The Basement Yard - #516 - Are We Gooners?

Episode Date: August 18, 2025

Yea, i don't know what to write for this description honestly, gonna have to just give it a watch! - ant Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. Ooh, look at this hair, a little curly. All right. You want to introduce yourself? Yeah. I'm going to skip over you. How are you doing, Ann?

I'm going, goon. Goon? You're gooning? You're goonin? I did. What is that? What is goonin? Is it beating your dick in half?

Weekly, weekly. I thought it was something to do with, like, being gay. Gooning? Yeah. You thought that meant gay? I thought, like, it was, like, like, men after other men, like, being sexually attracted to other men. So if I'm gay, I'm gooning. But there's, like, a level, there's an added layer of, not even a minute in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, why did you think that, though? I think, I don't know. I think I just saw it, and it was just like... You were like, oh, gooning, that's gay. No, not like that. No, I mean like Gainous, like you thought. No, no, like I thought it was just like, you know, like a, just like a term used for like being like hyperly sexual toward a man if you are a man.

Right. So like horny gay. Like really horny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if I said, don't talk to me. I'm going at the Rainforest Cafe. Then you're being. First of all, hold your ass to jail.

If that's the thing. But he also probably would think you were on a date with a man and you guys are horny for each other. Which you were last time you went, by the way. Which by the way, when we were in many. We saw the signs for the rainforest cafe and you should have went we were going in for it We weren't and we didn't and we wouldn't have but so gooning is just like violently beating your cock I mean it's not it's not violent I think it's just it's just another way of saying like master beige What was wrong with the original terms violently? I mean is like I mean when you said beating your dick in half well yeah I

That insinuates some level of violence. To be fair, I dress it up a little too much. So it's just, it's just regular. Yeah. Well, that's what it is. Describe what that was. That was buttons, but now I just realized that most of those shirts are worn by men. Gooning.

I guess I guess I was gooning. Were you, when you went to the Rainforest Cafe, were you in fact gooning? Not at that specific time, no. So you did goon in, in, uh, in, uh, in, Minneapolis, you gooned up. There's not much to do out there. Well, we did some stuff out there, and it didn't involve stroking our dick. Well, you guys did much cooler things than I did.

You went to the Rainforest Cafe. I went to the Rainforest Cafe and drank everything on the drink menu. How many drinks was that? It's 12 specialty drinks. You're fucking insane. You must have been quite drunk at a Rainforest Cafe. Didn't you do that? When I was in... Had like a Chili's or something?

When I was in college, my buddy and I would go. of Fridays and we had we played a game it was called the dumbass challenge and it was just whoever can drink one of everything on the drink menu first one and then the loser had to buy the like all of the drinks did you win I think I won once or twice but like we only did it like four or five times that is so many times Frank how many things were on the menu maybe it was less well it was like it was like one of those menus where it's like you can get this it's like electric blue lemonade or this drink or this drink and it's five bucks so like we would pick between one of those three okay and then it would be like you can get a red wine a white wine a house this for three

bucks and you had to pick one of those and then it was like a beer a well liquor you know and and then a shot or something and we got really drunk and it sucked i mean you're at a what was it fridays yep Fridays i've never been to a Fridays before I know you've been to an Applebee's. I've been to an Applebee's, and they refused to serve me margaritas because they told me they were nasty. Also, you, like, we went to Applebee's. Like, that was when we were like 17, 18, 19. We'd all go out to eat as like boys, and we'd go to Hooters or Applebee's or...

Subway. Well, that wasn't going out to eat. Like, we'd be like, yo, I got 30 bucks for my mom. Let's go to Applebee's. When I was younger, I don't know that I ever went on a date properly. that but if I had to pick a place to go to I would have just been like oh let's go to Applebee's because I just feel like I don't know I don't it's like cheap it's yeah I mean listen it does exactly what it needs to do I heard there's no ovens and there's just

I don't know if that's Applebee's or Fridays but one of them has it's all like everything is microwave yeah and I'm not gonna say who for potential legal reasons right have you been to an Applebee's yes I've been to an dollar margaritas yeah but it's a scam don't do it first of all Did I tell you this story? I told him before, but I went with, like, my siblings to get dollar margaritas. And when we ordered them, we're like, oh, can we do dollar margaritas?

The guy literally went, you don't want them. And I said, why am I even here? If that's the reaction, he's like, you don't want the dollar margaritas. I was like, okay. What's the biggest, like, drink rip off you've ever had in your entire life? I know mine. Bottles in a club? Oh, my God.

Insane. Oh, my God. I never understood. It's all for. cloud. That's all it is, all it is, all the time, forever, always. What? Bottles in a club. If you have a big group, it's just unfortunate that like it's easier to have a bottle than to 40 people go, or not 40, but like, you know, a group of 15 people try to get drinks. Aggressively disagree because then you have, let's say you go to the club with 10 people

and a bottle of gray goose is $1,000. Each of those people are getting one or two drinks max. Yeah. So they're paying $50. for a drink. It's bad. Also, they do this thing. This happened to me in Mekanos, which I didn't love, but they turn the beach clubs into, like now it's a different place. So it's like, now, I mean, granted, we were six dudes. So they were like, you guys either have to leave or you have to get a table. And when you get a table, we got lucky, though. The people next of us were like, they were from fucking Canada. And they're like, yeah, we'll give you 500 bucks. we'll just be at the table with you.

We're like, all right. So we had a table, and the waiter comes over and was like, here's the bottle list. So I'm looking at the bottle list, and I'm like, oh, okay, like some of these are not bad, whatever. I mean, they're expensive, but it's not like $1,000 a bottle, but it's like $450, $500 for these types of things. So I'm like, okay, I was like, all right, how about this one? He's like, oh, we don't have that. I'm like, what about this one? He goes, we don't have that.

They didn't have like the four cheapest bottles. So I'm like, this is a scale. Of course. I remember when we were younger, like an ensemble. Some of our friends would go out clubbing. It would be like they'd go, you'd go to the bar and you'd pay $300 for a bottle, a $750 of Smyrnoff, which no disrespect to Mr. and Mrs. Schmiernoff. It's not $300 worth of vodka. It's just such a scam and I hated it so much because the only reason that people are doing it is for clout.

So people could see that they got bottles over there. And I, like, I, like, I spoke about when we were teenagers and, like, in our early 20s, when our friends would go to clubs, it wasn't, it was about appealing to women. We never got bottles. Some of our friends did. A hundred percent. I would get as drunk as I possibly could beforehand to the point where I'm about to fall asleep and then go and I'd be good the whole night. Same. Exactly.

