The Basement Yard - #473 - We Are Chimp Crazy

Episode Date: October 21, 2024

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Welcome back to the base- BASS BASS BASS Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank stop biting your fingernails. Stop. Don't worry about my fingernails bitch. I'm not wearing-

Wear a fucking better hat. Are you giving me the middle finger? What are you doing with your finger? No you want it though? I don't want it. Nice fucking hat loser. The hell is you know you know what you're wearing You're fresh out the gish gift shop Okay, good you you fuck you fuck and the real deal of jokes is if you fuck up the wording on a joke you automatically Lose the joke that's the rule of jokes. That's the rule of how it works with friends nice fucking ironic Brooklyn hat

You're not beating those Brooklyn allegations. This is't Brooklyn you dumbass. That's a giraffe stupid Yeah, but it's just how many how many fucking giraffes are in Brooklyn? I'm not first of all that's not what I'm saying you dummy But like the way that like you just wear just like just like an innocuous object on your fucking hat And you're just like oh, I'm so fucking whoa He's so random, but also like making a statement at the same time like fuck you okay What are you saying? Who's your favorite baseball team cool time to grow up? Okay, you look like fucking you're going to me feel me me me time to grow up who fucking bought season tickets to the Rangers watch

Guys would fucking sticks with You bitch you go and you wear jerseys all the time. Don't even lie and say you don't bitch one. I don't to going to the game and Dressing like little Tommy and going to the baseball game to get a cracker jack and a hot dog like you are right now is totally different I know I know you're not talking shit about crackerjacks and or hot dogs do you like crackerjacks I don't mind crackerjacks but like the way they became like an old-timey staple it was just like dry martini's beating your wife and

crackerjacks I don't like that it's like as American as apple pie cracker. Yeah, I don't and just give it Mary one of these I Don't I don't like crackerjacks to the point that I would put them in a song Buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks. You're making this baseball game selling the worst Plain anything with flavor would be nice and whoever goes whoever still eats like shelled peanuts I only do it at baseball bars bars is the only place. It's okay Yeah, well that's scumbag if they have them at big barrels And you like go into the bar where you could just throw it on the ground. Yeah, hell. Yeah, I do We've talked about like me too

I do like though like there was that one bar that we would go to in Astoria Where it didn't have like a scoop or anything you had to scoop it with the bowl, and I just felt right You know what I mean, but to put peanuts and crackerjacks in a song yeah buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks No, but buy me a hot hot dog sauces and pepper garlic fries sausage you pepper ice cream in a little helmet How about a fucking cotton candy? Oh, how about a beer? That's worth about 35? The reason they said buy me peanuts and Cracker Jacks is because when that song came out those things cost four cents to get both of them. Right now, peanuts, Cracker Jacks running you four bucks

each. Frank, do you think a bag of Cracker Jacks at a baseball game is four dollars, is less than four dollars? No. Oh more. I'm saying they're probably all ten glad Google at New York Yankees price of Cracker Jacks If you go to I'm just gonna throw this out here big baseball fan I know that baseball is it you know loved across our country if you go to a game and someone with you or yourself buys Cracker Jacks Do me a favor find the tallest part of the building and just sneak through the crack and go overhead for a straight down They're four bucks. Good job. Hey, wow, I thought it was I thought it was definitely gonna be more I if if if you're asking someone to pay four dollars for

More than four jacks for caramelized popcorn bro cracker jacks. Where's the cracker? Where is jack who is jack and why is he got all these crackers? I know there is no cracker about it is popcorn It's caramel popcorn. Just call it. I think every now and then there's like a little like caramelized peanut in there or something Is there I don't like that shit. I don't and then people were like, yeah don't get now we're getting started on cracker I think we're starting going people are like, oh, I'm so excited for the prize The fry it was a paper It was it came folded the way your taxes your

fucking w-2 comes folded and you open it and it's like fucking a bazooka Joe goes and fucking buys a baseball and a lollipop fuck you cracker Jack really had nothing to look forward to back then I think I cannot wait to get to the they had absolutely nothing although I do like fortune cookies which is similar but way cooler fortune cookies because I earn it But you know why because there's a mysticism to fortune cookies you open a fortune cookie and you're like this can it's like horoscopes Like it is so vague that like this could be like the most important thing to ever happen to me Yeah, I also sometimes I read them and I'm like, can I read because I don't know if I can't understand

Yeah, some of them are they get a little too like whoever's writing them is getting a little too cutesy It's like oh you might meet a friend but from the past before and I'm like what the fuck Make any sense and it's just like you wish you were there right here and it's like what yeah It's like the wise owl does with the penguin says I'm like I don't even know how to piece that. That one actually kind of makes sense. Does it? Yeah, because the wise owl does what the penguin says. Penguins are notoriously stupid.

So like the wise owl- Why would the wise owl do something stupid? Because they follow- Those are different parts of the world. Because they follow what stupid people say sometimes. All of us are owls, babe. We're just looking to have a hoot. Okay, you tried to save it and you kind of did at the end,

but the middle part was very bad. I just, there's a certain mysticism like when you open a crackerjack, you're hoping your life gets changed. Like you're not, no one's opening- Wait no, you're talking about a fortune cookie. When you open a fortune cookie, you're hoping your life gets changed. When you open a bag of crackerjacks and there's this little fucking paper envelope, no one's excited anymore. The only thing I would be excited about is if there is a gun fully loaded at the bottom of the bag yeah because then I'm gonna shoot whoever

bought me a bag of crackerjacks unironically that was exciting when kids had to walk a fucking five miles uphill both ways to school like what a ridiculous thing I love what our parents used to say shit like that it's like yo you think you got a heart I had to walk five miles to school dad you you sounds like you were abused dad also not my fault also like different school I would have different also the reason you're complaining about it is because that shouldn't have happened and I am agreeing with you like that doesn't mean like that's the way it was It should be the same for you. Like I got hit you deserve to get your ass beat fucking fortunate

Yo, also lucky numbers on the fortune cookies. That's massive. I mean from that's big for like, you know, degenerate gamblers like you Oh, I don't you what first of all definitely not a generic game is second of all like I don't really have I Look at the lucky numbers and then I try to make them lucky in my life. Oh, like you make them like, oh my God, this is cousin Nicky's birthday and I haven't talked to him in four years, the next number is four! Yeah, like I'll do that. Oh, I wonder if anyone has ever won, do you have lucky numbers? No, I just have numbers.

