The Basement Yard - #489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch

Episode Date: February 10, 2025

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Welcome back to the base- BASS BASS BASS Welcome back to the basement yard, Frank. Oh, oh, oh, ooh, ooh. You know how I'm triggered by pointing. So cut it the fuck out.

This is the new studio, so you're looking at it now. It's very lovely. Frank, nice little power ranger you got there. I did, so for people that watch the Patreon episode, they know that it was up for debate what I was going be allowed to put up here because you yeah you brought a lot of toys I did it mostly toys yeah but some stuff made it so I think it's well representative of me and well representative of hot sauce yeah today go get this Bloody Mary hot sauce okay this is the second version of the hot sauce that me and Greg did the first one was everything bagel hot sauce

But this is a Bloody Mary hot sauce and again you guys fucking listen I I'm I'm not being a shill because you pay the bills It is really good, and it does go on everything that I have consumed I have not had it in a drink right because I don't know why you'd put that there, but But we're gonna put it in a Bloody Mary's because we got Bloody Mary's! Bloody Mary's! We're doing a brunch episode for the inaugura- inaugur- inaugur- Inauguration, Joey's really pumped, he's celebrating.

He's celebrating the whole time. How do I say that word? Inaugural, inaugural. Inaugural? Inaugural, but technically- I thought it was gyral. Inaugural. Inaugural? Inaug inaugural inaugural inaugural I don't know but look at these bloodies baby look at that I mean you have the chicken tenders on yours I obviously

went with a really well cooked hot dog with a with a what's going on with the bun is my question the bun so Greg thank you for setting this up Greg I appreciate it but he when he heated up the hot dog, he also went and put the bun in the microwave. So it came out like Play-Doh. But it looks good. It is wet. I'm excited, though.

Can I get some of the? Oh, and we have chicken. It's a proper brunch episode, ladies and gentlemen. The boys like to do brunch one way, and that's- Oh my god, this chicken looks amazing. Out of control. And the hot sauce too. And the hotty sauce. This guy, he knows what he's doing. He does know what he's doing. He knows what he's doing.

He's doing stuff. Although- Thank you so much. One syrup? What am I- What are we doing? Rationing? It's tough out there, Joey. The trees, the trees- You know what I've always wanted to eat? I don't know rations We should we do a ration episode you know a ration episode you know they have like canned Something from like canned peaches from the 50s or something like I'd like to get my hands on some war food

You know what I mean you got to be careful man some of that stuff I mean, I think canned like old timey like I mean, I think canned like old timey like survival food is different than like rations Like rations you'll get like it'll be like buffalo chicken, but it's like pressed into a cake. That's what I mean That's what I want to try you want to do. I think we can get rations. What are they called MREs? Is that what they're called? Are you asking me? I I you seem to know a lot and also in your spare time You and your boys eat a lot of shit so I imagine you would know what a ration is. Yeah I don't know.

Frank cheers. This smells de-shish-shish. We're not going to make it dude. We're not long enough. Come on! Come on cheers brother. Cheers. And this has the hot sauce in it right?

Cheers big ears. Yes the hot sauce is in here. We made it with the Bloody Mary hot sauce. Alright here we go. That's not bad dude. That's good. the Bloody Mary hot sauce. All right here we go. That's not bad dude. That's good. That's good. Right amount of spice. Yo that's actually good. Right amount of spice with the hot sauce. It's actually good. It's actually good. Also I'm gonna say this I made it. Yeah.

Like I made the drink. It's not bad. So maybe all the ones that I've had in my life that I've hated is but you're already on the hot dog. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. Frankie, you are the most disgusting piece of bastard I've ever seen in my life. You're dipping a hot dog in the Bloody Mary? I mean, we're in Rome.

We're not in Rome. We aren't anywhere close to Rome. We're not in Rome. We aren't anywhere close to Rome. We're closer to Rome. I'm gonna put my syrup in some other places. That's correct. This is good. Can you get me one of those? Actually I don't need it. I'm just hearing Frankie chew in my ear. Is it bad? Is it miserable? There are people on the internet that love this shit. Yeah. People that have like big fat crab legs and they're like Yeah dude. I have a theory, not a theory, but like You've thought enough to establish a theory for mukbang?

No, so like when it comes to food mukbangs there's like very specific ones that each race does. Frank, what the fuck are you doing? These are brand new desks. Frank has already gotten salt pepper and a tube of hot dog all over it you wanted are you performing surgery over there sir oh my god this is disgusting I've always wanted to try this ever since I saw that Asian guy doing it at a baseball game he's using the hot dog as a straw aren't you broke it I need I need to play like a flute he's sucking the hot dog as a straw, aren't you? Oh, I broke it. I need to play like a flute.

He's sucking the hell out of that. Did it work? Yeah! It's good? It's pretty good! Ugh. No, man? Alright, I'm sorry. It looks gross.

And there are a lot of people that are watching this that are like, I'm tuning out already. Yeah. It's alright, but we're here, we're live, we're large. The boys, when we do brunch, we have one speed. And that's, let's do this. Let's... And that's, let's do this. Let's. Ha ha ha ha ha. And that's, let's do this. It's been time.

I haven't been to a lunch. I haven't been to brunch in a very long time. Fell in again. What time do you think brunch is? Well. Give me a range. When does it start? I say 10 to 2.

Yeah, because like how hard is that Bloody Mary in 10 o'clock in the morning? You think I'm going to brunch? I don't know if you what's the earliest you've drank? I think we've done this together. We drank it like 8 a.m. Yeah, when we were like fucking 17, It was sick wrong 21. Yeah Yeah, I don't see anything wrong with it but like a morning drink Maybe it was the potential of alcoholism at the time think so it's way harder than an afternoon my Irish roots were Really coming through yeah, they were they were present and available. Yeah, I'm just I think 10 to 2 is the perfect brunch time. I was thinking like noon to three.

Noon is lunch. By definition, noon is lunch. By definition, definition of lunch. But what's a brunch? It's breakfast lunch. It's in between breakfast and lunch and breakfast. Lunch doesn't end at noon. I say breakfast. Here we go. Breakfast for anywhere from seven. It could even be earlier because people you know, let's say five to we go breakfast for anywhere from seven it could even be earlier because people you know let's say five to ten is breakfast bro no way if you wake up at five and eat you're disgusting that's insane oh people do

that because they have to bananas I mean people work early so they have to but like delay it have coffee and then eat some an hour later. Some people are on different rhythms than you. I understand that. Clearly not. Clearly not. Yeah, I... Too loud? That was loud.

That was loud. I didn't realize you had headphones on. You're in for a world of hurt over there, sexy fuck. That Bloody Mary is beating the shit out of you. Oh God, it is. You got one sip in him and it's already going crazy. I'll be honest, this hot dog is doing a lot of work. Yeah, you like it?

I've been on a health kick lately. Frank, you're drinking a Bloody Mary and sucking it through a hot dog. The health kick is over. The health kick is completely over. It... yeah it is. Yeah, it's gone. I got hot dogs at the house, too So those are on fucking call right now. I'm telling you that when you eat a hot dog Is it kind of like a waterfall you're like well? I need three yeah

Yeah, like we have hot dogs. We only have four hot dogs at the house right now, and I do you know the inventory? How many hot dogs are available like why do you know that? I just know you know how many hot dogs on hand you have, why do you know that? I just know! You know how many hot dogs on hand you have. No you don't. Yes you do! Well I don't. How many hot dogs do you have on hand?