I didn't have any dollar. The only time I can ever really remember getting a drink at a club was we went to, we were under. age. We went to a place called Studio 34. And, uh, and I walked in. And I thought I was fucking like Danny Ocean. I walked in and I go, let me get Petron with Sprite, no ice. What an order. What an order. And like, Patron and Sprite and no ice. And I thought it was, they were going to be like, oh, we need to fill this cup up. So let's fill it up with Petron. I was so stupid. and it was uh that's the only time i can really remember but i hate i always hated bottles remember a med of med one time ordered can i get a gray goose and vodka it wasn't a med it was

somebody else but i swore it was a mad and he might have done it too but i remember let me get a gray goose and vodka and they were like you're cut off yeah they were like you are cut off i remember going to like those long island bars where it would be like you pay a $20 cover charge to get in and then it's dollar beers all night but they give it to you in little dixie cups like this

yeah so what am I doing with that verbatim a regular beer would be five bucks you would probably spend more because it would take like six or seven of those dixie cups to fill a regular glass yeah and you wouldn't realize

you just hear like oh shit dollar beers and it was such a fucking rip off and I was so mad And I was, and, you know, I was very, I was very upset. Yeah. Nowadays, it's kind of crazy going out, man. Cocktails are just insane now. Yeah, well, I.

$15. $20. It is my personal nightmare to go to a club. Like, if you were to say tomorrow, like, what, if you were to ask me, like, what it would take for me to go to a club. One, it would be that we, like we did in Atlantic City last year, we had our own area, we had our own drinks. Well, you got to pay for that. That's why people pay. When you get bottles, you have to get that.

You don't get bottles and stand in the corner. No, no, no. But we have been to places where our friends have gotten tables and bottles, and, like, you're in a fucking, like, you're on a table, but there are people everywhere. So, like, you're still trapped. Sure. You know, but, like, I remember one year we went out for one of our friends' birthdays

on Halloween. Do you remember that? This could be any year. That's right. Well, we got a table, and we, like, planned in advance for a table, but the table was in the middle of the place so there were people it literally felt like we were stranded

on a desert island like we couldn't move I don't prefer to be at clubs I think there's a time and a place for it I could be in the mood for it like it's very rare maybe twice a year

it's my personal nightmare right now I just don't have the capacity for it just like being stuck like this with holding a drink up here and then bringing it down to sip it Well, that I wouldn't do. I wouldn't do that. That's what the club experience is, to my understanding is.

Well, yeah, because we went when we had no money and we were fucking 18 years old. But now if it's like, if I'm going to go to a club, I'm not like going to go, I'm not going to go anywhere because I wouldn't go to a festival either because being in large crowds like that is like not, it would not go well for me. I don't like that type of thing of just being like around people. I just feel trapped and I don't know. It just freaks. me out. But if I were to go to a club, I would prefer to have a place where I could like take a seat for a second or like put my stuff down or like reconvene instead of just being in the middle of everything at all times. I can just get oversimulated so I can't do that.

I, I, that's, we recently, Beck and I have recently been rewatching the fire festival documentaries. Yeah, chill. Like an unbelievable scenario that like that is what I believe to be like the ultimate nightmare. First of all, I wouldn't go. Because I wouldn't, like, all these, like, Burning Man, EZU, D.C. What are the other ones? There's a bunch of other ones.

You know what I'm talking about, though. Yeah, Ultra Tomorrowland. Yeah, Ultra Tomorrowland. Coachella. Mm-hmm. It just seems so miserable. Like, you're in the middle of nowhere, just with barely anything, no water, no lodging.

I mean, some, you know, people get, like, tents and shit. But, like, you have to pay for, like, a week at Coachella. It's, like, $15,000 for a tent. you can buy single days I know but I agree I mean I'm just I'm just not I think when I was younger I would be more into that

but obviously now I'm just but even when we were younger I was never a club guy and I think you were the same like we were more like house like parties or bars well we had no money so I mean I'm sure I'd be more into clubs if I like could get hooked up but even now that we're adults and we've made money like I would still way way way

If you gave me the choice of preference, I would way sooner do a house party or a bar over a club. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'd rather go out, but I'd rather be at a bar. I just hate the idea. Like, it's just, it sounds miserable to me. And maybe it's just, I'm getting old. But, like, just like, loud music, it just in your, um, catch um, tem, boom, tecum sempum. I mean, it depends where you go.

Like, you got to pick a place. You know what's nice? It's better, like, I find that. Clubs in Europe are different, and it's, when they're, especially when they're outside, it's better. There's less of that, like, I am pouring sweat, and I'm just, like, whatever. Like, there's areas where you can kind of, like, just chill and get a breeze. That's a lot better. Feeling like you're confined to an area where everyone's sweating on you and you're dying and you paid $30 for a cranberry and vodka.

Like, that sounds fucking miserable. I would never do that again. Oh, my God. Cranberry vodka. Horrible. You probably love that. That's all right. I always sneak a flaskin.

You always sneak a flaskin. Oh, so breaking the rules Breaking the rules That's what he's worried about I'm worried about you being a white trash A flask You're right, I'd rather spend $30 on the drink I mean there is something about drinking

Out of that little baby thing on a flask That is a little trashy And you have to admit it Oh, I don't drink out of the flask What do I look like? I go down here and I pour it into the drink Make the drink stronger flask back in pocket If you're drinking a flask in your 20s

How you're basically a cigarette And how in 2025 are you tricking people into getting a flask into places. They don't really pat you down like they... And even if they did, plastic flask, what are we doing? I mean... What does that mean? Oh, I thought you're talking about like a metal detector thing.

Metal detector, getting patted down, like... They're not patting me down. They do one of these. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like you wouldn't be able to get one by. You tape it to your leg or what do you do? I'll take it on the inside if I have to. Do you?

I'll do whatever it takes. I'm not spending $30 on that drink. See, but that is so much to commit. to doing to just get a couple free drinks. Your bill is going to be $300, my bill will be $15. Baby, my bill ain't going to be that high because you know what I'm ordering?

Milk? Mill or light? Milk? Milk? Milk? My trick, when I was in college, there were some places that we would go to in downtown New Haven. And it was not a trick. It's actually probably, in hindsight, pretty unsafe

and irresponsible, is I would just go to the bar and I would order, I'd like pretend that I was ordering for a ton of people so you go let me get six beers and they'd give me the six beers and then i had beers for the next two hours you got five open beers though i'd be worried bro you're in college you don't want to fucking sit in line at a bar doing yeah no i agree definitely got to get two if you're doing beers you got to get two i think i think at least three i just don't want to be responsible for that many beers responsible you're going to drink them

Well, no, I know, but like, I don't know. I'm still freaked. I also, like, worry about, I know I'm not, like, a woman, and they probably have to worry about this way more than I do, but people just, you know, it's so much easier to, like, just drop. Sure, yeah, but the way that I would carry my beers is I would put my fingers. You would walk around like this. I would.

I would put my fingers in the top of them. Yeah. So, like, in the top of them. I would. I'd walk around, like, the fucking guy from the Warriors, you know? Warriors come out to play. On all your fingers? I would.

