The Basement Yard - #420 - That Is an Expensive Wedgie

Episode Date: October 16, 2023

The Basement Yard is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/BASEMENTYARD today to get 10% off your first month. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello fresh offers tons of seasonal options every single week use the code 50 basement for 50% off plus free shipping at hello fresh calm slash 50 basement Welcome back to the base Welcome back to the basement yard Frank that's a lovely shirt. You got on there Happy Halloween Well, fuck down they always make noise. I also have another one. It's a the basement. There's a little hard show them the back bitch Look at the back. They'll have to throw that back out. Don't that's not I don't think it's the same You know that ass in a circle. Do that ass in a fucking rectangle. Oh look at the basement boys We're kind of stuck together

Hold on. Oh look at the basement boys. We're kind of stuck together. Hold on. Oh Here we go. Come on. Dude, honestly, whoa Not even a joke. Wow. What really good? That's you look great. Yeah. Yeah, you look really good. My arm hurts Fallen apart. Yeah, I can do this, but I can go like this I can do that, but I can go like this. You ready? Baaah! Yeah! I'm getting it!

New merch. Okay, we're screaming now. Yeah, there's new merch available. Shop.santicosudios.com. That just in time for the holidays. Look at there, we're the Sanderson sisters that meet Danny and Danny. That's Danny, not Ann.

A lot of people are confused, because he has a stupid glasses. Right. But you can't tell because it's below no cargo shorts down here. So, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, stupid glasses But you can't tell because it's below no cargo shorts down here Yeah, but that's a Santa got a studio sannerson Halloween merch. Hey baby listen We're seasonal babes over here. We like to make sure that you're ready for whatever's coming up That's me and you and drag by the way. No shit Joey Of course I fucking knew that because I said that you did look like Sarah Jessica Parker in quite possibly the greatest Halloween movie to ever

Exist focus. Okay, so I guess in theory look like Winner Fred, you know, so you wish you wish I do I kind of do She bro watch that movie. I know. I know you're gonna say she's the best performance you've ever seen What are the best for she's so good. Huh? It's a witch movie Take it easy. God. By the way, I don't you dare talk shit about Kenny or take as fucking 90s classic. Okay? Kenny or take it bitch. Don't get don't even fucking start What was I gonna oh I saw a thing someone was like oh this podcast talked about you I forget the name. I really want to know if if something smosh, mosh, something like that.

Oh, smosh? No, I don't know. I don't know what it is. I'm saying smosh is not some podcast. I'm not trying to, I really don't know. I'm not trying to be cool. I don't even, oh, it's just, well, do the muscles again. Then you'll be too cool, Joe.

There he is. But these two people, there it is. But these, it was a podcast and they were talking, they brought out the basement yard. And I thought it was funny, because I was like, I wonder what they said. You know me, insecure. I wanted to know.

I was going to be more... I was going to be more... But okay, insecure is fine too. That works. But they were like, the guy was trying to explain it to the co-host. And he was like, yeah, it's just two guys from the East Coast. And I don't think they talk about anything.

No, it's nothing. It's dying. Someone, I mean, our friend Reese was the one that put it the best. She's like, they just talk about nothing. They're in coherent. I don't have, they're not offensive. They're in coherent.

And then he also pointed out how like, we just yell at each other. That is it. That is pretty much it. Because you do a lot to, I think this show has been really cathartic for us. Because it's allowed us to talk through the things that we've hated each other silently maybe for like 30 years.

You know, you're eating habits. You don't have to list anything. You do list all of them right now. You don't have to do that. But it allows us to just kind of vent it, stop. Oh my god, he's back. You see, this is what happens when I try to talk serious to you.

He flexes his muscles and then the girls swoon. It's 1953 all over again. Can I ask a question? No. I said no. Oh, yeah, but I don't. Can anyone swoon or is that just like Japanese? I think girls, whoa, where?

I feel like that's a Japanese thing, no? I thought it was like a middle America 1950s. Like I didn't put it on middle America chief. Swooning? No, I thought was like, woo, woo. No, I think that's like, like animation. I thought that was just like, you know, like that's not swooning,

swooning is like a, ugh, like a, like you're giving your body to it. Like you're just kind of melting for the fucking, like floating in the snow, something nice. Like, yeah, like you know how, like the apple pie's cool. What are you, you're figuring something in one, someone, listen to me. I'm listening, you You know like the cartoon

They put the apple pie to chill. Yeah cool down on the windowsill and the fucking like set line comes and grabs them by the nose And it just fucking yeah That's swooning I ate my head No, I think swooning is like when I picture swooning I picture like Anime when the cheeks get real red and the eyes have super big and watery. Oh no, I was going to say they like close and they're just like sideways V's and it's like oh yeah that you know, you're really like, you're really towing that line. It's getting blurry yeah.

It's getting blurry, but I don't know what the like anime response would be considered. But when I think of swooning I think of like a Krunner, you know who'd like or like Elvis Presley is up there and he fucking shakes his he does that that move that he does And a girl's like oh, and they're like oh, yeah, that's exactly that's swooning. I don't know I don't really know what it means. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's what I thought what wait Can I ask a serious question? No idea where this How this came up? Because I flex and you said oh the girls do spoon. Yeah, the girls do spoon and it's okay

But I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna be muskles Well, you're gonna be muskles, baby. Got it. How you doing Joey? I'm doing well other than the fact that I just flexed and now like It hurt it hurt right just soar you ever flex and you feel like a pop like by your balls And you're like that was a problem no that would immediately send me to the fucking hospital. Okay. Oh, I'm scared I'm thinking I'm like I pop my balls. Oh, maybe I might not is popped Maybe I have a herni or something who knows we'll find out one day. I used to have a knot in my back for years Anytime I did left it. I was like feels like someone's stabbing me in the back. Who cares Joey? Oh, day. I used to have a knot in my back for years. Anytime I did left it, I was like, it feels like someone's stabbing me in the back.

Who cares, Joey? Oh, okay. I don't care. Oh, I didn't know this thing. I'm carrying more about your like ball area. Oh, yeah. You think I care about a knot in your back? Yeah, I guess not.

Work that shit out. Okay, come on. I've tried on it. It's, it just, it's, it's, See how he casually just threw in there that he deadlifts? I would be like deadlifts. I haven't deadlifts it in years. I haven't, oh yeah, but now you just do all those those squats and muscles, but shoulder muscles work out, huh? Yeah, I guess

that's what it is. No, I got made fun of one stirring college because I'm sure it was one time. Yeah, it's just one. I'm sure it was once. Just just one time because we had, we had like a kind of like an in-service type training thing for my for being an RA and an RD or whatever. And we had like this like young woman come in who was attractive, you know, and I was a single guy at the time. Oh, so you were like, oh, I'm so I was like, oh, I need you. So you were swooning. I was trying, I don't, I don't actively remember trying to swoon, but like I was clearly like it was a good looking person. But I got made fun of you.

You were good looking, is that what you just said? Yes. Oh, I didn't know. But also they were too. And naturally, I'm good looking, they're good looking if they're not with me. That big mistake. Big old faddle, I'll say.

I'll say you're an alpha male, you deserve any woman you. I am big old alpha. I did learn that from Frankie Skins. He taught me the ways. Right. I know you've been trying to get me to be more beta, but fuck no. Got it.

But I got made fun of because I didn't like, subconsciously didn't try to like flirt, but afterward I was told that I was being such a like subconscious douchebag where like the question that was posed to the room, I was with my friends Kelsey and Eric. And the question that was posed to the room, I was with my friends Kelsey and Eric, and The question that was posed to the room was like give us an example of like really good customer service. I don't know, dude and And my fucking hand went right up and I told a story how I ordered a bunch of supplement from bodybuilding.com

a bunch of supplement from Bodybuilding.com. Oh my god. And like in my head, I was telling this story as it was. And it was good customer service. Yeah, anyway. I just stored it. No, it was, it was like, I remember, it was like legit good customer service where I ordered a bunch of supplements,

but they sent something wrong. So they were like, you know what, don't worry about it. We're going to send everything again. And I was like, oh, me one thing was wrong, they were like, don't worry. And I thought that was so like impressive. But afterward, I was toasted to fucking shreds because they were just like, you douchebag.