Zero. Exactly, you know how many on hand. But if I had a package- That's the point! If I had a package I wouldn't know how many were in there. Yes you would! No I wouldn't. Joey, if you bought a package of eight hot dogs, cause that's a standard package, small

package. See I didn't know that. Yeah you did. You knew that, yeah. Standard package, small package small package see I didn't know that yeah you did you knew that yeah you didn't package small package see that right if you bought a package of eight and you had three you'd be like oh so I probably have five left you know don't sit here and be high and mighty because you ran a fucking marathon and now you eat quinoa and you fucking you like ancient grains and shit like that you're you're a boy that loves hot dogs you're a hot dog king

Don't ever let the world don't ever let the world change who you are in your heart who you are in your heart dictates Everything about you your morals your standards the love that you show other people and all of us all of us are Originally hot dog kings or Queens or non-binary places of royal. I don't know. I don't know what the you know, the You know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm Can you hear like the amount of bullshit that comes out like do you what do you read? What does it register as like you're you're making sense or do you know it's bullshit? Often time I started a sentence and I want to see how long I can go until I just trip up

That actually makes a lot of sense. There's a lot of that going around Anyway, I want to talk about yesterday. I have one of the worst days of my life. Oh like a funny worst day Yeah, yeah, that was a little dramatic But you know me Pisces dramatic or sensitive. I don't know either way. I did want to cry do me a favor. Yeah Get the fuck out after that Pisces dramatic Apparently does it? Yo, this is not bad. Yes, what he marries not bad I hate I'm gonna tell you it's because of this which it probably is sauce is amazing I'm gonna get it heatness calm by the way, you can handshake food go two for two

Just want to throw that out there bangers. Um, but yeah yesterday My dog woke me up at 6 a.m. And he never wakes me up So when he woke me up, I was like great now He's got diet doodle cha-cha-cha which it was true. Oh the fun little name that your family gave diarrhea my mother. Yes Yeah By the way, this is the family that swears that none of them have IBS. Go ahead Mm-hmm gotta say I got a metal straws Yeah, because this one almost just broke my front tooth just now

What? My front tooth? Oh it is a fuck my fuck tooth this is the episode baby yeah all right welcome to the new studio that echoed but he woke me up so he's got diet do cha-cha-cha so I take him out sure enough he's making espresso out there in the morning right damn it Joey there's 90 other ways that you could say that. Yeah. So then we get back upstairs and I'm like, all right, I'm going to take him to the office with me. So me and Greg came here and we had a lot of stuff to do. The dog is driving me crazy. As soon as we get here, he needs to go out. So I take him out immediately. More espresso. All right? Please.

Sing the song, please No, man, I'm being my best so Can't you just can't sleep? Maybe I know it's a but whole espresso actually so let me come back in here and he's being restless He's going up to Greg. He's getting in my face and breathing and whatnot and I'm like, oh my god Just relax for a second. I go to the bathroom as soon as I go to the bathroom He throws up on the carpet nice So there's that oh he christened it he christened it You know how people like a nuke like when their friend gets a new car or something they throw like Spare change on the floor or something like that. That's what he that's the dog's way of christening this new place the Greeks do that shit

The Greeks love that they tie dollars all over the place. What is this? There's? There's there's there's sometimes stupid say it. I'm Greek. I can say it baby. And this is, this, this, this espresso, vegetable espresso is killing me. I don't know what that meant, but God bless him. I can't have alcohol. I know. But anyway, we get in here and he's freaking out, so he throws up on the carpet. I'm like, oh my god, here we go. We get in here and he's freaking out so he throws up on the carpet. I'm like oh my god here we go So I put him on the couch, and I'm just like you know trying to make him relax a little bit This dude throws up like a fat man like a lot like throws up like boof Oh like bro when he throws up do you hear him heaving or is it just like a push no you hear?

Yeah, yeah, he does that all right. I'm about to eat. Yeah. Well the story doesn't get better. Oh um as far as eating goes I Don't know if he gets better in any other way. I was gonna say I wouldn't get better at all so he so he throws up like that. I'm like fuck now I gotta take him you mind shutting the fuck up. Are you forgetting that we're on a podcast? Forgetting that we're on a podcast? What the fuck is this, kid? Frank, you're not actually at brunch. Yo, here we go. Shut up, Joey. Me shut up?

Frank, you know what? Let's all wait until Frank's done cutting his fucking breakfast. How about that I? Shut up hungry Are you done? Pretty good. Yeah, so then I'm like I gotta take him to the vet Frank you shut the fuck up right now I absolutely hate you. Go ahead with your story about your dog. Oh, you know what? Forget the story.

Let's just listen to you fucking eat. Let's just listen. Let's just do that. I'm sure you'll have a wonderful story later about something super cool. Or start rattling off names of directors no one's ever heard of. Let's do that. Luke aquatic Nino. Okay. You want me to keep going? No! Okay! I'd like you to stop. Drew Goddard. No. Matt Reeves. I meant stop eating and drinking. That's what I meant.

Alright, alright. Hold on. one more point. Onward. Wow, you're really, you're cheat. What? I was going to say your cheeks touched in there. You saw that, right? Yeah. All right, go ahead. So anyway, I go to the vet.

I go to the vet. Can't find parking. I'm like, what the fuck? So I put it in a hydrant. And I get into, don't you dare eat that piece of chicken, Frank. Don't eat the fucking piece of chicken, all right? This is like having children. You're pointing at no one! There's no one over there!

All right, shut up, guys. I'm not gonna tell the story if you're gonna keep doing this. I know that you're having fun, but I'm gonna come over there and put you in a chokehold. Okay, all right, all right. I'm serious now. I feel bad about your dog that might be dying. Yeah, I don't know. Oh, shit. Seriously? No. I don't know. He's not dying. That's scary. Yeah? Will that get you to shut up's yeah, I don't know. Oh shit. Seriously. No, I don't know

That's scary. Yeah, well that get you to shut up. Yeah, then he is dead I mean listen if we're if this was a serious health concern for your dog, then I would have stopped playing around Oh, you're playing. Yeah, you're a piece of shit, dude All right. No, seriously One more outburst And I'm tearing the walls of this fucking studio down. I will throw all the money away Seriously. One more outburst. And I'm tearing the walls of this fucking studio down. I will throw all the money away. I don't think you'd do that.

This was not cheap. I will throw the money away. All right, go ahead. Seriously. So anyway, I get to the vet finally, and I put my car in a hydrant. I take my dog out. I walk in, and they take him in the the back and I tell him what's been going on and whatever and then I come back out to the waiting room because they're like, we'll

take him in the back, we'll give him meds or whatever. So I'm sitting in the waiting room and two minutes go by and then this girl comes out from the back with a laptop. Well, before I got there, they're like, here's what your bill's going to be. Do you want to do the x-ray? If you want to do the x-ray, it's this. It was $1,700. I was like, with an x-ray. I was like, you know what? I'll look at them really hard, and then I'll figure it out.

So I was like, I'm not doing the x-ray. You're the person with zero medical experience, for humans, let alone animals. Correct. But then the bill was $800. I was like, what? I mean, you don't have pet insurance? I do. But it's still $800. I was like, I mean you don't have like pet insurance I do but it's still with pet insurance was 800 bucks. No, I think you have to like oh

It's like rebate. Yeah I'm gonna say mail and rebate but that's completely wrong. I mean that might be technically I don't know you mail in the check and they rebate you. Yeah They bait you they'll bait you. Yeah master reet baiters Sorry, that's that was the... If you're gonna produce this show, you can't cough. That was my bad. He's eating, he's coughing.

That was my bad. Come on, this is serious. Yeah, be serious. The dog is fucking sick. The fucking dog is. So I go out to the front, the girl comes out with a laptop. Now I get super scared. That's scary.

