The Basement Yard - #455 - Writing Your Name In Pee

Episode Date: June 17, 2024

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Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, how's it going? Now I don't know why I'm laughing. Well, oh, yeah. Because before we were singing and I said something that you probably shouldn't say. I said, all right, hold on. Now I have to say what I was saying.

Yeah. It sounds like I was saying something I shouldn't really be. Which slurred it. You said I didn't say any slurs. Yeah. I said the the act we were singing the Shawn Kingston song right Sean your mr. Kingston Does he say that no, man, Nikki Minaj said that you don't remember I don't Daddy daddy daddy. No, no that song

Damn I got you a song Kingston. And also, just got pinched. What? For what? Grand Theft. What is Grand Theft? Just a big, big form of theft. A big old fat theft. Also, what's Grand Theft Auto? A big old theft of autos.

But like, you stole a nice car? Maybe. Auto? Slow the fuck down Jesus Christ give me a fucking minute to breathe I asked one question I wasn't finished with my question definition of grand theft auto this is very simple way grand theft autos the act of stealing a vehicle without the owner's permission with the intent to permanently or significantly deprive them of it. Just sounds like a theft. Significantly deprive them of it. You can't have it.

That's what makes a grand theft auto. Your tongue looks like you were eating pollen. What is that? Is that from tea? Seeds. It's funny because I had said in the car I looked at my tongue I was like I'm gonna make sure I don't show my tongue this episode. And you stuck it out immediately It's a type of auto theft that's considered a more serious larceny crime because of the value of the stolen items. What's larceny? I don't know any the crime stuff. Larsonie sounds way cooler than theft. I want to Larson something larceny They don't sound good

Larson. Larson's... I'm thinking of fire. It sounds like a German Lawrence. This is my friend Larson. It's the size of the theft. So grand theft. I think he got in trouble for like trying to like defraud or steal like a couple dozen thousand dollars. Well we're rooting for Mr. are we? We're rooting for the long arm of the law to do its job you know and Lady Justice yeah to do her thing. Shhh. Blind Justice. Love your music though. He's now I mean unless. Whose music? Blind Justice? No, Sean Kingston. Oh I thought this was like some like new you know Quinex-y

CCIC fucking that I don't know about. It's like, oh my God, the new Blind Justice song? No, no, no. Yeah, kinda, I do, very progressive that justice is blind. You know? That's not what that means. I know, I know, but like, have you seen the pictures of Blind Justice? She's holding like two things

and she's got the thing over her face. Wait, that's a thing? Should they have a mascot? She has like a, she has has a fucking like what's it called? What's it called? A fucking what's it called? Oh my god Now you got me going. What's it called? Blindfold bro. Blindfold. Yeah, she has a blindfold. I almost said a head scratch She's got like a dress on and she's holding like scales and like something else Oh, I've seen that and she's just, justice is blind and so am I for justice. Right, yeah. You know? Justice is blind. Kind of nice. Is it? Because would it be better if it could see? Well no. No, the idea of justice being blind is that if it did see, it would see people.

It would have biases. You've been, yeah, exactly. This is a big thing right now because certain people of prominence just gotten a little bit of trouble and convicted of a certain amount of counts. I'm gonna throw a number out there. Tear up! I'm gonna throw some numbers out there. 34. Yeah.

34. Yeah. That's a lot of counts. I just spit everywhere. Listen, we're not gonna... A lot of counts, dude. We don't wanna sit here and debate political, you know. I don't even know which...

There's a ton of lawsuits. There is something hysterical. Well lawsuits are not criminal. Lawsuits are civil. Oh, bro, I don't even know what fucking larceny is. You can't, I don't know this shit obviously. You don't know much if anything about the law, do you? No, dude.

I didn't go to college for that. You dude. I didn't go to college for that. You did. You did? Well, you didn't go to college for anything. To be very clear. That is fair. I didn't go for law, but like, during my time... You did criminal justice. Criminal is in the major name! During my time, we did learn some law stuff. There you go.

There was some law stuff. Ask me the... I know Grand Theft Auto as a video game where I could drive a car on the sidewalk and get away with it. Yes and well get away and also steal a fighter jet. How is that even? One of so Grand Theft Auto, Grand Theft Auto 6 by the way coming out next year. A lot of people very excited. Oh. Internal conversations reveal that they're already working on 7 so it might be you know four decades before we get that. That's good yeah but in Grand Theft Auto 5 which came out 11 years ago crazy yeah whoa right 11 2013 was 11 years ago I fuck you up yet dude my head was like this big back then yeah and what about the one on your shoulders?

What does that mean? That you have a tiny dick. Oh, oh. Your dick is really small. Dude, good job on the penis head joke, you know? But I would in Grand Theft Auto V, I would just I would make it was like a challenge that I would drive to the airport, steal a plane, steal a jet and see how long I could last. Yeah. You know know and then whoever like Like my friends in college whoever lasted the longest one whoever lasted the shortest had it like shock on a beer or something

Oh cool. You know so college was sick for you Forgive me. It's a joke! It's what people did we do we did beerio cart. We did Super Smash Brothers I did that too. We did beer drinkie games We did beer-io-cart, we did Super Smash Brothers. I did that too! We did beer-drinky games. I mean, I've said this before on an episode, but Frankie bro was obsessed with duck taping 40s to his hands. Dude. Every single week he'd be like, you wanna do Edward 40 hands?

I'm like, let's just drink them and have pants! But it's such a good, fun way! You wanted to hold your piss! Maybe that's why you're pissing like crazy now. I'm pro piss boy. Yeah, Frankie pisses all over his car, He can't stop pissing all the time. It's because he was obsessed with holding his piss. Yo, let's turn to 40s and like not pee and I'm like, let's just have a good night. Dude, pissing is like a part of like bro culture. Alright, like pissing is a part of like dudes being guys. Like you can't...

Well, I'm not gonna disagree with you because I will say two things. Pissing in the snow is fire. Pissing in the cold, I love seeing heat. Steam. I love that I can make heat. I love that too. I was gonna say the fact that I can make steam like a locomotive train is awesome. That's so cool. But then also peeing on walls is fucking cool.

Listen, pee is so cool. Like pee is a cool part of being a boy, dude. Yeah. And like you breaking down barriers. Pea streams. So cool. Like pee is a cool part of being a boy, dude. Yeah. And like you breaking down barriers. Pee streams. So cool. Dude, do you understand? Half the population doesn't understand how sick it is to aim and fucking weaponize your piss. And write your name or some- or your crush's name in piss.

What? What? Hold on. I thought we were on the same team there, but then you kinda stole from me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I intercepted your pass, went the other way. You never wrote your crush's name in piss. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Is this a bit? Is this a bit? Like on a wall or in the snow.

