The Basement Yard - #387 - The Halftime Show Got Me Pregnant

Episode Date: February 27, 2023

Joe and Frank look back on the Super Bowl Halftime show! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard Frank. He's eating a full carrot. How you doing? Why what's wrong with the carrot? I have an oral fixation, so I need to be like chewing on something when that start college No, I've always I've always like you notice. I'm ever it's either seeds or gum. Mm-hmm or a Carrot I've seen you eat a whole cucumber. So this is not cucumber I used to walk into Frankie's house when I was younger and he'd be eating a whole cucumber and dipping it in a red solo cup of Catalina dressing delicious. Is that what you're trying to say? It sounds amazing because you're you're you have just put yourself in a position Where you sound like a fucking idiot? No? No, I had yes. Oh, yeah. How does that sound not great, bro? You're eating a carrot. It's a carrot, bro

Why can't I ask you some Frankie? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no rabbits. No Carrots like this. They're delicious. They're amazing. You want to put you want to buy carrots aren't delicious Carrots are delicious. They're not delicious. Yes, they fucking are Oh, maybe you go and you eat your fucking you know like carrots that like wear like suits and ties to their fucking kids communion and shit What does it even begin to me? You know exactly what it means. What what what else is delicious if that's delicious. What's a steak? Incredible the steaks are I also had a steak this morning You had a steak and carrots taken eggs is leftover steak Okay, I made a steak dinner the other night Frankie literally walked in with a gallon of water today

Yeah, and then also like a little nap. Can I ask you a serious question? And a nap and I was like, what's that he goes? Oh, it's my lunch I was like, oh cool, and then he unzips it and pulls the data. It's a carrot. I'm aware of what it is I don't understand why anything that I eat you've got carrot skin I don't understand why everything I eat is under harsh scrutiny by you Not whether it be my tomato sandwiches. That was ridiculous. How is it ridiculous? This is more ridiculous than that Carrot? How is this more ridiculous than carrot? Because because

What would you rather me fucking dip it into something? That would make it. No, this is still delicious. It's a good delicious. You don't eat carrot sticks Baby carrots if it was a baby. Yes, if it was a baby, baby, it'd be more acceptable Yes, but why because I got full big-boy wood balls over here. Yes, I don't this is by the way Yeah, I know that that looks a yeah, that's about right. Oh I don't understand why if I eat healthy Here we go. You're fucking criticizing me, but then if I eat like shit you criticize me. What did you call me the other day fat bastard? Right after we stop recording because I expose the fact that you don't know how to tell time by the way

Where's his watch folks first of all Frankie? I can tell no you can't so I may have not scored high on a third grade test Big deal and guess what? Yeah, you failed things all the time like what I don't know give me one thing I failed I don't know no exactly. I've never failed anything really. No, I failed some stuff. Which ones? Oh Like fucking chemistry. Oh, well, yeah, you know barely made it out of that Yeah, who's who's a physics was not at first. I took physics again in college nailed it Oh, but I eat a carrot because I want to be healthy, right and Joey by the way, I walked in with the carrot and he goes Is save it for the show I

Legit did not say that I was like, what do you mean? He goes save it for the show I'm gonna expose you for being the man. I did not say that I said I'm a father and you said fuck your kids That's what you said I'm trying to eat and drink well so I can live longer be a good dad. You'll be dead by fucking 40 Why would I be dead by 40 because you're going out? Mr. Party boy on alcohol and stuff on alcohol all of it and weed and We you're you'll be dead in a couple years. Got it. I'll cry. I know I'll cry hard and then I'll get that same tattoo But instead you get a memoriam tattoo from I would I hundred percent would

Can we agree to that whoever dies first the other person gets a memoriam tattoo? It has to be void after a certain amount of like all right if we're like in our 50s Nah, well, we'll still be doing the show. No, I'm saying I'm not gonna like fucking get a tattoo at 50 Why not people do it all the time? They get those stupid fucking spider web tattoos. Do you want to be that guy? I? Don't want to be that you do. No, I don't you what was the one tattoo idea that you said that you had You're just gonna continue to make things up on the show. It was a knife right here a knife No, that is a massive carrot Listen to this you ready you listen

Whoa, whoa You'll gotta have fun some are for you folks. Yeah, I know I can hear it. What are you gonna say? I was gonna say I Am I would just you're gonna airdrop what the fuck was that? That's Man, you know, we're doing a whole production. Oh, I'm sorry, bitch You know you're eating on the show I'm just gonna suck it like a cigar. I don't do that I

Don't suck cigars, but you suck carrots. I mean this morning when I walked out. I was like like a cigar. All right So you just walk out of the house with a whole carrot in your hand and yeah, I will say I did get some Clances at the spotlight People who are looking at me like what the fuck is this guy because no one does that Frankie? No people do it I think just this one in particular is very large I think it would have been better if I had the ones that had like the green on the back Frankie if you did that, I wouldn't even know what how I don't think I've ever been seen one I've seen them. I've seen them like in the but I've never seen a person eating one is my point

That's just a thick fucking like what would you do if I showed up with like a head of lettuce You eating a head of lettuce. I've done it before multiple times with nothing else just eating lettuce. Yeah, it's delicious Lettuce isn't it tastes like nothing. Let me guess you don't think celery is delicious either Celery tastes like nothing as well. No, it has a spice to it and You say I'm fucking white you're saying celery spicy. I never said spicy. It has a spice to it There's a little when you bite it. You're like, that's a celery spice Celery doesn't have a spice. I'm not saying it's spicy There's things that you could have a spice and not be spicy

What for instance Frank's red hot it has a spice. It's a hot sauce. No, but it's not spicy. It has a spice Frankie Yes, yeah, what's what's more spicy celery or Frank's red hot sauce? Right by typical standards. I would say Frank's red hot typical standards. What about Untypical atypical for going by the Scoville units then. Yeah, obviously it's gonna be Frank's red hot because it's made of pepper and vinegar Mm-hmm, but the celery has a bit of a spice. How that's that's insane. How am I how am I under scrutiny? You're saying celery has a spice. That's like just not a thing. There is a you know what else is a spice cilantro Oregano, they're not spicy, but they're called spices for a fucking reason you dunce