Because she sits down and she goes, okay, so you're Charlie's dad? I was like, yep. And then she's like's like okay we just want to let you know and I was like bro what the fuck is going on that's fucked that that so scared 30 seconds must have felt like four minutes I was like he hasn't even been back there long so I can't imagine there's anything too crazy going on but she's like I just want to let you know that we're very big Baseman Yard fans and I was like this god damn it just scared the shit out of me. Oh see they should have ran with it they should have ran with it. Bro. If I was her your dog I'm telling you your dog has something crazy

and I'm just like pranked you've been franked. Right. I'm a big Baseman Yard fan. That's why you're not a doctor. Can you imagine this kid as a doctor it's like yo, yo, your son died. It's like what? Did you ever see you've never seen a rest in development and if you seen a rest development I have no the doctor that they consistently run into that just like uses double entendres and they're all like we don't know what The fuck this guy's trying to say and they're like, well, I have some bad news. He's gonna be alright No, like how's that bad news? He's like because the left side of his body is all paralyzed. He's gonna be alright So she tells me she's a big bit

They're big baseming art fans, and they're gonna give me five hundred dollars off. I was like what you better Insane the name of this place you better promote this shit like it's crack. It was in Milan City, Bonvet. Shout out to them. Good for you. Um, so then I'm like, okay cool, some sort of thing that worked out today. Take Charlie home, this is where it gets interesting. Get him in the car, they give me all the pills and shit, I drive there, and then as soon as I get out of my car, he walks over to the first

and then as soon as I get out of my car he walks over to the first tree that he sees, lifts his leg like he's gonna pee and starts firing out yellow diarrhea. God damn it Joey. Right? No pee! Can I ask you a serious question? No pee! I'm not done. Okay.

As the stream gets less and less, now he's just shitting on his own leg. The one that's in the ground. Eww! So he's shitting on his leg and I The one that's in the grass. Eww! So he's shitting on his leg and I'm like, bro, this is so fucking disgusting, right? Yes? You picked the episode where there's food in front of us, enticing food, may I add, that I'm not allowed to eat, apparently, according to you. And to tell this story?

Yeah. OK, go ahead. So I take him into the house real quick. He's grabbing the chicken. I'll be honest, I'm trying to find the right time. Just don't eat it here Fucking guy all right, so no no no No fucking night look I'm hanging and banging look. I'm not clanging or banging. I'm doing this. There's no banging of clangs I'm just I'm like removing the meat by By the way, this is good looking chicken. Where'd we get this from?

Sweet chick. Oh, never had it. Isn't that the place that Nas partially owns? Yeah. That's cool. Nas, come on the show. That would be extremely strange if Nas came on this show. That would be cool though. We'll all wait. We'll wait for you. No, no, no. Onwardward I'm not clanging or banging.

So he's got shit all over his leg so we go into the the elevator and there's a woman who a woman gets in the elevator I'm like this is my worst nightmare now because the woman what would you do are you throwing up what's going on? I'm trying not to have the sound of my chewing in the mic. Great. So we get into the elevator and the woman who gets in she's like oh he's so cute and I'm like this woman only knew right because he's face turned around. Oh he smells like shit in the elevator. Bro the most dog shit you've ever smelled in your life. Yo she literally keeps checking her shoes. She

thinks it's you. No she thinks she stepped in dog shit. She keeps checking her shoes. She's getting off on like the 16th floor and I'm like, get this woman out of here. So she's like checking her shoes like twice. She checked them and I was like, nope, not the dog shoes, not the dog shoes. Not dog shit, it's my dog's leg. It's your dog's leg.

Yeah, so then I have to put them in the tub. I put them in the tub, right? Fucking disgusting. I put on gloves. This is so gross. I put on gloves. I right fucking discussed I put on this is so gross I put on gloves I I hope that you're not going in and did you at least take your clothes off I took my shirt off so you're shirtless with gloves washing your dog there is a whole sect of the internet that is just fucking horny right now

which one would it would porno is that I don't know you you tell me king porno! I'm not king porno! You're king porno! You just got horny, you're like, oh shirt off, wash it off You think I got horny for you bitch? You think I got horny for you bitch? You wish bitch Frank, there is multiple edits on the internet of you getting horny to me

No, I'm not horny for you, I've never been horny for you Never! Bullshit! No way! I'm not horny for you. I've never been horny for you. Never. You know, you know why? I'm straight bitch You want to know why because I'm straight bitch oh Dude I'm telling you if if you were to post a picture with your with yellow you were using Dexter's mom's glove. They were white. They weren't long they were just hands. Oh so it was just like doctor like doctor oh wait wait you have cloth gloves? No they were latex or like nitrite or whatever it's called? Nitrite. Is that what it's called nitrile

nitrite? Napalm. No no I don't know they were just white gloves they were like they were like latex. Alright okay. And I was like washing them. So some of it got in his tail, right? And the reason why I know that. You had a jerk off his tail. I'm so glad someone else is here now to laugh at me. I, I, I. It's like how else would you clean a tail, brother? I mean, yeah, you gotta to like, you have to jerk it. So I start jerking his.

Here we go. Now we're talking. How are you? Were you standing next to him or over him? He's in the tub and I'm like, lean, I'm like kneeling next to the tub. So I'm like washing him. Gotcha. And the dude hits a shake. He shakes shit in your face. He didn't shake shit in my face but he definitely shakes shit on my chest. He's shaked and there was a streak of diarrhea. Let me. From nipple to nipple. Let me. And I literally was just like. Get move over. I hate today. I think I actually yelled that I hate today. And it was just like, I was like, bro, I would pay thousands of dollars. You should have thousands of dollars to have been a fly on the wall for that. You know, the I have those luffas that are like

a ball. Yeah, the one that looked like, you know, like they're like, like, really? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I almost took my chest off with this in the shower. Just, yeah, I had diarrhea on my chest. Connected my nipples. That is, that is, that is bad. And that's kind of how it ended. I mean, he's still sick right now. He's better though. Yeah. I mean, this would be a really not fun story if at the end of it, he like died. No, no, no. I just got a text from the vet today and he said like his blood work is normal. Okay.

He may have just eaten something that like I don't fucking know. Oh, I did give him a hemp chew the day before this happened. So maybe. A what? It's like CBD. You're giving your dog drugs. It's not drugs. Like it's for anxiety.

I don't know about that. It sounds like you're, you're, I mean, whatever. It's not anxiety. I don't know about that. It sounds like you're you're I mean whatever It's like anxiety anxiety blowing meth in his face. It's it's fucking CBD I love your dogs. Your dog has anxiety. I wonder why he just let go of his entire fucking weeks worth of food on Himself he's a he's a very sensitive and like cuddly guy. You know they do say that Dogs take the personality of their owners, their handlers. I don't know what the proper term is. I don't want to offend any dog.

I mean I don't have separation anxiety but I definitely like to cuddle and like get my clothes. I have a question. Okay. So you know how there are people out there that like to dress up as dogs and be on leashes and like shit like that. Furries, yeah. Are they furries or are they dog people?

No, they're furries. They're furries. But furries is different because furries theyries or are they dog people? No, they're furries. They're furries. But furries are different because furries are like- There's a very sect where they're just dogs. I'm not talking furries because furries are in like mascot costumes. They're in like big helmets. Those are expensive too. I would imagine.

Yeah. But I'm talking the people that like wear like the ears and the face thing and they like- And they like hop over fences. Yes, yeah, yeah. The person that is there in in control of them. How does that like what do they call them? Like are they in a relationship? But they're like a master dog yeah like is it is that what it is is like dog dog Dom you're my dog Dom

Dom dog type in dog play is it dog play you want me to type in dog? Oh god does my computer? dog playing That's just a dog dog a plate pen Type in dog play. Is it dog play? You want me to type in dog play? Oh god, this is my computer. Dog playing. That's just a dog playpen. It's just going to be dogs playing. Humans are dogs and they play. Put in... Humans when humans...

Human wearing a leather dog face. Human wearing leather dog stuff. Leather dog faces Yeah Boom boom leather puppy. Oh, it's pup play play puppy hood dog. It's pop. They're all pop up. They're young pop play What what color whoa go to that one that one looks cool. That looks like it's straight out of oh my god You would love that looks like a Power Ranger honestly., I kind of like, don't hate it. Click on that one.

