The Basement Yard - #536 - Baiting The Jonas Brothers

Episode Date: January 5, 2026

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Welcome back to the... Frank's got a new... Oh! Welcome back to the... Frank's got a new toy. Let's see it again. Oh, you got some sparks there too. Yeah, look at that.

Look, don't ask me where this is from, by the way. The famous company, KLXCW. What is that? Oh, you're still holding it. You're still holding it. You've defeated the purpose. You gotta do it again. You fucked up. I didn't fuck anything up. I haven't actually... Wait a second. Why the hell is yours so big? And my... And also your sword's not on, bitch. I'm just playing... Your shit is smoking, brother. Wait, why is you smoking?

I don't know. You have a cooler one. You have a big one too! He's got the biggest one. What the hell is that? It doesn't matter though, because I got the skills. Yeah. Oh, be honest for a fucking split second. Can I be honest real quick before you? 333329, 28? He still fucks it up. He still fucks it up. That's a problem. Speaking of fucking up. Can you give me that please? I can. Can you get that for me, please baby? This shit is still smoking and now I'm scared. I think it's supposed to smoke. It looks like it has a smoke hole.

Oh, yo, your shit is. Oh, look at him. That was a crazy way to get down there, brother. Everyone has a smoke hole I think We all've got a smoke hole Let me go back to a cool color Ooh red Yeah I really

Be fucking honest You've never thought that you had the skill of sword fighting I really think I could be a good sword fighter Maybe when I was six I feel like I did I was really into ninjas Like yo You know what after this

After the cameras go off Let's do an actual sword fight like with those swords with these yeah I mean they're they're hard plastic they will break but like if someone came at me you know someone came at me yeah that's pretty fucking good I remember do you remember Keith what we're this is getting annoying well no I know where Keith like held up a cleaver from my mom's kitchen it was like you're supposed to hold it like this supposed to hold it like this like he's fucking

a ninja. What are you doing? Keith said that the most dangerous way to get someone with a knife was like that. Brother. That went. I feel like a stab is probably rough. I do think, and this is based off of... Nothing?

Not one thing. I would be a good sword fighter. Right. Because it just seems like something you need a lot of skill for. What do you think you'd be bad at? Um, writing a book. Okay. You asked a real question. Yeah, I did.

You asked a real question and you got a real answer. You don't think you have anything interesting to say? It's not even about saying something. You want to know something actually? But when we were at the after party after MSG, someone came up to me and they're like, I... I... I... I'm sorry.

I just tried to put it back in while you were talking quietly. And it's just not going in. Keep them separated? Hold on. clearly there's some friction going on got it but there was someone who came out to me they were like we work at w morse and we w morse we work at william morse and we work in the at w b mason and we want you to write a book with our pens with the frog that's c w no but she was like you guys if you guys ever feel like writing a book and i was like are you at the right place

i think it's only a matter of time before you write a book what am i writing it about i think you'll definitely, and come on, aunt, aunt, look at me, aunt, aunt, come on, get me here, aunt, aunt. It'd be one of the few books I've read. You'd read my book? I'd read it. What do you think it would be about? Well, I don't know, you.

Me? Yeah. I can imagine the chapters would be titled like, you know, Young Irish Boy, Chapter 1. Right. So this is why you wouldn't be going to be good. That's what you're young Irish boy. If you write a book, can I write the forward?

I know Greg is. already written books and he's obviously very good at it. He's going to ask Greg first. I imagine he'll ask, but Greg will write something like, you know, like when we think of icons of today's society, like he'll write something actually good. I'll write something

better. Like in a sense of fun. A young Irish boy. It would be like chapter one. It would be something about F1. It would be that I'm short. Well, chapter like chapter 1 through 5 will be about like your childhood, your upbringing and everything. And then like chapter 6 will be like to start a

YouTube. It'll be called like How to Be a Salat. Right. Or like hose. Right. Also, am I writing the book now? Because you just said chapters one through six. Well, chapters one through five would be about your life. Uh-huh.

You know, you're chapter one. This is classic, you know. Am I wrong here? I know books. I mean, you just said that you wouldn't be able to do it and now you're doing it. No, no. I would be able to write it. I would be able to like produce it.

Produce the book. What's a book producer called? Publisher? Yeah, like, or an editor maybe, I don't know. Editor might be the thing. I would be able to edit your book from like a break it up like this type of way. Got it. Which is just like my swords fighting abilities based off of.

Nothing. Also, a big moment in my life. What? Interacted with Joe Jonas on TikTok. Oh, yeah. There's a little bit more to that story that people don't know, actually. So I had my secret Santa party, so I was drunk. having it and i also was earlier that day at a at a rangers game so there were there were drinks

made had and made because i had them after they were made but i go on my ticot and someone tagged me and something so i saw it was joe jonas and he was using one of our audios from the show so i was like oh that's crazy so i commented like are we going to hang out or whatever i was i don't care at this point so then i like go back to my ticot like an hour later or something and he replies yes and follows me what is my reaction mind you I had just said I came from the ranger game where they were flowing the drinks well you were drunk so he followed so obviously you had to send a DM

he followed me I immediately DM to my phone number and nothing else that's a lot of forward guy that is very forward bro I've come you've come a long way if you're watching this that's on me super aggressive which your phone number by the way which is right But I did do that like he immediately followed me and I was like bang number what's up hold on hold on You are you took an approach shooting you suck to it Ben you don't need a sword for this shot that you're shooting over here baby You went and you knew the right way to be about it was direct because I'm sure these big Hollywood types people play games with them Big Hollywood you know these big Hollywood types people play games with them and they're like man I would love to

Get our people to get us together you know and it's just like no fuck that I'm Joe Jonas I'm Joe Sanagato text me. I literally just sent my phone number and then the next morning I remembered that I did that so I went back to the DM and I was like

that was aggressive. Was it like he obviously didn't text you? No, and I also, but I did, my second message to him was that was aggressive. And then like that was it.

But I don't even know if he's read it. He hasn't. Okay. There's been no contact. But there will be. I mean, can you imagine you just get a text?

It's like, Yo, what's up? It's Joe Jonas. That'd be so funny. I actually would text him back and be like, all right. You're crazier than me. Now you're nuts. You don't know me. Yeah.

Now you're a little crazy. I mean, the Jonas brothers are in their, you know, a new era, a very playful era, where they're just kind of getting after it on social media. They're on tour. The J-O-B-O, you know. So I think it would make sense if they're doubling down on it. Being relatable fun guys. Yeah. You know, I think, if we're being honest, I probably have more in line.

and more what's the word I'm looking for here in common with the Jonas Brothers than you Oh I mean you're you were not a Disney kid growing up What I used to watch a Disney channel Like it was going out of style How do you know that I didn't do that?

Did you watch Camp Rock? No There we go, that's how I know I at one point had A haircut more similar to the Jonas Brothers than you did Yeah I could sing my ass off. Did any of it?

Well, no, Nick buzzed his head once. When he was older, and when you buzzed your head. Ironic? I think not. That'll be a chapter in your book. Yeah. I don't think the Jonas Brothers ever wore double-breasted button-up shirts for Easter. Well, the thing is, I'm a visionary.

