The Basement Yard - #454 - Frank's Big Fight

Episode Date: June 10, 2024

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Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard, Frank. We're matching. We. You know what? We're not matching. You're wearing a really cool pair of shorts. Can you stand up real quick? Don't do this. No, no, no. I'm not making fun of you.

No, he's trying to fuck with me now. I'm legit not making this is Joey's. I like the shorts. No, it's really cool. Stand up. Just show your shorts your shorts I'm not gonna say anything about the shorts they're cool shorts what I will say about the shorts this man shoved his arm up to his elbow into his short just think what hold on dude first of all don't don't I don't got balls of course you got balls and mine work bitch what are yours do your balls don't work it work they work

in the sense that they have previously worked they're retired now I have retired nuts and they've earned their keep but I want to know why you were up to your elbow I first of all elbows a stretch I would say mid forearm at best I mean round up your elbows it was one of those situations where these are First of all, elbow is a stretch. I would say mid forearm at best. I mean, round up your elbow. It was one of those situations where, these are short shorts, they're tight, and it was like one of those situations. It was sticking.

Yes, it was like where like your dick and balls become a division sign. They do. They do. It like stuck to the top of my balls, and you can't like you know when you like you do like the like you Like extend your leg really far to like get it to kind of peel apart. Yes, didn't work because of my balls, right? Or I guess moisture like I'm quite sure I guess I have a sticky dick. You have a sticky But I have a sticky well, no the bunch was fine You have a swampy cock. No, well swampy swamps aren't sticky. They're just mucky

That's what I'm thinking. I think my dick and balls are not swampy. They're Up for debate. What no, I I will break the debate. I know my I know my shit. Okay They're just they're sticky You know and I showered so it's not like it's sticky because of anything else other than just skin right and I had to it was a situation where like the legs didn't work Yeah, the shimmy didn't work so I had to peel it peel it like a banana you had to bring him back I had to bring it back to the bottom of the map right and You had to bring him back. I had to bring it back to the bottom of the map right and

Sorry if I can't fucking adjust my shit in front of my boy who the hell can I do it in front of I just? Felt like the adjustment required less of your arm It felt like you were digging into your it looked like you were shoving your genitals into your asshole Or attempting to no no no no no I was not could you imagine, But it is a nice pair of shorts, I do like them a lot. Thank you so much, I believe they're either polo or just you don't care. We're entering the I don't care zone. You're entering. Uh.

You're right, hold on, hold on, really quick so we can get it out of the way. Make dad happy, go ahead. Tickets still available for Frank's pay. Greg wrote this in all caps. We know that we're in trouble when Greg, we show up. When we show up and there's a fucking blank. We have homework.

Yeah, this is basically daddy gave us homework. Yeah. And it says that tickets are still available for Frank's B-Day show, the late night show. When, colon, July 27th. He didn't include the year, so he fucked up. Right, it could be 2030, we don't know. It could be 2040, yeah, honestly. July 27th, didn't include the year so he fucked up right it could be 2030 we don't know it could be 2040 yeah honestly July 27th what time Frank 1030 p.m. where is this show colon Tropicana you don't have space dash

space Atlantic City oh he fucked up it's Atlantic City New Jersey. Greg. Oh, oh. Bless you. Thank you. Jesus. Yeah, it's at the Tropicana in Atlantic City, New Jersey. You can get tickets at thebasementyard.com or Ticketmaster right now. There's still some tickets available for that late night show, so definitely go get them. And notes, there are a handful left. What is this? So if you want to join us for the late show birthday bash get tickets ASAP ASAP ASAP

Night full of surprises and we show going to be a good one. Yeah, I don't think we're supposed to read this like One night only this show will be different than all the other basement yard experiment, which guess what? They're all different from each other So that's redundant bitch facts. That's big fucking, you know, he touts himself as big business Greg Can I say something to no? Blue ink here. Why not black? I think something's wrong with his printer that will only print in blue Yeah, otherwise feels a little race Well, he does often tell me that he avoids dark ink

His words, yeah mine, but yeah No Seriously folk go to the basement yard comm go click on the come see us live thing 10 30 p.m Tropicana Atlantic City, New Jersey, July 27 10 30 p.m. Birthday bash for me. I Don't know what's gonna happen. I'm a little afraid because we're gonna figure it out I mean, I don't know what's gonna happen. I'm a little afraid. Cause we're gonna figure it out. I mean, I don't know what's gonna happen. Joey, but like Joey and Greg before it was brought up

and they got very giddy and then didn't say what was gonna happen. Are you building a paper airplane? Wow. If that flies, if that flies, I'll be really, really proud. Not hard, not hard. You said hard. No, I don Not Harb. You said Harb. No.

I don't know how to make a paper airplane. Well, I guess I'm gonna try one better than yours now just to prove a point. Oh wow, cool. I saw it. Origami. Yo, by the way, origami, very cool. Dude, very cool skill.

Not a real, it's like people will sit there and they'll be like, here, I'm gonna make a fucking whole monkey out of paper and it's like that's not real brother. No it's cool. It is cool. Like the flamingo that like moves you move its mouth and shit or something. Move its mouth? What kind of origami have you seen? I don't know but I could tell you that this is not looking great here. It doesn't. It just looks like a fucking... That sucks, yeah. Throw it, throw it. What do you do if it fucking goes far? Well, I know aerodynamics, so...

Oh, I don't know that. I don't know why I said that. And straight down. Good. Okay. Yeah, good. Perfect. Alright, what if I make a quick adjustment? Frankie, we've spent too much time. It's not plate time. And backwards.

It won't refuse to leave. Technically a boomerang? We don't know. I made a paper boomerang, a poomerang. Okay, and so I do have a question for you. Yeah. Because you did text me over the weekend and out of nowhere, you were just like,

I just got into a fight with a door dash driver. Oh. And I said, what? First of all, we had a couple people over for my wife's birthday. I had a couple drinks. So what? Sue me, big sue me.

Big sue me. I had a couple drinks, including margaritas. I love the S at the end of that. Margaritas, baby, there was a couple. Were they flavored or was it all classical? Just regular, but we did have, like I was made a white Wine margarita never had that before. What is that?

