The Basement Yard - #397 - Dating A Conjoined Twin

Episode Date: May 8, 2023

Joe and Frank discuss the difficulties of dating a conjoint twin! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard Frank. What's going on cuz what's oh cuz I don't know. Why what the fuck was that? Why am I your cuz? Oh, I've been downgraded From best friend from bestie. I never said bestie. I've said bud. You have said bud. What so what do you call your best friends? Well, you you call their names You do it son. So then yeah, so then I guess I'm in the right in the right You know echelon. Yeah, because you never called me anything outside of piece of shit asshole. Where the fuck are you? Yeah, you know those general things right but where the fuck are you? Yeah, that was very New York of you I think are you want to cause are you on a bit of a bing-bong cruise because of the Knicks?

What oh, well, yeah, maybe you become I notice you really like the Knicks when they're winning No, just when they're in the playoffs. Yeah, okay. Yeah, at least you admit it I don't really watch bass. I mean I watch basketball, but like very passively and I definitely don't watch Regular season basketball like the first quarter. Yeah, you are I would say of your like sports Fandom. Yeah, you are an active Giants fan. Yes an active Yankees fan. Yeah a Passive Knicks fan and a passive Rangers. No, I'm more active. I would say I'm more active on the Rangers than Probably not more than the Giants, but they're definitely second place Well, yeah, I mean I guess it's easier to watch the Giants more because it's only on once a week

Yeah, and it's kind of like you know, it's like a holy day basically. Yeah football fans when the Rangers though I watched like almost like every game. Really? Yeah, well, that's I try to watch all the Yankees a lot of games It's easier now. It's only two and a half hours guys. No, I kind of miss when it was longer It's gonna suck when we go to a game and we go to get a beer and we come back and four innings I've gone by and we're like, what did I miss? It's like the whole game practically Well, if you sit in cool seats, you just order it to your seat. Yeah, well Joey, we're not all fucking big billionaire boys Okay, you know like someone else. I know Listen, what would you be willing to spend? Have you ever sat in the legend suite? No

That's the one where they you basically order whatever food you want, right? Yeah You know how fucking cool I would feel if someone in like a shirt and tie came up to me and said what would you like sir? And I went shirt and tie. Do you know what they wear? Oh, actually, maybe I don't know I assume if it's the legend suite, they're like, it's New York. They're extra They're gonna be like, you know, like fucking white glove service Yeah, no cool I would feel if someone came up to me and they were like and sir for you. I would say Bud lighten a hot dog, please. Yeah

Just like throwing a fucking bag of cracker. Yeah, um, I would really love cotton candy while you're at it Yeah, do you do cotton candy at baseball games? I haven't in a long time, but I would they're huge Oh, I recently saw something and it was like the like a big old faddle like a bofo of cotton candy Yeah, it's like 30 calories because it is all like air But it's probably 90 grams of sugar. Well, it's all sugar, but it's it's it looks like a thing of the weight I know cotton candy. I don't really like cotton candy. I Don't mind it. I hate cotton candy flavored stuff. I just like I just like The first bite is good, but then it's like all over my face and then I would get it's like little hairs everywhere

All over your face. What kind of a fucking idiot. Are you in just go school again? I'll tell you that's how I put that's how I eat my cotton candy. I Like pulling it apart you like so like you really want to feel and it feels like what's that stuff that goes in your walls asbestos? No Insulation yeah, well, okay, so what kind of asbestos was but it has like fiberglass in it. It's different fiberglass insulation There you go. Yeah, there we go. Yeah, it's so I like that you're gonna tell me Can I ask you because your father was into contracting my dad was into not being my dad. What would you say? It's like the most like appealing looking part of having dads in that business and yes joke is my dad was also a contractor Didn't you want to eat the insulation?

Well, yeah, it looks like fucking silicone silicone Not silicone it looked like cotton candy, but I also liked silicone Weird yeah, I Also love sawdust sawdust. I love sawdust bro. I can it's basically couscous, but I could eat it I Would I could eat I swear to God I could eat it too. Also when people open like the big thing of like plaster Yes, I would take a spoon and eat it and those videos where people clean the plaster off I'll sit there and I will fucking shove it in me. I love that too. Oh, you open up a fresh fucking

Bucket and then like you know when you're like doing stuff It's like like my dad was really good at this but I couldn't do it throw it But like yeah, he would fucking throw like a mess. Yeah, and then and then he would wipe it on the side like yeah Yeah, go back to like oh Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh people are laying bricks. I love that. I love concrete does smell delicious But I don't know if I would eat it. I wouldn't eat that. Oh, I saw dust. I'm eating so does I'm eating paint I would honestly drink paint if it didn't kill me depends what color honestly, uh Love sawdust white. Well, no a little too not white maybe you would eat white

I wouldn't eat white. I'm saying I would eat like a nice like a like a gray or blue that looks appealing I wouldn't eat a gray you would need a gray idea like a pink or like a light pink blue pink or light blue Yeah, I'm with you there brings it back to why I guess You don't like cotton candy Also, you ever eat cotton candy and like you bite the thing and it and then it gets all life's hard And yeah, and it gets like your mouth is like acid Yeah, you ever think like you're like a fucking, you know Like you're a xenomorph and you're like and you like put it on your tongue and it just fucking evaporates

You've lost me now. I'm a xenomorph from alien Yeah, I didn't I don't I've never you've never seen any of the alien movies. I've seen frames They have acid spit an acid blood same thing back to the original question, right? What would I spend on a legend sweet game? Yes What's an acceptable amount to spend on beer and hot dogs at a baseball game? No, that's not what I'm asking. What are you asking? How much did you pay for the ticket? Oh? Max, yeah, 300 bucks. Oh, they're more of course. They're more Why if I'm going to see the Yankees versus the fucking Washington National they should pay me to sit in those seats

