The Basement Yard - #396 - How Much Is Too Much?

Episode Date: May 1, 2023

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Welcome back to the basement yard. How's it going there cal rick and jr. Yeah, that's exactly who I'm wearing this jersey Thank you for noticing. Is it actually yes, it is bitch. Who else would it be you were you were doing that? You were trying to do that as being like an insult. Yeah Not insulting you were trying to insult me insult insult Yes, you were trying to insult me, but it didn't work because I am not easily offended That's not true. I wouldn't say that I mean You because I worry about my standing in your life, right? But normally I'm not easily offended I can take it. I give it. I take it. I'll take I I can dish it out and take it all day

You could definitely take it You need to be able to have a you need to be able to have a good sense of humor If you're gonna if you're gonna, you know dish out some humor and some jokes and pranks You should be able to bend over and take it is what you're saying. Stop what you're doing you dirty bitch No, I said I can take it. I never said I'm bending over and taking it. I know that's totally different That's totally different. You taught you you're you have been a big proponent recently and telling me to bend over and take it Can you can you do anal? I mean can't like no, no, no, this is a stupid question Yeah, well now you say can you do it like standing up? You can do anything standing up

Can't sit down standing up stupid got you Yeah, you can if you get the yeah if you get like special pants that are like chair pants You'd be sitting. No, but you'd be standing No, yes, you can You can't sit and stand at the same time Frank. I'm not gonna argue this. I don't know I don't I think there's an argument there. This is you know, peas and carrots. It's all right That's awesome. That's not an expression peas and carrots I

Think it is. I don't remember cues. What is that? Yeah? Well people are like They have their peas and cues all figured out. It's like Why I don't know what that means. I think dot the I's and cross the T's. I know what that means Yeah, would you know what the dot on the top of an eye is called a? Dot no, I think it's called a tittle. I think you're right. I Think I am you made it seem like you know I know but I also think now I'm confusing it with the little thing on the end of your shoelaces the little plastic part I don't think that's a tittle. No, but that has a name

Yeah, what is it? I don't know they never last I always bite mine off. Why not on my shoes not on my shoes on my sweaters I Bite them all the time why were you one of those freaks? I would bite their fucking that they would chew on the like a sleeve of their sweatshirt. I wouldn't chew on my sweatshirt Yeah, you fucking freak. I know you are you know No, but I'm saying the little strings that would hang with the plastic. I would sometimes I just put my mouth back I can't I can't I can't I get this is a very irrational thing that I have and someone recently like tweeted at me asking me about this I And I swear to God my skin is crawling as I'm even thinking about saying this wait. What I can't oh my fucking god I'm not this is not a bad. This is not a bit or dramatic. I can't envision

fighting it out on cloth it fucking Biting down on any cloth bro like your shirt. I can't my teeth. I just can't it's like a look I'm getting goosebumps. You could see it. Well, I mean We're doing a show here. No, this is not a bit. So what if I do it? I don't like if I just go I Why is that so bad? I don't know. I don't know. I think it's a weird thing. I have what are you doing in your ears? You won't bite your shirt right now. I if I bite my shirt right now I will what's gonna happen. You like squeal. I like like I yeah, I turned into like a fucking little dumpster I think that we don't like to see it when we like to know stop

There's no one here to respond to you. You're just talking to the people you're talking who the people who are watching Yeah, well all people would you rather see me bite my cloth or Joey butt naked right now? Yeah, and now what make now what bite it I please I can't a little I This is probably isn't as bad but like looking at your sweatshirt because yours is more like spongy cloth Come bite me. I don't want to bite you bite me. I don't There's like a whole there's like a teeth mark I Can't do it. That's so weird freaks me out I don't know if I have anything like that where it's like bugs well up. Yeah creepy crawlers creepy anything

That's mmm. Yeah, I don't like that shit You don't want like a like a little cockroach climbing up your arm right now I also don't like mushy things between my fingers. Oh Love mushy things between my fingers if I see like a bowl of Jello before I think I want to eat it I think I want to shove my hand in it. Well Jello is not mushy It's not mushy. All right, so what mud? Mud Yeah, certain types of mud is just because you're still like you're still scarred from picking up your dog's shit

Raw hand. Yeah, did I tell that on the show? Yeah, you did. Yeah, that was disgusting. It's all right It's okay. Have you ever stepped in dog shit with your bare foot and it like curls like like in between your toes That's what I'm talking about. Ah, I have done that Isn't it gross walking on grass and you're like I just stepped in a pile of shit. Yeah, it's pretty bad, but also Not maybe not shit But like if you step in mud and it goes like in between your toes like it does that thing where it comes through and it like Curls and it makes that sound more like you like that kind of do you won't bite your shirt But you like stepping in dog shit and mud. I didn't I didn't say dog shit

I said it wasn't shit the sensation of stepping on something that was the consistency of dog shit you would enjoy Yeah, yes, but not dog shit the dog shit is a big part of drawing me away from liking it because of the smell Also more the idea of the fact that it's dog shit. Let me ask you a question here dog shit If it didn't stink I play with it Now even let me get the question out, huh, but that was gonna be my question. I know you would not play with it I wasn't thinking like haha. No, no, I wouldn't like I wouldn't like but it's it's cool like it's cool It's much cooler. It's much cooler But that's as big as downfall is the stink the stink and the fact that it's coming out of you've never seen a dog

Like anytime there's been dog poop You've watched it come out of a dog pretty much. You know what I mean What if it never stuck to your hands would we just pick it up bare-handed if it was like, you know If our hands were like hydro you know how like when you dip like cinnamon underneath water and it comes out It's like it's hydrophobic if our hands are like poop of phobic Yeah, like if we could just pick up a shit and like it didn't get on our hands and it didn't it wasn't dirty I think but I think it is dirty. I think that's a big part of it. Yeah, you know, it is dirty frankly shit It's waste

Confirmed. I think it's a big part of it. I We grew up in We grew up in the age of like we were the first like group of like Play-doh and slime and floam You know, you remember floam. It's like slime, but it was like little like foam like styrofoam beads in it I do know what that is. Yeah Use your fucking brain kinetic sand to connect. Well, that was a little older the connect sense relatively new is it?

