The Basement Yard - #466 - Here's The Real Story

Episode Date: September 2, 2024

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Welcome back to the base Welcome back to the basement yard Frank. How's it going? You know, nope don't know what that means Pay attention to him over there. Do you do that? Do you do that when you're trying to like? What are you doing? You know back in the day when you were like trying when you were like you're trying to be like young and sexy Would you be like, oh would I smolder my eyes yeah like yeah yeah I definitely I definitely I definitely do that in some photos I was just like

he's like or like you'd be like laughing like ah yeah you know for a Canada laughing candy yeah you were like that Yeah, I was like that too We're up. I mean, of course. Well, that's that was a look. I see ya we looked better when we were not trying But with a joke was that we were trying right we were trying. Do you remember? Yo, there's a photo of Frankie Which one? Oh, it's funny that this came up But like I like candid photos like, you know, sometimes, stop! And like, that's the photo that they post. Frankie took a football and had it in his hands and jumped in the air like this,

multiple times until someone got a photo of him and he made it like his Facebook picture. Like, look at this crazy catch I had. Yeah, I had done a couple like that. It's funny because there were some that were legit like in Action shots that looked so stupid right so bad like I was catching a pass but I like caught it in my belly and I was like and Then there's one of me catching and it's me doing that but there was someone standing next to me

Just like looking at me like that They're out there somewhere. There was love that was my baccalaureate days. Let me tell you right which it was crazy like amongst our friends I was like a Like average athlete at that school I was fucking unbelievable I was Jerry Rice Michael Jordan, you know like now you can, no, no, no, I'm serious. Like, bro, in college, I won, uh, like a reg league, rec league basketball championship. And I was like the guy that's insane. And like, I won the rec league football championship and I was

the quarterback, the quarterback. You know, me can't throw a ball. I'm was the quarterback. The quarterback? Yeah, you know me! Can't throw a football. I'm not a quarterback. I was a good receiver, you know, but it was, it made no sense, but then the moment I come back and I'm hanging out with you guys, it was just like, couldn't, couldn't throw football well, you know, couldn't hit a jump, jump shot. Although I haven't trained in a dunk of basketball and I gotta say my shots have been getting good or English basketball dunking it doesn't matter. You're not good at any of those things clearly What the fuck is he talking about? He's been training to dunk and his jump shots God, I have been training to dunk a basketball but in the process of doing that I have been working on my jump shots

Yeah, and they're good. Yeah Just got to see how well they do it. He's beating his daughter one on one in basketball. She is present, I will say that, but I'm not confirming nor denying. Just crossing her up like, oh! Laying her up. All right, so anyway, last week we posted

an episode of the podcast, and when when it was uploaded it kept getting taken down Because big internet was not happy with the stuff that was coming out of my mouth Yeah, that's true. And it was because I was talking about some stuff that happened at the box, which is a famous club very not famous very It's famous. It's famous for the worst reasons. The same way that like, Dahmer is famous and like... Sure, but you know. And like Pearl Harbor is famous. Right, Frank, we're trying not to get the hum of the mom

but then when all is heist and you're just naming, you're rattling off things. Are you kidding me? People love it. Stop! Okay. But, so I'm gonna still tell the story because we had to cut it out of the last episode. Joey had to remove it. Yeah, I had to cut that part story because we had to cut it out of the last episode Joey had to remove it

Yeah, I had a hard out how to get taken out. So I'll tell the story, but we're not gonna use the harsh language So we're just gonna you talking coach about what happened now you probably you already know I know the stories I'll be honest with you. I don't know if it's because I Legitimately forgot it or my brain was trying to wipe the memory of that conversation out right out of my head probably a mixture of both but I Think that if you just start talking in So here's what happens passwords. Yes, so you know if you want to know which I'm sure you do You do want to know it got cut out and curiosity killed the cat the cat has been murdered by my way Urias An expression that I don't understand curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction kept it coming back

But what is curiosity killed the cat how did the cat die you got because it was curious of what of whatever it was I killed them of whatever it was that was on the other side of the fence, but cats have nine lives It could have been the dog. Yeah, that's why satisfaction kept it coming back That's the other part of it that people don't I didn't know that at all. Yeah So anyway, I wish cats like actually like walked on those fences like they do in alleyways in the movies You know what I'm talking about? Nope, you know like across the top of a fence Yeah, yeah, and then like they go and they take like a full like intact fish skeleton Yeah out of a trash can. Yeah, why is that they go and they take like a full like intact fish skeleton. Yeah out of a trash can Yeah, why is that always depicted that way? They like pull a skeleton of a fish out? I don't know

I wish cats actually did that I don't yeah Well anyway, so I ended up going to this club and it's known for debauchery debauchery Absurdity xxx type of triple X's and we're not talking Vin Diesel or ice cube here No, but I did enjoy that movie. I didn't But anyway, so I get to this club and immediately You know, we are escorted upstairs to this balcony and a balcony overlooks like there's like seating below and then a stage and now just to set the stage here your story your story your story or my story your story my story my experience but your story how does that how does that

how does that how does that go Go ahead. Fuck. So, I'm setting the setting. Stage of the setting. There's a stage there and whatever. I don't like how you've been speaking to me today. I just want to throw that out. Every 15 minutes, the curtains will open and something will happen. Right?

I don't remember the order of things. Frank, you are burying the lead here. Something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, happen, right? I don't remember the order of things. Frank? You are burying the lead here. Something, something absolutely. You don't know what burying the lead is because I haven't said anything yet. Something absolutely disturbing happens. Not something happens, something that will change

the course of human history for every individual that sets their eyes upon it happens. What you just did was burying the lead, by the way, because I haven't said anything. And then you just said that and that's burying the lead. Okay. You're not a journalist. Okay. Well, this is also just to make it abundantly clear, a place that you need to pay normally a large sum of money to get into.

