The Basement Yard - #450 - The Attack Of The Tic Tac

Episode Date: May 13, 2024

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Welcome back to the bas- BASSMEN YARD Welcome back to the Basmen Yard, I'm here with my co-host, a bottle of Gogurt. Pfft- Pfft-hahahahaha First of all, Gogurt's coming tubes, you stupid bitch! Well, you- Well, ehh...

If you're- if you're gonna come at- If you're gonna shoot for the king, you best not fucking miss. Gogurt's coming tubes. Uh, but I will say you look like- Now, if it was- Wherever's inside of you tastes delicious oh that was like anything that's packaged with those colors you're like that I know inside that tastes good this is like I'm I am I will say this my color scheme today is like Danimals

yogurt drink I will I will agree you are Easter I I am Easter. I am I actually wore this on Easter I am also like the old tricks yogurt Yeah, that was not yogurt guys was it not dude sugar Yeah, yeah, but it's probably you know, it's probably like a probiotic in it. Maybe you think prebiotic You think that that they were just, let's make this Trix yogurt healthy. No, I doubt that it was actually real yogurt. I highly doubt it. It was probably more.

What is yogurt? Milk? Cultured milk, yeah. Kind of like bacteria is like fucking in there and stuff like that. Dude, you know how you're not supposed to eat mold yeah Right you eat mold but like I don't eat mold, but I'm saying like I saw a video of like blue cheese Yeah, that's mold

But why can't we eat that mold? I don't know maybe there's something. It's it's like good mold. There's good molds bad molds, babe There's good. There's good like mushrooms and fungus and stuff like that There's good versions of it. You can eat and then there are others that you can't there's some gross mushrooms are mold their mushrooms They're mold. They're they're fungus Spore yeah, it's a fungus is more Tomato tomato, right? I don't I think I think they are kind of like mold Like moldy I'll be honest. I I think they are kind of like mold. Like moldy.

I'll be honest. I love a good mold. Like smell of like mold in a basement or something like that. Wait what? You like the smell of mold? Well like just leave me out of it. I'm not sitting there sniffing black mold. I'm alright. So what's your favorite mold? I like like a dingy...

Like a leaky basement? Like a dingy leaky basement. I do why because it's just like I like it I don't know but you're it didn't your house like go underwater or some shit like your thing exploded. What was the thing that exploded? First of all my house didn't go underwater exaggerating, but we had a small leak Be said there was a bunch of water on the ground There's a little bit of water, but like you must have enjoyed that is my point well No, I didn't enjoy it because you like the smell of I I will say that I Do like a good basement smell there's something about a basement smell that is just nice You're like a little musty and like you get like you know like the humidity and like the water

Moisture and like it's just fucking just you're a dirty whore a little bit yeah yeah Jesus Christ it's just nice it's nice but like you like mold I like mold black truffles white truffles I do then those are molds babe yeah you know mushrooms I like mushrooms you like mushrooms yeah you, but then like when those, when like fruit get like stupid, like hairy and shit like that. What is that about? Oh man.

I've had some strawberries in my fridge and then I look at them and I'm like, this thing's got hair now? Yeah, I don't like, I don't like. Like Albert Einstein's hair starts growing out of the strawberries. I don't like, do you remember when people lied to us or maybe they didn't,

I just don't care to find out when they said that like if you leave mayonnaise in the sun it'll Grow hair or some shit like that There's a like put out a plate of mayonnaise and it'll like in the Sun and it'll start to like grow hairs Which like why would I care if that happened? No, just I was like I thought it was cool You think any dudes who are evolving were were like, put mayonnaise on that shit. Gotta put mayonnaise.

Bro, bald people are just trying to fucking figure it out. Bro, I've seen video, first of all, I went down a wild rabbit hole one day. A bald guy rabbit hole. It was a bald guy rabbit hole where dudes who are like, they're thinning and stuff, and then they just shave it, and then they just shave it and then they put glue down And they put like the most amazing to pay on that like stays the fuck on yeah And then they barber like barbers it cuts it dude, and then they're like good dude They're fucking and they're really good good dude the place where I go to get my haircut

Has a guy that does that he's he but he's super secretive. Oh, like the people come in and they like throw a curtain up and like and then they walk out fucking full head of hair. They walked in looking like idiots. Yeah, I'm not referencing that people didn't hair idiots. Well, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. And then they leave there just like head of hair.

That's kind of cool. But now I'm a swim with that. But now I like look around. It's like head of hair. That's kind of cool. Can you swim with that? But now I look around. It's like Invasion of the Body Snatchers. I look around and I'm just like, which one of you guys are the fucking fakers here? Who's got the fake hair? Some people just have great hairlines, great hair.

You have a great hairline. Listen, it is a blessing. I really truly believe that. And I gave it to Maeve and Ruby and Becca said she's like Ruby's hair is the fifth love of her life. She's got really good hair. She's got great hair dude bouncing curls beautiful golden brown locks. Yeah. Alright. How you doing? Beautiful golden brown. How you doing? And now here's the question I have for you because

Fire away. The question I mean. Yeah. I'm a little confused. After earlier you told me whatever goo is inside me tastes delicious or some shit. First of all, You said goo. No one mentioned goo!

Who said goo? And I misspoke. I was trying to talk fast. I think that was a Freudian slip. You wish, bitch! I don't wish. Hold on, before we move any further. I know this is gonna sound like I'm making it up again,

but I promise I had another dream. Yo, what's wrong with you lately? Maybe I'm just sleeping well, I don't know. Sleeping well, or what do you eat? Because there are people that say, like, if you eat stuff before bedtime, or certain things before bedtime, it, like, makes your dreams like fucking

Lucid I don't really eat lucid dreams wasn't that a rap album or something like that. I don't know Anyway, I had a dream Yeah, I think it was I can't This is so stupid, but I've been having like very wild dreams Yeah, first for those you guys that don't remember, last week's episode we talked about it, Joey had a dream that my dad full on fat shamed someone at one of our shows. Called her a fat fuck.

Fat fuck and then like in the middle of our shows, which there were only like 40 people there too. Yeah it was. So like it's, like this was a nightmare. Yeah. And you know, that's what happened. But I wrote this, this was at 3.26 a.m. I wrote this.

The fact that you have, I will say this, it is impressive that you have the wherewithal to wake up and immediately go to write something down. Dude, that happens all the times. Like sometimes, all the times? What am I saying? It happens all the time though. Sometimes I'll wake up out of my sleep and like a joke will come to me and I'll just write it down.