I'd much rather be in a bar, like, much. rather way more fun i would here's my perfect like bar situation i was basically just going to describe the old studio square you have an inside bar with long like banquet tables and benches some games and then there's access to a large outdoor area that has basically the exact same thing some lawn games food truck food uh food truck or you just have a like a little kitchen in the corner that's like we only do bar bites we only do pretzels and wings and fries and hot dogs and you know pigs in a blanket how do you feel about a dance floor in a bar it needs to be an area that during the day is not a dance floor and then it gets

converted to a dance floor at night okay they need to be down a clown like during the day it needs to be like a regular area and then at night they'll be like we're clearing out this area of its tables and chairs and it becomes the dance floor do you have a favorite bar I do what is it can't can't because smart because that people will go. A little close. It's a little close. It's a little close.

It's a little close to where you are. People will show up. It's your local bar. Yeah, for sure. How close is it to your house? Like walking distance? It's like less than half a mile walking. Okay.

Man, those days of being able to walk like down Dipmars when we were like 22 years old to just go to any of those bars. Those are good bars. Bro, there's amazing bars over there now. What do you mean? I heard they redid the Pomeroy. This is only for us, by the way. Forget the cameras. I mean, no, they redid that whole street.

I mean, like, Rivercrest is cool. The Diddy's fucking fire. I mean, I've always loved the ditty. River Crests I've been to a handful of times, and it was fine. Yeah, it's cool. It serves its perp. It does. It serves as the perpies.

Yeah. But the Pomeroy is nice. Jack Jones is nice. Jack Joe, that's so funny that that place is stuck around. That place has banging empanadas. That's so funny that place stuck around because I remember when it opened. I like jokingly was there with Pete. I was like, this place was five months tops.

Well, nothing lasted there, but they've been there and they're great. Yeah, do you remember what it was like way before that? It was like the next hill sprint store. Was it? It was. Nextel and Sprint store that, like, had a connection in between the two because Sprint owned Nextel. The things you remember. Just the things I remember are so stupid.

But, yeah, I'm just saying, and, oh, oh, and it needs to be, like, you could get a beer in, like, you can get a regular pint, you can get a bottle, or you can big, boy it. You know, like the Stein. Yeah. Okay. With a top or, like, just a big icy glass mug. You're like, fuck when, when bartenders give you a glass, that's like, frosted? I'm like, this is so good. Hell yeah. All beer should be served in like a frozen glass.

Well, um, not all beer. I mean, not like Guinness. I mean, yeah, yeah, no. Can I ask you, but like, you know, can I ask you a question? Yeah. Do I miss Guinness? Do I miss Guinness? It's been a while since I had a Guinness. It's been a while since I've had a Guinness as well. I'll throw one in. I miss it. I'll throw one in. I miss the, I miss the, I miss the, a creamer. they call it there's a place near me that has them and it's also like oh were you with us when we

went to that bar that had like um oh no i think that was in belfast but they had uh it's like an old bar and they have these like um why can i think of the word like little booths but there's a saloon door to eat to each of them which is so sick but this place near me has that And they have Guinness. And I was like, this place is rocks. I wish, dude. I want to kick one of those doors open so fucking hard and so fucking bad, dude. Just to have like a meeting in there.

And she's like, all right. All right. I'm going to give you. Oh, tell me this is a good bar setup. Okay. Are you going to describe what I just described? Yes. What's the point of doing that?

I want to hear myself talk. Okay. Okay. Love a good saloon door. No, but I just. Bar should have that at the front. dude at the front i mean but they got to be careful they got to be careful because you know like the febore and stuff like that nowadays but i'm saying have two doors have like a main door but then when

it's like summer open the door let us walk through the salon salon the saloon doors like cowboys so if it were like a vestibule or like a foyer and then there's the saloon doors you're throwing a lot of french at me right now and i don't know how to handle vestibule is not french is it feels german then what is that it's sitting out of the auto bomb it's over there Yeah, but I just think that like if it could be those those doors and then you go in and you You look at the bartender and he's like Randy And they throw just an icy cold fucking mug spilling everywhere everywhere and it's frothy and just fucking just getting the whole bar drenched Down the bar and you fucking put your hand out at the right time and your hand goes in between where the handle is

Yeah and then you just fucking yeah to you and then you fuck oh i haven't had that happen in a in a bar yet which i guess is good because i haven't frequented the same bar like that but at my local coffee shop when i walk in they just start making my shit that's fantastic being a local somewhere is so fucking cool i love it dude they're so nice to me there um but they but when i walk in they're like i'll make eye contact with uh this girl that works there and she's taking someone else's order or if it's happened

before where the other girl is taking the order and then the other one sees me and then immediately starts making a nice coffee for me and I'm like, this is awesome. I want to walk in somewhere where they just go, the regular you know, but it's so hard to come by. Yeah. You've got to go

to a place all the time. When we used to go to our diner a lot, if they saw us across the street, they would have three cups of coffee on our favorite table ready for us when we got in. Fuck off! Yeah. Having also like a, like this is our spot at this diner or something like that, it's probably so sick. Wait, they would see you across the street and then make that assumption.

And it was it, was it one of, like, an old white woman in like the, like the old get up and she would like her notebook and she's like, what are you taking, hon? Honestly, that's exactly it. Oh, it's great. You lucky fuck. That's, that's awesome. Yeah. I will, I will get there. I will be like a like a local.

You got to keep going back. Coffee is a good one. That's an easy one because you can go to the same coffee shop. You go to the one that's close to you if it's good. I think a diner is probably where I am in my life, the most realistic. Or the deli. Like you go to the deli and every time you walk in, you get the same sandwich or like the same cold cuts. Yeah.

Then, like I got on a first name basis with people from my old deli. And then when we moved away, I've lost them. You know, but I'd walk in. He's like, yo, your fucking show is funny. Like the first time, he was a cool dude. He's like, yo, you fucking, thank you. Show my honor, you're in here. And I'm like, I'm just here for a fucking steak.

Anytime I was familiar with people at the, at the deli, we didn't know each other's name, but we knew each other. Yeah. Does that make sense? He's like, oh, yo. And I was like, oh, I got you. You know, like, yes. So like when we grew up, we knew the places, a yellow deli, shahs, deli, you know, uh, Eli's. But like, or super, super friendly, Steinway, you know, like, we knew the places and we knew the people by face.

But you never cared to show. your information with each other. I don't know a fucking single letter in that guy's name. And you guys kind of like, you get to know each other to a point where like you stop speaking to each other in English and you just speak in like deli code and deli language, you know, where you walk in and he's like, beg it, I get cheese, top of a ketchup. And they're like, ah, I got up but, you know, like, it's just, it's not, it's not real words. I'm saying basically, like, barely words.

