The Basement Yard - #538 - Meet Us At The Bowling Alley

Episode Date: January 19, 2026

I thought it should be "Meet Us Behind The Bowling Alley" but I was veto'd Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard Frank wearing picky boys merch Wow yeah free plug support my boys you know support my boys I wear enough San Antonio's studios merch I could try it out you know yeah it's the only graphic to you I've worn where did we get that did you have that he had in his office and I looked for a new shirt because we're doubling it up today we'll show them our sausage there's a he said that there's too many mediums up there yeah and yo so for this for this For those of you guys that don't know. Also, I don't even wear a medium anymore.

Whom's it for then? Tiny Greg, maybe. I don't know. Greg got broad shoulders, though, dude. He's like a walking hanger. Like, he's got, like, giant fucking shoulders. Really? He comes to, like, he comes to, like, a fucking, like,

a, what's her name, Jetson point. We're bringing up the Jetsons again. Yeah, we're back, baby. You're like how I snuck that in there with much of plum. Yeah. Well, I, I, I, we, when, on the days we double up, I try to like change my shirt or like take my hat off, you don't throw people off. Yeah.

You know. And now you've completely given that away. Yeah. It's okay. But I go to the office because we have a lot of shirts in here and they're all size fucking medium. Yeah. And they're also like things that you sold in like 2021. I don't know how those are all up there.

Like there's like a pink windbreaker up there that's like a size small. Yeah. That was for Greg. What the fuck is this? Yeah, that was for Greg. Was that like running merch you guys wanted to do? No, we were like testing out products for one of the companies that we were using at the time. And then we were like, let's see these, how these look.

And then I think we did put them out, though. I think we did sell like a couple of them. Yeah, I'm sure. But I'm sure you did. Yeah, I think we did put them out. But Greg was like, oh, I'm going to get a pink one. I was like, all right. But I like this shirt.

I will say very soft. We don't have to. We don't. It wasn't for this. All right. Now you get nothing, bitch. I'll rip my shirt. off right here. He did rub his nipple just now. Well, it's because my nipples have been very tender

lately. I don't know what's going on. Pregnant? I'm hopefully not. You know, you have tender nipples. Yeah. Like the other day I was like at home. Like someone was hitting him what a, yo, like so I'm not like. Yeah. You got tender. Like I was at home the other day and I was just like, yo, my fucking nipples hurt. Nice. And I probably should get a checked out. You know, just to make sure it's nothing scary. You want me to check it out? No, don't touch my Both or one? Both. So like, you pull on them or something?

No, I don't, you know how I am, Joey. Yeah, but if you feel them tender, that means that you're like testing it out. I'm like testing it out by, like, rubbing my hand over it and stuff like that, and they're a little tender. You know what they might be from? Have you been exercising? Oh, yeah. So it could be from just your shirt, just grinding down your nipples. Yeah, but it's under this, like it feels under the skin.

Like, it feels like I'm fresh out of ideas then. Okay. Well at first and I think I told you I thought it was like a tear Because at first it was only one side Yeah I thought it was like a tear in like my like My pegged her

But so I stopped working out my chest Uh You stopped working out your nipples I stopped working out my nipples Stop doing nipple workouts Yeah you know nipple press We just like attached What's here nipples

What show is that Oh Renan Stimpy Wasn't there a guy in there That had like giant fucking nipples Or I must have missed that On mooring cartoons You know, I mean, Brent and Simpe was, like, kind of even before our time. I don't know, I know.

But, like, he had, like, a, like, his name was, like, cinnamon toast man or something, or the powerful bread toast or something. He had long nipples? Dude, this guy's nipples were, like, pacifiers. I'm talking, like, you could bite on and hang, like, a fish. I would. Not a man. I was confused for a sec. Like, you think people can go fishing?

with their nipples. Some, probably. If you dip them in there, bro, a fish bit my nipple. Fish bit my, like a birth mark underneath my nipple. No, it hit my,

hit my, oh, it actually hit my nipple too. My shit, it, it, like, sucked my nipple. Not sucked my, it bit my nipple. Be honest.

I didn't hate it. Yeah. But it scared me because I wasn't expecting it. You know what I'm saying? Like, I wasn't like, I was like, I was like, oh.

So I kind of like, I was getting up on a dock. And when I was like this, it just went, and I was like, yo! What? That was a little sexually charged.

I was trying to get both emotions. That was a weird noise you made there. I know. Do it again. For the audio only listeners, they really want to hear it again. It sounds like you want to hear it again. No, I'm not an audio only listener. I bet you aren't.

And then I got on the dock and then I squeezed my nipple and then blood came out. A little blood came out. So you milked your own nipple blood. Before it's blood, yeah. Oh. Yeah. That's disgusting. I mean, what am I?

But I was like, I can't go back in the works. Now all the fish. Now they're so attracted to your nipples. Because they're going to be like, oh, I smell the blood. fucking horny ass fish want Joey's nipple. Yeah, they're like, oh, we could suck it. We could suck his nipple. Or whatever, you know.

Why? I don't know why any, if I'm being honest. I do want to get bit by a, uh, a turtle. I would love to get bit by a turtle. My guy. Not a big turtle. My guy. A nice turtle?

Not a snapping turtle. Just one that like is all right is cool. Oh, not. Someone's nice. One that's worth. A nice one. So like, let me ask you. Yeah.

What turtle? Uh, the species? But like what make and model? I imagine that if they have the power to bite, they have the power to hurt you. So what, you think you're going to like befriend this turtle that it'll just be like, let me just give you a little nib. Yeah, dogs do it. I think dogs are more often domesticated animals than turtles. It's all about the energy you put into the water.

I mean, that's what I say. You know how I feel about my ability to not get beat up by animals because I put out a good aura. Yeah. But I feel like getting bit by a turtle, really? I don't know. I think that would be cool. They have like cool looking tongues. I'd want to get bit by an owl.

But that would probably a bad idea too. I mean, they're so like, their beaks are so like fucking curled and shit. I'm like, what is this? I want to get bit by something, though. I mean, we could do that very easily. Like, don't you want to get bit? I want to get bit by a snake. None to do.

No fucking way, dude. Non-Vee, non-Vee. Regardless of the V, I don't want to get bit by them. I mean, as long as it's not going to, like, kill me. Have you ever done the fish thing and let them, suck your toes. That's like a, that's like a big thing for like, uh, the fuck are you talking it's like, you know the fish thing? Like people I get like peta, uh, pedicures, pedicures. Oh, gee, I didn't know where we were going. No, no, no, people like get pedicures, there's like certain spas

where you put your feet. Oh, leeches. No. Just give me 30 seconds. You take it too long. It's yours. You put your feet in this like little spa bath and there's these little fish that eat the dead skin off your feet. Yeah, leeches, I think. No. Leeches are different. Leaches suck your blood. And leeches are like worms. That is, that shit is fucking crazy. And I used to use that as like medicine back in the day. My feet are too ticklish.

I wouldn't be able to do that. I mean, I think they, oh, when I was in Switzerland, I got a, I got a massage. And I was fighting for my life. Real? What were they doing? Massaging my feet. Really? And I was trying desperately not to like, that's one of the thing I think, I guess I missed the tickling thing.

I'm not ticklish. I'm very tick. I'm only ticklish. like on my side. Oh, right here, ticklish. Really? And my feet like at a, you know. I also am more like anticipatory ticklish.

That I will say that I get with my neck. Like if I'm coming over there and I'm like, I'm going to. Yeah, it's not that it's going to tickle me, but I just don't like it. You know, like get back up. Get out of it. You know, get out of here. You know? And then once you get a little ticklish, you're like, get out.

And now I'm like, I turn it's like an ogre. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. There's, I've seen videos of like people doing like, you know, when my. when my girlfriend gets like over-stimulated very quickly and it's like, like, they're like tickling. And she's like, ha-ha, get off me.

Yeah, I'm like that. I'm like that. Really? My dad used to tickle me. And then while I was laughing, he would just say, fight it, fight it, fight it. And then one day wasn't ticklish anymore. What? Your dad?

Your dad would condition you out of being ticklish. Yeah. Your dad would tickle you and say fight it? Yep. Good old yellow. Yep. Wait, hold on. What else is he taught you?

What was the issue with being ticklish according to your father? I don't know. Maybe it was like a, you know, a weakness. A masculinity thing. Fighting. Yeah, you know, the popular fighting is gay. The popular fighting technique of tickling. Like if me and Joe are wrestling, give him a tickle.