Yeah, it's like within like the last like 10 years at least I think that's since it's gotten popular unbelievable Yeah, that was last time you played with kinetic sand recently me too my nephew has it my son has it really cool But like we are such like it now because of it like we grew up with slime I've been ooze ooze Nickelodeon slime gack, you know, you could buy this stuff. I was a big slime boy I loved it. I all I was dreaming about was getting slimed and I remember for my You're just gonna say that You didn't dream it feels like it feels you didn't dream you seriously

You're gonna tell me you watch TV and you didn't say like oh my god. I would kill for some slime No, am I the only one you'd see Billy the answer head just saying no to Danny tamborelli And this be like fucking slime me you wanted Danny tamborelli slime. That's what it sounds like I wanted I wanted summer Sanders slime. I take some of that summer Sanders And and the guy who was like giving away the prizes on figure it out. Yeah, you're like whoa Whoa, I kind of but like We grew up in that era where like everything that was targeted at us as kids was slime gack foam Yeah, you know you're trying to make a silly putty that so like my brain

Looks at dog shit and says these are two peas in a pod so If no one was around for days Well, you had the weekend to yourself if I had the weekend of myself and in a town where no one else lived and my dog and Your dog just me and my dog and it shit don't have a dog right now, right? But if it ain't shit You'd be like well. I got the whole weekend. I think you know pick it up and you kind of like It's the same way. I am with hot pockets, and I know I've spoken about this before dog shit and hot pockets

I have to constantly remind myself that my body can't ingest hot pockets and not have it an unbelievable stomach ache Okay, I need to confidently know that I don't like playing with dog shit Before I can put it off for good. Have you ever played with it? No That's the problem. So then we have a big mystery here. We do have a mystery here. What the hell did we get here? This is the this is the baseman yard podcast brought to you by Frank and Joe You just shove your tongue in that hole Yeah, I mean I also when you said slime before I was never really I didn't want to get slimed

Like when people get slimed at the kids choice words. I'm like, oh, I dreamt about it. Okay But they used to make these ice pops back in the day. I know it's one that had they were like orange But in the middle it had like come Wasn't what I was yeah, that's exactly what you were gonna say. It was green you coming green over there not Shrek Shrek Shrek. I sure I got green green gringes. Do we know that? I'm sure there's a video out there somewhere a porno. I'm sure there is one of him and Fiona Just fucking raw dog. Oh, of course. There's like Shrek porn. Duh Donkeys involved, but I remember I remember that that

Ice pop and I I loved them. I was like, oh my god This would slime tastes like I would just put my mouth over the cannon that they shoot all over like Zac Efron or whatever Zack has that guy from in this. I'm sure he's been slim. Oh, I'm sure he has you ever see the Katy Perry one Where it just fucking bashes her in the face. I do and she's like falls backwards I don't know how it's relevant here, but she looks great in slime. I'll tell you that That's when I was in when I was eight years old I and my family and I went to Disney in Universal Studios because that's where they said that the Nickelodeon stuff was so A lot of it. I actually recently found out a lot of it wasn't but

Also, look up Nickelodeon. There's some stuff there Who's the guy who was like, oh, I want to play with everyone's feet or whatever Dan Dan Snyder Dan Snyder Snyder or Schneider But he like would put like he writes up into the script about like little girls feet or yeah And like there was one episode of I think it was like Zoey 101 or one of those shows I'm never seen an episode of that where there was just like a full cum shot in it But like they like mask that is something else. Yeah, the guys are a little weird go look it up I'm not just go, you know, but when I was eight we went down there and

we went on a tour of the Nickelodeon studios and They had a part of it where it was like, oh look, this is pizza faces face, you know the mask that we use for pizza Yeah, all that and Then they were like, oh look, they're filming an episode of double dare I've actually since come to find out that like it was all bullshit. They actually weren't filming anything It was staged. It was all staged, but they had a thing where they were like, all right, who wants to Try slime. I was like try slime. They're like, yeah, you can eat you could try slime and gack and they were like You and they picked me. Wow. And I was so fucking thrilled and I was like, I'm gonna get slime

This is this is every boy's dream and I what it sounds like come dude. Oh, well get it You know say it like stop stop being like that. I it's hard for me Now who sounds who's has the sexual innuendo? I didn't say you're hard for me. I said the Whatever so every boy's dream. I was like, all right guy went and came out and he was like, here's the slime and Was I got a spoon? It was like a bucket of it and I thought like fuck. Yes, like he's gonna like he's gonna Dump it on you. I thought he was gonna dump me like slime me. So I'm there I'm ready and he's like he gives me a spoon. He's like taste it and I'm like, oh, this is not what I wanted But I was still pretty pumped slime was

Apple sauce And I was pissed wait what are they just that green? Yeah, cuz I hate applesauce And then I was like, what the fuck dude like The fuck I wanted something better than this. Did he confirm? You'd need to be a real fucking dumb idiot to not know and then he's like try the gack I was like, all right, and it was purple a big tub of purple gack And I was like, all right, this is gonna suck fucking vanilla pudding

I was so pumped you like vanilla pudding or chocolate pudding vanilla pudding cuz I'm an adult How would a chocolate pudding make you a child because chocolate pudding like a vanilla snack pack? Yes I know it's technically probably not pudding. Oh my god. Those were very good I'm not a huge pudding girl, but I do like a pudding. Yeah, I'm not often I don't I can't tell you less rice pudding. I make the best rice pudding you'll ever have Do you swear to God? Is it better than cozy shack is they fucking rice pudding? Yeah, cuz that's bullshit I make like legit good like real rice pudding now. I'm not confident now that you said that Cozy shacks fucking ice. No cuz what they do is they just put rice in pudding real rice pudding is different