I just, I mean, what could that possibly mean everyone just has you know like what a phone number everyone has numbers like I've played my numbers in what are those you know my birthday you know 30 Becker's birthday the kids birthdays is it anything outside of birthdays that you have a number no oh yeah eight eight eight eighty eighty eight, 80, 85. My football and baseball number. Yeah, but they're not lucky because I've played all of them in roulette

and I've never won. I have never, ever, ever won any amount of money in roulette. Whether it be- You never won a hand? Not a single spin. Wait, wait, wait, Frank. Not a single motherfucking spin. Wait, you've never put like $5 on a color and win?

Nope, every time I've done that I've lost. All right, we have to change that. I mean, I would like to, but at this point, doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for a different outcome is like the definition of insanity, and I'm not insane. Don't say that like you're saying a sentence, because that's an expression that's well known. I know, that's what I'm saying. But you't say that like you're saying a sentence. Cause that's an expression that's well known.

I know that's what I'm saying. But you're saying it like you're saying it. Bro when we did our shows, Basin Air Experience shows, two shows, one night, Atlantic City, I went, as Beck and I checked out of the hotel, which was incredible by the way, just wanna throw this out there.

I was like, you know what, we need to just, we have all our luggage with us and I was like Let's just put money on a color. That's it. Just just something red or black red or black I don't remember which color it was it was the wrong might have been red because I was like, oh basically red Black and I just I just I didn't even wait to see him pick up my chips I just fucking grabbed my shit and walked the opposite way. I've never won So that's why when you say you have lucky numbers. I say no. I just have numbers None of them are lucky. I've never won anything okay. Have you know But like if I had to I don't know like yeah, I don't know you have numbers

I just I guess I just like you have your number 25 25 oh my birthday you have 22 because you were a big Clyde the Glide fan. That's crazy. Well, that was why you said you loved the number 22. I did like Clyde Drexler a lot. That was why you said you wanted- Ask me how many Clyde Drexler games I've watched live. The answer is not one.

It's not greater than one either. It ain't. But- I remember when you told me that, I was just like, wow, he knows a lot about basketball. I'm completely understanding that now you got that from your dad or you found. My dad, oh no. Your dad would never watch basketball.

But I don't really know if my dad really watched that much sports growing up to be honest. He would watch football though He claims to be a Dolphins fan mad random. I mean everyone that was alive in the 70s was a Dolphins fan Yeah, cuz Dan Marino there when you're born in a certain decade There's really like a handful of teams you could like how many people do you know that are boys and Cowboys and Yankee fans? You know what? Yeah, I know Steelers people born in the 80s, Steelers fans. Or is that the 70s? I don't, you're missing, I don't know.

I have no idea. You know what I mean. Yeah, but I haven't had a fortune cookie in a very long time. I enjoy them actually. I had one the other day. I don't remember my fortune. Did you eat the cookie? Yeah, I ate the cookie.

You ever make fortune cookies? I've made them once. What are they? I don't even know what they are. I don't eat, they're like a dough. They must be, right? They're like a dough. They must be, right? They're like a dough

and it's like a special fortune cookie press. Yeah, a press? It's like, it looks like a panini maker almost. Oh. And you like put the dough in there and you push down and it shapes it into a cookie. Wait. How do you press down on something and make it 3D?

I don't remember. What the fuck are you talking about? How is that possible? I remember, I remember. Look,'t remember. What the fuck are you talking about? How is that possible? I remember. I remember. What was that? You clearly don't. You have nothing else to say. You take dough, you press, like you're making a waffle. But then a 3D thing pops up. You're seeing how I'm having trouble. I do, I do, I do. Cause it's not really taking. And I'll be honest with you,

I don't care to figure this out right now. I thought it was like some sort of fold. It could be. It looks like origami a little bit. It may be, yeah. And how does a paper get in there? Wait, what the hell are foodie cookies? Wait, how the fuck do they get it in there?

I don't know, now that I'm- Because you can't slip it out. Cause I did make them, this is a true story, I did make them, but now it's so far back in my memory? I don't know, now that I'm- Because you can't slip it out. Because I did make them. This is a true story. I did make them, but now it's so far back in my memory that I don't remember any of this stuff. Wait, how do they get it in the cookie? They've got to shove it in there. Bro, you're telling me there's a person with every single fortune cookie in the world who's

manually going like this? I imagine they're just shoving it in the cookie. Dude, no way. This is a crazy thing. How do they get the paper in the cookie? How do you get the paper? Is it even considered a cookie or is it more of a cracker? Is it a fortune? It's crackery! It's crackery, right? Thank you so much! It's cracker, Jack! I'd like to be hit. The paper or fortune gets inside a fortune cookie by folding it in while the cookie is still warm and malleable Oh, so they let it cool They're baked as flat circles while the cookies are still warm steel prongs are push steel prongs push the paper fortunes

Into the cookie whether still fold it into the butterfly shape. Oh, so they harden. Oh Okay, there was probably honestly we probably could have gotten there if we had just put a little bit of thought into it it into the butterfly shape. Oh, so they harden. Oh, okay. There was probably, honestly, we probably could have gotten there if we had just put a little bit of thought into it. Ah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. Oh, so, okay. So here's how you do it.