I also, I also wore a belt that day. I mean, pull a picture up. I can't, like, access it immediately, but there is a photo. of me that I think my mom took double-breasted white t-shirt tucked into a pair of jeans and I'm wearing a belt that looks like Santa Claus would wear it. Yeah. It was like a big black and it was just like a square and I'm like, what the fuck am I? You were a visionary all right. Yeah. You know, I should have been visioning myself down the barrel of a gun. Too much? Too crazy? A lot of much. I'm shooting off the end of my phone. We're trying to get Joe Jonas on here. Not that kind of talk that's

going to get the Joe Bros to come hang out with us? I mean, come on. Listen. Yeah. All right. So what could we do to make our show more Jonas Brothers safe and fun? Safe? Yeah.

Because I don't think we're not safe. I think we're pretty safe, but I'm saying, like, we got to remember. We got to remember. These are the Joe Bros. You know, these are the, I would, I'll tell you right now, I'll ask a lot about the, the promise rings. Yeah. I'm asking a ton about the promise.

Oh, come on, those are for show. Those are, I think they've outright said, like, those were for show. I think Nick came out and he was like, yeah, I think like any of those were real. Who's that? Whose voice is that? Who was that, by the way? That was Nick Jonas. That was Nick Jonas?

I think so. Do his voice again? I don't think I can redo it. Oh, I think you can. All right, all right. You ask me a question as an interviewer, I'll be Nick Jonas. So you see that you guys are wearing promise rings. What's that about?

Yeah, I mean, like, none of the, like, promise rings are real. And listen, Nick, that was him. That wasn't me. Well, you decided to be too forward with Joe Jonas, which I would never do, Joe, by the way. That's... I took a shot, and it is what it is. Shoot for the clouds laying amongst the stars. Is that what they say?

Nope, it's the opposite. Okay, whatever. Or you shoot for the sun? Shoot for the moon? Shoot for the moon laying amongst the stars. Aren't the stars further away? I think they're a lot further away. Shoot for the stars.

Shoot for the stars. Oh, and land amongst the clouds. That's not getting very... You're not getting very far. No, I think about it. Do you know what it is? Do you shoot for the stars land on the moon? Something like that.

Wait, why don't want to land on the moon? You said it so definitively we don't know either. Why would I want to land on the moon? It's a nothing dust rock. Yeah. It's high up. Yeah, but the stars are higher. Way higher.

Yeah. Come on, brother. What are you talking about? I think we can make this us more palatable for the Jonas brother. So let's start again. So I'll be Joe Jonas. How do you think this is going to go? I'll be Joe Jonas and you're going to work through the appropriate way to approach because you clearly went in a bit of an aggressive route. Yeah. And you need to redo it. Do we're just two guys hanging out? I gave my phone with me. Well, you're not just two guys. That's

Joe Jonas. That's Joe, bro. That's burning up. Bro, he's a guy from New Jersey. That's D.N.C. They're from New Jersey, right? Cake by the ocean. They are from New Jersey. That's right. So I got more in line with the Jonas brothers again than you because I live in New Jersey now. This isn't a competition, Frank. Right, it's not. Where are you in? I think you're playing it wrong. I would play it as I don't even want them on the show.

Tell us. Tell us. Yeah. I don't even want them. Can I ask you something? How many times have you spoken to Joe Jonas on social media? Only one of us has Joe Brod. Let's get that out of the way.

He said that was phone number. He did. I said that was incorrect. It was a choice. I made a decision. So I'll be Joe Jonas. You be you. Okay.

And we're going to. work out the appropriate way to approach one second what were you gonna say what's the appropriate thing to do I was just I don't even want them here I don't even want them to come on the show so how are we gonna get them on the show if that's your attitude because oh he wants to like bait them he wants to oh this is what he likes he likes to edge people you want to like Joe you want to edge Joe pro bait them you want to edge the Jonas brothers huh you want to so I should be like oh yes yeah just don't even follow them really oh see I'm not built like that I'm not built to

be that cool like you guys I would just be like, first of all, I did the opposite. Yeah, that's right. So, you know what you did do, though? You shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land amongst the stars. No, you won't. That's not how space works. I know, that's what it is.

There are no stars between us and the moon. Neil Armstrong. Neil said that? What does he know? Neil should know better. He should know there. He knows there's no stars. He's getting up there in age.

Is he even so alive this guy? Neil's got to be down in the ground. the ground, no? Oh, sorry. Now, Neil said, shoot for the stars, but if you happen to miss, shoot for the moon instead. That's even dumber. I mean, if you shoot in one direction, you can hit both, potentially. Oh, and the cloud thing, that was a Kanye take. Oh, you've been following him around. What was that? Wait, what was that? Shoot for the stars, so if you fall, land on a cloud, that was what you said. What I didn't say anything. Oh, yeah, that's from a song. Following Kanye. That's a Kanye song. I didn't, that was awesome.

No, I didn't do that. Joey said that one. Platform him. I think I am going to remove the platform for now. Can we do this now? Can I be Joe Jonas again? Yeah, I don't know what you're trying to do. I'm going to be Joe Jonas. I'm going to say out my, I'm going to say my comment on the picture. You're going to respond, and then you're going to approach me in what would be a better way to approach Joe Jonas.

And the rest of the Jonas brothers, there's three to come on the show. All right, you ready? There's four. Well, I mean, there are more brothers, I think. I think the other, I forgot the other one's name. Frank. More in line with what I have with, in common with the donuts. Franklin, I believe.

Well, that's. Oh, it's his name. I almost left up. I almost. Oh, you're going to say something negative about his name. I wasn't going to say his shitty name sucks. I was just, wow, that's crazy. Franklin, I would never say that about this guy saying that.

That's insane. Anytime I hear Franklin, I just think of, oh, neither you guys have seen a rest of development. God damn it. Well, I think of the turtle. And I fucked with the turtle. Yeah, I didn't like it. Hey, it's free. whatever um all right i'm jo jonas you say what would you say in your comment are you you

did the whole like are we going to hang out or that's what you did yeah i did like or why joe yeah so go ahead and say that part and then i'll be joe and i'll respond are we going to hang out ha yes okay i'm that's that's i'm that's i'm sick of this i'm already done point being You know, you take your shots, you see what happens. I mean, we haven't killed it. We don't know that it's dead. Well, it could come in at any time. I mean, here's the thing about the Jonas Brothers.

I think that they like doing fun quirky stuff. Yeah. And I do think at our core, we are fun quirky guys. Okay. Like us and them. We all have that in common. So Jonas Brothers. Just a good East Coast quirk.

Jonas Brothers. You guys want to. You like having fun. You like laughing. You like talking. You like reminiscing. That's what we do. That's what the show is.

So this is the basement yard's official pitch. Oh, okay. We are inviting, rolling out the red carpet, the J-O-B-R-O, to the Joe Bros to come be on the basement yard. Yeah. I think it would be a great, great episode. We can laugh. We can talk. We could sing.

We could just do a whole episode singing. Hey, there will be singing on that. And I think it would be... I think it's going to come out of me and you, too. And I think it would be a good time. So, listen, Joe, bro, is no pressure on you. But if you don't come, you kind of... You're going to lose your street appeal.

Joe, just let me know. Just text me, bro. It's fine. You'll see. You'll see there. You know what I'm going to do? Yeah, you know what I tried to do, too? Uncend it.

They don't let you do that on TikTok. I've also never sent a DM on TikTok before. That was my first one. Oh, for one. and you can't unsend it so that I tried to delete it and it was like

delete for you I was like well that's not here's where you messed up here's where you messed up oh I know where I messed up there's a clear pass that I told you went

straight to the top you tried to you try to penetrate at the the hardest part of a mountain I don't like I don't like the term I'm gonna message Franklin Jonas no you can't now

and I'm gonna get in that way I would be like hey my buddy message your brother. He's a real piece of shit. First fall, that's not good. Now we're double penetrating the brothers. I'm looking at his followers. So like... I guess I'll message Kevin. Stop this!