Now, Joey has gone twice. He has paid exactly zero times. Correct. That doesn't justify what you have witnessed. The money is not the point. Yes, it is. Here's the point. So we get there and I don't remember the order of things, but I'll just talk about a few things that have happened. So one of the skits that end up happening the Curtains open up and there's a woman there and it's and and Her and another guy. Well, the guy I guess comes up behind the woman and

puts a chemical on a piece of something and like Oh so the when she so she's gonna pass so so so he presented her with dizzy he presented her with a special cupcake what no he went how about I go he went you're guessing I know what you I know favorites, he had a very favorite show growing up and it involved a family known as the Huxtables is what you're saying. I don't even know what that means. Right. I don't know.

But so, puts a chemical on a thing and then it's all fake, it's a show. It covers her face. She gets dizzy. Ooh, I'm dizzy, right? You know, entertainment. But then she wakes up and then she gets revenge. How does she wake?

Oh, revenge. She just gets up. So now she goes chemical paper and she gets him down, right? Oh, okay. So then he goes down, then she- She gave him a, she put him bedtime. She tucked him into bed. Right.

So then she then weaponizes time of the month time with her hand and starts digging it out on man who bedtime and then the curtains close. Okay. So that's that's act one. That's what happened when we first got got there and it was like, okay, here's what we're in for it's all made up Yeah, is it I hope there's only so much Biologically that you can fake right just want to throw that out there and I forget the other stuff But then there's another thing that kind of stands out among the rest More than more than the woman that just made a fresh yes Marinara yeah for a for a had a ketchup party for she had a ketchup party right for

The big old french fry hangout well it was a it was a revenge So she was getting her she's getting a payback getting ketchup revenge she's getting ketchup revenge right on the payback right got exactly so that's what happened and we all cheered and then the music came on and it was a good time why would anyone cheer well we were happy that she got a revenge I could kind of see that actually okay all right move on oh there was another one that I'm just remembering now but it was just a guy With two big whips and he was like and they were so loud. It sounds loud. It sounds pretty cool It was like and then have you ever like it actually cracked an actual whip?

No, I'd be afraid that it would hit me in the face I have like a legit like expensive whip scary very cool very loud Very powerful this guy was doing it And there was like this thing that was like holding feathers, and he was like getting each one like he was really good He was really good. It's gotta be good to get be good Yeah, but once you watch a woman have a ketchup party you're like alright. This is stupid well I would be more excited for the whip I'll be honest with you as long as there was no there was no ketchup well. There was no ketchup

I hope that there was no mayonnaise. No no mayonnaise. Any condiments of any sort. I don't think so. And the recipient of said whip was just inanimate objects. Nothing that could possibly be tied to a real person. No no no no. Or animal. No.

Okay. No, it was just a feather. But then later on there was a person who got on the stage, a performer, who then was like, oh, birthday suit time. So then, now birthday suit time. It was birthday time. Yeah. It was this person's birthday.

So now we have up top mountains and then down below snakes. You understand what I'm saying? We had up top mountains up here. You hear what I'm saying? had up top mountains up here you hear what I'm saying and then downstairs We had a hose gotcha and I was like, oh, I was like what the fuck yeah Yeah, gotcha gotcha gotcha okay, so then They were they were playing Mortal Kombat if you're catching my drift. What does that mean all right? Never mind move on I don't know what that means at all. Just keep going.

So then this person, I don't know, they're doing stuff, I forget what the hell they're doing, to be honest with you, but then at the end- You were distracted by the- Well, I was confused. Mountainous mountain range and the cavernous- Cavernous? Do you know what cavernous means? Yeah. It's not cavernous... Cavernous? The...the...the...

Do you know what cavernous means? Yeah. It's not cavernous. I know. Uh, the uh... The length. The sh...the length of the stream in the valley. Well, there's a...yeah, Squidward's nose type of deal going on.

Just...just... I'm just saying. God almighty. So...this is... This is entertaining for him, by the way. This person's up there doing... I'm really beating the case here. Can you stop? No! This kid doesn't know how to's up there. I'm really beating the case here Can you stop no this kid doesn't know how to stop interrupting me?

I'm telling a fucking story now and fucking now you see how it feels bitch crazy. I'm fucking talking up here He wants to talk you and tell fucking jokes Anyway mountains up top Garden snake on the bottom and a condom on the bottom And this person's doing whatever they're doing. And then, at a certain point, mind you, birthday suit time, turns around and grabs a slice of pepperoni pizza and places it under the full moon,

and now it's brown time on the pizza. So brown time on the pizza through the full moon. Are you getting what I'm saying here? This is my least favorite story that I've ever heard. And then- As a lover of both pizza and the song when the moon hits a uriah like a big a pizza pie. I'm not a big fan of that song.

And then shoved pizza in face and then the curtains closed so this guy traditional toppings on pizza would be pepperoni, mushrooms, sausage but now had to T-. But now it went full on mud. Mud, yeah. It was a muddy pizza. It was, you know. Did it? No, it was fake. It was placed there before they came out. Oh, I thought you said this person made the mud themselves.

