The Basement Yard - #511 - The Biggest Show We've Done

Episode Date: July 14, 2025

Pre-sale tickets available July 16th at 11am ET at https://www.thebasementyard.com/ Use code NYCF to get yours. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. There he is with the Baltimore, but come on, the Baltimore Orioles. You can't, you gotta say it. You gotta, I can say it's not bad, right? It's a nice hat. What's the top? What is that?

Is that fatigues? That's not what I meant to say. Camouflage. I was going to do what's fatigues. That's like an army uniform. They wear fatigues. Yeah. That's not what I meant to say. Camouflage? I was gonna do it's fatigues. That's like an army uniform. They wear fatigues? Yeah, that's what they call them. The only time I've ever heard the phrase fatigue

was like if you're tired, if you're a sleepy boy. You've never heard fatigues? No, what is it? It's like the uniform. It's like a- But isn't that camo? Camouflage is like that. Have you ever, remember when we would play Call of Duty games

and it would be like digital camo, red camo? When would that ever be used? Red camo? Yeah, when would like, it was like red camo, blue camo I guess, because like if you're doing like water operations. And white, cause like snow. Snow, yeah. Arctic I think is what it was called. Sure. That makes sense, but like digital? What is that for, I think is what it was called. Sure. That makes sense, but like, digital?

What is that for, brother? I guess cities. Oh, figured it out. I don't know. I'm not tapped into the army. How about you? I'm not, but you know what? I feel like I-

Can I ask you a question? You're gonna anyways, so. Have you, in the last couple of months, looked up how old you have to be to get drafted? Uhhh... I have. Yeah. I just wanted to know.

I think it's- I think we're cool. I think we're good. We're all farts. Yeah, I think no one wants us. Yeah. Mainly because... I got a bad leg. You got a bad knee. Well, I do have a bad knee.

You have a bad knee. Ride that home, baby. Right, yeah, yeah. because if that if the draft People come real quick You get drafted But you got a gun right, but you got a gun would you shoot your foot? What do you mean my so you don't have someone else shot my foot? But would you do it? I would someone else did it okay? Would you have your wife shoot your foot I? But would you do it? I would, someone else did it.

Okay, would you have your wife shoot your foot? I would, yeah. I love how I remember when... Would you shoot your foot? Yes! Really? I'm shooting myself in the, probably not the foot, the knee. That would be so much infinitely worse.

Exactly. Why would you do that? They'd be like, foot's not that bad. I have a hole in my foot. You want me to go there with a hole in my foot? Yeah, we'll fix it, we'll patch it up, You're good. You want to blow out your kneecap? I would rather just to like I love how people cuz I remember we're gonna get political but like I remember when Trump was like first running and and he was a draft Dodger like that was the story about him

I don't know how accurate it is might it might be accurate But like people were talking about that as if they wouldn't do the exact same shit Probably would have been hop skipped. Let me tell you something. I'm too scared I wouldn't be good if they come knock on my door tomorrow, and they're like alright. You're Alvarez You're at the top. We need you they go by last name. I hope not classroom I just say I hope it's not like elementary school lunch I hope it's not like elementary school lunch That was so- wait what? We had a sign seating in elementary school lunch? No, but like for elementary school lunch the lunch line was by last name. Was it?

Yeah, I remember I was so hype and I would always yell at Dixon because I'd be like how'd you go back there? Yeah, his last name wasn't Y. And I mean I was back there too Yeah, you were pretty far back there as a shady toward the back of the alphabet It's not shady at all. It's pretty back there I remember there was one kid that was before us though And I was so pissed cuz I would have been first in the lunch line first to get your lunch, dude You get first dibs on all is before you Mohammed Alam. I went first You did I remember that kid. He was a cool kid. Yeah,

that's what I remember. Wherever he is. Yeah, Mohammed Alam. I'm gonna look him up on Facebook and see if I can find him. Don't look him up. Oh my god. You did it. Yeah, you guys are weird with that. But I will say if they come and they knock on my door and they're like, Hey, look, we need you over in wherever the war is. We need you at war. I'd be like, I'll be right out. And I would close my door and I would go into my kitchen. I would cut my hand off. I mean, I feel like they wouldn't want me.

They're like, Hey, we need, nevermind. You wouldn't even want someone like me. Yeah. They'd be like, Hey, we need, nevermind. You wouldn't even want someone like me. Yeah. They'd be like, hey, we need- nevermind. They'd open the door, they'd see a Megazord in the background, and they'd be like, No. We're looking for someone else. Yeah. I just- I don't think- I also think for whatever tummy issues I have,

I would just be more of a headache for the armed services, whether it be the Navy, Marines, Army, then I would be an asset right what would I really contribute? What would you contribute to the army not much? You know not much hey, we need someone to go out there and distract you know women that find like white men attractive That would be your role who we going to war with that's the strategy See this is why you can't work in the office, either, because that's a bad strat. Hey, let's just distract them. They'd be like, all right, we need a title for this plan.

And I'd be like, I'm not ideas. All right, we're going to call it Operation Good Plan. I wouldn't be able to come up with anything that was legitimately halfway decent. Yeah, that would not be great. Anyway today is a it's a magical episode. This is the craziest thing that's ever happened to us but we are announcing our New York City show finally. Yes. And we know we've been teasing this. We've been blue balling. We've been well we haven't been blue balling over the pants just kind of brushing it and letting the blood fill up and then running away. That's what we've been well we haven't been blue ball over the pants just kind of brushing it and letting the blood fill up and then

Running away, that's what we've been doing. We've been doing that we have not been doing that Yeah, we've been doing that thing. We've been we've been like looking yeah edging our yeah, yeah getting them there Yeah, and you like you want that New York date. It's at Yeah, you get you get right to the cusp, and then you're like no I mean you like I'll get we'll pick this just to be clear. Yeah, we've been doing we've been doing okay All right, we have been doing that we've been doing it all of us. Well. I think it's a little fun. You know To edge your edge your edge. I'm not an edger. No you've never edged. I don't edge I don't have the patience for it. I just be like come on come

You play all right, let's get, let's get this done. I would just be like, I don't like to deal like if I buy that's why I don't like shopping online because once I'm buying something, I want to have it in my hands. I want to have it taken home, feel it, use it. So once you have a boner, it's like this, this now, now, now, now, now, yeah. I'm not putting this off. Well, this is a, what are we going to do with this thing now, now. Now, now, now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not putting this off. What are we gonna do with this thing now? You know what I mean?

Yeah. Where I just, I can't like do the whole, I don't think it's horny or like sexy to like bring someone to the edge and then just. And then pull them back. Pull them back? Yeah, you wanna push them off the edge. Yeah, exactly.

If I'm going to the edge of that cliff, you best believe I'm diving straight off! I've heard of people edging for like a month. Are you an edger? No, I'm not. That's crazy. I mean, I wouldn't like be said it right but I misinterpreted it Okay They edged for a month

Oh I thought when you said I heard people edging for a month Like the last month you heard more and more stories of people edging No no no So like one person will go a month just like Oh no That's crazy That's crazy That's pretty like you're messing up the pipes

Yeah, I mean that's it's you're gonna destroy. You know there's gonna be a pipe burst somewhere. Yeah, you know That's why you need to bleed the system dry I'm talking plumbing now. Okay. Yeah, I'm not familiar with that Leading this is I don't know what comes out of you, but I don't have blood not blood. I want to make that very clear All right, all right. I want to make that very clear. Alright, alright. I was about to call the doctor. Uh, yeah, that would have been a good move. Big time.

But... edging for a month? Crazy. How do people do that? Like, and I'm not even meaning like... I think it would fall off. Mentally, yeah, like, my balls would be the size of fucking medicine balls. Yeah. And they would be painful. Two big grapefruits, two moons.

There's gotta be a scientific like, you feel the, like... But think of that explosion. No. I imagine it would hurt. I think that it would feel like a giant. Like have you ever had to pee so bad that... Yeah, but I love that that when you pee you get the relief but also was just like I waited too long No, I think that like you know sometimes I hold my pee if I'm in my apartment Just to like play around just to be like oh I get so close and then I pee and I'm like That's what I do too. You made fun of me for doing this for doing I said that I pee when I'm like almost pissing myself I like I let go just to see if I'm gonna piss myself because you know that feeling. Well that's the part that I'm talking about. You

know that feeling that when you have to pee it's like you're holding your pee like you don't realize it but you're holding it. It feels like a muscle strain. Yes. So like just to see if I need to pee bad enough I'll let go of that to see if I start to piss myself and then I'll go pee. Right that's an interesting strategy there. I mean you do the same thing you just don't almost piss yourself, right? That's the part Only part that I'm talking about the tagline. Yeah, you make it an emergency just like oh finally I make there You know there's incredible irony in the fact that we have just spent the last three and a half minutes talking about edgy And we're edgy when we're edgy

Yes, where it's gonna be guess when it's gonna be you already know the date. Yeah, you know Guess where it's gonna be. Guess when it's gonna be. You already know the date. Yeah, you do. Guess where. It's gonna be. It's gonna be. Hey, Joe, what tickets are going?

