food There was other stuff bananas. They did have bananas the food this I gotta say the first time the food was pretty good this time Not so great. So we ordered damn. We ordered we I ordered fucking fat stuff Nice, I ordered a fat Reuben sandwich. Whoa. Yeah, buddy from a neighbor for like our like favorite like Like brunch lunch spot is right across the street from the hospital. Yeah, and we got that shit. Yeah, bro. If you've ever come by us

Taylor Sam's Brick New Jersey guys, I'm telling you that place is fucking booby central Like the food I mean The waitresses got fat knock and then I got bro, and then I had gotten stuffed Churro French toast Don't even say wait. Well, how does it wait? What does that mean? They say it's so it's like cinnamon French toast they cut it open they stuff it with like a cream cheese filling Oh, and then they cut up fresh churros and throw them on top. What yeah, dude. Oh my god

Oh, yeah, it was really good, but you can't eat that you die No, I ate it and I didn't die yet. Yeah still time still time But yeah, everything's good. We went home and you know now it's just insanity with three kids beautiful great It's crazy. Yeah, when are you gonna have your first kid? Well, you know, I have no idea But also I you know you had that happen for you And that was probably really tough to deal with me One of the biggest problems I ran to in the last couple of days is the fact that I bought a bunch of bananas And then I didn't eat them fast enough. Yeah, and I didn't know this about bananas

But like apparently they just eventually pissed their pants Well, they become like fucking wet. Well, yeah, like I have them in this like wooden bowl Oh, so it was soup. It was a swamp. There was there was banana piss It was like a Shrek's buggy Swamp like I like them to be like some like kind of dark and like whatever like, you know more ripe It's like better. I heard or something like well, if you're making if you're making banana bread You got this you got the stuff right there. No, I don't make man. I just make smoothies with it Like I rarely just eat a fucking banana. I just like make a smoothie with all right, but I I

Picked up the bananas and then the whole fucking bunch just fell off of the thing Yeah, and then into piss banana piss and I was like, what is this? Yeah, man And what is that though? They just like shit their pants. It's like pee-pee. I think it's like banana shit Like it's pee-pee banana pee-pee. Yeah, and and it could be very stinky It is stinky and you you better hope you clean that son of a bitch. Well cuz not you're getting fruit fly galore, baby But how do fruit flies? Become they smell them, but where do they come from fruit? But how did they get in here? I think there's like all right. Hear me out

How does a fruit fly get into my apartment, bro? They're like dogs. They can smell it shit from miles away They're like sharks you drop a single drop of blood in the ocean and sharks are coming That's how it is with fruit if there's stank ass disgusting pee-pee fruit Those fruit flies are on their way, dude. They're so weird. I don't like fruit flies because they look like Flying dandruff. I hate fruit flies because they make me look so stupid when I try to kill them Yeah, you know because they're there's they don't fly that fast But I swipe so fast that it pushes that way pushes the fruit fly out the way You gotta get a vacuum and just go like this. Well, I've two things one. I do the clap so

That's how you try to kill stuff. That's how I try to kill it or I'm gonna get the bug gun The fuck is that all about this thing? No, it's called like bug assault and you what it looks like a Nerf gun It sounds like a felony Your favorite type of assault You put it's like a it looks like a Nerf gun and you put table salt in it and And say there's a fly right there and you shoot it and air pressure shoots a little bit of salt And it fucking hits and kills the bug. How do they get killed by salt? What are they slugs bro if you got hit by a little rock that was coming at you 80 miles an hour in the fucking face

You died too Joey. Oh, okay because they fires it quick. It's like Like one grain or just a whole little black like a shotgun blast It's like a shotgun blast so it like sprays, but it doesn't it's like and it's a little bit of salt that you can Just then wipe up that'd be cool to have just for like margaritas Walked around the party. It's like take a shot Do you remember the shot gun that I had gotten for one year for my birthday? Remind me dude, so I don't know if you remember for my my birthday being in the summer Every year my siblings would get me like a fucking like drinking paraphernalia thing from what's it called?

