The Basement Yard - #520 - The Unknown Caller

Episode Date: September 15, 2025

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Td Bank knows that running a small business is a journey, from startup to growing and managing your business. That's why they have a dedicated small business advice hub on their website to provide tips and insights on business banking to entrepreneurs. No matter the stage of business you're in, visit td.com slash small business advice to find out more or to match with a TD small business banking account manager. Welcome back to the bank. Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, how's it going? What are you looking at over there? What?

Nothing. Did you get any, like, text messages or anything? You got a crazy question. Anyone get in touch with you? You got any text messages? Would you look at the? that. You did? There's a text from you. No, it must be a no number. You fucking little dirty bitch. Your boy, Tristan, only wants to suck my fingers for dessert. He's all

mine. Fuck off, fugly whore. Bish. Oh, now that's it. You almost put your hands through the desk right there, sir. I wanted you to take it down. Thank you for texting me that. I just, you know. We knew we were going to talk about this document. Yeah, well, I figured that I would, I would get, I need to get in character. Sure.

You know, fugly whore, bitch. Yeah. He only wants to suck my fingies for dessert. Spelled D-I-Z-Z-I-R-T, which is the only proper way to spell dessert. I remember the spelling of dessert because desert is one thing, but dessert is extra sweet, so it needs other s that's a good way that's a good mnemonic device you you're welcome now that's that now you're never gonna fuck that up i haven't well i know the difference

i'm just patting are there words that like you have to say in order to spell acknowledge how do you what do you say in your head acknowledge no that's not what i mean i meant like is there a word that you like are pronouncing wrong oh well thank thank thanks to uh bruce almighty beautiful b e a beautiful and then everyone does Wet Ness Day, yeah. I also, I also for business, say Buss-E-Nus. Bus-E-Nus? Ness.

Bus-E-Nut? No. Nope. I'll be bussing eye nuts. See, no. No, though. Bus-E-ness. Also, the one that I have to, I don't say it, but I have to think about it, February.

Because it's February. Yeah, February. It's not February. Yeah. It's February. Is there a word that you just can't spell? Honestly, I know it's an. easy one, but acknowledge I have had trouble

with in the past. It's just AC. I know, I know. I know. I just don't ask me why. I've had trouble with it. Mine is itinerary. I T-I-N-E-R-A-Y. I add like T-O-N-E-R-A-T-R-A-T-R-N-E. Nope, what did I-Tiner-N-A.

See, it's tough. It's tough. I-Tiner-R-N-E. No, hold on. I used to spell it. I-T-T-R-E. Yo, what is going on? To say the way. Hold on. Wait, let's have it.

I have it up. Itinerany. He can't say the word. You can't say it. You can't say it. Itinerary. Itinerary. Yes?

Yeah. Okay. Y'all, my, feel my heart. It is racing. I got scared for a sec. I used to spell it like it itinerary. Itinerary. Itiner.

Itiner. I T-I. I N No N-E-R-A-N-Y Huh? Itinerany

See, I can't even say it It's Rary Rory Yeah Rory Itinerary Yeah Itinerary

It T-I-N-E-R-A-R-Y Okay Yeah, yeah, yeah Yo, that's a tough one See? That is a really, really difficult one A lot of people can't spell Restaurant, that's mad easy

restaurant. The only reason I know how to do that and this is a very weird I guess pneumonic device is because of our friend Lawrence how he spelled his name with the AU That's the only reason

I know how to spell restaurant When I was a kid for together I did to get her Oh Ew dude what the fuck Who are you get With those glasses Dommer? To get her?

Jesus Christ Get her and what? Kidnapper you fucking freak Get her and wear her skin To get her Together Me and her together I must get her

Jesus, take it easy Yeah, no, there are other ones like spelling wise We haven't done a spelling B in a while We should probably revisit that for a San Diego Studios video I would

That's one of our like I'm not great at spelling A lot of people don't realize That is one of our like Longest running clips That we have That's before, that's from like 2018 2019

Asplendo Oh yeah Yeah That's from a Sanangado studio Spelling Bee video that was a while ago that was I think 2018 or 2019 yeah you know definitely pre-pandemi yeah it was you know because I was like 170 pounds yeah and you had slick back hair like Steven Seagall that of all the people look just like them I looked like I looked like Steven Seagal your hair looked like them I did don't

fucking shake your head didn't it no it didn't no all of a sudden you look like everyone and I don't know one no I definitely don't look like Steven Seagal I'm not saying you look like Steven Seagal I don't see you I'm not telling you who I look like. I'm telling you who I'm told I look like. Idrisalba. I have been told that there are... Who is that?

Who said that? Someone? Right. I have been told there are similarities between myself and Idriselba. I'm not the one that's telling... I'm not making this up. You think I would ever... Like, that's tone depth to say that I look and resemble...

Idris Alba. The dude is chiseled from fucking marble. And he's black. Yeah, that too. Most obvious one That too But like I'm just reporting the news

But back to my text message to you Yeah Fugly horror Fugly Fugly stupid bitch Right That's what you said Something about dessert

Slot slower We There's a documentary right now Out on Netflix And just letting you know It's called like the worst catfish Well it's called unknown caller Oh okay

I'm wrong And we're gonna spoil it For the sake of having this conversation So if you really care about that then I guess you can skip it, but I promise you this episode is probably better than the documentary.

Also, definitely better than documentary because we're the basement yard. Two, everyone is talking about it. Yes. Like, it's hard to ignore. Yeah,

and if we're the one spoiling it for you, congrats. It's also like worth watching, even if you know, like, I guess the twist. And the reason it's worth watching

with the twist is the fact that, so background, basically it centers around this girl who is, 15, 16 at the time and was getting harassed

via text. By a text message from someone that is just saying the most vile shit. Period. She had a boyfriend. It was like, oh, your boyfriend? His name was like Owen, right? Yeah. Yeah. White name, it's hell. Also, this is a small town where their school that they're in is from like kindergarten to 12th grade.

Yeah. That's how small this town is. Yeah. Everyone knows each other. And there's like 400 kids or something like that. So like, it's It's hard to pull something like this off, you know? Yeah, but also, like, this happened a couple years ago, right? I don't know what it was. Technological advances that we have, the fact that, like, it was coming from an unknown number. Well, it was one of those apps. Regardless, still difficult, you know, like I...

What are you asking? Or what are you saying? To, like, hide something like that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I imagine that the police have a plethora... I mean, clearly, if you watch the documentary, you see, they have tools that they're fucking ready. Yeah. You know, but she's getting harassed by these text messages that are just saying like, not only the most vile stuff to say to anyone, but like also to like a 16 year old girl.

Yeah, like they're saying stuff like, oh, your boyfriend Owen doesn't, doesn't love you anymore. He likes me. And then like the next text message would be like, he wants BJ's, make me cream. And you're like, what is this? Yeah, which is, which it's so fucking like, it's just, it's insane. Like, there's no other way to describe it outside of the insanity of the fact that it happened. But then, so as you're watching the documentary, like, they get, like, they talk to the girl, they talk to her mom, they talk to her dad, they talk to her, Owen, they talk to his parents. It's a pretty, like, good amount of people that they have in the documentary.

Yeah. And then, like, three quarters of the way through, you find out, spoiler, where it's us, it's a basement yard. You're like us, right? The person that was sending the text messages was the girl's own mother. Yeah. So the girl's own mother is sending her messages going, hey, kill yourself. Yeah. Oh, oh!