And I was like, what do you mean, though? Like, you're just talking about bodybuilding.com. And you're like, and then I had double the supplements, so I just like, up to my dosage. Yeah. And my lips went up 50 pounds. It's funny because that was the order where I was the first time I ever got and tried

creatine. You did creatine? I did creatine. It didn't work. And I like, my stomach was all fucked up and I was like an emotional mess. Emotional. Emotional.

Emotional, man. I was like a super fucking juice head for me. Does it do that for me? I never did anything, honestly. I mean, you know, I mean, look super fucking juice head. Does it do that for me? I mean I never I never did anything honestly I was I mean, you know, I mean look at me. Yeah, I'm not no one's thinking on anything I just haven't tried anything. Yeah, I've never done anything Yeah, it's all natural. I've done pre-workout like I just said that like a baby You said that like a pay walkoff. I just did pay walk out. I did pre-work what flavor?

Copy bail coming by wait wait. I Didn't I didn't say that's a man weird, but I did pre-work out like a couple of times and I don't I don't like it Oh my god. I caffeine is I had to like I don't have an addictive personality But for pre-workout I was a full fucking junky. Yeah, I was a full fucking junkie, dude. I was a full fat junkie. Yeah, you're like, let's do it! Well, when pre-workout came to its prominence, was when we were like, it was like a 2011, 2012,

around that time, and it was unregulated, dude. Like, that's the thing with all these workouts, some of the supplements is like, you run the risk, because like, they're not FDA approved, so it could be just like concrete dust no explode. You remember that dude. I the original C4 Oh, yeah, those are I took that and I fucking like you ever seen like Movies about drugs were like the fucking like yeah, yeah that you know, I was a crack thing I also don't like working out like that. Oh my god They were the best workouts I've ever had in my life. No, I did I I and the pre-workout helped me

I did the whole like program of insanity remember insanity. I do I did that whole fucking program And it was because I was on pre-work. I did it in one day Every day in one hour. Yeah, exactly. It was fucking nuts. I have a douchebag story with how many? No, no, no quite a bit. It's like it's one of those things where it's like oh, you're flexing But it has to do with the pre-workout. There was one time as a joke Josh brought pre-workout to one of our football game Josh a lot of people don't realize this big fucking big head. Yeah, big meat head You think he's cute. He is but also just a giant fucking meat stack Yeah, he's wearing a headband over his bicep right now. He's editing

But one time he broke pre-work out to a football game of ours and I was he brought to I think and I was like Oh, I'll slam this so I drank it. Yeah. And I was like, Jack, I know. And I was like, and it was like scary. And then I, the team that we were playing against like drove down the field. And then I had a pick six. So, but it was like basically the length of the field. So I had drank the pre workout. And then I pick off the ball and run whatever the length of the field. I got in the end zone and I didn't even celebrate I was like I'm not I'm not playing I literally was I thought I was gonna have a heart attack I was like yo, I'm done. I'm done. I had to sit down

I was like where I'm sitting now because my heart was like yeah, and that's because I remember the original Cousinian I used to do them not like like fucking like stort lines of them But like he would take a pre-workout try I would take and, and like we'd go back and forth like that. And then a lot of the original batches were like recalled for like traces of vanphetamines and stuff like that. Nice. I was fucking doing math. Didn't you say someone just named their kid, math? Yes, it was some Australian news anchor,

but that's not, we're not talking about that today. Math. Yeah, crazy. Great. Andphetamine is a really nice word. It sounds good, right? Methanphetamine. Meth doesn't sound like, it just sounds like you're trying. We just say the whole word, dude. Great, andphetamine is a really nice word. It sounds good, right? Methanphetamine. Meth doesn't sound like it just sounds like you're trying to say the whole word.

Yeah, methamphetamine. That's a really, I, that, you know what name I like for a kid? Climidia. No. Oh, what? What the fuck? No. No, I like amphibian.

amphibian. What's your family in these just off brand names? I'm not going to name a child and Fibian. I'm just saying that would be a cool name like amphibian. Yeah, hi, this is my son and Fibian and Fibian and for girl B and Fibia. No, I mean it could but like also like you gotta think of nicknames. It's like a U6. You gotta think of nicknames.

Fibby. Fibby. That sucks. Am. Fib. I remember. Fibs. Fibs. Fibs isn't bad. But with these pre-workouts, they would name them after just the most insane shit ever. It'd be like, oh, did you try this new pre-workout? It's called the Curse.

It's like, no, the one I'm taking is called like Asciller. The branding like the world of supplements and the one that I had that I was like I'm never doing pre workout again was called assault. I swear to God. It was just called assault There was a muscle farm makes it and it's called assault. Yeah, it's like this is fucking there was one that I took that was called like something It was called like like snake venom. It's just like weird shit out I the branding in the world of like workout supplements is all over the place. Yeah because it's just and and shit out. The branding in the world of like work out supplements is all over the place. Yeah. Because it's just, and then it'll be like,

I'll get ready to take the devil's come. And it's the best intro workout you'll ever get. It'll explode you. And it's gummy bear flavor. Yeah. And it's also like, that's like weeds. Some like, some of it, like if I remember when I was in Denver, we went to a dispensary and the guy's like,

if you guys wanna try this, it's really good. Make sure you like chill a little bit. It's called Jet Fuel. I was like, don't want that. That doesn't sound like that. You know what I'm like. Some of the strands, some of the strings, and we have the movie Ted to thank for all those.

Remember the movie Ted? I do, but I don't remember this one. Because he's like, I have a bunch of different strands. This one is called, they're coming, they're coming. This one is just called autism. It's, yeah dude. Yeah, it's, you don't take anything now. You just take like a protein after?

Yeah, it's it. There's like a specific protein that I like found that doesn't blow up my stomach. Doesn't fuck you up, yeah. Yeah, because I don't even, like for a while, I didn't even take protein either, because it's like, it just didn't like... The way your body doesn't react well to the way.

I guess, I don't know. Like, the one I take now is like, plant-based shit. Oh, yeah, yeah, so then it's the way, yeah. Well, like, I don't know, I don't even know. Like, oh, there's this, I don't know. It's like a workout, for all kinds of fuck-ass. Yeah, it's like, welcome back to you. It's like, anyway, welcome back shit stack.

Let's talk about my fucking routine. We're back in the fucking basement yard. Oh God. So anything else going on? Are you doing all right? Yeah. I'm feeling not myself. Why not?

I'm feeling a little maybe like I'm gayer, you know. Maybe like I want to eat human flesh. Hey, maybe, maybe is that gay? Good question. Are zombies gay? I mean, you know, you biting a dude's neck, that's fucking gay. That's crazy, dude. The sexuality convert over into zombies. Like if fucking Neil Patrick Harris were to become a zombie,

you see only eating dudes. Yeah, you know, it's a really good question. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I'm just gonna get at each other, but oh, is she eating guy? It's like, what did you, what did you eat last night? You know, and it's like, oh my God,

it's like a napale, like, you know, immigrant. It's a cr- What? A poly immigrant. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,oli, like, you know, immigrant. That's correct. What? A poly immigrant. No, Paul. No, no, no, no, Paul, Joey. I thought, Paulie, you know what I was like, what does that mean? Oh, maybe, I mean, Paulie. Multiple like, citizenship or something? Paulie, if they have like multiple citizenship,

they're probably honest with you. I'm sure Paulie is somewhere in the LGBTQ plus. Paulie Amoris? Maybe that is. I don't, yes, that I know. It's like people that like, multiple partners. Yes, yeah, that's he people that like Multiple partners. Yes. Yeah, that's see good job Frank. Yeah, if only you knew what women's suffrage was I knew you know But the reason I'm saying all this is because yeah, I don't know if I'm ever gonna recover

that That national text alert that went out really Really turned my turned my gears. Yeah, that's not an expression, but turned my gears. I'm obviously joking, right? Make sure that we established that. I didn't know this. Frank had to tell me right before we started recording,

but apparently there was conspiracy theories that did national text alert thing that went out. There was people saying that it like is gonna turn vaccinated people into zombies. Everything. Zombies, gay, you know, like, anything could turn you gay. Now I love AOC, I can't say where that came from.