Spencer's yeah, I got the boot remember. I was the original boot haver. You did love the boot. I still love that boot you stupid bitch I Would get like random things and one year it was a shot Gun and it looked like it had like a little canister like a gray canister you open it You put a shot in it and it had like you know how on like nipple water bottles. It has the like little butthole the What you know what I'm talking about. It's like a piece of silicone. It's like cut like that. Oh Yeah, you could finger it well, and there's like it's like flaps back up. Why is that the first place you went? I mean come on Your finger and water bottles here Joe. No, no, no not no

Well, all right regardless and you fill it and then you put it in the thing and you'd like pull the thing back And you would fire it and it would shoot like a fucking stream of a shot And you would shoot people with shots. Yeah, how from how far away? Oh, not very far, but Still it was pretty pretty rad. Yeah, I don't Jesus. You're really pushing that aren't you shall we come on? Yeah, I don't know I don't I don't say don't remember that, but I'm also not a shot guy So what did you end up doing with the the piss the banana water? Oh, I just like Claimed the bowl did you dump it down the sink? Yeah What is it like oil yeah, you know, you know, I don't believe you but I know it's a lot so like

Literally not close at all actually Getting you but I forgot what I made, but there was a ton of oil And I was like, I know I don't know what I'm supposed to do, but I know I can't put it down the drain Yeah, so I put it in a mason jar and then I googled I'm like, what am I supposed to do with this? I was honestly just gonna launch it. Oh, yeah, but I was like just let the world deal with this Yeah, and not me not you, you know, you could I mean if it's like bacon grease I don't remember what it was you can just like keep it and then use it as like a shortening Like, you know how people cook with butter or vegetable oil or whatever you yeah, but I'm not another one that I've done

That I learned recently is get a bowl line the bowl in aluminum foil Pour it in there let it congeal ball up the aluminum foil in the trash Well, what I ended up doing is I put it in there and then they're like just freeze it And then and then throw it out, but then I ended up throwing out the mason jar too. You fucking I knew I knew that's what was gonna Do I was gonna funnel it out like fucking yeah use a rubber spatula get that bitch out of there I can't get a spatula in a fucking mason jar. Are you familiar with jars? Are you familiar with rubber spatula's Joe? I don't have one of those like bendable ones. Why the hell would you have that? What are you cooking with a bendable spatula? Many things no they have to be a little stiff Joey that you could flip yeah

It's not rubber like I go like this and they're fucking wiggling around like a limp dick Oh, okay, so if they're not like that then you're not fitting that in a mason jar. Yes, you are do not ruining it No, you're gonna warp the thing and then you're gonna be fucking You seriously don't understand the idea of rubber spatula's like they're not rubber. They're silicone so they don't burn But like oh, oh, you're talking we're talking about different things. What are you talking about? I was thinking spatula's but you're talking about the things that you like beat like eggs with not no that's that is a Wisk no not the whisk bro the white thing that like when my when my mom went Careful, but no the

My mom would make like cupcakes or so. Yeah, she'd like mix it. That's a rubber spatula. I used to bite on and suck on them Well again You know, I'm honestly doing a show you're fingering things. You're sucking on things. It's so crazy I've figured out that I like have sucked on a lot of stuff No, there it is. They could they clip that but like not yet. There's still time. There is time. There's always time I mean, but that's what you're talking about those things. Yeah. Yeah, I guess I don't I don't have Watch this just get one. They're very cheap. I mean, whatever the jar jar went the jar went Yeah, that's a little jar went that's super elitist of you Joe to just be like I'm just gonna toss this whole fucking jar

Dude, it was a mason jar. It wasn't a magic lamp. It's like it's not expensive I mean, you know to some people it is relative. Do you see the price of eggs lately? By the way, that whole thing I Go down I go to the supermarket. There's eggs I do I have to say there are eggs and they're not like I'm very confused I'm not seeing the price of eggs at the moment and being like holy shit. It's like, yeah It's been creeping there, but there are people that are finding like cartons of eggs for like 40 bucks Where do these people live in chickenless shithole fucking states? I

Don't know. This is what happens when you live in Wyoming. There's nothing fucking But you know, I'm not living in this. I also don't really eat eggs like that. Oh, we eat eggs pretty quite a bit If I'm making breakfast, it's more often than not oatmeal or like a smoothie or both Is there any happiness and joy and color to your life if I'm making it if I'm ordering it That's a different story. Oh shut the fuck up. It's meal. Oh, but be fucking you know what I made for breakfast this morning I made myself a fucking egg taco a breakfast taco Taco, yes with a hard shell. No soft shell. Okay good. Yo hard shells are whack No, shut up. They're pretty good, but if they're accompanied by a soft well even with hard

We actually had hard shells recently not that bad anymore No, but they're like bite and then it's like every no no no no they hold up They figured out they figured out how to make them kind of you know a little more sturdy. I like that then we like a fucking I like us hard shell. We do the cheesy gordita crunches at our house. I like that too Put the soft shell down. We put some cheese. We put a hard shell open close it up Close that little bad boy and it's like glue and then you get the crunch It is like glue and like that and it is so delicious, dude And it is something that we should be doing so wait so you dispose of the banana juice