You just add a little bit of white wine on top of a margarita a little floater a little baby And I it was very good nice, but Yeah, I forgot I forgot I got into a not a physical altercation with a Turkish door dash driver I want to know he was Turkish. Um Well racism. No, no. He racist. No, no. I did not racist. How did you know he was Turkish? I didn't I didn't racist. I would never know who was Turkish. It said in the messages that was you know we were going back and forth. Oh translating to Turkish. It said translating from Turkish. Got it, got it, got it. So we had stayed up a little late. We had a lot of drinks. Late night Turkish fight.

You know what I had for the first time in my life? A Turkish fight? Um, well, yes, also. Yeah. Was that? Yeah. That's interesting because you're writing in English and he's reading a Turkish argument. Yeah, so I think, I think that's the thing is like he was like getting like it was probably coming on.

Something tells me I don't speak, I don't know what the language of Turkey is. If it's just Turkish, okay. I believe it is. I don't know. So I don't want to offend anyone. Yeah Except this one man. Yeah, I don't know if he was getting it in like an aggressive manner But also I was kind of writing in a little aggressive what happened? All right So you have to understand something first of all, did you see the videos of like we haven't started yet?

Tangent before we start I'm a great storyteller Did you see the videos of like the jersey shore on memorial day weekend? No They like they had to close down Some of the boardwalks and declare states of emergency for townships because they were just like insane It was a lot of people a lot of and apparently it was like all unruly teenagers Cool, which i'm gonna i'm gonna go out on a limb here and say something I'm more afraid of teenagers than I am any other age No, I'm more afraid of like

23 or 22 year olds no because teenage 23 you can reason with a 23 year old or a 22 year old no you can't you should Be like bro would fucking Vinny chase do this and then they say all right all right Teenagers what am I gonna say to them? Yeah, you know like dude skibbity toilet Riz Sigma, and you know you can't you don't know what you're saying You can't reason with exactly but craziness down to shore so 1230 what I had for the first time I'd never had them before 1230 at night. Yeah You door dashed at 1 a.m. Well listen I

Had door dash at 1130, but my food wasn't picked up and it was 1230. Would you order? well Can we is it the bell? Did you get some of the bell Taco Bell? It was Taco Bell was it actually? Did you get some of the bell, Taco Bell? It was Taco Bell. Was it actually? Wait, I don't think you told me that. I didn't tell him any of this. I mean, it's 12.30.

It's 12.30, who the hell is ordering anything other than Taco Bell at 11.30 slash 12? But I had a Surfside for the first time, free plug, I guess, pretty good. I had a tequila soda, a nooner, a high noon. Nice. That was pretty good. I had a tequila soda, a nooner, a high noon. Nice. That was pretty good. Ah.

I also had a lot of beer and a lot of other stuff. Margaritas. Wine, margaritas, shots. So you were just checking off as much alcohol as you could. I don't often get to drink. So when I do, I go for it. You know what I'm saying? Sent into space.

Yeah. So I ordered an abundance of Taco Bell now Let me set the mood here. Have you ever ordered for people? Like be like, you know what? What do you want? I'll get it Or four people you mean for several people I should say. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a bit of a pressure now It's on you if anything's wrong with the order. It's your fault not the people that got over order. So I'm just like, all right, just tell me and i'm like, I got It was a you know, an expensive taco bell order sure It's 12 o'clock Order still not even picked up

Someone cancels on me. Oh bitch, yeah, and then I get the new driver and I message him like What's going on? Oh, so you came at this Turkish man. Well, I Came at is a bit of a stretch. What's going on is

I message him like what's going on with the order? And he messages back. Granted it's in broken English, but I'm paraphrasing here like Oh, there's a line at Taco Bell down the road. And I'm like, what the hell? What, what? I mean, you're thinking about it. Oh, so I guess this is all the unruly teenagers.

All of me and all the unruly teens. You guys are all trying to eat the same thing. So I'm like, park your car, get out and go get my order in the store. All right, I'm on the Turkish guy side. But hold on, but hold on. I didn't say it like that. I said it like, oh, why don't you just try going in the store. All right, I'm on the Turkish guy's side. Hold on, but hold on. I didn't say it like that. I said it like, oh, why don't you just try going

in the store, but I was also drunk, so I lost the text conversation, so I might have said it in an aggressive way. Right, yeah. Did you throw a fucking in there? I didn't, no fuckings. And he's just like, they closed the store, you have to go through drive-thru to pick up the order.

So at this point, I'm fucking, I got people relying on me here. They're hungry, I'm hungry, they're not drunk, I am. Yeah and I'm like so time is moving clearly slower. Time is of the essence babe. Yeah. So I'm just like listen man can you skip the line or something? You said that? I'm priority here. You're trying to think. Do you know who I am? Right, yeah.

I'm the unverified on all forms of social media co-host of the basement yard. Right, so you want your. That has been denied verification several times. Right. Just wanna point that out there, meta. I know you're watching zuck He's your boy still right never met him. So

I'm like just sure and he's like I will not do that fire So I respond there's a Turkish moral code so I respond If I don't get my food soon, I'm definitely on his side you said this I don't get my food soon. I'm definitely on his side You said this? I said if I don't get my food soon, I'm gonna pass out. I Didn't say like I'm gonna fucking I'm not I'm not like I'm not one of those people that's like rude to like People you know like customer service people. I don't like that, but I just said I set the scene

If I don't get my food soon, I'm gonna pass out. A few minutes go by, it's 12.30 at this point in time. An hour since I placed the order. Taco Bell, Memorial Day weekend. I guess they got a bit of a pass. He responds back, I don't give. And then cancels my order. Fucking crazy!

I little turkey still like! I don't give and then cancels my order. Fucking crazy bro. I little Turkish delight. Damn. This guy just fucking, he ruined my night. Oh, so you never got it? Never got the food. Fire. Never a fucking.

That'll show you. It was a couple bucks of Taco Bell that then they were like searching for a new driver. Do you fund? Do you get funded? I got refunded. Okay. I got refunded. But what the fuck, dude?