We ate for breakfast this morning. What did you eat for breakfast? Yeah. I didn't eat breakfast. You haven't ate thus far? Yeah. Cool. OK.

Not great, I think. I don't really love eating breakfast. We're going to keep going? Oh. Hold on. I don't really love eating breakfast. We're gonna keep going. Oh I feel like once we get to another conversation It's just gonna edge even further and then they could get then they could get like the opposite edge. I swore huevos I was good asshole eggs as who oh I said

I said School who have us a school. Oh a zoo blue eggs That's what I was referring to asshole eggs That's not disgusting it does I guess if you add someone too much will they shoot it out of their ass like it's like You know how like when? out of their ass like it's like you know how like when you know how I'm like those like old like Elmer Fudd duck season wabbits season when they put the fingers in the barrel and then it blows out the back you know I honestly think that probably I wonder if like I'm not gay thank you but like say this is a

penis probably shouldn't do this with the sponsor Say it is though say say there's a penis right here And you cover it if you edge it by grabbing the tip and closing it like that well it then like the old cartoon looney tune commercials like Blow out the back end. I certainly don't know what would happen if like you duct tape the tip of your wang I'm not saying even duct tape. I'm saying just grab it. Don't let anything get out. You know, like if it was mine, just like grab it. Yeah, I'm sure.

Grab it like a cigarette. Just like that. I just have to... Grab it. Yeah, 100%. Put it in a headlock. Alright, the edging's over. No it ain't. No it ain't.

No, no, no, no, no. No, we have to for editing purposes. We do need to do this. What did I even say just now? We do. All right, listen. Biggest show of our lives. Also, let's just come out and say it.

This is probably going to be like the last show we do for a very long time. This is it if we're quoting Michael Jackson. Yeah, I know you often like to quote. If we're quoting Michael Jackson, beat it. Well, that's for the edging. If we're quoting Michael Jackson. They made it up. It's BS.

Come on. We're gonna talk about our New York show and do Michael Jackson impressions? I mean, what are we doing? People gonna upset about the Michael Jackson impression a hundred years ago? I don't know. Okay. I think about it. Is it should I do it? It's BS. It's a media. They made it I love that clip, but if we're yeah, if we're gonna quote Michael Jackson here, this is it. Yeah for the Who knows if we ever will again, you know, Like next year we're not doing basement yard shows. We did two years of shows, you know,

like there's stuff that I want to do. Frank just moved into his house. He wants to spend time with his family. And like, you know, we're kind of adjusting to everything. So like next year, there's not going to be any basement yard shows. So this is the big one. It's happening in New York and I've seen online a lot of people is the big one it's happening in New

York and I've seen online a lot of people speculating about where it's gonna be but on November 13th the boys are gonna be at fucking Madison Square Garden dude the world's dumbest podcast on the world's most famous arena it doesn't make any sense to us doesn't make any fucking sense we are boys in a garden this sounds like a gay version of the of the of Adam and Eve sure yeah we could go with that weird way to promote the show absolutely a weird way to put here we are I you know, we have openly spoken about the fact that like, I don't know about you, I don't know if I've still completely grasped

the Radio City of last year. So the fact now that we are doing what is, it literally is named the world's most famous arena. Right. Doesn't make sense. the Knicks play there yeah dude the Rangers play there yes they do Billy Joel Billy Joel Harry Styles Harry Styles you know others so many others but like the fact that we are getting the opportunity to do that is it's crazy it's crazy it's a lot to mentally deal with. But yeah, we're excited. We're hoping to fucking pack that place out and make it one big, beautiful. Bitch of a show. Yeah. You know, I it's crazy because like last year when we did Radio City,

it was like, this is so far out of possibility. And then we sold out those two shows very quickly. And that was the only reason why they're letting us do Madison Square Garden, because our fan base showed up like that to those two shows. And I mean, we want this shit so bad. We would love to be able to say that we sold out Madison Square Garden. And we're hoping that we can do that. We're working really hard this year

on making the best show possible. And that show specifically is gonna be different than it different in certain ways than all the other shows. And like, there'll be more information that comes out about that. But like Madison Square Garden, it's fucking Madison Square Garden dude I went to Noah Khan at Madison Square Garden and I'm sitting in the stands and

I'm like there's no fucking way that we're doing this like there's no fucking way this is happening dude we when we went for the promo like filming and stuff like that just like just sitting there so I worked there years ago which is something I alluded to in a previous episode. I worked there years ago and like even just like in a non like you're not anything you're just a worker in this building. It feels special To work there to work there like I remember I felt like it was such a flex That I worked there for the summer like oh, I walked the back halls. You know what I mean? I touched the walls. You know how I feel about touching walls

Whoa What? People say that's fucking oh touching walls touching walls is having sex. Yeah, i'm fans of both of them me too, you know but uh, the fact that like Oh touching walls touching walls is having sex. Yeah, I'm fans of both of them me too, you know, but the fact that like That is like for what for that night. It is going to be our Like we are performing there. We are the attraction. We are the people that other people will be coming to see in there Bananas every time that I go to like a Rangers game

Because I have season tickets and I walk out of the fucking like you walk up the little stairs Then you walk out into the seats. It's always it always it's like whoa Like it's so cool and bro people are gonna do that and it's gonna be awesome there. What the fuck is happening it's it's like it just doesn't make sense because I put myself in the mentality of just like last year at Radio City, like not only are you doing something that nobody else has done, but like the way in which we did it, like the two nights because of everyone that showed up and supported us. So like getting the chance to even be considered for this is crazy to me.

And then getting the chance to go through with it and do it is, it's bananas. I can't, I can't, I can't even write my mind. I don't know if I even physically like have the capacity, like mental capacity where I am today to comprehend it. Bro, the place is fucking big too. And like when I walked into Radio City, I was like, wow, this is fucking crazy.

But the feeling of walking into MSG was like, wow, this isn't happening. Yeah. Radio City. This is not happening. They're, they're both, I mean, they're, they're world famous venues for a reason. And in terms of like, you know, we said it previously, like last year in the doc. Those are like, everyone thinks of New York City is like when you come here,

this is where you come to make it. If you make it in New York, like you're good. And we've always as growing up in New York, like those are the two places of like, you know, one A, one B of like the biggest places, like venue wise, most historic. So like the fact that we're going to now do Madison Square Garden is just...

Bro, they put us on the side of the building. Like, we saw our faces on the side of fucking Madison Square Garden. Yeah. In the fucking... What the fuck? They had an episode playing in the... in the dome... in the... in the arena. You know, that's kind of funny that like, the first time I've ever been on that Jumbotron was the podcast playing. Because I've never been on the Jumbotron. Well yeah, when else would you have been on the Jumbotron? If you're at a game and you're like, hey!

Oh yeah, yeah. I've never been on the Jumbotron before. So like, the first time was when they put our podcast up there. I think it makes sense that this would be the first time, Joey. I think most people. I mean, I've been to a lot of games, you would think, at some point. But do you do, like, do you play to the camera when there it's like alright it's air guitar minute you know are you doing air guitar? I mean I move my shoulder if they put me on I'll

fucking shred. I think you probably need to do something a little more in order to get on the Jumbotron. It's for the kids. And now now you have. Now I have. It was just funny because the clip that was playing I forgot what we were talking about but it was obviously stupid just the clip that was playing, I forgot what we were talking about, but it was obviously stupid. Just the fact that that is playing for the people in Radio City. Radio City? I mean Madison Square Garden. Oh yeah, because they were doing tours.

Yeah. They were doing tours when we went and shot like the promo stuff for MSG. And they had our podcast up there and I was like, I wonder if these Swedish people are like, who the fuck are these guys? Probably, yeah. I mean, you know how I am. I'm the one that's just like, if we're keeping it secret, let's fully keep it secret.

