The Basement Yard - #463 - Becoming A Bidet Boy

Episode Date: August 12, 2024

It feels so good! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the basement yard. Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, how- why are you smoldering at me? Is that what that is? Is that a smolder? Isn't it? Yeah. You look like me in 2011.

Yeah, we did the- we did New York One News, Spectrum One News. Spectrum News One? Something. One of those and uh It was really cool. Really really cool. My boy was there didn't get to say hi to him. I was a little upset Oh, yeah, let's go news. My boy. Let's go news was there. Yep, uh and What's his name again? Uh ted kiernan got it. You tried to catch me. No, no, no, I I thought his name was ted for some reason

That's his name. Oh, you said pat. I said, oh I was thinking pat. You little bitch. No, no, no, I thought his name was Ted for some reason. That's his name. Oh, you said Pat. I said... Oh, I was thinking Pat, you said Ted. That's what I meant. Wait, is it Pat now? I don't know. Uh-oh. Pat Kiernan?

Ted Kiernan? Now you gotta look it up. What's his name? Pat Kiernan? Maybe it is Pat. How did we just fuck that up together? I think I fucked it up and then you got caught up in my web. It might be Pat Kiernan.

Pat Kiernan. Pat... It might be Pat. Pat Sajak? No, that's not him. Pat Kiernan. Pat Kiernan. Pat Sajak? No, that's not him. Pat Kiernan. I fucked up. So you mentally fucked me up. You've been mentally fucked.

Sorry. I didn't even mean to. Brunch Club merch! Bing bing bing bing bing! Oh, we did Spectrum News 1, which was really cool. Full circle moment. Yeah. Kind of not full circle. It was a half circle, but we made it full.

I filled that circle up real quick. That also sounded crazy too, honestly. That's crazy too. What are we doing here? There's so many innuendos. But the woman that interviewed us, the journalist, was your prom date. My prom date in high school. Your high school prom date. Yeah.

I knew that she worked for New York One. And then when we put out that we were doing Radio City, she hit me up and she was like, hey, do you want to do a segment? Had I met her before? She said she didn't know if she met me. I don't think so. Because I don't remember,

when New City went to prom with her, I was like, I remember the girls that you knew in high school and not, I'd never remember her as like a topic of conversation. Well, we weren't really like- I don't mean to sound mean. Like I'm just saying, like, it's not, if you had told me you were going to prom with someone and to guess, I wouldn't have guessed her because I didn't know who she was. Yeah, yeah.

Well, me and her weren't like... We were friends in high school. But we weren't really until like junior year, I would say. So like, yeah. Like my freshman and sophomore year, I don't think we talked at all maybe. Yeah. Interesting. Joey wasn't going to bring it up. And didn't bring it up. Well, I told him in the green room, I was like, don't bring it up that we went to prom together. Because I didn't think in a professional setting, people would take it the wrong way or something.

Because we went to prom as friends. We were cool and that was it. No one did nothing. Relax. But I thought that it would be weird. I wasn't making any accusations. I know, but I'm saying I think people would. So I was like, let's just not bring that up. And then as soon as the words left my mouth, she walked into the room. I was like, hi.

Yeah, literally. And normally when people wear certain shoes, you can hear them coming. We didn't hear her coming at all Yeah, she was like an engine walking through there. She just showed up and but it was really cool Yeah interviewed us talked about Radio City Music Hall October 1st, October 2nd. That's crazy Yeah, and then you know just a good time on the news Yeah, yeah, then at the end she she brought up that we went to prom together and she had a photo. Not good. Yeah, you. I did not look good in that.

You didn't. But you know what though, to your defense, you looked the way every boy of that age group at that time looked. You know, it's like when our parents would show pictures and you're like, what the fuck are you wearing? Why is your hair like that? And you're like, that's what everyone did. Yeah. You hair like that and you're like that's what everyone did yeah you know big 80s lady

hair right exactly you know you had big two thousands buzz cut buzz cut helmet it was hair it was like when you would go would you even say do anything or would you just say just two all around because that's what I would do um at a certain point Thomas cut my hair my oldest brother cut my hair for years. And I know what you're thinking. You can tell. Yep. You could. But, uh, yeah, cause it was just buzzed the hair lineup and that was it.

I didn't pay for a haircut from, I think 2010 until 2016, 2017. I was the opposite. I don't think I paid for a haircut until The end of 2020 oh man and haircuts for boys were such like It was like a thing You know what I mean like for like I remember being in like middle school and high school and someone would come with a Fresh cut and they'd be like where do you get your fucking cut loser? It's not a fade like dude. My guys are Russian They're not Dominican. Yeah, you know I felt like a little boy Yeah, I don't know but

Those days are over. Yeah, I go to a barber. It's nice. Yeah, I go to a barber, too What's your barber's name Riley? Riley yeah, he's cool. Dude. Do you guys see share secrets or something? No, first of all I was very shocked to learn that he's only 19 years old. What? Yeah, dude. Okay. How long you been with his Barb? At least six, seven months.

Oh, this is a new relationship. I would go, yeah, I would go though, because I'm not the type that's just like, go to an established, or I wasn't, I guess. I would just go and be like, yeah, whoever, this is when I need to show up. Oh, you had no relationship. I was a single Boy, wow you know I a slut I

Careful you would have gotten haircut by anyone you just said walk in whoever wants it I wasn't getting haircuts often, but when I would it was just like I throw my haircut boobs out And they would say no you're a haircut whore is what it is, but I wasn't getting cuts all the time I would really I would, I'd get a haircut like once or twice a year. Really? Yeah, I'm not a, I was never. Oh, where there was that period of time

where it looked like you didn't get a hair cut for four years. Two years. I just had a hair cut for four years. Two years as long as I went without a haircut. Wow. And I mean, you saw, and like not even like edging up the sides or anything, I just got incredible hairline, so. Yeah.

I mean, you didn't look good. Can we put that out of the way? Fuck you, I think the hair looked great. I just got incredible hairline. Yeah, I mean you didn't look good. Can we put that out of the way? Fuck you, I think the hair looked great. I just told boss this morning in the group chat, I was like, yo, your hair made me miss mine. Oh, he's got long hair now? He's got long. And he's slick in it.

He's slick, that's like. What are you watching, Sons of Anarchy or something? Do you remember how long my hair was? My hair was down to here, dude. Yeah, it's insane. And it was curly, so wet, it was longer. But I would always just be like, yo, I need to show up, I need a cut,

Tuesday I could be there at six, who's available? Damn. But now you're faithful to Riley. Now this dude Riley, cool dude, I will say this though. Nice, say it. Anytime I get my haircut, I feel like he's being passive aggressive with me at the end.