I know. I, you just explained it. You don't need to re-explain it. I'm, I'm, I'm doing it for people. Okay. Do it. You clearly don't know cause you don't remember even though you did it. Okay.

You press it down flat. Yes. And then you have circle. Yep. And then you make taco. Right? You make taco. Then you bring the other side on the other side. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that. And then you put the paper in and then you don't. I don't remember that. But I remember that. You know what I mean? Like did you guys put fortunes in them? Yeah. But they were like, we did it for like, it was during college when I was an RA or an RD one of those years. And we did it like, it was like a program. So like the fortune was just like don't forget to register for fall classes You made fortune cookies for college students God it might have been it might have been around like Chinese New Year and like we just completely took that for our own and

Just put in like you are the year of the dragon Wow, are we something? Yeah, we are we've talked about this numerous times We are the year of the monkey. It was a big thing when we were in elementary school year the monkey Um, do you remember when we had uh, it was like chinese new year and tiffany win brought in up first and last Brought in a bunch of the red envelopes for all of us. Yeah, I do I also don't and it was gold coins in it I also don't think she was I think she was Korean Listen she

Really a she did it and she brought the stuff and he did it. I had the gold coins and I ate that's right I don't think worse chocolate ever by the way Coin chocolate, I don't mind it. I don't mind it at all. The worst chocolate, the worst chocolate is the hollow Easter bunny chocolate. That's not chocolate, brother. That's just cardboard. I don't like it. That's cardboard dipped in chocolate.

You wanna know what's classic and low key? No. You're gonna hear it. Hershey bars. Classic and like not really talked about or hyped. Listen, if we're going just regular milk chocolate bars, I know where you're going. Lindt is number one. Lindt and Cadbury, they make great chocolate.

Lindt is number one. Lindt, Cadbury and Hershey. Hershey, it's too plain. Like it just feels like I'm just having like, it feels like I'm having just plain Like lint there's like a there's like a velvety silkiness like elegance to it like I feel yeah, I feel richer I feel when I'm eating a lint-er you heard that? Well, you know what I mean? I am rich in many things love happiness friendship family

pure bottom line dollar sign But Yeah, just looking over your face um be I agree with you because whenever I eat lint it does feel like I'm I put a Slipper on my tongue. Oh You know I miss the? That is the best. It's like warm. Like I slid into velvet slippers. In a hotel.

In a hotel and I'm just walking around on padded carpet. Yeah, you know? Yes. I feel like that chocolate when you eat it, it gets warm. It feels like it gets warm and cold at the same time somehow and it feels like the Pokemon move Surf is in my mouth. You know what I'm talking about?

There's just a wave of chocolate. You always have to take it to a step that I don't know. What do you mean you don't know? You don't remember the move Surf? I know first gen, I only know first gen. It's in first gen, bitch. Wait, what'd you say? Surf. I thought you said you surf.

Surf, just surf. Is that it? Oh, the move you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, when you know like you can then ride Lapras along to Cinnabar Island. Correct. Or you use it during a match and it's just a wave of water across the whole screen. Yes. You can then ride Lapras along to Cinnabar Island. Correct. Or you use it during a match and it's just a wave of water across the whole screen.

Yes. If you can't miss. Right, and I thought you were naming a Pokemon that was named Usurf. No, no, no. I don't know. Believe it or not, the newer gen of Pokemon, Joe, there's a lot I don't know. Wow.

You know, it's hard. It's hard to keep up with so many. There's over 700 now. Do you know 700 of anything besides slurs? 700 slurs There are no way there's out there. They're out there. I'd say Google it but how many slurs exist there? They're out there somewhere, dude I mean that would be a crazy jump for all the things that I'm like been googling also

I've been heavy on the Google lately with weird shit, so I'm just not what else you're googling I mean, I'm good. I I was scrolling through like that's scrolling. What the hell is that? Fuck this is scrolling. No I would not on my phone I was like on like my Apple TV And I'm like looking at shit, and I saw the have you seen the the chimp crazy thing? The lady I've heard of it. I haven't watched it yet though. I haven't watched it either, but I like read the little How you doing the blurb? Yeah, I'll blurb it up and I was like, okay So I started just like getting a little precursor before I watch it

Oh a little you're edging yourself a little foreplay before you watch it a little for the one two three four play and It's very interesting what people do with animals to be honest with you like this woman Loved this I mean you love your fucking dog people love animals There's like out of control so McLaughlin taught us that's the right thing to do. She breastfed the monkey though So wait, that's different. Wait, she breastfed yeah a Monkey. Mm-hmm. What else was she gonna do monkey needed to eat? I can Monkey I can name bananas. Where are you? Oh, yeah

Yeah, but they oh shit they apparently they suck tits. Well, they did that day I mean, that's not that abnormal. That's what that's against the law Oh really to have an animal suck your stuff. Why we're drinking cow's milk. It's the alley to you Beastie out. Yes, it is. I don't think it's beastie alley to let a monkey suck on your tits. Frankie, that is... Frank. I think bestiality is when you suck on a monkey's tits. Or balls. We've seen monkey dicks. I don't know if I've seen them before.

We've seen monkey dicks. We can confirm we've seen monkey dicks. Where the hell are their balls dude? It might be one of those things where they're indoors and then like only this stuff come here This is in Florida you can have a pool outside Let your balls fucking fly and now without it being surrounded by a fence. Oh, yeah, cuz of alligators So maybe the apes don't have balls because of alligators that could be that could be it's for protection wait no seriously Look up the definition of bestiality are you saying beesh bestiality bestiality bestiality it's not beast well yeah but I'm you know I'm

saying things in a way that I don't need to confine to your fucking laws sir it so incorrectly cool what else you got okay fun. Fun guy? Beastiality. It's actually fungy, but. I can't believe I just fell for that where I typed that in because the first three links are porn. Yeah, I figured that. I'm trying to look for a death. Why didn't you write in definition?