So when I saw those tours, I was just like, oh shit, it's gonna leak. It's gonna leak. It's gonna leak. In Norway. Now fucking Finland knows. But yeah, so the show is Thursday November 13th. Yeah and guys listen the most important thing July 16th so it's coming up. July 16th at 11 a.m. use the code NYCF at thebasemear.com for tickets. All right, so that's gonna be the presale July 16th, 11 a.m. Eastern,

the code is NYCF, and that's how you're gonna get your tickets. All right, that's the presale. The general sale will be July 21st at 11 a.m. But as you guys know, like for these bigger shows and whatever, a lot of the times they go quickly, so I suggest everyone kinda jump in there on the pre-sale date wednesday july 16th at 11 a.m eastern use the code nycf thebasemeyard.com you'll get all your tickets okay are we allowed to say why it's nycf yeah

yeah it's part of the new york comedy festival okay i just wanted to make sure i know that there were that's why the yeah That's why it's NYCF and not basement or something. Yeah, I figured I just wanted to make sure They understood. Yeah, so I would use code NYCF. I'll try to make them be like you'll do basement also I mean it is what it is. That's another layer of this like the fact that we're doing the New York Comedy Festival Which is also crazy. And that's why also we need our fans to really show up for this one just because like there's so many during the New York Comedy Festival there's a lot of comedy shows that are happening in New

York so there is that sort of competition. The fact that we even got MSG is fucking crazy and yeah so July 16th 11 a.m. fucking code NYCF, thebasementyard.com. Come to fucking Madison Square Garden, watch the fucking biggest show that we'll fucking probably ever do. Unless we were to do The Moon. Which isn't happening. Because it's not on this planet.

Right, because I'm not getting in a rocket ship and I know you're not either. Absolutely not. Exactly. Yeah, no, I'm staying on land wherever I choose to go for a show. And I will say, like I said, we're not doing any shows next year.

And who knows what the future holds? So we don't know after MSG when the next Basement Yard show will be. So if you haven't been able to come to a show and you're thinking about it or whatever, dude, this is the one like we're gonna try and go all out for this thing and like just make it as special as possible Because it's like the most important and special thing in the world to us to to do this Like our entire friends and family will be there. It'll just be like a fucking crazy night So, you know everyone who showed up last year you're getting a completely different show. So don't feel like, oh, I went to Radio City,

so I already saw it. It's a completely different show now. I think it's a lot better than where it was. And yeah, so just come on out November 13th, get your tickets July 16th at 11 a.m. Eastern, code NYCF at thebasementyard.com. Come support your boys. Let's fucking sell this fucking bitch out

that'd be crazy let's fucking do it I need it I NEED IT edge him edge him say you're gonna buy the tickets and then take him out of your cart and she's like

oh I got him I only got him though edge him edge him edge him edge him edge him um yeah crazy insane dude don't know where to go from there Edjumma! Edjumma! Edjumma!

Yeah, crazy. Insane dude, insane. From there, obviously, we have to talk about, the biggest thing on my radar right now, is that I've been seeing that red pandas are in the news. And that's a top

five animal for me. I don't know how you feel about red pandas. Definitely not top five, I wouldn't even say top ten Red pandas yeah, I don't really care much for them. What's your top five animals? Well lions tigers and bears interchangeably I Really like dogs and cats so there's five okay? Do you like anything like exotic? Like not these boring ones? Cheetahs. Cheetahs are cool.

Leopards. Panthers. Leopards are cheetahs to me, dude. No, they're not though. Different coat, but like, come on. They're the same thing. Eh. Leopards aren't cheetahs.

And panthers. Elephants. Pretty cool. I like an elephant. Pretty cool. You like giraffes? I do like a giraffe. I love giraffes. I think they need to chill the fuck You like giraffes? I do like a giraffe. I love giraffes.

I think they need to chill the fuck out though. They're a little much for my liking. I think they could use a smaller tongue. I was gonna say either be that like pattern or tall. You can't be both. Like figure out. Like you're taking, you're hogging up a really cool pattern that could be given to another small animal

and your height you could also give to another animal and just keep the pattern the pattern and the height combo too much I hate their knees yeah I want to hit their knees with a bat bro flamingo's knees I could throw up right now bro I I've seen disgusting I hate flamingos like they just I like that they stand on one leg I think I like recently like remember that they're real animals and I was just like fuck that sucks flamingos are actually a sight to see they're so pink yeah I would but like seeing one flamingo I'd be like alright cool where are we a flock of flamingo if I saw a flamboyance of flamingos yeah then I'm on board really

cool you've just distracted me from my whole thing red pandas dude they're okay they're beaut- they're the cutest little things and I like lemurs more than them get the fuck out of here lemurs are way cooler than red pandas yeah you're an idiot what about that other one that has the giant eyes it's called like a pygmy Marm Mars Marmot even worse No, they got big eyes. They're cute. No, they're not owls Owls cooler than a red panda you're making me sick with owls Is it because the edging or is it just because I don't like the red pandas?

No, I just think that red pandas are like adorable and like you when they try to like when they like get scared or something They try to appear big so they hold Their paws are like this yeah fine mere cats. You're you're heartless and soulless. I'm not heartless and soulless. You don't like cute things I love cute things you like Lemurs lemurs are so cute lemurs are so cute spider monkeys way cooler love gorillas love all monkeys I love gorillas. I love over a fucking red panda. No chimpanzees get the fuck out of here Uh, that's not not the chimpanzees are like not the baboons not the one that have the asses that look like they just got Sat on a hot stove. What is with baboons his asses?

I don't know and and quite frankly like they are also the ones with the like the big honker noses Aren't those also baboons? Oh oh quite possibly how could you have two of those going on yeah I don't know what fekey was a baboon he's a fucking assholes out no I think he was a I don't think he was a was he a baboon I don't know there's another name for him but they're vicious I'll tell you that yeah what movie was that Tarzan yeah they fucking yeah They're scary dude! They got after him! Yeah dude. Oh, the monkeys are fucking strong as hell. They'll rip your head off.

I struggle to believe that, but... Dude. Like a chimpanzee will literally rip you in half. Gorilla will, I get that. A chimpanzee? No. Won't rip you in half? No.

I guarantee you. I'll get a chimpanzee in here. Put me in a room with a chimpanzee, I could wrestle it and win. It will literally detach your head from your spine... No, it guarantee you I'll get a chimpanzee and put me in a room with a chimpanzee I could wrestle it and win it will literally detach your head from your spine and kick it across No, I'm not well chimpanzees are what at most? Four feet tall there's no four-foot animal on the planet that could beat me up Frank what a chimpanzee? chimpanzee size What do we got here? They're typically standing four to five and a half feet. Five and a half. Now that's closer to your height and you'd

put up a fight, but... four feet. I'm sorry. They're strong as fuck how strong how strong are they a chimp would likely lift or pull 200 pounds I can lift and pull 200 pounds as well Joey you can't lift 200 pounds over your head did it say over its head it said lift it says lift I could lift 200 pounds to beat the shit out of you no way see I just proved you wrong live large and in public on this episode of the Base in the Yard podcast. Chimp muscle is 1.35 times as powerful as human muscle. Okay so here what you're saying is a chimp is- and they have fast twitch muscle fiber. Okay cool the chimp is 1.35 times stronger than the average muscle fiber so all I need to do is make myself stronger than the average man in order to have a better chance against a chimp

I think I can do it. I already think I'm stronger than the average man I think that with consistent working out weightlifting Proper diet I could be stronger than a chimp. This thing is also like way more Agile than you will be it will grab my wrists with its feet and that's a problem. That is a problem. And it'll slap you in the face with their hands and their hands are probably like my dad's hands. No, that's Gorilla's.

Chimps are us. Chimps? Am I thinking of orangutans? Orangutans will beat the brakes off me. Is that the orange one? Those are the orange ones. That's the one I'm thinking of. Oh yeah, orangutan.

Bro, a chimp is like a smaller one. That's why you're saying- I mean this one's still fucking you up. Nah, it's not. An orangutan, those are the ones like- They just like sit and they're like what? Yeah, the ones with the big face that are just like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's up bitch? Yeah, exactly. It looks like- Like an old guy. It looks like, like a, like, like it's been filled with like... water. Does that make sense? The- the orangutan? Yeah.

Why is it- what do you mean? It just looks like a waterbed feels. I've never been on a waterbed before. I have. Completely like, not great. Is it like, water? Yeah. How is that comfortable to sleep on?

Bro, if you've been on one of those, like... There's a big ass fly in here. If you've been on one of those, like, pool floats, like, you know, like the foam blue ones that are, like, mats that you lay on? Yeah, yeah. That have the pillow on it? Yeah. If you've been on that, you've, in theory, been on a water bed. That's what it feels like?

Yeah, it feels like you're on water. So every time you would, like, roll over or move in the slightest, it's... I don't like that. Yeah, that's why no one uses them anymore. They're also expensive, prone to breaking. Wasn't it like, uh... It was like a luxurious thing? It was, I remember.

