The Basement Yard - #465 - The Craziest Night Of My Life

Episode Date: August 26, 2024

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Welcome back to the base Welcome back to the basement yard, you know what you're doing what you know, you're doing with that fucking mustache What you're you're poofing out right there you like it your pump your pumpin poofin, you know I don't know you're saying I don't know either and I I Good chance. I could be saying something offensive in another country But like you're you're pumping pumping pump, pump, pump, pump, pump. Is that good or bad? I think it's good.

You know, like you got like a good, like a plumpy pump to you today. I have a plumpy plump? A plumpy plump. I don't know that I wanna be plumpy. No, but not like you're not plumpy, you got a plumpy pump to you. Does that make any sense?

Do you know how to give a compliment or you just don't, you don't get it? I do, I give them to you often. You don't know how to receive one, you fucking bitch. Be better at taking them. You just said I was a plumpy plump. You're not listening to me. You're not a plumpy plump.

You got a plumpy plump to ya. I don't know how else to explain it. I don't know how to receive that. I often tell you I give you compliments and you go, ah, nice dick. You know, or you say like Buddha Chubba or like you try to be fucking cool. Like you you ignore the fact that I'm complimenting you you fucking bitch We haven't even be open to be open be open to compliment. I'm very open. You open a compliment

I'm completely open you so so learn to take learn to take some right now compliment Take it take it all right now. No, no, no, no, that's uh. Take it easy on me. I'm not giving it to you easy. I will, well I just. Give it to me rough. I'm not giving it to you at all.

Thank God. Yes, we can agree on that. Yeah, oh, I wanted to talk, speaking of taking it, giving it, and rough and soft and whatever. Why, well where are we going? This is not Patreon, just so you know, this is is a weekly episode be careful. I went back to the box Oh my god this fucking hellhole

So for those of you guys that are either new to the show or don't remember with this fucking hellhole Joey has gone to this Nice experience. I don't know what it's a club. It's a club. It's a club called the box and You pay a stupid amount to get in. And the last time you went, someone was throwing knives. They were throwing knives. Someone was doing salacious acts upon themselves with a dildo. Dildoing their asshole, yes.

There it is. And there was something regarding some form of like live sex. Yeah. Okay. 100%. Can I ask you a serious question? Go ahead. Why go back? Some form of like live sex Yeah Okay, hundred percent. Can I ask you a serious question? Yeah, why go back? Because because why because it's if the last time you went someone was there Shoving a rubber cock in their butt. Yeah, why would you go back for the chance of seeing hilarious? Is that funny? Yeah, or no, it's hilarious. Is it? Yeah

Just admit that maybe you want to see someone. I don't want to it's not that I want to see it It's just like a ridiculous thing. But if you're going to a play and they play good music Let me put okay that that might be a good reason to go. Yeah, let me put it like this Yep, if I eat a hot pocket and I get how are you gonna connect these things? follow me here if I eat a Hot Pocket and I get... How are you gonna connect these things? Just follow me here. If I eat a Hot Pocket and as your family lovingly calls it, I get the dia doodle cha cha cha. Right.

Which again, is diarrhea according to Joe's family. Correct. You would tell me, well you... I probably wouldn't tell you that. I love Hot Pockets, they give me diarrhea, I'll sign up for it. But you'd say, oh if it messed with your stomach, you probably shouldn't tell you that. I love Hot Pockets. They give me diarrhea, I'll sign up for it. You'd say like, oh, if it messes with your stomach, you probably shouldn't have it again.

And then if I had it again, you would say what? You must really like Hot Pockets to endure the diadoodle. Dude, you're being dramatic. I'm not being dramatic. You're being dramatic. Just admit that it's a place that you go to where a bunch of crazy shit happens that you never see. Before this time, how many times have you been?

Once. Once? You changing the angle of your head doesn't change my answer. So the answer is once. All right, all right, so then you. Let me just talk about it. This whole shit sucks. Whatever you're doing sucks.

The place RIP I will say this obviously you're right God is not present in the building These are God forsaken buildings God is not here he's not present uh you wouldn't allow it I will say that But uh it's you know, it's funny. I can't. You leave that place going, what the fuck was that? Exactly, and I would never, the first time I'd leave that place and go, what the fuck was that?