Yeah, that I just poured down the drain and then I cleaned the bowl But I was like ill I these things pissed and shit themselves. Did you throw the ball out? No, I kept them. Are you sure? Yeah, I swear to God. Are you sure about that? Yeah, was there any party that was just like I Know because it wasn't that much and it also like if it had like hardened and like looked weird Definitely would have thrown it out. I don't know that I've thrown something out recently like I don't know. Well, you did the mason jar there I Guess that counts, but I haven't like you know like a plate or like Orcs and mimes or something. Can I ask you something seriously? Yeah, serious question. Yeah, you know, everyone hates sink water like dirty dish water

Yeah, you know what I'm talking about right like if there's like a bunch of food and shit and dishes and it fills up And it's like gray and brown and shit like that Yeah, if you if you drop like a spoon in there you clean in the spoon or you thrown it out Oh, no, I just put it in like the dishwasher. Good smart. Okay. I just wanted to make sure we didn't no No, I don't throw stuff out unless it's like there's like mold on it. I'm like well that is done So or I you know what I you know what I have thrown out probably more than anything protein shakers Yeah, but those things are those are those are interchangeable and stupid well It's just because they fucking smell like like if I don't clean them immediately. Yes

I have to for whatever reason like if I Have a protein show he's very humble way of reminding us he works out every day when I have my protein shake after I fucking bench No, but if I have a protein shake and then I Forget about it or like I it's like on the counter something and then I come back to it like hours later I'm like it stinks. It stinks like dog shit. Yeah, and it just like looks And I'm like, yeah, this is not gonna be clean when I clean it You know it was even worse when I was at like the height of like my hyper being in the gym phase being a gym rat Yeah, I would use three different shaker cups one for my pre one for my

Intra one for my post and they all stunk and I would always forget all three of them in the car So I would I at one point I had like 10 fucking shaker cups that I just didn't know what to do with I think there's one in my car at the moment actually I have more Metal those metal like balls like that mix or whatever. I have more of those that I have fucking whatever also throughout a bunch of my I have like the ninja bullet Those cups have thrown out a ton of those two really. I only have one now So if that one's not clean, I can't have you're fucking ninja bullet come with like it came with two and I bought two more

Oh, I was gonna say whoa Joey you threw out so many No, I came with two and then I threw them both out I think and then I bought two more and then I threw one of them out. I'm down to one That's all right. That's all right You get rid of the ninja bullet and just get like a bigger like it like a Vitamix or something What is that? You know what Vitamix is don't Vitamix Just something like that It's just like easier. I could just like do it and then drink. Yeah, I gotta say

I've been gone. We we had pre-recorded some stuff. I'd been gone. I missed you. I miss you, too Yes, I Knew I would get it way too loud. I don't know. No, you don't realize man. That made me feel good. Yeah Best things ever happened to you in the last like month or so. No, I Can't put a number to it It's up there though. Cool. Um, we do have some sponsors for today. Let's get into that the first one being Squarespace, okay? Squarespace amazing You're gonna want to use Squarespace to start building your websites

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You want to intercut? Yeah, not a word. I what not a word intercut. Yeah What do you mean? It's not a word not for the setting not for the I and you're gonna intercut. You're an interject But I'm not I'm not jacking. I'm cutting Interjecting is what that means. I found something in your office that I had raised some eyebrows Especially since you were just talking about fingering inanimate objects and sucking them quite a bit and it's this book usually I'm sucking food. It's this book. Yeah Which it's called for our audio only listeners Dr. Sadie Allison's tickle his pickle. Yeah hands-on guide to penis-pleasing so cool. Yeah, awesome. I'm listen

Whoever you are you want to suck on wangs awesome Why was this at your desk because I know you and I don't think you're actively doing that sucking sucking dicks So do you care to explain or can I have the book? Well, no, I just show me give me the book It's by dr. Sadie Allison Meet America's pleasure coach. Yeah Also the best-selling author of the mystery of the undercover clitoris. Oh Where I thought we figured out that it's there. Yeah, it's not what do we mean undercover? Well, sometimes it's under covers. Are there do we got to go fuck like looking for this thing again? I mean, sometimes you got to like

Get it. What is that? What was the He's spreading. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, you know ride him cowgirl That's a different book. That's a different book probably about riding tickle your fancy Which that's probably about asshole play. It must be in the same universe as like, you know, the other the tickle his pickle Yes, and there's also tickle my tush. Oh That one's about asshole. It's like the Hunger Games, you know, Hunger Games Second one the third one. I don't know the name

Order of the Phoenix. Oh, that's Harry Potter. Yeah, I just realized that there's something with a Phoenix though I think in those movies Burning Phoenix. No, I think it's catching fire is one of the Books, yeah, I think the Phoenix is all Harry Potter, babe Whatever, but this is you know, this is like the sequel to tickle my fancy and then toy gazzams That's a good one. I apparently yeah, apparently I don't Okay Do you want to like explain or?