The placement of your crush's urine-filled fucking name is not the point of this. It's just the fact that you were, who thought that was romantic? You or she? I didn't show them, I didn't say here, but I was. So who was it for? For me. If you're not, hold on. If you're not doing something to show your crush,

then it's pointless. It's for me, bro, I'm crushing. I'm doing stupid crush stuff. So you're being like, normal people, when they're crushing, will like write in their name, like their name like Joey and fucking like carve it into a tree. Yeah, like Joey and Monica forever Yeah, you're instead of doing I've carved my name, you know me and Becca's name into several trees Really? Yeah, I didn't think people did that anymore. Oh, we did we did it. Absolutely nice, but you people did that anymore. Oh we did it, we did it, absolutely. But you, instead of

being like you know like Joey and Monica forever and like a heart or like you're... I do that too. Okay that's normal. Yeah. Writing your crush's name in urine when you're, let's be honest, probably inebriated is cute for no one. I've thought this was a safe space to be honest with you. I thought you know what else I'm not judging you I'm just showing you're not the inherent you should hear the judgment in your voice I'm showing the inherent stupidity in your logic first of all I've done very stupid things you and I know there's untellable stories that we can't tell untellable stories that will never be told or tell. They will be told. They will never be told. They will be told. No. They will

be told. But I lost it. There it is. What was I talking about? It's gone. Come back to me. Write it in PISS and you'll find it. You fucking idiot. Oh that's what I was gonna say. Okay. Boom. Piss. In the shower sometimes when the things will steam. That makes sense. I would write my crush's name but then I'd wipe it. I don't know what that would do. That was my, that was like I think in my, this is so crazy. This is crazy. But I would, you're repeating it. But it would fog and then I'd write her name and then I would wipe it because wiping it is just like I was like submitting it to something. You know what I mean? I've been like oh write it in like boom. Just like send it in. Yeah. I

would do that but with like X's you know I'd write their name and just be like you're fucking gone. Wipe you out of my life you know just like your name was there and now it's not Now it's not! You know, but that seems a little violent. Yeah. I would really just... Yeah, it's just that. You know, just one of those.

Do you have a squeegee? I do squeegee it. I have one too. I love squeegee. I love... Dude, the videos of like window cleaning... Oh, dude. Where they're like... I. Oh dude. Where they're like.

I love that shit. Like videos of people cleaning windows. Squeegeeing. Squeegeeing. Squeegeeing. Squeegeeing. We love that when they do that. And also people can make a perfect circle. I'm like, what? How do you do that? Well that I don't care about. Have you seen, have you seen, fuck circles.

Have you seen the video? Best shape, Easily. No, triangles dude. Better than circles? There's interesting things on every single side of a triangle. Point point point. Circle is dull and stupid. It never stops. Where does a circle start? Wherever you want it to start.

Exactly! But same thing with a triangle. No, it's got corners. If you start a triangle at any, any, any... I start a triangle not at points. Also, there's only one circle. Triangles is a bunch of triangles. But there's circular objects. There's no triangular objects, except for triangles.

Completely untrained. Or prisms. Triangular prisms. Can you talk prisms? Like you're eating soup. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know. Don't get me started on soup.

Yeah. But I hear what you're saying about the writing the person's name in Piss. Did you ever do it and tell them? Absolutely not. Because then you're associating your crush's name with the smell of fresh urine. Yes. Right, yeah. Which, not good.

Not good at all. I've told you. I don't know if I've said it on the show, but I feel like I've told you, but when I had a crush on Jane and I asked her at the end of the day like, I like you, do you like me? And she's like I'm gonna write it on the desk and she wrote it in script. Didn't learn to script until two years later, so I was like I don't know what the hell she said, dude. We sat there just sitting there like what is this saying? I was like is that a roller coaster? What is that? Why does S have a belly? Yeah, right.

I had no idea what the fuck it was. That's all it was, having crushes when you were a kid. It's not like... I just want yes or no. Not even yes or no, just validation. That's it. I'm crushing on you. Crush on me. You crush on me. And we don't have to talk. We don't have to talk, we don't have to hold hands, we don't have to hug, we don't have to kiss. Nothing. Nothing? Just want you to know. And I have to talk we don't have to hold hands We don't have to hug we don't have to kiss nothing nothing just want you to know just why and I want to know

I definitely want to know that's all it is Yeah, and that's kind of like when you lose that sense of just like Love and wonder you know what I mean like you lose that now you need like validation comes in other forms Yeah, a simple hugs yes, or a little poster piece of paper torn out of a composition notebook Yeah, that says do you like me circle one? Yes or no? I did send that before and I have gotten several that came back with a circled or yes, yeah, cuz Playing hard to get here, which is way worse. Yeah way Honestly sending girls that note where it's like do you like me?

Yes or no is kind of like jury duty. Like they're gonna try to get out of it. So they're gonna write no, or they're gonna circle yes and no. And you're like, what? I'm so confused. Do they circle the whole thing? You really have to send it three times

to get an actual answer. It hurt because I've told this story, I guess not this story, but like several, like the idea of this is like, I was not like one to be crushed on as a little kid. You were a crush boy. You were a big crush. And no, I'm being honest.

I've been violated though. So one time I think- Violated? Hold on. Hold on. In a no kind of way. Violated, did you? I've sent a girl a no before, like, do you like me yes or no?

And she turned the word yes and no into animals. And I was like, bitch, what the fuck is this? I'm like, how am I supposed to know? It's almost, I would rather get the no, because then I'd just be like, all right, fuck. But then circling the or means like, you know where you have me, and you're gonna fuck with me, and I don't like it, but I'm gonna keep pestering you

and ask you. Bro, but you know when you get an or, that's a yes. Not me. My ors were just like, we're gonna let him down gently, because if not, he's gonna fucking, you know, throw down a blue-eyes white dragon and take my fucking Exodia left arm. That's what I was about, babe.

That is for.1% of the people that listen to this. You know, I have an Exodia card. Zach gave it to me at the New Haven show, and I have it. What the fuck, Zach? I want one! And I have it. It's the head of Exodia. This is Yu-Gi-Oh!

by the way. Yu-Gi-Oh! cards. But he gave me an Exodia card and I put it in my toiletry bag and it comes with me everywhere. Zach! He doesn't listen to this. No he doesn't. Zach! I want, please, all I want is Not that Zach, not that Zach. What's Zach want please I all I want not that Zack not that Zack was Ruben's friend Zack oh

Not that I thought the photographer. I was like give it. I go way further back to no no no although you pay him So technically you guys closer bond damn. I want listen hear me out I I'm just a simple boy that just wants to collect the yugioh and Pokemon cards and maybe even some digimon cards that I had When I was a kid ooh, I saw for a hefty price but like a doable price like a price of a watch a box set of like Pokemon cards and I was like oh how much like for the full set I gotta show this to you oh Oh dude, if you don't put that phone down right now... One of my favorite things that we do on the show is like, we're in the middle of a discussion and then someone gets really excited and the other one's like, I will literally cut my own head off if you follow along.