I never need to do it again. I'm not gonna lie, the first time I left there. You had an inkling to go back, you wanted to go back so bad. I immediately left and was like, I need, I like, had an inkling to go back you wanted to go back I am so bad left and was like I need I like like I need to go back Crazy didn't want to go back the next day. I wanted to let it marinate, but that was like six years ago this is a Legitimately wild yeah, it was it was crazy

Good times. Did you have did you share you shower after? Of course I showered. Okay. Immediately? Yeah. Immediately. What's immediately? You get home and you jump in the shower? Oddly enough when I got home I ate pizza.

That's true. I ordered pizza. I had a slice of pizza. But at that point I did forget that I manned shit on one earlier. Read these ads. Read these ads. I did forget that I manned shit all over a ads read these ads I did forget that I man shit all over a piece of pizza But then I got home when I had some pizza, and then I went to sleep and then I would yeah

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microphone on the top of the page and enter the code basement and you know what if you're in the mood for just surfing the web why don't you go over to patreon.com slash the basement yard where you can find our page me and Joe Joe and me us together and you could be a part of the little hangout sesh how do you do that well you sign up for that first here you get these weekly episodes one week in advance and you sign up for that second Here you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. That means every Monday every Friday You never miss out on us. You start your week your end your week with the boys It's really a good old gran all fun time. So listen go over and sign up

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We got the Texas shows. So do me a favor. If you're coming to any of those shows in Dallas, Houston, Austin, go over to the basement yard.com slash submit, submit some questions, submit some answers, submit some stories. They're incredible. We'll see you there. Doot doot. Joey? Get up. Doot doot. I'm a double. I'm a double. I'm a double. I'm a double.

I'm a double. I'm a double. I'm a double. I'm a double. I'm a double. I'm a double. I'm a double. I'm a double.

I'm a double. I'm a double. I'm a double. I'm a double. I'm a double. I'm a double. I'm a double. I'm a double. I'm a double. I'm a double. I'm a double. I'm a double. And you never know maybe we'll talk to you with you about you at one of these shows in Texas Yeehaw giddy up. We'll see you there dude dude, Joey

Get you up dude, dude I'm a double. I'm a dude dude-er. I know you know but Can't believe you went to the box again Just putting a nice little bow on top of everything yeah, you put bow when you when you do gifts you put bows on stuff You get those bows and sticky bows. Oh I'll do that. I won't tie a bow. Oh Christmas I'll just be like yes Yeah, that like tie underneath and then over and stuff like that like if you had to rank

Your ability to wrap a Christmas resin from 1 to 10 10 being the best Where are you? I'd say I'm a Between a six and a half and a seven. Oh, that's not too bad. I'm good enough that I can do it and look presentable, but there are some stuff where I'll literally just crumple it and I don't even care. Yeah, once you give me something that's a cylinder, come on.

A cylinder I could do. It's like... I can do boxes. It's like, you know how toys would come in that it's like the paper backing and then it's the plastic on the front and it's like, you know how like toys would come in that like it's like the paper backing and then it's the plastic on the front and it's like slanted at the top? That I'm just, the top is just getting coo coo, poo poo.

Right. You know, I will say this, around Christmas time, the holiday season, I know how much Joe hates that there's war on Christmas. When those TikToks start popping up on my For You page, of people just like finding something and wrapping it. Hey, what? You never seen those?

People wrapping gifts? Yeah, it'll be like, oh, how can I, how would you wrap this? And they make like a little bag out of wrapping paper. I've seen that. Oh yeah, bro. I've seen that. Yeah, I'm a big wrapping fan.

Right. You know? Yeah. I like wrapping. Do you like wrapping? Or do you like it's like, I gotta do big rapping fan. Right. You know? Yeah. I like rapping. Do you like rapping? Or do you like it's like, I gotta do it? I hate it. Really? Yeah. I like it.