That's very strange. I know, right? But good. That's great. I guess, you know, cause if you're sleeping you're not. This guy is so fucking business boy that he fucking does work in his sleep where he's just like, he's like, oh I gotta be on it. And like you fucking dream about work, you loser. So dude, so I don't, okay. Don't read it as you wrote it. I am. Don't do some shit where you try to make sense of it.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I wanna be able to set the scene as well. Because now I had to read it real quick so I could remember what was going on. So it says, Dream where woman just started giving birth. Okay. Right. So now I remember I'm in a house

and there's a woman she's giving birth but she's not it doesn't look like a baby dude like she's giving birth to like a sack that has a possibly a baby in it but it was like well that's a thing that's a real thing the amniotic sack I know but like it was in the sack yeah that happens that that can happen okay but this looked very big I mean they're they're a big baby. I was a big baby. Dude, I'm talking about this was the size of a three-year-old. And the sack was around it as well. I guess that could happen as well.

I don't know that it can happen. Okay, were you a big baby? I don't know. You don't know your weight and height and stuff like that? No, what am I gonna do with that information? Just have it, Joey. Six pounds, three ounces. You're a small baby I don't know though. Oh, I don't know. I was a big baby

Anyway So listen I had a dream where a baby started giving birth and then and then I shit on the floor So listen listen hold on hold on hold on I Shit on the ground. Like you prepped to like you squatted down or like you accidentally pooped. No, so I guess it was accidentally, but it didn't really feel like I, like it felt like I had an option here. I'm in a house.

I mean, I hope you have an option. Yeah, to like use a bathroom. Oh, but you chose not to. Yeah, that's what I'm standing there, right? and there's like a couch right in front of me like this So I'm kind of blocked But I'm in a room of people and like it was almost like you're giving one of those at-home births I'm sure giving birth to basically a fucking like yeah Yeah, a horse and it's coming out and I kind of just know literally it looked like a sleeping bag

But it was a little like see-through. Like Cocoon-a? Oh, Cocoon, bro. No, no, no, not a Cocoon. I know Cocoon-a, yeah. Cocoon-a, the Pokemon. It wasn't green though. It was more like a maroonish brown.

Which is... Oh, Cocoon-a's also not green. That's Metapod. Oh, yellow. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, Joey. Oh, yeah, that's where you draw the line. I fucked up metapod and cocoon

How can you survive okay? But it was kind of like I was wearing shorts And I kind of just like opened up the bottom of my short and took a couple of shits on the ground gross But I think there's something about it that's actually kind of endearing go on Yeah, and then and then I said and picked it up with Espo shirt He has two outfits laid out on the bed near me. Oh, so I guess it wasn't a couch, it was like a bed. So there's a bed in this room that this person, by the way, whom was giving birth?

I don't know, I don't remember. You don't know the woman? An indiscriminate woman giving birth within feet of you. It was clearly someone that me and Espo know. And you guys, how many, I guess you know a good amount of women like that. Yeah, it seems like an older woman kind of? Not like old as hell, but like, you know, like a 50-year-old or something.

Okay, alright. Which is like not typical for giving birth. So he had two outfits, this is what I wrote, he has two outfits laid out on bed near me. While everyone watched the birth, I used one of his shirts and I picked up my own shit. Yeah, gotcha. And then I threw it out. I guess that shows what you think of it.

I think. And that was the dream. I'm gonna go out on a limb here, Joey. Are you gonna dissect this? I think I shall. Okay. Normally I try to find reasons for why you might be. Having a dream.

Piece of shit. Oh yeah, having a dream too. Oh. But like a piece of shit. A real bad guy. I think this was a very like endearing dream that you had subconsciously. Because it's like I'd rather stay.

No, because it is a thing that when women give birth, Sometimes they crap. Okay. And I think that maybe you in order to take pressure off of this woman who was birthing apparently a fucking... She was... One of the carts on the 7 train.

Yeah. It looked like a full burrito. You decided to draw... That is disgusting. No, but like... Huge though. You decided to draw attention away from her, make her feel more comfortable... By shitting on the floor?

By crapping yourself. Yeah. It's like in Billy Madison, you know, when Billy Madison wets his pants after the kid pisses his pants. By the way, way too old for a kid to piss his pants that much. Craziness, right?

Wild piss. What grade were they actually in? That was like, ffff, argh. He's like, oh, I had an accident. It's like bro. You're too old for accidents my guy It's got to be first or second grade Like that's all that and that's not a little accident dude that kid fucking pissed his pants. Yeah, you took a fucking I'm not gonna look it up. It's got to be like first second or third grade. It's one of those yeah Because Brad pissed my pants since I've been allowed on a bus you know what I mean?

I have I have gotten a little trickle in my pants But that was like once you start peeing you stop to pee elsewhere. Yeah, that was the wildest accident I've ever heard Also, they're at like a farm dude piss anywhere The place already smells like piss and shit. No one's gonna be upset and it's the 90s, dude You know what? I'm gonna throw you a bone here because earlier you said that you'd like to smell moldy basements You like to smell like horse shit and I horse

I kind of like the smell of like being on a farm and it's like it smells like shit in the hay Yeah, I don't mind that though. I do kind of like that too. Why do I not care? Because like a big mountain of horse shit, I'd be like too much. When it's mixed with hay, I'm like I kind of feel comfortable. Well I assume most fruits and vegetables that you eat at some point had you know lived amongst shit. Manure is a fucking big-time fertilizer. Mm-hmm. But like... I kind of like cow shit I

Hate seeing it come out the cow though I Don't You like watching cows assholes. I oh who didn't say I didn't say that she did no Oh, I also am thinking of horses, bro You ever see like a rhino take a dump and their tail just like kind of slaps of hippos hippos That's dude hippos. It's like shitting in a fan. Yeah That's what it looks like look up a video of a hippo shitting clear your history afterwards But like look up a video of a hippo shitting their tails

Knocks it everywhere which is honestly kind of smart of a hippo shitting their tail is just like want one? I used to want a tail really bad But I don't want a tail anymore. I don't think I don't know if I want one. Maybe I would I'm not quite sure The debate is out. I feel like having a tail would be pretty cool. You could like whip it around people know when you're happy well whip it around people know when you're happy well if you all tails wag when they're happy right I know dogs do how are they attached to a motion because it's just like when you're so fucking pumped you're better whack my I don't like wag my ass when I'm hype what do you do you smile I smile exactly dogs

can't smile the way that humans can I've seen dogs smile come on All right, so they wag their tail they wag their fucking ass Yeah, they get real happy I'm telling you right now if some study comes out in like five years, and they're just like when dogs wag It's cuz they're like nervous. I don't care yeah You've ingrained in me that they're happy when they wag leave it at that yeah But it's weird that we got on the topic of like cow shit and stuff. Do you remember? You're using cow shit as the jumping point of your conversation.