I think they're pretty pricey though. Yeah, let's see. Cause of like, the- $170?! That's nothing, dude. WHOA! They got the puppy Avengers! That's the puppy queen!

Oh my god. They're about to sing puppy bohemian rhapsody. Which one is the coolest? Go. Honestly, it's- I think the red or the yellow. Uh, you read one. I mean the guy has the-

The blue one is clearly the leader though. Clearly the leader. I mean, the guy has the- the blue one is clearly the leader though Clearly I don't know whoa That looks like it was like a proud boy. Yeah, yeah They'd wear that and then they'd post something that's like defend Yeah, these are cool though. They are pretty cool. I'm should we get some no, okay? Yeah, actually honestly. I'm down There's a company. What is this MRS leather? Hey?

Make custom ones for the basement yard. I think it's mr. S leather ah that might be it Let's see you could make a custom police like the mask feature There's one review. Oh, oh is it? Let's see, you could... Make a custom one? Please select a mask feature? Is that what that says? There's one review. Oh, oh, what is it? What is it? Mr. S. Leather. Whoa, this is a long one.

It's too long. I'm gonna read it. All right. So they're reviewing the neoprene canine hood. Mr. S. Leather has been the name and quality kink gear for my personal journey and their hoods and are, in short, my gateway to home. OK, good.

Hey, we're not kink shaming here, baby. At all. At all. I will say have you ever walked around on your hands and feet like a dog in your life? Of course you have. I love it. I think it's fun. Going up the stairs is peak. Exactly. Going up the stairs as a human sucks. Going up the stairs as an animal really cool. Really cool but have you ever tried to go down the stairs on your hands and feet? I'll try it tonight I'll let you know how it goes. I wouldn't talk that about you. I'll create my will and testament first.

That's what I was going to say. We need to find a new fucking co-host here. Yeah, and we also have ads that we have to get. OK. You were sitting there waving for like 10 minutes. Do the ads. I get excited, dude. I get excited.

But we do have some ads for today, okay? Gonna have to type in my password here That I don't remember for some reason okay the first Is better help this podcast is sponsored by better help which is online therapy I'm trying to go really quiet You heard no clanging or banging. Better help is online therapy. If you want to dip your toe into the world of therapy, you can do so with better help. You can talk to a therapist in just under 48 hours. I've been in therapy for years. I think it's very beneficial. I think that everyone should be

in it. But yeah, and also it's just not for people who you think you have some like big traumatic thing that you have to get through whatever like even if you feel like you don't have anything like any pressing matters or whatever therapy is very helpful to help you with like decisions that you'll be making in the future or just better understanding yourself at least in my opinion I think it's very useful in that way so for anyone that would like to start doing therapy you can do so with BetterHelp go to betterhelp.com slash base me are today and you'll get 10% off of your first month okay that is spelled B E T T E that would like to start doing therapy, you can do so with BetterHelp. Go to betterhelp.com slash basement yard today

and you'll get 10% off of your first month, okay? That is spelled B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash basement yard right now for that 10% off of your first month. And like I said, I've been in therapy for years now and I think it's very beneficial. So shout out to BetterHelp. We also have FitBod. FitBod, it creates a personalized workout routine

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you know, answers to the responses that we have in there. We did it last year during the shows. We have prompts. They have the responses. Yeah, yeah, that's where I'm at. You know, we did it last year during the shows. They were really fun. People enjoyed them. And we liked interacting with people. It was a highlight for us, too.

So go check it out. Thebasementyard.com slash submit. If you're coming to those shows, then we'll see you there. All right. Lovely. That's beautiful. Yeah, if you want. What? You wanted see you there. All right. Lovely. Yeah. What? You wanted the other hot dog, right? Me?

Yeah. Oh, oh, oh. All right. Well, you're here. Are you throwing a hot dog? There's a bite taken out. You took a bite of it and you gave it to me. You freak and the bun. First of all, there are rules.

I did. I texted him. No, I meant, you said throw me a hot dog across the fucking- No, I did it! I said Joey wants the other hot dog to eat. Can you bring it to him? Greg, you can hear me. Look, I've never said that. But also, like, you know that this bite that he took out of it, he was so upset by it. He was just like,

This is my cheat. I shouldn't have done that. This is my cheat. I really shouldn't have done that. And he didn't, he was just like this is my cheat this is my cheat and he didn't look he's like it's not cheese so he'll eat it i am pretty i'm not even lying i wanted that that hot dog so crush it you didn't want it well no the buns on the floor now eat as much as that hot dog as you can in one bite i'm not doing this joey there's some don't do it sideways there are some sneaky that's worse. There's some sneaky people on tick tock that'll, they'll, they'll be able to get videos of that clips of that very quick and it'll end up all over the sites. I'm sure as you have sites that talk about your fucking sick feet, there are sites that talk about people that deep throat stuff.

I'm not doing it. Nice try America. Did I tell you that one time someone tried to get me to sell my fart to them or sounds of my fart? Oh, yeah recording of my fart. Yeah, that happened to me, too I should have done that happened to me someone messaged me that member their name They're like their name was fart was like a slut. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah fart slave Frankie I thought it was like fart slut Close enough. Yeah They wanted my they wanted my farts

I have too much pride to record my my farts and sell them. I don't I just will for the right price I will sell I will sell over so I think we talked about this a while ago Has your price changed as a gun my fart? Yeah How's your price of your you have value more valuable farts than you did three years ago if someone was willing to offer you? Like like you know next time you fart, take a video of it and just send it to me and I'll send you X, how much would that have to be? Per fart? One sitting of fart.

Am I paying taxes on the money? No, it's cash. It's not cash, it's a Zell. Man, first of all, I'm going to get in trouble because if I get once, you know me, once I get into something, I'm in for the sprint. You know what I'm saying? So if I get, hmm, I would say realistically, $500. Too much?

Too much! Of course too much! Why? $500? Who do you think you are? Queen Elizabeth? Well, bitch, you have to set your standard high to make your farts more appealing. Yeah, Frank, you're not selling it to me.

I'm just saying, this is business 101! Do we need to get Jordan Belfort over there, of farting? I mean, if you're going to ask me... Sell me this fart, sell me this fart. I think if you want to make... if my f farts are only gonna have more value if I put Them at a higher value think about it. Where are you gonna settle though? I would settle on 350 I you know shark tank baby you go in for a quick fart a little fart who's got that kind of money It's not warm buffet by any you're off. Hey, how do you know? I?

Don't how do you know you think you think the person's legal name is Farts Slave Frankie? No, but I... Exactly. But you need to... How do you know it isn't someone of like high status like Katy Perry on the other end? You think Katy Perry is paying $350 to hear you fart? I don't know. He's like Orlando Bloom. I'm sure he farts. He looks like he does. No.

You think he farts? What do Orlando Bloom. I'm sure he farts. He looks like he does. No. You think he farts? What do Orlando Bloom's farts sound like? Not smell like. What do you think they sound like? Really? I was going British. I was going... Friend. Friend. Dine. Poop.

