The Basement Yard - #468 - Strengthening Our Pelvic Floors
Episode Date: September 16, 2024Let's get flexible up in here! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Welcome back to the base
Welcome back to the basement yard podcast
Why don't I don't know why you like lifted I did not do that you lifted that a little sexy
That's what you did there you lifted you you're you're gonna do that that way
Yeah, you like fucking like you were casting like a spell like you I just watch Harry Potter
I say I saw you're watching which ones were you watching did you start very begins or did you go like middle middle route?
I was watching what they had available on the plane, which was the first one, which is a good one
That's a good one. Yeah that fucking Halloween dinner that they have dude. I'm ready to lose everything
I love for that just live a day in that Ronald Weasley's just double fist and chicken legs
Oh my god, also Dumbledore just going
Yeah, and then the food just appears.
He's an old bastard.
He's an old dumb idiot.
I don't know if I'm eating magic food though.
Like if a chicken just appeared on my plate,
I'm gonna eat that though?
I mean it can't be worse than the fucking chicken
that our fucking country produces.
That's fair, but I don't know.
Was there any part,
because we were for the show recently in Toronto,
was there any part of you that was just like,
the food does taste different here,
because I did, and I knew that if I told you,
you'd make fun of me for it.
The food tastes different in Canada?
Yeah.
I imagine they have different.
They do have different.
They have different standards and shit like that.
Like I checked on everything that I ate,
you know, that had a food label on it,
like for any high fructose corn syrup,
because that bitch is in all fucking American foods.
And I didn't see it.
And I said to you, I was like,
yo, the fucking tequila here was way sweeter.
Yeah, you were saying like, yo, it's so diff.
It was very like, it was like someone put sugar in tequila,
which I know that technically.
I think there is sugar in there.
I know technically that's what it is, but like it was definitely Diffy Diffs.
Yeah, I don't know, but I imagine it's-
How is Europe food?
Was it like good quality?
Yeah.
Just tasted like food?
Yeah, tasted like food.
Were the portions bigger or smaller or-
I mean they're definitely smaller than-
Us fat bastards over here yeah dude
you ever go to an italian restaurant and they're like here's two big sizes of
fucking chicken cutlet covered in a pound of cheese I don't hate that dude I hate it I
bro you go to italian restaurant I want food that's gonna be like okay fine I don't like it
it's the size of the plate so every time I cut the fucking sauce is going off the plate, then there's a sack of spaghetti on the side
You're getting me hungry a big old dumb
stupid thin fucking crispy golden chicken cutlet over a bed of
Spaghetti angel hair. I like I get I'm an angel hair guy
I'm a much an angel hair guy.
I'm a much bigger angel hair guy than I am a spaghetti.
You love angel hair.
It's just so much, in my opinion, I like the, it's finer.
I just like it.
Like spaghetti-
It sticks together though.
Spaghetti feels like a meal.
You know what I mean?
It is a meal.
It is.
It feels that way because it is what it is.
That's exactly what I mean.
Sometimes spaghetti is just too fat for me.
I like the fat spaghetti. I don't know what it's called but it's even- What the hell is fat spaghetti? It's like the size. I mean sometimes spaghetti's too fat for me. I like the fat spaghetti
I don't know what it's called, but it's even fat. It's like the size of a pipe cleaner get the hell out of here
They got pipe cleaning a patini
Bucatini wait what teenies getting booked what's book a teen I think that's what you're talking about
It's like the hollowed-out spaghetti, but it's like a big fat
It's not hollowed out by sucking straw
It looks like what was that fucking kids candy that we had as a kid, and it was like,
you pull the candy off of a paper or something.
Oh, dots.
No, that, I ate more paper
than I did fucking candy with dots.
Bro, speaking of peeling shit off a paper,
the birthday letters, I love the,
yo, for your birthday, you go get a piece of paper
and then it's made of sugar and you peel them off
and you're like, okay, W, and then like them off you're like Okay, W and then like yes
Those were so good and then it would be even better if they were like little like it was like a little pumpkin for Halloween
Yeah, or was like a little spiky they were spiky so I put them on my tongue and press down and I torture my tongue
Yeah
But I would suck I know you love sucking this but you suck those two I sucked it a little bit
I'll admit I sucked it until it was gone
Dude go get them when they were like little you gotta go spike down
I of course spiked down and I would bite down and those spikes would fuck up my tongue and be like you deserve this
You dumb dirty tongue, dude. You're so horny. I'm not
It's not patreon
Forgot I do love those. You know what's like an overrated thing. Hold on. No, no, no don't answer
On a birthday cake rooms like I want a balloon. Fuck you those gel balloons are wack
No, they're whack if they're like also like wax
I'm no listen listen listen listen
They're whack if they're also frosting but like the gel no listen listen listen listen they're whack if
they're also frosting but like the gel frosting where it's like you could see
through it like it's like lava you know what I'm talking about and it's like
that's when it's sick you can't see through lava but you know what I mean
like it's not like frosting it's like gel no but it's not about frosting it's
like when you go to Carvel and there's just like a guy holding balloons and
it's like they're like people want that but that is if if they're the frosting balloons
They're not the good ones if they're the gel but they are gel the gel is the best. What do you mean?
Those are the lack is no you get the corner with like a balloon in there. Oh
Carvel ice cream cake is my favorite
Favorite I love that. Cake, like iteration.
Bro, how many wedding cakes have you had
where you're like, this is a good cake?
Like, the one that we taste tested for our wedding
was great and maybe like one other,
but like, I'm not a sponge cake guy.
I like sponge, but don't put a whole
fucking half a fucking.
When I'm biting into this thing or very in here
No, I do like when there's fruit. I
Know I don't I do I don't like when I can see a fruit in it
I do kind of like that a little bit. No, I'm saying like
Birthday cakes like what it's I need a good ratio of like if there's gonna be sponge in there
It better be wet as hell. I'm where missua tres leches bitch, bro
If you give me a tres leches, I want this fucking sponge to spin my mouth the moment
I put my teeth in that there's three milks. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah, bro
I didn't even consider the fact that you were in Spain and you didn't get tres leches cake wrong
By the way had mad tiramisu on that fucking trip.