So, Franklin Jonas has what is that? 603,000 followers. Joe Jonas on Instagram has 12.7. What's he more likely to see? Who's more likely to see this? I think if we can get in with

Franklin, when you just said his name was a piece of shit. You said that. If you said that, why would I insult my own name, dude? That's not your name. If I just, like, relate to him on a frank-to-frank basis, first of all, this could happen. This is, this is spiraled. Who spiraled out?

Spirled up. Spiral Mountain. Banjo-Kazoozeoui. What are these words? What is that? The video game? Yes. Haven't played that in a very long time.

You should play it. Well, I don't have. I'm 64 because it's not 1912. I do 1912. 1912. Whenever I think of a year, I always say 1912. Why is that? Well, that's when the Titanic went down.

So obviously it was a big year. Was it the 12? And the war of 1912. What the hell was that? It was a war. Is that the year the Titanic went down? If I got that off Rip, I am impressed with myself. You answered that in the Jeopardy one.

I think it was 13. Am I crazy? 1912. Oh, it was 12. If I know, and I said 13. Know the years of tragic events. Okay. Name another one.

1941. Who's that? Pearl Harbor. Yeah, that was a rough one. 2001? It's also when the Oreo was invented. When? 1912.

The Oreo was invented? Big year for cookie, bad year for ships. Bad year for ships. Also about to be a good time for everyone, the roaring 20s, and then a very bad. time. Yeah, it was a pretty bad time for a lot of people. A lot of people, which it was, bro, what do you think the first Oreo tasted like in 1912? It had to suck. I'm not going to say it. I don't want to offend Oreo. Why? They're not even the same people. That's fair. Probably like

real chocolate. I thought you were going to be offending like 1912. No, no. I'm offending current Oreo. That's great. I love Oreos. Don't get me wrong. Yeah. What is it? I don't know what it is. It is a brown dust.

Black dust? Brown, brother. One time it was the last time you had an Oreo. I mean, it's, they're black. Jet black. Yeah, yeah. It is very, I mean. I love an Oreo, though.

Wait, Oreos were the, like, were the first big cookie? Nah, chocolate chip came on the scene with their dicks out. I mean, when, though? When the chips's a hoy? We got it, if we're taking it from. What's the best chocolate chip? cookie chocolate

not like a brand that makes chocolate chip cookies what's the best one oh I kind of fuck with chips ahoy if I'm being honest with you I do too but bro hear me out

are you going with those old ones that are packaged like famous amos yeah oh those are a good fucking cookie no I don't like that I love famous anus

famous anus can suck on my anus amos amos not anus I said anus yeah no no I think I stand by I think oh

green tates Mad good Nah, that's all right What? I have peaked I think we peaked at cookies when we got

Chips Ahoy Candy Blasts The best But there's other ones out there Oh Oh, oh the The I'm sorry I'm getting over

Being sick Okay The fucking Keebler Elf They make some pretty good ones Did we say Entomins? Entimins Only makes good like coffee cakes Oh man

Those tiny chocolate chips I kind of fuck with them. Yeah, I used to put them in a bowl. Little bites. Get the fucking. Actually, I like those muffins. I mean, we've talked about this, and I'll say it again. The best cookie I've ever had were those ones that you'd get at, like, an after-school program in New York City where it was, like, the Simmon Raisin with, like, the white frosting on top.

Yeah, the raisin, or oatmeal, frosted oatmeal cookies or some shit. Oh, I don't know what they were, but let me tell you. There was another chocolate chip. They sent a message to your parents and told them that it's time. for fun I also all the like cookie companies now that they make like crazy they're like cakes basically when they do a chocolate chip cookie it sucks like they're they're like cake in like dumb-ass shit that they make that like when I'm in the mood for a cookie like that they make that's a great job but the the regular

ones that they make I'm like you know what sucks chocolate chocolate chip cookies too much chocolate I don't like what people like triple dark midnight cake I'm like bro chill yeah I mean I'm not I'm not a big fan of sponge cake as it is. Ooh, I like a sponge. Like a fucking wet, fucking, oh, like a cake. I want to just press it down and let it spit and squirt. You know, like a wet-ass cake?

Oh my God. How do we even unpack that one? You ever look at a cake and like, you just go like this because you could see the light dancing off of like the sponge part? That's my favorite. I love a wet-ass cake. I don't like sponge cake. I don't like a triple chocolate type shit, though.

I don't like that sponge cake is overrated. I think that all sponge cake is the same. You've never had a sponge cake and be like, that's the best sponge cake. It's all the same. It's all the same. They all use box cakes. I mean, it's not all the same because there's stuff that you could put in the cake and also the icing is different and flavor different. Joey, I'll tell you this.

One of the things I learned from John Bon Jovi was that it's all the same. Only the names will change. They literally are the exact same cake. They just add different shit on top of it and different hats, baby. Yeah, that's every food. No. Cakes. Cakes is all cakes. You like ice cream cake?

I do love ice cream cake. Don't let me start it on ice cream. No, but it's not sponge cake. I'm saying all sponge cakes is the same. They don't taste the same. Yes, they do. They're literally different flavors. Sometimes they do different flavors and stuff like that. That would make him different.

No, but it's all the same. How is that the same if it's different? How is it the same if it's different? Because it's all from sponge cake. All cakes are sponge cake. Except for ice cream cakes, which are they've made their own cakes. I don't even know how to... So you think things that are different flavors are not different?

They are in a little bit of a sense, but they are the same. It's the same. Why? It's true. It's not true! I'm shocked that you don't agree with me on this one. All cakes are the same? All cakes are the same, but they have a little differences.

It's like books. If you read one book, you read them all. That's even dumber than what he said. All books are books. All books are books, but they just have different little words in them. which would make them different books. Am I going and saying, call my therapist book a session for today?

But listen to what you said, that it makes them different books, but they're all books. What point are you making, right? Because that doesn't, that's not the conversation. All books are books. You're, okay. All books are books.

Are you, our dictionary and Harry Potter are books. They are the same. So then cakes are cakes? Yes, that's what I said. So ice cream cake is a cake. No, but ice cream cake is not the same cake. Oh, no, the same cakes are not cakes. The ice cream cake is only a cake.

cake because they are referencing its layering and its presentation for events and celebrations. That's insane. Like a graphic novel. A graphic novel. Exactly. You guys are rage baiting me. No, I'm not. I'm being serious. All books are books. You're baiting me. All books are books. Frankie is a master at it. I am not a master peter. You guys are rage baiting me. You like that one. I need to protect my piece right now with you guys because it's really pissing me on. No, I, I do think, though, that all books are the same all books are the same book

so the Bible is the same as see don't the uh don't do that the any other religious book I'm glad he didn't name him because I was I was afraid he was gonna why what's wrong with naming religious books because you're trying to

violence bait me what you're trying to bait the violence against me sometimes you do this thing where you say a sentence and it means nothing and it just short-circuits me and that was one of them and I'm like I don't even know what to say to that I got nothing I mean we could sword fight we could sword fight or we can get to these

Frank don't do it that thing's going to spark like crazy and here we are you didn't turn it on I don't need to turn it on for it to be deadly about swords here good lord uh guys listen we have some sponsors for today the first one being how you doing better help uh this podcast is sponsored by better help better help is online therapy so if you want to talk to a therapist you can do so in under 48 hours by signing up for better help uh it has helped a lot of people in this uh country and yeah they have a bunch of licensed

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You'll be able to get the Patreon membership and save yourself some money. There's a ton of backlog episodes on there and things that are just for the patrons only, especially the little MSG documentary we did, especially years and years and years of episodes. So go check it out at patreon.com slash the basement yard. And lastly, tbYtormerch.com. What is that? I mentioned in the last episode. You might not remember that I said that, but I'm going to say it again, just to clean your ears out. It's where you could get some leftover tour merch that we have from the tour this year. It's very limited quantities. So we can't confirm what is available, except for there are some things on there that you'll see. We'll say sold out. But go

check it out right now. TBIYTorMurch.com. If you weren't able to get it the first time or if you weren't able to come to a show and something catches your eye, you'll be able to possibly get it there. So go check it out. Thank you. We appreciate it. And let's get back to it. What's those defense that you're doing? Why would you ever defend like this? Well, your hand was like this and then you had that, yeah. Well, I'm using my other energy with this hand to push your energy out. I really think I'm going to do a sword fight with you after this. Me?