Pour a couple glasses of wine, throw some Christmas music on. Well, yeah, that's usually what ends up happening. And then you stop rapping and then you just dance. No, I'll like do it. I can do it. It's just sometimes I'm I've like misjudged How much I need and now I'm just like Oh, yeah, you have to like I do that sometimes I but I've one side of this is like a little fucked up Yeah, I I've done that a couple times Becca's actually gotten she's like taught me how to be like really good

Like you put it on the she's just nasty at it. Oh filthy. You put it on the paper. Is she just nasty at it? Bro, filthy. What is with women that are just so good at wrapping gifts? I don't know, man. It's unbelievable. They've got good wrapping fingers. You know what I'm saying? She knows how to like, choo choo choo choo.

In like one moment and it's like, good. Like my mom is good at judging and getting it correct of how much paper she needs. And it's like perfect. Old people are crazy, dude. Old people are crazy dude. Old people are crazy. They are with their rapping skills. She's intuitive with the paper.

She's very good with that. I can see that. My mom is a very good rapper too. Dude, you gotta see my mom with a fucking thing of tape. It's unbelievable. Really? Pet, pet, pet, pet. And she just like tapes it

and just like is not even really trying. She's not aiming. Well they say that a good. Tat, tat, tat, tat. They say a good gift wrap only needs one piece of tape. And it's like- Who said that? People say that.

Let me tell you something. At least six for me. Without question. You go tape there, tape there, sides, tape, tape, the tape on the sides sometime. You gotta tape over that hole you made a backstab. Yeah, you made it fucked up a hole. You know, and then like, oh shit, this part is like a little raised,

there's like a little lip there, tape that down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Do you ever put like an extra little bow around it and shit? Yo, I don't like that by the way. What, bows? No, like when people, like you get a thing and you wrap it, right?

And then you get like string or ribbon or something that goes around this way and then around that way. Oh, yeah, like you gotta open this thing up. You gotta wrap it like you're a fucking, a jelly worker? Yeah, wrapping it like sausage? Yeah, it's like, alright, you put it down, you turn it, you doot-jit-a-pot. Yeah, and I'm like, I can't even get the fucking thing open now. Well, what Santa does for our house is Santa wraps each of the kids each of the people's in the house stuff in different wrapping paper So like miles is wrapping papers all one type from Santa then rubies is all one time

Really and maves is all one type from Santa. It's a lot of paper. Mm-hmm Santa Santa he has to get a lot of paper. How do you buy, how does Santa buy gifts for children? Like do you go like a number? Like how do you even it out? Well, it's easy when you, well Santa, remains a child at heart. Yeah. Don't, don't, Santa remains a child at heart.

And you just, you, you honestly, it's a gift that Santa has. He has just a feeling. Got it. There's just a feeling. Right. And also with young kids, you know, realistically like a one year old like Maeve, Santa didn't go too crazy for Maeve because she was so young. Right.

But he started going a little crazier for Ruby. Yeah. so young. But he started going a little crazier for Ruby. And then as Miles has gotten older, Santa knows that it's a lot less of little things and it's more bigger things. He's entering technology age. That's right. So Santa had to really figure out,

it's, if I'm gonna say this, it's like a sixth sense that Santa has. A sick one? Sixth. Sixth. Sixth sense that Santa has. A sick one? Sixth, sixth, sixth sense that Santa has. Yeah. And Santa just knows. Okay.

Santa is really good during the holiday season. And Mrs. Claus also really good. So imagine you got Mrs. Claus and Santa, both good, that made, you're... I'm confused at what now you're trying to say both both mr. Claus yep and Mrs. Claus right have a good understanding of like What to get how much to get yeah, you're gonna get there. Yeah, I hear I could see you being

Uncle Joey Santa bro when you have kids forget it Santa Claus and you are gonna be like fucking this yeah There is it is a drug and it is a capitalistic drug capitalistic Capitalism has made this a drug yeah giving your children With Santa's help gifts yeah, it is a also getting cookies in return Santa's smart. Santa's smart. Just give me some of these delicious cookies. I don't know.

That's all I need. Piece of celery. I like celery. I know you do. The reindeers love their snacks. Right. Santa's reindeers, they get hungry. I think Santa in my house would like a cinnamon bun.

I think he'd like a cinnamon bun. I think Santa in my house. Like a big fat cinnamon bun. Santa in my house has actually evolved. Right. Milk and cookies, he's had his share. Give him a nice scotch. A scotch.

