The Basement Yard - #413 - Don't Get Bite By This Spider

Episode Date: August 28, 2023

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Welcome back to the b- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B-- B- B- B- B- B- B- B-- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- B- So no, no context. I didn't get any. So why does anyone else go? You often the cameras will start rolling and it tests the audio. You'll say just some fucking out of left field shit And you asked me if someone's ever been nut fucked. Yes, so that was my question. Can you let me get to it? I would get to it if you'd let me The question was do you think anyone has gotten you know how like people do like titty fucking, if they do it with nuts though, and they nut fuck. So they like wrap their balls, they like hold their balls like hold balls like that, and then they do sex to it. This is like, this is like taking the Eucharist. Yeah. Thank you father. Yeah. You don't do that. You put your tongue out. Yeah, you put your tongue out and you put it on your tongue, don't you? Or they put on your tongue?

You have to do this and go, huh? What a weird thing. What? Church? Like you just at church, it's like you're supposed to just go up to this guy in robes. You don't know what's underneath. Well, no, he's in robes. He's in robes.

Yeah, he's in robes. There is a history of like questionable behavior and then they're saying hold your hands out and your tongue out and put them right in front of my face. They're not saying both of those things. You do one of those. No it's like you do a little bit of both and then they're like oh just drink from this. Shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh Damn, this is a name I haven't said in fucking 15 years. We found a box of them in the back of our CCD class and he just already eaten them. Were they good? Just taste like bread. Does it? Yeah, you get it from like restaurant depot.

Let's get some. We'd probably be blaspheming by doing that, right? No, they're not. Holy. What's that called? Blessed. Blessed, I think the word you're looking for, Joey. They're not holy. Here's my next question holy water. Can you drink it? It's water right, but is it is it?

Yeah, it's not is it just blessed water like drinkable blessed water. Yeah sure. Yes, but usually it's like you sure because the holy water always smells like it's like perfume-aided not a word And it's usually because people like when you walk in and out of church, they have a little bowl of it and you're like Yeah, yeah, and you're like button to be like hug the girl and you like spray yourself or the little spritz I gotta look this up because I'm not entirely it's just water. I don't know Joey can you drink holy water? Can you drink holy water? You can do anything you want if you put your mind to. Less than 15% of the water showed no... Oh! What happened now? The water could make you sick because of the people that are touching it.

Yeah, that's what I was saying. Less than 15% of the water showed no contamination with fecal matter. Wait, what? Less than 15% of the water showed no contamination with fecal matter. Wait what? Less than 15% of the water showed no contamination with fecal matter. So like how did they they test it all the holy water? I guess they yeah I guess they go to like 10 different churches or like a hundred different churches and they test the water. Yeah people are shitting on their hands dude. Bro I'm saying a big shit at church before dude. Is that like against the like

rules? The whole the whole the commandments. I know how to do that. Dousch on that shit and vibe backyard. I'll tell you what, now took a fucking fat dump. Back bathroom. I dumped it out real quick for months. Forgive me, father, for I have taken a massive shit

in the back of the church. No, you again with the poop, talk about it often. And you broke fecal in the bar. I'm just telling you that. I brought up that there was fecal matter in the fucking holy water. Right, and I'm saying, I, what I did to that water on the toilet was not holy.

Oh yeah, you fucking spitting demons out your butt. Yes, and it's also like a very weird bathroom. There's a lot of statues and I'm like taking a shit and like saying, same Francis is looking at me. And this is just like staring at your dick. Yeah, he's just like standing there with like a lamb in his hand. You ever check those fucking anything in there

for like cameras or anything? You don't really know what's going on in there. I don't, but I didn't. And I, you know, probably should. Probably should. If anyone wants a video of me taking a fat shit, good luck, take it. I don't think so.

Joey, you just got so many people that watch this probably very, very excited. Yeah, but I'm saying like if you go out of your way to like bug a church for shitting content, like ill. Well, it's the bathroom part that people get off on. They're like voyers and stuff like that. Well, I'm not going in there to be cute. I'm going in there for biz.

Yeah, that's, no one, it's, bathroom is not a very fun place to be for me. So I'm not like, there's nothing in there that like would be sexy, you know? Yeah. No, I don't think who's thinking that? There are people that are into like poopy, pee, pee, pee. No, but people have sex in bathrooms. People who have sex in bathrooms.

Yes, people have sex in bathrooms, but like. Yeah, I haven't done that in a long time. Yeah. I don't know if that's true. I don't know. You would have to tell me, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know if that's true. I don't know. You would have to tell me. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know.

So, last week I went to your place. Your own bathroom doesn't... Wait, what? I went to your place for the first time. And I didn't know how to operate the shower. Oh, forget about the shower. Thanks for turning everything in my fridge upside down, by the way, because I figured that out.

Frank, dude, Frank, it came over my apartment. For the first time, and he touched everything. Well, he was touching everything, and I'm like, are you, is this a joke? I was very excited to be there. And then he was a really nice place, congratulations. Thank you. You should be very proud.

I'm gonna add up. Also, it looks beautiful. You are a very good decorator. A lot of people don't know us about Joey. A lot of people say like all men can decorate and like or like man decorations Joey is like an expert decorator like you you would be a very good interior designer Bitch yeah, don't say that you ever see like you know people say like boys just need like a lawn chair and a TV on the floor And they're happy like you have like a very good flow and aesthetic. Okay, I'll buy the LUs and don't stop it.

No, I like your fun sway. Thank you. The only place I didn't go was your bedroom because I felt like that'd be an invasion of your privacy. Well, there's nothing crazy in there. It's just a bit. Well, you never know what you, Mr. fucking, you're like, I walked in there and he was like, oh, don't go into that bathroom and I'm like, why? And he's like, I have leftover dildos on the floor. I was like, leftover.

You get new ones every time you use them. Leftover. You said there's leftovers in there. But no, after Frankie left, it was like 20 minutes. And I was like, I'm going to get some of the drink and it opened up the fridge. Everything is turned upside down. Everything's turned upside down.

And I'm like, and this is what Frankie does. Sometimes he'll come in, like, he's come to my house. So back in the day, I used to have people over for the Super Bowl. And Frankie would like dip out, I guess, a little early. And would I have to drive home? I would have to drive home. Or drive home. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Not like the pairs to themselves, a web of time. And I don't know how he was able to get this done

because we're all sitting in the same room. I would, here's what I would do, is I would say like, all right guys, I'm leaving and I would open the door and shut the door and all you fucking hyper masculine pieces of shit were fucking glued to, you know, the merious Thomas on the fucking TV. So I like the first of all and second of all hypermasculine from watching football shut up. No, but like

you didn't fucking look like something they could have been a shootout right outside the window and you could have been like uh fuck fuck they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna pass the you know. So I would then go and I would just I would literally there would be like 15 people there I would tie everyone's shoes together. That's so annoying. And it was, I can't tell you how much personal enjoyment I would get out of being 35 minutes on the road already, almost, you know, almost at New Haven,

and then getting a phone call, you piece of shit. It's so good, it's little pranks like that that keep the spark going. It'll pranks. By the way, speaking of poop. You actually caught me as I was turning everything upside down, so I thought you had realized. You literally said, you were like, what are you doing in there? I thought you were just doing the joke that we usually do to each other. You're making a noise, that's obviously annoying, so you just keep doing it.