No, not those. It's nice seats. I know you get your own entrance, too. Which is nice. Yeah, sweet cool All the all the roll out the red carpet for the fucking, you know, New York elite you fucking little bitch Listen, I want to be in a crowd I want to be in a bleach of creatures where we're screaming and fucking throwing spit at each other and someone hits a home run And I get a fucking cause light in the back of my head. No, I don't want that Over that. I would like that in a bar, but not at a game. Why that's worse I know I like like if I'm watching a sport at a bar

I would prefer that every time we score beer just you're just fully in like the camaraderie of everything going on I'd rather just be like there was it used to be a bar next to MSG and I would go and watch legends I remember no, no, no, it was it. It was called the flying puck. Oh, okay Yeah, the Rangers bar and we were watching a playoff game there and Every time they scored beer. I was covered. It was awesome. Yeah, I kind of want to do that I want like a you know, just like I want to go to a Playoff game because that's when you see the beers are flying

For what a Yankee playoff game and like fucking judge hits a home run or like anyone hits a home run Realistically and people just start throwing there They forget that they have thirty dollar beers in their hands and they throw them across the bleachers Kind of want to be there. I was this close. I went to This is some years ago But it was a play-in game for the Yankees and judge Homer in the first like the top of the first or the bottom of first I should say and I was like upper deck, but first row dude when that ball came off the bat It took everything out of me not to just take this beer

Well, it's like they can't kick everyone out. So like just do it. What are they gonna do? I? Mean I this I was pretty high I could have got this on the infield No, dude, you throw the beer the liquid comes out the cup falls fucking two feet in front of you It was a new beer Now there's a first inning. I don't think you would have got it done I mean bro you ever see these clips from like the fucking like 60s and 70s Someone hits a home run and everyone rushes on to the field to like fucking dapple them up and shit like that

Yeah, and no one even stops them. Well, they didn't now they do now. It's a problem Yeah, I'm saying like back then it's like son of Sam really ruined everything man Is that why we do this? I don't know why but it was around that time that they stopped happening You're just gonna blame him for that too. I mean he can take all the blame. He deserves that Rotten bastard the murderous bitch. Yeah, he could who gives a file. Oh, you're sticking up for son of Sam I'm saying he's a murderous bitch in the summer Sam here. I'm not defending the son of Sam. I was on your side He was a racist was he oh, are you defending him now? I'm asking. I don't know

I don't know he could have been maybe everyone was racist back then. We're gonna do um we should go to a We should go to the opposite we should go to yank a game. We'll go to the legend suite you put it on the company card Okay, oh For a patreon. Oh You know what I'll take you to the game, but you have to eat six hot dogs No, wait, you have to do the challenge the people are saying so did you hear what happened at the Philly Stadium? No, they had dollar hot dog night and it turned into a food fight of people tossing hot dogs across the fucking that's fire People were saying I was like what a atrocity bro

It's a food fight. Do you know how bad a 30 year old man wants to be involved in a food fight? Do you know how badly I want to get pegged with a hot dog? That was so crazy I Tried to not do that too like I knew that I was saying hot dogs I wasn't paying attention to the peg and I just said it I was like all right Well, you tell me about how bad you want to get pegged with the hot dog Joey. Where where do you want to pegging? I'm gonna start from the top to stop me where you want the pegging to stop. Okay?

That's that's mid-section baby. Yes, but you're getting to be fucked by a hot dog That's crazy. I said that But yeah, people were like they were Tagging us in the clips because baseball season started dog suck and spring is here the spring of suck. I I heard that and I was like genius because people were buying tickets to just go to the game and eat hot dogs and the lines were Insane and apparently like Philly does got out of hand You're right, and they were throwing hot dogs across the stands at each other. That is so fun. I haven't had a food fight

Six years six grade. What year is that 2004 19 years almost? Was it? 2003 2004 around that time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we This is not a bit. I only know what grade I'm in by 9-11 because Yeah, yeah, I'm like, okay, so it's gotta be it's gotta be it's three years after 9-11 Oh Man, but I won't have a food fight so bad Well, let's go to the game

There's a challenge though that you have to compete you have to do a beer and a hot dog every inning I don't think because of the new way that the innings are Structured in the time that I'd be able to do that right I don't I don't physically think my body would be able to do it. Well, that's the point and you're supposed to suffer Oh, well, I don't want it. I don't want to which one do you think you could do though? Just if you're not gonna do both honestly. Yeah Mmm Probably the beer I would say no, I'm

Yeah, I'd say a beer beer every inning nine beers in three hours. I've done that in fucking that's easy Yeah, it's kind of not that hard at all But I mean we should do it though We should try to jointly do it or we should just jointly jointly. What do you mean like split the beer? No, like, oh, we'll both do it. Well, like one inning. I do a beer you do a hot dog and then we flip. Oh Oh Jesus, that's mad hot dogs. No, you idiot one inning. I do the beer you do the hot dog the next inning It's the same amount of hot dogs. I know I'm saying I still have to eat four hot dogs

You can't eat four hot dogs in a game. I can do that right now. All right, so then you do the four Oh, no, I you do the five. I have to do four. Oh So I'm doing the hot dogs so you could protect your boyish fucking figure. No, no, no You're doing the extra hot dog hot shot. Oh, I'll do listen to me. So you very clear. You do it Let me be very clear about something. Yes, I Don't understand why like I can take down four hot dogs in us sitting and be ready in an hour All right, we should do that then. Okay, we'll go to a game a regular hot dog Yeah, not like a fucking full Frank. No, I don't want no like fucking no long bad boy with balls

