The Basement Yard - #384 - It's Against The Law To Name Your Kid This

Episode Date: February 6, 2023

Joe and Frank feel bad for some kids names out here Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard Frank. Yeah Guys, you can go to shop.Sanagato's What is this shop.Sanagatostudios.com and go get the fucking me and Frank and drag shirts Listen, and if you don't know what these shirts are by the way, go to patreon.com slash the basement yard We did an episode where we had a full drag There's also a video on Sanagato studios, but this is the this is the goodie you want here and these shirts by the way Very very comfortable. Yeah, despite the fact of mine. It's painted on me because it's just medium. You're right There you're gonna want them folks shop dot Sanagato studios.com

The link will be in the description go get it. Yeah, baby. It's Go get both of them. Well get get both of them and then tell me why the Gloria from Astoria one is nicer Well, no, it's that one. This one. I will say you did more work on your name here You got the like doubles and you got can make that you got lightning and shit And what'd you get nothing? Well, you got your three of you. There's three This is a very Greek-looking woman. That is and she looks great by the way So go check it out. Sanagato's shop. Whatever it is. We'll shop that Sanagato. Stop fucking stop figuring my mouth Stop fingering it. I'm not gonna stop. Please. Okay

And then patreon.com slash the basement yard Yeah, but more importantly than that just want everyone to know that This morning I received a photo of the text message of a bottle in Frankie's car filled with Golden piss it was quite golden honestly golden piss in his car piss in his car again Hydration is an issue that I have that I'm trying to work on for this 2023 calendar year And it clearly you could tell not going well a couple days in yeah, because you had golden piss Yeah, now listen, I had to I had to pee and I wasn't gonna wait till I got here So I peed in the car. I'm an efficient man. I'm moving and I'm paying at the same time

Okay, I won't say where this happened, but it happened in my car. I don't want to get in trouble. Am I like kind of like You know Criminalizing myself here. Am I incriminating myself? What are you talking about like saying that I peed in my car? Is that like oh, I'm gonna snitch on you. I know where it was. Well, I I'm snitching on myself right now. It was the Holland no It was the Holland tunnel. It was not in the Holland tunnel. It wasn't it wasn't he pissed in the Holland no stop He didn't pull over and piss there. He was pissing in his car. I didn't I didn't there's no proof and it didn't happen I'm I'm saying I have proof if you guys want it

I could as long as you as long as you might pay the legal fees that come as a result of this What do you think is going to happen someone some heart out there? So I'm going to come here who pissed in my tunnel my tunnel some hard-o out there It's just like your disrespect in the American fucking culture by pissing in a tunnel. I didn't piss in the tunnel It was in my car. It's New York. The whole city's covered in piss. I didn't first of all Joey I didn't piss in the tunnel. I didn't piss in my car. It does happen. He did piss anything is the figment of my imagination None of this is real I have the birds are not real. I Needed a pee Joey, you know, I had to get in my position and I had a pee. Have you ever peed in your car? It's not easy

Stop that's a Holland tunnel full bag right there. That's a full bottle of It looks like cream root beer. Oh No wonder I don't like that stuff. Yeah, you were a big barks guy. I liked cream. Yeah There you go cream soda or root beer more neither I like dislike both of them How can you dislike both of those because they're both not good? They're both good The best thing about root beer is the root beer flavored bottle cap candies. Everything else is disgusting. Those are good I told you also the root beer little dum-dum pops. Nope

Good, there's two good flavored dum-dums. No watermelon and blue raspberry. That's stupid. No, no cotton candy is also good And bubble gum you idiot. I've never had the bubble gum one I don't think I've ever had the candy one because I just if I want cotton candy. I guess what I have cotton candy Last time you had cotton candy Not that long ago I was at a baseball game and then I got it and as soon as it was in my hands I went this is too big. I don't know but it's not you know There's like less sugar and like a tub of cotton candy than like a Snickers bar

Really? Yeah, because it's like I like Snickers bars. They're too much. It's like they're too much I mean a brick you basically are with a dick vein in it So it makes you feel like you're sucking on a pee-pee, too. Yeah They are there are a bit much. I've always said I my pledge my allegiance to Twix Twix. Yeah, how do you pledge allegiance? You're not gonna make me very close very close not very close like I almost I could teach you how to pee in a car because my my style is Unprecedented yeah, what is this like style that you have so I'm in the driver's seat obviously

I hope I I have to move my car by the way doesn't have a Tesla. He's also driving while all this is happening good This is tell us how you piss in your car. Stop that because you're actually incriminating me here So I move my seat as close as I can to the driver's seat to the driving steering wheel the thing you drive with the wheel Of which you drive and steer. I got it. Yeah So you know how like you have one foot down like on the gas in the break You're not one of those cycles that drives are two feet, right? No, okay. Just want to make sure And then the other foot you know how there's not like that like this thing the thing in the in this in the car Right where it's like it's meant for your foot. Yeah, just hangs out. Yeah, the rest foot rest got it

I Push down on that as fast as as hard as I can so I'm like kind of like almost airborne Now you're a you're hovering above the seat. Yeah, and then I angle my body. I Angle my body like this Why because when you're like this you're cutting off your bladder So you can't be officially you got to like push and that's that's how you get like bad stuff So you stiffen your body like a board. Yeah, and you make basically your body and the bottom of the car is an acute triangle Yep, acute angle. Yeah, I'm at I'm at like a 30 degree angle

Well, no, I have to like kind of finagle it out and over, you know what I mean out and over what my pants So I pull I pulled you know pull it pull everything out and I finagle it pull everything out of the whole show The balls. Yeah, I have tinted windows too. That's something that I should be very clear about. Hmm. I do guys He doesn't know I absolutely do okay. I do have tinted windows in the back seat. No front seat is tinted windows There those are probably illegal too Just incriminating myself as much as I can say and then you pee and then when you're done you have to like Get the rest of the pee out and then Hold on

