The Basement Yard - #525 - The Hardest I Have Ever Cried

Episode Date: October 20, 2025

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Welcome back to the basement yard. I was going to, I don't, I'm starting to run out of ideas of what to do at the start of this. Should I just? I feel like that's what our show is. When people always ask, like, oh, how do you guys prep? I'm like, we definitely start the show without knowing where we're going to go. Yeah. I mean, I think, like, you need to just like.

Get the jitters out. The cobwebs. You need to get the jit. I don't know if the jitters are what I'm getting out. I know you're going to say jizz. I'm not going to start. You're going to get the jizz out. What would you do?

If you got the jizz out? If like I like legit was, no. I can't even say that. I wouldn't do that. Do what? Jerk off right now. On the show? No, like, why are you crying?

What are you doing? My dog's here. He's already causing a scene. He's beat. Oh, look at here he goes. Beat me up. He's fucking little rat. Come up here, buddy.

He's crying because he, because he. Who's this? Say something in a say, go. Okay. What if he just started talking? That would be pretty. started talking right there would be pretty cool no that would be pretty cool what would be the first question you'd ask him do you love me a thousand percent obviously yeah yeah you honestly

okay so it's funny that this actually happened just now because this is a real thing i wanted to talk about yesterday i cried for the first time in a while so hard sobbing tears coming down my face because i saw a video of something with a dog you got to stop with these dog videos i'm gonna make you got to stop with these dog video you need to go see the horror movie what i need is a like I don't even know. I need to find a medicine that will make this thing live forever because I'm not going to be the same. This thing. He doesn't even view it as a person.

I definitely do. So this is the thing that made me cry. I saw this video yesterday. And it's a video of this couple and their dog and they're sitting on a bench and there's a sign next to them. And it says, it's our dog's last day. Give us some advice and him a treat. We brought lots. And it's like the sad music and they're sitting there and the dog is like whatever.

And then people are coming over and sitting with them. and like they have other dogs that come and they're just like hanging out and I'm like and then at the end of it's like the dog they killed I mean they I don't say they killed the dog they had to put the dog down right and I'm like oh my god and I just started like welling up I'm like this is so fucked up it's so sad the next video that I swip to and I'm gonna try and get through this without crying again because every time I read it it it fucking kills me I mean we'd probably do pretty good if you started crying on the show Joey this says to all other I can't even fucking read you got it you got it you got it you got it you got it you got it

it says to all the other doggies in heaven please be kind to my baby Jesus Christ and it's a little dog and it says he doesn't like being away from his mom and is scared of other dogs so then he should probably not go to doggy heaven he should go to like regular heaven don't oh that would be nice and then the comments are pictures of other people putting pictures of their dog and this one it's this This one is another dog, and it says, my girl arrived on Wednesday. She loved little dogs. She's got him.

And I was literally like, fuck that bitch, bro. Like, she knows I'm reading. Charlie is her name. And then this one, my big boys got him. He always looked after his little pug. Bro, if you go in the comments, it's all... Oh, that's sweet. It's a sense of community.

See, that's what social media and the internet should be. He's crying, dude. It's like a big hug. Instead, it's a big... I agree. It's a big this. Bro, the thing that... That's the internet.

What? The thing that made me like Start crying or whatever In this first video It's like look at this These are random people coming And they're like sitting down And with their dogs

Like this is so sweet That's acts of kind of I'm gonna tell you this What is it called on TikTok I think it's called like Hopecore It's like Hopecore videos Yes Hopecore videos get me

Every single time And they have that same song over it That gets me every time When I mean It's called a thousand years Colors and things Bob

You know what else I saw? Because that was also That was like Hope Corps This whole shit Hope Corps It was just all videos That were gonna make me cry I saw a video

And it was a guy And he's doing something With his daughter They're like mixing something Like they're about to bake Or some shit And then the girl out of nowhere Just goes

Daddy you're my best friend And the dad's like Those fuck me up And I literally was like I'm not gonna survive children At all Dude you are not You are not

I was putting Ruby to sleep yesterday. Oh, God. And it's, first of all, the little parts of life are the most beautiful with kids. Because, like, you don't realize, like, you were like, oh, I love you, blah, blah, blah. But then you hear it from them, like, unprompted. You can be like, oh, do you love daddy?

Yes, I love daddy. Oh, that's nice. That means something, but also I ask you. Like, give it to me real. I'm putting her to sleep. And she's like, can you scratch my back and sing me a song? Of course, absolutely. My God, this is your daughter.

You would ask me to do that. Of course. I do whatever. Yeah. And then I go, all right. You know, I say my, my, my, my, my, like, bedtime words to her and whatever. And she goes, no, please stay for 20, 50 minutes. That's what she thinks of like, when she thinks of things in like big numbers terms, she goes, 2050.

And I'm like, you want me to stay? And she goes, yeah. And I go, why? And she goes, well, it's because I love you so much. Yeah. I mean, I'm not that way. I'm sleeping in the room. I'm not kidding.

I would have stayed there. until now. The year 2050. The year 2050. That's not that long. That's only 27 years, Joe. It's a long time. I definitely didn't add right.

It's 25. Bad, man. But like, dude, Hope Corps. Hope Corps. Because like, that's what the internet should be.

It should be the community set. Because the internet, here we go. Negative. You ready? It's negative. You ready? You ready?

Fucking internet. The internet. has just become just a fucking dirty diaper of a place. A dirty diaper. Like, you see that, you know it's there, and you see that it's a diaper. And then you're just like, oh, it's sagin. I know what's making it sag. Shit and piss.

Yeah, I think we're focusing on the diaper too much. I think we're doing. It feels like you have like, did you deal with a big dirty diaper today or something? Oh, every day, baby. Every day. Every day. Every day. Every day's a blowout.

Bastards up. It's a blowout up the back. I'm just saying like, the internet was supposed to be a communal place that is representative. I genuinely believe, genuinely believe that normal people within our society are kind-hearted. Most people are kind-hearted are vying and looking for a sense of belonging and acceptance and community. So when the internet does that? Why did I go to Manuscalcourt? Yeah, I don't know.

What the internet does that? You hear what I'm saying? I follow some pages that do that. I get so fucking frothed up. Dude, there's one page. That's a crazy way to describe. We're back to come, man. Yeah, I guess.

There's one page that does the whole, like, this streamer had no views. Yeah. And they're like, I donated a dollar. And then they were like, oh, thank you so much. And then they get. thousands of you I fucking love it

Yeah I love that shit So how long did you cry A good 15 That's it That's it Well I was going through Like I'm talking about a real 15 by the way I was laughing

Because I'm like I'm crazy I'm crazy I'm laughing And I liked it Because I hadn't cried in a while So I was like Yeah no I'm Frank I was bursting out laughing

Like laughing crying Laughing my ass off And crying And I just kept on Like you fucking bitch Were you alone no Nicole's videotaping me like I'm a fucking psychopath like and I'm like yeah it's great I mean she was crying anyone who's watching those kinds of things you're gonna cry well I think it's also good to reset

your emotional balance you gotta get it out and as it was coming at like as I was crying because then I was crying and I like that's what made made it so funny to me because I'm crying and then I can still feel that I have still I still have more crying got crying in my cry in your throat. I love feeling cry in my throat. Yeah, like, you know when you start crying, you're like, I got more because it's all packed in right here. And you feel it. You're like, there it is. It's right there. I could, if I like shove my fingers down my throat, I touch the cry. Exactly. Because it's so palpable. I want to just, just scream. I just want to go, oh, well, good and cry. A good cry scales. Okay. The scales of our emotions. Every now and then,

you need to reset them. You need to rebalance. recalibrate your emotional stability. You just got to let it out. So it's good to find a little hope and love and joy. On the internet. Because you don't know where it is. Bro, you don't know. You got to find it sometimes.

