The Basement Yard - #392 - Frank Auditioned for Glee

Episode Date: April 3, 2023

Frankie talks about his singing chops! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard Frank. How's it going fellow fellow it? Where are you from? I don't know Scotland They don't fellow they fellow all the time. No, they don't or Ireland Yes, fella, maybe yes, Ireland. They do it. Yeah, there's be like, oh, it's be that fella and that lass over there Was I ended that yeah, it was a little much. I don't know what's going on fellow though I that was an accident. You didn't think of going bud or friend first. I say bud best friend I don't say that I say but a lot cutie Cutie cutie. You want me to call you cutie? I would think cutie would be nice Okay, do you think I'm cute?

sometimes Like when not now why is that I? Like you better when you have hair that like kind of swirls down. Oh, you want you want lady Zuko you want like You want you want like this No, no, I think you're pretty cute. I think you're cuter. I think I'm cuter than you though We've went over this. We've gone over it a couple times. Yeah but thank you for You know bringing me up and tearing me down immediately. No, I didn't do that. You're cute. Don't as cute as me

You're fucking disgusting. No, but you're hotter and richer So you have everything and everything, you know that people want. Okay, but how are you? I'm good fellow I'm okay. Should we just start like fellow What's that? What's that Miss Mary Mack type of shit? That's like fellow fellow. I think it is miss Mary Mack Mack Mackle dressed in black black black fellow fellow fellow fellow hit it one two three four five You remember that? That's what they do. Yeah, I thought you were joking around. No, they would do all those Bro, I remember like concentration never concentration 64 That's all I know. I never was able to do any of those hand games. My sister was fucking nice. Really?

Oh, I used to be good at the The it's it's like bang bang bang bang bang bang bang. That's wrong bitch. It's this it's like shlap shlap See yeah, and then they can get up to like 30 they get up to like bigger numbers That was a big girl thing like if we saw our friends doing that in circa 2004 they were Made fun of as everything and bullied probably right well, I was doing it So yeah, well you were you were made fun of a lot of people don't like recognize that you were made fun of No, I yes, I do no no no No, no, no, no, no fainted. No, no, I know you know that the world doesn't know that the world sees you as Joe Sanagato

Not as Joey, you know, I'm saying. Oh, there's two different Yeah, there's two different because there's the people see me as Frank Alvarez, but they don't remember Frankie. Yeah, you know, yeah fucking menace You know you I was way more innocent you don't think it started. No. No, you were not. Yes. No, this is all right I'm gonna don't you get me started. I'm trying to become you were more innocent than me No way here. I was like a little how do we define innocence Joey? How do we define innocence? You were more rebellious rebellious. I wouldn't know I wasn't rebellious You know why cuz my parents didn't care what I was doing cuz they didn't care about me

Found a way to rebel. Well, no, you know what it was and I've said this a million times before You and I did the exact same things. Oh, no. Yes It's just I was just a lily white you were see what's that? What this is what I was doing this not what you you were going to church though You were praying I if anything that was worse. I did I never went to church I never pray I never you know was it was portraying myself as a boy of God Well, I wouldn't say I was a boy of guy wasn't like an altar boy or anything You were an altar boy. I was never an altar. You were an altar boy never wore the fucking robe or in the in the well

That's right. You never wore the robe. They kept you naked most of the time No, that's not what happened either you did go and get your your holy communion and you were confirmed. I Went and got my holy No, you just you I think you make your communion. I don't we how you do it. I I don't know I don't know but we were the same we did the same things It's just I was louder and more boisterous and that voice dress Boisterous and people as a result thought that I was you were a little more cute and

Like innocent, but like you were the same fucking you were just as evil and maniacal as I was whoa First vlog definitely yeah, yes, you absolutely were shot. Yes, you were no, I was a little bashful guy You were bashful. We have different person. I was shy. You absolutely. You were shy that's full Yes, we're anything that results in you blushing in the face. You you were like a little like bitch Well, okay Sure self self-anointed. No, I yeah, I think so I used to cry a lot when I was when I was a very young kid Not like then. Oh, I'm sure I cried as a young young kid, too I'm like we went to Disney World and my sister still makes funny me to this day

So you cried like you had to be with mom for every ride. That's like you you were well, you're the baby Joey That makes I'm sorry for loving my mom. Yeah Stupid asshole Take it again personally. Yeah, I would say we You create this false narrative for people out there that like I was like some fucking You know like, you know, just like we're in a thrasher t-shirt and just like fucking blowing toys up with rockets And you were just like sitting there and you were like going and fucking doing your Hail Mary No, you were just as bad as I was Joey

You were the one that showed me that fucking Playboy magazine behind in that in the alleyway That's just one example. Okay, if I saw a bunch you were the one you were the one that brought me on funny junk comm to show Me boobies, okay, but no, I didn't yes You did because your computer froze and when it was in your parents room And we had a we had a pull the plug to restart it because your dad came home. Is that true? Yes, funny junk Funny junk had boobies froze and that's one of the screen where you have to pull on the screen Really skill your dad probably would have been a little jazzed. He would have been pumped if you saw us looking at tits I would never describe my dad as being jazzed

But he would be no, he'd be pissed probably really. Yeah, he was he was very like I Don't know protective of that. He wouldn't be like nice titties. He'd be like Really? Yeah, that's a product. I thought your dad would be like ah get out the room. I Thought he'd be pumped to see us looking at tits I don't know but I mean I've told this story before I think but I'm gonna tell it again because we have a lot of It's a lot of new fans. There's a lot of new fans of the show. Welcome. Hi This is us just to give you an idea of what I mean by this is a great example of how Frankie was just whatever Here we go. I'm gonna be it's gonna be an episode one of those episodes right