Celery is not labeled as a spice. That's not oregano Yeah, you never had celery seed or celery leaf as a spice. You stupid uncultured fucking I Want to fucking unload on you right now You're like you have a grip on that thing you're telling me want to unload. I did have a grip on it. Yeah, also you Frankie before had this thing in his hand. He's talking to me and he's like

Flicking it around. He's flicking around his fingers and he drops it on the floor and guys I swear to God like the wildest no Like he dropped his newborn daughter and then chased it because it rolled Yeah, and he chased it and then hung it out the window. We're on the 11th floor Hanging out the window. Give away our address at this point. Oh, yeah. Yeah, someone's gonna pinpoint us Tom Cruise is watching Um, and then he poured water all over it and it the water is going all over all people on the sidewalk Yeah, well no because the water by a time it falls to the ground it dissipates That's like when water comes out of an airplane. You don't feel it

When water comes out of an airplane. Yeah, why does a water? Why would water come out of an airplane? Don't they dump the pee in the air? You think when you get on an airplane and someone's taking a piss or a shit that no poop stays on board They need to account for the weight of your dung Okay, but the piss but piss they just like exhausts like that's why it's so like No, they don't that goes into a tank and then the tank like let's go. No it doesn't why not That would be the smartest thing to do cover the world in piss Joey, do you think a cup of piss dropped at 30,000 feet is going to really fucking cover the world in pee? No, but the

thousands of planes Where hundreds of pisses are happening. That's not that much at 30,000 feet, bro drop a cup of water From 30,000 feet. Yeah, and it'll fucking by the time it won't reach the ground It'll become part it'll become a cloud basically So then the air would just be piss you want to live in a piss world? We already do joe. We do not we absolutely do. No, whether it be by Pisses in the air or fucking aliens or balloons or whatever. Yeah, just a matter of how quick But no, they don't do that. How are you doing? Why aren't you eating a carrot?

Well, I skipped the carrot this morning. Ah, you should I had oatmeal though How are you gonna get mad at me for eating a breakfast that like tons of people eat you're eating a whole Shut up. Shut up. So I eat un carrot And I'm a fucking psychopath But you sit there and you when you called me vanilla before you said that's more vanilla But patina cheese. No, I You sit there and eat a bowl Of fucking

mud Let's be honest mud and go. Hmm. I don't go. What do you do? I shove it down. Yeah I because I I also didn't usually I can make it good with like honey and cinnamon stuff But I ran out of both You ran out of hunt. Well, just open your drawer No, that's done. I oh you you got rid of the drawer. Yeah, I did and all the contents I assume No, like the unopened spices that were in the drawer. No, no, no, I still have all you got. Oh, so did it taste like honey now?

No, those of you guys that don't remember when we recorded at joe's place. Yeah about a year and change ago he had a drawer uh That a thing of honey had spilled in and he left it I didn't realize that it was that it was but no, no, no, but you did and you know, eventually I did so like I It like was opened when I put it down because I like laid all the spices down And honey was in there and I laid it down and it was opened But I didn't know so when I came back to the drawer

It was just everywhere. It was like, well, I don't even know how to clean this Are you taking it out? You scoop it out you wipe it up That's what I try to do and then like obviously I couldn't clean all of it So then I just put a paper towel over it and then the spices are on top of that now too So the honey's still there. No, I got out as much as I could but I could you can't get all of it Unbelievable I physically can't eat oatmeal anymore because I eat it so much during college that literally if I put A fucking spoon full of it to my mouth. I will gag really. Yeah, I can't

Which is surprising because your gag reflex is pretty good. Yeah, but it's like Stop stop stop. Let's see how good it is. No So it's like you ever get that where you eat the same food too much that you gag on it Like you can't physically get anymore No, yeah, it happened it had obviously happened to me There was a time where I couldn't drink champagne and I almost vomited all over your front yard one new years Well, that was for many reasons. No, like I just didn't like it for some reason now. I love it But like I I remember one year we were outside and we like popped a bottle of champagne in your front yard

We were like fucking 19 years old. Yeah, whatever. What's up? And I tried to drink it and my throat was like absolutely not. Yeah, I just was like Really? I didn't throw up. But like whatever was like the only thing I can't do is oatmeal I could do anything else even like the smell of it. It makes me feel disgusting. Does it smell? Like what about the ones that like have like sugar in them and like brown sugar? It doesn't matter what's in them. It's the oatmeal Okay, because I literally every single morning for like eight months had oatmeal and I couldn't fuck not eight months That's like three months

And I I can't fucking do it anymore. I've definitely been eating oatmeal like most mornings for more longer than that No Yeah, can't do it. How are you poops? How are you doing? I'm sure it does but everything makes you poop because you Refuse good and you have ibs. I don't you do you absolutely do you this is not true anymore frank. I've been anymore Yes, you still have ibs. I have made changes to my diet joey You smell coffee and I know coffee's a diuretic and it fucking flies out your ass. That's not true. Yes, it is You tell me this all the time. I literally don't tell you at all time. Yes, you do You tell me on at least a weekly basis how often and fast and and and dire your shit is

and fast It's true. You really do. No. Anyway, we're gonna move on from my asshole Uh, let's talk about the Super Bowl halftime show rihanna. Hey, by the way, that was one of the best games They better have my money. I forgot. I really forgot how many fucking just class a banger rings She has that song is so fucking fire all the fucking every song that she played. I was just like, oh shit That's right. Oh shit. And you know, it's crazy She's an eye like I think people consider her an icon of hip-hop now. Yeah, or like the Reggae, I don't know. I honestly, I don't want to classify her but rihanna is considered an icon in music

It's crazy. Like I remember hearing her first song Hey, mr. DJ, somebody really play. Mr. DJ, won't you tell me music again? I remember it was our friend sod's uh ringtone His ringtone was ponderita. Yeah, one of the many reasons we made fun of him because back of the day by the way that Ponderita was it was a banger, but hell. Yeah, that shit is still hard. Also, you know the song uh, what is it? How does it go? I think it's called. Oh s. O. S. S. O. S. Lean someone help me. It's not healthy For me the fear there's a why You gotta keep going

He left me out there like a fucking It's okay Uh, but I did I forgot but the twitterverse Was a blaze for the halftime show. I'll tell you what I was focused on like she was Pregnant people are like, yo, you can't say it. I well, she looks like she had a baby and now she's still carrying around That's the thing is she had just given birth. I think last may So and she looked like she was a couple months along because you don't really show until you're like three months Maybe yeah, but she could have just packed on some stuff