I did that to say something. I was hitting all the fucking glass bottles on the door over and over. The only things I didn't turn upside down were like things that have like the twist tops and like that carton because those leak and I didn't want to make a big, all, big, all that on this. Oh, you're such a good guy. Yes, I am. So I told all you, by the way, you have a lot of alcohol in your fridge. Are you okay?

It's not for me. It's because people- Who's it for? You have no roommates, bitch? That's not what I was going to- that's not what I meant. I meant, when people come come over they leave it there. Mm-hmm. I Had people over for like a moral day weekend. It's been there since then You have a problem. It's okay. I'm still there. I'm here to support you

I just want to let you know, but yes I turned everything upside down. There's something that I I assume you still haven't figured out or found yet So I'll wait until you do that. What? No, you'll see. But I do little things. I probably did, but I don't remember. Because you know what would happen?

Honestly? What did you do? You'll see. I probably have already saw, Frank. If you trust me, you would have brought it up. Joey, I promised you you would have brought it up. You would have addressed it as soon as it happened. In the fridge?

I'm not gonna say where But you have a couple rooms in that place that are worth looking in But you know why I do this because one day when I die you're gonna be like like you're gonna open your fridge and think of me And you should be like remember he used to like just like little little fun little pranks I'm not gonna think it's there's other stuff I'm gonna think about just none of that. That was a test, I'm glad you passed. I was flying colors. What were you gonna say? There was a story or something.

Yeah, I was gonna say speaking of poop because the other day I was taking my dog for a walk. Yeah, and there's like a little patch outside my apartment, so I just let him off the leash and he's like, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what,

what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, This is a little girl there. Tell me Charlie went and humped her. No, Charlie doesn't hump for some reason. He's not very horny. But, well, because you chopped up, you took his manhood. It doesn't matter, usually. Chase had no balls, and he was fucking the hell out of his dog's bed. It was tiny, dude. It was a little Napoleon complex, you know.

Also had one of the biggest dicks per capita. Yeah, big GDP. Yeah, dude, he had like a fucking saucy one. Okay. But anyway, so Charlie is walking around and whatever. And when he's about to take a shit, I know. All right, so I'm taking the bag out because he does this weird thing with his feet.

So he gets over there and he starts shitting. I start walking and then I can see who I thought was a grown woman walking in the same direction as my dog And I look over and it's a gigantic child Big big kid. It was a girl who was probably nine and very big yes and I'm like I don't know where this girl is going and we just walk up to the you know I'm walking over the pick up the dog shit so I walk over and I'm like, I don't know where this girl's going, and we just walk up to the, you know,

I'm walking over to pick up the dog shit. So I walk over and I'm standing there. And now she's standing next to me, and we've both stopped in the same place. Charlie finishes taking a shit, he runs away, and then we're standing there and she goes, oh, that's it. And I go, no, no, she says, oh, can I do it?

Get the fuck out of here. And I go, what? Right? This kid, this little fucking how old? 10, dude. 11, yeah. Like, eight, nine, 10. You're bad at telling kids ages because.

Horrible. Very bad, I tell. No, but like, probably like, yeah. Like, milesage? Nine, 10, 11. Milesage? Maybe a little old. Very bad. I know but like probably like yeah like miles age 9 10 11 miles age Maybe a little old okay, so 9 9 or 10 or 11. Yeah, you said that are the ones that I said yeah But she's like oh can I do it so this child just wanted to touch Charlie's poop Yeah, and I said what and she's like oh, let me do it and

I'm like you want to what, what, pick up the, and she goes, yeah, yeah, I want to pick it up. And I go, no, I'm going to do it. Yes. I'm like, no, it's okay, I'll do it. And then I just picked it up, and she followed me to the trash can. You just throw it out.

I thought, was she going to eat it? You just did a public service, Joey. I saved it, Joey. You just saved a lifetime of ridicule and probably fetishism. She might have been the onset of like, you know, she saw a dog. I'm sorry, there. Because she's asking us to bring her. You might have stopped, not because she might have been,

saw your reaction and been like, wait, there's something wrong with me for wanting to touch this dog. I didn't know what the fuck she was talking about. Bro, can I do it? I was like, what? Whoa, you don't touch it. That's also an invasion of privacy. That's your dog shit. If it was an adult being like, can I do it? I was like, do what? Oh, you don't touch my that's also an invasion of privacy. That's your dog shit If it was an adult being like, can I pick that up? I'd be like have a fucking blast really? It was a weird child

That would be a little I that was a weird big child. What would you have done if that kid picked up the shit and took a big bite out of it? Also the weirdest part is that after so I picked it up and I'm like tying the bag and and like the weirdest part is that after, so I picked it up, and I'm like tying the bag, and the garbage can is not even 10 feet away. So I walk over and she just walks with me, and I'm like, am I, is she attached to me? Like, is this mine, child now? No. Because I threw this shit out.

You and this child bonded over your dog's disgusting wrap. We didn't say anything after that. Oh, you didn't keep the party going? No. No, you stopped. I was't keep the the party going no you stopped I was also like dumb. I was flabbergasted also bad look for a 31 year old man to talk to a nine year old girl in a park Well, there was like a bunch of people around but like there was a lot of dogs and shit and the thing that was the weirdest is like after I threw it out Then she walked away. She was making sure that I wasn't leaving anything behind, I guess. But as I was walking back, she wasn't really accounted for.

I was just gonna ask people. I was just gonna ask. So it sounds like it was like a little dog park. Was she with a dog? I don't think so. So that's what I mean. There was two little girls. What is going on?

Dude, there was a New York city that there's just nine-year-old kids roaming the streets trying to pick up shit I'm trying to look at dog shitting Not trying to look at it because what's looking at it? And you by the way like I said I know that Charlie's gonna shit before he really does it as soon as his ass went down to shit She was there. I was I was already like I had the bag coming up before he was even like squatting So I took the bag on I started walking that direction. He squats down. She was already going So she was locked on to this thing. That is so weird. Yes, she was on it. That is really weird I wanted to like if it was at night and it was foggy enough. I probably would have hit I was gonna say dude

You you have openly spoke about little kids in situations like that, scaring you. I'm very scared of little children. If she had been like, did she have that little kid voice where she's like, I do it? Like, you know, like that stupid little kid voice where it's like, oh, I want to pick up the poop. No, she just sounded like a normal child. You know what, wasn't like, you know,

like an Andy Milanoca's disease type thing where it's like a 50 year old woman And like a 10 year old's body. I don't know dude, but like I said I turned around if you had frowned out if she was like Oh, by the way my name is Susanna. I am actually 50, but I look like I'm 10 would you have been more inclined to hit that kid? I would have been like what the fuck is wrong with you. Why are you asking me that? You know like what's going on dude? I and though't, by the way, let me just clear this up. There was nothing, no indication to me that maybe there was something like wrong with this child or off or whatever. Whatever the language is, I didn't get that vibe. I think it was just a kid being a kid. Just a curious kid who just wants to pick up, shit.