It's gotta have a price. It's gotta, right? I imagine. These are good drinks. Again. poop its so stupid its gotta have a price its gotta right? its gotta i imagine these are good drinks again buddymaryhotsauceatingthis.com enjoy that speaking of farts bitch

oh yeah pull up the farting there was a story that came up put up the farting no no no very careful the story bitch story that came out of all places ironically the UK yeah and this is a UK yeah yeah yeah woman gets charged in the first ever cyber farting case which if you had to guess what that meant I mean cyber sex cyber farting case. Which if you had to guess what that meant? I mean cyber sex, cyber farting, cyber cyber spitting. That's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking that just means like I'm texting fart to you a lot. You know what I mean? I think cyber

now is just being used to, it's just used as a highway. However the however the car gets there it's just a highway cyber. Frankie, what could that even begin to me? Like, that's like cyber, you know, cyber bullying. It's just you're bullying, but you're on the highway of the cyber. Does that make sense? It's it's usually like the most incorrect way of interpreting cyber means digital. Yeah. So it's the it's where is the highway? It's the method of transportation. Yeah. So like, if you were to drive to my house, would say how'd you get there? Hi highway, and I would say alright How did you get the bullying across you say cyber? I see where you're going now, but that's an insane way to say that I don't think it's insane. I think it is coherent and can we go back up to the title to the title of this thing? So the case woman gets caught

One gets charged in the first ever cyber farting case after Relentlessly sending multiple videos of herself farting to her boyfriend's ex okay, which is a very interesting way Like maybe your ex maybe maybe I'm just putting my head in the in the mind of the far yeah Maybe it was like the ex thought they were being sneaky by messaging the boyfriend and she's like I got his phone I'm gonna send a voice note back but it's just farts well it's videos so it's it's her leaning over and farting into the camera do you want to guess how much she had to pay for I oh it was settled was the case settled yeah I saw she was charged charged she was charged she

was charged definitely cover your nose because you're an adult can we see you want to see the number yeah yeah also I didn't know this was a crime I don't this does sound like something that you would charge that you would charge someone with what if one of my ex-girlfriends did this and sent you I'm telling you right now she's getting the cops called on her. I know. Without jokes. Okay, so she...

I love how you can see this. Look at this, there's no such law against cyber farting. Of course. Of course, there has to be. There's no law against that. How much does she end up paying, Ant? Nearly 300 euros? What?

What's the conversion rate? I mean it's a little more than 300 bucks. Maybe it's like 320 bucks or something That's a lot of money, dude Farts I mean You can recoup your losses real quick You go back to you go back to this probably this probably actually helped the farter Yeah, this is like free publicity exact and. And what do they say about publicity? All publicity is good publicity. Even if it's about your dumper.

Right, yeah, even if it's about your blowing farts. You know how much I hate this story. Do you believe that? Do you think that all publicity is good publicity? No. Me neither. No, I do not. I'm like, a bad publicity would really hurt my feelings. Honestly, there is bad publicity, which is bad I mean, I think you can argue that like

There's levels of bad like bad publicity is probably to some people good, but then like when it gets real bad not good I don't want any bad publicity. I'd be I'd be like upset by bad. I mean, you know what I don't even need good I'm gonna I'm cool with just pub. Maybe you you know what I'm gonna recant my statement here and I'm gonna be I'm gonna play devil's advocate Maybe for the individual it's not good publicity, but maybe for other people in the world it could be considered good publicity So like let's use the example of like a real heinous crime You know a serial killer gets caught for that person for the serial killer bad publicity For the other people that were potential victims, good publicity. How's that good publicity?

Now they know who the serial killer was. He's caught, he's going to jail. Alright, so they find out that there's a serial killer. Bad publicity for the serial killer that's out there. Good publicity for the people that are worried about being serial killed. I think you're confusing publicity with just news. Is that not the same thing? I think publicity refers to more of like a reputational. I think publicity is like

first of all we're saying publicity so much and it's starting to sound so ridiculous. Like there's no publicity with like it's gonna rain oh that's good publicity. But the publicity is the spotlight that is put on you it's not necessarily the whatever's being written it's just the fact that there is you are now public it's making public of something in a city publicity what does it say I can't read this notice or attention given to someone or something by the media well there you go so news is a by definition publicity yeah but like no but yeah oh yeah but yeah but no, yeah. Yeah, I don't know if you're yes or no No, yeah, got it. Okay. You got it the point the point really made it here

I I think you know that's kind of a crazy way to get but someone though if you are in how many how many farts Do we know that how many you know how many videos of farting this woman sent? Number I'll be honest because one is like chill but like 30 bro anything more than five I would say is excessive and requires criminal oh my god wait what does that say at the end of that the court also sentenced Evans to a 12 month community what is that with a two-year or a long with a a two year restraining order. With a two year restraining order? Two years for farting? I'll be honest. If I sent videos and I got 12 months of community service, I am fuming. Is community service picking up trash on the highway?

It could be that. It could be other stuff. Like what? Coach a baseball team? Yes, it could be like, I mean that's what Gordon Gekko did not Gordon Gekko That's from the other one Gordon Bombay. Who's Gordon? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he got community service and he went he taught the ducks Yeah, it's a different movie. It's his father. Yeah, technically no different I

Mean, you know, you could just you have to give back to the community There's like you could work for like, you know with YMCA big brothers big sisters shit like that Like there's other ways to do community service than just picking up trash, but that is one way I guess. Right, yeah. Um, I do think picking up trash with those big sticks is kind of cool. I kind of want to poke trash with sticks. Yeah, I want to do that too. Like this. Just being like...

And then just throwing it in a bag. Yeah, yeah. That'd be so sick. I don't, I don't know why it's always the highway. Have you ever done community service? Um, I think I had to do it always the highway. Have you ever done community service? I think I had to do it in high school or something. Probably, right?

Did we have to do it in high school? Yeah, I did a whole year in a food pantry. Oh, that's cool. That's nice. That just sounds like he was in a food pantry. Yeah, just sitting in a food pantry. I did a whole year in a pantry. I think I did a lot during college. I can't remember actually doing community service.

I may have forged that, to be honest, because I don't remember doing anything. I think it was in my college, you, to graduate, had to do some form of it. Or maybe, no, maybe I'm wrong, but like, you definitely, like in my college, it was like you had to do some form of like volunteer work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which, you know, people go to like soup kitchens. What is a pantry? You give out food to the homeless people? Yeah, it's like a soup kitchen, right? Okay. But it's not soup, it's just all food. Yeah, it's like boxed goods. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sardines,

a lot of sardines. Really? Sardines? Because people donate and no one eats sardines, I guess. There's a lot of sardines. You ever had a sardine? You ever had a sardine? No, but I think cracking open that can looks sick. That looks so cool, dude you know any rations? Yeah back to rations? Yeah, I will say this wrong. Okay, you ever seen the videos about me of the cans and they come with a little key And then you say and they have to like twist it That's what I was gonna say if you gave me 30 seconds, you would have allowed me to say this bitch Anytime I watch the old fucking looney tunes or Tom and Jerry and they fucking do that oh that looks so sick yo why do we move away from cans bro we're still very much so using cans

bro I know but like we don't have the key canned anymore I know key cans are really cool I think it would probably got too expensive to produce that oh yeah maybe they're like we settle for plastic and now we all have microplastic no we still we still have cans but it's just they no longer come with a key. The key itself is probably like, they were just like, we would save 30 cents per thousand if we... That does look really cool. It looks so cool. Have you ever seen the ones where it's like a little knife? It looks like a spearhead and they like cut the can?

Yeah! That shit looks cool. It looks like I would fuck that up though. probably would yeah cuz you're an idiot no you'd fuck it up too no way I'm opening cans all the time dude yeah but they have the it's easy no I have a can opener but also I just have a can openers are cool as fuck too we used to have one at the lake that was magnetic and it was like mounted to the cabinet and you literally just pulled the can up to it and it was like mounted to the cabinet and you literally just Pulled the can up to it and it sticks to it and then it just like spins it it spins it and it stays there Until you pull it off. It was so sick. Yeah, that's fucking cool. Mm-hmm, but I would rather crank

I mean, I don't like modern can openers are kind of stupid the ones that like clamp down hold down And you do I liked it though. We we as a society used to be way cooler with opening cans. I like when Popeye opens this shit. What was that? What a weird thing to eat to make you strong, spinach? I mean, spinach is pretty good for you. I mean, it's not like it's like protein or something. You know what I mean?

Is there protein in spinach? I don't know. I don't know. If there is, it's not like a tongue. That's a good question. Is there protein? I'm sure there's maybe like a little bit. Like trace amounts of protein. I mean trace amounts. How many protein in spr-

0.9 grams bro. 0.9 for serving. One cup. Wow, that's nothing. And he's eating a can bro. This guy's getting fucking, you know, half of a- Well yeah, this is back when they were just like, Oh, smoke cigarettes. Your kids will be great, even if they're in utero. Also, was Popeye even strong, dude? It was just his forearms.