But like it doesn't matter about packing on it was a bump right so um, they were also obviously like Accentuating well, but like it could have been a statement of like Accentuating like the post pregnancy body and that was a big part of it, too Is you know the the world was saying like wow good for her. She's confident in the way her body looks She's not trying to fucking become, you know, the the poster child for has a baby next month looks like, you know, Olivia Wilde but I I thought she was pregnant watching it. Yeah But the twitter twitter was like, don't you fucking say it? Yeah, and it was literally I think the first time I can remember ever

Twitter being like man versus women bro It was I saw uh the kid this account the kid marrow wrote Rihanna is definitely a pregnant tone Yo, I couldn't even focus on the fact whether she was pregnant or not because I'm focused on the fact that these fucking Platforms are so fucking high brothers were up there. She dude And she's on the highest one at the end at one point to start too

Yeah to start she but she's got the tether on so she didn't fall big fucking when she's up there She ain't moving a bunch. The other people are like fucking like other and shit. Yeah, they were like doing yeah all kinds of weird fucking shit, but like They when they showed Rihanna at the end on that thing. It was like moving It's yeah, it goes it went up and down. No, I mean like it was like oh swaying. Oh, yeah, dude It's scary. I know I'll be like, yeah, I don't know about this I like the uh the dance that she does the move where she like cups her pussy her lone james Her lone james, you know where she's just like yeah, how don't she like slaps it? She like yeah, she does like this

Yeah, yeah, she does you know what I'm talking about or she doesn't I like that too She does to her butt where she's just like I like that when she's like oh I got a tail or she was like fanning a fart out. She's like, yeah, like she's like just like shit her pants Yeah, she's like get out of there. Get out of there. Yeah, I good dance, but I do like when That's it's like a it's like a take a look at this. It's like a little beep beep. Yeah, you know like uh It's just waking it up just waking it up No, she doesn't need to wake it up. It stays curled and ready to strike She's just letting you know like where to like where it is like right here. Yeah, here's where it is keeping it angry. Yeah

Like patting the head of a king cobra or some shit No, but the internet was literally like split down the middle guys were like, yeah, she's pregnant and girls were like Well, how fucking dare you she's out there not conforming to the body stand up And like all about it, but like she was clearly pregnant Again, I was uh focused on the height asap has given her that asap cocky. I'll tell you that That's queen's boy. What's up? You can't He's from harlem. It's harlem's boy. What's up?

He's not from queens Are the other asaps from all from harlem. Oh every single one. I'm pretty well all the original ones. Well, there was yams There was furg harlem Uh, what are the other asaps? That's a good question ASAP uh spliff Well, that was a guess. That was a good

I like that halftime performance. I gotta say one of the better ones I can remember Hmm We know you're number one Prince yeah without a doubt because you all you love his like like a little penis thing behind the shade Oh, I love it. That guitar solo killed it. So good. And also he's just like a little He's one of those musicians that are kind of like always horny, but like not letting you know Prince is fucking horny as hell. Yeah, he's dead. Yeah, um, but he was like he was playing that guitar and I was like Am I fucking gay?

You I've asked that question about you for years too What's what's what's some other good halftime performances prince was incredible, uh, Beyonce Beyonce and coldplay. I think yeah, Beyonce. That was a good one. I remember Uh, no creed was Thanksgiving. They'll never be a better one than that. Oh, right Um, what was that? Just say yes. I I'm agreeing with you. You fuck I don't remember other ones. Justin Timlakes was ass. Uh last year Bruno Mars was fired Bruno Mars s n. W. O. P. D. O. W. G. Oh, yeah, that was cool, too. Dre Dre

Yeah, that was a good one. That was the thing. I I remember last year's I was like, damn, that was good And then this year's it was just her. Yeah, and I was like, damn thinking Jay-Z was gonna come out I thought Jay-Z did all the lights and I'm like I'm like, yeah, are they gonna do I was watching it and she was doing all the lights and I was just like Some wrong. Yeah Oh my I was like Yeah, and I think during his part of like where he is in the song and like, isn't he also when we run this town Yes, a lot of a lot of yeah, they were really flirting with like, yo, maybe

Because and then also I thought Jay-Z was gonna come out. We can get anti-semitic Yeah, we're gonna pull it back. Right because re-reza a woman of the people Right, you know, but yeah, there was a lot of Kanye stuff in there and I was like, oh Yeah, I was like, oh is this there's a little tease Yeah, because Kanye has gone off the deep end His music was iconic Yeah, we're gonna do Things happen people say stuff, you know, who if you were to pick next year's a halftime show, who would it be?

That's a great question because like I was thinking like who is iconic to do it There's not a lot. Did Taylor Swift do one? That would not be good. I feel like she's not super bowl material in my opinion I think she's had bangers through the years and she's been around for like 15 years at this point in time Yeah, but that's like saying Ed Sheeran like Ed Sheeran is incredible But I don't think he's like a halftime show guy. Can you imagine like what's up NFL? No, no same man Stuggling to pay back

It's like what the fuck That's funny because like I wouldn't What I believe the average NFL fan. Oh, it should be like bad bunny or something. That'd be dope. No, it wouldn't Yeah, what that'd be all racist ass NFL fans I'll be like get this motherfucker off our goddamn stige Stige and where is it next year? Las Vegas. Is it? I think so. I don't know I don't remember who's like a uh Like a west coast, Las Vegas

fucking Kendrick But they just did that last year with him dre. Oh, yeah, he wasn't he wasn't it remember dancing on the field I don't know damn. This is gonna be tough Let's do us Oh, yeah, we'll do we'll get up there. We'll go to halftime show do a patreon up Thank you to all our patrons. Yeah, that'd be pretty fun speaking of patreon.com size of basement You had to tell you about it all the time ladies and folks. We just ladies said folks

We just hit 16,000 patrons a goal that we were just talking about we were like couldn't believe that we have gotten here But we are so thankful and grateful and we are excited to keep going. We want to climb up that ranking We're coming for that number one spot. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. So please go check it out patreon.com slash the baseman yard It's not a ludicrous thing to do and quite frankly the least laborious thing you'll do this week Patreon.com size of baseman.com for that first year you get these weekly episodes one week in advance You get in and on the conversations the tick tocks everything I guess if you want to get in on it a week before everybody else then that next year Well that next year is where you get the carrot sucking

Motherfucking Uh penis tucking That's where I went. Uh, yeah, okay, uh bonus episodes every single Friday as you can start and end your week with the baseman yard Go check it out patreon.com slash the bae ae I Hate you sometimes you're becoming like Pete because Pete hates me too freaky. What am I?

