The Basement Yard - #410 - The Aliens Are Here

Episode Date: August 7, 2023

Joe and Frank discuss the alien trial! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard, Frankie's already being a fucking bitch. No! I don't like that one. Because I'm wearing a pink shirt, holy shit. You're gonna get fucking throttled by the gay media for that one. For what? For making fun of me for wearing pink. What?

You call me a bitch? No one mentioned you wearing pink. You just started off calling me a bitch. The only thing different about that. I said you were acting like a bitch because... How am I acting like a bitch? Because you were impersonating me before we even started the episode. Yeah, well, because you don't realize you like,

you like fucking like your posture, like you look like one of those fucking worms for men in black, you like fucking lean forward and you're like, that looks like the alarm. That looks like you. That's how you start the shows. No. But yes, you do.

It's not true. You're like, I see your say. You'll say something wild and based right before, is that I get it? Based. Did I get it right? You think you have a haircut? Now you could just say based, I get it right.

I don't know. Oh, okay. And then like nuts right before we record. Yeah. And then you start recording. And you don't expect me to react to it. I like a haircut. Thank you.

I appreciate it. You want to know something real funny? As I asked to do the same mustache and beard thing that you did and they just didn't. Well, you could do it. I know what I can't. Like I know you were gonna have match. I was gonna I wanted to match you because I really like yours. So you are gonna be mustache the mustache you are basement you are well. Well, yeah, the base stash yard. Don't make it worse. You should have stuck with that one you had. But they just, I guess mine is not as good as yours. Why didn't they just were like, nah, I guess he didn't want it. I was like, oh, shorter. And he didn't look exactly the same.

And I didn't want to be sitting in that fucking chair for another 10 minutes. So I was just like, all right, you know, like fucking, it's fine. fine do you are you like pretty vocal when you get a haircut Oh, you would hate me really you don't shut up you know I'm not saying like talking like no I keep my mouth shut. Yeah, I must say talk to me No, but no, no, I'm saying like if he starts to fuck your shit up Are you gonna say something? You're gonna go oh looks good. Well, I have to be honest I'm not a fucking haircut kind of sore like you. I don't know like, I don't go in and I'm like, this is what I want. I'm the worst type of person to get a haircut because I'm like, I don't know.

Just like, do this, do a little that. So you just like, oh, take some off the top. Yeah. Short on the side. Yeah, yeah, I'm like, listen, this is how I like to style my hair. Go for it, go nuts. And then like, and then literally, he'll be like, all right, the back, do you want it straight around it? And I'm like, I don't care. Straight around it.

Back here. You know, like down by like, yeah, but rounded. Yeah, like round it, or they go straight. And I'm like, I don't care. You know, I don't care, it's hair. It's gonna grow back for me in a week. And I just, I hate haircuts. I don't really say, I mean, I've been going to the same barber for a while, so he just cuts my hair. Yes, he knows what you get, which is a prank. And, but like, me, you would hate me

because I go in and I'm just like, ah, they'll be like, do you want fucking, and all these haircuts, right? But you're not like, you know, number two on the sides. Sometimes I'll, like, when I was a kid, when we were, she buzzed my head. When we were kids, I go, yeah, two all around, shape me up. Yeah.

And the butcher should be fucking pumped because they'd be like, oh, that's the easiest haircut to give a kid. Yeah, you know, one time I went to the barber shop and he's like, do you mind if my son tries it? I go, yeah, I would mind that. Yeah, yeah, I was like, no, I don't want him to come out here.

Oh, I should have fucking taken a page out of your book. I went once and they were like, hey, he's training. Do you mind if he does your hair? And I was like, no, it's fine. You know, because again, I don't care. Yo, I kid you not. This haircut took like 40 minutes, maybe. It took this guy two hours to cut my hair.

Two hours. And, bro, and people were coming in, and they were like, oh, good job, man. You got this. Whoa, nice. Oh, do this. And I'm sitting there. I'm like, I'm like, I'm a person.

I'm a little like, when they would put lipstick on monkeys. You know, like, see how they look? That's what I was. I was a lipstick monkey. I mean, I don't really get, I'm not really getting this reference that little like when they would put lipstick on monkeys. You know, like to see how they look. That's what I was. I was a lipstick monkey. I mean, I don't really get, I'm not really getting this reference that you're making to be honest with you. What the fuck are you talking about?

You know, remember that when they would try like makeup on fucking animals for so long, and they would always have like a, you never heard of this saying like a test monkey. I have, but I've never seen lipstick on a monkey. Bro, they were putting lipsticks on monkeys, they were putting blush on them and shit like that. The fuck?

Yeah, man, that's what I didn't know that's what they meant by testing it on monkeys that they would actually put makeup on them. Yeah. To do what? To see if it looked nice? Yeah. Or if it would like fucking like fuck up there like, if it like burn their skin and shit

like that. I honestly didn't even consider that. I honestly didn't even consider that. I don't know, it's wild stuff. So, so when they try like, shampoo's they like give a monkey a bath. They'd be like, oh come here, we got this new fucking gunny of fructice. The first person I could think of, I'm gonna use them. And then they would fucking like, do it.

And then like if they're like, skin like, I irritated or something, they'd be like, oh, this isn't good shampoo. I honestly, I don't. Like when I hear animal tests, it's like, obviously that's a thing, and you're like, oh, that's bad. But like, I never even considered it. They would put like lips that kind of monkey, and that was like, that's what But like I never even considered they would put like lips that kind of monkey and that was like that's what they did That's why they say like we're not doing that no more. Have you ever eaten shampoo?

Probably it looks the conditioner looks way more tasty Conditioner looks like fucking jizz oh so no no anything shampoo looks like jizz What? No way to suck Frankie shampoo. I mean sometimes it is like you know Who looks like Jizz? What? It's cruel. No, wait a sec. Frankie, shampoo. I mean, sometimes it is like, sometimes it's cloudy or. But for the most part, it's more see-through.

You're right, it's translucent. And what you're looking for. Conditioner is, could be. It could, it could. Technically, I have, and you said it looks better to eat more appetizing. It does look, it looks like, honestly said it looks better to eat more appetizing. It does look Looks like honestly it looks like a

Yeah, like a crime. I'm pretty yeah exactly I had an apple strudel last night. Oh, bitch I don't like cooked apples, but not for you. I don't either but bro Strew it it up. It was fucking stupid. Well pissed me off. Yeah, the apple strudel almost made me shit my pants I was dude and they give you that that mount Because of your IBS. No, no, it was like a celebratory like I could shit right now It's how happy is that how is that what you do when you're happy. Yeah, oh Full dump your pants, but sometimes you're proud of your poops never Not once I've never ever do this morning Cool as poop really just a just a baseball bat of shit one one piece

Oh, you're not helping your your cause here by saying you don't talk about your poop off whatever Yeah, but anyway, this thing came with a mountain of Grum. Oh like a like a you? All right, you know what movie makes? In Glowers Passers. Yes, yes, yes! I knew you were gonna say that. I wanted that fucking cream all in, like, oh, it looks so good.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, for a cram. And it's like, you're not seein' it. And you're not seein' it, but it's scoopin' with a fork. I'm not a fork with a spoon, you know, fuckin' whaped it. Yeah. I've always tried a whap cream onto my stuff. He's like, what?

