The Basement Yard - #461 - Please Don't Do This On Planes

Episode Date: July 29, 2024

Plane rides are annoying and scary enough! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. How's it going Frank? What does that mean? You know exactly what it means. You going to the gym this morning? Didn't go to the gym this morning. I'm sorry. I'm trying to fucking Trying to stay consistent. Did go to the gym when we were away though. Yes, you did. You missed out, babe. It was a good time. We had some bro time, Greg Greg and I I went through a run in a very rich very rich white Atlanta neighborhood Joey was ready to call his realtor and start moving cash around that was not ready to do that I was actually kind of scared because there was no one around I was like, oh

Like some weird like, you know, like fucking like the watcher like weird they're gonna finger you and stuff Yeah, like I don't know. Okay, I just got weird vibes. That's one of those conspiracies I do believe in like rich people have I don't even know what you're talking about rich people doing like weird sex parties We're like they show up and they like yeah on each other and stuff like that. Yeah, I believe that too They like this like they drink wine much money They're bored and they're bored so they need to feel something so they like cut each other with razor blades and then like just fucking like moan. They like kill a homeless guy in their living room. That I was going straight sex. You're going for...

I'm going murder, yeah. Sacrificial. Yeah, yeah. You know, I don't know. That's where I'm going. You ever see the movie Ready or Not? Forget about Ready. I have seen that. It's a good movie.

I actually haven't seen it. What the hell? I saw a clip of it on TikTok which feels like I's a good movie. I actually haven't seen it. What the hell? I saw a clip of it on TikTok, which feels like I've seen the movie. I promise you have not. Okay. But-

Was it Ready or Not or Hide and Seek? The one where it's like the, you know what I'm talking about? Ready or Not is what you say before Hide and Seek, so whatever, it's the same thing. It's the one where the girl has like survived like a hide and seek game and like this like billionaire's mansion and stuff like that. Yeah, they shoot each other with shotguns and shit.

Yeah, it's a good movie, man. You should watch it. It's pretty fun. No, I was thinking of one of the Purge movies. What they do is like the rich people, they're like, I'm not going outside. So they hire a company who bring a person and they all kill them together

in their living room as like a fun little thing. Rich people people man. Lazy rich people dude. Lazy rich, you guys suck. I will say that. Just say you guys. I'm not one of these people. I don't know.

It was a good time though. Next time we do one of those where we're away and we pick a gym and go to it, you should come man. I would. I was just on a- I know, I know you were on a run. You could run on a treadmill in a gym and then soak it up in a sauna.

I mean, I'm not gonna pay $50 to run in a gym when I could just run outside. First of all, 75. Jeez. First of all, that was second of all. Now we're on two. Now we're on two of all. Yeah. It was a nice place, they had like,

bro, gyms now are like places you don't need to leave. It was like weird. It was like, uh, it was a lifetime, which I've never been to, but Greg was saying he was like, this is the main competitor to Equinox. And I was like, Greg, just talk normal. There was one across from his apartment. Remember he moved into an apartment and then was roaches. So he'd moved into a different apartment. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There was one across the street from him. So I went with him one time. I Just said I went with him one time and did this But I went with him one time and we played basketball there and I'll say what the fuck is this place

There was like a bar in it bro. There was a Culus There were like office it like pods that you could rent to like stay there all day There was a barber shop barber shop in the gym Yeah, coffee shop or like a full like not restaurant But like you can go in order like you know like cauliflower pizzas and shit like that feels like money laundering now It was it honestly yes, it fucking done Yeah, like this is unnecessary like give me I kind of like there's something appealing about a gym That's just like all of the weights are just falling apart and like it's a little dingy.

Smells like, like a, It smells like a pool and there's no pool. I like that. You know what I'm saying? Yo, I don't dislike the smell of a pool in the vicinity. Love chlorine smell. I don't like being in chlorine. I don't either.

Like if I could feel it in my eyes, I don't like it anymore. I don't like it either, but if I could, if I walk in and I'm like, oh, there's a pool about, I don't need to see it, but if I smell a pool. Like a hotel pool. Hotel pools, but those are like crazy pools. What do you mean? Because they're so full of fucking.

No, indoor. Oh! You ever been in the hallway and you're like, it smells like a pool. Where's the pool? I need to just follow your scent. Yeah. And you're like, you feel like scooby-doo because you just follow your nose and there's that like Sent like thing with like the fingers on it like yeah you over and like where's this pool pies and pools? There's a very welcoming smell about those two things. Yeah, I don't mind the smell of a fucking

chlorine pool, but One of our next upcoming shows, when we're out west in California, let's go to Muscle Beach. Do what? Work out. What do you mean do what? I mean, I don't know that two guys who look like this

should go to Muscle Beach. What the hell does that mean? I mean, there's guys over there that are actual men. What the hell is that mean? This is so random but it brings up a really funny story is at our Atlanta show there was like it's like what you can only really at these shows see maybe the first three or four rows because of like the lights and like my fucking dogshit eyesight and then after

that it's all blurry but like at the Atlanta show there was a guy in like the second row who was like Like a 70 year old dad nice and just like I felt that he had gotten a vasectomy and we were right We asked him he did he confirmed he did indeed get one and he was just we're like, did you get one sir? He was like Like damn dude, it was a moment of camaraderie. You're not in that club. Thank God. Well, I still got my spermote.

Go freeze a couple and then snip those bad boys down. Go freeze a couple? Go freeze a couple of jerk-offs. I'm not gonna go jerk-off into a cup. Why not? You know what? I actually looked into that and you have to pay like... I gotta pay to freeze my stuff? You gotta pay to freeze it and then you have to pay like... I gotta pay to freeze my stuff?