How's it different? I Don't know also. It's way late in life that I realized. Oh, there's rice in here Well, Joey, I just thought that it was like a put two and two together putting put that no, it's rice cinnamon Yeah, one time in like when we were like fourth grade or third grade or something They had like an international fair. Yes. I mean pasticcio. What is that? Greek you don't know pasticcio. I don't know. It's like Greek baked ziti on the top. It's Béchamel Joey Béchamel Joey What's Béchamel? Are you kidding me? I don't know I'm not Greek. You've been to multiple Greek restaurants, Joey

Oh, why cuz they don't come out with little plates that have fucking green foam on top of a single piece of sushi Yeah, and say arigato. No, you're fucking first of all that was racist That was right. Oh, you pig. No and In a huge way to I'm sorry. I don't know Béchamel was it good? That sounds like it's like a it's a sauce Joey Béchamel. It's also it's also an Italian foods Béchamel. Yes Well, whatever. I don't know what I made but I remember someone made rice pudding and I had only had cozy shack up to that point And I was fucking hype and then I had it and there was raisins in it. I was I fucking hate raisins. Listen. Yeah, well, I love raisins

I actually have a big big bottle of it in my car because I like raisins a lot bottle of raisins. Yeah Don't they come in boxes? It's like a bottle box. It's weird, but Yeah, I've had Incredible rice pudding the ones that I've made my mom's made my sister's made very very good But then I've had some where people put like shaved coconut and And and rice and raisins in it. No, and it's like listen. I see what you're doing. The base here is good Cut it the fuck out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, just make me. What are you putting your ice pudding? Just I mean you want the ingredients?

That was the question. Okay. Well, no coconut or fucking raisins if that's what you're asking Well, you got mad at cozy shackers. You're like they take pudding and they put rice in it. What do you put then? Well, because what they make pudding But you just make it hold on hold on It's different because what they do is they just put fucking cooked rice in in a snack pack. They need to taste different Cook if I were to give you vanilla pudding and rice pudding you wouldn't say like oh, this is the same base, okay? So what you do though is you make a homemade vanilla pudding Technically, I guess yeah, and then you put cooked rice in it

No, you actually start with the rice cook the rice you start you brown the rice in butter brown the rice Oh, yeah, baby toast the rice and butter and then you go like it's like half a gallon of milk It's pretty yeah, it's like half a gallon. Yeah, bro. It's a lot of milk Jesus a lot of milk in there and then vanilla syrup the secret recipe. Oh vanilla syrup. Yeah. Oh, yeah I don't even what kind of like a simple syrup. It would vanilla. Oh and then You have to like beat an egg in Okay, and then it's fucking it's the best last time you made this pudding Last year sometime. Okay. Yeah recently. I need to make it for you. Yeah, make me a fucking pudding. Oh my god, okay

Put some fucking best you know, oh, well, no, that's the pastiche. Oh you stupid idiot. Well, I don't know I don't like how you're being a little You're being a little bit of a bitch about this betchamel. I don't know what it is Well, maybe you should fucking broaden your horizons, Joey Maybe if you had something other than fucking chicken tenders once for dinner, you would understand that there's other foods out there How do you go from saying I only eat chicken tenders to also I eat these like very intricate because when you're not with Followed by your racist remarks. That wasn't racist. It was a race. That's what that's what you told me You said last time you were like, oh, they brought me out a really nice Japanese tea and I was like, hello

This is my this is my end to the conversation if you're not with Greg or geo You're eating fucking like a regular plebe. What do you have for dinner last night, Joey the fucking fruity pebbles? I wish I know I do. I wish I really really wish but what I was getting at is I don't know But yeah, man I was so pumped they said they were gonna slime me all I wanted was like and I was so fucking pumped because that was like I said You're gonna tell me you never watched fucking double dare 2000 and you saw Mark Summers just like walk running around with some kid who put his fist up a fucking giant nose to pull out a red

Flag. Yeah, you wanted to do that. Of course. I wanted to do so like what I was like Yeah, I do is way better than I can do dude I would watch legends of the hidden temple and instead of like watching it as a kid and be like, yeah I would watch it and be angry. I bet he's good suck like this fucking purple parrot over here Yeah, this stupid bitch just climb you idiot. Yeah, it's like they can't climb out of that fucking foam pit It's like god damn you suck gets pissed off All those Nickelodeon game shows I would have been way better at all those lose than all those losers What other shows were there guts? Oh, yeah guts was good

Agro crag agro crag. You remember that shit. That's a really good name. That's a it's also didn't look that hard It just looked like it just like a plastic mountain Yeah, but like Didn't look that tough. Yeah, I don't know. It sounds cool. I think we could do it. Yeah, but anyway, I Think after our recent conversation about dog shit, no one's gonna allow us on any game shows You think that's the thing that Cut us out of Nickelodeon would say so. Yeah, so I don't think they're dying to get 30-year-olds on double-day or 2,000 Frankie I don't think double-day or two thousand around anymore. Well, you know what I mean

I think that they're more they want it, you know, they're like, oh, this is the Loud House and fucking like let's do all cool kids shows Now, you know, I don't even know what that means. It's all shows that are on there now They don't got cool shows from like when we were kids does my does miles watch Sometimes Sometimes I have to we're like a big like streaming household. So like he watches like anything that's on like Netflix Peacock Hulu Yeah, you have cable. Yeah, literally just for sports Yeah, I gave up on that just for the Yankees and the Jets basically, but my mom has cable So I just sign into like yes network via me mother. Oh, do you have like the yes app? Yeah

Very smart. Yes But there are sometimes really games are like blackout, and I like how you doing though You're right, are you setting something up here? Yeah, I just want to know how you're doing. Okay. Yeah, I missed you I miss you too Frank. I Passed I passed it every now and then I like just like inch my way in What? What are you talking about? Oh, yeah You like the inch your way into me, you know, I

Don't know I've recently saw something on SNL where they said it like men lie about their penis length by like 20% 20% yeah, I was like, who's lying Yeah, I mean I like other people out there that are No one lies about 20% they lie about way more than that like if you're gonna make like a small dick jokes Oh, my dick's like three inches. Well, I think I think it's like the other end of it Where they're saying like their dick is like six inches, but like in reality, it's four Does that matter I don't Don't think so. I don't think so either, you know, oh, they give themselves an inch, but it's like kind of like height