He can food, Joe can food Joe. I know There's make it better But I was like I think this guy is a fucking Nazi, but he's got a point Well a point about what wait for the cream. Oh that point. Okay. That's what I was hoping you No, no, he's like oh wait for the cream before you can eat the sugar. She's just gonna eat a dry sugar like an 80s He's like ah ah shashana Shoshana and bro that cream looks so fucking mad good evil bastard Evil bastard and evil bastard and got what he got he got what he paid for no He got what was coming to him. Yeah, I mean you could say that but he when he had come into him was way worse. He's getting scalped

Oh, he didn't kill him. No, I think they just because he says like I killed his boy He's like how did I so bang on and then you don't have it that far? Oh, he didn't kill him? No, I think they just, because he says like, I killed his boy. He's like, oh, that's so bingo. And then you don't have it that far. And he's like, oh, we're gonna go and I'm just gonna like live in the US. Yeah, and I think I'm cold. And I think your head opened.

Yeah, the only thing that happened to him is they gave him this wasicle. Yeah, on his forehead. Can I ask you a question? Technically, I have ingested conditioner because I used to use it as my fake throw-up serum. I've told this story to you a million Oh, you put it in there what I would do even it I didn't swallow it, but what I would do is I would put a little in my mouth and I would throw up Just conditioner. Oh the whole thing. Yeah, because bro my mom

Growing up had 500 bottles of shampoo and conditioner in the shower. Crazy. Legitimately hundreds. Okay, maybe not hundreds, but like, literally a dozen of each. So there's the fucking 24 bottles in the shower. Okay. And you remember the basement shower?

Not a lot of room in there. None. And what I would do when I was just having fun in the shower as kids do, I would mix the shampoos and conditioners together to make a mega shampoo and a mega conditioner. I don't think that makes it mega. Well, it made a mega in my head. And when I would shake it up in the shower, it would come out and it would look kind of like throwy upy. Throwy upy. Yeah. Throwy upy. It would look throwy upy. So I was like, oh, it would look kind of like throwy-upby. Thro-word. Yeah.

Throwy-upby. It would look throwy-upby, so I was like, oh, it would just look like throw-up. That's it. Yeah. It would look like adults, maybe. I would use it in my throw-up serum. So what I would-

What was the other one? It was like, you put like clam chowder or something? It would be a whatever. Like if we had like pasta the night before, if there was any leftover sauce, I'd throw some of that in there. You're sick bastard. Well, I'm gonna go upstairs to the top of the room, be any leftover sauce. I'd throw some of that in there. Yeah, you're sick bastard Well, I'm gonna go upstairs to the top of where I'm be like yeah, I'd be

And I would either spit it out or like put it in a cup and throw it on the ground and pantomime throwing up You know, wretch and then my mom would get so mad How could you not be like I smell the shampoo? Do you think my mom is gonna spend over and smell throw up Joey? No, but you could smell throw up I could smell if you throw up and like two doors down. I would be able to smell it Yeah, but that's if you like if I told you it was throw up and it just smell like it smells like shit It was a concoction of stuff just fucking mixed together. Okay, so it worked almost all the time But I here's the question. I really wanted to ask you. Yeah

Did any of those like shampoo or conditioners ever get you fucking horny as a kid? I've jerked off with shampoo. Not my question. Oh. Like, because I remember those like herbal essence commercials and those women were just like in the shower like basically just getting fucked by shampoo. And the water made me so horny because it was like they would get hit with a wave of water and I'd be like I like women are wet Well like there. Well, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well like is that why you've always told me about waterboarding?

Imagine I like to water water what it's my kink My kink is trying to get secrets out of you. Yeah, no, those fucking commercials were like, for like old spices like a guy were fucking jack muscles, and then the herbal essence commercials would be women in the shower just like having orgasms to cleaning their hair. Yeah, yeah, they're like,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, and I would damn, dude. Bro, as a kid, I was like, God damn, I did, I wanna go clean my hair. So then when I went down, I remember I went downstairs to shower, and I saw herbal lessons in the bathroom I was like wait a sec mom what the fuck is going on here?

I thought she was in there getting horny my mom was getting horny. We'll go washing her hair. That's kind of crazy. It was Don't ask me what were you gonna say? If you don't want me to ask a lot of you're gonna say you really want to know Yeah, if you ever confirmed your mom being hor? Bro, I was just gonna ask you that. I was the little legitimate, but I was like, I'm not gonna ask that. This is a show for God's sake. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's where you draw a line? I think horny my mom?

Yeah. horny. He prayed his incapable of putting that sentence together, huh? horny my mom? horny my mom? Okay, yeah. No, I've never. I've never.

I mean, either. Wild. Your dad? Just a Playboy magazine. Yeah, stuff like that. I mean, like, you know. My dad used to take us on the jet ski, and we'd ride at the lake.

Take it easy. And we'd drive by the beach. You know, look at all the balloons. Oh, you tell me that, which balloons were. Big fat tits. Big old fat neptunes. Speaking? Big fat tits. Big old fat neptunes. Speaking of big fat tits, apparently aliens are real now. Yeah, well, I don't know. I'm not good at segways, you're really not very good at segways. I don't know if I'm ready

to talk about this. Are you do believe in aliens? Did you hear my voice just? You heard me, you heard me. Yeah. Um, we've spoken openly on this show before. Oh, it's a yes or no. But it's not. Oh, it is, yes or no. I will, I, I, I don't have the limited mindset to, to believe that we are the only fucking sentient beings on the planet that are capable of free thought. But at the same time, I don't wanna imagine that we're not alone.

And now I'm kinda being forced to imagine that. Why not? Because it's fucking scary, Joey. It is, it isn't. Not, it is. Well, like if they've been here for, what the Roswell thing was how many years ago? Yeah, bro, people are getting fucking abducted,

fingered, all that stuff. I don't want any of that. I've never been fingered or abducted. You want it? No, I don't want to be a stuffed finger. Well, you could be. That's what people are saying. It's like all these people that came out and they're like, I had fucking picked up and they put a fucking beam a lot in my asshole. Now we have to believe them because it's like, oh, shit,

maybe they weren't fucking lying about that whole thing. Dude, imagine that happening to you? Like, you're in your bed and you get sucked into a ship and then aliens are fingering your rim. Imagine that happening to you. Like, you're in your bed and you get sucked into a ship and then aliens are fingering your rim. That's insane. They're just fiddling inside your colon. That's like the SNL skit where she's like,

and then they're just fucking batting around her tits. Yeah. No, I legitimately, I don't want to think too much about this because I'm starting to have an existential crisis. But the universe is vast. Yeah, but also find out the minute after I die. I don't want to know about this. Because that's too large of a concept.

Becca was asking me, she's like, isn't this so cool? I was like, I don't want to talk about this. She's like, why? Yeah, I don't think it's cool. But I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to realize it, I don't want to, like, when I will comprehend it is when they're knock on on my door and they're like, what's up, we're here.