But it could have been because of that alert. It, at this point in time, seriously, we all deserve to die. We do. Dude. Like, it has gotten so, like, listen, I am all about like, freedom of speech, land of the free. It's only if we could speak correctly, yeah. I am all about that, but it has come to a level where it's just like, it's gotten on

a hand. Like, we need, I mean, I don't think that like a big percentage of people will like. I know, but enough of them do that they should die. Okay. No, maybe not. That's a little harsh, huh? That's crazy, dude. But it is kind of crazy. Can you imagine, like, allowed an owl? Oh, hello.

Take it. A loud enough sound could make you gay. Well, it reminds me of Halloween 3, Susan of the Witch. It reminds me of the naked gun. Remember that? I don't remember the naked gun. You definitely don't remember my example. So you explained first, and I'll explain second.

It was like, you know the naked gun, obviously. Doll? Yeah, so like, there was a player who I should know, but I don't know right now. But in the movie, that guy pressed a button, and then also, and he was under control, and he was trying to kill the queen. Mine was a fucking baseball game. Um, why would the- Mine queen had a fucking baseball game like- Yeah, mine-

Oh, mine's better. Halloween 3 season in the way- It's like subjective. I feel like we should like the people decide who's better. I think mine is way better if we're being honest with you. Go. It's when there's the clover, they had the Halloween masks and they tell the kids to put the Halloween masks on.

Who? It's a movie, Joe. Clover, it's called? Yeah, I believe it's like Clover Farms or something. It's maybe that's an actual company, but it's in the movie. And they put the Halloween masks on and they're like, everyone put the mask on and watch this commercial and the commercial comes out and all the kid die and stuff

like that. Was there wearing a mask? Yeah, that's the thing is I think the conspiracy theorists are saying that like, oh, fucking Biden, Diane Feinstein, who's not dead. She's not dead either? No, she just died. No, I know that.

But to them, I mean, she's alive. Of course, she's a reptile, dude. She's amphibian. Holy shit, holy shit. Joey just revealed his fucking lizard kingways. He's fucking, that's why he wants to name his kid amphibian. Yeah, because you're a fucking, I tell you what.

Blood-drinking lizard person? Cold-blooded lizard person. It started sound like Rick Flare. Cold-blooded child blood-drinking! Son of a gun! I will say this though, if I would love to be a lizard person because I would love to blink this way

You know when lizards blink sideways. Well, it's they have like a lid under their lid So like that one closes first the regular way and then that one goes. Yeah, dude Sometimes my dog falls asleep and it looks like he's doing the undertaker or whatever And then like he opens his eyes and I'm like, how many fucking lids do you have? He's got quite a few lids He's got one that goes this way this way. I'm like to, to many lids. I would like it because in my head, if there are lizard people out there, they're basically just reptile from Mortal Kombat. They can go invisible, they can transform and look like other people.

That'd be so cool. And they can like spit acid, which I'm all about that. If I could spit acid. Dude, you know how sick it would be to just be like, all this door's locked? And then just fucking, oh, the lock is gone. I'm gonna walk into this door. How often do you run into a locked door where you're like I can't get to the not often

But it would happen it would the one time it happens would justify the whole transformation if you could Turn invisible like would you do shit? Yes, like oh kind of shit that would you do though steel? Oh, I'd be a criminal spy would you spy? I mean? I don't have anything in my life to spy on. Like, what would I spy on? There's always shit to spy on. Well, what would I spy on? Dude, you can walk into the lighthouse if you want to.

Oh, I don't care about that. I'll be honest with you. I don't care about what's happening in the White House. I'm the secret. Yeah, but I'm sure the White House has like heat ray technology that like, if I'm invisible, they could see me, you know? It's fair. And who knows?

Joe Biden, he might have gone to another. Joe Biden, dude. He might have gone to another level of Demented where like he can see people that are invisible and shit. Yeah, I'll walk in and be like oh it's beating up. He's here He's like Joe Biden's like a blind person. It's like he can't see but he could like Oh, wait a second. He could see the rain like Ben Affleck. If it's raining out, Joe Biden could see perfect. I saw a world on fire. I could see it all.

Yeah. He imagined Joe Biden was like, this isn't funny. It is to us. It is to us. I was just gonna say, imagine Joe Biden was like really good with nunchucks. Well, there's always something that brings them back, you know.

What'd that be cool? At this time, I think we should vote for President. One, you shouldn't be a thousand years old. You should duck. Got that, yeah. What, too, you need to be able to do like, I would say at least 30 push-ups straight. There needs to be a physical component to it.

And a talent show. If you wanna be president in this country, you should have a cool little thing about it. Well, I mean, let's be honest, we might not have enjoyed him as a president, but it was entertaining it shit to watch Trump, you know? And I mean, everyone has something, you know? Like Trump was a comedian,

Barack Obama was just fucking hook shots and three pointers for days. He had a lefty stroke. What did Bush have? He used 9-11. Go. Ah! Ha!

We bring up 9-11 way too much on this. We do, but it's okay. Someone actually said that. The Roman Empire thing was like, you guys don't think of the Roman Empire, but you think of 9-11. We do. That is a good point.

But like Clinton had this saxophone. Yes. George H. Bush had nothing. I don't know. That's a good point. But like Clinton had this saxophone. Yes. George H. Bush had nothing. I don't know. I don't know when he has my time now. I don't know. Yeah, both of our time. Same H.

Well, that's when, yeah. Reagan was an actor, so there's some talent there. Right. You know, I mean, there needs to be some form of a talent. He needs a hobby. He doesn't do any hobbies. And I'm saying like get America's got talent. That crew, get them to watch these.

Like get them to follow. You know, do the debates. I want Simon Cal, Nicole Schluzinger, whatever her name is, Howard Stern. Nicole Schluinginger. Yeah, whatever. Nicole Schluinginger. Schluingbacker.

Schluzinger. Scherzlinger. Scherzlinger. No, Schwerz. No hold on, I knew it. I knew when I was making a joke and now I don't know. Shurzlinger. Shurzlinger. Shurzlinger. Shurzlinger. Is that right? They should do like an America's got talent at these debates. So like Chris Christie gets up there and he does like the truffle shuffle from the goonies. And like, you know, everyone claps a little bit, he eats a pie or something. Yeah, and then like, you know, dude, that's a weirdly shaped man.

He literally looks like Humpty Dumpty. Yeah, it's pretty weird. Did you see his, like he tried, he thought he was going to have like the line of the century on Donald Trump? Oh my God, it's so uncomfortable. So they had a Republican debate not long ago. And then he was like Donald Trump, I know why you're not here. It's not because of the indictment.