Why did you just type the word beastiality? That's a good question that I don't have an answer for for I think that was a subconscious way your brain wanted to find that By the way this already demonetized so just let her Oh because it's not called that anymore. What the hell is it called? Guess it's a philia Beast you philia All right, hold on. Let me fucking get anem-a-philia. That sounds like you love enemas.

Anima. I know. No, it's, it's, uh... Wait, wait, uh... What's their, like, proper, what's like the Latin word for... Beast? For an- no, for an- for monkeys. Oh, no, we're talking all beasts. What is it? What is it when you fuck? Zoophilia. Zoo. I, we're talking all beasts. What is it? What is it? What is it? When you feel ya zoo? It just says zoo feel ya that's stupid. I got I mean, I'll be honest from the definition of that Who doesn't have zoo feel II? I love zoos. They're great places. I do like a zoo Doesn't he is the greece is horny though. You feel he has one of the Greek words for love. It's not necessarily horny

Yeah, but a horny love. No, I think it's like a brotherly love that's why phila delphia is called the city a city of brotherly love I'm serious Frank I'm Joey there's different it's like it's like Delphia Delphia wait now you got me Phil I'm I don't well because I know this phila and why are you saying that in that accent it It's Greek. It's Greek. There's a gapi. There's arrows Oh, there's different like different types of love There's like familial love love between lovers before we get confused with all of the Latin and Greek that we're mixing in bad Specialities you feel yeah, let's make sure we make that all the phili the filias. All, well, Ophelia is fine. If I ever met someone named Ophelia, I'd lose my mind.

But it's, it's when a person experiences a sexual fixation on non-human animals. Yes. Is breastfeeding an animal because they need to survive considered that? It's not sexual. It is purely survival based. I think that you have a case, but ultimately I think the jury will rule guilty. I don't know.

I don't know. If this animal is not, if a fucking chimp walks in here right now and it's on its death bed. First of all, if a chimp walked in here right now, dude, I'm so pumped. I'm, what? I'm terrified.

Oh really why well I Don't know which one is a chimp What if he's wearing like those old-timey Yankee hats that are white with the blue stripes that I like a lot You know what I'm talking about animals in human clothes is better than anything. Have you watched? Nope by Jordan Peele yet. I have not okay. Maybe you should watch it before we continue this conversation Why there's some stuff in that movie? Oh? But that's my I guess that's a valid question that this woman had to probably answer several times in her life So if you're getting it you're getting a chimp

She had to answer several times. I mean if she's sitting there as letting fucking chimps suck on her nips Yeah She was a nurse. She was a former nurse turned I've answered several times. I mean, if she's sitting there just letting fucking chimps suck on her nips. Yeah. She was a nurse, she was a former nurse turned exonimal, exonimal, exotic animal broker. Spends her days caring for animals in captivity, referring to herself as the Dolly Parton of chimps.

That sounds pretty sick. I'm gonna be honest, she's not, she's kind of making it sound pretty sick. I mean, you got Dolly Parton famous for having big boobs and now we're talking about breastfeeding this woman That's on the chimps suck on her nipples. She's got knockers But I assume she's not gonna just pull Dolly out of nowhere if there's not some yeah You know you're doing when you're calling yourself Dolly Parton unless she's singing to them, too They're fucking sucking on her. She's like

them too. They're fucking sucking on her and she's like, Joleen. Joleen. What was her name? Oh, her name is Tanya Haddix. Haddix with an X? Um, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, she's, whoa, she's, yeah. She's built like a brick city. She, she could, she definitely could breastfeed a chimp. Wait, and his boys.

And his boys. Imagine the chimp go back to his crew, just like, yo guys, there's an endless amount of. But you wanna hear something crazy? They hold up their feet too, cause they also look like hands, like yo, you guys have no idea What's going on in there? She well obviously she's lactating so she had a baby She had a real baby too, but she so she was she was double-titting so chimp a human baby. Yeah, dude

Imagine being the child you're fucked for life, dude. Yeah, like you shared your tits shared Yeah, but you I couldn't even get it by myself Like I I get uncomfortable sharing a sauna with people imagine if I was sharing my mom's boob with a fucking animal But apparently so she like had she had the She had the animals. Mm-hmm, right the monkeys and then what kind of monkeys just chimps or she get another Monkeys in there. Well, I mean it said that she was an exotic animal broke at the Pythagoras Again, I you know, you're saying it again, and I know it's a monkey, but I don't they look like they're extinct Oh, they're stinked she

So PETA got involved because there was like an alleged animal welfare abuses going on. I mean, yeah, they sound like they're having the swell fare. So they were looking for all the chimps and they took all of them, but one was missing. What'd you say? I told you. I told you.

He said the concern about the welfare. I was like, it was swell fare. Jeez. Peta, he's like, we're good. He said the concern about their welfare. I was like it was swell fare She's Peter throw the heat monkeys like we're good. You know how many mink coats he has dude Peter mink coats he's got so we'll get those buckets of fucking paint ready, baby So there was a monkey named Tonka Tonka, but she told them that he died. Oh, but she he was like he was alive. He was alive She probably hit him under her tits. Oh, but he was alive. He was alive.

She probably hit him under her tits. Yeah, that's basically what happened. He was alive and living in a cage in her basement. Oh, that's not nice. That's sad. Unless it was a nice basement. The cage is the problem, not necessarily just the basement. Let's be honest about something.