Oh, they did make the mud, but I assumed that it was like put there as a prop right before. You know what I'm saying like you would kind of squish it in and then it would come out when you would you push it out still mud still mud still mud still mud remnants of mud for sure residue too much too much too much and traces of mud is too much mud right and then there's a there's a host who is like you know introduce all the acts and stuff like that this woman and she is telling a story and walking around the place I'm

in the balcony and then she's saying how she went and got a massage and now she has some dude from the crowd you know she's like he had his hands on my shoulders so the guy's doing her shoulders and she's like kind of like laying down and then she's like in any of my lower back and then this and then she says and then he went inside and this guy's like whoa too much for me then some other guy goes What not too much for me bang? He's entering the house of dragons now wait wait wait wait yeah, and tell me this original yeah Oh, then yes, there was it there was there was there was a there's an entering there

So hold on hold on hold on hold on the house of dragons so someone was talking about entering there. So hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. The house of dragons. So someone was talking about game of Thrones and then someone was like, oh, I have a, I have a Dracarys. No, what are you saying? It was, it was.

Did they enter, did they enter with. Not with a, not with a, not with a. Not with a dragon, with a couple of lizards. With a, with a, the right hand of the king. Gotcha. This, the hand of the king. This. The hand of the king. How are you? Said hi, but there wasn't entering.

That was viewed. Do you understand? You. Yeah. You need help. Me? Yeah. What did I do?

You went. Yeah. That's the problem. What did I do? You went. Yeah. That's the problem. People die to get in that place. And they should die immediately after leaving it. You just don't be a prude. I'm not a prude, Joey. Just a little brown, brown.

You know what though? If being a prude is not eating mud pizza. Well I'm not eating pizza. Oh sorry, not watching someone eat mud pizza. And paint the town red. It's just funny jokes. And a crowd member being the right hand to the king. King. Right.

Forgive me for being a prude, Joey. Well, I mean, it's just supposed to be absurdity. You did watch something that there was no heaven in there That play everyone that went well is going to hell the last time That we tried to tell this on an episode which I think we cleaned that up pretty nicely back there I gotta say we did pretty well the last time that Frank went on this whole thing about how I'm discussing any therapy Absolutely you are What did I say? I said,

you love watching the Jackass movies. You're right. Where those guys are there going brown into a fan and spraying it on other people. They're doing you know, hand stuff to themselves and gravy and stuff. No, there's no

there's no gravy. There's gravy. Steve O gravy. No gravy Steve Oh gravy That was no that wasn't it wasn't jackass, but it was his correct exactly different you you paid for that, too You're right. You're right, and I you know a building you go to a movie theater and watch that and I and I recanted and I Shut up got it, and I gave up and I said you were right. You got me there How much does it cost to watch Jackass? 20-something dollars how much does it cost to watch the box in person as shut up? No as little Joey as zero dollars as little Joey

You said at the time you probably like 500 a group of four the average spending is probably about 500 bucks. Yeah $500. Yeah. Per person. Yeah, but I'm a little joey. I don't care who you are. That place needs God. And you know, I'm not a child, I'm not a soldier of God. I will say this, God is absent.

Okay, he's not allowed in. He will get denied at the door, and he does every night. Big he, huh? Who, he he what? God's a man to you isn't got him it. I don't know crazy. I'm thinking of the androgynous. I'm going by the books What does androgynous mean by the way question of questionable sexuality or not questionable sexuality questionable gender? I think what's Andromeda That's a galaxy

Androgynous now I got to look up what the definition of androgynous I don't know what that means, but I feel like you're probably that's probably right. I don't know and Don't know what God is do in this How'd you go about spelling that and did you get it right? Nope? and I There's no way I can't even begin to explain how. A-N-D-R-O-G-N. Oh, there's an A?

Androgyn, I put E-N-D. Oh, I don't know that I'm right. Having both masculine and feminine characteristics or neither specifically feminine nor masculine. We were, we were, we were. Everyone's got a little man and female in them. Yeah. I mean, a lot of people use it to define

like a certain generation of like glam rock, like, you know, D Snider or David Bowie or. Oh, I see. You know. Prince. Prince, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mick Jagger. No, not really Mick Jagger. Mick Jagger was. Yeah, but his legs were very, yeah. Mick Jagger. No, not really Mick Jagger. Mick Jagger was...

Yeah, but his legs were very female to me for some reason. They were. You know what I mean? He got like... I know exactly. You know what I'm saying? Sorry. It's getting over a baby cold.

Are you? Yeah, a little bit. How are you doing? I feel good. It's just like the parts of it that are just like, it's all here now. In your face? So they're just coming out. Like I don't feel sick. It's just like the parts of it that are just like it's all here now in your face So they're just coming out like I don't feel sick

It's just like it just needs to expel itself, bro You ever have like a sinus infection and then I don't know why but I kind of like this because here's like He blows his nose and he sees it out and he's like, okay What that's what you were gonna say? No, all right Go ahead I was gonna say that I get us whenever I have us like a sinus infection or something I'm stuffed up a little bit and then it starts coming out I like to hang my head over the garbage Over the garbage can and then it just falls

Out of my face. God you're fucking You're disgusting. What? It just it's good. It's all getting out gross But I have to get it out. No. Better than it being in. I like eating spicy food. So it's fucking- I do that too. Opens me up. Or I get a boiling pot of water and I put a rag over my head and I really got the steam

get in. Oh, just shower. Just shower. No, that works a lot better. You don't need to caref- almost fucking kill yourself. You turn the water off. That's how you make steam. Still boiling, Joey.

Yeah, I'm not gonna stick my face in it you what do you mean I'm not gonna like you can hang in my face over it it's dangerous no dangerous I'm good do that with hot oil see what happens hot oil do it okay I'm not I'm not you know I'm not making no my god fucking talking about fucking snot and butts and fucking gross shit. You brought up snot. I didn't. I do, I owe you an apology. Yeah.

And you know, it's very big of me. Huge, massive. This guy can't even apologize without doing this. No. I owe you an apology and I should get a lot of credit for that. I should get a lot of credit. I owe you an apology.