Wanting to pick up, shit. Yeah. Let's be honest. And I don't know. Listen, I'm a good guy, but like I said, if it had been at night, close to Halloween and foggy out, and it was just me and her, I'm beating her up. Full moon, full moon making a fool. Full moon, I'm killing her.

Full moon, I'm cutting her head off. You got it, you got it. That's a good one. Because I'd be so scared that this is a made up, this is killing her. Full moon, I'm cutting her head off. You got it, you got it. Because I'd be so scared that this is a made up, this is a demon. Yeah, I don't like that. She just like shows up on a noise, I can't do it. And she's like, fuck, hold on. She's as crudges.

No, I'm dying. Get out of here. Dude, I, yeah, no. That is kind of scary. Yeah, so I would say. But let's be honest, let's be honest for a sec. Uh huh. You haven't had internal thoughts

about picking up and squeezing dog shit. Squeeze, squeeze me. What? Yeah, excuse me. You haven't looked, like you haven't wanted to pick up, like with gloves or that bag that you used to pick up your dog's poop and just squeeze it, just to feel it.

No, you can get that in other ways, Frank. I know, I've never done it. I'm just asking. I'm making meatballs, you can make it. You don't need to squeeze dogs. I said, honestly, when I make meatloaf and or meatballs, I kind of, I squeeze and I let it come through my fingers, you know, and like curls, you know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, I do. Yeah, I've never done it with poop. Let's be very clear about that. But, but. You ever squeeze your penis really hard? Yeah. Tuck! KEEP!

I did it. Yeah, I have. I've done that. It's crazy what a beating penis this can take, right? Dude, this thing has gone through fucking Vietnam and back. Let me tell you. I can grab my soft penis and just go like this. Have you ever pushed, you know, like the skin,

like you're like where your pubes are, back and just be like, I just had a couple, like an intro to pull the skin. No, you push it back to see how much bigger you'd be. Yeah. Fuck, man. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, yeah. What are we talking about? Yeah, no, I'm with you though. It's funny, I actually had an interaction with a kid like not long ago where I made fun of their stepdad. Why'd you do that? The kid was telling me he's like, I was talking with someone about music and he was running around and he goes,

do you like, he gave the name of the dad's band, I'm not going to say it, but like, I don't know the dad's band. Oh, the dad's band? I'm not gonna say it But like dad's band step dad's band. Okay. He was like do you know You know box or whatever it could have been that's the first Tommy in the boys. Yeah, did you know Tommy in the boys? And I'm like no, what's that? It's like oh, that's my step dad's band My step dad's he sings in this reggae band and I was like like, fucking what? And he's like, yeah, I was like, so, and I, and I'm in the car, and I go, hold on, wait. So, your white stepdad is a singer in a reggae band. He's like, yeah, I was like, sweet dude.

How long is this kid? Eight, you slam dunked on a fucking A-roll. Let me be very clear about something. There are certain and slam dunkable situation that you can't avoid. And this, I just did this kid of service. I made fun of his stepdad who's a white man and a reggae band. And a reggae ska band.

ska? It's like a type of music. Where it's like, you know, I'm not gonna do it because it'll be insensitive, Joey. It's like a type of music. I'm not gonna explain it, you can look it up after the fucking episode is done recording. But I did this kid of service. I'm not gonna explain it. You can look it up after the fucking episode is done recording But I did this kid of service. I pointed out how ridiculous it is

And I planted the seed now so when he's a couple years older who'd be like holy shit my white Step parent is an oregay band That's bad dude. I mean that is bad Tell me in the boys, but like you slam dunked on a child Of course I had a slam dunk on a child. Yeah. Listen, no one has saved sometimes. Sometimes you need to just set the record straight with them.

You know, I've literally like slammed dunked on a child before. We're meeting Keith who are working in the FSU program at PS2. Sometimes my sister couldn't work, so I would go and fill in for her. And you just sit in the gym and play basketball the entire day. I remember, you know, this is one kid.

I forget his name, put his name sounded like Muhammad backwards. What was it? Who modded? Muhammad Daham. Yeah, my, yeah. I'm not saying it is backwards. I'm saying it just sounds like it is. Mohamed Dahamahom.

Something like that. I'm going to, no, I'm gonna not have the name I'm gonna tell you something on the car ride home I'm gonna try to say this correctly cool, but it takes up the whole ride But he was just being a bitch and like whining and like whatever and he was like bigger than other kids And he was just like blah blah. Did they call him big mo? No, all right, but anyway I was fucking punching his shit. So anytime he went to go shoot the ball, I was like, dude, nothing makes a grown man feel better than playing

sports with children and absolutely dominating them. Yeah. Bro, I was playing, uh, fucking, you know, like, we were tossing like a ball and like hitting it with a bat. And these kids were like, oh, you mean baseball? Yeah, but it was like a whiff of ball almost, but it wasn't, it was a phone ball. Baseball.

But like this kid, I was like, listen, I'm letting you know, if you throw it to me, I am sending your shit. Yeah. And a fucking boy did I. It's just, it feels so good to remind kids that they suck at things, you know, yeah That's how I am with like video games

Miles would play we would play Mario Kart and he I'd be like listen I'm letting you know like I can't see this are you are you sure you want to play and he's like You've never let him win. No And he's like give me a 30 second head start. I'm like, okay 30 seconds and I fucking dust him. Yeah, you're gonna get that and I destroy him. Why? Because I'm in last place after 30 seconds and I get all the best items Then I jump right up the fucking first and then it's over. Yeah, but like there's something so good about just like doing things better than kids You know, yeah because they're just little idiots most of the time. I've been there a

Kid yeah, yeah, but we were kids we were better than adults Yes, we were not like little kids like four five. I'm saying when we were older how old 13 14 You know what I recently told and it's like a hard like I almost completely forgot it Are you gonna talk at all this episode, Joe? You were fucking talking, you bitch. I was letting you tell a story. Do you remember how like legitimately good at football we were like, we were like undefeated for years?

Five. Isn't that nuts? Like, isn't that crazy to anybody? Not fair. It was like, and like, kids would come to our, into a story at a challenge us, cause they said they would beat beat us and guess what? They did not. Didn't happen. And then we didn't win for years after that. Yeah, because the the band broke up. The band broke up, man. What are you gonna do? It's like the you know the the

2000 Miami hurricanes, you know, sometimes you gotta go on a bigger, better things. 2001, yes. I was just talking about that scene the other day very weird insane their third string running back was like Frank or Yeah, it was like Frank Frank or Clinton, Portis, Willis McGay, he all the same team. Yeah, nuts crazy Anyway, do we have any sponsors? Yeah, we do we do have sponsors for two who are the sponsors? I'm gonna get to it This show is sponsored Yeah, sponsors for today. Who are the sponsors? I'm gonna get to it. This show is sponsored. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. We love BetterHelp. I've used BetterHelp in the past before.