It was like a sexy thing, like, Oh, let's have sex on my waterbed. Oh, let's have sex on waterbed? No! What? No, why, why? Like like oh let's have sex on my waterbed no what no why why like imagine trying to have sex on a waterbed and the waves are clapping back at you you're clapping cheeks while the waves are clapping your cheeks yeah that's basically what it would be I would make it way harder I imagine you would have to like tone down sex to some degree on a waterbed yeah because if you're going at it hard like it really depends on what kind of moon tone down sex to some degree on a waterbed. Yeah.

Because if you're going at it hard, like. It really depends on what kind of moon you got. If you got a full moon, it's probably real wavy in there. I don't think the tides of a waterbed are affected by the moon, Joey. Listen, man. I think they are. The moon controls more than you think.

It does, but I don't think it controls waterbeds. It just depends. I thought you meant like the moon because they say that like people react differently under a full moon. That too. That I think is true. They're hornier, they-

Oh, I don't know about horny, but just different because our bodies are 75% water. Right. Oh, are you bought into that? A little bit. Really? I mean, it would make sense. You don't believe that the moon

has any sort of effect on a waterbed which by the way that was joke but like but you believe that the water within you is affected by the and it changes your mood or something yeah got it I do I mean I'm not like fully bought into it but like I don't disagree with it You know it Becca like suggested the idea to me once and I was like that's crazy And then there have been days where I've just been having off days, and I look at me like oh shit It's a full moon. Maybe it's not crazy. I'm not saying I'm fully 100% brought in You know what I don't get like this idea that a full moon is like

Something to look at it's beautiful. I but it's like it's oh it's not like rare I mean it's once every what 60 days or something like that I mean I feel like I've I see the moon like in its entirety a lot I think numbers just just numbers will show you that you're wrong I think it's one every I'm not saying that I'm right I'm just saying that like it doesn't feel wrong. I think it's one every- I'm not saying that I'm right. I'm just saying that like, it doesn't feel like- Oh my god, it's a blue- it's a blue moon. It's a fucking- I would love a blue moon right now. But like, oh look, it's a fucking- what's it called? It's a- it's a full moon. I think- I think it's pretty. I think it's-

You think you get into bad moon, you look up and you go, oh, of course, it's the moon. No, no, no, I'm not- like I said, I'm not entirely bought in on that idea. It's possible, but in terms of like, the full moon being like something to look at in the sky I think it's pretty to look at it's appealing. I think the moon is cool I'll tell you this it doesn't make sense that I could see craters. I have one wearing content Yeah, I don't know why my eyesight is better looking at the moon. I guess looking at a straight side Yeah, I guess that kind of makes sense though because I don't detailed and far away road, but that would make it harder to read it's it's mad far I was going to look it up but it's mad

far it's a far away the moon is so far away and you can make out like yeah crevices we have a telescope fuck we have a telescope every you know so often will like when it's a full moon will go outside with the kids and we'll just look at the moon through the telescope oh yeah and it's crazy the detail that you could see on that bitch. What is that?

The moon that's not what I mean like how can we see that? Even during the day you can still see stuff on the moon. What the fuck Well, that doesn't make sense. It has to do with light Pretty sure. Appreciate your input. Yeah, the sun is like reflecting off of it or something. Well, we always see the same side of the moon. So you said this would be the Summer of You.

But then you remembered? You have kids. And now you spend every sunny day at water parks and petting zoos. So be it. We do the prep. So you can get your You time back with freshly prepared, ready for zoos. So be it. We do the prep so you can get your you time back with freshly prepared ready for you dishes from Sobeys. Regardless, I'm like, what's the back look like?

The dark and icy. Definitely. Right? Because it never gets sun. Ever. Let me ask you this. Do you believe in the moon landing? Yeah The video like you're like yep. They were there. Yeah, okay. You don't I'm not saying that So say it say what do you believe in it? Yeah, okay? Why why whew that was close of what I thought you were gonna say that you're like one of those conspiracy theorists that thinks it was like staged by fucking...

Who's the director they said did it? I don't know. I think that it's not outside the realm of possibility Like I think that we went there. I don't know. I think it's not outside the realm of possibility that that video is fake Okay, that's fair. Stanley Kubrick was the one they said directed it by the way. Stanley Kubrick? Really? Stanley Kubrick. He did the moon landing? The conspiracy theorists say that he directed it and then the movie The Shining is all basically an admission of guilt in having staged it. That's not what I got from that movie but okay. Yeah, neither did I yeah

But no, that's that's what like the conspiracy theorists say yeah, no, I'm with you now having known like God, I want to see the earth from space so bad, but I don't want to go up there Bro, I'm very good like imagine being on the moon. You're standing on the moon. You're looking at her Well, I think there was there was some astronaut that said that like he's like it completely fucked with my mind because every Experience that has happened on our planet every thought every Every everything he's like it's right there. That's so fucking crazy. That's so It is so oh my god. What the fuck yeah, I don't even like I don't I don't like the idea of that because like you know

how I feel about like Visualizing the concept of something like for instance the concept of time. I think we are referring to is thinking Visualizing the concept of something no no but like the concept of time is crazy to me Yeah, then when I have something that I could see like a child The concept of time is crazy to me. But then when I have something that I can see like a child, like, oh shit, like three weeks ago, you know what I mean? That fucks me up. So like the idea of sitting on a rock,

and you're looking at Earth, and you're looking at Earth, and you know that every single thing about you, that we know about advanced life. Right there. You could do one of those pictures, you know how when people go, yeah, exactly. Like Earth! When people go to like the leaning tower of Pisa and they take the picture like holding it up. You can do that with Earth. It's gonna make me sick.

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All right So I know what story you're referencing with the Red Pandas. Yep. Basically that there was a hotel in China that is now in trouble because they were allowing people to pay money to be... Was it woken up by... Woken up. Woken up by Red Pandas during their stay. Yep.

I absolutely would visit this hotel. I mean, if I could get woken up by red pandas anywhere, that's what I'm doing. But like, here's my question. And this is me just splitting hairs here. But like, how do they confirm that the thing is going to wake you up? Because like if I could put a red panda in this room or and by this room, I just mean like our podcast set. I don't think it like physically wakes you up.

It's just like first thing. If I'm paying my hard earned money, I want this thing to like physically wakes you up. It's just like first thing if I'm paying my hard-earned money I want this thing to get in bed with me It's gonna or it may not No, it's not gonna like do the act of waking you up What are you expecting a red panda to do for you if I set off your alarm? You wouldn't you wanna make it my head good morning No

It's like first thing you wake up they put a red panda in your room And he like hangs out with you in your bed and rolls around and fucking laughs and shit. It's fucking fire. Okay, red pandas laugh? Wait a second, that might be a game changer. I have no idea if they laugh, but I have seen them smile. I think they just like... Also, they look more like a raccoon than they do a panda.

Yeah. Which, you couldn't pay me to get a raccoon. Raccoons are very cute. They just have ugly hands. Raccoons suck, dude. I mean, they suck because they eat garbage and whatever, but like, if you held one and domesticated it, it'd be very cute. You sure about that? Absolutely.

No, fuck that thing. Raccoons are definitely cute. First of all, they're built like a member of the Insane Clown posse. I don't like this. I want this thing, it's not proportionately cute. It's got cute hands and a whatever. It has ugly hands. And a whatever face.

No, they have very cute faces. The rest of his body looks like it's wearing Janko jeans. I don't want that shit. Do you even know what a raccoon looks like? I do know what a raccoon looks like. Janko jeans? Do you know what a Janko jean looks like? Yes I do.

Well then that's what the raccoons look like they're wearing. How? Cause they're baggy. They're not baggy. They're baggy. Raccoons? Yeah. Dude.

I don't think you've seen a raccoon in your life. They're fat off trash. They're not fat off trash. I'm not gonna sit here while you talk about a raccoon like that. I saw while you're pulling that up. I saw that the- Look how cute this thing is. Are you fucking kidding me?

Frank. I don't like it. You don't like that? It's so fine, dude. And where's the Janko jeans? What are you talking about? Well that's a great picture of a raccoon. That's all of the pictures of the raccoons. When's the last time you saw a raccoon?

Look at this thing! That's not real, that's a stuffed animal. That's a real raccoon, it's just wet! No, no, no, bullshit. It's wet because he was outside playing in a fucking puddle probably because he's so cute! Playing in a puddle, first of all, it looks like there's daylight out there, so you guess what that means about raccoons. Rabid! Look how cute.

That's- That's three of them! That is three. In numbers, they do better. All these pictures are raccoons in the daylight, which lead me to believe that they're rabid because they're nocturnal animals I'll punch that thing in the face Frankie I could cry my eyes out looking at this are you kidding me you don't like this you're being contrarian I'm not being contrarian it's okay cute because I know what's behind that little look rabies a foaming mouth dirty

grubby hands not all raccoons have rabies if it's out there in the day, if it's out during the day, don't don't don't! That's racist. No, don't you dare! You're racist against them. I'm not racist-ing. Oh, look they're like, oh. The chances are, if a raccoon is out during the day, it has rabies. What you're looking at is sickly, on their basically deathbed raccoons.