Just don't care. At all. Don't care. Just talking. You know what I mean? I think it was like. At all. Don't care. Just talking. You know what I mean? I think it was like a full box set of like base set Pokemon cards. What are we talking about though as far as like 22. 22 thousand dollars?

Yeah. Like first edition goes for like a hundred. But like the second edition which is like the base set. It goes for like 22. That might not be a bad deal. What are you gonna do with it? Play? Keep? No. You know what I'm gonna do with it? Put it be a bad deal. What are you going to do with it? Play? Keep... No! You know what I'm going to do with it?

Put it in a glass case. Put it there and go... Wait until people see this. You know what you should do? Leave it open in the glass case. No, it's sealed! I'll show you this after. See, this is the thing about Joey.

He doesn't want to see what I'm telling him, but he wants to ask 30 questions that could be answered by simply looking at it. I'm picturing it looking like what I imagine the Bible looks like. In a glass case, half open. No, no, no, that's the book. Listen, God, if anyone wants to be a fucking good member of the basement yard family,

just give me your Pokemon cards, bitch. Don't do that. Don't get Frankie around. Give me! No, it's like the boxes they would put at like the deli where it was like you would open the top and it was Oh, so you don't know what's in there. Well, there's packs in there Presumably you don't know but like people have figured out ways to like figure out if there's holographic cards and stuff Oh, nah, if I'm paying 22, I better get every fucking card. I better get a fucking holographic mule.

Well, did you hear what happened to Logan Paul? He bought like an entire collection for like $3 million and opened it and it was fake. Yikes. Or whatever the price is, three million might be a stretch, but like. Not cheap, not cool, not cheap. Definitely not a cool thing that I would be so upset. Yeah, so fucking upset. Yeah. So fucking upset. We should get off of cards because.

You wanna know something really funny? This is a serious true story. Serious, serious true story. Based on our experience, we tell you guys about it every single week. Thank you for coming out, supporting us. It is literally, you're making our dreams. At the last show, Joey before the show sat me down

and said, I just want you to know, you can't talk about Pokemon. Not that you can't. He like coached me like, dude, you can't do five to 10 minutes on Pokemon. That I did say. And I'm like, it's Pokemon, like why not? And he's like, you can't.

And then by chance I guess Greg's sneaky little fucking fingers got a hold of a card a submission that we tell you guys to do at the base of me are comm slash submit if you're coming to any of the shows and it mentioned Pokemon and I was like this is perfect yeah it opened and Joe quickly cut me off at the fucking knees no no no because it was like I know how you get yes and you're like I'm just gonna talk about Pokemon yeah then you're like, I'm just gonna talk about Pokemon. Then you're like, I'm gonna find someone in the crowd

who likes Pokemon and we're just gonna go fucking Squirtle for Squirtle for 20 minutes. And I'm like, we can't do all that. I can't point at someone and say Squirtle. That might get me in a little bit of trouble. And I also wouldn't pick the worst of the three starters. Definitely not Squirtle. I would say Charmander no way Bulbasaur is

easily the worst mmm I don't know about that I honestly don't know I think I think Bulbasaur might have obviously Charmander is no one without with of course it's not even close Squirtle though like Venusaur is the one Venusaur is a big fucking warded up fucking DINOSAUR! Yeah but what about Blastoise? Blastoise is the guns but like he's just a big old turtle. I want a dinosaur dude! If I were to say close your eyes what's cool a turtle?

He's a dinosaur! Turtle or dinosaur? What are you gonna say? Blastoise. No but that's not the question. Turtle. I almost saw a turtle. That's not, that's not. When. Turtle. I almost saw a turtle. That's not- That's not- When I was in Connecticut. I saw one. We went on a boat ride and when we got back, John was like, you just missed a big ass turtle. He's like, like this big.

I was like, WHAT?! SHIT! It's probably a snapping turtle. You don't want to see that. Yeah, he said that. I want to see it. Terror! Terror! Terror! Bro, aren't they like a billion years old turtles? They are very, very old. But snapping turtles will take your fucking- Also, what's a tortoise? Is that like a French turtle? turtles? They are very very old, the snapping turtles. Also what's a tortoise? Is that like a french turtle? I think they're just, they're grand theft, they're grand turtles.

That's what a tortoise is, it's just a bigger. There was that one, we went to a zoo down in Cape May, when we were down there for a couple days, two turtles fucking right in the middle of the fucking thing. One was on top of the other shell. One was on top, giving it. And like the kids were- You don't give it, they go slow, no? It's given, but just at a slower pace. Were they making noises? It was behind a really thick glass, I couldn't hear if there were noises. But, Ruby and Miles were both like, what? Yeah, yeah. You know, like what's

going on? And we just said like, they're wrestling. Oh yeah, they're wrestling. Let me ask you a serious question. Yeah. Obviously you don't have any children yet But if your children were to ever walk in on you fucking doing fucks what would I say what would your what all the day? 25 If my children are 25 and living like in my house to the point where they think they could just walk in no no all right Hey, it's a very inquisitive age is that how old miles is miles is right now. Yeah, it'll be nine in a couple weeks I Have no idea and that would be tough because miles is like 45 years old yeah miles is that he's an abnormal eight-year-old because he's very very smart

But the normal eight-year-old just they ask questions about everything, they're very inquisitive, what's going on. Okay, what position am I in? Am I in? I was going to say, that's something I didn't even think about, is would your wife be fucking you? Dude, no, that's not what I was saying, you dumbass. No, I meant like, is there a doggy style going on?

Are the blankets up? Are we movie fucking? You know like in the movies it's like everyone's covered? And then they like they go to they like they finish, roll over and they always have it right here like ah, ah, ah. Yeah what is that? The blankets are shrone apart. Yeah, shrone.

Strone. Yeah. You know the blankets are shrone apart. Yeah, shrone. Strone. Yeah. You know, the blankets are everywhere. Pillows are fucking everywhere. Knocking over water glasses on the same thing. Yes, yes. Like this was a dirty fuck. Yeah, yeah. You know, not like a like a lovable one. Oh, OK, so I'm naked. Are you having sex clothed?

No, no, I'm saying what my point is, like, the kid can see mom and dad are naked. Yeah, dude. Oh, I mean, at that point we were, we were, uh, I have no idea, but that's hilarious. To an eight year old, I mean, you can't lie to an eight year old. You're like, you guys are fucking naked right now and fucking. But they don't know what fucking is. Like, what do you say? We were trying to make a baby.