Yeah, I want a big boy. Yeah, I want this thing shaved and ready to go. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's easy All right, good. You bring it in here. I'll do it bring it in. We don't have a hot dog. I Would love a hot dog though. Why don't we get a hot dog roller for the studio a hot dog roller? Yeah Well, you suggested a slurp your machine then a hot dog. We turn this into a circus. What's next a clown? Oh, I'm sorry, Joey. I walked in and there were penises on the fucking light switch I apologize if I thought a hot dog roller was out of fucking touch. That was that that was Greg Okay, so Greg can put penises on the light switches and Fiji waters delivered all the time But the moment I bring up a slushy machine and a hot dog roller. I'm the stupid one a

$1,500 slushy machine. How much let me ask you a serious question. Here we go. How much you think? Yeah What how much you think all those Fiji waters cost a year a year? Yeah, I don't know You think they're more than a hundred dollars a month Fuck no. Yeah. No Honestly, I started the sentence didn't quite know it's water. It's essential to our living Yeah, you're gonna tell me that hot dogs are not as essential as water. They're the opposite They literally kill us They're detrimental to our survival break

I would say that if you were to have something that's gonna give you equal amounts of protein fat Cholesterol you want a hot dog. Yeah So we're gonna go to a game. I'll try to get Seats that are like on TV So we could just eat hot dogs on TV to a key game. We should just get white shirts and bro those tickets That would be sick. Those tickets are like like 500 bucks a piece, right? They are more then let's just do this in our own spare time so we can save the money and do something better There there were seats that I looked at the other day

There was four of them and I think they were like 800 bucks a Piece. Yeah Does it come with like you get a free beer and hot dog at least? Um, oh, there's all the food is like complimentary in there Oh, so we'll be ordering food and the food and beer will be free not the beer But the food. Yeah, so we'll only pay for beer Yes, so in theory if you got hundred dollar tickets and bought 10 beers

It would be half No matter what you do, it's gonna be expensive. Listen hot way. Hold on a hot dog is probably like nine bucks. No I think it's like six and beers are like 15 beers are like 12 $13. Yeah, so if you get a fat boy Yeah, but we can't pregame which hurts Yeah, no that does it does because you know, I like to it's okay. We can get there early Oh, we can't pretty though the game. I'm literally saying we can't pregame I Would have a pregame hot dog though. I would warm up my stomach. I well

I think you need to warm up your stomach with something. They have like a they have like they have like a nice Like spread wait a second. I'm ribbing shit. Oh might want to go. Yeah. Wait a sec. Yeah, I tend to be hungrier when I drink So if I start drinking before the game, yes, I'll be more inclined to eat more. Yeah, oh Okay, I Think you could do it. I think honestly Five hot dogs in a game Joey yeah

That will be scarily and then I will do four hot dogs and five beers. You do five hot dogs and four beers Let me be very clear. I will do that in record time Like I think you'll be a little have to wait. It has to be the inning that'll make it easier Being honest because here's the thing. I don't know if anyone out there is like good old Frankie over here, but I Have very doable. I have this problem where I'm always hungry. Yeah I don't know if it's a tapeworm or some some form of bacteria. It would be nice I've been trying to I've actually lost nine pounds already over the last three weeks probably is a tapeworm

I would like a tapeworm if it helps. Yeah, all I'm saying is if you were to just say like fucking Take the reins off me and say go go nuts on some hot dogs. Yeah, you'd be shocked at what I could do You might be a little scared. Oh, we're gonna find the fuck out. Okay, and there's gonna be a cotton candy thrown into this Um, yeah, well, you need to have a wall of candy before you walk out to your seats. Oh, and that's complimentary too. Yeah Yeah, it's like it's like bubble gum. Why do you rich people get all this cool treatment us fucking first of all I sat here twice in my entire life. Okay. Guess how many times I have yes Zero Joey. Okay. Okay, and I don't I don't do this all the time. It's just like if I go Let me ask you though. Do you not do it all the time because you don't get you don't you choose not to or because you can't

That would be an insane expense if you were to do this once a month Once a month, that's a lot $800 it's a thousand dollars basically once a month. It's a thousand dollars Let's look at your checkbook. Let's see what you spend that money on I Could imagine there's some pretty stupid things in there apparently Fiji water cost that much more about Fiji water It's from the mountains of Fiji. I don't know. I don't know where that is. I think it's just one mountain I swear. Oh, that's Fuji. Good night Are they different?

Fiji and Fuji. I honestly Mount Fuji Mount Fuji from Pokemon What Mount Fuji from Pokemon? No from the earth just regular earth real earth Hold on Mount Fuji Mount Fuji is a real place on earth not from Pokemon Maybe it's in Pokemon But it's it's a place it's definitely a place Mount Fuji, I'm confused at what you're confused about Fiji water Fiji is a place Mount Fuji Pokemon Mr. Fuji is a Pokemon guy. He's a founder of Cinnabar lab on Cinnabar Island

Which is where they did the testing on mew to create the genetic clone mew to Joey. I Wish I didn't know that but isn't there a lot of mag Mars over there There is a quite a bit of mag of Mars because the lab burned down, right? So now it's a fireplace. You can also find some arcanine over there. Please stop talking. All right Mount Fuji You didn't know that was a thing. I if I'm being truly truly honest and true to the man that I am No, I did not it's in Japan. Okay, and Fiji, you know Fiji It's its own thing so separate from it's not Japan. So Fuji Fiji different places different things just similar spelling. That's pretty much it