I often would make fun of you as Big Billionaire Joe, would often make fun of your expensive taste in both material and non-material assets, and I would make fun of your watches. Right. I apologize. Because? I have given myself to a watch.

You fucked a watch? No, I didn't fuck a watch. I have purchased a watch and now I'm in. Right. I'm in. And now you can't wait to buy another one. That's not true. I really only have one other one that I want, but. For now. Yeah. Pfft. But like. It's always just the another one. That's not true. I really only have one other one that I want, but. For now.

Yeah. Pfft. But like. It's always just the next one and that's it. But it's also too like, I am a very disciplined man. Uh huh. And I know like, I am making Frankie money. I'm not making fucking two bills like you're making.

You know what I mean? So I know how to discipline myself. But I feel that I owe you an apology because I cut your ass a lot and it became like a big thing on the show and even more so to the fact that you gifted me a watch, not because of the kindness of their heart, because you wanted to prevent me

from making fun of you further. I just want to apologize. It's okay, I accept. I think they're cool. You like watches. I think they're apologize. Yeah, it's okay. I accept. I think they're cool. You like watches. I think they're cool. Yeah. Is anyone watching what's happening right now?

I'm glad this is documented. This is insane. I hope everyone knows that. Why? This is crazy. Why? Not in your personality to be doing what you're doing. What do you mean?

First of all, think about this. The fact that you were able to overcome this watch thing and now all of a sudden you like Watches no, I'm what else could be what else the though your world You don't even know who you could be and no, there's a lot of things. I know no I think of it late till you come to the Brown town ketchup factory. No, no. Then, no! Then the full transformation will be complete. No, I am not going to that hell hole.

You are. I am a man of honor. Well, rep, rep. One day I'm gonna get married and I'm gonna have a bachelor party and you don't get to make a decision. Well, hey bitch, who do you think is gonna be helping make all these decisions me and your best man? Do you think who may be the number who may be the same people probably not?

It's probably it's most likely gonna be Keith but Frank First of all, I'm playing in this thing anyway, oh No No, it has any control issues. Yeah Oh, no No one has any control issues Yeah, control freak Joe is gonna plan his own bachelor party one day We'll be fine, we'll be fine, we'll be fine No, listen, I just wanted to formally apologize because

We like to joke about things on this show and I gave you a lot of shit I've always liked watches, I joked with you about them But I have, I am fully Sorry you about them but I have I am fully sorry for the way that I have joked with you because now I am big hypocrite. Right no one cares. This this show is sponsored by ZocDoc. ZocDoc is a free website and app that you can go on and find patient reviewreviewed doctors and the next available appointment all in one place.

And this is how I started going to the doctor on my own, as crazy as that sounds. But once you turn 26 in this country, you have to have your own health insurance. And I used to just let my mommy take me to the doctor. So I had no idea what to do once I had my own insurance. I don't know which doctors take my own insurance. So I had no idea what to do. Once I had my own insurance, I don't know which doctors take my own insurance. So I didn't know what to do. And then I found ZocDoc, and it's crazy that they've actually become a sponsor on the show because it's a great

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And we also have Seakeek, okay? MLB season is in full swing. We got football coming up and you can start going to some sporting events. There's a lot of concerts out there. Taylor Swift is still on her world tour. So you know what I'm saying? You guys can go out, enjoy a nice concert

or a sporting event with Seakeek. I've been buying all of my tickets there They're the number one rated ticketing app in the app store. They have a lovely interface. So they let you know, it's color-coded Don't let you know if this is a good price for the seat by highlighting it like dark green All the way to dark red, which is like a horrible price don't buy those you know someone's overcharging for that um but yeah so in the past they used to do this uh promo and you would only be able to save money if you're a first time buyer or something like that but now they've completely changed it now we're going to save you 10 off of tickets tickets when you use the code Joe10. Okay, so that is Seek Eek. Go to Seek Eek, download their app, use the code Joe10 for 10% off of tickets, any tickets.

So if you buy tickets every single day of your life, you'll get 10% off when you use the code Joe10. So go download Seek Eek, save 10%, and enjoy, folks. Okay? Also, Frank, transitioning back into the conversation here. Well, the conversation about patreon.com slash the basement yard where you can find more of us all the time doing what we love to do, which is make you laugh.

Yeah, that's right. Go to patreon.com slash the basement yard. Folks, every day that we record this episode, our Patreon paid subscribers goes up and up and up. Thank you guys so much. For those of you guys that aren't joined as a paid subscriber, I understand money's not possible for everyone all the time. So we want to make sure that it's, you know, you do it when you can, but we're still going to do stuff to entice you. That first tier, we're going to entice you with

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It gives you something to maybe talk to us about. So go check it out. TheBasementYard.com slash submit. Check it out, live it up, go after it, get after it. Back to Joe. Live after it, go after it. Before the show started, you told me that a surgeon said something about about yeah, bitch

Can you because I don't know what it is. So I'm gonna pull it out. But yeah, basically you're gonna pull it out No, Joey, that's what you saw. I'm gonna pull it out. I'm gonna chill out there was a surgeon in Japan that Went over the popular myth of like oh, what are they? What do they say about big hands big cocks? What do they say about big feet bigger cocks? Well? Yeah sure, but like the whole like

Correlation yeah, I got big hands to my body parts and penises right Yeah You know which is a big thing that men of a certain age At least of our age at a certain point in time as teenagers. It was like a thing It'd be like oh my god. He has big feet. It was like wait till you see my fucking Snake yeah, you know did you ever actually like? Use either though well because you have a small you have small feet so I have a size 10 shoe Joey You have a seven and a half Seven and a half. Yeah, stop trying to I do not have a seven and a half, okay?