A raccoon being active during the day doesn't automatically mean his rabies or a sick I know I didn't say automatically I didn't say all the time I said most likely a preponderance of the evidence 51 percent of the chance you but you're saying most likely and you're basing that on nothing no I'm basing that off of statistics how much raccoon info do you have where's the data show the data Joey I've seen a lot of raccoons in my time. I'm sure you do. I've seen a lot of raccoons. I've seen more wildlife than you! No you haven't. While raccoons are typically nocturnal they can be out during the day for several reasons including foraging for food. So you think

just because raccoons are out there trying to make do for their family that they're rabbits? They're also ants! If I'm going to forage for food and I'm afraid of people I'm going to do it when they're most sleeping at night dumbasses. I mean they're hungry. They have to go get food We sleep when they could sleep during the day. They need to regulate their cycle here. Okay, that's not how it works That's exactly how it works Sleep during the day wake up at night when everyone is sleeping forage for food. I mean, I think that's what they do They're nocturnal but if they're going out during the day. They're working double shifts. They're trying to help their family.

I am sympathetic to people that have to do that, because that's hard. Okay? But... I just have a thing against rodents. A possums. You just said a hard R right there, and I didn't like the way you said rodents. I didn't like it, honestly. RODENTS! Like Like they're cute. I'm talking about raccoons. They're eat. They eat garbage, which isn't great technically We eat garbage, too, but it's just not garbage garbage

What's an example well garbage is subjective Joey? I think you understand that one man's trash is another man's treasure, but what do you eat? That's garbage I? understand that one man's trash is another man's treasure but what do you eat that's garbage I mean people would call some of the food that we as Americans eat garbage I'm asking for an example cheeseburgers how is that garbage hot dogs same question some people might use their definition of garbage to define American cuisine as garbage yeah in a facetious kind of way of like that's garbage there's there's a there's we're talking about we're talking about waste yep is water not the waste of the earth nope are we not drinking the piss of

earth we aren't is our our plants I don't what you're about to ask, but no is the answer. Okay. Hahahaha. Are plants not the acne of our planet? Your mind works in mysterious ways. Why? But, uh, pandas. Pandas, panda bears, are like my favorite animal right now. Okay. I go in and out.

So I saw that the number was like, it was like between basically like 250 and 500 dollars to get this done. Oh really? At a hotel in China. That's an easy add-on. You're doing that? Easily. Really? Easily. What the fuck? It's between the mini bar or getting woken up by a panda. It's both. Also mini bar in the morning. Who do you think I am? I mean they have like breakfast up in there. They have like canned coffees and teas. I never do any of that I don't either but I've seen them. No, no I'm getting the Panda dude every time every time it's the Panda I mean if every hotel had like animals that could wake you up. I would do it

Would you wear your Panda while you're playing with a Panda? I wouldn't but a panda bear I would I want to get my fucking arms around these things and like wrestle a little yeah and then it's gonna get its arms around your neck and choke you yeah it will kill me I think they bite too which isn't great aren't they the only animal on the planet that eats bamboo yeah they, they love bamboo. I've watched a video of a panda eating bamboo for so long, because they like strip it and then

eat like the inside part of it. I watched one so long that I didn't realize it started over. And I don't even know, and like I can't even tell you how many times I watched it right now. You were just mesmerized by a panda eating bamboo.

It's so good. I will say, I haven't seen, as far as I can recall, any live videos of pandas eating bamboo. Oh. The crunch probably sounds incredible. Oh, it's the best. It's like, you know what I like? You ever get Chinese food

and they have the water chestnuts in there and you bite through it and it's kind of like a harder apple? Yeah, is it like that or is it like a Dude I don't even know how to describe it. It's like a softer PVC pipe Okay, it's kind of that's kind of what it's like, okay, it's crazy But it like bought it. Oh, it's it's so good There's an ASMR video on the internet that I've watched multiple times And it's of a horse eating like apples and like rain love when horses eat carrots and apples and stuff fucking

Nothing better than those big fucking stupid teeth chomping down on some apples, baby. What about the one? I always get nervous watching it cuz I'm like oh, no, it's gonna choke But it doesn't where they throw a fucking full watermelon in a hippos mouth Yeah, or like a full pumpkin or like a series of gourds, bro And this thing bites down and it whatever was in its mouth loads Into billions of pieces dude. I always think about that when I watch like trainers feeding killer whales I'm like, you know, you're throwing that fish in the back of his throat Give him a second to chew it.

Well, a lot of those animals, and like I remember if you look at like alligators or crocodiles, one or the other, if not both, they like their tongue like... Like, I'm sorry, but like... Apology not accepted by the way, keep going. It like rests so it like closes its throat? Yeah. It's not like us. Like ours is just like, eh, and it's just there. Like... Yeah, they're just like throwing this thing.

Like they'll throw them in the back of their mouth and then they'll close their mouth and then open their tongue hole. It's crazy. Throat, I guess is the word that I'm looking for here. Right, I think that's what you're thinking of as well. And then that's how they eat it but like I get nervous for these animals I do too because it's like oh I want a little like treat and then they fucking Roger Clemens shows up and fires one in the back of this whale's throat You know what I like watching seals go like this

When you see if you watch videos of seals they just go like this Or I love would like I've been great like there's like a video I saw I showed the girls once of like a cat next to a seal and it does that thing where the cat like swats at yeah, you like dramatically like Like rolls on its back and rolls over seals are fucking up there for me seals are up there better than red pandas What are seals are not seals? Yeah? I like seals, but what's the other one? That's like a seal but But bigger? Walrus? Walr... Walr... those are the ones with the tusks.

Sea lions is what I mean. Sea lion... manatees. No, well, those are completely different. I love manatees, though. Manatees and seals, dude? Is a sea... Manatees are sea cow, I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead.

Manatees are like the white pillowy things. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. Which, like, you can be in the water in Florida and they just pull up on you. You're not allowed to touch them, but I would I'd give them a little like hey, oh, but they're like nice. They like they're like chilled They like eat like grass like no one fucks with them. Yeah, there's like videos and like Like firsthand accounts of people getting like helped by these animals like they'll be like they drop their phone And it'll go grab their phone for them and shit like that. That's one of the craziest videos

I've ever seen in my entire life. I think it was like a, was it a manatee or a dolphin? One of the, probably one of them. It's, the phone is on the fucking animal's face and it's coming up to the surface. I would have threw my phone, I would have played fetch all day. Fetch with your phone, yeah.

I would have been like, fuck my phone, I'm taking this thing home. I just, here's my, here's the reason I don't want to go like swimming with dolphins or like befriend like aquatic animals. Or a lot of animals I should say. Is because- It does sound like you have something against animals. Yeah. I'll get my feelings hurt if they don't remember me. Because like- If they don't remember me? Yeah. If I'm spending time and vibing with this animal, if I go swimming with a dolphin, we have a

beautiful magical time, and then I just see like... I go back in like two years and I'm like, remember me? And they're just like, who the fuck are you? That would hurt my feelings. So that's the reason? Yep. Okay. You do that with humans.

I care less about humans. Right. I mean it sounds like you don't... But you don't like animals. I like animals, but like I don't want to get too attached to them. Because then... Who's asking you to get attached? You're fucking swimming with a dolphin.

Me. Right. I'm asking myself to get attached. Um... Yeah, I don't know. I haven't sw- Two. I think I struck out. That might have been three. Sw- a sw- a sw-

Hahahaha Here's my question for you. Is there any animal that you could spend a night with that you're opening up the checkbook and it's just like blank check? What's blank check? Because I'm not- Okay. A thousand dollars. That was way higher than that oh five thousand dollars yeah I'm paying five thousand dollars to like if you can guarantee that a panda won't hurt me and like we'll just cuddle 5g's could get me for more depending on like the day and I don't want like I've seen people like in rooms like one night me and him in a yurt I've seen in a yurt yeah dude putting this

thing outside of its natural habitat it's gonna be dying in that don't they sleep outside they're fucking animals what are you gonna put them in a hotel isn't a yurt like meant to be like a hotbox it's like a tee teepee. Can we say that? What? Teepee? I don't know. Why are you saying that? I've heard people say that before that like... Don't say that?

Don't say teepee. Yurt? Sure. Yeah, you did the right thing. Going glamping with a panda, fine. Ooooooo, in a rainforest. Okay. You're talking about taking them out of their natural habitat now. Aren't there rainforests in Japan?

