The Basement Yard - #459 - My Near D**th Experience!

Episode Date: July 15, 2024

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Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. How's it going, Frank? I'm OK. How are you? Why are you looking at me like that? You OK? What do you mean? You look like you're hurting a little bit. Everything all right? Me?

I'm not hurting. You're hurting. How am I hurting? Because yesterday you were you drank everything. I got it. I got it. If that was it right there, I had to go get after you got after it But I actually felt I was drinking a lot of water in between each of my drinks. Mm-hmm So I feel great. I woke up. I felt great I did burp a little and it tasted a little throw-up II, but I hate that

You know what I'm saying? Like, you know you burp and sometimes it's like is that pasta or throw up? You know what I mean? That's the grossest thing you've said, but you know like you know like so like Tomato sauce and like pasta like it like a meat sauce. There's like a little spiciness There is a blend with spicing but like when you throw up sometimes you like it has I mean, but see I'm not big throw Or upper you know this I don't be doing the throw ups often me neither I mean way more often you would throw up at least once a year I can I can count how many times I've thrown up in the last 15 on one hand and guess what it's this Yeah, it's two, you know exactly you've actually

summer 26 2008 that's almost 16 years ago I Don't care. I just like Care, I don't know why do you think I'm a loser because there's a bit of me That's proud about that There's way more other things like the of course well What would it be way more other things that make me a loser no I was gonna say things that you're just like proud of Like the fact that you don't drink coffee is like no like you think that is sick No, I mean yes, and no yes, and no I don't look down upon people that fucking drink off

No, it's not about looking down, but I think that you hold like look and no. I don't look down upon people that fucking drink coffee. No, it's not about looking down, but I think that you hold like, look at me, I don't drink coffee. I mean, I do think it is pretty abnormal for people in our society to not drink coffee. One, two, I'm not doing it. Society now. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What do you mean society now? People in our functioning society are. I'm talking to you, bro to bro, bro. You just changed the tone of your voice. No, I'm not. I'm just talking to you. I do think in our society it's more abnormal that people don't drink coffee. Yeah.

But like a part of me stayed away from it originally because yeah, people were just like, you'd think you're gonna do that, you're gonna need coffee. I know. And now you're proud of it. But I will say this, I have been seeing TikToks recently,

which I don't know if they're real, and I hope to God they're not, but it's like people who work at Dunkin' making Dunkin' orders, and they're like putting this much fucking sugar in there, then like squirts of fucking like caramel, fuck hazelnut shit. I gotta admit, I really like the squick.

The squick. That's really good. It's a good squish. I do a hell of a squish. You do a hell of a squick. And then they put milk and then they put coffee and I'm like, what is that? I see what you're saying

because it'll be like a mobile order and it'll say like 15 pumps of the classic, blah, blah, blah. I'll tell you who's like that. My fucking father. Is he? He doesn't get that much, but like I remember we would go like, first of all, when we were kids before,

because there was the Baskin Robbins, Dunkin Donuts hybrid. Yeah. Great hybrid, by the way. I mean, it's still kids, before, because there was the Baskin Robbins, Dunkin Donuts hybrid. Yeah. Great hybrid, by the way. I mean, it's still there, it's still standing. But can we just talk about that? That is an incredible, like, combination there. Yeah.

Like, do you remember the old combinations that used to exist? They were Taco Bell and KFC. What? There was one on Steinway. It was a Taco Bell, KFC hybrid. Incredible. Could you ever like,

but you put this piece of fried chicken in my taco. I never tried it, but that's also probably a euphemism for sex. I do think- Put your fried chicken in my taco. I'd be shocked if people haven't done that. But what I was saying is, when we were kids and my dad would pick us up

and we'd drive to the lake, we would always stop at the Dunkin slash Baskin Robbins and he would get a cappuccino blast, which was already sugar. You're not supposed to get drinks that have blast in it unless it's ice cream. So what he would do is he would have them put an extra giant scoop of vanilla ice cream on top. Wait, was there all you said extra there's already ice cream in there? Yeah. It's basically vanilla ice cream on top. Wait, was there, you said extra, there's already ice cream in there?

Yeah, it's basically an ice cream coffee. Like an affogato? Don't with these, you know, high end fucking big time. Just so, if anyone's ever been in a restaurant. Like an affogato? An affogato, very common dessert on any menu, go outside. No, no, no, fuck you. But yeah, he would get an extra scoop.

That's crazy. And then like his Starbucks order, he used to get like, you know, the sugar in the raw packets, he'd get like eight. Oh, now we wonder why. Yeah. The writing's been on the wall for that man for a couple of years.

It's still going, it's working out. He would drink like three Red Bull a day. Shockingly, this man's heart hasn't exploded yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and then smoke, like, what's going on? Yeah, my dad didn't smoke cigarettes, but he did eat like three week old sandwiches out of his car that he found, so.

That's bad. I legitimately, one morning, when he was driving me to school, he reached it you know like the part where like y'all you lost your keys and like you'll you like oh it's so hard to get the keys that's the fucking endless void yes so much this right there next to you he pulled half of a subway sandwich out of there that had mayo on it and mind you this is the morning and it's hot and he took a bite. Well to his defense, Subway doesn't have real meat. How does that play into what I'm talking about?

Real meat would have aged and like gone bad. No it is. Who knows what they're serving. It's real meat. A percent of it is real meat. The other percent is yoga mats from what I read. Oh no that's the bread. That was the bread.

Right. There was a study apparently. Which I would eat a yoga mat. I'm not like, I'm not like against eating a yoga mat. I'll be honest with you. I'll be honest with you. I've put my hand on some yoga mats and they look scrumptious. I would definitely chew on a yoga mat. I would 100% chew on a yoga mat.

So like I don't fault them for that because I did like the texture of Subway bread. Do you remember how many fucking Subway sandwiches we had in our lifetime? Bro. We would live at Subway. Because our girl Spanish love was back there. Yes, we did call a Spanish girl Spanish love,

which in hindsight feels a little racism. On who? People. On who? You called her that. Well, that's because we are brethren. We are hermanos. Yeah. There was also another- Familia. that's because we are, you know, we are brethren. We are hermanos. You know, we are-

There was also another- Familia. Another man there, seemingly Middle Eastern, who we didn't know his name and we called him Monsoon. But we did though, because he said his name. I think his name was something in that- It was similar to that? In that ballpark?