Why? Every single time at the end, he's just like, are we touching the eyebrows? And I go, damn! That's not bad,. He's just like are we touching the eyebrows and I go That's not bad because he's just checking it. I go no and he goes you sure that's that I don't like that Yeah, it's all fun and games. He's ha ha's but like Riley what the what are you trying to say? Yeah, you know these eyebrows. These are the money makers Yeah, I mean I have a good relationship now. I'm about four, five. You've been dating four years? You and your barber? My barber, yeah. I think 2020 is when I started going to him. Wow. I haven't gone to anyone else. That's really cool. I don't plan on going

anywhere either. And he's, my understanding, a very famous barber. He's like a well-known barber. Rich the barber. I've never met him. I was gonna say he's a cool guy. Not a single word exchange between us. No, he's a man, dude. He, I like literally went on Instagram and I just typed in barber. I was like, let me try. And you found him? Maybe I Googled or something like New York City barbers

and he was up there and I was like, mad nervous the first time I like met him. Oh, it was like a first date. I was mad nervous. You know what's really funny is like Guys, we went to Jollibee. I was kind of went on a date. You kind of did your date You're dating your barber. I went when they opened the shop at like 10 a.m. So I went there and he was like I'm at Jollibee show up. Did he show up with like flowers or anything? No Did he show up with like flowers or anything? No. Yeah dude, I showed up with flowers in his dogs.

I showed up and he was like I'm at Jollibee across the street. And I was like, oh alright, so I just met him there. Yeah. What's a Jollibee? It's like, I believe Filipino food. But it's like a chain. Oh. It's like a famous chain.

Is it good? I didn't have it, I haven't had it. It looked good though. So you just showed up and watched him eat? No, he was just grabbing actually did he eat? I don't know, but I was like, I don't know it is funny that like You you do have to kind of like date your bar and then you like talk like the first couple conversations are just like Introductory like what's your favorite color? You know like oh bro. I went to the barber last week They have a TV in there barber shops love having movies and shows on so they could point with their You know, like, oh, bro, I went to the barber last week. They have a TV in there. Barber shops love having movies and shows on

so they could point with their, you know, with their comets something. You know what I'm saying? He's like, oh, look at this part. Bro, what movie do you think they were playing? You're never gonna guess this. Lord of the Rings, Two Towers. I'll just tell ya, no.

The fucking, the girl. Boy in the striped pajamas. The, crazy you guessed that because it's actually the girl with the striped pajamas the crazy you guessed that because it's actually the girl with the dragon tattoo close very close boy with the this girl with the that yeah different different movies and what see indeed think was playing when I walked in haven't seen the movie okay she getting her tattoo nope she was full-on getting revenge on a guy who did some things to ladies. That was not nice Cut his cock off. Um, I don't remember exactly if she cuts it off. She puts something in something of his that was not nice

Got it a sword in his ass. It's a very intense scene. Sounds like it Definitely not a scene that you'd play in a fucking barbershop folks. That's cool, though, you know, but yeah I don't I don't like the passive-aggressive with the eyebrows you do your eyebrows no I do the middle yeah okay it's kind of it are you ever gonna come like try a new facial hair style or you just committing to that like you're dating I almost got rid of it and did what just buzz no not my facial hair oh first of all facial hair I'm not letting my skin see the light of day again bro okay it's either gonna get very long or it's gonna be some variation of what's going on right now

yep but I'm not going back to clean shave it no you can't it's never going to happen you've committed to facial hair hair and it's like I heard someone once say facial hair is makeup for men. Yeah. I've seen my naked face. Ugly dude. Ugly. I look like I'm sick.

We shaved, what did we shave for recently? Oh last year for the makeup. The drag queen. Well also for the Halloween makeup. That's right, bro my face I look like dog shit I Look awful hated it. I just my face. I look like I'm sick. You know what I mean I don't know what you mean. You know what I mean. I have no idea like I got some like like a bee sting

Yes, but also like just like my I'm like discolored. It's weird Oh because it doesn't see the light it doesn't see if I if I shaved my face I'm already look at me. You know what I'm saying. I'm a piece of loose-leaf paper Yeah, you are so under here is what you could see into my mouth through my skin. How white can I possibly be under there? It's like your asshole It doesn't get to see the light of day often, so like you wouldn't just like show people your asshole. Like you would need to, like you wanted to look a certain way. Same with your unshaved, with your shaved face I should say.

Your shaved face is your asshole of your head. I don't know if I like you saying that. Why not? Because I don't know if it's true or not. It is true. I actually, speaking of assholes, it's crazy that this came up. I actually saw something- It's crazy that assholes came up on this show? You- I think you could fucking- That's a shoe in every episode, buddy.

We should play Basement Yard Bingo. We should watch one of our episodes. Someone created one once. Really? Yeah, and I saw it, but- Google it. Literally years ago. Oh, well, I mean, I look at- Oh, so it was with Danny? No.

You're cheating on me too? You don't remember how long you've been doing this? Joey Dates Barbers and dates fucking podcast hosts. No, like four years, it was like, I don't know, within the four years. I'm literally looking up basement yard bingo. Oh, someone on Instagram had posted something. Yeah, so it was in May of 2020, so it was right before me. So the middle is obviously the basement yard thing.

And then yeah, it's about Danny. He's... What are they? I'm going to read from like, you want to read all of them or just some? Just some, whatever. Okay. You've heard Joe or Danny fart during an episode. Doesn't happen that often.

No, Danny it sounded like it would happen way more often but it was actually I was the farter I think really I think I may have squeaked went out from laughing crazy you've made me fart on the show fit I when I've done made you fart yes you did finish they finished this line no power in the Hamptons there you go yeah the Instagram post notifications are on I guess they go off or something. Okay. You're You're a person that watches that's also subscribed to Santa gada studios. You always watch the show on oh, no I don't like this. This is not fun. It's not it's not really fun. Yeah, it's like tag someone. That's a fucking rat I wanna

Wanna like I wish it was someone would make one oh now it's gonna happen though Someone's gonna make it someone's gotta make a current Current day basement yard bingo, but like make it like legit like we say something That's like upsetting or or Frank says something you say something all the time. What is it? I try to entrap you or let me ask you a serious question. That's something you say Well, let me ask you a question that gets said a lot on the yeah Yeah, I think that's that's a shame to be the middle part of this fucking thing it's every every single yeah so but you also said oh I remember clear as day you say that to

clear as a and you know what's funny that's not a sentence that's not a saying it's like it's clear crystal clear no I remember wait someone recently told me like you know clear as day is not a saying it's like an expression well that's probably another one you get all your expressions wrong uh and I try to tell people. You get all your expressions wrong. And I try to tell people like, I know that- All my expressions wrong is crazy. I've gotten some.

You- sometimes you do it just to fuck with me. But a lot of the times you like, you're wrong by one word. Like what? I don't- I can't- I don't even- I can't even think of- We've recorded a Patreon episode not long ago, and I said miles an hour Miles I was going like 60 miles an hour miles per hour oh That one is more of like that's whatever is it miles an hour miles per hour But it's mph on the little yeah, but like that one is like

Thank though But speaking of assholes yes Apparently there's something that came out recently, and it was not like a reddit post But it was like a look like a reddit thread about hygiene mm-hmm, and it says that like apparently Don't attack me here, but apparently Men are not supposed to wash their assholes with soap. Men or- or man? Probably all. Yeah, all man. Man, the collective man.