You know what's interesting. And I know this is probably very obvious, but I'm going to say it anyway. Happiness is interesting. No. I was going to say that when you, especially like a day like today, it's a fall day.

It's nice and breezy. It's kind of cool. The sun is out. There's some clouds in the, sky it looks like the toy story fucking bedroom or whatever the fuck and you're walking around and you're like this is better than anything but we spend all our time online and online a lot of it is just negative and it's like oh if we just and i know a lot of people say it as like a disc it's like yo go touch grass but yo really big a month dude i am not kidding it's nice to be outside

i spent the last two days just kind of getting stuff done around the house not on my phone and at one point i just sat in the yard yeah and i just said sat there and I looked up at the sky and I saw the moon and I was like when's the last time I did this? You know what my sister said to me this morning because I went to my mom's and she said that she's like the other day I just laid on the grass. Yeah and just like was just watching

the house. Yo, one of my favorite things. Becca taught me this. One of my favorite things. She saw a study once and and it makes sense. She's like there is a whether it be correlation or what but a link between like a feeling of serotonin like not serotonin no serotonin yeah happy dopamine or dopamine whatever and getting your hands dirty

like in the grass like planting or in meatballs like meatballs oh my god I'm squishing meatballs when I fucking grab ground beef and I see your hand shit through its fingers yeah it starts pooping through your fingers there's nothing better than that dude there's nothing better nice

Just getting all the meatballs in your hands. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what you need to do soon? You know what I do with the kids every now and then? Make meatballs with your hands? We get, we cook down, we cook with fresh tomatoes, put them in a ball. Smush them, squish them. Smush them.

You know what I like? Avocado. But I don't like to hold. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. Wait, but if you have the masher and you're like, I like that, mash and that. I like that.

Yeah, I do like that a lot. I'm just... I like the... With like pepper. You know what I mean? Like... Oh, you like to ground? Like...

Yeah. Who's that guy? He's like a... He does like the meat. He's a meat guy on... What side? He's on TikTok. But he like...

He grabs the... I'm gonna use this happy Thursday here. He like grabs the pepper mill and he like spins it in his fingers and then he just fucking catches it. Hey, cranked that shit. Oh, is that the guy who's like, oh, he's got a toothpick in his mouth? He's got, and he's just like, today we're making the waggo of every bird. Wait, does he talk?

Yeah. Well, how else would he? Well, I think there's a guy that I've seen on TikTok and he like, always has a tank top and a tooth thing. No, no, no, no, no, no, it's another guy. He's got, this guy's got meat. He's got meat. They all got them. But, like, he's like, today we're cooking the waggoo of every, of like, three different types of brisket.

And it's like cheap, middle, 8, 5. Yeah, yeah. And he fucking spins it, and he's just like, ooh, listen, I'm going to help you. I'm going to, this is what Dr. Frankie's going to order for you. I got a prescription for you, okay? RX more of what I'm going to give you. Don't. Go home tonight.

Whoever's watching this, today, tonight, or in the next couple days when you have the availability. Stay home, put music on, and cook a meal that requires you to get your hands. Fresh pasta Let's make this easier Fresh song Get your hands in a bowl of meat And just get it a little Or even better

Go collect dirt Put your hands in the dirt A bowl of dirt And put a little water in there And just mix around I mean You know what I don't mind A worm I don't mind a worm

You like worms? If I'm touching the earth I don't like it What else are you getting them? I don't know if I had like a bag of like miracle grow and there's like a worm in there's like the fuck are you doing here but if I'm in the earth I'm touching the earth I don't mind a worm or Roli Polly! Oh I love a Roli Polly I used to kill them but I don't do it anymore. Good for you

but I used to be like I just think like there is I know we're saying the most obvious thing in the world that's what I was going to say for. And we're trying to like hijack it is like it's our idea now. No I know and I was like that's how you know we're fucked because I'm over here being like oh it's so nice to go outside. That's how fucked we are. Think about in 10 years what I just said will probably be like profound

I can almost and I'm saying go outside it will not be profound I can almost guarantee that I just think like there is and listen this is coming from a person that like loves to unwind what playing video games and like just kind of like puzzle

Beck and I started a puzzle recently what kind of puzzle you said like a 2,000 piece puzzle oh jig yeah what other puzzles are there 3D what is that you what's a three it's like you build it up

I've never even heard of that really they're really hard I thought I don't know like a puzzle I figured it could be like I don't know I don't see I don't know look what do you think I'm doing but a puzzle is kind of like a general jigsaw problem no but like it's so put it

I had to set up like a table in my room that's the worst I know I know it sucked but but like just like something where you can just kind of like aimlessly do nothing tap out and tap out and like if you want to go outside and you want to just

walk in the park, collect a pine cone. Go find a pine cone. Can you eat pine cones? I don't know. Acorns you can, but you got to boil the tannic acids out. The tannins. Oh. Okay. Yeah. But remember we used to decorate pine cones? I did it with the kids the other day. We got them. Rhinestones? They brought them home. They painted them. Painted them. Paint them. But like, see, like this is, we are so inundated with just like entertainment, your phone

and over here and streaming and fucking Apple music just do something that is so low lift let the wind hit you let the wind hit your fucking ass dude yo when's the last I'm not saying

I'm being dead seriously I'm not listen no no don't threaten indecent exposure I'm not going to tell people to do that bro when was the last time the wind has hit your ass though recently we got an outdoor shower You have an outdoor shower Hell yeah, babe

And you got out there And you dumped it And I was in that shower That's fine Is it surrounded Yeah, it is Nice You step out

You got your I step out I got my My towel on Where are you guys I thought you were gonna be Just like holding your shit No I step out

I got my towel on And I just Yeah Wow the breeze Yeah Yeah yeah Why did you use the shower outside For fun

And I got it What fuck you mean Just for fun Because I like to see the sky when I wash my fucking balls. Wasn't that be nice? That would be nice though. When's the last time you looked and saw the clouds while washing your cock?

Do you have a window? No, I don't have a window. Yes, you do have a window. How do you know if I have a window? I've been to your bathroom while you're in it and your shower. I'm showered in your bathroom with my ass out of here. No, I've seen, I've seen a cloud. It's nice.

Do me a favor. I like an outdoor shower. You know what I would do if I was you? Don't point. I would, if it rained, I would go to my backyard, roll around in the mud like a pig. Listen, it poured. It poured yesterday.

Guess what we said to the kids. Go play at a pub! TV off, door open, get the fuck back there. Yeah. And Mave and Ruby, we're sitting there, walking back and forth, just singing? I love being in the rain. I love the rain. Dude, I love being in the rain because, because a lot of R&B music videos I've watched.

You best believe anytime I get in the rain, I find a puddle and I kick like us. I like to be out in the rain because it just, it makes me feel like... Usher. It makes me feel like the song unwritten. You know what I mean? Release your inhibition. And I'm like, oh, I'm just out here and I don't even care. I'm so wet.

You know what? I'm taking this out. We're taking, the basement yard is starting a fucking movement. We're taking back the world. We're not doing it. We already know. But like, what we're saying is obvious. Just make a mess.

go somewhere and just make a fucking mess that's what I'm talking about this is what we're calling the fall we're saying make meatballs yeah make a mess you need to make a mess now that the fall is coming make a big giant thing of leaves

and jump in it messy fall you have to coin everything we're not coin in this well we did it you make a giant triangle of leaves and you're jumping it and you get a couple

couple ants on you, you get a couple of bug bites, whatever. Listen. You know how I feel. About leaves? About life. I hold on to a childlike imagination, sense of wonder, playfulness. You know that. You know that about me.