We're aliens. We're aliens. What if they're like, not cool? What if they're like, just like, what if they're short? What if they're, what if they're short? Yeah, like, you know how like, we hate short people? We, like, short men, like, they're don't they're sure yeah like you know how like we hate short people We like short men like the society societies the easiest group of people to make fun of short men Okay white men in particular short white straight men to really be specific you want to be more specific short white straight American men Okay, uh

From the Jersey Shore I From the Jersey Shore Like what if they come out and they're just like yo like we're fucking here, but then they're like two foot four Not cool if I get like cakey it across the room What if they're like just nerds like they're really good like technology so they can like make these flying things Whatever but like they're bitches. I don't want that. want an alien to come at a ship and it's just like bro. I wanted to be hanging dog fucking 1990 Pamela Anderson They like to get fucked up and they yeah, they just come out and they're like, yo you you guys got beer try this This is a dumbest conversation. Maybe that's ever happened on earth. It's all right. Yeah, we're trying to keep them like

What I don't want to happen. I'm talking to them now, by the way. Okay. I don't want them to think that I'm hostile in any way. I don't want them to put a big ship in the sky. I don't want that. We just rewatch Independence Day. It's a big, that was a big ship.

That's multiple big ships. I don't like when they're, I don't like that. Cause like, I don't want to be scared. Here's the thing. here's the thing. All right, and I know you're gonna fucking cut my ass for this. If I was still a single in my 20s, this would have been the coolest fucking news ever.

Explain how that has been sort of bearing. Oh, because at that point in my life, I was thinking fucking singularly. It was wake up How am I gonna fucking make money today? How am I gonna, you know, go out and get drunk and then I go home play video games Do whatever I wanted to do now. I have to fucking I have children. I have a wife I got a home. Should I need a protect? I liked it when I didn't have to protect anything

Well get a fucking lightsaber or something now. That'll do it. We need space guns. Well, that's the other thing, it's like, they're like smiling at us. They're fucking with us. Huh? Because if they could get to us, and we can't get to them, yeah, that's an invasion waiting to happen.

But like, they're just like, oh, we're friends, don't poke the bear. I agree. I don't I would never want to like that. So I'm saying I don't know. But you're not a well repress, you know, a full fledged representation of, you know, human man. Do you think aliens are walking around with us? Like there's like people who like our aliens, but like Hilary Clinton or something. Well, you're, I don't think she's an alien. Yeah. I think that she's, I think that with over time, she's looking more and more like one.

Well, yeah, that's what happens. That's the natural aging process. But especially her for some reason. Do you think that anyone that has like died in the past could have been an alien, Andy Warhol? Why? Fucking freak. Freak. Yeah.

What'd he do? He's making, paint and camel soup cans and shit like that. Oh, it's a good soup can. Was it? It was a good picture, I guess. Bro, if I saw that in an art exhibit, I'd go, this is so stupid. Why the fuck would that make you think he's an alien? Weirdo.

I don't know. I think like you look at pictures of a... Like the fucking... The founding fathers look more like aliens than anybody. Doja Cat. Why would you even bring that up? than anybody. Doja Cat. Why would you even bring that up? I don't know, possible alien. Now we have to...

Now we have to... Here's what it is. Killian Murphy kind of reminds me of an alien. Yeah, a little bit, absolutely. He's so... Killian Murphy is so tight. And he's skinned so tight! And he's too Irish.

And he's like... His jaw is so sharp. Like, this is what I imagine. He's just like, it And he's too Irish. And he's like, his jaw is so sharp. You're like, this is what I imagine. It's like a jet engine. He's like, you're like, me a point. But then he has very light eyes and cool hair. He's strikingly good looking. He is, but he's like, he's so tight.

Bro, he's getting so tight. Anga Taylor, what's the one? Anga Taylor, Joy? On my what? Not on the actress. What? Who mutants, uh, uh, fucking, you know, split. She played the voice of Peach.

Oh, oh, uh, Chess. Chess, Queen's Gambit. Queen's Gambit. That much. She might be an alien. She's got big eyes. She's, and they're very far apart. I wouldn't say very far, but they're like,

they're like, they're a distance. They're alien looking. I don't know. No. To me like I wouldn't be surprised if Killian Murphy had a tail that was poisonous. That could be that could be. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like you could just like come out of the back of his suit and I'd be like, well yeah we we had signs here. Well we need need to, what, there's got to be a politician that's an alien. I just finished watching, you know, Secret Invasion, so I'm all fucking ready. Fuck is that?

Oh, you don't know what that shit is, baby. Is that about aliens? Yeah, it's also a Marvel show, so it's not that serious. Oh, yeah. It's about straight shifting aliens that come and invade the earth. But like, now we're gonna sit there as if there wasn't enough civil unrest.

You know, we got fucking, our president's son is smoking crack, doin' 180 and fuckin' Mitch McConnell just glitched out on the stand, you know, like, come on, we don't need this. Smoking crack and doin' 180 miles an hour. Bro, we don't need this right now. God, I'm scared and I don't wanna talk about it. God, that's the coolest thing you could possibly do smoke crack and go 180

Those two things and take a picture This guy. Yeah, he's a little he's a little out there. What makes it even crazier is that he's the son of our president Yeah, well, no, he actually just he had his plea plea hearing yesterday. I think please please please put him in jail I think I'm glad dangerous fuck. I think they were, please, please put him in jail. I think I'm gonna be okay. You guys dangerous. Fuck. I think there were just like, all right, Hunter. Don't do it again.

It's like, it's smoking crack. It is killer. Do you know that you're 80s? I don't know, crack was back. I thought we left it in the 80s. I thought these said I didn't know crack was bad. I'm like, no, no, no, I know. That I knew. Yeah. I thought we left crack in the 80s. It thought these said I didn't know crack was bad. I'm like, hmm. No, no, no. I know. I know. Yeah.

I thought we love cracking the 80s. It's it's making a comeback apparently. Well, you got another right people The guy friend is what Just gonna save While I'm assuming you could get crack if you need to do some crack just like quailoos or anything But I'm sure you can get a quailoed. Well, in your a fucking circle of, you know, like eyes wide shut weirdos doing fucking sex fingers and stuff. Oh, what? I have a circle of sex. Yeah, you and your billionaire buddies that fucking sit there and like swap spit rainbow kisses. What's a rainbow kiss?

You don't know what a rainbow kiss is? No. Joe, you know what a rainbow kiss is. I- do you hear what I just said? No, I don't know. Definitely no. What's a rainbow kiss? A rainbow kiss is a sexual act where someone performs some formal oral on someone that is in the middle of their mencees.

That's it. And then they make out after. Where's the rainbow? That just feels like red. Well, I thought that was going to be like some piss and wild or something to piss yes go on piss piss thank you so much of rainbow kiss yeah I'm shocked you didn't know that it's been around since we were kids no I didn't I don't know like rusty trombone that's when you like trombone is that when you, suck someone's ass and they got shit on their ass or something?

Don't mind me. I'll look it up and confirm right now. What is the other one? Oh, dirty Sanchez. That's when... Dirty Sanchez, creamy Ronaldo. What's the creamy? Oh, you, like, come on, someone's face

and kick him in the face. Kick him in the face, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Rusty Trumbone. You know, the Michael Jordan, where you're staying at the edge of the bed, and then you jump in the air, like, Michael Jordan and put your nuts and a mouth.