You know what? You could get me, though. See? Hold on. If you have a business idea, I'm going to kill myself. Business idea. It's like the MMA, but it's tickling. I have a site for you, Frankie.

It already exists. Really? You have a site for him? A professional tickling league? I could send it to you later. I mean, I don't want any sites from you. Oh, you should pay money for the documentary that I paid for. It was ticklish, but it's like sexual.

You told me about it? Yeah. Don't need to pay money for it. No, it's interesting. But like, it's like a fighting league. It's like a competition. I mean, think about it. We got the professional slap league.

What's that one called? Power slap? Power slap. Yeah. We got power slap. We got MMA. Something a little less detrimental on the good old brain health. How about a professional tickling league?

Do you think that there's ever been a, like, a torture session where they tickled something? information out of somebody. You know what I'm saying? I'm sure there has. You know what I mean? I'm sure there has. But like I'm thinking about it back to my idea where you like set people up and like kind of like ass to, you know how like, you know, like in order to not be gay with your boy, you guys sleep like ass to feet. So I'm staring at his fucking dog.

But like you, you guys lay in a situation where like that and you both grab onto a foot and you just tickle until one person gives up. And then they have to say, they don't say, uncle, they say, uh, I'm too ticklish. Yeah. And that's how they lose. Now, is this an idea or a fantasy? Because those of, I mean, are all, aren't all ideas, fantasies to some degree. It sounds like you participated. Yeah. In what? In the professional tickling? In the ass to foot, face to foot, tickling sleep over? You ever, you ever, you ever, oh, no, no, I'm not saying that. Have we ever slipped foot to face? I'm sure we have. Have you done that with your boys? No, I think we go just face to face, I think.

Whoa, dude. See that? Now that, that you're in, you're inviting. Yeah. Energy. Also, I'm a cuddler, so sometimes like, I'll, I've accidentally grabbed a boy. I've slept like, like, like, in a bed with like a friend or something and we just turn the other way. Yeah. You know? Yeah, I've done that at mad times. But I've also woken up and I'm, I'm like staring at fucking like Espo in the face. And we're just like, well, no, you don't stare at him in the face because he sleeps like Dracula. That's true. He sleeps like. Espo does look like a...

He sleeps like this. Every wake that I've ever been to, that's how he sleep. This is why on vacations I choose to room with Espo because he just doesn't move. He sleeps. He takes up. The only amount of space he takes up is like the width of his body. Yeah, that's it. And he doesn't move.

He doesn't make a sound. And not like, you think that this is a joke. He sleeps like this. Yeah, he sleeps like a dad watching his kids like soccer game. He just, he sleeps. It seems like someone that is so upset at the ending of like Harry Potter. Dude. You know, just like, I don't like that.

I don't like it. I don't like it at all. But where were we? I have no idea. I'm not a tickler. I don't, I don't like, I'm not, I don't get tickled. That's shocking, like, that you wouldn't, like, you'd be, like, to me, you strike me as a tickler. I mean, when I play with my kids, I tickle.

Yeah, I mean, I would honestly say that 40% of my interactions with my nieces and nephews are tickling. Well, the tickle monster is, is a monster. as old as time. I'm shocked. Hold on. New business idea. You need to figure out a way to get ideas across on this show without making it a business. All right. Two business ideas.

How does that answer? One is an elevated horror movie. We've had a lot of those over the last couple years. Now I'm in. Now he's in. In the vein of like skidamarin' weapons. You know, something that is just, it's horror but a little more symbolic and it's an allegory for something in society

and it's called the tickle monster okay and there is a physical tickle monster but it has to do with our society's necessity to use humor as a defense mechanism you bored me what

I don't even know where we are second business idea oh there's two within this one I said there was two the tickle room it's like a haunted maze that you get around Halloween time, you know, like people walk through like Halloween horror nights,

but they're all just narrow rooms with people's hands in there and they tickle. Or they walk and their fingertips are out and they tickle in your feet. How much time do we waste on that? Too much, probably, is the answer? Wouldn't it make more sense

to just, like, have someone walk naked through a room of feathers? Where are we headed? We got to grab the wheel right now. Doesn't that make more sense? that yes or are feathers even comfortable no or you've seen caspar number three idea go ahead you've seen casper you remember the scene where she goes through the thing and it like powders her face that but on feet and it's like a tickle chair we don't need to keep coming up

with these ideas why do we need we feel like we need to do it a car wash but for feet that's a shower No, but like you turn someone upside down So like they're in like this position This is gonna be great I know what upside down is No no no not fully upside down Yeah That's pretty good

They're on their back Yeah And it's a car wash And it has like the big foam rollers And the soap You know what these are The big flappy The big flappy shi

Pupperdelles Yeah yes exactly The Papperdels But it's for their feet and it's just a tickle experience. Tickle NYC. TNYC. Well, definitely don't want to...

You know what I'm waiting for? I'm waiting for when you could step into like that box that some cartoons do and then it's up to your neck and then the thing comes down over your head and then it cleans you and dresses you and cuts your hair and then you're good for the day in like 30 seconds. There's a guy who like makes videos like that where he like creates these machines or whatever and like obviously it's not like it's for a video, but it's like his His bed, and then his bed, like, sits up, and, like, bacon hits him in the mouth, and he, like, it brushes his teeth, and, like, you know, it does shit like that. I love stuff like that.

Or you ever see the videos of the weird, I want to say Russian? I don't know, but it feels it. When you see the videos, you know, there's just wood, white walls, you're like, this is Russian. And it's a guy, and he, like, attaches something to his head, and he, like, pops balloons. You ever see that? I know exactly who you're talking about. Or it's like, he has it on his, like, dick or something. and he's like, he's slapping it in the pop of balloons.

I'm like, what is this? Yeah, I know exactly what you're referencing. I've seen why he's just crushing spaghetti noodles. Yes, I love those. Wait, what? He does that, but it's just like a big thing of spaghetti. And it's just on his head and he just crushes it. Yeah.

See, this is what I'm talking about. The world is a weird place, the more that you kind of like start to pick it apart. Yo, please tell me you've seen the guy. It's like an Asian dude. Oh, that does the... This guy? He's like... Was that your...

No, that was not. What is that your... No, but he like... Oh my God, call Mom Dottie! No, no, no, no, he like... No, that's not what I meant. Now, see, that's completely taken out of contact. Which guy are you talking about?

He like, he, like, strains his face and he like... He gets like red in the face. Oh! He's straining himself. I know what you're talking about, but no, that's not what I was talking about that long. Damn. That's a crazy thing to do. I didn't know that as like...

God, that looks bad. Apologize before it even begins. Now, I don't want people to take that out of context. I did not like try to do. The whole show is taken out of context. No, it's like an Asian dude and he like, I guess it's like an art exhibit or something. I don't know.

But he has like a... What's the thing called for a bow? For a violin. But he'll be playing it and like... Like knock shit over? Have you guys ever seen that? No, my God. This is that weird part of the internet where Joey just finds things randomly hilarious.

Like the pipes. Oh, the pipes. First of all, I have a pipe saved now and I use it. The pipes one is such a weird one. It's so good. You know? But there was what, it's like this Asian guy and he like does these, uh, it's like music, I guess. I don't know.

But it's like him playing a drum, but then he's like on the ground. And he's like, all around and there's just people watching this and like all the comments are like what the fuck is happening no i i don't think i've seen that one fuck i wish i i i don't even know how to search for that i neither do i because i'm trying asian guy with bow let's try that i don't i don't know if he has a bow i think maybe in a video he did but it's like i don't know some random asian guy wrestling on ground with drums bro with with bunch of shit like he'll have like literally like this and this and he'll just like start doing stuff and

people are there like yeah like it's so it's very like out there art type of shit you see the guy that throws sand in the air and makes animals yes i've seen the people that have it on like a board and they flip it up like that no i'm saying he just takes a handful of sand and you can just throw it and make a snake what this some of the shit that you guys like it's got to be ai like it's not real i don't know that i'm at the level of boomer to the point where i would like fall for

AI. Sure? I mean, maybe. I did fall for AI once before. The owl. Right?

The owl? Wasn't it the one? No, it was like a, like a, yeah, it was some sort of animal. And it was like, oh, it was like a

bird or something like a white bird or butterfly or yeah, and it was right there. The guy had 15 fingers or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was pretty bad.

Yeah, it's all right. We're gonna just implode. It's fine. Are you trying to look this up right now? I'm trying to find anything. You're,

You're never going to find a dude because it's unbelievable. Joe's, your, like, algorithm is either European men screaming at the top of their lungs. It really is a lot of that. There's got to be something that feels good about that. Do you remember? There was a time where literally that's not, like, an exaggeration. There was a guy who just kept popping up. Once you watch a video or you interact with it, if you like it, you just get all of them.