And a glass of wine. Ooh. And maybe a nice charcuterie board for Santa. Santa, he's had his sweets, now he wants his savory. You know what I'm saying? I'd like a cinnamon bun and a charcuterie board. Leave that out for Santa. Leave that out for Santa.

Try and mix it up a little bit. You never know. Santa might find out he has different tastes. Lobster. Whoa. I've heard Santa loves crab and lobster. I've heard that too. You've heard that, right?

Like butternut squash ravioli with lobster bits in it. I think Santa would love that, to be honest with you. I think Santa, recently, he be honest with you. I think Santa Recently he's been doing more of like a carnivore diet So like a like a burnt ends And baked mac and cheese and has been really into I Don't know that miles is gonna make burnt ends and you'd be surprised that motherfucker can cook. I actually believe that I also just referred to my step as a motherfucker. Yeah, no big deal

Anyway, oh also I wanted to tell you because we're gonna talk about Santa forever, but hold on. This is a short thing. Hold on go You're gonna edit out that motherfucker line why I feel bad. He's not listening. I feel bad about saying that. Josh, please do it. All right, go. I got a tweet, by the way, that I wanted to talk about. It showed up in Portuguese, and I don't, I don't speak. No fala portugues. No.

No. No, I don't. So I- No, no, chuchuco. Don't try to speak it if I don't. So I. No, I chuchuco. Don't try to speak it if you can't. Fala português chuchuco. What's going on? I don't know what that is.

I just asked can you speak Portuguese cutie? Chuchuco? Chuchuco. That's cutie? Yeah. Okay. But I gotta tweet. I'm trying to remember more Portuguese.

Do you wanna try and read this before I show you? Yeah, yeah actually I do. Let me see this. In Portuguese, I wanna see it and see if I can read it. And offend two countries. All right, don't press anything because I cropped out what it actually means. Okay, just read it.

Okay. Queria fazer una quantidade absurda de putaria. Wait a sec. Go ahead. Homosexual y deves ideal, gratuita, como es yo, Santa Gata. Okay, so you said. Oh, that might have been fucking great.

Or it sounded sort of French and Spanish at the same time. Well, that's what Portuguese is. Is it? No. Oh, I thought that is. Is it? No. Um, oh I thought that wasn't recording for a second. I got a mask on. Oh that would have been bad. Uh, so it actually means, do you have any guesses?

Well I saw homosexual in there. Homosexual's in there. Gratuity is in there somewhere. And Joe Santagato's in there. He is. I'll be honest with you, I need to see it one more time to get a full breadth of What it could possibly mean, but sounds like someone is pretty gratuitous with you being gay

The tweet says I Wanted oh wanted yeah past tense past tense okay. I wanted to do an I wanted to do an absurd amount of homosexual whoredom and gratuitous debauchery with Joe Sanagata Gotta say two things debauchery crazy crazy homosexual whoredom is wild Right, but also wanted what have I done to not be in the want? It could be the plump and puff, you know? Maybe it's, maybe it's, there's a language barrier and they still want to?

Well, yeah, you know, in sometimes in other countries, they might not translate one-to-one to what it means here. That's what I mean. Hordom might just mean like sexy play, you know? So, but like the only- Homosexual hordom. That's an incredible- An absurd amount of homosexual whoredom and debauchery and yeah and gratuitous debauchery.

Gratuitous debauchery is one of the wildest crazy shit. What is that? I think it's debauchery. When you think of something that's debaucherous, it's like kind of like over the top, like over the top for the crazy being over the top and crazy. So like gratuitous absurd amount of homosexual hortum as well is like What's what we don't need both of these well you could put those two together and you get a fucking that's it You get quite the gay cake. Yeah, you got

You know think about it like this is a recipe for a guy like this you like cured meats, right? Yeah, you like cheeses. Yes. Good things on their own. Right, bring them together. Smack them together. Sure, sure. Now you got a gratuitous hordom of gay sex. Yeah, of meat.