We think I'm gonna let you go. What is this? What are you doing? You you get the rest of the pee out What does that? What are you doing? Milking the rest of the pee out milking the rest of the P. That's just the terminology, but yes Are you putting your penis in between your scissors and you're going like this However, you get it done you get it done Joey the method in the method The methodology in which I use to milk the rest of the pee out of my pee pee is mine and mine only But how do you how are you milking holding the bottle and driving? I got big hands, you know, I have big hands. Yeah

So I it's kind of like a What's what I don't know what's what this is the bottle. Yeah, like I put it in between my fingers pretty close up against and I'm like You're not doing that. Yes, I am like a hermit crab you need to get it out I know that and it's not easy, you know, and are you do you are you fitting your Depends on the type of bottle there Joe. Yeah, but like if it's like a Gatorade ball Do you just like feed the whole thing in Gatorades are a little easier to get into. Yeah for me You know if I I mean I would need a five gallon jug if I could if I wanted to go all the way in because You have so much meat. I'm big old meatball. I have a big meatball. I got a big meatball cock. That's the thing about me

Watch it. I don't know why but at first I was like why I thought it was filled with piss No, I should bring my my pee bottles in you shouldn't what would you do if I did I'll tell you what I'm dealing with another pee bottle fucking person That's right. That's my boy Fucking why am I we're together in this Wakanda forever being in bottles. Yeah, Greg's always pissing bottles in the studio Try it right down the hall try it you have to understand business-minded people like Greg and I we'd never want to lose a minute What was funny? What the fuck was funny about that? We never want to lose a minute of efficiency Yeah, so what do we do is we pee as we work? You pissing bottles won't you wear a diaper? I thought about that, but then I'd have to kill myself

yo We should do that for a patreon episode. You've done it before I had but We should do it where we do like a power hour So you take a shot of beer every minute for an hour, and then if we have to pee we just piss on that I gotta be honest with you I don't know if they make diapers that can hold my pee dude. They do no dude I pee make diapers for gentlemen. Yes, I pee a lot and big Frank you pee in bottles Joey in the tunnel Listen to me right now. Yeah, I

Legitimately don't think they could make one that would be like able to withstand my flow We're gonna we're gonna find out you think you're gonna Overflow a diaper that scientists probably made that my peas are do people yeah I went to we were back and I were in bed the other night And I got up to use the bathroom, and I came back and she's like that was the biggest piss I've ever heard and I was like yeah well of you to go from the bed to the bathroom Of course, it's gonna be a big fat big But you don't understand

That's what all of my peas are like. They're not like cute little peas like a little They're fucking like They're big So I Don't think there's a diaper that can withhold me. Can we find out I guess we should we should pee in diapers I think that's funny Why so let me ask you something I give all these suggestions on things to do and you say no dude no you give suggestions, and it's like yeah

We're doing it. I'm not saying yeah, we're doing I'm asking bitch. I don't want to maybe maybe we will shit No, no, of course. I can't do that dude. That would be that would be no joke hours worth of a cleanup That's not like a cute little thing Yeah, bro you've never really changed a baby's diaper, but like imagine that no, but I've seen it It's not fun. It isn't imagine that on like a human It literally is like you put mustard and barbecue. How about this we get to a certain patreon amount you poop in a diaper, and I change you Frankie there's not enough money. Well, there's enough money in the world, but for that to happen. Yeah Imagine you wiping my ass and having to like touch my dick and balls

That's the thing. I so I you hold my legs up with miles was too old by the time You know, I came around where he wasn't in diapers anymore. Oh, yeah, you never had a wipe Never had a wipe a dick diaper a Diaper that's fully dicked out, right? So I I imagine that there's like a lot of more cleanup Well, there's yeah, cuz like on you get some hidden stuff under the balls There. Well, yeah, the balls in and of itself. You got a like that's like a its own issue. You know, of course How do we're how we're talking about baby balls? That's it's probably

How you doing how you living pretty good. Thank you so much by the way for the Sunflower seeds. Oh, yeah, Frankie. Well to be fair. I don't think I deserve a thank you because I forgot to do it three weeks in a row Yeah, yeah, I mean the first time it was numbers of weeks ago. So if you think about it, you've forgotten for like two months. Well Yeah, yep But I got him you did and I appreciate that I did see though You only got me six bags and I did ask for an inordinate amount. That was all I could carry You can't get a cart and get all of them also the woman and when I when I was checking out about six bags of sunflower seeds So I look like an idiot. Yeah, I do it all the time. I was like, yeah, my friend's a bird

I have a pigeon friend, but like I put them all down and then she she like Beaps them and then she goes here's your total. I said, okay, cool So I pay for it and then I go can I have a bag and she's like no, no, you're supposed to ask for one I was like, you got to pay for them bad boys. Okay. So I just carried him. I carried him out. Yeah, that's all right But I was like just fucking it's 60 cents. I remember. Uh, oh boy. Oh god. I Can't wait for this So I remember I was on the way here thinking about how happy I was that you got me these seeds and I'm not an addict I promise I swear

And I remembered that I used to try to impress There was a girl that I tried to impress in college With sunflower seeds. Yeah, and not the route that you're thinking because the route that you would think is like, you know Like the tying the knot with like, you know, look how fast I can open the seat No, I did when I was in sixth grade. There was a girl that I had a crush on in her And I had a sunflower seeding eating contest and I beat her contest. Yeah, what do you mean? She did one by one. I did a mouthful and we saw who get through in fastest Spoiler I did