My brother. You ever see those cartoons? This guy was lifting up shit, pound, you know, doing that old timey punch. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah. Charging up his punch. That old timey punch, and then he fucking hits. What's the guy's... What's Pope What's Popeyes bad guy named Bluto? I don't know idea remember when old Irish people used to fight like this. What's wrong with you? Listen you guys are is you had it wrong. That was the dumbest way Do you remember Popeyes girlfriend's name? Welcome back to Popeye. Sally Popeye talk. No Sally. You'll never guess this

I'll give you four more guesses is it a two-namer like I got a last name Well, it's a two-name first name. Oh like Mary Lou. Yeah, it was it something like white trash like that No, I've never heard anyone else name this if you know no no no is it like Bullseye or something no, but kind of it's not a name. It's not a name. It's not like lampshade It's partially I guess could be the first letter oh orange no you know you fucked what's your name fucked it up or or or oh that was went back Olivia olive bro her name was olive olive what branch? Olive olive oil there it is. Yeah

Wow, that took you too long, dude. I honestly didn't know her name at the beginning of that Yeah, yeah, that was you know, that was my nickname as a baby olive oil Popeye What's so funny about that Look at you My face like I would always do that face oh yeah and smoke cigars right and I had massive tumors on my forearm yeah and had a tattoo of an anchor why did why he's a sailor bro was that a thing that sales were like I love being a sailor so much I'm gonna tattoo it on me you know how like the the basic girl tattoo is like a dream catcher dream catcher yeah butterflies butterflies you know for men it's names

and numbers Roman numerals yeah crosses this oh no the worst one I've ever seen is I knew someone that had their first and last name on each like one on each arm that is been that is the worst one having your own last name across the top of your back, bro I'm trying to think we know anyone that has that I mean, I think a lot of people bro. Did you ever see? We should just make this a back tattoo talk you ever see Hulk Hogan's back tattoo One of the worst I've ever seen is it worse than Ben Affleck's it's in different ways worse Look at never seen his tattoo. Look at this piece of shit tattoo. What does that say?

It says immortal. Immortal? Dude, that is so bad. No, that's the, well his name was the immortal. Yo, first of all, his back looks like someone's spreading their asshole open. Doesn't it? This poor guy, babe. That looks like a bunghole, dude! Babe, babe, this poor guy looks like a bunghole dude

this poor guys had like two dozen back surgeries poor guy yeah well actually yeah yeah um yeah no that's bananas that's bananas now bring up do ben affleck's i like ben affleck i like ben affleck too that back tattoo is a bad one

it's a bad one i think because it's just like, I think in theory it wouldn't be that bad, but just like on him, of all- What the hell are we doing? Of all places, like that's just such a bad- It's just- Like that is cool if it was not on his whole back.

As a Pokemon, it's cool. That would be cool on a playing card. How do you feel about like character tattoos? Like people that get like sleeves that are like Pokemon or something like that? I think old sleeves look cool. If there's like, if it's like... Look, it's like Josh. Josh has sleeves of like different horror characters.

I think that's pretty cool. Yeah. I mean it is a little strange that he has it the clown. Does he? Yeah, he got Pennywise on him. I'm sure it looks great. It does. It does look good. He's gonna be pissed when he sees it.

He's gonna be like, fuck the sees it. He's gonna be like fuck No, but the this is kind of like It's just it's so out of nowhere. It's yeah It's just like that's a thing if he was like openly just like love talking about phoenixes I would get it that just looks like a Moltres it no he wishes it was a Moltres Oh here we go some deep cut. Go ahead. Who is it? No, I'm not going to say any Pokemon, but I'm saying like there's a lot of blue on there. Like if it was a Moltres, yeah, we got to see some of these.

Oh, no, no, I'm not. I'm not going down here. Jesus Christ. Yeah, no, that was, that was a bad. You ever see Stevo tattooed a penis on his face? Yeah, you got a penis coming into his eye or pissing. I don't know what it is. I'm sure it's cum, but where? It's up here. Yeah You didn't see it? We're on main YouTube Yeah, yeah

We're on main YouTube. Well he goes on main YouTube. He has his own show. I'm sure he's okay Yeah, but he probably covers the cum eyee or whatever. I mean, it's- We have- we have sponsors. Oh, we're going right to the sponsors. We do have sponsors. You haven't even touched your chicken, bitch. Well, you know, I'm considerate, I think. We have prize picks, okay? Prize picks is the best place to get real money sports action.

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Such a shame such a shame. What's a shame? Well, what Greg did by the way, wait a sec Greg took a bite of this hot dog sans bun Greg took a bite of this hot dog, Sans bun. So he took a bite of the hot dog outside of the bun. He got no bun in his bite. That seems wrong, right? Am I wrong? That rhymed. No bun in his bite, right? I don't like that.

No, I don't need a bun all the time Hum like I could eat a hot dog like cut up hot dog buns make the dog better though. We agree. Yeah Don't yeah like that. Yeah with confidence. Yeah That's also what's it? No, I mean like yeah the first one. How's your chicken? how's your chicken tendy? I haven't had one try it well at this point. It's just been sitting out, and now I'm like what's gonna happen Joey nothing I just like it's not as appetizing tonight. I think it's more for show Take a bite now I Don't know you think I'm like one of your children is that what's going on over there that doesn't work on them

I'm hoping it works. I'm like one of your children or something what's going on over there? That doesn't work on them. I'm hoping it works on you. You don't think I'm going to bite it off? No. I love celery. Was it you who said celery was delicious? Yeah I love celery. Yeah. You don't like celery? Or did you say it was spicy? Mm-mm. This is you trying to gaslight me. I never said it was spicy. I said it has a spice to it. That's why celery. You're a manipulator. No, I just hear that. No, no, no, no bitch. Go because two things can mean two different things. To me, two things can

mean two different things. Yes. Two things can mean the same thing. Two things can mean two different things. Go something that is spicy also has a spice to it. Something that has a spice to it does not necessarily need to be spicy. Frogs and toads, baby. Frogs and toads. Something- Why do you think celery seed or celery salt is a spice that you can use while cooking? Because there is a distinct spice- like a flavor to it.

A flavor? A flavor! A spi- but there- it's more than a flavor. Flavor is flavor. Spice is spice. Yeah's more than a flavor is flavor spices spice yeah but all spices are just flavor enhancers or flavor additives spicy is spice no because technically garlic is a spice it's spicy why if you've been a garlic clove you'd be like hi-jai-jai if you go in the spices aisle you'll find things that are not spicy that are you know like oregano is cinnamon a spice Technically yes, it is yeah

So there you go it has a spice to it it does celery has a flavor and spice to it That doesn't mean it is spicy But what is the spice like what do you describe just like us like a peeked like it has like a peek of? Flavor like there's but what's the difference to a peek like it comes to like more of a sharp edge than like a peak of flavor. Like there's something- But what's the difference? But it comes through a peak. Like it comes to like more of a sharp edge than like a duller flavor. Does that make sense? A s- so a spicy taste? No! It's not spicy.

Spicy is also subjective, you bitch. So like what is spicy to me may not be spicy to you. Right. Do you have a- do you- are you good with spice? I'm very good with spice, yeah. Really? Yeah. You think you're better at spice than me? Without a doubt. to you. Right. Do you have a, are you good with spice? I'm very good with spice, yeah. Really? Yeah. You think you're better at spice than me? Without a doubt. Really? Without a doubt. Oh, are you an atomic wing guy? I used to, yeah. But you don't anymore? Anytime

we would go, this is gonna be a, you can immediately pick apart this argument. Oh, this is gonna be good. But like, anytime when we were kids, we would go to Hooters, which we did pretty often. I wouldn't say that. We went like a couple times a summer. I think, Frank, I feel like I've been to Hooters maybe four times in my entire life. Might have all been in the same summer. I've been at least a dozen times to Hooters. That's insane.