I don't even know where Fiji is. It's in the middle of the ocean somewhere. Oh, isn't it like an island like in that people go to? Well, if it's an island well, I'm saying like isn't it like a popular like travel destination for the Hollywood elite I think I don't know. Oh, it's off the coast of Australia Oh, I was not even like off the coast. It's very kind of far. Oh my gosh. All those Australian freaks go there I don't know. They're like we're gonna go hard to Fiji Look look at this. This is where it is Right there you can swim to it It's like Cuba in the United States

You can't swim to Cuba People have done it and they have survived and found better lives I hope you feel real good about yourself You could see Cuba from Key West I didn't because you didn't look you could you saw it? Yeah, because I wanted to look out at all the people over there You flew there Standing on the beach. Oh in Key West got it You can see Cuba because I wanted to look out and see people of other, you know world's nations

really, you know Imagine a world outside of this bubble I live in right from Key West From the beach on Key West He's a humanitarian He's a man of the world. I am a man of the world. What are you a man of lies? A man of lies Man of fucking baseball games speaking of you definitely are a man of lies joey Welcome back ladies and gentlemen to this week's edition and quite possibly the pinnacle on mount fiji

Keeping it frank. Thank you for joining me. I don't know if that made sense. We go ahead the pinnacle of a mountain I know mount fiji The pinnacle of a top of a mountain is called the pinnacle. It's called a peak Look it up joey the top of a mountain is the pinnacle peak Before we get to keeping it frank a little word from our sponsors google pinnacle What is a pinnacle the pinnacle is the top? Oh, but when you're referring to mountains In reference to mountains no way

You made it up a high pointed piece of the rock The top of it joey. It says just a high one. What's the peak of a mountain? Maybe we're both right I think we are both right. I think it's like tomato tomato I think like people pronounce the pinnacle or peak. I'm sure I don't like pinnacle because one time I drank pinnacle vodka And it made me throw up. Oh, yes disgusting pinnacle vodka never getting that brand deal. It's all right Oh, no. Oh, it was cotton candy flavor. Yeah, I was gonna say or the whipped cream one. Oh, no My college self is real upset. I drank a lot of cotton candy pinnacle vodka one night and threw up at my mom's tub Disgusting don't care to hear more of that story when I woke up in the morning

You're gonna tell it anyways when I woke up in the morning But the mom came in the room and she said who threw their boxers in the toilet Keith and it wasn't me Yeah, we know we both had a night. It was Keith Um, welcome back to this week's edition of keeping it frank where we like to as it says in the title Keep it frank. Be honest here. Make sure joey understands You know some of the things he said might not have been true all these years now joey recently I got to say I've come under fire. We did our our incredible You know episode on patreon for our patrons where we were you know testing how

Good our etiquette was correct. Mm-hmm. And that was a good episode, right? Yeah, good old time joey doesn't I like to tell joey He has poor potty etiquette because he likes to always talk about using the potty, right joey The potty the pot right Walk me here Get to the point. You always do this. Well, no, I always say you have IBS and you say no, I don't I've made that up Yes, I that's not fucking true joey. You have said that Joey, you don't think you have IBS How the fuck would you know because you've said it?

Yeah, it like 10 years ago. Got him. Got him. There it is Ladies and gentlemen missed what I said. Ladies and gentlemen joey is sitting here and denied Saying that he has IBS and boy. Oh boy. Do I have some news for all of you? Well Two years ago our friend joe sanagato Did an incredible podcast with an incredible comedian by the name of andrew santino Do you remember this you remember that did I say that I had do you remember that joey? Okay, go ahead. Remember that play it Let's play this instantaneously

I do do you need to go to the doctor? No, yeah 100% like I self diagnosed myself a while ago. It's like, uh, I just probably got IBS or You know, you hear what I said? I don't need to pause it the the proof is in the pudding joey. That's the pudding it's square right there in the pudding I Have always said joey's has IBS and he's like, no, I don't dude. I swear to god. I don't You said it yourself. Yeah two years ago on a podcast right that you have IBS. Let me ask you a question. You don't have to okay What does andrew santino do for a living?

um, and what genre Is the podcast? um, I so he does comedy podcasting acting, you know in that space All right, uh, and I believe he keeps it mostly conjoined to the genre of Comedy, thank you. So that's it. No further questions. There are further questions. No further questions your honor No, no, your honor. It's an objection your honor move to strike. No objection objection for the moving Object his objection object your objection. I'm still talking. Oh, no, there's no judge in overruled. That was you turn to the side It wasn't yeah bailiff

Contempt of court. Get the fuck out of here contempt of court. I I'm sorry I'm saying all my dad's calling You have to pick that up after all this time. Do I really pick it up? No, yeah, I I'm afraid you're ringing five different places I got an apple watch, baby. And yes, my dad's name and my phone is frank alvarez. Not dad Um Back to it Yeah

It's not uh, not daddy Kiko big daddy. No, it's not big daddy big daddy has landed Stop trying to change the subject you bitch. You have sat here and tried to gaslight me and the friends of the show That sit here and watch every single week. Thank you so much. By the way, you're on my side By someone sent you that yes, and I wish I remembered the gentleman's name I wish I remember the gentleman's name. I'm not going to scour through my messages to find it Oh, I'm sure you'd have to scour Bitch don't try to we're not done here. Don't pull up the ads stupid bitch. I know what you're doing. Yeah

You try to say all the time. I don't have ibs But you self-diagnosed yourself on a comedy pie. You didn't sound like you were very funny in that clip right there That's because I'm a great actor. You didn't sound that funny. I'm a great actor Are you give me a the academy award for what for gaslighting pulling you? Oh For fooling me if you're a good actor. You have to be a good gas Well, I don't know and you would know that I don't know that because you light me up with gas all the time Stop that That's not true. If anyone is sitting here torching things putting them on fire