And I'm not just talking to Megasords. I'm talking just like in the way I go about. I like pranking people, making hobbies. Yeah. It's fun for me. Yeah. Let's bring that back. Let's reestablish

Let's reestablish a sense of just Joy and Wonder, Hope Corps. Frank, we're going to call. You're prefaceing a conversation that we are 18 minutes into that. We're already deep in the pool, baby. But like I'm establishing, we're gathering the basement yard, our fans and our supporters

are so fucking incredibly supportive and they get behind us with the movement. Get behind us with this movement. It's going to be called B. Y. Joy Corps. You know what I think about? You know that scene in, what's it called? Fucking Shawshank Redemption, where he's outside

and he just escaped prison and it's raining. No, I got a better scene. What is it? If it's a fucking Marvel movie. No, you're going to like this one. The remake of the longest yard, where they're practicing in the room. And they're just having fun.

And it's CCR. Just, ha, I want to know. Have you all seen the rain? Boom, boom, boom Grown men playing in a puddle What's better than that? That's weird coming out of my mouth No, no, no, no, no, no.

But you get what I mean? They can play in puddles, but when they make puddles, that's when it's a problem. Now I'm confused. The kids come. Yeah, no, that's great. Oh my God, I want to go jump in a puddle right now.

Listen, I saw a dog yesterday. I went for a walk, and there was a dog walking over, and there was a puddle because it rained. And he was drinking out of the puddle. And you like that. filthy little fucker. And I was like, that's disgusting. That's a filthy fucker. I think it's a, yeah. Yeah. I kind of

like when dogs like don't listen and they just jump into like mud and shit. Well, because in their nature. Hey! Hey! Hey! But Joey, in their nature? Are you going to explain the nature of a dog to me now? Like in there, like you, like this happens with kids all the time. When the kids see a puddle, they want to jump in it.

Go! Because there's a beauty in that. You see water and it's just like, you just want to jump in a puddle, watch a fucking splash out. You're preaching to the choir. Dude, messy fall That's all I'm saying I know you're getting on me For having a coin terms

I'm not saying messy fall I'm saying just in general I think for all of the seasons Like even in the winter Even in the sum In the spree Yeah but the sum is tough The sum is tough

No Some is tough Because yo get out there And slip and slide You can't get messy in the winter Because the ground is fucking rock solid Dude it's talking It's making snow angels

Get snow in your boots You don't get messy It still counts You get snow everywhere Yeah but I don't consider snow everywhere To be a mess because it cleans itself It's a metaphor I don't know if it's a metaphor

I don't think so but I'll like it You know what I mean Oh well see you see what happens You rebalancing your emotional Wellbeing crying Crying Brought out What is going to be the movement that sweeps the nation

We are going to be at the forefront We're going to be at the forefront We're going to be at the forefront of it we aren't we're not gonna be at the forefront it's very nice I like I definitely want to jump in a puddle at some point this year that's going on my bucket list I don't like how it ruins my shoes what water rain like jumping to a puddle and let me tell you something but like you know he won't ruin them guess what just throw them in the dry or guess what brother rough rough let the fucking dogies out

I'm talking Baja men I don't agree let the dogs out You should. I don't agree. Because I think there's something fun about letting your shoes just get wet. Let me ask you a serious question. Me? You guys spent a lot of time outdoors in the summer. Yeah.

You live in New York City, so there's not many times that you get to do this. When's the last time you were on grass, good grass, barefoot? I do that a lot when I go to my mom's. She has a little bit of grass. Just go and let the doggies bark on the lawn. Are you one of those people that don't let? like they don't like their feet out I'll have my feet out but I don't want to

ruin my shoes leave your shoes inside this is not that complicated you keep saying jump into mud and puddles okay but do it barefoot with mud and puddles well you have shoes

certain shoes that are like oh these are beat up so I can just wear them wherever these are my puddle jumping shoes I mean they could be that's literally called galoshes you can literally buy galas galosh I thought that was a soup yeah goulash no that's goulash Galoshes

What's the Russian prison? Gulag We're getting close now Okay A galosh Galoshes are Wait now you said Gulash again

You said goulash Galoshes That's multiple goulash No It's no That's goulash Galosh So what's goulash

Plural If you Four seconds of your time I'll get there He said it I think you're saying It's Say it again

Galoshes That was better I think Gulash Is soup Wait now he said Gulash Oh okay

It's a stew Is it a sewer soup? Whatever. I don't know because I've never had it because I'm not Russian. First of all, I've had it. My mom made it. And? All right.

Yeah. Thanks. It's kind of like meat. Gulag. Yeah. Russian prison. Call the duty, right. Galoshes are rain boots.

Oh. I don't know if I have a... You don't need them. Yeah. Go put your dogs in the fucking fucking earth. That's what I'm talking about. Release. your little feet ease feel the grass in your toes you can do it in your front yard you can do it

in your backyard cut me off come on come on cut me off cut me off cut me up this is where i needed to step in and take over i mean once you said something i was like oh we're getting somewhere i didn't know where it was going really good if you if you rhymed at the end i feel like we would have gotten a All right, alright. Yeah, that would have fell off a cliff, I will say. Let, let your... Don't try, don't try it. You're already burning and crashed.

What are you gonna do? You can't drive a car crash. You can't drive a car crash if there's still a little bit of life left in it. There isn't. I'm still... There isn't. I'm just saying, like, just go and just step outside. I know you, you don't have grass.

It's not that hard. What? That's what would rhyme with the yard. I don't know. I don't know what you're Let's write Why are we hyping on this song? You know what?

You know what? You and I Let's write the messy fall anthem. Okay. Natasha Bettingfield This is getting out of it. She will allow us

The creative freedom. She will allow us the creative freedom to write our own song loosely based off of unwritten. But it's about walking barefoot on grass in the fall

when the soft grass is out still and the dirt is soft. Yeah. Okay. We do have sponsors for the show today. I wonder who one of them is. Yeah. I wonder who it could be.

We have happy Thursday here, folks, okay? Happy Thursday. How are you doing? Right here, right on the desk. But they are bubble-free, so they're non-carbonated, spiked refreshers, and they taste amazing.

Which one is this? This is strawberry. This one is delicious, actually. that one, raspberry dragon fruit, and what's that one? Pineapple star fruit. Pineapple star fruit. These are not, I mean, that is not a common flavor that you have anywhere. So they have that.

They also have mango passion fruit. Two things that if I see them in a drink, I am getting it, okay? But they're smooth, they're easy, 4.4% alcohol, naturally flavored. And like I said, non-carbonated, so they taste really good and they go down easy. It's not going to make you all bloated or whatever, you know what I mean? So no fuss, no fizz, delicious. But to find out more and to find a happy Thursday near you, visit drinkhappythursday.com slash basement.

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So it's very helpful. But yeah, there's a lot of people that signed up with, BetterHelp that have reached out and said that it's helped them. And the biggest thing about it, in my opinion, is that they make it more affordable than in-person therapy, which is very expensive, even with the right insurance. But even a lot of therapists don't take insurances. So it's very expensive. But BetterHelp is more affordable. And you can save 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash baseme yard. So that is BetterHelp, spell the B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P-L-E-L-E-R to get 10% off of that first month. So get to it, folks. And whatever journey you're on, whether it be personal

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Baseman Yard and sign up on there. If you use the smart app, whether it be on the Google Play Store or the Apple store, they're going to charge you a couple extra bucks. I'll save yourself money. Patreon.com slash the Basemanyard. Thank you. We love you. We appreciate you. Now, also, if you're coming to any of the basement yard shows, there's not much left. I don't know. Honestly, by the time this comes out, I'm not sure exactly what is left. But go check out the basemanyard.com. See if there are any tickets left. There might be some available still for MSG, maybe some of the other shows. But check it out. We'd love to have you there. The shows have been so incredibly fun. on. We are so excited for the upcoming shows. As of recording, we have a couple, and then, you know, MSG is right around the corner. And if you're coming to any of those shows already, you already got tickets, go to the basemeyer.com slash submit. There's a portion of our show that we'd like it to be interactive. We talk to you, about you, with you. You submit cool, interesting, crazy, insane stories. And if we pick them, we talk at the end of the show about them and they're nuts. They've spawned some of the coolest, you know, conversations and funniest moments of these show so go check it out if you're coming to any of the shows the basemanyard.com slash submit let us know

what show you're coming to and then submit your responses all right we love you we appreciate you we miss you yeah all right fellas it's that time of the week again This name is Jacob Ullery. Dude, that's awesome. Yeah, it's great. He's the one who always makes the, like... The singing ones? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's incredible. Yeah, he's the man. That sounds like... That sounds like something. Magic is what it sounds like. It does sound like magic. So does that mean I have a theme song? I guess technically, yeah.