Yeah. And it was just this guy, and he was a European dude. and he would just yell. He would just yell into his phone. And I would send it to Frank, and he'd be like, why are you watching this? And I'd be on the dude's page. And I'm like,

and it wasn't like he would just, ah! Like just screaming. I got my sand guy. You got your sand boy? You want to see my sand guy? Yeah, let's show us your sand guy. I'll show you my sand guy.

So what do you mean he made? You'll see. You'll see. So he throws sand. and makes animals. Look at that. That's a bird. It's a snake. I mean, is that a snake? I can make that. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Like, the guy does throw something and this says like, kind of looked like a snake. Yeah, but... Alright, that... I mean... That's a full... I mean... ...that's a full octopus. Look, he even did the colors of the fish? I don't know.

This feels like... No, it's not great. I'm not taking anything away from this guy. How many tosses do we get? That's a good question. That was a good watch. That was a good watch. What watch was it?

What watch was it? What was it? It's a good spoon. I don't know. I've seen this guy before. I'm saying this bird right here, not this one, this bird is incredible. That's an incredible bird. Yeah, but like I could throw something and then take a still and find something that looks like it.

I'm sorry. Like, I'm not taking away from this person. I think that's exactly what you're doing. I just don't think it's as impressive as you think. Can you look up the guy that I was referencing? so people could see that I wasn't being racist. Which one? Uh, just look up Asian guys straining with bottle caps.

What would-bottle caps? He uses bottle caps in a ton where he'll like pop bottle caps off something or like open a corona with his belly. Asian guys. Oh, I know the guy you're talking about. You know who I'm talking about. He does strain his face. Please, please, please, please pull it up just so for me, to protect me in the sanctity of this show and my career. Let's throw the dice.

Well What's like people who make their own conclusions Oh no no no come on What about him It honestly scares me When I see those videos Because I'm like this guy looks like he's gonna die He does

Yes thank God Okay Why did you pick this one Because I feel like Frankie wanted this one That's what he told me I said bottle caps So he's got his nipples attached to this thing You're gonna tell me

See that's the face Okay hold on That's I wasn't Let's hold on Now now Now I'm gonna have to justify my justification. Okay, let's get something out of the way. One, this is not what I was talking about.

This is, I know. I thought this is who you were talking about. No, no, no, no. When you brought it up, I thought you were talking about a different. Another Asian guy? There's a different Asian guy. How many Asian guys are there? Who actually strains his face and he's like a jacked guy.

Oh, no, I'm talking about this guy. He like, he'll like open a beer bottle with his like, fucking, yeah. I don't know about dick. Can I take his nipples off the screen? Yeah, you absolutely shouldn't have been on there. begin with. I think we're fine. I think we're fine.

Joe's guy I cannot find. I cannot find him. That guy you won't find. You've never liked a TikTok from him or anything or seen one recently. So this is the guy that I was talking about. But no, not originally. So that's the face you thought I was making? Yes.

That would have been racist. You ever see that kid? So he does that. And like, he just like strains his face and, uh, what? whatever. That's what I thought you were talking about. So what you... You've never seen the nipple guy? I've seen him. He has like he like... He does like weird little tricks with like his butt and he's naked.

I don't know about butt. Definitely nipples. Yeah. Belly's been in there at points. Yeah. I mean, he literally had his nipples clamped. Well, this, this is, you know, the sponsors will not be happy with this one. That'll be okay. It'll be okay. We could pad it a little bit. Pad, pad a little before that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever found a concerningly big lint in your belly button? You know what? I actually was thinking about this the other day.

I love finding crust in there. You know? He's digging for... Are you digging in there? Yeah, I can't. There's not really much in there. You got a deep, you got a cavernous hole? You could a...

Or is she tight? You could a... My shit is like vacuum sealed. Like, if I rub my finger, like, if I do this, I could feel air. Like, it's sucking me in. I could go in there a little, But like, oh, I can get it. I could get the whole thing.

The whole thing of what? What's the whole button? I can touch the whole button. I mean, yeah, technically I could touch the whole button too. Yeah, yeah, like, I can get to every crack. But sometimes I'll get like a flake in there, and I like digging that out. I like digging it. I do kind of like that, yeah.

Like, you find like a piece of like a corn flake in there and you're like, I haven't eaten Kellogg's in fucking months. Or it's like, it feels like earwax almost, like in my belly button. Now you lost me, brother. Well, it's not like waxy. Like, you know when you get like hard earwaxe? that just falls out of your ear. Oh, I love that. Like a flake.

I love, like, just sitting here and then just like ear wax falls on. I'm like, it did its thing. Like, it did what it's supposed to do. Yeah. I don't clean my ears. What? I don't clean my ears. You're not supposed to?

No, you're not supposed to. I mean, I have the camera and I dig in. I know. I don't do that either. I just kind of let my ears do their natural thing. And it, enough that ever shows? No. If I have blockage, I don't know about it.

How would you not? Because I don't go in there. I don't take a look. You would hear. You would hear. I see those videos of people using like the water and their like ears and then it's like the water comes out like fucking like brown. It's like, ugh. Can we hook you up to one of those cameras and see what's going on in your head?

Sure. I mean, there's not much. How would you know? You don't go in there. That's fair. Yeah. I mean, I would imagine there's not much. If there is.

You never like go like this? I mean, I'll go like this. But you never like take like an napkin and you're like, go it. And the people that are like, it feels good to like scratch your inner ears. I have never experienced. Oh, I have. Because when I use that camera and I get down in there, sometimes I can get my leg going like a golden retriever.

Really? Yeah, dude. No, not me, man. I'm like a fucking German Shepherd and I'm like, ooh. Sometimes it makes me sneeze or cough. It's weird. Makes me cough. Yeah, it makes me like...

Really? Yeah. Like, but I have to cough and like say where... It's so strange. That is a very weird thing. I know. I never... Like, you know how people like try to clean their throat by like doing this and like...

I saw that in the mask he does that. He's like... Yeah, exactly. You know? And it's like... Like trying to scratch the back of their throat. Yeah, but I think there's like nerves. Something.

I have notoriously wet ears. What's up? I have notoriously wet ears. Yeah, no, I heard that. What's that mean? Get over here. Let's poke around. Yeah, I don't touch them.

What do you, what's, like, if you put your finger in there right now, you come on you come on, you have, like, water on them? Sometimes. Listen up, brother. You know what show you're on? You tell us you have wet ears. We need to see them. Are they, is it sweat?

I don't know. Wet in what regard? Like, if I put a cue tip in there, it'll be wet. Wet? Sometimes. But like with wax? Sometimes. Sometimes.

You pronounce the tea and wet so hard, it's insane. We all wet. I don't know if it's an anxious thing. If you can take a cutip and put it in your ear and if it comes out and there's no wax, but it would still be wet? It could be wet. What is that? I don't know. I thought it was an anxious thing maybe.

Your ears are anxious? You're scared of hearing? I don't know. I just, it's just something I have. I don't know. We need like Dr. Mike to tell us what the fuck is going on with your ears. Yeah, we should get Dr. Bro, we should get Dr. Mike in here and ask him a bunch of questions.

I mean, he would probably leave here dumber. That's the goal. We get him in here thinking he's going to teach. He's so, like, patient that I would make it my fucking goal to make this guy lose his shit. Yeah, I love it. I saw, like, clips of the video where he did, he talked to, like, a bunch of anti-vaxxers. Do you believe? Yeah, and he's like, I'm not trying to play gotcha.

You know, like, he's very, like, he's smart. He knows what he's saying. He's patient. I would try to ruin that. And that's why we shouldn't get him or Hank Green in here. Bro, because I would make them hate us. The first thing, the one from that video that I loved, was there was one point where he's sitting there in his fucking scrubs,

sitting across from this girl. And he goes, is there anything that I could say today that would change your mind? And she goes, no, because I've actually done the research. Sitting across from a doctor in scrubs. Once people started, what do we doing? Once people started to link, like, doctors and politics, it was gone. Every doctor is fucked from here on out. We should, we should, though.