No it's not, is it? You went for the waitresses? No. No. No. Honestly no. Like some- my fraternity also did an event at Hooters. Oh you and the frat bros going to Hooters. I'm sure it wasn't about the tats. It wasn't. It was during recruitment week. We were trying to show off that we had free- show up for all you can eat wings we're paying for it at Hooters who doesn't want to join that fraternity wait they have all you can eat wings I don't know if they still do honestly you know countries do all you can eat because

that to me sounds like bananas it is the most American thing on the planet like pay a flat rate and just get all of the food all of it as much as all of it I used to think you know Olive Garden is like oh unlimited breadsticks. I'm like so who cares then they said unlimited pasta And I'm like slow down Unlimited fucking let's see brazili alfredo other countries have all you can eat buffets including Brazil Hong Kong and Japan Okay, buffets are different. I'm saying yeah like at restaurant specials like do they have like Tuesday is all you can eat wing night yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm sure I'm sure they do if they they have buffets like why would they stop at buffets I

guess I haven't really been to many buffets when's the last time I went to a buffet I went to King China Buffet. That was like the place to go when we were kids. They had a koi pond in the front. It was so cool. I used to throw quarters in there. I didn't realize that I was killing the koi. Absolutely was. Absolutely was hurting the koi. And that was like the place that like

for like 5th grade graduation like all the people went there after 5th grade graduation. Mine was Neptune Diner. I would go there and get giant pancakes and on the out, they had a little bowl of mints, and I would eat all of them. I love sucking those mints. I love sucking those mints. They have a little jelly in them.

They do, and they- And they're dusty. Yeah, that was crazy. That was wild. That's insane, dude. Crazy! Yeah, but they do have a little jelly. You sucked them until the jelly came out on-

Basically, yeah. Well, I would bite them. Oh. Dangerous. No, no, no. They weren't hard. They were like the dusty ones. So you like the salty, oh, like softer ones

that you could bite to remove the jelly. For real? Yes. But you know what I mean? I know what you mean. They were those ones, and they would get like, they'd kind of get like holes in them. So you could like,

Ffff, yeah. Yeah, I'd put them on my tongue and I'd go, bleh. Okay. Type in dusty diner mints. Okay bleh. OK. Type in Dusty Diner Mints. OK. We're just abusing our ability. I wonder if it'll show up. Do people know what they are?

Boom. Yeah, no, I remember those, baby. Dusty Diner Mints. Get a couple bags of those bad boys. By the way, for those of you guys that weren't on Patreon, Aunt is now our guy in the chair. Yeah, Aunt is our guy in the chair who is now doing whatever we ask him to do basically

And thank you besides looking up tattoos of Steve was penis face. Yes Yes, sir. Get some get some order some of these bitches here. No, no, we don't need them because I can't stop eating I will know what's the problem. It's legitimate like it's just sugar. It's like BTH for me. What the hell is that? like it's just sugar like BTH for me BT what the hell is that? Black tar heroin. Black tar heroin. Why do you have like you're on a first name basis with black tar heroin that you just give it a nickname? Yeah no but dude those are so good. A dusty old diner is so sick I love it so much. I really do the purple ones of those you see how they're green one's best brother green were green were good I like the red ones and the green ones were the I mean the orange ones if you ever handed

me a yellow one I'll tell you right now I'm throwing it against the walls hard yellow ones I actually like yellow flavored shit but like and people like hate it these yellow ones are garbage I don't like yellow flavor stuff. The fucking purple ones, I'd rather eat- Well those are black licorice, aren't they? Disgusting. I think they were black licorice. Green was mint. Why did old people- why did old people fuck with licorice so much? Because that's all they had for fun back then.

They would be like, hey look we got this chewing gum that when you chew it turns black and guess what? It's licorice flavor. What the fuck is that? What's wrong with you sad fucks? Yeah. You had cooler cans and way of opening cans. That's it. But that's it, dude. Old people just love them. And then wax candy.

Wax candy. One time my grandma got me these things, it's like, oh it's wax lips. My mom. I put it in my mouth, and it makes it look like you have big lips. And I tried to eat it, and I'm like, grandma. You suck. I'm eating a fucking candle here. You suck, grandma. Why am I eating this? Yeah, I remember my mom, she gave it to me once, she's like, it's like chewing gum. So naturally I tried to chew it like chewing gum. It's not. You know what it's like? Wax. Yeah, biting into a candle. Oh my god. Into a Yankee candle. Which I would bite some of those.

Dude, I don't know if I ever told you this story, but in seventh grade, because remember I went to that, I went to the new school in seventh grade, and that sounds like I got like shipped off or something. I went to a boarding school. I went to the school but it was like the promised like the science rooms had like science-y tables you remember those science-y tables that have like the black like chalk like and they had a sink a sink in the middle and shit like burner yes yeah yeah yeah and our science teacher he was like going over like what we were going to be doing this year and it was like cool shit he showed us that experiment where like you dip a can in hot water and then you immediately go to cold water and it

just fucking crushes oh that happens you've never seen that no it's crazy yeah he showed us the one where like he puts like liquid in a cup and then it just like turns black oh yeah I've cup, and then it just like turns black Oh, yeah, I've seen that and then at the end of everything He's like it's gonna be he was getting like so dramatic And he's like it's gonna be like we're gonna like blow your mind Science is everything and anything and he lit a candle and he's like science will make you question your perception of reality He blew the candle out and then ate it. And I was like, what the fuck?

Why'd he eat it? This was crazy, dude. Yeah. It blew my mind. You definitely thought, that's so cool. I did! And then I found out that he was a fucking fraud. It wasn't a candle. It was a piece of string cheese. I was so pissed about this. It was a piece of string cheese and he cut the he cut like a sliver of an almond and put it in the top and lit it so it looked

like a candle so he was like candle and then ate it I was like yo this guy's crazy we're gonna do crazy shit this year he's ate a candle it was just string cheese with an almond I love how that Would got Frankie to be in like yo this guy ate a candle this class is gonna be sick I would give him a shout out but fuck him there That pissed you off, huh? I was I wait how long and when did you find out? I'm what the end it was like like weeks if not months later, so anybody you were devastated I of course I was how'd you find out you asked him I think someone had like asked and he told them or like someone figured it out. Oh string cheese you dumbass

Yeah, basically. I remember being so upset about it, too. What I was just like wait. That's not real That's not a yo we were bought it I was so bought in to the science class your will came crumbling and then I just found out it was string cheese with an almond I love how you were so impressed by that, that it was devastating to you. That he ate a candle. I was so upset. Did he eat the whole thing? No, he just took a bite and it was like, literally it was as like the bell rang. Cause you remember teachers would be like, the bell doesn't dismiss you. I dismiss you. It's like, your dick is small. We get it. Yeah, like we get it dude. And he'd be like, all right, guys, so look forward.

I'll see you because we had like every other day classes. So if it was Monday, he'd be like, I'll see you on Wednesday and never forget. Never. We didn't need that detail at all. Well, it was at the end of class. And it was like, I'll see you on Wednesday, two days from now. What? What? What's funny about that? you on Wednesday two days from now and remember what what what's funny about that

I don't know just the unnecessary detail I keep going to I added to the gravity like it sat with us for two whole days we had a whole day off to be like what the fuck is this guy gonna do next class and he was just like and never forget we're gonna have a fun year.

Science is everything. And we're all like, what the fuck? And then we- What grade was this? Seventh grade. Seventh grade, okay, that'll do it. Just like the sweet spot of like, you still believe in like, the magic of the world, and but like, then people start talking to you about the Bush administration.

That's a- yeah. Yeah. See, that's what you had, And then I had my Chinese Spanish teacher that was failing me relentlessly. Oh, I had a Spanish teacher that hated me too. Yeah, yeah. All my Spanish teachers, besides, wait, did I take Spanish in sixth grade?

My seventh grade teacher was this Chinese woman absolutely hated me. Yeah, we know. We remember the whole story. Yeah. OK. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, we got to do not bring it up.

Our Spanish teacher, the reason she hated us, it made sense. Her last name was Madera, which is wood in Spanish. Did anyone hear the ghost? That's Ms. Madera. Yeah. Wait, so what'd you say? Oh, she got so many wood jokes. Like boners. Oh. I thought you were just making like wood jokes.

And I'm like, yeah, you got her. No, no, no. Like, you know. Like, oh, wood? I bet you got wood, right? I got wood. I don't know if I did that. I'm sure something along those lines. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. Yeah Did you because I remember in high school? Did you show your the priest in your high school your your boners or I think that's not appropriate honestly

I didn't have any I did have I had one brother. What are those? What are brothers? Monsinger? Monsinger? Monsignor Monsinger? Monsinger. Yeah, but it's spelled with a G, brothers. Yeah. Is that what it is? Monsinger? What's a brother?

I think it's just like a guy. Like a guy who's almost there? A guy, none. Like a male, none? Like a dude, none. A gun. A religious brother is a man who takes vows of poverty, chastity. First of all, he was going to pay.

And obedience. What did we mean by obedience vows of poverty, chastity. First of all, he was getting paid. Poverty? And obedience. What do we mean by obedience? I get that, to the Lord. Yeah. You got to obey that. Chastity, that makes sense. Chastity, is that no puss?

No sexies. No puss? And a vow of poverty. Poverty. He's definitely getting paid. I mean, that doesn't, that I don't understand. Like you choose to live in squalor to feel more connected to God? Is that a thing?

I don't know, but I'm confused why there's not a vow of being a fucking asshole, because that guy was an asshole to me. Really? Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, he was. I always wondered, and I think I have asked you this before, what your science class is.

Where do they draw the line? Do they just start and stop at Earth science? I'll tell you this. Or they'd be like, and the rivers run because of this and that, and then because of God? God no so it wasn't like that was it for you our religion teacher said you know we're gonna learn about evolution I don't believe in it but we're gonna learn about really really you want to hear that's really because so by the way for those you guys don't know Joey and Aunt went to the

same high school right different times and it's like six years old. Okay. No, I had my, my, um, this is, this is actually kind of funny. My science teacher was a gay man, right? Not out at the time. What's hysterical about that? It's, you're saying like the thing that's like teaching science in a Catholic school, you're like where they draw the line. Oh, so. And he was gay. So he was, he had two strikes on him. He wasn't like out gay, but he was gay, like he was gay. So he had two strikes on him. Right. He wasn't like out gay, but he was gay. Like he was obviously gay. Then I had another teacher who taught sex and religion. Was that the class?

Like sex? So sex and religion, who was trans. Like since then has transitioned, or at the time was transitioning? No, it was like like yeah Wow I think maybe that's pretty cool Well, I was like I didn't think about that till right now when you said it like where they draw the line science Like it was a regular science like we did

Kemen biology, that's pretty cool. That's that's yeah cool in the sense like they're that they accepted her Yeah, did I ever tell you the story about that glass? No This is true, right? Well, I think I've said it before, honestly. So on the first day, the teacher was like, we're just going to make everyone comfortable. So everyone's going to go up to the board. And whatever makes you think of sex write a one word on the board I

think you have told me this but continue so people are writing like contraceptive right because no one wants to be like nipples yeah oh oh my god forget if I was in that class yeah yeah you probably would have pranked the whole thing I would honestly if you were like in that class what would you have written to try to be funny? I always tried to be the class clown. I think I wrote boot or something like that. Fat tits. I didn't write fat tits.

That's insane. But I wrote something. I was trying to be like, ha ha. 69. There was a kid. I think someone did write 69. There was a kid who was strange. You know in the kids in high school that kind of act like cats,

and you're like, why is this guy meowing? You know what I mean? There was nothing wrong with this kid. Like cats? Maybe. Or he was a cat. I have no idea. But he wrote hentai up on the board which is which the teacher didn't know what it

was so he looked it up so no he wrote hentai and then as he's walking back to his seat tears like what is that the kid said something like it's when you're it's something like when your favorite cartoons are having sex but all the noises are real he said something like that and favorite cartoons are having sex, but all the noises are real. He said something like that. That's a very accurate way of saying it. Frank, this was the first day of class in our sex and religion class with our transgender teacher. It was a whole ton.

I mean, that's a good way to break the ice. The ice was shattered on that day. Okay, the ice was beat to shit. I wish any teacher allowed us to do something like that. Why? You want a full pass to write penis on the board? I would have gotten in trouble, that's for sure. Like if you were giving me a pass to write penis, first of all, there's no way I'm going up there. Big cock!

There's no way I'm writing penis. People would have... 2007, Joey, if one of us went on the board and wrote penis, they would have immediately pegged us as like you would have gotten whoa no I know I I am thinking about it right now we were in high school in 2007 yeah 2006 that is so crazy yeah and you were born in 2008, right? No How old are you? I just turned 28. Okay Four years five. How old am I? It will be well he turned 28 this year five years I don't know five years because we're turning 33 this year. Oh my god. Yo disgusting disgusting Yeah, yeah, I don't feel 33 I

You know what's funny on the drive in, I was thinking to myself like I still feel like, like I I'm the same person in just like, that's not true. You haven't even said anything. Thank God I didn't. But like I still feel like the same person in a sense that I was like my whole life. Like I don't feel like the same person in a sense that I was like my whole life like I don't feel like Like 2007 was like it feels like it could be a week ago or 18 years ago. You know what i'm saying?

Okay, it just it all feels like it happened In a short period of time, right? So like dude 2007 is gonna be 18 years ago It is 18. Yeah, when I when I'm when I was younger I remember thinking of someone who's 23 being like Like a 20 I remember I think we spoke about this recently on an episode But like I remember there would be like there was always like one girl in our high school And they're like her boyfriend's in college. She's 22 and everyone was just like whoa and then like now looking back on it like Fuck is going on? Crazy, crazy.

Yeah. Yeah, 20 years ago. Yeah. Almost. Can I ask what you're about to do? I'm about to eat this fried chicken that's been sitting here. Do it, do it, do it, do it. You're a savage.

Hell yeah. You're a savage. That looked like it tasted really good. Give me that hot sauce, bitch. I can't. Ooh, a little one-hander. Frank, give him the Bloody Mary hot sauce on a piece of chicken right before we get out of here.

Make sure you put the tip of the bottle right where you bit the chicken, you fucking asshole. You can take that off with you now. It's hot sauce. It sanitizes itself. Guys, I think that's all for this week's episode. Are you going to say it? I was going to wait until you say what are you going to say and then I was going to say

my things. You can go try the Bloody Mary hot sauce that Frank has in his hand that he's about to... There. Daddy's... There you go. Go get it at theheateness.com. Go look for the Bloody Mary hot sauce that Frank has in his hand that he's about to there Daddy's there you go. Go get it at the heatness calm go look for the Bloody Mary hot sauce Thank you for supporting. We appreciate it Frank. Where can they find you? You can find me and I found rose 8085 on Twitter the Frank Alvarez and all the forms of social media go to patreon.com Slash the basement yard to continue to support us We appreciate you and like I said earlier if you're coming to the Just For Laugh shows in Vancouver on February 20, 21st, 21st, one of those,

or if you're coming to the shows in Europe, go to thebasementyard.com slash submit. Submit the responses to the questions that we've asked you. It's going to be a party. We want to see you guys, and we're hoping you have him. And that's all for this week's episode. You guys can go follow the show on TikTok and Instagram at The Basement Yard.

We appreciate it. Thank you so much. Welcome to the new studio. Bye. See you next time.