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Folks, every single week I tell you about it. And it's honestly a cute little cute little thing that we do to connect you and I me and you the viewers me Together all of us patreon.com slash subacidabation you know I do sign up for that first year Well you get these weekly episodes one week in advance So for instance last week when we talked about all those allegations against Lizzo

You would have been right there in the conversation almost immediately after it happened strike the iron while it's hot They say and that's what we do on patreon.com slash the base of your And then that second tier. Well, that's where you get those exclusive episodes every single Friday 7 a.m. You know it so you could start and end your week with the base of your and it gets what there's over like 300 episodes. I don't know don't take that number for certain But there's a lot of episodes that you can go back there and watch, and they're insane. So if you go to patreon.com, slash the base from your ID sign up today, we'll really appreciate it.

That's all I have to say. There's not like anything special coming with it, just our love and admiration. We can't thank you guys enough for getting us over 25,000. We are continuing to grow and move in the right direction. Number seven podcast on Patreon and the WorldBid, right? Yes. So go check it out. We have some stuff coming for our patrons that are exclusive for them,

for thanking them, for getting us there. And we're really excited. So patreon.com, Slice of Basement Area, go check it out today. Why'd you fade out like that? I don't think that you like me when I do ads. Why? Because I could see in your eyes, you're like, when I do ads. Why? Because I can see in your eyes you're like, fucking loser. I don't do that. I was queuing up something I wanted to tell you.

Queuing up what, Joey? What were you queuing up? I was queuing up the story. Oh my god, that's such like business tech mindset. Like, fuck you. Queuing? I'm gonna, oh, let me queue this up real quick. You sound like you fucking live on a Zoom meeting.

Fucking loser. Hold on, if you don't mind, let me just cue this up real quick. Okay, now I'm being bullied, like I don't understand it. You're not being bullied, you're being called out for being a fucking... I burped and it saved the word that was coming out of my mind. Bull, I'm being bullied. You're not, I'm never bullied you, I would honestly, I would kill bullies that bullied you. Okay.

But there was a story that came out about a... Well, I didn't know this about... There's a lot of things I don't know about animals, especially the ones that I don't like. This one being spiders. Look at this fucker right here. It's a cool looking spider. Guess what happens if this spider bites you? Is it like one of those spiders where like your arm falls apart, where it like turns black

Never seen that and it's just like just disintegrates basically Close this one has a deadly bite that could cause an hour's long erection Whoa, hello spider bite you and you just get Yeah, wait wait, what kind of spiders this? I don't know an an Austrian supermarket reopen following a three-day closure to clear the store Due to an alleged sighting of a spider with a deadly bite that could also cause an hours long Err action hours long doesn't mean one hour it could be hours hours hours hours long So what's the Niagara things like four hours or more call four hours get to the doctor? They're gonna chop that thing off bro. Do do you know, I don't, do you, do you, four hours dude? Imagine being hard for four hours.

If you were to take from the day of birth to this day right now, if you were to take the collective time I've had a, a boner, would've, don't even say what you're about to say. You think it would be four hours? Frank, you think in your 31 years of life, you haven't been hard for four hours. I don't. I've been hard for

fucking days. Yeah. All right, maybe I guess that you've never been hard. Of course, I've been hard, Joey. Of course, we've all been hard. My, my, my, my, my dick works. All right. Don't okay, but I'm saying you've been hard for four hours, obviously. But like, I don't, that's a long time, dude. What does the average amount of sex? I'd say like eight and a half to 10 minutes maybe, is it? I feel like I'm- Tell me, Stallion, tell me what are you doing? Fucking 48 minutes? Absolutely not.

50, 60 minutes. I would give up way before the 48 minute mark. Okay, so what are you, all right? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What is your average fucking sex? The way you said that. Tell me. No, I would- Be honest, don't like, What is your average fucking sex? Tell me, no, I would be honest. Don't like jokes aside. Look Joey, watch this.

Yes, jokes are off. Oh, turn them off. Turn them off. Turn them off. Okay, what is your average sexual experience last? What is the beginning? I'm not gonna parse through, let me cue this up.

I'm not gonna fucking parse through this sort of for play. I wanna know, from insert, okay, so to come please, give me your average sexual experience length and time. I would say probably like 15 you know, 15 to 18. Why is that a crazy statement? You're not having sex that long, dude.

Why is that a crazy statement? Because you're not. You're a liar. That's not a long time. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. Not a long time. Tell me about your fucking jackhammer and cock. Go ahead.

That's not what I'm saying. That's what you're saying. I'm fucking sitting there. I'm fucking for 48 minutes easy. I literally I didn't say that and if I if I was still Having sex for over 30 minutes. I'd be like this is I'm just gonna Yeah, like I'm walking away from that how much can you look up? What's the average sexual experience like actual time? Average length of sex. I feel like this is such a typical podcast thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do me a favor. Tell me in seconds the most efficient way to have sex. It says, one study acts 500 couples to press a stopwatch at penetration and then ejaculation for one month reported durations range from uh 33 seconds to 44 minutes thanks for that range the average was three to seven okay mine is more closer to the average than fucking yours fucking Steve Austin what's going on with you jack Jack Hammer McGee.

Jesus Christ. Why are you keep saying Jack Hammer? Fucking hammer and Hank Aaron over here. He's hitting home runs under last and fucking 38 minutes or some shit. No, dude. God almighty. Just be a normal fucking person. Stop doing billionaire sex where you're like, I have figured out ways to completely rid my mind of them. Listen, you dumb fucking piece of bitch. It's not, it's, if you wanna go whistle to whistle, like, oh, I want, I want fucking, but here's the thing.

I want you to run suicides during sex. When you start vaginal sex, right? Yes. You know? Yes. It's pretty cool. Yes, it's pretty cool. But once you start that.

Pretty rad. It's not like, it's pretty cool. Yes, it's pretty good. Once you start that pretty rad. It's not like it from that point on It's like go until I'm done Like there's like little breaks in the action type of thing. Oh breaks me. What are you doing stopping for a crumpet? No, it's going on You fucking go and then you fucking turn into a new position and you turn into a new but that's seconds That's not fucking I don't what do you stop and it's like wow Let's take a minute to admire that That was why what that is what you would do you fucking freak a hundred percent or you'd be like hold on wait

Oh, I know why you stop cuz fucking Charlie's in the other room probably just fucking wine and in yelping and shit No, that does happen, but no, it's, it's like you stop and then you, you know, you could use hands and mouth. I'm talking P-Nile to a rea- uh, vaginal. But I'm telling you, in between that, there is that. It's not just like I start with P- What a fucking idiot, like, what an idiotic thing to do, it should be like, let's stop this awesome thing right here to shove my fucking

Dainty fingers in you. I'm not and your fingers suck, dude What are you talking? Let's see them. Let's see them Barely man fingers Frankie Do not make me talk about your hands. What do you get to say about my really cool hands? Why look at look at that Look at what you just did you know you hate your hands. I do you get to say about my really cool hands? Look at that, look at what you just did. You know you hate your hands. I don't hate my hands.