You gotta pay to freeze it and then you have to pay like a monthly storage fee. Like it's like a fucking, like it's like a stop in store. What the fuck? Yeah. Like it's a storage unit, I'm hiding like an old couch in there. That's exactly. Yeah, you have to, cause you have to pay

for like the hydration, refrigeration, excuse me, not the hydration, you know? But isn't that weird? But don't you get paid to donate jazz? I don't know if maybe you can in certain, but like if you wanna like freeze your own gunge for like your own game. If you wanna be like a public servant

and like give out your sperm willingly, I think you could probably get paid, but like if you wanna keep it for yourself and your family. Did you see the Netflix shit that's out right now? It's about a guy who was like like a fucking donating sperm addict and he has like he don't like there's tons of women Like a lot of like lesbian couples that like want to have children and They need a donor or whatever and they pick this guy because I guess he's like a charming guy He had like YouTube videos of him like traveling and shit.

He had long hair, so they were like, oh, this is cool. He's got nice genetics. Not bald, yeah, I gotcha. Yeah, so like, not bald. That's a big thing, people look at that. So it's like a lot of people chose this guy, so he has like all of these fucking children, but he was like a kind of little psychopath.

I'm not that far into it, I was just like. I have a legitimate question. Go. Serious question. Go. Let's take a city, let's take a smaller city, not like a New York, because there's a million or five million people here or whatever it is. Let's take a city like,

let's take New Haven, for example. Okay. Smaller city. Is it? Smaller than New Haven, for example. Smaller city. Smaller than New York City. All right, let's go smaller then. Let's take a... How many small towns do you know? It's so hard.

Let's take like a... I finally turned off. Yeah, finally after two hours. Let's take a... Frank, way too much time to be spending on this. All right, all right, all right. You don't know a small town, who cares? All right, all right.

Figure the number. A town of 5,000, go. Okay. No, more than that. 10,000. More. Pick the number. This gets so annoying.

You're driving me crazy now. All right, let's say under a million people. So like whatever city you could think of that's under a million people. All right, let's say 500,000. Who cares? Get to the point. Fuck the population.

My God. What happens if a guy shacks up in a city like that and he just starts fucking cranking out sperm donation and Then like it's used so like what if he has like a hundred kids out there and they meet and they do fric And then they do have kid Then it would stop the daughter that you never you never there's there's another separate documentary from that of a guy who worked like I Think he was like an IVF doctor. I don't know if that's an actual oh, and he would just come and everything Yeah, so it wouldn't be like this

He would be the one who's like supplying it so and he's obviously mad illegal and fucking the guy should burn in hell rot And how burnin run hell? What's worse burning or rotting in hell? Well you have have to, if you're gonna burn, you're probably rotting as well. Yeah, but that's speeding up the process in which you're rotting. Regardless, the guy sucks. But he was jizzing in all these cups and then IVF and whatever, and then people were having kids.

But he had his office in one town, obviously. So the surrounding towns, where all these women would eventually come, a lot of those people are related. So there have been a lot of like bro Imagine you're like on like a date with someone and then you like like them and fall in love with them And then you find out you're from the fucking same jerk or offer. Yeah, you're you're you're my brother like dude Why would you go brother? I don't know are they from London all them. They are like Midwest shit, I think

Definitely is not but Midwest is just like. No, I know, I just said that. Pappy and like, you know, like mammy pappy. Okay, but yeah, so he did that, so there's probably a lot of like accidental. That's crazy. Why would you do that? What's wrong with people?

Because you're a sick fucking freak, that's why. But like, why would you tell him? He should fucking separately, on two separate occasions, burn and rot in hell. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like he has a chance to burn in hell, put him out, and then rot.

How about burn him from the waist down and let the top half rot? That's not a bad idea. You could put like a fire blanket around his waist so underneath it just starts burning and on top it just naturally decaying. Yeah, I feel like now we're going into too much detail. YouTube's not gonna love that.

Yeah, well, oh yeah, this is a weekly episode. We should probably chill out a little bit. It is, it is, it is. But, yeah, that would be fucking insane. If like next week, Becca and I were to find out that we were both from like, the- What would you do? So, this is a legitimate thing because this happened,

almost happened, I should say, but when we did OPLPL there was a couple just like a I believe was oh, yeah, it was a lesbian couple and they found out that Their mom has something with like and like they there's a chance they might be related too close So yeah, so like there. There was something like that, like, oh, your dad dated my mom back in the day.

So in those dates add up. So there's a chance, something like that. And like there TikTok became the story of like following along and going to get results and finding out. And I'm like, if you find out, cause now they're already in love with each other, like what the fuck do you do?

I mean, you already have children, it's a wrap. Well, yeah, thankfully we thankfully, I'm pretty sure we're not related at this point in time. Yeah, well, under God, we're all brothers and sisters. That is right, under the Lord of him, we are all- Pathically, we are incestuous. That's right, under the Lord, we are incestuous. One big family.

And born with original sin. Right. And we're all American brothers and sisters, too, so that's two layers of incest. That's right, and we're all brothers and arms, brothers and sisters brothers and sisters too, so that's two layers of success. That's right, and we're all brothers in arms, brothers and sisters in arms. Right, so that's, yeah. From sea to shining sea.

Right. Don't add another one. I know you're looking for another one in there. I, sorry, we have to split, and then I will, I would. You can't, you wouldn't. Of course you wouldn't. Bro, if Becca and I tomorrow would have fun were to find out we were related I would never be able to like look past that You have children. Yeah, so I feel like that's like the biggest thing see you kids. No, yeah

But you have children already and they're good and healthy Nice, it's still weird, dude. It's weird. Still weird. I can't let, I wouldn't be able to let you find out because a platform like this, forget about it, dude. Oh, like I would leak some information like that. If you, it depends how hard you go. Yell while your wife is your sister!

No, I wouldn't be able to look past that. That's something that is just, that's, that's, that's. Yeah, that's. That's crazy. That's, it would hurt. I would need intense therapy for a very, very long time. What if you found out you were like fourth generation cousins, does that count?