You weren't in Italy at any point in time.
They had it.
And I was having it.
What fucking, what Scottish desserts are there?
Come eat this, come eat this dirt cup.
Actually, cup and dirt is like-
Blood pudding.
But a wedding cake that's just tiramisu?
Oh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You gotta do that.
I'm gonna do that.
That's gonna be like $5,000 because tiramisu is a not easy cake to make.
Really?
Why?
Well you gotta soak the ladyfingers in the espresso and then you have to like fucking,
like it could be a very involved, you can get like a cheap one, sure, but like good
quality.
Look at Carlos's bakery over here.
He knows the fucking recipe!
I've looked up, I've looked up how to make it! How to make tiramisu? Yeah, Carlos's bakery over here. He knows the fucking recipe.
I've looked up how to make it!
How to make tiramisu?
Yeah, it's not that hard.
Well, it's not as simple. Like legit tiramisu is not like, just like you make a sponge cake and you pour some espresso on it.
That's not what I'm saying.
You like soak the lady fingers which are a specific type, like they're not just like any cookies.
So what? Buy them in bulk.
But there's a process and if you follow it, it's not necessarily easy. Okay. So what? Buy them in bulk. But there's a process.
And if you follow it, it's not necessarily easy.
Okay, neither is making a regular wedding cake.
Why would it be any different?
Yeah, but if they, but you know, those cakes,
like regular wedding cakes,
you're just big, dumb, fluffy sponge cakes
that they just throw a little bit of frosting in there.
I want what I was saying.
If you're giving me a cake,
you're already down bad if it's not ice cream cake.
If there's- You're not gonna have a wedding ice cream cake, you fucking child!
Why not?
Your wedding cake was gonna be an ice cream cake.
No, but I'm saying why couldn't you?
Because we're not playing laser tag in here.
That's why.
First of all, you fucking, I know if you went to a wedding and they had fucking laser tag,
you wouldn't think that was sick.
Frank, laser tag sucks.
No way.
Laser tag wasn't even fun when we were children.
Yes it was from when we were children.
Laser tag.
You don't remember the fucking gray and red pack
with the gray and red gun?
I do.
Dude, laser tag is awesome.
What the fuck do you mean it sucks?
Sucks.
What is cooler than shooting your boy
and they're not gonna die, dude?
Dude, you don't have to be-
That's why you paintball.
This is why, but paintball, there's a little bit of pain.
Yeah.
I know, I do love paintball too.
Santa got to do his paintball trip?
Would do it.
Would do it.
Would need a lot of GoPros.
Ha ha ha.
We got, it's a couple hundred bucks, we can do it.
Probably won't be as expensive as my tiramisu cake.
Yeah, probably.
Bro, how are you gonna talk shit about laser tag you can go into a place that has black lights probably cool music
I like black lights and then you can not in my bedroom you could shoot
You could shoot your boys with lasers dude
Shooting your boys is cool with lasers now. It's even cooler because there's no threat of injury but they're never accurate like
you I sniped you well what when you sure when you were fucking going a laser
tag in like 1998 it wasn't accurate but you go to 2024 laser tag something tells
me there's gonna be accuracy behind those lasers something tells you Frank
laser tag doesn't exist now. It does, what?
Does it?
Yes it does.
Are you nuts?
There's still laser tagging establishments?
Joey, if there isn't, I'm furious.
I'm pretty sure they closed down all laser tagging.
Laser tag near me.
Look at this.
It's for- Laser tag near me.
Yeah, bounce, there's, there Yeah, bouncing around here,
there's a ton of different laser tags.
That's insane.
This is so cool.
This is awesome.
We should go.
Laser tag in mini bowling in Manhattan.
What is mini bowling?
There's a place called Beat the Bomb in Brooklyn.
Oh, I know Beat the Bomb.
They've got laser tag.
Oh. So, sounds like beat the bomb. They've got laser tag. Oh, so sounds like
you're the loser here. What's so let me ask you a question. Why are you so against doing
things that when you were a fucking child that you would like now? We're all just trying
to fucking chase the dragon. Relive a little bit of what brought us joy and happiness when
we were young. Now you want to spit at it. You you wanna spit at it. You wanna spit at it.
Stop spitting.
Why must you put it down?
I'm not, Frank, first of all,
you're making a blanket statement saying that like,
I don't like things from when I was younger.
Not true.
You, because you collect Power Rangers
and you yield cards and fucking shit like that,
and all of a sudden you have this affinity
for laser tag out of nowhere.
You just talked shit about ice cream cakes and fucking laser tag. I didn't talk about shit about ice cream cakes and fucking like I didn't talk about shit
I talked you talked about shit about I talked shit
I talked bad shit about the balloons on top of the ice cream cake
And then you talk about having a fucking I had a wedding at a wedding though. You're such a wedding purist, Joey
You're such a wedding fucking purist. Congratulations gift. oh... You're not thinking clearly! I'm doing- I'm doing clearly!
Consider this. You're at a wedding,
lot of guests, hundreds of people,
needs to be a big ice cream cake,
but it also needs to be...
cold.
No!
You can't have this thing start melting!
Wheel it out the fr-
You know how long it takes ice cream cake to fully melt?
Wheel it out, ice cream, and then you put-
you put non-meltable fucking, you know,
frosting around the top like Carvel does and then you wheel this
Thing out from the freezer you cut it you serve it ice cream done
You're sitting there like it's got to sit there for hours on end
What do you think they just wheel the cake out and they have a sit there all the time? They got to cut it
Watch this come in cut serve. Why must you be?
That's how it happens sometimes.
Hundreds of times.
Also this, your wedding that you were going to have,
were you gonna smush cake?
No.
No smush cake.
No, it's kinda disrespectful.
What?
Like smushing cake, like fucking,
like Becca would have spent a whole day getting ready
and looking and feeling her best
and then for me to just take cake and mash it in her face is kind of fucked up.
Unless she does it back to you, then we're talking even Stevens.