He's spitting it back to the dude who's making the sandwich in half of what I'm saying. By the time it reaches that guy It's not English anymore It's just something It's also not anything at all It's just noises That makes sense in that moment And then I get a fucking

You know, depending on what time it is You get a bacon egg and cheese This is I'm talking about 2 am You get a bacon egg and cheese And then you're like you know what Let me get one tall boy And he's like they're expired for two years And I'm like give me it

That's perfect And then I drink it anyway That's exactly when they taste the most stale Is when they're expired for two years We drank expired beer for like four years of our lives. We would go to these delis and we would say like, give us a case of tall boys.

And they wouldn't count them. They'd just say like 30 bucks. Okay. Yeah. It didn't matter. They were getting their money. I always thought we were robbing the place too. When the reality is like we were helping them get rid of their like probably should be

tossed items. They'd be like, yo, you want a case of tall boys? They're 30 bucks. They expired in 2004 and it was 2010. Yeah. Like it was time for those. things to go let me tell you something though they tasted great and maybe job maybe it was because they had the extra taste of drinking under rage could have

or like the extra taste of like you were doing something a little naughty yeah or a little bit of that bodega cat piss oh yeah like if i'm gonna tell you this the best most delicious beers i've ever had we're out of a can where a cat freshly walked across the top of these yeah and this cat also you guessed it had a fucking mouse in its mouth yeah and probably fleas and like but the fleas taste good this goes back to what i was previously saying you know i know i know we all how we all feel we need to get back to being a dirty filthy fucking group of people in this country we got to get more dirty i'm talking like you grab a bottle of water and then when you take your hands off it you see like the mud and

grime from your hands on that condensated bottle is that dirt oh yeah it is oh you're saying your hands are dirty not the bottle and the me but yeah i'm dirty okay and then like you take a sip of a beer and then you wipe your hand like that do your sleeve you know yeah and then you get a runny nose and then you use your sleeve to do that too yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah just like You know, be gross. Be back to the good old days of being gross. Yeah. Hygiene, overrated.

Yeah. Overrated. Yeah. We don't need it. We need more fleas. We need more fleas. What's that thing you get crabs? Well, I mean, I don't get that stuff.

Not you. I meant like you, the metaphorical you. No, make that very cool. The general you gets crabs. I don't think the general you is often getting crabs. I wouldn't be upset about getting crabs to be completely H-O-N-E-S-T. I mean, I could see why, because you're a dirty, filthy pig. No, I would like to see animals on your pubes. Well, like, I'll get rid of them.

I'm saying, you wouldn't, that wouldn't be cool for like a second, a second. Zero second. Hold on. 0.00 seconds. You look down and you're like, I'm kind of itchy. You look down and there's animals in your pubes. Yeah, that wouldn't for a second, you wouldn't be like, oh my God, there's animals, but then you're like, I got to get rid of these animals. Joe, keep the crabs, give me lice. I. You would rather lice. I can't even see the lice on my head. I'd rather see it. The crabs. I could see my pubs. I can see the top of my head. I mean, but someone else can see you're like, we peaked as a society when we had lice. Lice was the coolest part of the 90s. Crabbs is way cooler than Lice. It's absolutely not. It's fucking on your, your dick and cock and balls and shaft

dick. I know. That's why it's better, dude. So you'd rather have animals just munch it on your fucking penis? Are you rather them in your head? Yeah, because they're away from my penis. I'm not saying I want them to bite up my penis. I'm saying I just want to be able to see them and I can't see Oh, so you want crabs on your terms. You want crabs on your terms. You don't want the crabs to go out crabbing. You want the crabs to sit there and just be like, yo, we're just going to like chill for a sec,

make a quick stop while we're on our way to somewhere else. What do crabs eat? Your pubs. They eat. Oh. I'm sure. Well, I do they? I think they eat like the skin,

dead skin off your pubs and off your cock. They're doing me a favor. You want these. They're doing your favor. That's free labor that they're doing. Free labor? I mean, listen, I don't know how much you love, exploiting free labor. What's that thing that you do when you exfoliate? I don't have to do that on my

penis. Well, do you often do that on your penis? Never. But I'm saying if I had to, I don't have to because I have crads. Society has just been, it's been way cooler. Crabbs are lice. Wait. Oh, I thought you were looking up what crabs eat. What would I rather have? Yeah. Crabbs. Thank you, bro. Why, though? Why? Because I could get them off faster. You're not, you're not, you're not, you're not in it for the right reasons, though. Sorry, but I'm on your team, though. Don't you want to see? Fuck your team.

Honestly. What about tics? Ah! Those are on the bottom? Those are the bottom. Brother, if I could put them any lower, they'd be in hell. I don't like tics either. I hate tics with the dee.

That's one of the few legitimate fears I have, tics. The idea of like something burrowing into your skin. I don't love that at all. And then living there and you don't even feel it. Fuck you. Fuck tics. Fuck crabs. If they didn't have Lyme disease.

I would let one I want to watch it work ill for a little ill dude what do you got so I was looking up what crabs eat and they don't eat the skin they actually eat human blood so

you want vampire crabs on your shaft Frank you know that sounds cool you know that sounds cool oh oh oh vampire crabs also I can kill these things in an instant well no you probably need to get them treated how you kill crabs

you need like tomato sauce on it or whatever you need to get You need to know, I think that's skunks. You're not going to be able to go there and fuck a bowl of ragu. You need to get it treated and have it taken out. Okay? Yeah, I take like a cream. You could go and get, there's natural remedies for lice and things that you can get over the counter. I think you weed whack and then you're chilling. Well, if they're eating, if they're drinking blood, if they're drinking blood, that means that they're skin level. So like, yeah, sure, you can go and you can excavate the whole rainforest, but guess what? Life, uh, uh, finds away, bitch.

That's true. what i'm just looking how you get rid of them yeah shaving medical creams soaps i just i just i think dude the there is way more upside with lice no way you just have an itchy scalp you got an itchy scalp you want crabs where these things are munching on your mom's pubis i don't want them you said you'd prefer them over lice yeah bananas what do you think lice are doing they're eating your head they're eating the dry skin that's what they're doing They might be eating blood as well I don't know

They could be blood sucking They're definitely blood sucking They ain't sucking on anything Yo tell him right now They're sucking blood They are They're sucking blood Thank you bro

They're sucking your head blood Lice are sucking my blood I'm getting head from a lice No You're getting No you're giving the lice head technically That's gayer That's gayer

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We're doing the shows, live shows. On the road again. I can wait in on the road again. The life I love is making music with my friends. I literally never knew those words. And I can't wait to get on the road again. Speaking of making music with friends, we like to make memories with ours at these basement yard shows.