I need to defend myself the whole time from these this this on this barrage of attacks coming from you This is a real story that happened. Let me get through the story also before I interrupt before I interrupt until the real story Yeah, no, this is the real story No, no, no Frankie was sleeping over my house and at the time I had a bunk bed in my room and we both shared the twin It's all good. We're boys and boys boys sleeping in bed with boys is cool. Oh, how about I how about I finish the fucking story? so We had the lights off and Frankie brought over a WWE magazine, right and then we for some reason we're looking at it with a flashlight

That's what that's what they did in the movies. So I don't do it, too I don't know why kids read magazines with flashlights. Whoa. Yeah, so Frank my mom's in the room She's like picking up stuff or whatever and Frankie turns to me with the flashlight facing a bunch of WWE divas and he goes Which one we were in like third grade? He goes, which one of these girls would you want to get in bed with? Yeah, Joey, let's be very clear about something third grade. My mom noticeably. What are you doing noticeably snatch the magazine? Noticeably after you showed me the playboy in the alleyway in third grade because that happened when we were in second grade

So realistically if you're gonna blame it if you're gonna blame any premature sexual development On my end you need to blame it on your end. You were the one that opened me to the world the titties Here's the thing. You showed me titties and I was hooked. We looked at titties in an alleyway Behind a garage you asked me who do I want to fuck in front of my mom? Yeah in three grades. Okay, here's Joey Listen first in place, babe Joey first of all third grade noticeably right before 9 11 So bigger things happened that year. Yeah, but we didn't know bigger things happened that year. That was the next year No, no, we are third grade ended in June of 2001

It was during the school year. I think it would do how much I Am right here You opened me you gave me the taste of the sweet nectar from the tit of the titty tree And then I was like, oh well now I need to make this my whole personality I saw Tristratus on screen in 1999 or 2000. It wasn't my fault that you saw Tristratus. Yes Yes, but I would have been like, oh my god. These are just one of those things on her chest Are they for the beautiful suckling for the sweet babes? That's what I would have thought my virgin beautiful mind But then you and you injected filth you put the fuck if you put that dirty filth in my head

Yes, you did I didn't tell you you're supposed to grab it and put your mouth on it Yes, you did. Yes, you did you think I would know what tits were if it wasn't for you I did not tell you I just said there's a magazine is fucking titty Joey Joey is the guy that brings the Alcoholic to the bar and he's like just don't drink got it. That's what you did you brought me No, I did you brought the me at that age to you introduced me to tits And you were like just don't bring them up again in front of my mom All right, and I'm just like no don't ever bring that because that's like obviously you don't do that I was like how do you expect me to do that? I didn't know your mom didn't like tits

It wasn't about liking tits you were talking about fucking women in third grade well There's a flashlight in your hand tits first of all sharing a bed with me. No less. We bonered up I thought maybe I thought she would have thought it was just like playtime like share a bed with I don't know with Tristratus make titch I Don't know about this stuff Joey you this is this is the ultimate narrative You have completely when I look back it's people like you that make me look back on times like World War two and like other wars in History, it's like are we getting the actual what happened there Frank? You have Rewritten why you think you have rewritten the narrative that I was some fucking

Kicking the door down with bottles of vodka at the age of seven like Joey. Let's go fucking Finger hookers or something honestly though, but let's be honest Frank about That kind of was what it was Stop I never broke down your door with bottles of vodka Joey. No, but oh I have a I showed you the picture I have a picture of you with two gigantic bottles of vodka I'm 23 years old in that picture you stupid bitch. I have pictures of you at the age of 16 holding up a beer can Yeah, I think you just need to understand That oh where was I in that picture by the way at the lake house your house

It was inside of your house. Well, it didn't we were doing it together. It was all you know This is see this is this is the point. I'm trying to get to Yeah, it's alright. It's okay the point. I'm trying to get to here Joey is We did the exact same things in different ways you were a maniacal little twat I was a maniacal little twat what but people saw me and were like he's the loud Rambunctious one so it's easier to kind of peg him and then they saw you it is easier to peg you I will say because I was outspoken. I was the one that was that was the one's more susceptible to being pegged Well because I was the dynamic between us

I didn't you were the one that was shy and people would be around and you wouldn't say anything And then you'd hit him up on my space and then me I was the one that was loud and boisterous So if anyone was getting pegged is the fucking the bad guy there I I agree it was me and you were doing the exact same things I think you just weren't as susceptible to I think that people were walking around and they're going like We know we can peg him, but we can't peg him because you were quiet I know people didn't really if they would just speak to you could have been picked at the exact same way But I was wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second. I scared you. Wait a second. No, no, this is taking out of contact

And you were pegged. No pegging. No, no, I was not. That's the thing and you were pegged. No You were pegged. I pegged a lot like you said. No, and it was easy. I mean it wasn't even tough I it wasn't hard. It didn't they were pointing the fingers at me. I was I was fingered as being the fucking god damn it Still on it still on it still on it still on it. No, I was you know a fisted. No And we did the same things yes, we were inseparable people knew us it was Joey Frankie Frankie Joey That's it, that's what it was. It's just we did it we moved You know, I was I was I was walking through