You could not have made that worse, that situation. What am I going to say? How do you make a baby. You could not have made that worse, that situation. What am I going to say? How do you make a baby? Then 40 other questions roll in that you need to be prepared to navigate. That's fair. What would you say, genius? I wouldn't say we're trying to make a baby because then they're going to be like, wait a sec. Bro, I'm caught red handed, red ass, red dick out, fucking vagina am I going to lie to a kid what am I gonna say I don't have anything

to say I might want to get your ass and dick checked they're red I just put that thing red-handed I you just you don't say we're trying to make a baby because kids will be like I want babies like I want to go and make a baby to somewhere you're not old enough to make a baby we've explained to the kids making a baby is like, I give a watermelon seed to Becca, and she says she accepts it, she swallows the seed, and a baby is made. OK, you think that's a good idea?

Because if that's the way easier than we're fucking naked just throwing our fucking just wet meats at each other trying to make a child. Listen, if a person told me that I give mommy a watermelon seed and then she grows a baby, I'd be terrified of watermelon. That's why you get, that's why we buy exclusively seedless watermelons, Joey. So you have to commit- Commit to the bit, Joey!

You have to commit to a seedless fruit because you said that! Absolutely, well, seedless watermelons are far superior. You should have just said any seed. You didn't have to commit to a seedless fruit because you said that absolutely well seedless watermelons are far superior You should have just said any seed you didn't have to mention Watermelons a very big fruit that like you could just say a seed you could say a magic seed Well, I think we have said it's cool. We call it a golden seed. We don't specifically say okay So a regular you can't go to a store if miles walks in you're naked You're both naked What do you my wife My wife and I, you mean?

Yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah. You guys are in the middle of having sex, both naked. Yeah. The blankets are across the room. Yeah. And he walks in. What do you say? I don't have the answer. I'm just, I know the wrong answer. I was playing Pokemon something like that. That would be a really weird way to say it. I have no idea what you would say. I don't know what to say. I do know what not to say. And saying we're trying to make a baby. Because then he's gonna be like, or your child will be like, how do you make babies? Tell me that. I want a baby one day. But yeah, at that point, that's what I'm'm saying you're caught red-handed you're kind of just

to have that conversation yeah you're that's a whole layer of stuff you know that you're gonna have to what grade is is eight three third that's tough third grade because but we knew like we knew we were different kids dude we were different kids I knew sex way like we knew sex way too early because we had siblings regardless like yeah it's not like my sister was talking to me about I knew sex way like we knew sex way too early because we had siblings Regardless like yeah, it's not like my sister was talking to me about it. I know but like I Feel like out there. I knew because of like boys being boys at lunch table like what fucking titties are dude like that's like I

Dude, I mean what age should you start being like, okay so mommy and daddy, they love each other and they get in a bed and then they have fun. I think realistically like 11. When kids start learning about like health and understanding their own body, that's when like you can start to kind of, and you know what's crazy? There is an answer there are people that have devoted their life to being professionals and teaching children sexual health yeah I mean sexual health of course but I'm saying having an awkward conversation with your son I

think I think there's a like God forbid 11 is probably like when the conversation can happen also be an an adult, lock the door. Yes, yeah, obviously. Right there. You know what I mean? Bro, you ever go to someone's house and they don't have locks on the doors? Like locks on the bathroom? What are we doing?

Yeah, bathroom is crazy. It's insane. But like I understand it for like people that have children, like because like if a kid locks a door, but you need to get the locks that you could open with like a butter knife. You know what I'm talking about first of all if my kid locks the door Easy kick job kicking it down without a doubt I don't think you realize how strong doors are Joe blasting this door Joey Joey's big fucking thunder thighs over here with what fucking what what are you kicking with those fucking pencil ankles?

Joe rank with the power of a father like my son could be dying in there, I will run and throw my body. Yeah, but if you kick a door open, you kick a door open and that kid is standing right there and it smacks him in the mouth by teeth. I go, back up, little Joey! Bang! Oh, you already figured out a name, huh? No, I don't think I'm going to do that.

Good for you. Little Joey. I don't think I'm gonna call, I don't think I'm gonna name my potential son. Also I was saying the other day, I'd rather, I hope my first... Let me not say hope. I... God. Let me not say hope. God oh God oh God. Because, but I have seen videos of people like during gender reveals, some of you husbands out there are a little terrifying, all right? Or not terrifying, uh... Idiots! Yeah. You don't go, UGH!

EEEH! When you have a daughter or a son or something. Bro, I can't tell you how many fucking gender reveals I've seen where it's like it's a girl and the guy's like, UGH! FUCK! Or even like when it's a guy and they're like, YEAH! I mean, I guess you could say that they were gonna cheer for whatever it was But like that's someone who's clearly like sees that raising a fucking boy They think is easier because I don't have to worry about the horrors of the world and the way this world treats fucking with it I would if

I had a good joy if I had a choice I Would rather a woman I would I'd rather have two daughters than two sons. That seems hectic. I mean, from a just kids are crazy standpoint, boys are nuts. All of my nephews are psychos. And my niece is very, she's a little bit of a psycho now, but. All kids are kids, but like, for instance, at the age of three, I couldn't sit miles

down and have him play with toys. He would be up, rolly, jump, beep, up, up, up, and all kids are different. But at the age of three, I can put little bluey figurines in front of Ruby and she's good for an hour. Maybe even more. Crazy. Yeah. But I don't know.

I want a girl. I wish you an abundance of joy and happiness. If I had two boys... That's gonna be tough, dude. Like, a part of me is like, ugh. It's gonna be hard. Should we do this again? It's gonna be hard.

But, at the same time, the world needs more good men, so you can raise... It would be very interesting to see you raise what you believe a good man is. Wow. That's what it is. Thanks man. I was going this way. This way? Up top. Yeah. That's what it is. That's what Becca and I talk about all the time. Becca's like, I will be damned if I don't raise a good man. If I had to. Because men are scary. Let's be honest. I'll be damned. No, it's true. She said it like fucking, like Nicolas Cage.