There are pretty sick basements out there. Are we going to get him his own bed? Are you going to get him a room? Well, you know, I think that would be the courteous thing to do. I think don't have it. What's worse, being in a dingy basement in a cage or being in a nice basement in a cage?

The dingy. You're probably right. I'd rather be in a nice furnished basement. Maybe there's a TV. Yeah, but like, but you can't use it. It's there, but you can't use it, you know? I'd rather imagine a TV on a wall. I'm also not a space man. Maybe there's a TV. Yeah, but like, but you can't use it. It's there, but you can't use it, you know? I'd rather imagine a TV on a wall. I'm also not a chimp.

You'd rather, you'd rather imagine a TV than see it and know I can't use it? All right, Frank. We do have some sponsors for today and maybe we'll get to something we planned on talking about. The first one being Squarespace. Squarespace is where you're going to build your websites. It's a great platform where you can build websites, you can get domains, and yeah, if

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Titty sucking ladies. Titty sucking monkeys. I'm gonna tell you about something that may feel euphoric like titty sucking and that's Patreon, Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Thank you guys so much. Continuing to grow, continuing to move in the right direction and it's because of people like you.

We're actually in conversation with Joe and daddy Greg. We've been talking about different things that we could do to continue to grow the Patreon and make it more enjoyable for you guys. So do me a favor, go to patreon.com slash the basement yard. You sign up for that first year, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance. And that second tier, not only you get the weekly episodes a week early, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday where there there's no ads and they're a little more unhinged, uh, uh, kind of nuts if I'm being honest.

So that's where the first, I think that's where we first talked about a giant ganty pithecus, which that sounds, that's that right there is enough to want to get people to watch. So go check it out right now, patreon.com slash the basement. Thank you guys. We're creeping towards 33,000 and we're going to keep trying to get there and give you guys. We're creeping towards 33,000 and we're gonna keep trying to get there and give you guys more of what you love Which is us talking about chimps sucking titties Joe back to these big tits I just I Think there is a case if I'm a lawyer

Okay. Yeah, I went to law school Thanks for pointing that I assumed if you're a lawyer. I uh, I think that there is a case to be made that this is not considered any form of bestiality or Zufilia because it's not, it wasn't done sexually. She did it to maternally maternally, but still a leagues. Is it? You can't have having them might be bad. Yeah, crime.

But like, what if you find one in the wild? You can't stumble upon monkeys. Yes, you can, dude. People do it all the time. I guess they do. Yeah. What do you mean? Yeah.

So like, you're stumbling about. That's what I would do. I'll be honest. If I was. You could have spider monkeys. I don't know if that's the right word. Yeah, I think that's a racist term. What? I think if I was a woman and I had giant beanbags, right?

And I was walking in the jungle and I saw monkeys my first line of defense is just dump my tits out defense Well, just so they don't attack me. Oh, so you're preemptively dumping. I would think boobs are the universal language. Okay, so like, yeah, like it's suppers ready is what you're saying. I mean, if you believe in evolution, which I know you say you don't, they are our closest animal relatives. So they'll immediately understand when they see tits.

Right. They'll go... Everyone gets that. Everyone knows what a nipple is. That's what I. Right. They'll go. Everyone gets that. Everyone knows what a nipple is. That's what I'm saying. They know you're supposed to say. So like, you know, like instead, like we're as men, we're like, yo, like don't bother us.

We throw our hands up. They immediately want to fight us. Right. You're going to dump them out. Dump them out. Okay. Not a bad move. Well, that's an interesting life that you would live.

I'm glad that you're not a woman. If you were to suck on the nipple of any animal, what would it be? I don't understand. You want to derail our career. You want this podcast to go to shit. Or you want to have an extensive conversation about beach. I'm not saying for sexual gratification, like say you're in the desert.

I'm gonna paint a picture, all right? Yeah. Close your eyes. Nipples everywhere. Okay. Wait, am I in the desert? You're in the desert. That's how you should probably start with that.

Close your eyes again. Okay, they're closed. You're in the desert you're in the dead? That's why you should probably start with that close your eyes again. Okay, they're closed you're in the desert correct and you are starving you are Dehydrated they're famished. They're yes. Exactly. You are famished Frank if you throw something at me, I'll kill you Damn it you are. Oh there goes prank I'll kill you. God damn it. You are.

Oh, there goes prank, prank. Prank, prank. Prank, prank. Prank, prank. Prank, prank. Prank, prank. Prank, prank. Prank, prank.

Prank, prank. Prank, prank. Prank, prank. Prank, prank. Prank, prank. Prank, prank. Prank, prank. Prank, prank.

Prank, prank. Prank, prank. Prank, prank. Prank, prank. Prank, prank. Prank, prank. Prank, prank. Prank, prank. Prank, prank. Prank, prank. life and you need to suck on the nipples of an animal. Which ones would save me? In this disaster scenario. Maybe a cow, does that count?

Yeah, I would say a cow's fine. Those are tits. Technically it's tits with four nipples. Wait, what? It's one big tit. Is it? So wait, these are udders. Yep.

What's that? I think that's the upper udder I? Think that's the the upper utter I think that you have the upper utter middle utter lower utter and those are those I think are the nippies No, these are udders. No, I think the whole thing is the utter and then all the pink That's like like for instance your whole your whole Your whole boob is your boob, but then you have different parts of the boob. You should have nipple. The nipple. Areola. Areola.

Oh, so maybe that's the areola of the cow? Well, you should probably look it up now, honestly, at this point. We're... You're getting a knock on your door from the FBI tonight. I don't even know what to type in. What's the big... What is the... What's the half circle... What are the parts of the udders? What's the pink half circle next to the udders? No, no, no. no just say parts of an utter

Parts of another parts of another part parts of another just look at I'm gonna go There's different parts right I Mean they're talking about tissue here. I don't want to know tissue. I just want to know like is there like a diagram I just want is there a diagram I'm on images now Whoa something's wrong with that cow That's crazy, bro, that's a full bag I would say a full bag um full bag. Oh Hmm all right. What are we talking here?