We should get Dr. Mike and here and be like, yeah, why is our boy got wet-ass ears? Does that, you know, maybe you stump them. We should start, we should start a series of episodes where we bring in someone that specialized in a field. This isn't a business idea. This is a legitimately good idea. Where we do like 20 questions for Dr. Mike. 20 questions for Hank Green. 20 questions for a mycologist because you're phone.

fucking into mushrooms now, you know. Yeah. And then, and then just get them to the point where they hate us so much because we are so stupid that they can't fucking put up with it anymore. I'd be afraid to talk because once you say, oh, I have wet ears. He's like, oh, does your ankle also hurt? Can you do this with your pinky? I'm like, I didn't too many questions.

No, but see, they're trained. They're trained to not like, worry you. They're trained to just be like, okay, you know, I mean, if it's something that, you're like, he's not just going to be like, you got a problem, brother. go right now unless it was like you have a gunshot wound in your head that would be cool though not the gunshot well thank you yeah yeah i you know what i mean but wet ears dude what a random symptom that you have just because he would be like okay dr mike would be like okay wearing a fucking you know a petech watch and he'd be like okay it sounds like you have erophobia bespomahomah

drachsikid you know and like yeah i just don't want to know that i mean but what's it gonna do ruin your day? Maybe. Or I just have wet ears. You've been wet in your ears forever. What if you find out it's just like a symptom of having just giant balls? Yeah, imagine that was his follow-up. Like, wait, do you have fat nuts? Well, give me, just stop me once I'm getting. Yeah, that'd just be my cross-to-beard. But for your whole life, you've had wet ears? Yeah, sensitive ears, wet ears. Sensitive ears. I've got good hearing. You've had, you have good hearing. Because the water picks up the vibrations and it delivers them to your cochlear imprint. Bro, do you remember hearing tests back in the

day? I used to like, oh, I thought it was like, I'm going to go to the NBA if I I legitimately thought I was passing that test and they're going to be like, hold on. Hold on. This guy is such a good fucking hero. You're so good at hearing. Like, yo, there's so many of those that I had the same mentality with where it was like the vision test where I'd be like, they'd turn around. I'd be like, yeah, DFC. Cheating. Yeah, it's like because I thought that being good at here. they'd be like, holy shit, wait a sec. Give this guy a million dollars.

I literally, yeah, like I thought that they would be like, oh my fucking God, how did you hear that? Like, I wanted them to say that. Because I was not, I was convinced that they were playing sounds, like some of them were sounds, but other things were just like, frequency, like they were testing to see if I was not human. That's what I thought. Exactly, yes, like superhuman or something.

Oh yeah, heard that. Yeah, I remember, I remember they would just be like, did you hear you hear that? I remember they would just be like, did you hear you hear? Because they were also like tipping their, you know, tipping it a little bit where they'd be like, could you hear anything? And I'd be like, yep. I'd just say yes to everything. Because like hearing something that's not there is not an issue. Not hearing something that is there was what they were looking for.

Bro, also the most uncomfortable set of headphones I've ever put on it. Yeah, they were from like when we first landed on the moon. And this machine could talk to someone in Morse code and like fucking Myanmar. Dude, it literally was like a fucking World War I fighter pilots head. Seth. My teacher in high school was doing that test for us. Like, however old you are, this is what you should be hearing, like this tone. Yeah.

This girl, we got up to like 50, 60, couldn't hear the tones. So, and she's a big raveer, big partier, like, like, all that. And he goes, if you want to hear your kids crying when you're older, you should really stop doing what you're doing. And then she cried and ran out of the class. That's a crazy thing to say. That's funny as shit, though. I would have been like, don't want to hear them crying. That's why I don't want to be a...

I couldn't be a teacher. Because that's the shit that I would say. He'd be like, if you want to not be a fucking idiot, you know... There are those videos where it's just like... I remember from, like, when I was like 22, it was just like, people over 30 can't hear this pitch. And I was like, oh, I can hear it. I always think of Home Alone 3,

which I don't remember that movie at all, but I do remember him having a dog whistle. Boy, that movie sucks. Trash. But I do remember him having a dog whistle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. only the dogs can hear it or something. Yeah, he gets like the dog or something and like trips the guy up.

I remember dog whistles were a huge thing in the late 90s. Bro, you remember laser pointers? The coolest thing in the world. If there was a claw machine in my vicinity and I was seeing a laser pointer in it, I was going to do everything I could to get it. Yeah. Laser pointers were so fucking cool. And my parents made it seem that if this thing touched my eyeball,

I would be blind immediately. I mean, I don't know if that's true, but I still operate under... I just used a laser two days ago, and I operate under the exact same. Why did you use a laser two days? We have a laser level, and we were hanging pictures.

Oh, okay. So I, like, threw it up. Like a key chain one. I threw it up. I was shining it into my neighbor's house. Yo, I'm serious. Like, I still operate under that same mentality. Like, I literally was just like,

no one look at it. Yeah, yeah. You know? It's like fucking Medusa. No, dude. remember like they had like the ones with like the interchangeable the gold ones yes with the interchangeable tops yeah and it would be like a snowman or a star yeah yeah those things are fucking cool yeah let me tell you laser pointers fucking we used to get one and we would fuck with our cat

yeah so like she would go and she would go nuts for it i used to have a dog uh camera that would have one of those and charlie would chase it when i wasn't home dude it was like borderline torture like we would shine it on the wall my cat would freak the fuck out and then we'd turn it off and she would like where the fuck is that thing basically seriously what a time laser pointers laser pointers i got it i remember the last time i got a laser pointer and we'll get to that in a second but we do have some sponsors on antonio's laptop

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We love you. We thank you. Now, yeah, I think we can get back to the guy. What you said? The last thing he's the last, I remember exactly the last time I got a, this is weird. The last time I got a fucking laser pointer, I got it from a bowling alley, claw machine game. And I recently went bowling again. You went bowling?

Yeah, I haven't been bowling in years. Dude, Beck and I took the kids bowling. First of all, fun as fuck. I like bowling Dude bowling Yeah But yeah I get very territorial

Teritorial Teritoral I get very territorial Over like a ball That's my That's my ball That's my ball That's my ball

I don't really care that much But I I forgot Just how like I don't know how to say this What that's sounding mean Bowling alleys are such a piece of shit But they're so magical

Yeah Like Was it jumping? It was a pack day! Pack day at Bowling Alley! So sorry. Yeah, that was a wild octave. I apologize.

But it was like, really, like every lane, we just got in. There was only one lane and we just got it. And, like, kids were running around. Like, it just reminded me of the days when we were younger. Like, the carpet was still the same carpet, you know, from the fucking 90s. It smells like shit. And had blood on it. Blood and spit, you know.

And then it smelled like cigarettes and, you know, stale. cores light yeah and just like but it's so magic yeah you know what I really didn't like about bowling sometimes I would go over to the balls you see like the small holes

and you're like my hands are bigger than that then you get to a certain ball and the thumb hole is so big and I'm like my dick wouldn't fit in here like what the fuck I'm not even kidding whenever I have I remember that as a kid I would always think of your father's thumb

because I'd be like this is only for Joe's dad's thumb so happy Happy you said thumb. Why? Not for a shit. Oh my god, this hole in this big hole in this bowling ball reminds me of Joe's dad's dad's dick. Oh god. Brings me right back to Joe's dad's cock. No. Thumb. Let's make that very right back to his shit. I don't think I've ever seen your dad's dick. Actually, I would remember that. Yeah, I think I would remember that if you did too. I would remember that. No, I would always, that's how I would always get it. You see you dad's penis?

Yeah. I've seen my dad's penis, too. I think everyone's seen that dad's penis. You seen yellow's penis? Yeah. All right. That made it seem like how long ago. That was young. Oh, okay.

You made it seem like you just saw it at Thanksgiving. No. I don't know. I mean, yeah, it was more of an implication of like every kid. I hit the button on here that lowers you a little bit. Oh. But, you know, I definitely like saw my dad's stick. I don't know where to go from there.

It's bowling. It's bowling. We're bowling. We're bowling. The whole hole. Really big. Sorry, the dad's dick comments just threw me off completely. The dicks are hitting me.

No, my dad's dick is in my head. I'm thinking of yours. I'm thinking of yellows. No, no, no. But, like, it is such a, like, maybe it's just the one I went to. It wasn't, like, modernized yet. Because a lot of, the last time I went to a bowling alley that wasn't this most recent time, it was like, the lights were, like, neon and, like, there's, like, pink and black everywhere.

and blah, blah, blah. And, like, it's a modernized one. We're like, I like a good 90s, early 2000s bowling alley that just smells like shit. Yeah. It looks like shit. Yeah. They've got the snappiest hot dogs you could imagine. Yeah.