Yeah. Like, how do you? On top of everything else also make me cream? Just, yo, like, there are so many levels. Why are you saying that? There are so many levels to why this is. Forget wrong. Like, cyberbullying is.

wrong period but like there's just added layers on top of it like you're talking to your 16 year old daughter and sexualizing her and her 16 year old boyfriend and saying like like you're like relating it back to you it's just like he hung out with me and and i gave him hand job and it's like yo you're fucking you're an adult dude yeah like what is the point of this like what's the end game here here's the thing i watch i you i feel like you watch a lot of like true crime documentaries too. Sure. I watch them sometimes begrudgingly because they scare me. What do you mean? They're spooky. Crime? Yeah. Yeah, we all don't like crime. I know, but like I really don't like crime. That's why I went to school to try to be a justice. To fight crime. Yeah,

to fight crime. Look at me now. How's that going? Look at me now. But I, like, true crime freaks me out more than like horror movies. If that makes any sense. Okay. Because like, it actually happened. It actually happened and like a lot of the time would be like, we had no clue. They were so nice and personable, you know, like like the one about your uncle, Dahmer. Like, it was like, you know, it was a quiet person like that seemingly no one could have told. And it's just like, I know quiet people. Yeah. You know, I know people that are chill. So like, it freaks me out. This was one that was so insane to me because most documentaries you watch, it'll be like, oh, uh, everyone, no one knows who it was, but it's like the person, the victim's husband is not in the documentary. So you're like, okay. Yeah, yeah. We can

kind of decipher using process of elimination that it was that person. Yeah. The mom was in this documentary chatting away the whole time. And then all of a sudden they're like, yeah, no, it was uh, uh, Kendra. I was like, what? This bitch, dude, she's texting her daughter the shit. And why would you be in it? If I'm hurt, I'd be like, yo, yeah, nah, went through a thing and it was kind of crazy, a weird thing that I did. I'm going to choose to bow out of the documentary. How did they get her to do it? Because the woman is clearly severely mentally ill, and she thought she could go there and, like, explain it a way where people are just like, you know what?

Yeah. Like, first of all, the scene when they like confront her about it was fucking heart. wrenching because like yo her fucking daughter is there and she's like trying to hold and you you see this girl her daughter's eyes like she just disassociates yeah what the fuck do you think like as a child you're you realize in that moment like oh my mom this by the way this was going on for 18 months 18 months of her getting text messages from her mom being like you know you kill yourself no one wants your flat ass. And they said like...

She's a child! When they like... So eventually the local police department had to hand it over to the FBI. And they were like, we have 1,400 pages or however many pages of text messages. Do you know how many text messages you need to have to fit them on one page? They, what, at one point they said there was, there was a time where there was like 50 text messages a day. Dude.

What is wrong with you? I know, I'm sorry. I know you haven't seen it. But, like, we're completely spoiling it for you at this point. It's just, like, the level of, bro, I wouldn't, I would never do this for a plethora of reasons. But just the work and effort that it went into doing that, dude. Well, then she also, like, lied to her husband about she was, like, let go from a job, but she actually quit the job. Oh, no, she said that she.

She got fired. She said she quit. She got fired from another job. And the guy thought that she was going to work, but she wasn't. She was just at home cyber bullying their own daughter. And like he had found out that like they previously got evicted from a place. And then like he like in hindsight looked back on it and he was just like, oh shit. Like that's why.

That's why we got evicted. You weren't paying the bills. And just the level of like absolute like there's no other way to describe it outside of just like severely mentally ill. I mean, bro. Like. I'm so confused. But obviously by the action, but why are you in the documentary being like, yeah, and she also didn't really give an explanation. She also claims to that when the text message started, she's like, oh, that wasn't me.

Then I decided to pick it up. Which is an obvious lie. Yeah, it's a lie. Like that's going to soften the blow at any point. But like, what are you saying? Her kid was like having breakdowns, didn't want to go to school, like, was like, was like, like in the documentary openly speaking about like then I was having body image issues because she was fat shaming her daughter I think it was like a munchausen's thing which they had said

they said it in there yeah I'm gonna bully my daughter so that she needs me and I can like help her and I'm trying to I'm talking to the police I'm trying to like because she was very active in trying to find out who it was I'll send in the fucking text messages like your flat ass and your fucking 15 year old boyfriend loves me or whatever the fuck like I just can't like yes I know they they chalked it up to munchausens which makes sense Makes sense. But like the idea of like causing your child pain to think that you're going to come in and like make them feel better. Like it doesn't, it just doesn't compute. And maybe it's because I'm not a psychopath like this woman. You don't have Munchausen. I don't have Munchausen. But like, and to be fair. I love that name by the way. It's a great setting name. Sounds delicious. God, I love the Munchausen. God, it sounds really good. I think that we talked about it before. Munchausen's. Great name for like a German bar. Oh my God.

Are you kidding me? I mean, if you're going to ask me my favorite non-existing sandwich, it's a munchausen. It's a munchausen. It's a munchausen. Or it's kind of like an appetizer, you know what I mean? It's like, oh, we'll get all the munchausen's. Or like, no. Yes.

Yeah, like how you go to Italian restaurants and they're not called appetizers. They're not called entice. We're just going to do an entree and then we're going to do all the munchausen. Just like whatever's on the munchausen list, just give us one of each. How many munchausens do you suggest for a group of five? Or it would be like the name of like, A Dutch brothel. Like, come on in, you can come and see all the women that we have here to munchhausen.

Yeah, exactly. You know, it's the housins of munching. Yeah. So it's unfortunate that it's, you know, it's named after something that's, that's very disturbing. It's a good sounding word. It's a bad thing. It's a bad disease in practice. But it's a good word.

It's a bad disease. It's a great word. I cannot. You know what's weird too? Sorry. Asperger's also sounds like a good place. Yes. You know what I mean?

Like a good name for a restaurant. Yeah. Like a burger joint. Yeah. Come on down. The ass burgers. Like if it was just like the opposite of Hooters. Like you know how Hooters was like for tits?

If it was like a burger joint. For ass? For asses. It would be like. Well, that would just be ass burgers. Yeah. I mean, but they can so they don't put the word ass on a restaurant. They can just do the one S.

I mean. Isn't there a P in there? There is. Asp. So what would like meat? medium rare be. Oh, you want to get... I don't even know what question you're asking.

You've already moved on to, like, the menu breakdown. You want to know the temperature of the meat? What do you mean by what would it be? Are we talking about a burger place or an ass place? It's a both. Yeah, so what would medium rare be on the ass side? I don't even understand what's your ass game. I almost understand this woman texting her daughter more than I understand what you're trying to say.

Yeah, you're speaking a completely different language right now. that doesn't make any sense what would medium rare be medium rare yeah he wants it to be called like big and jiggly butt or something like that

like you'd be like let me get the let me get the the uh as burger extra jiggly please yeah I don't know yeah

all right my bad um poop I what are we doing I don't know anymore what are we doing anyway

there was a be clear we don't like the like fact that this woman had like severe Munchausen's but the word is saying I just want to make sure because sometimes you get clicked out of there is not clip that I love more than Munchausen I love I love when people have I mean you know people clip these things out of context let's make sure we put that there no it it was it was wild to watch God I of a good Monchhausen's case. It was just wild to watch.

Like, sad, dude. It unfold. And then, like, the seeing basically, because then the dad gets home. And, like, this young girl is sitting there watching her parents just, like, in real-time divorce. Honestly, the dad did, like, probably the best thing you could. He was, like, very obviously taken aback.

And was just, like, you need to leave. He's like, call your parents. They're going to come pick you up. Like, just get away and, like, you know, whatever. And he kind of confronted her. Confronted. he confronted her and was just saying all this shit and I mean I just felt bad for her

their daughter because she's just sitting there like what is going on didn't say a word was just kind of sitting there kind of a gee about it honestly just sitting there like this is so confusing like didn't cry

didn't really ask any questions because she is literally in shock yeah she her brain is trying to compute the protect her protector the person that brought her into this world being the person that has dragged her through hell for the last 18 months

Bro, if that's me, and I'm finding that out, I'm fucking picking my mom up and giving her a tombstone. Boom! Right on your head, Biz. Remember when Shrek spins the guy, you know, like the guy in the night's thing? That's what I'm doing to my fucking, either one of my parents. What do you do in that situation? I honestly think that both the father and the daughter's reaction was like,

should be the template for if something like this were to happen. Because like both of them kept it calm, cool, they didn't blow up. Bro, if I'm the... There's a lot of cops there, to be fair. Fair. I want to throw on a chair. I'm letting you know. If I'm that, if I were to find out that my partner did this to one of my children,

crazy. I am putting on a show of verbal, like, you know, A verbal show. Like, have you ever seen Brooklyn 9-9? No. Have you seen Brooklyn 9-9? Of course. Remember the scene where Rosa tells Captain Holt, him and his husband need a bone?