Teat. Pfft. Ha ha ha! But it is a teat. That makes sense. You suck on the teat. You got the little penis part of the udder. But the whole thing is the ud, I think.

The whole thing is the udder. So the whole house is a home and there are different rooms and one of those rooms has teats yeah gotcha well the heat is a tee well we're moving somewhere yeah I think we're there we're in the right direction that's interesting so utter is more oh wait I don't know frogs and toads no frogs and toads wrong no it Frogs and toads. Wrong. No, it is not wrong.

Jeez, what was the last time you milked a cow? Preschool. With me? Yeah. Kind of wild to be letting preschool kids milk, right? Dude, they were nuts back then. They were telling us about horses that'll remember us forever and shit like that.

What? You don't remember that? I was in pre-K, I was scream. No, I don't remember. First of all, you-K, I was three. No, I don't remember. First of all, you were four. I was four. It was fall of 1996. It's where you and I first met, okay?

I still vividly remember what I wore that day and the Goosebumps lunch box that I had. So don't fucking talk shit. Okay. They, we went to the zoo and it was, they were like, this is the horse Horses have such great memory that if you were to come back in 20 years, they'll remember you and It fucked my whole day until I got a bag of cheese deals or something. Yeah, you know for real real quick

But like I don't know apparently horses and elephants. She's have great memories I know the elephant thing but, I didn't know they like remember everything too. When we were in New York, I, I, I had to like tell Becca like you need to chill. When we were in New York. Yeah. When we were in New York for radio city, I can, I stayed overnight. We stayed in the hotel and a Wednesday morning we woke up. We went for a nice walk in central park. It was a zoo. No, but I had to, I had to like stop her cause she's like, I'm going to say hi to every horse that is here Mm-hmm. It's like you probably shouldn't we don't have all day, right? Fucking dozen horses and she's talking to them like oh this one's sad Dude I'll be honest with you those horses in Central Park

Break my little heart. You too? Yeah. You're a little heart boy? I- animals get me so easily, it's insane. Okay. I don't- whatever. Heartless pig. No, I care, but like, they- I'm sure like it is so heavily regulated now that like-

It isn't. It's actually an issue, actually. Really? Yeah, like people like hate that those, they let the horses do that. Oh, then maybe I should feel sad about it. Say it again, say how you feel. How do you feel about the horses? Nice, we all believe you.

Um, yeah. No, the honesty I assume. There was one year we like went to Central Park, maybe it was like the tree, I don't know, but like my sister's walking on the sidewalk and she's just yelling about these fucking horses Out loud and it's like I was like Shen shut the fuck up because there's a poor Little Swedish old Swedish couple in the back thinking they're getting the New York experience and shans like no this thing hurts them It's they're gonna die and I'm like sh, shit. I mean, she's not wrong.

All right, but like. But also the Swedish people probably don't speak much English. They're not thinking about it. They're paying their $60 to go two blocks on a horse in New York City and they're having the time of their lives. Wild, how much that shit costs.

I've never done it, have you? I almost did when Becca and I were here and I heard the guy, he was like, the first half mile's $40. And I was like, get the fuck out of here. Half mile? For $40? I better be riding this thing my fucking self.

Oh yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? You know, what do you think I am? Who do you think I am, Joe Santagato? Yeah. Come on, if I'm paying $40, I better be able to hi-yah that thing, you know what I mean?

If you give me, honestly. I want a wheel to fall off, and let's get real interesting around here. Oh no, that's scary, dude. I know. Get some fucking danger, make it cool. Well, you're talking about the chariot part of it. I wanna be sitting on the horse.

Oh yeah. And bucking through. Holding on to his game. I wanna hear that, I'll ride the horse just to hear the clip clop. I'll be honest with you. Cuck, cuck, cuck, cuck, cuck, cuck. Man, you don't even have to ride it to hear that I know but it feels cooler when you're riding cause like I'm doing that

yeah you know yeah I'm big on the fucking changing the horseshoes on like videos I love them the one that's just like the guy's just like we're gonna file this down oh no there's a little bit of liquid we're gonna cut around it and it just like farts it out and it's like there's like this liquid just coming out like oh, it's puss you fully ruined it fully ruined it I mean, it's an infection. It's puss. I know but but you don't need to call it that you can just call it like there's liquid cream That's way worse. I don't know how to make you comfortable

This is the real world horses get a little bit of cream in their feet all right. That's what happens Sorry Peter Pan time to grow up Horses got infections. I'm gonna fix them. I'm grown up. I'm grown up. I'm not the one here wearing a fucking Cool giraffe on my hat giraffes are awesome. I know that's why I said cool That's why I said cool you ever see them drink water their stupid ass fucking bow legs I hate if I ever saw that in the wild. I'm throwing a rock at one of their legs when they know Just letting you know just letting you know They literally like I don't know how to get like get on a knee

They look like like you ever seen a cartoon when like a like a very large person sits in a chair and all the legs bow Out yeah, that's what they look like Dude, that's so funny. They're like... That's funny. I love giraffes. Bro, if you go to the Bronx Zoo, you can go feed them and they'll come up to your fucking face. Dude, I don't know if you remember this. I would let a giraffe lick my face.

We grew... Like, it's so funny looking back on when we grew up and just be like, how was this allowed? When we grew up, do you remember if you'd go to Six Flags and they had like the like safari you could drive through, bring a can of Coke and you can drive through a safari, one plus like one person for free. And the giraffes would just put their head

in your window, dude. I want that to happen to me so bad. Yeah, until they lick your ear off, dude. Those tongues are meant for industrial grade sucking. You think that they're gonna fucking let your ear go? I don't love the color. Yeah, if your tongue is gray... It's like a purple-y gray.