And the staff is near day. They hate you. Yeah. They hate. You're a paying patron in their facility, but they fucking hate your guts. Where the shoes still disgusting? The grossest shoes I've ever put on. What is the reason?

why bowling shoes need to look like it's got to do with a Frankenstein version of a shoe it's got to be for something with the floor or maybe they don't want people to steal them oh I just thought of that that's a really good point it's like they're so ugly who would wear this oh my god I know I know I know I know that there is some bowling alley in New York that's just like we actually all our bowling shoes are Nike

probably you know there's that place we went to what was it called like gutter gutter bar? Yeah. That place is fucking awesome because of the hot dogs, also because of the bowling. Yeah. That place was good. I got kicked out of there once.

And I didn't know. How do you not know you got kicked out? You know. Oh, yeah. You were elsewhere? Yeah. You were upside down. Yeah, yeah.

Which was an accident. But I was going down the lane, I think. Oh, like walking down the, oh, like too far when you threw the ball. Yeah, so I was hitting the deck a lot. And they won't have it. Because I'll tell you something about those bowling lanes. They're slick. Oh, yeah.

Those boys are slick. Oh, yeah. Kicked out of a bowling alley, a new low. I don't know if I was kicked out. They were like, all right. Like, they wrapped me up. We also used to, like, that was, like, the first place that, like, as a crew, everyone was able to go and underage drink. Yeah.

Because some of us had fake IDs. Some of us didn't want it. Like, even with fake IDs, didn't want to test it. but like everyone went to the bowling alley because we knew the people that bartended there. And it was like 18, 19, just go and drink. Yeah, go crazy. I remember and I used to go there and drink fish bowls. Yeah.

Yep. And I couldn't even tell you what's in that bitch. Fish. I'll tell you what. It was a bowl. It was like, uh, fucking like a Malibu rum, hypnotic, you know, like high sea. I see. You know what I'm talking about?

Like, just like Capri Sun. What was the last time? You're at the bowling alley that we grew up at. I actually know. And it's not a story I want to tell. I was going for a year. Oh, 20, 20. This was happening to you in bowling alley.

2014, 2013. It was involved my dad's did. No, no, no. Your dad's dick is in no way, shape, or form involved in this night. I saw another man piss on another man in the, in the, in the, bathroom. Good. Like, all over them. What are you doing with your hands? Just where?

All over them. I was with my brother-in-law. It seems like you're just telling the story. No, no, no, there's a lot that I'm leaving out, and I'll tell you why afterward. But like, one of the things that happened that night was, because this is when we would order pitchers. Yeah, we'd go and it'd be like, that was like a big, like, early 20-10s thing. like, oh wait, I can get a pitcher beer and not, I just drink out of the pitcher. Like, people realize they could do that. And a pitcher of like Natty Light was like 15 bucks.

And I remember there was a guy there that we know and another guy there that we also know. One of them passed out drinking like drunk in the stall. And the kid kicked open the door and pissed all over him. That's mean. And I was like, this is fucking insane. And I remember being with my brother. in-law and just being like, we can't ever come back here. It goes down in the bowling alley, apparently.

I would go back, though. I want to go see what it looks like. I think my sister went and took her kids, like recently, like within the last two years. What you're referencing is Merrick Lanes, well, formerly known as Merrick Lanes. I think now it's called like Bolero or something like that. I have no idea. But it was like a story of Bull at one point. It was like 360, some shit.

I don't know. Yeah, it was. A piece of shit. Are you good at bowling? No. I'm like, I can't spin the ball. Okay. But I'll, like, you know, get some straight lines going.

That's good. I can't do straight lines. I mean, no, no, no. I can't do spinning. I could do, like, I throw it straight hard. Damn, dude, that was crazy. He's like, when I grip the ball, it's kind of like, would I?

What's that? Oh. No, no, no. I could throw it, but like, if I'm awful little, I will throw it straight into the gutter. Yeah. Like, it either goes directly head on or it goes that way. Yeah, I'm like, I don't even know. I'm like, I'll get a couple strikes.

Like, I'm not like terrible. I used to bowl like this. That's horrible. That's bad? Yeah, that's horrible. Really? At least I'm not under, you know. Are you good a bowling?

I'm a two-handed bowler. You're a two-handed bowler Stop it That's embarrassing It's like jumping into a pool with your Boop I kind of throw it like a rugby ball Sort of

Oh fuck you I know exactly the type of guy He is the Oh The fucking You know dragon ball Z kid The Kameha mehal Foo

Yeah like I One fingers in the hole And that's the spin And you just Are you good This is You know what he asks If we're good

Are you? Because he knows he's good I'm okay I could beat you two What's that How the fuck do you know Wait yeah You just said you were bad.

Well, I don't know how bad I am compared to you. Okay. That wasn't the sentence. The lack of confidence probably. You know what, no? Now if it's a competition, I'll fucking beat you both. We could do this. What, what, what, what's the highest you bowled?

Oh, I don't know. 160 something? Yeah, like 150. Maybe. I think I've bowed a one. Here's the thing. I'm either getting a strike or I'm not getting anything. Like, I'm either getting a strike or I'm getting five pins and that I'm,

I'm missing the spare. I don't go for spare. You know what I mean? I don't even know what I would usually bowl. I mean, I don't think that I would bowl under 100. That would be, that was pretty, that's pretty bad. If under 100 is you don't really go around on a first date to bowling.

Yeah. You know what's always, it's funny. That's a great first date thing. But it's funny you bring that up because I remember, like, bowling is one of those things that's like, maybe not this. If you're like horrible at it.

and then ice skating. I see couples all the time that go ice skating, and it's like, one of you, you just can't do it. Yeah, I always think it just. Why are you here?

I think of just friends. Were you there that one time, though? We were at Central Park, and we went to the ice skating rink, and there was a couple there, and the dude was horrible. And I was like,

damn, this is rough. And he eventually hit the deck at one point. I didn't see him fall, but I turned around. He's got blood just rushing from his face. I'm like, dude, get out of here. No second date for that person. At all.

I don't know if it was on a first date, but like... Yeah, bowling is one of those things that, like, you need to confidently bowl a, at least 100 to go on a date with someone there. You have to be able to, like, hit a strike every down on that. But if you're hitting, like, five gutters in a row, like, what are we doing here? Yeah, first date, you need to pull out, like, at least a 100 score. At least... And one of those 100 need to be a strike, if not.

You need to do that, yeah. You're in trouble. I don't know. I skate. You can't ice skate? No. I, I, I, I could stay up. I can't move. That's not I skating. Ice standing, I believe. I can stand. I can stand. Yeah. I can skate. But like, not like a fucking hockey player. I can't get over the fact that you bowl with two hands. Yo, if we were in high school at the same time, I would have fucking hated you. That's fine. You would have lost in bowling. Wow. We knew, we knew kids that bowled like on their like high school team.

Yeah, one of our friends I've watched him bowl to 300. See, that's... I've also seen him bowling a 300 like, I've seen him do it and then I saw him doing it and getting like to the last frame and our friend bowled in his frame by accident.

Yo. And he felt so bad. I would have... Oh my God. I would have been that person. I know I would have been ever... No, it wasn't on purpose. I know.

I would have done it on purpose. Yeah. Prank Frank Frank. I would have like... You'd just do it. destroy this for you. I mean, but that doesn't make sense. You could go back and reset. No. I mean, you have, if you're going to bowl a 300 for like the bowling alley, you have to like submit. Like you have to like show that it. Really? Yeah. You can't just go back. They're computers. They can't see like,

oh, so and so bowl the 300. If you edit, then it doesn't count. It does like the I. You know what? We should. Do you think they have like, if we went to our like neighborhood bowling alley, would we be able to see like any names we recognize bowling a 300? Is it? Is our friend's name up there? I mean, if there is one like that, then yeah, it is. I watch them do it there. But how long do you think it would take you if you were locked in a bowling alley to bowl of $300? That sounds like a picky boy's video if I've ever heard of one.

Where it's like, Danny's not leaving until he finishes four bottles of Doritos vodka or bowls of $300. That's really hard because you get tired too. Yeah, you're throwing around a 20-pound ball. Barstool does shit like that where it's like, you've got to. hit like yeah they're fucking hysterical our fantasy football punishment is you have to go to a gym and hit 3003s before you can leave okay who lost my friend marco he will be there all night yeah not good 3003s is a lot 300 is a ton dude yeah but maybe a week a month to what do a three hundred a month maybe i have to be in there for a month yeah i don't know i don't know that i

could ever do that. Yeah, I don't, I don't think I'd ever be able to do that. I'd reach a point of, like, insanity that I would just leave. I would need a coach also. Like, if I could be there with a coach, I could probably get it done. I have to say, like, when I was, when we were just bowling, like, my hand starts to cramp and hurt. Like, my, my, like, inner palm. Your palm. Yeah, like, it started to, like, slap at this thing on its ass? No, but, like, just, I don't know what, what I was doing, but, like, it started to hurt, and I was just like, I can't do more than, And we played like a game in a half because the kids were like starting to lose it. I don't think I could do more than two games.