Yeah, take an inch. You know give an inch take a mile, you know exactly But like no one like big old wieners are not lying about anything you think big wiener people are like I'm only like eight inches. Yeah. Yeah Jesus they don't want to scare them away I would think yeah, because if you're walking around be like my shit is ten inches right now people are gonna be like no Yeah, I don't know that if you if you were either a ten-inch or a woman No, I was not going that route. We know we know you never will be and definitely are not If you were a woman or a gay man, yes

Would you be afraid of a big wiener or would you be more curious like I'd have to try one on Would it be like climbing climbing Mount Everest like I need to do this for me? No, that is totally different dude. Why I mean climbing Mount Everest. I Have negative. I almost don't respect people who do it Do you know what it costed climb climb Mount Everest like $20,000 bro like a hundred Why because you have to pay like these people to like help you up there? You can't just fucking walk up. I didn't know I didn't know apparently. It's like a dump apparently It's like really bodies. Well. Yeah, because people like stop and they are dead

Right, but apparently like the towns leading into like the surrounding area and even like partially like up the like way It is like disgusting. It's just like insane. I think it costs I think it's somewhere between 60 to a hundred thousand dollars. I like looked it up once and it's also here. We go I look it up. I was interested. Oh Oh According how much does it cost to climb Mount Everest? It says climbers can expect to spend anywhere between 32 to 200 thousand dollars why It's a fucking how tall is it like a mile high? Come on. That's not that hard

So that's very wrong Do you not know how high I know I'm joking I'm joking if anyone knows people have died out there first of all, sorry that you're fucking loser friend couldn't make it up Yeah, it's It's like 29,000 feet. So So what is that six miles? Yeah, that's pretty that's pretty high. It's a pretty high. It's pretty high. Oh, oh, oh, oh my god How did I not bring this up sooner? Here we go. Welcome back ladies and gentlemen to everyone's favorite edition of this show

I don't know if that's true apart segment recurring segment of the show I'll keep it at Frank asking the tough questions and exposing Joey for the fucking fascist he is Okay, go ahead Joey, how you doing? Just get on with it. It's fucking humor me here. I'm doing well. Come on. How are you doing? I'm doing well Frank I'm glad I'm glad you've been enjoying yourself lately. Yeah, what about the weather you've been enjoying the weather It's been real nice. Oh, yeah, real nice lately in particular last week. You remember last week. How nice it was. Yeah, mm-hmm Remember you were like, oh, it's so beautiful out. I want to record it

We can get out of here and go enjoy the weather I was like, oh my god, this guy's gonna go out sit on a rooftop have some margues or something cold beverage Remember what you said to me? You stupid bitch. No, you know remember what you said? No, I Said oh, why what you are you got something planned? He's like I want to go on a run Yeah, fuck you What what a stupid fucking it was like 70 for masculine. No masculine Looks at the weather and it's like oh beautiful day for a run. No, it was a beautiful day for no that jogging in the

World is nicer when it's not perfect weather Because then you're not like I need to get this done so I can go hang out and have fun Your way of having fun is going for a jog. I'm not saying that's my way of having fun But it was so nice out and it was a little breezy Breezy, I got my car 95 degrees inside of a car. Yeah, but that's because of no breeze outside Because the cars closed Roll the windows down you idiot. No Joey the sensors on the No, I think it's on the inside buddy. Yeah, I think you're right here, but nonetheless

What a stupid thing to be excited that pissed you off Of course it pissed me off people like a nice run some no because this is what you do is you talk about yourself the most humble way Possible where you're just like oh like I had like a real I would be like, you know, how was your weekend? You'd be like nice. I had like a really nice half marathon and I'd never say that I casually just like decided to lift Three times my body weight in one sitting and I haven't done any of these things. Why do you do this? Why can't you just be a person? Hi? Yeah, I went for a dude. I ran like three miles I didn't run a half marathon In a weekend in it. You know what I did. I

Had a cheeseburger and a footlong hot dog. I Did what was on it chili and cheese? Oh my god, and I washed it down with the corona Rita and a rumbucket and a what rumbucket What's a rumbucket pretty self-explanatory so bucket of rum bingo? What are you a pirate? I was trying to be well wait, there's nothing mixed into it I'm sure there's some like pineapple juice or something, but that's not the part I'm there for right I'm there for the bucket of rum for the RUM yo ho ho and a butt and a bucket of rattle bottle rum the tomato But I thought it was so disrespectful to us people out there that don't like to jog that you're in the nice weather You want to go for a fucking hyper, you know work out Joe?

I didn't like go out of my way to tell you that you asked me and I was like I would love to like get out there so I can go for a run also because I'm trying to tan my You want to be a little tan bitch? Yeah, sit on your fucking balcony. You don't need to run for it. Wait a sec Yeah, you run shirtless Not for the first half It just in the weather the nice weather Joey, I don't run for Joey Joey Joey You run for three miles get the sun on you in my head three miles. That's two and a half hours. Okay You're running around

That's literally slow Ten minutes, you don't you're digging your hole deeper here Joey. I don't think you realize I'm really not work out Joe here I'm really not you gotta watch the way that you talk about it Go enjoy the weather drink alcohol and do nothing like a normal fucking person. That's been me keeping it Frank That's been me keeping it Frank you see what happens now what what happens now because people now you've got people on your side too It all is bullshit. Oh, no people take the side of the person that has been victimized by his fucking billionaire billionaire freak show friend Every time I do anything people are like wait till Frank sees this

I'm like, I love it. There's been I have a cult of personality on the internet and I love you all so very much Let's drink the Gatorade together What's that mean Kool-Aid is that what's the one? It's the Kool-Aid Kool-Aid Gatorade. Well, let's switch it up All right. Anyway, let's get to some sponsors for today. Shall we the first one being seek? Eek seek geek is gonna hook you up with all the cook What I just say is gonna hook you up with all the tickets that you need you want to go to a sporting event You want to go to a concert? You want to go to a Broadway play monster truck rally? Whatever they have them on their app

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We get those exclusive episodes every single Friday where Joe and I get a little raunchy a little dirty Maybe we make out. Maybe we kiss shirtless pantless. Who knows you won't know unless you go and check it out patreon.com Slash the basement yard go sign up today. Thank you for all of our patrons We sincerely sincerely appreciate it and we're gonna keep trying for that number one spot keep bopping to the top Climbing that Everest of the patreon podcasts Shake it out. I'm such a man. You're unbearable these days. I'm bearable or am I just a good fucking salesman? Salesman yeah, you should have been you should have been a salesman. You're just did you ever sell anything?