Okay, but I remember you know how people say like, you know, like, oh like don't let people tell you smoking is cool When I was in college, that was something that people did what they said like I took up smoking to try to impress a girl Okay, not me, but I know people that did that. All right, and I went the opposite route. I Told a girl. Oh no, you didn't Frankie I told the girl in college So like 10 years ago too recent to not be upset about it embarrassed, but it's okay that Seeds were my way to not smoke Did you were like an ad like you were like addicted like but I'm not it was like I've never smoked

But like the seeds keep me away from it. Oh, you said now what? So dramatic it was it was really dumb and stupid and she and I you thought this was gonna She was gonna be like wow. He's really struggling. Yeah, I did I did honestly I remember at the time being like she's gonna think this is like a good way to show that like I have like, you know a plight. Yeah Just like I'm like the common man, you know, and It didn't it. I don't I don't think it worked. I don't think you didn't smash that well. That's inappropriate I don't think no, I did not no, I did not but I don't think it worked the way that I thought it would no kidding She'd be like wow, he's really like he works on himself

You know what I mean, you know every girl wants a guy that like it works on themselves He like wow like he stays away from it He knows the seat is the seeds that keep away and In theory, I probably have too many that it's a problem. Was it was it yeah Was it like Such a thing on campus that people are smoking cigarettes. Yeah, I have to yeah Dude people like I actively remember and you've met this person that there was a girl That he was trying to impress because he saw her at like a fucking party smoking cigarettes

So he just took up smoking cigarettes to like getting close with her. Did it work? No, absolutely not I'm also shocked But it was true in like high school people always tell you like peer pressure Don't let people tell you smoking is cool never really happened in high school college. It happened I'm thinking I've ever I've been like really peer pressured. Well, you've also never been to college So that's where true story that's where the peer pressure comes in people try to convince you your pressure in high school No, I don't really remember a lot. No one's ever like yo do this coke I'm good. Well, I think people knew you and I were like super anti drug. Yeah, we're like chill. Yeah, it was like the joke

Yeah, it's like we're just gonna go play basketball. Yeah, well football. I've been very good at basketball either or Weed was the big one. It's like our friends We knew a lot of people that like secretly smoked weed and kept it from us. Oh, yeah, because they'd be like they don't want it They won't like us Like we were they're dead. Yeah, like they were upset Don't fucking tell Joe don't what Joey and Frank you find out and I remember there was two people in particular That did and I found out and I was like, I just want you to know I'm fucking disappointed in you. You did not yeah I did that's fucking hilarious. I was such a little bitch

Yeah, now you're sitting here doing all sorts of drugs and I'm fucking cool with it What is all sorts of drugs when I walked in you were shooting up Jeez, yeah, no, that wouldn't be cool. No, I think I've only ever done I've never done anything really you do the weeds Yeah, every now and then but I don't yeah, it's not like and I only the other thing that I would do Oh is probably shrooms, but I haven't But I'm like waiting for like if we get to a hundred thousand patrons You're gonna do shrooms. I'll do shrooms at a hundred thousand you doing shrooms would be interesting. I would not Bro, but a hundred thousand is what you taking an edible would be hysterical. I'm sure I'd be funny on weed

You would be fine I was on if I took an edible and you took an edible This would go that would be this would be the greatest podcast five hours. Oh, yeah We'd have to literally we do it in parts the last time I did an edible There was people at my apartment and we were drinking wine stuff. Oh, it was a Secret Santa party and someone got someone edible. So I was like, oh, yeah, I'll take one and I was already I already drank so much wine in the middle of the party I was like Sinking into my couch. I just got up and drew a bath and took a bath and

Like I thought you meant like drew a bath on a piece of paper No, like I like got in my bathtub and was in my bathtub and I just sat there until everyone left I couldn't I I my issue with pot with with marijuana Is I feel like I would not have a good reaction people are always like you'd be so funny I would probably be a little paranoid. I'd probably be like I'm paranoid as it is with certain aspects of life So like I would probably be like I can't I can't deal with this I like I don't know if I would be as enjoyable as people think because the pressure of wanting to be like that would get to me

I think I have to perform But I can say that if we were to get to a hundred thousand patrons, okay, you're just like this is insane 100,000 patrons. I'll do because I legitimately outside of like, you know, I've never done them. I have no desire to do any drug Yeah, I don't really have a desire. I mean I'm gonna I guess I have a little bit of a desire But I'm at a point in my life where I'm like so content with where I am like I don't need to start throwing shit in there to do like drugs Yeah, yeah, you know, I'm not in an experimental phase I'm in like the securing my like

Life for my children and family phase. Well, there's a phase after that that maybe like how fucking smoke a joint on the back deck Whatever what like like the golden age. Oh your kids are like out of the house. You're like, what are you gonna do now? Smoke a couple joints. Maybe maybe I will maybe I will we'll still be doing the basement yard at that point in time Yeah, it'll be a great episode, right, right Right, then we'll be doing meth Dad, I'm scared of so do you think that my Method to try to get a girl to like me based off of saying something when seeds kept me from smoking cigarettes would have worked Should have worked. No Frankie. I don't obviously that was not going to fucking work. I don't know. I thought it was cool

That's so funny. I thought that you meant that you lied to her and told her Like she got me into smoke. No that you were you used to smoke But you you quit them and you just like eat see no I've always been very forthcoming about the fact that I never smoke trust me. I always tell people I Was very big on that I remember used to rip up people's cigarettes all the time and they were Yeah, I remember specifically one of your sister's friends Oh, yeah, I ran up to her and grabbed her cigarettes and fucking ripped it up But she was like, yeah, whatever don't fucking smoke in front of a 13-year-old moron