Yeah, because you're talking about animals and farms and shit and they just reminded me. Do you remember horny goat weed? Yeah, like the dick pill? You remember it? Yeah, I never took it. I know that it was like there when I went to go buy gum. It was like in my face.

It was like, can I have a winter fresh and there's horny goat weed staring at my face. Bro, so there was, I don't know if everyone knows about this, but like definitely New York City and I imagine it's also in other inner cities, but like bodegas used to have like right next to like fucking Publicious and Bazooka Joe, they would have on a rack and it's called horny goat weed. And it was just like a guy and a girl kissing. Oh, I thought it had a goat on it.

Or maybe some of the packaging, but I remember one, it was just like a guy and a girl, like, you know, like the, to thought it had a goat on it or maybe maybe some of the packaging there But I remember one it was just like a guy and a girl like you know like the to make it boner pills boner pills Honestly, what do you think those were? What do you mean like ingredients mm-hmm Cigarettes yeah some sort of Blood stimulant. Yeah? What if I told you it's just like a real life plant?

What do you mean? It's a fucking plant. That's it. There's a crushed up plant? Yeah. Which plant? Bro, I'm thinking, when I saw those pills, I've never taken them by the way. You?

No. I've never imagined that they were like anything other than just like crushed up dirt from an alleyway. And like they like fucking mixed in some Spreeze or something, you know, like a real like low tier. Underrated candy honestly. Oh no, don't care for them. You don't care about a Spreeze? Spreeze could take it and suck it. No

It absolutely can Yeah, I don't I don't mind sprees. Oh glad someone likes them, but it's an actual just it's just a fucking plant Dude, which plant it's called a Epimedium epimedium Also known as barren wart. Bishop's hat. That sounds like a dick. It sounds like a circumcised dick.

Fairy wings. That doesn't sound like a circumcised dick. Horny goat weed or yin yang hoo. I should probably, that last one we could cut out. Why? It's in Chinese and I fucked it up. Ying yang? Yin yang huo. How do you say huo? H-U-O, huo, huo. That last one we could cut out. Why? It's in Chinese and I fucked it up. Yin Yang? Yin Yang Hua

How do you say Hua? HUO. Hua? Hua? Oh, that's okay. We tried. It's a Fucking plant. It's just a plant that makes your cock hard Now I feel like safe about it. I always thought that I would have it and my heart would explode. Is that not crazy? It's so the species used as a dietary supplement is epimedium grandiflorum. It contains ichorin, which is a weak PDE-5 inhibitor in vitro.

Its clinical effects are unknown, while there is little clinical evidence to date as selendifil, vargenifil, so under the brands Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis. They're all based on stronger PDE5 inhibitory action. So this plant- Didn't hear any of that, but good. Okay, this plant is used to just fucking give rock-hard cocks.

That I knew. But a plant, dude? Oh, the plant, no, the plant part. I thought that this fucking guy at this deli was just trying to rip people off. I thought it was lab made. You know what I'm saying? Exactly. Never in a million years would I have imagined it's just a regular plant.

How did that come up in your life? Like how did you figure that out? We did an episode of The Basement Yard Patreon, Jaganow, where we talked about like plants and stuff like that and health foods. Remember where I torched you on the Keeping It Frank segment? That didn't happen. And I stumbled upon horny goatweed and found out it's just real things. Oh.

Well, bro, imagine being out in the world and just being like... And all of a sudden, boner time, I got to go fuck my Neanderthal wife. Yeah. You know? Do you... What do you think their vaginas were like? Trash, dude. Like, just like? Gross.

Probably. And listen, that's OK, because the dicks were probably twice as worse. Way worse, dude. Dude, two Neanderthals having sex in a cave, what does that smell like, dude? You know what I'm saying? And then how do you give birth in a cave?

And then the baby comes out and it lands in the muck. Yeah, I just imagine- How does it live, survive? I imagine like when Neanderthals lived it was just like tar pits. And like... Caves. Just nothing, like just like yeah, like caves- A lot of hair hair

caves one eyebrow Mmm. Yeah, yeah strong brow absolutely huge teeth They got like they do like the hair thing with the bone Do you know that's like well documented of like the first woman to give a BJ? What and there's a picture of her they like try to create the picture of her have you seen it she got she got bing bangs first woman to give Blow Johnson That's imagine being known for something like that well she won't know well, maybe she does maybe she'd be with us

Where is it? I've seen a history of oral sex wait. How do they how could they trace it back to her? What you found would just uh-oh? There's like a hieroglyphic image here that I'm not gonna show but it's a woman doing doing doing sex on mouth. Where is it? I'll just go to images because I've seen the picture before like oh, this is the first woman that was like All right with the blurred imaging a malgrown adult Joey one um you go back to the blurred imaging these are not the first woman these are just women current women current gotcha okay, well Let me tell you let me ask you this. Yes. Time travel.

We bring a Neanderthal woman into today's age. We bring her in? We bring her into today's age. Yeah. You let her- No. No? No, not at all. Not one bit.

Not one second. What if she's just like, mm, yeah. Which she would. World's first documented bludge. How do you document that? Hieroglyphics? Around the 24th century BC, the sun god Ra and the creator god Alam created. Hey, man, these are myths. The sun god Ra in Egypt.

This this is a myth. But if they drew pictures of the sun god. So they had a. Sucking the sun god. Dude, that's crazy. Kind of crazy. When you're going, I guess that's a good. Why don't you start of the sun god. So they had a- Suckin' the sun god? Dude! That's crazy. Kinda crazy. When you're going, I guess that's a good- Why don't you start suckin' the sun? Where you gonna go up from there?

You can't just go suck another guy. You've peaked, you've peaked. Especially like these Egyptian freaks, you know? That's what I'm sayin'. I can't find it. They were probably like cats watching and stuff. Cats? Yeah, they were big on cats.