well, the real answer is there's a video coming out on youtube.com slash Santa gata studios where we I Opened up a mystery box of sex toys from a company Okay, and we kind of went through all of them. Is that what that giant box of sex toys is right? Yeah, it is I gotta say It's a giant box a pretty big box. It's a giant box of sex toys There's a lot of interesting things there that we kind of something we like used actively on each other you and no We didn't we didn't like insert, but there are some stuff like there's some you bring you bring that there's some candle wax

Stripping that we may or may have done. Oh Never done that sucking a nipple sucking machine not a machine get that they're called breast pumps Why the fuck are we like well? I sucked my nipple That's so fucked up. We charge hundreds of dollars for breast pumps for expecting and and new moms But then you can go on fucking these sex websites and get nipples sucking things for like 30 bucks to be fair I see the problem. It's not a it's not a machine. It's just like a thing. It's a hand pump kind of oh Yeah, did your nipples get fat again? You had fucking puffy nipples we love talking about it. Can I have this for a second though?

Sure, don't show them the inside of the book because I know every page. I've opened open to there is a penis Yeah, and like whoever drew the dicks in this book kudos. Really? I feel like these are good resin represent Oh, never mind. That was a bottle of champagne. I thought it was a Ejaculating wing. Oh, well, I guess that's what they're trying to elicit with that picture Yeah, there was one thing I wanted to talk to you about Actually because they're so you read through the book. Well in the video. I did this is the page. Wow. That's so crazy In in the hello. He's like, I don't know where it is. Oh right here No, but there was I went through and I was like, okay, but as someone who has a penis

The last I checked. Yes. Yeah, the last I checked. Yeah, there was two two Pictures of penis. Yeah, because this one is like oh This also said four skins how to but it says great giving great hand, right? So hands. Yeah the first thing that is you know one of the Suggested methods to hand-jobbing is called the cigar roller Listen, I in my past. I've enjoyed a cigar

Yeah, but so the picture just has like the penis. Yeah, well, yeah, and then the and then the hands on the outside and doing this That's never happened to me. You're washing your hands with dick or just Happy birthday to you. Yeah, like happy. Why the fuck are you saying happy birthday? That's what they say, you don't remember like during like 2020 It's always like if to properly wash your hands you sing happy birthday twice. Oh, I didn't know I've never heard Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the other thing You got to get in your fucking

What was the thing that I was doing during COVID where I was washing my hands and I was like It was such like I was like, oh, that's like a really good way to wash your hands, but I forgot what I was doing I don't know so pointless way to think the way to give some quality So the other thing though, it's called two thumbs up, right and what they where are the thumbs up I'm gonna get to that. What are the thumbs up? So the two thumbs up method is like so this is the penis. Yeah, well, I mean, that's a penis Yeah, so you have the cock and now just a little this is the part that he sees So this is the bottom part of the so you're you're the you're the I'm where the balls you're the recipient

No, no, no. Well, yeah. Yeah. Well, you're a recipient of whatever I'm handing the cock. Yes. Yes Yes, so this is the top of the dick and like this is his body and then these are his legs down here So this is I'm looking at the bottom of the way the yin yang. Yeah, and she takes her thumbs like this and Is pushing upward and then making circle motions at like the tip like where the shaft meets the tip How it kind of looks like a Something what's that? I don't know like a like when she drew it, you know, there's like a like it all crescent Yeah, like like the pinnacle the the peak at the top of the head. No, it's not the top of the head It's where the shaft. Oh, oh, like you know rim. Oh, what is like the Suez canal? You know, I'm saying well

You're not good at metaphors. Yeah, but she's going like this. Oh To the bottom of his stuff and I'm like, what is that? That's how you that's isn't that like a trick to like open wine bottles without a cork like screw or something like that Like you fucking like add heat right here and then yeah, man. Oh Maybe it's like that. I guess we figured it out. Maybe. Oh, that doesn't sound cool That sounds like it would fucking cause a little too much friction. You'll lighten my dick on fire There's another one on this page that I'm seeing for the first time and it's called knob polisher This I've actually had happened to me and I did not like it

No, but you're polishing an apple place your open palm you're gonna do it ready. Yes You didn't need to tell me I was gonna do it anyways place your open palm on the top of the head of his penis Right in close him in your fingers Like you're a fucking like xenomorph And begin twisting around like you're polishing a knob I mean you have to twist your hands not the penis How do you know I'm not doing that right now because I could see your wrist moving and I'm a human being But it's like you're yeah, like how would that be cool?