Anything third and closer is bad. I don't even know what a third cousin is. So like my dad's cousin is my third cousin. Who's your second cousin? Wait a sec. What I'm saying? It's like it's weird because like it goes like me to my dad, my dad to his aunt and then his aunt to his cousin. Yeah so that third is far. It's weird. Too close. And he just like, if there's a small inkling

that like you might be related, just like, like if I ever, if I had before I met Becca, if I had like found some, I would never have been able to like date someone with the same last name because it's just like too close. You know what I mean? It's just like, whoa. And yes, Alvarez is a very common last name

in the Latin inks community, but I just, I couldn't do it. It would be too much. You know what I mean? That would be terrifying because it's like somewhere. Yeah, that's terrifying. Although names back then, they were just like, they meant something. Now it's just like, you know, like Smith,

remember like the story was because like Smith is because that was their job. Like a black Smith. You know, and then like Martinez or Alvarez in Spanish, the EZ meant son of. So Alvarez meant you were son of Alvaro. Martinez meant you were son of Martin. Yeah.

Sanchez, son of Sancho, you know what I mean? So like they were just giving it, like the person's first name could be like, oh I am Sancho, Sancho, whatever. They used to be like, all right, your kids are Sanchez. Interesting. Yeah, I mean, you know, that's a tough go. Have you ever looked up like the like,

old English, like history of your name? I don't care. Oh really? But what would it mean? I mean. You know what? I was just talking, I just did Danny's podcast because he brought it up because he thought it was insane

that I thought this, but he was like, don't you want to go to Italy and know where your family's from and go to that town? And like, you know what I was like, I don't really care. But then he brought up he's like when I went I Went to the place where my family was and he's like and you can see like Oh Lopriori dentistry and it's like wow That's interesting because if I went to Italy your fucking distant relative is a dentist Whoa, dude, not that if they're a dentist just like going and so you're in some small random-ass town in Italy and be like Oh the santa gados are here and then you sit at them and you say look at what my life has become you fucking peasant

Losers, I wouldn't do that. That's what you would but I would go in I would be like I'm speaking Spanish. Yo soy cousin. What the fuck? No, I think Becca's family is from a town in Italy called Cassano, which that's cooler, but like, you know, whatever. Like I know like my dad often says he wants to bring us to like the part of Columbia that we're from, because there's like a lot of family and stuff over there,

but like. You throw a rock and hit an alvarez in Columbia. It's not that crazy. So I don't know. You know me, I'm not a big world traveler. So I tend to be OK with this little corner of the world I've carved out for myself. I think it would be cool to see, just to be like, wow.

Imagine I went and it was a pizzeria and I walk in and the guy looks just like me. I'd be like, that would be cool. Yeah, I'd be like, oh my god, I'm making pizza. It would be like... What's that called with the multiverse? Parent trap. Wrong.

Ha ha ha. It would be like the multiverse. Like... Like, oh, this is me in a different lifetime. Making pizzas in Italy. Like, multiverse of madness? Or like... Yeah, like that.

Spider-Man, No Way Home? Kinda like that. Or like... Stop naming movies. It's like that. Exactly what you think it is. Kinda like that. Or like. Stop naming movies. It's like that. Exactly what you think it is. Everything Anywhere All At Once? Stop naming things.

You have it, you're on it. Everything Everywhere All At Once is what it was. Yeah. Did you ever end up seeing that? I did, I remember the scene with the big dildo hands. Yeah, well it wasn't dildo hands, it was finger, it was hot dog fingers and then they were fighting with dildos.

See, that's what happens, my memory kind of. It all, it was so many dildos, it's so, so much going on in your head. Hot dogs, dildos. See? That's what happens. My memory kind of... It all... There's so many dildos. It's so, so much going on in your head. Hot dogs, dildos. Hot dogs. Technically... What percentage of women do you think have used a hot dog as a dildo?

Go. What's your first number that comes to mind? Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Three. Three percent. Three percent? That's probably high. That's probably way high.

You think cucumbers higher or lower? Higher. I also think it's higher Hi, it's just got more structural integrity. It does what about Hairbrush This is could be 80. This is disgusting could be 82. I don't it could be 82 I think we didn't we talk about that once that like it was like like 60% or something like that. Oh, is it have like sexually experimented with a hairbrush when you're young like us like when you're a boy uh-uh no I'm not shoving a hairbrush in my ass not what I was gonna

say I'm saying you figure out ways to like you're figuring out how to use your body or whatever and you're like I'm gonna do weird stuff what were you doing besides fingering your Winnie the Pooh tigger stuffed animal. I don't know, I think I was just like pressing on it a lot or whatever the fuck, like I don't know. You probably do like weird ass shit. Dude, relax, you were jerking off with fucking hair gel, so we know that. How much hair gel can you feed inside your pee hole?

Don't answer that, it's rhetorical. Moving on. Speaking of pee, crazy, did you see the video or the picture of the guy getting arrested for pissing in the middle of a plane? I did see that. Dude, this guy in... and the craziest part... What airline though? I don't remember the airline. Ah...

If you were to guess. Spirit. Duh. It's probably not even frowned upon on a Spirit flight. Yeah, that's probably like how they wash their hands. They're just like someone peeing consistently and they're just like, No, I'm joking. Relax, everyone. But like, was sitting first class and like, just decided to just piss in the middle of a plane.

Which way was he facing? Was he facing the plane or the what like was he facing the if this is the aisle? Like goes to the back of the plane. He was standing like oh he was in the front So he wasn't pissing towards the pile. No no no no he was pissing toward the pilot is that make it better Yeah, less people can see oh yeah. No no the whole plane was getting a view of his fucking Mid piss dong dude obviously arrest that guy throw him in jail bury him under the jail Illegal super illegal don't bury him under the jail. Illegal, super illegal. Don't bury him under the jail. Put him in it though. But I've been on a plane where I'm like, this may happen.

I may have to piss in this aisle right here. When we flew to Puerto Rico, I had within a two hour span, seven mimosas. There was a chance I had accidentally pissed my pants in the seat. So like that could have happened. Yeah, you also did piss yourself right before the show in Nashville. That was good. Frankie had a nice half dollar size piss. It was a little bit of pee, but it happens, Joe. Right. It happens. Don't fucking piss shame me.

It happened. You love, you love, well it happens, Joe. Right. It happens, don't fucking piss shame me. It happened. You love, you love, well it happens. You love piss shaming? You love piss shaming people. Who, who, who am I shaming piss? Me, Greg, other people. Oh no, you guys are pissing when there's- We're piss bros.