No, no even Stevens. There's a different standard on men than there is on women.
You fucking misogynist! Get them ladies!
You don't have to-
Come in!
But you don't have to- you don't have to-
30 women coming in here!
With paintball guns and laser guns!
Shooting me with lasers!
I forgot what I was going to say, but yeah, I'm not into this mushing thing. I think it's stupid.
I think it's stupid and outdated.
I've seen like-
Oh, look at this violence!
But I've also seen some dudes get carried away.
Yeah, of course, it's men!
It's like, yo, you're stiff arming your wife with a cake.
Yeah, dude.
You know what I'm saying? That's
There are some I also think smashing kids faces and cakes is stupid, dude
I've seen because we used to do that as kids and then I saw one time like over like the last like three or four
Years and it was like here's why you shouldn't do it. And apparently it was like a
Person, I don't know if it was a man or woman
Not because I don't know their gender. Here we go
But they were
They were saying like
Don't do that because a lot of cakes now puts wooden stakes in them to keep them from toppling over impale
And there was a picture of someone that had gotten one in their eye absolutely not crazy dude crazy I don't like the
birthday stuff smashing the face in the cake dumb do you do the smear no what
do all these cake is like fucking like yeah why I will say the only one that we
did do is a family and it was because my mom did it so like I don't even know but
like they would make the my mom would make the cross in the cake.
I swear to God.
That I've never heard.
Yeah, I guess it's a Greek thing
that my family decided they wanted to be religious about.
So she'll have the cake, you sing happy birthday.
And then she would take a giant butcher knife
and lightly drag the tip of it
in the sign of a cross across it.
That's interesting.
Yeah.
That doesn't make sense.
You did First Cut.
Of course, First Cut goes to birthday boy.
Yeah, yeah.
Or birthday girl.
Or birthday them.
Your birthday.
Or the birthday you.
Yes.
But then, and then second goes to like whoever.
Now it's just that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I remember when we would do.
You ever see a kid try to blow out a birthday candle?
Can't do it
My nephew
Yeah, they're spitting all over the cake figure it out tell your nephew to fucking stop
Yeah, like we're gonna eat this thing and you're spitting on it. Yeah. All right, you know what cake my my sister used to love
Remember the cake?
No, no, okay. I'm excited. Remember the cake? No, no, no. Okay.
I'm excited.
Remember the cake?
It was like a pie crust, it was custard,
and then it was like the fruit on top,
and there was like that layer of like jelly on top of it,
like clear jelly.
Oh yeah.
It's like fruit custard cake.
Yeah.
I remember we would fight.
You like that?
Hell yeah, dude.
I don't know if I've ever even had that.
With like a real good kiwi and strawberry on top
Hell yeah, that sounds like it needs whipped cream on it. You put some but there's custard in there. There's enough cream
Oh, there's enough cream bit. I forgot about the bottom has been creamed and then the top is fruit the fruit, right bottom cream
on top
Something's there you guys do it
I'm not gonna what is a joke in there that we're not going to we what you want with it. You know? I'm not gonna...
There is a joke in there that we're not going to make it.
We're not going to make it absolutely. Why? Gays come on in.
Gays come on in.
Back studio today.
They have lasers too.
The laser tagging man.
I can't believe it. I will say though that
you do like
often shit on
stuff that I like
Like oh, oh, are you this is therapy. Well, no, I
Will say I don't know if you recently saw
But I made a fucking call and you made fun of me for it
But Haley Welch which we have learned her name also better known apparently now is the hawk to girl I'm too hot to a hot to a spitting on a wiener. Yeah, uh, she's starting a podcast
Yeah logical step. I don't think I made funny you made fun of me for that
I said I was like, what are you gonna be about?
I think you made fun of me because I said it would be about like her giving. Oh, yeah, that's a bad idea
Her giving like sex advice
Why not? I saw a video recently where someone was like,
when was the last time you hawked to a,
and I'm like, this is a weird question to ask.
Bro, this is, why?
This is what is happening.
I think one of our-
When was the last time you sucked a cock?
Yeah, one of our friends,
like not long after the hawk to thing came out,
sent a video of just like,
oh, this is just like what interviewers
or like people on the street,
it was previously like body count. And then it was just like, they got this girl just like what interviewers or like people on the street, it was previously like body count.
And then it was just like,
they got this girl to say the hock to became viral.
She's making money, good for her.
Now it's just like, well, what are you gonna do
to make a guy go crazy?
And it's just like, oh, you know,
and now people are just trying to do that to just.
Yeah.
As you've said in conversations we've had,
like people aren't trying to be original.
They're just trying to remake the thing
that they've heard that has worked.
And it's just like, what the hell?
Yeah, I mean, it's kind of crazy to be asking someone like,
do you like back shots?
It's like, what the fuck, I don't even,
you're a stranger, My G.
Well, do you remember, I think I told this story here,
but the guy that tried to interview me
on the street in LA.
Yeah, I missed that.
Didn't he ask you about like the stock market?
Am I making that up?
Yeah, so at first he goes,
we come out of one of the store,
we were like walking around Rodeo Drive
and we come out of the store and he goes,
yo, I hear,
cause he was talking with one of our buddies
and he's like, I hear you have a podcast.
He's like, yeah, he goes, I do too.
This is what it's called.
Do you wanna do a quick short street interview with me?
And I was like, uh
Okay, and he was like this is what my show is about and I was like listen
I don't know any of that stuff and he's like, ah, you'll don't worry. They're good questions. He goes
What do you think is a better investment in 20 years?
Crypto or gold and I was like, I don't fucking know. It's like I don't know dude. I'm sorry
He's like, all right. It's hard. I don't worry. Next question is a layup layup. Okay. I'm expecting like a good question. I can answer he goes
Why do you think women don't respect men anymore?
I'm fucking out dude. I'm not doing this shit. I was like I'm out. Bye. I'm sorry, and he was like oh, it's all good
It's okay
Like what are we like everyone just tries to be viral.
Why do you think women don't respect men?
Like, I don't know, I think they, I think,
I'm not being disrespected too much.