Yep. Or Ant. I think Ant would be a good swordfighter. Are you a good swordsman? The best. That's not confident. Well, the best sounds intense. Are you bringing that? No, I'll borrow one of the big ones. Which, again, by the way, the fact that you guys, you two got the big ones and I got the small one seems wildly disrespectful. I don't know if you'd be able to handle the ones we have.

Do you see that shit? I mean, all right, fine. Bring your big one, and I'll show you why this little one, I don't need a big one. Okay? This is, guess what? might be smaller but it works it's just as deadly it is much bigger much is a stretch

it's about the same not it yeah pretty commonly I didn't even tell you the other day I had I wanted to pull my hair out because I was in the steam room excuse me the sauna and there was a

I walked in on like a 65 year old white woman talking with another person co-ed sauna it was a co-ed one because the single ed was out yes no

fully closed everyone was fully clothed myself included okay and I walk in and she's talking about she's like yeah we vacation I'm not this is exactly how I went she's like I we vacation

in Barbados and we love to go down there and live like the locals and I was like, oh, fuck, how is this going to happen? Yeah. And she was like, we go down there and we live like the locals on our catamaran. And I was like, okay, well now you lost it. Wait, is that a boat? Yeah, big, it's like a, it's like a rich person.

Is that like the, like it's got a net in the back or whatever? I don't know if there are nets on the back, but you can look up catamaran. Don't ask me to spell it. I feel like I know what it is. But then she's like, oh, we love living like a local on our catamaran. We eat seafood and then we go and we listen to her. She goes, we go listen to live reggae Reggae

And I wanted to pull my hair out And put it down my own throat and choke on it It was so fucking bad And she's just doing this like in the She's like with her friend in the sauna She was talking to like another old rich white man It does have the thing Oh well not that one but

I mean That one does has the net yeah What is? Listen If you can afford it good for you Joe probably will be there soon if not already there. But like... It's a cool boat.

It's cool. I don't fuck with boats. You don't fuck with boats? Don't fuck with boats. Don't fuck with the ocean. You wouldn't get on a boat? Probably not. Like a yacht party?

Nah. But they don't go like out to the... Where do they go? Before you say anything, where do they go? Not far from land. But on what? Water. Which...

Frank, you've been on water before. Yeah, lakes. I'm cool with lakes, brother. You don't see yachts on lakes. But why are you cool with lakes? Because you have a good understanding of what's in that lake compared to what's in the ocean. Because guess what can not get you in a lake? Great whites.

Yeah. Yeah. Guess what you can mostly see the bottom of? I can't see three inches in that way. I mean, I'm saying like, but like you could, you have a sense of like how deep this water is. Bro, the ocean? What? I feel like, you know, you never jumped in the o'sh off a boat.

Nope. No, I have not. And watch, I'm going to do you one further. Yeah. I ain't gonna. No? No way, baby. What if you were in, like, Europe, like the Mediterranean?

There's so much cool stuff on land. Yeah. But I'm saying, like, if you're on a boat. I'll put my feet in, like, on the beach where I can see my feet and see anything that would approach. But, like, if you're telling me we're going, I'm not even saying far offshore. You're saying we're going. Not far. 50 yards.

50 yards. 49 yards too many, baby Let me tell you I am not doing it You ever jump in the ocean I went tubing That's pretty far out In the ocean?

That's crazy That's bananas That is insane It's pretty far out You fall in that's a problem Wait you were You were tubing in the ocean Yeah

The most fun part of tubing Is falling off What's the ocean? What ocean? Pacific I don't No but where were you Oh I was in

Aruba for one Aruba In Sicily for one Jamaica You were tubing in Sicily They do that Yeah that was a mistake Why was that a mistake

Because we saw Where we could be going out And in my head I said Well as long as we're not going Past that rock Because that rock looks really far And then we went probably 50 yards past it

And Great White's everywhere In Sicily like big Great White thing And you're on a tube I'm on a banana boat And like So you're on a little banana boat You literally look like a snack

So you're on your knees Yep And there's great whites around Banana I don't think you've been on a proper banana boat You sit on a banana boat You straddle it like a giant wang You still straddle it like you're Kind of like kneeed up no

Yeah I mean the way that we used to ride banana boats Is you would be on your knees But like I can't believe I said that No way of getting out of this Yeah It was scary

I don't but that's crazy Because they say like Fluttering and like Making a scene Is what attracts sharks because they're like oh something's over there I'm gonna go fucking get it when we fell off I said

let me go on first back on and I'll help everybody up I just had to get up there smart man yeah I didn't want to be in that water yeah dude because that's the hardest part is waiting for them to come back and get you that could feel like an eternity hell no

I'm like well so I'm in agreement like that's crazy I think that's a little nuts but I when I was in fucking in Mallorca. I went swimming in like a thing, but it's like, it's open ocean, and then there's like a little cove, and some of it you can touch the bottom and you can see whatever, but then somebody had goggles, so I put the goggles on it, and there's mad fish everywhere. It's fire. Like, you don't think that's cool to see? No.

Very salty. Yes. Very salty. But I do, I would go in the Dead Sea. That one I would go into. Is there anything in there? No, because the salt content is too high. Literally why they call the Dead Sea because nothing can live in it. That would be cool because you could like float. Yeah. It's so salty. You can just chill. I wonder if you'd be interested in a sensory deprivation tank. People like lose their minds in those things, don't they? Not that I've heard. You start seeing faces maybe. I definitely like hallucinated a little bit. Well, hallucinated is like a very aggressive way to say that like my, I'm, you're just in complete blackness and you're just in complete blackness. you're just kind of darkness and you're floating in like salinated water right it's yeah you're

like floating and it's the perfect temperature of your body so it feels like you're just floating is that not terrifying like why are we putting ourselves in these circumstances that are just kind of freaking us out i think it's like relaxation like i find it to be a little relaxing you both said you hallucinated a little bit hallucinated was aggressive i meant that like i can kind it felt like i was seeing stuff but not like actual stuff like little things like So it's pitch black, and I'm basically floating in nothingness, and I can't hear anything. That's also terrifying, because what if I start to drown? You can't.

What if they start, what if it's like a... If they start filling it up? If they start filling it up with water. No, you can get out at any time. But why? How? You just sit up and open up the thing. But what if someone locks a thing, and they start filling up with water?