Crosses or whatever. It's you joey You sat here for years and said like I didn't say I vibe. Yeah, I don't have ideas for years now For years you we now have video evidence whatever you know if mount fugi is You don't know what broth is joey I didn't know what broth and now I didn't know what mount fiji was and now I do it's mount fugi So you don't yet from fugi now. I know now. You know now. I know what it is stupid. Fuck. Oh, no, I'm not a stupid Fuck. That's not even fun. This episode is actually sponsored by better help Better oh, hey folks before he gets into the ad. I just want to say thanks for hanging out with me and keeping it

frank Oh, beautiful But yeah, this podcast is actually sponsored by better help better help is online therapy And counseling you want to talk to a therapist. They'll hook you up in just under 48 hours It's easy to get on boarded that way It's also easy to find the right fit for you You can talk to different therapists and they'll just kind of hook you up and make sure you know you're getting what you need Um, I've been in therapy for years now and I think that everyone should have that

In their life because it's just good for your brain. It's like going to the gym for your brain I actually had therapy this morning. My therapist took the last three weeks off. That was a thing, but we're back, baby Um, but yeah, uh, if you're thinking about starting therapy, definitely give it a better help a try Um, it's also Suited to your schedule. So it's flexible and it's also more affordable than like in person therapy So go check it out betterhelp.com slash basement yard and you will get 10 off of your first month That is betterhelp.com slash basement yard to get 10 off of your first month Which is huge. So definitely go check that out. Um, you know, get in that get in that therapy. Yeah, I mean

Um, also we have square space square space lovely company This is where I'm this is the company that I've used to build any website that I've ever had Have done it through square space. They have lovely Templates, uh, you don't have to be this crazy web designer to get, you know A nice looking website. They have a bunch of templates. That's my favorite part about it Definitely go check them out and you just switch out the text and everything Really going to help you not only look not only is the website going to look really good What's going to function really well, um as well because

You know, they can help you engage with your audience or sell anything You know, if you have an e-commerce store or you create content or something like that You're going to need a website for those things. So, you know, this is the way to do it and like I said, they're gonna It's going to help you build your audience because they do have analytics and you know Tell you where the traffic's coming from and you can repurpose that information and help yourself grow And right now, uh, you can head to square space dot com Slash basement for a free trial when you're ready to launch use the offer code basement to save 10 off of your first Purchase of a website or a domain again, that is square space dot com slash basement for a free trial

And when you're ready to launch use the offer code basement to save 10 off of your first purchase of a website or a domain so go out there create some websites and uh Send them to me. I'm going to see these things all right Now that joey's done, it's my turn to talk and what am I going to talk to you about? You already know patreon, baby patreon.com slash the basement yard is where you get a little more of this sweetness this jute nest Nope juiciness this one. Did you I thought you said

Jewishness. No, no juiciness. Okay. Oh, let's start that one more time How about that? Um patreon.com slash the basement yard listen, I've got somewhere to be I want you to come along with me And where is that patreon.com slash the basement yard, baby? All right We tell you guys about patreon all the time and we thank you for all the growth and success We've had on patreon and we're climbing up those podcasts ranks, baby one

Rung at a time toward number one and that's because of all of you So thank you guys so much. It has been beyond our wildest comprehension all the growth that we've had and we want to keep getting there So we can keep giving you guys some stuff to laugh about smile about be happy about All right. Um, so are you ready? Did you eat? Are you wanting to come and join the patreon? There's a little hint for people right there a patreon.com slash the basement yard You sign up for that first year. Well, guess what these weekly episodes that you see you get them a week in advance and you go to that next year You go to that next year and then baby you get those exclusive episodes every single friday where they're a little more

Little more me and joe a little more joe naked a little more me naked No, i'm kidding on that last two, but you never know unless you find out for yourself patreon.com slash the basement yard Would you say you want to come eat? What was that from? I'm not telling you you have to let them find it. What did you say you want to come eat? I'm not going to say it again. Go check it out, bitch No, but yeah, uh, that's a wild situation to be in because like I don't know that I like Can you imagine like you're just kind of connected. Oh, that was in a movie Stuck on you. Was that was matt daemon and greg canir?

Jesus 2004 2003 or 2004. Yeah What month did it come out you make it honestly? No, honestly, I think it was in like the later parts of the year Maybe like october or something like that. Thank you if I look this up and it's october I'm gonna throw my laptop as far as I can October november or something like that was it stuck with you stuck on you stuck on you I want to say 2004 Because I got it the same year I got the Incredibles

2003 whoa, all right 2003 december. I was right technically kind of Wow, I'm good, baby weird. Why do you know that about that movie? It's so random. I One year my cousin who will rename? Nameless he will rename remain nameless Got us a bunch of like burnt dvds that he illegally got It stuck on you was one of them and I remember other movies that we had gotten around that time And I believe in addition to the Incredibles, which I think actually the Incredibles 2004 but like

Windows XP was in there somewhere What's that? Windows XP just the operating system. Yeah, why was that on a burnt CD so we can have it? Oh I didn't know that that's how that happened. I thought it just came with the computer sometime But you would also have to upgrade but you would have to buy the upgrade sometimes. Oh, you remember like windows 95 No What do you remember?