I actually have no idea what habitat they live in. I'm just thinking of like, what's the movie? Tropic Thunder. Yeah. Where he's like in a rainforest and then he fights a panda and kills it. Right. If you can guarantee my safety, I would pay... I'm gonna run through a couple animals and you tell me, like,

if you would pay the $5,000. A knight! Alright. Instance. I'm only doing one knight. One magical knight. Alright. A giant wolf. Pfff...

And by the way, none of these animals will hurt you. Right, right, right. Uh, wolf, no. Veloc will hurt you. Right, right, right. Uh, wolf, no. Velociraptor. No, ew. Dinosaurs are fucking gross. Stegosaurus.

Gross. Triceratops? All of them. Wow, okay. Um... A baby elephant. Big elephant's too much. No, I'm paying that, yeah. You're paying that? Yeah, yeah, okay. A baby elephant. Big elephant's too much. No, I'm paying that, yeah. You're paying that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Grizzly, polar, black.

Dumb question, don't even. Of course, all of them. Lion and or tiger. Without question. A tiger is so up on my list, dude. Dude, I love tigers. I also, like, in addition to like, I saw a look at tiger in its fucking face in addition to being cool

animals the design oh top tier animal design I remember whomever created these animals I want to take a tiger by its head and just stare at it and have it look at me for like an afternoon that picture of the tiger and like fishing underwater you know that picture yes that's one of the tiger and like fishing underwater you know that picture yes that's one of the greatest pictures I think that has ever

existed in human existence I'd let a tiger kill me I think I'd let a tiger kill me if you were to ask me like how could I go out to let the tiger eat let the tiger go but like sedate me I don't want to be awake because that thing that would be bad I would just shoot Nova Kane into all my extremities and then like let it chew on my arm again I said that sedate me oh I was thinking sedation like you're kind of like out of it oh sure yeah I just I want to be there I want to watch you want to you want to watch this thing no on your jugular yeah got you not myular, like get my arm.

So we're on the same page. Yeah. Novocaine is mostly for like external, you know, like skin level stuff. Like this thing bites you, you're going to suffocate and die. It's going to be a lot of Novocaine. We're going to have to break the bank on Novocaine. Put Joey in an iron lung. Yeah.

But it would be cool to have just the last thing you see is just a lion Just a lot of a tiger staring at you and then just I don't know I don't know bite your head We have a different if you were to say like yo listen you're you're on your way out But we want you want to go out in a cool like radical way tiger fight Tiger fight yeah fight tiger fight yeah like put me with like the Liam Neeson like glass bottles around my fists and let me fist fight a tiger I'm dying every single you know what I think about a lot the scene in Tarzan where he were like the tiger

comes or like the cheetah whatever and was like fucking with the the apes and then Tarzan shows up and he like wins or whatever fuck He's fighting or blah blah what I think about the opposite right I think about if I'm walking around and a fucking Like a Leopard is trying to attack me and then a gorilla saves my life super sick first of all that gorilla would have wasted its time Because that is the greatest thing that would ever happen I walk over and kill myself because like it's not gonna get better than that also how fucking strong was Tarzan he fucking full-on clean like this fucking leopard cheeto was over his

head like from a squat position unbelievable stuff Strong strong guys strong guys strong. I guess it makes sense the swing from the vines this guy's lats are probably my god, dude Sculpted out of marble the calisthenics. Yeah, and then I mean like you just think about like the amount of leg strength He needs to just swing No, first of all you're holding on to a vine your whole body with your toes get tough and he's just like bro and like swing his core his core this guy is probably shred of all the Disney characters Tarzan's got to be the most shredded right he's beaten the shit out of all of them dude well who's beating the shit out of Tarzan you could argue Gaston Gaston's getting his ass candy the beast I'm talking to ones. I guess technically was a beast

I mean that would be a close one What other human? Gaston's getting his fucking little fancy asshole whooped It's crazy thought about Gaston's asshole enough to call it fancy. I'm just seeing who wears those little fancy pants I think they were just traditional like pants for the time. Yeah that's what I mean. Tarzan doesn't even have pants. Doesn't need them. Probably should slap the dog shit out of him. Probably wear pants. That's the other thing is like you're in the jungle and this thing is swinging and you look up and you're just seeing Tarzan's fucking coin purse and dingle g gong. Yeah, you just yeah, you're getting the whole fucking thing. Yeah

You gotta think about the box. Yeah, we're off track now Anyway, we should probably talk about something pretty important and that is light strike That hurt I don't even know what you said. It hurt my throat. Guys, Lightstrike, okay, this is a hard refresher. You've seen it on the show before, okay? You've been stricken by the light. If you guys haven't been stricken by the light actually yet, I don't know what you're waiting for

because this is a hard refresher. It is refreshing and it's hard, meaning that it has some alcohol in it, okay? It's 5% alcohol, so you gotta be 21 in order to get it. But it's a hard refresher, and it is lovely, okay? It's got, it's gluten-free, non-carbonated, sea salt, 10%, coconut water. So it is good, man.

I like this stuff on a hot summer day. It is beautiful, all right? It's an excellent source of five percent fucking alcohol So go follow at drink light strike all right And get stricken get stricken by the light there all right so go follow them at drink light strike or go to drink light strike Calm and get yourself a little bottle go get yourself a hard refresher and enjoy that. All right, folks? And lastly here we have SeatGeek.

Okay, SeatGeek is a ticketing app. So you go on the app store, you download SeatGeek and it will get you tickets to anything. You want to come to a basement yard show? We're probably on SeatGeek. I actually ended up looking up the basement yard and there were some tickets on there and I was like, that's kind of crazy that we're on this app

that I've been promoting for years. But anyway, if you want to go to anyone's concert, you want to go to a baseball game or whatever this summer, you can get those tickets through Seakeek is the number one rated ticketing app on the app store. And it's just great. So, you know, go on their app and you will see they're also transparent with the pricing. If something's labeled dark green, that means it's a good price. If it's dark red, go on their, on their, uh, on their app and you will see, they're also transparent with the pricing.

If something's labeled dark green, that means it's a good price. If it's dark red, they're like, ah, this is probably too expensive for, you know, the ticket, like whoever's listing it is asking for too much. So I like the transparency, but right now we can save you some money. Uh, you can get 10% off of any tickets that you get on Seakeak with the code basement 2025. All right. So if you're going to buy tickets to something,

you might as well download SeatGeek and use Basement2025 and save that 10%. All right, there you go. I'm very good. I don't know if you saw, congratulations are in order. To whom? Us. Kind of more me than you, but we're a package deal.

We take a lot of pride, if I can be serious for a sec, we take a lot of pride in what we do here. We often have people tell us, you know, the difference we've made in their lives, making them smile, happy, you know, get, help them get through tough times and stuff like that. So, being able to do something that is going to make a difference to just one person is a luxury. It's beautiful. It's very meaningful to us. Getting to save something that is a staple of the community is... How many times are you going to bring up red lobster? You didn't even go to a red lobster. You didn't buy any red lobster. Silence. Crickets. Crickets even. I can hear crickets and gnats flying out of

your mouth because you haven't gone to red lobster. I had not gotten the opportunity to go yet but I have a gift card that they sent me waiting in my waiting amongst my gift cards. Also discrediting the 35 year old CEO that's actually doing all the work, that's fucked up. Yeah, by the way, let's make this very clear. He's a very successful black man, also racist then. Wait, how the hell did he... Racist, racist, racist.

This guy... clearly did a very, very difficult thing. While other of these like like chain restaurants are failing He brought red lobster out of bankruptcy But we also helped save the company We also help. I mean if you think it's just me that's saying this look at the Dozens of people tweeting at us saying like Frank did it the dozen. Yeah dozens of bak Yeah dozens of

Baker's dozens of People tweeting at us saying like wow you guys actually did this it's this good word of mouth helps promote support I do want to get one of those seafood Food boil bags they have like bags. Yeah, why did you say c4 it? I don't even know it's a sea foil It was what I was gonna. Yeah, why did you say c4 it? I don't even know it's a see foil was what I was gonna say. Yeah, I would listen Red lobsters remained a staple in my family. Do you know what I saw he did an interview recently out of the whole lobster Lobster the whole crab like industry or whatever the fuck like the market

Red lobster purchases a quarter of that. That's crazy. That is BAH. Nannis. Well you also have to think about the fact that there are, at this point, dozens, you know, how many do you think are left in the United States? Red Lobsters? 70. I don't even know how to, I would even come up with a guess. I mean, because remember they had to close down a bunch. Yeah, but I don't even know how to I would even come up with a guess. I mean cuz remember they had to close down a bunch. Yeah but I don't even know how many

there were. Let's say... Are you making up numbers? I'm guessing. I'm guessing at least one per state, some states having more than one. You know? Okay. So let's let's say for roundabout, you could look this up honestly. Yeah but let's say there's 70 red lobsters left in the United States. Think about the amount of lobsters that they have and they're open seven days a week. So let's say they sell five lobsters a day.