Wouldn't it's called the starfish like the other day the starfish like she's going like this Who what what the hell that doesn't sound rad. I don't know I don't know if these are cool This one is the turtleneck no lube necessary from grab grasp him firmly just under the ridge and Stretch his skin without you need to know this is she giving you fucking basic anatomy in this too She's saying names like Ridge and fucking pinnacle. Yeah, well you said pinnacle. She did. Oh, that's what she's fingering her balls Oh, no, look you see finger in the balls. Yeah, I see those are fucking those are nuts. Those are fucking balls

Yeah, oh this one's wait wait you still haven't answered the question. I propose which one why did you have this on your desk? I'll get I understand why you had it because it was sent Yeah, it looked like you were doing some like heavy reading and you posted pictures Are you reading like books from like the CEO and creator of Twitter and like other one about books where it's like money is hilarious? Why why did you have one about fucking? sucking and fucking You know pickles I'll get I'll get to that but this one again. He's not answering my question here, but I have to say this one This one's called wait

Oh Too much that space here. No, no, no. Yeah. No, this one's called taint it fine Um, like ain't it fine with a taint press your fingertips Knuckles or a fist which is what they chose to do that gently into his taint stroke with your other hand So imagine getting your taint. Well, that's a tight rope that you're walking there. Oh, no Punching is no, that doesn't sound cool. Yeah pressure fucking fist in his taint I wouldn't want that that would be too much pressure and just wild like You're you got to be careful man because you are the taint is like no man's land

You aren't either side of the battle there on one side. You got fucking nuts on the other side. You have bunch home So bunch home you miss that fist or knuckles or fingertips. You're going into that. I Can't what am I looking at this? Oh, she put her fingers in his mouth. Yeah and blown them That's not really cool. She doesn't really look like she's like hunched over. She looks like Schmeegel Kind of she's like Yeah, she's fucking going to town. It's kind of nuts man. Good for this thing. Oh, we just got just such it What is this? I got to say if you have figured out a way to write a book about it and make millions all the power No way, no, that's kind of that's dope. That's for who me

Who are you in that situation a man? Wow, so you only believe that it could be a man and woman Wow Joey. That is a man and woman. I know I know I know I'm joking. Yeah, that's a weird note. I wouldn't put anyone through that I wouldn't be able to look my wife in the eye if I did that Yeah, this guy's because her eyes are being crusted in pink Pink eye, but but stuff. Yeah, it's kind of wild. But yeah, so that the book though. What was your question? Yeah, you like you had it. I understand why it was within the confines. Yes walls. Yeah But I know clarification on it was on my desk. Yeah, this desk. No that desk

Yeah, oh your white desk, right and you know I'm saying that no I walked in I haven't been here in a couple days Joey got like new stuff like new desks tables pens Fucking pens tell me right now. Did you think he uses pens? He absolutely doesn't everything white and not like like white and black Everything white, you know exactly what you were doing like severance What's that? It's a show. Oh, oh with Adam Scott. Yeah, I never watched it. It's pretty good. You know what I'm watching right now yellow jackets Bees um not the physical animal to show on Showtime you watch bees Frank I would watch bees, but it's a show watch bees to it's a show on Showtime so far not bad. I

Actually love bees Because yeah, like I if you watch segments on bees, they're kind of cool No bees are awesome and queen bees are terrifying well because they don't do any of the work They got fat asses. They do have big old badoons. How do you become a queen bee? You just got to be like you got to have a fat ass I think you need to be a part of like a group of like other bees. That is like rad And then like drop a couple albums and then leave the other two bees that are like Waying you down a little bit to be like your own bee and then like find like the like the Jay-Z of bees and then like

Eventually through time you'll become the hive the bee the queen bee Beyonce. Yeah. Yeah, that's probably what it is But I'm very confused by how you make a queen bee that is a good question And is it like and she only give birth to Queens is she I don't know I I don't know and they just follow her. So like bro. Don't die for this woman Well, yeah, they like so the beekeepers will like go and like find the queen bee pick that bitch up Again put her in a box Right, don't tell the bees and you put her in a box You can call bitch bees bitches

They won't here and then the other bees will just go follow her because they go bitch with fat ass love We got to go back to the fat. Oh follow her They will like legit do anything for her like they'll like the queen bee is like telling them in like buzz language like yo Like kill yourselves right now. They're like no fucking problem. Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of crazy One of the most satisfying things to see in the world is someone just Scrape in a honeycomb like a real honeycomb. It's like Yeah, I love this shit I've always wanted to like meet like an apyrus or someone like that that what that's what they're called apyrus