And then we were like Monsoon, and he was just like, yeah, so we called him Monsoon. And I'm like, I know that's not his fucking name. I mean,. It was similar to that. In that ballpark. And then we were like monsoon and he was just like, yeah. So we called him monsoon. And I'm like, I know that's not his fucking name. I mean, maybe it was, but I mean, at least he didn't do the thing that like, they try to have like Americanized names. You know, like you ever call a like,

fucking like a customer service representative and they're clearly outsourced, you know, to another country. I don't know if your name's Kevin. Yeah, and they're like, you know, I'm not doing the accent. Not going to do it. Although Joey loves to do it. But they'll, they'll say in a very heavy,

whether it be Indian accent or accent from that part of the world. Like, hello, my name is Brian. And it's like, yeah, it is. I don't think this is Janet. You know what I mean? But you know, my tick tock has been a lot of Asian people do that, too, because they have Asian names and then they're like, their name is like,

oh, my name is like fucking. Well, it's because a lot of times when people came over to the U.S., they had family names from whatever country they came from. And we were just like, no, uh, yeah, you're not, you know. Well, also, I think that Americans are for the most part, like- Piece of shit. Not piece, dumb.

Well, not dumb. Yeah. No dumb. I would say. It's like if your actual Asian name, which like, you know, people are not going to be able to pronounce it. They're like, just fucking call me Kevin, dude. Like I think that's why.

I mean, no, you should adjust. I agree, but it's just like. I think people should, yeah, but you're right. Americans, they'll be like, what's your name? Do you know at Ellis Island, I found out that my last name was actually Santagata, like G-A-D-A, and they changed it to Santagato. Like big change.

Like what the fuck was that? Just leave it. I feel like Santagada is probably easier. Yeah. You know, and more palatable, but everyone was so stupid back then. Yeah, palatable. Easier to, you know, like receive it.

I get it. Cause people know like at the time Santa, and who of your family were immigrants? When did they come along? I believe it was my, immigrants. When did they come along? Uh, I believe it was my... It may have been my grandfather when he was very young. What's grandfather? Your dad?

Yeah. Oh. Yeah, your mom's parents have been here for a long time. I have no idea. Yeah, yeah. They strike me as like a, you know, like sewing shoes together type group. I understand. When I think of my grandparents, I think of the color brown and I'm like, you know. I don't see brown for them. I see, cause they probably were very against that.

I would see, I see white. I see like, you know, like an off white, you know. I see like bikes with baskets on the front of them. Oh yeah. You know what I mean? bikes with baskets on the front of them. Oh, yeah You know what I mean? Absolutely my grandparents so and like tap shoes in the middle of the day Like why did people dress like that? I don't understand back then they'd be like, oh you they dress to go to the market It's like you guys were living in time. I was stupid when they put on that hat, you know what a hat

I'm talking about big-ass hat big hats Yeah, bro You ever see pictures from back in the day of people getting on planes and they're in full suits where they put on that hat. You know what hat I'm talking about. Big ass hat. Oh, big hats. Yeah. Bro, you ever see pictures from back in the day of people getting on planes and they're in full suits? Dude. Imagine getting in a full suit to go to Miami. What are we doing? Well, that's what people did.

I mean, apparently it was like a thing that like the unwritten rule was like, dress up to travel. It's like, dude, I'm showing up in flip-flops. Well, to be fair, I think sometimes you go to the airport and you're like, all right, you've taken it too far. Because there's some people that just go in like Mickey Mouse sweatpants that are half on,

half a sock and like a fucking hoodie on. And it's like bro, something, just something. You know what's crazy? Put a little effort in. We have fully characterized a type of person by their clothes. Like I had never, like everyone knew, and I'm using the example here, Cookie Monster pajamas.

Why trash? Everyone knew and they couldn't figure out a way to explain them. And then when someone was just like, that person looks like they own all the Cookie Monster pajamas, I was like, God damn it, you're right. Because you see Cookie Monster pajamas

and you're like, okay, clearly this person drinks a lot of monster's energy. Monster energy. There's like an AC in their front yard for some reason. Just like, on the ground. Yeah, just on the grass. And it's like, it's clearly been there because it's like seeping into the grass

and becoming one with the earth Yeah, what is this and then or if they have it in the window the greats on the back have all like they've like Written their names in it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah exactly. It's like a tire like what the fuck is like This is we're talking about Cookie Monster sweatpants cookie monster sweatpants and those bitches can fight They don't have a lot of I wouldn't think I wouldn't fuck with any of them because they will show up They will show out. The TikTok that reminds me of them is the one where, which is like, don't make a,

it's like three girls in a hallway, and it's like, don't make us go get our mom, and she steps out in a fedora, and she's like, I'm mom. Fuck, dude, that's a dangerous group. Yeah, I watched that video, and I'm like, this video smells like shit. Like, it's crazy, bro. You could smell the inside of the house. Yeah, you watched that video and I'm like, this video smells like shit. Like it's crazy, bro. You could smell the inside of the house.

Yeah, you're like, this is not good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, glad we were able to classify them as a whole group. God bless. Speaking of ACs, I just had to get mine fixed. I was a little late to the office today because I was so unfair. I was like, I have to have this guy come up

and fix my air conditioner because sometimes they would go out and I was like, you know what? I'm finally gonna put in this, get these people here. The work order. So dude comes up and he fixes like the AC or whatever. We'll see if it's fixed. Wait, what does he do?

He just said that like he had to change the filter or something and- Oh, so it was on you not changing the filter. No, no, well, I don't have the filters. They have them. You have to like do it. He's like, you're supposed to do it like once a year or something like that.

And I was like, okay, but that wasn't the issue. Was it getting too hot or too cold? Cold, no, it's too cold. That's not an issue with hair conditioners. Yeah, absolutely it is. We have that issue at our house. It's too cold? Yeah. It works too good?

Our, it does not evenly distribute cold across the rest of the house. Bro, our basement- I think it's a house problem, my guy. No, no, no, it's a duct problem. The ducts are not the right. Oh, I'm thinking of a unit. You're talking about ducts.