Yeah. So there's $200 worth of Taco Bell just sitting in Taco Bell. Basically. Because it said the order was already prepared. Right. And it was just waiting for pickup. So then he canceled and then the new like ETA was like well into 1 a.m. I don't give. I don't give I don't give

Bang he hit the fucking bang block on me fire Dude imagine he showed up after that. Well, that's the thing. I told Becca the next morning. She's like he has our address I was like, I'm sure it doesn't work like that. Yeah, you know like oh, I'm sure it works like that Well, like after he can't see my address after he cancels the order. Oh Maybe he screenshot it don't sleep damn way. I don't even think it's fine. Yeah, what the hell you don't give Well, what if you gave you would if you gave he would have came? Yeah, you know but and also you know, you know, he doesn't give if he did give he would have been there I got sonned by a fucking Turkish door dash driver. Yeah. Well, you know, I just wanted my Taco Bell.

Well, crushed you. And I still didn't get it and I'm still craving it. There's a lesson baked into this story folks. There isn't one. There isn't a lesson. Don't be rude. That's the. You know what?

Don't be hammered at midnight impatient, I think is the actual one. Don't be hungry. What's even funnier is we had a ton of food in the house. But you were like, I need that gordita. I committed to a cheesy gordita crunch. No baja sauce, double meat. What does gordita mean?

Isn't gordo big and ida like small? Cheesy gordita crunch. That means a cheesy fat fucking crunch. But isn't gordo like gordo? Isn't that like big? I mean, it's fat, brother. Yeah, and then ida, isn't that small? It's like it's fat brother. Yeah and then Ida, isn't that small? It's like my little fat girl.

That's what it means, gordita. That's what it is. My little fat girl. Like I remember when Maeve was born, she was like a round plump little baby. You called her gordita? Not me, my dad would be like, I am most gordita.

Okay, your dad doesn't sound like that. That's what his baby talk sounds like. Really? Oh, I didn't even think that your dad would't sound like that. That's what his baby talk sounds like. Really? Oh, I didn't even think that your dad would have one of those voices. Dude, my dad's baby talk voice is like, where did this come from? Yeah. And he does this. I think my dad does a lot of tongue, too.

Why did dads bite their own tongues, dude? You remember my dad's tongue? It just looks like someone took a knife to it. It looked like someone went over with a fucking lawnmower on your dad's... My dad's tongue, like the looks like someone took a knife to it looked like someone went over with a fucking lawnmower Yeah on your dad like my dad's tongue like the slit down the middle is deep. It was the fucking Parted Red Sea it Legitimately might be a full half inch of depth in his tongue. It's insane Yeah, you could hide a whole piece of chicken in it. Yeah. Yeah, and he probably did That's why he had a brush show aggressively because the you know get in that tongue all the probably crazy Yeah, you know a tongue scraper. I do have a tongue scraper. I don't have one I want one

CBS very easy very very easy. No one's asking Where do I I said I want one make Make it happen you fucking, you know, big guy. Whatever, I'm on the Turkish guy's side. Fuck you Turkish guy's side. Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh. No, I wasn't, you know, if I could speak to this man of Turkey one more time, I would apologize. This man of Turkey. Just let him know I felt bad. You know, I was just very hungry. Hunger and drunk. Drunker.

Drunker. Drunker is an insane, like, mixture of things to be experiencing. Or a hunk. Oh. Okay. Yeah. I'm fine with that.

Hunk. What a stupid word. Speaking a hunk. That's a weird way. That's so weird I was I wanted to tell you this story We went away a couple days ago for like two nights. Tell me there's a hunk involved in this well me. Oh No, but on the way back, you know when like Fucking like cars are really dirty or like trucks are really dirty and someone will in the dirt, right? Wash me. Oh

Yeah, I mean I just everyone just draws cocks You've drawn on a dirty car before a dick. Yeah, probably exclusively You've exclusively drawn on dirty cars just dicks Yeah, like when I've I haven't done that in years, but when I was younger and it was like, oh, there's like pollen on this car, dick. Full dick. Of course. I have a serious question. Yes?

How are you drawing your dicks? Are you now, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you going ball, ball, cock? Are you going like a Mickey mouse and then cock? Or are you going circle going circle circle wiener There's several ways to draw a dick I do w ball and then penis out So you go out you go penis out

I do side profile penis You do Mickey Mouse? Who does Mickey Mouse? I don't do Mickey Mouse, but I do Ball dick ball I do mostly circles Like Disney Channel? That's a stupid way to draw a penis. Yeah. Hey, you're watching the basement yard Yeah

Do you draw circumcised penises I do draw who's who draws Uncircumcised dick well, I think it's just you just don't do the line You just make it like a fucking like and you make it peeing or coming or whatever Oh, you do every now and then you do a little drips. Little pee pee. Little pee pee, you don't know if it's pee pee or cum cum. You do hair on the balls? Depends how flashy I'm feeling.

Yeah. And it depends on the time. Oh, veins? Oh, a vein is a must. I don't really do veins. You're not drawing a dick, if you draw a dick with time, you can do all the luxuries. I don't really draw veins.

Most dicks that you're drawing are drawn under duress. I would say most of the under duress. I would say most of the time I'm drawing balls Dick out and then I put a little bit of piss. I I try to I try to throw in a like, you know, do you do the same dick as me? I uh, no, honestly, I think I go ball, ball, up. Oh, you go like this. Yes, binocular cock. Bacocular. Bacocular.

And then you do cross, and then you put a P-hole, obviously. I don't do a cross. I try, again, it depends. If I have the luxury of taking my time drawing this dick, I'm gonna make it look like a penis head, you know? Like a spade. I always put a P-hole, obviously. Well, yeah, P-hole's a must. Where do know like it's like a like a I always put a pee hole obviously Well, yeah, pee holes a must where do you put it?

You put it right in the middle or do you put it like an artist like at the bottom a little bit? No, no, no, I put it at the top I just put it like in the top the top like them like the middle of the you know I'm not like you curve it or you just do not rely straight line pee hole. I gotta get better with your dicks, brother I mean, I mean this is what I've just been doing. Did we, in high school we had a, like a serial dick drawer. It's funny because like they made that show, American Vandal. About it. It's so funny.