I've heard of that one, I've heard of that one. Russy Trumbone, when a guy gets a rim job and a hand shop at the same time from one person. Oh, okay. So it's like, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, Yeah, yeah. Wow. Can I ask you something? Is it insensitive to still like when you shoot something at the paper like the bin, the waste basket, the garbage, the yell Kobe? Why would that be disrespectful?

I don't know. If anything that's preserving the memory. That's what I would say. It would be fucked up if you were referring to anything dealing with helicopters. Yeah, gotcha. You know? Just like falling down.

No, I know. You don't have to give examples. That was because this is what I'm saying. You're my part. That's the part that people are talking about. So don't create examples. But you bring up aliens. I actually, I found an article on your favorite website,

4chan. And it actually, it says, and I quote Hey guys What's the best way to summon and kill aliens? I have a deep hatred for aliens I think they're evil ugly demonic and enemies of humanity and I want to kill one of them and take out my anger on them Nothing the fuck nothing will quench my thirst for alien blood. Please help Okay, this is clearly like a 13 year old trying to be cool So I'm just gonna give you some, you know, oh, some people have tried through a cyst right here.

And, you know, I love the word summon. Like it's a demon spirit. Well, the first comment, one of the first comments here, they're demons. You can just pray and use Christ's name to mess them up and then bless your machete or something. That's the worst advice. I mean, if you just bless anything and use it as a weapon, it'll help destroy all the

bad spirits, right? They're aliens. They're not demons. How do you know? I guess I don't. Next one here, well, not next one. Another one here says, use an AK-47 and smart bombs and F-16s. Just use those, okay Joey?

Okay, I'll go get one. Yeah, just go get one. Smoke bombs. Smoke, yeah, smoke bombs. And F-16s. Maybe, a smart bomb, actually, sorry. I said smoke bombs, I apologize. Yeah, but F-16 isn't that a sh-

That's a jet. That's a jet. That's a jet. That's a jet. Yeah. Go get a jet. Just go get a jet. Next one here, you can't kill aliens. They are immortal beings. They are God. I think an alien wrote that one. I think that's bullshit. So you can't kill us.

I'll never tell you how to kill us. Shouldn't even try. Cause it's fine. This one here might actually be the best one. Stick a direct TV antenna up your ass and dial 0, 0, it's fine. This one here might actually be the best one. Stick a Direct TV antenna up your ass and dial 0048, then press the power button six times. If you hold it for more than a second, it won't work. If it works, you'll have some aliens to kill.

Okay, not, it feels like I probably listen to that one more than anything. Well, because, look at the graphs here. Aliens, just sightings, direct TV starting. They've gone in the same direction. You can't sit there and tell me that those two things aren't related, you know. You can.

No, you can. Next one here, pull down your pants and put your face to the ground, ask up. Then three times say, come hither and probe. That probe probably would. I gotta be honest with you. It would work for me, not your fucking shitty ass. First of all, I get why you make jokes about my ass, but I-

Where is this coming from? Why do you hate my ass so much? I don't hate your ass, but like, let's agree. Your ass is not like Attracting any aliens. It's barely attracting me Not that that's the we don't know that. Oh, you think you get pros before me bro You see my ass. It's sweet. It's juicy. Yeah, but how do you know? That's what they want? I think they just want to get the probin' there They don't want to just put it in there.

So like if they put a probe in your ass, you'll see the fucking corners of it on your boni ass. What do you think a probe is? No, it could have sharp edges to it. I don't know. What is a probe? I don't know, like a suppository maybe? Oh, what is with the Frankie? Probe isn't prob the verb?

No a probe could be something that you put in something you think these people are walking around with alien Machines in their asses I Don't think that that's what they're telling us Joey. It would be easy to just prove that Frank They've been probed. No, but you can't find it. That's the point. It could be microscopic. It could be microscopic. It could be microscopic. I don't think anyone's claiming this. Frank, it's the verb, I was probed.

They were like checking out what's inside. No, they put, you never saw the episode of South Park where they put a fucking satellite in the sky. Oh! That's what we're going on, folks. That's what they're going for, Joey. All right, and here's another one. That's a little more detailed

How does summon alien step one only do this at night at 12 a.m.? Step two draw red pentagram with a chalk. I'm already know no Because you might summon some other shit and then write the word UFO in the middle of the pentagram then put one black candle over the word UFO And then light the candle close your eyes and chant this 25 times. Be me up, aliens take me up in your ship. You can also do this with your friends by yourself. After that, go outside and start stargazing and look up to the sky and you should be able to see a spaceship coming at you. It sounds pretty foolproof, if you ask me. That just sounds like one of those like witch girls in high school.

The craft. They were like really into pentagrams. What was the thing that they would say? Light is the feather, smooth is a bored. Who would say that? You don't remember that? No. Yeah, you don't remember that thing.

You know some of the witches, like, quotient? I've heard some witch words. I've... Light is a feather, smooth is a bored. Light is a bored or something like that. Maybe not smooth. Okay. But like, you don't remember that movie,

the craft with like Ferruza bulk and Other people I don't even know who that is or that you know who Ferruza bulk is Fyruza. Yeah, nope. She was she played the girlfriend in water boy. Oh, yeah, her name is Ferruza ball Okay, and it was like the thing where they would like hover their hands above someone They would go like light is the feather's me like flat is a board and like they thing where they would like hover their hands above someone they would go like light is the feather Like flat is a board and like they're supposed to fucking like Levitate or to shit like that. Yeah, I don't know about that cuz What are you?

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Your love, your support have actually put us at number eight of all Patreon podcasts in the world. So we are absolutely so grateful and thankful for everyone that has gotten us here. But we want to keep going in the right direction, baby. That number one spot we can get there if we just band together and hold hands and a little bit of hard work. But listen, I don't want to tell you why you should do it. I want to show you how you should do it.

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I don't know how numbers work. But Patreon.com slash the base of your art, thanks again folks, and go check it out. Also, there was a story about this girl who... We're done with aliens. Yeah, yeah, I'm done with aliens. You're done with them. Yeah, I'm done with them.

But they're not done with us. Well, no, they just begun. This is terrifying. I'm not even kidding. I'm having a legitimate issue with it. I don't wanna talk about it. I tried to move on. I know, I know.

I'm just letting you know. Stop asking me to talk about it. No one's doing that. You were the one that brought it up. You were the one that kept it going on. Nope. Just move on, Joey. Okay.

You sure? Yes, go. Do you want to tell me about how you don't want to talk about it? I just don't want to talk about it. Do you understand why I don't want to talk about it? It's scary, Joey. No, you said that earlier. It's scary.