Yeah, there's bathrooms around and you guys are pissing into bottles. That's when I have an issue. Listen, man. And then they sit on your desk. Freaks. I'm getting you to piss in a man. And then they sit on your desk. Freaks. I'm getting you to piss in a bottle. We almost had it on that road trip that we did

from Atlanta to Nashville, we almost had to let Greg piss in a bottle. Would it have hurt you if it was done in your vicinity? No, hurt me? No, I would have just been like, whatever. I mean, if you're gonna do it, do it on like a road trip, you make a fucking like a whole routine out of it That you like I'm gonna save it for the car. I don't save it for the car

Are you one of those people that feels weird about pissing in the in the shower? No, yeah, yeah, let it rip. I let it fly. There's some people are like, oh, I don't do that's disgusting I let it fly. I do like I pee no hands in the shower like whoo. Yeah, I continue showering and it's like I'm peeing You're peeing like you're like you're like you're a dog you're just doing your thing and you're pissing it makes me feel mad efficient like I can do to like I'm an octopus you know I mean like I'm like doing my hair I'm peeing like I'm doing all types of shit and pissing his pants at the same time I'm washing my hands I'm getting the soap I do love efficiency that's why well I'm always

well not always most of the time when I'm peeing I flush mid piss just to get it done, you know, and then I have a little race between me in the toilet I've done that before you know, I've lost more than I've won though. Oh, yeah 100% Do you double flush you just leave it? I just leave it. It's mostly parts per million It's mostly water than it is piss. So like we're good Yeah, well no one's gonna has like all this soup out of Has all this, and is piss different at 30,000 feet? Why would it be different? It's coming out of you, not the plane. I wonder, because they say this.

I've seen, you know, I watch a lot of tea content, and they say don't bring a pressurized water bottle on a plane Because the moment the pressure builds up in there. So when you open it it fucking bursts Does that happen in your bladder because we're mostly water. I Don't think it's because of the water you just said pressurized. Yeah. Well because of the water that's in there So like our fire that's shoved in so if I start going So like our body that's shoved in so if I start going

Will I become pressurized and will my pee piss be harder no You're not a pressurized thing. You're not a fucking can of shaving cream. What's your pressurized? There's blood pressure Yeah pressure isn't like compressed air But that helps build pressure the answer is no I don't know how else to convince you that but you don't even know you don't even really know I know I've gone to the bathroom on planes and it's just been normal and I've never shot how do you know how do you know like a kinked hose you're gonna tell me you haven't pissed so hard on planes of course I've pissed

hard on planes I have to hold it while we're climbing or is it because you're climbing and then you feel the pressure building and it's like you have a piss explosion? I have to piss on the tarmac when we're at sea level and it's screaming at me getting up in the air I just can't wait anymore. I have to piss. You gotta do big old piss? Yeah, dude. I told this story on at one of our shows But I recently jumped out of my seat and I was basically climbing a hill to go fucking piss pissed everywhere in that fucking bathroom and I felt bad good a bathroom a plane bathroom piss is a good piss, bro

The last plane that we're young. Thank God. It was a pee cuz I went in there to pee and I hit the flush wasn't working I was like if I took a dump here and I couldn't flush it I just stay you just piss on it, if I took a dump here and I couldn't flush it, I'd just stay. You'd just piss on it until it became- I would've kicked the fucking flush button, but it wouldn't flush. And eventually I gave up. And you just walked out?

I left piss in there. Oh! Like it was a football game. You're bad. What's it called? Porta potty. You're bad. I will say, I will say-

You're bad sexually. You're bad, piss bad. I will say say this person obviously was and should have been arrested and tried for indecent exposure tried however Have you ever had a pee that bad that you just like I'm just gonna go right here all the time Wait, wait what on the plane? No, obviously not. I've never pissed on the floor of a plane What's crazy is he just then sat down and he was just like I'm gonna just do the fight You know, was he like senile or he was just like a fucking asshole. He was like 25 26 Oh, he was young. Oh, was he like drunk hammered? I don't know maybe

Regardless. Yeah, like you have the wherewithal to not pee. How drunk can you get on a plane? Or you could get drunk in an airport But why is it just like you can drink like airports or like the one of the three places you can just drink whenever and no One says anything I've been I've seen some crazy shit in airports where like my flight got delayed so I'm sitting at the bar just like whatever it's it's like My flight got delayed, so I'm sitting at the bar just like, whatever. It's like 8.30 in the morning, and I'm just sitting at the bar and I'm having breakfast. And this girl comes up next to me, she orders two shots of tequila, rips them and walks away.

At 8.30 in the morning. And I was like, what the fuck? And then another time- A lot of people have anxiety about flying. Ripping two shots of tequila in the morning at 8 30 a.m That feels like it's gonna add to it but another time it was like even earlier my flight was taking off like early and I Was sitting at the bar and I was having a coffee and a woman had her daughter with her and

I think she ordered just like like whiskey neat or something and I think she ordered just like, like whiskey neat or something and I was like, what the fuck, now whiskey neat? People need their fix man. Yeah. People need their fix. No, but the flight, flying anxiety is a real thing so.

Flying anxiety. Flying anxiety. Yeah. Flying anxiety. Does it help you to drink a little bit, have a little bit of toot? Not really, I don't need to, like I have had drinks before flights.

But like these flights that we've been on, I haven't drank anything on them, you know? I was thinking about when flying to Atlanta, having a drink, cause we had just sold out another Radio City show. But then I said to myself, like, I'm gonna wait to celebrate with the boys when I see them. I immediately went and got a

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We really appreciate it. And back to the hurting, hurting for, hurting while you're squirting Joe over there. It's hot in here, baby. It's toasty, man. We gotta do something about this. Can't have this anymore. What we could do is, you know, they make make now they make those look they're like little fans that clip on your belt and they blow in your shirt I don't think a fan is gonna help me

Fan will help you. What's the wettest part into your body right now? My head on my head just sweats with the rest my body doesn't really sweat really yeah, dude It's like splish splash and my fucking balls right now I'm talking like you can walk outside and see donkey. You know it's like Splish Splash on my fucking balls right now. I'm talking like you can walk outside and see Donkey. You know, it's like Shrek Swamp. I didn't know where you were going with that. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? You can do it, you can see Donkey.