Yeah. He's like, Bode! Like, he's just screaming for like, basically, like, in a cutaway gag for, like, three minutes. I would fucking lose my mind. Yeah. It would be a show. That would be, yeah, that would be a toughie. Honestly, I don't know why you need text messages.

Like, all you can, if you want to do that to your child, do it normally and be a dad and do it. In person, yeah. Be a man. Don't have munchausens. Just be not good. Face housings. You know, like, don't go behind their, you know, like, don't go behind their back. Right in your face houses.

Yeah, exactly. Like, you know, be, be what a real parent did, you know, munch houses. This didn't exist in the 50s because they were doing it to their face. Exactly. You know? Also, I'm letting you know right now, God bless the daughter. in that situation because the like aftermath of it she's just like you know

I'm not allowed to see my mom but I want to keep a relationship with her yo I am becoming the meanest little bitch to my parent if I found out that was them they'd be like honey I'm in prison I miss you I'd write back like fucking fuck you dirty horror

you know what I mean like I am going full there is I think a level of like criminality like with this situation that like you're allowed to be a little petty back. I feel like because I was thinking about that too where she was saying that she wants to

see her parent and you know whatever I think that she probably understands that this is like an illness like this woman is sick but at 16 to have that I agree

to have that forward emotional maturity to say that yeah and maybe it's not as purposeful as that and it's just like that's my mom and I feel like I'm missing a parent, which isn't great, but... Here's my mentality as a 33-year-old man. Yeah. Definitely not in any way, mentally, physically, emotionally a 16-year-old girl.

Thanks for clearing that up. What the fuck is that? What the fuck was that? Sometimes maybe, yeah. I don't know, like, in my mind, at that moment, that person is no longer my mom, and has not been my mom for 18 months I'm serious like and that's me being really really honest like I am finding out about myself

I have a like a level that like or a barrier or a line that once it gets crossed there's almost in very few instances any point of return if I were to find out that one of my parents the people that like are supposed to be my protectors my comforters like they're supposed to be they guide me through life

and like teach me right from wrong if that's what my mom or my father is doing to me they're no longer my parent I'm like oh I'm basically an orphan at this point in time because they have done something that has just completely broken and yes

I understand there's a level of you know like they are in in ways she is in ways of victim of her mental health and to be fair she talked about some trauma that she's had to relive I just think that as a person, I don't know how I could ever heal from that if that were one of my parents.

Yeah, I guess it just depends on like, you know. I think it also kind of not softens the blow, but when it's coming from one number, I feel like it's easy to brush off, like the parents talking about it too, it's like, oh, this is just some crazy person. But when it's like some people get into things with their whole school is now, like, insulting them,

and that's when it gets a little scary in terms of like the repercussions. of that. Well, bro, she was like threatening physical harm against her at one point. She was like, I'm going to find you and we're going to kill you. Like, okay. I do agree, though, that would probably feel worse because you could talk to, because I think that, I mean, I'm also fucking old, but like if I was getting text messages like that from a number, that was clearly one person. I believe this person is nuts trying to get a rise out of me. Yeah. And I would just continue to block the numbers. She kept making new numbers. Yeah. Like that's, that's the part

of it. But if it was 30 people, that would feel more. more like everyone's against me there's no way out type of thing that's when the bad things happen like i mean the bad things happen way less than that but yeah i feel like as even the parents because she knows when it's happening i also didn't see it but it's easier to mentally like give advice to brush off one person than like something went wrong in your whole school that we've seen happen at some points where yeah it's just tough to be a young person and realize like you you get to the point where you're like you find out that oh my mom is the one that's been harassing me for the last

18 months. Yeah. And there's a lot there that she probably doesn't understand about like why that like obviously she knows why it's wrong and it's like confusing. Like why would my mom be the one doing this to me? And if she's like emotionally aware and mature

enough at fucking 16, wherever the fuck old she is to realize that like the end goal like her mom is just like insanely flawed. Like at the end the day her mom just wanted her daughter to want her and was willing to do what like insanely selfish to be like I'm going to bully this girl yeah so that she desperately wants me I just

think like at every point in every person's life to some degree some is like this situation significantly worse like each child has like a bit of an awakening where they learn more about their parents and like oh these are these are human beings that are flawed you know because you grow up and it's just like your mom or your dad are these like untouchable like heroes in your life and then eventually at certain points in time you have to grapple with the fact like oh these are just normal people it's it's just a different like there's a shift in a mentality she had to do that in the most extreme circumstance and like how honestly like I could see it being like yo you're still a person you helped raise me but like you're like you're over there now.

and I'm over here, and we will never have a relationship again. Yeah, I mean, I don't think that you can go back to... And I'm not even talking about because of, like, the legal, like, she's not legally allowed to see her daughter, but, like... No, there's walls that are kind of put up. Like, if you're going to kick down the wall and not be, like, a mother in the way that you're supposed to be a mother, then, like, you can't go back to being that.

Like, there's no way that someone can let you... Like, you could still be in somebody's life if you've wronged them before, but you can't go back to what you were or what you were supposed to be. So, yeah, that's, that I can, I imagine is never going to happen. Yeah, she gave that up 18 months ago. Yeah, bro. Once you started, once you started talking about cream, jail, my guy. Yeah.

Like, yeah, there's so many, like, broken hands. There are so many, like, layers to this. What happened to that? What happened to that? What? We can't, like, you know what I mean? Like, if you're sending text messages to your daughter and, like, you're fucking bullying her and telling her she should kill herself, I get it, you got to go to jail, but we can't break your hand.

what I'm saying. Let's just, let's take a meat cleaver to your head. Not a cleaver. Like a tenderizer. You know what I mean? I mean, there's sick, there's, there's a dozen reasons. Homerabi's code. Aye for an eye. Yes, that is what our criminal justice is built off of. You were sending text messages with your right hand, we smash it with a tendererize. Yeah, but sometimes, sometimes the crime does not fit the punishment. The punishment will fit the, well, if the punishment does not fit the crime, the crime will fit the punishment. So, like, what is going to stop? Because these people are obviously.

you're not thinking logically. So what is going to stop someone from saying, like, yo, I'm going to get a severe punishment. I might as well just make it as bad as it could possibly be. Oh, well. No, we're saying after the fact, I think. Also, guess what happens? Guess what happens when you break my hand?

If I'm that sick, I'll just fucking let my hand heal and do it again. If you do it, then it gets cut off. Yeah, if you do it again. Okay, watch this. Watch this. Okay, we're watching. Okay. Hey, Siri.

Oh, oh, you want to play that game? Okay. Tongos now. Good luck talking now. Maybe I'd pick your lips. You walk around like this. Oh, she was anyway. Did you see her?

A. Anyway, that's our whole bit on Munchausings. Thanks, but have a good night. Have a good night, everyone. Thank you. You've been a great crowd. Maybe we should get to the sponsors for today. Munch on some sponsors.

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Okay, so that is code basement. You'll get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup, folks. All right. So that is prize picks. Enjoy. It's beautiful. Listen, whatever journey you might be on, whether it's... Why you're whispering?

Physically. I'm not whispering. I'm talking low. Like, see, he messed up. I was working on my narrator voice, but now I'm going to have to do this voice here, Frank from the Basin here to tell you about a couple things that I'd love to tell you about. First one, Patreon, baby. Patreon.com slash the basement yard.