Got it. Which crazy that we were just like- I knew you were gonna do it. Crazy. I knew you was gonna do it. It's like, man or not include women. Yeah. Men, women, man. Mankind.

Mankind I guess works, but like- Humankind. Humankind. Oh, I don't know man. I was gonna say, I swear works, but like... Humankind. Humankind. Oh, I don't know, man. I was gonna say, I swear, I was gonna try- I was thinking of like, homo sapiens, but I was gonna fully without... Like, fuck up and say homosexuals. Yeah. I was gonna be like, us!

Homosexuals! Homosexuals as a whole... I mean, if they- they must, you know... If anyone knows, gay men know. My understanding is like... I saw a commercial recently. For a douche? I mean if they must, you know, if anyone knows, gay men know how to clean that fucking butt. I saw a commercial recently. For a douche? For, not a douche, but like ass pills for boys.

Men, I should say. I was gonna say, say men. Men. What do you mean ass pills? What do they do? I know someone that engages in a lot of fucking butt fucks. Yeah. And they say that they have fun pills. And I'm like, what is a fun pill?

I thought it was a drug. I was like, the hell is that? He's like, no. And he showed me a fucking thing and it's legitimately called fun pills. And it's like, I think it's like. It loosens you up. It not loosens you up.

What the hell is that? I was opening up a butt. No, I figured it would be like, let me. It like cleans them out. It's like, there's like a lot of fiber in it, so like- Oh. It cleans them out, so when they do butt fuck, there's less poop.

Less, or no poop. Right, I mean that's ideal, no poop. You know? Which is, I saw a commercial for it, I was just like, that's just a crazy thing. I guess it makes sense because you see like commercials for like fucking like, you know, Adam and Eve and stuff like that, but like-

Yeah. A full on commercial about like- About anal fucking. Take these pills to get ready for getting railed in the ready. for like fucking like, you know, Adam and Eve and stuff like that. But like a full on commercial about like, take these pills to get ready for getting railed in the ready. When we went to Fire Island some years ago, that's like known for being like, there's a heavy gay population that goes,

I said population. Yeah, you did. Population that like hangs out there. And on all the houses, like there's like, it's like a boardwalk, and then there's like a bunch of doors, and you open the doors and there's like a walkway to go to the houses, and all those, there was this thing on the hook, on the doorknob, like hooked onto the doorknob that was an advertisement for stuff like that. Butt pills.

It was like fiber, you know what I was like, damn dude, people are getting fucking blasted out here. Apparently, I remember a buddy of mine who is gay told me that like, there's like a whole regiment that goes into it. Like, us straights, we can wake up and just go do fuck. But like- I don't know about all that.

You gotta like wash it down. I know, but I'm saying like a shower. Like they need to like eat lightly. Oh, they gotta like plan. He was going on a date and he was just like yo I'm gonna like I gotta see what soups they have and I'm like why are you going like you know me I love soup yeah he was like oh if I'm gonna have sex tonight I need to have something not like heavy yeah apparently soups is the way to go damn how many what percent of gay men do you think go their whole career without?

poop Happening during the bedroom. I feel like it's a it's it's gotta be a small percentage, right? It's gotta be a small percentage It's that's that's statistics game. There's gotta be poop at some point in your career. I'm imagining. It's gotta be like every I'm imagining it's got to be like every Gay man probably experiences crap. Yeah at a certain point you would imagine I do think That there's a chance that there's that I'm completely wrong because I think that like, you know, they're on top of it Like I got to be douche and I got to be like eating salads or well I don't know what you're supposed to hear and Lee it's like some some are not as good as others at taking care of them Oh, there's definitely some lazy butt guys out there

I don't know why there's some lazy butts out there, but you imagine there's definitely someone like oh Tommy's like the worst with that shit Yeah, they get like a reputation. Yeah, it's like you got a dirty butt, dude. You're gonna fuck this guy He's got a he's gonna shit. Oh, yeah, I imagine listen I imagine gays if you're watching What you said that like the president gays Just if you are going to receive in any capacity mm-hmm be be clean of course clean out do poops I think that that's happening for sure, but we're talking about assholes

Yeah, why'd you bring that up because apparently you're not supposed to use soap to clean your asshole. What are you supposed to use? Apparently it so the way you scrub that hole with like a bar soap or something hell well I Don't use the bar of soap right what I do that would be mean to whoever else uses it I I load up this area of my body I remember you saying with so much soap and then I use this one to scrape and then I I Charter bus it around town and then you go crazy and then I do it again with your hand. Yeah. Oh, yeah Oh, you're digging at your hat. It's it's a it's a dig in there. Yeah, okay It's a wait Why are you not supposed to do that because apparently it gets rid of essential oils that are supposed to protect your anus. Oh

So your ass is like apparently my ass is like ready for lice or something Yeah, remember they told us that in elementary school like you shouldn't wash your hair every day because lice will love a clean head Really? You don't remember that I know I didn't know that. Yeah man. I had no idea. But... Okay, so you're scrubbing that thing. Don't sit there and ask me as if you're not. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee What the hell was that? Probably sounded like an old door. What was that? You did. You did. It sounded like a Florida Goosebumps episode.

What did you just say? A Florida Goosebumps episode? A floor in a Goosebumps episode. You know what? Guys, you can't hear them all. No audience in here to tell me that was that. I don't need one for that. That was insane. Yeah, no, I've definitely put soap on my fucking bum. For sure.

Well, you have to. Yeah, I mean. Bro, I don't trust my ass anymore. Well, now I don't know on my what. Now, yeah, now you gotta use not soap, dude. I need to buy a bidet. Dude, I want one. I used to have one. Gio has one, so like when I go to his... a day do I want one I used to have one Gio has one

so like when I go they're sick they are they're cool but it's weird it bro your ass is just soaked I know but then you got a damp it dry Dab. Dab. Dab. You gotta dab it in the asshole. You gotta dab it in the asshole. Alright big guy. Alright good job buddy. Yeah dude, you gotta dab, I can't say it again. Dab it up. I used to do that but then I would get,

I had cheap toilet paper and I'd get toilet paper stuck in my ass. And it would get stuck in your ass. Because you ever have wet toilet paper and then it just falls apart and it's everywhere? Then I would just be walking around with just like a fucking Debris of toilet paper in my ass all day. Yeah, I didn't like it Yeah, get it you can so I get the thick ones like the Charmin Bears

So what you can get actually know you don't you have black toilets in your place No, they're white. Are you sure or is our black? Are you sure I? live there. I use it every day. It's white. Okay. It's white. You can get, you can get an attachment to go on your toilet

to make it a bidet. I know. That's what I did. Oh, you have one in your house. No, no, I had one at the house in Astoria. No longer have it. Right house. No, no, I had one at the house in Astoria. Mm. No longer have it. Right. Might get it again.

But I am very afraid of one of the kids, because it's just a knob. Yeah. One of the kids is gonna turn that shit on, and that shit flies, dude. It does. It has a fucking, wait, if you use Geo's? Yeah.