What what the whole thing you just did? That was cool and that was unplanned it's that every time you bite that thing it sounds like I slapped a handball Yeah, get some ass on yeah, we should play handball. I would love to I was so bad at handball Oh, like handball handball handball. I'm never good at it either. Do you know mean Keith played? This is a true story mean Keith played Uh, a homeless guy in handball What yeah

Right for what like a fucking sport for exercise How do you know he was homeless? You knew And he had a cigarette In his hand. He probably smoked you. Well, he was well. He was smoking the cigarette He didn't smoke us, but he did burn us. Oh, like like with the cigarette. Yes. Oh, really? Yeah, like it was an accident. That's gotta be like did you get tested after that? That's like getting pricked with a fucking syringe Um, no, but I remember I think he got Keith first

Oh, he like went after Keith. He didn't like coming bitch. No, no, no, no, no You're gonna eat that now. Yeah No, um, but he he didn't go after anyone But he did uh, he did get us during the game How did he get you handball is not a sport where you're next to someone you're running around and whatever And he has it in his fucking hand like an idiot like a homeless idiot hit you He would he would have it in his mouth sometimes hit the ball take it out and then like he would accidentally fucking burn us That's more impressive than anything else because handball is not a game that you could just fucking smoke a cigarette. I agree dude. That's pretty cool

also I think this just goes in my high school. All of the asian kids were mad good at handball. Yeah, me too Asian and like, you know, I filipino Really? Yeah, I don't know. I forgive me if filipino is considered asian. I honestly I don't know Southeast Asia my apologies um, but Yeah, the the Because we had a handball team at our high school

Our me too and and they were all asian and mad and they were all mad good. Yeah, they were like state not state champ They were like city champs. Yeah, uh, but yeah, I could never hit lefty. I could never hit period Right. I lefty righty one ever. I knew people that hit like this Uh, what? Yeah, people would hit it like this And then I knew the people that were good at it had like bad calluses on their hands. Wait. Why would they hit it like this? They would just punch it Not like this they would swing like this. No, I know that's why is that stupid that makes sense I don't know. I mean, I these are you know, these are the champs we're talking about. I would think so

No fucking idea. Uh, I was never good. ASS though also Okay at mediocre at best really I've pegged a couple people in the back of the head. I've done some pegging What's up We were talking about a handball a handball game and you're talking about pegging. No, no Don't you just said you've pegged people in the back of the head Yes, so you've gone behind people and pegged them. No, I've pegged people from a distance You from a distance you've pegged people you're starting to sound

Defensive I'm There's you said I've done some pegging. I've done pegging in have you pegged anyone or you've gotten pegged Stop first of all in the sense of in a schoolyard. Yes, I've been pegged. I've pegged people But you're the reference Outdoors This is happening in the schoolyard stop schoolyard fun pegging I was talking about a handball. We were talking about ASS. Yeah in ASS. I've pegged I I don't think that people know what that game is because everyone has different names for it. Oh wall ball ASS

Whatever it's murder suicide. Oh Can't say that on youtube shit You that's what it's called people call it that oh who joey people bro. Yeah, who are some people call it asses up I mean, I guess the ass isn't going up though. Well, that's what I'm trying to picture Like we would just get on the wall and then you get pegged but if people See I told you It's not just me asses up makes it seem like you got to like

Be like in a downward dog position and people yeah, no one was getting like face down ass up in order to get pegged Yeah, they were just they were running away. Yeah, and then joey would catch them and peg them Right, isn't that what would happen joey on this whole conversation? Um mostly they would try to get out of the way. Well, and then never wanted to get pegged by denis No, he pegged really hard bro When when the time came when push came to shove and he had to peg and like when you saw it was his like he had It was in his fucking hands. Yeah, and it was pegging time. You got out the way I'm serious. It was it was nuts get out of the way before you get pegged. Well. Yeah joey

I was I was a sometimes he's trying to peg other people and other people just get hit Well, you know, you're in the blast radius. Yeah, it can happen to you. It definitely can uh, I I don't think I remember I once got pegged Uh in the neck It was bad and I actually still I still have a swollen gland from it I swear to god really I could feel like I like I remember The pegging and I swear to god and afterward I remember feeling my neck and be like that's new And that's where it's from Yeah, it was nuts. So it pegged you so hard in the neck that it just left permanent. Yes. That's crazy. It was pretty nuts

You were always you were always not the best pegger. I remember like it was like you didn't have to run super quick to get away from you Oh Okay I'm like, guess what I'm not gonna we're not gonna clarify. We're not gonna explain it If you know, you know, if you don't there's no other word for that though Like you get pegging Oh beaning. Yeah, is that why you were when I had the ball you called me the beater? I'm pretty sure that's why right

Or is this something else? Oh, I don't even know why Yeah, that was a layup. I like set you up for that. That was an alley Yeah, yeah But there's no the oh, yeah Yeah, we're not gonna clarify it if you know, you know, if you don't you just think joey and I used to fuck people with silicone dicks. Yeah I actually got an email Huh? Yeah, no it plays into right into this conversation. I got an email

That I opened this morning at 8 a.m And it says hello friend not nice to meet you here if you have coffee Time to read this email That's what it says instantly. We know where it's from. This is claire What I bet it is after viewing your youtube page. We were super impressed by your creativity and found a lot of potential work A lot of potential to work with you. Of course, I will provide a free sample for you for you to review Don't know if I can show it on the camera But that's the product what's under it a potato a remote

Oh, it's a vibrating dick. So it's a It's a quick we already been to mom. Yeah. Yeah. I said the s we're dropping s bombs No, but this thing also look Frankie look at this Is that a tourniquet? It's like around his balls. It's like a tourniquet around. Where does your wiener go right there? So this thing is like you put it's like a getting putting a mega dick on So I got an email from this lady saying what was the email account just curious I got an email saying all this stuff like oh, we want to work with you Here's the product and it's just like a thing that you put and it like