It's not because of this. It's because you're ducking us. So we're not going to call you Donald Trump. We're going to call you and he like tees it up and he's like Donald duck And no one said no one gave a fuck Good Lord Chris Christie Shadow Jersey Don't I don't don't do that. What shout out Queens? What's that mean Donald Trump? You take him I'll take Chris Christie Yeah, he is from Queens. Yeah, yeah, where Jamaica states I think

What a bastard. Yeah, the one part of Queens everyone you nanosly hates rich. That's rich. No, isn't it? Yeah that white Must be yeah the white part of fucking Jamaica. Yeah, Joey. Yeah Damn, that's crazy. Him and 50 Cent are apart from me. Yeah, they're like fucking neighbors. Trump was like on the come up. And then he heard in his background and he's like fucking,

50 just spitting a quick 15. Yeah. We do have a sponsor for today. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp is online therapy. So if you want to talk to a therapist, you can do so via BetterHelp. Just under 48 hours, they'll connect you with a licensed therapist and you can start

chatting away. Even if you don't have anything traumatic going on in your life, it's good to just do therapy. I say this every single week, but I've been in therapy for a long time and I think that it's very beneficial to everyone. And yeah, I think that everyone should be in it. And if you have been on the fence about it, here's your sign, dive in, give it a try, see how you like it, it's nice to have people to talk to

and someone who's gonna help you through everything in your life. Even if you just, there's nothing like pressing. It's still good, it's like the gym for your mind. So go check it out. You can get 10% off of your first month if you go to betterhelp.com slash basement yard. So you save some money there. Also, it's more affordable than in-person therapy.

So give it a try. Betterhelp.com slash basement yard, you will get 10% off of your first month spelled, bethtlp.com slash basement yard. So go check it out, folks. We also have Squarespace here. Squarespace is a platform that will help you create your website and also launch your website whether you have content that you want to share or you have a brand or

you have an e-commerce store or anything like that. You're gonna want to build a nice website for that and a nice one at that like I said. And Squarespace makes that very easy. They have templates for you to choose from so that you can create a nice looking website and it doesn't take too easy. They have templates for you to choose from so that you can create a nice looking website and it doesn't take too long. You just swap out some of the text and some of your own pictures and you have a great site. You don't need to pay some code or a ton of money

just to put something together for you. So you can do that and also they have a lot of tools that will help you connect with your audience as well and it'll let you know like where traffic is coming from, things like that. I believe that Squarespace is the best one on the market for, you know, what their platform is. So if you go to Squarespace.com slash basement, you get a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, use the Offer Code Basement to save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or domain. So again, Squarespace.com slash basement for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the Offer Code Basement to save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain. Okay? There you go, folks. You know I'm a talk about. No, you didn't like that.

I hate that. All right. Well, I'm going to talk about Patreon, folks. Patreon. Where you get more of us physically, mentally, emotionally, probably not physically, but definitely in video format. And audio, I guess, patreon.com-slicer-basementyard. We tell you about it every week. I sit up here like a broken record, repeating this stuff over and over again, but why? Because it's such a good fucking bang for your buck.

You get good value. You get more of these boys' shop here, babe. That's what you want. patreon.com-slicer-basementyard. Yeah. Here you can get more of us. You sign up for that first here. Patreon.com size of basement yard, yeah. You can get more of us, you sign up for that first here. You get these weekly episodes, one week in advance. And then that second tier, that's where you get weekly episodes,

every single Friday that are themed and more ridiculous if I'm being honest. They're a little more insane, a little more ridiculous. I just said that twice, so you know that's how much I mean it. Go check it out patreon.com, size to basement yard and continue to support us. We love you guys so much.

We thank you so much. You got us over 26,000. We want to keep, keep bopping to the top as I've referenced before until we get to 27, 28, 29, 30. Hey, maybe even 100,000 one day where Joe said he will actually amputate two of his toes. He doesn't care for them. They're just toes. So go check it out patreon.com slash your basement yard and back to you.

I hate, I hate everything. You did. Not only about my ad read there, but just generally you hate everything. Well, no this. Oh, you hated that? Yeah, yeah. I kind of liked it. I kind of liked it. But this whole, we can agree this whole all these conspiracies about this whole stupid fucking the sound and the sound the alert

Just an alert and honestly good, you know Do you remember a couple years ago with Hawaii got a fake one not a fake one an accidental one you didn't hear about this Dude, it was like 2014 2015 Hawaii got alerts to people's phone that there was a ballistic missile heading their way. For like six minutes before it was recalled and said like that was a mistake, our apologies. Six minutes, dude, I'm- Six minutes is a live time.

Dude, six minutes of thinking like, oh, I'm dead. Like there's no, like I will be dead. Ballistic missiles sound fire. Dude, they crushed the brand- The branding of these fucking nuclear weapons. Oh, it's so dude. They crushed the branding the branding of these Fuckin nuclear weapons. Oh, it's so good. They nailed it. They really atom bomb is whatever. No, no don't care about that Ballistic missile though. Oh my god. It makes me think of heat seeking missile. Oh my god, dude Don't name really good like I will be I'll tell you this. I'll be terrified if it was one coming our way yep

But I feel like this is a kind of cool way to go. I'd want to see it. I beg let me see this missile Oh shit that is ballistic. I should have a list. I'm going I'm going nuts for this ballistic missile. I picture it having spikes No, I think it's I don't think it first of all I don't think you would really see it coming. I think like once it's in the air. You're pretty much a goner dude I just got a new contacts Do you want to hear something about my contacts by the way? I had to go again I think like once it's in the air, you're pretty much a goner. Dude, I just got a new context. Do you want to hear something about my contacts by the way? I had to go again, you have to get an eye test

like every year in order to get new contacts. Gotcha. So I went, my vision got better. I'm regenerating like fucking Wolverine. What the fuck is going on? Yeah, the guy's like, yeah, your thing is down 25 on each one. Oh, mine is gotten significantly worse and I feel like the last two hours.

What is going on? Why is your vision getting better? What are you doing? I don't know. Are you taking any like supplements for like your eyes? You know, I don't take anything drink you eat and bunch of carrots and shit. No Carrots. Yeah, what do they say? The the blist like missile isn't that spiky, but it is cool. It looks like a big bullet The yo missiles are duh. Oh, it's got some spikes. Does it? Kind of need to see the spikes here, Joey. Hold on, I'm gonna show you right now.

I'm zooming in on the spike. Oh, it's got that thing. It's got that thing where it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where, what's it called? Where it's like hooked. What? You know, it's got like the hook.

Barbed. So you can't like pull it out or whatever it gets shoved in. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm talking about right Yeah, missiles are fucking awesome pretty cool thing that we've I would love to shoot a missile at something would you On like if if and when you ever get married Yeah, would you want to do that thing where you can like fire an RPG into like a field?

Who the fuck gets married and does that not like at your wedding Joey But like I had to do the married. I'm saying on like your bachelor party, would it be like, would you be like, yo, we're gonna get, we get driven out to the desert and you get to ride in the tank and then fire missiles, would you be cool with that? Yes. Yeah, all right, all right, just-

I wanna- When I'm inevitably, this is my way of just kind of like- I wanna- Putting in that maybe I'll be best man. I want to- I'm just like, oh wow, that's an idea. I had TM, anyone does that maybe I'll be best man. I want to just like oh wow That's an idea. I had TM anyone does it. I'll sue the fucking pants off him You ever see Fury? Yes great movie so that's what I want to do on again the tank and I want to shut the the shell into the thing Stunk it's like stunk stunk and then

Ping oh my god. Yeah, I kind of want to do that I don't wanna wear helmet. You had, and with those like weird flaps, you know? Like a pilot, like the pilot flaps. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God, fire in a tank. But yeah, there was, for six minutes,

people would want 50 cowl. Go ahead, it's, whatever I was gonna say, was not even partially relevant. You shot a 50 cowl, I remember her in Vegas. Yeah, and you said it like, in a state, and you said it like blue your back, right? It's loud as shit, dude. Did you wear muffs?