We don't even have one. What's the ant question? I'm supposed to have a question. Yeah. Well, if we play... You have an end question. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

If we play Ant question, you need to have an question. I'm kidding. I have it. So it's a little more of a scenario, but let's say this. You're in a pitch black field 40 meters away from a gunman. Can we go American feet? 120.

120 feet away from a gunman. And change. And change. He can't see you. He can't hear you. And he's going to fire a... Well, it's got to be an American because he's got a gun. That's fair.

He can't see you, and he's going to fire off one bullet at a time. You get a million dollars for each bullet he shoots. How many? Just me and him out there? Just me and you. Can I lay down? Me and you. You're the gunman?

I guess it's a million. No, yeah. Can I lay down? You could only stand. You can't crouch or lay down. Can I turn sideways? No, you got to face him. You got to face him head off.

Okay, fine. You got to be face to face. Yeah. Can I, I have to be within, I have to be exactly 120 feet away from him. You could get closer. You could get closer, but just not further. Why would I do that? Well, it depends where he's standing.

Maybe I'll get behind him. You can't see him either. I imagine you've got to set up within like 180 degrees, straight line. I mean, I'm letting them fire. off a couple. Really? Wait, how much do you get per bullet? A million.

I'd let him shoot one. There's no way. Do I have to stand in the exact same spot every single time? Let's say you can move around after each round. Or you could stay there. Ooh.

Am I also not able to hear? Because if he shoots in a direction, I'd be like, I'm going to go stand over there now. You can... I mean, I don't think you're going to be able... It's 120 feet. Like, a shot's going to sound like a shot. You're not going to hear it like whizz by.

It'd be like, oh, it was over there. Yeah, that's fair. If you heard it, is by I think it's better to stay in that spot probably um it would be hard to well no I think the rule of like if you I mean there's an unlimited amount unlimited there's an unlimited amount of why the phase you don't know that because I don't know if you said uh limited or unlimited is unlimited there's an unlimited amount of places that he could shoot but in theory the second one it would be minus one so unlimited minus one well he could still

shoot in the same area he could still shoot the same area yeah but you are banking on the possibility that like if I shoot here my next shot will not be there again it'll be anywhere else yeah I mean yeah just so you know what I just said contributed nothing yeah to any part of it you like doing that I did a little bit I I I think I would like if I can't see I mean it's pitch black so you know okay I think that if

I survived one shot and I felt like that wasn't even near me it would be hard not to let one more go I'm not going over three shots well a million dollars tax free sure you could have if I get shot and survive I get that mill you get that mill oh you do yeah sure and you could keep going I guess if it's not fatal if you really want I imagine once you get shot once you're done

Yeah, I step my toe and I'll be down. So I don't know. Hmm. I'd probably let one go. Hmm. I think I'll do the clip. I don't know if I know how far 120 feet is. Should we look it up, like a range?

No, no, no. I'm saying, like, right now. Like, how far is that wall? I would say that's maybe like 25 feet. Oh, really? Oh, that's far. Oh, how wide? It's a field.

Let's say it's a football field. He's in the center. Oh, football field? Let's say he's in the center. He's at half field. Why am I saying that? Yeah, what? Midfield.

Because I think that's close to 100 to 120 each side, right? Football field is 120 yards. Yeah, so. Across? Well, if you include the end zones. No, no, no, no, no. He means, it's like, I think it's 52 yards. Yeah.

So he's got 26 yards on either side. Oh, God. I mean, that's pretty big, dude. Definitely letting him shoot. 120 feet, so that's what? That's what? How many? So he's on the 60-yard line?

regardless it doesn't have to be on a football field but like yes that range helping me understand I think I'm I'd probably shoot twice and be like okay I'm getting out of here but like two

I think I think he would also have to get me in the face for it to be like and then like that's bad luck There are other parts of your body that if he shoots you that you will die instantly

Not if we have EMS on site Nope It will get you What's the stuff You ever see movies where like they take Like tampons Oh, no, no, no. It's like a black powder, and they should, like, shove it in there, and they, like, kind of hold it in.

And it's like, all right, get it, hold it. And they're like, what's the word that coagulates it? No. I don't know what movies you're watching, Joey. War movies. You're talking about when they put gunpowder in it? Does that help? Corterizes it?

I would that? No, that's like with hot. Yeah, they light it on fire. Is that what they're doing? You're not supposed to do that, though. Rambo did that once. Well, yeah, if Rambo did it. It's got to work.

It's got to work. I think, because I'm not a gambling, man, especially with my life. Right. I think I'm letting two shots off. Two million dollars. That's gambling with your life. I know, but like, that's, like, I would definitely do one. Yeah.

I would definitely do one because it's just, that's a million dollars. And the chances of me getting hit are so, very slim. So slim. I think after two, I would be like, I already have two. Like, I'm good. I don't need more than that. I already know your answer. It's going to be hot.

Yeah, he just said he's going to let the full clip go. 16? 16. Is that how much? A handgun is six. I thought it was nine. We don't know guns. There you go.

I thought a clip was 16. I mean, if you're doing like a fucking dirty hairy, it's like six shots. Yeah, I mean, I would imagine we would go a standard like, it doesn't matter how many shots it is.

Oh, no, they can reload. No, no, yeah, but I'm just saying one clip. What about like a $350? Magnum. Oh, that would do me. That'd be it.

Yeah. Any of the bullets would be it. Yeah, but that's a big one. Yeah, Joey. Just empty the clip on me. That's my answer. Well, not on you. I think that's the idea.

Yeah, it's fine. It's a cool story, too. Like, dude, he had nine bullets couldn't get me once. No, I said a cool story for. The grave? No. The obit?

Yeah, you're going to tell God that when you're dead? No, he'd probably make fun of me. That's true. God? If I got up there, it's like this other. I was going to say there might be some other reasons you might not even get to talk to the corporeal form. Wow.

It could be true. I'm right there with you, bud. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I'll be up there. You think so? Haven't? Yeah. Bro, I went to church until eighth grade.

He knows me. So did I. Yeah, Joey. There's things that happened while you were going to church that I think would have disqualified you. What did I do? There were things that you did. I'm going to hell?

Yeah. Oh, you're talking about like premarital? Sure. That's what I don't have sex before eighth grade. I didn't say then, Joey. No, now he knows. He knows that I'm doing it. I'm saying now, you're doing sex, dude.

Yeah, that's bad. You've done sex before. He forgives that. We're all doing it. I mean, you have to apologize. Sure, I'll say, Hail Mary. Probably too. Did you do your confession?