Yeah, yeah, I I don't know Which we are morons, you know, I remember one time specifically I remember one time being in the there was a Parking lot to playground or whatever across the street from your house And we were there one time and it started raining and instead of going in your house across the street We went into a dumpster. Yeah, I remember that because it had Covering because you could that's why let's be honest hanging out in a bunch of garbage as a kid was awesome Yes, it was don't you wish you can go back there a little bit to garbage a little bro

If someone next week said yo for $5,000 you can a thousand dollars a day You can live out a day from any year of your life What year any year you want Those summers we used to have were a lot of fun I would live I would live out the the summer night where we almost got murdered and fins That was a good night. That was in the park. We slept in a park. We legitimately almost got murdered I think my mom thought I was home. My mom definitely thought I was Somewhere yeah, you know, isn't that weird like I have kids now. Do you know that by the way? Yes. Yeah, okay

And if they were to just be like I'm sleeping out. I would have 400 million fucking questions Yeah, I tell my mom be like I just need to know if you're sleeping home or out and I would just say I'm sleeping out That was it now my dad would sit me down and be like do they have Smoke detected. Yeah, and I'm like it's like it's a big thing. I'm like just fucking know my dad would be like Tell me no, bro. I'm not doing it. You know what my dad would be like what? Got it wouldn't answer the phone cry. Yeah, that's what I figured that was Yeah, no, I mean How many times was it? Yeah, we're gonna sleep over my friend's house and then we just wouldn't go anywhere

We would just stay out all day It was just so easy because I would just say we're sleeping at Finns No one asks questions ever, right? It's like if I were to say I'm sleeping at Joey's my mom and your mom like knew each other So they could talk I'd be biting myself in the foot there You know what I mean? Like I wouldn't be able to do that But at Finns biting myself in the foot. Yeah, nope not an expression Biting yourself in the foot. Yeah, like you're messing it up for yourself shooting yourself in the foot. No, I know you shoot yourself in the ass

Shoot your you're shooting yourself in the ass. Yes, that's not an expression. Yes, it is shoot yourself when you're like Yeah, biting yourself in the foot your foot in your mouth. No, yes No, biting yourself in the foot. Yes No, and oh no, it's not a thing. I think I'm right here Do you want to get a third party in here a neutral third party? How about we go to Google as a third Greg get in here. Let's see. I'm pretty sure I'm a hundred percent right. I Am right see I typed in biting yourself in Biting yourself in your sleep. I guess that's a way. Yes, I think oh here we go biting yourself in the foot. I

Think I'm right actually. I'm sorry. I know I'm right. I'm he I'm seeing in big Capital letters shoot yourself in the foot Cambridge Dictionary. How do you like that? You believe in Cambridge? I believe in Cambridge Now there's just pictures of people's feet with bite marks on them. See people do it I bite my I bit myself when I'm a I bite myself when I'm angry and that calms me down a lot. Oh That person has other issues. Yeah, I think so and it leaves so much of a bruise Should I stop? People have a lot of questions online. Yeah, they do they do absolutely strange

But yeah, I would just say sleeping at Finn's because my mom because Finn's parents were nowhere who knew yeah, and My mom couldn't check in it was gonna I I don't know what night specifically I would do but those days where I would be like at the park with Dennis at like 8 a.m. And then go home and have lunch somewhere go back to the park Then we would go like play football or something and then we play manhunt at night and get chased by priests I I noticed that you're really specified Dennis there in the morning and not anybody else You know why? Because you would leave me what the fuck you would leave me in the summer for whom? Oh, yeah for Connecticut

Yeah, you're right. You're right. I wasn't allowed to go to be honest. It was not always my opinion like my choice I didn't want to go. I was technically kidnapped My dad was just like let's see you and I could be going up New York Street I was like what the fuck do you think like I always asked my dad like what do you think we do and now? I know what we did and it was kind of smart in his part. Yeah Anyway, we have some answers today Real quick the first one being Squarespace if you're gonna be building a website or something you want to sell some things online Engage with an audience or whatever you want

content You know you use Squarespace you can build out a website Easily you don't have to learn how to code or anything crazy like that They have really awesome templates beautiful ones a lot that you from to so it makes building a website Very easy for you. You could also purchase domain names and stuff like that through their site But it's the best one on the market I've built a site with Squarespace before and I can tell you as someone who's not very talented with coding or really Making things look, you know super nice

Squarespace made it super easy to do that. So like I said if you are You know selling anything online or you need a website to promote your business or anything like that Definitely go check them out. You can head to squarespace.com slash basement For a free trial And when you're ready to launch use the offer code basement to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain Okay, so Get that offer code basement and you'll get your 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain Next year we have hello fresh, which is amazing. I've been enjoying hello fresh shows up to my apartment

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You know more affordable than going to the grocery store definitely more affordable than going to a restaurant. That's for sure So on top of it being affordable, you can go to hello fresh comm slash basement 65 and use the code basement 65 for 65% off plus free shipping. Okay Again, that is hello fresh comm slash basement 65 and use the code basement 65 for 65 percent off plus free shipping so Go check them out folks. They're America's number one meal kit Yeah, awesome stuff on their site great recipes. Definitely recommend and lastly here. We have Adam and Eve Adam and Eve is the You know the nation's number one

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Dildos they do they have those They do have dildos They deal dildos patreon.com size of baseman yard where if you like us bringing up dildos there's stuff on there you might Also see about dildos Joey brings his personal collection in all the time So go check it out patreon.com size the basement yard if you sign up for that first tier you all these weekly episodes You get those a week in advance you go on YouTube you see a comment from six days ago saying oh my god