And debauchery. Of meat and cheese. Of meat and cheese. Yeah. That's what this person is doing. Yeah. This is the recipe for a big old gay time, for sure. But we don't have any insight as to what happened

from the want to wanted. Yeah, I don't know what happened. I don't know if maybe it's a trend, it's a language. Take your hat off real quick. Why? I just wanna see something. Your hair looks good. Your mustache looks good.

Thank you. So maybe they were into more of the twink version of you. Maybe. That does line up with the whole homosexual part of it. Homosexual, whoredom, and gratuitous debauchery? Yeah, that lines up. Like when you were clean shaved, hair flip. Bean head on full display.

Bean head on full display, yeah, yeah, yeah. You might have been more of a There was more horrid. A debaucherous possible homosexual whore. Horrid, yeah, yeah. I have less whoredom. And now look at you. I have less whoredom.

I mean, I don't, we don't have sex because we're not lovers. Right. I think you have more whoredom to you now. You got a whore-ness to you now You don't think so Same thing to say you just got like more of like a the mustache like leaks like Fuck you know what I'm saying no

Let's go on record saying. I don't know what you mean, but you're a little whore I can see the twinkle in your eye. No I'm not. Oh. I mean, I'm a whore for my wife. That I'll fucking- What'd you think I meant by that? I don't know.

That's why I said I don't know. I'll whore it up for her any day. I feel like you would. And I do, bitch. That's what I'm saying. I throw this motherfucker back. I don't. I don't.

I don't. I'm not throwing anything back. I don't. I don't. I don't. I'm not throwing anything back. You are a whore. I'm not throwing anything back. Really? Because it's the first thing you said. I mean I dance. No one's talking about dancing. I throw back with a dance, bang.

Bang bang. You know? Bang. Bang bang. You know what I'm talking about. I do, I don't, but I'm trying to understand. You know what, we're gonna pivot. You know what I just thought of randomly that popped in my head? We went after the Seattle show, which was fucking awesome.

Thank you guys for a really great time. Seattle, you turnt up. Turnt up? We went to dinner. Yeah. Music was flowing. Bro, we had a couple glasses of... What was that place called? Okami?

Oh no, it was Ume. It's called Ume. I think. It was like a Japanese place. The best playlist ever. That playlist was wild. But the car ride home, someone played Freak-a-league on the...

That's right. And I was obviously loudly wrapping the parts I was allowed to wrap in Freak-a-league. Wanna make sure we throw that out there. Also the intro you nailed. Yeah, well, W boom boom B. What's up Dominique? Yeah, I'm not gonna do it right now.

But the best part was the one o'clock two ding dong. W boom boom what's up, Dominic? Yeah? Oh, yeah, I'm not gonna do it right now, but The best part was the one o'clock to ding dong yeah, yeah, I Did that and Joey almost pissed his pants? I forgot about that part of the song That's yeah one o'clock to ding dong and she right there And she know who she came with right you know where her clothes are supposed to be where are they supposed to be? Off and over there is that part of the song yeah nice and then he says like drink a little smoke a little bit drink a little bit suck a little dick or something I don't think that parts in it but he does say I need a girl I could freak with yeah and she'll try shit she's not scared of a big dick there it is and she loves to

get her pussy licked. By another girl, because I'm not drunk enough to do that. Those are the... Yeah, that's what he says. Petey Pablo. Shout out to Petey, man. Not a gentleman. Shout out to Petey.

Petey Pablo come on the show? Bro, what the fuck would we talk about with Petey Pablo? Tell us about the... Tell us, you wrote Freak-a-leak. So Freak-a-leik, where did you start? Where does an idea like that, the genesis of the idea? The artistic approach that you brought to Freakalik. Did you also bring that to...

Is Crystal and Sabrina real women? Yeah, who is... Yolanda. Monique. Christina. Christina. Yolanda. Yolanda. These are all very interesting. He also did the lead in for, it was like the intro to, what was that?