Yeah about computers. Yeah, not much besides the massive amounts of porn that you used to watch on them not massive But a good amount A healthy amount. What's a healthy amount just like, you know I mean, I couldn't watch porn that much when I was younger. You put so many people in my house Yeah, well now it's fucking free. You're free ball and you're free gaming it up. You got no one stopping you now No Now you're able to name like different categories and like actors and actresses and stuff. No, I can't categories Yeah, yeah, you can just name anything. It's a category. I'm sure

Pee pee poo poo. Well, I often bring up like oh, oh like I was guarding on cakes. Remember that. Yeah, you remember that Very it's a good one. Is it not good, but well, it's good. It's good. It's good. It's funny. It's unique Yes, is the term we're looking for that's kind of wild farting on cakes It is a little crazy to fart on cakes. Mm-hmm because last thing I would imagine to do with a cake is put my butt near it Yeah, I just want to eat cakes And you want to eat butts so you have that in line All right, we do have sponsors for today. Like I said, uh We have stitchfix folks stitchfix is like your personal stylist you go on their website

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Shop etsy.com etsy has it again Use the code new for 10 off of your first purchase if you're a new etsy shopper Um also I love you Whoa Too much The way you said that the way the way you were like flashing your uh Your wedding ring at me when you said that so I don't know what's going on. I love you

I could slip it right off No, I wouldn't do that. Okay. It's a joke. It's a nice ring. What's it made out of titanium? No Yes, the other part. Oh Cedar You thought okay. I thought you meant the metal part joey. Why would I give a shit about that part? The other part is because it's on there joey. It's the whole part of it. I'm staring at the brown As you normally do Listen, it's sometimes why'd you get cedar? Um, does that mean something to you? No

Oh, you just don't like it. I like it Why don't you just go with like a like a like a you know regular ring? Why do you want this one? It's stylistic and and and you like wood. I do like wood What's wrong with that? I don't know. That's just a stupid question. Oh, well, you were trying to get like a like a boner joke out of it Joey. No, no, no, I was trying to get me to say I like boners. No. Well, now you're just saying it. No, seriously No, wait about what do you like boners? My own

No one else's No, I don't like other boners. Bro. Did you hear we got more news about megan trainer and her husband? She's talking about his big old fat old lang apparently. Oh, he's got a big saucy She was like He puts it in and I'm like ouch is it in and he's like that's just the tip Hold on. You didn't hear about this megan trainer husband dick

Google doing the lord's work Huge penis and it hurts during sex Uh, there's no way look at him. He was in spy kids. You can't have a big wiener in spy kids Yeah Yeah, she said on a podcast, uh To the point where it's like is it all in and he's like just the tip And I'm like I can't do anymore. I don't know how to fix that So damn man, they're having half sex

Oh, she may have vaginismus. That's totally different. Oh, that's when it like closes up, right? Yeah, it just kind of just goes No, no, no, I remember having a show I There's a bouncer at the door and he's like rough rough capacity. It's like no one's in there. It's like that's the point Yeah, she has vaginismus. So maybe he doesn't have a big old flat all weighing. Yeah, maybe it's he's a regular one trying to cover for him Well, that's good. That's because you'd rather get turned away for being too big than turned away for being too small You know, yeah, I would I would want my wife to go on You know talk shows and be like fucking things a mountain of cock. I almost like

I I guess yeah, but then then also like I would have to live with the fact that she's lying about it, you know, I get a little bit I'd rather just be like, yeah, it's okay. It's all right. Oh, you would rather your wife go on tv and go It's fine. Yeah Really then her go on tv and be like, oh my god Like I can't walk for days. No, there's an in between. I'd be like, well, like you're you're you're lying about me Yeah, well, like what else are you lying about? You tell me you love me, you know, oh, I see what you're saying

Like that's where my brain goes. Well, that's insecurity, baby. Damn right. It is. Well, you should probably see a therapist for that But different different thing There's an in between there She doesn't have to go. Oh my god. It's like putting a foot in me. She doesn't have to do that Right. Okay. She could just be like Yeah, she could she could speak respect just like a double thumbs up. She could speak respectfully Yeah, like she could just be like, you know, like, you know when people do that thing where they give where they don't answer But they do answer where they're like, I'm not going to confirm her tonight, but uh, yeah, it's all in the eyebrows

It's it is like how is it you go? If my wife was like, it is okay. That would hurt, but she was like, it's uh It's all right Big difference. That's different. Yeah, big difference because that means you have a fat Then or or forget about the fatness just like It's it's it's put to use well. Oh, yeah You know, like what would you rather have? You know, like a fat wad of cash that you don't use

Yeah, like ones or like ones ones that you use all of them up. You know what I'm saying? Well, that's not where I was going What do you rather have I want big bills. Would you rather have 10 inches that you use only three of or four inches you use all of? Oh Wait, what that's what I'm asking. Why are those the eyes those are just numbers I threw out. Oh What would you rather have One more time 10 inches I use three of I'll put it like this. I'll put it like this. I'll put it like this go go

Would you rather have a 10 bedroom mansion? But you only use two of the rooms Yeah, or would you rather have a three bedroom house and everyone is Comfortable and very happy with what they have. I probably have the bigger house. It sounds cooler. Really probably a good backyard too Oh, okay, like a big pool. Well, I didn't I didn't specify the pool or anything I'm assuming you can you can you can jazz it up with whatever you want to make people forget about the fact that it's still a small house Well, no, we said big house. I said big house. Yeah, but you're want you want big house all the bulls and whistles I'm saying you get a big house

A lot of property, but it's a lot to maintain Joey mowing that lawn It's a lot you could hire someone you could but it's still a lot or you can get one of those cool things We drive around a lawnmower Yeah Love how you just said one of those cool things you could drive around you're just describing a lawnmower Um, those are fun though. Have you ever driven one? Uh, no, I drove one to new jersey You're just going to new jersey and driving lawnmowers my cousin's house. You go to your cousin's house and you just drive lawnmowers Well, I I I you know your family parties must be incredible