A hunky-chunky. Why does that look like John Snow? Well, it's it's me Frank from the basement yard You join that first tier you can put those comments in there absolutely. Oh my god. Is that Jason mama? No, Frank from the basement yard second tier. Well, that's where those goodies come in exclusive episodes every single Friday Day morning, so guess what you start you end your beautiful work week Which sucks? Let's be honest with the basement yard go check it out right now patreon.com slash the basement yard Thanks for all the love and support. We want to keep creeping. We want to keep on creeping ha ha ha Creep creep creep to that 16,000 and then 17 and then 18 and then 19 then 20 and then eventually 100,000 So you can see Joey and I do shrooms might not ever happen

You never know go check it out patreon.com slash basement yard okay, so For this portion of the show What do you have for this portion of the show Joey? I have a list a list You're are you doing Bo Burnham? Yes, I know you I know you Your tongue I heard my tongue doing that okay, but I found a list of Which I didn't know this I thought you could name your baby like whatever you want to name them Of course you can but nope. There's illegal names that you can't name a baby is Hitler on there

Yeah, good because it's Adolf Hitler. You can't name your kid Oh, so if your last name is Hitler Hitler Alvarez, you can't name your well I assume if your last name is Hitler. No, it's Adolf Hitler like as a first name. Gotcha. You can use Adolf I don't know if I believe this Well, you got the list Joey. I would hope you did your fucking research well So there's there's these and there's other ones that are for country specific, but give me the US I don't care about anywhere else None of these are the US, but like

You can't name your kid at the at symbol Oh the the a and you can't name your kid 1069 1069 is that like some government document? I think that's probably like a tax for yeah That's like a like a sleeper cell thing like if you say it too loud like it'll awaken like a Russian sleeper cell What does that fucking mean? You've never have you ever watched anything of like cool stuff? What what what do you say? You know what a sleeper cell is Joey sleeper cell a sleeper cell is like the idea that like the Russians will like Brainwash someone into being like a super secret spy and then they put them in the US where they hide it

And then they can say a code and it'll like reawaken like Captain America Civil War You know how they say like the winter soldier like a homecoming 69 spider or something like that. Oh like the naked gun. I must kill the Queen bingo Sleeper stuff. No, no, that's good. That's a good. That's a good. Um, but yeah, I mean I know I didn't tell you talking about like a What about 420 69 is that on there? No, it's not on there. Oh, well, so so okay, so New Zealand You can't name your kid chief Maximus. Oh, that's kind of dope That's kind of a really cool one though in Mexico. You can't name your kid Robo cop. Whoa Wait a sec. Yeah

Why why why I have no idea it says in Mexico you can Robo cop like notoriously like Yeah, I don't know it's Robo cop like oh my god freeze dirtbag and fuck the Mexicans Remember that part of the movie Freeze dirt back coming with me dead or what is it dead or alive? You're coming with me also close the border By the way, I just remember this because One of our friends was just in Columbia and he's like, you know, I've met so many Colombians and they just have like traditionally white names Michael. Yeah, like he's like I've met so many just like Brent. Yeah names like that And he goes I met someone and their first name was Elton John. That's kind of fire

Yeah, imagine like Elton John Alvarez or something. Well, I don't know because In the in the Hispanic culture, they take a lot of names It'll be like the first name the middle name the mother's maiden name the mother father's name and then like a There's like, you know, it'll be like Marcelo Yeah, I know it's crazy dude Saudi Arabia's got got it figured out though because that you can't name your kid Linda That's fucking good. That's a cigarette smoking name. What does Linda mean in Arabic though? Because that's the primary language they speak in Saudi Arabia. Am I right?

It's a safe assumption. It's got to mean something like, you know, like Something mean, I mean, I don't know. I think it's just that it's it's not the greatest name when I think of Linda I think of a woman in like short dark hair that smokes cigarettes. Yeah, it is a raspy voice She's a raspy voice and she's got glasses at the end of her. I think of Phyllis Diller Who's that? She's a she I don't think she's with us anymore, but she was like an old comedian Okay, like if they were on the caribbean net show they were named Linda, you know what I'm saying got it In China, you can't name your kid Islam That's fucked up. Can you imagine a Chinese person with the name Islam though? You'd be like what? I mean, I guess I

That would be confusing That would be but you know, I don't know enough about the culture. I guess they well China Anytime you ever notice anytime you bring up China someone in the room automatically gets triggered like oh Wait, what if you bring up China, bro? I remember I recently oh in China. You can't name your kid Koran What do they have against there's a thing going on? Yeah, they they're a little that's not nice I know yeah, bro, but anytime you bring up China to people. They're just like, you know, you know, like I'll wait until you here You know what they're doing It's like I don't and it's like well wait until you find out

It's like I would love to see the Great Wall. I would that wouldn't be cool I'd also like to go see the mountains of tea, but that's just me Okay in New Zealand, you can't name. Wait, we're chief maximus. Why did we just cover over that? That's fine In New Zealand, you can't name your kid anal That's fucked up. I think you can like Work on the emphasis of the a and be like, you know like Hey now. Well, why not? I mean a knoll a knoll a knoll. I think you know, I Don't know. That's I don't that's not very nice

I feel like listen if you want to name your kid anal name your kid anal There are people that like name their kids after where they were conceived or like how they got together Like can't conceive a baby with anal Well, maybe it was part of the process. I don't know like if like if whoa, you're gonna go anal and then impregnate a woman Now you're playing a dangerous game. I mean, maybe it's part of this. Maybe it's part of the sex I don't I'm not quite sure joey, but like if people like name their kids after like How they were, you know created or where they were created, you know what I mean like? You would be you know

You know hypothetically you like if you were like conceived and like Charlotte, you know Like you and you were a girl your name would be Charlotte like I know like there stories of people like that Okay, you know, my sister would be like I don't I don't even know man Happy my brothers would be making it work You know our last stitch effort yeah happen we're figuring it out Oh My god Did you ever talk to your mom about that when she had twins because no one wants?