You ever have a job where you like sold stuff? Yeah myself during an interview. You ever done one of those you stupid idiot You sell yourself every day, don't you? Do you do you? Fuck you about that What were your first job my first job was I was a groundskeeper at Elm Jack Okay, I think you've told me that yeah. Yeah, what is it? What does that mean? We're like clean up Yeah, I like I would go like before the games. I'd make sure like that. I don't even remember you doing that 2006 2007 I remember because I would I would get paid $10 an hour cash That was fire fire dude. I was getting paid like seven but I would eat for free

I'd go to the stand and get those slamming hot dogs. Yeah eat for free and Then I would take my money and I would go to the mall Queen Center mall and I'd go pick up my girlfriend from school And I would just buy graphic tease duh Where do you think I had? Why do you think I had an Elmo an Oscar the Grouch and a Cookie Monster tea? Because I bought him baby. Yeah, you know you think you think someone gave me money You think someone would allow me give me money and then allow me to buy a dipset spray painted t-shirt Didn't think so Custom wasn't it custom? It was custom it was

No, I And then would you go around and would you do after that? I feel like you didn't have many am I making I didn't have many jobs And I'll tell you why I Think I've told this story my dad in his infinite wisdom Yep, you're right. You guessed it folks dropped out of high school. Wait, hold on time out I know that you worked with him like in a summer like one summer or something. No, no, no But I'm talking about different jobs like a neighborhood job. Yeah, so there were when I was in college His union local I be local three IBW fucking brotherhood

They had a summer college helper program Yeah, I know you did that and you were basically an electrician's apprentice for the summer and I did that for three years Great money. Okay, bro. Great. I was making like 24 an hour. What the fuck? Yeah, it was fucking nice I'm fucking deliverin pizzas. Yeah, you were well look at us now and But my dad dropped out of high school and at an early age he said to us he was like with him If you wise if you need Michael movies go to date so whatever you asked me I'll give you if I came I Don't want you working before 18 and I go why?

You know not as puke not as post-pubescent as this right, right? I say why and he said I Drop out of high school You know why I Start making money. I said file need this fucking shit. So I didn't go back So your dad for video from working. So my dad didn't want me to work Before I graduated high school because he didn't want me to be like, oh, I I don't need money I don't need this at an education to make money. Okay. Guess what dad? I got it Didn't make money with it. So wait and did did he actually give you money for stuff?

Yeah, like it because remember my my parents. Do you You know my parents separated yeah, I know that they don't love each other. Yes. Yeah Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, so We would see him, you know a couple times a week, you know, he'd bring us out to dinners or like games or whatever and We would ask we'd be like that. Can we have like 20 bucks? You know, yeah, he give us 20 bucks. Wow and my mom Never gave us 20. She gave us like money every couple days of the week for like bagels, but bagels Yeah, like in the morning breakfast. Oh

But yeah, so and why I didn't have many jobs. I Don't remember the last time my dad gave me a dollar. Well one time he found out I think I told you that my dad hasn't given me money in a very long time Let's be very clear. Oh, he found out that I fucking owed the ice cream and six dollars Lost it really absolutely fucking lost it. Well, your dad is a big guy on like, you know Like this is the right thing to do like morality and everyone's his friend and had that workout He would always just be like I wouldn't go see my friend real quick It's like a guy who like sells saucers and peppers on the side of the highway

It's like all right My dad used to literally my dad knew everyone one day. We were walking on Steinway and he go you want pizza. I was like Sure, you know that way I got you got a couple slices for me and him and he goes and give me three extra slices He's putting it to go box. I was like the fuck is this he goes. He goes. That's I give it to a homeless guy I'm like that's very nice, you know, but why that was his fucking boy growing up Really? Yeah, and he was like, oh, that's that's fucking Jimmy Peppler's like we used to fucking roll tie You know like you would say all shit. It's a roll tide. Roll tide. I my dad doesn't know anything about Alabama The crimson tide, but we used to roll tide

But yeah, my dad knew everyone he'd be like, oh, yeah, I know that you know who my dad grew up with and like was like boys with Fucking Tommy from hipster from play. I saw him recently. Yeah, so kicking definitely kicking He was dancing a lot too. Where were you dancing with Tommy? It was Dominic's kids christening. Damn. He's in like that Yeah, I need a super Italian. They all know each other Yeah, they do remember we'd go in there and then like they got rid of a candy section to put in like a thing of like olives and Super sod was like so pissed. I don't remember that at all Yeah, and then my second job was I worked at like an office worker and like a sports medicine place. Oh Yeah, yeah, I do remember that sucked

Yeah, I'm just realizing now. I like had some some odd jobs like what? For I got the job At Foot Locker and then they were like never mind. Wait, I'm like my first day You got a job at footlocker. I went I forgot who I was with that was with one of our friends And I went to we applied to like every place under the I applied to Models and they flat out said no What else would they say if they were gonna I mean, well, no, they were like all right I do like the application like all right to the application. I gave them they go. Yeah, no Like why did I do the application then? Yeah, I I like applied to you just like went from store to store