I'll tell you this offline, but one of our,
one of the people that were with us started crying.
I'll tell you, I'll tell you offline, but yeah.
Crying what?
We'll talk about it now.
Tears of sadness or joy?
Joy.
We'll talk about it offline. Of laughter joy joy. We'll talk about it offline of laughter
No, we'll talk about it offline
Okay, and it was just like like yeah, these people are going up to women and they're just like alright
So first thing guy pulls dick out. What do you do next? It's like
Flow jobs or hand jobs go
It's like I'm trying to get to my uber
Stop. Flow jobs or hand jobs, go.
It's like I'm trying to get to my Uber, leave me alone.
Good for her, Haley.
She's been making some content on her own.
I mean, I'm sure she's going to have a lot of guests,
like celebrities on her podcast.
She seems like a fun little Southern girl, honestly.
Yeah.
But of course, I'm sure there's the dark side
of the internet of people that are hitting her up like come on
I'll give you something to Hawk to on well 100%
I mean like I said, I've seen people interview her and be like so how often do you Hawk to and it's like you're a
Grown man. This is a girl stop
there is something funny about like the nature of like
The way social media works now where like people have to like talk about shit like that that goes viral in a serious manner.
Yeah, right?
So let's break it down.
We're here with Hawk Tooth,
Hailey Welch.
You imagine her small town newspaper or something.
Yeah.
She's on the paper and she's just,
Hawk Tooth straight to Hollywood.
Yeah.
Hollywood Tooth?
Hawk Tooth her way to to the top That's not good
That's definitely bad
Some people have probably but
Not saying she did
Well...
You wanna join this hole that we've been digging ourselves
I feel like I'm 10 feet deep at the moment
This is a double
We do have ads for today
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Hahahaha!
This is a chicken bake!
Yo I will say this, that family, wild amount of octaves.
The difference?
He's so down and he's so hot.
Well his son hasn't gone through puberty yet probably.
Yeah, but it sounds like you're squeezing his back. He's gonna be on one of the, he's gonna be in Costco and he's so hot. His son hasn't gone through puberty yet probably. Yeah, but it sounds like you're squeezing his neck.
He's gonna be in Costco and he's gonna be like
Alright, we're gonna eat the chicken back.
Like he's gonna get right down there.
Double choc chocolate and he's like, I can't get the chicken back.
You gotta be careful. That guy will fucking
squeeze our fucking eyes out of our socket.
He's a big dude.
No way he can scratch his back.
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Yo, Costco guys, what's up? Yo, come be-
No, no, no, no, no.
I would love a chicken bake though, it looks good. I'd go do a video with them. Who? Choc-Choc chocolate Yeah, no, I mean I they could be the Costco guys. We could be the BJ boys
Definitely should not
We are not going to be the BJ
BJ boys you mother fucker
I'm not gonna beat the fucking BJ boys. You motherfucker.
You've seen the Costco guys.
Now get ready for the BJ boys.
That would be great.
This is a 10.
A 50 inch plasma screen TV.
Damn. I don't remember the last time I went to a BJ's. 50 inch plasma screen TV Damn
How to remember the last time I went to a BJ's Oh dude BJ's in Costco are fucking like dude you would love them
I just I mean at Costco bitch. I
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And if you're coming to any of those shows, I don't think it's too late.
It might still be able to make it happen.
Go to thebasementyard.com slash submit, submit the response to those questions.
Tell stories.
We want to make this fun.
We want to end these shows on a bang.
We're so excited and we hope you guys are excited too.
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Joey, as I was going to say before, I Recently bought something from Costco and this is why I didn't go into Costco, but we use insocart and thank God
I didn't go into Costco because I
Could be a little bit of an impulse buyer sometimes within reason, you know
Boy, did I get some fucking Halloween decorations that are below your back out are they?
Are they like blow up? No, they're for in the house
Oh one is a Mickey Mouse haunted house and it's like Goofy's like in a pumpkin as a mummy
Mickey Mouse is like, yo, I'm fucking doing my thing and it plays music and lights and shit
The other one is a Mickey Mouse rocket, a pirate ship, a Halloween theme.
Okay, but what about-
The fuck do you mean okay?
Be excited, bitch, you love Halloween.
What about the, I hate Halloween.
Well, you hate the process of dressing up.
You do like the candy?
I like candy.
You do like spooky stuff?
Do I?
Are you gonna commit to more spooky stuff
this year for Halloween?
Bro, I tried last year.
I said put a fucking list together.
You didn't.
You want me to put, I will put together.
All right, but don't put some fucking 1964.
I'm not gonna put like 1970s French new wave,
you know, like the Chateau Fico pathway.
No, I'm gonna put together like classic scary movies
that will be a range of just like, you know,
like fucked up.
I got you, baby.
Okay. I got you baby okay I got you I am excited
you the fucking do you like like demonic Halloween stuff like spooky stuff I hate
that really like they actually just like scared the fuck out of me when I was
hell yeah do you remember the first time we watched it or at least I remember the
first time I watched it together yes where in Joanna's basement Joanna's
basement yeah I don't remember what that even looks like it looked like a in Joanna's basement. Joanna's basement? Yeah.
I don't remember what that even looks like.
It looked like a basement.
There's nothing about it that's gonna blow you away.
You know, I remember being at her house one time
and we were having a pillow fight
and I hit her fucking little brother
who looks like the Rizzler.
Then or now?
Then.
Well, yeah, she's 20 years older now.
Yeah, but I hit him in the head with a
with a pillow and he fell off the couch and he hit his head on the ground very
hard he's all right yeah well yeah but I thought I killed oh yeah that's the
only thing I remember from being from that was a scary moment I was but the
fucking exorcist was way scarier also we were like in this like weird
microcosm of time we're like everything was like geared to be a jump scare
with the exorcist's face.
Oh yeah, where it's like, oh, this is car driving.
It's the exorcist like, ah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, you got shit.
That one was bad.
The maze game was bad.
Scared the fuck out of me.
The maze game fucked me up.
Where it's like, oh, stare at this dot
and then something would like, now I don't stare.