Yeah, you have to. Yeah, yeah, if not. And you can hear the guy talking. Oh, but you can't. So what, it's like what, radio? Wasn't really loud even with the muffs on? Yeah. Well, you feel it in your body.

Really? Yeah, and like, that's how I felt firing my first like assault first like assault rifle great will you felt it like I felt I I shot it and I felt it in my chest Yeah, and I I did you would probably would have made fun of me But I I actively put it down. I was like yo We should not have this power in our hey such a live the cucklore. I am What a liberal cucklore dude dude. I felt so fucking insanely powerful powerful. I did I was like yo this is why like you felt I felt it all here. I like guns, dude

I Like shooting guns. I just do they are cool. I would be cool with guns if we can just keep them not in our homes You know what I mean like no one should have like oh? No, I think that people should have no. No, I agree, I agree, I agree, I'm saying like, look, cap it, you shouldn't have a fucking arsenal to take out like a small like country. Yeah, yeah, you know, it's crazy. Some of the guns I shot, yeah, we probably shouldn't have that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He shouldn't have a sniper rifle. Yeah, you know anything like that's crazy, yeah. Like a 50 cow bull is like this, you can kill like a whole family with that if you line them up. Well, there goes our monetization by the way. Also, this shooting clays. Insanely fun. Oh, I've never shot clays. I'd like to one day.

Fun is fuck. I really want it. You know what gun I want to do? Where you crank the side. What? Where it's like the big gaddling gun and you crank. And you fuck. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, fuck and you Fuck I don't know I don't know why but I don't know how to complain you want to Shoot a plane out of the sky there'll be a lot of

Fakes planes were planes Or you get in a plane and that's what I'm saying. I'm saying I want to fire it from a helicopter Oh, we're like and I have a cigar hanging out a bandana. I'm dirty. We're in the jungle And I was like yeah You've got one eye what I In Vietnam scar like this swamp ass. Yeah, a bandana Missing a couple fingers whatever. Yeah, and I'm just fucking You know just like yeah, I would say that is really cool. That's every boys dream. Yeah

Girls just want to like Do you love didn't have a good life and murder so though? Oh? Yeah, we're just like glorifying like war Do you love to have a good life and murder so dope? Oh, no, no. Oh, no. Yeah, we're just like glorifying like war. No, yeah, no, no, no. I like shooting guns at things that aren't a lot. Well, technically, if you think of like, you know, plants, if plants are all that.

If you think of like the world is like through the lens of Star Wars, everything is alive in a way. But how does that even mean? Just like the force runs through everything. It's just a matter of how the MCount and stuff like that. Thank you, Sensei. Should the fuck up? Um.

Ha ha ha ha. The force runs through everything. I didn't make up these rules George Lucas did, man. What a weird looking dude, by the way. And why does he have to sound like that? If you're gonna make, if you're gonna look like that, you gotta sound way cooler. That's an out thing when they're like,

I don't know. He's just like, You will get me a diet coke. Yeah, get me a diet coke. You will get me a diet coke. We don't have diet coke, George. God. You will get me a diet coke.

Yeah. But, yeah, that's fucking that alert. By the way, Oh, shut that shit up. Oh, God, he's back. He went back to it. Shut that shit up that alert by the way. Oh I really lean it in Joey someone's gonna screen screen grab that and there's gonna be like you're gonna be fucking The gay boys dessert this week Holy shit dude, you're really giving them something to work with Game boys deserve if there's anyone out there that has like a fetish for backs You just like fucking made their back is covered show me back

No, yeah, but like back, you know like doing back muscle stuff, you know like you just made like a bunch of people's weeks Okay I'm happy. Yeah, you should be yeah What else we got? Oh, the expensive wedgie we wanted to talk about. Yeah, this one got a wedgie and like you're suing? Yeah, so, Splish Splash, did I make that up? Yes.

Um, did I? A little bit. Uh, the story is a woman is suing Disney of all people. Oh, I mean, Sue, they got all the money in the world. You, you, you come for the king, you best not miss. You know, that's what I'm saying. The king being oh, so your king the anti-SMI? No, no, no, no. Walt Disney, frankly, loves Walt Disney and all the employees. No, Joey, the company I mean as a conglomerate, you know, it is a monster. This whole country is going to be bought by Disney one day.

Basically, yeah, we're going to be living in good theme parks though. Yeah, New the fucking the top of the Empire State Building's gonna have Mickey ears on it So there's I'm not gonna say the woman's name. It's out there if you want to find it. What's her name? Okay? First name is it like Svetlana. No, it's pretty normal Marissa by the way, I guess Svetlana is not normal. Well, it's not common. I think it's No, okay, I'm gonna get it. I know. Just describe her to me. Uh, white.

Okay. Jessica. No. But like playful white. Ooh. A playful white name. A playful white girl name. So is it like a nickname kind of?

Um, it could be, but it also could be the person's actual name does it end in why no ends in an a Rebecca no I already said Marissa is it the beginning of the alphabet or is the end of the output? I'm gonna give you a hint. Okay. I love him more. Oh Come on, baby. Emma. Yeah. I mean, that was too much of a hint, baby.

Oh, OK. I'll take it back. Try again. Emma. OK. But she went to Disney and is filing a firing and is filing a lawsuit against them for damages about $50,000.

Yeah, $50,000 for Disney, it's Disney, baby. We've got five million at least. Come on, go up, 50K. They make that a second. You know what she probably thinks? Like I could definitely get 50K because 50K is nothing in Disney, so they're probably like, whatever, just give it to her.

I guess so, but she on a trip to the water park went down the 214 foot Humonga cowabunga water slide Yeah, you know how a bongo my favorite part of this is there gonna be in a civil court and there should be like You're on her the humonga cowabunga. It's dangerous. It's very dangerous You're a cowabunga. It's too humonga. Yeah, it's too humonga and by the end of it She wasn't saying cowabunga. She was saying out my internal organs. Yeah, my's too humongous. And by the end of it, she wasn't saying cowabunga. She was saying, Ouch, my internal organs. Yeah, my Ouch, my Bunga.

Yeah. Ouch, my... She wasn't saying cowabunga, because her Bunga got cowed. Yeah. But she went down and she claims that as a result of the speed, height and everything, it caused a massive wedgie that caused a vaginal laceration and protruding bowels

Wait, wait, wait, wait, hold on it ripped her shit to shreds her asshole fell out move over Pete Molino Yeah, I'm not humanga cowabunga, you know Wait, so this fucking thing, she got a wedgie on a water slide and her ass hole fell out and it cut up her butt. It took fucking basically just like unzipped her from front to back. Oh my god. Dude, that's terrifying, but let's put that aside because this is a comedy podcast. Can we just say something? Great marketing. I want to go on the cowlbub.

Do it, yeah. Now everyone in the world is going to be lining up for that humonga cowlbub. This is a comedy podcast. Can we just say something? Great marketing. I wanna go on the cowboy. Yeah. Now everyone in the world is gonna be lining up for that humonga, cowboy, bunga. Yeah. Who doesn't want that? We'll tear you to shreds. And you make some money off of it? You know how many you could tear my ass?

Never mind. Say it. The amount is well. You fucking, you unlocked the door. You might as well open it. I was saying for a shot to sue Disney, it may be worth it. If it meant that you would get $50,000 when you rip your ass hole open. No, no, that's not enough.

Rip my egg, Frankie. What does that even mean? I know, that's a fucking, that's a spit in the pan for you. Is that an expression? Did you make that up? Did you smell? I, no, no, no. I need to know. I, that I need to know. A spit in the, I think I was going for drop in the bucket. Frank, I, I, this is a spit in the ocean, a spit in the UK, a spit in the eyes, a spit in the pan, it is not showing up, dude.