If these are your balls it goes around your balls like this Right and then it goes over your wiener and then it makes a bigger wiener that like vibrates at the top It's like it's like it's like uh like a strap on it's but it's but it's it's like an iron man Suit for your dick. That's I was that's what I was thinking. It's like your dick is like Tony sark After you put this thing on exactly that's wild. I know and did you check out the product? How much is something like that going for? That's a good question. I would like to know how much just let me know website Yeah, no problem Oh, this is they don't have a website. Oh, I wouldn't click on anything. They do hope to hear back though

Yeah, I wouldn't even have clicked on that email because that's how they get you Well, it came from a person where it was just like a name. It wasn't like a company So I was like, oh, maybe this is someone that I know or okay. All right, and then it was and it was just a big mechanical cock that's kind of Like what are you ever going to get and use that stuff? You know like you might as well treat yourself, you know Me or maybe in like 20 years when your dick stops working It's definitely gonna work. You think so 50 I would say 50 is when the the dick stops to work and that's when you need

You know An extra an extra push You need it, you know, you need some horny goat weed, you know, right? Oh, well that's stuff will kill you Will it I assume I don't know. It sounds good to me. Yeah. Have you ever not trusted something that was behind the fucking bodega counter? I don't trust any of it one time. I went to the deli and got a fucking a chocolate bar. I opened it and it was like Dusty It was like white. I was like

I'm tapping to me too. You need to know what kind of candy to get like you got to get the candy That's popular like snickers twix, you know bubblegum. They re-stock that bad boy but if you go back there and you get that fucking The the cosmic brownie but not with the sprinkle not with the chocolate bits on the one with like the almond bits on it Yeah, it's been no one's having that it's been there since the 80s. Oh, yeah Will you get those arizona iced tea chips and not like nachos? Yeah, all the nachos. You love those nachos. I know I do not I've someone did absolutely definitely not me I do love movie theater nachos. Yeah, you do. That's actually not my go-to movie theater snack though

Keith loves the pretzels pretzel bikes, baby pretzel bikes. That's the way it goes I like to get a big fucking if i'm really shitting it up Yeah, well you are because any intake here you have goes right through my asshole and slides out your ass That happens to all of us frank. It's called pooping. No, you do it But I'll get a slushie and then I'll just get cookie dough bites I don't like movie theater slushies because it's like mostly air Yeah, like I want you got to keep mixing it. I want slush puppy, baby I want 2002 sip surf and play red and blue two pumps each slush puppy because that bad boy

Two pumps each that's what i'm talking about. Damn. That's a lot of sugar Two pumps each you think first of all it's not sugar. It's high fructose corn syrup. Oh, yeah. No, there's no sugar. Yeah worse There's no sugar in it. Yeah, it's all corn syrup, right? But yeah, I'm pretzel biting it all the way up. Yeah, me too. Well, we do have sponsors for today We're gonna get to the first one being better help this podcast is sponsored by better help Which is online counseling online therapy if you want to talk to someone because you feel like Yeah, you just need someone to speak to or if you're like me. I just think that therapy Is good for the mind. I think that it's like exercise for the mind

I think it's very important everyone could benefit from it So you should definitely get on top of that and there's no better way To the dip your foot in the in the world of therapy then with better help Because it is super affordable and it's very easy to get signed up And you could start talking to a therapist in just under 48 hours They make it very seamless to find the right fit for you. You can jump from the therapist therapist find the right fit It's flexible affordable Which is big you can do phone call video chat whatever you want

Um And at you know, whatever pace you want to do it as well On top of it being already affordable way more affordable than in person therapy You're also can get yourself 10 off your first month if you sign up at betterhelp.com slash baseman yard Again, that is 10 off of your first month if you sign up at betterhelp.com slash baseman yard So go out there and go get it. All right folks And next year we have prize picks, which this is a fun game that you guys can be playing here

You pick so it's for sports Okay, you go on their site and if you watch sports you're interested in that You pick two to six players and if they score more or less than the prize picks Projection if you don't stop eating that i'm gonna ruin your life If they score more or less than their prize picks projection, you can win up to 25 x your money. Okay, so That's all it is. It's these projections that they set and you say, okay Is tom brady gonna throw more than two touchdowns this week if he does then you win Uh, and they have all these sports mba nfl mlb nhl

Pga like women's college basketball disc golf didn't even know but you could you can do it Entries can be made in 60 seconds or less. It's that easy Safe and fast withdrawals also But you can download the prize picks app or go to prize picks.com to sign up and play daily fantasy sports First time users can receive a 100 instant deposit Match up to 100 with the promo code basement So if you deposit a hundred dollars prize picks will also give you an additional

$100 if you deposit 50 they'll give you 50 So don't forget the promo code basement at sign up for an instant deposit match up to a hundred dollars. Okay So go have fun with that. It is a lot of fun. Uh, and lastly here. We have etsy etsy is great We love etsy here Usually around christmas time or whatever anyone's birthday. I always hop on etsy. They have a lot of cool stuff Um, you know people are etsy sellers. They have like everything they have like little fine jewelry You can get rugs and shirts mugs like all these things like pretty much everything you could think of on the internet Is on etsy you can get um, it's it's great. Um, they also have a lot of home products and stuff like that made for all budgets any

occasion So I suggest if you are buying anything, you know, you want cool furniture or whatever It's on etsy and there are people selling it. So if you're new to etsy, you can use the code new for 10 off your first purchase That is called new And it's 10 off your first purchase maximum discount value of 50 dollars Offer ends june 30th 2023 see terms at etsy.com slash terms for home style and gifts shop etsy dot com etsy has it. Okay, so Go get it folks. They got everything on there

Big etsy fans. I I've gotten my last To engage no engagement anniversary gifts on etsy fun fact Uh, I've every year I buy like Like most of my they've got really really good stuff on all my christmas gifts. I think I buy on like etsy pretty cool What did you do to the carrot? Nothing Hmm I'm over here trying to do sponsorships and you're over there fucking

Snacking it up I'm gonna have to have josh or fucking and just shut the Oh, no, they got to do their job It's not their job to make sure that you're not crunching over there like Shut my audio off. Just shut my audio off Fuck, you know, it was funny. He's that you said that and then instantly afterward you go 25x. It was like 25 times No, when you're talking about like money, it's 25x. I didn't know that Because I don't talk about money

Although I could talk to you. I actually saw something on the internet that I want to talk to you about It um I You're really you're really pushing it. What? It's a it's a carrot. It was carrots are naturally sweet. Why does that thing look like it has thorns? It's a carrot. Do they look like that Carrots it looks like it has thorns That thorns it's a carrot

I know it's a fucking carrot Why does it look like that? It looks like what Joey? It's looked it's a carrot one more time. It's it's looked the same that it has since I've gotten here, okay But I actually saw someone on the internet. I wanted to ask you about it's one of those would you rather but not really It's actually not a would you rather at all? It's one of those situations where it's like i'm gonna give you money and you're gonna do something Okay, is it like how much does suck a wiener?