Did you guys get bumps? So the one that we went to, it does bumpers for specific. Oh. Like it's like, it's like computer now. Yeah. So like it'll be like for certain bowlers, it'll be bumpers. And then they'll literally like when it's like my turn, they'll just go down. Which I was like, yo, I mean, I'll bump.

I'll bump it up. You know, we don't need to put them down. Dude, I don't even know that I could beat. You can't even beat like. actual like good bowler if you had we that would be a good video if we had a professional bowler come in and it's like three of us versus him or her crazy oh it's like a scramble so like best best best best ball best lane I'm saying like if it was like a professional bowler yeah and then three of us I mean or two of us two of us two of us and we have to

combine to beat this professional bowler just got a professional we could do that Professional like that. Oh, no, we can't do that. Why not? An actual professional bowler? I mean. I know. That's the point. Is that that that would be funny. We get like professional like high school bowler or something. Yeah, they could be a, yeah. I mean, but a high schooler, if they lose, they're going to get bullied for it. Like, let it be like a professional like bowler. I think it's good to be bullied. That's why I'm not allowing you to get tickled.

It's your father. Full circle. Full circle. Your father. His penis, we're not thinking about it. We're not in one. And we're not. We're not. And we're not thinking about your dad's dick either. Only Frankie. I'm not thinking about his dad's dick. We do have sponsors, by the way, that we're going to get to right now. We have Hymns, okay?

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But yeah, there we go. Beautiful. Man, bowling. Who would have thought this would be a bowling episode? I mean, I haven't bowled and talked a good amount of Bob bowling. We should go bowling? We could. We could do a Sanagos City of this bowling video.

We could. If we went there on like a weekday, there's probably no way in there. Or we could call and say, hey, give us two lanes so we could film. I'm sure that the bowling alley would be like, yeah. What are they going to say? No. All right, fuck you bowling. Fuck you, Mr. Bowling.

Yeah, like who the fuck? Like, we have to wear cool shoes. Bowling. I mean, those shoes are arguably garbage. I will say this. That plays the one in a story that we used to go to. Those hot dogs might have awakened my hot dog loving ability. Really?

That's where it started? Those are good hot dogs, dude. And Elm Jack and Icy Y-YP. Yeah. You know what I think about it. A lot of, just hot dogs. No, I think about it. Just hot dogs.

He's named everywhere you could get a hot dog. Yeah, in Astoria, like any time of the day. Damn, I used to... I used to... So when I worked at Elm Jack, for those you guys don't know, Elm Jack, is still around? Yeah. It's a Little League baseball spot in, I guess, technically East Elmhurst, right?

And I used to work. That was like my first, like, off-the-book's job. as I was a groundskeeper there and I would just go to the snack stand and just eat hot dogs. That's a good gig. Dude.

And then I'd ride a cart around and put some clay on a pitcher's mound and I was a fucking happiest kid on the planet. And I was making $10 an hour. Ooh! At like 13. I don't know that I ever made $10 an hour. You're making it.

You're making it now. I'm making it now. No, you're making it. But yeah, any of the jobs that I had. What was my first actual job? Before you answer, what was your first actual job? I'd love to hear this. Pizza delivery.

Wow, okay. Five bucks an hour? Five bucks an hour? Five bucks an hour. Plus tips, obviously. And the tips is really where you do it. Did you do well on tips? I did well on tips.

What'd you usually, like a good night? Oh, I don't know. A good good night. And how many nights do you work a week? When I was working there, you know, I work. I do things well. It was a... That's what I'm trying to do.

I think it was five days a week, six. Oh, wow. It would be good. A hundred, maybe. A hundred a night? Yeah, 100. You were making $52,000? I forgot how...

What? What, Frank? You were making $52,000? I just completely forgot how stuff... No, actually, I'm not off. If you make $1,000 a week, what were you... If you're working...

You said on a good night. Okay, on a good night. Yeah. All right. So on average, what would you make a night? I don't know. 70, 60. 70 times, 70 times 5, 350. And you would work how many hours? Five? Four. Four hours. So 20 a day times five. So that's... Yeah. You got it.

200. Where are we? All right. So like 550 a week. Sure. Let's say 600 to round it off. What did we get me? I hoping I did the math correct. But then there's like, there's gas. If you ever ding your car, it's a very, it's a very... Well, yeah, and you also get...

Do you have any, like, fun stories from delivering pizzas? On Valentine's Day, someone in a robe with nothing underneath gave me a hundred bucks. A woman? Yeah, woman. Whoa! She had her thing out? She had her penis out?

It was more like a very long V. But you saw... Oh, but you saw like the... top of her. Was she older? Older? How old? Oh, I don't know. 50s. Oh, so she was there. She wanted the young bowl. I don't know. She gave you $100? $100. How much did you, what did she order?

Just a pizza, a regular pie? One piece that you $100? Yeah. We know, we know. On Valentine's Day, that's a crazy thing. Am I, am I bugging? Like, that's a crazy thing to get on Valentine's Day? Pizza? Brother. How about the naked answering the door? Yeah, yeah, whatever. I got that. That's crazy. Obviously, we're not dealing with the same. I'm telling you right. I'm telling you right now. I'm telling you right. Now, each of the people in this room is going to get to a point where they don't care about that anymore. Care about what? Being naked.

I am definitely going to care if someone's coming to deliver something to my house to put clothes on. I argue that you will not. I don't know what you're even facing that on. Just knowledge of things. I had a guy, too, when I delivered pizzas that every single time that I would show up to his house, he was in tidy whitey's and he was sweating his ass off. Like every single time. But he wasn't weird.

Like it was like it was normal It was almost like he was like working out But it was every time I went to his house I didn't I never worked in that industry So I have no stories about that The delivering pizzas though I've never had any of that You see some things

Definitely was it was like a local pizzeria Or was it like a dominoes or something Local local theater Did you uh do you ever drop the pizza? No I've never dropped a pizza But one of my friends who also worked there Delivered a ghost pizza is what we called it And he got fired for it

What's a ghost pizza? He got to the door pulled out the pizza box. There was just no pizza in the box. What happened to the pizza? He just grabbed a box instead of the pizza on the oven. You didn't tell immediately? He, he, uh,

partook in some, some lettuce quite often. Oh, he wasn't, he wasn't a good delivery driver. Gotcha, got you, gotcha, gotcha, got you. Yeah, one time I was walking to the, to the fucking door, and you have like the little thing that keeps it warm,

and I'm walking, and I hit a patch of black ice. Dude, I went up like fucking, Harry and Marf. Yeah, dude, I went up in the air, like Home Alone too, and landed on my back, and the whole pizza just flipped over. And I literally just got to the front. I was like, here you go, and I just got out of there. I fucking peeled out, because I was like,

their pizza is all over the top of this thing. Oh, it happens. That sucks. I used to, yo, there's nothing like working in a pizzeria. You can just grab a slice whenever. It's amazing. Dude, I wish. It was so good.

I wish I could work in a pizzeria right now. I honestly would. You know what? You know how like there was a... I'm coming up with Santa Gada Studios videos right now that are really good. What if we just did a day where it was just like, we partnered with a pizzeria and we just sling pizza and like make a video out of it? Oh, I used to slang them.

And I'm just saying like if we were just like, yo, we're doing this day. We're filming a Sanagato Studios video. We're going to be making and selling pizza at this pizzeria and Astoria. Now we're getting crazy. This is illegal, Frank. Why? Because the place that's...

to like, you have, there's like, you know, they have, there's like health codes and shit. Who fuck is going to come for a little, you know,

mom and pop pizza shop? I don't know. I don't know that you could just be like, oh, we're just going to sell pizza that we made. No, at a pizzeria, like we make it like there.

Sure, we'll go through a couple hours of like food training. So you get hired by the pizzeria for a day? Yeah. Dude, with the pizzeria that I worked at,

like the last pizzeria that I worked at, the guy who made the pizza, pizzas was so little this little Italian guy I think his name was Mario honestly the shorter the Italian man the better the pizza oh yeah yeah I he used to have me like put the pizzas in because he couldn't just so I'm basically doing every job in here bro I repeat that pizza place I love that place so much which one go oh Pertabella Portabella yeah put about I was talking about my Antonios that's like a restaurant

now so you weren't a two pizza place Yeah, I worked at Antonio's, dude. When they first opened, I applied for a job, and I got it. Antonio's had good pizza, too. I think they're still there, are they? I think they're like a restaurant. It has nothing to do with you. Comes with the name.