No, it was like a legit game. So like the first level, you're like, oh, okay. Second
level, you're like, oh, that's a little tough. Third one, it was like, there's no way to,
and I think it was probably timed. So it just fucking gotcha. Gotcha big.
I don't like being jump scared. So then you're not going to watch any of these horror movies? I'll watch them.
I'll watch them. I'm serious.
Just probably not at night.
Watch them in the morning?
I don't like watching,
cause like I very much take whatever I have before sleep
into my dreams.
Oh really?
Yeah.
I don't do that. The only thing that- It's random sometimes, but I definitely can take. Oh really? Yeah. I don't do that.
The only thing that-
It's random sometimes, but I definitely can take.
Here's the thing, the only thing that fucks me up now
is true crime stuff.
Now I'm good with like movies where it's like
Freddy's fucking popping out the wall
and shoving his knife fingers in your butt.
Oh, I don't give a fuck about that.
That I don't care.
But like when it's just like, oh, this was fucking,
you know, Richard Ramirez, he was a real person and he was your next-door neighbor that shit freaks me out
I don't know why that doesn't freak me out. I mean it's scary for sure way scarier
But like yeah, but like I just don't like being jump-scared like I don't like that really yeah
That's the only thing if I can watch a scary movie, but there's no jump scares like I'll be totally fine
I mean okay, I guess
Music does a lot too. Yeah
No tip did you ever see insidious the first insidious yes fucking tip
I hate that fucking song that shit gets me every time the first time I watched that movie
I was in my college dorm room And I watched it at night by myself
With headphones on and I like forced myself to get through it to like prove that I had I was a fucking man
You're a weird fuck
They're weird motherfucker, dude. No, I must
To prove how manly I am
That's how fucked up the world is that's what they convinced me being a man Well in a dark room with headphones on I'm not doing that. I'm I
Will give you absolutely nothing but praise which I know is currency to you
If you watch a movie of my choice with headphones on in a dark room
If there's no jump scares, I would do it. There's, oh whoa whoa whoa
you're not gonna watch fucking bluey Joey
like you're gonna watch something that is gonna
have a little bit of jumpies.
Come on.
What movie would you pick?
Either The Strangers.
I've seen that.
That's the scariest movie I've ever seen in my entire life.
That's the one where they're in the house and they have the bags
over their face. You guys bag over their face and they're like,
why are you doing this?
And he's like, cause you're home.
Whoa, it's fucked up dude.
Yeah.
Or the 2013 remake of the Evil Dead.
I've never seen that.
Evil Dead is my favorite horror franchise.
Like it's so consistently.
You said The Strangers is the scariest movie you've seen.
Like that one resonated with me more than any
Other scary movie. I thought about that when I was staying in a house upstate because I was like I'm a sitting duck
Yeah, I don't like it. Yes
And the reason it fucked me up is because of the lake house because it was a cabin and there's fucking right next to our house
There's a bunch of woods and shit
So like what if you're looking into the dark and you just see a face? No!
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
Ew.
Ew, right?
Ah!
Joey doesn't get scared, he gets icked out.
Something scary happens, he's like, ew, icky.
Yo, I really am like that though.
Like, I don't get scared, I'm like, ah!
That makes sense.
Like, oh God.
Like, oh, you know what?
That would be scary, because because like jump scares are scary,
but that's also like if you're staring out into the woods
and all of a sudden you just see like,
like someone like real quick like,
that would fucking, bro.
Well, there's that shot in The Strangers
that always freaked me out of like,
she's like, Liv Tyler's like looking around her living room
and then in the back out of the dark just like a
White face the guy just like walks in yeah, bro
And they just fuck with her he like touches a note on the piano and he's like runs away I
always what helps me in those movies that makes me laugh is like
Anytime you've ever played hide-and, you have to piss, right?
All the time.
Okay, it's not just me, thank God.
All the time.
But like the minute I hide, I'm so giddy
and I gotta pee pee all the time.
Yeah, me too.
I'm hiding, and yo, God forbid someone's in the same room
now, like if they're like looking for me
and I can see like their feet, I'm like,
my bladder is fucking filled.
I gotta pee pee.
So bad pee pee.
Yeah, but I always think of like in those movies where it's like when the people are like hiding, My bladder is fucking filled. I gotta pee. So bad pee pee. Yeah.
But I always think of like in those movies
where it's like when the people are like hiding,
like I imagine like whoever like the bad guy is
that's hiding, he's like in the closet,
like having to pee like eee.
You know?
Yeah.
Like stuff like that.
Pee pee.
Pee pee.
That's what makes it funny for you?
Yeah.
They must be trying to pee pee.
Also, you're wearing a sack on your chest.
They must be trying to pinch their dick right now. Like the ultimate, like that's
how you know you gotta do pee-pees. Yeah, I mean you pinch your penis, I don't do that.
Take it easy, only when I have to pee. That's what I mean. Yeah, but that's like a normal,
like kids do that all the time. You're an adult. That's why it's different. Okay, speaking of kids, I don't know if you saw,
we willed another thing into the universe,
which is absolutely insane.
But what did we previously will?
Miley Cyrus performing at the-
That's right, we did do that.
And like, there's been other shit that people have been like,
you guys just fucking spoke about this.
Capri Sun has announced that they're bottling their drinks now
Bullshit by the way. Yeah. Hell yeah. Fuck that
I will say there is something so fucking good about crushing a Capri Sun pouch in your hand
That's what I'm saying and just like fucking like yeah, and also like aren't they see-through on my buggin
Kool-aid jammers were the ones that were see-through Capri Sun or silver all around. Oh, that's right
There's remember that commercial the like person drinking to Capri Sun and they're like skateboarding and they turn into like a metal
Like ball and they're like, yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Um, I like doing that, you know when I was younger
I was like, I want to see what color this is clear
So I said I know so I used to squeeze it like but then I would pretend was like a doctor about to give a shot
You know, they're like, oh
Is that a real thing that doctors do they just let a little out that's gotta be
Probably not a real thing, right? I thought it was real because there can't be any air in there
So they're like letting out air. Yeah, but they can let out
Until it's not air anymore. I
Don't know.