She was like, like, damn! You know, I will be flimble-flabbled. No, it's hard. I actually, a friend of mine, I guess I could say this because he announced publicly, Kojo, just announced he's having a daughter. Nice. And him and I had a candid conversation and it makes you rethink your whole world, but at the same time Raising a boy is just as hard because you know how boys are piece of shit I mean, yeah, dude, like I think that raising any child is like difficult I just wanted because I think that having a little daughter would be cute. I

Can't I can't put into words, you know, I can't I Like truly love all of my children beyond measure, you know, and people often bring up. How would you measure it though? You can't. Liquid ounces? Fluid ounces? I would say. Inches? Probably meters. Oh, we're going across the pond now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I measure the love for my children in British terminology. In metric. In the metric system. We're imperial. Or standard as we have tried to call it. Standard. Yeah. Normal. Yeah, exactly. We're right. You for doing it. You're stupid. It's like us and like Nepal. So weird. Yeah, it is. It's like some other

random ass country. I get why we do it. This country is like fucking psychotic, but like a random country. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go to like Europe is like yeah also miles per hour yeah what you know we like you guys we're gonna do it the same way you do backwards I do wanna say something stupid I do wanna say something Fahrenheit and Celsius if there's gonna be two right let's do easy maths here yeah like plus 10 instead Instead of like X over 2 times.45 or whatever it is. What do we do? It's like minus, and like I know that we're probably the ones, we are the ones.

I will say this, I will say this, you know, I know, I know, I know you're gonna make fun of me, just give me just a smidgen. ahead in terms of when I have my tea I operate in grams and Celsius Celsius yeah it's just easier man it is it's just so much easier all cold freeze hundred hot boil instead of 32 that's pretty cold so I will freeze right freeze right at 32 33 though crazy also 212 how cool is it to be like I'm going out today. It's negative eight Like if you say negative eight here, it's like you're gonna die out there like don't go out there But being able to be like yo, it's negative eight. It'll be like alright, that's kind of cold

You know like you can you could a light jacket could be okay. It makes no sense for it to be one degree When you go when you tell someone from like Canada like oh like what is it outside? We're like oh it's like 85 degrees outside. They're like are you okay? Yeah, no. That's the surface of the sun in Canada. It's fucking crazy. It makes no sense. But also like SNL did the really good... Oh my god I need to do ads. Yeah okay all right go go go go go go go we're talking about episode today also sweating here so whatever I'm gonna be real how will we do this next episode we're about to do guys listen okay we do have some sponsor for today the first one being Squarespace you want to build a website you should do it with Squarespace okay it is the black it is

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And like I said, a lot of people have used it. They've been like, oh, this is my website, whatever, which is awesome. So yeah, if you're making a website, do it with Squarespace, you're welcome. Also here we have Babel. It is the best way to learn a new language, and who doesn't want to do that? Okay? Especially, I'm talking to a lot of Americans here, and most of us are not speaking two languages. Okay? We were just talking about the metric system, the imperial system, whatever. Once in this country you start speaking English and you're like that's it. I'm not going to do anything else for the most part.

And it would be cool to know another language. So whether you want to know Spanish, Russian, Chinese, Japanese, whatever it is, you can do so with Babel. They gamify the learning experience and it was created by people who actually know what they're talking about. And also it's not just like these words, like it's like vocab tests where it's just words you probably will never use. It's very conversational so they teach you conversation so that you can actually use these sentences and these phrases when visiting Spain, for instance. I've been using Babel with Spanish occasionally over the years, so I like it. With Babel, though, it'll give you the tips and tools to start being able to learn another

language. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, you get 60% off your Babel subscription, but only for our listeners at babel get 60% off your Babbel subscription but only for our listeners at Babbel.com slash basement. Okay? Get up to 60% off at Babbel.com slash basement. It is spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash basement. Rules and restrictions may apply. Go learn a language, folks. Alright? You're welcome. And there's one language that's universal and it's not music. It's not love it's laughs And you can get more of that at patreon.com slash the base backyard every single week I tell you about it and this week. I'm doing something new

I'm threatening you if you don't go to patreon.com and sign up Joe is going to shut this whole motherfucking shit down You don't want that on your conscious You don't want my kids homeless or do you if you do that's that's an issue. Listen, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance with that first tier. That second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. So there's more of us, more laughs, more hugs, more joy. I'm obviously joking about Joe shut this down because he wouldn't do that because he loves you. We love you. You love us. There's so much love, but the universal language isn't love, it's laughs. Get more of it at patreon.com slash the basement yard and then if for some

reason the P the little P on your keyboard doesn't work go to the basementyard.com that's the new website for us for basement boys where you can get information on merch you can get information on the patreon you can get information on upcoming shows it's really really fun and it's a cool website where you can see Joe and I in tuxedos and we look nice alright so if you're coming to any of the basement yard experience shows by the way a couple tickets left for the July 27th night late night at the Tropicana show for my birthday birthday bash with boys birthday

back the birthday bash with the boys couple tickets up for that late show go check them out at thebasementyard.com or if you're coming to any of the shows, you already secured your ticket, no matter if it's Denver or if it's Atlanta or if it's potentially Toronto. What you can do is go to thebasementyard.com slash submit, submit your answers to the questionnaire.

Part of our show, we'd like it to be interactive. We wanna talk with you. It's an experience, folks. What does that mean experience this me you Joey? We're gonna talk a little bit so go to the basement.com Submit put in what show you're coming to submit a questionnaire. It's gonna be fun. It's gonna be happy fun times. All right Thank you guys. We'll see you at the shows and we'll talk to you later Can you think I have like a future in like radio broadcasting one day? This is basically that. All right. Moving on. Kid has a present. He's asking me for a future. What do you

want me to look at? Oh, here he is. Here he is. Here's Mr. Fucking No Jokes Today, Joe. No Jokey Joe today. We're going out to a restaurant later, fully expect to get a, this is not the place for that. Calm down, settle down. If you start screaming across the table about sex, yes, I am going to say that. I'm going to bring up fat, I'm telling you right now, mark my words, tonight at dinner, I'm gonna scream fat cock. Okay, I've marked your words.

That's gonna make you feel like really cool? It is gonna make me feel cool. Speaking of restaurants, that's crazy. Actually no, I don't wanna talk about restaurants. I do wanna talk about something else though. That is making me- What was that? Don't worry about it, bitch.

The cicadas are on their way out. They're coming out their holes. Of what? Oh, I thought you meant they were gone already. No, no, no, no, they're still here. Have you seen the videos of like thousands of cicadas? No. They are here. I haven't seen one or heard one, so...

I sent Joey a TikTok of a guy taking a handful of cicada shells and eating them. I'm shocked. Oh, I didn't watch it. Oh, can I show it to you? No, I don't want to see it. It would like literally just ruin my day. Please? No. Well,'t want to see it. It would like literally just ruin my day. Please. No. All right, well, there's a new thing coming out now, Joey.

Have you heard of the spiders? Don't, don't do this. You heard of them? No. You heard of the spiders? I told you right before we were recording, I was like, boy, if you hate bugs, I got something for you. Although bugs technically not,

spiders technically not bugs. They are 100% bugs. No, they're arachnids. What's an arachnid? Insects are bugs. Arachnids are their own thing. No, bugs are both insects and arachnids. So, um.