I actually do. I used to, when I was a kid, have, you know, a damn dainty, feminine hand. Look at your fucking flustered, because you have shit hands. Now I have sweet hands. Look at these fucking catchers' mitts, baby. Look what you're doing.

Why are you doing this? These are... What do you want, a wizard? What do you want me to do? Great. Anyway. This fucking, my fingers are really cool. Oh, I'm saying it. You're stopping in the middle of,

oh, this penis feels so good in you. Stop that. Let me shove my fucking forefinger. What's wrong with you? What's my forefinger? These guys. Oh, my pointers. Yeah.

No, I mean, you just, you switch it up, and there's like things. Oh my God. And then you, you know, fucking, this kid dominated YouTube, dominated podcast world, now he's gonna dominate fucking bed sex. I don't just get into a position and being like, well, does it tear it until, how long does it take you to get into a new position, Joey?

You fucking, you're out. Go here, do this.'re out go here do this. Papa. It's not fucking what do you stop? And you're just like all right well, let's think about what would be the most efficient sexual position next? No one's doing that a couple lot like queue up those options right over there That's not what I'm saying exactly what you're doing go there. Should go there. Yeah, just do Are you a shot caller or are you a fucking a shot? Yeah, are you a shot caller? You're like get in dude that we're next we're doing that Oh, I don't go ahead We're right now we're doing this and then wait wait just wait till we're gonna do that

Next chapter next one's gonna be a good one This one's all right, but wait until the next one. Oh, or it's three-can-three moves ahead. Okay, where'd you that? That and then that. All right, fucking butt to C8. To chest joke, Joey. And in high-brow jokes here.

And it landed. Don't say anything. No, it's still in the air. No, it's just so suck. It came right back down. And again, the spiders making your dig hard. Would sex for four hours even be cool? Dude, that would never happen. Can I ask a serious question? What is the longest you've had sex?

I don't even know. I wouldn't be able to tell you anything outside of like 10, 12 minutes. I don't know. The longest? Here you go, watch this. Something modest, eight hours. Are you insane? I don't know you. No.

You probably, you fucking weirdo billionaire. I've never. I've never, like, weird fucking like sex days where you just like, I don't work on Fridays. Why? Because they are my fuck days There's never been a time that like stands out of being like wow that was like so long Like when people are like yo yeah on average like 40 minutes, but I can go up there I'd be like two hours like it and what I would never yeah, I don't know

Why do people want to have sex for hours. The only way that they- If that's going on, you're doing something wrong. The only way that that would be possible is if you're just gonna keep, I'm talking about boner to come. Yeah, but if you're gonna keep going and make it last like more hours,

yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I know exactly what you mean. You're talking, you know, you're talking, start to finish. One start to one finish, you're not Yeah, you're not like give me 30 minutes to chug water and then I'm good again. Yeah Yeah, no, but like making one thing lasts Like over an hour is like nuts. So they shut down a Whole grocery store for days because of this spider. Yeah A whole grocery store for days because of this spider. Yeah, which is spider Just biting people and people just walking around the fucking produce which is giant hard-hands

Well, I think it also kills people but like it gives you a boner than kills you That's kind of crazy. It's a good way to go out Just like women, dude. They get your heart and then they tear your heart out and kill you This is I kind of oh it, they sort of in a banana box. It was in a banana box, Dan. Dude, the spider's gay. Oh, why do you think the bananas were so delicious over in Austria? Yeah, the bananas were just like straightened out.

The bananas came out. Why does banana fucking giant like that? So, Dan, those bananas are hardest. Why does it make you hard? There's gotta be some protein in it or something that's just like protein. So, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like,

so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like,

so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like,

so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like,

so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm like, so, I'm saying. Apparently not. Researchers have used the venom and studies to treat erectile dysfunction. So they're using the reverse engineering, but that's smart. That's really smart. I think there's other snakes or spiders that have their venom used for different antidotes and stuff like that. Yeah, I have no idea.

But anyway, there's a fucking spider out there in Austria making people hard, and they shut down a goddamn supermarket for it. I'm unbelievable. That's crazy. That's a crazy way to go. Is there anything in a supermarket where like, you know there are spiders down that aisle,

but you would still go down it. Like if I was walking down and it's like. Serial aisle. Chips are hoi, yeah, you know what I'm saying? I have chips of hoi in my apartment. Oh, I saw you, you posted, you dunk in them in a little cup of milk, and I was so jealous.

Yeah. Can you just do me a favor? Can you try the way I told you to do it? Crush them up and put them in. Crush them? Not clump into a powder. Like, they're still pieces. Right, right, right.

No, I don't like that. I don't like that. Try it. But I don't like the fact that they're sitting in the milk and they're gonna get soft. No, but if you eat it quick enough, it won't. Yeah, but now I'm fighting the clock. Joey, you'll be okay, Joey.

I will have to eat it at a... Within two minutes, are you can't eat a bowl of cereal in two minutes? Also, how many cookies are we talking here? Five. What do you break it with your hands? Yeah, you just... And then you put them in. And you pour the milk on top.

Joey, it's a life-changing thing. Watch this. I'm going to get chips of white today. Yeah. I'm going to do this today. It's not a matter of if. It's a life-changing. Watch this. I'm going to get chips of Huy today. Yeah. I'm going to do this today. Mm-hmm. It's not a matter of if. It's a matter of when. Okay. I'm also going to get Taco Bell soon based off our last conversation we had on the the other week of the episode.

I'd like some Taco Bell. God almighty. I would say bring it in, but you only come here in the morning and I cannot do that. I've never had Taco Bell breakfast. They make breakfast? Dude, they're open like 24-7 in some places. Oh my God. You never had a brunch, a breakfast crunch wrap? No. Me neither, but it sounds, it's eggs.

Instead of the taco show, is it eggs? It's what Taco Bell calls eggs. A fucking hash brown and then bacon. And cheese. Okay. It's like a bacon, like, what's your favorite potato? I'm pretty cool with russet. What is that?

A russet potato? What's a russet potato? I'm cool with Idaho's. Oh dude, I'm not asking you for the species. Oh, I'm asking you for the, like, how you like to enjoy a potato. Oh shit. Are you, hold on, how you like to enjoy potato Are you? Did you just really fucking answer that way you sit here on these episodes and you call me bougie or whatever and you're naming like I like a

Russit on Idaho are you fucking kidding me? Guess how many types of potatoes I know One wrong zero Frank. I know no potatoes. I One wrong zero Frank. I know no potatoes. I Know French fry. I know baked potato. I know fucking these types of you know what when you fucking take your phone You're your head out of your phone every now and then you learn some things joy. You can't don't turn this back on I'm gonna I like a russet russet Idaho purple Fingerling Idaho, purple, fingerling. Pfff. Is it called purple?