Goodies, right? Yes. My goodies, not my goodies. I got a sick reputation for handling brawls. All I need is me a few seconds and more. And when I rap, you don't remember that part? I do, I do. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. don't know two songs shout to Petey. He's got a couple more. He's also was in drumline Was he yeah, I don't remember the opposing school brought out Petey Pablo trying to cheat

They got a ringer they got brought Petey out fucked up. Is Petey Pablo a notorious drummer Atlanta No, he's not he's like he was a famous rapper in Atlanta well get that I know but I'm saying they brought him out Cuz they're a drumming competition. That's like me bringing you out for a not going places that are weird competition It doesn't make sense. No they brought him out as like here's our celebrity while they did the drums That's like if I'm in a chef come ever seen drum line. I have I don't remember it. It was 2006 when I saw it Watch it again. It's a good movie. You're that come out what year? 2008 2006 2008 2008 It was 2006 when I saw it. Watch it again, it's a good movie. What year did that come out? What year? 2008. I'm saying 2006. 2008.

2008? 2008. That's uh. Nick Cannon drumline, man. Uh, 2008, 2006, both wrong, 2002. Holy fuck. Yeah, we shoulda known. Yeah.

Shoulda known. Right around the time. Right around, it was a dark period. Yep. Yes it was. It was hard to remember that time. Right. But you never forget it though. Don't. Don't ever.

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I know that we're getting out of here soon, but did you see our fucking, one of our biggest nightmares has come to fruition? Don't. What would you say if like, if you were having a nightmare, what are this? By the way, I had a nightmare the other day that- I've been having nightmares.

I had a nightmare the other day that we showed up to a show and I had to step off stage to go use the bathroom and Francisco, the poet, was there and he wasn't dressed in his poetry outfit and I looked at him and I was like, you're crazy. What was that? That was the nightmare I've had.

Is that real? Are you trying to like set up a stupid joke? No, no, no, that's a nightmare I had. You had a dream of a live show. Yep. By the way, you've had a lot of weird dreams about the shows. You realize that right? Yeah. Yeah What's going on over there? No, but before you went to go to bed you're like, I haven't been sleeping well lately No, no It's like I don't know. I can't explain it. I've been having like serious nightmares We're like people are killing themselves and shit.

That's bad. Yeah. Forget those. What would you say are like top three worst nightmares you could have? In terms of like, give me like a general concept. Being chased. Okay, being chased, that's a big one.

And then you can you run like slow Yeah, or like I start to be able to run fast, but then like I don't know. They're just always closing in I don't like that. I hate that I've had ones where like oh The teeth thing I don't love Oh and your teeth fall out. Yeah, but I don't care about that I've had it where it's like I'm just biting down and my teeth are crunching together You ever bite something and you hear something like crunch and you're like, what was that? and you immediately check your teeth and they're all good and you're like wait, what was that you ever do that and then it tastes like like you know when you go to the

The dentist and they drill and you can like taste that like smokiness. Yes. I've like Bitten something and then like my teeth like kind of hit each other. I smelled that and I'm like, I just broke my fucking teeth. Yes, I have. I know exactly what you're talking about. Yes, I have. I hate that.

I hate that. I hate it. I hate it. But what I was gonna say, so the story that came out is that there are some NASA scientists that were supposed to be coming home. I know. And there was an accident.

What happened? I'm not quite, something happened with the craft that was supposed to bring them back or something like that and now they're stuck there until next year. No. Dude. I refuse to be stuck in space. Dude.

And it's a man and a woman, right? I don't remember exactly how many people it is. There is not something more terrifying than being told like you're stuck in space or I guess you ever hear the story of there was some some scientist guy who was on Rogan and he was like I lived for like six weeks at the bottom of the ocean and He's like and to use the bathroom you never heard this story No, he goes to use the bathroom. We had to swim fuck off into like a tent and you just use the bathroom in like in the water and then you swim back to your fucking like your pod so you can get

back into whatever you're staying in and he's like why can't wait if you're not with the other it's not like the bottom of the ocean but it's like down far enough that like it's pitch black. So I had to, I have to get into a full scuba gear to go take a leak? Yeah. No. Well, maybe not a leak, but definitely a crunk.

But he's like, I do my thing and then I go to like, get back to like my pod and there's a giant eyeball in front of me. Shut the fuck up. I swear to God. I swear. You never heard that story? The two worst.

I would not make it, bro. The two worst. I would not make that. But yeah. Yo, that honestly is like freaking me out just thinking about that. I'm not going out. I'd rather shit and piss my pants for a year.