It's like a weird old woman's vein. Like Grimace's penis. Yeah. That one. Like my grandma's leg. Oh, yeah. You know, like a vein and an old... Oh my god, your grandma's legs are disgusting.

Yeah. I mean, yours were worse. Hers were inflamed. At least you didn't see the veins like your fucking translucent grandmother's legs. OK. You want to talk about legs on grandmother's? Because we can go there. Grandma's legs were all scratched up from the cat. You think I forgot about that? No, I hope you didn't, because it's something I unfortunately have to remember as well.

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That was a little, that was a bit of a mouthful. It was a wordy. It was. But yeah, lastly here, really interesting play out there if you want to go see. I don't know when Wicked comes out, do you know? I think it's next week as a recording. Ariana Grande is hosting SNL this week. Oh, that's right. Yeah, so I think it's next week as a recording Ariana Grande is hosting SNL this week oh that's right yeah so I think it's next week it comes out so this is not like wicked at all apparently but it is wicked I heard about

apparently there's a show that I don't it's an opera show oh which I don't you know if I don't understand that I don't care and I can't understand certain like loud singing Why is opera a different like it's just louder singing and like longer singing too. Like yeah, I I You know me I support I support I support I support but opera I don't like it's that's too much like that's what that's what I like You know me, I support. I support. I support. I support. But opera? I don't like it's that's too much. Like that's when that's what I've like people are just being annoying and being like, Oh, all right, this is good.

It's too much. I sing great. I would get the sound of amazing, but I would like to be outside in Italy if I'm going to hear it. But the acoustics brother, the acoustics, they're not, they're not acoustic. They got a, I think I was called. No sound. Hmm. But the acoustics brother the acoustics they're not they're not acoustic No sound mm-hmm No, I think the opera like we've peaked with like musical theater stop it there

Anything louder and longer and deeper and just more intense like opera don't need it, bro Yeah, I mean, I don't know how much singing is in this either, but you know the headline for this article says explicit lesbian Scenes at the opera leaves 18 audience members needing medical treatment. I saw this I saw I don't know about you, but I am bought in I know you're fully in well I mean, there's a there's an opera show that you know what of course you would you freak But you would you go to the places like the box and of course if you hear that there's something that it because I saw this article and it was like it includes real blood. It includes fake blood which just do it all fake blood.

Don't need to go to the step further. How is that legal to be bloody at work? You tell me. You tell me. It's fake. You go to Is It? Yes. Is it? Yes yes is it?

Asking again is not going to change my hands. Have you seen the clip from that movie Megalopolis? What is that? Francis Ford Coppola. Oh, yeah, it's gotten a little bit of hot water There's some stuff which we're not gonna talk about but he's he like sold some of his winery in order to like self fund this movie and it's apparently just an absolute just in order to like self-fund this movie and it's apparently just an absolute just disaster of a movie and there's one part where fucking the girl from Natalie Emanuel, I think is her name. She's from Game of Thrones where he's like you're entitled and she's like entitled Yes entitled. Yes entitled. Yes And you took us on that ride for that

Yes You took us on that ride for that And then he says like I want to talk about art and signs of people so if you don't want to go back to the club What is this It's fucking it. John Voight has a boner and shoots Shia LaBeouf in the ass. It's crazy. John Voight and Shia LaBeouf are in it? And Aubrey Plaza. Is it a comedy? It's not supposed to be. It will be. But this one,

this is the article that says, A night at the opera is usually quite the classy affair, but this cast of naked roller skating nuns I will say this, that sounds fire. That sounds pretty cool naked roller-skating nuns roller-skating nuns

Alone is hilarious. That's really cool. Honestly, I'm not against nuns. I'm fine with nuns. I'm fine with nuns Naked the naked nuns that seems like they're not really none. It seems like that's Halloween, babe It feels like that's a mistake. Yeah, that's It seems like they're not really nuns. It seems like- That's Halloween, babe. It feels like that's a mistake. Yeah, that's a mistake. It feels like you can't be a nun in naked.

That's what we call Halloween, is sexy nuns. Yeah. Slutty, slutty woman of the fucking- Yeah. Coventry or whatever it's called. Any way that you kind of pair these three words, it's kind of cool. Roller skating nuns, cool.

Naked roller skating, cool. Yeah, I mean, yeah, but you gotta to be careful if you're a man and you're naked roller skating you need to you when you fall you need to yeah crawl up. But this cast of naked roller skating nuns have managed to turn that on its head with their eye-popping performance that left 18 people in the honest need medical treatment. Throw in a few explicit lesbian sex scenes and some real blood alongside the scantily clad sisters of the church And you have yourself a recipe for quite the thrilling night in the theater Why are people going to the hospital is it too lesbian?

It's too it might be it might be too lesbian the lesbians might be trying to kill us. Honestly. That's what they're doing Are they lesbian roller skating naked nuns? I mean that just sounds like a Quentin Tarantino movie if you're asking me and it doesn't sound like what I wouldn't watch And it's Quentin Tarantino I'd be like naked roller skating nuns with perfect feet with perfect feet that all say the n-word all say the n-word it's like yeah chill out Quentin we get it okay we know it's set in a certain time you don't need to really drive it home that's so true he loves putting the n-word in the movie like aggressively too there's only been two performances of it so far since his premiere on uh october 5th but more than a half a dozen people who have seen it have ended up suffering with shock and nausea due to its salacious scenes. Dramatic.