Go watch it. But like, God, I hate that. I got bad allergies, dude. Yeah. We had a serial dick drawer in high school that like, it was like a thing that like, the teachers would talk with every class about drawing cocks on stuff

and like no one ever figured out who it was. Like it'd be on the board when you got in. It would like, it'd be on boards, it'd be on like tests. Tests? They would like break into teachers rooms where they'd like- Break into like drug dicks as well.icks well because it was an old public school So it was like remember those like old like fucking copper door handles that were shaped like eggs

Yeah, you know it was those and they'd break in take the tests from their desk and just draw dicks on every single one There's something I want to say about those doors, but I'm gonna do some ads first the first one being hello fit bod Okay, the summers here the hot weather's here. My building opened its pool and I've been out there and I need to have a FitBot. So what better way to do it than with the company named after the thing that I'm trying to get, a FitBot. FitBot is great.

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So then go to that second tier, that second tier and you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. So you can, in theory, start and end your week with the basement boys. And honestly, if you're traveling this summer, if you're going down at a shore, if you're going over to the lake, if you're going to be doing whatever you're doing, why not have us try hang out with you guys in the drive? All of the episodes, if you're a first time patron or you're just coming back after a brief hiatus, all those episodes, previous episodes are uploaded for you. So go check it out, patreon.com slash

the basement yard. And if for some reason the P button on your keyboard ain't working, well boy, can I help you out? Yeah. Go to the basement yard.com. Go to the basement yard.com and you could find info on our live shows. Like as we said earlier, July 27th in Atlantic city, Tropicana in New Jersey, 10 30 PM. There's still tickets available for my birthday bash. Don't know what it's going to be going to be crazy, but you could find that and more information along with upcoming shows along with a, a, a, a merch. The Patreon is linked there. So go check it out at thebasementyard.com and listen, pulling close closer, closer is not

pulled in at all because Josh hates me. Go to thebasementyard.com slash submit. If you're coming to any of those shows and submit your questionnaire. Let us know what show you're coming to. Submit the questionnaire and answer the questions. Tell some stories. Be crazy.

Be cookie. Be fun because we like our shows to be interactive. So maybe we'll talk to you, talk about you, talk with you. You never know. So go check it out. Thebasementyard.com slash submit if you're coming into the basement basement yard live experience shows and we're excited to get back after it. Back to you. What were we talking about?

The doors. Oh yeah, what about those doors? So the only thing I wanted to talk about, cause you were like, you were mentioning how in an old high school like that, doors were like the handles were like egg shaped yeah and they were like copper what I want to talk about is keyholes oh I love keyholes for some reason I love keyhole I like that you can look through it I like that you can look at one and you could see someone looking through it too I gotta say modern keyholes whack don't hit the way that classic keyholes did like the the keyhole that looks like this

Yes, not this like squiggly line that you can't look into I want to look I want to peer into a keyhole and be like I'm looking at something going on inside and also big keys. Give me those keys. I miss big keys I think that they had to do away with those because there's only so much that they could do and they're easily probably Big keys I think that they had to do away with those because there's only so much that they could do and they're easily Probably but but cooler. I think I agree like a big key like bro big keys It's just the title of the movie Indian in the cupboard What a movie because do you remember the VHS the claims in an Indian though? Okay, but it's the title of the movie. I know the clamshell

VHS like yeah thing that came in it had one of those keyholes that you did it unlock. I like that Oh, dude, I like when I find kids toys that have the keys like that and you can unlock shit I just do that all we need we need to just start making keys cool again because keys have kind of gone backward and now We're getting into like electronic keys where they're just flat. Yeah, what the fuck? Like key fobs? No. Bro, also we're getting rid of door handles apparently. I walked up to and over the other day and it was a button to open the door. I'm like, what the fuck is that?

No, no, no, no. We are taking all of the joy out of just slamming things. Clicking. I like clicking. Clicking, clanking, slamming. Yeah, not button pressing. I don't want that. I want to aggressively slam a car door bro do you ever fucking go to someone's house and

they have an automatic trash can uh I I know what you're talking about I think you do you go like this and it opens up I'm like what is this I need a step I need a step on it too I need a step to at least at least like what you have here like a button so it fucking flops open No, that's a step. Is it that yeah? There are other ones I've seen that are just like you push down a button and it fucking pink Oh, I've seen that too. I'm cool with that But like why we're making everything automatic and we're losing the soul that this stuff has I like to do things I want to do things too. I want to like click bro

You know how angry I get when I get into like a vehicle of any sort and they're like to close the door, press a button. I wanna fucking like, we're back. Yeah, or like getting out of a Tesla. It's a button. I'm like, what am I doing? I don't like buttons.

I need- I like using my whole arm. And I will say this, and you might think I'm crazy for here. We need to bring back rolling down the windows. I like that too. We need to bring that back because there is a, when you're committing to rolling down or up a window. It's an action Yeah, you know like not like it just like a

I want a fucking whack Why I want the option to I would like the option at least give me the option Well, there are I follow this account because they're really nice and I'm sure you've seen them but it's like vintage but modernized like Ford Broncos. I love that shit. And they have the window crank but it's a button. Don't do that. Explain that. It's a window crank. Oh it looks like it. And you just press it down and it opens and closes. Wax sauce. If there is not like like, I need to have crankage. I want to crank. I want to crank it.

Yeah. And also, bring back flip phones. Slap it, I'm shut. Oh. Fuck you! Bang, yeah, or just like, yes, just like, just house phones too. Wired house phones.

Fuck, what house phones too. Wired house phones. Fuck, what? Bunt. When was the last time you fucking slammed a phone like you hung up? 2003. I have, I mean I have a rotary phone on my wall. Well we've jokingly done one, yeah. Slammed it.

Yeah? Fucking, but it's just fun. But hook it up. I know. Hook it up and pull. Was it you who walked into my apartment was like does this work? Probably because I was like dumbass when I cut anytime I go to Joey's place I touch as much stuff as I can yo and honestly I know that you do it now as a joke with that first time I was like Frankie stop moving

He's like what is this? down I'm like a kid in a candy shop. It's a new place and I have to explore with all of my senses, including the tactile. But- Hopefully not a kid like me, because when I went to the candy shop when I was younger-

Yeah, you got sticky fingers. That's the fingers that you- I'm robbing the place blind. The story I was telling earlier is trucks, dirt. Yes. We're driving home from our mini vacation and there's a truck and it's like, it has something written on it.