No, well one of those Yeah, it would be like you could you know you get a million dollars a day But you have to suck a wiener in time square, you know broadcast on every fucking Like a million dollars a day though, okay, that's actually no, that's a lot. Yeah, uh, it's a lot of cock But uh, it was you get a thousand dollars a day For the rest of your life, but any and every shift Has to be in a public bathroom

A thousand dollars a day and every time I have to shit it has to be a public bathroom Yeah, because you've openly talked about the fact that you can't go you can't do a cha-cha-cha in a public bathroom No, I can And I have because here I go to the bathroom here and it's a shared bathroom. Yeah, but this is not public It's public. No, it's a it's an office bathroom How is that different public bathroom like on it? There's other people in the bathroom that makes it public. No, no, no, no That's that's different. The opposite of public is private frank Yes, this is a private building if you were to come into this building without access you'd be trespassing on private property

Okay, you go to an office building. That's not a public bathroom No Because they're not going to let you in because it's a business No, it's if you go to like a fucking it's still public starbucks. That's a public bathroom Or you can have a public private bathroom Where if it's just one bathroom and you can be in there by yourself now, we're in private or I I'll be honest with you. I didn't listen because I thought of something in my head It could be like what they have in japan

Where it's like they have like stalls on the street in japan, but the moment you go in and lock the door the walls go opaque That's kind of dope. It's kind of dope. But also like what if it doesn't work? People can see me shitting Regardless a thousand dollars a day, but every Dunge you need to do live in public At a public toilet. What if it's like in the middle of the night? I got to leave my house. Yeah Every single one joey a thousand bucks a day

I know where joey's gonna go with this After taxes and like investment opportunities. That's really not that much money I don't know if I could do that cash tax-free. I can but okay Can I like start and then like eventually stop doing it? No What do you mean? I have to commit to every single day for the rest of my life. Yes I can't just like keep it up for as long as I can. Well, all right. All right. All right. All right If you do it you get the money, but like

Don't be like one of those guys where it's like it I'm in a place right now Where like my my liquid cash is really fucking comfortable No, I mean if someone told me that then I would do it, but I wouldn't do it forever Like I would be like, you know, let's see how many days I could do Thousand bucks a day Yeah, you wouldn't do it for a thousand dollars a day. I just said I would but like forever No, why not because I like shitting in my house Yeah, joey, but guess what you can then turn your bathroom into anything else

You could make it another storage room because that's what one was at one point in time. You remember that I do You could do you could turn your bathroom into a little home gym What? Home gym. No, you could turn your bathroom into you still need a bathroom. I have to shower. I have to brush my teeth Why do you think that I could just turn it into a gym? Are you not thinking right now? Yes, I was Yeah, you you turn your bathroom into nothing. It's going to be a bathroom All right, but like get rid of the toilet. So like you could put something cool there like a treadmill or something

A treadmill. Yeah You wouldn't do that. No, you wouldn't be one of those people that you would do it You would shit in public bathrooms the rest of your life for a thousand dollars a day Do you know where I've gone to the bathroom joey? What does that mean public bathroom is a fucking That is that would that would be beautiful for me What are you shitting outside outdoors? No, no joey, but I've had to go to bathroom in some sketchy places like what? bodega basements bodega basements yes

I've gone to a bodega And they I said I listen I I need to use a bathroom really bad and they said Okay And they moved a whole wall And I went into a basement with no electricity and cats And cats cats dude. So you were shitting. Where was this? I'm not I don't remember if it was shit or piss, but I had to go. No, but where was that? Where's the Harlem?

So you went Harlem. Yes, and you went to a bodega and they moved a wall brought a whole wall And then you went down into a a Dungeon in this dungeon a dungeon inhibited with cats Yes And you were shitting the opposite of rad right? Yeah I'll tell you that it was not fun But you don't when you're a public so let's say you're in you're in a public restroom, right? Yes, there's a lot of people around and you're shitting or do you try to conceal the sound of your shitting?

Oh, you just fucking let her rip. I honestly I've never been I gotta say I've never been in a I'm not a loud pooper I'm not like one of those guys like Like they're fucking playing the drums in the stall. Yeah, that's you You don't know anything about me I will say yesterday though, I sat down on the toilet and water came out Oh yesterday Oh, you mean a day that ended in why your body literally you turn anything that comes into your body and to fucking moss growing out the back That's not true. Yes, it is. I feel like you're projecting. You've never told me like I've had a really healthy fucking stool

Why the hell would that come up? You always why why does it come up that you fucking? I just took a fucking big old mud pie like why would why would that come up because those are funnier No, they're not. Yeah, they are poops are funny. Yeah, they are unless they're like being thrown at people Like when monkeys throw poop at people you like you like that. I think it's funny My my aunt got hit with a poop once damn your aunt Which aunt pat she She's alive. Oh

No, my aunt katie. That's the one who died. That's the gone one. Yeah. Yeah, all right. She went down Yeah, yeah, like 2010. What did it was she was she there when the poop happened? Uh, no, is it related in any way? No, no, no. Oh, so completely and it was also a hard poop. So I was like a hint We're rock. Oh We're at the zoo. We're at the Bronx Zoo Damn, you were there. Yeah, it was there. Wow Pete was there well

We was like a whole family affair. Pete was walking around with that fucking orangutan Do you think orangutan you ever think of like when do you think his dick natural like gradually got that big or he just like Woke up one day and he was like what the Like that's what I like what what grade did he realize like people people that have these Huge old fucking meat slabs just giant salamis. Yeah, just walking around with a fucking yeah Did they was it like Was it like gradual or like one morning they woke up and they were just like

I have did I pee to bed? What is it? What? It's just like it's like it feels it feels fill What? Hold on it What the fuck is wrong? I don't even know what you're trying to say it feels Full what feels full like your your penis Oh, like when you have a bigger penis, can you hold more pee?