But that's why.
Okay, not doctor, def not doctor.
I don't think we're gonna come to a conclusion here.
No, I will say though, I do the flick in anything.
Because a lot of like children's medicine
comes in that like syringe.
So like.
Children's medicine is some of the most delicious stuff
in the world.
It's not medicine. It's candy. Yeah
It is it is when you're you know to say I recently got a
fucking
medicine like a mouthwash and
It numbed my whole mouth
It was weird, dude. I was like scratching up my gums and stuff, which probably shouldn't have done in hindsight
What yeah, are you talking about? Are you like allergic to it?
Or that was the point?
No, there was something in it
that made it so it numbs your mouth.
Oh, did you have like a toothache or something?
Something like that, yeah.
Like some of my gum and it like numbed everything.
I was just like, oh my God.
I've done...
Like before my root canal,
this was like six years ago or something,
my tooth was killing me and I bought Oragel
and that's like, it's numbing cream.
Yeah, Novacaine I think is what it's called.
Well no, it's like you could buy it at the store.
I know, but I'm saying it has the thing in it
and it numbs it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Novacaine is crazy.
I remember when I...
My eye is shit now, my eye doesn't even close like I'm all fucked
yeah, there was a time where I had to get like my teeth worked on years ago and
They numbed like normally they numbed these parts the sides
It's all kind of like fucks you up over here, but they numbed the front which the guy said
He's like this is way stronger because it's the front and it lasts way longer
So like the front of my mouth like I couldn't like talk. We're talking about the sides of your mouth, but I'm like
You know and I have a yeah
It was that's the best part about having novocaine though lisps. Yeah, like afterwards you like half my face doesn't work. I
Guess I thought it was funny when I was younger.
Eh, I don't think it's that funny.
Are you drinking bottled up Capri Sun?
Alcoholic Capri Sun is next, we know that, right?
Yeah, uh, Capri Sun Hard? Hard Sun?
Or Capri Metal?
No?
I don't think so.
I was gonna say, metal isn't harder than sun.
All the names that we came up with right now are really bad.
Maybe they won't, because it's harder to come up with a name
Well, what's what's more like rock and roll than because Capri is a place, right?
Is that why they call it it? I think that's why it's called the Capri Sun. It's like a tropical true juice
Isn't Capri in Italy? It's like off Italy, but it's like an Italian juice. I guess so
Yeah, I don't even I just occurred to never heard the song The Isles of Capri from fucking Frank Sinatra?
Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?
I don't know, I just want to bring up that I know songs.
I know.
Yo, I never even put two and two together that it's like, oh, it's like a tropical drink because of that.
Yeah.
Makes sense.
Well, now it's an- I gotta admit though, a lot more slam-able in a bottle than in a pouch.
It is more slam-worthy, for sure sure because you can't slam a pouch. I don't understand this move though like
right now everyone is like
Not reinventing but at least releasing
Nostalgic like packaging and like products from the 90s and early 2000s and shit like that like
Why are you gonna modernize it?
Like just keep your, like no one's complaining about Capri Sun being in a pouch.
I mean, I'm definitely complaining.
I've broken that straw so many times, but I actually like breaking the straw.
That straw is a weapon.
It's not a straw.
It's very sharp.
First of all, the fact that they're asking us to literally stab a bag.
Yeah.
Like how many times do you go straight through the bag? Countless. Or I break it and then what I end up doing is just popping the thing
and then I just put I just suck it out of the bag. How? Show me how you suck it
out of the bag. I lay it on my face. No that's not what you do. You put it in one
hand and then you squeeze it. That's not what I do at all. You lay it in your face like it's a
fucking... Like it's like it's like long ways like that.
I know what it looks like.
I know what the fuck a Capri Sun pouch looks like.
I would lay it and then I would just suck the hole.
So the Capri Sun will sit on your face
and just squirt all in your mouth.
As a, no.
That's what you're saying.
I never said that, but I do,
I used to think of it as like a octopus.
What? Hold octopus. What?
Hold on, what?
Like an octopus, you never see like-
Octopus like genitalia?
What?
That's what you're-
No, no, no, like an octopus's mouth.
You know an octopus's mouth?
I know, so either you're-
So you know how like-
Either you're, let's be very clear.
Oh, not an octopus, bro.
I'm an idiot catfish
Like a catfish you ever see a catfish on the side of the tank and it sucks like that
On the tank. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so that's what I'm doing to this Capri Sun. You could have thought of
Not an octopus
Anything first of all, yeah, you were fucking fucking full on eating out an octopus in this made
up story that you had just can't know I was sucking the Capri Sun like a like a like I
was a catfish suck in a tank so you'd like cup your mouth around the hole and then just
like squeeze the suck the life out of it yeah I would say there was something, hold on.
There was something, Capri Sun by the way,
we're doing free marketing for you right now.
You gotta send us a couple.
Don't be an asshole, send the bottle.
Don't be a bitch, Capri.
There was something kinda sick about sucking
this Capri Sun that like, it would then like shrivel up
and you could see like the outline of the straw, like you all the way in it. Yeah! I created a vein.
I fucking nothing is here anymore because of me. You sucked it dry. I sucked that shit dry.
Damn dude. You know what I'm talking about? This guy gay quick. Well I didn't make it gay.
Well I made it aquatic. Capri Sun made it a quack. He's unmade a gay
I made it aquatic. I was yeah, you made it where bestiality was involved first of all
I was the catfish the Capri Sun was the tank
Nice try. I'm serious. Nice try. Were you laying this thing down and fucking getting on top of it?
Exactly no, God, I'm about to go buy some Capri Sun now.
Okay, we do have some more sponsors for today.
Oh, God.
What the fuck is this?
This isn't right.
Oh, Lord have mercy Josh
You're gonna have to edit this
We're good. I keep talking. All right
Give me give me just give me three words in a row and I'll talk about it door horse hand
Horse and hand that's how they measure
Why do they? Yeah what the hell?
How stupid were these?