Oh no, we got ducts. Yeah, not ducks, ducts. I do want a duck, if I'm being honest. I would love a duck. What do you want? Like, you know what I've never seen? What happens to my AC story Yeah, I don't care about it

You know what I've never seen but they exist in forms of media ducks a yellow duck oh Honey, they exist. What are you talking about? Well all the ducks I've seen are like mallards or like geese Yeah, they're like chicks No, but like a grown yellow duck are like mallards or like geese. Yeah, they're like chicks. No, but like a grown yellow duck. When do you see that? Exactly. No, I'm saying in media.

Or a white duck, except for swans I've seen. I don't like swans. Dude. I don't like them. I almost had a fight, full on fist fight one. I told you that story. They're mean. All ducks are a little kind of bitchy I think that they know mallards are cool. I would let a mallard bite my finger

I know I wouldn't because then you got what we call a big old fat fucking problem on your hands What do you mean? I have random animals biting you then you gotta get the rabies shot Can ducks ducks get rabies? I think anything can get rabies. I thought that was just like vermit, varmit, what's it? What's like raccoons? I know what it is. Vermin. There you go. Okay. God damn it. I wish. Varmin. I forgot that for a second. Vermin. Yes, they are vermin. Okay. Which I don't even know what that means to be honest with you. Does that refer to like marsupials or something? I think they're little bastards like it's just like garbage eating animals

That's what I when I I mean then we're all vermin really well We don't eat garbage vermin definition is wild animals that are believed to be harmful to crops Farm animals or game that can carry diseases. Oh So I guess yeah, I guess so that makes us so but anyway Oh, well, I guess yeah, I guess so that makes us so but anyway uh Back to the air conditioner the guy fixes it and then i'm like, oh also my water filter in my fridge is not working So he's fixing that and he's got the fridge open and he's like this is like a seafoor compartment in there Whatever he's doing and uh, I had a biscuit

Right for some reason I was like what kind of what kind of biscuit buttermilk? Oh, and it came with a little. Homemade or like Pillsbury, like you gotta pop the fucking. No, but that's cool. No, but I had just ordered breakfast, but I was like, I'm gonna get a fucking buttermilk biscuit.

And it was a fat whore. Was it flaky and buttery? Yeah. And it came with this like sauce or butter. I don't know what it was, but it was so good. You ever had a Texas Roadhouse bread little- It's called Texas Toast, and I have, yeah. No, no, no, no, no, bitch.

The little breads that they have at Texas Roadhouse with the cinnamon butter. I'm upset about Red Lobster. If we lose Texas Roadhouse, I'm gonna fucking lose my mind. Where's the closest Texas Roadhouse? To me or to here? Any. To me, you're 20 minutes away.

Oh, you have one. They're building one like closer. Well, they're expanding. You've never been to a Texas Roadhouse? I haven't. Oh, you walk in and you see the fridge of meat and you're like, I want that fucking idiot right there. And then there's peanut shells all over the place.

Wait, what? Yeah, baby. It's a restaurant that you can throw peanuts on the ground? On the ground, they encourage it. They encourage you to litter on their floor. This is the place that you're Excited that they're expanding and Yeah, Texas Roadhouse see that's why before when I said off a gato

He had a fucking crazy every action this guy's favorite restaurant is one where you could throw shit on the ground He's like you know no don't I didn't really like this restaurant But you know we make it better if we could just throw shit on the I didn't say favorite I didn't say like this restaurant, but you know, we'd make it better if we could just throw shit on the floor I didn't say favorite. I didn't say favorite. I guess you you Basically had an oh over there talking about some toast and their buns, baby They're little bread buns. This shit was fire though with the butter that came with it I don't know what was in that motherfucker. It was definitely some cinnamon in there. Oh Yeah, so like yeah, but I was eating it and then all of a sudden, yo, this biscuit, like biscuits.

They can be crumbles. They can be crumbles. They can crumble. And they'd be, sometimes they get like these dry patches in them. And that shit hit me right in the back of the throat and I immediately started going to a coughing fit. And I was like,

Eee. Like that? You ever like cough like, I mean like choke like that? When I was a child. Ha ha. So I'm choking on this thing. I have an adult throat, Joey, so I don't choke like that when I was a child so I'm choking on this I have an adult throat Joey so I don't choke the way you do cool I have an adult throat like the fuck I'm fucking I have a grown-ass throat you're

fucking you're people die from choking all the time I know that's gonna be so embarrassing dude it's terrifying. But I was like, And then the guy just like snapped around and was looking at me. He's got the water fucking like... He's, you know, with the water. The thing is not even attached anymore. He's fucking fixing it. Was he like a typical mechanic, like kind of like repairman?

Like kind of like asscrackers out and smells like dog shit? No, it was just a guy who works in the building. So like he just snaps around and I'm going, what was his name? God knows. I mean, I put what I did was I'm like, he was like, are you okay? And I was like, yeah. And like I pretend like I was okay. Just because I was, I don't know why I was like embarrassed.

And I was like, I'm not gonna, I can't go over there and get water because the thing doesn't work. He's trying to fix it. That's right. That's right. So you would have been, oh, the can throw your hand under your mouth under the sink Well, you could have done that but instead for some reason I walked over turned the sink on and I got a snake Snake sink sink. Did you shove it down your throat shove it down my throat, but I did turn it like this and go

And I sprayed it up at my face so And I sprayed it up at my face. And this guy was like, what the fuck is wrong with you? So you're deep throating a... Hold on. You are. River rack up. No, no, no, no, no. No one was deep throating.

You're trying to sound cool and not be embarrassed of the fact that you're showing off in this guy. You probably were just like... showing off in this guy you probably were just like Frank's filming a porno right now first of all the the one that was the porno was you fucking mechanic came to bang around my pipes a little bit first of all I had a biscuit and a flake hit me in the back of the throat. What? Two questions. One. Was he wearing overalls? No.

Was he wearing like a work jumpsuit? No, he wears like these jeans and like a shirt that says like the building and like his name, I guess. I don't like that. He's not a real mechanic. So this guy came up there to just rattle around your pipes and then you started choking and he had to turn around and almost help you get it out.