And it's clearly, it's a smiley face and it says, daddy, you're so strong. And I'm thinking like, it's like a mom and pop shop truck. What does that mean? Well, it's like Johnny's Pizza. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like, it's like, oh, the local Tony's Produce or something like that. Yeah, it's like a back window that you're looking at at the start? Well, it's the thing that goes up and down on the truck.

Like the back part of the truck. Oh, oh. You know what I'm talking about. Yes, yes, yes. What they held on to in Toy Story. You know what I'm talking about? Slank! And it says daddy you're so strong. So I'm thinking like, oh, this is like the kids wrote something for their dad on the truck.

That's sweet. I go, oh, Miles, look. And we're driving. And he's like, what's that other one say? Oh, it says daddy, you don't want to suck or something? Next to what it says. Fuck me daddy. I'm like, you read it out loud?

No, and I'm looking at it and I'm like, oh. Just ignored it and sped past it. You read it wrong or it said- I couldn't see what it said at first because I side Frank. Right. You know? But it said, you know, closer to me it said daddy you're so strong. I'm thinking like, oh alright. Next to it I, you know closer to me. It said daddy. You're so strong. I'm thinking like alright next to it

I'm like So I thought I was like I love you daddy or like, you know, you're my hero daddy It was fuck me dad. Fuck me daddy, right? Yeah, so then it put more emphasis on the previous message He's so strong daddy. So pick me up and fuck me daddy. Well, yeah Pick me up. Well, if you're strong, I could be just a, you have strong hips, strong thrust. Or strong, you know, emotionally strong. Emotionally strong, yeah. I feel safe with you, with my secrets with you.

I like that one. I like that one a lot, you know. For us men that are not as physically fit. Right. Physically fit, physically fit, physically, physically, physically fit. Is that the lyrics? I think. No, no it's not. Are you sure? Physically fit

I like to move it move it. I think it is physically fit Lyrics lyrics I like to move it move it it. Lyrics. Lyrics. I like to move it, move it. If it is physically fit. There's no lyrics. Uh-oh. I can't even find the part in the song. I like to move it, move it. I like to move it, move it. I like to move it, move it. I like to move it move it. I like to move it move it. I like to move it move it

They like to move it. I like to move it move it What is it? Song is that one. What is that song's name? I like to move it. That's what I would Google. That's what I did Is it not I swear I thought it might be. It might be. It is it! YES! Oh wow. So you're the idiot you dumb bastard. I just, I thought that it was like, you know. What, what, no, no, no. What did you think it was? Like whenever Sean Paul says something I'm like I don't know I'm just saying

something that sounds like work. Comic-Cos-A-Den? Yeah. Like a Comic-Cos-A-Den situation. A physicality fit. You know? Physicality fit. Come across an end. Yeah, like like like a comic cause that in situation You know physically fit physically fit so what you're saying is if it's not in English, you know, it's a nice sweet fantastic Nope, that's not it. No big ship under ocean like a big Titanic. Hey, man, just just read it in English You know that she acts it says that woman you nice sweet Energetic big ship on the ocean like a big Titanic. That means her butt is big and massive like a ship that sunk. And killed many.

And killed many. You saw that there's like some billionaire came out and he was just like, I'm going back. Yeah. Everyone's just like, here you go. Let us know. I don't know how you like see that happen to someone and go, I'm gonna give it a go.

It's, he's a billionaire. It all ego board all ego that's all he cares about but moving on brother segues are out of control why I like to move it move it Madagascar let's hop over elsewhere did you see their performance that Northwest gave yeah people are flipping out about that. What is the deal? She's like, she's clearly not Simba material, we know that. She's a child though, she's a child and I'm being harsh. Everyone needs to chill the fuck out because people are just like, here are more people that were qualified and it's like,

Do you not know? It's a school play. Who cares? Wait, what? Here are more people that were qualified and it's like Do you not know? It's a school play. Who cares? Wait what? It was a school play No it's not! It was not a school play What do you mean?

Are you serious? Wait wait wait hold on hold on Time time time time time big tea Yeah Big little tea, big tea is tuberculosis What? Little tea. Yeah. You thought it was a, you think that's a school play? The Lion King?

I figured, what? It's not, what was it? Brother. What? That was the 30th anniversary performance of The Lion King. What? Wait, I don't even know what you mean. Bro, Disney, Walt Disney. That was a Disney production? Yes. What? Wait, I don't even know what you mean.

Bro, Disney, Walt Disney. That was a Disney production? Yes. I thought it was like some rich school in Calabasas did a school play. Bro, no, they had Timon and Pumbaa. Timon and Pumbaa were there. Two Timons. Who's that?

Those are fake characters. No, no, no, they had Nathan Lane and Billy Eichner. Two Timons. That's four. two Tommons! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Be serious. Kim Kardashian's daughter.

Right? Right? She played Simba next to Nathan Lane at a Disney production. And Jeremy Irons going and- Where was this? At the- So Disney's new thing is they do like live, they'll invite the cast from the movies. They did it with Encanto. Wait, hold on.

Hold on. I'm literally seeing videos of people being like, Oh, it's a school play. I'm literally seeing videos of people being like, there are so many children that are so like much more qualified to be in this position and blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, who fucking cares? Like clearly it's nepotism

That she's dog School play like a big whoop you're not fucking simple It's cool play we're not gonna be the Michael Bay video brought the the singing cast from the 1994 animated level the line that is fucking hilarious and she did I just can't wait to be king No, I don't get the outrage Why is here's the thing? Because someone asked and guess what Joey everyone's saying like oh the first of all this woman Kim Kardashian people are forgetting also Kanye West daughter no one's talking about him anymore Joey does all the time often and in very good high esteem

Joey does all the time often and in very good high esteem But no one's talking about the fact that like Disney were the one whoever set this up through Disney were the one that probably asked her and like why would why would they ask her? Because she's Kim Kardashian What they asked Kim what to have her do you want your daughter? I imagine no way I assume well you think Kim went in and she was like Hey, Frank mister and mrs. Disney, but like why mr. Iger 100% I think that happened Why would they ask Kim about her daughter because what the fuck is her daughter's not in plays? I don't know the kid probably loves this fucking singing and dancing to the Lion King I don't know the kid probably loves this fucking singing and dancing to the Lion King

Here's the thing I am trained you you think you think you do you do you think you think is this something they do usually Though like they've done the show before and they just put like a kid there have fun I the only one that I've seen previously I was in a I was in a Disney show once When I went to Disney World they put me in the oh, that's right. You were drunk. I was I was in a Disney show once when I went to Disney World. They put me in the light. Oh, that's right. You were drunk. I was the elephant. Definitely ain't the elephant, Joey. I'll tell you that for a fact. Watch it, buddy.