Yes. What if they are, like, do you trust the fucking people of this world to just be like I guess we're gonna talk about it. Oh, okay Well, do you trust the people this world to not want to fucking like nuke these bastards? No exactly it's scary We need space guns Frank what a fight aliens you can't shoot regular guns at We get like a space car nineasters say we got a space musket they're coming out with space Gatling guns and shit like that we can create them can we yeah can we I don't know clearly

They are more advanced than us. Yeah, but maybe they're dweebs That would be kind of cool if they were just like little nerds and we just came here We just gave them all like collective wedgies and nuggies Maybe they give sick head. Go on. That's my whole thought. That's all you care about. Not that all I'm just saying, imagine.

You having sex with an alien? Seriously, jokes aside, like podcast shut the cameras off. Franky Joey here. Alien knocks on the door and they're like, in their alien language, I'll translate because I don't know what they speak. There's like, I, like, come on, enter me. Yeah, you're doing it? For signs?

Is it raining? How does that have anything to do with it? Rain is kind of romantic. Okay. Sure. Dunder though? Why are you... I'll set the scene. Close your eyes. To dox only night. You ruined it.

Really? No, I... It's dark. You're in your... You're in your part. Shut up. No, no, no. I... Hold on. I think it's dark, Stormy. you're in your part shut up. No, no, I hold on. I think it's dark No, I the real answer is if they Eventually make it here and then they just become a part of society and whatever and people start doing stuff Yeah, we do so well with the multiple fucking races and genders that we have on our planet It takes time, but eventually you know people start. Oh, yeah

They're gonna come down and it's gonna be like, oh wait, I'm a Trans-Aleon. You guys aren't cool with that? Fucking... Alright. A Trailian. Trailian. You're gonna have trailians come down here and then just like fucking up and leave because they see what some people like you treat them. The short answer is probably. Probably having something. But I wouldn't... Not the first one to knock on my door. Alright, but you need to see one in order to see the rest of them to like understand like you get like an example of an ugly one in a hot one

Yeah, so you have an idea as to how to like kind of pick yeah, you know, they don't have hair though Okay, and they're kind of a little slimy Nice really well But not like cool slimy what's bad slimy like Well, but not like cool slimy. What's bad slimy like? Oh like just their hands like you remember that Remember I wouldn't be too bad remember Remember the dog beast in Sandlot I do

It's just like they're just like out of their pores just like dripping. Oh Kind of like that don't you I mean it's kind of like If you if you and your partner are all oiled up, and what if they say like, we have six vaginas. Geez. Yeah? You got your work on out here. Six vaginas.

Like, six homes in a house, you don't know what to do with them. Yeah, I'd be like, Goldilocks, I'd be like, this one's too hard. This one's too soft. This one's too slow. Well, they have like a, like, it's like a sleep number bed before of a jyna. Yeah.

Where it's just like you can like turn up and down the moisture, the fucking tightness. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be fucking crazy. Hold on, wait, we might have just stumbled upon something. Yeah, they're called flush lights,

but you're describing it right. Oh, I didn't know. Yeah. But like you can like adjust it. Like it's a dial. And it's probably have wild pussy. You know? I don't know. they probably got some like imagine an extra terrestrial It's got a survive in space. That's a pussy in space listen

I'll be way cooler with aliens if their dicks are just way smaller than ours If if there's an alien that comes down here and just has like an absolute fucking kaboot tops. Yeah, I'm gonna be so upset Good boot down, you know what I'm gonna be so upset. Good boot down. You know what I'm saying? I do, and also I felt really good the other day. I don't know if I told you this, but I went to the zoo I saw the grills have small thing dogs. Yeah, we spoke about that.

And I was like, that's what you get, honestly. That's nice. Give and take, whoever the maker is, give and take. But the strength, really cool name, silverback, smallest sticks on the planet. Yeah, I don't know the planet, but like Yeah, no, I think that like if a vagina. No, no if an alien had six vaginas

That'd be kind of cool. What are you doing when you barely know to do it one? I probably try to go like this. Yeah, you would you would right? It's like you know to do it one. Oh, dude, you're so sick. It's like those pens that we had as kids where it was like, click this for black, red, blue, green, you know. And it's like, you always try to put all them down at the same time. First of all, yeah, I would, and then I would draw like a stupid little circle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's exactly what you would do with it.

Anyway, I don't want to talk about this. I've been getting that. It's scary, Joey. Anyway, I don't want to talk about that. I've been getting that. Don't, it's scary, Joey. Shut up! You're going to recycle the conversation. I'm not recycling anything. When tell me you're not going to have a, like, isn't that freaky to think?

Talking about it, is it not freaky to think that, like, tomorrow, you could be gone because they're just, like, they're going to come and you should be like, oh, you guys are stupid idiots. Scary? Sure. And what if we're getting like the Trump of aliens? We're not getting like the fucking like who's like rad? Like Stephen Colbert?

Oh I'm divided. Smoke and crack! What the hell can crack up? What an alien! Aliens shows up with like just like cook on a spoon and they're just like fucking let's do this! So you guys are pussy but with this guy. He's cool What a maniac I Know all right move on Joey

I'm gonna There was a video I saw on TikTok don't you dare I'm not doing anything I can see it in your throat that you want to talk about you can't see anything in my throat. There's been nothing in my throat You can't see anything in my throat. There's been nothing in my throat. Okay. Um, there was a video on TikTok of a girl who like went into her bathroom and filmed her toilet. And there was a full five foot snake in it. And she took a big fat piss on its face. And didn't even realize. Second of all, being on a snake is wild. Dude, I wouldn't put anything, I guess it's different. Like, I wouldn't put a penis in front of a snake,

because that's fucking, that's an appetizer for. It's a dangling little like, it's a little, eh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, they see that. Well, we would know. What? Like, we would know if it was in the toilet. You always look in the toilet when you pee?

Wouldn't make it look up? I sometimes, I close my eyes. Close your eyes. If it's really, if it's like in the toilet when you pee? What am I gonna look up? Sometimes I close my eyes. Close your eyes. If it's like in the middle of the night, I don't want to be fully awake. When you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, you close your eyes and do this. Yeah. How do you know you're hitting the toilet? Okay, but that takes like...

You think I'm not a pro pisser? No, I've been doing it for 30 years. What I think is that your bathroom's covered in piss because you're in the middle of the night you're closing your eyes Oh Joey, I you can hear the difference between fucking You're in hitting porcelain water and then the floor plastic or the floor. Yeah, yeah I say one time. Oh here it is But I I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night and I must have been just delirious and I started and it was dark I didn't turn the lights on cuz I was like I want to be like

So I started peeing and I'm like that sounds like a drum. I was pissing on a closed toilet nice And now it's like fucking 4 a.m. It's just pee. Yeah, but I'm sitting there Clint. Oh, what I did too. I'm an idiot Yeah, I would need to finish my piss. Yeah, so I lifted the seat clin- Oh, what I did too, I'm an idiot. Yeah. So I would need to finish my piss. Yeah. So I lifted the seat, and then all the piss just slid- Foot back on the back, yeah. I didn't see it.

So I had to clean my whole bath, and I'm like, fucking four in. Well, what are you gonna do? Maybe if you would just checked, and then closed your eyes. Well, now if I'm like really tired, and I'm gonna- I know I'm not gonna turn the- Sit down. Yeah, if I'm not gonna turn the lights on, I'll sit down.