Whatever. Can we talk? It was a sneeze, I'm sorry. Is there a reason why you sneeze like a Pokemon? That did sound like Togepi. It did. Pree! What other Pokemon can you do? That's... I'm not going down this road.

Jigglypuff, jigglypuff. You remember Jigglypuff, dude? I remember Jigglypuff. It was really good. Especially now, but like what the fuck was that? That was really good, right? How did you have that loaded up and in there? Listen baby, I'm ready to go all the time. What are you even doing with your mouth and throat

to even, I like curl the back of my tongue and like have it press on my vocal cord. I'm like. I could also do stitch. I don't want to hear it. Can I do it actually? Yeah, I want to hear it.

Go, go, go, go. I'm just a stitch house. Yeah, told you dude. Oh man. Disney, I know you're making one. Call me up bitch. I'm sorry, that's a bitch. I want to hate it, but it's good.. You can't hate it. I can also do our Bach

Form of that game We say you remember wh Cuffing! Yeah, Cuffing! Dude I can do Pokemon brother, 100%. Name me some other Pokemon now that I think about it. Mr. Mime. That one I can't remember. I think it was like Miiime! I don't remember but., can we talk about this masculinity retreat? Yes. That's also a very hard word for me to say Masculinity retreat watching in there you fucking bastard. Yeah, talk about it. What happens? Well, apparently there is a new retreat in Italy Mm-hmm, which you want to go my Italian brothers? Yeah, your Italian brothers where you could pay ten thousand US dollars To go to a masculinity retreat. We've previously spoke about these. What do you do there? You fuck women?

That was supposed to be funnier. What is a masculinity retreat? No, it's like those retreats that you want to find your inner out- It's like the alpha male one. Oh no. Yeah. But Italian version? Apparently this one-

There's probably a ton of espresso there. Oh my god. Espresso. Crazy. Grappa. Yeah. But Italian version? But apparently this one. There's probably a ton of espresso there. Oh my gosh. Espresso. Crazy. Grappa. Yeah, what's that? It's like distilled wine. Oh, okay.

But it's, so this one is, you can be in a giant hot tub and be held by your boys and cry. You can do that for way cheaper, dude. $15 bottle of Josh in a hot tub?'ll be crying in there or horny. It's always the extremes in a hot tub It is why why why does boat not basically not boiling but like hot water just like bring out like the emotions It's the extreme temperature. You're like extremely horny or extremely sad Jesus Christ, and it's extremely hot in there Horny no like hot in there. Wh- horny?

No, like hot in the water. No, but you said horny. People fucking hot tubs. People do have sex in hot tubs. People who have a fucking death wish, by the way. You can get a fucking, what's it called? A yeast infection. That's what I'm saying.

Hot tubs are just not, I've learned, they're just not good things. Ladies, learn your lesson, okay? You hit one of fucking hot tubs, you'll be making bread a few years later. Say something, get me out of here. I gotta do it. It's just like, you don't need to pay $10,000

to be cuddled by your bro and cry. Yeah, I mean, definitely, yeah. I mean, also, I don't know how that's helping masculinity. Like, what does that mean? I don't know, because that's what, I guess does that mean? I don't know because that's what I guess the Italians version of masculinity different than the American version because if that were an American spa They wouldn't call that masculinity my friends. Let me tell you yeah They wouldn't call it something else and I'm not gonna say it cuz it mean gay. Yeah. Yeah, that's what they call it Losers down here. They would shame that.

I do think that- I think that if you are paying $10,000 to cry in a hot tub with your friends, you're- Come on. I mean, yeah. It's nice. A good cry sesh with your boys though? Bro, just go to THERP's! What's THERP's? Therapy! Oh. Why do you gotta- No, no, no, no, no no no no that's crying for work? That's someone that wants you to cry therapists want you to cry I'm talking about they don't the boys just try every done therapy boys just chill it and it's like who wants to cry first You don't cry like that you have to talk the boys though like you're crying with the boys is sick The cuddling part is weird, but like the pictures are of like the person like crying and like being held. You know what I like? I like being held in water like that.

That's what it is dude. Oh, see that's cool. I gotta find- I don't know about crying. I don't like crying on my back. I like to cry standing up. Why? You'll choke? No, well kind of yeah. You don't like crying?

I don't like crying while laying down like, huh huh. Can I ask you a serious question? Can I ask you a really serious question? And be fucking honest with me. Do you like the taste of tears? Um, it's okay. They're salty. You would like them, cause it's kind of like a, like a martini. You know what I mean?

Martini? Like it's like salty as hell. Frank drank one of the most disgusting looking martinis recently. was like I was a literally garbage. It was a good one What am I looking at? Oh? This is actually oh wow they're crying. They're crying brother See they're in they're in water. Oh, that's a good cry. Oh wow oh Then he's holding him with his head behind his his hand behind his head. Oh, that's a weird one. Listen bros You don't need to pay ten thousand dollars. That's a cry

Just cry it's free. You could free a cry for sure for well No therapy costs money here in the United States because you know, I'm saying you could just cry that's free But like crying with the bros dude, that's what I'm saying still free No, cuz you said Josh you got gotta get a bottle of Josh you don't pay ten thousand dollars is my point yeah I wonder what they do to make them cry you ever seen like there's a documentary on Netflix and it was about like those like ayahuasca retreats and like the people that like cry for like six hours non-stop or like start throwing up like well that's because of

the effects that the bit has I mean But like the people that cry, six hours is too long to cry. A good cry? I'd be exhausted. Max, max 30 minutes. I've done, I've done, I've gone long with crying. How long cry? Oh, hours. At hours.

You said it. What do you mean not hours? You said it, what do you mean not hours? You said hours. I think like in this, if you take three hours, definitely over an hour of that time cried. So say an hour Joey. I'm saying a consistent cry. I'm saying these people cry consistently for six hours. I don't think a human is capable of that.