Yeah, it's two-year-old like a hey ma no I mean it later on in life Like you ever asked your mom like yo when you found out you had tons did you go fuck mom? I think she said she cried hysterically Well, that's not off par for your mom. Well, yeah, no, he's always crying. She is always crying. Yeah Don't know if it's real or fake sometimes But I feel it's isn't it interesting to be a twin because I feel like you have to know That they didn't want this. Well, I don't know. I I think

You're like fuck. I would personally if that's my thought process. I'd be like that'd be a little tough to cope with Not dude. I think that like 80% of babies are like not planned. Oh I don't know. I would have to see the number look it up right now, bitch. Um, how many babies are not planned. I would say Yeah, like if your parents tell you like hey, like we didn't want to have you but we had you like that might hurt, right? No, or you could be like me and you knew you were planning. They still don't like you See that would hurt. What percent of babies are planned or unplanned. Let's say our planned No, because it doesn't mean that the other the you know inverse is unplanned In 2008 women reported that more than half of all pregnancies were unintended

All right, half 50-50 Joe you said 80% 2011 the percentage of unintended pregnancies declined to 45. Oh Was there a trend or is it just like a good year? Love is coming back is love coming back In 2011. Oh wait, I don't want to I Will say something that is strange and that I personally had to cope with is the landscape of like the world when Becca was pregnant with both of my biological children. I was like damn like this is what I'm bringing my children into you know what I mean like Like this is kind of dark. What are you talking about like bro? Like there's fucking like political turmoil and like the world was shut down for a while because of like sickness and stuff

And it's like it's earth, baby. I know but it's kind of like a little like damn like You're kind of in a way like you're giving the world like you're giving that child the opportunity to feel that misery Misery look there's parts of world that kind of beat you down. You don't think so of course there is That's a little tough But if that's true if there is misery, you know tight shirt and it has to also be true that there is the opposite yes happiness so because it's the world is dichotomous as we've said Joe You wouldn't be able to understand misery if you didn't understand happiness. I don't know That's not like you offended people with the beginning of that word

But we're going to what word is that? The one that you said what what? The one that you said the one I wouldn't know that word because I've never used it so tell me again sounds like you know I Feel like I got a pee You got a bottle you're not pissing in a bottle. No, not right now. I can't this is not this is a rug down This is a weekly so you can't yeah. Yeah, this is a weekly What other name chief Maximus? Yeah, chief Maximus. That's a good one though. I kind of want that I mean you just name your kid Maximus. You have a name. Yeah, but that's too like Greek in Malaysia

You can't name your kid 007. Oh That would be a cool name though. You man. That would be a stupid. What's your name? 00? 00 what seven? No, his whole name is 007. Yeah This is like you know like bomb James Bond like what's your name seven seven what seven double a double? Oh, yeah, I'm back. I'm fucking this up. Yeah, what's going on? Are you okay? In Japan you can't name your kid the devil That makes sense. I mean why because they're a very uh

What are your top three baby names right now for men go for boys? Actually, yeah, like what would like three that you think you would actually give a Your unborn sons. I don't have three. Give me two. I don't have two. Give me a single fucking one And you idiot Jesus Christ I Don't know I don't want to tell you because you're right. All right. If you don't want to tell me that's fine No, because you're gonna hate it. I probably will No, but that's no, you're right

That's why you don't tell people your names because there's always people are like, uh Yeah, you like the name you like the name well Also, I told people for years that I was gonna name my dog Charlie and they were like that's fucking dumb Yeah, I'm gonna do that. I was one of those people. Yeah, and it is your cat was named a mystique Yes, because I've gone over this before and I'll do it again Your pets should have cool fun playful names. I don't want to look over at a dog and be like wow Look at that awesome dog Brian like fuck you and the dog, you know No one like that. Yes, they do. He's a dog. Yes, dude. No. Yes, it is. No. No, yes

It's stupid. I recently saw bro, you know, I'm a big Yankee name a baby I'm naming a fucking dog like James is wrong. I'm a big Yankee fan You know this Aaron judge was recently on the Jimmy Fallon show and he was saying that him and Anthony Rizzo They were talking and sending texts about their dogs and Anthony Rizzo star first baseman for the New York Yankees His dog is named Kevin That's that is the worst dude. That's pretty dumb. That's cool. Listen. I love it ends like in an E So it's like Charlie. Yeah, it's playful, but like still stupid, but like yeah, what's it? Rob was it Kevin Kevin dude Kevin

Imagine seeing a dog and like it's so beautiful and cute and it's playful and it's funny and you're like Stephanie like that's so bad It's so dumb. That was my next-door neighbor's dog's name. Yeah, guess what your next-door neighbor was a full-on time idiot He had a he had a dog. It was an old dog. Oh, he's a richie. I don't want to talk shit He'll beat me up. It was him. He'll beat me up. Their dog's name was Steph. Oh, well Steph is a little different Stephanie, bro dumb The dog is gone. So we can talk about really dumb Yeah, that's like like why like pet names are supposed to be fun and playful like oh, this is my cat mystique That's cool. You know what? I hate when people name their their cats like mr.