No, I- pfft. Can you imagine? You know, you have to leave that building at that point, right? Oh, yeah. I'm fucking out. I'm going straight to the leasing office and be like, just get me out. Just get me out. I'll pay double. It's time to go. I had a guy come up here, fix me AC, and then he had to dry hump a piece of Biscuit out of my mouth honestly it reminds me of one of the best in my opinion I think you should leave sketches where he's choking at dinner with the guy and he's pretending he's fine You know he's like are you choking?

Ambulance outside he's like oh, I should probably go see who that's for that's gotta be bad there It's some it's It is sad that like, there's obviously a clear moment of panic when you're choking, but like, oh yeah, it's an embarrassing thing to happen. Bro, and we just looked at each other like, is this happening? Is this gonna happen

where you're gonna choke in front of me? And I was like, eee. How long was the hee? It wasn't that long because I like choked, and then I realized realized oh I can't breathe so I tried to breathe in it was like Not that loud. I'm trying to recreate the noise, but it was like that so it was like quick, and then he was like are you alright? I was like I was doing that So that's when I walked over to the sink

And he's just watching me to make sure I'm good and like I didn't do another Heave because I was like I'm not even you you would rather die than heave again in front of this guy You want to go out with some dignity? Well, I felt like if I heave that would choke more. So that's when I you know that has happened I will say that has happened where like I'm a I like to breathe when I eat like I Fascinating tell us more riveting stuff. What else do you like to breathe when I eat. Like I, you know. Fascinating. Tell us more riveting stuff. When else do you like to breathe?

Listen, like, I like, you know, like right before I eat, I, you know, I get ready. You know what I mean? So like- Oh, I hate that. I've gotten things that are a little crumbly, like super fine couscous or like something that like breaks apart in a spoon or something. And then it's just like dust in the back of my throat.

Couscous. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah. You know? So like that has happened. Bro, you ever get a piece, you ever get a grain of rice stuck in your like, nasal cavity? No. Oh, dude.

I will literally let someone hit me as hard as I can to get it out. That's happened to me with carrots. What are you sucking down whole carrots? Well, yeah, I eat carrots quite often. I'm talking about like a whole, how do I get caught in your fucking- Well, when you're chewing on a carrot, you got carrot in your mouth. And then like there have been times where I've gone to talk

and it just goes up and there's like carrot behind my nose and like my sinus. What do you do? You gotta like suck in? Yeah, I go. Oh no. And then the carrot comes down and I spit it out or I'll be honest, sometimes I swallow it.

Yeah, I mean, there's nothing wrong with that. It's already in. It's already in there. It's already in. You know? It just went too far. Carrots that happens to quite often because they get crunchy crumblies, you know?

Dude, the rice thing has happened to me a few times in my life. You're a big rice guy I'm gonna ask a super important question and this legit could make or break the rest of our lives. Okay, okay? What is your favorite type of rice and I'm not saying like in the way it's prepared just like Give me your favorite rice Like white rice you're saying? Answer the question. White? Okay, good.

God, thank you so much. If you were going to be one of those fucking losers that's just like brown rice is better than white rice, I would have lept across this table. Like a leopard? Like a leopard. Leopard with a D, not just an R. Not a disease, not the bad one. Yeah.

You know? And I would have mauled you to death with my bare hands. No, I think that like- Cause you have been known to say really stupid things like that in the past. Frank hates anything that I do that is remotely healthy. He's right, I do. But he's allowed to eat cucumbers and dates and whatever and then that's cool. But if I say that I had a fucking banana-

No. No. Alright! No. and I've said this before with dates. What's your favorite? How rice is prepared? There is an answer How rice is prepared yeah, p-loft? Yeah, first of all risotto. Oh, yeah Result I had a risotto last night a wild mushroom risotto. I love I was ready to kill everyone I knew for it. Yeah, I love that shit. It was oh god fucking tip fried sticky rice or whatever the fuck I don't I don't think I have a like a form of rice. I don't like you know, I'm good with rice good with rice rice pudding

Good. Oh Yeah, love it. I do like it like brown. I like when rice I think I like when rice works together because sometimes they don't and it's like I feel like I'm like all these guys don't want To be near each other. I like I like when they stick to each other Uh-huh. I like I like like long Jasmine rice like grains of rice. I don't like this big I don't know if I love that. Rice peel off. Peel off is good. We got to peel off more stuff in the world. Yeah, not enough rice peel off. Is that a verb? Because I don't know what it means. Yeah, maybe I don't know. Oh, but

Rice peel off. It's a good rice. Also just like sticky rice like sushi rice. Love that. Big fan of that. Any rice that has like a piece of fish on it is your had rice in a soup very good I Probably I'm with it honestly rice man Asian people Well, there are other people that also I know but didn't they like bring it to the world today Man, I probably shouldn't have guessed that But it feels right I know, but didn't they like bring it to the world? Did they?

Man, I probably shouldn't have guessed that. But it feels right to say. Now look, a very simple fix. How would you even type that in? Are you gonna say like originate? Where did rice come from? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The origins of rice are debated

with some archeologists believing it was first domesticated in China. Safe. I'm safe again. Others believe it originated in India. So, general that part of the world. Asian. That's South Asian.

Yes, yes, correct. Yeah. So, scholars now believe that rice was independently domesticated in both Northern India and Eastern China. Two main groups of domesticated rice over a hundred thousand years ago. That's crazy. How are people living without like-

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We would love to be a part of that. So, and then there's more stuff for the people that go for higher tiers, but you know, we can't be more appreciative and thank you guys so much. And now listen, pulling close, close, close, closer back up. I do that joke every week. It never works. Josh, one day we'll do it for me. But if you go to thebasementyard.com slash submit, it's a questionnaire there.

Who's that for? It's for the people that are coming to our basement, your live experience shows. I said it like a med and I apologize. I fucked up, but it's for the people that come to the basement, your art experience shows. We like that. These conversations are exactly that conversations. The shows are a little fun, playful.

You talk with us, we talk with you. So we've done a gender reveal. We've done an engagement on stage. You know, we're always looking to just kind of make our shows more fun for you guys and make it feel like it's an experience that is incredibly unique, right? Babe, bitch. So go to thebasementofair.com slash submit, submit your question. Are you let us know which one you're coming to, you know, tell us some stories.