I know you can get shoes bigger You're a bitch. I know you can do that Joey. What size are you? Okay? I said my size 12 foot Fuck I was size 12 foot. I think you massive my hands off. I think you are a 10. Yeah, you're not a wizard Okay, so you can stop You forget you can't pick up his hand without like trying to cast spells. We're like one of the von erics. Yeah Are you know that reference I watched iron claw. Yeah. Yeah, you go. Yeah, I thought you were gonna be like what what the desert? What though it is a niche thing? But alright, so what's the body part? Well, so there was this doctor who I believe they are surgeon and they took not measurements but like counted for like correlation between certain size body parts and

but like counted for like correlation between certain size body parts and big old fat old things. And I'm gonna give you three guesses to see what this person said that they believe there is an, not causation, but there is a correlation between the size of this and bigger wangs. I will say. Sorry, and describe, like explain your reasoning here. I will say a long arm, like from shoulder to the tip of the finger, like if you have

long arms. What the hell? A long arm? I don't know, because like they hang like a dick. So if you have like longer arms, like a dickwad? okay so if you have like longer arms like a wingspan if my response doesn't give away the fact that that is an absolutely idiotic game I don't- I'm guessing!

okay, okay um, if you have- so you think cause of gravity like if you have like- but wouldn't that be then heavier fingers? if you had like just- heavier heavy fingers that just weighs everything down?

no, it's just like the long the length of your arms I don't know someone's gonna think this and go and just like pick up the heaviest dumbbells They can and just like stand there so there are I don't think that you could elongate your arms you can it's probably a very painful surgery though There is a surgery to make you taller. Yeah, apparently it's very painful Jesus um Okay, so it's not hands or feet. I'm assuming it is not hands or feet. Um, okay. So it's not hands or feet, I'm assuming. It is not hands or feet. Okay, okay. And and

spoiler, it's not the length of your fucking arm. I don't know. It was a guess. Okay. What about like the size of your head? Like you got a big head? Okay. Maybe like a like a like the circumference of your head is like wide. I think aren't most heads like within the same relative yeah there is a one-size-fits-all type of thing yeah well I was gonna say like well yeah that makes sense if you think of like fitted size it starts at seven and really only goes to like eight right so like the difference is like an inch right you know or wait most people have

a have a dick the same size no I Think it varies by region it does it definitely does yeah, we've gone over dick size by country we have and Yeah So alright, so then head size. I don't know you're a pretty fine head Fine yeah, you have a bigger head than me. I do have a bigger head head. Fine? Yeah. You have a bigger head than me. I do have a bigger head than you. What are you, 3 8's?

Uh, three, yeah, 3 8's, yeah. Yeah, I'm 1 4. You're a quarter? Yeah. Yeah, so, I'm two sizes bigger than you. By your own, What? By your own logic, my fucking wang

is double the size of yours. That's not how that doesn't wait and then my last guess would be The length of your Come on here Joey you could do this look at me baby you got this I'm so confused you can do this. Look at me baby, you got this. I'm so confused. You can do it. Is it internal or external?

I can't confirm neither. Why not? Because, give me a fucking third guess bitch. I will say this, you really should give me. Is it the length of something or the size? You should give me two more guesses because that first one was astronomically stupid the length of arms Well, it didn't someone say like the space between your that was another one

It was just yeah, you can count the size of a man's so yeah, it's like this is the size of a guy's dick I'm like no it is not Someone said this this size is your dick. I was like no way. I remember someone say that be like oh, yeah No, I heard that too. Yeah. I was like no way. I remember someone saying that be like oh, yeah. No, I heard that too Yeah, I'm like spreading my Yeah, that could be it I think That's it fucking mahalo all day yeah Is it like the same? That's why Jason Momoa does that all the time because he still believes that it's not just a surfer, dude

Okay, is it like I don't know dude like me and the amount of like hair you have The amount of hair you have I don't know Yeah, I gotta admit I expected your guesses to be better relatively within Some form of reason well, I don't think it has anything to do with height. It has nothing to do with height. So like I'm trying to think of things that aren't like like that you know what I mean? Well it has to do with a part of your body being bigger than others. Is it like a certain bone like your tibia or something is bigger so it's a you got a bigger no no no bigger boner. No big bone big no no

Got a big bone my boner What is this? Give me it so the doctor revealed that they saw that on average That men that had larger noses tended to correspond with larger Bing bongs That kind of makes sense, right? No, you don't honestly you have a pretty standard nose. This ol' schnoz, let me tell ya. So what does that mean? You mean you disproved this whole doctor's thing?

Also this is in Japan, I don't think I've ever seen a Japanese person where I'm like, that's a big nose! I have. Really? Yeah, or maybe she was Korean. It was a girl that you went to school with. She had a big nose, dude. Did she? Yeah, or maybe she was Korean. It was a girl that you went to school with She had a big nose dude. Did she? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about, right? She had a mean one? She yeah, it was angry. It was a it was a bit it had some some stuff to work through in therapy I don't I don't know. Come on. Do you know who I'm talking about at least? No, obviously not the only

the only Asian person? Person that you and I both knew. Oh, I do know, yeah. Yeah, that was a schnauzel. I mean, I don't remember it being that bad. Oh, okay. So you're saying she's got a huge cock? Well, yeah.