Yeah, I'll sit down and pee every now and then. Yeah, that's just a slam dunk. It used to be such an offensive thing, men would say to each other, like, oh, Frankie sits when he pee's. Yeah, you're complimenting me for being logical now. Yeah, because standing up and pissing is kind of like a three point shot, and you can get really good at that.

But sitting is just a slam dunking. But it does still such a man-weighted pee. Such a reckless and stupid and dumb- way to pee like I think that's Great like okay relax. No, I think it is. It's like oh you can either sit and contain all the pee in the bowl Or you can stand and just fucking try your best. I like to stand and create a froth I do like I I like to set an imaginary line and then toilet bowl and pee to see if I can get it there. Oh Like fill it up there. Oh, that's not what I mean I but what I do is like I start peeing right and then once it's like a bubbly pee

Then I start going back and forth and I'm like I can't with these bubbles You're like holding the door the button so I'm saying hold Like, I was like, I got a pee and like, make sure they stay over there. I'm gonna be it. But also like, frothy pee sounds cool at a pee and, you know, like, it's like, like, shrarn. What?

Like, when you're peeing in like, frothy water, it's like, shrarn, shrarn. I think we pee differently. What do you pee like? Not like a spaceship taking off. I think it pee differently. What do you pee like? Not like a spaceship taking off. I think it still works. Prune.

Yeah, no. Do you have you held a snake before in your life? I've held a 20 foot anticonda every night. No. No, I have not. Okay. How about, let's get a snake in here. You're not about it?

They're dead. So, is it dangerous to hold an anaconda? Like is Britney Spears in, well. Careful. Careful, they're Joey. You know when she held the snake? Yeah, no I think like it's alright if they're like if you're nice to them and stuff But the moment like I've seen people hold snakes and they start to like wrap around them

And I'm like oh you got to kill it now. Yeah, like take a knife to this thing I can't get too hard to kill a snake their whole body is like their throat right just fucking strangled You think you can kill a snake by just squeezing the middle of its body. I would think so. Oh no I can kill you by squeezing the middle of your body. I can't kill a snake Am I a snake by just squeezing the middle of its body. I would think so. Oh, no. I can kill you by squeezing the middle of your body. I can't kill a snake. Am I a snake? No, that's my point though. It'd be harder to kill man than snake.

No, you can't kill them like that. You're just gonna squeeze like the tail of a snake and it's gonna die. The tail, that's the fucking business end. I want the front or the middle. Yeah, if you grab them by their fucking, like they're right there, by their face. Do you hate when people grab snakes by here

and they're like fucking, they get like, and then they start like milking them and shit like that? Milking. Yeah, for their venom. Oh, oh, yeah. I hate that. And they're like, it's not hurting them.

I swear to God. I, you know what's fucking scary when people, like, they, milkous snake, for their venom, and then they put the drops of venom in like a petri dish of blood And then it should becomes a rock it becomes just gelatinous death that is fucking insane. Yeah, we're we're all gonna die. I love What are you going? The aliens? Oh, you're back to you don't talk about it. I don't put like can't get over How do I know how do I not talk about that? I hope you get probed I don't but like how do I know how do I not talk about that? I hope you get probed To me I have kids I have a family you live

You just get fingered by an alien be a cool story for the podcast selfishly You get pro I don't have the Facilities there it is I so you admit I have a nicer ass for probing a looser ass Excuse you What do you think is have a nicer ass for probing a looser ass. Excuse you What do you think is happening to my ass? You I think because of you've been fingered more than I have let's just go by the numbers Medical reasons that's more than my fingers by doctors. I've but I've never been fingered We can we can we fix that real quick. 30,000 patrons?

Oh, what, you finger me? Just a close up of your asshole. And you going, okay. No, I would never do that. Did you, were you breathing in or out when you got fingered? I was fucking not breathing at all. I was holding my breath.

It was very uncomfortable. I remember the first doctor, he like took his hand out and he was like, not good. Hold on. What the fuck? The first doctor? Yeah, I've had a couple, I've had it like, bro, you know, I need to go to the doctor

for some butt stuff sometimes. So you've been fingered a bunch. I would say a bunch, take it easy. That's really, a gaggle of times. Gag, it's not good, my asshole isn't a goose, Joey. Yeah. You can't quantify the amount. A murder of time. Yeah. A murder of time.

Yeah. A murder of fingers. Yeah. OK, so only three times. Only three. Yeah, maybe. Well, three strikes you're out, though. Yeah.

Or they're in. Again, I'm not playing baseball when I'm in there, though. They are. I don't think it's a game for anybody involved. Trust me. If it is, it certainly ain't a fun one. Damn. So piss it on a snake.

We forgot we were talking about that. That's a horror movie we had. I would never piss again. How do you sit on a toilet and not look at it for a second? Well, I said, my eyes are staying closed if I'm tired of middle of the night. But the video was like, it looked during the day. Yeah, she might have realized after she stood up and then she looked down.

Also, not for nothing, even if it's the middle of the night. This snake is so big that if I couldn't really tell what it was, I'd be like, did someone take eight shits in here and didn't flush it? Do you see? It's like out of the water. This is a nightmare, legitimate nightmare, because all I'm imagining is that snake coming up and biting pussy, chopping on your fucking floor.

Or for us on balls, would you rather snake by your dick or your balls? Bro, easy question. Balls, yeah. My balls can take a beating. My time they have. Technically your dick is taking more beatings than your balls. That's true way more through the way. How many today? It's a jerk off joke Joey. I get it. Okay. I'm hip. Are you?

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I feel like they don't. Bro, this is the point I was trying to fucking make. They did this, they did the mustard flavored fucking ice cream. It's a, it's a, it's a clearly mustard realizes they suck. That's why they're doing this. No one likes this. Oh. Disgusting.

Yeah, I don't think that people are like big mustard people. People are big mustard people. Honey mustard. Disgusting too. No. Joey. No. No.

Yeah, but if you put other stuff in it, it it changes the thing you like my mom's ham, right? What the fuck if I had your mom's ham Christmas Thanksgiving? I don't know. I don't think I've ever been to your house On Thanksgiving Christmas. I've been there, but not like to eat I Would show up. You've never had my mom's ham. I don't think I've had your mom's ham Listen, I understand that there's mustard in stuff. Becca put it on the ham last year for Thanksgiving. There you go. But like, it fucking sucks. Like, oh yeah, sure, you could put a drop of mustard in the ocean and then I'll still drink

ocean water. Probably shouldn't do that actually. That's probably, that's probably, that's probably, that's probably, that's just ocean water. I don't actively drink it, like consciously, but sometimes a little gets down there. Yeah, yeah. But you know what I'm saying? Like if you had a fucking room full of beer and you put a keg and you put a single drop in a keg and then like I'll still drink the beer because it'll be masked but like this whole like mustard flavored thing clearly it sucks they know it sucks it's a

fucking punchline French is whoever they whoever makes the other one. French. Fuck you. Wow. You hear it here, folks. Frankie hates France. No, I don't. That's okay. You said fuck the French. I didn't say fuck the French. French the brand with their mustard.