I was a big marching band coming through and you were moving in silence like lasagna. Okay, well You know what we should do we should get someone from our like a neutral party like fifth-grade class and be like Do you remember us and like let's call Chelsea right now because she's bias Not biased. She's she's contaminated because she knows how is that good that she knew us after that. Yeah Well, I think she's who are we gonna call fucking one person that we haven't seen since 2003. That's what I'm saying It's gonna be Joey was the cool. Let's get our fourth-grade teacher in here. I Would Legitimately I swear to God that would be I well you can you can make that happen props

dabs dabs Wow, imagine we can get you you still got your I wonder if she I wonder if she has she probably if she's retired She'd do it. I don't know if she's still working. There's no chance. Yo, that would be really funny Of course she sells memories of us. I was at her wedding You keep throwing it in my face. I just want to say I know bullshit if if anyone had a shot in fourth grade Whoa talking about a shot. It was me. I was there. She could have looked over and seen me at fourth Look at that fourth grade boy, what am I doing up here? Like I just caught Lugia

Man, how do we get here? I don't know. I don't know you but I have something I want to show you Oh boy, actually, this is how I wanted to start the show, but now we're fucking 15 minutes into this bullshit Don't it's a good time. It's it's boy time. You and I bonding over shared memories It's boy time and the people watch they feel like they're part of the conversation Okay So do you remember on a previous episode? I don't know if we said who it was But you said that we know someone who's had wet dreams. Yes, I Have it. I got a text from him. Okay the first time we spoke about it

He had texted me but tell me what your text. So he texted me. He goes, yo, I had another wet dream another and he goes This is the text. Yo, I had another wet dream Fat load in my shorts tell Frankie and I go stop. Why can't he just text me? I go stop last night and he goes. Yeah, I said like an actual full load like a bunch of it He goes. Yeah changed my shorts. It was a weird dream. It was a crime actually and I said you came to crime That's kind of dark. Yeah, and he said an older woman. So Hold on you need it. Yeah older woman drugged me. Oh and banged me Oh, and was like and was gonna like make me get her pregnant to get money from me

Well, there goes the monetization and I shot a load and woke up and then I wrote damn that's fire not the assault Yeah, that's not cool But the I guess the wetness and he's like no, I was cool though because in the dream world I had that Frankie procedure so I couldn't get anyone pregnant What's talking about sex to me? I haven't had that created. Yeah Also haven't had it yet. Yeah, it's like so I couldn't have me pregnant. I was like wow jokes on her. He goes. Yeah moron So damn that's crazy happening Still happening to that's insane

That's that and that's late 20s here and I believe the same person that I spoke to yeah Let me know that like he was like ashamed of it like he would have to kind of like clean stuff Yeah, but that's what is it? What is a what is a shot? Like what do you call a collection of sperm? Is it a bushel a bushel? Is it a is it a is it a magazine? I think it's a clip It's a clip of come because like when you empty the clip on a gun It's like you've given everything it has at that point in time You shot every roundie you had in the chamber. Maybe it's just like a it's like a full bat. It's a batch a It's a bad. I got a litter because there's babies in there

It's a litter so like a litter a litter a litter. I just litter a jizz. Yeah That's not right. I'm confused with a leader of jizz. That's way too much Leader that's people people asking us for leaders of it on on certain websites. Yeah, that that's crazy though. I you know Like I said, I've never experienced that not even close I think that I have when I was like young but like very I don't even think I had one when I was young Like that's just that's just wild would you want one? No, I don't think so. You don't want a wet dream. No, I don't think that'd be I'd be a little uncomfortable Yeah, because who likes the feeling of being like kind of wet

When I'm in bed, I like to be warm cozy But also cold on your forehead a little on my on the side of my face Where do you put the blanket when you when you're sleeping? Okay? No, no, how high how high up does it go? Oh here? Me too. I'm up here. I have to protect myself from the night ghouls You know people who sleep with their blanket just like here. I'm like people your whole shit is open People in movies don't sleep I'm convinced because like they like they're on top of the blanket if there's not a blanket on me

I'm gonna get attacked also people. Yeah in movies. They're like It's like up to like their fucking belly button. Oh, my favorite is like when they have like sex in movies It's not my favorite You know I'm saying like when they and the like the blanket only goes like here and like over like the private areas It's like dude. Yeah, first of all sleeping naked purely for psychopaths. Oh, I've done that. Okay second of all Second of all, I need to be completely covered and like I like to fucking bring it up to my face So I'm gonna tell you how I sleep right now. You ready? Yes. Go ahead. You oh wait. Are you a front back side sleeper?

What a front back or side sleeper. I mean stomach or back front. Oh, I mean back I Go to sleep on my side, but I wake up on my back What yeah I like I would sleep like this Like you just wake up. You're just like No, how does that make sense? Well, it's an option. So people do it. You stupid fucking boy Okay, so here's how I fall asleep. You ready on my side. I

Put the blanket in between my legs and like I hug it and I make like a line my blanket up to here And I hold it right here. Do you let it do you make like a front thong? Yes Yes, yes, yes a little bit. There's a little there's a little tension on my balls. Yeah, I Like to bring the blanket though like all the way up I'm right here. Sometimes I'll put it over my head. Oh, I don't do that when it's really cold out I'm like, oh, I got a warm up this blanket So I put the whole blanket you hop off and I just I just breathe you hop up because I have a hot breath You do have hot breath. We've said that well

Well, it's just 98.6. You know, it's a hot breath somehow hotter But I put it over my head and then I just breathe underneath I hang out I go on my phone and then I'm like, oh I've warmed it up enough and then I put it back here. No, no I'm right here and I'll tell you why every part of my body needs to be covered by the blanket because 100% There's there's monsters in there They'll get the wind. I don't like with the wind touch. I forget forget about the wind. There's monsters There's ghouls. They'll get you and like I have been my brain has convinced me that like if any part of my body is not Fully on the bed or covered by a blanket. I'll be attacked and dragged away, you know, and I don't want that