I guess I am. That's interesting, so a big nose. But now, like, I guess... Are you not interesting so a big nose. I put now like I guess Are you and you're not a like? What a big nose guy you're not big nose guy What do we mean like you think of big nose people and you'd be like yeah that might they might be they might be walking Around with just like it's got a famous big nose Adam Driver He's got a big nose, but he's all and he's also like lanky and also he is like

He is everything is right here. Yeah, you know like everything is for every day. I wish you were a date He went to Juilliard. Yeah, yeah, he was crazy. He was also a member of the Marine Corps. I believe what an interesting life He probably has a big fat dog. Thank you for your service. Kylo Ren with that big fat thing Yeah, so apparently, which I think... Who else has a big nose? Who else has big noses? Like the biggest nose in history. Should I look up celebrities with big noses?

Celebrities with big fucking noses. Celebrities with big noses. What's their name? Carmella Soprano? This is all women. and none of this applies really uh Bradley Cooper he's got a big nose. He kind of has a big nose. I don't know about all that Um a lot again more women that doesn't watch his name had a big nose. It doesn't count Well, if he's gone his dick is not big anymore. Adrian Brody. Big nose. Big famous nose.

Big nose. Who was I thinking of? Who's the gigantic dude from Green Mile? Oh, Michael Clarke Duncan. Michael Clarke Duncan had a big nose and obviously he had a big, cute nose. What a dick dude. There might have been something else contributing to that.

It was everything. I love how at one of our shows, we were talking about, we were we were joking about, like, you know, like a fever dick and a bath dick. Yeah. And we had been talking to this one guy in the front row the whole time. We were like, he gets it.

And he's like, I'm Trinidaddy. And we were like, fuck you, dude. We know. Again, all women. Really? All women, dude. Dude's got big noses. Type in dude noses. I got like, just all women, dude. Dude's got big noses. Type in dude noses.

I got like, just all women, dude. Name a woman on there. Oh, the next one I scrolled to was Jerry Seinfeld. He's? Maybe, dude. Okay. A woman on here, Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga's got a big nose?

Apparently, she's got a big ol' schnozzle. I don't think that she has a big nose. I'm gonna type in men. I got it, I got a big nose apparently she's got a big ol schnauz all I don't think that she has a big nose I'm gonna type in men. I got it. I got a male celebrities with big noses and owed to beautiful male noses Adrian Brody like I said oh, he's not he's got a thing on him. Oh fucking how could I forget this my twin Joe Manganiello? He's got a big nose. Yeah, love that you didn't say anything else besides the nose thing. I mean, obviously you don't look like him. Willem Dafoe.

He's got a sharp nose. Everything is so sharp. I'm not, and look, he's not gonna watch this or ever see this. Oh, I wish, I wish, I wish, Willem. So I know that this is like, it's fine. It's a safe space, it's a safe space. Dude, terrifying. That guy legitimately looks like the, Willam so I know that this is like it's a safe space. It's a safe space dude terrifying that guy scary

Legitimately scary looks like the like Gollum. No, he looks like Nosferatu And I think he's actually playing Nosferatu But he looks like that my precious he does it does they must have based it I love how he's just becoming a meme at this point he looks at alien he likes classical music he's gay gay wait what's that what is he Patrick Dempsey that's a big nose it's a good-looking dude might be fucking hurting hurting hurting hair just going on Willem Dafoe Nikolai Koster Walorwaldo. Who the fuck is that? Jamie Lannister. You see you see you see his pork roll in that show. Which one?

The only show he's been in Joey. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Uh, I don't think so Jeff Goldblum kind of got a big nose Liam Neeson. Dude Willem Dafoe has Italian citizenship This dude's Italian? No, he I don't know where he's actually from originally. Appleton, Wisconsin. Alan Rickman. That's a nose, dude. Damn, dude, Snape got that fucking wank. Snape had that fucking elder wand on him, if you know what I'm talking about.

Do you want to see my cock? Harry Potter. Well, no, Joey, you can't.'t What Harry Potter was underage? I was just saying Harry Potter my party your little fucking porno over there Jesus Christ. Oh hello. I really want to know what this dude's background hello mad. I'm moody Frank you can't just perform the fucking well you're fucking looking up big dick and nose and fucking male celebrity. Big dick and noses, yeah. Anyway we have more sponsors on the show.

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Okay and I guess at the end of this we can talk about the fact that and go redeem that and enjoy, okay? And I guess at the end of this, we can talk about the fact that a beloved American figure, Alicia Silverstone. Oh my God. She apparently ate a barrier, some shit in someone's backyard. Yeah, she was like roaming the streets of La De De De.

Where? La De De. Got it. And like picked a berry and was like, oh, and just ate it, which, listen, I am not a very, I'm not very in tune with. Berries. Berries in the wild.

You know, like people could look at these and you'd just be like, oh, these are Bunkadoonx berries. You know, these were great for foraging and shit like that. Bro, I love the word foraging. I love it too. Oh, is that just picking stuff?

I think it's like, but you have to, it's only foraging if you put it in like a wicker basket or something. Or a wicker backpack. Like if it's on your back and it's been foraged into it. Right, that's a backpack, so. But it's only for, it's just stealing if it's into like a cloth backpack or any other material.

But if it's a wicker. Get off of this. Okay. But yeah, and it turns out she ate like a highly poisonous plant. That can like kill you. Is she good? Apparently no one has heard from her since.

No one's heard from her? I don't, she's like not been active on social media and stuff like that. Alicia Silverstone, clueless, bad girl, just. I was gonna say, yeah, yeah. Just. Wait, wasn't she, am I making this up catwoman you are making it up okay she was bad girl I just said it oh we had no black

leather we've had three cat women yeah can well technically there was and Hathaway well cinematic or I guess technically that's not right either there was the one from the 60s movie. Don't remember her name. Forgive me everyone. Anne Hathaway, Zoe Kravitz, shit. There's been four that I can remember then. I forgot about Zoe Kravitz. Why are you saying it German? That's how you say her name.