Well, no one can get in your room. How do you know? What? It's a room, brother. Yes, they can. No, so the one that I went to, it's like, you walk into a room. and you lock the door behind you you have to take a shower

and then you get into the I need a shower to get in this water yeah because I mean it's you know it's a nice thing but like you get in and then you close the thing they also had like a light show

or like a guided meditation but I was like I just want full nothing I think that like in those moments I mean you see how I am when we go at these Airbnbs on tour I like barricade my doors and shit like that like I am fully preparing that like oh someone can come in here and just start filling this up of water and then i'm going

but they can't like the the water is like this it's like being in a tub yeah but the how big is the enclosure it's it's enclosure what do you mean how big is the enclosure like how much room is between you and the ceiling yeah you could probably touch it okay what happens if they start filling it up with water it would like pour like it's not deep like the water is like this deep he's not getting me that's like you're saying like you can't how would they get in and start filling it up. I don't know, but I got a thing about this stuff, Joe. But how would that even, I'm not confused how that's a worry.

Listen, it's hard being me. And what was that? That was funny. I agree. What was that? I'm just saying maybe there are people out there that want me dead and maybe they could find that I'm in a sensory deprivation tank and start filling it up with water. It's not something that locks.

How do you know? I went to it. Have you been in one that they're all the same? only the names will change Bon Jovi's back, baby He's back 100% We should go We should do one

They scare me They really do I'm not kidding It's a little freaky But like once you get in there Also massages I've gotten a couple Like 60 minute massages

That's terrifying too What? They're kind of scary You're like super Like this person can just like You're relaxing And then they could just Grab a knife

And stab you in the back Yeah that's your whole life I know It's scary Like when I get my, when I go get a hair. Yeah, so you're thinking about? How can you possibly relax during a massage? Sometimes.

You're thinking, yo, this is going great, but if this woman takes a knife and puts it in the back of my skull. Like, yo, when I go to get a haircut, now they'll be like, hey, do you mind if I use a straight razor? And I'm like, yeah, of course, go ahead. And then I'm like, yo, all they have to do is just go like that, and I'm gone. It's a wild way to live. I mean, you need to prepare yourself. How are you preparing against a knife attack? That was a stupid question.

I used to you know. You just got to keep that thing on you all the time. And I always have that thing on me. But you don't have weapons. You're not a weapons guy. I'm not a weapons guy. Because I have the ultimate weapon. You know, what do they say?

The pen is mightier than the sword, but the tongue can lick them both. I have never heard that. I've said that with much aplomb, and I'm upset that you guys didn't realize it. The tongue can lick them both. The tongue can, but I don't know what that's going to do. I mean, it's a saying. What does it even mean? Well, because the swords are normally what we're used to kill people.

Right. Okay. The sword is mighty. But you know what's even mightier than that? The pen. The written word. It can enact change. It can enact change.

But guess what can lick them both? The tongue. But what does that mean? There is a hierarchy to power and, you know, being able to move the masses. The sword could do it. the pen could do it stronger but then the tongue could lick them both I feel like there's a better way to say that

because I feel like if you licked a knife or a sword you'd be in for a rough one that'd be your last lick you could lick a sword well bro the pen is mightier than the sword but the tongue is mightier than them both put together is the is the

please tell me that you've made it up no I've heard that somewhere can lick them I've heard that somewhere type that in right now if it doesn't show up i'm literally calling the police that what i was that's what i was typing in and that's the phrase i kept coming up it's close but but no no no it is not close oh i've heard

this don't listen don't do this i did i did don't do this the pen is mightier than the sword but the tongue can lick them both type that in if there's zero no i've heard that i've heard it somewhere in your dream no no no i've heard this let's ask jojonas he's probably text me right now. Joe Jones is text me right now. Yeah, what's he said? I did have a text from a number that I didn't have and it was Verizon. Fucking bastards. They were asking me for money. I have Verizon too. I love Verizon. I'm going to be honest with you. I enjoy it. It's not here. No, there's no way. It's just not here. There's no way. I refuse to believe that. You're thinking of how could, what would the tongue licking a pen or a sword mean?

Because that doesn't like stop the sword. Like, I mean, it's just a saying, Joe. now I'm panicking over here but the tongue can lick them both I hope that you find something I I really hope so I also hope he finds something from good reads good Marcus Gar oh no yeah yeah that's the one yep yep read that one what he'd say what's he's say this is the the phrase he's thinking of it's Marcus Garvey Right? Yeah. Yeah.

That's what I said. It's the pen is mightier than the sword, but the tongue is mightier than them both put together. I'm telling you, I've heard about the tongue licking. If you took a pen and a sword and you put them together, you can lick them. I'm telling you, I didn't make that up. If I did make that up, that's way better than Marcus Garvey's. No, it is. Yes, it is.

It doesn't make sense. Yes, it does make sense. Like, guess what could lick both the pen and the sword? The tongue. What good does that? do it's a it's a it's a it's a euphemism joey it's symbolic it's symbolic it's symbol i understand that but like i think of anything my version of it is way better than marcus garvey's we know i'm just we know you think that i'm just saying you know but the tongue can look them both i mean we have to make posters

like that is i mean is that not i think that's a cool just you and like that outfit with an apple and it's just i mean if someone hasn't made that yet i'd be astounding Man, that is so good. I do think, I mean, guys, yeah, all quotes need to come from somewhere. Yeah. So, like, I'm sure when the first time someone said, you know, the pen is might be them in the story, they were just like, oh, what? Oh, what is that?

Yeah. That was, well, that's not how it was framed. You said, it's like they say. They have said it. They have said it. Dude, this is 2025. We have the internet. That means everything's in there.

No, it doesn't. And no one said it. No, it doesn't. There are stories that we have as individuals that have been passed down that are not necessarily on the internet yet. Right. You know? Think of all your experience.

Maybe your dad said it and you're like, oh, that's... If my dad said that, right. He's a genius. However, I can with confidence say, he probably didn't and he probably isn't. The tongue can lick them both. The tongue can lick everything. The tongue can lick everything.

That's right. It's just meant to, encapsulate that the power of good orators, you know, they can go out there with much aplom and they can move people based off of the spoken word. I think that that is a very clever way to say that, and I'm

going to take my victory laughs. You should, because that was, I'm really glad that we got that on camera. We do have some more sponsors for this show. Before we move over with more quotes from our, you know, our resident philosopher here. Yes.

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So there you go, folks. It's a nice way to start the year. Do you guys have any New Year's resolutions? Fix your computer. Yeah, my computer's panties came off. You had to go with panties? Panties. It was the top, brother.

When do you think of panties? What do you see? What do you see? I mean, you're looking at. You're thinking hard, dude. Don't think too hard. You're thinking real hard. What do you think of when I say panties?

Pink? No. Okay. Why? That's not. I mean, what do they look like? pink yeah and small lace

you're on fucking fire yeah like the shape I think I think I think panties is more like lace I is not panties lace is banana lace is not panties I'm thinking like a cotton blend oh you're thinking a cotton blend I'm thinking like you know like polyester sure that could be in there you know but I'm thinking like what what would be like the equivalent to our boxers you know like something a little more comfortable than just

a fucking piece of thread in someone's asshole. Yeah, because thongs are thongs. Yeah, thongs are thongs. So, like, a panty, though. Like, are you thinking a granny panty? I think, I, I don't think it's, it's as, you know, pronounced as a granny panty. I think granny panties are a little more loose fitting.