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You can get those tickets at the basement yard and make sure you submit your stories at the basementyard.com slash submit. Okay. the basement yard.com. Check us out. We love you. Thank you. I have a question. I'm not going to answer it. I'm just going to look at ant. Last night I was like walking the dog and the moon was like red. What is that? Red moon. How is that an answer to what I asked? Probably a blood moon. But what is that? I think a blood moon is like the light hits it a certain way and it is used to um you know kind of so you don't know do you know anything aunt do you want the real answer

do you know anything i looked it up but in your head do you see how condescending that was do you know anything i meant to say like you know like you as a person no as a person i don't know i think it's it's blood moon right it is blood moon yeah occurs during a total lunar eclipse when the earth passes directly between the sun and the moon. Total eclipse of my heart. Oh, so it's like, wait, what? It's like in how in Hercules, what was that? You know, how he's went?

It's like, yeah, yeah, I stopped that real quick. It's like in Hercules when all the planets are in a line and then the, you know, like the, the Titans get out. How? You don't remember that. Hercules, the movie from fucking 2000, what? 1997, Joe. Jeez.

Come on, 2001. Wait, what does that mean? So it's when the moon is directly in front of the sun, then it turns red? It's like when you flash a light through a piece of paper, it's like kind of red for some reason. Moon's the paper. I don't think that's the reason. It has to be the reason. It doesn't have to do anything.

It's science in the space. Also, the sun is way bigger than the Earth, brother. I'm sure that the light gets around the Earth. Bro, you ever think about how big the sun is? the big boy bro it's a big flaming ball of sun it's just gas dude it's just out there being a sun and not giving a fuck about anyone else why is it so hot because of gas yeah because of gas and um good you know bro but it's just a big chemical reaction out there i was outside and i was looking and i was like oh the moon is like red that's so interesting and i don't

I'm like, yeah, I don't even know why the fuck that happens. Like, I know it's called like a blood moon or whatever the fuck, blood orange moon, blue moon. I don't know. Now, imagine seeing that and you're a caveman. Yeah, you're like, oh, shit, it's now it's evil. Yeah, that would be scary, dude. If you're out there and you're just like, what is that? Oh, that big white ball in the sky that shows up every night is now red.

I'm time to go inside. I'm really glad that I'm living in a time where we have a lot of answers. for certain things. Yeah. Because if I was a caveman and I had to walk around and just kind of accept the fact that shit happens and I have no idea what it is, not doing well. Oh my God. I mean, listen, I don't accept most of the answers we get anyways. Seems like some of them, although they are backed by science, I just don't trust some of them.

Okay. And no, I'm not a big conspiracy theorist. I just pick and choose what I like, you know? In what regard? Well, like, if I just don't like something, I'm just not going to believe it. That's interesting. Well, I choose no. I just, I mean, like, I know there's answers, and I support that the findings that went into it in the years, if not decades of research that went into being able to formulate a hypothesis and being supported by the scientific method.

But sometimes I see it, I'm just like, I don't like the answer. So I'm just going to believe something else, you know? And that is being American. I mean, what is more American? than ignoring hard facts, science, and just choosing to go your own way. You can go your own way, go your own way. It's a great song from a great band. It's a great band.

But so, wait, so when you go outside, did you, did it like do anything? Or you just saw it, it was like, why? Yeah, I was like, why? There's just things I don't know. Did you, did you howl at it? I didn't howl at it. Or bark of the moon? No, I went, wait.

When a son meets you. I started saying like an Italian pizza man. We've already went through this. When the moon hits your eye like a big of pizza pie, it doesn't make any sense. That's not love. If the moon hit my eye, I'd be fucking so dead. What are you talking about?

Yes, you would. When the moon hits my eye, I'm fucking dead. I wonder, because I played a lot of Legend of Zelda growing up, and obviously Major's Mask was in there, which you know what happens in Major's Mask. Yeah. Everyone goes, and then it happens. Well, do you remember what happens that you have to,

what is it exactly well do you remember you remember aunt i know you remember everyone involved has it's the met well because you have to wake up the four deities yeah the deities and they have to prevent what well it depends what you which game you're playing major's mask right the major's mask but the mask is like right so there's a mask but then you have to wake up the four deities and then well there's also what there are several masks there could be yeah no no no there are in the game there are several masks it depends how far you get in the game. I only got to the Majora's mask. Well,

that's the main boss. So if you got to Majora's mask at the end, then you must have collected several masks along the way. Oh, you're talking about the other... Oh, I thought we were only talking about the one mask because I only count the Majora's mask. I don't count the other mask. Well, you never have Majora's Mask. The villain, Skull Kid, has it. That's what I mean. So, but what are you trying to prevent from happening? He can't have

the mask. Yes, yes. Yes, correct. We can't let him have it. But, but like, what's going to happen after three days? Bad stuff. Like, bad things. Like, how bad like catastrophic world earth shattering yeah which is but but what causes those catastrophic earth shattering events energy it's the moon crashing into the planet exactly and that's it's a yeah it's a metaphor but also real uh no they they it's pretty real in the game like you see you guys you want to step in here i think you had earth chattering i think he had it i mean

yeah that was earth shattering i pulled right out of my little tiny butthole well at least It's still tiny. But I always wondered if the Earth actually crashed into the moon or, you know, together they met, would it be like when like things go through the atmosphere and it's like fire around it or like if at a point it gets close,

can I touch it real quick? You want to just be able to touch the moon? I don't think that it would be able to get because if it got close, wouldn't just the gravity and everything just kind of just throw us or something? Yes, yeah. That would be all fucked

and like the water and tides and all that. stuff. You ever see those AI videos where it shows the moon doing that? Oh, and it's like, I don't like it. I don't like that shit. I don't like those either. Or the ones where like people are in the water and then like they go under water and they just see like a big face. Yeah, it's like a giant squid head. Listen, I don't, I'm not crazy about AI. That's the worst thing. What is worse? What is worse? looking in the sky and seeing like a face just fucking yeah or looking under water and then just seeing an eye pop open like that absolutely the water the water right yeah i kind of agree it's not worse

the sky is so much worse i feel like how because that means it's gigantic i mean the water is pretty big too like earth big my my issue my my issue would be is like why it's scary is like because it was there the whole time i don't like being a like it's below me why because he can curb my foot I'm like so I've seen shit where it's like you get in the water and shit is dark you can't see shit then all the sudden it's like this fucking giant squid face connected to a body of a pirate or something can you look up one of these like videos that we're talking about I really don't like it come on just there's a there's a phobia it's like something about giant shit I well I don't know what it is I think that the open like

look up like mesothelioma or something that's not what you're Thalasophobia is the fear of the ocean, open ocean. Mesothelioma, isn't that? That's the cancer caused by like asbestos. That you might be entitled to compensation. That's awesome. But like if you look up like. Which is also scary, to be fair, but images underwater of face being scary.

You want me just to Google that and we'll see what happens. Yeah. There's a, there's a fear. If you type, like the fear of giant things, if you look that up and then type in TikToks with that. In water. In the water. Tictocks. Okay, in water.