A purple potato. You never had a purple potato? I've seen them. They're good. They're like, sweet, white sweet. Sweet, white sweet. Yeah, they have white sweet potatoes. I've never seen that.

Well, maybe fucking, life is outside of fucking Instagram, Joey. Maybe figure it out. I've been more places than you you stupid bitch. I Would say my favorite way to consume is either No, I'm not either. It's I'll probably go with a loaded baked potato I don't like potatoes. I do like I'm loaded Loaded with what bacon butter no, I'm not even gonna go bacon. It's just butter, sour cream, and maybe some chives. We're gonna, we're gonna reverse back to sour cream

there for a second. Yeah, yeah, yeah, say it again though, sour cream. It's cool that you can't pronounce where it is. Oh my God, come on. Why do you, sour cream? Sour cream, sour. Do you know that's like a real thing? Cause I've watched a clip recently from our show and you said

powerful Why do you like you so like consistent on making me down on the smallest level? I can't say words correctly. Oh you are and like is not your thing powerful saw our cream It's our cream say powerful sour cream powerful sour cream. Sour cream. Say powerful sour cream. Powerful sour cream. What's wrong? It's like, oh, oh, oh. Well, those are good words, dude.

Yeah. Those are strong words. Powerful sour cream. Powerful. Hold on, powerful. Let me say it like you, Joey. I'm gonna go home and have some powerful sour cream.

Is that what you want? Is that what you want? You fucking piece of shit. That's how you say words. It's powerful sour cream. What's wrong? I don't know, it's not that crazy, but I just noticed it in like, now, first it was mayonnaise, then it was coconut.

Now it's powerful sour cream. You can't let me say anything in peace. The first two are like way worse than this. This one. No, there's no way. Maybe I no nitpicking here. You are definitely nitpicking Powerful great. What's your favorite? I would say my number two a close to it was like a whipped mash Oh One time I went to a restaurant and they came out with like a spray can It had CO2 in it and they just went and they need a amount of, it was the fucking nice, I felt like I was eating,

like when I get mashed potatoes that are like, like not like solid, you know what I mean? Like they're kind of a little wet. It falls through my forehead, and it, yes. It feels like I'm eating in old persons like hair. Yes, like I've never had it, but that's what I imagine the consistency of porridge is.

That's just oatmeal. I don't know, but that's what I want, okay. I know. Oh, tell me, oh, I've been so many places, I've had porridge. You fucking... Say it, I can't. I can't say it.

What were you talking about, potatoes? Wait, did I have this conversation with you? We probably don't have a show. I would say mad times, but like. Honestly, my bottom two are french fries and chips. I'm not a big french fries. Not a big french fries guy. Hold on.

Your two least favorite ways that you potatoes are french fries and potato chips. Yeah. I'm not a big french fries guy. And you're, first of all Shut up and Second of all your first one is a baked oh yeah without bacon Loaded if it doesn't have bacon. Okay, you sure put bacon on it. Go ahead do whatever you want But it's it's the really the butter and the sour cream that are my favorite parts sour cream

You but look it's not a loaded baked potato if there isn't. Okay, it's just sour cream in it. All right, so just butter and sour cream. I'm fine with that. But if you want to add cheese and chives and bacon, even better, you're making a good thing even better. Yeah. What's your favorite?

It's a good question. Home fries Stop answer me look at me in the eyes. Yeah your favorite way of taking potatoes Taking potatoes is Home fries. I like a home fry the least cool part of any breakfast I disagree but breakfast. I just agree. But bacon, that's the best part of any breakfast. Sausage links. I had the juiciest sausage patties recently. Dude, Aliens is here. That little three seconds was the gayest thing I've ever seen. He's like the sausage

links. Oh, that was so flamboyant. That was crazy. You guys also that right? I felt it. Yeah, it came out of me. I was like I do like a sausage like that right there Also, I had to do it by the way. I don't know if this is the case or whatever Well, and you know what that reminds me of have you seen on TikTok the the videos of Carl Anthony towns like yeah Be like yo, we're it be like yo we're like voice changes they share yeah we're not we're not fucking convinced anymore um I had a veggie saucer the other day shut the fuck up I know you don't go go go go I know you got all mighty shut up I know you're gonna be mad for fucking one please listen have one I want to tell you this

right now I'll tell you tell yours first. Okay cool Go ahead you're fucking eyebrows are dancing right now. You're like cool. Cool Eat a veggie sausage dude the snapback is insane. I don't know why I don't know why I don't know what they put in it, but it's slap your teeth I'll tell you why because it's fucking zucchini and cauliflower shoved into a fucking condom and then tied and put on a stovetop I don't want the shit. It's not give me listen. It's like So it's like so many God God fucking God almighty

Why do we need to not everything needs to be healthy? Make it make it fucking. It's not healthy fucking dirty. Fucking dirty little bitch of veggie sausage isn't healthy? No. It's still sausage, like it's still like, you know. Where's the sausage? Where? That's actually a good one. Here I'm looking, I can't find any.

Give me a pork sausage link that when I bite into it, it fucking snaps back and just, there's a waterfall of fat and lard in my mouth Veggie a waterfall of fat lard. What a fucking what's wrong with it? It was the only thing they had available No, it's no don't don't Joey don't that was true Joey don't so then so then you're a fucking loser for going to a place that only has Veggie breakfast sauce. No, no, no. Yeah. Well. Yeah. Well, no, I think they have regular But they only had veggie in that one and I was like oh, just get it whatever because the rest of it's not good It's a serious question. Yeah, where was this? It was at a place. That was like two blocks from my apartment

Okay, good good that you're not saying exactly where do me favor next time you you walk by Molotov cocktail no, I'm not gonna throw the fucking window if not I'll do it. Okay You get so upset about veggie stuff, huh? Because you sit here and you're like oh my god. I had the most delicious Veggie steak, okay, oh my god. I had the best weekend. It was so much fun. I ran 10 miles. Oh my god I had such a rewarding experience with my dad. He told me he loved me like just you just show off Just just shut up sometimes Frankie just give it I want you to come in here. You need a relax. Here's your homework. You ready? Here's your homework

I'm gonna start yelling in a few seconds. So you keep it up. I'll finish. You keep it up. Then you start. All right, I'll pass you the fucking baton. Here's your homework. Next time I see you, which should be this week, God, all things, God willing. I want you from now to then, go and have the most disgusting meal of your life.