Is it really hands? Or is it like a unit?
I think hand is a unit of measurement but like
Who in their right fucking mind was just like
How tall is this horse? And they were just like
Uh, eight hands?
What the fuck is that?
I gotta look up the measurement
Unit for a hand
because this is not a head oh like how many inches that is how big is a hand
yeah a hand is a non standard unit of measurement length standardized to four
inches because they're measuring or inches they're measuring it like this and there's that can't be right dude
Four inch hand who the fuck
Yo, what dumb idiots? Let's see maybe jock English speaking countries including Australia, Canada, Ireland, United Kingdom
You're all stupid hands. I
Literally like haven't measured anything with hands because my hands are giant massive big old fucking meaty bones
Where we've already established because of the pinky ring Joe's got baby fingers. That's not true
Try this on your fucking pinky right now. I'm not doing it. Do it again bitch. I'm not doing why not because I because what?
Because you hurt my feelings Joey was able to like look and like, he could see under the ring.
That's how fucking.
It was a pretty significant gap, I'm not gonna lie.
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and
I wanted to talk about the thing that you said before we started something about us. Yep. Yeah, so
that you said before we started something about us yep yeah so reportedly there was a pelvic floor expert that said how do you become that by the way fuck around with pelvic
floors and shit like that probably schooling and science actually that's probably probably
years of dedication and study that's probably how you do it. But she came out and she said that apparently when you go and flumpt, apparently-
What was that?
Flumpt.
What's that?
Poot?
Yeah.
Got it.
You're only supposed to wipe two times.
But what if diarrhea?
I don't know.
That's crazy. Like I don't know. That's crazy.
Like I don't like talking about scharnch.
You know that?
I don't, it's gross to me.
But like.
Two wipes.
Two whom?
Who, who?
Olympic wipers?
Yeah, what is this?
Who the hell is wiping twice and then they're good.
An aunt?
Not like your aunt and uncle.
Well, welcome back. Welcome back.
Welcome back.
The Scottish sun clearly beat the fucking dog shit out of you.
Too much violence in your tone. Uh, yeah. No, two is like,
I mean, of course there are times where it's just like, Oh my God,
what's my pelvic floor? The floor of your pelvis.
Where's that?
Underneath your pelvis.
My hip?
Like your goonch.
My gunch?
Yeah.
Your skeinthk.
Goonch.
That's my pelvic floor?
Tarfk.
So what happens if I wipe too much?
It's gonna fall?
No, apparently it's something called like, I forgot what it's called, it's like fecal
smearing or some shit like that.
It's like, yeah, it's like really like disgusting.
Smearing?
Yeah.
You're like getting bacteria all over the place, which we've established is not good.
Bacteria bad.
Correct.
Uh, but she suggests that instead of wiping twice or more than twice, I be honest, how
many gums have you done that you've only had to wipe twice or less
Give me a percentage out of a hundred oh a percent
out of a hundred stone I
Didn't even know how you're making those noises
25
One of every four of your flumpteak?
Maybe two.
Are you kidding me?
That's a lie.
That's a lie.
It's like, it's probably like 18.
18 of every hundred of your.
Yeah.
Garmpton.
Yeah.
How are you doing that?
That's a lot, dude. Is it? That's a lot dude.
Is it?
That's a lot.
Well some, you get lucky and you're like, oh that was...
Luck?
Yeah.
Luck.
Yeah, you just eat a lot of fiber.
Is that what that does?
I mean, that's what I try to do.
What the fuck is fiber dude?
It's, it's, uh, hmm.
There's two types of fiber.
Okay. Solu fiber. Okay.
Soluble.
Okay.
Which can dissolve in water.
Right, and insoluble.
Which doesn't dissolve in water.
Also correct.
See, listen, that school's paying for itself.
But basically they like clear out your intestines.
And apparently Americans don't get enough fiber, so.
That's not a surprise.
I mean, we got dumbasses anyways.
Cause all of our shit is filled with fucking sugar
and syrup. Well, people just don't go out of the way to get fiber
What happened um I think
This is insane only wiping twice like that is a fucking-
Craziness.
Like you wouldn't take those odds.
No, if I was having a streak of like-
Crap.
No pun intended, but if like I didn't have to wipe
for like a month, I'd be like,
well, something's clearly wrong.
Yeah.
You need to wipe.
Something would be wrong.
Joey needs a little, you know,
like you need to make sure that they're, you know's not you got to make sure it's there. Yeah
But then she said instead you should try something called water falling
Waterfalling yep
Go ahead. I have no idea what it is. It's the process of clenching your sphincter
So we're German now. Yes
Clenching your sphincter
So we're German now. Yes
But you have to do it in like percentile power in increments
So like 10% yes, so a 10% squeeze squeeze and then like a 25 and then like a 50 and then like a 75 and then 100 squeeze
Doing a hundred squeeze in my butt
You hundred squeeze your butt you're doing right now. No, you not doing any squeeze right now it's just puckered naturally yeah this
is the fucking worst conversation we've ever had I can't remember the last time
I squeezed my butt as hard as I could when you jump you sometimes anytime I
play him I'll be the show and I swing I clench my ass I'm maybe like squatting
you come up and you squeeze your butt oh yeah could you do like the whole like
squeeze it out yeah good get a good pump you do like the whole like squeeze it out?
Yeah, good get a good pump in or like a kettlebell swing. You get like a butt squeeze and not everything's about working out Joey
All right. I don't think I didn't hear you in the fucking ad read before by the way, like I'm training to run a marathon
I'm only making fun of you because I physically don't have the ability to do it and I'm proud of you. Uh
You clench your butt all the time there's things that happen you don't even realize.
Your first thing is like.
When I sneeze or cough?
No, cough is more in the balls.
The balls go up.
Yeah.
Why?
I don't know.
Are my balls connected to my diaphragm?
Maybe.
You going up?
I don't.
I don't know You can feel it in your balls dude
I'm trying
I can't
Crazy that people go to like 8 years of medical school to just tell someone to cough
I know there's other stuff that goes into it
You ever have them do the reflex thing on your knee?