There's like what about what about what about pillows What do you do you pillow? I'm a big pillow guy, but are you flat on this pillow or is the pill kind of angled? It depends. I so I previously used to sleep with like seven pillows not an exaggeration around you just literally now Only about like two. Okay, so I I have a fat one That's like one of those like temperature ones where it's like a super cold. Oh the fate like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and it's up here Oh, and it's and it's here and then I have another long soft one. Yes that I bring yes, and I fucking yes It's mine. It's it's in there as extra barrier between me and the ghouls, right? Okay, I have a kind of a long one, but it's decorative, but I hold it. Yeah, well most I

Yeah, I Just I know we brought this up before but like I need to sleep. I need to sleep like tight and secure And they actually a question. I don't know if I've asked you this before When you know when you sleep at a hotel and they really tuck in the blanket. I love it You like that do because I feel trapped. I try to kick it out. No, I like to feel trapped in there I know I I do too, but I try to kick it out. No, it's so strong No, no, no, I like to kick it out. Then I bring it back in. Oh, and then you do the under tuck That's a good one. That's if I'm gonna kick it out

No, I liked I like to be under there And like I'll like get like right in the middle and like even like maybe even tuck a little bit of the side back in Whoa, because I'm like I've done that though I've been in a hotel bed where it's like tucked on the sides. It's tucked over here and I'm just like in a little hot pocket Yeah, kangaroo. It's nice. It feels comforting and safe. It does. They talk the fuck out of I have tried So many times to do that. There's no possible way that I can replicate it I thought I I'm not kidding

Sometimes I've tried to kick the blanket out of a hotel and I'm like it must be nailed in because I'm really giving it Well, you gotta give it all you can. Yeah, I'm giving it, you know, 1010 percent. I do I do like it and then I Like hotels because like if they have like the real good dark shades I can wake up at like two and it's fucking pitch black in the room. It's wild. Yeah, I Like picking up a phone and someone just answers to like being in a hotel and you're just like like room service It's a it's a billion dollars, but there is something cool of like How are you doing? It's like just send up the fucking food. Just give me the fish Yeah, I'm hanging those phones up. Yeah, cuz like this phone. I miss I miss slamming a phone like fucking eggs croissant and avocado toast slam

Yeah, I miss I miss the satisfaction that came with flipping a phone closed to hang up on someone and just fucking Like when we became adults, which would be the time that you have the most angriest arguments on the phone Yeah, phones became too like fragile to hang up. It's annoying. I can't tell you how many conversations I've had where I've wanted to like fucking De Niro and good fellas. Just like bash That's what I want to do fucking pay phone on the hook. I honestly think that at a certain point they will bring pay phones back Just so adults can go in there and hit it. No, I wish Like what you fuck what? Yeah, there's nothing better than that we were born a destructible phone

We were born a little late for our ability to just fucking Demolish home phones like home phones are not cool anymore even like cordless phones. Like what do you do like fuck you? Denying it takes away from it. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, I need I need like the fucking What like when you pull back and he's like what and you can fucking unload in the phone, you know And then just fucking bang bang bang You can't do that with iPhones because it's like wait what and then you're looking at like yourself your daughter Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, you're looking at the back. I'm gonna scream at my little baby. Yeah, you don't want to do that yet Yeah, not yet

But if she goes soon as she wakes up, you got time. Yeah, yeah, you got time let it fly All right before we move any forward that's not what I wanted to say definitely not before we move any wait What do I want to say before we? Before we move forward with anything Okay, that works. We do have some responses for today. The first one being hello fresh hello fresh is a great Service here you get farm fresh pre portion ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep Skip the trips to the grocery store and count on hello fresh to make home cooking easy fun and affordable It's more affordable than going to a restaurant or even going food shopping and you just go on their site

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Basement okay rocket money comm slash basement folks and listen folks I mean you know what time the episode it is for your boy to remind you of patreon patreon.com slash the basement yard folks You've got to be sick of me telling you about this and you're not coming and joining right? I mean come on patreon.com slash the basement yard That is the best way to support the boys and guess what join today join today and you get over 800 episodes of from the times past and from these weekly episodes a week in advance I mean is there any other Deciding factor outside of the fact you get more of Joe and I and particularly more of me alright

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You will get naked tomorrow, but not for her cameras or anything okay technically I'm not wrong What are you adding like little I'm adding little Easter eggs someone got my welcome to Atlanta remix last dude I know that whole song. I don't know how I didn't get which one did you split you? What did you say? Don't need a burner we learned from Ike Turner, you know, it's it's I believe it's Yeah, don't cross that bridge without a little that St. Louis. Yeah Yeah, I smoke Louie drink Louie dressed in Louie Well, that song is fire so good someone got it finally and they were pretty quick on it But I started a little something there that some people might get I'm shocked you didn't get it. I didn't hear it

Well, I can Goddamn I forgot the line you wrote it down You know You wrote down like a bunch of old rap lyrics not just rap I'm just saying like I can easily create and to abbreviate examples every year to use on here because I always find a way Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, it's hard to recognize them. Yeah, I know because you're a dumb idiot Okay, there's other lines I could use I would make it a little easier for you to remember But I'm not gonna do that

Because this is the year 2023 not 2022 a year later Are you doing it again? Yep Why did I just sound like Scooby-Doo Frank there's a lot of things that you do that I don't really know what's going on Like what else give me three You're just saying shit. You're just making shit up. No, I just I'm gonna prevent, you know Prevent this podcast has become Something usually what it becomes is you saying a thing and then me not knowing if you're being right. I was serious Well, and then you know, I always