Something mr. Mr. Snugglesworth. Yeah, mr. Goyles. We get it. You're lonely. Yeah No one cares. Oh, this is mr. Wiggles and it's like you well those are the people that are too reliant on the relationship they have with their pet and They just want to tell everyone the cool funny name they made. Yeah, like oh, this is my cat What's their name mr. Bugglesworth and it's like bro at that point. That's the other end of the spectrum. Yeah, like what are we doing? Mr. Hands like I just I knew someone that had a Dog and a cat and he named the cat dog and he named the dog cat. I think that's fun

Who did that someone that I know growing up? No? Yes That's dumb. No, it's not that's worse than Kevin. No, it's not. This is my cat dog. This is my dog cat. That's funny That's fucking stupid That's what I would do. No, that's not what I would do. I would like Maximus. That's a cool dog name like a golden retriever Yeah, and then like what everyone you say all those little white kids. I know what chocolate chocolate retriever What are they called black lab? Yeah? Chocolate retriever

And his name is tank. That's a good name. I like that my dad's dog His name was boots Cool name. I like that cool name But like if your dad if someone would hand you a dog and be like, what do you want to name him or her and you were to go? Mike Steve Steve stupid stupid so dumb Kevin Anthony Rizzo. What are you doing, dude? Big fan of the show. Please come on the show Linda Bro, that would suck if your animal was named if hi, this is my pet rabbit Linda. Oh Morocco Sarah

Why Sarah? Weird no Zealand sex fruit That one makes a little sense. You can't name your kids sex fruit in Germany This one you probably won't get your because I know how you are but in Germany. You can't name your kid Osama bin Laden Whoa, whoa, why why why me? Why won't I get that because you fucking love? Fuck you you said no Shut up. You didn't have a poster of him. I did not have a poster of him I didn't a fat head of him running. I bought one as a joke

But remember you stole it from me because you were so in awe by it and you loved it Oh Germany you can't even get a son of a lot and that's hilarious that makes sense That makes a lot of sense on the French you can name your kid Prince William. No one knows why moving on Wait, is he the one that was like cool with your boy Now he's my boy. I don't know any time I see Prince something I go bad guy some stuff probably Yeah, probably some stuff, you know What else we got in Malaysia you can't name your kid snake. That's kind of a sick name

I'm not I love the name snake snake You're bright feel like that's the name of your your brother's neck. Yeah, my brother. We're probably this is this is steel Titan snake and muscles. Yeah, oh, yeah cigarette and I Was yeah, those would be pretty sick rad names Okay Also

In New Zealand has mad rules. Yes, you can't name your kid Tallulah does the hula from Hawaii Tallulah does the hula I'm fine with that one because if anyone were to name their kid that I would want to punch them in the mouth In Mexico, you can't name your kid circumcision. Wow What did Robocop do over there? That's crazy The Robocop was went to Mexico and started circumcising people and they're still not recovered, bro I have no idea, but that's a thing also. Wow right next to that in my phone because I took a picture of these names I forgot that I screenshot this but Carol Baskin's husband is alive apparently. Yeah, but then I also heard that apparently He's not actually alive Costa Rica. That's I feel like Costa Rica is where

No, whatever goes to visit. They just go to not be dead there. You know what I mean No, people go to Costa Rica like Carol Baskin's Carol Baskin's husband is like Shacked up with like Tupac and fucking You know other people that are supposed to be dead Just living the dream. Who is that the guy that the mob apparently killed? the the teamster guy Hafa, yeah, Hafa Carol Baskin's husband and Tupac are in Costa Rica. I just soaking up the rays

Hey, all you cool cats and kittens She declared that her husband her ex-husband Don Lewis was found alive in Costa Rica But like over a year ago, you know, it's kind of crazy Like if I'm that guy, I would feel like shit. I'd be like I've been gone like people Didn't come look for me. They were like he's probably dead I guess and then like then you become found and then everyone's like, okay, but not for a year Mmm. Yeah, no one likes this guy I feel bad because we just straight up gas lit Carol Baskin for a while and saying like oh

Yeah, no, she killed her husband and she's been saying this whole time like you know with a flower crown on like no I have not well she's a kind of a psychopath anyway Everyone on that show is out of their fucking minds. Well, aren't we all out of our fucking minds in some capacity Joe? I almost not like that. I shoved my fist down my throat in a patreon episode Yeah, that was no one asked you to do that. You yep. You actually physically. No, I didn't ask me to do that You said you did. Yeah, I may you said you should do it. I may have and then you asked if you could do your fingers Then I did I don't remember that you did remember that you do you did he asked me if you can shove your own hand down my throat Do you think I could?

Physically yes, should you? Maybe I'm not gonna fist your throat dude. How about I'll do yours if you do mine You ever fist you ever fist your own mouth. Nope. You never done that. I used to be able to like it was really It was a party trick years ago. I used to be able to fit my fist in my mouth. You stood at parties Not at parties. Yeah, like You got a higher to do this Hey guys, I'm back. I'm here Yeah, I used to be able to but I'm not I don't think I ever I ever did that try it honestly fist of my mouth

There's no way bro. My mouth is like Do it try it seriously. Why do you think that can? Because I think that you have the tenacity and desire to be good at things No, I can't you have to like move it in so just bit my fucking little knuckle You're not even close. I know I'm a big hand honestly. I do have a big hand I used to be able to my god your fucking hands were so wet just now. I'm relaxed. They're not soaking wet. They were a little moist My hands smell like chocolate. Oh, I'm hungry. Why do you say that? For chocolate I'm hungry for anything chocolate could be on the menu as well

You know you guys should be hungry for a shop that's Whatever the whatever the thing is you have no idea starla shirt or we know let's be honest The better shirt the Gloria from Astoria shirt. Did you tell your grandma that you put her name on a shirt? I did Or you probably didn't because she's fucking dead. Yeah, she's way gone She's been gone actually it'll be ten years in a couple weeks. Yeah, you feel good about that. Don't you? My grandma my grandma died before yours my grandmother died in 2013 and also my grandfather but months later And then my dad's dad guys at 99 grandpa Yeah, then my dad's dad was 99. They didn't live together. They weren't in love