I think it might have been Dylan or something But we went from like store to store and you're just like putting our applications Oh, we're trying to get a job and like whatever go the application put it in and then footlocker called me and said like yeah You know, we're gonna hire you I was like cool and they're like, you know come for like this thing It's not gonna be your first day, but it's like an orientation or whatever and then I got there and they're like, yeah No, we can't and I was like cool. They saw you and they're like he's not sneaker-headed enough Yeah, maybe they're like you don't look good in a referee costume. Yeah, you weren't you know You weren't hot enough. I think that's what they were saying

Maybe because a lot of the guys I've seen at footlocker good-looking guys. I haven't been at a footlocker in decades I went recently not bad little do they know what you'd become you could have been mr. Footlocker Yeah, could have been your locker Mr. Foot You got a foot rating. I do Yeah, that was uh, that was my that was that was my first job. Yeah Um, anyway, uh, we have some things written down which we didn't get to any of them But I I do want to talk about what's up. We don't we do is every week

I wanted to talk about this thing where an only fans model came out I don't know if she's an only fans model to be honest. That's maybe that's a little misleading But a woman nonetheless, you're very in touch with the only fans community To be fair you said she was an only fans model, so I'm just like taking I saw the article I just have it written down. I saw the article. Yeah Um, but it says only fans model making her man nut six times a day God damn. Yeah. Yeah, that's the article So I'm not I did see the video of her being like he we when he wakes up

I'm he's gonna nut and then like after he brushes his teeth He has to nut before every time he leaves the house. He's got a nut. No, that's like this is so many nuts This is quite a bit of nuts. This is so much nut. I Also, those all sex nuts I are they blow nuts. They could be blow nuts. They could be handji nuts hand nuts. They could be hand nuts sex nuts I don't know what other a machine nut. You got a machine that you would just use I don't know. I mean a flesh land. I guess it's a machine. I guess. Oh, I don't I don't know sometimes they put them on Like drills that it spins and I I've seen that. Oh, yeah, I'm sure you've seen it

I would never drill my own wiener. Frankie. You sure about that? I well, I'm pure scared Yeah, because can you imagine you're drilling your wiener and it feels incredible and then you're like, well, this is not I I don't know. I can't go back from that. I don't know Who she is This man is a shell of a man He's got no nut It's gotta he's gotta look like, you know, you remember that episode of spongebob where like the they're selling chocolate I think there's like they're selling what yet chocolate. It's just like a vertebral

Verdebrain, what vertebrae? What was I saying vertebrain? I heard vertebrain. I think he said vertebrain. You see that footlocker on the brain No, I don't. Yeah, you do. Uh, I don't I'm gonna say this That's too many come shots way too many. That's too much six in a day for a week Bro six in a week is that's pushing it dude. That's it six If I do it it might you're you're a bit hold on wait and hold on because wait a sec. You're a big jerker offer Here we go. You're gonna. What's a big jerker offer? You're gonna tell me you're not jerking off once a day No, I don't I swear to god in your horniest

In my horniest like in like your horniest era Like horny joe. Oh once I found out that I could do that. So like 2009 joe 2009 how old was I 17 slamming it slamming but not every I don't think every day You're making bread. I would say at least five times a week. I was doing you're making focaccia on your peepee, right? Yeah Oil I've been seeing a lot of tiktok fucking videos that people make focaccia bread and it's good every single fucking time 110% hydration focaccia bread. I am all about it, baby. You know my videos that get me

Horny what on tiktok when they have like a dish and they put like a bunch of garlic in it and then you just hear like that When they make oil garlic coffee. Yeah, and then they put a little rosemary in that bitch Dude the sound of oil coming out of those bottles I recently I know I know I know I recently there's there there it is. There's one nut. Yeah, I I recently like Wanted to make that but then I saw like if you don't store it properly it can lead to like a botulism and that's pretty bad But it's store. What the garlic comfy. Oh, I just eat it

The whole thing in a day. Um, you would share it with friends Frank How many are you gonna make? How many does it I don't know you need a lot of garlic. I just I love that the only reason I can see you not doing that is because it would require you to buy fresh ingredients And they're not frozen chicken fingers like you normally eat every dinner. That's that's not true. I Also, dude, sorry You're not don't say you're sorry cutting me off. You're not sorry How how you want to keep going in my car complete? Talks about your cooking bobby flay for some reason. That's the thing. He's most proud of is cooking. It's insane. Am I kids?

You're to talk about them in a different light than fucking cooking. No one can tell you shit about that Um Uh, I used instacart the other day me we do it bro I used it for the first time and like I like knew it existed. I guess never going back, dude That was a borderline sexual experience. It was it was fairly I was sitting in my bed and I put 35 items and then you just went And then you waited and then it just shows up. I know I know I'm like Dude, we since the baby has been born

We've stopped going to the grocery because I'm a big grocery fan. I love groceries I don't even know because how could you love groceries? Because groceries is different than food. I meant I meant to say Like like the grocery store. I love it a lot of people don't because they say like it's like it's too much on the senses like sensory overload I literally go to grocery store and I walk up and down every aisle That's why I often get things that I don't need but I get them and I love it

But instacart has been a game changer And like we had someone recently Who we we did an instacart order and they dropped it off and they put a little card With like a handwritten card and a candy What? Yeah, and it said, uh, you know frank. Thank you so much. We really appreciate it From so and so and I was like Did you need the candy? No, it's still in the fridge In the fridge. We kept it as like a sign of being nice to people

I would have tossed that shit. Yeah. Well, it seems like a right trap I My neck is killing me right now Um, but too too too too many nuts Yeah, wait too many nuts. You can't you can't be none six times I I have like when you're a child and you're like I just started figuring out jerking off like even then dude six times a day I'm saying even then it would be like three max and the third one

I'm like very upset with myself and like need in need of I need to talk to someone Well, let's say this and it hurt isn't it hurt you know I'm thinking I'm thinking in terms of like production like yeah, that's six Not as when like listen when you when you finish I assume you're getting you're depleting the body's like resources Like you're buying out you're buying out the whole shelf Okay, you know out of stock No more of ejaculate no more ejaculate after you were sold out