Is it? I believe so. Who are the other ones? Well, you have Zoe Kravitz, you have Anne Hathaway, you have Michelle Fife. Ah. Michelle Pfeiffer. I do remember that. And the one that a lot of people forget, Halle Berry.

Oh wow, why the fuck did I forget that? Because that movie was dog shit. Was it? Do me a favor. Do you like the idea of just putting on a hilariously bad movie just to see how bad it is? I used to do that all the time. Okay, put on the 2004 Catwoman movie. It's got Sharon Stone, it's got Halle Berry, I believe

Benjamin Bratt's in it. It is so unbelievably bad you wouldn't believe it. Might as well right? Yeah. But yeah apparently no one has heard from her since. Have you ever eaten a berry in the wild? No, I've done it when I was younger. Why it was uh, I remember because It was near your house. Oh, yeah those yeah those the hedges. Yeah by the church. Yeah, they had little red berries Oh those I know it's what you're talking about. They were like red and there's like a little thing inside of it Yeah, yeah, I know you're talking about the bottom is like hollow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, I used to eat though at which they were not good. Well, why would you do it then little dumb kid? Yeah there was a what I thought you were referencing one of our neighbors had a mulberry tree and

I would go and I would go with a bowl and I'd pick the mulberries at my brother's and we'd eat them Would you yeah, they're good. There's one next to our house right now. Actually weird oddly enough One next to our house right now, actually, weird, oddly enough. There was that one tree on 42nd Street. The jizz berries? No, why are you jerking off? What the fuck was that? That's jizz.

No, it was like a peach tree. And we used to take the peaches and pick them. Wait, a legit peach tree in Astoria? Bro, you don't remember that? No. It was on 42nd Street. And there was a tree, it's like on the avenue there, and like it hung over the sidewalk,

and oh, not 42nd, it was 46th. It was at the bottom of your block. Not your block. I know, I know, I know what you're referencing. By the dumps. Yeah, but before that. I know what you're referencing. On the left side.

Yeah. So I used to pick one, bite it, that. I know what you're referencing. On the left side. Yeah. So I used to pick one, bite it, and then I'd fucking throw it over. Oh, against that concrete wall across the street. Yeah. I do remember that one. Wow, you used to unlock them. That's a peach tree, bro. Peaches, brother.

Yeah. Crazy. There's no, it don't exist no more. That's fucked up. I know, they got rid of the peach tree. That is fucked up. I like, you could like buy like fruit trees online now. I have we have a clementine tree I almost bought a lemon tree. You should they're cool. This is like four years ago that I almost back

And I watched a white lotus and I bought her a clementine tree and you're you've guessed it It is not yet. Bared fruit and that was Two years ago, why is it taking so long? It says it's supposed to bear fruit within the first two years and it has not. Damn dude, if I'm buying a tree, I better have mine already. That's what I'm saying dude, I was a little upset. If I'm getting a new one, I want a lemon tree.

I want a cherry tree. Ugh, oh, I love cherries. I hate them. Or I want an olive tree. Have your own, you're not a big olive guy, but like imagine like just like fresh olives. You can make your own olive oil. You'd need a big olive guy but like imagine like just like fresh olives you can make your own olive oil you need a lot of olives but how do you make olive oil you just smush them? Yeah cold pressed olives nice it's nice right? That's cool I love olives

dude. That was like uh when I was I went to those wineries in fucking Portugal they did half wine and then a lot of fucking olive trees and they made their own like olive oil it was really good dude this is gonna sound very elitist of me high quality olive oil is such a fucking it's so good I haven't had any oh I went to the other where your old apartment was. What is virgin and extra virgin? What does that mean? I just think that like, it's more... Pure? I guess, yeah. Actually, I think that might be what they mean by it.

But how could you be extra virgin? You know, like you play a lot of Dungeons and Dragons. Oh, okay, yeah. I'm joking, I was almost on a Dungeons and Dragons podcast. Have you ever played Dungeons and Dragons? Once. Is that the one where you have to act things out? Yeah, it's not a game that has an end in sight.

It's funny, because there's actually a clip of John Bernthal. His podcast, he had Deborah Ann Wall, who is also from Daredevil, she played Karen Page. She is an avid D&D player. And he had her on the show and he was just like, what is it? And she tricked him into playing and he was like, oh shit. Because there's no end in sight.

It's just like, kinda just like, tell a story with your friends and she'd be like, all right, well there's a monster outside. And it's like, what kind of monster? And it's like, oh, just like tell a story with your friends and just be like, all right, well, there's a monster outside and it's like, what kind of monster? And it's like, oh, we'll run a check to see if you know the type of monster it is or if you've ever encountered it. And it's just like telling a story

and like, like how unlike the playground, it'd be like- How do you win? There's no winning. You can't win? No. No points? No points. No defeating?

No defeating, dude. So you're just playing house? Basic, so imagine this. No. No points? No points. No defeating? No defeating, dude. So you're just playing house? Basic, so imagine this, imagine this. Remember back in the day on the fucking playground where it would be like, alright, you're, you're know, you're fucking the, you're Megatron and you're Optimus Prime and there's an evil war happening and then you're both fighting, but oh no, here comes Starscream.