Or not confession. What's that called? Confirmation? Yeah, I'm confirmed. What's your confirmation name? James. And did you, like, when you, you go, I don't know if that's communion or confirmation.

where you have to go and then it's like you do confession and they give you homework and they're like say 10 hell mary's or something like that that's confession yeah i know but i don't know which one that is a part of like have you done that yeah and what did they do you remember how many prayers you had to do i think i did two to all fathers and one hell marry which is such a funny thing there was one it's called the act of contrition no one knows it's a long one and i don't know it it's not one of the popular ones you know the our father probably our father who we we've established that it's not who does art in heaven Halloween be thy name you know that's not I know hallowed be thy name my kingdom come it's thy kingdom come thy kingdom come because you don't have a kingdom I mean technically technically you have a house I have a home and a family that's my kingdom okay okay so my kingdom come my will thy will be done I will be done yeah on earth as it is in heaven yep give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Yep.

Yeah. And deliver us to temptation, but not from evil or something like that. Why would we go to temptation? Or remove us from temptation. Deliver us from temptation. Deliver us from temptation. Wait, what is it? Now you got me.

I honestly, I'm shocked I got here. The only reason why you know this is probably because you were in my house, right? No, you guys weren't doing a lot of hail mayor. The only reason I know Catholic grace is because of you. Well, yeah. You know? But how do you know our father then? I went to Sunday school for a couple years.

Did you? Yeah. Not many Were we in the same class? We had to have been in the same class. Yeah, not many. I don't remember that. You were the poster boy dude

A Sunday school, they were. No, my Sunday school teacher hated. No, they loved you. She heard me say, fuck it, Alex's house. Well, she was upset with you, but you apologized. I didn't. Why would I apologize? You apologized?

Well, I didn't even know that she was talking about me. I got to class and she was like, some people in here have a potty mouth. Yeah, Joey, people love You were the poster child for Sunday school. Frank, you weren't even there. I was there for like two or three. three years.

I hate it. Two or three years. I'm just letting you know. Listen, church. I know you're listening. Now you're speaking directly to the church. The Catholic church. The Catholic?

Oh, any church. Oh. No, actually, it's the Catholic one that I'm speaking to. I should probably not talk to them. You're going to talk to all the other churches? I probably shouldn't. Why shouldn't you talk to them? Well, it's, I don't, it's, I'm not qualified.

I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to insult anybody. it feels like you're about to please please stop no school on a Sunday morning is nuts well the idea I understand it's it's the Lord's Day I understand

but everyone's going to church anyway I understand who the Lord's day you gotta understand you gotta know that that's like you're you're setting you're setting yourself off a failure well Sunday 8 a.m.

be there what time was Sunday school it was like 10 to like 12 yeah yeah but I would much rather be in Sunday school than church back then. I was like, church sucks. Couldn't do it. Couldn't do it. Why were we talking about? I don't know. We're on Catholicism. How did we get to Catholicism from a shooting a gun into a room at us? Something about God. You were meeting your maker and stuff like that. Oh, yeah. No, I wouldn't

be or something. But you would let us in. You would give us, you would put a good word in for it. Oh, you'd be like, you'd be like the promoters at like the team clubs. I would be like, oh, he's with me. The email. Say my promo code at the door. Say promo code Joe Spotlight. Joe Spotlight. Spotlight Entertainment, Joe. Yeah. I would probably let off two shots.

Get that two mil and then I'm out of there. Yeah. We should film this video, though, with like a paintball gun. Okay. Well, none of us have a gun. But I think we should film that video. I think that'd be cool. What would we use?

I haven't been shot with a paintball gun. Yeah, I haven't been shot with a paintball gun. while. A BB gun. A BB gun? A BB gun. I haven't even like seen it BB gun. Since like 2000. I've seen BB guns. So where? We would all be in a pitch black. Well, it's not going to be pitch black. You know what we should get? We should get the We should get the orbies guns. What is that? Oh, I know what orbies are, but like, they're, they look like. But they hurt? Guns to hurt. You want it to hurt? Yeah. Oh, all right. And then I guess we'll do paintball. This is scary. You need some fear.

This is, you need some fear? I mean, you're going to wear a helmet, a face mask and shit. Yeah. And cover your little polinos. Don't talk about my polinos. Okay. What is the, but if it's a, see, here's the thing. If it's a real gun, that's different than a paintball gun.

Bro, if it's a paintball gun, you can shoot me in the fucking face. Yeah, okay. So we'll do, each shot is $100. like whatever I'm not leaving that room brother Okay but if you if you get shot Like if you're like oh

Like you three shots And now you're like I have 300 bucks Like I'm chilling But if you eventually get shot Before you cash out Then you owe the gunman that money Oh So wait wait wait wait

Hold on hold on So let's say I get I'm in the room And someone lets off six shots 600 bucks On the seventh shot If I get hit I owe them 700 bucks

Yeah I'm not doing that well this is the dilemma I'm not doing that ever like nothing you were about to sacrifice your life for two shots for two million dollars

yeah I guess so but I don't want to pay someone pay me yeah I mean that's why you gotta be strategic I'll get a thousand get out of there

how do I tap out just tap out tap tap tap out yeah you're just like I'm done I'm done if it's a paintball if it's paintballs I'm staying in that room

for a while I think if you get shot in the face that's double who's shooting I think that whoever wants to shoot I'm a good shot although I'll be blindfold It doesn't matter

I don't know I'll do it You do what Whichever I think we should do this video I think that would be cool Okay we can set it up Yeah

This is gonna be hysterical Because who are you gonna get in that room We should just do a metal baby I feel like that's worse Yeah exactly You gotta be careful with metal BB They can get like lodged and shit You're a little massacist.

You want to be scared. He likes to, he has to turn it up. Yeah. He has to, he has to, he has to bring it to the end up. How about we chain up our wrists and then slap some duct tape on our tits? What if we use an actual gun? Yeah. That's what I can see, saying.

Oh, that's too much. What if we do is shirtless? Yeah. That's what you would say. Yeah. That's what you would say. And then you would say, like, the loser has to eat this fire cheeseball. Or we tape those squeaky chickens to your feet and you have to run around. That'd be funny. Oh, no, no, so they're going to hear it.

They have to hold it in their mouth. They have to hold it in their house or if they get hit and they're I meant Morrisson. I'm not kidding. What is happening? That's the worst

contribution I've ever had to this show ever. Are you talking about like the like the yellow chicken? Yeah. If you tape them to your feet and when they run around

the gunmen can hear them and then they stop is like why would you run? Yeah, why would you move at all? Let's say you have to move every time. That would make it too easy. Yeah, that would make it too easy for the gunmen.

Too easy. It's blindfolded. Yeah, but if you hear a general direction of where they are. But there's six of them. Then you're... Six one, what? Someone's getting hit. There's six of us in there.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not doing this. All, fine. We'll workshop it, but we'll do it. I think... I'll figure it out. Realistically, if we were to do something like that, like paintball in a room or something like that,

10 shots. That's what you said. Thousand hours. I think I'm sticking around for 10. might get a clap though yeah where does the money come from also the gunman yeah

maybe Joe just shoots maybe I just shoot yeah but I might get paid oh I have to pay the people like if I'm the gunman like it's like I owe you if they get out yeah oh then why I mean you don't have to be the gunman

he's setting himself up to be the gunman and we just pay him it's just a video we're just paying him He just wants to shoot us. No. I just take it off. Idiots. What I said he went paintballing?

Like right after high school. And it was a lot of fun. I love paintball so much. I like it too. Didn't we just have the conversation about me? Oh, we were in like somewhere talking about it. There's this place out in Long Island that has like a fucking plane. Yeah, that's just sick.

Yeah, that would be fucking that would be really, really cool. I was really good at paintball. Here we go. I'm no, no, no, I'm serious. I was really, really good. There was that paintball place in Long Island City, the indoor one, the speedball one. Yeah. And like, I would go often with my brothers.