Then. I'm not going outside. Oh yeah. In like the fucking dark ocean. No, yeah, yeah. Fuck out of here. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't even, I'll do you one better.

I wouldn't even have like the ability to see the outside. Don't have any windows. No windows. Don't have any glass. Because if I look out and I see one thing. Also, what was the, wait, how big was the eye? He said a giant eye. He said it was a giant eye.

And apparently it was, I don't remember if he said it was a giant squid or another animal, another fish, but like Regardless of what it is dude and I this size of what is this a fucking pizza pie It's a pie Without crap on it and I a size of a pizza pie and I the size of a pizza when your moon hits your eyes like a big pizza pie that's Sommary That makes no sense doesn't make any sound of sense and that song kind of sucks

Wait, what is it when the Sun hits your eyes moon hits your eyes like a big pizza pizza What is a pizza pie hit me in the eyes? Well, I don't get hit in the eye with a pizza I don't know it doesn't make I think it's meant to say like when the light of The moon shies in your beautiful eyes. That's love that doesn't even make sense either No when the moon hits your eyes like a big a pizza pie. That's a more a When the moon hits your eyes, there's another line to it pizza There's another line to it and it's like when the sun hits the zoo like a pasta fudge rule That's some when the moonay now i gotta look up you don't know what pasta fazhul is?

no i don't know it's like a soup pasta? it has like a little pasta in it i've never been hit it's dean martin so this guy was hammered when he wrote this probably yeah when the moon hits your eye

like a big pizza pie that's a moray Probably, yeah. He's off to the city. When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a moray. Right. Which doesn't make sense. When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine, that's a moray. That's true. That is true. That you can get because you're a drunk, just like good old Dean. When the stars make you drool just like pasta fageol.

Oh, okay. The stars make me drool. That's never happened. Yeah, why the hell does that... I've never been there. like pasta fagiol oh okay the stars make me drool it's so embarrassing when you drool now and you're a grown man and you drool it's sad yeah when you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet you're in love what the fuck the hell is that mean how high up is this street when you walk in a dream but you know you're not dreaming Signore What this is? That's lucid dream. Why are we loving these songs are written by fucking middle-aged men that were hammered and beat their wives probably

I don't know about Dean Martin pasta for sure sounds good though. You never have positive. I don't know what it is sure I'm pretty sure I'm looking that shit up right now. I'm pretty sure it's the soup How do I spell for jewel? I'm not gonna tell you pasta fujol yeah it's the soup Italian famous soup it translates to pasta and beans oh yeah baby oh this is not spelled the way I thought it was gonna be spelled how did you spell fujol it's FAS ula how did you spell it or F AG ula how do you spell it it It's F-A-G-I-O-L-I. Fagioli, that's right. Pasta fagioli. Yeah, I just...

No, I wasn't gonna even... Yeah, you weren't gonna spell it that way, I don't blame you. Nor was I gonna try to pronounce it either. Well, you should, you're Italian. Half Italian. So maybe, remember your roots, bitch. What am I being yelled at for? If you're told, you're in space for eight years

and then you're told you need to be here another year. If I, wait, they've done eight? I think it was an eight year mission that they've been up there. I thought it was short and then now they have to stay a long time. Another year. Maybe it was.

Doesn't time move slow, fast or something? I'm not even gonna answer that question because I don't know how. Eight day, eight day, sorry, eight day mission. Very different than eight years. But now another year. Yeah, that's tough. Do they have enough food?

I hope and you can't just like give it to them. You can't just send them shit. How do you do that? It's like we're gonna throw some steaks into space. How do you do that? How do you get them food? Well, that's like the Martian. Did you watch the Martian? All right. Hold on. How do you? This isn't my first thought but it is a thought. Mm-hmm. How do you crump like ejaculate in space. Because like, a year without that?