You know, and it's just that. But they have the dice and each of the dice means something different. So it'll be like this dice is for like your physical abilities, this dice is for- But you have to like act shit out? Yeah. And they're called campaigns

and people will get together and and sit around a table. Dude, it's a huge industry. I know. I've seen people do it. But I've seen- Not another D&D podcast is one of the biggest Patreon accounts in the world. I've seen a fucking clip of someone playing that game

and doing this whole monologue. And it was like, I thought it was real, like what he was saying. I mean, it is. The people come up with it themselves. It's not like, I thought it was real, like what he was saying. I mean, it is, like the people like come up with it themselves, it's not like, so my understanding, cause again, I've played it one time and it was my very elementary understanding I have because I looked up what everything meant,

but like, you can like do like a random character generator and you could be like, I am a wizard and this is my name and like, these are my randomized stats so like if my stat of like agility out of a 20 if it's like 14 They could be like alright. Well the monsters scaring me. I'm gonna run away and it's like okay throw you know roll your agility dice and Like and that like whoever the like the head person is I forgot what their name is They'll like set a standard for like if you can get away from it. So it'll be like, 16 is getting away from this monster because it's really fast.

And you roll a 14, it's like, oh you can't run away, it caught ya. It's like, alright, well I'm gonna try to stab. And it's like, oh yeah, let's look up your weapons. You know? What the fuck, dude? You should honestly... I would like to get in on this. This would be a good San Aguado studio video

if we did like a whole group campaign, like one day. There's no way I would like figure out the rules in that time. I mean, I'm sure you could hire someone to like run your campaign. Bro, you should have seen me playing Catan for the first time. I heard, I was jealous.

That shit was fucking fun. I immediately, it started off like fun. I was like, okay, I get the rules or whatever. And I was like the holder of the sheep, basically. I had all the sheep. And as soon as someone, I think it was Greg, built a road that kinda fucked with what I was doing, I was just like, yo, you just fucked up.

Now you're not getting a fucking single sheep for the rest of the game. That's how I am with Monopoly. I've told you, you've played Monopoly with me a couple times, but I haven't played in so long, and I don't lose, I'm very good at Monopoly because I give under the table deals. Or I'm just like, listen, give me Park Place. I'll buy it off you for a thousand and first four times you roll on it, you don't gotta

pay me anything. Don't worry about it. But if you roll on this one, you gotta pay me double. Click play and like. You know, I would like to play you in that game. Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, because you have a, you bring a bullshit and other people.

I see right through your fucking bullshit. I've played Monopoly with you before. Yeah, when I was what, 11? 15. Basically 11. Let's play Pokey. There wasn't a big difference between 11 and 15. Let's play Poki. There wasn't a big difference between 11 and 15. Let's make a standing out of studios version of Monopoly

with me obviously being Boardwalk and you being Park Place. All right, we can, whatever, we could swap, whatever's the most expensive, but then we can make like. What are gonna be the little pieces? A pot? How do you land on a thing? A hot dog. A pop tart.

Wow. Excuse me, a strudel pastry. What do we want to get? Oh, we can't get sued. Yeah, we can't get sued. Bottle of champagne. Uh-huh. How many are you supposed to have?

Six? I guess a microphone. A microphone, yeah. Camera. Camera, glasses. A nice watch yeah. Camera. Camera, glasses. A nice watch. A watch. There we go, we made it all.

Edit dog. A director's thing, what's this called? A slate. A slate. Yeah. And like the cheap ones could be like, I don't know. Where's the jail? That's a good question.

That is a great question. It would just say you don't know where you stand with Greg. Yeah. Greg's office, Greg's office. Greg's office. It's Jill. Damn, do you know I have a customized version of Monopoly, but it's Astoria.

Oh yeah, we had that too growing up in the house and growing up we had a fantasy baseball one and it came with sheets of different players and you can assign players to different spaces so like Jeter and A-Rod were always the most expensive and like least expensive we'd be like fucking David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez. Oh you cuz you would be like okay all right well there it is me Frank you're gonna get out there if you play Dungeons and Dragons then we want to come play yeah and I'm a

wizard who's completely maxed out. We're not talking ill about Dungeon and Dragons No, I'm curious. I am too. Joey's been curious about a lot lately, so Maybe that's why he went to the the place that they don't talk too much. We got to be safe I know I know well, let's have that happen Thank you for coming to hang out again if you're coming to the Texas shows check out basement You're the basement yard comm slash submit and then check outement Yard on all forms of social media. We apologize for having to cut that clip last week, but we made it up for it this week. We love you. Check us out as individuals at Joe Sandoval, at the Frank Alvarez. Make sure you check out

the Patreon, patreon.com slash The Basement Yard. Let's keep on loving each other, hugging each other, kissing and cuddling each other, and maybe even. What are you saying? I feel like you start talking and you get halfway through sentences and you're like, I have to keep going. Halfway. Yeah. A quarter. A quarter of the way.

And then I completely lost. Yeah, yeah. That's what happens. Yeah. But yeah, like just like what Frank said, we had to cut that chunk out. So I know that episode was only like 45 minutes, but it's because we tried to cut around it a few times or try to like take some stuff out,

but then it just made no sense. So I was like, you know what? Next week, I'll tell the story over again, but we'll say it in code. So sorry, you had to wait a week to hear that. Hope it lived up to the expectations. I have no idea, but you can bet your bottom dollar that I'm gonna get this man to come with me.

Bet your bottom dollar? Bet your bottom dollar, yeah, that's a thing. Yeah, I know. You gonna go be in a fucking rag time group now? I am gonna get Frankie in that place. It won't happen. Why? With his watches. Because I enjoy cleanliness,

and Joey wants to go somewhere where he feels like he feels like he's never showered. What does that mean? Dirty. Got it. Uh, you guys can go follow me at Joe Santagato. Go follow the show at the basement yard on Tik TOK and Instagram. All stuff I said already.

Yeah, I know. Um, and if you are coming to those shows in Texas, don't forget to go to the basement yard.com slash submit, submit your stories or the crazy things that you've never told anyone before. We like to interact with the crowd at the end of our shows with those cards so you know get to it and we'll see you out there alright see you guys next time you