Anything that has legs like that is a bug. So there is a spider known as the Joro, J-O-R-O, spider. J-O-R-O. That is on its way to New York City, baby. What does that mean, on its way? What are they doing? I don't know, but they're here, they are venomous, they are... Venomous? They are as big as, almost as big as your hand.

No, I'm not venomous. And here's the kicker, here's the kicker! They can fly. Hold on. So... kicker here's the kicker they can fly hold on so so there's show me proof i mean i can't show you proof of it flying i'll show you my what do i have to look up oh my god yeah oh yeah no oh yeah Joe why

new york right here out of all places go to maine there's more woods and trees! Be spiders, bro! While not accurate flight in the avian sense, Joro spiders utilize a technique known as ballooning, where they release silk threads into the air, which allow them to be carried by the wind. Nah, bro. You ready? What happens, honestly? Yeah.

Walk me through. Joey gets out of- Oh my god, dude, this this things the size of a tennis ball tennis balls famously this big Now I'm on Google and they're venomous so if they get you oh My god, dude, but this could be your introduction to being spider-man, dude Bro, I'm not letting a spider get fucking near me. So here's a serious question what if you go outside and we need to record and then you look up and you just see spiders flying? Yeah I'm like I know that we're like joking and

stuff like whatever but legitimately like you know how with the lantern flies they were like everywhere yeah if these were like that no just invest in and I invest in a cat I'm going to invest in locking my door staying inside a blow until they've decided to leave invest in a blowtorch no these are disgusting bro Ew, there's a white child holding it in its hands. Let me see, I wanna see this dumb white idiot. Why is he doing that? Those are crazy looking spiders.

Does it help that they have like nice colors on their butt? Like green, yellow, blue. This is on someone's face! Let me see. That's a face. That's not a face. That's a nose and that's a shadow. Dude, look at those teeth, bro.

No, bro. And it's venomous. So if it gets you, it might get you for good. I don't think that they're, like, lethal. Look it up! No one calls something venomous unless it could be lethal to someone or something. First of all, this thing says that gyro spiders are native to East Asia. What are you doing here?!

They're giving us all their all their actually I'm not gonna do this they're giving us the lot the spotted lantern flies those were from there too right? What are you gonna say? You know what I'm gonna say? I'm not gonna do it. The old 19? Yeah. I ain't gonna do it. Yeah dude spiders though chill bro. Bro lantern flies what made them worse is that they were fast. They were little bitches jumpy fuckers dude I would go to stomp on one I'd be like I got it I look and it's not there dude this is so disgusting I want to why are this article has a bunch of white people holding them though what is that because spiders and like all animals they're friends unless you make them not

a want to not be friends bro I don't want to be friends I do not want to be friends with a fucking spider. What are you talking about? That would be a pretty cool... What if... What would you rather have in your apartment? No bug. No bug.

What would you rather have? Wouldn't you rather have a dozen mosquitoes or one Joro spider? A dozen mosquitoes, bro. I'm fucking hacking. I don't give a fuck about mosquitoes. I'm gonna kill them. But this thing will kill mosquitoes too.

You know in the middle of the night when you hear a mosquito in your ear? What do you do? Bang! Okay, but like if you continuously hear it but you're just like... Honestly, I don't care. It's just a mosquito. Right, yeah. You know what I do?

Lights go on. It's fucking game time because I'm not going to sleep until it's dead I'm serious I can't I won't sleep I will not you should see me hunting flies oh you should see me a Becca made fun of me the other day because I'm there and I have my fucking like my my my like flip-flop in my hand and I'm like ready and I'm like do I feel so badass hunting these flies I look like such an idiot I'm like spinning yeah and like fucking like swatting at nothing a big what I've started to do is instead of trying to hit them I throw things at them I miss every time I don't think I've hit one once good way to damage the things in your home I've thrown a slipper Joey what the hell am I damaging I'm not throwing it a fine China days vase you think I'm just letting vases fucking

expensive vases sit out what are are you gonna do? Hide them? You put flowers in them. Make them look pretty. And then when there's no flowers in them you put them away for a little bit. Yeah. How often you got flowers? Fake ones. Oh Joey. Oh yeah I'm sure this is affecting you so much. I hate fake green. But I wanted to say this the other day because you kind of put this in my head, but I had a sinus infection when I was sick like a couple weeks ago, and my ear, because I had a sinus infection and then flew back from somewhere, but I...

Time up! Yeah. And that didn't help. And then my ear got a little clogged. But then I guess like I had to do something. I eventually put hydrogen peroxide in it and it like helped. But my ear, I would wake up in the morning and it was kind of like clogged. And it was like that for like five days.

And on that fourth and fifth day, I was like, what if there's like a bug in it? I've known someone that has happened. I know. And you fucking told me that. And you fucking ruined my life. Because anytime that my ear gets a little bit not normal, I'm like, bug. Because I could be sleeping and then they just go, and then they chill.

Oh, you don't worry. I wouldn't worry about a little crawly. I would rather, you worry about like a fly can go in there. Because then you got the wings flapping in your ear and shit like that and they're trying to crawl their way out I knew someone I think if for those you guys I'm going full fucking who was that make up Michelangelo Pablo Picasso some artists cut his ear off Galileo that's a I'm gonna he's a strata yeah yeah I'm gonna let you continue to go until you

figure out who it was do you know it though? I know it for sure Rafael no, is it one of the Ninja Turtles now? DaVinci cut off his ear. Nope. It is DaVinci, but that's also one of the Ninja Turtles Leonardo, right? Come on you're right. I get a letter. No, I'm running out of bars. Give it away. It'll give it away It was an artist though. Yes. It was so easy. Uh Who did I say it wasn't Dolly. It was an artist though. Yes, it was so easy. Who did I say? It wasn't Dolly.

It was definitely not Salvatore Dolly. It's not Picasso, because I've seen a picture of him when he was old and he had both. Come on Joey, you're right there. I know. Who's the one? Starry Night. Oh, Van Gogh. There it is.