35 lobsters per location. That's not even crab and shrimps. Times 70. 35 times 70 is what 200 They have 520 that's a couple That is so many as of July 22 25 red lobster operates apart approximately 520 restaurants across the United States, okay, so 520 they sell let's let's use more round name and numbers

10 lobsters a day It's way more than that 5200 of a day times 7 which is Something that's a lot. It's something. I know it's a number. It's a it's a number for it is a number So let's say 40,000 lobsters a week. That's a it's a number for it is a number so let's say 40,000 lobsters a week that's not that's crazy. That's crazy. I imagine that you like lobster tail listen You're listening I've got no choice Crab yeah shrimp

Lobsters that low options low I like a lobster roll but like yeah I've never older hot either or I'm fine with both make a decision hot yeah I like how to with parsley and butter on top not just butter all of the butter but like here mayonnaise sometimes yeah yeah I like when they butter that like the bread the bun is mayowed up but like I have not in my life done like the whole like you get a lobster on a platter and it comes out like full lobster I need to do that before I die and start like breaking its yeah like you take a hammer and you crack open a claw yeah I saw someone like boiling a lobster the other day and

I don't have that in me I wouldn't be able to cut its head off or whatever they do I don't think they cut his head off they well they like cut his head in half do they yeah they like take the knife and they put it like down and then they come down on its face. I saw that with the crab. I didn't see that with the lobster. The lobster yeah. Oh wow. No it was a crab. I thought the thing that they do with with crustaceans to make it more humane. You're still killing them by the way. You have to kill them. Well no the one that I saw is that they'll put them in like freezing cold water. Like an ice bath first and it basically brings their

like heart rate to like as close to zero as you can get without killing it and then you throw them into hot water. Oh, I think you gotta kill them and then do that. Oh, maybe. Otherwise you just heat them up. Then you just heat them back up. And it's like, woah woah woah woah woah woah! Oh my god! Yeah, no, fucked up dude. Like I wouldn't be able to

and I watched the video of someone doing it and they were crying So it was pretty funny. Oh, but like yeah, they were crying Have you ever taken not a bug? an animal's life Do you count putting down my dog? I mean I didn't do it I'm I'm counting like with your own hands and free will have I killed an animal? Yes What are what's an ant killed an animal? Yes. What are, what's an animal? Like, uh-

An animal, not a bug. No. Oh, okay. Have you? Yeah, that mouse years ago. Yeah, no, I haven't killed a mouse. That was, that scared me that you did that. I was protecting my family.

Hey, you were spiking the mouse, and like, your family was well protected once you had it in custody. I can't explain- I- in hindsight, fully acknowledge that that was ridiculous of me. Just so we're on the same page. We are. But without even being a bit, at the time, I felt this intense need to protect my family.

From a mouse? Yeah. They can spread disease, which could be very harmful. And at the time- I'm aware of that. Ruby was very young. That first year of a child's life could be very, very, very detrimental to their health.

Oh, OK. None of this is an excuse for when you grab a mouse and you spike it. Well, we were playing a good old-fashioned game of, you know, Mouse Hunt. Spike the Mouse? Remember that movie Mouse Hunt? Great movie. Underrated, Nathan Lane and Crispin Glover I think? It was Nathan Lane, I don't know the other guy. Good movie, go watch it. I like it. I saw the kids at it, I think they'd like it. How the fuck did they get that mouse to do shit? It was a CGI mouse. Was it?

You think it was a real mouse making sandwiches on a toothpick? No, that kind of shit's sure, but like there was like a real mouse in a lot of those scenes. Oh, like they get him to run from one area to another? I don't know. They've been training animals in Hollywood for years. You kidding me? Ratatouille, how did he do it? Right, well that movie movie it's that is a cream of the crop remind me I got to tell you something after we're done

recording cream of the crop but like yeah they train the mouse it's not that hard I'm not even kidding like at the time I didn't feel like it felt like this was the thing I needed to do to protect my family and I understand protection for family is not necessarily like I I'd kill someone for you. It's also like mental, physical, you know, emotional protection. But in that moment, I saw red. I reverted back to whatever. Caveman, I have been a descendant of and I spiked that mouse into the garbage. That's so crazy.

But you had it. You could have like let it. No, no, no, it was on a glue trap. It was dead. If anything, that's so crazy. But you had it. You could have like let it... No, no, no. It was on a glue trap. It was dead. If anything... That's even worse. No, if anything, I did it a favor. Oh, you're a hero. For psychotically spiking a mouse. First of all, this thing would have died the worst death in the world. Oh, so you are a hero.

I don't know if hero is the right word, if that's the terminology you want to, you know, label it as. Hey man. Yeah. Your words. Oh, I saved this mouse. No, I didn't save it. I put it out of its misery.

You like it. You are bloodlusted. I put it out. You were out for blood. You wanted to hear it crack. That's you. Um, I, there's no difference between you having put your dog down and out of its misery so it didn't suffer and me spiking that mouse into the garbage. One is done in a humane way. The other is done in a spiking motion. While it's already trapped!

We could sit here and- Your family is saved! We could sit here- no, because then he calls to his mouse boys What would you rather me text them what would you rather me do shoot it with a gun no Inject it with a sleeping agent That would be nice. I didn't have any sleeping agents on me that day I I don't know I can't do it. I Just don't know I can't do it I just don't look I've thought about like what happens if like a dog like bites one of my kids and like won't let go yeah you

gotta you know like kick it I will kick it hold it Becca grab the kid and and I will have to I will have to prove my my fatherhood what does that mean I don't know how I'm gonna react in those moments I hope it never happens knock on wood we're gonna like rip its head off or something I don't know let's see what happens if you're a sick man I don't think I'm sick I think you're sick I think you're sick you really think I'm sick sick you really think I'm sick yes you're sick man really yeah seriously like yes like not a bit sick like the sickest I've ever seen I think disgusting I think you know that I have

a good heart like I'm not a sick person yeah it's your head that I'm worried about your hearts there your head is interfering with the heart. Joey, let me ask you a question. It makes you sick. You have a beautiful child. Yeah. Well, you asked me this recently. Little Walrus. You asked me this and I said that I would fight the dog off. I would kick the dog.

You'd kick the dog, but then it gets off and it comes back. And it comes back? And it comes back for more. I get in the way and I fight it again. And then it keeps coming back. Once it's off of my child. and then it keeps coming back. Yeah, and I keep fighting it until Till I can get away from it, but you can't get away. Why not it's coming after you What I I can't I'm not gonna kill a dog with my hands What do you what are you expecting me to say here? I don't know

I'm not expecting you to say that. I think you are you ever see the sea of a sick look in your eyes No, and you tried to make me jump in the sick tank Sick tank take a swim the water is nice. How do you swim? Take a swim I Haven't swim at night in a while and I really like that. Come on over baby. That was way too sexual. I meant like come hang out. You are sick aren't you? Come hang out. We'll have wine by... You're making this worse! We'll have wine, we'll skinny dip at night.

There will be a lot of people around and we'll make it a big night swim. Is there lights in your pool there are I haven't figured out how to turn them on yet Figure it out is there not a switch There might be I haven't found it got it Okay, does it is it like a bunch of colors hate that no. It's just white yeah Yeah, you don't like the mix of all those different colors, right?

Some people, you know, come over, like and their pool light's on, it's like red, I'm like the fuck is this? Yeah, no. I mean maybe I would do that. Is it heated? It's heated. I mean it's the hottest fuck out. But it's not getting, it's not boiling water, Joey.

I know, but I don't want to swim to swim like 90 degrees I think my heater is currently set to 80 too hot sick that needs to be at a certain temperature for the salt to kick in so I don't know I will say this though like it is like it feels like saltwater when I go in the water and like my hair dries up It feels like when you're at the beach. Oh Like it's like a little course a little a little more course and grainy You know a lot of people and I didn't know this until recently a lot of people use saltwater to like style their hair I used to I didn't know that. Yeah, that's cool It's like a I think yeah like you you just I mean

That's what it says like see so I don't know if it's just that I think there's other shit in there, too Yeah, I don't know they just sprayed. It's like oh you just like a surfer just got back from the beach It smells really good, too. I do like this one cuz it smells like the beach Have you ever heard the saying that apparently the beach makes you crap your pants What yeah, why would that I don't know why but there's a there's a there's a Have you ever heard the saying that apparently the beach makes you crap your pants? What? Yeah. Why would that? I don't know why but there's a, there's a, there's a

Like a saying? Like an old wives tale Old wives tale, yeah That like, if you're constipated, go to the beach, like the salt water in the air will like cut through you and it'll make you shit your pants I'm just letting you know I mean, I've never had that happen Neither have I I've never had that happen. Neither have I.