Watch it. You're a fucking. Watch your tone and face. You're at best a baboon. Those are sick. I love baboons. Okay, all right. But yeah, I was the elephant in the show.

It was, they did it with Encanto They had most of the cast there except for I think the only one that wasn't there was like John Leguizamo doing You know the part of huge Bruno. Yeah, Bruno, Madrid Why are you looking at me like that you're doing an accent I'm not I'm do I'm speaking how the movie is spoken like that. You're doing an accent. I'm not. I'm speaking how the movie is spoken. But I didn't know that it was like that. Here's my, I'm going to be on my- Bro, they didn't select a random daughter. Exactly. Disney were just like, yo, this would be a great way to get publicity on like more. I mean, it's Disney. It's the biggest fucking show ever. It's Disney. Nathan Lane's there.

Nathan Lane was there and he killed it. Jeremy Irons? Hey, who's Jeremy Irons again? Scar. The actual one? I know that your powers of retentance. Who's Nathan Lane? Timon. Timon. Pumba's some old bastard. He's like, it's the legit original cast. Yes. I mean, why couldn't they get the original Simba? Because he's fucking 35 now, Joey. Oh, because he doesn't sound like a child. Because he doesn't sound like a child anymore, because he'd be like, oh, I wanna be the main of band, like how king was before, was it Blake Shelton? I don't know. I don't know. He might be, he might be. Yeah. But I just, I can't stand that. stand I didn't say they put her in there It is granted it is and like clearly they knew that like oh, she's not Great, but she's a child. Yeah, she was having the time of her life, bro

I get it fucking enjoy it and also sorry soapbox one minute. Do you mind? I was gonna say make her a tree though It's Simba my guy also like you could make her be like the speaking role of like a Zazu or something. Well Zazu was a British man Fair I don't think Rowan Atkinson was there. Well, whatever be Nala then but like People are saying like okay, how dare them nepotism bro. This is the most real shit that Kim Kardashian has done, in my opinion. What do you mean? Bro, if someone came to you- if fucking Bob Iger came to you- But that's not what happened. For the sake of the argument, if Bob Iger came-

Alright, alright, if fucking- I'll put it in terms- I'll put it in terms that you'll understand, big beefcake. If fucking John- If John Rolex came to you Louis Hamilton, whatever you fucking jock. I'll take it. And he was just like listen up Yeah, I want Your kid to be my cream mate. Yeah, of course Exactly. Yes, but your kid has no skill whatsoever. Frank, that's not the issue. They're not asking for her. There's no reason to ask for that girl. How do you know?

How do you know? Because it doesn't make sense. Why not? Doesn't it make much more sense for Kim Kardashian to be like, it would be nice because I know they're casting children for this role if you could put my kid in that. Yes, and I'm sure they were just like-

There was some probably some of this. I'm sure there's some of that. Geez. I'm sure there's a little bit of that. Yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of that. A lot of bit of it. But I'm sure there's some of that. I'm sure there's a little bit of that Yeah, I'm sure there's a lot a lot a bit of it, but I'm sure like they had to say yes I know so who's to blame here Disney the mother who's trying to make an experience for her child is memorable

I agree. It's not Kim Kardashian Kim's fault bro if fucking Kevin Feige comes to me tomorrow and my Untrained children that have no acting experience He goes we want them to be the next spider-man. I'll say yes Yeah, I mean maybe that's a little different because Hollywood is a monster but you get what I'm you get what I'm saying Yes, I do. So like chill. It's not Kim's fault because any parent would be like, yes, of course I want my kid to be at the front of the line But like Disney is kind of crazy being like, yeah.

And all these fucking keyboard warriors that sit there and spout how toxic social media is. And then this fucking child gets this opportunity and then goes on stage, has the time of her life, and now you're like, this is not, you're not qualified. My kid should be there, ba ba ba. Yeah, you're the fucking problem Well, I think that Disney put like who's gonna attack me here What I love the Swifties. I love Beyonce

This is neutral ground. I'm attacking incels, Joey What are you talking stick up for him go ahead like you always In cells where did they come from? You tell me, where are they hiding? No, you idiot. I think that people are upset with the fact that Disney was like, yeah, we're gonna, we're gonna obviously, Kim is, you can't blame a parent for being like, I want my kid to be the star of the show. Every parent is going to do that. All the dance moms, all the whatever, they're going to do that. Disney being like, yeah, sure, she's not the best, but we're going gonna put her out there. That's on them.

It's not Kim's fault. It's on them. Yeah, 100%. And that's why all these people, bro this woman, unless there's a blackmail situation going on. You think she has something on like the cast of Aladdin? Listen, all the PDD stuff that comes out,

I don't know who's got blackmail on what. You never know. Oh man, you know, I was just about to be really excited for like if they do more like live renditions and stuff. But you're not gonna do it yet. You're not gonna get excited yet because we do have more ads. Yeah, and that is where I hope someone got to that. It's that Frank's I need a fix. Yeah, he's Great maybe you have crabs. No Yeah, I don't know no,, I know, I don't.

This show, okay, yeah. No, this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp is online therapy. You can talk to a therapist just under 48 hours, so it's a quick turnaround. I'm a big proponent of therapy. I think that everyone should be in it. I've been in it for many years.

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Shipping returns and exchanges are always free. So go to stitchfix.com slash basement. Enjoy that. All right. I was gonna say something and it's gone. I don't remember it. Yeah, I know. What was it?

What was I? We were talking about Simba. We were going crazy with that. Oh, I was saying, I was like, you know, I was getting, after I saw they did Encanto and they did Lion King, I was like, oh, it's gonna be so good. Because my favorite Disney animated movie of the time

is Aladdin. Oh, it's gonna be so good when they do Aladdin. They ain't doing Aladdin, dude. Why not? Because it is all white people singing, pretending to be people of Middle Eastern descent, except for Robin Williams, who is not here. Super dead.