Yeah. And, uh, larger. Yeah. I think these are, they cover the whole butt. Yeah, I think these are a little more like, you know, pronounced, but. still style there's a good mix of like granny panty is going for entirely it's a diaper comfort too much on comfort yeah a panty is like a mix of comfort and style okay and then a thong is just it doesn't

even care about comfort at all what do you think of panties pink pink that was great my bad all Yeah, I do, I have some New Year's resolutions. I think I'm really trying to, you know, be the best version of myself. I want to, you know, be more active and stuff like that. The normal stuff. I'm pretty basic with my New Year's resolutions every year, you know. I mean, it's easy because during the holiday season, I really commit to being, like, eating like a piece of shit. Right.

You know, really get napped. I mean, it's all hams and fucking butter stuff. I had ham yesterday. My mom made a ham. She made it ham? Oh, God. Handed it up. Also did a number on the mashed potatoes.

Ooh. Yeah, dude. Did she have her world famous broccoli? Did she make the broccoli? Yeah, she made the broccoli. The broccoli is fantastic also. But yeah, the fucking mashed potatoes really threw me. I wasn't expecting that.

Are you, is the ham repeating on you today? Are you feeling it? No, I didn't have that much ham. How much ham you talking? Like three pieces? What size pieces? Oh, yeah. I didn't get one of the, you know, the big hunks.

Yeah, the hunk of hunker. The hunks are crazy. Yeah. And I was like, I just, I know too much about the sodium. Just to be very clear, you knew nothing about ham pre one month ago. I knew what it tasted like. Gotcha. And that was good enough for me. And you knew it was probably not healthy.

Yeah. You just didn't know. Well, I did know. Like, now I know, I'm too aware of like the sodiums. I'm like, oh, I can. But like, whatever. I mean, I'll just drink a lot of water. You'll be all right.

Yeah. Yeah. It's an easy way to fix it. Yeah. What else did she have? I don't even remember, but it was a great dinner. Loved it. Hamed it.

Also was putting some of the ham juice on, and I was dipping my dinner roll in it. It's pretty fucking good. Ham juice doesn't sound. Yeah, like the juice. Oh, like the glaze. Well, it's like a little bit juice. It's like a juice, and you pour it back on your ham. It's in a little, like, genie lamp.

Yeah, you don't do that? Gravy? It's not gravy. Gravy, guys. It's not gravy. It's like a liquidy. it's liquidy it's not it's not gravy it's not like a thick i don't i can't even tell you you've never poured anything on a ham no it's baked with a it's it's cooked with a glaze and then you come

out and you cut it up and eat it oh wow you do you do the juice yeah we do juice yeah we do juice it up yeah there's like a whole my mom has like a little thing of juice and we we ladle it on yep juice you do the ham if you if you make a little sandwich with bread you put some juice on the bread juice yeah what i not even ever when you take it out of the thing i don't even know i don't know if it's coming out of the ham and it's just in the pan i mean if you're calling it ham juice yeah i mean it's for the ham yeah like juice it sounds like an uncooked kind of sanitary nightmare when you say it like that ham juice like if i said chicken juice you'd be like oh hold on no but that's still kind of exists you know when you're

cooking it and it's in the pot it's in the pan yeah that's not juice my guys that's that's like the the the gravy the oils it's it's definitely not a gravy. It's not yet. It's certainly not thick to be a gravy. Not at all. Wrong word. It's also like see-through. It's reddish. It's clear. It's not clear. No. I need to see what brownish. I'm gonna. Can you pull up ham juice? This is crazy. Can you pull up ham juice for me? I don't think it's gonna work. I think you'll be able to find it. You've never had a ham juice. But you know what? You can't at my house. You can't find a lot of things on the internet because they didn't have that. That isn't it. That's like a ham broth. What the fuck? What the fuck is? looks particularly like Should I call my mom and ask her about ham juice?

Ask your mom about ham juice. All right, let me call my mom. Say mom, Mom, what the hell is the ham juice? All right, let me. I just, I think, like I said, if I were to say here, I got a thing of turkey juice, you'd be like, what the fuck? Let's find out what Biz is doing.

She better answer. She better. Hi, Joey. Hey, Mama. Hold on a speaker. Okay. Oh, you're on the basement yard at the moment. I have a question.

Hi, Liz. Oh, stop. Hold on. I've got to turn the meatballs. Turn the meatballs. It sounds like you're in the shower. You got any meatball juice? Mom. You're kidding me.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Hold on. Whatever. I'm on the base meat yard. There's Keith. Mom. All right. I'll let me take you all speaker now.

Okay. Hi. Hello. I said hi. Hi, Liz. Frank says hi. He didn't tell her. I said nothing.

Hi, thank you. So we're talking about yesterday. We had ham. right and now the juice that we put on the ham ham juice well okay what what is that because frank's never heard of ham juice he's never heard a ham juice he's never been juice he's never juiced his ham well let me tell you how I make this and it turns into a juice it's not juice of the ham okay what I put over it like some people glaze a ham yeah but um I could the big ham in the pot in the pan yeah I put mustard yeah and I put mustard yeah and I put

A lot of brown sugar I put the pineapple juice from the can of pineapples And I'm going to put her on there And I'll put What else do I put? A little bit of ginger ale If they need a little more

pancake syrup I mean don't give this away If we have we No but So wait that's what the juices? That sounds like a glaze Pancake syrup It all melts down

And with the sugar It's a glaze And whatever It's like a glaze but it's more like a gravy so to speak it's not a gravy mom well we use it you know you put the ham on your plating then you put the yeah but a gravy is like thick it's like it's like a it's like watery but is that that when so the thing that you're dumping you're dumping that on the ham when it's cooking right no no i put it all on and then i put it in the oven and forget about so she glade

and forget about it thank you so much so she She glazes the ham with this concoction. Yeah. And then all the, clearly, like, the sugars and stuff bind and stick to the ham. And then the liquid that's left, she uses a ladle on is kind of like a gravy. That's what we said. That's why I'm calling it ham juice. But you said it sounds like the, like the glaze.

And you were like, no, it's hand juice. No, you're like, you glaze it. First, all right, I'm going to have a different conversation with Frank. But you're, like, this is all that you put on the ham. And then it kind of gets into the pan. And then you pour that into a cup. Yeah. After I take the ham out to slice, the rest of it, I pour into a thing.

Yeah. I can separate, you know, if there's any, like, real fatty grease. You know, I could use the gravy separated to get rid of that. And then we just pour on the rest. All right. Well, do you answer my question? Thank you so much. Save me some meatballs.

I'm coming over tomorrow, by the way. Gotcha. All right. I love you. All right. Bye, Liz. Merry Christmas. No, Ant didn't say anything.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. All right, I'll see you. Okay, bye-bye. Merry Christmas is crazy. Merry Christmas is crazy. I apologize about my mind. No, no, no.

So I'm right. So I was right this whole time. This isn't about right or wrong. I need to hold on to any bit of being right that I can get. This isn't right or wrong. I was saying there is a juice that comes from the ham, like, in the pan, and then you ladle it onto your stuff. Yeah, but you said, I was like, oh, it sounds like it's from the glaze. and you said, no, I thought it was, the way it sounded, the way it sounded, and maybe I'm

completely misinterpreting it, was like, it was a separate juice that, like, your mom, like, oh, I didn't, I, I didn't know whether that was right or wrong. Like, I didn't know whether she made it separately, but I assumed that it came out of the ham. That's why I was like, how have you never heard a ham juice? I assume it's in the pan. Like, that's the juice. I think we were, we kind of were both explaining the same. You based the, you based the ham. Yes, but we were explaining the same things, but just in different ways, if that's. makes any sense like we I I've had ham juice do you know but my whole question how this started was do you ladle stuff on to your plate but that's the question

that's what I'm saying yeah but then you were saying ham juice and I was like what the fuck does this juice come from it's the juice for the hand from your mom glazing the ham I think we lost once she used the word gravy yeah it's certainly not a gravy I don't care what she says like it's not a gravy the ginger ale I wrote down the recipe obviously but the ginger rail that was a that was a that was surprised oh my dad like his thing when he's like I want yeah my dad just the only thing he he does to his ham is he pours like five cans of Coca-Cola.