They loved cats. They believed cats were like something to do with the afterlife or something. So wrong. Well, take it easy. Cats are cool and great. No? I do like a black cat that has like green eyes. Um, that's very specific. Yeah, I've seen it around like Halloween, but like that's it. Oh.

Kittens are cute. I like cats. And I like petting them, are cute. I like cats. And I like petting them but like- I like cats. I don't like when I show up and people have just like a fat cat. Yeah, fat cats suck. It's like, this isn't even a cat. It's not a real animal anymore.

The thing is just like a cat's supposed to be like agile and quick and like maybe kill you. It shouldn't be sitting in the recliner watching TV. Honestly though, tell me that wouldn't make you laugh if you saw it. Kidding me, I would love that if I saw a video of that. Yeah, so I just, I couldn't believe horny goat weed was a real thing. Serious question, for science.

Am I taking one? Are you taking a dick pill or something? Nah. I don't know, I get kind of freaked out with stuff. I barely take like Advil and Tylenol and stuff Don't they say that if you have it for more than four hours They need to use a fucking needle and drain your dick of blood All the more reason why I'm not gonna take it didn't know that but I did hear like if you take Viagra

It's like if it's for more than four hours, but imagine being hard for four hours. No shot No, I haven't been hard for... I've probably been hard for an hour. I haven't. What? I think so. Oh, that's right. Fucking Jack Hammer Joe over here.

Fucking, I've been doing sex for fucking like 80 months. First of all, I don't think I've ever had sex for a full hour in my entire life. Yeah, alright. I don't think that's ever happened. Fucking big old, big fucking Jack Hammer cock over here. Yeah. Just fucking diddly-do. No.

That's what he's talking about. I have been hard for an hour. No, but like when you're young and you're like, I'm just hard. What? No, dude. I'm home from school, I'm sick, and I have a boner. I know you, and you wouldn't let that happen.

You'd fucking crank that cock to kingdom cum. If Joey was hard for five minutes, he'd be like, I gotta do something with this. You'd fucking crank that cock to kingdom come If Joey was hard for five minutes, you'd be like I gotta do something with this Cuz you're on your high horse because you gave me that I'm not I'm not on my high horse I'm just saying that I think that knowing doesn't jerk his cock. He's weird. It's not that I'm weird Don't get me started unless you want to open this fucking book. Don't touch his ass Don't touch his nipples and he won't touch his own cock what part of yourself touch my ass don't yeah you hate your ass yeah don't touch my ass the are you an ass play guy now no what are you talking about you're saying that

as if like he's weird don't touch his ass like no you're like I'm saying all parts of your body you're like I hate my nipples. I hate my ass. I hate my dick I don't hate my dick. I Him and I have oh It's hard. What do I do? Bro, that's you. No, it isn't Remember when you said I was weird because I keep my hand in my pants when I watch TV sometimes No, I didn't say that I didn't say that because I said I do that too. Oh look I said it's weird that you do it when you fall asleep

You're like I fall asleep's weird that you do it when you fall asleep You're like I fall asleep with my hands in one hand And I'm like what happened what would happen if you needed to get your hand out? You said oh, and you just pull your hand out. Yeah, you're already dead brother if someone holds a gun to your head You're already dead. What are you gonna do Steven Seagal? I'll be honest. I want to do that so bad Not gonna happen. Uh we do have spices today The first one being liquid IV liquid IV is gonna keep you hydrated. Okay, it comes in a little packet You rip it open you put it in a glass of water you mix it up and you got a little hydration right there

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Patreon.com slash the Basement Yard, folks. Every single week, every single goddamn week. I'm sorry, I don't mean to blaspheme while I'm talking to you, but I'm so passionate about Patreon. Why? Because you sign up for that first year, you get these weekly episodes one whole week in advance. That's right, one whole week in advance.

Joey Wen, one whole week in advance. Yes. And that second year, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. What does that mean? You can start your week and your week with the basement yard. That means there'll only be four days of your life every single week where we're not in it and hanging with you. Okay. It's a conversation. We want to see you be a part of it. Thank you guys so much. Every single month we set a new bar. Every single month we're climbing bop, bop, bop, bop to the top Yeah. Okay. It's a conversation. We want to see you be a part of it. Thank you guys so much. Every single month we set a new bar.

Every single month we're climbing bop, bop, bop, bop to the top slip slide, ride that rhythm as Joey hates that I say. So go check it out. Patreon.com slash the basement yard and folks come in a little closer, a little closer. Josh, I hope you're zooming in here. He's probably not. What you can do is if you're getting ready for the basement, you had experience, if you're excited as of when

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We love you. We appreciate you. Now I'm going to throw it on over. I like I'm a newscaster back to Joe Joe What because you said newscaster yesterday like that you like that, right? Oh, I know Shut up! Yesterday we went to the Knicks game and we're standing in our seats and it's still like a half an hour before the game starts so people are still filing in.

Some old guy. Hold on. Don't talk, no you dare talk shit about New York 1's lead anchor Ted Kiernan, okay? Sorry, Pat Kiernan, I fucked it up already because I'm so fucking pumped this guy you wouldn't think because because we do this show you guys are so supportive there's a lot of the times where we go out a lot of people recognize who we are and it's like oh hey you yeah, you said it's erection sometimes where people are a little weird and you're like, okay You know you kind of learn from that

I was like if I ever saw somebody that I recognize I wouldn't be like You know a little too over-the-top because I know how it feels if people are a little over time. That's right. Yeah All that he sees this guy he's a news anchor and about all that he sees this guy he's a news anchor and Frank stands up out of his chair and gets him a scotch piece there's people sitting in front of him that are just sitting like eating popcorn he leans over them and goes YO! I know this guy! and then he goes he's from the news y'all let's go news It goes to give him a dab and the guys Know the guy laughed and dappy he did he did and then we're all looking like He goes the news

Bro, he's screaming the guy from the news. I know him from the news well. It's even funnier how I know him It's even funnier how I know him it's even funnier how I know him shit because first of all this is this is accurate it is Pat Kiernan the the New York one news anchor and I did look at him and say oh let's go news and adapt him up and it was a meaning of the mines let me tell you that was also funny is at toward the end of the game You know which which I will say this is weird behavior behavior. He was on his phone watching He's watching the news he's watching the news It was funny, but I don't know him from the news. I know him from the Avengers

So oh yeah, you're saying so Marvel will go in the Marvel movies They'll like cut to like a news broadcast and it's like I believe the news broadcast is called like whi h it's like a fictional news company in the Marvel Cinematic Universe and He's the anchor yeah, so I'm watching these fucking like Easter egg breakdowns Shout out fucking Eric Voss and the team over at New Rockstars and and they'll be like oh This is Pat Kiernan, and I've seen him in a dozen Marvel movies so when I got fucking Marvel legend Pat Kiernan in Marvel movies so when I got fucking Marvel legend Pat Ternan sitting in front of me watching the news it's like just insane that he was watching the news. You wouldn't be hype if you saw like fucking Aaron Judge out at a restaurant and he had a baseball game pulled up on his phone you'd be like this is crazy.