Super gone. So, and they're also not gonna do like Mulan. When you look back, when you look back, nope. Why not? Because all of the male singing in Mulan was done by Donny Osmond. He did multiple? He did the song of like,'ll make a man out of you

You want to hear something crazy? What a fire song by the way, I've never seen Mulan That seems racially charged. It's not I haven't I haven't seen it. That seems kind of racist. No, why not? I don't know. I just never I just I don't ever cared Maybe I did see it, but I don't remember it you probably honestly you probably have seen it and you don't know. I just never, I just, I don't know. Never cared. Maybe I did see it, but I don't remember it. You pro honestly, you probably have seen it and you don't remember it. And it's, it's crazy because I feel like I would be super into that because I was definitely into swords back then.

You are. Like I loved swords when I was younger. You do like swords. You did like swords often. What's cooler than sword? Like, you know what's weird? Fencing? Whack.

So stupid. But like swords. I want a sword like you know what's weird fencing whack so stupid but like sword I want a sword like you honestly I'll tell you what's cooler than swords axes no swords are way cooler than axe who was cooler bow and arrows are cooler than both well we know I was just I just gonna put it in terms that you would understand. Who was cooler, Aragorn or Gimli? Aragorn. Get the fuck outta here. Are you stupid? And way hotter.

I didn't, sexual appeal has nothing to do with it. I'm talking simply off of, bro, you saw Aragorn? Yeah, cool, but a fucking. No. What were you gonna say? What were you gonna say? okay what were you gonna say? little guy oh yeah

little person well he's a dwarf dwarf in the movie so he's a he's a I think dwarf is cool cool still doesn't make sense it doesn't but

you got this dwarf running around double axe I said that with a little bit it seems like I threw that around yeah like it was a slur yeah uh

but a and like double axed and he jumps off and he's just like Ah, yeah way cooler than fuck. No, it's Aragorn Aragorn was way cooler. Legolas coolest Obviously Legolas coolest because of the bow and arrows also he had two skinny swords too. You forget that's right He had the fucking you know Joey was such he's not very good at he was you know Joey was such a he's not very good at he was he was such a whore for Legolas I really was like and it wasn't even the Orlando Bloom of it all it was just just like a sick character it's just so cool to be like from so far away

bro those games Joey so if you guys don't know what we're talking about there were the Lord of the Rings movie tie-in games. The first one was okay. The second one was a fucking banger. The third one was also good, but not as good as the first. Bro, Joey, it was like you had to level up the characters. Can I download the second one on my Xbox right now and play it?

No. I'm going home and trying. I'll tell you why, no. Just let me have hope. That wasn't why I guess. No, I don't think you can because they're like licensed. There's like weird things with like licensing or like movies and stuff like that.

I hate money stuff. Me too. You know what you can download though. What? Fusion Frenzy. Okay. That ain't fucking Lord of the Rings 2. You're right.

I'll get you the Lord of the Rings. You know what I don't understand? You're gonna tell me. So like forget about Lord of the Rings even though it happens in that but like any of those movies where it's like there's a castle and people are on the ground and they're running towards the castle. You got 400 dudes shooting arrows into the sky and they're just landing in the crowd and killing all these people.

How is that not enough? You know know what I mean well how do they still get there there's so many arrows well are we are we talking to the Lord of the Rings they got shields they got a lot of people and that you only have so many arrows like you look at like the orcs in Lord of the Rings there was you know, there's a lot of them bad boys go watch that fucking in real life When's the last time you watched that movie? Which one the second one two towers? Uh, I tried to go through the trilogy watch the first one and went I hate this bro All right, just watch the first movie sucks. Just watch the second one. It is so fucking good. It doesn't suck It's very good. The second one's whack. please please please nothing happens in the first one literally nothing

Ask me what happens No, cuz I can explain it to you. I'm you wrong. No action. No action. They fight the fucking the guys on the horses They go to the bar. There's a fight in the bar Then they go bar and they go is a first. Then they go and he says, you know, the friendship is key and they go in and there's fucking goblins and all this shit coming in. The tentacle monster. Bro, the first one's whack as shit.

Bro, you're crazy, man. It's whack. Also like Elijah Wood, very, he's very dramatic. For some reason. He's doing his job. He's about to cry immediately in that movie. He's always on the verge of tears.

Because you have to understand power dynamics. The fact that the ring that holds all this power has been giving to a little. He's stronger, bro. You have the ring in your hand, bro. Yeah, but he has the ring in his hand, but he's not allowed to use it. Remember that's why when he puts it on, he hears.

I know. It's just a sacrifice. It's just a sacrifice. in your hand bro but he has the ring in his hand but he's not allowed to use it remember that's why he when he puts it on he hears it I know! such a sacrifice which is like the snake from Harry Potter yes now that's a trill not a trilogy but that's a fucking Harry Potter is better than more the movies the books are also good the person who wrote them not gonna get into that oh JR J JR you imagine if Jim Ross wrote no who am I thinking of who wrote a game of thrones Can I get into that? Oh, JR. JR. JR. JR.

Can you imagine if Jim Ross wrote? No, who am I thinking of? Who wrote Game of Thrones? That's RR. George RR. No. No, you idiot. George RR Martin.

George RR Martin wrote Game of Thrones. Right. JRR Tolkien wrote. What's with the double R's? I don't know. And RL Stein. R does, it is a good sounding. What's with the double R's? I don't know. And R.L. Stein. R does, it is a good sounding. R's write books. And J.K. Rowling.

Yeah. You know, what other books? How many authors do I know? C.S. Lewis, no R's there. No R's there. But he was probably saying them in his private life. Authors love the fucking letters. Bing, Bing, and then like C.S. Lewis. R.L. Stein, George R.R. Martin, J.K. Rowling. What is that? Why? I don't know.

Are those like... It's like a... I don't know. Aliases? Be a fucking... be a man. Be Shel Silverstein, you know? Be Stephen King who was just slapping his name on everything and doing coke. He was.