So like you want the boys to restock the shelves Can't expect that and then like make it look good by the time you're ready for round fucking six Also waking up the time that I wake up and leave my apartment that would be two nuts Sometimes that's within a half an hour not enough time and then I get back. Oh, no There was three It was like wake up breakfast and leave the house. I think she said I Listen, the only to do so at my day. The only energy the only orgasmic experience

I want for breakfast is these fucking eggs You know what I'm saying? I want some good eggs some good breakfast some fruit maybe Put a little everything bagel hot sauce on there I I don't that's too much think about it like this if you're awake What do you think the average person's awake a day? I would say 16 16 hours. Yeah, that's A nut every two and change hours

I don't know I think at a certain point orgasms can become they're like diamonds It's like they're so good because we're like because there isn't a lot of them exactly If I every day if it's actually a lot of diamonds and we're being fucking screwed by big diamond big diamonds getting us Yeah, a hundred percent. There's a ton of diamonds. They're not that valuable. It's just that we're just been we've been programmed Oh, and also the blood that's on the people's hands that have taken the diamonds also a negative. Yes. Yeah, that's not a good part either No, it's not. Um, I just I think that you're right. I think like if we just stop Nutting so much Six nuts a day. That's a bit much. We should have 42 nuts in a week

Six times seven 42 six times 365 What is that? Don't just look at it. Don't do it on your phone. Don't even oh wait. You think I'm gonna I could do it right here What the hell was that? Oh wait, I Yep all right six

times 365 equals 2190 2000 nuts a year 2000 nuts to almost to almost 2200 2200 nuts in a calendar year. That's way too much. That is and and what is the average man? Look it up. I can't look it up. I'll look it up. What is the average? shot

of of jump the average How many ounces? Oh my god stands out four to six weeks. Jesus. Who? Oh, yeah, I saw that Terrible screen the average human ejection ejaculate ejection it Between two and five milliliters. So let's conservatively. Let's say about three and a half to meet in the middle Yeah, I can't even I don't I don't even I couldn't even tell you what a million three and a half milliliters. Yeah times

2200 that's 7700 Milliliters, which let's convert milliliters cups into cups cups. Come Milliliters to Cops 77 This is the math that people really want here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah 77 milliliters is 32.546 cups 32 cups of calm

Is that what you're saying to me? Yeah. Now, let's go with cups to gallons Keep going up how many gallons of jump Why you gotta say jump Joey? That's two no 0.03 Gallons of cum a year two gallons of cum That is Disgusting that would be heavy to carry

No, it wouldn't two gallons Gallons are like not Gallons Joey, but they're going by they're going by volume not by weight. I know I'm saying come heavier than water I would think because it's goopier But it is there is a likeness to it a certain airiness as you've described A certain airiness certain fluff, right? There's a fluff to it. Yeah So how much is that? How much hold on hold on before you do that let's get to some

Wait before you get to the sponsors. I want to know how much cum weighs How would they know No, that's going to take forever. Uh, we do have some I got it. Oh my god. All right, go. Okay We have Zock doc, which is a new one, but Zock doc awesome Basically, uh, if you're looking for a doctor, uh, this is the place to do it It's free app that lets you find and book doctors who are patient reviewed Take your insurance and are available when you need them and treat almost every condition under the sun So basically you go on this site and you put in your information like what insurance do you have and uh, if it's like a

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You know promote and support you in in a bunch of different ways. So go check it out again It is seed.com slash basement use the code basement. All right And that is all for now. And what did you come up with? I looked it up But there was a lot of numbers and stuff that I Don't really remember I again There was a lot of numbers and letters and it was in grams by milled something and I I couldn't I think it's lighter than water though. Okay, so because of the airiness. Well, maybe it's heavier Well, those are the only two options

No, it could be the same I don't I honestly don't remember nonetheless. I don't remember what point I was trying to make Well, we're just making the point of like that's a ton of jizzing too much too much And like listen people out there if you're trying to satisfy your partner you could make their heart Orgasm you could make them feel good. You don't need to make just their parts orgasm What does that mean? Like you don't like you don't need to it's not all about physical connection Like you can make them like make bring them flowers. Make them a dinner You know make give them a hand written card or something

Like that is a maybe maybe but like yeah, you know instead of making Word of advice for everyone out there instead of making their fumes Orgasm make their heart Their fumes. Well You said trump before I said jump jump It is very weird though six times it's kind of crazy and she was talking about it and she was like flexing about it She was like, yeah, I I keep my man happy or whatever dude by the sixth Jump of the day. I'm gonna be like I don't think that would keep me happy that would keep me sedated

Yeah, I'd be like I'm depleted I'd be and then I'd go to sleep and I wake up and I got I got to come again I'd be like I'd be like that person on the couch in those fucking commercials about smoking weed where they're just deflated They're just flat against the couch. There's flat on the couch because they've gotten nothing left. Yeah, dude That would be that'd be way way way. There's no way. There's anything coming out of your body the sixth time at that point It probably hurts. Yeah, like because there's nothing it's a muscle I always think of the inside of the body is like anytime we've seen like any like movie where it's like You know like the brain people are like trying to get a memory and they're taking like through a file drawer

You know like a file cabinet. They're taking out the memory. Oh, yeah I always think of that as like little people working in our bodies. Yeah, so like you're over working Like you're really over working your nuns Yeah, you're And also like I'm sure for this woman like that's got to be too much too She seems to be pretty stoked about it It's like one of those things though where it's like but that's a lot of vaginas and a lot of blown nuts That's a lot of just a whole full-time job. How do you and how do you keep it fresh at that point in time?