And like, because it was like, if you only showed up with like two or three kids, they'd just put you with another party. And we got put with a group of like, like, semi-pro players. And then you killed all of them. No, no, no, no, no. And then you went to the White House and you like, you just built a monument of you in front of the whole thing and put your picture on the wall. And you were only eight years old and everyone else was like 32. Who? Paintball legend was sitting way here.

You see what I got to put up with. You see, I can't even tell a story without him fucking jumping down my throat. I used to go to the big game, they called it, and it was at Deer Park, and there was helicopters and tanks. And it was like 100 v. 100. The big game? You want to hear a story. This is a good one. Okay.

We went once at the lake. We went, we did like the kids versus the parents. We were like 12 at the time, and it was like me, my brothers, the Espo's, Pat, and we played like six. So it was literally like, I think it was like eight on seven or something like that, but like there were two girls at the lake. I don't want to say who they are if they don't want to give them away, but like you know who they are. Okay. Of an Irish family. Yep.

Yep. I couldn't stand them at the time. Irish people playing paintball is a dangerous game because they bruise like peaches. Dude, I couldn't stand them at the time Not both of them, one of them, I couldn't stand at the time Because she was just annoying and mean and rude So I said that day, a 12 year old I said I was like, yo, if this person is on the other team

Like, I'm going to shoot them Like I'm going to get them Well, that's the, I know, but like It was like I'm going to go out of my way To find this person and I didn't And we played like five games And on the last game They were just like, all right, how many balls?

You guys had like 20, minutes left to just play until you're done but if you run out of bullets put your hands in the air with your gun and just say I'm out and let them like walk across I feel like I know where this is going I'm behind a fucking log or a bunker or something and I see

them walking by with it was the two of them and then one of our friends moms and I see them walking by and I look at my buddy Brian and I go now or never and I fucking

big baby Were they out of ammo? Yeah, they were out, yeah. What a fucking piece of that? I was, but shot an innocent civilian. Technically, that's what's happened. This person's dad was on the other team also and found out. He ran up to me.

He got as close as you could get, and he shot me right on the inner thigh. Hell yeah. Like, I don't bruise or wealth very easily. That was like the worst of the worst that I've ever gotten in my entire life. It just missed my polinov. Did he say something cool? Fuck you, probably.

I'm back. Bang! Something like that. Big mistake. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Your toast. Your toast. Your toast is a good one. That's a, I don't even know what to.

Here's Daddy. I, no. That feels, you're making it like a different kind of video. No, no. Here's daddy. Here's this welt on your thigh. Jesus, take it easy. You did that.

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and before we uh uh end here i i do want to talk about something uh you actually brought up before this and that is that there's been stories that people uh they found that there's like alien dna and people that have claimed to be abducted does that i mean and this is like you've heard the stories that people get abducted and then they get probed and you know for whatever reason we don't know if it's for sport or if it's for research purposes i have no idea i mean but that's a common thing it's like one of the well-known things about like alien abductions is like they're probing yeah which for those of you guys that don't know what that is it most of the time it's sticking things anally yeah yeah yeah but finding DNA what is that i mean that's good

I know. Come on. There's traces of, what is that? What is that? How do you know it's alien DNA? I guess it's like, I guess it's just like they can't, they can't tell. I mean, DNA is, you can tell if it's like from an animal, a human or something. So like, if they're just like, what is his DNA?

This person was abducted, the animal, the alien is. It feels like something happens. It seems like something is going on. I would, I mean, we actually spoke to someone on OPL that claimed to have been abducted. And the way that they talked about it, I found to be a little fascinating, actually, because it's, they were like, it feels so real to me. But in a logical mind, you're kind of like, that couldn't have happened, but it feels so real to them. Here's the thing. I have had, not recently, but like in my lifetime, I have had dreams where I've been like, whoa, like that felt real.

But when you wake up, you're like, that was a dream. Or was it? You know, like, I've had that happen now? I have, yeah, I've had, I've had that happen. Like, you're still unsure, I mean? No, I know it was a dream now, but, like, with the benefit of hindsight now, like, of course, there wasn't a face in my wall looking at me and laughing while spitting a blue ooze. But, like... That was it?

Yeah, man, that episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark fucked me up. You were a child. I was a child, yeah. And I had it as a adult. But what I'm saying, though, is that, like, it takes me a couple minutes, but, like, I could imagine that there are people that have had dreams that have been so intense. to the point where it's like they can't make the distinction whatsoever. Yeah.

I mean, that happens to me sometimes, but I think that's just me being like paranoid. Like sometimes I'll have a dream of like, this is a stupid example. I can't think of an example of the top of my head. But if I had a dream that like my leg got cut off or something, right?

I would sometimes I wake up and I like, just check my legs. You know, even though I wake up and I'm in my bed, I'm like, obviously that was not real. But I check. But like, but you got demons, right? I have demons Like sleep paralysis

Demons I don't have that That's not my experience With sleep paralysis I do have that There are people that have It's a well documented phenomena That like people experience

Sleep Paralysis Is that happen to you? No thank God You get sleep paralysis? I've never I have I consider myself quite lucky And I'm gonna knock on As much wood as I can

I have never experienced sleep paralysis And I consider myself very lucky It's happened to me three times You have but do you have like A figure that you see? Yeah it was an old woman Oh oh fuck that Yeah, I get, I get, wait, hold on, you were, so, walk me.

I was laying down on my back, and I was just like, my eyes opened, but I couldn't move. Right. And then, like, this old woman was just, like, floating right here on top of me. And then, like. What she looked like? And she was, it was very scary. And I couldn't. Yeah, it makes sense.

And I couldn't move. So, like, slowly, I was just like, uh, bitch. You used all the strength to call her abyss? The only thing I could get out is the only thing that you could think of as this old sleep woman demon is hovering over you is to insult her. Yeah. Was she flying or she was kind of leaning over it.

I don't, that part I don't know, but it felt like she was floating. Did she look like, did you watch the, the, what movies are those? Not the conjuring, the other ones, the insidious. Insidious movie. She looked like that woman. Valic, I think, is the name of that. No, no, she was old, like older. Valic's like a nun thing.

She was just like an old, scary woman. Oh, my God. And I just, like, the only thing I could get out was like, bitch. What does it feel like when you come out of that? Because that's not my experience with it. You, like, finally, it doesn't, it's not all at once. Like, I can move my arm. And then, like, as soon as you can get one body part out, like, everything comes out.

Like, everything comes out. Your brain turns on. Got it. That's crazy. For me, I, I never see anything. But it feels like I'm awake, but my eyes aren't open. Like, I can't see my room. But my mind is awake and I can't see anything because my eyes are closed and I can't move. So then I start panicking and I feel like I can't breathe.

So I'm trying to like regulate my breathing. And then I'm trying to like move my leg like so hard. And it feels like I'm moving it like a tiny bit. And then eventually when I come out of it, I come out of it all at once. I'm like, oh, God, thank you. I consider like I said, I consider myself very lucky that I never experienced that. I have during my life experienced two things. One more frequently.

this is going to make sense to nobody and it's so stupid sounding but like it's a very weird one is like I feel like I'm this happened to me like a couple days ago I feel like I'm moving at the speed of light like I feel I'm not kidding in your sleep

like as I'm laying there like if I like blank or roll over or something it feels like it's happening at literal superhuman speed like super speed super speed like you rolling over like whether I like if

If I were to like do this or like blank or roll over or something, I'm not. It's like you're just, it feels like to me like it is happening like the flash. What the hell? Very weird. The other one, which is so weird. And I remember I used to get this as a kid and it like very randomly happens. This is going to make no sense. But it's called the sharp rounds.

I call it, it's not called that. I call it the sharp rounds. I was just about to ask it. It's not called that. I call it the sharp rounds. We're like, there's this feeling, and I can't, it's not like I'm touching anything, I'm not moving, it's just this feeling of like things around but sharp at the same time. And like, if I were to like rub my hand around like a pillow, it's a rounded pillow, but it feels like it's cutting my hand. It's so weird.