I think you cry and then you kind of collect yourself and then you cry again I just it's funny that like people like we found we we have found ways to just Make money off of people just crying That's what I'm saying. Like I feel bad a part of me feels bad for those guys, but it's also like Paying $10,000 for this thing. Like it's a scam. I thought I came up with that. I wish I came up with that. Yeah. Like, yo, come here, have your boy hold you and then cry.

But like, why, if you're gonna like be open to, like if you're open enough to be emotional around other men, why do you need to pay $10,000 to be able to do that? You know what I mean? I'm sure there's some like, to be able to do that. You know what I mean? I'm sure there's some like, like they give them a list of questions to ask

and stuff like that. Sure. You know, like they make it seem like it's a service. I'm sure, and the big pool. The big pool is probably the most worth it. That's probably a lot of maintenance and stuff like that. I love pools, dude. If it's a big, wet, hot pool. If it's an infinity pool, I'll fucking pay money. pay money didn't look it looked like it was one of those pools over there the bottom is black though

So like I look on Titanic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so it looks like everything is just just the depth I don't like that bro. You ever see videos of those pools that are like 75 feet hell no brother. Those are cool. Hell. No they do those afraid of Drowning Joey what do you mean? What am I afraid of can swim? Yeah, but those when you look down and you see what's down there a part of your brain It's just like I could drown here you could drown in anything. I could drown right here though I don't I don't do I like I do like you're gonna say you don't go on like a tall building and look over And you're like I could jump man. I do that all the time. There you go But I don't what if I just drown

But you can't just drown you have to like it takes time He's like two minutes to drown. I don't think it takes very long. I don't know how long it takes to drown but Like if you can like I like I would see videos of the guys like going down, but I think my ears pop I have really bitch ass ears. Yeah, you're suck. Yeah Take it easy. You said it, I'm just agreeing with you. I know, but you don't get to say it harder than I said it. That's support though.

That's not support. That is support. That isn't support. My ears suck. Yeah dude, they do. No, see that's support. You saying, yeah they fucking suck. That's different.

Okay, say it again. That's not, my ears are, what'd I say? I have bitch ass ears. Yeah, dude you do Doesn't feel good either You do work on your ears. This is me trying to be the alpha man. How do I open up my Sinuses or whatever my my ear a neti pot No, that's your nose Your sinus brother. This is your sinuses right here

I guess so yeah. Like you ever eat something and you like accidentally like and then it's just like stuck back there. Yeah we just talked about this. Yeah we did. Anyway Jesus. We do have some more sponsors for today. The first one being hello how you doing? Simply safe. Simply safe is going to keep your home safe in a simple fashion. Hence the name, Simply Safe. But with fast protect monitoring and live guard protection, Simply Safe agents can act within five seconds

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So download the app today and use the code BASEMENT for your first deposit match up to $100, okay? Go enjoy, go play, it's a lot of fun. But yeah, I guess, you know, before we get out of here, dude, look at me, I'm sweating. Yeah, it's a little toasty posts in here. It's not a normal amount of degrees in here. Daddy's hurting, Gloria from Astoria is beautiful as always.

She is, look at her Red hair fire crotch what? Remember you said that about redhead against like you got a fire crotch and it was like the fuck I love that like it was like a joke It was like do the carpets and match the drapes like why do you want to know what someone's pubes are so bad? I think of drapes. I think of tits for some reason. I don't think of vaginas. No, hair, man, hair. I know, but drapes, that's multiple. Yeah, hair falls to the side. That's the whole idea with hairs.

You really didn't know. You really didn't. That does make sense. It's kind of amazing that the most basic understand, like the most basic euphemisms need to be explained to you and you don't get them. Get on all fours, the carpets matching the drapes. I still stand by the get on all fours.

Like your stupidity is off the roof at this point in time. It is consistently insane. Not taking that bait. I know you're fucking doing that. It's off the roof. That's you, bitch. Anyway, duh, duh, but duh That's you bitch Anyway the gregs paltrow thing. Yeah, you were telling me before the show started So and did it fucking big old oopsie poops in there in her house

So until get big if you can crap in one celebrities house, it's it's gregs paltrow, right? I would like to go to the White House and take a fat shit. Oh, wouldn't that be cool? No one thinks about that people crap in the White House and take a fat shit. Wouldn't that be cool? No one thinks about that. People crap in the White House. It's a house. Crazy though, right? Do you know the other day I was in the bathroom and I flushed the toilet and I stood there for a second and I was like, this is insane.

That everyone's doing this. And we figured out how to like deal with it. Like think of how big of a problem that is. And we solved that. Like think, before there was plumbing. It was just shit! Yeah dude.

And we did it! That's why they had outhouses. They would go and dig a hole in the ground and fucking crap in that. I've done that. It's not good. You've crapped in a hole in the ground? Yeah.

Where? On like hikes. I'm like, oh, I mean, I, I, I, but like, I'm saying like an out, oh yeah, when we were in Denver. I didn't crap in it, but there was a bathroom at the start of the trail and it was just a hole, dude. That's what, that's, that's literally like on hiking trails It's like that

Like there's just like it's like it's like it looks like crap though. That's good for the earth, right? I think that's why they do it. We could do that. Yeah, you could crap and pee on the earth I mean the fucking animals I think pee is danger full. It's not jam mean to like grass maybe Yeah, but like it's a good like crap though People will probably you think anyone has fertilized like their own vegetable garden? Oh, the movie The Martian. Guy grows potatoes with his own shit.

Really? I didn't see that movie. Yeah, you don't remember that? No. It's a good movie, you should watch it. I should. Or ask Lynch about it. He's literally seen it.

100 times. At least 100 times. He watched it twice when we were in Medford. Yeah, his rule is that if it's on TV, he stops everything he's doing to seen it. 100 times. At least 100 times. He watched it twice when we were in Medford. Yeah, his rule is that if it's on TV, he stops everything he's doing to watch it. He's got a lot of rules. He does have a lot of rules. But anyway.