Spit in the pan, that's a spit in the pan for you. That's incredible. Well, we're gonna use that. I'm just, I feel bad for this woman, obviously. Read the room, though. Sweetie, I've gotten wedgies. I've gotten what, but not, not that. But how does you're, oh, with the real marketing here is for the fucking swimsuit. How does it not

rip if it's lacerated? Yeah, I'm sure them too. Soos, swimmies. Yeah, soos, the swim. Dude, come on. Who is Speedo, maybe? I don't know. I don't know. But everyone's making women swimsuits now. They're basically made of like fucking cardboard and like papyrus. I don't- So, you never know. They're not. Bro, go to like, you know, any of these like major like big box retail stores.

They have their own brands and shit. It's like target brand swimsuits. Yeah, but- Suit target! But like, those wouldn't rip? It wouldn't have ripped. It's gonna like, right up your fucking hole and turn your asshole inside out

before it rips, that's crazy. I've been down some fast water slides. Same. And I've, you know, the boys have the netting. That is never, I've never been down to anything like a humonga, cowbunga. I've gotten some like wedgies. Well, the biggest water slide was what,

the one that we went down at, uh, what was that water park? You just said it. Splish splash. The one that just goes fucking bing. Yeah, I didn't do that. I was too afraid. That's our humonga cow monga. Yeah, that was the cow monga, yeah. So, I've never had anything like this.

I've never gone on that because I'm too scared. I hope this woman gets everything she needs in order to, you know. I hope her butthole's okay. I hope. Well, vaginal lacerations, dude. Also, dude, you tear my asshole and pussy up I'm expecting way more than 50 a couple mill couple mill I mean when it comes to civil suits like this they need to literally be like all right

Well, you want all your medical things covered yes, which let's say that was $40,000. I'd be like y'all I need asshole reconstructive surge. I need and then I could I would say if I was the lawyer which guess what I need asshole reconstructive surge. I need, and then I could, I would say, if I was the lawyer, which guess what? It's time's over there. I'm not, not a lawyer. Right. I would say like, also the fact that I'm filing for this,

it will be public. The embarrassment of my name being out there. Right. My basically being like fucking mortal combat torn to shreds in my boom boom fgoof. Yeah. You know, I need more, I need a lot of money for that. Yeah, exactly.

I'd be like, yo, I have PTSD, I can't be around water anymore. Just keep it. Or parks. It can't be around water, can't be about parks. It's so hot. Completely ruined the teenage mutant Ninja Turtles for this woman. Yeah, even the Churros, because I had a churro before I got on. Exactly.

I mean, she'll be walking down the street and she'll hear a fucking Mikey Raff, Leo, and Donatella screamin' Cowabunga, and she fucking tenses up. You know, this is woman, I feel bad. I think she'll be alright though. I think her ass is alright. I don't think it fucking swimsuit could do that much damage. But I don't know. If you were defending Disney, what would your first question be?

How's your hole? Oh, well you need to see, you need to see the hole. Fucking thank god you're not a lawyer. No, it's true though. Oh, you're asking need to see, you need to see the whole fucking thank God you're not a lawyer. No, it's true though. Oh, you're asking to see this poor woman's fucking mangled ass? What do you, what do you, yes, you have to know? I would say what did you eat the day prior or that morning? What would that give you?

If she had some form of explosive diarrhea that could have made the situation worse? That's a later on question. So let's go over your like history of, question. So let's go over your history of, but yeah, let's go over Bud history. But I need to see the lacerations. I need to see that your asshole turned inside out. I'm sure you go to rodin.com. Joey, you can find all that stuff.

I have seen that stuff. It's disgusting. Do you remember the power lifter one? That's the one that always comes back to me. And his ass go out. Yeah, oh my goodness gracious. It looked like a rose bud. We have more sponsors sponsors by the way.

I swear to God we do. You promise? I do. We might not have to this episode. Maybe. But we do have stamps.com. Stamps.com, all you need is a computer and a printer. You get all of the services of the post office,

write at your fingertips. You can buy and print official US Postage right on your computer. If you need a package pickup, you can use your schedule at throstamps.com on the dashboard. If you sell products online, it will seamlessly connect you

with every major marketplace and shopping cart. They've been doing this for 25 years. I mean, they've been indispensable for over 1 million businesses. It's great. And also, not only that, not only saving you time, but not having to go to the store, but you also are getting discounts that are only online,

like up to 84% off USPS and UPS rates, to help your bottom line. So you can sign up with the promo code basement for a special offer that includes a four week trial, plus free postage, and a digital scale, that's at stamps.com. No long-term commitments or contracts or anything like that. Just go to stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the page and enter the code basement. Again,

stamps.com, click the microphone at the top of the page and type in in basement. Lastly here here we have Babel Babel baby Babel is gonna have you learn another language. It is the best It's the best at what it does, okay? This says one in five Americans Wait, what do you call a person who speaks three languages? Multi-lingual or poly-lingual That speaks three languages. Oh, tryling. Oh, sorry Jesus. So what do you call someone who speaks two languages?

bilingual. What do you call someone who speaks one? American that's literally what it says. Maybe I'm just great at what I do, but did you know that? No, honestly Anyway, only 22% of Americans speak a language other than English at home So Babel can help you do that and you could start speaking a new language in just three weeks. Okay? Babel is great though, because it works. I've used Babel, it's awesome, it's a good way to kind of gamify it too. It keeps you engaged like through the app. Instead of paying hundreds of dollars for a private tutor, Babel's quick ten-minute lessons

are designed by over 150 language experts to help you start speaking a new language and as little as three weeks. So who doesn't want to learn another language? Okay. I've been to Europe twice in my life. Everyone there speaks another language or they speak like five and I speak one and I feel pathetic. So, Babel is great at helping you when you're insecure when it comes to languages. Special learning time deal for our listeners, to get you started right now,

get 55% off your babble subscription, but only for our listeners at babble.com slash basement, that is 55% off babble. 55% off at babble.com slash basement, spelled B-A-B-B-E-L, dot com slash basement, okay? By the way, studies from Yale, Michigan, state, and others that prove that Babel is better.

One study found that 15 hours of Babel is equivalent to a full semester at college. Let's learn a language folks, okay? Rules and restrictions may apply, but again, 55% off at babel.com slash basement. So get to it folks. I'll learn another language, maybe something hot. What's the hottest language?

We've went over this I think. Yeah, so I'm not gonna even answer your question. I will say after the story we just talk about, you can't, the next ad read, you can't talk about the bottom line. You can't do that. That's just, that's just two fortuitous. What?

Never mind. Joey, I know we don't have much time left in the show. I think we're gonna be okay, we're gonna live. We're gonna live. It's like a scene in movies like we don't have much time. In this episode. But our boy, we were talking about him earlier, our boy Donald Trump is back.

More of your boy, I know you're a big, big Trump fan. Why do you? And he was recently at a rally. Just learned his words a little bit, kind of similar to United States. United, and he posed a question that he spoke about during his rally, that I think you and I need to weigh in on. Trump said he would rather be electrocuted than die from getting eaten by a shark. How did this come up at a political rail?

I, Joey, I watched a clip. Eon's Dumber than I was prior. There wasn't, there's no point. I don't, I honestly wouldn't be able to tell you. He just, he just like brought it up. He's like, show I did it. Who was that? I don't know.

What the hell was that? He said, so I did it. Oh, he, I don't get me. I'm not going to recreate the whole thing, but he said that he'd rather be electrocuted than eaten by a shark. So, my question to death. To death? To death?

Yeah, electrocution. To death. Electrocution. The cush means that it's fatal. Okay. Is that true? Electrocution. Yeah. Execution. Electrocution yeah. Execution, electrocution.