No, that works. That works. Uh-oh. Well... Megalophobia. Megalophobia. Or megalophobia, probably. See, I don't... There's some big ass shit that I'm like...

This one. Up! That one. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, that is fucking... Oh, it's like those ones where it's like... No, no, scroll down, scroll down. It's those, dude. Those are not that bad because it looks like it's just a statue.

That is true. It would be scary if I like was swimming and then underwater I look over and there's a fuck. what are I look over and there's a fucking face big face statue I bet like if it were like just like a you know how like the like Japanese anime monsters you know what I'm talking about that's like and they got like the teeth like the guy from the the guerrillas yeah like you could count all the teeth because they're all separated you know what I'm saying pick that one that says like level one media easy level two medium yeah yeah yeah those will fucking ruin yeah let's watch this is volume nope okay we don't need volume we don't need volume because we're all

terrified. If I saw that though, like a giant see penis with teeth, I'm fucking never swimming again. Yeah. I mean, chances are I'm not going to be getting down that far anyways. It's got a cute tail though. Fear of big I got a cute tail. It's got like a seal tail. Fear of big objects. Level one easy. That's just

a ship. Who is afraid of a ship with ship containers? A shipping container? Ah! Scary. Level two, medium. That's like this is not. Yeah. It's just a big ship. Now we're I think. Trigger warning. for people that I guess have this thing.

That's a good point. Okay, that's just a big ship with a chain. But this looks cool. I would grab onto that chain. Yeah, I would be pumped. I will say this is a big ship. Okay, this is just ship porn. They tricked us into the watch.

They tricked us into ships. It's just like ships. That's getting there. That would be cool. That would be cool. To me, this is not extreme at all. Yeah, I mean, why is he cross-eyed, first of all? That's the scariest part that you look over and this guy just like,

huh? Wait, hold on. You see the face on the side? Go to the right. What's that? Oh, click it, click it, click it. Oh, go click on. Yeah, click on it.

It shifts again. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

This is not it. I'm actually terrified of it. Yeah, because now I don't, I don't like the, okay, there's a man. Look to your side. I don't like, I don't want to watch this. Yeah, this is a good one. I don't like this. This is a good one.

Okay. All right, look at the propeller. Why would you hang out near the propellers, dude? Well, because clearly it's rusted and not moving. And then you have an angler fish and you're like, what are you doing all the way up here? Oh, yeah, the angler fish is not supposed to be there. And then the point- Ah!

Oh, God! That's... Fucking... Holy shit. That... What? And now we're getting sucked into the engine! Dude, fuck the...

Are you kidding me? The engine would be doing me a favor. Yeah, I would pray to get chopped up. I would be jumping up. Pray. Keep going. Click another one. You want to see the ending?

Yeah, yeah. I know you don't. You scared a little bitch, no. Oh, and the boat's gone. Oh, my God. I don't fuck with that, bro. I do not fuck with that. Play another.

Play another. Play another. No, no, no, no. Oh. Cheers, bro. The Titanic is gone. Back in, back. No, no.

Not again. No. Go back to the face. Go back to the Asian one. We lost the face. There was an Asian-looking one. Oh, go to that one. Go to that one.

Oh, yeah. Go to that one. Oh, I don't like that. That's like a little girl. Choose your interest. Skip it. Oh, no. That's kind of, that's not scary. That's just stupid. I think this one was really, this one was really it. Go to the one to the left. What's the other one? Okay. Okay. Yeah, I don't really care much for that one. It's getting worse. So the smile doesn't help. This is a banger.

Yeah, that was, that fucked me. What? I don't like it at all. Oh, that was a good one. Uh, no, but this is just a, this is just a statue. Like this, I'm not that... But that would also very freak me out, which is not a sentence. It's not. I would be freaked out. How did that get there? I mean, they sank. And also, what are they talking about here? You know what I mean? There's like a four of them in a... Oh! Didn't love that at all!

Why are you gagging? I don't know. I don't know. Oh my God, the statue's face is fucking move the fuck no no that one was not the first one was way worse all right this is just this is just fucking gallum also isn't that scary level scary the fuck that's not that bad I mean it's gonna eat him we know that yeah yeah okay all right honestly get that close to that idiot this is extreme extreme so we get for being that close that was that was a doozy why are we doing this because we're having fun I'm not that's not that's not extreme okay that is a pretty extreme that's a that's a fucking all right we're done don't do one more scary one I don't know if one more super

scary one we're getting lucky we're finding the good I know I think we're out all right we're good I don't need the shit yo that was terrifying that scared me bro people audio only those watching this they're like what the hell is happening we pulled up scary TikToks and it was like faces underwater and they were like

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Get that 10% off your tickets, folks, all right? There you go. Cool. Good Lord. When the moon hits your eyes like a big a pizza bind. I love pizza, dude I love a pizza

I had pizza two days ago I had a bite of one yesterday but then I went out for dinner and I say that's why I was only a bite I would have had more than that You had one bite? Literally one singular bite And then threw it out

No, I gave it to the kids Oh I literally gave your child a bitten Yeah I don't get I was like oh Ruby this is your Yeah What kind of slice was it?

Olives Just olives Black olives love olives on pizza olives and pepperoni were my go-to college pizza if you were paid $1,000

per pizza slice in a year but you had to eat that amount right how many you think you could eat and if you don't hit that amount then you owe that money so if you pick like let's say you go a hundred slices

you'll get $100,000 if you get $100 in a year but if you eat $98 you don't get anything I don't get any money I don't get I don't get just the $98,000. Yeah, you'd have to pay the difference. So how many can you eat? Here's the thing. This, I have to be strategic here because, like, I can, in a sitting, eat five slices.

But if I was doing it every day, I'd get over it. My body, if I eat too much of the same thing, my body goes, mm-mm. Just like that? Yeah, like I'll gag. I can't eat. I can't eat oatmeal. Okay. Hot oatmeal.