He got it. Good job. Van Gogh, Van Gogh. Yeah, yeah, yeah., guy took his fucking ear off. Why did he do that? I think he like went mad. People say like it's because like the haters were like talking shit and he was just like watch this. Still could hear, he just now had a bandage over his ear. Like you know when you cut your ear off you don't like the hole is still there. Right. You know unless it like heals in a weird way. Yo, cutting your ear off is probably like not that bad come like compared to

cutting anything well cuz it's like cartilage and stuff although yeah we said that like it's not as painful dude my ear hurts when people grab that shit no I could pinch this as hard as I could how many patrons to get you a fucking pierced ear oh I'm not doing that come on no why not piercing my ear we'll get you gauges how many patrons get you gauges gauges? Are you crazy? Yeah, no way. I think you could do it. No, dude But how much to cut your ear off? patrons

Would you cut your pinky toe off for an amount of money? like if someone was legit you're asking me to name the amount of money no no if someone was legit. If you're asking me to name the amount of money? No no no if someone came to you it was like six million cut your pinky toe off. Six million? Yeah. I will make a spectacle of cutting this thing off. Are you kidding me? I'll cut it off right now. And I will put salt in the wound. I will cut this motherfucker off right now for six million. Why do you have an eye for you? Nope. No. Why do you have a pocket knife? Snake skin. Why do you have a knife on you? Nope, no They didn't care. Oh, I think you told me that. Yeah, I used to carry... You carried a knife. We could just stab someone. You never knew when you needed it.

I always joked around. How many times have you needed a knife? I always joked around and said that like I carry a knife and a condom on me because you never know when you need to poke someone? I know I say this often, but legitimately that is the most Frankie thing ever. Him coming up with that and being like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. If I would just say it, it was the coolest thing anyone's ever said. I had it written down on my phone. For what? We did it years ago. I just said, look at you, it was the coolest thing anyone's ever said. I had it written down on my phone.

For what? We did it years ago. Definitely wrote that on MySpace or Facebook. Probably, years ago we had an episode where I had found in my notes app, I had found old quotes that I had wrote. People always talk, the one that walked directly through any crowd of men. And that was one of them. Crowd of men. always carry a knife and a condom on you.

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Go to liquidiv.com, use that code basement at checkout, and you will save a whopping 20% off of your first order when you shop at our hydration. Today, use that promo code basement at liquidiv.com right go do it you're welcome Joe I know we got to get out of here in a little bit we're wrapping up but there is one more story that I feel is imperative to bring up because it's something we previously spoke about okay you know how devastating it is that Red Lobster filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Yeah.

What? I forgot. That was a Patreon episode where someone gifted you a bunch of... Let me just tell the story from my point of view. I think it was on Patreon. We did a Patreon episode. And, Frank, you told the story that someone gifted him two boxes of red lobster biscuits. And then he goes, I ate a box. I want to shout out.

There's eight biscuits in a box. He ate eight. I want to shout out my friend Lindsay and Jesse. That was very, very kind of them. They came to hang out for my wife, Lindsay and Becca are friends. They gifted me two boxes. By the way, they were wrapped. Anything? Like, if you're going to give a gift to someone.

Wait, with like wrapping paper? And a fucking, I believe they put a bow on top dude people Incredible gift yeah, I ate the whole box on the other one is still in my freezer It ain't gonna be much longer. Let me tell you that eating a whole box of biscuits is wild. No, no, no It's delicious. It is delicious. It's very delicious wild work though work for whom oh You know, What do you mean? No, no, no. Are you sitting there picturing you? I didn't sit him and eat him all at the same time. Like throughout like an hour or two I had... What? Why is this funny? Throughout the hour? I thought you were going to say... I was going to say this is going to ruin the hour. I thought you were gonna say, I hate him over the course of a

week. You said it in an hour. Or two. Still a lot. You're averaging four biscuits an hour. Is that a lot? I don't know. I'm a very hungry boy. That's my issue. I'm always hungry and I can always eat so if there's food in front of me especially these Cheddar Bay biscuits they're getting dog alright so far but it was an incredible gift one of the best gifts I've ever gotten and let's not be forgotten my wife gave me children and I gave you our Rolex and the biscuits are number one no I didn't say number one they're up there podium though they're there uh I'm not say number one. They're up there podium though. They're there. Uh,

I'm not saying the podium, but they're they're they're getting points in Mario Kart. You get what I'm saying? Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, but You know how devastating it is that the Mid to fine dining establishment red lobster is going under nowhere close to fine, but it's fine. Fine for me, fine for us, us normal people. Sorry, Joey only goes to places that they serve you lobster on a fucking bed of caviar that is jerking off on you or something stupid. Hey caviar, but.

I've never had it. Love lobster tail. Honestly, crab over lobster. Said it, I'll say it to the day I die. First of all, it's not even close. Crab over lobster. I've said it and I'll say it to the day I die. Ah, first of all, it's not even close. Crab is incredible. I think I'm becoming an ASMR person. No, these people that like take it out and they're like, kkkkkk. I saw this girl. That's mukbang.

Yeah, but like they're not talking. They're just eating. Yeah, she like clicks her nails on the lobster leg. That part I could do without. I don't give a fuck about that. But this girl was like eating a big ass crab. First of all, the crab looked gigantic. The Colossal King crab will get you. She opened up the leg and this thing just fell out.

I was like. No, no. And yeah, I mean, this is not going to sound good. It was the size of an adult penis, like it was. Oh, that's it? Like an average adult penis? Yeah, someone, not you though, like someone else? Fuck you.

No, but it was just like- I'm just saying, I've had crab that has been like, like what I imagine Idris Elba's working around with, you know what I'm saying? You don't have to fantasize. I'm not fantasizing, I just- No, I know, but it like fell out onto the table and she's like, oh, and then she has like a big goblet, they always have goblets, of like butter.

And she's just like this and I'm like, I know what that tastes like. You know what? Come over. I wish you could come over on a weekday. Just come over on a weekday, please. I'll get crab. Please. I was trying to like I was you can't

eat those biscuits then you guys keep them I'll save you biscuit thank you I will I need to I need to I need two biscuits I think I can see you could eat six I'll eat you could eat six all right but I came to your house when we ate crab I know and we'll do it again yeah well Yeah. But I need a big goblet of butter. I will... You'll get a fucking goblet and a quarter, let me tell ya. What else can we make? A tail?

You want a lobster tail? Yeah, but like covered in shit. How about this? There's like a red sauce that looks like it's dirty, like there's a lot in it. Paprika, brother, it's just seasoning. Maybe you'll learn. There's like things in it. And I'm like, I don't know what that is, but man, I want to dip it

I don't know. How about how about how about I make you a lobster mac and cheese? Yeah, now we're talking. All right, bake it bake it bake it bake it. It's gonna be crispy as all hell on Talking like, you know, yeah Chernobyl crispy. Yeah. Well not radioactive, but hopefully but you know yeah yeah you know yeah but yeah yeah tongue still that color which is freaking me out but it's fine you want to scrape my tongue on the desk on the desk yeah it literally with my teeth it looks like you ate a sunflower I basically all the seeds yeah that's what it is.

Weird, why are they yellow? Is it yellow? I can't see. Now I gotta... Take a look at it. It's yellow. Haha, it's uh... Yo, aren't tongues mad weird?