I Do you think that penis is stored in the I mean Piss is stored in the penis Piss is not in the penis frank it's in the bladder But it has to go through it It's got to pass through it's like it's like a roadway like the bigger the state the longer the interstate You know what i'm saying? Well, it's not entirely. I think texas has some pretty long interstates. Have you been to an airport? I have been to an airport picture the airport as being the bladder

And then the the air bridge is the penis well Whoa, what the fuck is an air bridge like when you're when you're like you have to walk on that thing You have to give that you have to beep your ticket and then walk through to get onto the plane the plane is the toilet So Bridge is the cock the air the airport is the bladder So eventually we all have to pass through this thing like it could be like intestines You know how they say like your small intestine is really like 40 feet coiled up in your body. Is it like Like does the pee like fucking like zigzag through the penis? So like the longer penis you got the the more pee could like chill in there

technically But it doesn't chill Yeah, well, yeah, it sits there and bruise It stays in the bladder until it's ready to fire Yeah, I didn't know that if like it was just like a gradual like my penis is getting big Yeah, like when is this gonna end? Yeah, it takes to get nervous like this has to stop Yeah, it's good that I that I didn't have a big wiener Like giant

Yeah, well, it's okay Frank Save it like no, I mean like Wait, why is it good? You because because I would I was such an annoying teenager Hey, you would have talked about it all the time. Oh, I'm a big cock a big cock Frank. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely That's what you've been. I I like that was a thing It was like like today small cocks are cool But like when we were growing up is it is that true? Yeah, dude 100% Why is that why is that boys over a tiny meat gang? You know like they they they're all about it people

Yeah, but I think it's like a joke that they're doing that. No, but like people are more honest and reek at glaciers Yeah, but we don't know that that that cody and new all have small cocks. We don't know that Well, apparently, you know that I don't know I mean, I haven't asked them come on Text him text him right now. I guarantee he tells you I guarantee he's like show me your dick I just like we had we need to know the authenticity of your fucking great show Yeah, it's like is this like satire like you guys onto something. Is it a movement or what? Uh, I I Just I wouldn't I wouldn't be I'd be annoying back in the day. It was like, yo, my dick is big bro. My balls are huge

You took pride in having that was like that was like the biggest thing like guys We just talk about how big their fucking wangs are right and now people are just like No one cares. No, I think that's because we're 30 years old and we're not fucking I think that people still care when they're like 21 2018. No when I was 18. I well Yeah, no You think you were still talking about your dick at 18? You ever you ever are you like here we go? Get Are you like honest here we go

Say it Are you honest during sex like will you talk dirty and should be like come get this big old fat old cock? Or are you like come get this Cock it's just a it's just what we have Are you like do you do the whole like yeah, you want this big fat cock big veiny ridiculous eight mile wide? 18 wheeler of a dick Or are you like you you try to be noble and honest? I think that I leave out the adjectives I just I just you know, it's like abstract art, you know, you let the person figure it out for themselves

Exactly, it's open for interpretation. But like Like if you were to have someone be like, let me see that big cock. Would you just be like? well I mean, I mean, I'm not gonna fight. I'm not gonna fight. I'd be like, oh Good for you. It's subjective. It is. It's different to everybody What's big? What's you know a boot to an ant? You know what I'm saying? What's a boot to an ant? Yeah, is that a thing that people say? I've heard it

I've know that you've probably heard it because you probably have said it in your head But I don't know that it like exists on the earth Everything you say I really have to question sometimes. Why is that because you make a lot of stuff up No, I don't make things up joey. Okay. I don't make things up. You you were talking about on all fours That was a mistake. That was an honest mistake. Yeah, I have honest mistakes sometimes too. I hear things certain ways Let's just agree to disagree peas and carrots nothing to talk about anymore Yeah, you're not really gonna peas and carrots. Is that a thing? Wait, well, I know that you're trying to like that's delicious, dude

You're trying to piss me off right now. I'm not I'm honestly not. This is a delicious carrot There's nothing about carrots that I would describe as delicious. They're fine. Do you put carrots in your pasta sauce? Sometimes no, you don't you fucking lie because you don't make pasta sauce because you do fucking jarred jarred sauce exposed Exposed no like my mom will do it. She put that in like fucking onions and celery your mom is so fucking rad, dude Yeah, absolutely. She is pretty rad What else am I gonna talk about? I don't know. Oh, you know what actually we talked about dicks. We wrote down the dick thing Yeah, so there was a study that came out apparently

Yeah, uh, it showed that our generation has 24 percent larger of a average penis than decades past What's uh, what's up grandpa? Little dick whore. Whoa. Jesus. Yeah, he's my grandpa or yours Honestly, my grandpa was super Italian. He probably had a hog. You think so. I think so. I don't think that's how it worked I think it had six kids, dude. I think it's up small wieners. Don't they? I thought they had fatter dicks. I I didn't think I Was under the assumption. They were just like that's why they were so angry all the time. Oh, that's the irish Yes, yeah, the irish have the small ones. Yeah

Uh, but I had never thought about my grandparents wiener until that and bro 24 That's almost a quarter 24 percent bigger dicks now than back in the day. What's 24 of five? Is that a five and a half is like the current average size, right? Uh, I don't know Look that bitch up. I think the current average size for the male penis is five and a half inches So what's 25 basically what's a quarter of 5.5? You know, that's like 1.75 That's pretty big though. That'd be a wild difference. What am I looking at bro? That's a small dick average

No, I'm saying the jump like that's a significant jump. That's almost two inches of a jump average dick size No, it's not 1.75. I'm a bugger Five point one six inches five point one. So let's let's say let's say five five. What's a quarter of five? Half of it is 2.5. So what's half of 2.5 1.25? I don't know man. Yeah. Yeah, it is it is it is so that's a an inch and a quarter What is it where's a quarter of five and at five point five 1.375 Bro people talk about the fucking a whole inch bro baby boomers and that generation the greatest generation

They were running around war war two with tiny dicks So if the average is five point one that means the average back then was like 4.8. No less less like 3.8 That's kind of wild dude insane. No wonder that they were so violent against women There was hangry all the time because I was like, ah That's why I don't know if I believe that. Where'd you see that? A very reputable source. Yo instagram ebombs world E bombs world