Oranges through my ass. No, I god I've never said that so don't use that as an example because people are gonna run with that this ass has never seen any oranges I don't like I Don't I think that like all relationships. We have to keep it fresh and You know surprise each other every now and then and there's a lot that I do in my life I think it's just like completely just like, you know The normal way of doing things and you're just like what I don't do what you want me, but that's what you do Yeah, you know, so I need to make sure that I just kind of throw some stuff in there

That you remember that I'm a unique individual that is loving supportive of any and every decision you've made and will die for you today if needed If needed if needed Okay Anyway, can you talk about this gay governor? dude Dude This story is it's the lieutenant governor of Tennessee. What the hell is a lieutenant governor? I think it's just someone who couldn't win governor. So they're like, you know

It's like assistant to the regional manager, you know, okay, you just give it to him just to be like, oh Got it. You know, he's from Tennessee and He like what was the thing? Oh, he's a lieutenant governor He recently passed multiple bills that target the LGBTQIA plus community people and culture It has been frequently caught but has been frequently commenting his from his verified Instagram account On photos of a shirtless young gay man, and I will say this let's just let's just go into it First of all, this guy's passing on these on these Gay bills. Yeah, we don't we don't need to talk about the fact that he is

Actively infringing on people's human rights and just you know live happily We don't need it. We don't need to touch on that, but he'll say stuff like this So there was a this one guy in particular that he's a fan of his name is Finn That's you know, okay, thanks name. Is it a twinkie any Finn? Yeah Yeah, I guess so But he's like dancing in his underwear and then he wrote love it with hard-eyed emojis Which is like all right not bad I mean but then but you could love it as like a member like trying to support the community

Yeah, like we'd love to see you. Yeah love that you're being yourself here, but then You know there was another Picture that's guy posted where he was in briefs So it's kind of revealing photo and they wrote Finn you can turn a rainy day into rainbows and sunshine And that's gay Wait, let me see the picture the picture the raining sun shines He can no dude, that's a twink. It this is like a this is that's the definition when you look up twink That's what you find. Yeah, so like yeah, you can't be out here in like you're a lieutenant governor

Who's gonna pass on like these lgb to? Lgb to K B2k bump bump bump lgbtq plus bills and Then comment you're really fumbling the Say gay bills. Yeah, the gay bills. It's not just the gays. It's the lesbians and trans bills, too You know what I mean? You know what we all the all-encompassing gay. Yeah, you know, yeah

Umbrella the the gumbella the gumbella the gumbella, which is a gay umbrella. Yes, absolutely But yeah, then you can't comment on on Finns I just I think you turn rainy rainy days into shut the sun shines and rainbows like listen Now if he was going on his burner and doing that like whatever, yeah, you know, so called my king You literally are always so nice king with a hard-eyed emoji when all right hold on now when you're going after a twink And you're saying there you're king What's that make you lieutenant gov that I mean that's what's what's like underneath a twink Like I don't know like a like a like a tweedle

I think you're making stuff. I am absolutely bird like a tweety bird. What's smaller than a twink? What's look it up? What's smaller than a twink? What's smaller twiddle than a twink? I Don't think there is are we so we can just make this up ourselves. Yeah members members contribute We are going to control the narrative how what should I type in because I want to know the rankings I'm just gonna write gay man terms types types types types types types This is a queer glossary. Oh perfect exactly what we needed here. No, these are like actual like words Oh, like it was like bisexuals like I we know we know what Joey definitely knows what that is What should I type in gay man, it's a twink twink

Terminology. Yeah gay twink terminology. No gay man categories gay man categories. I'm just repeating Yeah Guide to gay men's body type. Okay, I mean we're gonna know there's bear. There's twink. There's twanks. There's twunks I don't think there's twanks. I think a twank is in there. It's like it's like a hunky twunk No, that would be a twunk. No, a hunky twunk Otter scruffy general young generally young furry otter for no no like I thought like a furry like a I'm a horse, but they're furry like they got some hair on them. Oh, so like I would be short-handed What does that mean? Oh, that seems that's like a nice way to say little dick

Short-handed I guess and strong gay. So otters are like short-handed when they play hockey. Maybe they only score shorthand Then we have twink. Oh my god hairless. It says darling child. Oh disgusting. That's weird. Absolutely strange this tribe Oh, I'm getting tribal usually young between 18 to 25 years old angel face thin smooth and shaved This is a little Jim bunny this dude's yoke dub a Jim bunny Jim bunny just like hot athletic yoke, dude Pete Daddy's Older with experienced businessmen a wolf. What's a wolf? What's a gay wolf? Not big enough to be a bear

So I would say a gay wolf is like a carnivorous like Carnivorous, I don't know dude. I mean I or like they're they're hairy, but like they kind of run real fast Like they travel in packs. It's just a mature furry guy Who's like in like an older guy who's in shape like some salt and pepper? Okay? I thought I'm gonna bear we know the bear is there is the a gamer It's a gay gamer. Well, they're also into like superheroes and comics and stuff. So that's like a gamer. Yeah, yeah Leather that's not what's a leather chub This is leather. Is that what they call gay men from Arizona leathers?