We'll talk about it. Maybe, maybe we won't. I don't know what you should. So thank you for love, for the support, and come on bitch. That was it? That was my, I'm throwing it back to you. Come on bitch.

Come on bitch. Can we make bitch a more playful word now? Are we done being mean about it? Like fucking yeah bitch. You do that. Do I? Yeah, 100%. When do I do that?

You called me a bitch so many times on the show, I've lost count. Well, you know. The shoe fits. Wear it, bitch. See? You just did it again. Also, not the expression.

If the shoe fits? You didn't say if the shoe fits. I said if the shoe fits. You said shoe fits. Wear it, bitch. No, it said it. You didn't hear the if. Shoe fits. If shoe fits, you said shoe fits, wear it bitch. No, it said, you didn't hear the if, shoe fits. If shoe fits, you know?

Yeah, yeah. But yeah, just fucking wear that goddamn shoe, you dumb little horny bitch. Okay, I don't even know where to go from there, but that's a little strange. Also, you blend in with the background now, I'm noticing. I do, I'm pinky boy. I don't know if you saw, but they found the Hock 2 girl.

The Hock 2 girl should be found. Yeah, we did. We found her. We? Well, the internet, I mean. Society. Society has found this woman. Very country, by the way.

Yeah, I thought for a second. Yeah, I thought it was part of like a bit, but she like Liddle it there, but it do yeah, huh? well What is funny is seeing the internet absolutely like? Because this girl was a phenomenon for the week that you know, she was not found. Let's see what happens as she continues, but now she's like Putting her stake in the ground

with her like political opinions and people just like, get her out of here. What's she saying? She says, doesn't like Trump. She said that? Wow. People are upset, boy. Why did she say that?

I think it was just in a conversation. Like, cause she did the Plan Bree podcast with Barstool. And I don't know how it came up, but like in conversation politics came up somehow and she was like, no, it's a no from me. I thought that like the internet was looking for her and she came out and she's like, first thing gonna get this out of the way. Yeah. Fuck that. But she's gonna be raking it in now. Probably. I have no idea what's gonna go on. Can I ask you a serious question?

Yeah. Cause you might know better than I do, seriously. I'm gonna hate this, big head. People that are like, and I don't mean this is disrespect, but like if we look at the situation right now, Here we go. It's a flash in the pan moment.

It's a very viral moment. Right. How do agencies like market that? Like they get the deals immediately right now because they're like, oh, this is the hottest thing right now. Everyone's talking about it. Or do they like try to stretch it out and see the longevity in it? Are you asking me?

I'm asking you if you know. I mean, I can make an assumption based on like- Well, I don't want your assumption. You talk about everything else as if you know the answer, so do that right now. Okay. What they do is, I mean, just money making opportunities. I'm pretty sure that she does have an agent now.

I think I saw somebody, I forgot who it was, but someone that I know who's a comedian, it was like, this girl has an agent and I don't. Like, it's crazy but uh hi everyone but she she she has an agent I assume they'll just try to book her like on appearances and stuff and make some money probably some merch shit and whatever like it's just someone who has a viral moment of being like you know we can take this person and make money off of them, so like, let's just do that.

Like, she'll be, like her and Sketch will be in like a Super Bowl commercial and we'll just be like, oh my god, yeah, that's right. It's funny, I mean, I think that Sketch will definitely be in a fucking Super Bowl commercial as he should, but, you know, that dude is fucking hysterical by the way. Yeah, I love that dude so much. Like, I'm so glad that this has kind of like stuck around, he seems like a nice dude but he's actually legitimately fucking hilarious. I think we should invite him to one of our shows. Yeah dude when we're down in Houston come through Sketch. Sketch, run through, pull you on stage, huge pop, place of going nuts. Huge pop. But yeah I think that they're just probably trying to make some like I don't think they're thinking about like how do we preserve this?

You know lot like long career and like maybe they are maybe there are some things But I think that an agent's number one like thing is like let's strike while the iron's hot try to make us as funny As possible right now see how see how when Joey gets into like being like business Joe he's like we're gonna like strike when the iron usually like these like flashy terminology strike while the iron is hot and then like you know honestly the upswing on the return on investment might be but they could bang but that's what you do no you asked me to talk and I talked what do you already do do you like if you were her agent yeah what would be like your first like we got to get you into this would it be merch?

I Heard that's what she's doing What would it be like not that I heard that I saw a video of someone that had a shirt That said it looked like a presidential campaign where so like hog to 24 And it's like you could do that and like I'm sure you'd make like some money there But there is zero longevity and that joke I would be my suggestion would be like try to put your Personality out there as like as much as possible. She seems like a funny girl and she's like a cute 21 year old or whatever the fuck so like I

Don't know see if I'm Podcasting maybe or something like if there's something there then you just the Hawk two Chronicles Well, I think that like you'd also probably try to distance yourself from that Eventually, yeah, I mean or you could lean into it and start doing like, you know, like relationship therapy like That might be smart. She's 21. Yeah. Well, so I don't know that she's gonna be doing like couples therapy Because those are therapists They're doctors, what if she wanted to get into it she could she could what and what if like her her like Tagline was just like, you know, like I'm here to help you Hawk to on each other's love, you know, yeah

Well, it is You wouldn't be a good agent Here's some ideas we have I think you're gonna be a good agent. No. Why not? Here's some ideas we have. I think you're going to be a therapist. Lean into it. Get into like, you know. She is leaning.

She was on stage at Zach Brian's concert. I want to be on stage at Zach Brian's concert. Oh yeah? Yeah. What do I got to say? Do you remember, I don't know if I said this after we got back from Denver. Do you remember when we were because we were in Denver this and performed at the Paramount incredible time.

Yeah, the same night Zach Brian performed in the Bronco Stadium. It's a little, little different. Yeah, there's a little more people at the show. We were driving home in the Uber on the way home and we were passing and we saw all the fireworks going on fireworks going off in the uber on the way home and we were passing and we saw all the fireworks Yeah, there's fireworks going off in the stadium like wow. I looked over and I go all that just to sing about a truck Yeah, isn't it funny too that like to have a like a show and like it go well and it's like awesome and there's like Whatever like 2,000 people at that show

and you're like, this is fucking crazy, this is our lives. And then you're driving home and you're like, there's fireworks going off at the Zack Bryan concert. That's insane. There was a lot of people performing the same night as us. There was Zack Bryan, there was Steve Martin and Martin Short. Oh yeah, at Red Rocks.