I've seen people do that online. That's a lot of Coca-Cola. I think it's just because of like the sugar content. It basically, once you cook it, it just, it crystallizes basically. Yeah. Do you do mustard with your glaze? Beckett is, yeah. And you're all right with that?

I think it buries it, right? It buries it. Yeah, guys, listen, we can talk about it. I feel like we should myth-bust this. Bust the myth a little. Yeah. You got to be open, though. I'm open.

I have had. and continue to have mustard incorporated into dishes. Right. You know, like, it's just like hot dog, like yellow mustard or brown mustard. Yellow mustard isn't great. Or like, as a dip or something, no way. That's filthy, disgusting.

I will say not liking honey mustard is very confusing. I just, it's the mustard. It's just mustard. Stirred. Mustard. It sounds like a slur. Like a slur Mustard

That is disgusting to me And it doesn't make sense Because a lot of people say like Oh, it's like very vinegory tasting And stuff like that I love vinegar I don't like mustard I wouldn't describe it that

I think yellow mustard is like Well that's what Yellow mustard What's the one with the little brown beads That's like brown mustard Or Dijon or anything But like you know that is You know how they make that

No They soak it in like vinegar and then they puree it. That's it. I believe that's one of the methods. You know what blew my mind? almond milk is just crushed up almonds. Well, they let them soak in water and then they blend them together.

But isn't that weird? You can milk an almond? I know. I mean, it's more like a milk smooth. It's like an almond smoothie. But it, you know what I'm saying? I mean, yeah. I mean, I've seen videos of people making it.

I'm like, there's got to be more. I don't believe this. I know. Almond milk. I know it's a good alternative. You've said it in the past, and I wanted to strangle you. It's not better than whole milk. I said that almond milk was better?

Yeah. You said you prefer the taste, which I have to take your preference and destroy it. I don't think that. I don't even remember what whole milk tastes like. I haven't had it in so long. Delicious. Let me tell you, brother. Maybe I've had it in stuff.

I'm sure, like, ice cream has like whole milk in it or something. Are you an oat milk guy? No, because I think oat milk. I had oat milk one time I put it in a coffee just to like try it and I was like that ruined my coffee I've had all cashew oatmeal milk hemp milk

almond milk I've only really had almond it's it's just not milk like it's like there's no taste or flavoring to it it's just white and smooth I mean sometimes I would get an almond milk that would have like a vanilla in it and that shit is

no I would eat cereal with that so we are myth busting here I've had and will continue to have mustard incorporated into dishes, but not when it's like a player. You know what I'm saying? Like not when it's like on the cover of Madden. So like you wouldn't do like a pretzel dipped into like a Dijon.

No way. That's crazy. But every time we've had Texas barbecue, like the binder is mustard. Yeah. And like that doesn't bother me at all. There's a ton of other shit in there too. Yeah. I love when there's like a peppery.

crust i'm going to tell you right now i recently was thinking about that texas barbecue we had and man i actually had a very good i went to a steakhouse recently oh yeah now you're speaking my languid and it was in midtown so finance people mind you it's one p m not my idea to go here obviously to go to a fucking steakhouse at one p m but at a at a steakhouse bunch of finance dudes there martini's steaks. I'm like, no, how can I, like, wouldn't have survived that industry at all. But they had a bunch of these fucking peppery crusts on these steaks.

Oh, yeah. So good. And a lobster mac and cheese that would make you take your head, pull it off, and suck your own wiener. You don't have the, like, stomach strength for a lot of the best foods. Oh. Call my doctor, tell him I don't need one now, since you're the one. Consistently making up stomach issues.

No, but listen to what you just said. That sounds like the best lunch I've ever had. But if you went... That's such a heavy thing to eat. Exactly. If you went and had a lunch that was martinis and steaks and lobster mac and cheese and throw in dessert, you as Joey, you would need to go lie down. No, it's not about that.

It's about like this is an insane thing for a lunch. and I'd be like, this is quite possibly the most energized I've ever felt to my entire life. But eating that and then being like, I'm going to have a dinner later is crazy to me. Monday to Friday? I mean, no. Doing that every day is, that is crazy. Yeah, you're sprinting. You're asking for it.

I mean, metabolism, brother. Like, I can eat a big lunch at 1 p.m., a steak, whatever, and I will be ready for dinner at 5 or 6. that's just it it's not like of interest like it feels like that's such a heavy and i think i think that's i think that's also and you know jokes aside like the whole stomach thing like i think that's the difference for you is like you're just like oh i'd rather not eat that and feel a little sluggish but i'm like i don't care it just strikes me as a dinner food steak like yeah like that meal steak is universal baby steak and eggs yeah i just you ever had steak and eggs i've had it oh yeah it's not it's i definitely wouldn't get that like i feel like my meals need to be like light to heavy

really yeah like the lightest stuff in the morning and then something else and then the dinner one can be whatever brother not super light but you know every single one of my meals could be like a fucking full diaper of baby shit i will say when we're on the we're on the road and we stop at a fucking buckies then i'm getting some brisket sandwiches yo don't matter what time it is those brisket and egg blew me away. Shocked me. Didn't think it was going to be good at all. That whole experience, I'm not kidding.

Listen, a lot of people can say a lot of things about America, especially today. Lord knows I do. Lord knows you don't. The like, microcosm of like America is Buckees. It is. That's what people probably view us as, yeah.

And honestly, I'm not ashamed of that. Because it's good food, it's reasonable prices, it's well-paid employees. And a fat-ass wall of jerky. And a brother. And a beaver. A wall of jerky. What about the wall of sodas? I miss that.

Yo, they had fountain sodas for fucking days, dude. When we were down there, you didn't see it. It was called Big Red. That's like their drink in Texas. When we were at the Pecan Lodge in Dallas, which by the way, that was good. they're fucking, they're like, they were like, oh, our drink a choice. Like, on the tap, they had two sections for Big Red. And it's just fruit punch soda.

They had a good candy section, too. Oh, what's that shit? Beaver tail? Beaver crunch. Yeah, they're like little corn pops. Yeah, those things are fucking outrageous. I'll tell you right now. Beaver, beaver shit.

What is it called? Beaver Nuggets. Buckees Beaver Nuggets. Oh, the beaver Nuggets? Yeah, what are those called? Bussy Nuggets? What? Excuse me?

Bussey? Buccy. No. It's a beaver nugget. You know what Bussy means, right? It's like a sweet little, it looks like a corn pup. Yeah. Hello?

Beaver Nuggets. That's what it is. Beaver Nuggets. Corn Puff snacks. They are so probably not good for you. I mean, it's like fried. I think it's just a puff, syrup puff. Yeah.