Why would they I don't know every there's a lot of leather Like where's leather? Oh Yeah, that's all the ones there. Yeah, I don't think there's anything like so nothing nothing below I guess below a twink is apparently a child. Yeah Okay, but he's a he's just apt. He's just getting after it trying to just get himself. Oh such a tangent. Yeah Yeah, no this guy is a piece of shit You know inferring on gay rights and then also like You can't you can't do that, bro. You can't you can't be you got it like you guys here

But see if you want Finn past the bill, you know, I mean, that's what I'm saying Finn Finn should comment back I'm like, you know you want you want more fucking sunshine. Do you want to you want? So I'll I'll turn that sunshine real nice and I'll stick it where the fucking son don't that's what I'm saying I know if Finn's watching this by the way in what's up. Hold your fucking cock Well, no wait, no, there was more than I was Added to that I was gonna say hold it ransom and be like yo pass the bill are no more pictures Oh, I'm not posting any shirtless shit unless you like pass the bill No, but see I think you need to take another approach Finn needs to hit up lieutenant governor McNally

I'm gonna make sure I say his name so no one forgets it And just be like he like you like this. Here's another here's another you gotta get them You gotta get them addicted first, you know what I'm saying? You need to get them like really needing it and wanting it That's why like, you know, you give them the first two doses. You say you like this. Here's this no one else has seen this Lieutenant governor. Okay, here's this from Finn PS xoxo Finn Kiss on the paper, right and then to be like you want the next one and you know, yes I need I need your sunshine in my life, right? Finn's like don't pass that bill. No pass the bill pass the bill This is the thing though, and this is this the other part. I want to make sure I say this

Yeah, people are sitting there and they're pointing fingers at Republicans. There's like these motherfucking, you know, their assholes sometimes most of the time They are but what the Democrats will do is they'll make this bill and in there They'll be like, oh, and if you pass this bill you have to You know just like have sex with the donkey every other night and it's like whoa Whoa, whoa, hold on a sec. They hide shit in there They all all them politicians are all fucking all over the place. I don't know that there's Maybe not actual donkey sex, but you know what I'm talking about Yeah, I didn't think you were referring to actual donkey. So it'll be like listen like you can't pass this bill

We're gonna give protection to people in the lgbtq I got it. I got l lgbt qi a plus community like we're gonna give them protections and sanctions to make sure they're not harmed in our state but also you You know protection from sanctions. I think I said But then also it'll be like, oh, and if you go to page six It'll say that you have to pay 99% of your income to taxes and it's like whoa now hold on a sec That's they do those stinky little fucking Democrat boys and girls there and everyone in between Scared me you are so skittish. I'm a little jumpy because I'm terrified of that mannequin. I've said this before

That's gotten me a multiple times where I'm walking down the hallway and I'm like Because it's like a six foot six person now, I'm gonna ask you a real question. Yes Not a fake one a real one. Okay, if you were to have any Politicians like thirsting over you Sarah Palin Damn you answered that too quick Who else would I say? Oh, I was gonna ask for men, but go for that too. I don't know any I don't know any Sarah Palin. You're like all about Sarah Palin. Oh, no I'm not

You answered pretty quick to not be as she's the only like attractive one I could think of you Do the other day you were telling me how much you love Marjorie Taylor Green? Is that someone that you want to hang out with again? I'm saying like a like a that you want to hang out with again like an 80s Bill Clinton. I had swag You know what when I look at Bill Clinton all I see is Big Bird Whoa Mind you of he does remind me of Big Bird like I see I'm gonna go this guy just looks like Big Bird

He is kind of Big Birdie, but I just I don't know I just Does that make Hillary snuff a lot of guests? It doesn't are you sure nope? Who's Hillary then? I'm gonna I hope she's not watching this because I'm really not trying to Well, she might be she might be she might be so I'm being honest here when I say this yeah, Bill Clinton is Big Bird and Hillary Clinton looks like the doll from Rugrats I Angelica's doll What's her name Cynthia? Yes, I swear to God when I see her

I think they are going in every direction for some reason. That's what I when I see her I see that that's an incredible And I'm really don't want her to hear me say that well Apologize apologize to Jane watch miss Rodham Clinton Rodham one of my favorite rap lines that I've ever heard is in that song Grills, I forgot who exactly who said it, but he goes I got a bill in my mouth like I'm Hillary Rodham And I was like whoa, dude That's a crazy. Well, it's a song grills. I had to be Paul. Oh, no, there was somebody else on it's it's Nellie Nellie Paul wall and Someone else and I can't remember damn got Bill in my mouth. I got a bill in my mouth like I'm Hillary Rodham

Wild why would you ever put money in your mouth anyway? Yeah, very dirty. No, he's saying he's saying because of his grills. Oh but Bill that's not a million Definitely didn't mean a billion bill would be hundred Joey. It's a part of a rap song. It's not meant to be logic I'm just I don't know Frank But anyway before we move any before we move forward. I can't I'm still can't say it before we go any further We do have some more sponsors for today the first one being hey Adam and Eve Adam and Eve. What is it? Adam and Eve is going to

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That was very good ad reads it by you Joe. I love when you compliment me all the time. I compliment you quite frequently. Yeah, I Said you were cute back there Back where like back there. I'm cute back there. I meant back previously in the episode Bank back back back there. No, what would you do if I came in here one day? And I should have full split That would be insanely. I feel like you could do it. I could like if you if you did it right now I would be like that it would take some practice. I don't know how low I could get I would have to be pretty strong to do that Well, a lot of your hip adductors need to be really really strong in order to go down and support your you know

That's that's intense. There was a time in my life where I thought I was going to like Go out of my way to do a full split like because you have to if you have to like train Well the side one or this one like the front and back one or the side one this the side one The side one's intense dude. I don't know how I don't know how guys can do that They don't just split at the seam Well, you have that's why I'm saying you have to be strong because I'm pretty sure like not only strong But like you have to you have to have a strong bunch home Yeah, you're yeah, you got a whole shit's got to be fire because if you can't hold your sphincter together