No I mean the guy's trying to hone his craft when Greg said oh my god. He's addicted I Don't think guys dedicated. I don't think there was anything wrong with the way He was happy right you see you pointed in his face and screamed you I Know you let's go news It was It was it was a ruckus loud and energetic environment, how would you react if you saw like Someone else I don't even know, you know, I haven't met many famous people in my life. God

But I'll tell you two other ones that I have that you will at least confirm that I am consistent with the way that I approach them. We come from New York and for those of you guys that don't understand, New Yorkers on uh, you told a story once of like your dad would, like your dad says to you like, oh, you're doing all this, but you're still nothing. Like that's a very New York mentality. Like you could be the biggest person in the world and it should be like, you're all right. You know, like you could be fucking, uh, you know, Aaron judge, let's use that. People will be like, oh, Aaron, you're okay. You could be better.

You know what I mean? Like this just a thing that New Yorkers do. Chris DeStefano, I think, told a story of him and his dad seeing fucking Steven Tyler. No, it was Phil Collins, I think. It was Steven Tyler and his dad called him Bon Jovi. Like, it's just like, it's something that they do. And they're not big stars in the, but there was an actor that was in the Spider-Man movies,

and his name is escaping me at the moment, but I bumped into him walking in Manhattan in middle school. You hit him? Like literally, like we were walking, and I accidentally bumped into him, and I saw the dog and then looked up and it was him. And I was like, you motherfucker. You didn't say that.

I swear to God. I was like, what's up, like you motherfucker. You didn't say that. I swear to God. I was like what's up? Spider, you didn't, cause he played Dr. Kurt Connors who in the Spider-Man universe becomes the villain, the lizard after he doesn't have an arm and he tries to grow it back using like the same cells that lizards grow their tail back.

I'm falling asleep. What? But I literally, I was like you motherfucker. You didn't think I'd fucking notice you and like same shit consistency, yeah, you're Also happened what I meant Star running back for the Atlanta Falcons in 2007 Warwick done. Oh wait. I love this story, please He was literally bumped into him coming out of a fucking like

Like an office or something in Times Square right next to the Like famous McDonald's right there off time. Yeah, I was like war done. What's up? You know and he's like yo buy my book and I said I won't oh Did I thought he said do you want to copy my book and you're like no either way? Both I I ref I refuse to support his book, Novelization Endeavors. Yes. You know? So, I remain consistent if nothing else.

Yeah, I don't know that that's a good thing. Why not? Seeing you motherfucker, and someone that you don't know as stranger is insane. I think his name was Dylan, Dylan something. Dylan... Not going to make a difference. Yeah, you're right. It doesn't matter.

But Dylan. Dude, when you screamed in that guy's face though, I was frozen in time. I'm like, what is he doing? I think let's go news is one of my. Let's go news. Let's go news. Yo, and then like.

And he like acknowledged and turned around and laughed and smiled. Yeah, yeah, he did, definitely. And I said his name. I was like, Pat Kiernan. And he turned around and he like acknowledged and turned around and laughed and smile Yeah, yeah, you did definitely and I said his name I was like Pat Kiernan and he turned around and he was like, yeah, he was hype He was but the craziest part is we're talking about the fourth quarter Like it's going back and forth. Yeah, wild threes are being hit by both teams. He's Sitting down watching the news It's like people that like like have their own sex tapes and jerk off to them hit by both teams he's sitting down watching the news.

It's like people that like have their own sex tapes and jerk off to them you know what I mean? Like you think it was like a thing he got off on? But he's about a basketball game. You know what's funny too is he left early and Ahmed goes, yo this guy left like where did he go? And I was like 11 o'clock news, evening news is coming up, babe. He had to get back in studio.

Yeah. Damn. Well, listen, if this somehow finds it to New York One legend Pat Kiernan, come on the show, you know, maybe. Pat Kiernan? I believe it's Pat. I hope it is Pat. Because if not, now you've got to look it up.

Because it's probably like Bert. Just type in New York One News legend Pat Kiernan. Why am I writing a legend? I don't know. New York One News anchor. Yeah, it's Pat Kiernan. Let's go. Pat Kiernan.

This guy was hype. I made his night, maybe he doesn't get noticed. Show them, because it makes it funnier. But this poor guy is just trying to enjoy a basketball game. He's trying to enjoy the news at a basketball game and you're yelling at him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know. Maybe you put the pressure on him

and after you notice him for the news, he's like, I better watch. Maybe that was like what he needed. Maybe he was feeling like a sense of like, did I get in the right, like, am I doing what I love to do in? The right place and then like he got dapped up. Yeah by a guy that he might have thought I was Jason Momoa Oh, oh nay, maybe like an Antonio Banderas or a Pedro Pascal So maybe he was excited or he thought you are an annoying person

What you were when I was an annoying bitch You screamed in his face Adam Nick game was every boy was high everyone else was screaming boy who's he no get out of here nobody was boy was like yeah Tim remember loser I'm sorry who's he nobody get him out of here first of all another thing you're Frank he's out of control I'm not out of all, I do it to joke around, bitch. I know that, but sometimes I worry that like, People don't know you, so they don't know.