Isn't that a little dirty to use someone else's bidet? It's not powered by his asshole. It's just water. But his asshole was just getting fucking squirted on too. He also shits in it. I'm not shit in it. What do you want me to- I don't- like- How is that weird? Explain how that's weird. Would you use your friend's dildo? It's not like that. It's not the same water as the one that it's not spraying his ass and then say stay in it Just gotta say he didn't even say no to using any dildo Not using any dildos Frank. I'm sorry. I'm gonna get you a bidet

You can get it installed ask the building to install it on your toilet. I would ask the building I'm not asking them put in a work order for it Why not because I'm just gonna do it you know how to install a bidet? There's instruction manuals. Yeah Joey, it's kind of like you have to like know plumbing kind of. No. Yeah. You have to take the water, you have to shut the water supply, take the thing off and plug it in. It's fucking nothing. That's knowing plumbing, so you just say- Knowing plumbing, turning the water off? Stupid. You gotta make sure you do like the right connections because the one that I had had hot water as an

option just getting blasted in the ass by hot water it you know a burnt hole forget about it no no not hot like it's gonna be dangerously hot oh you just said hot bro you didn't alright alright warm water what will you think I'm pouring fucking boiling water in my ass I didn't know you meant no come on you

should know bitch I don't know the one meant! No, come on, you should know, bitch. I don't know. The one at Geo's is a little warm. But apparently we're not supposed to use soap to clean our bunk. So are we, so are you off soap now? No, I have to, dude. Why? What do you mean off soap? I have to use soap.

You don't follow the science? I don't care what Reddit says. You gotta follow the science. This is one of those places where I'll let science be wrong. Well, no, you're gonna choose to be wrong. I'm gonna choose to be wrong about science. What do I need my asshole to be protected by? Oils to protect my anus from...

Bacteria? What do you mean? That's why you wash it away. Wash the bacteria gone. But then you sweat into your butt. And bacteria from skin, water, sweat, tip down, spine, into butt. Come on, why can't I just wash my ass? Maybe that's why. That thing.

No, it's definitely, definitely not why. But it's a theory, it's a working theory. I promise you, it is a theory we have already debunked. Well, we do have ads for right now. We'll get back to debunking scientific fact in a bit But the first one we have here hello Squarespace if you have a small business or

You know you make content or anything like that and you want to showcase it with a website Which you should you can use Squarespace to do so your website can be like your first impression people When they know they want to know if your business or anything is legit. They're gonna go to your website if it looks horrible They're gonna be like what is this? This is probably not real. So I'm not gonna use it. So it's your first impression So it is important so it's Squarespace to make a lot of like very easy to build a professional looking website in No time at all. basically. They have a bunch of templates that you can use you just click on them and you could see what the

site will look like and then you just switch out the photos and the text to match your business or whatever it is that you're selling. So they make it very easy and they also have a lot of tools to you know help you optimize traffic figure out where it's coming from you know a lot of help tools there as well. So if you are one of the people that would like to you know, a lot of help tools there as well. So if you are one of the people that would like to, you know, build a website or kind of do anything like that, you can also use Squarespace. But yeah, and also there's flexible payments, like analytics, which are huge things, you know, for you when you're starting a website.

But you can go to squarespace.com slash basement, and you will save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain using the code basement. Again, that is squarespace.com slash basement to save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain. So go check it out. And this next one, Liquid IV, it's going. All right, it's gonna keep you

What's the word I'm looking for? Hydrated okay, and actually Frankie at our last show he's like I brought a bunch of liquid IV so that everyone could be good So we had two shows on an after-party make sure you guys are hydrated because if you're dehydrated you're not gonna make it through But yeah, so it helps you stay hydrated There's a bunch of electrolytes in it I mean it hydrates you better than a glass of water would you just take a glass of water you add this powder to it? You mix it up. They taste delicious. That's the best part. Honestly, even when I'm feeling super hydrated

I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna pop one of these just because I like a little have a little drink Okay, makes me feel like I'm drinking a little candy soda or something like that but it's delicious but yeah Liquid IV amazing they have an optimized ratio of electrolytes essential vitamins and clinically clinically tested nutrients that turn ordinary water into extraordinary hydration and you can get some right now when you go to liquid IV comm and use the code basement at checkout you will get 20% off okay so 20% off of your first order when you shop better liquidiv.com and use the code basement at checkout, you will get 20% off. Okay? So 20% off of your first order when you shop at our hydration today by using the promo code basement at liquidiv.com.

Go get it, Frank. Man, you know, each week I come here, I talk to you and this week I got some strange news, bad news. I'm kidding. It's not bad news. It's about Patreon. I got you. I pranked you.

You got, I got, it's a joke. Go to patreon.com slash the basement yard and sign up today so you can get these weekly episodes one week in advance. And then that second tier while you get weekly episodes every single Friday. Um, folks, you fucking got us over 32,000 paid patrons. It is mind boggling, crazy. This whole life that we're living, often say to each other like this is nuts Literally at the after party Greg and I had our arms around each other and I whispered in his ear not whispered

I probably screamed because of the music I go. What is our life? We have children. So thank you for making our life minor Emotional mental mind fucks for us. We really appreciate it. Patreon.com slash The Basement Yard. And then folks, if you're coming to any of these shows, we got, we still have some more shows coming up. I mean, as of recording, we got LA and Seattle in front of us. Actually, as the time you've seen this,

those were already done. Sorry to see ya. But then Toronto's coming up and then we got some Texas shows. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey That was British, not Southern. Go to thebasementyard.com slash submit. Submit your stories, your topic, anything that you can answer that questionnaire and then maybe we'll talk to you, talk about you. There was a girl at our last show who had a tattoo above her lady parts that said heavenly and we brought it up and she was sitting three rows back.

So it was a very easy conversation. We spoke to her. She spoke to us. Also, there was a girl there who was into piss play and we spoke to her it could be you so go check it out the base of your comm slash submit thank you guys we're so excited and let's keep this fucking party going yeah and also she was very much into piss play I felt bad her friend outed her dude her literally oh yeah literally she would first of all you screaming is crazy I

know I did that alright shit yeah I'm away with shit. Yeah, I'm sorry take it the fuck easy. I'm sorry But yeah, her friend was like it's her and then I was like are you into pissing a pond or Receiving and she said yes. Yeah, she liked both which is good crazy I don't know. I don't know piss brother. Yeah, I Yeah. I don't think I could pee on someone, or get pissed on. I could definitely pee on someone. What?