Beekeepers call them beekeepers. Well, no because their names are apyrus. I believe I don't remember now I actually I should probably look it up. I'm not gonna look it up. That's what they're called Okay But like bro when they like open it and they like scrape it down and like you just see it like kind of like rolling into each other Is that like their money though? Are we like robbing bees of like their everything? No one has money except for us We're only dumb idiots with money. That's right. That is true. I will say I Am one of those people and I know you're gonna be like one of those people too. Have you ever tried meed I

Want to try no, there's a there's a meadery in Brooklyn. That's like run by one of the fucking, you know Fucking cool twins that were in Big Daddy the Sprouse the students this Cole and Dylan Sprouse Dylan I swore it was like Nate. Is it Dylan's? Oh, it is Dylan Sprouse Cole and Dylan Cole Sprouse, but I want to try me because it's like alcohol from honey. That sounds pretty cool Yeah, I wonder if it'll be good. It's gotta be good, right? I mean honey. Have you ever like chewed on honeycomb like gum? Honeycomb gum. No, like they sell honeycomb and you could take a piece of it and chew it like gum You just can't blow bubbles with it. Oh, I don't I don't think so. Yeah, it's pretty cool. Yeah, I think you should do it So I'll suck some honey go again. You've been doing a lot of talk about sucking. Well, they're porous, dude

You're supposed to suck. I just want to let you know seriously. Yeah, whatever lifestyle changes. You are feeling I support you and love you wholeheartedly and I would be honored if you would share them with me You know, it's weird. I suck stuff That probably doesn't deserve it But then I bite stuff that you're supposed to suck Walk me walk me through like lollipops pretend. I'm an idiot ice pops Ice cream sometimes I bite ice cream. I'm an ice cream biter. I can't bite it too hard because I'm my little teeth Well, we've discussed it. Your teeth are pretty little

No, but if you bite too much ice cream, it's like your teeth get fucking cold So you have to like be strategic about when you're buying it. I understand that I actually work opposite I've and I'm interested to see what you think about this. Is there a time of the year you prefer ice cream? Hotness I don't I prefer ice cream in the winter and I prefer soup in the summer Why because it's like a good way to remind yourself of like enjoying the nature around you like when it's nice and warm out You have a nice warm bowl of soup. Why do you say stuff like that? That's like clearly so ridiculous Why is that ridiculous because you're like, I'm learning Frankie. You're not changing the world. You're eating a soup Yeah, I'm changing my mind myself of my environment

No, no, no, no because I shared with you that I'm trying to be more present in the moment and remove like unnecessary Noise and stimulation for my life So when I want to talk about what I want to talk about the way in which I ingest things to remind me of the beauty of my environment Let me fucking do it. Why do you in the summer? Yes reminds you of the environment. Yes, it does. How's that out of control? Same with having cold in the cold when you have ice cream in the winter It's like it fits. It's like a sense of like symmetry, you know, like there's cold out there cold in you It's it's it all flows together. Well, what are you you are bound like a you are Fuck you. You are one with the earth. Oh, there's snow outside. I would like to be one with the earth

I would like to be it because guess what there's connections to our body in the earth, Joey Now you're just saying words. I'm not saying words. Also, like do you look at those out of science when it's no Google science right now If when it snows out you eat snow cones and you think like you're you're part of now you're closer to the earth First of all snow cones. I mean depending on certain ones that you get they're loaded with high fructose corn syrup Which is really just ruining your entire dietary system. Yeah, do you like snow cones? When they've melted a little bit when they're like really care about them. I miss luscious. They're dumb Oh, no, I miss luscious are good hip surf in place. Those are dangerous. Probably. Oh, yeah. Oh speaking of high fructose corn syrup

Yeah, yeah All that IBS could be tracked. Yeah, probably right there. Yeah, also snow caps. What a shit candy Yeah, I don't think I've ever willingly had a snow cap and if I have I was in a lot of trouble. I yeah Punishment eat the snow cap. I would have to eat him though because my grandma used to bring him over my grandma had the dumb idiot Your grandmother was my grandma my grandmother had the worst Taste in any sort of like enjoyable snack. Well, Joey, that's that's not your grandma bring over fig newtons Oh, oh, she's you know fig newtons are bad They're not like a fuck she made it seem like she was giving us candy. I'm like this is a that is candy. It's a fig Newton