We were doing something the other day, and we met this person, there was a person for this like content team, and they were like, oh, we're gonna like shoot some content with you guys, like can you just like answer these questions. Frankie's saying that, we've never, we're gonna like shoot some content with you guys like can you just like answer these questions? Frankie saying that we've never we just learned their names. We just met and Frankie goes nice fucking shirt To the guy and he's wearing like a corvette shirt What are you saying and the guy because the guy doesn't know Frankie so he doesn't know that he's like not that he doesn't He's joking. He's like kind of like there. He's like oh No, he actually was like oh, thanks, and I was like

Being a piece of shit is what you guys like oh, I thought the shirt was nice, and I'm like And then you you immediately went a defensive mode you were like I have a Corvette shirt Yeah, I was like trying to be on his team because I'm like just like nice fucking shirt. I'm like Frankie Joe Listen not everyone's me that you can just tear apart. I know I know and I I something I have learned Really since meeting Becca so like learn my audience like I need I need to understand my audience And read the room a little bit better because it doesn't always it's funny for me dude watch You know, what's funny is I tell this story is When Becca and I we were dating maybe a year and change.

I went through a phase of watching so much triumph the insult comic dog, like clips and shows and stuff like that. Bro, it's fucking hysterical. But those of you guys who don't know triumph the insult comic dog, he's like a kind of like an insult comedian. He's a dog hand puppet though.

And you know, his whole shtick is just, he's just fucking ruthless. And I was watching it so much that like I was, we were drunkenly, you were there, but not like where it happened. We were out at a bar, Joe's Garage, and Becca was talking to someone and like, I don't remember the exact joke, but it was something.

What did you say? It was something in the vein of like, like the girl just like oh my name is Liv and I was like nice to meet you Liv Maybe go die or some shit like that Why Triumph took over at that point in time and I immediately apologized. I'm sorry Immediately I was like I'm sorry that was too much and she like shook it off and laughed a little bit but Becca was like what the fuck was that and like I I've learned to read the room a little bit and like not everyone understands our sense of humor. This kid's gotta learn not to tell people to die the second he meets them or that they have a shitty shirt. Oh, yeah. Well that shirt I would have sized up. That's all

It was a very tight shirt, but he was extremely nice He was really nice and I did feel bad a little bit after you were right. I should have not yeah I was like I gotta say I shouldn't have but if anything I made you look better Thank you, I'm more concerned about and then And then, oh wait, I probably shouldn't say the rest of the story. I'll tell you all of it. Yeah, yeah. But yeah. Yeah.

Good time, babe. Yeah, it was fun. It was a fun time. But I do think that when you do that, it's like, at first it's like, oh, but then I think people like love to warm up to it as well. Well, you know what's crazy though, is that like, I have like, I'm normally, when people approach me,

like I'm not like that. Yeah. Like I'm appreciative and you know, very like thank you, you know, but Sometimes when it's like when I'm meeting people sometimes I try to break the ice Yeah, you know what I mean? I feel the same way I do it in a different way, but You don't insult them you mean no No, you just try to like I don't know. Yeah, you try to like I try to break the ice. Especially in like professional settings.

I don't like to I don't like. I will go out of my way to not be so like buttoned up because I don't like that. It's weird because like in like the fucking bubble that we're in, like. You want to be professional, but also like you also need to be your, like the thing about you that like has gotten you to where you are. Like I have done this, this is an issue I have with emails.

Like I have been just like fucking completely like wired to be super like fucking like square in an email. You know, like, hey, how's it going everyone? You know, thanks, let's circle back. Like that's just the way that I am. Put a pen in it, put a pen in it. Let me know if you need anything, any questions, you know like hey, how's it going everyone? You know, thanks. Let's circle back Like that's just the way that I am put a pen in it put a pen in it Let me know if you need anything any questions, you know, like so like I find that like I need to be a little more informal But it's hard for me It's funny we do have more sponsors though not not New York one. Yeah, not

Well, you never know. We never know. We know. But what we do know is, is that this show is sponsored by BetterHelp, okay? That is online therapy, so if you wanna step into the world of therapy, which I recommend you do,

because I've been in therapy, and it's amazing. I think that it does wonders for people, even if you don't think that you have anything traumatic or anything that you're necessarily going through or need help with, I do think that setting aside like an hour a week or an hour every other week is productive for your mental health and just giving yourself the time to reflect on your life and your decisions and

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so there is a guy who posted his own story on reddit and basically said that He loves tic-tacs tic-tacs. Maybe he does. Tic Tacs. I'm a Tic Tac guy. Love Tic Tacs. Orange Tic Tacs. Green though too. Orange are better.

Red or black? We could say the worst? Red. Oh, I was gonna say white. No! You like the whites? Yeah. Yeah?

Alright, there. I like white and green. It's like the same shit. I think the best is orange by far. It's not even close, dude. I like white angry. It's like the same shit. I think the best is orange by far It's not even it's not even close. I like the orange ones, too, but Basically this guy in order to curb his fucking like diet to like lose weight would eat a

fucking tub of tic tacs Because on the tic tac thing it says like zero calories Is that true? Yeah. So a serving, a Tic Tac serving is one, is it, what is one, one? One Tac? Is it a Tic or a Tac?

I think it's a Tic Tac. So then what? They're Tic Tacs, a whole box of Tic Tacs. Also, one of the best vessels for anything. That is a good vessel. I will agree. I love it just playing with it. I agree, and I, as a kid, I used to break it.

And then one would get stuck, you're like, oh, I got no more left, but it's actually stuck. It's just up there, he's like fucking hiding in the corner. Yeah, he's up in the corner, and you gotta smack the bottom, and then he comes down, and you're like, I got you, you bitch. I used to love stepping on it, because it was like cool, like breaking glass, because that up in the corner. You got a smack the bottom and he comes down you like I got you I used to love stepping on because it was like cool like breaking glass because that's a hard plastic I know I like to know I would just blow into it for some reason. That's weird

And it would make it that's weird you have a weird thing with sucking and blowing into things not true. Yes, it is No, it's not honeycomb cereal. We're not gonna name things. Yeah. Well, exactly We don't want to name things to support my argument here Do you ever do that thing like all my back and then you would crack the tic tacs? I would do it with raw pasta. Oh yeah. Yeah, I'd put raw pasta in my mouth, I'd be like, oh, you know?