But this is happening in your dreams? In my sleep as I'm trying to fall asleep. I'm very, I consider myself very lucky. I fall asleep very easily The sharp rounds And I remember as a kid And like very Very randomly rarely happens

I don't know the rhyme or reason When's the last time you had the sharp rounds Within the last like month And and But like before that years But is that like in a dream You're walking around and touching stuff? No no no no like

I am I know I'm actively trying to like You know like You have to like pretend you're sleeping In order to fall asleep Like you're like in twilight Yeah yeah yeah And like there's just this feeling of just like there's round things like your pillow whether it be the pillow or just

like I can feel that there's something over there that's round but sharp it's it sounds so crazy so you don't actually have to touch it no but like then I think about touching it and I'm like that's a sharp round hence the name it's so weird what I was thinking was maybe like you don't realize that your hands asleep and you're touching something but like it's also it is but isn't a tactile thing like I can imagine touching something and it and it is that but then I could also just think about it you never looked up this i've never looked i've never i've also never shared this with anyone outside of becca before oh i had to sharp rounds last night i feel honored thank you well and now all of the well that's that's interesting i don't know if i have

anything like that when i when i do have sleep paralysis though and i get out of it my body is so tired it's almost like what i imagine anesthesia's like where i'm so tired and i know that once i fall back asleep, it's going to happen again. So I wake up and then I like can feel myself like, and I'm like, I just, it's going to happen again. I have to fall back asleep and I get it again. I'm going to tell you some. Not with anesthesia is like, literally anesthesia is just like, like, it's the blink

of an eye. Well, I just imagine like, you know, like the feeling of like you're getting tired and you're going. No. That's what it feels like. At least my experience with anesthesia was not like, oh, I'm getting sleep here. I'm getting sleep here. It's literally like here, there, there.

Like, it's. And I know everyone's. Is different. Let me make that very clear. But it was like, I hate that because I know it's going to happen again. I had another one where I was facing the wall and just like this shadow was coming up the wall very slowly. And I was like, it just didn't feel right. You watched a lot of goosebumps.

I watch a lot. I'm a big horror guy. I love horror. But that one I came out of like, oh, no. Like that one, I was like, oh, that one was bad. Like that actually, like I had to get out of that one like now. You know what happens to me a lot because I'm blind? I have to take my contacts out and then I go to the bathroom and sometimes I'll walk out into my room.

and certain things look like other shit like it looks like a person standing there if it's like a plant or like a jacket hanging or whatever and like it sometimes it like really freaks me out like I'm like oh jay and like it just gets me because I'm just seeing like shapes like it's dark I can't see like but what do you think would be there

I don't know like sometimes it looks like someone bending over like grabbing something or like yeah it's different when you have like you guys well you're in a house You're in an apartment, but, like, you have one way in and out of your apartment. I have... I'm not thinking about that, though.

Oh, I am. In the middle of the night. Well, once you have a house, you will because you have front door, backdoor, window. Well, then that's when I'll, like, probably be like, oh, this really could be so long. That's when you get, simply safe. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But, yeah, all this stemming from the possibility that aliens are coming in people. Yeah, that's a tough one.

That's insane. I would, like, now that that information came out, I'm not telling anyone I got abducted I mean well people were saying when they get abducted that they do get probed they're like it was a real thing and the guy that we had talked to on other people's lives said that he vividly remembers being like on a ship like a door opening up and him being and like seeing people around can I ask you a serious question if you could opt into being abducted probing is in there you're going to have to yeah are you doing it No. Do they give me a goody bag? Like, here's some merch on your way out. Come in your butt. Yeah.

Here's some alien cream pie. Yeah. No. That's the fucking goody bag is you get cream pieed by an alien. It would be interesting to know that it's like a real thing. I pulled up the article. Like getting beamed up. I would like, I would like to not beamed up.

What? If I would like, if I were to be abducted, I would like the technology to be. kind of close enough to what we have here on earth because if I got beamed out I'd be like yo that was so cool I need to have that happen again like I'd like it just be like they guide me onto a ship you'd be begging for another deduction I'd be like yo beam me daddy

you broke me again what's the say in the article um I don't know how true any of this is but so this person Dr. Max Rempel just went to the people who claimed who got abducted uh sampled their DNA and out of that at least 11 families had large chunks of DNA that didn't belong to either parent or their immediate family

when they came back from the adoption. See, this is interesting. It's possible, man. It's possible. Do you think that eventually that means that they can, like, their child will have more of that DNA? Ooh, that would be cool. And now eventually we'll all be aliens, but we're all aliens. We're all aliens.

It's like sleeper cells. You remember that? The idea that like they can like maybe like activate it. Like, what movie was that? Gardens of the Galaxy Volume 2. We're like ego. goes and like puts his seed in different planets and then he can just be like got it and they fucking start

like what if the aliens are doing that so then when the time comes they just be like yo by the way we've been inseminating for a lack of better terms people on your planet for the last 500 years and it's DNA that follows down maybe so like there's like they can

activate like a sleeper cell alien supporters or maybe they're just like you know the sailors of the intergalactic world and they're just stopping at fucking any port and banging a fish yeah yeah like they're just like stopping at like

wait what what what did you say and like you said banging a fish and like banging a fish no you never heard the thing about like port and a storm baby like sailors they back in the day they would show up to places and like they would have sex with women because they're leaving ever heard the song brandy by looking glass oh I thought you're saying we were the fish

no one is having sex with fish why are you bringing a fish because you said sailor yeah I thought to the alien coming in our butts we were the fish all right no one's a fish and also let's talking about human beings let's like a sailor so the the idea is like a sailor back in the day would get to like new york for instance and they would go out to the bars and stuff and and they would hook up with girls but then they just leave but they wouldn't use protection it's like i'm never going to see this woman again because it was back in the day so we're the girls we are the girls we are the girls and they would

show up brandy brandy you're a fine girl what a good wife you would be but my life my love and my lady is the sea they gotta get out of there maybe you know like so they they're just showing up me like ah you know we'll probe a couple of these bastards and get the hell out of here they'll never see us or what if it's like that's kind of funny to what if it's like the equivalent of like fucking like people on like stag parties you know we're like they're just like oh we're gonna go for like we're going to Vegas for stag party and it's like the aliens just like yo we're going to earth for bachelor party what's a stag party i don't know i've heard of it don't care Bachelor party is what I meant

Yeah, I don't know But you know what I mean? Like we're going for King Cyan's Bachelor party We're going to Earth Wait till you see what they got down there And they show up and they landed like

Alabama Yeah And it's just a racist old white man I mean it's such a crazy thing man And I honestly sympathize with those people Because imagine something like that happening And feeling like No one's believing that this happened

Like that would be so tough That's something that, like, you know is real, and you're like, I know that it's unusual, but I know it's real. That would be very isolating, and I, and I, and I, in that, in that regard, I am sympathetic to people that that has happened to because I can imagine the feeling of isolation and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, what if the, you're just like, yo, we picked up. They're going to get you. They're gonna get you If they're fucking If they're going for anybody They want you, Joey

I don't know about that You think so? I don't know Tell me more About what? Me You're probable That's not what I wanted

That is what he wanted I don't want it I didn't want that If Alien would choose anybody to probe I think they choose you Why? You're very desirable To probe

Well see To probe Why though Where do you think you rank At a us three to probe just in out of ten i think i'm probable but what level is probable because technically all of them are probable a technicality technical frank technical frank um seven and a half out of ten six and a half nine and a half nine dude that's nine and a half that's like you're

begging for the probe seven and a half and you're please probe me dad yeah um i think i think it'd be No, I'm not probable. I'm a four. Oh, you're way higher than a four. I really wonder, have you guys ever seen like a UFO or something like that? Oh. I don't think so.