I do eat. I want you to have a fucking like, like deep fried, you know, hot. How is that making you feel better because you'll be like a regular person again I eat what happened a good Joey what happened to the good old days at Joey go in a fucking Go in a go to pizza place and getting two slices with pepperoni on it and then washing it down with a fucking Snapple what happened your IBS IBS? You still have it. Go for it anyway, Joey. Okay, now you know what? It's their fucking yelling in a second, Frank. What did I eat literally two days ago?

One hot dog pizza pie. I got a pizza pie. Did I know? I ate four slices. Did I know that? Hold on now I have to prove to you because this is how I want to throw my laptop at you. I want to do it. I want to fire it at you. Four pieces of pizza pizza, and I put barbecue sauce and then a bunch of different hot sauces on the plate. I'll just dip it and eat. So you are white. So I can't eat a fucking veggie sauce for you.

So you're wiping your pizza through sauces on a plate? Why didn't you just put it right on the fucking pizza? Because I wanted to sample them. You stupid bitch. Oh, I forgot. You can't sample when you put things directly on it. You need to fucking wipe it in it. Like, it's your ass.

This doesn't make any sense. You get mad over the weirdest things. I do. Yeah. You know what? I miss you when you were a fucking fun, and you would be like, you know what? Let's go out and eat at Friday's and hooters.

Let's get a big burger from all layers. I've never said, I've never even been to a Friday's. Yes you have. No I haven't. Yes you have. Nope. Yes, because there was one on a around this corner on Steinway Street. Next to the movie theater that we would go to.

No, that was who knows, buddy. Oh no, those Applebees. Applebees, sorry. Sorry. When you'd be like, let's go to Applebees. It doesn't have ovens Yeah, they have microwaves. I know that Fable Insane Get me that microwave in my house though because some of their food is good Hmm, it's not I would say I Missed the days that Joey's been like yo, let's go and just eat fucking like 13

empanadas at 3 a.m. After we just took down about six pictures of a fucking stale Miller like, I still do that. No, you don't do that. I don't do that now because I have kids. Don't you dare talk, pointing, pointing, don't point at me. I'm just saying those. I do that though.

You're healthy Joe. You're healthy Joe, no. No, I'm not. You're healthy Joe now. I don't go out as much frequently because I have fucking young kids, Joey. And I want to be a present dad, bitch. Frankie goes, oh, I don't have any drinks and I don't jerk off anymore. Puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh. No, the jerk off thing is a whole separate other thing because I've never, I've always

found that weird and then don't get me started, Joey. Don't get me started. I don't drink anymore because what am I gonna do? Sit at home and drink by myself to party with whom myself and then be woking up at 5 a.m. by a seven-month-old who's gonna scream until 10 a.m. when she falls asleep again? No!

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use the code basement at hairstory.com at the checkout. Okay, so hairstory.com use that promo code based in you will get 20% off those are exclusive savings folks. So enjoy that while you can. All right, enjoy. Ah, so madame. Yeah, I don't like you, I don't like your aggressive tone. Me, I said I had to like you, I don't like your aggressive tone. Me, I said I had to fredgy sausage and you'll wash your fucking mind. Yeah, Joey, because sometimes you're fucking stopping smell the roses.

Stop church, like you're, we're all gonna die anyways. We're all gonna die! What is that? Wouldn't you rather at the end of it just be like, I died and I fucking had a good time. You really get enjoyment of eating fucking soy sausage? And if you do, tell me right now because I will cancel the show immediately. I will never come back.

Frank, what do you have against something being veggie? Nothing, I actually enjoy it. So if I ate that right, and it tastes good because it was kinda spicy too. And I'm like, wow, that actually sounds pretty good. That sounds pretty good. Oh, it does it. What's the problem?

Nothing. I enjoy eating healthy. I eat healthy most of the time, contrary to what you often say about me. I, you looked at me before and you said you're fat, large, disgusting. It's a shame that anyone likes you. I, I eat healthy most of the time.

Every now and then I like to be a little dirty, little bitch. Who doesn't? But you only talk about the eating healthy. then I like to be a little dirty, little bitch. Who doesn't? But you only talk about the eating healthy. I only talk about the being the dirty, little bit. I talked about it because I said that it's snatched, slapped me in my teeth. So how many times have we said this? There was one episode in particular where you came in and you were like,

oh my god, so a funny historical story that I need to tell on this episode. So I was in the middle of my five mile run. And I'm like, just shut the fuck up. It was three miles. Okay, it doesn't matter. And if you ask me what did you do yesterday? I said well I went for a run and then you go what the fuck? Yeah because there's certain thing. You think I you you think when you ask me what you don't what I did yesterday do you think I go like oh well I woke up and I made breakfast? No I'll be like huh anything eventful. Nothing really just hung out with the kids and the family.

Like, you sit there and you're like, well, I woke up and then I decided I was gonna go fucking jerk off into my toilet bowl. Right, I've known you for 40 years. Close. Right? Close. If I ask you what you do yesterday, and you tell me, I'll just hang out with the wife and kids,

we've wasted our time. Oh. That whole conversation's a waste. Wow. You think I don't know that I hope you're excited Frank. That's the answer you give people that you don't know That's the answer I give people that I that what it happens Joey if something a vent will happen You know just hang out with the kids and the old ball and chain I don't refer to my wife's ball and change it doesn't weigh me down. She picks me up. It's she's the wind beneath my wings Do you ever fucking say that dirty little whore? Who came up with the ball and chain and you know what's in her?

It's oh you know what some piece of shit like fucking guy from like 1950s is like my wife more like ball and chain. Everyone around is like that's good say that again That was fucking clever. Do you mind if I do that sir? the old ball and chain Yeah, but that's how they kept prisoners, right? They like would put a yeah That's right. They would put a ball and a chain or like they would be like a chain on their ankle And it'd be like attached to a boulder and then they quickly realized Well, if you just rolled us down a hill, I think they

also realized that like they could, the prisoners could probably use that ball to hurt other prisoners. Or that too, you know, or you like break your own leg to pull it out. Is that, can you do that? I don't know. Can you? I think it wasn't the most recent episode or series season of Stranger Things. He like breaks his own arm or breaks his own leg to get out of like a contraption like that.

Is that like I've seen that in like movies and TV and stuff like is that a thing? Or do you just have a broken leg? If it is, I'm not doing it. I don't have the balls. I don't have the balls to break my own leg to pull it out of a shackle. Could you like... I'm trying to make not make this like too dramatic, but like just make it as dramatic as it needs to be If you knew like could you take a fucking pliers?

Like could you take a pair of pliers and rip out one of your teeth? And if you didn't it meant that your house is just going to explode and you again none of them on anything like that Like all of your belongings everything you just explode or you had to rip out one of your teeth. And if you didn't, it meant that your house is just going to explode and you get none of the money or anything like that. Like all of your belongings, everything you're just explode or you have to rip out one of your teeth. I have a couple questions before I answer. Yeah. All right. One family is okay. Like no one's harmed. Okay. It does my income change at all. Does your income change? Yeah. No, but you have to buy a house now, and you have to get all new shit. All of your stuff is in your house.