Which I can crack my neck and back as it is, so it's not like it's that impressive. But, so the guy on the thing, it says like, un tic tac is zero calories. So he was just like, oh, I'll just eat a whole fucking tub of them. He in a month gained like 40 pounds or something like this, went to the doctor and she was just like, all right, let's fucking figure out what's going on. The dude like submitted his like meal sheet and she was just like, I don't know what the hell is going on and like it was like

A telehealth call and he opened a big thing at tic tacs and was like talking to her and eating it and she's like What's that? He's like, oh, I eat one of these jugs a day a Jug of tic tacs basically a big fucking container at tic tacs and she was just like well dares your aunt He's like no they I didn't include it on my meal thing because they are zero calories turns out if the serving is less than five calories they can list it as zero so this guy was accidentally eating his basically fucking body weight in sugar a day dude I mean how do you not know that? You can't eat other than like celery, but I also feel like if you eat like a tub of anything a day It's like not good. Besides water.

A tub? You- Uhhh... Sunflower seeds. That's what I eat. Bro, those are- Not every day. That's a lot of fucking sodium. No! The ones that I get it's only like 50% of your daily intake of sodium. If you eat a tub

I don't need a tub. I eat a bag. I'm saying not every day either. It's only when I come into this fucking hellhole I'm sorry. I that's not I don't think this place is a hellhole. It's really an amazing amazing place How many calories in a tick-tack in a tick-tack? It's gonna say zero but like they do in a tic tac. In a tic tac. It's gonna say zero, but like the- Two.

One tic tac contains two calories. Oh, well exactly, so the FDA or whoever makes those fucking nutrition labels, if it's under five, they can say it's zero. Yeah, I guess. Isn't that, first of all, so stupid. I'm seeing this, this is the orange ones, and on the back it says, serving size, one piece.

And it says calories 1.9 on this. So maybe this guy's got it. So maybe the guy had a different container and stuff like that. Oh wait, was this it? Wait, this might be it. The story? I just found it, I think. It says how many calories are in the 200 orange tic tacs

I just ate? Yeah, it probably could. It's 400 calories. Yeah, so the guy was like eating like 800 calories a day in tic tacs, which also literally just fucking compact sugar. Bro, 400 calories of tic tacs is nuts. I don't, listen listen I like mints though like minty shit

No, but I I like mints though. Have you you did you see the mints in my car? Over the weekend. I have this I have this thing of mints. It's gone now, but there was 150 in them Gone. Yeah, I mean over the course of months, but like I would get my car. I'd pop to yeah Oh, yeah, not all I don't care much about mints, but like I would get my car. I'd pop to yeah. Oh, yeah I don't care much about mints, but I'm saying like it's like the similar thing So like I can get you know, you remember when Keith used to eat those fucking fucking do I and also those are addicting those are very addicting and He ate too many he might have this might be Keith yeah, he might be doing this fucking 800 calories a day

He was eating like 30 a day dude Keith had this jacket Massive Jack. It was a winter jacket. You had one too that basically went down to his ankles I don't know why we got those big winter jackets. It was the time to be big winter jacket boys. I guess and He would go he had a job I think that's when he had like the job at the liquor store Okay, and he would go, he had a job, I think that's when he had like the job at the liquor store. Okay. And he would go to our nor like neighborhood, like Rite Aid for, I think it was Eckerd at the time.

And he would buy the lifesavers mints. The green bag. The green bag, which if you've never had them, they're good. Cracked dude. Legitimately might be cocaine and He had so many pockets in this jacket That he would lift up one of the pockets another pocket put them in a pocket there And then you would never know he had these things He had like a whole he would just open it and fill the pocket because the pocket looked like this

Yeah, big square and was just filled with fucking. Oh, yeah, so that was a lot of mints, but that does remind me of Keith, because he probably ate a bunch of fucking calories. What was like your, if you went to the store right now to buy a box or something of candy, oh, I know, it's gonna be something stupid, like hot tamales or fucking Mike and Ikes?

Nah, I haven't like went out and bought candy in a while, but if I did, is chocolate candy? I candy in a while, but if I did Is chocolate candy? I mean it is but like you know what I'm saying. Are you asking like a different question? What do you mean am I asking because I like I'm more likely just to get like a little KitKat or something that I am Just like a bag of skittles. Yeah, but like I'm talking like the box like movie theater candies like you know me I was milk duds and sugar babies to the day I die I love them I like them too sugar babies are better than milk duds in my opinion that's your favorite milk duds milk duds are my favorite yeah yeah um right now if I were if I'm like oh I want to go get some candy I might just

go like Skittles oh like a Starburst or some shit Starburst is a little more acceptable I like Skittles I'm being a little harsh on that our Skittles. Or like a Starburst or some shit. Starburst is a little more acceptable. I like Skittles, I'm being a little harsh on them. Sour Skittles though? No, because then it fucking feels like my mouth just got beat up by a razor blade. Yeah, it does kind of fuck you up. Those things beat your fucking mouth.

Usually now when I'm in the mood for something sweet, I want it to be cold, so like an ice or like ice cream or something like that. Okay, okay. Or like a gelato or some shit. I had quite the fucking bowl of tricks this morning. Let me tell ya. Yo, are those my mom's?

She has a box of cereal that's Lucky Charms but they're all little balls. I said this to you the other day. Was that what you were talking about? Yes, I was telling you this the other day. I had a little glass of it. I put them in a cup and it was like, nah. Isn't it good?

Yeah, I love Lucky Charms. I think they're an underappreciated. Those are better than the ones they actually sell that are the normal flavors. I will say though, the ratio from like cereal to fucking marshmallow is way off. They need more marshes in those mellows. You could buy marshmallow,

like the marshmallows separately now. You know that, right? Yeah, I used to like physically assault Keith for taking the marshmallows out of it. Because then I would pour Lucky Charms in the morning and like third grade and I would just get the fucking. Damn, third grade. The grain oat shit.

That isn't grain or oat probably. Yeah, I don't know what it is. It's definitely, it's like ground up like Turkish. Turkish? What? I was gonna say turkey. Ground up turkey, yeah. Ground up turkey bones, I was gonna say.

Yeah, no. But yeah, man, two fucking, eight, basically a thousand calories of Tic Tacs. I couldn't eat a little small pack of Tic Tacs a day for more than three days. How do you enjoy that? Do you think you can eat a whole box of Skittles in a day for more than three days. How do you enjoy that? Do you think you can eat a whole box of Skittles in a day? What's a box?

Well, like a movie theater box. Two of them. Two would be pushing it, but I could definitely, I've done it, three. Where does this end? What are you asking me? I don't know. You just wanna know my limits?

Just wanna see how far you can go. I wanna bend you backwards to see until you break. Okay, buddy. I could probably do two, three, I don't think I would go through. Milk duds, I might get one, because those are rich. They are.