I've never been at the beach and like, yo big trouble. Neither have I. What would you do? Thank God. Dig a hole. I mean go find a bathroom. But if you can't, then you just dig a hole. That's so crazy.

Have you ever seen the people that bring like bathroom like stand-up tents to the beach bro? Get it together these people. What are we doing? Some people need need the convenience of a bathroom right there so nuts You're taking a crap. I'm right here I'm right here on the beach What's the difference between someone going behind a door and taking a crap and going in a tent and zipping it up and taking a crap. It's not on the beach. Whether it be on the beach or right next to you, what's the difference? There isn't a bathroom right on the beach.

It's like on the boardwalk. Correct. That's the difference. Correct. The difference is I'm laying out here in minimal clothing and you're taking a shit into the wind and it's hitting me in the face. I guess. That's not great.

Also, those little outhouses. Well, not in the wind. They me in the face. I guess. That's not great. Also, those little outhouses. They're in a tent. Dude, when I was in Washington, we stayed on this dude's property, and he had to provide a bathroom, and he had one of these zip up things. And it was just two buckets. That's crazy. And one bucket had a toilet seat on on it and then a bag in it and then the other

had a bag and a bunch of sawdust. And he's like, yo, you go in, you shit in this thing and then you throw sawdust in it and you close it and then you wrap it up. That's actually really smart because that guy probably uses that as fertilizer. I don't know if he does. I imagine. But that would be kind of bananas. If I'm not doing this,

but if I were to have like some form of human shit collection. Some sort of collection. That would be the smart thing to do. Mix it with a material like sawdust or leaves. Is, so I've heard that before that human shit is like a fertilizer but like is it just that? Like you don't have to like, like there's not other ingredients in fertilizer it's just straight- I mean manure is manure it's just cow shit.

Yeah is it? Yeah. People fertilize their lawns with cow shit. It's been happening for but that don't make the whole hood stink Yeah, it does you smell that shit, but I don't hate it. I really don't hate cow horseshit horseshit cowshit I love it horseshit's the greatest shit. I love the smell of horseshit Honestly even like any any animals crap at a farm because that's what you're smelling. Yeah, you're smelling their shit I like the smell of shit at a farm And I don't I don't want to smell like horseshit, but I want to smell horseshit I don't want it, but also I'm fine that it's contained to a farm like I don't need to smell it all the time like if they had like horseshit candles I

Would light it? Not all the time just on special days. I wonder if they have like a farm candle. Like a farm candle that smells like an old sheep and like a pile of horse shit dude I'm lighting that up on my birthday for sure like definitely on my birthday. They have like, I'm only finding ones that are like, they smell like they're made at a farm. Farm smelling candles. And I don't think it's that hot of a take because people like the smell of fresh cut grass. Look, that's one of the five greatest smells on the planet.

I like that too. I heard sometime, one time recently though though that something that like made me sad Is that what you're smelling is like a scent that this that the grass is giving off to like warn its other grass friends that it's being attacked Bit late for that. Yeah Wait, what is that real? That's what I've heard. Yeah Dan dude Homesick candles free plug for them, I guess

I'm trying to find I don't see any they have a more time looking it up They have a Harry Potter collection of candles. That's all for you Joey gonna smell like Hermione You smell like Ronald Weasley like an old boat you could smell like the Gryffindor common room You wouldn't want to I wouldn't even know what it smells like it could be anything old books leather love an old book smell I wish I could smell the first Bible oh it probably stinks it probably stinks so good the first Bible an old Bible oh my god just oh it'd Be so good first of all if you did that to one of the pages explode dust, but I would I would I've put my nose up against the not the spine like the inside the ass crack like that Yeah, you know not yeah, you've eaten the ass of a book. You know what I've done before that's underrated

You open a book and there's this little gap that forms at the spine. HOOOH! You put your finger in, and you slam the book on your own finger! It's great. It's a great exercise, I love it. My gasp was because I thought that was going in a really different direction. What? I thought you were gonna, like, smell the book there. I've done that. I've literally put my nose against like all the pages

and then like smash the book on my nose dude I'm an idiot with books I swear to God I'm a weird fuck with books I don't know why you spent more time smelling them than reading them without question without but I hear what you're saying like bro and if it's like I'm telling you right now here we are in book porn by the way oh my god if it's like I'm telling you right now here We are in book porn by the way Oh my god if it's like a book from like the 60s and the pages have like browned and They get like you know what color I'm talking about. It's like a manila browning of the pages

Oh my god, and then you open it's a paperback book And you open it and you just shove your fucking you eat the ass of that fucking book and it's like oh I do I like that a lot. It's so good Book smell you know what's you know what smell what is that? What is the smell? What is it? Who cares? Don't don't try to figure it out because it's always gonna try to make it and they're gonna fucking ruin it for sure Textbooks though you're not a real book Textbooks that have that like suck that have that like shiny. Oh not a real book. Textbooks that have that like, that have that like shiny, shimmering, you know what I'm talking about right? It's like a sheen on the

pages. It's paper but it's like plastic. Yeah it's like ugh. Fuck you, textbooks. I hate that. Oh you know what I like? You know when books have like a painted edge of the page like gold and it's kind of like they'd let and then they all lines up You know, it's really good. You know, it's really good. By the way Do you remember Ricardo's mom used to write his name? On the pages on the pages in the spine and he'd go like that and like it was like magic They would like both ways it would say his name Oh, and you would bend it and say Ricardo and then it say his last name almost at it

But like it would do that you could say it we let Muhammad's name go earlier. Yeah, one of those names is significantly more common than the other Go find a Muhammad But You know what smell also gets me new shoes Tennis balls new shoes tennis ball. Yeah tennis balls are good. I Like I I like I like What do I like But like it's not glue it's just the collection of

collection of school supplies and they all have a stick. Mostly crayons. It's crayons but it's mixed with the glue and it's mixed with the there was some other stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that was a rough year. Jo- Little Joey's Five Star Pencil Case And you were to zip it open Hold it open And then just sniff in there Crack cocaine, folks Let me tell ya I, a million times-

If they made pencil case flavored candles I also have chewed on a bunch of erasers my whole time about that we've talked about love that yeah you you you You're a big fan I used to poke I used to sharpen my pencils and like poke the eraser and then break it off in there So I was just like it's like I stabbed it Not helping the whole I'm sick thing and like I stabbed it not helping the whole I'm sick thing and then I would like I was fucking dr. Frankenstein I would break the eraser and then staple it together what do you get out of that you would rip the eraser apart and then

staple it back yeah yeah I didn't know you could do that or what about those fucking fancy erasers that came with like the paper sleeve around it Like the big pink ones know the big white ones. Oh Yeah, yeah pink ones are peak human design love them Absolutely incredible Still like how does it work every so often you would get a pencil and the racers like covered in like this like weird Yesterday it happened to me, and you're like and then it starts do putting pink on the and I'm like bro What the fuck you know that happened to me yesterday?

I was hanging something up in the house, and I put a line and I went to go erase it and It was like a fucking wet eraser like it was like melted Yeah, and it was all over the wall, so I had to go clean the wall. I was pissed off hate this shit, dude, but anyway folks You watching anything good Love Island oh so no yeah, okay. I think yeah, I just watch iron heart You should watch it. It's pretty good What is that? Iron heart it's the new Marvel show. Oh, I think you're talking about iron claw watch that was good different reasons

A lot of Sue and that that gotcha that gotcha a couple times. Yeah What else I? Have nothing Frank and it seems like neither do you I got you a couple times. Yeah. What else? I have nothing, Frank. And it seems like neither do you. OK. Well, there you have it, folks. Look, like we said, fucking biggest show of our lives. The boys are at Madison Square Garden, fucking July 16, 11 AM at thebasemeyard.com, the code is NYCF, go get your tickets, we

need everyone to show up for us, fucking sell this bitch out, go out with a bang. You know what I mean? Bang! Oh this is gonna be- go out with a bang! And do the background, I'm gonna go out with a bang! I thought you were gonna say bang! Oh I'll do it again, go ahead. I Madison Square Garden July 16th pre-sale at 11 a.m. Code is NYCF at the basemayor.com get your tickets The boys are going out with a bang

That was a good explosion that was the best explosion I've ever done with my mouth I'm but you can't believe I said that that's crazy I can't believe I often that's where we're going to know no guys baseman dot com July 16 fucking get them alright now it is all see you guys next time next time