R.L. Stine though, those are good book covers. Goosebumps? Dude, I feel in them, I feel in them. I've been like trying to collect them. Like looking at like eBay listings and- You're not collecting enough things, aren't you? Honestly, I haven't bought a collectible in quite some time.

How many hours? Okay, come on. Couple of months. Right. I stop. Well. I have to stop. How many Goosebumps books are there? No, there was like 50.

What do you mean not a lot? I mean 50's not that many. There were like the original and then they made the ones, remember it would be like, jump to this page, jump to that page. It was like different endings and shit like that. You know what book I'll never forget?

The one where it's like a picture of like a basement and like plants. Don't go in the basement I think it's called. Yeah, so I don't know what happens in that book but I remember it made me afraid to go in my cousin's basement and I was like I'm not. It was the one where, spoiler for a 30 year old book and show

the dad is like Doing experiments and becoming like half plant right and he's like drinking chlorophyll Yeah, bro. Some of those shows are legitimately terrifying. I always always always talk about That's a scary fucking intro with the dog and his eyes change and the woman's happy and also the dude just walking with a briefcase and it opens and spiral staircase and then that big fucking why is he dressed like the Undertaker are you afraid of the dark always got me to fuck that I'd never watch Oh my god, it's scared

Like the match goes out you're like fuck it was a candle or match knew you're right was a match There's one episode though if if you've never watched, please please do me a favor and go home and watch this episode Google it. It's called the tale of the ghly Grinner from Are You Afraid of the Dark. I don't even wanna. To this day, scares the shit out of me. Just pull it, just Google that and look at the image that pops up. I hate images.

Just do images. Tale of the Gastly Grinner. Are You Afraid of the Dark? Yes, yes. It's a jester. It's a haunted jester. And they like ooze like blue stuff from the mouth. Oh my God. Oh no.

Bro, I miss when stuff was actually scary for kids. It's all like, ew, this guy's fucking terrifying. I know, dude. I know, I know, I know, I know. I don't fuck with this. I also hated that one. Rum tum pink wimpunk. Horrible.

I hated the one that, I mean, they played it like every like Halloween back then, but the girl put on the mask and the mask became part of her. And I remember the scene, she goes like this. And then she's like trying to pull it off. It's like her skin is now green. And I was like, I'm never putting on a mask Yeah, it's so good never say cheese or die. That's the act. I think the acting debut of Ryan Gosling. He's in that

Then there's the one that it's like the killer sponge The best one was slappy the dummy though Who you don't remember slappy the dummy from goosebumps slappy the dummy slappy the Dummy though. Who? You don't remember Slappy the Dummy from Goosebumps? Slappy the Dummy. Slappy the Dummy. You definitely, this fucking. Slappy the Dummy. Oh my fucking God, this motherfucker.

Night of the Living Dummy, babe. I hate dolls. Paramount Plus has all of, I think, are you afraid, I think you're afraid of the dark. Are you afraid of the dark? By the way, people who grew up not afraid of the dark, you weren're afraid of the dark are you afraid of the dark by the way people who grew up not afraid of the dark you weren't afraid of the dark not one bit terrified why it's dark I always am I about to learn something about you what I remember being a you, middle school aged young lad

trying to impress women because what we were told as boys back then was just like, what impresses women? Being hard, being macho, being strong, being tough I remember saying to women that like I'm more comfortable in the dark than I am the light HAHAHA What are you, Batman? I'm more comfortable in the dark like he's a bad. Yeah And I use and I use like the lake house as like you say like how much we played manhunt and

stuff like that because like legitimately there were parts of the lake house that were so dark that you can just stand in the dark and no one could see You and that's what I would do. So I had said, I'm more comfortable in the dark is such an insane way to think of like, this'll get them. They're gonna think I'm so sick. And guess what? Guess what? Didn't work? Not at all.

Not one bit, babe. Not at all. Not a single time. And guess what? I was wrong Who Young the stupid shit you think are gonna impress girls. Well who are very fast Yeah, sweet, dude. Watch me throw myself into this bush and come out with no scratches love doing that

Yeah, I mean who would have thought that all women wanted was someone to talk to and be treated like treated well women They're fucking they were 11, dude Okay, how old do you what grade are you in when you're 11? Fifth grade so yeah 12 13 If I'm just really fast this girl is gonna like me Yeah, Joey would take off and run his face. And they- spoiler. Spoiler! I would run away from girls. Spoiler, they liked him because of his face. Not my speed. Not your speed.

If anything, your speed probably took you down a notch. They were like, this guy is kinda giving me the ick right here. He's just running. He's running away from me. He's just running. Why is he running in circles? What's going on? And I was the type that like, I would be like My legs are mostly scars and I've gotten kicked in the balls. I have iron balls, you know

Yo, wait. Oh No, that was Keith what remember when Keith was like give me a purple purple purple I was I was I was the one that was like you can hit me in the nuts And if I brace myself for impact it won't hurt Guess what? Spoiler, it hurt. He was just masking the pain. Even with the brace, I'd be like, nothing.

He would go home and spit up blood. Yeah. I'm shocked I had children of the amount of times I've been hit in the nuts. I'm more comfortable in the dark. I love when those little things pop up, you know, because I forgot who I was talking to the other day, but I was talking about something from back in the day

and I'm like, Frankie will definitely remember stories around this, because he has like such a spotty, specific memory from back then. I'm like, he's probably so good. I think it was like my mom, we were like going through pictures and I'm like, I bet Frankie remembers this day. What was the day?

I don't remember. Oh. I don't remember from. You don't remember from two days ago seeing the picture. How the fuck do you expect me to remember it from 14 years ago? Well, I'm saying if you saw it. Yeah, probably. You would, but honestly.

Yeah, good times. Good times. I'm more comfortable in the dark. Cool. Anyway, I think we comfortable in the dark. Cool. Anyway, I think we can end it there. Batman, where can they find you besides the shadows of the rooms? That's it.

That's the only place. At Valvres885 on Twitter, they Frank Alvarez on all the forms of social media, patreon.com slash thebasementyard, thebasementyard.com slash submit. Submit your questionnaire if you're coming to any of the Basement Yard Experience Shows. We're excited to get back after it.

Joey, Joey Joey Joey You guys can go follow me at Joe Sanagato go follow the show at the base mirror on tik-tok and Instagram And that is all see you guys next time