I like that
Actually I hate it
When I had
You're biting your fingers and spitting on the ground in here
Yeah, whatever. It's all right. Not whatever. It's all right. It's not all right and definitely not whatever it is something disgusting
Stop spitting
Thank you. I'll spit everywhere. I want bitch cool
Fucking whore when I was in
Physical therapy when I got my knee surgery.
They were hittin' you with the hammer?
They were hittin' me with the hammer
and they were puttin' the things on me
that would make my leg, like the electric impulses.
Ooh.
Hell yeah.
I like those.
Dude, they used to give me massages on my knees
that like I think about to this day.
Wait, the doctors would massage your knee?
The physical therapists, yeah. Oh yeah. I'd go and they would fuckin' Wait, the doctors would massage your knee?
The physical therapists, yeah.
Oh yeah.
I'd go and they would fucking spray a bunch of lotion,
they'd massage the shit out of my knee.
Wow.
And then they'd fucking put the things on
and it'd be like.
Did you get a little boner?
No.
What the hell is wrong with you?
What is wrong with you, Joey?
When I was going to the chiropractor
You got a boner?
No, I didn't get a boner.
It cracked your back and almost snacked on your pack?
What?
No, but I used to go to the chiropractor
when I tore my meniscus
and every single time that I would go
at the beginning he'd have me lay down
and then he would align my spine
and it was like sort of a massage at the beginning he had me lay down and then he would align my spine.
And it was like this, it was like sort of a massage.
And then at the top of my neck,
he would do this thing to my spine
and then he would do some other stuff
and then he would do that, bro, it was the best.
Yo, I'm not even kidding.
Some of my favorite memories on the tour
have been me sitting in a chair in a med
just fucking getting up behind me and just rubbing my back. You can see how that sounds. I know. I
know what you mean. I know you. I don't care what they think. I know what I mean.
You know what I mean. Ahmed knows what I mean. We're having a good time. That's
making it worse honestly. I know what I mean. They know what I mean and it's a
secret between the three of us. No, hemitty rubs he's good with his he rubs massaging
right and he's very good at it you know he's got strong fingers I can't ask him
though because if I ask him then I become a you know a diva I'm mad please
rub my back again yeah Yeah. Here we are.
Hock-to-a.
Hock-to-a.
So are you going to do your pelvic floor exercises?
No.
You do kegels, though, right?
No.
Just to re-strengthen your butt?
I don't know how to do that.
After that last trip to the box?
I don't know.
I thought kegels was puss.
I think boys can do kegels.
Like make my pee hole stronger?
Butt, Joey.
Butt.
Butt.
Yeah. I thought keegels were like.
Who's fucking you in your dick hole?
No, no one's fucking me in either one, Frank.
I don't have to keep you in any of them.
No one, okay.
But,
and I didn't ever even like consider
that it might be scary that one day you get to an age
where your butt's just like, I'm good. Your dad said that to you on your 30th
birthday remember? He's like I'm fine I'm worried about doing that. Yeah exactly.
That's exactly how he sounds too. No, but yeah I am I am kind of like worried
about that now. The pelvic floor exercises. Go home and start shoving
fucking kegel balls in your butt. Are you listening? All you have to do is squeeze your butt.
Do it.
Oh, Kegels are actual things?
You thought it was just the name of an exercise,
like a curl.
Yep.
Kegels.
I think it is the name of an exercise, but.
Did you see that?
No, no, no.
Did you guys just see that in real time?
Listen to what I'm gonna say.
I think the exercise has been named Cagle's
because the item itself is named Cagle's.
Cagle exercises.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
It's like calling like dumbbell curls
instead of just curls, you know what I'm saying?
But you said it's like a physical thing
that you shove in your head, Shihun.
Yeah.
So Cagle Waits.
You should have seen the way that I just spelt that.
It's double E's.
Oh, these look.
Like butt plugs.
No, they look.
Let me see.
Oh yeah, I mean they could be butt plugs.
Yeah.
They look like mouse.
Little mice? Mice? Little mice. Or like I meant a mouse. Oh, like, I mean they could be butt plugs. Yeah, they look like mouse Little mice mice mice or like I'm I meant a mouse. Oh like I like a computer mouse got a nice
Remember those I don't wrote it mice remember like when you used to have I miss them. I miss mice dude
I miss my so much. I miss the mice
I we have we were so figured like we were so keyed in on how to innovate that we didn't even think of like if we should no
One's wrong with a mouse. I yeah, I liked having a Apple has the one that's like a smart mouse
Yeah, it's like buttons and there's no limit the pad is wack
Are you remember when those computers had a clit and you're just like oh, I love though. I hate it
I love those you'd be like oh
I didn't think I didn't think it was red
It was red and it was spiky and it was spiky. Yeah, why is it? But I like I hated that it was too slow
Yeah, like having a fucking mouse the first laptop
I ever had had one of those and I would had a clip yeah
I would like it was actually pretty responsive like it was it was when would you when would this be like better than a mouse?
I mean it also had the track pad.
Yeah, there was a lot of fingering going on.
Yeah.
It's like this and then it's like,
and then it's like, ooh.
That's all for this week's episode.
We appreciate you guys so much.
Frank, where can they find you?
F-Alvers at 85 on Twitter, The Frank Alvers
and all the forms of social media.
Check out the Patreon account,
patreon.com slash the basement yard.
Check out the basement yard and all forms of social media. Thank you guys for all the love, the basement yard check out the basement. I don't know forms social media
Thank you guys for all the love. I was born here to live Joe
Just gonna follow me at Joe Sanagato
On all platforms and go follow the show at the base me art on tik-tok and Instagram
And we appreciate all of you guys go check out don't spit that tea out, please
You've been spitting all over the ground all day
Go check out don't spit that tea out, please
You've been spitting all over the ground all day
Go check out the patreon patreon.com slash the basement yard. We appreciate all the love and support
We have our last five shows coming up and then our tour for this year is over finito
So we're really you know looking forward to closing out strong at Radio City
Hopefully see some of you guys there, but thank you guys so much and we'll see you next time.