I think it is, but apparently people are very sensitive to that shit. Like if you're going to the opera, you probably are sense. Oh, like that dude on that dude on a, on Tik TOK we spoke about it at one of the shows, uh, Dalton. Yeah. He just looks at pictures of stuff and he's throwing up. That's fair. I don't know listen. I've seen

I'm not proud of this. I have seen Cup It'll be like you know Gelatinized beans and hot dogs were covered in like a gray grave, and he's like oh what the fuck That's fucking nasty. I hate beans And listen, I I support Dalton but like he also just sees like octopus octopus has never made me throw up cuz I love I mean if it's surrounded by other shit, it's like stuffed in a chicken. Yeah, that's

Crazy, I mean it sounds delicious We bought in boy, yo boy boy any boy. Oh The lesbians so that this is what they're trying to do. They know it's the lesbians is the lesbian It's a naked roller skating nuns. It's you roller skating that are bleeding all over the place It's going with your blood Bleeding all over the place are trying to kill the men the straight men that they know are going to these shows it is a conspiracy and We will get to the bottom will get to the bottom of those

It rollers skating bleeding nuns those who had a physical reaction to the chaos unfolding in front of them Were sat in the roads near the stage according to a spokesperson Who added that they would have known what they are getting themselves in for? Who added that they would have known what they are getting themselves in for? Interesting I'll be honest with you if you hear naked roller skating bleeding nuns on the poster you you wear a poncho You're gonna be in the front row kinda. You know there's a splash zone. Oh, yeah, exactly This isn't you know fucking Rocky Horror picture show. There's gonna be some shit going on We may have to take a field trip. Where is it? I don't know. I feel like this feels European. Duh. There's two women. They love nudity over there. They do. But there's two women. And nuns. There's two women dressed as

like construction workers and they're holding like a pipe and the pipe has a bunch of like I Guess ropes or whatever and there's a woman laying in those ropes being carried across the stage It sounds about right like I'm just this sounds like I'll be really honest with you If you had told me in like ten minutes, like by the way, I have seen this live I'd be like, yeah, this sounds like your show. It's it's people like you here It is the story of a nun who discovers her sexuality okay okay which ends up sending the entire nunnery into a hub of sexual frenzy so she was probably just like you know you guys ever seen a penis and then there's blood well they're

lesbians so they don't care about penises. That's fair. They care about each other's, you know, holy Bibles. Open up to chapter 69. Um, I'll be honest. What the fuck? Nuns discovering sexuality, where does roller skating come into this? That's the least sexy activity I could think of. Yeah, that's not great. There's an actress with dwarfism who levitates in the air

before being spun around by a robotic arm, and another dressed up as Jesus building out some of Eminem's tracks. Wait, like the rapper, Marshall Mathers? There's an actress with dwarfism who levitates in the air before being spun around by a robotic arm yeah and another one dressed up as Jesus belting out Eminem songs yeah okay I have to see this now where is it? I don't know I don't know man but don't know, man, but I'm scared.

Oh, oh no, that's not, that's the name of the, where is this? I don't know, sorry, can't do it. I would like to go though. That sounds interesting. Ooh, ah! Sorry, I was stretching. Is that how you stretch? You do that sometimes.

God, where is this fucking thing? Ah, Shreya. Oh yeah, that sounds about right. This sucks. Who wrote this? I don't know. Any descendants? Oh no, oh no.

Oh no. There's a picture. Uh oh. Of the naked nuns on the roller skates. No, of the actress with dwarfism being spun around by a robotic arm. You can't. And they are definitely being spun around

by the robotic arms. Well, I would imagine that the reason that they're upside down is because they're being spun. They are, yes. And they're, this is just bananas. That's all we got for that Yeah, that's it. I mean what else what else you need there? You know what I'm saying folks. Yeah, I would go see it I'm not gonna travel for it

But if it was like down if you just happen to be in Austria Or if it would like came to New York, and they just like wanted to wait. I don't know New York would get worse with it the bleeding will because they let like fucking rats nipple on their fucking nipples or something back at nipples back full but that's a callback baby that's that is comedy folks that is a callback callback and now we're gonna have to name this something about nipples which I'm not gonna know you the name not that we're making a dollar off the name can just be we're chip crazy we're chimp crazy. We're chimp crazy? Yeah.

Just two chimp crazy kind of guys. Just, well now I'm talking like, fucking Costco guys. Yeah, now you're talking like, yeah, why you gotta bring it back to him? We're Costco guys. Double chug chug chug chuggy. I'll be honest with you.

Every 30 minutes I say it. The chicken bake looks good. Yeah, it does. It does. I saw someone on TikTok make a homemade one, and I was like, that shit looks good. It does. It doesn't look bad. There's like cheese in it, right?

I believe there is some cheese. Pfft. Why did you say that? Um, anyway Frank, where can they find you? FAlvarez85 on Twitter, the Frank Alvarez in all the forums, social media, the BazeMeR Out and everything, Baze Me Out and I'm a double chug chug the googie. You know you do that a lot. Double chug chug the googie. No, well that you do too.

Double. But you go, ay ay ay ay ay. What? Like when at the end you just slur your words into being, what are you doing with your fingers again? It's the weirdest AMS. If you're an audio only listener Joe is confused because he's asking me to finger him I am NOT. Frank is just I don't know it looks like you have one finger or you're

missing a finger is what I meant to say oh you mean this? okay by the way I saw a dog this morning with three legs. Don't care So go check out the show. It's amazing that they're just chilling. Yeah, do you think they know? They have to know They're not allowed. They're not allowed to think they get upset or they're just like nah, I'm just like whatever is good They're dogs. Yeah, you guys can go follow me at Joe Santa.antagato go follow the show on tiktok and instagram at the basement yard and uh yeah that is all we appreciate you guys big things in the pipeline here can't wait to tell you guys about it but that is all for this week's episode thank you guys so

much and we'll see you guys next that hurt that hurt my hand.