I hated working there. Never, I take it back. I literally, comes with the name. I did everything at that place. I was, like, bagging shit in the basement. I did. One, the best part about that job, though, was that one of our chefs used to make these things for dessert. They were little cheesecakes.

And I used to fucking slam him when no one was looking. Do you subscribe to the mentality of like every person should do like one job in the service industry in their point in their life? I think so. I think it gives you perspective, you know, with what people have to deal with. Because if you don't have that perspective, then you never, like obviously this is obvious now. But like you never, you don't know what it's like dealing with people in that way. because no matter what, you're kind of,

you're representing this place, so you have to have a wall and people just, like, beat you up all day, for the most part. Like, they're ordering stuff, and they're very, like, entitled in the way that they order things, and they're a little...

That's how retail is, too. Yeah. These people, like, they believe that you are below them because they are buying something, like, they think that they're buying something and it's, like, paying for your salary. You know what I mean?

Or, like, you walk in here. I don't work for you. I work for the store. I'm, here to help, but I don't might be a slave. And I feel like with food, I can imagine it's really bad because it's like, there's like a sense of like, specifically with like most of the restaurants we're going to are like, you know, like owned by a family. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. So like there is a sense of just like, this place keeps the lights on because I am here.

Right. Yeah. You know, like I am a, I am a constant patron here. So like they feel like cater to me. Yeah. And that sucks. You're also dealing with hungry. people and depending on the person that's like the worst person to deal with yeah hungry like I I legitimately know people that like when they're hungry they're like angry like the the same I don't know if this is a hot take I'm probably gonna just grow up I know I agree you know I'm like no but people like I feel like I've gotten flipped the other way people like no you don't understand it's like well everyone gets hungry like just like relax I think people probably have like undiagnosed like blood sugar things that like that is explaining why they react certain ways.

But like blood sugar makes you an ang, like a rude person? I'm not, but like like something like where they need to keep their blood sugar at a certain level or like. Yeah. I still don't think that you should be rude. I don't care. I'm not. I'm not justifying it. One time we had this couple come in and they ordered like a gluten free pizza.

and this was like when gluten the gluten shit was very new and the guy just started freaking out in the restaurant like there's mad people around and like we tried to give him his pizza whatever I wasn't involved in this interaction but I was like yo why is this guy bugging out and they were like giant crackers essentially like the gluten free like crusts and the guy just started screaming and I don't know what was going on maybe he thought the pizza we gave them was it wasn't in gluten-free or something. And he goes, no, I need to know. No, she will die. And he starts screaming. She will die if she eats this. I was like, whoa, which I get the concern. But yo, not a screaming in the fucking restaurant thing.

Owning a restaurant is such a cool, like, concept for like 0.5 seconds. And then you think a shit like that. And it like immediately goes out the window. Well, I got, I told you this story. I think I told the story out of mad times. But I got in trouble because, like, I'm not good at that. Like, I'm good to a certain extent. But when people get a little crazy, then I'm like,

Like, okay, I can't, now you're taking me out of this thing. But a guy called me and was just like, the soda you gave us is warm. And I was like, oh, I'm sorry. Like, we are very busy right now, so I probably didn't spend a lot of time in the fridge that we have right here. So whatever, like a two little bottle. He's like, yeah, what are we going to do about this? And I was like, I'm not, I don't know. I don't know what to do.

Like, I'm sorry. Like, you know, we're busy. And he's like, yeah, I prefer my soda to be cold. And I said, put ice. it and my manager grabbed the phone from me because I was like bro what the fuck do you want me to do I'm fucking yeah I get what you're saying because you're being treated a certain way but like I also kind of understand where that person is coming from like if I'm ordering something and it comes not in the like in my whether it be in my head or not in the condition at which I

think it's going to or like the it's a two liter bottle of soda regardless like when do you get that cold you get that cold you get a at the grocery store it's in the fucking aisle. Yeah, that's a good point. That is a good point. But nonetheless, like, the quality is something, like, when it comes not good, like, it's like, oh, well, like, this is not what I wanted. I mean, it's just, what would you have?

Yo, I'm going to say something real honest for a sec. You ready? Yeah. I think that the, like, every restaurant now you could basically order for takeout sucks. I fucking hate that concept What? Like certain food just doesn't travel well

So like back in the days where like The only like stuff you can get for delivery was basically Like fast food? No But like back in the day The only food you can get for delivery was like Chinese and pizza That was it Like if you want it like

Tacos don't travel well You know what I mean? Like Italian doesn't travel well Yeah but you're supposed to know that and like think about that and not order that then yeah but it's but now every every restaurant now has the option for takeout and i feel like that sucks well what sucks that they have the option yeah why does that suck because i don't want them to have that i'm serious because like certain restaurants you just be like no our food doesn't do well when it travels so like it's

going to make us look bad if you order for takeout so we're just not going to offer that sure I don't, I mean, I think it would, unless you're like a fine dining restaurant, I think it would be foolish to be like, well, people order. This is how people will consume. So, so if a restaurant, you know, had steak that delivered, would you order that for delivery? No. There you go. Because why? Doesn't travel well.

There you go. You crushed it. You're crushing it. But then, but then, but how is that, but how? But then they should, they should be like, we're not doing that because you. Yes. Honestly, I agree The world was better when restaurants were just like, no, I'm not fucking doing that.

I also am a little, I guess, if I'm ordering something, I'm not expecting the full experience anyway. Yeah, like, I don't care. It's so tough because, like, I have ordered, like, for delivery. Yeah, seems like it. Maybe a little. I don't think I'm a food snob, but, like, if something comes through, like, and it's not good, I'm turned off to that place but I also at the same time

I'm like oh I don't think that was a good representation of what I was trying to get out of this bro I can picture Frank so clearly getting food that he ordered and taking a bite and going dude yes it's fucking soggy yo that's I'm not kidding

if that's what you define as a food snob yes I am no no I know that like I but I could see that but like I guess but like there are certain food like let's use a fucking let's use like uh like tacos as an example yeah there are a lot of places that do like casadillas a cassidias a cassidia is supposed to be like kind of like a layer of crisp and then like the cheese and the fluff on the inside you get it and it's all fucking because it's like it's staying in the i understand why it happens okay but but but that's important because that's like buying but that a gucci bag and canal street and being like it's falling apart

it's like you fucking got the no no but but then i don't Like, I am saying that it will turn me off to that place, but then I think, like, oh, that's probably not what's representative of the food that they're trying to make. So, like, I kind of wish they just didn't do that. You know what's a good judge of a place when you, not like a fast food, but a restaurant burger, and they send you a burger via takeout, if they put the buns separate in a separate container, that's a good place. I have come across zero places that have ever done that.

I've had one place that does it, that's a good place. Why, so it doesn't get soggy? Yeah. It's a, it's, I open and I went, oh, this is the best place ever. I had the opposite effect. It's like, oh, this place is, they care. I don't even, like, think about that. I don't really care much about that.

Right. Because, like, if it's bread, it's soft. Like, it's, in my opinion, a good wet burger is going to get the bread soggy anyways. Like, I don't need, like, you know, like a super crisp and crunchy. I'm also weird with burgers. Like, I kind of don't like them to be too tall. Yeah, who likes that? Like, when, like, listen, I know it's a good bread, but, like, when, like,

people like, have you guys seen those TikToks where it's like people making fun of like millennial burger joints? Yeah. And it's like they're not called appetizers. They're called shareables. Yeah. Yeah. Handheld. You know, like everything is like red brick and everything and expose just like this. Like exposed venting. And but when it's like a burger and then it comes on a brioche bun that's like it adds like six inches to the thing. Yeah, I'm good. I'm like, come on, dude. Just give me just kind of like again. And maybe it's because I grew up going to like, diners that were kind of a bit of a hole in a wall sometimes, it could be a flat sesame seed bun and I'm fine with that. Yeah.

Like when you, when you fuck up the ratio of meat to pat, uh, of meat to bun, fuck you. So if you, when you order like a pasta, right?

And it shows up and it's not hot. Not that it's freezing. But like, are you like, this is fucking bullshit? No. I, I don't think like temperature.