It is a cookie a fig Frankie you think fig newtons are candy They're cookies Frankie. I'd rather eat the inside of my couch Then eat a fig newtons. What a delicious inside of your couch You know I used to love them, but it's because I was under her Irish spell Yo, she used to bring this candy that was purple and it literally tastes like I'm eating a bottle of perfume Yeah, they were called like violet something well No, you know why because it was shoved in the bottom of her fucking gay ass pocketbook that was probably covered in the whatever

like Fucking perfume she had at the time. It's that was the taste. It was like this violet No, like like they like it was just it was very well Oh, people do have shitty taste in in treats and candy my grandmother used to give me those fucking Individually wrapped strawberry candies where the rat. Those are amazing. No, they're not you don't like those. No God, those are amazing and then oh butterscotch candies. Those are trash be one or the other. I like butter I like scotch. They don't meet together. Well, no, but butterscotch is if you can make it yourself Yeah, I used to remember how to make it, but I don't I don't right now

So I don't want to commit to anything but the strawberry ones that strawberry shit is mad good No, Joey the ones that are wrapped and look like strawberries dude. They're not good No, those are good. Those are the only candies that my grandma had that were like good. No, you know why they're not good It's like, you know why they're not good I'll tell you what that would suck on that bad boy until it would get thin enough where I can break through when it was like That jelly inside. Yeah, and then I would break up the heart outside mix it up And it was like a ball of glass shards in my mouth. I didn't fucking like it. Well, you ate it wrong Idiot. No, I didn't eat it wrong. I was a child. You were making a ball of glass

You're not you're supposed to do it. I can't believe you have this Vintetta against Fig Newton's dude Fig Newton's are like Well, I was tricked into enjoying a good thing. No, but she made it seem I hope your grandmother's rolling in her grave Don't tell your mom about that. Yeah, because it's their cookies, bro They are absolutely cookies. They're not great Fig Newton's dude. Come on dude. You're out of your mind. What are we what got us here? What got us here? I have no idea a snow caps. Oh, yeah. No, my grandma used to be she was like that too She would the worst candies and treats she'd be like you want a piece of gum and I'd be like fuck. Yeah, and it'd be like free dent Like fucking yeah, and I'm like, what is this? You get a set of like a hospital or something. That's basically where she got it from. Yeah, it was awful

It was so no gum sucks. That's zebra gum. Oh, yeah, that's not very good gum But I like the tin that it came in it didn't come in a tin. It was a bit. It was a paper thing No, they were like they were in there though. No the tin that you're talking about is the beeper gum It was beeper. Oh, yeah. Yeah, those were fucking awesome Give me your top three gums, and I'm not talking flavors. I'm talking brands. I I'm not really a big gum. You're not a good guy Well, when you're making fun of me. I like winter fresh and I like big red You're putting

Winter fresh and big red as gum brands in your top two. I don't know good gums. Oh, wait. Yeah, yeah, done Bubblicious. Hello. No, bubba bubba What's the double bubble those are ass? Yeah, no, they're pretty cool I'm gonna try baseball game. What no they're pretty cool for the first like bite in a half because they get like fucking like Like old person skin in your mouth, you know where it's like they're like thin and kind of grainy Yeah, and then they get I don't know what you mean by that. I I've never had an old person skin in my mouth Yes, you do. You know exactly what I'm talking about. I don't I don't I guess like it's like when you first It's so hard and you bite into it and it like it introduces the moisture of your mouth into it

And it becomes like soft and dog shit like an old person skin Yes, it's like soft and grainy and then like you chew more and it gets hard. We're talking about gum Yeah, I know exactly what we're talking about I was just making sure because I still don't know what you're talking about. Big League chew is the pinnacle of gums, baby I've had big league chew recently And it's really hard to have an appropriate amount of that gum you need to have a lot of it Well, even if I feel like I'm not having a lot it ends up being a ton. What a problem Yeah, I mean the watermelon bubble is just is very good watermelon big league chew is

Legitimately heroin and I don't care I do think that winter fresh and big red are like old reliable stuff No, but you're just saying that because of the flavor The flavor of the winter fresh or the winter mint. What are we talking about if not the flavor of gum the viscosity? I'm saying I didn't I said specifically. I don't care about flavor. I want your top brands Oh, who makes those? Oh, those are the brands, I guess I think they're made by somebody else, but like winter friend. That's what I would say is the brand like hubba bubba big league chew Bubblicious, you know what sucks throw this out there. I don't know. Sorry if I'm upsetting this

bazooka bubblegum is Really not that good I think people like it because they were idiots in like the 60s and 70s We collect a hundred we get a free t-shirt, bro. It's 2023. I want a t-shirt. I go to Target I get a t-shirt. Well, I also think that bazookas are cool. That's a good name. It is a good name for anything Yeah, bazooka. That's yeah, that's oh, she's got big bazooka. Oh, that's where you went you went tits Well, it could be anything a guy instantly went to boobs. Yeah, that's usually we're talking about children's gum No, that gum is for everyone