How hard is it to pee? But like, when you're in the middle of doing Fumped, you're not in piss mode. Oh, I mean, you can't be in the middle. The railroad tracks, instead of piss, it goes to fucking... It's gotta be before or after. When you have a piss. But like, if you're liking it, you're horny, so like, the horny starts. So you assume it's before. be before or after when you have a piss but like if you're liking it you're horny so like the horny so you assume it's before the horny

starts yeah absolutely crazy but good for you we don't shame the cake we don't kink shame here Joey might ask questions we do have a lot of questions yeah we and we did we did have questions we We had some. We had some. We had some. But also, if you want to be kept anonymous, you can just ask to be kept anonymous and we won't talk to you. If you want to be anonymous,

don't bring your friend who is going to scream that it's your card. Yeah, yeah, that was a little mean. The girl with the heavenly tattoo, though, was like, I have a tattoo of the word heavenly, and she went, that's me! Yeah, she goes, she gasped, she goes, that's me! Yeah, it was great.

It was a fun time at that show Always cool to have those kind of interactions, but what you gonna do anyway Don't wash your ass with soap anymore because you will I need to dude if I don't wash my ass which legit if I go You got to get bidet bidet lukewarm water dude. No no no no no I need to shower I need to shower of course you need to shower, too I know, but I'm just saying like, what do you mean don't wash your ass with soap, dude? You know, it's back there. The science said it.

I don't care what science said. I'd rather my ass smell like fucking, you know, Irish Spring than crap. Yeah, those are the two words that he was working on for that long and he came up with Irish Spring and crap. Yeah, I know. But science. You trust your asshole's normal natural smell?

Hell no. No, you give it water. Give it hell. Hell doesn't get rid of sand. Yeah, it does. No, it doesn't, dude. I don't know. When's the last time you washed your back?

Never. I mean- What you washed your back? Never. I mean- What about below your knees? I... do that... Neck to knees is the cleanest- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean sometimes I get a little below. Ankles haven't seen soap in-

Bottom of my feet? I haven't done that... in a while. I've watched the bottom of my feet because every time like I've done that I used to do it a lot But then it became just this dangerous game because if I'm in a I should probably do it now because there's grip on the floors of my oh I was gonna say lay down porcelain like tub with a shower like that, bro dangerous What I used to do my head open what I would do I would just lay down

It's easier that way You would lay down Yeah, so what I would do is I would lay down I would bring my feet to me and scrub the bottom of them, and then I'd put them up in the water I Wish that I had a security camera, and I could just watch you like I think I so Back up a little bit. No. No I I don't, I can, I see it. I get in here, I do this. Kk-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k Cause you don't have a... you don't lay down in the shower now. Bro. No, no, no. I haven't in a while. I sit.

Sometimes. You sit in there? Well, I have like showered and like Ruby has come in and showered with me and I sit down. We'll say this. Anytime any of the kids get in the shower with me, I'm wearing boxers. Because I do not want my children to remember my wiener in any capacity. Do you remember your dad's dick? Sadly, yeah. I remember my dad's dick too, bro. That's mad weird.

So like if I leave the door open or if they're coming in with, you know, because we call it like Ruby likes to do like the car wash. She brings her little toys in and she like car washes them. My dad called it the car wash. Yeah, my dad called it the washer machine. What the hell? Yeah, I don't know. Maybe a Colombian thing.

I don't know, I shouldn't have said that, right? You definitely shouldn't have referenced washing clothes to being a Hispanic thing, you racist pig. If anything, that would make us whites look bad. There's plenty out there to make you look bad already. I don't need to do much. Not wrong. But I wear boxers.

Yeah. Because I can't. Yeah, I would probably do that too. It's just weird. No, no, I don't want it. It's just weird, you know? And I'm not like, you know, I think that people can probably do that and it's fine.

I just, I don't know. Yeah, to each their own, personal. Yeah. This is a personal thing. There's also people out there that like, are like nudists and the whole family's naked running around the house. That's a little much for me.

Bro, what is, are there, what's the closest nudist colony to here? I've never seen anything like that. Knowing the land, it's gotta be Long Island. Knowing the land, what does that mean? Like knowing how trashy Long Island is as a place, period. I don't think that nudist colonies are trashy. It's just they're just like- I know, I'm just saying Long Island is as a place period. I don't think that nudist colonies are trashy. It's just they're just like, I know I'm just saying Long Island is a piece of shit.

The land? Yeah. Why is the land a piece of shit? Because look at what it is bread. Crazy. Everyone has that one part of their town where they're just like everyone from there sucks. Long Island is that town for New Yorkers, let me tell you. It's not a town.

It's a full island. A full island. And technically we're on it. Yeah, technically we are on it. But yeah, I wonder where they are because when I think of like nudist colonies, I think about trees and... Look up closest nudist colony.

Nudist colony near me. Yeah, look it up. Honestly, I never thought to even do this. Did they do like meet and greets? Nudist colony? How do you get into a nudist colony? You just got to show up? Show up naked? Initiation fees or something? No, there's got to be it's got to be like a like a weird like they need to like test you Like how naked are you? How naked are you? Like during like the person administering the test like sits like legs wide open

To see how uncomfortable they are. I'll tell you what they're all it looks like they're all in Jersey what yeah get the hell out of here there's no nudist colonies in Jersey bro what are you talking about there's a bunch of trees and stuff in Jersey it's a bunch of trees everywhere not like that there's more trees there uh oh here we go this is a country. It's got 4.9 stars. And it's a nudist? It's a nudist colony. It's got stars, baby.

Wait a sec. And it's got a phone number. Here's the first question. Honestly, this is kind of cool. Do they have like an application process? Look at their website. See if they have an application. Day rates are around $35.

So $35, you just hang out naked all day. Someone said, is it free to get in? And then a local guide said, no, day rates are generally around $35 worth every penny. Crazy. First of all, country clubs, that's what it is? No, it's not just a country, this is called like a country club.

I don't know that they like have like a, I don't know. Country club's a lot of- It's coed, it's not just a country. This is called like a country club. I don't know that they like have like a, I don't know. Could you call it co-ed? It's co-ed. Okay. Is no clothes optional? The grounds for the most part is clothing optional. In the pool, hot tub, you must be nude. I guess that makes sense.

I guess there's a level of like, you're hiding at that point then. Like you're hiding, your shit's underwater. And the way you know like- My water penis is- The worst penis. Oh my God. Mine, I'm referencing. point then like you're hiding your shits underwater and the way you know like my water penis is the worst penis oh my god mine I'm referencing I've never seen your water penis what was the last time you had a water penis have you bathed recently yeah oh I bathed when I in the hotel because my shoulder was my neck is

fucked up it's actually better today but oh there's cabins you can rent a cabin What's a cabin at this nudist column how much how much? Someone can't write but how much is the daily cost to rent a cabin is there any discount for seniors over 65? Michael that anything if anything senior should pay more Yeah, yeah should pay more. Yeah, yeah, yes, they've been through enough. No, they should pay more. They've set up this whole fucking world that we're living in. I don't know if this one's still- If you're over- look, if you need to pay to get into a nudist colony, over a certain age, you should pay more. Like men 65 and up should pay like $200. Uh, there's a, there's one open. This one has a 4.8 star.

Well, I don't love that. Oh, no. Oh, is it? I can't see. I honestly, I'm not even kidding. I can't see. It's just, it's just people at a bar that are like naked. That's crazy.