I, I mean, I'm not pumped about it when it comes cold. Yeah. You know, I, I am, like, I hate to say this, though. I do, like, leave reviews and comment. Oh, no! You're a Yelp guy? Not a Yelp guy.

I'm not, I haven't done it a lot. I've done it twice. And the only two times is because it was the same restaurant consistently. So then I was just like, I'm done. You fuckers. I left a review and I deleted the app. I didn't, like, wait for someone to hit me up. I left a review and I just said, like, yo, listen.

I'm done with this fucking app. I'm done with this place because like their food was great and now I'm getting the food. Like I would get like wings undressed in sauce. I would get food just fucking cold. Yeah. You know, I got like once I got like a smoothie for for myself or Becker or something and it came like completely like, you know when smoothies melt and they separate. Yeah. Like that.

So like at that point, I know I'm not being like a, you know, this place needs to close. to close. I'm just saying like, yo, my experience was disappointing. I'm not asking for anything, so buy. And I fucking, and I delete the app. I'm not like a Yelper that's like, I'm going to tear these people apart. They need to make it right. Yeah. You said there was two. They were both for the same restaurant. For the same issue. Oh, I thought you wrote different things. No, for the same issue. Have you ever left the review? No. But yo, can I ask a question? I get why, like, like, fucking serial Yelpers are an issue. I get that. Yeah. But like, with like, with like, these food delivery apps. Isn't that not, like, contributing to some degree to, like, the success of the app or the restaurant? Uh, yeah, I mean, I, I, I just wouldn't. That's the only different. Like, I think, yes, because I would say that, like, I'm okay with people giving a rating

of the restaurant. When people write words, that's nuts to me. Yeah, I always lean towards the, oh, you probably did something wrong. but like with anything I mean it's not it's not exclusive to restaurants like I think like any sort of review outside of like I guess technology or something or I don't know

like I think I don't know maybe I don't even mean that I don't know I just because like I definitely like I'm not even gonna lie like I feel like PRG post review guilt you know where it's just like who do I think I am what am I doing but then I come back

to the like oh but this is what like this is the feedback that people need. Like, imagine a world where like, we're doing the podcast or you're doing, or we're doing comedy or whatever.

And everyone's just going like, they either tell you it's good or they don't say anything. You would want to be like, yo, someone needs to kind of be honest and real with me a little bit here. And I'm not doing it

for this sense of like getting something out of it, but like, and I'm not doing it a lot. I've done it twice. But like, there is a justification in my head that like,

I am doing something that, like, is beneficial to someone to some degree. I just, I guess it really just depends. I mean, the general feeling of people who leave, like, detailed reviews is, like, very pretentious to me. Like, you know what I mean? Like, there's, like, this air around people being like, oh, well, I had a bad experience at this restaurant, so I'm going to write a bunch of, you know, whatever, like, oh, the waitress didn't feel our waters or whatever. Like little stuff like that, I mean, if I, if I go to a restaurant and I don't have a good experience, I'm just not going to go back. Well, I've never done this for going into a place and dining and then leaving.

Yeah. I've never done that. And I don't see myself doing that because, yes, I'm under the same mentality. If I don't like it, I'll just be like, I'm never going there again. Yeah. But like, even that is a form of a feedback. When you, when you, when you. I was furious and I needed to let someone know.

But like what my point is like, what is? What is the thing that you're trying to do with the review? You're trying to be like, fuck you, right? Not fuck you, but just like, I don't know what is going on, but this was my experience and it was disappointing. Did you call them? No, no, no, it was through the app. Oh, I would, I would much rather call them and be like, bro, you guys fuck this up here?

No, because in my opinion, if I'm doing that, then I'm, like, then I'm talking to a representative. And it's like, it's either, that person's just to be like, oh, this isn't for me, whatever. I don't give a fuck. You know, like, when it gets, like, do those, like, food apps, like, whoever runs the restaurant, the manager or whatever could see that and she'd be like, all right, this is, we could use this to, like, be better and, like, and eventually they actually emailed me. I feel like they aren't using it.

So you're trying to help. I mean, he's a hero. You're being a, stop that, stop that, sorry, not. You're trying to fix the establishment. I'm trying to be a martyr. And, like, if, if this is the cross I must bear in order to make somebody else's dining experience better. Yeah, but you,

I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm just gonna, I'm gonna pull you into this. So at our diner, we read a review and the, the review just said, these are your people,

so you can't judge them. No, no, don't fucking your people. Don't fucking your people, because I am not doing this. I've done it twice in fucking years of having these. You wrote one review,

you wrote them all. Fuck you. I'm gonna kill you. The diner, the review said, the eggs were all right, but the waiter, the waitress had a fat ass.

Okay, come on. What? And like, so something like that is like, well, unless it's like for a joke. I don't think so. I mean,

I don't even fucking loop me in with those people. Obviously you're not looped in with those people. Like, I'm not sitting there and I'm being like, yo, this was my experience, whether it be because, like,

I'm not saying it's like, someone needs to be held accountable. Like those are the people that pissed me off. I knew someone that in college, uh, and they like got fired from their job for a bad, yelp review. I think unless it's like a prolonged issue

I think that's fucking crazy But like if you're writing a review Whether it be for a restaurant or for whatever It shouldn't be just like You should be ashamed You someone needs to be held accountable It should just be like yo I got my food

This was an issue that happened with my food I don't know whose fault it is But like maybe you need to address this Yeah that's it I think like to be honest Again I'm not a serial reviewer But like I think

that that does have value. To some degree. If I, I mean, if I was a business owner of a restaurant or something, I would value that shit. You,

but if, like, yes, but also like, this is, like, and this is all the other, this is why I just don't partake.

It's because I don't know how much of an effect I could have. It's not even about having an effect. I don't want the power. You might not ever see the fruits of your labor. Like you, you, no,

but I'm saying like, if the place got shut down because people are like, you know, because that happens to places, especially now with like TikTok and the food reviewers. People go into a place,

they have a bad experience to make a video about it. The shit goes viral. This place is fucked now. Yeah. Because you had a bad experience and like, oh,

the food was not, blah, blah. Like, this has happened. I've watched it happen to certain places where like an influencer goes in and like either tells a story

that isn't true or talks about, you know, whatever, or like, oh, this is definitely like not what they say it is or whatever.

And the people have to defend themselves and hope that they're seeing as many people as them. And like, that's why I'm like, when it comes to restaurants, because by the way, when it comes to hotels or it comes to airlines or whatever, I'm fucking in that email letting them have it because who cares? They have a ton of money.

What is the difference between that and what I'm not shutting down the airline? They're just giving me shit for free. If my one review for a food item shuts down the restaurant, there is a bigger issue at play. I mean, I think that restaurants are just, there's way more turnover in the restaurant business than there is with the hotel and like, because it's not. boutique hotels. It's like a hotel and an airline. Like a restaurant if I go in there and I write a review

and I'm like there was a fucking mouse in the soup. But I'm not putting it on for parade. Like I'm not taking my review and just be like everyone, look, look, look, look. I'm not accusing you of that. I know. That's why I stay out of it. But even even like, I know you're not accusing me of that but like in that example like

you can kind of wade through some of the bullshit like and like you as as a normal average consumer can kind of wave through some of that bullshit. But like, it's almost subjective if you're like, yo, like, let's use chicken wings in an example. I got chicken wings. I got the buffalo sauce. There was no sauce on these wings.

That's an objective issue. And like, that's something that someone can pinpoint and should be like, guys, as a staff, let's just do this a little bit more, better. So the thing, the thing that would cross my mind is like the buffalo wings show up without the buffalo sauce. I don't think that's indicative of the restaurant. So, like, me leaving a review and being like... Who else is it indicative of? Like, I think it was a mistake.

Yes, and the mistake is made by whom? Yeah, but if I write a review of saying, like, my wing showed up without the sauce, then doesn't that make other people reading that go, oh, either this restaurant is careless in the way that they packed their food or this is how they serve their wings. Well, to be clear, it happened several times, and then I left a review because I was just like,

all right, I thought maybe the first time it was a mistake, maybe the second time it was a blunder. The third, fourth, fifth time. I would say that that's just how they're served probably. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, because I've gotten them dozens of times before. Got it. You know what I mean? Like, I would just call them and be like, yo, you guys gave me wings and there's no sauce. What's going on here? Like, can you either send the sauce or, you know, refund? Yeah, but that's not, but if it's through like DoorDash or Uber Eats or something like that.

Oh, they're even better. They send it like this. Yeah. They refund you quick. Yeah, you go, that's what I'm saying. I would rather that. And that's what, that's what I am saying there. