The Basement Yard - #494 - Visiting Docter Dan

Episode Date: March 17, 2025

Yes, docter is supposed to be spelled that way! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the base Welcome back to the basement yard Frank. How you doing, baby? I'm doing great. How are you prefer baby over bitch? Yeah, I think anyone well some people don't like baby, baby makes them feel a little uncomfortable What do you mean some people don't like baby love that jacket you got going on there? I Absolutely love it love it. Um just the colors are great. I love a good inside pocket because then people think you have a gun. Nothing is cooler than when I'm wearing a suit and I put money in there. Bro. Dude it makes me feel so, hey welcome back by the way guys. Yo, at weddings when you

have like the card. And you pull it out and you're just like this is for you. Yeah but have you ever, have you ever, giving anyone anything from my jacket pocket is the coolest thing in the world. It is really cool, yeah. It's better than smoking cigarettes, which is cool. Ugh! Not actually, but it is cool looking. Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. Yeah, but like, uh, at weddings sometimes, the car I got is too wide and it doesn't fit in my pocket.

Yeah, I hate that. And I get so fucking mad. I hate that. Listen, as a former cigar smoker, You gave it up, you retired cold turkey? I think I'm done, baby. You're cold turkey I'm gone. Yeah, I got nothing my turkey cuz I got no reason to right now. I just what was the reason before? enjoying it I Just I don't know maybe if the time was right, but like right now. I'm in a place of just like I don't need it

I'm trying to not die but Whip it out a cigar and then whipping out a Zippo lighter out of one of those bitches and just being like... Zippo lighters. Dude, what a great... Bro, lighters? Lighters. All of them?

Like there's some metal ones. Metal lighters. Like Zippo. Like plastic BICs? Yeah, like I'm not... Listen, no offense to BICs, but why pens and lighters? Like why is that? That's very confusing to be honest. That's very, like, but dude, there's some, there's like this like lighter account on TikTok,

and it's like this French guy, and he finds a bunch of old lighters, and he's like, this is from the Japan, you know, forgive the French accent. It's okay. Oh, so he has all these old lighters as you refurbish them dude, and he like gets my word refurbish refurbish I make them new again, but what is so then if fucking something up is furbishing it Yes

Don't don't look it up. No, but I love when people get I mean we've talked about this too Because there's that one Irish guy Was like oh, I've got to bring this thing back. Oh the wood. Yeah, yeah, oh it's like woodwork, so I've seen him like Make a machete look really nice and shiny again. That's fun Have you ever seen the ones where they put the machetes and like the tub and then they shock it to get all the fucking? Rust off of it. No what what you've never seen I do like that though because sometimes they do that with like watches or like jewelry It's a little horny. What is it is it like I'm sure so like it's like a

Yeah, I don't know or it just shakes it. It just shakes it I don't think the shaking is the thing that's cleaning it I think it's probably the chemicals that are in it oh But so I can't like put my finger in there Like if I had a dirty hand, I can't like... Clean myself? That's a great question. I don't know. I don't think we should look it up because how would we even look that up?

Would you get in a, like a shaky tub like that? Knock the dirt off of you? I don't... There's something in the way you said that that seems a little like double entendre and I don't like it. What does that mean? Like too me and too me. No, I know what a double entendre is but how am I saying-

No one's knocking the dirt off me. My dust has been knocked off. See now I fucked it up but I said it. So now you do get dusty. We're all a little dusty. Definitely. But, so this guy, it's like old lighters. And some of them are just like, it looks like a little clam.

And then you open the clam and it's just BANG! Like a fucking flame. And it's just bang like a fucking flame Yeah, and it's so sick, dude. You know what's cool. Yo, I don't really I mean, I don't know I don't know if I love torches. I love My torch my dad my dad. Yeah, like no no no what my dad My dad always had cuz my dad gave up smoking cigarettes to smoke the better option, which is black and mild.

And he would light it with a plumber's torch, which is the fucking torch with the giant propane canister underneath. And he would light it like this. And that thing was fucking wild. Yeah, he doesn't have eyebrows anymore because of that. That's an insane thing to be lighting that with by the way I mean it's my father it is anything surprised you yes it is true

we're your parents smokers no I mean one time my dad like never smoke remember I don't think he's ever smoked in his life really I've never seen him smoking I remember them saying oh my god I could only imagine you asking him Dad have you ever smoked? Yeah he would be so offended We have gotten like it out of my mom

I've been like mom you used to smoke weed And she's like I- and I'm like WOAH! You smoked weed! You fucking pothead 420! That's a three. Fuck. Um but yeah so I think my mom Like smoked a little bit of the grass. The devil's lettuce.

Well, you definitely shouldn't say that. There's definitely better ways to say that. Devil's lettuce? Yeah, because weren't it was I think like all those like old timey terms for weed were kind of like a little insensitive toward people of color. The devil? Well, yeah, because they was like a popular thing to smoke by black men and women so like the white people were just like

eeeh you know, you know how they be but what? I thought the devil's lettuce was like because it's a drug also yes, but like there's another word for them 666 that I don't wanna say because

it's kinda mean but like it has to do with a type of music And then they call it the music cigarette I've never heard really for my life you've ever heard that you're so tapped into like yeah, man But backtracking a little bit again. You know I'm not a I'm not a cigarette smoker, but if You pulled out of your jacket those like old-timey metal things that like held cigarettes

yeah but they're they're hand-rolled and they're like made them earlier they're like yeah they're like you bought the tobacco at the store see I would do that really I mean it's still bad it's still bad tobacco though that's not why I'm saying I would do it I would do it because it's just cool. Or, honestly, hate this aesthetic, but there is something about a rolled up cigarette pack in your sh- in your sleeve. Oh, like your fucking Johnny from the fucking greasers? Yeah, exactly. When we were kids, um, at like, when I would do like Cub Scouts, my sister and I- What? You did Cub Scouts?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did Cub Scouts. Do you have badges? Bro, how did I not know you were a Cub Scout? I was a Cub Scout, I don't think I finished- How long did you Cub? Uh, I think that means something else, but, uh, it was at St. Francis. It wasn't very long, but I remember my parents, we used to dress- they used to dress me as fucking Danny Zuko

From Greece and my dad used to put an empty pack of Marlboro Reds in my t-shirt as like a five-year-old Wait, I thought cubs goes wear uniforms But like they had like you had to make like those cars You never saw those were like you have to like woodwork a car and like win a race My dad put so many quarters in that thing. You just as a cub scout no no no no no no no that's better well I think you need to go from one to the other you can't be an eagle scout if you don't stop as I start as a cub hierarchy I stopped at cub I was done I think you didn't come I didn't come did you do anything like that though it were you a

part of club I did I will say I did go camping with some Boy Scouts once and it was an experience Were you a Boy Scout? No, you an adult? Was like I went camping with some Boy Scout I was in Middle school and some of the kids that I went to school with were like you remember some of them Yeah, they were Boy Scouts and like we went for like two nights and it was just like where I don't remember where it was somewhere in New York but like it wasn't like anything intense it was one of those like you ever see those tic tocs of that guy that's like in the wilderness and there's like a shack that's like for

campers the guy with it oh the guy's just like So we're gonna be digging out Is that the guy with the glasses? Yeah yeah yeah I love that guy I will kill for him We watched one of his videos when we were in Vancouver We did we threw it on the- We threw it on the TV

This dude gets like 28 million fucking watches a month He's like look at this And then he takes a stick out and he's like 14 foot snow I'm like dude get off of that Yeah Like it's dangerous my guy I love- I forget what his it. I think it's like brave wilderness or some shit like that Yeah, but he's like so today. We're gonna be like I brought this homemade bread, and it's just dough in a bag

Yeah, and he's like and I got this honey butter, and he's just scooping Chard bread that he made over the fire into honey butter all about it There's a tik-tok account that I there's a couple of them But there's one in particular that I don't remember the name But it's this dude who has the sharpest knife in the world the obsidian knife What is that? Oh Star Wars you finished sword from Zelda? What is that? Do you want me to go off about the sword? I'm sorry I brought up the skyward sword all right no but this guy he like goes

out into nature and he'll find a piece of wood or something and then there's like a river so he'll like grab a fuck he'll get a fish and then like he'll scale the fish yeah and then he'll make a fire out of like a stump and something else and then he'll create a fire and of like a stump and something else and then he'll create a fire And then he's got like like bread and then he's got like a piece of meat

What are you doing? And these like slicing tomatoes thin He's got that giant fat knife and they're see-through the the the tomatoes are so thin that you can see And he like takes a big like rock and he wets it and cleans it in the river And then he just like puts it on he cooks a steak on this fucking and then he got Rocks get the steak and then he takes like a piece of rosemary or just like a piece of Leaf and then he like dips that in olive oil and he goes like this and I'm like dude this guy's not worried about this He's that awesome and he throws an onion in the air and he catches it on his knife God whatever this big knife guy is you fun love your knife, and I love your skills. I love your knife and skills as well

The best dude when he throws the onion and then catches it and then he turns it over, and then he starts going shung shung shung shung shung I'm like, fucking yeah Oh it's so good You know why I like it? Because I know I could never do it. Dude. And then when he slices like

rosemary like extra thin and he's like, rosemary, rosemary is like a leaf. Well I know no he like scrapes it off that's not what I'm talking about oh and he has like parsley and yeah yeah yeah you did and he's like was it so my bro this is the greatest thing I've ever seen or like he has like a mortar and pestle and he puts like peppercorns in it he's like whoo the dude dude and sure and then he and then he yeah yo bro oh my god when people like go the extra mile yeah yeah and it's like yo there's dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, I Know but like the prospect of you doing it. I'm proud of you. Yeah, I would love for like a patreon video

Do you know the Canadian one go ahead? Do you know the Canadian guy which Canadian? There's a Canadian guy that does this but he's hello, buddy You never seen that ever seen bro. There's don't skip over this you should know for me this getting continued on your side I was afraid that you were gonna go off of these tic tocs It's like a little cabin, and he's got a big he's got a she's got like stash and he goes hello buddy and then he said he makes a thing I can't a tea that he makes and a little meal and then he sits down at the end of it he's in this cabin with a tiny TV he's playing like Duck Hunter bro you mean

duck hunt but I do mean don't you mean duck hunt awesome yeah unbelievable and then so the. You mean duck hunt. Awesome. Yeah, unbelievable And then so the guy was gonna bring up before I forgot who he is as If I would his name would matter. I don't know he like makes like ancient tools and So funny We're so deep in this is so niche now He's like there's a guy who makes ancient tool has like a piece of like cow hide on his leg And he holds like a piece of obsidian and he takes a rock and what's obsidian obsidian is um like? Supercooled Lava that becomes glass and like a lot of like ancient

I was gonna say companies no, ancient cultures and uh, what's it, civilizations would make tools out of this shit because when it breaks so thin and it's like 30 times sharper than a scalpel and you don't need to sharpen it because the more it breaks, it just breaks thinner and thinner so like old swords, look up old obsidian swords, look that up right now, old obsidian swords. Do they sell this? Let's get a sword. Let's get a sword in here? Yeah. Old obsidian swords. Look at this. That's what I'm talking about. Oh they put them on like paddles and stuff. And they were like the ancient, ah man I feel bad that I won't be able to understand like correctly. It's Aztec. Aztec, okay. And they wouldc okay and they would like showing showing but then they'd catch them and then rip it and it would just

fuck their shit up and dude I'm not on I'm not on ancient tool making tip yeah yeah yeah but he like he like hold it those obsidian fucking but I'm trying to look for prices but yeah then these boxed up but like if he like takes it and he's like Bang and he hits it with a rock and it like poked it like come it cuts off

Yeah It cuts off. It cuts off. Dude, TikTok's got some great stuff. TikTok, TikTok. You know Honestly, I'm kind of sick of People like us just talking like let's let's see some skills you know what I think what we do is very skilled in a way making obsidian sword i mean you wouldn't see them going and selling out radio city what are you gonna do i would buy a ticket to that if there was a hold on yeah if i could go to a show

where they just wear guys gonna you know you go to like a paint and sip and you're like haha think if someone's like you we're gonna to like a paint and sip and you're like haha Think if someone's like yo, we're gonna make ancient fucking swords in here, and we're gonna drink some wine That's probably a little too dangerous. Shut up. What if it's uh You know how they would do like the old-timey like people watching surgeries and like the theater in the round I think they still do that. Yeah, I mean weird now that we do that like we could it's for students I know, but still stupid like if they think the students should learn how to do surgery in the room they

don't need to be watching it like a fucking vulture how you gonna get out you're not gonna sit with you and watch yeah done you don't need to fucking have it in a pod where people watch you like it's a lion's den I think that's actually what they call it or maybe that was a wrestling match that I think they have to say into the body into Ken Shamrock and Steve Blackman. Those are wrestlers. They were. Um, but yeah, I don't know either.

I have no idea where we were. You've offended me. But if they did that, but like in there, they're not doing surgery. They're just like shaping wood into a canoe. Yeah, just like woodworking. There's that guy. Remember that guy who went viral years ago on Twitch? He's a, I think he's from New Zealand or from Australia, and he's just a just a big happy dude. And he's just like, All right, we're gonna make, you know, we're gonna make a paddle today, you know, and he's just like, and like someone gifted him a sub and he's like, Oh, I want to send you the money back. You don't need to do that. I just like doing this.

And now he's huge, dude. Yeah? Yeah. Very, very underrated impression that he did. I feel like I've- It was good? It was very good. It's funny because-

His name is like, Brox or something like that. That's a sick name. So cool. But that's also the impression he does for David Beckham. But, now David Beckham is out now do the guy all right maybe it's a little you know what they are pretty simple what about bro if I saw David Beckham and I heard him talk like that I could I know I could beat him up if I saw this this guy, I know I can't. You think realistically you could beat up David Beckham? Absolutely not. I've seen him.

I mean, maybe. You've seen him sitting down, Joey. He was standing at one point. But he's not that tall. He's what, like, he's like your height, like 5'1"? You bastard. 6''. Well, uh, height and weight. I mean, he's definitely 150. I'll dog him when it comes to that. So he's got it. I'll dog him when it comes to that.

So he's got it. So he's 6 feet. What the? 75. What are you looking at? Is this fucking, is this stats? 75 kilos is... Yeah, 75 kilos that's like 170. Are you sure about that? I have no idea how to do the conversion to be honest with you.

75 kilos to pounds. 163. Oh, see that? Confidence paid off. Now I look smarter to everyone that thought I knew it. I feel like you just, like, I'm trying to picture his body and how much he would weigh. Yeah.

Crazy. But six feet, you're done. You're toast. This guy's got a good 10 inches on you. All right. I was like, what are you talking about? Yeah, no. I guess shout out to David Beckham and his wife, Victoria.

Why am I doing that? You ever see that clip of where she's just like talking about like, my dad, we had it so hard and he's like in the back, David Beckham in the back and he's like, what school did your dad drop you? What car did your dad drive you schooling? Yeah, yeah. She's like, it doesn't matter David you think what what car and she's like David it doesn't he's like it was a bloody Rose Royce yeah or something something yeah I'm a big fan of bloody by the way when people from

like English a oh bloody crazy or like whatever and I'm on cheeky too now cheeky I really like I would I love the idea of cunt, but like we can't do it here We can cheeky Cheeky is cool. Cheeky is cool because it's playfully naughty. You know what I mean? But if you say cheeky cunt you can probably get away with that. You're cheeky bloody What what what comes next cunt we so we're gonna do I actually planned on this we're gonna do an episode of like Europe slang Before we go over there, so we'll be well Versed I was gonna say endowed for some reason. We'll be what we won't be that

We'll be well versed before we go over there, but speaking of well versed There's actually something that I saw that I wanted to bring up. I don't know if you saw this, it's been... This is not gonna have anything to do with well-versed, huh? No, or well-endowed, or maybe. Speaking of well-versed, here's something that has nothing to do with that.

No, no, no, well-endowed might be the thing. I'm not gonna show you. Which means big dick. Yeah, by the way, I'm not showing you a picture of a dick. That'd be great. Okay, I'm not going to show you. Which means big dick. Yeah, by the way I'm not showing you a picture of a dick. That'd be great. Okay, I'm not. I promise. But. This just sounds like you are now. No I'm not. But it's been going on the, around on the internet. So there's a woman who, look at me Joey, there's a woman who found, was going through her dead grandmother's like belongings after could grandmother's be dying I mean we know that they do be dying and found this card in her dresser Mm-hmm and show the first one first the first no no yeah, so that one So this is a car that was in her dresser presumably from the 50s or 60s for dr. Dan

Expert plane and fancy fucking evenings by appointment only this is awesome grandma was getting it dude so I mean we can just cut rate to a party of six or more satisfaction with one hard on this dude was giving out six man discounts. Yeah yeah yeah. So first of all, way to go Dr. Dan. All the way, also spelling doctor wrong is that is it doctor or doctor? Is that spelled right? That's wrong, doctor. It is doctor. Yeah yeah. So this guy didn't want to get in trouble. I don't think this man is a doctor. I don't think he's a fucking doctor either. What are the lines of being a doctor though?

I think that's something that we definitely have to ask schooling schooling schooling really yeah Because you could be a doctor of thuganomics look at John Cena You could be maybe to you But this guy knew extra attention given to neglected married women Also bottom right corner whim widow a special special- Widow's a specialty. How- He specializes in- Widows? There's one part of this that you are vastly

overlooking. Virgins treated gently. Spinster satisfied. What the hell's a spinster? What is that? What is a spinster? Spinster... Spinster. What is that? It sounds like Chuckie Finster, which I think doesn't mean anything compared to this. Who is that?

Chuckie Finster? I don't even know why I asked. Chuckie Finster. Tommy Pickles. Oh, that's his last name? Chuckie? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that.

By appointment only is great. You can't just walk in here. With a party of six. So, this was clearly so grandma was she was getting she's you know she needed Dr. Dan I'm assuming you know grandpa died she became a widow and that's what do you call this a gigolo is that what that technically is I think so yeah or a male prostitute yeah it could be I gotta say a doctor I gotta say gigoloalo? Cool word?

It's a fun word It reminds me of Jello It does It reminds me of Say it, R. Kelly God damn it, I wasn't going that That is a I'm a jiggalo always on the go

Imagine making a song about like It was a jiggalo spending lots of dough. Oh Do you remember who's always on the go? Do you remember who sang that song? He did the bar Kelly? He did the hook do you remember whose song that actually was no? The signs were there man. He did he know the sides were there. It was Nick Cannon What's it Nick? Yeah? You don't need to pull up absolutely do not pull. I the song kind of hits. I think it was on like now That's what I call music like seven or eight and I why do you know that because we had those my mom would get us Those albums you had all the now that's not all of them, but we had a few did you have any kids Bob?

No, thank God. Thank God you had kids Bob I did you would you would take your bodies you bop your parents Probably loved that you were a kid bopping I Guess I don't even know how to understand that do you remember any of the good kids bop like did you like legit listen? To it. Do you know immediately like this is I just remember some of them were pretty good What I don't remember I couldn't tell you it's kind of a bananas move to be like yo Let's take popular songs make kids sing them and then sell CDs and give them probably nothing Oh, yeah

I told did I tell you that there was a company who reached out to invite me to kids by they tour they tour and they Were just like bring the family which is cool by the way gracious, but then they were like meet the stars of kids Bob right? I was like like I'm not gonna meet Tommy bro. What I gonna do what song do you like you know yeah I was gonna ask tour like that's how you say it tour do you say tour or you say tour going on tour tour yeah or tour see like yeah people say tour I think it's just a regional difference you know what I mean I don't think there's much Someone from New York one time was like tour. I was like oh what the fuck too weird Yeah, I also pronounce a lot of words wrong, but you know well. We're New Yorkers. We do you know coffee? Chocolate everyone gets on me for it axe

Well, that's because you're just saying it wrong, but I understand you're yeah, I don't have time so Just based off of what you're seeing here yeah if you knew someone that needed a little fancy fucking right if there was neglected married women then who better to call than a dog I mean here's the thing nothing here that says it's only for women extra attention given to neglected married women that's fair that's fair nothing that says right he's not dr. Dan isn't given the doctor dick to dad and the virgins are treated gently which is what you want to hear

exactly you know you want them to be treated with we never want we don't want anyone treated not gently unless they don't want to be treated gently. In that case. I really hope there's nothing about this that has come out that has been like bad or dark because then we sound bad. But what did we say? I'm just saying. I know, I know, I'm just saying. All right, so now Joey, there's another portion of this which is the back of the card. Wait, hold on real quick. I just want to point this out. There's a photo right underneath this. So it's so funny that there's like a family photo or her and her husband, and then right under that,

Dr. Dan with the dick out. Cause your grandmothers are all gone. Right. If you had gone. You made it sound like I have 20 of them. Both your grandparents are gone. Yeah. Both sets of grandparents are gone.

Yeah. You're clean slate. Cleaned out. Cleaned out. Yeah your grandparents are gone. Yeah. Both sets of grandparents are gone. Yeah. You're clean slate. Everyone's cleaned out. Cleaned out. Yeah, we're empty. Gotcha. If you found this in your grandmother's drawer, would you be hype or would you be like grandma? Frank.

Oh, if she's alive? Mm-hmm. Well, no, no, no. Oh, if she died. Current situation. If my grandmother died and we went to her house and I found this, I'm putting it in a frame... Yeah.

And I'm hanging it. Really? You're that pumped? 100%. Yeah, I would... This is honestly like finding the Declaration of Independence. There's also something sad about this because at the time women were... Not that they're treated great now, but like... Do we know what time this was it's so

We're gonna get into that so I think I tried finding the original post and I couldn't find it I think it's around the 60s. So there's another part of this before aunt pulls it up that includes What is offered by dr. Dan what his services services services? What is offered by Dr.. Dan what his services services of the services so in addition to what the services are going to pull up We went the extra mile here at the basement yard. We take research very seriously when it is stupid and We did a conversion of what the cost would be oh With inflation with inflation adjusted for inflation love that so perfect So why don't we pull up the night?

Oh, we get to the end and then we'll get it all right. Yeah ads, and then we'll talk about dr. Dan given that Go to the end. Yes First off here. We got Omaha steaks Omaha steaks. They make Amazing steaks okay the legendary steaks they sent a box of them to me and Frank and we are very excited about that They're in my freezer freezing right now They have been America's original butcher since 1917 okay way before dr. Dan That delivers the world's best steak experience and brings people together with more than a hundred years of family-owned expertise

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If you're cooking something up in the kitchen, why don't you throw on more of us? More of The Basement Yard, which you can get at patreon.com slash thebasementyard. Thank you so much to everyone that continues to support us, especially the people that support us over on Patreon, which is kind of realistically the most direct and easiest way to support us. Go to patreon.com slash thebasementyard. Sign up today for that first tier and you get these weekly episodes one week in advance and then that Second tier well, you'll get exclusive episodes every single Friday at 7 a.m

Like clockwork, baby. Our biological clock is ticking right along for you. Okay, so yeah, thank you aunt So go over to the basement yard comm slash Nope patreon.com slash the basement yard to check that out We thank you guys so much for continuing to support us and we appreciate it And if you can't do it, it's okay I completely understand but please do it Joe holds a gun to my head when you're not here and the cameras aren't on Also, if you're coming to any of the Europe shows we're doing shows in Scotland London

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Plain insertion. Plain. No pepperoni. No pepperoni. No sausage. Well, no. Maybe sausage. Just sausage. Well, there's, well...

Twenty dollars! Twenty dollars!'s, well, I... $20! $20! Now, with caresses... $27! $27. Yo, $7 for caresses? What are we talking about, by the way? Well, caresses, we figured out, is back of the hand. Yeah.

Back of the hand, so like this, because a caress adds a level of intimacy. I don't know that I've ever caressed. So what Dr. Dan is clearly doing here, obviously, is establishing as a businessman that he is no-nonsense. Right, 20 bucks. 20 bucks for just the base insertion. Is there tax? You know, that's a great question.

I imagine that Dr. Dan does not report any of his income from this I don't think so. I don't think he has an LLC so $20 for a flat and you know insertion with caress 27 and Just for shits and giggles. Can you let us know in 1960? What 20 or 27 dollars would be in? 2025 inflation insertion with caresses $27 would be $289. So base pay $290 basically. Also to get caressed and frrred. Now you're a businessman. Yeah. A lot of people respect

you myself included as a businessman. Do you think he's missing out here in any way because he's clearly establishing flat rate for plain insertion. Do you think he should charge per percentage of insertion? What does that mean? Just the tip. Oh. Tiffin part, 40%.

50%. Does anyone really do just the tip? I don't think that's it. I mean listen there are people out there that dress up like spongebob and scream at each other during sex I'm sure people do that. Yeah, but they don't go just the tip they put the whole fucking Krabby Patty in there You know listen if Nickelodeon didn't have bigger fish to fry they would have come here and shut that down probably up but I I mean potentially as a businessman 289 dollars for just a plane in search

is playing now it's not a bad starting point now okay the next line makes me think that there that this is just flat-out missionary Inverted positions. What is an inverted position? I would imagine anything other than so Inverted sounds inside out You know if you're kind of not wrong like a 69 is inverted I think inverted is just like in this sense that Dr. Dan is defining it different.

So if I was a businessman here, which I'm not. Okay. I would say, well, Dr. Dan, you need to explain what your base position is. Define that because there's certain legal things here that is not lining up. Inverted positions. So is this, I guess, I assume this is on top of what? Yeah, because the next line says dog fashion.

Right, and that's 2250 as well. With, included, barking and yelping. Barking and yelping. Yelping is funny. Well- YIK! That's what I pictured a yelping. Barking and yelping. Yelping is funny. Well, that's what I picture a yelping. With barking and yelping is $25. Just doggy style, $22.50, not bad.

Barking and yelping being $2.50 seems fair to me. I mean, put in $2.50, what would that be? So an extra $2 fifty cents two thousand fifty cents 250 in 19 was this 1960 we're doing we're saying 1960 so 1960 would be $26 now I'm not throwing that in I'm not barking for $26 barking in yeah, well I imagine so he's doing the barking and yelping womb stretch $26 barking in yell well I imagine so he's doing the barking and yelping stretch You're jumping ahead here Joey jumping ahead What's a stretch is this that you go like this? I mean, bro. What's 39 25 put that in that's gotta be

300 bucks To get your womb stretch honestly what is a room straight that sounds like it's medicinal Maybe dr. Jann does have some knowledge that sounds like a birth. Maybe he's like a part-time obstetrician Is that a doctor name? That's what the OB and OB GYN stands for brother fire that you know that barking and yelping right now sounds so not worth it when you consider you if you just level up a little bit you get me listen if you're into if you already got $27 for caressing yeah you you might as well bro. You might as well might as well throw barking in there if you're into search Oh, that's you caressing caressing. Yeah, okay. I got you the caress and the bark. I have understood. Can you give me your best bark?

No, no, what kind of dog um well, so he specifies barking and yelping so I imagine barking is a larger dog Yeah, well, I remember and then yelping like He's doing both there's two dogs now. I understand why it's 250 You had a little teacup Yorkie You had it! You preloaded! Do you like a little teacup Yorkie? What? Holy shit that was incredible.

So, that was really good. I can see why the yelping. There's people that work right behind that wall by the way that are confused. The womb stretch though, $420. What is a womb stretch? I think that's like you just you got it you want to stretch it So you probably sounds like more like I said medicinal maybe that's Because that'll stretch it That will stretch it oh you can't of course it will everyone knows that all right

We got to move on from the womb stretch wait $50 for tongue bath a tongue bath 50 bucks, I mean I'd rather be stretched in my womb Joey at the time there were not what is a tongue bath by the way I imagine that's cunnilingus well no because the next is muff dive that what is the difference between all right Oh muff dive is if you have hair so I mean so then by appointment you need to hope that this guy is a beard because muff dive might not be always available Muff mmm. I think his pubes. Maybe yeah Maybe he charges like if you are if you got a lot of pubes if you have a lot I need 50 extra dollars because a regular tongue bath is 50 bucks a muff dive is 100 this guy seems misogynistic to me

Why can't women have a well we at the time? $536 hey, man Well at the time men like women would be like I'm not feeling great because I've been home all week with the kids and he's like you're crazy I'm gonna get you a lobotomy so clearly men had no sense of being a gentleman. Yeah, have a cigarette about it Yeah, exactly. You're pregnant here Here, just smoke this. You'll feel great. $100, put that in. How much is $100 with a... I mean, we could do the simple math. It's a thousand, yeah.

It's a... $50 was seven... yeah. Bro, a muff dive for a thousand dollars? Dr. Dan may be a little out of the price range of a normal purse. Uh... well, I mean... That's a lot. Clearly this gentleman was one of a kind. I mean, have we seen other or heard of any other... Doctors?

By the way, also, giving out cards. This was like the card, the Sesame Drinks card that we knew when we were... Maybe that's what Dr. Dan evolved into. He stopped pleasuring lonely widows and he started selling alcoholic drinks. Yo, this is also kind of crazy right now because there is a womb stretch on this thing, but on the front of the card it says being gentle with virgins. I don't know how gently you can stretch. Can you do me a favor?

Urban dictionary tongue bath. Just so we're on the same page What do you think it is like what do you think? I just think it's I think it's it's cheating out kind of lingus Oh is it maybe a tongue bath is just like soaking but tongue you know what I'm saying like just taking a bath just chilling out Tongue bath the art of licking the entire body of your partner literal like you're a dog oh So it's literally he's licking her whole body he's doubling down on the barking and yelping and now he's like I'm just we're a dog as it is now. I understand why it's 50 bucks

That's a big job to lick a whole body my god, and that could be a disgusting job Have you ever licked your hand or arm that could be gross watch you lick your hand a lot Yeah, my hands are a little dry right now. I haven'tized today lick them like a cat but basically that's what he's doing So then just do me a favor confirm what a muff dive is on urban dictionary Just so we're all on the same page. We know what we're paying for honestly 50 dollars for a tongue bath Might be low low balling it. I don't know. It's it's what it sounds like performing all sex on family. Exactly Exactly, so we figured that okay. All right. So time limits per hour 37 50 on top of all this so yeah, so if you're doing an hour of plain insertion, that's running you 57 50

Now you're getting into I imagine a tongue bath comes with a minimum amount of time, you know Like the Union rules it's like if you have them come in for even 20 minutes, they need a minimum of four hours of pay. And like they're going to take a break in the middle of that. Yes, they need their union mandated breaks depending on the amount of time before they go into compliance. We don't want to get into HR issues here, which is clearly Dr. Dan is worried about. OSHA certified. Yeah.

Also, all night being 12 hours, bro, whose night is 12 hours? That's bananas. The world's night is 12 hours that's bananas the world's night is 12 hours brother nah night is not 12 hours standard night is 12 hours no it's not we have evening I think I think at the time Joey there was only day and night this is bullshit I mean that sounds about right all night 12 hours 150 flat rate hold All right, so Joey is clearly skipping ahead here into the bottom portion of this we have the sides we have the Shire the entre the shareables the shareables so extra attention The first one there for a dollar 15, you could do titty chewing.

Which, what is that? I don't know. We know what it is. I don't know what that- You want me to chew on those tits? I mean, a titty chewing sounds like there's more teeth involved than normal. Yeah, I mean, I think that like, yeah, what is this?

Dude, you know that like John D Rockefeller's the neglected wife is just like I'm give me the everything on the menu chew on my two of everything yeah titty chewing chew on my tits for a dollar 15 some people you know there have been claims that people get off just from titty play. Yeah, there are. No, there's no claims. There's a small percentage of women who can orgasm just through titty play. I don't know that from experience. Relax. I just know it because

I... He's never from any experience experienced orgasm. Yeah. I'm a virgin who needs gentle Dr.. Dayam But titty chewing a dollar fifty French kissing I love that he specified mouth two dollars 75 cents steel and then underneath in it says pussy see muff and See muff dive see muff dive see muff and that an eye is upside down Yeah, I don't know I think the French kissing is for the mouth this price Sea Muff and Sea Muff Dive. Sea Muff Dive? Sea Muff. And the I is upside down.

Yeah, I don't know. I think the French Kissing is for the mouth this price. But if they want it somewhere else, they need to refer to Muff Dive. Got it. Oh! See, thank god you're here. Genius, aunt, clearly aunt.

Yeah, good for you, buddy. You got any grandparents named Dan? Yeah. A French Tickler. Taking over the family business. There's a French tickler involved, 325? French tickler. What is that?

Back to Urban Dictionary. We gotta find out what that is. French tickler. I imagine... I imagine it's something like... Yeah, but on a butt. I think it's something with a butt. A French tickling, eating a butt.

French tickler? A sexual device in the form of a condom containing a massaging accessory at the tip in 1960 Wow got always the nickel a nickel a Tesla of sex yeah used for Massaging accessory why is it specified used by those who play guitar and suck toes to do both incredibly What is the play guitar have to do with it? I just couldn't tell you. Alright, um, okay.

Then we have a finger diddle, which we know what that is obviously. We figured out what the finger diddle is. And then we have Vaseline if needed. Flat rate, 125. That makes sense. Of course, there are some people that require that. 125, a $13 upcharge. Well no, I mean a bottle, dude.

Yeah. Whoa. And this is when it was made from like legit like petroleum. Like you were basically getting like gasoline rubbed on your shit. Yeah. This is crazy. Is there a number on the front? No, I checked for that. Okay, god damn. See see here's the thing too

They have this but it's kind of mysterious because you have no way of getting in contact Is it I imagine there's gotta be you just gotta run into the doctor again. Did they have phones in the 60s? Yeah, what do you mean? Did they have phones? Have you never seen anything from that time? This phone's probably from the 60s Yeah, that's more like the 70s I know my phones I know my phones. I would say that's probably from the 70s. Could you imagine just being like Pick that up and call in dr. Dan on a rotary phone imagine the other one where it's like you have two two pieces And you're like hello

Dr. Dan Come chew on my tits. Titty chewing is bananas. Titty chewing is pretty. Yeah, that's cool though, I like that. I hope wherever Dr. Dan is, I imagine he's dead, just like the rest of everyone at that time. Yeah, he probably is.

Crazy. You don't make it out after this. Crazy. He's not living a long life. Bro, if I, like seriously, if I had grandparents that Mike loved each other I saw this I'm like what the fuck this would ruin my cuz you know how like this would ruin your life you've got so upset by this for some well no if it was just like farting my grave it was like a like an old-timey gramophone recording of my grandmother farting I'd be pissed

Gramophone recording of my grandmother farting I'd be pissed It's a giant grandma and he's like plays it Grandma I told you when my grandmother died we found like saucy Letters that her my grandfather sent back and forth to each other. Oh, I can't wait to see your ankles yeah, basically yeah, cuz my grandfather was in the Korean War and They like wrote messages back and forth like postcards damn and it was just like one of them was just like I can't wait to hold you in my bosom and like that's that was that was that's basically titty that was sex yeah that was sexting at the time I've never found anything of my dead grandparents

anything horny honestly I mean I you know sex is a part of life, so like, you do have to imagine that like, your grandparents were doing it crazy. You know? My grandpa on my mom's side was dead before I was born. That's right, yeah. So I don't know how much sex she was having. Yeah, I mean, I think there was also a type of woman that was just like I've lost my Life partner, and I'm just gonna be celibate for the rest of my life She was very Irish and like traditional like Irish Catholic. Yeah

She was like God's watching and now my husband's watching yeah, yeah, yeah, no the vents didn't get cleaned out Yeah, no. Well. I don't think that we should say it like that I Mean my grandparents too although. I will say one of my grandparents Actually one of my both my grandfathers are kind of dogs In what way not like in like the DAWG way well like they both had affairs and left their wives Oh, okay, and then went and had children with the other woman. Right. So they were really interested in sex.

Yeah. And then like one of them, I'm not gonna say who, I'll narrow it down to two. We're not, I can't even follow your family. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Honestly, me neither. Because they mix. Because some of the branches go into the other branches, that's why. You hear this shit?

You hear this shit? Oh, you're confused? His uncle, like- No, no, that's why. You hear this shit? You hear this shit? Oh, you're confused? His uncle, like, married his cousin or something. There are two cousins that are distant cousins, like third cousins that... Distant meaning they live ten miles from each other, go ahead. They are now married. That'll do something to the root of the tree.

Yeah, and they have a kid whose his eyes are in his mouth Yeah, no, I'm kidding. I don't even know if they were able to have kids God bless um But no, no, but it's a good place to start some ads. I think way. Oh, I was gonna tell you about my Who's your uncle? No? It's not my one of my grandfather's had an affair and then like would like was with the new woman and would fly the other woman like his original wife the OJ to come spend weekends with him in the house yeah with his new wife yeah crazy stuff baller ah ball crazy that you're just appropriating like the way that like fucking people did that

I mean you told that so you were to smile your face I feel like I'm the only one who should get credit this look at this look at this smile There's no smile Sorry watch it you're happy you're happy any of your grandparents cheat on each other Probably maybe they were all let me guess they were all happy until the end? Are they alive? I got a pair. You still got a pair left? Wait, both of them or like one in one?

No, they're like- Hold on, read the ads and we'll ask you about your fucking old ass grandparents. One of the, what pair's dad? Okay. Alright, cool. Why are we laughing at that? Yeah, crazy. Anyway, we do have some more sponsors here.

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What was that? There's a lot of construction going on. There is a lot of bangs, and none of them are from Dr. Dan. I'm sure there's tons from Dr. Dan. So you got a pair left? We got a pair. Good for you, man.

Are they like, how old? Are they in their 70s or 80s? 70s. Wow, so they're young. What? Mid, late 70s? Okay, I mean, still kind of relatively, I guess not, everyone back then, they were having kids,

they were like, you're 20 now, time to have a child. Yeah. Crazy. You like them? Yeah. Relatively I guess not everyone back then they were having kids they were like you're 20 now time to have a child yeah Crazy you like them yeah, what do you call them something white like oh my god? Do you have those name boom boom and a game goof? It's my Italian side, so it's no no no no okay? That's not too bad. Yeah, I like that. Did you abuela? Abuelita Abuelito yeah, and then yaya and Papu Abuelito yeah, and then yaya and Papu That's why we say yaya. Yeah, yeah, I mean yaya. You were there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I know you can't not say that but Papu I never met Papu Yeah, you did you yeah? Yeah? Yeah? We used to see him. He was when did he croak?

The same year as my grandmother as his ex-wife Damn so he came to the wake, and he was just like He showed up he came to the wake and died that year Yeah, damn, bro old people die because of broken hearts. It's kind of I mean no I don't think he had a broken heart. I think he was like super cool. He was super cool with it I mean he showed up bro probably broke his fucking heart. I was honestly Bro, if I showed you a picture of this man, you'd say get the fuck out of here. Why? Because there's the Greek-est looking man on the planet.

The Greek-est looking man. I'll show you. I'm not gonna go look. I'm picturing cigarettes. Hell yeah. And gold chains. Mmm, I don't remember gold chains. Hairy chests. Hell yeah. Yeah.

The mustache dude? Mmm. You couldn't believe it. I, I, fuck, I really wanna show you right now. Life-beater sitting down outside of a cafe I'm this guy. He was so he had several restaurants. He was like a cook Wow and that's you know Guy was fucking something, but yeah, he came to my grandmother's and he would always he'd scare me when we were kids He'd pop his teeth out. He had dentures He'd look at me and he'd go and he'd fucking drop his teeth out of his mouth and scare the shit out of me

He's a good guy damn. That crazy yeah he's good guy anyway I wanted to talk to you about this thing apparently there was a wait before I even get to that which maybe probably at this point we will never get to but I wanted to ask you this question that I thought of yesterday, and I was like would you drink a full? Let me just pull it over here. Would you drink a full 16 ounce cup? Right so I'm a draft beer a point of a random person's piss Right if it meant you could be granted one wish can't be money, and you can't throw up. You can't throw up or else it doesn't count. You think you can do that? I start gagging right now and you'll throw up.

I'll be alright. If you th- Get the fuck out of here. 16 ounce glass of a random person's piss, you have to get the whole thing down, you can't throw up. Is there a time limit? On what? How long it takes me to drink this piss. No no but why would you want to stretch it out I mean if I only take a little bit and I stretch it out to you know like two three days oh no way I think you just chug it as fast as chug piss yeah if anything you get one

wish and it can't be money so then what could the wish be? There's other things in the world besides money you pig Crazy with the pig what do you crazy? What would you wish for am I come we I have some I have some questions go is the piss diseased So that's the thing it's a random person's piss if it is disease Is it disease if it's disease is it dirty piss here's the thing if it's it's yellow It ain't some clear. You know okay, so I can't even I can't I'll know it's pissed like it's not like this There's no doubt about it is so piss is pee carbonated Shouldn't be no I've seen some bubbles in my pee

I've seen some bubbles in my pee. Damn it. He's going to the computer. Pee is not carbonated. Are we okay, guys? Do we even know what that means? It's in there. It can't be. Because urine carbonated, it always seems so bubbly.

I think it's just like if you smash water together. Well, that's Quora. We don't know how accurate Quora is. Let's go to that one, Northwestern medicine. This is foamy urine Oh my god if we're gonna find out we're gonna find out I'm sick Was that Frank's gonna find out no no no an STD What causes foamy urine your kidneys? No, I think it just creates bubbles when it goes into the water. I also think that too. Yeah

bubbles when it goes into the water. I also think that too. Yeah, yeah. All right. It's the same reason why there's foamy sea. From sea to shining sea. Oh, they don't say foamy in that song. From foamy sea to shining sea. So is it a diseased piss?

So you don't know. But if it is a diseased piss, I don't even know. I mean, I'm sure you can get sick from drinking piss, probably. But if you drink the piss, it's not like you're impervious to the sickness. The only thing is you won't like have some long lasting thing that happens to you. So if it's diseased, it might be something that's easily curable, whether it be that day or a couple weeks.

Right, but you'll feel the effects of the piss. Well, yeah, I mean it's piss. Rarely poses a health risk. Okay, so there you go. I mean of course there's you know STDs and stuff in there that I would not want can you get STDs from from drinking piss I believe so this is all encompassing I don't think you can I bro it's like badly fluid in urine rarely poses a health risk yeah but

bodily fluids these bodily fluids do not spread HP HBV saliva tears sweat or pee Interesting okay There you go Would you do it and has a question and can I chill it Right question can I mix it with anything or it's gotta be straight pink? No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no Full on I mean I'll taste the piss yeah No You're gonna have to full piss it because if I put it in like an alcoholic drink like a pina colada mmm That would be a good pee pee Piss I ever drank yeah No, we're more piss you can put what you've done

No, no, but it would be the easiest one ever drink But if you put it in the freezer you would just have to let it sit there And you could like chill it in that way, but you can't ice cubes in it. So straight piss. I'll do it then But what would you wish for? teleportation Why did you do this like it did like like the wish for like the whole reason? What are you so really you can't see him obviously, but Joey goes what do you good wish for goes teleportation like obviously idiot Like what else what I wish for I didn't know that it was obvious I thought it was just like whatever teleportation like obviously idiot like what else would I wish for? I didn't know that it was obvious I thought it was just like whatever teleportation like

I'm not even gonna think about it too much. I would wish you know what I would wish for? I would do it yes because whatever brother piss me and piss are like this at this point. It was a random piss! It's not your piss! I mean if there's nothing about the piss that's gonna be like it's good and you also said don't throw up I'm taking the chance there's a good shot I'm gonna throw up. And you you would spread it out over a course of days just two days a little sip of piss you know I feel like that would just make the whole experience much worse like I'm continuously going back alright So maybe I'll try to chunk it. I don't know in this hypothetical I'm sorry

I haven't figured out how to nose either can't hold your nose that doesn't work for me people that you know where they're like And they take a shot still they do that shit Yeah, you do you yeah you do thought he does I'm backing you up here. Thanks Yeah, I mean I'm taking the chance and then I'm wishing for like Tony Stark level intellect I'm talking like this the brains to be able to do anything and figure out anything I want to make it clear so not world peace not wishing for I can make way can hold on hold on I can

Teleportation yeah, what do you mean? So you're not taking world peace mister? I can fucking snap of a finger You're good. You'd be jumper. That's what you want to be the 2006 movie jumper He just wants to be able to get back and forth from Epcot he's like I could get to Disney like this yeah I'm saying yeah because I could with that intellect I could solve world peace you know Tony Stark wasn't able to, but I could. I don't think no one's smart enough to come up with world peace. I just don't think the rest of the world is willing. That's true.

That is true. But I would be willing, I'd be smart enough that I'd be able to make them willing, you know, with my Iron Man armor. Is your wish that you'd be Iron Man? No, no, but just like Bruce Wayne level intellect. Because with that intellect- He picked pick two billionaires by the way Well, Bruce Wayne is not just a by the way. He's known to having a genius level intellect It's not like I'm picking like Elon Musk who very well could be a dummy. You know I'm saying you did pick two billionaires though

Okay, but art Charles Xavier intellect Well, he's also very smart. I don't know. Before that, he's a professor. He's a professor. Uh, uh, there's so many... Sorry that all the smart people I can... Stephen Hawking.

You know? Yeah. Very smart. Very smart. You know? Uh, uh, uh... But I'm just saying... Yeah, yeah.

But you say, like, you would want to be as smart as you may possibly be. The smartest...... to ever exist. That, like, there's nothing out of my intellectual reach. Okay. Drinking piss to get there. Yeah, whatever. I mean, listen, man. Now-

That's life. You can't make an omelet without cracking a couple eggs. You can't be smart without drinking a couple cups of piss. Yeah. Can you... But, okay. Same thing. Wait, what are you wishing for what did I say I said that I would wish for I would never get sick technically perpetual calendar I would get I would never get sick that would be

that would be a good one but I would be smart enough to figure out that I'd never look like I can never get sick I Don't think that you the brain I can cure the common cold You what do you think you just because you're smart bacteria dies Well, no if my brain knows no bounds, then I would be able to solve all of the world's problems hunger then I would be able to solve all of the world's problems. Hunger, uh, uh, war. I mean, you don't have to be a genius to- Sickness.

Frank, you don't have to be a genius. Like I said, you can figure out how to do world peace, but people have to be willing. Yeah, but I would be- but that's the other part of it, is that you need to be smart enough to understand how they're going to be willing. So I'd be smart enough to do it all. No. Yeah, this kid is such a fucking-

I'm so smart that I can convince people and manipulate the world and I run the world I'm well now you use the M word I never said manipulate I just said that I'd be smart enough to figure it out right yep what will you wish for oh you said never get sick I could never get sick like I just know that like I'll just always be healthy no matter what but does that mean that you'll live forever no because technically dying of natural causes is as a result of sickness yeah so like I also thought about that too I mean obviously I'm still like I get hit by a bus like that

could happen that sucks it does suck but that's a really so why not wish you could hit by a bus to genius no because I would be smart enough to not get to get out of the way To not I'd understand the probability of a bus hitting me that day and I would remove myself from that opportunity You know you doing this as a smartest person in the world. I would kill you with a gun But I would know that you'd be pissed and I wouldn't see the gun of killing come you see all the 30 hit men I hired I'm the assassins. I knew that I would you know like Ozymandias another again a billionaire You don't know who that is. I don't know But Ozymandias in the Watchmen, okay?

Yeah Okay, but now same thing and it can be money, okay? Human shit log of poop. Oh one log Okay, but now, same thing. And it can be money. Okay. Human shit. Log of poop. One log? Yeah, but like the master log. What's this?

I didn't know you had different rankings for craps. You know what I mean. Alright, so a good like... I mean that's too big. You know what I'm saying. But just a log of solid shit this large And it's a random person bro, and I can't do anything to this log of shit You could use a fork in life. Can I throw up because that is gonna make me throw up That's gonna make me throw up. Yes, you can throw up. Yeah, so then I'm taking the shot, baby

You're taking the shot. Yeah, and you're definitely getting sick. I mean you're eating well actually no I'm not and I'll tell you why because with the cup of piss I have the genius into your different figure out how to Become the smartest man of richest man alive. No. This is the this is the What does that have to do with eating the shit? I won't have to eat the shit and wish for money because I already have the intellect to figure out how to be the richest Person on the planet right and that doesn't even mean that I would use my intellect for that maybe he's like if I'm smart then I can invent and now I'm back to the billionaire uh uh I'm yeah I'm like

obviously different worlds you're are you would you eat the shit yeah oh yeah you know how much money I would pay to watch you even sit in front of a plate of human shit? Me? Why him? You would gag maybe uncontrollably. You may suffocate from gagging. Can I chill it? What is this? Can I chill it? Honestly, I feel like it'd be better hot.

No. Hot and ready like Little Caesars? No, I don't know about Oh my god, I'm gonna fucking throw up Can I chill it is such a funny question Why you want it to be like sausage? You're making my eyes water but you're not gonna get me I'm gonna get him, I'm gonna get him once

You want it to be like sausage I can see it happening Slowly I can see his face, he's gonna gag What the fuck What is that bro? How come you are so like... This is the easiest thing in the world! It's crazy. Why would you want it chilled?

I feel like it'd be nicer. I feel like it'd be nicer! But like, you want to be able to cut it like a sausage? Yeah. Okay. Chopsticks? I gotta... cut it like a sausage yeah, okay chopsticks I got it. Oh like a souche kind of okay Shishou's what about oh no I got hiccups now That's kind of disgusting for some reason

They don't take us during this conversation go keep going keep going. What were you gonna ask next? What are you doing? Oh is this oh is this how you're gonna get rid of them? Oh you do the keep You've done that a lot on a show on the show What were you gonna ask next? What are you doing? Oh, is this oh, is this how you're gonna get rid of them? Oh, you do the keep You've done that a lot on a show on the show Oh God who do it work Yeah, I mean Yeah, yeah so far Wow, um bless yeah, mean yeah yeah so far Wow um yeah so yeah means if it means a comfortable life for everyone I know I will gladly eat a lot of human shit

six ounces of semen six ounces fluid ounces well i think there's a difference between fluid ounces and like just weight can i pick the person two shots two shot glasses i meant two shot glasses i don't know I can't pick the

person how would you even go I think that's honestly I think that's where I draw the line semen yeah two shot glasses of blood oh yeah oh yeah I'll ask for a third what's it okay two bloods is crazy not blood that's really I'm disgusted by it really like like arm like blood if it's my own blood. I don't care It's not your blood. That's the point. It's a random person's blood The idea of drinking a random person's blood is so disgusting. Let's be very clear All this is gross and probably got us demonetized while ago probes But good morning to whoever is watching the show. Yeah, I'm gonna drive to work

We're like it's gonna be a it's gonna give you something to think about for the rest of the day though because you are gonna Probably ask your friends like yeah, you drinking this piss. That's a good question Yeah, I'm gonna ask you know the piss thing is probably like anyone who says no is a fucking idiot And you should kick him out of your lives like you should you should be able to easily draw I this piss means nothing to me bear girls was pissing is drinking his own piss bear girls is different I know but like he's a weirdo I think he I think there's some stuff about bear girls It's not very nice like he told about the fact that his name is bear grills awesome definitely can't be his real name though

Yeah definitely Give me give us a give us that oh my god he has like a whack name yeah if it's like Roger Stevenson I'm gonna be so pissed bear girl's real name Edward Michael his name is Edward Michael is anything in this world real no it's not and honestly he deserves to drink his own piss he was given the nickname at a week old Sister gave him the nickname bear when he was a week old so it's not his all right You know what but he also perpetuates it because you know he goes around. He's like my name's bae. You know he does it so

Damn, he's his wife's name Shana looks like Shara, what does it say? Oh here Shara grills Shara oh Shara grills are grills. Is that a weird Sarah? Maybe it could be because there's a lot of like Irish names that are like it's spelled and it's like the name is like Siobhan Yeah, it's like but it's it's spelled like Shaboy-O-B-Han yeah like what are we doing here yeah well we don't want to offend anyone that speaks Gaelic so

right or anyone that watches this name Siobhan right or anyone that's watching this name Sersha what's that that's another like Gaelic Irish name like the actress Sersha Ronan ah it it's spelled like S a o I R S E Soiree there's a lot of those There's a lot of those like there are really difficult to pronounce Gaelic names I used to tell people I was Gaelic because I just thought Gaelic meant Irish I Didn't know oh, there's no way you were getting like when I heard Gaelic in like 2004 I was just like huh a gay lick

Yeah, yeah, you speak what? You're gonna gay lick your boys Anyway question I think that's where we can end right there. You know what I mean with gay lick right gotcha, okay? I mean all right working to find you Frank um Drinking a cup of piss to become the smartest man in the world. I wish. FAlvarez8085 on Twitter, The Frank Alvarez on all of the forms of social media. Go check it out.

Patreon, patreon.com slash The Basement Yard. If you're coming to any of the shows in Europe, thebasementyard.com slash submit. Go follow The Basement Yard on everything. Go follow Joe on everything. Go follow Ant on nothing. And then, yeah. You saw that coming. You did. You saw it. Yeah, I did. You saw it. follow it on nothing and then yeah anyway guys we go uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh yeah you rumbled

this is now just a stupid show I've taken it to a new level of yeah well hey baby that is all for this week's episode thank you so much we'll see you next turn off the lights when you leave the basement better okay Yeah.