Bazooka bubblegum is specifically it's like marketed towards children you eat it I haven't had a piece of bazooka bubblegum. Oh, so you're saying your favorite one bubble-licious hubba bubba These are geared towards adults. They're geared toward people that have a sense of humor about hubba bubba hubba bubba Yes, Joey hubba bubba and bubbalicious. Yes, those are so adults. They're not I never said they were adult sounding They're people like gum Bazookas are dangerous and they're a you use them in the war. They also come with little fucking comics of some idiot who's just like oh It's stupid. It's all right. It's not the worst gum The worst gum that we know of

You're not gonna let my answer because you like this gum a lot. I So then let me tell mine before yeah, it's those fake-ass gumballs that are in ice pops Okay, that is actually the real answer That's the real it's those are like at the end of a two ball screwball. I'm like this is just dust You know those commercials you see where like people take putty They mix it together and then like it's like hard as a rock and you go like you can use it to repair like a door hinge or something That's what that gum is. It's basically kinetic sand. That's it. Thank you so much. That's exactly what it is What were you gonna say though? I got a batten down the hatches for this. Yeah, I know that you like this gum

So you like whatever but like I always thought that it was like the weakest one of like all the gums that were out there Juicy fruit. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. That's okay. It's I love juicy fruit. I understand why it would be a bit It's like it's to me. It's like it runs out pretty quickly. It does and it's like if you put it next to like Spearmint winter fresh big red. I'm like these like are better gums. Ah, yeah I mean, I like it, but I can understand that actually might be my favorite like gum. Oh, wow When were you born 1802? Spearmint Spearmint. What was it? What's the one with the twins? How's it go? That's a double mint twins double mint

What a weird marketing thing for gum get two boys in a weird marketing thing for gum How are you gonna sell this gum get two whores that look alike with big bazookas. Yeah with bazookas and points It didn't really make any sense as a marketing thing for gum Yeah, but although like five gum and like I hate that five gum is trying to be like sexy Yeah, oh, you're not axe body spray. I'm sorry. They're trying to be the axe body spray of gum They're like, you know what happens when you chew five gum you can fucking whet and horny Yes, you get so much Something to fucking satisfy my oral fixation. It's like I'm drunk driving. I just want the cops and I smell my breath

Well these commercials where it's like what it's like to chew five gum and it's like a person hanging and there's like a 30,000 speakers behind them. Yeah, I'm like, oh, I'm not trying to have an orgasm Yeah, I just want to eat gum like just stop making this like a sexy thing It's like a dude eats gum and a hot woman gets right in his ear and it's like I just like yeah, bro. I just want to like I don't want to chew this Bro, I want to chew this gum not fucking cheat on my wife here like come on Didn't make I'm not eating gum to like get pussy dude like I ate something with garlic in it Yeah, exactly. I don't go. I don't I want to mask the fact that I just fucking absolutely destroyed

a gyro When it's like the chew five gum and it's like icy hot water like on a fucking person's lap It's like bro. Come on figure this out a tsunami of like ice shard. Just like Yeah, I don't and then orbit went the other way orbit was like if you chain eat you're dying it with me Insurance commercials to me. I'm just stupid. I don't need to be sold It's gum gum. It's gum. It sells itself. I've never seen a winter fresh or a big red commercial in my life No, they they've had them. I remember because I remember the the double mint twin commercial. Yeah, where it'd be like fucking like Shoot double mint gum got me

Like gum sells itself It's come guys It's gum It's gum everyone it's just gum guys Just gum you do you need to do zero things to market gum. It's going to get bought and chewed Yeah, say like a dentist recommends it or whatever the fuck. No even that makes me want to stay away from it I don't want gum. That's healthy. Yeah me or gum. That's gonna help me quit smoking I want gum. That's gonna make me feel like I'm chewing on something to fucking pass the time right now

Those double mint twins it made no sense I Selling gum I don't need to see fucking big old knockers. Just give me the gum What a time Okay, all right. Well, hey guys, thanks for hanging out. We didn't tell you about it earlier, but patreon We're fucking crushing it. We're crushing records. So thank you so much. We really appreciate it and tell your friends about it We want to keep climbing we want to get closer and closer to the age of consent that Joey listens to I think we're at 18 right now. We work hard. We'll get right where Joey likes it at 16. So

What Patreon.com slash the basement yard go sign up tell your friends about it. It's really great. Thank you so much We want to keep breaking records. We're excited for 2023 and find me at f alvars 8085 on Twitter the Frank Alvarez on Instagram tick-tock twitch Everything go go check it out, Joe This is a normally toward the end of episodes we slowed out a little bit Right up fucking gum untapped area You guys can follow me on Joe's hand I gotta go follow the show on tick-tock and Instagram at the base me yard and that is all see you guys next