Keep what fresh like I I know how that sounds. I meant like the relationship not like, you know Oh her puss I didn't mean that but I thought it could be misinterpreted. Is that oh, I wasn't even thinking about that I just genuinely didn't know what you're saying like how do you think keep things interesting? I don't think there's even an opportunity like oh, let me guess missionary Let me guess. I'm gonna not again All right, go ahead bend over show me the cooter At that point

It's like, you know bend over show me the cooter Haven't heard that word in a very long time. All right, fine. Pull your cooter out. Put it on the table I'm having cooter for dinner Cooter and pig are making a comeback. I don't think that cooter is making a pig is here this day You fucking pig crap came back for a little bit crab crap. Oh crap crap came back for a little bit crap had its place Yeah, now we're in the age of cooter I don't know. I don't know about that one, but also I have another thing here written down We'll have a couple things we can get to any of it no matter. Let's just pick one here

Which one do you think sounds nice? Ooh, a couple finds out their cousins after 17 years. That one sounds nice to you. Huh? That one do you like the incest one? Oh my god, that's horrible. You're with someone for 17 years of the one day you wake up and it's like what you're my dad's After they've had multiple kids together because that's the story. They've had. Oh my god. They've had three kids I think I would know after the first kid comes out with teeth coming out of their eyebrows. Is that a real thing? I don't know if that's a real thing. I don't know But if you were like, uh

I think I think there's an issue with incest because it can lead to like web defeat birth defects So but I mean cousins. It's bad. Let's say that let's make sure it's not brother sister But like yeah, if it were like mother what kind of cousins too. We talking first cousins We're still weird if you know what it's mutual if you know a future like if you're like, oh, yeah, nana Like you both know nana. Oh my god That's a bad how you with someone for 17 years and you have them like pieced together to their family tree and go away Hold on. How do you it's probably got to be a distant just like accidentally show up for the same wedding You're like, how do you know uncle riko? I know. Oh god uncle riko everyone. No one likes uncle riko

I recently saw something that was uh A woman gave birth through artificial insemination and used her sons By accident. No, I think oh, I think on purpose and I think there was like a quote It was somewhere in like South America, I think I could be mistaken because I hadn't haven't pulled up for the show and I'm sorry. Please don't fire me But she had said something along the lines of like I love it even more because I see it and I can see my son's eyes in it Lady It's like that's a double meaning

Wait That's crazy. What do you think about it? Hold on fucked up because you gave birth to this kid And are you giving birth to the kids kid? But now it's your kid. So it's the it's your where's that kids look like you're well probably like plank from ed ed and eddie And of all the things that you could have said I gotta be honest with you I have to be really honest with you. Oh my god I Wouldn't be able to tell you how I pulled that out so quickly how

How does a place who does the artificial insemination? Let you do that. Are they aren't they supposed to be like, no, this is not good. You're not allowed to do this It's against the rules. Yeah, it's you can have anyone you want. Just not that one. Yeah, not your son. You freak Yeah, I don't know people how'd she get it Oh, I think you just tell him to go and fucking I'm not confident enough this fucking lady Maybe she was like, I'll get it out. I'll get a good one. No, no mommy knows you best I'm upset. I said that. Yeah, I mean Mommy knows you best. All right, so here's my question to you. Hold on. I did see

I love how you it's become a thing that you cut me off now and you have no like you know how fucking evil it is I'm happy because of what I'm gonna say go ahead I Saw a porno That's how most most stories with you start, right? No, I know but I saw one and it's a of a woman and

Oh two women Okay, they stumbled upon this kid who's sleeping with jeans and no underwear and his jeans are undone. They're just dicks hanging out Okay, so and apparently it's the kid's aunt and her friend. Uh-huh So they're like, oh, we got to like we got to put his dick back in We need to shove it back in but first. Yeah, exactly. Wow. No, so here's the excuse the friend walks over and goes It's too stiff. I got to slicking it up. She starts blowing them. Well, why slicking it up. I don't know That's not gonna come on lady. Do you know penis 101? That's not gonna help the situation We'll get some wd4 to slicking this dick up the moment that penis feels mouth. It's staying hard. That's right. Yes

um So He's sleeping the kid wakes up He sees his aunt and he goes, what's going on auntie and the woman who said dick goes You're getting your cocksuck kid I I'm sweating bro. Just so you guys know this is a weekly episode. We normally try to reserve these kind of conversations For a patreon. She said it like bugs money. So yeah, yeah, you're getting your cocksuck kid

Like fucking like an old timey radio host like meh like an old detective like meh. I say you got a penis. Hey I was like, this is incredible Oh god, oh man. It was so good. So obviously he fucked his hand out. Well, uh, I mean that seems like there would be the natural place to go Of course Yeah, this is fucked up. Sorry I had to get that out. I'm glad you did. We're all better people for it. I think so What other weird porno did we watch recently? No, I don't know Go ahead. Keep going. I don't have by the way

We're gonna we're gonna avoid the fact that this man was sleeping and unable to consent to his hard wiener It was an old vintage video. It was okay back then. Oh Yeah, apparently it was yeah, okay, were they all bushed out Uh, you know those vintage those vintage those vintage One more time one more time say it again Jesus three strikes you're out buddy. Go take a seat in the dugout. There's vintage the vintage Oh, we're losing it. It's hot in here. It's hot. I have a headache real bad. Yeah, I think I'm hungry. Are you? Oh, no, you owe me. I've gotten you a burrito. You owe me one bitch. Yeah

You want one? Probably. Okay, put on the company card a little company outing Or don't make it best friends. Okay Make it best friends. Go get these Dude, I thought you were pulling out a tutu For a second. What if I did? I'd say put it on. Yeah, you would and then take it off slow and then fall asleep with your dick out Look at these ladies and gents. How beautiful Guys, go get these shop dot sanagatos studios dot com. These are windbreakers. It's good for the rain. It's raining today

It's a nice little foggy rainy day They have a front pouch where you can put your phone where you can put a water bottle where you could put Other stuff. Yeah, not a child Don't put them in there. Don't and they come in this sleek pink which is hot Yes, and it's and it's pink so cars can see you And then the blue one is just pretty it's just a blends in with the sky right so when you fall Out of a plane you no one will see you It is getting hot it is hot. Well, frank, where can they find you?

at alvarez885 on twitter Fuck you All other forms of what go all other forms of social medias at the frank alvarez and go check out the patreon patreon.com Slash the basement yard, baby. You know you want to please do Uh, you guys can follow me at joe sanagato go follow the show at the basement on a tick tock and instagram and that is all See you guys next time Good shot. This is my basketball shot