Yeah, do you think. Fertilize your little garden outside with your own shit. I'm not collecting my feces to fucking fertilize my garden, dude. I don't get how that helps plants. Because of like. Oh, it's not working, take a shit on it, and it'll fucking, it's nice now. Nutrients, dude. I don't get how that helps plants. Like, oh, it's not working, take a shit on it, and it'll fucking, it's nice now. Nutrients, dude.

Yeah, but what? I don't know, you're asking the wrong person. You said something, though. You said nutrients, so I get that meant anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, nutrients. I don't know. But yeah, so someone went to Gwyneth Paltrow's house

on Long Island and had like a diarrhea explosion dude a diadoodle cha-cha boom you know okay like AJ and Big Justice why did I boo boo boo boo no no no one gets the reference once again everyone wants no they don't get the reference you don't watch it you know those fucks what is that the Costco guys oh this is a chicken bank I'm gonna give it a boom and his dad's like oh there's fucking pain behind that man's eyes let me tell you he might look like he's having the time of his life watch those videos there doom, there's doom and boom.

Oh, I thought you were naming like wrestlers or something over there. Ironically enough, I think the dad was like a like amateur pro wrestler, like indie pro wrestler. Oh my God. They're still in Costco, just setting it up. Dude, they go to like restaurants now and give them the rub now.

They'll be like, we're here at you know this You know fucking deli where they have the best chicken parm. He's like He's like boom the kids have the time in his life I hope the dad is too cuz he looks I can't I don't know if he's like Really enjoying himself or he's put on a front. You know he's got dead eyes And that's you know what I'm saying, like when people smile and you're like, okay, you're smiling, but you're also not.

Yeah, you know, like the top half of your head is not moving. Yeah. Like your eyes have to smile, not just your mouth. They made a song, did you hear the song? They made a song about what, Costco? Dude, I can't believe you didn't hear this. By the way, we're not talking about Gwyneth Paltrow. We're talking about this now. The Costco guys, I haven't believe you didn't hear this by the way. We're not talking about Gwyneth Paltrow We're talking we're talking about this now. I haven't been down that rabbit hole yet, but as soon as we're done with this

I'm going right to the doom or boom. Oh Dude, they made a song All right, I don't get to get copyrighted here. Imagine they sue us. This is just insane. Like, I just, I just, I just. The kid is having the time of his life. Are they crushing? I don't know.

That's a good question. I should see. I feel like they're crushing. I don't know, that's a good question. I should see. I feel like they're crushing. Like people know them, the Doomer Boom. 1.3 million followers. There you go. 33.8 million likes. That's big, that's huge.

Their biggest that I could see here is the original like chicken bake one and it was 47.4 million. That is massive. 33.8 million likes. That's crazy. Good for them man. That's on TikTok. Shout out to million likes. That's crazy. That's on TikTok. Shout out to, nope, no more music.

I didn't mean to. I was just gonna go check. Oh, now you're just gonna scroll TikTok? I was gonna go check something else. It's all not toggling. No, no, no, I was gonna check something else. I was gonna check something else. The basement yard, 195 million likes.

Just wanna throw that out there. No one's asking us to do any Costco food tasting. God damn it thing that's free you could go to Costco and just try stuff or no Yeah, that's BJ's Costco. You got to go in like they know Costco. They they check your ID at the door, dude Oh, yeah, I know you got a thing you you definitely they do samplings there Yes, yes, but like they check your ID at the door So it's not free you need to have a subscription or partner. I mean you have a mother Check your idea at the door so it's not free you need to have a subscription or partner. I mean you have a mother Who likes to save money then you then it is free. Yeah, but yeah the kid I hope I wish him nothing but the best the dad I'm worried about though is he really having fun

I mean he's he's you know, he's got that clout. He's chilling. He is and also he'll beat the fucking tarnation out of me This guy's big. He looks like a like a muscular He was just doing like fucking like incline chest press with like five plates on each side. That's a little bit That's a couple bits Good lord this guy can go and eat a fucking double chunk chocolate cake cookie Then fucking turn my face into a pizza. Wait, what what is a chicken bacon ranch thing? What is it chicken bake? It's basically a big hot pocket fire Yo

Why aren't hot pockets bigger? I? Think like a big long hot pocket. I think they're dangerous, dude What dude the internal temperature of a hot pocket when you cook it is very the Sun? Just like yeah, but like don't make it a pocket then like keep it up now We're just talking about now you're talking about open face fucking sandwiches or pizzas It's a great it's getting around that time of the year where I need to remind my body that I can't have hot pockets You're big on the hot pockets once a year I forget that they they turn my stomach into Mm-hmm the fucking border

between North and South Korea. And I need to have them in order to remind my body that it happens. The DMZ. Yeah. Yeah. That's what happens in my stomach when I have a fucking pepperoni pizza hot pocket.

Damn, dude. Might do it. Hot pockets. Pizza rolls. Totinos. Totinos. Dude. Might do it. Hot Pockets. Pizza Rolls. Totino's. Totino's. Totino's. Totino's. We're calling you out Totino's.

Totino's, Totino's. So I'm on board here. I like those because it's a mystery. Sometimes you bite into it and it's like, this is the hottest thing I've ever had. And the next one you're like, this one's got a block of ice in it. Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? And then the next one's still frozen. Yeah, it's like, why is this one steaming hot and the other one has snow in it? You know what I'm saying? I'm just- And then the next one's still frozen. Yeah, it's like, why is this one steaming hot and the other one has snow in it? You know what I will say? I have not had a pizza roll since I've gotten an air fryer, so... What an idiot you are. Might need to break out the Totino's here. When I was just in Connecticut, they had a tray of them.

You know what the- bro, first of all, I was doing damage to this shit, and I don't even know whose food it was because I didn't bring food. I showed up for the day. You showed up to the potluck. Yeah, with nothing, just a pot, no luck. No, you know what he showed up with? A fucking empty tummy.

Yeah, empty tummy, and I was gonna fill it with a bunch of pizza rolls, pizza, and then right next to it, tons of crab rangoons. And a giant dipping sauce. By the way, my first time having that, first time having it. What, crab rangoon? First time.