That's like eating a whole tub of fucking caramel. Yeah. That would be crazy. Right? Right? We should. I do like caramel. Yeah. That would be crazy. Right? Right? We should. I do like caramel. Wouldn't want to do that. Right? Right? I can only do so much like candy.

Yeah. I might. I've never had a big sweet tooth, but when I do get one, it's like, I need this shit now. Yeah. Or when you have a thing that you haven't had in a long time, you're like, I'm so excited about this I'm gonna fucking murder it. Do you like You have a plate of food in front of you

Yeah Give me your five favorite foods that would be on this plate It could be anything and don't start naming restaurants. No, no I know how much you love to fucking name drop fucking exclusive restaurant. I'm gonna make an actual plate I'm not gonna like the foods that I want. it could be any it could be the foods you want It doesn't need to be like it doesn't need a flow Joey fucking relax like you need your grains You need your greens fuck you give me a plate give me a plate of fuck alright. Whatever. What's your plate? There's gotta be like

Like a baked mac and cheese on here hell yeah you know what I mean fuck yeah um then I would probably go like a really whipped mashed potato who my mom's broccoli what I'm getting the fuck out of here what is your mom's bro have you had it have you had the broccoli I'm getting the fuck out of here. What? Your mom's bro- Have you had it? Have you had the broccoli?

I'm sure I have! It's incredible! It's good broccoli probably. She puts breadcrumbs on it. Listen, It's seasoned. It's a whole world of food and I ask for five things

and you say your mom's broccoli. I said I'm making a plate put anything on it I make the rules this kid you asked me I said a thing you're such a loser, bro I can't I'm so angry that you did that okay. What do you want to say lollipops? Fucking what do you want me to say? By the way Frankie the other day called lollipops lickipops It was accidental and it was on a patreon

episode which they could find a patreon.com slice of baseball yard okay always blogging listen man I'm like a fucking drain plug me up sorry you do that right no that's great that's crazy my bad that we get it back you know we get it no we know you're trying to say What what are your five tough guy? colossal king crab That's a good one a fucking fat rib eye steak Okay, I'll fuck I'll throw mac and cheese in there. Yeah, I mean you're just at a steakhouse now Yeah, right. Yeah, this is a surf and turf. Oh my mom's broccoli. No, uh

pizza okay, and Yeah, this is a surf and turf. Oh my mom's broccoli. No, uh pizza Okay, and Hotdog Heart attack heart it's insane. All right, but what was the point the point I was gonna get at is Do you eat what you're most excited for first or last? Do you eat what you're most excited for first or last? I'll I think I treat it like a relay race Like you let everyone get a little far. No, no, no, no So like a relay and the only reason I know this is because in fifth grade on field day. Here he goes jock boy

No, but I was such a good relay race runner that I got a fucking gold ribbon way to go No, no, but miss Schnitzer right she brought us down which sounds like a German curse. I'm not gonna lie It might have been yes, that's we ever look up what schnitzer means. Yeah, why would I do that? I'm gonna do it her last name I'm gonna do it as you tell the story but she brought a she brought like our relay team because you sign up for what what thing you want to do and she brought our relay team, because you sign up for what thing you want to do. And she brought our relay team out to the yard, and we raced.

And she built the lineup. So she was like, OK, whoever comes in second place is going to go first. And then whoever comes in third, I think is going to go second, second and then fourth and then first. You understand? So the anchor obviously is supposed to be the fastest. Joey I'm very well aware how relay races work. So I'm just saying but at that order like that was the first time I heard that. So if I had this plate I think I usually do

something like that like I want to have something that I'm excited for right now. Yeah. So I'll eat second place and I'll probably save the best thing for last. I kind of edge myself with my food a little bit. I'll do that too. I'll be like, oh, if I'm most excited for like, let's say like the king crab, I'll eat that last. I'll wait. And also I want nothing touching on my plate, baby.

I want this thing to- I'm not like that. I want like fucking like hard fence. Like everything has its own spot Don't let him touch you like 1920s segregation. Oh don't don't don't do that. Don't do that. I don't like that That's it. I don't like that when you do that, but I do that. I will Segregate my food. Yeah So I don't like I like to like when you have corn and mashed potatoes on the same plate

You don't put the corn in the mashed potatoes and just eat it? No. I do that. No. I mean I have done it before. Do you make a hole in the center of your mashed potatoes and put gravy in it? Gravy! Yeah, and then you cover it up, and you're like where'd it go? Where'd it go? And then when you peel it up you're like there it is! There it is! I love that shit. I love that shit. And sometimes I'll dunk like a piece of broccoli and fucking mashed potatoes or something like I gotta you I gotta get you to stop with this broccoli. Why five foods on God's green earth and

You choose you know what I really like now cold peanut noodles Okay, okay, sorry I'll allow that I love a peanut sauce. I do like a peanut sauce. My mom once made it. It's just peanut butter. It's just peanut butter. Just peanut butter. She just whipped it and put water in it.

Dude, she's like, and I felt so bad because she was so excited to make it. Yeah. And she made it with like chicken. And she was just like, put the peanut sauce on it. Peanut butter. Just peanut butter on chicken. Yeah.

And I was so like, I couldn't, I didn't have it in me to tell my mom It sucked but now I do Guess what mom guess what? Hey sucked one of these big bang boom bang bang. Yeah Anyway, I guess that's where we can end it there. That's where we can end it there That's how you said that Frank. Where can they find you on New York one right next to my co-anchor? No, seriously. Pat Kiernan.

Pat Kiernan? Pat Kiernan, yeah. Well, you are, people call you the Pat Kiernan of podcasting, so wear that as a badge of honor. No one calls me that. FAlvarez8085 on Twitter, the Frank Alvarez, and all other forms of social media, and then go check out Patreon.

Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Thank you so much. For every single one of you people that have been, will be, are currently patrons, we're climbing up those rankings because of people like you. And don't forget, if you're coming to any of The Basement Yard Experience shows,

which they're starting, they are around the corner, Joey and I are around in third base, we're gonna slide ahead of first into these cities, okay? Go to TheBasementYard.com slash submit, tell us what city you're coming to, fill out the questionnaire, it's gonna be such a fun fucking time. Let's go, baby And you can find me at Joe Santa. God. I'll go follow the show at the base me hard on tik-tok and Instagram and that is all

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