Okay. Also, who's the other one? Bores head. Fuck you too. I like your meats. Don't like your fucking sloppy yellow disgusting throw up shit paste It's gross. I'm not a big mustard good and if I get tagged in this one more time I'm gonna kill myself. Yeah, everyone's tagging you on that. Oh my god

They're sending me is like this mustard thing and then they send me like anytime and it cuz it's so corny how all dudes now I have this conversation of like what animal could you kill and it's like every week like some Podcasts doing that and so more memes are put out in the world and then I get tagged in all of them I was like I wonder what Frank you would think about this and it's like what I think about it is it's stupid I hate just like oh God fucking enough with this mustard shit top five condiments number one We've spoken about this recently. Barbecue.

Barbecue, yeah. Hot sauce. Hot sauce. Specifically, secret hand-checked food codes. Everything, bagel hot sauce. Now we're talking, baby. And then regular hot sauce is in there too. And then ketchup.

Catch up, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then mayo in there. And then fucking, no, I'm putting honey mustard in there over mayo. Oh, I'll put literally, I'll put fucking jizz on my sandwiches before I put mustard. That's insane. Oh, is fig jam a condiment? It's a it's a preserve it.

I'm horny for the fig right now. Yeah, you are clearly at the fig tree we planted one. What is fig? It's like a like a you've never seen it. I don't know. It looks like a little green or a cicada or purple bulb. A cicada. One's a bug.

One's a fruit, you fucking dummy. I'm saying, are they both brown and like circular? No, they could be, I think there's some, or like dates look like. Dates, like a roaches. Dates, yeah, dates do. Dates, but figs are like, they could be either green or like a, it almost looks black, but like it's like a purple.

And you bite open and then the inside looks like a pussy. Looks like a butt hole. Oh. You see the inside of a legit fig? No. I got you right now. Don't look. I'll do it.

No, I don't want to just look at your phone. Fig cross section. What? How is that your search? Fig cross section. You're going to tell me that doesn't look just like a butt hole. Oh. I'm looking at it right now. Yeah, kind of, kind of butthole.

This looks like a weird onion. Yeah, but they're not that big. They're like this big. Ew, dude, FIGS. This is what I imagine like the walls of the vagina looks like. What have you been, I don't know, this looks like some magic school bus shit. Like shit does, like when they go into like the kid's body, and it's just like,

there's just a red and white all over. This kind of like feels like a mouth of an alien, like something, I don't like it. Yeah, I don't like the way the figs look. I will say, it took me a while to get on the fig train, but I've had something, they're pretty good. I love the jam. Jam is good. Love jam. They're also fucking very expensive.

Like a thing of like five or six figs is like ten bucks. You know the difference between jelly and jam? No. You can't jelly your dick and someone's ass. You've never heard that joke? No, I haven't. You can't gel your dick up someone's head. What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? Uh, the cock? The wheelchair.

What the hell was that one? That was good. The wheelchair! I WANT I've never heard that one. That's very good. Oh shit. Should be apologize. I'm sorry I'll do it I didn't make it up and that would be the hardest part so it's not like you're lying. Yeah, technically. It would be very difficult to eat a wheelchair. Technically, yeah. How did you just have it at the ready?

I always locked, cocked and loaded, baby. You ruined it. Uh, yeah. Fruit jams are preservatives. Number one for me, grape.pe jellies the best jelly Don't say strawberry Joey. I swear to God. I'll lose my mind. You know what's weird about me many things Okay, get to it. I don't like strawberries like just eating a strawberry dude, but I like strawberry shit Listen to me listen me listen. I'm not talking

I am right there with you, but then I recently had like legit strawberries What is a legit? You go to the store and you get strawberries and they're like this fucking big or like they're like little ones Pro like legit strawberries are like this big and they're soft and they are delicious Yeah, but like you know doll or whatever the fucking sun kiss or whatever these strawberry brains are Gits strawberries are like this big, and they're soft, and they're delicious. But like, you know, dull or whatever the fucking sun kiss or whatever these strawberry brains are that you get from like a shop writer or seabed town or whatever, not legit.

I'm right there with you. I'm right there with you until I had legit strawberries. Yeah, it's so weird. I don't really like the tick, because it's a little tart, I don't like tart. That's how I am with, uh, like, bananas. I like bananas. I don't like banana flavored stuff. I'm not like crazy about banana flavored stuff, but-

Like, but like, or green apple. I love green apples. Green apple flavored, like gum. I hate it so much. Bananas also are the perfect size. Because as soon as I finish a banana I go, if I had one more bite I would fucking throw up really. Yeah every time I finish a banana I go, I barely made it through that banana. But the first half of it I really like... I gotta have two tops. I gotta have bananas. You need two bananas in a row. Yeah good.

If I had literally an extra bite of a banana I will throw up. Yeah I don't really like, I don't know why, I like bananas. Bro, did I ever tell you what I had once? I went to a restaurant in Middletown, Connecticut, very random. But it was a pizza place and they had a dessert pizza and it was Nutella, strawberry, banana, powdered sugar, on a slice of pizza. Good lord.

Oh, and it was great. I've had Nutella pizza before So fucking good. Oh, it's good. Where are you on raspberries? Oh? Okay, I guess blueberries. I love I like blueberries a lot blackberries It's yeah, that's just any fruit you don't like That I don't like Well, I guess I said strawberries, but I like strawberries. I just don't like eating them just like American strawberries. I don't like eating a strawberry when it's strawberry.

I'll get you a strawberry. Okay, where are you one of these magic strawberries? Bro, legit. I got them from fucking stew liners in Connecticut. Unbelievable. Hmm. Legitimately. I believe you, so I'm not that unbelievable. Like I'm right there. I believe it's unbelievable. Legitimately. I believe you, so they're not that unbelievable.

I'm right there, I believe you. You know what I had and I don't like fucking papaya? I don't even know what that is. I used to think that was paper, but that's papyrus. That is papyrus. It's like ancient paper. It's ancient paper made from probably sheep skin and chips and stuff like that.

Yeah, like circumcised sheep. No, bro, papaya is like the big one that has like the black beads in the middle Oh, yeah, I know you're talking about it tastes like a fucking gross burp. I Like to I'd like to finger stuff like that though. Yeah, I know that's what's one of the many things wrong with you Like when stuff has little beads I want to go I Want to like I want to dive in a pool of marbles. Yeah, me too, right? I'd like to like, whenever I see those fucking Mr. Beast videos, where it's like, we've got

four billion orbees and they like getting a pool of it. I make fun of him for it, but also I'm kind of like, all right, but they need to be looped up. Well, they're wet. They are orbees. Orbees are wet. Do you not know how orbees operate? I've never seen one in the

wild. I've seen you've definitely seen an Orbe. You've never been to like a fucking doctor's office and there's like you know what? Stick a bamboo in a glass thing with Orbees. Yeah. Well, they're little like balls and then they suck up whatever water you put them in. So they're little gel water beads. Oh, I like that. So that's why the whole like filling a pool with orbeez he would dump the dry orbeez in there, leave them overnight and then they became orbeez. Oh I never finished the video. Yeah well I figured that but I would like to just get in and like I want to you know what I want to get I want to get those orbeez they have the orbeez guns now. I want to shoot you with an orbeez gun.. Really? Uh, I-I mean...