Oh! First time. Maybe a 40. Dude, one of my favorite college memories, there was a buddy of mine, him and I would play Mortal Kombat and order ten, like no, four orders of crab rangoon and just sit there and eat them until fucking four in the morning. Dude, college sounds like it went really well for you.

That sounds so fun. Don't try to fuck around. Don't try to fuck around. One of my favorite memories is eating crab rangoon and playing video games with my boys Dude, my fucking fellas just being fell off you you're jealous I do like crab rangoon and not Mortal Kombat you will get you into what's in there crab It's like crab and sour not sour cream cream cheese nice. I don't know what else dipping so I'll be honest with you I don't want to know what yeah, I don't know what else. The dipping sauce. I'll be honest with you, I don't wanna know

what's in crab rangoon. Yeah, I don't care. Whatever it is, it's a tasty. It is a tasty. It is a tasty. I might get crab rangoon. I'm gonna go home. I might get it too. I'm gonna go home.

I might get that shit too. And get crab rangoons and fucking Hot Pockets and then sleep on my bathroom floor. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dude. Oh God. I don't even know.

I haven't even seen crab rangoon on a menu ever. Oh, any place I've gotten Chinese food from, they have crab rangoon. It's just a matter of- Is it Chinese? It's just a matter. I don't know if it is, but like it's just a matter of if you're daring enough

to get it. You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna get five orders. Well, you don't know what they are. I don't give a shit. Have you seen, it's like an internet, like it's like become a meme at this point in time, crab rangoons.

Like I saw one the other day was like, hell yeah, I'm happy. And it was like H-A-P-P-Y, each letter was different thing. And just at the H it said, hungry as hell for crab rangoon. And the rest of the word was just not filled in I like that yeah but I was crushing fucking pizza rolls and crab rangoon I'm about that quick before we get out of here yeah

give me your top three celebrities houses you would absolutely crap in when it's Paltrow we can't use her because we know there's something about her house that sounds crappable okay I don't know if it's cuz she's shoving fucking crystal eggs up her You know, yeah Okay, number one do they have to be can they be dead Alive or give me three alive three dead before we get out of here three alive three alive celebrities There's houses you would crap in all right Chris Martin of Coldplay Was married to Gwyneth Paltrow at one in. All right, Chris Martin of Coldplay.

Was married to Gwyneth Paltrow at one point. Oh wow, didn't even think about that. They have a crappable aura. Yeah, there's something about them. Something about them that screams just shit in me. Unload ozempic ass into your fucking toilet. Ozempic?

This guy had, it was like an ozempic diarrhea bout. Oh. I didn't know that I did that to you. So Chris Martin of Coldplay. Okay. Gwyneth Paltrow and. Just want to throw that out there. I'll go Jake Gyllenhaal Take a fat shit in his place. Okay. It doesn't seem very crap. Okay, go ahead No, I think that it would be like a joke like it would be like, you know Oh, and also you'd have each other up like yo that was quite the shit. Yeah, and then like Chris Hemsworth

I think that he would be like funny about it. So two Chris's and I take a foshite I can't do that. That's not Australian. Oh, I Take a shite. I can't I can't not British either. Yeah, so Chris Hemsworth Chris Martin and Jake Gyllenhaal in no particular order Yeah, give me your dead celebrities whose houses you want to crap. Abe Lincoln off the top off the grip I'm fucking setting it off in honest Abe's bath, and you're not telling him you're lying about it, too Yeah, I'm gonna let him find out and he's gonna honestly pass out. Well. He won't Something else will get him sooner after that so Wilkes Booth Johnny Wilkes yeah

Hmm who else? Give me Sean Connery's house even though I think I would get into a lot of trouble. Yeah, he'd if he yeah, he'd hit you That's quite a shite You're gonna go crap at James Bond's toilet and not expect a backhand wild go ahead and then my my grandfather The one you never met? Yeah, yeah. Gotcha.

Just to see. Just to see how he responds to it, you know? Just to see if he gets a litmus test. A super Irish Catholic guy, I don't know. Alright, three alive celebrities whose houses I'd crap in. Go. Morgan Wallin. He just looks like, like, go crap in his house. Okay.

like like go crap in his house okay Brett Michaels I'm sensing a theme I'm sensing some sort of theme quest love they just they theme is no longer. Like those are three houses I think would be a sick crap. Dead. Off the bat. Gotta go Elizabeth Taylor. Okay. She's so prim and proper. Yeah, but you would ruin her bathroom. Duh.

Oh, that's what you wanted. Elizabeth Taylor. Let's go Gilbert Gottfried. Just to hear his reaction yeah that would be interesting what's going on It smells like shit! A problem with your plumbing!

That's funny, Gilbert Godfrey. What the hell? Who did that? Oh man. Shout out Gilbert Godfrey, rest in peace man God Almighty, that's so fucking funny Yeah, you have one more too I do, I do Third one, I have to go like Man Maya Angelou

Why? She'd write such a great poem about it. You know what I mean? She wouldn't. She wouldn't write poetry about a shit you take in her house. It'd be like, well you know, like, do I? Here we go, here we go. Everyone. Do I? I'm strapped in and ready to hear this poem about taking a shit. The waves part. The waves part? The waves part. Down brown. I can't, I'm gonna. Oh my God, I can't believe that you said down brown.

That's where we're gonna end it, I think. I think that's all I can take. I'm also sweating from the insides of my elbows. What has happened? What has happened here? That might be my favorite bit of the fuckin' year so far. That was funny. Oh God.

Gilbert Godfrey, man. I'm a sweaty pig. Yeah. Frank, where can they find you? Uh, frs8851 on Twitter. The Frank. Where can they find you? F hours 85 on Twitter the Frank hours on all the forms social media go check out patreon.com Slice of Basin yard and check out the basement yard on all forms of social media. Just just throwing us out there more likes than H a big justice, so maybe we can link up do it do a do a video together

I would like to give something a boom or doom. Just want to say that. So, you know. You guys can go follow me at JoeSanagato and go follow, share on TikTok and Instagram at the Basinyard. And that is all. See you guys next time. I'm drenched.

Me too.