But you can get electrocuted. Yeah, but it's an electro shock technically. Oh, electrocution? Yeah, the cution is like that. So if I said electrocution, that means I'm dying. Yeah, okay. Yeah. But electrocuted means like you just got a little

Bing-Bing boom. Got it, yeah. You know, you've been electrocuted, right? Oh, yeah, tons of times. Me too. It's all right, tons of, that's like you just got a little Bing Bang boom. You know, you've been a luxury, right? Oh, yeah, tons of times. Me too. It's all right, tons of, that's like four times. I used to carry around those prank pens in middle school. I hated those.

Oh, I loved them. It's fucked up pens for me for my whole life, like forever. Yeah. I was like, you want to piece a gum? Oh. You called a gum and ate a luxury, excuse me. I told the story. I had one of those, but it was the one that was a mouse trap

and I broke my grandmother's finger Still you tell that on the show I did it's still funny. It's still funny I fucking I forget everything we say on the show 78 79 year old fucking grandmother her fingers are Who's demented by the way And you made her And yeah, bro it fucked their Come on Demetit grandma have fucking better bones come on. What is this shit drinks to more? 80 bro. Oh, we wanted to do something something better bro. That's the worst part about getting old your bones Don't make excuses your bones. Hey

Shit bones hey You're bone excuse your bones. Hey, I'm not my fault. She had shit bones. Hey Not my fucking phone. Hey, hey Demented grandma take this piece of gum. You're actually a mouse track really really honing in on this Demented part. She was Demented. She was but that's not the part of it It wasn't that dimension that broke her finger. It was the fucking it was the osteoporosis But it those pens fucked me up for the rest of my life. She broke her. Yeah, bro, she was like, yeah, no problem. Let me take this fucking piece of gum.

Dude, and also like old women, love gum. No, but that's not what it's called. Bro, no like old women love gum. No, I'm not. No, no, no. Old women love gum. Do they? Dude, gum, butterscotch candies, werethers, originals, those strawberry candies that you don't know where they're from. Go buy them.

I love them. I do, they're good, but where are they from? I got no. Yeah, she. But I'm saying, you could put your thumb on an old woman and she'll bruise and you fucking put a mouse strap on your grandma's finger, dude Well to my defense I was younger no

You were younger never mind forget about the whole thing. Yeah, I would I get a free pass or whatever happened because I was younger Okay, yeah, that's the way the world works Joey. No, it isn't yeah But so I'm posting this question I'm posting this question to you. I had all those pranks bro if there was something you're a prankster big prankster We were young You want to hear somebody there was a if they sold it in Spencer's gifts your boy had it was using it all the time God Frank you love that store. Oh my god. It's like, you want a dildo? Well, no, no, no, I didn't know dildos.

I wasn't using dildos. Don't you dare. I wasn't saying to use dildos. I'm saying they sold dildos there. They were like in the shape of a unicorn or something. No, that was before that. It was just like the back part where it would be like, fucking like, you want like sex candy?

And it's like, it made no sense. Edible fucking lingerie. What? And it wasn't even like edible. It was like a fruit roll up that they just made into underwear. Which kind of sick. I don't want to eat your underwear, dude.

They also made the worst candy ever invented into underwear. Do you remember that? Remember those like the necklaces? Candy necklaces? And the candy bracelets? First of all, I like candy necklaces. Yeah, but they were for the appeal. Like that you would have a fucking piece of rubber and you could eat it like that

Yeah, but then like my whole wrist would get like sticky. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that shit Also, what do I look like doing this? Hold on one sec. What time is it? Yeah, yeah stupid I loved all those like prank things. I had all of them dude one time I tried to play a prank on someone in my house and I was like oh because I saw something online I was like you put a bucket of water yeah What happened I put a bucket of water on a door that was a jar so that when someone would open you just say open

It was a jar. It wasn't open if it was open. I couldn't put it on there You think a jar means you stupid bitch Slightly open dumbass. No, that's not what it means. I guarantee anyway Did you said fortitude before I can't say a jar or fuck it for tourists idiot whatever same stupid Why are you getting so incredulous over the fact that I'm saying that a jar actually just means open? It does it means slightly open No. It means open. OK, so if the door's fully open, where does the bucket of water go? You can just say, you can just say slightly open.

We would have avoided this entire fucking water. Or I could just say a jar, and we could move forward. So anyway, the door is a jar. Like this, right? It was fortuitously a jar, incredulously. And I put a bucket of water up there. I think it was my mom or something. Walks into the bathroom. And I'm sitting bucket of water up there. I think that was my mom or something.

Walks into the bathroom. And I'm sitting there just waiting. I'm like, this is gonna be the greatest day ever. Because the idea is that I think just pours on to the person. And you go, oh my god, you're so wet. And you run away. Open the door. It's fine.

It did not turn. Just fell straight down. Bank. And landed on the ground. And no water came out of it And then my mom just turned around looked at me and I was like Yeah, didn't have nothing happened nothing good big prank Joe nailed it the best prank that I've ever I've probably hit the best prank that I have ever done

I I've told the story about the prank I pulled on my sister when I got a bloody nose That was the craziest thing I've ever done that that. That is like literally like your nuts. That was pretty nuts. I'm, BOOM! Ah! Ah! Dude, are you alright? I don't know.

I'm just, what the fuck is happening? What is going on? I'm okay, I'm alright. That's all you try to eat your own tongue. Uh, no, but I think I've told this story too, but nonetheless we have new fans. I'm gonna tell it again.

We, my brothers and I, like the basement was where our bedrooms were. You remember that, you know? And my brothers, we would play pranks on each other every now and then. They thought one that would be hilarious would be my brothers went to the bathroom. They wiped their butt. They put the shit paper towel, not paper towel, the toilet paper in a cup and put it in, hit it in my room. I don't think you've told the story, because I don't remember this. I definitely have. So the room smelled like shit.

Like it smelled like not, and like there's a difference between when someone says, like, oh, that smells like shit. When you actually smell like fresh raw air. Poop, poop. There is nothing like that. Yeah, there's nothing like poop. It's a crazy smell.

You know poop. You know poop, like poop leaving a butt and the lingering smell is very different from like poop sitting out in the air Yeah, wild and my room smelled like shit like bad and I was like, oh, this is this is good But this is good like like this is a good prank. Oh, not good that my room smelled like fucking Raw poop So I was like all right the thing that people know about me, if you prank me, I am going to prank you back 1,000 times

worse. 100 times worse. 100,000 is what I meant to say. So I took their poop, you know, toilet paper, which was plentiful. It wasn't like not a lot of poop. And I like put it into two cups and I measured my brother's height and I hung it from their doorway in like the middle of the night.

So way on. What are you saying to me? What do you hang? I hung the poop cup. Okay. The poop cup. I hung it from their door, like in their dorm frame. So in the morning, they opened their door and they walked out and they got hit in the

face with poop cup. But how? It's in the cup. No, I hung the cup. I like, so like the cup would normally be like this. I hung it from the door frame. Like that. It was paper, it was toilet paper shoved in a cup, which shit all over it. So I hung it. I like taped it was paper it was toilet paper shoved in a cup with shit all over it

So I hung it I like taped it like this and like the back so I guess it wouldn't do this yeah Yeah, so when they woke up they walked right into poop cup It's a good one you guys are sick You guys are sick. This is happening. There's shit. You have shit games that you played Well, you know it's boys being boys Joey covered each other and shit Just the boys me and boy we did wipe in my shit on my brain We took pranks a little more seriously in our household. Sorry that yours failed our pranks never failed We had good pranks you were sitting there not getting the fucking water to dump on your mom

Meanwhile, I was covering my face and blood pranking my family thought thought I was mass murdered and then, you know, poop cup. Yeah, dude, you guys are awesome. Shitting each other's rooms. The fuck? Shovel this shit in a cup in hiding in this room. Well, listen. How did you find the cup? Did you follow the smell?