At Red Rocks, like there was a ton going on. Obviously- Then there's a hub for that shit. We were the best though, right? Matt Reif was at Red Rocks. At Red Rocks, like there was a ton going on. Obviously. There's a hub for that shit. We were the best though, right? Matt Reif was at Red Rocks like two days later I think. I don't know, are we allowed to talk about him yet? What? Is it like cool to talk about? Is that like a trigger word?

Like V-A-X-X? X-X, it's not porn. I said two X's. I know, but like the second X is like not. No, but when you spell it with like colloquial. One more time, colloquial. You love colloquial so much, you love it. You love that.

It's a goodie. Yeah, you love it. It's a big goodie. Speaking of colloquial terms, I actually found something the other day that I thought's a goodie. Yeah, you love it. It's a big goodie. Yeah. Speaking of colloquial terms, I actually found something the other day that I thought would be really funny. Hopefully it's something colloquial. Oh, I forgot, I gotta talk to you about something.

Greg just reminded me. That actually sounds like a good cereal for some reason. Colloquial? It sounds like it'd be one of those healthy ones. Yeah, because it sounds like oatmeal, kind of. It would be like a colon one. It would be one that helps you crap. Yeah. Cause it sounds like oatmeal kind of like it would be like, you know, like a colon one. Like it would be like one that helps you like crap. You know what I'm saying? Like, Oh, this is colloquial. Right. That's exactly what I, what I picture. Um, but I saw something that popped up on my, I think it was Tik Tok and

it was apparently granted it's Tik Tok. So it may not be real. Well, it's the truth. It's the goddamn truth I think we're true. Yeah, but Euphemisms for when women have their period from different countries I'm insanely ready for this. What's the United States one having a period? Yeah, I mean I feel bad saying it But like there's like being on the rag, you know, like that's one that's such a gross, so disgusting being on the rag. Yeah. And it just, I think it's, it's like, just like animalistic, you know what I mean? Like a garage with mechanics. Yes. You know, like on the rag.

Yes. Like they put like a dirty rag over their shoulder and they like use it to rub their hands, but it makes your hands dirtier. Yeah. What is that? I don't know. Figure it out. But there's open water. There's six here in no particular order. Give me the country. There's, so there's a German, Africans, French, Finnish, Hungarian and Danish. Which one, which one do you want first?

Oh, I was going to say all European, except for the African one. Just give me the order that it's in. Oh bitch In German the euphemism is it's strawberry week That's cute. Love that one. I honestly don't expect that out of Germany. I thought it'd be way like more like direct It'd be like blood now It'd be yeah, it would be something a little too intense like bleeding full beak Like chill dude, have you ever met someone that's like

They don't strike me as a euphemistic I did nothing strawberry week That's very cute. That's very cute. And I think, you know, like, you know, good, you know? Like they're able to add, great, and also two men talking about this. You know, who are we? Strawberry week.

It's fun, it's playful, you know? Yeah, okay, I like that. The Germans seem like a very direct group. Like they wouldn't sugarcoat it. Yeah. And they would say I like that the Germans seem like a very direct group like they wouldn't they wouldn't sugarcoat it They would say something like that. I thought it'd be more medical than anything. I don't think it was gonna be like, you know, yeah I thought it would be screamed though I would I thought it would be yelled at of the two of the countries that I know The two that sound like they scream the most are Scottish and the German

Yeah, you know, yeah exactly, but it's strawberry week. It's not bad. I like I like it. I do like strawberries I you know, it's crazy. I'm coming around to strawberries. I never really liked them, you know when I came around on them Recently like last you came on those last year I recently like last year I had like what strawberries are supposed to be like berries because real like what you get now bro what you get now of strawberries are like pumped with stuff and they're huge like what strawberries are are literally they were like this big and I had like organic legit farm strawberries and they were like this big. And I had like organic, legit farm strawberries and they were fucking incredible. It tasted like a strawberry candy.

If I just said what you just said, what would happen? You'd probably slam your head across the desk and break it in half and lose it if I said that. No, if you said I experienced something and I want you to, like, I'm not sitting here saying like, oh my God, I will never have them the other way. Just like, that after having those, like, holy shit, this is what strawberries are supposed to be.

And it changed my world on strawberries. But now you're on... Strawberries are not supposed to be the size of a small apple. Yeah. They're not, dude. All right. That's why they're called berries. They're little babies Well, we got we got a couple strawberry plants at the house delicious

All right So the African one here and by the way, I'm confused here because it's an Afrikaans Like it's spelled with a K and two A's. Mm-hmm. I don't know. I Don't know. I don't know. Look at me. What do I know? What do you want me to say now? Were you hoping that I had info? Honestly, a little, when I do that, I don't know.

I wish I did. Here's the thing, fully, seriously. When I say like the I don't know. I wish I did. Here's the thing, fully, seriously. When I say like I don't know, I'm not looking for anything other than comfort from you. And that could just be like, I got it. Like take the brunt of not knowing away from me. That's not fair. But sometimes you do and I do that too.

I don't know. Like you'll say like, I really don't know and I'll come in and pretend to know and then I look like the idiot. But I don't know. But I do. What do you know? See?

See what I'm saying? Now I'm confused. So what is it on? What is the African one? It says, Granny's Coming in the Red Car. I don't believe this. You know, I was on board, you know what? This is all made up.

Granny's Coming in the Red Car, it doesn't even make sense. I don't know, I don't know. Why would grandma have anything to do? Grandma doesn't have her period. That thing sealed up a long time ago. No, it's from, granted I don't know this website, so it could all be wrong, but like. Granny's on her way in the red car, what is it?

This is from shopdiva.com. So, Pfft. Pfft. Six euphemisms for around the world. Oh yeah, the time of the month. That's another American one. Oh yeah, oh it's that time of the month.

Again, some of these, like the strawberry one, not problematic. The granny's coming in the red car. That one just doesn't make sense. Doesn't make sense at all. Grandma get her out of there. Yeah, what is like, if anything, it's the opposite. The red car's coming at grandma?