It explodes. It's a lot of money. It's not only you have to buy a home or do whatever. Can I start to go fund me? No. Well, then I guess yeah, I'd have to. But like, you think you could do it? I think with enough willpower. Is there like a time, do they say like, you have to get But like, you think you could do it? I think with enough willpower.

Is there like a time, like, do they say, like, you have to get this done in the next year or like, it has to happen today? Oh, today. Oh, that's gonna be tough. In the next year, what would you do? Just a little, just a wiggle a day, you know? No. Just a wiggle a day.

I'd put like a cap on it and just fill the cap with like syrup and just let it sit there. It's really weak in the tooth. You know what I'm saying? No, you got to fucking rip it there. It's really weak in the tooth. You know what I'm saying? No, you gotta fuckin rip it out. It's gotta hurt. It's horrible. I think I could.

What about a fingernail? Oh, that's a way worse than that. That's a way worse than it is. Did I tell you what happened to me recently? You're gonna make your cringe. You ready? Oh no. Not your fingernail.

Oh yeah. So we got like the deck and the back redone. And when everything was put back on, the siding and stuff, we had to move the stuff back on, the furniture back on it. And on the other side where there are little gardenes, we have these two posts that we have lights tied to. And the posts are made of fiberglass?

No. So I was pushing a pin, I was pushing a pin like this into the top of the fiberglass pole, and my finger slipped off the pin, and it caught a frayed piece on the side of the post. And it hurt so fucking much, and I looked at my finger, and you could see the green fiber glass

Multiple pieces in my finger now. I had to pull them out with tweezers one by one. Oh, I don't like this. It sucked so fucking bad Yeah, it was so bad. I don't like that or if I get splinters Splinters I grew up at the lake. We should get splinters daily. It's not that at the leg. But like, when you say it's splinters daily, it's not that big of a deal for me. I know, you grow up where? At the leg. And when you get them underneath your fingernails, I've never gotten that.

Not like underneath, but like, other tips of your fingers and you have to be careful. I like, ah. The worst is feet. When you get them in like, I'm like the underside of your feet, like the arch of your foot, those. I like ripping my feet up though.

What? I used to rip my calluses off my feet all the time. Oh, I had a wart on my foot once that I ripped off. You had one on your hand too, right? I did, man. Why are you so warty? You're like a fucking pickle. I'm not.

You are though. Got me a wart, dude. It was first take it easy. I haven't had one in like 15 years Mm-hmm. I had one. Yeah, I had one right there. That's what that is You can you bite a lot your bider you bite shit you bite your finger. What the fuck are you saying about your fingers? What is it no they look fine right now? Yeah, but you bite him. No, I know really did you bite your I stop I've stopped cold turkey. Yeah, I use the patch Here's the guy's eyes. I use the fucking nicotine so I was at nicotine. No, I'm biting. No, I was a biting

It's a biting patch. Yeah, I got a stop biting. I hope you a good invention TM trademark. Yeah, copyright. I've never been all right. It was my nails ever Oh, I bite my nails often because I often forget to clip my nails so I just bite them off. Why not just clip them? Because I forget. But you can just go do that that day. I know, but that I don't like it. And also I use, but you like the feeling of like a rigid nail it gets caught on everything.

No, I've worked out how to file it down. I also will, you're going to hate me for this. And this might, oh boy. Um, if I'm in like a bind, like I'm in the car, and I notice that like, you know, like my teeth don't feel right, I'll use a piece of like a, like a thumbnail that I bite off as like a little, like a little toothpick. You floss your teeth with your fingernails. Oh, sorry. In the car in which you take pisses into, this thing is a full blown bathroom. This is insane. You piss in your car, you're flossing your teeth. What you could do.

Probably just wait until you get to a place where you could do that. What you could do. You don't like it? Tough, it ate your car, it ate your fingers. Is there like, is there toilet paper in your car? Do you thought about it, dude? Why are you thinking? It's a car.

There was at one point. For, for, I, I, it's not for pooping in my car. It just made that very clear. Pissing? No, it was when I pooping in my car. Just make that very clear. Pacing? No, it was when I had moved out of my old apartment, I brought the toilet paper with me. Usually you bring that stuff inside. I know, and I just left it in the car.

I never bought it in. Convenient. Well, it's like in the trunk, it's not like we're readily available. We don't know that. I, we should do a Patreon episode where we just go through my trunks. We'll do an MTV cribs of your car. Right now there is a gallon water bottle for pee.

There is a giant paper bag. Is there a piss in it? Yeah. Pretty sure. There is a giant paper bag of just sunflower seeds bits. There is a box of about 35 bags of sunflower seeds. Yeah, dude. Can I say something?

If you ever in your life try to make say something about me that I'm like grows so what if I said that I just talked about how great of your places that's insane my bag of spit seeds yeah and a tub of piss well I'm on the road a lot dude oh you're not I'm on road. You're really not on the road. I'm on the road a ton. No, you're not. I like some parts. I like some, oh, and I have, obviously, I have my, my spittoon solo cup. Spittoon?

Yeah. It's been the same solo cup for a couple of years now. I'm kidding, that's fake. Oh my god, Jesus Christ. Yeah. We have to go through your car. Let's go through my car. Okay.

You would be honestly, I'm not even gonna say what's in my trunk, but it's the most, but there's something in there that is like so me. That's the only way. Oh, it's like a power ranger basketball or something? No, no, no, no, no. I can't tell you about it one day you'll see. Can I eventually, I mean, I'll get a hazmat suit

on Amazon? Hazmatmat but when that comes in Can we shoot a video of going through your car sure and I can pick up anything in there sure, but you can't clean it No problem. Yeah, you gotta leave that piss in there. Yeah, that's fine I don't leave that piss in there. Yeah, that's fine. What happens if you hit a sharp turn? Bro, God forbid. A sharp turn. Oh, like I get a car crash?

Piss everywhere. Yeah, piss everywhere. God forbid, freaking have a small fender bender. And oh, she's all go piss. Is it gonna fly from the back seat and hit the windshield and go everywhere? Yeah. Your DNA is gonna be everywhere.

Yeah, it is. It's gonna be bad. She Just like the driver of this car. He's covered in piss. He's drenched in urine. Sir. I heard the car. Sir, we've seen people pee their pants after car crashes. But why are you covered head to toe in pee?

That's incredible. Man, I've got to do that. Anyway, that's all for this week's episode. Frank, where can I find you? F-Alvers 885 on Twitter, the Frank Alvers, and all the forms of social media. Then go check out the patreon.com. Slice the Basement New York.

Thank you to all of our patrons. Thank you to our future patrons. We really appreciate you. Go check out the Basement New York and all forms of social media. And then you can check out my co-hosts right here, Joe Sanogato, at Joe Sanogato, at Sanogato Studios.

Everything we do here is top-, top quality, really good, great A vegetable sausage. Yeah, and that is all, we'll see you guys next time. Goodbye. you