You go to that website. You're going to find something. What are you going to find? Oh, yeah. You've got to find more of us. What does that mean? I'll let you figure it out. It might not be the more you're looking for,

but it definitely is an enjoyable more. You'll get exclusive episodes every single Friday if you sign it for that second tier and then that first tier of Patreon. You get these week of episodes one whole week in advance. You guys have been so kind, so supportive, so incredibly giving and generous that we want to just keep giving you guys what you like.

And apparently, that's us. So thank you. Go check it out. And if you want to save yourself some money while signing up for the Patreon, you can go to the web browser version of it. So open whatever web browser you may have, whether it be on your phone, on your desktop, on your laptop, whatever.

And you go to patreon.com slash the basement yard. If you use a smart app, whether it be on Android or a Google Play Store or Apple Store, whatever, it's going to charge you a couple extra bucks because they got to go about paying people and stuff like that. So avoid all that, save yourself some money, use the desktop version patreon.com slash the basement yard we're in the middle of our tour actually i think we're we just we're done with like 60% of it or something we got some shows coming up

and there's still some tickets available so if you want to see any of us live that's the place to do it go to the baseman yard dot com take a look at our upcoming shows if there are tickets still available we'd love to see you there these shows have been so incredibly fun engaging and and everything that has just made them all so memorable. So go check out if there are any tickets available for any upcoming shows. I know that Hollywood, Florida has some left. I know that maybe some in Pennsylvania and Ohio, but go check it out, okay, at thebasemanyard.com.

Now, if you are coming to any of those shows, there is a portion of the show that we like to talk to you with you about you. Greg is taking my job by posing TikToks about this, but I'm telling you about it right now again. go to the basementyard.com slash submit. If you're coming to any of those shows, you go to that website, you let us know what show you're coming to,

and then you submit responses to questions that we have there. They can be funny, interesting, crazy. Listen, a lot of them are really out of left field and insane. So there is a portion of our show where we read the cards and we talk to and about or with these people sometimes. So if you want to possibly be in on that conversation at any of these shows, go check it out at thebasemanyard.com slash submit. Last, but no least.

Okay, I don't know if you saw Baseman Yard boys are joining you on every single United Flight. United Airlines welcomes the basement yard. We're so excited that there are some episodes on United Airlines. So if you're on a United Airlines flight and you want to catch up or you want to rewatch an old episode or you want to show the person sitting next to you that's peacefully sleeping, you want to wake them up and be like, I'm going to show you something and you're going to laugh. You go and you can do it on United Airlines.

So thank you to United Airlines for the partnership. We're incredibly excited. And yeah, if you fly United or you will be flying United, go check it out. Yeah, I saw some people posting that. It was on my flight. I was on my, that was the day it happened was the day I was coming back. We were coming back from Vegas. Threw it on.

And I did the thing where I wanted to see if they would let me do an announcement, but it was 7 a.m. and they didn't let me do an announcement. What? You were going to go to the front of the plane and be like, Hey, I'm on your back of your... Yeah. But they didn't, they didn't. Did you actually do that?

Are you joking? No, I would. Yeah. That doesn't like make you feel weird? Oh, it does. That's why I didn't do it. That's why I just said they didn't let you. They wouldn't have let me and I wouldn't have done it.

Oh. So it was also like, if it was honestly, I would have been more inclined if it was like a 4 p.m. Hey, everyone. My name's Frank Alvarez from the basement yard and it is now available. on the back of United fucking TV screens. I thought, but no,

I, I chickened out, you know. Shut up. I chickened out. But also, like, they don't let people just,

like, make announcements on planes. It's a very controlled area. Dude, they should, oh my God, our flight. That woman,

I was like, bro. Yo. She talked, I'm not, yo, I'm not exaggerating at all. 20 minutes straight. Yo.

20 minutes. And like, 20 minutes. 20 minutes. It was, zero. Yes. She just went off about like a credit card. It was on a frontier flight. Bro, going off. I was like, someone throw a tomato.

Listen, she was kind. She was nice and respectful. But like, she's like, all right, we're starting our descent. So if you need to get up and use the bathroom, use it now. But let me talk to you for 20 minutes. You know how long it was taking for us to get to land? 20 minutes. Yeah. Like there was a whole time. So I was waiting for her to stop to then go to the. bathroom. I just got up. I couldn't, I couldn't do it. She was, I've never heard something like that before ever. It was about a credit card that they have and like all this stuff. And it wasn't like, like she was definitely extending the thing. Like she was going off about it. I was like, I can't believe she's still going here. Like she was doing the thing where she was like working it into

the conversation. She was just like, do you know that like. Yeah. And yeah. And I was just and like, and like, was like really like hamming it up. She's auditioned for. She must. She must. She must have known that Joe Sanagato was on the plane. She must have known. Oh, you know what? She probably knew that you were on the plane because you probably got on that one. You're like, hey, what's up? I'm frank.

No, I was there. You were sitting next to me. We're available on the back of the screens. I chickened out, Joey. I wasn't going to do it because I like my anonymity. Animity. I sit there with my hat. Hello.

Wow, so famous. Got to hide my face. no nobody talked to me it's too early what was that that wasn't pulled strings brother that wasn't pulling strings my brother yeah I got away I found a way out of it I made it look like you were pantomiming having a dick in your face

I appreciate you doing that yeah no so that woman was it was crazy how much he talked it was a lot and you know what God bless her good for her it's a skill to talk for 20 minutes well speaking of travel I have a question

Oh, boy. Do you guys want? Here comes ant question. Ant question. Ant question of the day. What the hell was that? Was that a car and a plane at the same time? And I shot guns?

What am I doing? We should have like a... Ant question! Ant question! He's got some questions, and they are from him! What do you got? It's more of a scenario. So you get $5 million, but you must randomly generate a U.S. state.

and you have to walk there. Oh, yeah. I'm doing that easy. Okay. You would do that? Would I get... If it's in New York, I just get it. You just get it.

Nice. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I'll do that. But also, can I, do I get the money after the completion of the walk? Yeah. Can I get it to, like, help me with, like, lodging? No, no, after the completion of the walk.

Lodging. Well, yeah, I'm going to need to stop. Yeah. What do you have $0? No, but I imagine that a walk, potentially 3,000 miles is going to cost a couple dollars, dude. Put it on a credit card, dude. You're getting 5 mil at the end of this thing.

You're going to need new shoes. You're going to need food. New shoes. Yeah, you think your shoes will, you'll be able to wear the same shoes the whole time? No, they'll wear out and break. Maybe one other pair of shoes. So we're all saying, yeah? Yes.

So I have a state generator. So you want to see how far you have to walk? You know what's going to happen. You know what's going to happen, right? He's going to get fucking New York. You're going to get New Jersey. I'm going to get fucking Hawaii. If you get Hawaii, I don't think you can do it.

Yeah, Hawaii, you should have to take it out. I would not. Yeah, I mean, I would just die. I'd take the money. You would still have to walk the first you can. Can you just take Hawaii out? No, no, no. Or how about this?

If you do Hawaii, then you have to get to California, and then you have to do whatever the distance is in miles from California to Hawaii back the other way. Okay. So you just need to walk the distance. It's also a no, though. Like, I'm not doing that. Well, no, that I would do.

As long as I'm not over the open ocean. I'm fine. I feel like if you get Hawaii, you have to walk as close as you can get to it, but then you just lose. No. But then you just lose. I was worried you were going to say,

like, you walk as close as you can get and then you have to take, like, a kayak or a rowboat the rest of the way. Chill. Dude, yeah, I don't think you'll be able to do that.

I know, physically. I will take my chances with Hawaii. So who wants to go first? Well, let's let Joey go first because we know he's going to get a great one. Oh, this is a cool one. All right, so. So I got a wheel here.

Wheel Estates. Yes, we see that. wheel of states. So Joe's going first. Then we can do Google Maps how far it takes how long. I'll pull up the Google Maps. Oh, you got the Google Maps? Okay. Okay, go. Ready? Here we go. Wait, hold on, hold on. Oh, my gosh. I just have to get into the state. I don't have to go to like the center. We should probably do center, right?