I love how Joey says, this isn't my first thought, and it's the immediate first question that he asks. I'm just saying because it's a year. Like, you could go like months. Joey, some people don't need a fucking big jerk-off king like you. It's not about jerking off, it's about ejaculation. Some people don't need jerk-off jack-off. You don't have to ejaculate for a full year? that is never happened to me, but but you could do that

probably not So then what are you arguing? I mean the same way they probably like just fucking do it in a bag and zip tie it and Burn it. I don't know burn it. I don't know can't burn it. Why not also? We just gonna have a bag of jizz in there floating around and then you burn it how? incinerator In space. Yeah, you could have indoor fires in space You don't know that kind of know it they don't have a stove up there. I think it's all just like well

I'm sure their spacecraft has some form of an incinerator So like it how do you? has some form of an incinerator so like it how do you think you're sure they have an insinuate I'd seniorator hello I think I think do they I think I think so I think what they do is their spacecraft has an incinerator it's like a garbage can so you think that they're jizzing and burning the jizz I imagine that would be the smartest way to get rid of that. How do they brush it? Why didn't you go for piss? Because that I assume that they have that figured out. I'm sure they got fucking jizz figured out too, Joey.

You think they stopped at piss and crap? If it's only eight days, you don't have to figure out jizz. Everyone can go eight days. But a full year, all of a sudden now it's like, whoa, hold on, now I have to beat beat this thing I'm sure they have some form Some form of a jizz disposal system On these crazy on these crafts you think about it, too It's a full year so everyone up there it were human beings. I think it's only a number of months

I don't think it's gonna end up being an actual full year even so like that's a long time So you gotta be like, all right go do whatever you got doing there In a separate pod, this is terrifying scariest. This is the scariest thing. Obviously. I know you're scared I was just about to ask that dumbest question. Actually. No, this is probably not a dumb question Do like do they have like Wi-Fi or something? They're able to communicate somehow. I assume there's some form of a neural link. Bro, hold on.

The idea of Wi-Fi and Bluetooth already is just like, absurd to me, I don't get it, I never will understand it. The fact that we could then put it in a thing in space? Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah. Well, unless I'm mistaken. How? It goes to a satellite out there

and then it fucking bangs it back to us. Oh, maybe they got even stronger wireless. Maybe they just like, we're right near the thing. Yeah, exactly. They're sitting next to the modem. You know? So what do they gotta worry about?

Right, yeah, that's true. I didn't think about that. Wow. Crazy, right? What the fuck is going on out there? It makes no sense. I don't get it. I couldn't be in space.

I couldn't be in space. The fuck, no. And I couldn't see our planet and go, that's us, all right there. And we're in this. I would fuck me up. I'd like to see it, though. Nope.

If someone drugged me. Nope nope and then put me up there no and then drugged me again, and then brought you back to the box Yeah, yeah No, but if I was drugged and then like up there like oh my god This is it and then they drugged me again and brought me back down then I'd be okay with that so if someone Drugged you yeah trained you while you were drugged. Nah, like throw a suit on me and just... Just casually throw you in a spaceship. Yeah.

So, in the... I assume days it would take to get into space. Days? The process of getting into space. Nah, you can get into space as fuck. So you want someone to drug you, put you on a suit, put you in a rocket and just fucking blast you off?

Yes. Insane. Seeing the earth from fucking space. This is, see this is nuts. This is what happens when you're fucking one of those weird wanderlust traveling fucking weirdos. Joey wants to see fucking Copenhagen and Christmas and this and that and beaches with sand and ba-ba. You're gonna reach a point,

you're gonna hit a glass ceiling where the only way you can get your fucking fix is by going up into space. And then, then you're gonna be stuck there. And you're gonna have to make potatoes out of your own crap and then you're gonna be fucking miserable. Oh, the Martian. You just described people who like traveling.

So to stop all this, go home, sit there with the blinds closed and don't see anything. Fuck you. I'm going to space. I'll eat a fucking potato made out of shit. Only if you watch the person crap on it first and shove it into their own face. Full circle. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming and hanging out.

Again, go to patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. You can find us individually or at The Basement Yard on all forms of social media. Thank you. If you guys are coming to the Texas shows, TheBasementYard.com slash submit. Joe, God might not have been in the box. Thank you. If you guys are coming to the Texas shows the basement yard.com slash submit Joe God might not have been in the box

Maybe God is here sign off Okay, you guys can go follow me at Josie and I gotta go follow the show at the basement yard on tiktok and Instagram And that is all We'll see you next time. I don't know what that was don't ask me