I can't have it anymore. Literally, when people eat it around me, I get it. gag, it's disgusting to me because I had it so frequently in college. Interesting. But with pizza? How many slices you think you could do in a year, realistically? Realistically, let's break this down. 52 weeks in a year. I think I could, oh, I mean, it's 365 days. Definitely easier to go by days. Excuse me. I would say by weeks, because you can just do the amount on weeks, because if you're going by days, then you need to have one per day. I mean, that's one way to look at it. Or you can have one every, you can have one every, you can have.

every three days have five you know what i'm saying like no like instead of doing one per day it'll be a lot easier for her body to be like so you could eat 10 a week i think i can eat 10 slices of pizza a week i think so your answer is like 500 i think i'm going to go 700 i feel like that is 700 slices i think so that's like two a day no it's more than to a day no it's not more than to a day No It's not more than two a day It's just under two a day Yeah

But I think I could do like On Monday have four Right On Thursday have four That's eight And then Saturday have four Twelve and a week I think I could

16 a week And then if I don't Remember if you don't If you eat 699 By the way That was 12 a week That I just said 4 4 4

That was 12 a week And that would only equal 624 slices so you you would owe you would owe $76,000 but I think like the like the back half I would like kick in a high year that back month I'd be like we got a bro 700 is a crazy answer too much what would you say to be safe probably 400 I think it's a 400 slices I think that's a responsible answer if I'm going irresponsible and these are full slices you're not like you're not doing domino personal pie slices yeah but like do you get extra money if there's toppings on it so like if i do pepperoni is it like a thousand and one is it

eleven hundred dollars a slice no because that adds that i mean all that meat adds to it i mean that's just up to you you got to make it different so you can get through 700 slices do pizza bagels give me like 50 cents or or 500 bucks how many slices do you think you just eat a year anyway like you're not really paying attention to this obviously you're not getting paid but how many slices do you think you get a year i would say 50 50 slices yeah because i don't have it that often it's you think you think i don't have it that often and like but when i do have it i'll have like four or five slices right but you got to just think like so if i'm doing once a month that would be just once a month would be that would be 60 right there

Yeah, but that's if I have it once a month. Right. You don't think you have pizza once a month? I would say once a month. So that's 60. So, all right, 60. So, yeah. I think, I think, uh, damn, I don't know.

Well, this is money bags over here. He'd be like, I owe how much? I don't care. It's good debt. Oh, no, no. I'll take that debt. No, I'm making this very easy. I would say, not very easy, but I would say, uh,

300 make 300 k yeah i think i'll i'll recant my 700 700's a fucking crazy i think i would say 35 if we're gonna go like if we would have to bid for who would get well you had 400 i did have 400 so then i'll say 400 and 1

i would probably like when when it's time to eat pizza 4001 when it's time to eat pizza i would probably like send it if i was doing try not to I would have it twice a week in order to, like, put some distance in between when I'm having it. And I would do, like, Sunday and Thursday and eat as much as I can of both of those, of pizza on both of those days. I don't know that I would get sick of one slice a day. Think about the, what's the last time you eat one slice? It's, it's nothing.

Yeah, but that's a thing. It's like you wouldn't be able to have just one slice. Because then you'd want another. I mean, I would if I knew there was like a thing. And the next day, you'd be like, fuck, now I need to have two slices. I don't know. I can eat. one a day. I don't have to eat one a day if I'm doing 300 and neither do you if you're doing

350. So like I could eat one a day and I'm like blowing it out of the water and I don't think that's that hard. I'm giving myself 50 days of grace. I think my probable strategy with this is I would front load heavy the first two months. Heavy. I'm talking get as much as I can in those first two months and then uh that set that third month maybe every every three days four day front two back to heavy loads heavy loads at the top and the bottom and then in between is just kind of play slices it's not it's not a bad it's not a bad strat i would probably try to keep a baseline of like one a day but then like if it's like you go to your friend's house like oh we're just going to order a pizza. I'd be like, yo, get an extra pie. I'm going fucking bonkers now. So I could

give myself a break. And now we're doing standard extra large pies, right? Or large pies. We're not doing like, obviously we can't do like small personal pies. No, no, no. We're doing a pizza slice. I do think there should be something in there for personal pies are, are only $500. I mean, I'm not wasting a bite of pizza. I'm eating a regular slice. I mean, I would probably switch it up. Like, I wouldn't only have regular... get grandma square of a square is this grandma count because i could beat that shit out of a grandma if there's no cheese on this thing that's the other thing that's not what i meant that's the other thing if there's no if i could do cheeseless slices now we're in fucking trouble cheat bread you want to

eat bread no i'm saying like a grandma slice where it's just like there's cheese or all right so whatever it is where it's just sauce on top what is that there's cheeseless slices Yeah, I mean, I'm getting crazy now. I think. I don't think the cheese is the issue. I think come January 1st, we should keep a legitimate tally. Of how many slices? Of how many slices?

Or, how about this? This kid would win. I know, because he's a fucking freak. I know. He's a freak where he's just like, oh, we got, we ordered 19 pies to the house yesterday. I stayed up for 60 hours straight eating every single slice. And I screamed it. Yeah, I can't.

it and then I fucking played Mario Kart until my fingertips resembled a penis. If we, if we, that was an interesting detail. Um, if we did January 1st for the entire year and we're like, yo, whoever eats the most pizza gets 10 G's. Yeah, I know you're gonna win. That's the thing. I wouldn't even want to compete. I feel like we would probably be. I think we should exclude him.

Oh, see, this is the problem with winning. You should give us odds then. You're right. Because I know that this is the problem with winning. You're just, you're just, I just, you know. I think honestly, I don't even think if it were. And would win by fucking Mark. I know. Because he's a freak. He's a freak. He's committed. And is one of the few people

have met in my life. And this is an absolute compliment that is almost as committed to the bit as I am. If not, in some cases, way more committed to the bit. Yeah, I think he's way more. Bro, he before when, when you stepped out, he's like, yo, we drank all the alcohol in our house. I'm like, that's so much alcohol, dude. What does that mean? I don't know what I was to do with the bit. Well, I'm saying, like, you were committed to drinking and you did it. Right. Well, it's a whole thing that's going on. Yeah. I understand. I think you more than anyone I've ever met my life, if I was like, if, like, will you do, like, a hypothetical can be real.

Yeah. Not only real, but you'll do it that evening. Like the whole, like, can you tread water for an hour and a suit jacket? Yeah, that was like an example. You did that, that night. Also, if I was like, yo, do you think you could drink a case of, of Budlights in an hour? I feel like you would do it. That's really hard.

Well, yeah, I don't think you would do it. If I said, could you drink a 12-pack of fucking surf sides in an hour? Oh my God, I could do that with this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you'd be... An hour's crazy. Honestly, you'd be in pretty rough shape. I'd be incoherent. I'd be coherent.

Throwing up mess. You're throwing up mess. You wouldn't be throwing up because you'd have a tube shoved down your throat pumping it out. First of all, my heart would explode. There's fucking caffeine in there. It's tea. Yeah. I just think...

I love you, Aunt. We have to exclude you. So I think we should come January 1st, you and I just start a pizza counter. And we need to agree it has to be, if you choose to put toppings on it, that's at your own discretion. Yeah. It needs to be legitimate slices. It can't be little dominoes. It can't be bagel bites.

It can't be pizza pockets. It needs to be legitimate slices. Pizza pocket would be crazy. My plan would, if we did this, to be, oh. I'll have so many pizzas the first month that you guys won't want to do it. Yeah, I already know. Like, that's why immediately when I said this, I was like, I would quit so fast because by the end of January, you'd be like, I got 50.

And be like, I'm not even going to get close to that. Yeah, I, no, I fully agree that it would not be fun for anyone, but you. And even then, it probably won't be very fun because you would be in rough shape. There's no way I could commit to a year of this either. Yeah, I'll start losing things. Well, you got to understand. you're up against, first of all, if we're being really fucking transparent. Yeah.