That's wild, dude. Where is that? This is in Jersey. Damn. This is a, oh no, this is PA. Also damn. Oh! Got a pool. Three foot deep. Everyone's naked. The drinks look good. Look like a nice frozen drink. Oh my god the best mojito I've ever had in my life. Let's go get it. Imagine someone just like, yo you want to get the best mojito you've ever had in your life They're like yeah, they just strip naked and walk into this place. They do have events partying naked since

1945 what the hell they have what events do they have um If you're like in like a band and you show up bro hold on do you need to be naked? Maybe What the fuck, but they have like this one Sunday 3pm to 7pm live poolside music by One Left Nut. Get the fuck out of here. Says it. Get the fuck out of here. There's a petting zoo.

Oh. Oh that's dangerous. No I think it says dress as a farm animal or a furry. Wait. Yeah I think they're the petting. They're the one who. They get pet. Yo this is fucking. If you're into nude stuff. What part of one who, they get pet. Yo, this is fucking,

If you're into nude stuff. What part of Pennsylvania? If it's Philadelphia, I'm gonna piss my pants. No, it's not Philly. It's, I actually don't know. That's just the address. I just know it's in Philly. I don't know where it is.

It is in Philly? No, I mean not Philly. I'm in PA. Yeah, there's a, one left nut. He performs here all the time. Or she. I imagine people see him all the time. Yeah, there's a one left nut. He performs here all the time. Or she. I imagine people see him all the time. Yeah, there's there's a lot going on here. Can you, I need to...

Oh, groovy body paint theme. That one's probably fun. Mardi Gras, that can get crazy, I imagine. Deck party with turning the tide. Yo, listen, you need to hit up a manager for this place and get him on OPL. I mean, dude, fucking go crazy, man man. These guys they're probably living it up. It's like a resort. Everyone's fucking naked as fuck. There's pools. There's a There's a full volleyball court all the players naked can you imagine it's one thing to be naked You're gonna play volleyball naked. Forget it flop and wait You're not gonna s- just fuckin- Just volleyball naked.

Forget a- Flop and winger. Forget a bo- Imagine if there was a basketball court and someone dunks on you butt fuckin' naked. That would be- That would be wild. A wild posterization there. Bang.

Balls. This is your ball. I'm not taking any charges, dude. That's crazy. Good for them, man. They're going crazy. I never knew, but yeah. I never knew either. Out there kind of like in the woods, cause you can't be like walking around like Metro City's naked. Zero percent chance I would ever do one of those. You?

I couldn't. I don't know. I'm too like, oh. I'd walk in like, hi. I feel like if, I feel like I could, if, if we, like if you were, if we were like doing it, like being like, yo, we gotta do this, like I would do it, I don't know. No, because Joey next week is gonna be like, yo, 40,000 patrons know no like if you know We'll make week is gonna be like yo no one forty thousand patrons You want to go to a fucking that'll be like no you do that. No, I wouldn't um I Think like if we were doing like you know how Nicole Richie and in Paris Hilton had that fucking show a real life Oh, no, not this real life. The simple life

Yeah, were they like they're like worked on a farm and like if it's something like that Then like I could probably I could probably so if a big company like a big media mogul Disney no, they're not gonna do this one. Oh no Discovery max discover discovery because they own HBO now Thirty million a year each 30 million a year each 30 million why are you saying that like no yes all right you're not listening we'll take 12 million a year oh wow you cut a great deal I mean that is for what to go on a nudist colony and just have our own show maybe one episode but we'll get it you have to admit though we'll say we

don't want to do it but listen you have to admit no I don't no no no yes you don't have to do anything no when you go skinny dipping because I know you've gone skinny dipping before it's kind of Better no swimming naked is better. Absolutely not it is. I don't know who why do you not think that? Because it sucks. Why does it suck? Because they're fish that could touch your cock in a pool, I Don't think I've ever been skinny dipping in a pool. I've only been in a lake It's scary I've done it in a lake in a pool

So it's like it's a pool of you skinny dapped in I Mean I had a pool you skinny daped in your own pool. Yeah, I daped. Really? Yeah. When? With whom? I don't know. I've done it. Skinny-dipping in a pool in an alleyway in Astoria seems like a crime. Yeah, well it was my own pool.

Still seems like a crime. But like, I've been in there and been like, I'm taking these off. Throw them on the deck. I've done that. What the hell? I don't know why. Yeah, of course. If you have a pool in your backyard, dude. Other pools? You're gonna dip. Um, I don done that. What the hell? I don't know why yeah of course if you have a pool in your backyard other pools You're gonna dip um I

Don't know Whose pool of you skinny dipped in I don't know I know that I've done it in mine I know I don't have a pool so I'm fucking safe some of our friends had pools though So he's obviously not saying I had a pool several of our friends had pools There was the one like trap house. We would to that had a pool. Never in there. Danny had a pool. Danny had a pool? Oh yeah, he did have a pool.

Oh, maybe, maybe I have daped on that pool. You daped in that one? Maybe. Why? Dare, I don't know. Damn. I'm not doing it for like some crazy reason. I skinny dipped in the lake and I was afraid.

We skinny daped together, you remember that? Slow down. We weren't holding hands or anything We did it at the age of 19 because girls said that they would do it if we did it So we were like the idea of seeing tits Yeah, is all worth the possibility and honestly probability of seeing each other naked I don't think the sense like if you guys skinny-dip then we'll scan we were already in the water. Yes, I Think we might have even suggested it like we'll skid it and then you skinny-dip and then we were already in the water before they Yeah, no crazy

The amount of stuff that 19 year old boys would do to just see tits Like we knew people that two guys do do you remember this? No. Two guys were like, they asked the girl, they were like, if we kiss each other will you show us your boobs? And they did it. The fuck? Crazy. You're just young idiots. Young, dumb, and? Free?

You don't know that saying? What? Young, dumb, bold, and comp. Oh. The fuck? I guess we have more ads. Thanks. Jesus. I was thinking the Whiz-Wiz Khalifa song. Oh that Whiz Khalifa song. Oh that little Whiz Khalifa song.

Oh that little Whiz Khalifa. I like him. He got that song black and yellow. Yeah Whiz Khalifa. Oh God. We got that song black and yellow We got Seakeek okay, if you want to go to a Weez Khalifa concert you can do so via Seakeek Okay, they got all the tickets you need to any sporting event to a concert whatever you need Seakeek's got you covered I've been using them for years and I know you guys a lot of you guys too too have hit me up, you've been using them and they used to have a code that they were only gonna help first time users but now that's out of here. Okay you have to use this code. Oh also you've been using the code so much that they bumped it up here so everyone can use the new code BASEMENT15 for 15%

off any tickets on SeatGeek. Okay. No matter how many times you bought tickets using SeatGeek before, basement15 is going to get you 15% off of your next order. So go on SeatGeek, get your tickets, get that 15% off. All right. But yeah, go on it. It's got the interface.