Becca, like, recently, like, look through, like, an old video and she's like, there's a UFO in the back. Well, how old was the video? Four years ago. Oh, that's not that. I thought it meant, like, an old video. I'm like, oh, maybe it was a camera or something.

You guys had a UFO problem, right, or something? What? The drones last year. The drones, yeah. It feels like that was decades ago, dude. That does. Remember everyone was freaking out because of the drones? I do, yeah.

I mean, that was an interesting thing. Bro, I also one night was laughing so hard because there were people saying that there was a, bro, and maybe this is true, but it's just funny to, like, I don't know, someone's like, there's a mothership off the coast of New Jersey. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the drones are coming from the mothership. Yeah. And I was laughing so hard at that. one at that like if you're just speculating that

to me that's hysterical and if that's real even funny even funny because it's like we are fuck mothership yeah yeah yeah mothership it is it is kind of like mothership that's my approach

with all these like scary things is like I have to find something to laugh at about them because if not I will be terrified and I will crumble you imagine like yo there's a ship the size of Puerto Rico like who cares imagine like in the past Yeah, bro, I think about that a lot.

I do too. Whenever I see clouds that like look like a line, I'm like, imagine the coming out. I do that anytime I go over like a bridge. I like look out in the horizon and like imagine I see something just like coming over the horizon and I'm just like a big monster or a ship. Either or. Yeah, yeah. I like to imagine. I would like to imagine nothing.

I do imagine a lot. I do too, but I would like not to. Okay. Well, that's the paranoia That's against me It's a vicious circle If you're the one that saw it It'd be very unfortunate

That it's like Oh, this had to happen here Like why is it so close Like I would much rather see it on TV somewhere else I would like to think That I'd be able to drive away from it That ain't happening Did you hear what I said?

You would like to think Like to think Is that the keyword there You would need everyone else to drive away Traffic, you get stuck by in a car Now you have to run I don't think you can out run it I will say

I think that the idea of like you know like Godzilla like there's something very deep in the water that's like a big monster or whatever I kind of enjoy it you lose Frankie you lose Frankie

what about if it was like a giant squid but it was fucking mass you lose me I'm not contributing to this conversation that would be so cool that is I'm not kidding I am not I really don't think I'm like afraid of much

like actual stuff like actual stuff you're afraid of a What? No, like actual things. Like, I'm not afraid of, like, snakes or bugs or, you know, like, it's theories that I'm afraid of. You can do that all day. Yeah, but that, the ocean, like the idea, like, we saw those videos. A giant squid. Where it's just, like, a giant something under the ocean. That wouldn't really scare me that much because, like, I'm not going out on the open ocean anyway. You fly over it. Yeah, it's a squid.

I mean, what if it's a big one? Dude, if a Cracken, let's say, can, is so big it could reach a plane, it's over anyway. Yeah, I mean, they're not going to pull it out of the sky. They might. Something that big also is kind of like, they probably can't even see the,

what are we doing? I'm like the thing so big I probably can't even see the plane. Oh, man, it will never get the Delta flight. I will say, I'm not trying to shit all over a spirit because they've had a rough go but those are bright yellow planes

the Cracken would see those they would see the bright yellow ones Alright we gotta stop talking about planes We're about to start flying soon I think we're safe from the Cracken I think it's more likely maybe it'll throw a boat What about a Megalodon That's cool

Big fucking shark That's big shark Listen when it comes to stuff under the water Because guess what? You look out, you see the ocean. You don't see underneath. But you don't have to go in. You're protected by the land.

Yeah, but why does that bother you? Because what if it could like walk, like Cloverfield Monster? A shark? Or a Cloverfield Monster. Oh, yeah, that's not good. I mean, we shoot some rockets at it or something. And then what? What happened to the Cloverfield Monster?

I don't remember how that movie ended. It wasn't great. I can spoil it. That movie's incredible. You can spoil it. It was a hundred years old. I'm saying how it ended. I'm 17.

It wasn't great for that thing. Did they kill it? That feels like not a yes or no? There's a little stinger at the end where there's a little voice now. It goes, it's still alive. Oh, okay. I love Cloverfield so much. Don't even get me started on my Cloverfield love.

I know, you loved that thing. I love Cloverfield. And then all the adjacent stuff, most of the adjacent stuff. Cloverfield Paradox, big disappointment. Ten Cloverfield Lane. Was that John Goodman? Yeah. That was a good one.

That's a goodie. Yeah. Ooh, I would like a bunker one day. That'd be fun. I mean you're your big billionaire Joe You'll have one I think you get invited to one I don't think you need to make one

Yeah they don't want you don't need to make it They'll just be like oh yeah yeah And that's the cool one Come here, come here You got a couple invites though I'll tell you what For a bunker invite I might go to the Illuminati

Yeah? Okay All right that's fair They heard that Them and the aliens The aliens are getting ready to cream you And the Illuminati is like wait us first I don't think you're making It's plus one

No no no no I would like to stay my family yeah you got to go down to ship well you do i'll go down with this ship and i'll die my love in surrender i don't know that song there will be learned my door oh what's that love i love i don't remember i don't remember the name of it but i remember the song you definitely know the song is that nor is that Fiona apple oh I don't know and I will go down with this shit is that the name of the song no I won't mind and surrender look it out there I mean you can't play the song I know I know you got but if you if you look up the name of the song just type I will go down with this ship song lady song a lady

Ditto, white flag Dido. Dido. Dido. Who's Fiona Apple? Yeah, what was that? Is she? Do you remember Fiona Apple? No. She was a singer.

What does Fiona Apple sing? Let's see. Top Fiona Apple songs. Criminal, I want you to love me. Pure Imagination, limp. Limp. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

Fiona Apple. It does sound familiar. I thought it was like a card. tune character, though. Remember Nelly Furtado? Hell yeah. Pramistuous girl. That's Timblin.

Well, but it's him and her. I know, but you did his voice out of the song. I know. Miss you as bye. You're all your name. You're better. Baby. Don't be mad.

Don't be me. Don't be me. Damn. Wow. Throw back. I can see you with a t-shirt on. I can see you want my t-shirt. Oh.

wait she can see us with her teeth i don't know i don't remember yeah i don't you know what i mean girl number fucking shouldn't say it what was this song with jessica simpson oh she's like nothing but a t-shirt on now that's so beautiful maybe as i do now now that i'm with you with you i remember when that song came out i was like oh it's the hottest thing the girl can wear of course you did yeah i swear to god yeah i was so who did more for like like that song or like when Drake was just like Sweat piss, heads out chilling with no makeup on Yeah, yeah

That one was oh my God, dude I yeah I do like a sweat pant Look hair tied chilling with no makeup on That's when you're the prettiest I hope that you don't take it wrong I don't know how that's taking it wrong But I don't know why he said that

Anyway We went all over the place today Hope you guys enjoyed that We started with Joey crying We ended with Drake right so there you go uh but yeah guys uh go check out the patreon patreon dot com slash the baseman yard uh and yeah we have some shows i guess coming up there might be a couple of tickets left to certain places so go check that out the basemanyard dot com frank where can they find you

uh the frank alvarez everywhere make sure you go check out the hollinois merch there's still some time to get some i think right yeah yeah i think some time so go check it out and then the patreon patreon patreon dot com slash the baseman yard shop dot sanagata studios dot com to get that merch aunt Aunt Priscoe on Instagram I wanted to see how fast you tried to say it

I was just going to bait You got it you got to faint a little bit Yeah I fainted it just in case he did it You know Yeah well don't get used to it Ant Ant Presco

But all right That is all for this week's episode Thank you. See you next time.