I have a very good sense of smell, Joey. Hearing, smell, that's it. The other senses are okay. Yeah, your sight sucks, right? My sight is not good, really. Why don't you get a context or something? I, well, I'm getting a new insurance plan that has vision and your boy might be getting some new glasses.

I don't wanna. Are you gonna wear a context? Probably not. Why? Because I, I, I fear the idea of falling asleep and having them behind my eyes. One, I've slept in my contacts all the time. It doesn't happen.

How do you know? How do you know there are not a bunch of contacts behind your eyes right now? How do you think I know? How do you think that would happen? And I wouldn't know. That's a good question. That's the better question.

Do you get headaches? How do you know it's not from the context that could be behind your eyes? When they're in my eyes, I can see. When they're not in my eyes, I can't see. So if I sleep in them, yeah, but what if you wake up in the morning and you can't see and you're like, oh, my,

so then what? Then I go to my context case, where I would have to put them in, and there's nothing in there. So where are they? They're in behind your eyeball. Right. So then I would be aware that it happened. So it has happened is what you're referencing. That's not. Are you even following along? I am. Because I'm telling you it's never happened. And then you're like, how would you know?

That's how I would know. Because that would have happened. I don't know. I think that you're not. I don't know. You're the 1% here in many ways and I think also You know how you could you could like avoid sleeping in them Don't like you have full. Yeah, but Joey It's easier for someone that can just stay awake and go to sleep at whatever they want. That's not true Yeah, I night you could I take them out and I put my glasses on sometimes I fall asleep without realizing it Not in my bed and in my bed cool. You're what you without realizing it. Not in my bed, and in my bed. Cool.

What are you? Narcoleptic? I'm not narcoleptic. Careful, that is a real fiction out there that really affects tens of 20s of people. Yeah. But I like glasses. I don't like contacts because I can touch my eye. I have no problem touching my eye,

but I would rather like, we're afraid of change. Stylish glasses. Yeah, what's wrong with that? Oh, I wore them here, but they're in my car, I guess. Yeah. Because you can't see on the roads. Yeah, no, it's getting bad, actually.

I would be interested in, oh, do you know your prescription? No, I haven't gotten, the last time I had a vision appointment was 2012, 2013. That's when I got the glasses I currently have. So you don't remember what your prescription was? Oh, is it bad?

No, it's not too bad. Like I can see right now perfectly fine. Like I can read, you know, you can read, I can read. But like if it were, like I can't, you squint. Vision and I do squint, that's my issue, is I put a lot of pressure on my pupils. Because you can't see, that's why. No, but I can, and I think the squinting is just a habit.

I think that maybe you just don't know how good vision is when you're visioning is, well, what? What the fuck does that even mean? I don't know. All right, we got gotta wrap up here Joey. Yeah, would you rather be electrocuted or eaten by a shark? Eating by a shark, wake alert. 100% yeah, you know how dumb you already get electrocuted?

No, I would, but you don't know when you're gonna eat by a shark, at least you know, like I'm fighting a shark. Yeah, oh, oh, he died. Also, how would you fight a shark? If you're getting bit by a shark, what would you do? Punch the nose, that's what everyone says. Oh, I go right for the eyes. Oh no, they say the nose is like,

you can like hypnotize sharks. Oh yeah, when you're seeing someone that like they've like turned sharks upside down by like punching their nose and shit like that. I mean, if my leg is in its mouth though, I'm grabbing the eyes. My legs in its mouth, that leg is gone. I'm fucking tearing at the eyes.

That can't. Oh, I'm going right for the nose. I'm beating that thing. Listen, but you got a punch in water. Punching in water is like difficult, bro Yeah, it's like yeah That thing is fucking that's why I have a sensitive stupid ass noses What that's why I have sensitive stupid noses because they're in water all the time. Oh What a great fish, you know, that's a really good fish mammal Who cares?

I don't think so. I really want to see a whale. I'm not going to go over that again, but I've been getting a lot of content about whales or it lately, and I just like, I'm back in it. Like people on boats being like, what is that? And also, no fucking... BAM! I've seen too many videos recently of whale swallowing people, destroying yachts.

It's like, what's leave them alone? Well, not fucking killer whales, dude. I'm talking about like blue whales. Oh, you'll still be swallowed by a fucking blue whale, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll be swallowed by a blue whale. And then you're gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, no, no.

Why, why? This isn't Pinocchio. You can't start a fire in there and like, sit and cook a weenie. I'm not saying that. I don't want to get swallowed by it. I'll like, but I'll definitely like, you know, it doesn't want to eat me, so it's not gonna come after I'll like, but I'll definitely like, you know, it doesn't want to eat me,

so it's not gonna come after me. Yeah, but if it feels like threatened by you, you do have a bit of a threatening aura, I'm gonna get a little bit. How can the biggest animal in the world be threatened by little on me? Oh, because sometimes people have big hearts and they're emotional and they are in tune with,

you know, it's the way that people are feeling and they just feel you have a threatening aura. The whale. Is it gonna feel that way about me? It fucking very well could be, Joey. Tell me what you know about whales to prove me wrong. I'm talking about threatening. I don't think he's gonna like you, buddy.

Bitch, I am the least... You just start screaming. You just pissed off a whale, probably. Joey, I wouldn't go to the beach. Joey, the whales are gonna go by and they're gonna see you with that sailors mustache and the fucking white skin They're gonna be like all this is the asshole and you probably would wear something on the water like a striped Blue and white shirt cuz you're fucking dumb. No, no, no, no

You would you have those shirts you do Overalls you think sailors don't wear overalls. No, I'm saying that's what I I would that's more like yeah They're gonna be like oh this guy definitely is here to poach me Yeah, and then they'd be like watch this and they'd fucking shoot you out their blowhole That would be sick that would be actually I kind of now I want that to happen. I would do a back flip No, you wouldn't I would be terrified Wouldn't that be dope though like do you think if you laid on a whale's back like on its blowhole though, like do you think if you laid on a whale's back like on its blowhole like this and it shot out of the ball hole that you would like get sent in the sky. I don't know. Let's

ask Emma. Who the fuck is that? How about Bunga? How about Bunga? How about Bunga? How about Bunga? How what was it called? How are you doing? How about Bunga? No. How about Bunga? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you. How are you? Why are we? Higher tower higher bunker. No hunger Bunga hunger Bunga. Cowabunga. No. No, what I really don't remember I'm not even kidding right now. I feel a little bit of like how about Kawa Bunga? I feel that's dumb. I feel panic Haga how in a bugger Kawa Bunga. I don't know. I feel. What is it? K- Joey, I don't know why I'm freaking out right now. Kanga Bunga. Hold on.

If you give me like a minute, I'm just- I'm working it out. I know what you're trying to do, but I really don't care. Kanga Bunga. Kawa Bunga. Kanga Bunga. Maybe? Um.

He was like, I'm going to be a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like Kawa Bunga, Hunga Bunga. Maybe? Um...Humanga Kawa Bunga. Humonga? Kawa Bunga? That doesn't even sound right right now. We are so stupid. Kawa Bunga Kawa Bunga, what did I say? Our sounds better from being honest.

I don't know, is Humonga Kawa Bunga? Yeah, that's why I made the joke about Yeah, I know yeah, humonga cowbonga. Yeah, huh. Wait humonga, right? Yeah, I already forgot Yeah, it's alright anyway Frank where can it find you? The Falver is 885 on Twitter the Frank Alvarez and all the forms of social media and then you can go follow the show everywhere. Yeah I don't know why I said that so hard. Yeah, go follow show at the base me on a ticsok and Instagram go follow me at Joe Santa Gato and that is all patreon no patreon patreon. I come to the club Patreon.com slash the base me are no say how I said it

and Yeah, go follow the show and yeah, that is always see you guys next time By the shirts!