14 sugars. Oh. 14 grams of sugar? yeah and there's 13 serving sizes in the bag i ate one i ate well i didn't eat the whole bag i ate half a bag i ate half a bag in the ride to i don't know maybe 15 minutes somewhere that's a big bag bro yeah so no no no i stopped for my health not because i needed to joe when we got to wherever we were going next you ran like three quarters of a marathon it's like gonna burn off this buckies but the buckies yeah you've been a

Bucky's. Hey. Never. I mean, we're getting picky boys. Picky Boys video. You go, you go to write to Bucket's video. There you go. Good. I was sent to Bucky's costume in the PL box. Yeah, you don't need that. That's good. You go to, go to, this is, just document the experience. Look, we're giving you free stuff here. This is a great idea. You fly to Texas and then you go to as many bucksies as you can go to in 24 hours. I mean, that would be, that would be it. We went to four. You went to four? We went to four. We went to four. We drove driving into Houston. Why is a good question?

Why or why not, I think, is the right question. Or did we know we were doing that is better? I think the first time. So we talked, not talk shit, but like Zach was just like... He was talking it up, similar to what we're saying. But like, he was all about it. And then on the drive, he was like, guys, we're passing a Buckees on the drive from Dallas to Houston. And we were like, all right, whatever.

Like, we'll stop to appease you. We walked in blown away. Bro. Blown away. The briskets good. Hot brisket on. a board it was a four hour drive or three and a half hours what was it i don't know we stopped at another one yeah and not like uh oh fragie needs to stop it was like everyone's just like where is it all right

there's another i miss it and then two more and then leaving houston to to go to austin yeah two more okay and it and i don't think that we realized that we had done that until it was over i mean like we just did for so it became a problem when like the next morning we were just like we're just go to bucky's for breakfast yeah i would have if they had one up here i'm telling you dude yo i'm letting you know right now that's one of those places i'm driving and experiencing traffic to go and experience like you you should do that though it's a funny video because you guys did it for you did it for the rainforest cafe we did at uh hitting a buckies in minneapolis right yeah minneapolis i spun a wheel if you find

an area where there's like enough like within a you know reasonable driving distance you could probably hit a bunch i'm sure like i think there's one in florida which is an easier drive than i mean easier fly than uh than texas also great bathrooms they clearly award winning bathrooms yeah award winning yes they got recognized by like you know like rest stop daily or something like that like a michigan star outside the yeah yeah they have a car They have a lot of different gas pumps. So, like, they're there for the peep. For the people.

I am looking up, uh, the closest Buckees for you. The closest one is in like Tennessee, I think. But every 15 minutes is there a thunderstorm. Every 15 minutes there's a thunderstorm and fucking rainforest cafe? Yeah. That sucks. No one cares about it. Is it just lightning and nothing? Yeah, the animals. The closest buckies is in Florence, South Carolina. Ah. And it is a, let's say we

We were to drive from here. Let's say we were to drive from right here. That's a, it's a bit of a drive. Nine, ten. Ten and a half. Yeah. But that flight is like our buck 20. Yeah.

If that. Dude. Seeing if I could hit ten buckies in 24 hours. Bro. Was that too easy? With enough enthusiasm and gas? Yeah. I mean, I don't even know if that's true, but it would be something.

Let me see. But you got to get a brisket sandwich every time. Yeah. It's really, I'm not even kidding. Or some jerky. Definitely some beaver nuggets. Now it sounds like something I sent Danny to do. Yeah.

I mean, Danny would probably rip that place to shreds. The place is amazing. And I'm going to find a way to get back there soon. I saw a bird in one. That's cool. Yeah, he just was like walking in and out near the exit because he knows what's going on. What kind of bird? It was like a pigeon.

That's cool. But he was just like, you know, like, I know there's brisket in here. I mean, if you're a bird, the place to live is. is Buckees. Yeah, you know. You got it. You got to commit to it. It's not a bang for your buck.

I mean, oh my God, I didn't even realize I said that. Look at that. Buckees, hire the guy. Let's get a brand new. Yo, you think Buckees will be a sponsor? No.

I don't think they need any more marketing. Like people, it's like a mythological, like creature. Why don't we start a Buckees up here? Are they privately owned? But can we be like French? I. Zs? No, because it's probably

they're all. So, like, hit up Mr. and Mrs. Bucky and be like, listen, my name is Joe Sanagato. You might have recognized me from... My friend, Joe Jonas. My friend Joe Jonas, people of the people of Walmart

version 28, and co-hosts of the wildly popular and incredibly funny basement yard. I am looking to expand my business empire. Now, the best way to do that would be gas station gas station to bring

an iconic piece of the United States to the northeast let me introduce you to and then you would pull a big like a sheet and you would have like a model you know how they do that and those like movies and stuff like that and be like Buckees of New York

and it would be a fucking one city block in Manhattan and it's a buckies and it's a five foot tall no five story tall buckies five foot tall buckies

if you own that land why even open it just the land is worth more at that point he's not thinking got it yeah I'm not you know how like the like the garages in Manhattan have like the garage the bottom part is the parking garage the bottom part will be all the gas station pumps

Yeah. First level, Bucky's Brisket. Second level, merch. Third level, executive offices. Fourth and fifth, hotel rooms.

Bucky's themed hotel rooms. We have an indoor pool? On the roof. That's not indoor. On the roof in a bubble. Okay. But the bubble is shaped like Bucky the Beaver. I'm in.

Whenever I have these business ideas. I surprise myself with how good they are. Yeah, me too. I'm so surprised. But all that to say, it's a lovely gas station, and we're big fans. And I really would. I really honestly think it's one of the best breakfast

sandwiches I've ever had. Like, it's definitely within my top five. Definitely's crazy. Top seven, though, for sure. Doesn't top seven just mean it's seventh? It could be five to seven. you know i would say top five the the the egg and brisket breakfast burrito whatever that was good it's good and like yo you know how i feel about flour tortillas it was a perfectly cooked flour tortilla i got mine in a bun perfect so good anyway that's all we have for you today

uh oh wait this is the first episode of the new year so welcome to 2026 yes happy new year and stuff Happy New Year. Yay. We tried talking about our resolutions. I want to call you a bitch less. That's what I, that's one of my ones. I want to say, I want to use bitch directed at you less. What a resolution.

I mean, I think it's something that I can work on. How about not going to hold my breath? How about I tally it? And every time you call him one on here, you owe him a hundred bucks. A hundred bucks? Yeah. That would keep them. Ten bucks.

Ten bucks. Ten bucks for every bitch. At the end of the year. All right, but you need a word too, then. What do I call you a lot? Well, we can't say those slurs on here. Set that one right up. Yep, yep.

How about every time he points at you? Ten bucks. Ooh, that's a good one, yeah. Okay. All right. And then at the end of the year... You give it all to me. No, we'll give it all to...

We're just full of ideas in this show. We'll give it all to charity. Yes, of course. I like that. The charity is named. Frank Alvarez's charity for New... collectibles. For new business ideas.

For opening up of Buckees in Manhattan. All right. So it'll be the bitch count and the point count. Okay. I love that. I think you need to actually

say on top of it though, too. I will. And then you got to throw in $10 every time you fucking make some sexual remark over there. Yeah, you're horny, dude. You're a horny boy. Glory holes over there.

Yeah. Pink panties. Throw $10 down right now. Yeah. That'd really be handcuffing me there yeah that's a sexual one too 40 20 dollars he wants to be handcuffed but that is all for this week's episode frank where can they find you uh the frank alvers on social media everywhere and then make sure you check out tb y tour merch for any available pieces of our merch from our tour uh if you want

to try to get your hands on them and you can find me at aunt prisco on instagram oh it's a new year it is a new year we're going to edit that out yeah go follow me at joe's hand got on the basement yard. It'd be funny if someone just bleeped over what he said. And that is all. We'll see you guys next time.