It'll show you like a dark green ticket. That's usually like a really good price for that then you get the 15% off on top of that when you use the basement 15 code so Should do it go download the app use the code basement 15 for that 15% off and Lastly here we have better help better help is the show is sponsored by better help It is online therapy So if you want to do therapy you want to talk to a therapist you can do so via BetterHelp.

You can start communicating with a therapist in just under 48 hours and yeah they have licensed therapists in every state and it's entirely online designed to be convenient flexible and suited to your schedule so if you want to do it weekly or bi-weekly or once a month or something like that you can do so and it's more affordable than in-person therapy which is nice. I think that a lot of the one of the biggest things that drives people away from therapy is like this is so expensive. I don't know how I'm going to be able to afford it but BetterHelp is a fraction of the cost.

So you can do that and save some extra money on top of that. When you visit betterhelp.com slash Basemeyard you will get 10% off of your first month. That is BetterHelp spelled B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash Basemeyard to get that 10% off, okay? So enjoy. What were we talking about, Frank? You don't know.

Nope. No, I forgot. Skinny dipping? Were we there? Oh, we you talking about, Frank? You don't know. Nope. I forgot. Skinny dipping? Were we there? Oh, we were talking about skinny dipping. Yeah, we were talking about that. Hey man, what are you going to do? Haven't done it in a while, though.

Me neither. I couldn't tell you. Technically being in the tub is skinny dipping. Why do they call it skinny dipping? What is that even? Yeah, mine should be called fat fat girthy dipping Giant massive dipping Double dipping

Okay, but with the terms skinny dipping yeah, if anything Can you look that up? Can you look up the origins of the term skinny dipping look it up? I want like it should be like massive fucking big big bulbous dipping crazy girthy dipping. Oh we're fucking idiots. Why? It comes from you only being in your skin. So it should be skin dipping. Yes but that's skinny dipping. That sounds like something a fucking Marvel villain does. You're dipping your bare skin into water of some sort. Bathing naked, swimming nude. I don't know.

Bro, people that skinny dip in the ocean, I'm convinced, are just asking to get eaten. Do you think a little piece of bathing suit is going to save you from something? Yeah. What? Hout. What and hout?

Bro, I was a full on water pisser and then someone told me that like, oh, like you piss in water now and there's this bacteria that finds your stream, pees it, fucking swims up into your cock and makes your giant big hog explode. Just this big old dong of a dick. Yeah. Just absolutely just like explode and now I'm terrified to pee in any body of water Not that I'm often in bodies of water. Well, you said that you were like a pisser I was a big water pisser. I'm like I would sit in the lake all day I've peed in the lake bro at the lake We would sit there and we would we would sit in the middle of the lake on lifejackets We would have a cooler of beer with us and I would piss so much dude. So much piss.

Why are you yelling? And like I wouldn't play it cool either. I would just be like yo I'm pissing. That's the dream. What's the dream? Just being able to just piss. You can! You have the dream, you're living it! We've mastered plumbing.

You can piss wherever. No you can't. No you can't? You wanna piss in public? Us as a nation have done a disservice to public bathrooms. Bro, you see the public bathrooms in like Japan? They're like self-cleaning and shit. We need to get better with that.

Could you pee or poop in one of those bathrooms that like is like a double mirror? Like when you're in it, it's like in time square. You can see everyone, but it's like you get in, you lock it and it gets like opaque. Yeah. Hell no. I'd be like, yo, I'm shitting and everyone's looking at me. Hell no.

And my body wouldn't poop. I wouldn't, I mean, pee, I could shitting and everyone's looking at me. Hell no. My body wouldn't poop. I wouldn't, I mean pee, I could pee anyway. I gotta pee right now. Don't. I'm doing the classic pee pinch. I don't think that's good for you. It's not, it's definitely not. Crazy.

It's all right. It isn't. You're pinching your wiener. On stage, in your pocket, pinching. It was just like once or twice. Yeah. And then I suck in. So there's less pressure on my...

Bladder? Bladder, yeah. I don't think scientifically that's correct. Anyway, also want to talk about the Olympics. Have you watched? Not a single second of it. I watched a little bit in the coffee shop this morning. I watched- Oh my god.

What? Cause I went to a coffee shop? No, just go. Just go. They had it on the TV. Going to a coffee shop to watch the Olympics is so stupid. I didn't go to- I went to get coffee you dumbass! Okay, alright go on. Before I flip.

What is- the things that you choose to get coffee you dumbass. Okay. All right go on before I flip What are the things that you choose to get upset at? Well are all ridiculous before I flip Fuck if you flip no, I watched highlights of Simone Biles because I mean we said it previously in another episode like She is not human Do you remember her boyfriend came out and he said some stupid shit where he was just like I'm not Simone Biles boyfriend She's my girlfriend people like hey man read the fucking room. I don't you are not Simone Biles. I Don't remember what that was but yeah gymnastics is is one of my top faves. I like watching that I like swimming. I have no I like the horse The pommel horse the hell is that it's the thing it's oh where they just spin their body Yeah, they do all types of shit, and then they like flip off of it. You ever try to do the rings

I've tried and Take a while guess how that went not good. Yeah, you probably just hung from them I did and that didn't even happen like too long I've gotten on a balance beam before and I'm like just walking across This is difficult like crazy. I've run that like runway to like that little trampoline you jumped off that I did I did I did I did oh, I be I'm not doing that. It was crazy I almost lost both my ankles bro one time I was watching the Olympics and a guy was doing the the pommel horse thing and he fucking fucks up his hand,

and he walks over to his coach, and his finger is like dislocated, fucked. Come on, what are you doing? It's going this way. I don't believe it. How hard could that one be? His coach was just like, bap bap bap bap bap.

Pfft. Pfft. Two. Thank God, if you were coming with a third, I was getting ready to pummel your horse. I know. And then he just got on the horse and then did some sick routine. I feel like the spinning, that's not too hard. The flips and jumps and stuff, that's the stuff that's hard. The rings is crazy. All of it is hard. I don't think the one where you like and you just like move your legs around, that's. Try it.

I think I could do it. I think that you think you can too. But I know that you can't. I think if you give me, cause I'm currently training to dunk a basketball. If you give me a month of solid training, I could do it. Not at a gold medal level, but like. I'll give you five years, Frank.

I'll give you five years. Fucking kidding me. Why did I bring that up? years, Frank. I'll give you five years. Fucking kidding me. Why did I bring that up? Oh, the Olympics thing. So the, what's it called? The, what's that shit called? The intro, what's it called? The opening ceremonies.

Ceremony. Yeah. The what's a. I don't know why I didn't remember what it was. But opening ceremony, apparently there was like a part in that where there was just like a dude like naked on a fruit plate or something.

The dude naked and then he was blue. Yeah. I saw that. First of all, gotta say, I've never been naked on fruit, but that sounds crazy. Yeah. I would love to lay on a bed of grapes. Tell me that wouldn't- That's probably nice. I was gonna say, tell me that wouldn't feel sick. lay on a bed of grapes. Tell me that's probably nice.