I hate tongues, dude. They're weird. I hate tongues. Like, they're like, just strange things. I hate... Especially from the side. From the side you're like, that looks like... Weird. I don't like it. I hate tongues. Like they're like just strange things. I hate. Especially from the side. From the side you're like, that looks like weird. I don't like it.

I hate tongues so much. Yeah. What, where did that come from? I don't know. Also, I was walking to get coffee this morning and someone next to me goes, there was a couple like stopped and they were staring at something.

And then he goes, did you know that a Bluewell's tongue weighs more than some other animal? And I was like, it's 8 a.m. You're talking about wakes of pangs? I would have hit that man to send him a fucking message. I would have hit him as hard as I could. Where was I recently? I don't care, I was actually gonna tell you more

about Red Lobster. If you can entertain me for the two minutes we have left of this episode, you know, is that okay? Yeah. What about Red Lobster? Where was I recently? I don't care.

Flavor Flav. Get the story out. Flavor Flav. Flavor Flav. Flavor Flav. Yes. He's making it his mission to save Red Lobster. He's going and he's buying everything on the menu.

I love him. Flavor Flav? Flavor Flav. Is going to Red Lobster and being like, give me it. Everything. You can't save a company like that? You can! If they're starting to get record-breaking numbers, because people like us, you know, me, Flav-Flav, you, we go and we single-handedly try to... Me? Get in on this. Joey, you have a really, really good opportunity... I've been to one

Red Lobster in my life. And you have a really good opportunity to get in and revitalize Casual fine dining for Frank for blue-collar workers. I'll tell you what You go to a red lobster Near you and order the menu. How much do you think that possibly could I'll split it with you? It'll probably be like a thousand bucks. I'll split it with you But you go and order the whole fucking menu and sit there.

Red lobster. You have. No, don't try to get it for free. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not trying to get it for free. Because they're hurting. Yeah. They're hurting right now.

For a squirtin'. Well, no, they aren't hurting for squirtin'. They're hurting for, you know, cheddar. You have a really unique opportunity right now. The big basement yard brand battle for the brands has been, you know, Taylor Swift dropped out. We hate to break bad news to everybody. She's on tour. She's busy. She's on tour. She's a little busy. Yeah. But Red Lobster, you have an opportunity to do something really iconic right now.

Partner with us. The basement yard, X, Red Lobster. The Lobster yard. red lobster the lobster yard what is the plan because all you're talking about is like we might be able to help bring you guys back how we can make it so like people go you know frankie hasn't thought about this at all yeah right i'm figuring this out i'm letting this happen but i should ask all. I'm not an ideas guy. I'm figuring this out as we go. I'm letting this happen but... I should ask Greg. Greg's an ideas guy. Because Greg will be like, so what we do

is well, but I don't know. There's no cheddar or butter. Wonder where he feels about butter. Where does he stand on butter? I think he likes butter. I mean he goes home. I don't know. We'll have to ask him. We'll figure it out. We just need a thumbs up or thumbs down. Definitely gonna get some butter tonight. Oh we're buttering it up.

Yeah we gotta get a lobster mac and cheese. If they have lobster mac and cheese. Getting it. Order order 10. Let's go let's go. Maybe I'm so excited. No one's ordering 10 mac and cheeses don't get excited all right. Listen Red Lobster the floor is yours. We know you're struggling right now. Good opportunity. Talk to your marketing team, your brand partnership team. The basement boys want to help. How we'll help, we don't know. But Frank has to go into your store and he has to order the entire menu. Will you come with me? No.

I just want to see the photo of you with the entire menu of Red Lobster there. I have to go with like people though. It's a big tip too. I need to go I need to go with like a bunch of people though because we all need to work on some of the food. Right. You know I can't go by myself. How many people you think if you need what am I saying? I don't know. You know that's a good idea for a foodie YouTube channel. Every single place you walk into order the menu. No don't do that because it's a good idea for a foodie YouTube channel every single place you walk into order the menu no don't do that because it's a waste of food unless you're gonna be done I know like with a bunch of people I need it can't leave until you who wants to go raise your

hand there's just me and you in here order the whole menu I want every cocktail No, no, no. Do they have cocktails? Of course they do. They're casual fine dining, Joey. Of course they have it. You haven't heard of some of these incredible red lobster drinks, dude? Wait, are you being... are they known for cocktails at this place? Red lobster does have incredible drinks. Are you ready for this? Dude, I haven't been there since I was like literally seven. They do have, obviously, they have some signature cocktails They're old-fashioned is a classic one. They're mango Mai Tai. Oh

Malibu hurricane that one sounds slutty triple berry sangria That sounds great mojito Classic tiki passion punch love that anything with passion in it. Long Island iced tea. That is trash. A Shrimp Caesar. That I would like to... a Shrimp Caesar? Yeah. I would just order that to throw it in the toilet. You wouldn't get this. It's Mox Clamato mixed with Smirnoff vodka and cocktail shrimp garnished with lime wedge and pickled beans. Yeah that's like a that's like a Bloody Mary. That sounds not like a Bloody Mary That sounds like a Bloody Caesar. Yeah

Lobster Caesar classic margarita. They can also do strawberry raspberry peach Strawberry margarita do stuff frozen favorites Bahama mama Blowing it on set passion colada. It's got passionate. I mean it pina colada. Duh a lot of colada What is that one large frozen pina colada. Duh. A lot of colada. What is that? One large frozen pina colada served with a Captain Morgan Original Spiced Rum Sidecar. Go big or go home. Fire. Strawberry daiquiri.

Yeah. Berry mango daiquiri. And then they got some wines. I mean, after you have a fucking colada, you can't go wine. You gotta just fucking colada it up dude going to fucking little diabetic shock at the fucking table oh you can order online you're gonna order red lobster online if I get it delivered here you eating it no something tells me red lobster won't travel well yeah I don't

know anyway what do you guys think hey thank you for coming by you can check us out at the base me out on all forms of social media. Check me out. Frank Alvarez on FAlvarez85 on Twitter, the Frank Alvarez on all the forms of social media. That over there, that's my co-host Joe Santagato. Hey. Joe Santagato on all forms of social media. Thank you so much to everyone that's coming out. There's still tickets available to the late night, July 27th at the Tropicana Basement Yard Experience Show. It's my birthday batch. Gonna be crazy.

You can check those out and other shows and other information at thebasementyard.com. Submit your questionnaire at thebasementyard.com slash submit. Joey, I really appreciate you being here with me today. Thank you. I don't know. All right. See you guys next time. Good night and good night. That was the tagline that you went with. Good night and good night. We're going to try it out. That's it. See you later. See if it hits. See if it hits.