Oh, my God. No, you said walk to the state. Okay, to the border of the state. Fine. All right. Ready, this is for Joe. Fuck! Oh, no. Joey's going to get a good one. I'm telling you, I know it. Wisconsin. That's so bad. It was about to be West Virginia, which isn't bad. That's pretty far, honestly, because you've got to go through Pennsylvania, which nothing, brother, that's all nothing.

And then you got to go Ohio, and then you got to cut through Illinois, and then up into Wisconsin. Wisconsin, first of all, there's no walking. There's no walking. I mean, there is walking. Yeah, you should. You can just walk along the highway. Holy shit, dude.

The drive is a thousand miles, like 998. So let's see, if you walk at an average of three miles per hour, that's going to take 333 hours if you stop, if you did it nonstop. Wait, what? If you walk at an average pace of three miles per hour. I have it. I have how long it would take to walk it. So, Joe, to get your $5 million, it would take 319 hours to walk it. Oh, I wasn't that far off.

That's not that bad. But that's if you did nonstop. Yeah, that ain't happening. So, like, if you walk for an average of 12 hours at miles. a day, uh, 12 hours a day, you know, what's that? 300, 312 divided by 12? What? This isn't good for us.

This is not 319 divided by 12. 319 divided by 12, which is 26 and a half days. So it would take me like a month, a month, a month and a half. Yo, hear me out. I'm out. That would be fun too. That's not that bad, dude. That's not a bad walk either.

That's a beautiful walk probably. Also, sketchy walk probably. Um, it's not that's good. It's mostly Pennsylvania You get to Ohio Like right near Cleveland Damn, it didn't seem as far as it You have to go through... You do walk through South Chicago

Which is not great Yeah, that would be a problem Or I guess This path here has you walking through Canada Through Canada Up and around? Yeah, you go up and around Oh like up to... Yeah, but then you got to walk through

the bumble fuck of New York Which... You do, yes It's not nice either There's also a baneer. Okay, so that would take you about if you walk 12 hours a day about a month it would take you about a month that's not bad that's not too bad and like 5 mil in a month bro sign me up that's also if you walked every day there was nothing in here about the fact like you could take a day off which i would you know i would also pay people to come with me so i'm not like oh yeah that's right well what more do you

need uh i feel like aunt should go next i go next that's the respectful thing okay so i'm taking it obviously yeah well we know we didn't we knew that you would swim to Hawaii. Yes, I would. You'd do it for nothing. I'm looking for a New York. We know you're looking for a New York. We're all looking for New York.

We're like a Connecticut. Connecticut would take an afternoon. Why am I nervous? Connecticut would take a full day. Oh, no, no, no. Not good. No, no, no. Nebraska?

Nevada, brother. You're the desert? You're going through the Desi. You know with that 5-mill at the end of it? Right to Vegas. Yeah, and just put it on black, right to Vegas. Well, then you'd have to walk into. from Nevada, like the border of Nevada

into fucking Vegas. Dude, that's a bad one. Yeah. That's a horrific one. That's what, 2,000 miles? So this, this walk is going to take 938 hours. That's triple the time that it took, literally, triple the time it took you said, take you three months.

Take me three months. This is 2,800 miles, it's it. Like, by car. I got, I don't think I, we could get worse now. I gotta be honest, though. That's bad. That's, yes, it's tough. Three months? It's three months of content, I guess, now.

Yeah, I mean, you'd be set for a whole year with content, really. You just film the whole thing. Or IRL stream it. You'll make double that on fucking whatever you're doing on kick. No, I can't IRL stream it because then people will try to find me like probably halfway through. Not great. Yeah.

Or what's going to happen? You don't have the money yet. You're poor. He will, though. He will have the money. All right, it's my time. I was really hoping Frankie would get a Nevada. No, it's all right.

I'm going to get a washing. Here's what I think I'm going to get. Alaska. I think he's going to get a good one. I hope I get a good one. I'm going to guess that you get like something in the Northeast. I'm going to say, I think my honest guess is I think I'm going to get Iowa. Which it wouldn't be bad.

Okay. I mean, ready? It's not close. Here we go. What's Frank got? This is the state you're walking to. This is the state I'm walking to. Let's see.

I'm not even looking at the name. Bama! Oh, I might not. I might not. Alabama. Guys, there's some things about me. I might not make it there. Alabama, that's probably closer than mine. I mean, it's no, because it's down south. It's south and west.

It's about the same. It's about the same, like a little over 1,000. 388 hours, so about a month as well. My guys, I might not make it. They might see me and be like, who's a Spanish boy? I welcome down here real tight. Who the hell is this? Did she how close you were to Alaska?

No. Was I really close? Was it the next one? It was the one right before it. Oh, wow. You just clipped it. I mean, honestly, that would be beautiful, but I would die by Bayer. There's fucking, in the Yukon.

There's a ton of bail. Let's do one more. Let's do one more. For who? For all of us? Really quick. Joey, go. Do we get a choice of these two?

No. I thought this would be like, if you walk from that one to this one, you get another five-bill. Done. No. I got Hawaii! You said done. You said done. That's Hawaii's state flag.

Yeah, well, this is news to me. Why is that their state flag? That can't be right. It's literally double British. There is no route found to Hawaii. Yeah, we know that. Just letting you know. So what would you do?

Would you walk the half to, like, do the distance back, or would you... I wouldn't do it. I don't know how far it is. You would just lose the five mil? Yep. I think if I had Nevada, I probably wouldn't do that. I would do it for 5 mil I'd do it

think of the endorsements you'd also get why do you think you would just get endorsed I don't know people like stuff like that you would get 5 million would you walk to Nevada

we could do it again yeah for 5 mil yes you'd walk to Nevada sure why are you offering not 5 mil but now I'm thinking like

what can we get them for okay oh yeah well now that we know it's 5 mil I'm not taking a penny under 5 mil All right I mean we're this a hypothetical We're having fun Well how much you offer him

You're not going anywhere He wants me here I was Aw he does Me Go Why do you take Alabama out Everything we've done

It removes Kentucky That's not too bad That's right under Ohio West Virginia area That's an easy one So I just essentially have to walk back Bro honestly

Honestly walking to Kentucky Would suck and it's like the easiest one we've gone. Well, isn't that because it's all hills, like the Appalachian Mountains and stuff like that? I'm talking about the miles. I mean, yes, walking to New Jersey would suck, Joey. That's what I said.

What he said is before. Yeah, but I mean, for five mil, you do that. I feel like you could walk to Jersey in under five hours. So a mill an hour. Kentucky is 270 hours. Through the tunnel. Just through the tunnel, yeah. And then last one for Frankie?

Yes. I don't think we could get worse than Hawaii, so. I mean, literally, physically, it cannot get worse than that. Georgia, Florida. Fire. Florida. Fire. Oh, that one made a noise.

That one, you could just take I-95, you take it all the way down. No, but you've got to walk through some, there's some spots. You've got to walk through and there, too. Yeah, dude, I'm sure there's spots everywhere. You've got to walk through. I'd be afraid. Five mil, though, I think once you get past, like, I think that, oh, God. I mean, I would do a month.

I could walk for a month and get $5 million. three months I'd be like bro your life for three months is walking I think about what you need I would need a motivating factor so if you were to say like all right Becca and the kids $5 million dollars yeah that's the motivating

that's the motivating no I would need something more than that like my family yeah like if it was just like you get you get the money and your kids are there with Becca you know what I're gonna make your because look at what he says in the song I would walk 500 miles

and then I would walk 500 Wait, are you saying they need to be at the end? Yeah. Okay, but that would motivate me. But that's still the time. But that still motivate me more. If it was just the money, I'd be like, all right, it's just the money. And then it's like, you don't have to live there.

You can go right back as soon as you, you just fly back. But like, I don't know. You're still the time away. It's still three months. Yeah, that's a lot of time. I'm doing it. Or like, can they follow me? I'll walk, but they can follow me.