Like you're just gonna spill out. What would happen if you just put me in a split? Would I just not I think you yeah, you rip your your your muscles would just get all fucked up Yeah, I don't think you'd be able to survive. I Would just have fucked up Like you'd be all fucked up not just like kind of like ouch that hurt like you'd be like in serious pain I've seen videos of like dance mom shit where like these little girls are like because they make them do splits or whatever And they will like force them not like force them, but they were like no problem No, definitely probably no, I mean like not like dropping them into a full split

But it's like they're putting them into a split and they're trying to make them like you know More flexible than they already are and they're like crying and like screaming and like whatever and they're just like just stay Bro, I'm so glad I'm so glad that dance mom's show was a thing because that's exactly what I imagine those people to be like I don't care like I'm sure they're like oh, but it was a show not all people no That's what every fucking freak dance mom is like bro. I've seen a few clips from Those dance mom shows and I'm like I cannot believe that they were like airing this on TV like screaming at children Psychopaths absolute psychopath there was a point in time where white women had like the hold on reality TV And we just really saw like what people are realizing now about like Karen's and stuff

That's years of work that TV and movies have done for us. There was fucking honey boo boo You know, there was there was dance moms. I missed the honey boo boo thing. I remember honey boo boo There was dance moms. There was like the fucking like show like the what are the like the pageant beauty pageant moms and shit like that It's like they're they a John and Kate plus eight. She won with the hair There was a there was a time where they were just all over and it's like bro. This is this is what we the octo mom Was that her? The well John and Kate plus eight has ten of them. There was in a house. There was not not anymore Oh, yeah, John was like I'm out. I'm gonna go. Oh, you left her all. I'm gonna go be a DJ in Philadelphia

Is that what happened? I don't know if he specifically had Philly in mind, but he has been there as a DJ He's definitely why do you know that I? Forgot where I heard this or saw this but like someone was like, you know John Goslin's doing a set in Philly It was like what the fuck well, you know John Goslin Still still looks exactly the same. I think be confused with Ryan Gosling. That's a lot of people think they're similar. Yeah Yeah may Worked as a DJ

12 to 15 gigs a month and why you're missing Pennsylvania Damn, that's you mean you're caking I guess on an appearance and doctorized November of 2021 Goslin stated that he had been working on a hip-hop album for approximately five years in May 2022 He released a hip-hop track titled voicemail Okay, the huff post called the slow jam song heavily auto-tuned Today's Randy Dawn agreed with their critique writing that's a lot of auto can I can I yeah Why are you choosing to read this much into this? Like I don't think I barely do I do I have to I have to look up the song now, right?

I have to look up John because then he's gonna fucking Strike us. Oh, no, John Goslin's gonna come after the basement yard. No, I'm saying that the fucking the music maybe Joey you were bringing up how fucking one of our friends had a dream where he was sexually assaulted and came in his pants I think John Goslin is gonna be the least of our worries on this episode. Okay What if I do a quick a little quick? I was only reading a little quick a Little quick. That's redundant Just skip to the middle

Yeah, whatever I was expecting like I'd hear a song and be like yo fuck my ex-wife. Oh That'd be wild. Why would you think that's John Goslin? He knows he knows his audience Did you watch that show? I remember at the time? I had seen like an episode or two and he just looked like he hated everything. I got into The gypsy one What? That was the name of the show. Oh Something about gypsy wedding is can I ask a serious question? If you're gonna ask me if that's the rock

I don't know is it. I don't know is is that like don't know but I know that's the name of the show That's the only way I know how to say it and I don't even know what they are in like 50 years time It's gonna come out that like that word gypsy. Oh damn it. You're in. I'm in You're in welcome. I'm in welcome. Jump on in It's like a real like derogatory. I mean, I don't know. I don't really know what they are But like I don't I do know that they all got married in like yellow dresses like weird shit I and I I'm not in like a yard. I'm not meaning to sound insensitive here But I I remember people being like

you know When they would bring up the Holocaust Never mind. I'm going to just turn my mic around and you go ahead. I Just I remember they'd be like this is the amount of you know Jewish people that had passed away or murder I should say and then the second most number of people that were killed were gypsies And I remember being like what is a gypsy? I didn't know still sad make that very clear Oh, yeah, but I don't like where are they from? Is there like like gypsum? That's a I believe that's a rock, but I I'm not sure so I'm not gonna speak on it, but I do know the show was

Entertaining because of how not good it was I love how then they they can find ways to be insensitive So like what was the show where it was like, you know, it was little people and the titles of the show were just like my big world Yeah Like super insensitive It was some shit. It was like a huge world little people and it's like whoa chill, dude. That's a little it's not very nice Remember I watched that remember the documentary after porn ends It was actually a very interesting documentary they've done a couple of them But basically there was a part of one of them that was like for some reason people can still be just like openly racist in the porn world

Oh, yeah, and like it'll like if it's like, you know an interracial Like fucking sex tape or something. It'll be like oh gangbanger takes advantage of little schoolgirl It's like this is this is strange. I don't think people are looking to fucking, you know have to like worry if they're being awful humans Who's trying to get their rocks off also ebony? Yeah, I'd know and said that you know, it's funny is also no mention of ivory I'm sure I'm I'm almost Guaranteeing that there was someone out there that did a video and it was like ebony and ivory And it was yeah. Yeah, but I don't I don't don't pretend like you don't know, you know, I don't you definitely do

What do I know? I don't even know you're asking you're mr. King porn Joey You're King porn you're you you're always in touch with the porn No No, let's go back to the thing that we were talking about before you said it was easy to peg you Joey It's not it's well. Well, no, no you have to like get there. I don't understand It's difficult. This is see this is what you do It's tough this is what you like what you did what you did growing up convincing everyone that I was some maniacal little Scheister and you were just like mr. You know like I sit there and I pray the fucking Frank away