Well, my understanding is like, here we go. Go, yep. Go ahead. Let me just, you go. My understanding is that menstruation stops at a certain age. Yeah. So granny, granny, granny ain't showing up. Yeah, no.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, that hole has been corked and sealed. So like, why would granny be showing up? If anything, it'd be the opposite. It'd be like, oh, like. Young woman, I guess guess I don't know when do girls nevermind yeah no that's a good that's a good steer good steer away there hold on let me get to the ads real quick we'll continue oh Africans is South Africa got it okay so then it is English yeah but also they also say granny's stuck in traffic.

What is grandma doing there? I don't know. What effect does grandma have on menstruation? Hold on to that thought. We do have sponsors. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp is online therapy. If you wanna start getting into therapy, you can talk to a therapist through BetterHelp. BetterHelp is online therapy. If you want to start

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This is from the French, and it says, the English have landed The redcoats yes, okay that was problematic they need to let go of the water though this one This is what is problematic because then they're they're talking about although the English What about them they're punching bags and I think like they have to take it at this point in time What What do you mean? Oh, they invented slavery, you're saying? You know, yeah. Colonialism, you know, going around and just kind of just being like, ours now, bitch,

what are you gonna do? So I could see why people would be upset when they showed up. But then also this is equating colonialism and like the evils of that to a very natural thing in menstruation. Are you talking about colonization and you're saying colonialism? Oh yeah, wait a second. Colonialism.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. All right. I know, I know you're right. Okay. I'll be honest with you. I was a little nervous there that I looked real stupid.

I'm thinking of like colonial times. Colonialization. But colonization. Colonization. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tomato, tomato, right? I thought it was tomato. Tomato, tomato.

Frogs and cogs. Stop. Stop. And you know what? I'm going to go ahead and say that. I'm going to go ahead and say that. I'm going to go ahead and say that. I'm going to go ahead and say that.

I'm going to go ahead and say that. I'm going to go ahead and say that. I'm going to go ahead and say that. I'm going to go ahead and say that. I'm going to go ahead and say that. I'm going? But colonization. Colonization. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think like- Tomato, tomato, right? I thought it was somehow. Tomato, tomato, frogs and toads. I was like, stop, stop, and stop. Uh, I thought it was like- Colonial, I'm just thinking of like a house with like a-

You know how fucking bad you need to be for the people to just be like, yo, they still suck. Like the redcoats STILL suck. You know what I'm saying? Who knows if they actually say that. I know it probably couldn't. Although the French. I believe the French.

Who knows, you know? I have a feeling though that the like, the French is just like a sexy language. Do you have a picture of someone using that? And like in conversation be like, you're right, what's going on? You look a little, it's like, well, the English have landed.

Well, you gotta say it with a French accent. Okay. Will the English have landed in the Huppie? What's that? I don't know. Oh yeah. Maybe I said something in French. That wasn't bad, to be honest with you.

I feel like the English have landed in French. We need to hear what that sounds like, right? What do you mean? I was like, what does that sound like? The English have landed. Are you on? Google Translate. Ooh, oh.

Are you gonna play it? Yeah, I'm trying. You love being on your phone. It's just crazy. I do, bitch. What are you gonna say? Oh, it won't let me play it. It just says,

Les Anglais on Debugge. It's probably not how you say it at all no this I'm look look look bitch I can't say it out loud though I want to play it let's waste more time though let's let let's keep wasting time though okay all right number three yeah apparently the Finnish when talking about menstruation, say... Big fan of Finland, by the way. Yeah, they clearly are still holding on to some stuff because they've said Japan is attacking. Wait, what? That's what they say?

Alright, now I'm starting to think that the powers that be are just trying to make us all be enemies. Of course they are. That's what Big Brother is trying to do. They want to create division in order to create, you know, I don't like that. You think people in Finland are like, oh, the Japanese are coming or something? The Japanese are attacking. Are attacking.

It's crazy. A little insulting to the Japanese. I think that they have since been like, we're sorry. We apologize. Yeah. I mean, really, I feel like- We should also apologize. Not we.

No, not me. The golden age of whatever the people refer to this country as. What is it, the greatest generation? Did they say that? That's what they called themselves, people that fought in World War II were the greatest generation. They didn't even have phones.

That was crazy though, fighting in a World War is kind of wild. That is nuts. Pearl Harbor by the way, crazy. Everyone, do you ever realize, everyone has a grandfather that fought in World War. My grandfather was there. My grandfather fought in the Korean War. That's crazy. Kind of crazy. It's not it's not one of the bigger ones you know. It's funny that we it's funny that we'll have grandparents that were like yeah he

fought in the war he did this he did that and whatever what are they gonna say about us? Yo, he was on MySpace. Like, he fuckin', I don't know, like. Or they're gonna say, my. He had a podcast and he broke his nail. My grandfather headlined Radio City Music, oh baby. Bang.

Yeah, they'll say that. That is, that's crazy. But that's it. Well, I mean. They won't say like, you know, anything that would be the same as fighting in a war. Yeah, fighting in a war is pretty cool, but also not, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, war's not my favorite. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Mm-hmm, uh-huh. I hate that we did that. Yeah. Yeah, they don't like the Japanese over there. Also, the Japanese flag is the red dot. That makes that. Yeah Yeah, they don't like the Japanese over there. Also the Japanese flag is the red dot that makes sense. Yeah. All right

Number two apparently in Hungary. They say Santa Claus has come Love that Santa Claus is coming to town. So you're telling me they're listening to Bruce Springsteen sing that song and they're like this whole song is about Periods, I guess so. Yeah. Santa Claus is coming to town. Yeah, yeah I guess. It's about blood. Menstrual blood. Well to them, to us it was about-

What country is this? Hungary. Got it. To us it's about, you know, Jolly St. Nick. But like, I would be- that's gotta be very confusing. What do they say on Christmas morning? Oh my god, Santa came. You'd be like, what? Whoa, hold on. What do they say on Christmas morning? Oh my God, Santa came. You'd be like, what?

Oh, hold on. What do you mean? Which Santa? That's what I mean. Was Santa in your pants? Right. Or Santa, the magical figure. Careful, all right?