You're going to make your children follow you? Not like walking. I'm saying like they could be in like an RV. Sure. I guess. No, no, no, no. This is part of why it's hard. Yeah, no, no, no.

No, the reason it's hard is because of the distance, not because of the isolation. Well, I'm saying. You just said you'd pay for people to come with you. I did say that. So, oh, fucking, why can't I? I'd do it with you. I wouldn't. I would.

What? I'm trying to look like here. I don't know why I sneeze like that. Why are you Dracula? That one snuck up on me. I'm not going to lie. Oh, all right. Now do it one more time

No Whatever the state is They're trying to kill you What? Whatever the state is They're trying to kill you What does that mean? Like if it's Texas

You're in trouble Are you just talking about in general Nothing to do with what we're talking about? Yeah no no no no no Don't go down this road Okay thank you What is the scariest state If you had a fist fight

Like if you saw You ever see those things where it was just like You ever see those things where it was just like We had AI come up with I didn't do it We had AI come with a like a mascot for each state. No.

And it's like a picture of like what it would look like. You've never seen those? I've seen that. Some of those are cool looking and it's just like, what do you think of them would be like the scariest one to fight? I think it's Texas because of the guns. Sure. I imagine Florida too because they're just on like bath salts and meth.

That was a long time ago. Yeah. Bat salt's still around. I'm sure they don't. There's still a pretty niche cool thing. Not cool. Definitely not cool. But, like, people are...

I mean, they were pretty cool. I'll be honest with you. When I heard... When I heard bath salts, I was in college, and I was just like... Like, someone, like, I saw it, like, they had them at, like, fucking, like, home goods. I was just like, people smoking this shit? Like, fucking, like, potpoury for your bath. Did you give up, like, Epsom salt?

Because you were like, oh, I want to get high. Give up Epsom salt. Like, it was a normal part of my routine. It's pretty normal, right? In winter. Wait, what? Wait, what are we talking about? Epson salt. Were you guys using Epson salt enough that it was a normal part?

You're putting Epsom salt on your driveway? Isn't that what you, isn't that what it is? No, that's rock salt. Epson salt is like you like take bats in it and like... It's like relaxing. I don't know if it would work. Maybe it would work on snow. I have no idea. If I just been bathing my driveway? I mean, you've been bathing your driveway in rock salt. Yeah. I guarantee it's not Epsin salt. Okay.

Epson salt is like magnesium sulfide or sulfate or something like that. What you're doing is like sodium penis paint or something. right you're throwing Epson salt in your driveway that's so funny if you're throwing Epson salt I mean maybe it does work

I'm sure it does I think it's just the salt part that you need right I don't know could you put table salt on it I worked it works I've been doing alright I've been doing all right

I can take a bath with the extra and I mean you're also dumb like you're also doing wrong yeah you're you're kind of a little off there I'm not a big fan

of salting driveways and sidewalks I love it. I don't like it. I love it so much. It's such like a dad thing to do and then to hear the sound of like the salt crunching under your boot and between the ice or between the snow. Oh, it's so sad. I just think it's like whack. I would rather like, show it. Yeah, but you also need to salt under the shoveling because then it melts and then freezes over. I know. I just don't like the residual like salt. I mean, it's bad for pets. Like you need to get a pet pacific. specific stuff in order to like so they like are okay it also like everything just like has this like white dusty i don't like that that i do hate like when it like a like an old like beat up car in the winter it's just like it looks like it's covered in like dried tooth face or like yeah or like sometimes people have like blue salt on their sidewalk and i'm like what is that bro you know

what i hate and i don't know why i hate this so much and i get it it's like good but i fucking hate it when i go to someone's house and i go to their bathroom and they're toilet water is fucking like blue. I'm like, come on. Why do you hate that? They're clean. I know, but it's like, what is this? They have a clean tablet in their tank. I don't even... I'll tell you this. I don't know

what I did. I had one of those in my old house was gone after like three flushes. I clearly did something wrong. I don't like it. I don't like the blue water. Why? Because then you piss and it comes just green. Yeah, I don't like that. I like looking out at it. I'm just like, I'm going to

make this all dirty and stinky. green with my piss yeah see what are we talking what are we doing i mean he has something he's got stuff we all have something that's true some more than others some some as much as others maybe you're gonna tell me you don't like get hype to like play when you pee go ahead what the fuck does that mean like you go and like it's like you're putting out of fire or something or like i'll only do that if I start peeing and there's bubbles and I'm like oh I gotta make all these bubbles touch the whole layer of oh now who's the fucking crazy one that has something what was that I'm fucking reveling in it I'm excited you know oh Frank what what what what Frank

what fucking Dracula over here and you're looking at him dumbfounded like and now I and then you're like yeah actually you know what I do like to do that I make a point you think I'm stupid, then you agree with it, ipso facto, you're stupid. You're bigger on the ipso facto lately. Also, I can't even say anything without you thinking I'm stupid. No, I know you're not stupid. I like to try. No, here's the thing.

Joey. Oh, here it comes. I like to create scenarios. Oh. It's, I like to create scenarios. It's actually a nice thing that you're doing. No, no, listen. Well, you have his munch house.

That's exactly what I'm getting to do. You're munching on my house. I'm a house and your munch in my house. I'm trying to, like, I want you to create scenarios where I call you stupid so and then you feel stupid so that I can tell you. you're smart and you're like, oh my God, Frankie, he's I get it. Like, he's helping me feel smart now. See, he's manipulating the audience. Do you guys paying attention? Listen, my

houses is munched a little bit. Big deal. We had a little bit. Too much to much. Who doesn't love munching some houses, you know? Oh, man. I don't like that blue toilet water. Bullshit, though. I'm pumped about blue toilet water. There's some stuff about people's bathrooms that I'm just like, I don't.

What else? What else in bathrooms drives you up a wall? I'll say one. Cheap toilet paper. cheap toilet paper bro what is this if I pull it and I could see through it what are we doing here? Joey's got here in the studio the toilet paper that has like it's like wiggles to like connect each

piece it's not like a normal perforation it's like and I was just like oh what the hell am I fucking wiping my ass with artistic yeah I don't like cushion seats yeah that's that's very like 90s yeah I don't like although hold on now I'm thinking about it

I feel like I'm taking a shit at it like on a chair at a picnic or something That doesn't sound miserable, dude. Okay. I don't like that. I don't like that. You don't like, you've already said you don't like heated seats. Also, I don't mind them.

I just don't like them in other people's houses. I'm okay with them in a hotel. But like in other people's houses and I sit on a heated toilet seat and I'm like, someone just took a dump here. Like that's what it feels like. You know what I mean? That's why I don't really like enjoy that. Also, it's 2025.

We all need to get the toilet. seats that you can slam and they don't shut and they go, eh, because I'm over here taking fucking hinges off by action. Yeah, honestly, I can't tell you how many times I've, like, slammed a toilet seat. And it was like one of the, like, part of, like, the like faux wood ones. Yeah. And that thing

basically, all but snaps in half. Does your toilet seat do have the slow, like you slam and it goes, uh, every floor I have a different one. Like, in my basement, I have the wood one. It's awful. I'll say the wooden toilet seats? Poverty. every person watching this is going to their bathroom

and be like oh fuck Joe just coldly poor the the wooden toilet seats is like obviously this hasn't been changed since 1990 and you're right 1990 like you'd be right zero that's we haven't reached that year yet but go ahead yeah hate those wait what are the toilets how is there four different kinds I have a porcelain one that doesn't do the slowdown one that does do the slowdown and then wooden it goes in that order Yo, honestly, I've been watching a lot of Shark Tank. Why have we not reinvented the toilet yet?