You were just as mean and evil You would call me up and say oh MTV jams has some butts What does that mean? You remember, you know exactly channel 157 on our CN. There wasn't even videos on that Well, there were I'm thinking of the music channel. No, you're thinking of the one the music choice those ugly ass Oh my god, those ugly commercials sometimes they were I remember you ever hold on never have you ever in your life jerked off to a music video I Can without a doubt say absolutely not really alright Have you even I don't know has any that means that means you have that means you have give me the music video I'm gonna name I'm just gonna go through and just name a couple and just let me know if I'm right go Kanye's workout plan

What the hell I know anything with Kanye. No his recent stuff. No I Know play by David Vanner No, that's all shaker by the yin yang twins. Was there butts in that? It's all you know shaker ride by Sierra Sierra Sierra to me no tomato. Yeah, that was a good one fucking oh Back that ass up. I was gonna say jucca by the elephant man

What song is that I can't do it. It'd be insensitive and racist if I did the song We're 57 minutes in Frank Not everyone's gonna make it this far Haven't stayed for we've we've we've saying elephant man before I know pretty I know this song though I'm gonna make up words in the tune cool So you want to hang with me and I want to do is saying jucca jucca jucca How you got rid of the accent so you want to hang with No one wants to hear it's an impression it's well, but Joey. All right, you do it then I

Don't know the song. Do you do any do a shampoam pressure Joey? I'm gonna close my eyes. I want to hear shampoam. Go go ahead. I Can't do oh, all right. Oh do do Kevin little Oh That was a good one do shaggy Dude, how does anyone sound like that? I don't see sound like that. No, he like talks like Everyone slips every now and then no come on even the best fall down sometimes Yeah, but he's not he's doing he's not it's a gimmick for him. You know what I'm saying He doesn't sound like that. No, he speaking. He's like hey guys. What's up? No way not like that

But like he's like hey guys, I'm not gonna do an impression cuz they come off as an insensitive and racist Joey I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it You're gonna tell me you didn't used to rap songs and like try to sound like the rapper. I Yeah, I still do that, too. Yeah, who are your top two that you were like, yo, I can actually kind of sound like this None. Oh really come on. Oh, I had the game and Lloyd Banks you thought You thought you sounded like Lloyd Banks, I could make who has Such a unique voice. I think I was able to at a certain point in my life. Let's be very clear. I haven't done this since

Saturday I Could because I can do I can hear things. I have a very good ear. I don't know if you know this about me I don't know if you have this, but I remember there was a point in time where I was trying to learn piano and My high school like one of my high school teachers who was a big in the music world Excuse me She's like the head of like the music department at Yukon now. She's a great woman But she told me she's like you can hear something and match the tone the pitch And I can do that sometimes with like music and Lloyd Banks and John Legend

All right, I'm not I'm not kidding. I can I yes remember all right I'm here story time here story time here story time. We're here story time here in story time You think you can sound like John Legend. So in like 2012 That was a yes or no by the way, I don't know what 2012 Glee Had put out a thing to send in audition tapes This is not true Are you about to say what I think you're gonna say say it quickly and ordinary people is one of the songs they said

Yeah So, you know how you know how you just get to it, please just say that you fucking sent an audition tape in Hot in here. I didn't send it in but I definitely recorded it. Where did you record it on my computer? It's long gone. I hope But it's one of those things were like You ever listen to a song and sing at the same time and you're like, yo, I kind of fucking I kind of crush that Can I ask you a question? Yeah, why didn't you send it in? Did you listen back and you go? Oh, no, I'm wrong It was so humbling

Just like you do ordinary ordinary. Did you do like that? Hey, I did the whole thing Joey Let's be very clear. I did the whole thing Yeah, and this was too recent to life. I'm just picture. How wait, how old are you like 20? It was 2012 so 20 Oh my god, Frank. That's so I had dreams to start up. Even when I was in college I had I had a headphone in and I heard it back. I was like, yeah I Yeah, you can that's the saddest part. Oh my god. Yeah, I probably should have but it wouldn't have gotten picked Well, there's some stuff that happened on the set of glee. I'll just let you guys look into it yourself

I don't know but I I do know that if you did send it in then it would exist in your email Yeah, and then I would have to play it on here, which is all 100% Frankie 100% is also a good thing that it doesn't exist. Oh, because I know you would have that's why I'm glad it doesn't exist There you go, I'm sure we all have stories like that. I've never sent in an audition tape for anything No, I Think so I was I was fully on board Did you ever do something like that ever again? No, no, no, no, not since would I yeah If you get me to like if you get me to drink enough, I'll full-on sing

We have to do another power hour. Maybe we'll do it. That's a bad idea. Yeah. Oh That's what I mean. So that's why you want to do it. Yeah, like when it's like summertime We'll do it or some summer summer summer time. Wow. You do sound like John Legend Can you can I ask you something can you seriously try to sing ordinary people don't like give me like right now Just give me a little bit. Just give me like the first couple. Why? I know but so am I bashful you are bashful. I do love John Legend. Just give me a little bit just like a line. I Can't come on. There's so many people here. There's me and you I know No, I can't one day. I'll get you to sing probably. I'll get you. Um, but anyway, Frank, where can they find you?

That was a good one. Yeah, that was a good episode. I love episodes f alvers F alvers 80 85 on twitter the frank alvarez on instagram and all other forms tick tock All the other ones go check it out in the make like I said check out patreon.com slash the baseman yard Let me tell you That's where you want to be patreon.com slash the baseman yard when you're not there You're missing out check it out I okay You guys can go follow me at joe sanagato go follow the show at the base me yard and that is all we'll see you guys next time