Nothing lasts. You want to know the story? Yeah. Oh, Papoo Who's that? That's that's Greek for grandpa your papoo. Yeah, he dipped on my he left my grandmother for a mistress Oh, nice. Yeah, and then had a kid. Who's my half-uncle? He's cool guy Nice, but he knows he knows He died months after your grandma. Yeah, I feel like she had something to do with that And my I'm pretty sure my grandmother's mistress my grandfather's mistress came to my grandmother's wake to pay respects That's weird, right? Yeah, it's nice. Let's be honest. It was a nice thing of her to do but also

Read the room a little bit. Yeah, because my grandmother was not like a after-time. She was like all right Well, she couldn't remember anything after a while, but like that's true She was pretty bitter like she wasn't cool about it. I wouldn't have been cool about it I wouldn't have probably been either but like, you know after time all wounds heal my grandmother was a open wound. Yeah That's not what killed her, but Open wound literally it was a staff infection. Yeah, no, no, no I think she she went into cardiac arrest for like choking on food and then couldn't pull through wait. What yeah, yeah Yeah, I didn't know she died like that. I thought she's died from being old. No, no

That's scary died in your house. No. Oh, she was so she was in a home because she suffered from dementia Yeah, and it's like she's up from dementia as long as I've known well No from it got bad and that's when we had to put her in a home I think we'd put her in a home at like 20 2008 2009 around then and it got to a point where because with dementia My understanding of it and again, it might be very elementary. Please in the comments. Let me know but like Your body forgets how to do things and eventually your heart just forgets how to pump blood and your brain forgets how to work So like that's what that's what kills people from, you know, Alzheimer's or forms of dementia of my understanding again basic and

Her body just couldn't recover. She had choked on food went into cardiac arrest and her body just couldn't recover God damn. Yeah, and she dipped she left It's alright. My grandma just like she was old. Yeah, she was like she's begging to die Really like what kind of I didn't tell you this. No, I just remember she died and I was there At the wake. I don't I don't think I ever asked how or cared Sorry, I don't mean to be mean She's gone. That's what I know and that's what I cared about

No, I think I told you that probably did she was out. She was in my aunt's house And she was like in a bed. It was just bedridden. Yeah, like my mom was there Remember was though there was only there's only two of them now And they were the ones who were there and like Shannon was there and then she would be sleeping And then she'd wake up and see my mom and know that she's not dead and be like She was pissed damn really Yeah, which was she like she had like her wits about her like she knew or was she kind of like far gone No, she was like still there kind of I mean she was just like fucking old and brittle

Damn, I remember being like damn, you know grandma's eyes going right now. Really? Like yeah, eventually it got off the leash And it started to wander. Oh hi. Yeah, sort of walking around. Yeah Well, they say there are people that have had some near death experiences And they say that like their life literally plays flashes plays before their eyes before they die And it's like fucking weird man. Yeah, her life may have been a little bit out of order because yeah You guys want an idea I joke a lot about Joey being and you know racist tyrant possible, you know, just like sex fiend But when my uncle died, which was probably at that point in time the hardest that like death had affected me By the way dark turn on the episode big time

You were the you showed up and just sat with me My uncle died. I was the last person to speak to him on the phone and He was in he was in hospice care and literally when I was talking to him I went and got my brothers from Elm Jack went home was my sister my brother's on the phone And I had said something along the lines of you know, like it's all right And then I heard like it sound like the phone drop and then I heard someone in the back praying in Spanish. I Later found out that like what's funny about that? What the fuck is funny about that? I later found out that

my voice was the last thing he heard before he died and I went and I Texted you I was like my grandfather just died and At least it was your uncle. That's who I meant my uncle. Yeah, I didn't care about my grandfather. Got it. I'm kidding My uncle and I went and I sat on the stoop to st. Francis and you you came to me and you just sat with me That was very sweet, and I'll never forget that the day I die. I honestly don't remember that at all. I know How did you know that? How do I know you won't remember it because you're racist Abusive

How long did we sit there for a while we didn't talk for a while We didn't talk, but then we got into talking and you said something stupid like you know, like something to make me laugh I'm sure but yeah Damn, dude. I'm a sweet guy. You know, that was very sweet. What happened. I don't know But I think that's where we can end the episode. Well, I'm not on a sad note And that right on your dead uncle. How's that? You didn't ask how he died when was that? 2007 May 15th

For real. Yeah a couple days before our mom's birthday. That's right. Our mom's had a rough birthday in 2007. Well, my mom was fine. Yeah, that's right Your mom's brother. No, my dad's my mom technically was fine, too My dad didn't have a good my mom's birthday. His ex-wife's birthday. Yeah, it was a complicated day for me dad. Yeah. Oh god I Valver's 885 on Twitter the Frank Alvarez on everything else Yeah, you guys can follow me at Joe's and I got don't go follow the show at the base me yard on tiktok and Instagram You heard my voice didn't you a little bit? Yeah shop that's and I got a studios.com go get the Starla and Gloria from Astoria t-shirts

They fit really great. I gotta say other standing on the studio Merch up there, too. So and there's gonna be a lot more coming out I don't mean to show seek tell secrets, but There's a lot coming out. Yeah Unfortunately, you'll be in jail because you pissed in a holand tunnel. Fuck you stop that stop. There's not funny anymore I don't want to get in trouble. I have kids. Do by the way, did I ever tell you I have kids only every time Okay, all right. All right, cool. Yeah, that is all and we'll see you guys next time