Like, why are we still using the same archaic technology from fucking... Like, bro, it's a toilet. Get fun and inventive with it, dude. What do you want to shit in, like, one of those straws? The fucking... No, but, like, something that's just a little more ergonomic than sitting down and my fucking knees are at my chest, and I'm like, you know, 18 inches off the ground. And I'm like, ugh. like make it something that's a little more

better. I'm not kidding. I would be pumped with a stand-up toilet. What do you mean? Hear me out. So you know how like urinals come out from the wall a little bit? Yeah. It's that but a toilet. And like you can just back your ass up to it and do your thing

and then get out of there. You want to drop your ass on a urinal? I'm saying lean against it. lean against a urinal and let a shit rip I'm not saying a urinal like it would be a toilet but it would be just designed so like the bowl is like curved so you can just like lean

I know Americans love leaning all the time but why but like isn't sitting better than standing personally I'd rather lean than have to get down and get up a bunch of times and also toilets like a bunch of times I'm saying like whatever the amount of times you use the bathroom

oh you know like I'd rather it be like a lean situation Like sitting down, standing up, it's not comfortable. I don't think it needs to be all that. Sometimes when you walk into, like, a nice hotel, we were just in a nice hotel in Toronto, and you walk into the bathroom, and all of a sudden the toilet fucking jumps up and starts talking and opens its mouth, like, hey, come shit in me? I'm like, I'm good on this.

I do like the automatic it opens for me. I don't like that. You know my pet peeve, actually in a hotel bathroom? It's when they orientate the room where the toilet is, like, right behind the bed. Do you know what I mean? No. Like, so the bed. is up against this wall and then there's the bathroom and the toilet is on the side of the wall

of the bed why does that it shares a wall with the bed it shares a wall with the bed because you hear everything in that oh i can't even recall that having ever happened to me where that that would be like a like a thing just pet peeve of mine like when the when i when i walk into a hotel room and the toilet is on the opposite wall of the bed of the wall sharing the bed i'm like this a good this a good hotel room so you like to watch the person come out the bathroom just be like what did you do in there you filthy whore There's something inside there. There's something.

There's nothing. There's nothing. There's nothing. It's like, what? It's the same energy as you wanting to make the water. My energy, my energy is cool, calm, cool, and dirty and filthy. No, no, no, no, no, no filth. We do have some, some more sponsors here.

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Okay, so that is Squarespace.com slash basement. There you go, folks. All right. Cool. Beautiful. Love that. Sorry. You were being a little nasty.

Listen, there's nothing there. I've been a nasty boy. I've been a nasty boy. What's that? That's that song on TikTok. You were joking about me being nasty, and I was making a joke about that song. Is this what it's going to be

for the remainder of this episode? You guys just hanging me out to dry? Hanging you out to dry. You guys are just hanging me out to dry. You're just taking me soaking wet, and you're just draining me of all of it. Now you see again. What is it?

You keep doing it. I'm not. doing anything you guys are hanging me out to dry i'm just here just trying to be fun and have fun do this show the basement yard podcast with joe and frank available now on united flights available now united airlines flights have a happy thursday and think it over yeah at square space right i also when you said hanging out to dry i started thinking about this for some reason i don't know if this is weird or not but I, I'm trying to think of how it makes me feel,

but there's a feeling that I get when I see a clothesline that I just love. Like, it makes me feel like at peace to see a clothesline. Okay. So fucking yes, but for, I don't know why. I guess it's just my 21st century brain. I thought of a clothesline like fucking Bradshaw, like clothesline from hell.

No, dude. Not a, not a W.W.E. Kane, you know, clothes lines top from the top rope he did that that was pretty cool when he would do that yeah but i'm thinking about just like a like a clothes on it just a blown in the road and i'm like that's so nice i don't why don't we bring that back i'll tell you i like that i don't like have you seen the people it looks like in their backyard and they have like a fucking it looks like an antenna it's like a metal thing and then it comes out and there's like lines between the arms oh yeah i don't like that those suck but like i am all for a clothesline, but it needs to be like an old Italian woman that's doing it. Like, I don't want a clothes

line if it's like a young hip person in Brooklyn. And they're just like, namaste. I'm drying my, you know, 100% hemp seed twill sweatshirt. I want it to be just like an old Italian woman who you're going to see. And she'd be like, chat, but I enjoy no. Yeah. You know, and she's taken just all white clothing. Dude, where I grew up, I had an alleyway in the back. So everyone's house was like The back of everyone's house was facing each other And everyone had clotheslines So there was a line that would go from a bedroom On like a wheel

And it would go out to a pole That was in your yard So everyone would hang their clothes And they would like wheel the clothes out Hell yeah And then they'd reel them back in They were all on clothes pins and shit Somehow these clothes pins

You want to talk about simple machinery Incredible design innovation There was never any clothes on the ground Never windstorm wouldn't matter Seriously Seriously, like, yo, like, I've seen those things last through storms. You know who had one?

The reason I'm saying this, you remember Ms. Valentini? Yes. Who was she? She's the fucking, no, she was like an aide, like a lunch aide or something like that. Who's a librarian? She lives on your block, no? Ms. Martinez did not live, the, the across-the-street librarian at St. Francis, Ms. Carpinini lived on my block. Also old, Italian.

Yeah. You know, Miss Martinez was a little mean. A little, bro. You know, our librarian growing up was kind of. And also, long skirts. The only other thing I knew about her was that she was a former rockette. What? Yeah.

Miss Martinez. Yes. Was a rockette. Yes. How do you go rockette to books? You know, things happen in life. She wore big skirts. Big skirts, like big teacher, like Miss Frizzle skirts.

You know what I'm talking about? I always picture them being rough. Well, Miss Frizzle had like rough skirts. She wore like dresses. Miss Frizzle, for those you guys that don't know Rocket Ship, and Magic School Bus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know?

Miss Frizzle is up there, low-key as like... Nineties Miss Frizzle? Oh, my God. Yeah, pull a picture up. Pull a picture of a 90s Miss Frizzle. She had it going on. They did a remake, and I don't remember... Who was earrings in the game?

Oh, the Saturn. The Saturn earrings? Where is she? Where is she? She, like, this is just a hot... Hell yeah. Bro. Oh, my God.

Dude, with the pizza dress? With the pizza dress? Oh, is that cheese or pizza? No, that's pizza. Oh. What is those earrings? Sandwiches? I don't know.

It would matter. Still fire, honestly. Just a sexy woman, honestly. Just like she had it going on. Her voice sucked, though. I don't remember. Like, that's the remake Miss Frizzle. They ruined Ms. Frizzle.

No, no. They ruined her. No, no, no. What the hell is this? Nah. A blue shirt? Where's the patterns? Dude, where's the, she had, oh, well, they put a heart necklace on her to simplify it.

Oh, minimalistic design. Maybe it's her daughter. Might be her daughter. That would make... No, we need to talk about Miss Frizzle's new clothes. Bro, you're going to tell me that you think a blue long-sleeved t-shirts cooler than a dress that has cheese on it? Yeah, dude. Dude, you should...

That's what we should be for Halloween. You should be Miss Frizzle. Yeah? And I'll be the lizard. Look what they did, dude. Yeah. You know what? I'm on board.

Yo, look at how... Cancel the lefties! Yeah, I agree. Look at Ms. Frizzle in that photo, dude. Like, that's a sexy woman. She's got it going on, dude. And she knows a ton of shit. And she was cool.

She was mad cool. She was like, I'm hip, whoop, who. And she was kind of irresponsible. She had a little bit of a, like a, like a, like a, a little, like, edge to her. Yeah. She's like, I'm going to take these kids and we're going to shrink them down. Guess what? We're going inside a human's nose.

Get in kids. Buckle up. Yeah, we're not. The field trip isn't to the farm. It's too. Tommy's bloodstream. We're going to go check out the red blood cells. Absolutely, dude.

Where are you going now, brother? Well, I was just scrolling down, looking around. Dude, Miss Frizzle, absolute dime piece. Teachers should dress like that. That's like a thing. I saw on TikTok recently, actually. That teachers... Like, do like Miss Frizzle dresses?