There are kids that watch this show. Magical, no there isn't. And if there is, what? Don't. Magical figure, I said. Yeah. I would be, I would be, like that, I think that's less, obviously less problematic

than Japan is attacking. Yeah, that one's a rough one. I don't know that Japan would love that here and that. No, they would not. I imagine they'd be upset about it. They'd be like, can we just have a rebrand here? Yeah. And then the last one that I have here is in

the Dutch, Danish. There are communists in the funhouse. Makes sense. Honestly, kind of a little problematic, but then not. You know what I'm saying? No, communists are in the funhouse. Communism, the flag is like red. Red, yeah, the red wave.

And the funhouse, I assume, vaginas. Vaginas are cool funhouses. It is a house, And it is fun. It is... It is a home with doors and shutters. Well. Mostly shutters. Double well.

What do you mean? Like a shutter. Have you seen a vagina? Have you? Are you sure? Yeah. Like lights on? It's not... Yeah, dude. Have you? You sure? Yeah. Like lights on.

It's not. Yeah, dude. Shudders. Of course. I would say it's more like a. Yeah. Go ahead. It's more like a curtain.

Okay. Maybe, I don't know. Oh no, you're not so sure Not so fun when you're in the house. He shutters you talking about a vagina like it's an old Victorian house No, I'm not I'm not saying I took back doors door doesn't make sense. I mean shutters is there's two of them Well, it could be one shutter too One shutter. Yeah, that's just a piece of wood exactly But it looks like it's

like on a flap that you could pull up or open it just one all right have you seen a vagina now which one's open like this shutters I'm saying no that's what I'm saying that's saying vaginas I'm saying shutters open like that I'm saying shutters could be a shutter. It doesn't need to be two shutters, it could be one shutter. Shutter can't- shutters is plural, clearly, with the ass shutters! Yeah, but you can have a shutter. But that wouldn't look like a vagina.

I know, that's why your euphemism is stupid. I said shutters though. I'm saying two shutters. Yeah, but I'm saying, you're saying like, shutters look a certain way and I'm like, well no, shutters can also look different. And they're all beautiful. I'm talking about the functionality.

They're all beautiful. They're all beautiful. They are very much so. We love all shutters. Is that, what are we? I don't even know what happened just then. You know what it is, right? What?

Frogs and toads. What's frogs and toads? Cause now I don't even know what it is right? What? Frogs and toads. What's frogs and toads? Because now I don't even know. Shudders! Not all shutters are the same. Just like not all toads are frogs. You know what I'm not gonna let it go. Shudders, right? They all do the same function. They shut. And open. Yes. So they do this thing. Yes. But this part. But there are certain shutters that are singular shutters. They are a singular piece of a shutter.

What does that look like? And they could do this. They can either open like that. Where are those? Somewhere, or they can open like this. I don't think that's right. Or maybe even like that. Here's the window.

There, bro, there's no windows that have one thing that just do that. You have windows, windows. Now I have to prove you wrong. Now I have to show singular shutters. I can't believe we're arguing about this. Sorry, now, see now I I need to back on the phone. Yeah.

See, like there are places that have like this, that is a singular shutter. That's a shutter. That's a shutter. That's a shutter. Yeah. But like for mice a shutter. That's a shutter. That's a shutter. Yeah, but like for mice Shutter That was dumb you look dumb Sorry, you don't actually

You know it too So I was right and you were not uh there could be now. yes. Also, do you consider this a shutter? That's a garage, you dumbass. No, no, no, I'm saying the thing that rolls down. That like in the businesses, the bodegas, when they shut down, is that a shutter? No, it's like a gate. They call it a rolling shutter.

Gate. It could be a gate, but it doesn't necessarily need to be a gate. What's a gate, what's a shutter? Can you see be a gate, but it doesn't necessarily need to be a gate. What's a gate? What's a shutter? Can you see through a gate can you see through a shutter? At a certain angle you can see through a shutter I'm not having this conversation generally you can Gates you can look right through them And then what's the difference between a gate and a fence if you put a fence on a window?

Is it a shutter or is it still a fence? I'm just gonna wait it out. You're making this way more laborious than it needs to be Joey and you just did that good Now you've 100% pissed me off Thank you for doing that. What's with the little cork around that? Oh is that because if it gets real hot Nice Everything is fake doesn't matter little cork around that oh is that because if it gets real hot nice Frank I didn't think that was part of the fucking cup yeah you thought you did some cool trick just now fuck you anyway that is all for this week's episode Frank where can they find you bud all over the place fucking look around yeah you know what else you can find all over the place a bunch of peanuts all over the floor of a Texas Roadhouse

And Frank will be in there happy as a clam Please please do me a favor please please I love glittering Just listen, please yes, let me bring you to a lunch and a dinner and a dinner a lunch will be a red lobster A dinner will be a Texas Roadhouse. And tell me you're not gonna have the best day of your life. I'll tell you what, the next day is going to be the worst day of my life. Why?

What do you think you're eating over there? Fast food. No, Joey, you watched them prepare the steak. You could watch them make your sandwich at Subway. Does that mean we're not eating yoga mats and cigarettes? Different, different, different, different. Joey. Don't offend.

I'm telling you right now, don't offend the Texas Roadhouse community or the Longhorn steakhouse. Cause we'll, they'll get you. The bone saw. When the fucking inevitable civil war starts, what side of history will you be on? All I know is that I will be protected

by Texas Roadhouse and Longhorn Steakhouse. Okay? Longhorn Steakhouse? That's another one, baby. Yeah, but I don't know that. We never talked about that. We talked about Bonesaw. What's it called? Bonefish Grill. They're going. Bonefish Grill. They're going and they deserve to go, to be honest.

Yeah, yeah. Man, I've never been there. You gotta put them out the pasture. Shout out to Bonesaw. Shout out to Spanish Love and Monsoon. Frank, where can they find you? I said everywhere. You guys can follow me at joesandagot.com. Go follow the show on TikTok and Instagram at The Basement Yard. And everywhere you guys follow me at Joe Santa Gal to go follow the show on Tick tock and it's Graham at the basement yard and thank you guys so much Go join the patreon at patreon.com slash the basement yard and that is all see you guys next time blood all week