Even if you committed to it, I do think you have to acknowledge that I would eat you under the table. What are you going to do? You're going to eat me under the table, dog? You know what I mean? that's amazing dude you got to admit i would eat you under the table and you'd look admit that i would eat you under you have to understand you have to understand what i meant there yeah you know i would i would i would yeah i would outperform you i believe that i'm just a good eater it's just i'm a good eater i'm a good eater i'm hungry all the time and

I'm a good eater. Yeah. And I think you have to acknowledge that if it came to most eating competitions, I would beat you. Probably. Why did I say that like Oliver Twist? Probably. Probably.

Winnie the Pooh over here. Oh, boy. I'm talking like fucking Harry Potter's aunt. Probably. Yeah, probs. He had to cool it up. You saw that. He had to cool it.

Yeah, props. Probably. Yeah, props. I'm saying it like a fucking. and British Orphan. I think, you know, we also tried to do, we won't do this because last time we tried to do an eating competition, I ended up in the hospital midway through the summer. Yeah, I mean, but that's committing to the fucking bit.

I don't think competition was ever, we weren't competing. We were. We were. We was a competition. It was a competition. Did you hear about this? the first year that we coined the term dog second season we committed to during the summer

eating as many dogs as we could and every time we recorded coming in with an update one of us by July we started this in Memorial Day one of us by July was at 25 one of us one of six

one of us can't you indistinguishable as to who it was ended up in the hospital What were you in the hospital for? Who said me? You're violating Hippo laws by sharing that information if it's true. What was someone in the hospital for? Health-related illness.

That could best be described as not very good. I think there's a clear, clear reason as to how you ended up there. Is it clear? Is it? I don't think it's as clear as you might think there, Joe. The doctor's like, so have there, has there been any, like, changes to your diet? No. Yeah.

Hot dogs. I had a hot dog bowl. A hot dog bowl. What's a hot dog ball? It's a little hot dog's crushed up. Biggle bread bowl. I just, I think that. Even I could beat you.

I've proved it. Yeah. I'm not disputing. All right. 25 hot dogs by July. Whoever did that between us, that's pretty impressive, no? Yeah. Impressive's a word.

Correct. As if you wouldn't be 25 by the end of the weekend. I'd be 26. Come on. I don't think that you could beat him. Don't start. You can't get me like that. No, but like in a controlled environment, I think he beats you. Over the course of a year, like we're just not going to commit that long.

But in a single seating? Oh, maybe. Do we do a basement yard hot dog golf? I can't. You go dog for dog? I got to really... Show me your dog and it's off time. I have a bad throat.

I can't. Whoa. Who needs a good one? Well, it's... I mean, you need to be a throat goat in order to down those glissies. And you're the best. Well, I'm not...

I'm not called the gizzy... Hello. What are you called, though? He's not called the gizzy. I'm not clawed, the glissigladiator with the throat, goat, coat, throat, goat, loat for another. The ship is sinking fast, ladies and gentlemen. Show the megalophobia videos again. You're watching in real time. The ship is going down.

Wake us up. It's getting hot in here. That's actually a great point. I think that, I mean, you saw me in an episode. I would, with when we had our hot dog friend here, I did four, five, right? Probs. And that was with dressing. That was with Sour Crowd

If we're going straight dog and catch up Mm-hmm You might be in trouble there big daddy At a baseball game If you had to do If you had to do it Well I mean you don't drink beer right So what do you drink at baseball games

Jamison Oh my god Shut the fucking cameras off I'm gonna jump over there And fucking strangling You're at a baseball game And you get Jameson and what The smack of the bat

And the ball meeting the clap of the glove and the ball meeting the absolute spanking of the balls and the ass meeting does anyone know where he was going with that what do you drink what do you order it's time for Jameson

Jameson and what Jameson Seltzer Splash of Gingerill at a baseball game that's crazy there is such a thing why do they have it in the building as the right drink in the wrong place. And that is the perfect example. That's the right drink in nowhere.

No, that's a good. I can see that being a tasty drink. I have no quarrels with the drink. I have issues with where you're consuming it. I'll tell you what. Same thing at the next game. Oh. I feel like sporting events is beer.

It's beer. It's beer. Or it's like a marg. Or it's beer. What's a marg any different? But Mark is an outdoor drink No one is in their right mind In the sun saying

Give me Jameson You're drinking a whiskey cocktail You have to be surrounded by like That's like if I were to go out on the beach And order an old fashion You'd say what the fuck is wrong with you But if you're at a restaurant Or you're surrounded by wood

Then you can get an old fashion But if I'm in the sand You can't get an old fashion Can't drink red wine Watch this watch this I'm gonna name the drink Joey's gonna give it thumbs up thumbs down for being outdoors

Okay, watch this. Pinoquilada. Come on. Absolutely. Margarita. Of course. Guinness. Am I at the beach?

No. But you're outside. Am I sitting on wood? Yes. Yes. You like that? Straight whiskey. Neat.

That's indoors. That's indoors. And it's winter. I mean, you could drink that in a flask outside. if you hate yourself but you can't drink it if you live a good life outside a porter nowhere

I don't like porters I love porters do you I love porters dude porters and stouts I don't like them just a deep rich flavor profile I love it we do a commercial here I mean if they want a deep fresh complex I don't know if it's still around I hope it is

but it's from Connecticut back east brewing best porter I've ever had in my entire life you're here it's too hot in here and I can't I can't it you can't but don't right well this episode's been fun ladies and gentlemen I think the wheels have fully fallen off at the moment

Frank where can they find you're in a sweater that's insane unbelievable the way your body regulates temperature is insanely I'm actually pretty comfortable I'm oddly enough I'm more comfortable in this than I was before in a t-shirt I'm definitely a big sweat boy so I would not be able. I'd be covered in water. Your big sweat boy is getting eaten under the table.

Yeah. You know where to find me. The Frank Alvarez all across social media. Then make sure you go check out the basement yard all across social media. Check out the Patreon account. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. I told you guys earlier how to save some money if you want to join our Patreon. You can do it by going to the address on a web browser instead of using the app. And then if you're coming to any of our future shows, make sure you go to the basementyard.com slash submit. Submit your stories and maybe we'll talk to you about you with you. And also, there's still some tickets available for some of these shows so go check it out at the basement yard.com

and we're excited to continue as this comes out we have some August shows left we have September October November ending in Madison Square Garden still crazy so go check it out at the basement yard dot com yep you guys can go follow me at Joe Sanagato and everything that Frank said

and that is all wow whoa where can they find you yeah where can they find you where can they find you Aunt Prisco on Instagram Are we all better now? Ew, dude, no, never again. Can't win. That's all. We'll see you guys next time.

BOW!