Okay. Should we get guns? Not real ones. Why not? Because. We should get guns. I don't think you're okay with a gun. What do you mean?

I'm a great shot. Yeah, but you're- you're wild. Dude, I've shot guns a bunch of times. I have to! I'm a better shot than you. Absolutely not. I'm a high school student. I went play shooting and I put on a fucking performance I don't think I was gonna hire me. Yeah, Joey. You know why clay shootings fucking easy?

That's good to shit out of me. Yeah, it's sprays. I've been down range and I fucking Me too Where are you fucking shot? Oh? I can shoot a fucking clay disc out of a sky with a gun that shoots like this. Time out. Way to go. You fucking Huntsman. I'm gonna drag you to upstate and make you shoot clays and then just shh shh. Joey, you don't realize how good a shot at. You ever shot archery? I've shot, bro, I was fucking legalist out there, bitch. I've never shot a... Pound! Actually, I've shot a bone arrow in Dylan's basement

once before. Oh, dangerous. Yeah, quite. I think I put it in the ceiling. But when I did shoot guns, I shot a sniper rifle once. I've done that, first of all, honestly, and not that I, like, shooting the sniper rifle, wasn't hard.

Well, Joey, Joey. It wasn't that. You're not fucking Chris Kyle. I'm not saying that. All right, you're not shooting a moving target. Fucking 800 meters away. Yes, but if someone was standing still in their kitchen for a second, a second?

If there's a lot of things you need to take into account. I would be following someone if they were like, you know, 400 yards away. That's far, maybe 100 yards away. And if you were like, you know, 400 yards away, that's far. Maybe 100 yards away. And if you were across the street looking behind the guy, fucking giant man. And he stopped in the kitchen for a second to be like, to take a sip of water, I'd put tomato juice all over the fucking kitchen. All right.

Pink! That's the gun. Pink. And then, you know what I shot? I went shooting with someone that collects World War II weapons, and they had the M4A1. Hey, man, why are you hanging out with people who are 97 years old? I went with my father-in-law, and his friend came,

and he collects. Bro, when we went to World War II weekend, he legit bought like, you went to World War II weekend. Yes, I told this story. You went to a, like a street fair, hey, bro, it was per harbor. It was in Redding, Pennsylvania. It was in an airfield, and it was World War II weekend,

and I walked through a reenactment accidently. Oh yeah, did you buy anything? I didn't buy anything. Greg actually has some stuff, I think, from World War II. Weird. Like, he has like from World War Two. Weird. Like, he has like a bullet case thing. Is it like family memorabilia? No, he like went to a similar thing and like bought stuff.

Oh, okay. I have no one. He bought something cool. I was a little freaked out by the guys that were in all Nazi garb, just like they're happy. Yeah. Well, that's like, I'd like to audition for the Nazi place. Oh, they didn't audition.

They just showed up in the fucking full head to toe. Bro, if I never showed you this, I was walking by and I turned my head and there's a fucking Nazi dog. Wait, they weren't in the reenactment? No. There's a Nazi doctor sitting on a panzer strike. That's it. What's that?

The tank? Oh. The panzer? I don't know. Bro, I'll show you pictures after this. I thought you meant in the reenactment. No! Oh, this is just on the street.

This is sitting there. Like drinking water, being an auntie? Yes, dude, that's weird. Very, right? I would have probably had to ask. But I shot an M4A1, which is the one that, when you shoot and when it reaches the end of the cartridge, it goes, I love that.

Oh, it was so cool. And that's why when I was shooting the clays, it was awesome because you put the fucking things in and you hit those things like SHUT THEM! Yeah, oh! BIT BIT! It's awesome. Yeah, you're a little too into it. Oh, I'm so into it. Yeah. Oh well, there's the problem. If I make good investments and I'm 50, I'm gonna put one of these things in my backyard and just be firing off clay. Just show you know. Yeah. I hope you're gonna leave the tri-state area like the inner city metropolitan area when you do that

because you can't do that within city limits. Well, yeah. Sure, but laws have been broken before. Ah, with guns. How does that work out? It's not guns, they're blanks. I'm not shooting actual bullets. I'm shooting like a-

If it's breaking a fucking clay target, Joey. I could break a clay target with my fucking hand. What do you think Ninjas do? They're not clay targets at the firing in the sky and shooting projectiles at Joey. Something needs to exit the fucking rifle or whatever you're shooting at. I thought blanks, it's just not bullets.

Like if I shot you, it would be like- They're like scatter shots. I know what they are. They really hurt, but you wouldn't be like, shot. Joey, all right, bring it here. Let me shoot you from this distance. Let me go get it. Yeah.

Fucking idiot. Don't get in the way of I shot. You're such an idiot. And fuck these mustard skittles. Yeah, I forgot what you were talking about that. Fuck that. How did we get the guns from mustard skittles? I don't know, but I would like to go clay shooting. You want to do that?

Fuck was that Jesus, you know when I shot and I felt bad doing it a r15 What I shot the shit out of that yeah, no, I literally you would have hated me I shot it I put it down and I went and I spoke to my brother-in-law and I was like, that is too much power for a person to have in their own hands. Oh my God, dude. Everything with you is just fucking Jesus. Anyway. I'm not gonna get it, bro.

I can't deal with you today. You probably think Hunter Biden is totally fine. I'm pretty rad. That's what I think. Smoke and crack think Smoke and crack Smoke and crack go in 180 probably fucking hook at the same time honestly in Vegas The fucking trifecta of like fucking like rad, you know, yeah, what point is it like yo Like is it just like smoking crack? It's not cool at what driving 180 miles an hour is not cool But those things at the same time in Vegas

There's got to be a level of like wall like like judges need to like let something happen Like if something happens they need to judge like what's how rad was it compared to how dangerous I say yeah, you're gonna be like 100 buyers should be in jail We put a hundred bar in jail, but we also tell while he's behind bars We put 100 buying in jail, but we also town while he's behind bars Sentens 180 days in jail. I want to see you in my chambers. He goes in the back and he's like bro fucking Bang that was so fruit sweet He's just like By the way, these are jokes kids don't drive 100 miles and 180 miles an hour and don't do crack obviously

Yeah, or those two things together or don't have the president of the secrets on your device. Yeah, or there's some other stuff there with Hunter Biden. Oh, there's some other stuff that we might want to, you know, don't do it. Don't, don't, don't, don't. I will say this, he is tan. He's always got a nice tan. That's all for this week's...

LAUGHTER Jesus Christ. That's all for this week's episode. For any of our good, let us live after this one. I thought you didn't want to talk about it. Don't, Joey. I don't want to talk about it. Stop bringing it up. I5 is 88-5 on Twitter.

D. Frank Alvar is on all the forms of social media. Patreon.com. That's your base-miniard. Thank you for getting this 24. We want to keep on chugging, moving in the right direction, baby. And then go check out the base-miniard at all. All social socials go check out shop.santa.gov studio.com go check out secret handshake food cause everything baby hot sauce go go go go Yeah, go follow the show at the base me art on TikTok and Instagram and that is all see you guys next time