No, I do we were just having a good time But I was like, I know you guys have that can I ride it you asked to ride your cousin's lawnmower. Yeah It had a big giant sticker on the side that Yeah Was it was it was it like one of those situations where it's like I want to live like the real people You know, we're like, you know, like you'll have like billionaires going to mcdonald's all the time Is that what that was? No, this was when I was like fucking 12. Oh, okay. Well, then that's different then then I completely understand Yeah, I

I would have driven anything most last time you were on a horse or on it on an animal pre-k on an animal And like fake riding your dog doesn't count. Yeah, uh, I would say Yeah, I would say well horse. I haven't been on many animals me either. We gotta go. We gotta get you want to get on a horse Excuse you. Oh, I didn't mean it like that I did kind of say you're like you want to get on a horse. You want to get on a horse? I'd go horseback pretty lady. I'd go. Well, take it easy. I'd go horseback, right? Well, that's why a lot of you know, people were bow legged like like cowboys and stuff like that Yeah, what is that their legs look like horseshoes

Yeah, well because they spent most of their life with their legs cross open like that They must have like good hips though um, I uh, probably yeah, I assume like no, but no, no They probably get like hip dysplasia and shit that like german shepherds get Nevermind, yeah But I would like to ride a horse. I would too. I'd write I'd like to ride an elephant Oh, what elephant you want to ride an elephant? Yes. Okay. What are you gonna join the circus? No, or go to fucking india India, yeah

Thailand sure both you can ride them. Yeah I didn't know you could ride an elephant. Of course you can I want an elephant to like they put like the mini like the Like mini house on its back, you know, that's so fucked Well, I don't think they can I was just for a second ride it though Yeah, you would and then I would like feel bad. I kiss it And then it would remember you forever and then you'd go back in 10 years and they would remember you I'm telling you this right now If that were to happen, yeah, like you've seen have you seen the christian the lion? I think yes

I've seen christian the lion. You know, I bawled my eyes out the first time I saw that you think I didn't If an animal remembers me I am so fucking happy. I think they say animals uh elephants and horses can really remember you Oh if a horse remembered me and just started like Like bucking. Yeah, I don't know what they do. I think they do that trot or if an elephant hugged me with its trunk just Leave me here. Yeah, but you're you're in danger there. Oh, it takes me Well, what if it just is like, oh, I don't like how this guy just like looked in my eye

Yeah, and throws you across the room That would hurt that would that would hurt for sure. Do you think you have any chance of beating up an elephant? Hey No Yeah, I mean either. Okay. Good. I just want to make sure we establish that. Yeah Aren't they like impenetrable? They're like crocodiles. No, they do die like they are hunted That's true pack animals can get them tigers lions Really? I I can almost guarantee. I mean, it's probably very difficult But like you can definitely get and kill an elephant as an animal

Bro, you never saw that video of that guy on an elephant like Sri Lanka or somewhere And then he just looks over to the left and a fucking tiger jumps on top of the like the elephant Out of the weeds the fact that people live amongst these things bro is insane to me, bro Watch that video again the guy's just like on an elephant. He looks around you see nothing and then he looks and it's just fucking tiger Dude, we need another Noah's Ark like bring some animals to New York and just let them run amok You think so? Yeah, dude, how much cooler would it be if there was like colorful birds around? Yeah, colorful birds cool or like bobcats. Yeah, you'd be cool No more fucking, you know 2 p.m. Jogs Joey

I mean they're like contained in neighborhoods zoos no Out so I'm gonna ask this question and I need you to answer real carefully Yeah, where would you put the deadly animals in New York City, Joe? Wherever Where do you think I would do you think I was going to say I didn't know if you had a very specific area or two Or three that you would say, yeah No, I would just put them in like areas where like you should put the more central park You should put the more dangerous animals in like the upscale neighborhoods So like we can get rid of some millionaires and stuff around here, you know, we have to be in their will

We don't need to Okay Like the higher the tax rate The more dangerous the more dangerous the animals are like that to balance everything out You don't want to put dangerous animals in like lower-income socioeconomic areas because that would be insensitive and wrong I want colorful birds. I may be not things that kill You can get a parrot Yeah, I know but I there should I want them to be like wild

I think horses should just be running all the time. We do have horses in New York City. You know, it's crazy You ever think about this? horses There's horses just out. Yeah, like not Not at a barn. You ever heard of a wild horses. Do you ever heard of a chink? I think it's called chinketeague Island, amen. That's what it's called. Okay. Be careful. Don't need to be careful. That's what it's called Okay, um And it's an island

Like I think it's off this off of virginia or that general area and the island is just populated only by wild horses How did they get there? We're brought there Oh, and they let them fuck and they let them fuck. Yeah, because horses Dude, I would what horses he just grass. Hey grass. I think they're herbivores like, you know, hey Dead grass. Oh Is that true? I think I don't know. I think I thought they all ate my like oatmeal or something I'm sure they'll get you they'll they'll take an apple or a sugar cube or carrot if they give it to them Well, I saw an asmr video once of a horse eating a bunch of different things

I enjoy that way more than I thought I never would have pegged you For liking that right. Yeah, um, but it ate like an apple dude Just I don't like how horses mouth like the top of it goes that way and the bottom goes this way and it's like Yeah, their lip is like. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like that. Yeah, I want their mouth. I have a fucking straight mouth Yeah, just up and down just up That's all you need. But it's like a pepsi symbol It is it is like a pepsi yin and yang and cows too cows are like, yeah, they chew like fucking asshole Yeah, I don't I don't like spin cycle. It's a spin cycle. Oh, that's why you know, it's like, oh, yeah, you get a chew like that