And they said that we have 1.3 inch bigger dicks until you're right now Can you imagine you take a 1.3 inches off your dick? Your life's different. Okay. Got it. Yeah Uh, yeah, no, well not much different. Well, it's different. It's different. It's way less confident It is. All right. Uh, oh, sorry lad bible New studies found the average length of penises has increased by around 24 in recent decades Which will surely make at least some people feel better Hmm particular vital piece of research discovered that over the last three decades dude 30 years

That's three decades. It's not not even the 90s. Oh, we have the small wieners. Oh, no Oh Oh, no, we were there It wasn't them. It was us. I can have 1.3 more inches right now. Oh man Uh, this vital piece of information discovered that over the last three decades There's been a massive uptick in the length of people's lengths with the average size rocketing from 4.8 to 6 inches What The actual scientific paper published in the world journal of mens health uses centimeters

But given how these sorts of things are usually calculated will just be used inches to be clear The bold scientist behind the study was dr. Michael l eisenberg director of mail This guy's probably got such a big wiener and he just wanted to make fun of other people So let's find out how small these idiots are that's fucking 75 Dick studies over the years from 1942 and 2021 making taking in measurements Of more than 55,000 people between the ages of 18 and 86

86 what 86 year old just walking into this way. It's like measure my shit Well, think about it like 86 you got a big dong now. You'll have a huge dong when you're 86 What you your body strengths, but your your dick stays the same size does it? Yeah, look at old people They're all hunched over and just disgusting Yeah, but I haven't seen their dicks But it doesn't go anywhere Referring to studies that we have found sperm counts and testosterone levels be on the slide We expect that we would see a similar declining trend when we look at penile length, but we found quite the opposite

The results were published yesterday valentine's day. What a way of ruining our day The firm that there have been a 24 uh percent increase in the length of an average erect penis That's between 1992 when they first started recording erect lengths Is that what the doctor was doing to you when you and now so 30 years later So what is the reason behind this the simple answer is we aren't totally sure A reproductive system is one of the most important pieces of human biology if we're seeing this fast of a change It means that something powerful is happening to our bodies Damn, we're gonna get left in the dust dude another 30 years 30 years five inches behind we're gonna have micro dicks. Yeah

It's crazy. It sucks. I didn't realize it was I thought it was like saying like you know like those that were storming the beach in normandy Yeah, they're talking us. Yeah, they're talking to me and you you know what it was What I think guys are pulling their their dicks more. So like evolution is like trying to make them longer Oh like they're you're doing more jerking off right because like who jerked off in the 70s Um hippies everyone. I don't think about that. I think people jerked off Well, they didn't they didn't jerk off that much because they had to go to the fucking They had to go to the corner store to pick up the new skin the skin mag You always have your imagination though. You think of a woman in like a

Petty coat. Is that what you use your imagination? No, that's what what you use. That's what you're doing You're just closing your eyes. You're just going. Hmm Sometimes Really sometimes. Yeah, not all the time. Good for you, man Yeah, usually I just so we're the I watch our podcast and that's what I masturbate to so the as these as these New generations are getting more liberal. They're getting bigger wieners Yeah, I think maybe that's the key to big cocks. Just Believe in like people being treated fairly across the universe. Yeah, I like that'll make your dick bigger

That's what we're fighting for folks. I would say that's what we're fighting for. Yeah, but who in your family That you don't know they're like of extended family. Do you think had the biggest? Yang pork The biggest pork. Yeah Well, I think there's a good chance that my entire family has the same size dicks with the two outliers that I know of I know I know Both of them. I believe yeah Pete yes, and

Keith Uh, so besides them, but like my entire family is like the same height Like I think I'm the tallest and I'm 5 10. Yeah, no, you're not you're like 5 6 joey Stop trying to give yourself some increase. You're 5 6. Okay, so I'm 5 10 Uh, and everyone all of my cousins everyone's like 5 8 5 9, you know, you know how I know you're actually 5 6 and they do too. You had to correct me that you're 5 10 Yeah, I'm not though someone on twitter the other day was like Uh, I just found out joes a short king

You are a short and I said I said yeah 5 2 in the house like That's a I'm joking and everyone there was people responding like what? Like are you kidding me? Well someone I once commented on a video of us and they were like, uh I always thought franky was like 5 foot 4 Because they saw a picture of us and it was like I was taller than you and they were like I was like what the fuck Like what did I give off what you're six foot six foot. Yeah, even Even even I would you know everyone likes to be tall, but I think six foot is a good height Yeah, I think it's a perfect height people like Danny 6 8 bro. What are you gonna do too much too much too much?

You can't you can't live comfortably. Yeah Can't live comfortably get into places. Yeah, like Andre the giant dude. I mean, that's way too big That's a big that wasn't big man. Yeah, it was also like what what got him. I think yeah the pituitary gland thing Wow, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? Yeah, I think in my family um You're you guys are all tall like Jessica's tall too. She's tall for a girl. She's she's 5 8 5 9 my dad's short. I think my dad is shorter than all of my siblings Your brothers are probably six foot. My brothers are my height. Yeah, I think I think nick is maybe like a fucking hair taller than me

Yeah, but Like there's no tall people in my family. We are the tall It's like an army commercial. We are the tall. We are the tall I figured out what we could do for our next patreon video I'm just gonna bring you a bunch of Arby's and see how long you can hold it in your butt You know, I've never had Arby's. I've never had Arby's either. I can't think of anything I want less than Arby's then fast food roast beef Oh bro, they have like gyro meat

Still, you remember those commercials where thing rames is like we've got gyros That's where it's gonna end folks. That's where we're gonna go right on that. Um, frank, where can they find you? Suck it on some carrot. Yes. Suck it on some carrot somewhere F albert daddy 85 on twitter the frank albert has and all other forms of social media including youtube tic tac bing bong boom boom And then go check out, uh, joe Uh, oh joe and I I should say at the base vignard on all forms of social media Go check out the patreon patreon.com size of base vignard. Thank you for 16 000. We want to keep climbing and we appreciate all you folks out there

And you can go check out joe at his new instagram handle Do you want to say it or you want me to do it? Go ahead finish your joke kanye was right 22 So that's joe's new handle go check it out All right, we can cut that we I feel bad. Do you do those jokes bother you? No, I think it's funny because shut the fuck up But yeah, you guys go follow me at joe sanagato and uh, yeah, thank you to all the patrons. Don't stop stop doing that

Um, and that is all we'll see you guys next time