No, no, no. No, no. That teachers... Some teachers are dressing, like, too sexy, they're saying. Like, some people are like, you're doing, like, outfit of the day. I am not going to touch that with a 10-foot pole telling people how to and how to not dress

No, I'm saying like there's discourse I'm not asking your opinion I'm saying there's discourse on the internet of being like Well hold on no, that's my opinion bitch You just said you're not going to give your opinion Damn right I won't ipso facto I like to stay in the middle Second ipso facto

But I think we should go back To I think less Miss Frizzle type shit I think a hundred percent agree Joey Like those are cool Bro, look up, look up. Bro, if you're a science teacher

and you're teaching young kids, you should dress like a mad scientist. Like, let's make this thing fun. Lab coat, goggles on your head. Stupid glasses. And you're just, thick glasses. Yes. Thick glasses.

Yeah. Very thick glasses. Yeah, absolutely. And there should be beakers and bucks and burghers and testing tubes. What are they called test tubes? And when the kids are filing in, shit should be exploding. And it should be exploding and you should come out from under the desk with like a billow

smoke and you're like, whoa. And you're like, whoa. You put your goggles on your head and you're just like, we have quite the class today. Yeah. Like, it should be, bro, school. There should be costumes. Costumes. Costumes, costumes. Bro, first of all.

If you're an English teacher, it's just like Edgar Allan Poe. This is hysterical because also pay these teachers better. They should, and also pay for them to do these costumes. These teachers take a lot of money out of their own paychecks to like decorate their classrooms and shit. Criminally underpaid. Criminally overwork. You're going to be like, you need to make this a special environment. Off of your fucking $40,000 a year salary.

Bro, schools. How about that, schools? How about a double middle? How about double for you, schools? Teachers, you get that finger. Why are teachers basically panhandling for supplies for fucking children? Schools, this is... You're a school!

This is what you should do. Who do I got to talk to about Linda McMahon? Linda. What? She's the Secretary of Education in the United States, I think. I forget that this country is so good. I forget it's a real place. I disassociate. My housing is munching.

Linda McMahon. Don't make me call Stone Cold. We've seen what happens. We've seen what happens when Stone Cold gets involved. You should go like this. Hey, schools. Here's a blank check for teachers. You tell us what you think is an appropriate amount of money for you to do your job well.

They're great people. They're signing up to be teachers anyways. That's a very thankless, hard job. And then let them do costumes every day. I think that teachers should, like, like a science teacher I should know you're a science teacher bro I should walk in

and like I should be able to close my eyes imagine a librarian and that's what they're wearing I think that would make learning for children more fun you're gonna tell me audience listening to the basement yard podcast with Joe and Frank

on United Airlines flights I don't know if this episode will go there you're going to tell me you wouldn't be a better student if your teacher dressed and looked and acted like Miss Frizzle or fucking Bill Nye the science guy Dude, if I walked in and there was

My science teacher was in a lab coat I used to walk in and he was wearing a fucking plaid t-shirt I don't want that shit Yeah save that for fucking the outdoors t-shirt Woodshop Woodshop I took one wood shop All right, let's build

Let's build our perfect teaching staff Woodshop obviously is Nick Offerman I'm not doing this Also that's an actor but you see what he wears dude because he's got a mustache no he wears flannels and stuff i don't know what you're building over there miss frizzle is my homeroom teacher science teacher bill nine he's the science guy i heard he's a dick really damn that sucks what about mr firestone

that's a science teacher's name that is a really good that was our science teacher growing up yeah we had i'm not going to say firestone i almost let his name slide Mr. Firestone? No, the other science teacher we had. Oh, why is that bad? Because of what we used to call him. Oh, I probably told him that. Oh, all right.

He was mad cool. He was really cool. Him and I used to chat video games all the time. Really? Yeah. Hmm. Who would be the math? What do the math teacher need to wear?

That's a good question. Math teacher needs to wear a button-up shirt buttoned all the way with a bow tie and checkered pattern. Oh, we already know what the music teacher's wearing. piano tie Oh yeah Piano tie Every day Piano tie

And like You remember in the movie Greece They would wear like Poodle skirts Yeah I just imagine That's what they would be wearing

With like those glasses That like had the wings on them And they'd be like We're gonna sing today Yeah Yeah You know And then they're doing this

With every song Who do you think Out of all of our teachers Like Had the coolest vibe Damn Uh Science

He was a cool dude I meant like the way they dress and kind of like did their class He was a cool dude Oh yeah he was like he was a pretty cool dude He did he fucking sunned us Mr. N He'd son the shit out of us He was just like guys in that closet is the world's most dangerous animal

I'll never forget that day I'll never to the day I die I remember that vividly And that's what teaching does good for him Is he retired I don't know Yeah well That's he had a pretty cool thing

He was chill he was younger Yeah he was getting after it He was getting there My chemistry teacher taught us how to not make meth Yeah I can teach you how to not make meth You ready? Watch this No he was like

Don't put these ingredients together Because you'll make meth And then he would give the ingredients So he taught you how to make meth That's not cool, that's borderline sociopathic He's like a Walter White He's like where's my Jesse pink thing? I think

I think Breaking Bad was big He was scouting out a little bit That's a smart way to go Honestly Hold up in court I said don't do it He was pretty cool Our fourth grade teacher

She was cool as shit The door Yeah Stormless Yeah she was a cool She was chill She was like You know

I'm chill I'm cool Who Who's your least favorite Uh Second grade The Mac

The Mac attack Bro Mac attack Was a mean old broad she was she was a mean old woman she didn't like me and you she didn't like us yeah our english teacher in fourth grade uh her brother passed and every time something happened in the classroom like if the desk shook or a flyer fell she would be oh jimmy so like in fourth grade oh no bro we thought there was a ghost in our classroom oh i i was gonna say if i got a hold of that i'd be

throwing shit and be like oh jimmy she's really hanging out today got you i thought son's dead who was her son? No, her brother or something. Oh, okay. Her brother died? A while ago, yeah. I don't know. Sad, dude.

Yeah, it was, but she convinced me that ghosts were real. I was very scared for a while. I didn't want to go into the classroom. Well, who cares? Her brother died. Why, she got to put that on you guys. That's irresponsible of her. That's crazy.

Dude, I remember in second grade. I think I told this story before, but like, do you remember that kid's name? There was like an Indian kid that came to school late. Do you remember his name? What grade? Second grade? Second grade.

I can't remember his name. But, like, it wasn't the middle of the year, but, like, we had already been in class. So everyone kind of knew each other. And then this kid just showed up, like, later. And I forget his name, but then it was like, oh, everyone pair up. So I was like, oh, I'll pair up with the kid who just got here. Like, be nice or some shit, right? So we kind of do this thing together and blah, blah, blah.

Then we go back to, you know, something else that we're doing. And then later on in the day, it was like, and he didn't really talk to anybody. It was his first day. Then later on the day, it was like, oh, pair up with another person again. So I look over at him. He looks away and picks someone else. I was like, what a bitch. What a fuck the fuck?

He was playing the field, though. He was playing the field. He was trying to cast a wide net. I never forgot that, though. That's fair. I forgot that kid's name. And there you go. Maybe I would remember your name.

Oh, I was in the corner seething probably because he picked somebody else. I was like, you stupid bitch. Yeah. You stupid bitch. Franks over there, like, you know, writing a manifesto, you're going to kill me. How dare you not pick me to be your partner and pick the fucking... I just feel like that was just mean, you know? Watch what I'm going to do.

Yeah. That was also the same year. You got mad at me because of Kelsey. There was a lot that year. There was a lot that year. I'm careful. I can still write that manifesto. I know.

Okay. Well, there you have it, folks. That is our episode for today. Frank, where can they find you? Let's keep talking. I just keep going. You want me to need to talk? How's your day?

See? You want to keep off of what? You know where to find me. Go check it out everywhere. Go check out the basement yard. Patreon. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. Go check out the basement yard on United Airlines flights.

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You guys can And that's it That's all Thank you guys so much We'll see you next time