If I fucking I'll see you at poor. I'll see you at pita lugers. Yeah, exactly Cows provide a lot they do mostly methane You heard about that. No. Yeah, we have too many cows. Their farting is fucking up the environment. Really? Yeah Too many too many beef farms, you know one time I walked into my mom's house and your mom farted I I would die laughing. You ever heard your mom fart. I'm sure I have. Yeah, probably but You know, she's good at hiding it all women are I think they're doing the whole like Hold your butt open. Well, they've had to repress Feelings for so long that they can also repress their farts pretty well

I don't know I feel like women have had it easy in this country. Hmm elaborate on that. Just like, you know, just like, uh Anyone, you know, mm-hmm Yeah Yeah, yeah, go ahead. I'm gonna let you keep elaborating on that. I won't let this joke perpetuate. It's a joke Oh, okay. Um, I was gonna say something. I bet you were about women having it easy. No What was I gonna say? Shit. Oh, I walked into my mom's house and she was watching a show

Um of this guy's named dr. Paul and he put his whole arm in a cow's asshole I've seen I've seen that before he was like turning a baby cow. Yeah, they they have to like Sometimes artificially inseminate them. Yeah, and like the asshole was like Yeah, it's like a butterfly. Yeah, it was like a butterfly. That's really yeah, you're right I know I'm right a fleshy butterfly. Do you um, do you remember? I think it was jackass too where they have to put their arm all the way into like a horse's ass Would you do that? No You wouldn't

No, Frankie. Yeah 21 000 patrons We fly to a barn You want to know some of our arms in a cow's ass. You want to know something? I actually joey It's funny you bring that up. I was gonna talk to you about a patreon exclusive video is you and I become Farm hands for a day and film the entirety of it. No, we just you want your hands do some farming Farming inside of a cow up to your shoulder. I don't think I could stomach that you can I can't throw up then We'd make it even better. No

I haven't thrown up in nearly 15 years. You think I'm gonna start throwing up now dude I can 21 000 patrons at this rate. We're gonna hit that tomorrow. I think this is a good thing. We should go to a farm We want to shove our hands in a cow's ass and we want to milk cows You know because we want to I think we can be farm hands for a day. I think that'd be a great video. What else can we do there? We can Ride a horse ride a horse lasso

We're not gonna do that I want to feed goats. I want to scream. But yeah, I want to scream pig at pigs Pig yeah, okay. I like you know how you scream pig get people in the street. I don't I don't know that Yo Keith one time One time Keith was trying to explain a sound he goes You know, oh god, here we go He was trying to explain the sound and he goes, you know when you throw change at a bum

But no, I don't I don't think bum is I don't think bum is appropriate anymore. No still funny. No, it's hilarious. But like throw change Take it with absolute disdain too like you're not throwing it with like happiness in your heart I was on the floor rolling around. I bet you ever throw you ever throw change at a bum. What sound is that? That's really funny Anyway, we can end on the bum How we have to put arms in a cow's ass. Oh, yeah, maybe how many things that we say we were gonna talk about we got to One one thing. Yeah. No, but you were a big glove

Joey stop trying to make this work. Wouldn't it be nuts? No, because what if that glove broke? And you were knuckled if you you were fucking shoulder deep. Yeah, you're not knuckle in the knuckles easy You're gonna be all the way in if you were shoulder deep in a cow's ass. No, thanks I'd be so fucking hilarious. You do it I probably would get face deep. They would have to excuse me. I can't wait till you do it and it shits And the fucking poop is curling up your shoulder and your neck dude crazy

Maybe we will who knows Would you do it though? Like if a guy did it first and he was like, look, this is all you have to do You just stick your arm in pull it out. I guess but There are certain things in life that like you when you grow up, you know how people like they grow up Yeah, I went traveling and I fucking I saw the Louvre and a Mona Lisa and the northern lights What'd you do fucking grandpa? I'd go I got shoulder deep in a fucking In a in an ox. Yeah, you know

Let's do it. It's cool. It's a bucketless thing. Let's if the people want it We'll do it. We'll be farm hands for a day. We have to wear overalls Don't you fucking tell me we don't what the fuck else am I gonna and I'm gonna chew on some straw that I pull out of the ground Yeah Where can we go? I'm sure the bro answers or something. No, they have they have farms not far from where I am Fisting ones Joey, I don't think they I don't think that Geographical location is what ties the fisting. That's fair

Okay, I figure it out. Yeah Can you imagine on instagram just like this? I think I'm gonna get taken down pretty quick. Joey. Why? Because it'd be a fucking ass Not enough on the side. Oh, okay, and I'd be like this and like this That'd be fucking crazy. Yeah, that would be Why am I giddy about this? You're very excited about it. Honestly, and I'm a little shocked My first fisting because there's a lot of your third. Let's stop that That's not even funny

Okay, well, that's all we have for today. No, it's not. We also have no, that is all we have F alvers 8085 on twitter the frank alvers and all other forms of social media Go check it out and the patreon patreon.com slash the base of a new yard guys We can't keep thank you enough for getting us past 20 000 legitimately a pipe dream. We had years ago So the fact that we got there, we are very very appreciative We want to thank you and we will continue to do what we can to bring you guys something that makes it worthwhile So go tell your friends family loved ones hated ones whatever you want to do patreon.com slash the basement yard Yeah, go follow me at just the anagato and go follow the show on tiktok and instagram at the basement yard and that is all