I was gonna say tell me that wouldn't feel sick or just completely covered in grapes. Like imagine being submerged in grapes up to your neck. Do you know how bad I want to run? I want to like stomp my own grapes. You know how bad I want to do that. You could. Do you know how bad I want to though? Go do it.

Do you have like a little balls and like you're just weep, weep, weep, weep, weep, weep. If you go to like a something. I'm sure there's like a winery that allows people to do that. Oh, that would be so cool. Imagine laying. What fruit would you like be most excited to lay in? Grapes. I like grapes.

That's the only fruit you can think of. I mean, I guess any berries. Blueberries. No, it like stains your skin. You think grapes don't? No. Like legit grapes that make wine? Yeah, no, they don't.

No, like blueberries, bro. Blueberries would be cool. I have wanted, like I've seen like people bobbing for apples and I want to get in that. You want to Bob? I want to Bob with the apples. I've never I've never done that. It seems very hard I don't have a huge. I feel like I have Bob an apple before have you yeah, I think so Do you have to stick your face in the water? You're supposed to get an apple and by any means necessary What a ridiculous thing. Yeah crazy that we like decided that was a game candy apples by the way garbage Mmm. I used to be a big candy apple fan really I haven't had one in years. Yeah, you know, it's fucking garbage

cake pops Wow Shut the fuck you like cake pop. Oh, yeah. I love cake pops dry Yo, big cake are big cake pop then you've had a bad cake pop It's literally like eating no dry wall. No, they're whack You've had bad cake pops then real cake pops are not dry whack you cook the cake and then you mix in Frosting and that's your pop baby whack. No, dude. You're you've not had a good Joey said it dry dry wall You've had bad cake pops that mean

I've had such fucking good cake Where do you get them because the only time that you get a cake pop is like leaving a communion Starbucks has them But I also I'm not going to I know but like also I've been to like several parties my sister-in-law I think it's like parties by Sabrina or whatever go check it out. She makes fucking cake pops good cake pops I'd rather have a slice of cake Give me a slice sure But cake pops are the best part of the cake on a stick Most shit on a stick is whack. I don't I don't you know those like cookies on a stick

Trash the hell's a cookie on a stick. It's like you get them at same thing. It's like a communion or something It's like wrapped in plastic Joey. I've never had a cookie on a stick trash. What the hell is a cookie on a stick? It's like you get them at same thing It's like a communion or something. It's like wrapped in plastic Joey. I've never had a cookie on a stick And I don't think you know what the fuck you're talking about either No Food on sticks is way way way good. You know you know it's fucking banana pants on a stick Korean corn dogs Bro, they have them by me, and I I Becca and I said we wanted to get them are they are they? Unbelievable damn we have to unbelievable

Hot dogs and cheese It's the amount of times we talk about food and I leave here and I'm like I want to eat all of the shit right now Bro is honestly impressive for 4th of July. We went to Geo's and he bought two boxes of like Korean corn dogs That will kill you probably that oh my life Yeah, but my god, they're so good And they have the other ones that have they're like dipped in whatever the fucking whatever that is But they have like little slices of not slices, but like little cubes of potatoes on it around it, too. So it's like damn slices of not slices but like little cubes of potatoes on it around it too so it's like damn crazy what right there you were good good that you were low with that yeah yeah I was saying I was a little higher you get a little crazy

fucking play that game right now I'm hungry for fucking get a Korean corn dog also you dip it in like a chipotle mayo stop that's a top three condiment It is bro, I wouldn't say that who's your podium I'm gonna actually this so many hot sauce is your gold. I would say gold well ketchup barbecue Mayo regular Mayo is for Chipotle Mayo Chipotle Mayo you can dip shit, and you're dipping like fries into Mayo no, but I'm not No, how much Mayo you can dip shit in you're dipping like fries into Mayo no, but I'm not No, how much Mayo you eating? No What's going on over there blue blue cheese up there?

Blue cheese blue cheese way higher than Mayo. Yeah, I'm a sucks. All right. We got in it sucks It's just like it's just not like craig like it's not I don't know about that. I don't like you right now saying blue cheese No, blue cheese is up way higher than mayo Okay, I thought you were saying blue cheese sucks No, no, no, mayo, like compare- I mean blue cheese is good Mayo's good, I like mayo. I have no problems with mayo. Mayo and I- Feta, bro. Feta or blue cheese? Oh, Feta, a thousand- I'm talking the blue cheese dressing, not like blue cheese

Oh, wow. How do you feel about ranch? Bro, people lose their shit for ranch so okay I'm so confused by a middle of the road okay why is ranch this like cult thing I like bro I like ranch I don't have no issues with ranch it's fine but like don't like these people like you do it that put it on everything get the fuck out of here yeah like I've seen

people like put the powder and like drink it and water like you guys are nuts those people need to be shot in the back of the dude. Yeah like I've seen people like put the powder and like drink it and water like you guys are nuts Those people need to be shot in the back of the head. I'd like ranch but it's not it's not a top three I take it back They need to be shot in the front of the head so they can see the gun coming and be terrified because of their actions Ranch is not a top three. No, it's not it's not no way no barbecues above it Way above chipotle mayo is above it. Whatever hot sauce is above it. Way above it. Chipotle mayo's above it. Whatever.

Hot sauce is above it. Salsa. Salsa in this game? Who put salsa in this game? Can you put guac in the game? It's not a condiment. Neither is salsa. Yeah, no.

Both of them are the same thing. Salsa is middle of the road. Salsa is guac, bro. No. Those are the same thing. Guac is its own thing. Explain how those are different. They're used the exact same way consistency the thickness it is viscosity where you put it on shit It's you it's the same thing a taco you put guac on a taco too. Yeah, but it's thicker

So I don't like what you're doing here I Don't like what you're doing Frank's checked out I can tell no I have to tell like a racehorse, but I'm just saying I don't like what you're doing. Frank's checked out, I can tell. No, I have to pee like a racehorse, but I'm just saying, I don't like this fucking, salsa is a condiment. If salsa, well then guac. No, guac is too thick.

It's not how that works. Yes it is. Not everything's black and white, Joey. I know how often you're sitting there and screaming at the world. This is what he does when he doesn't have a- he doesn't have a rebuttal. So now he's gonna try and make me sound racist. I was gonna try to make you sound racist.

Go take a piss. Where can they find you? Not here! Don't you have to be pissing in your pants right now. What would you do if I pissed my pants right now? Frank, I swear to God, I will Venmo you 600 bucks if you stand up right now and piss in your fucking gray sweatpants. Not enough. 600 not enough What is enough? $60,000 Where can they find you because I'm not doing that about?

All the forms to move you guys can follow me at Joe Sanagata Patreon patreon.com slash the basement yard of the Frank Alvarez and all foreign social media then the basement yard everywhere You know where to find him. He's big. He's big internet, baby. That's enough on social media, then The Basement Yard everywhere. You know where to find him. He's big internet baby. That's enough. Guys, go follow the show at The Basement Yard on TikTok and Instagram, and that is all.

See you guys next time.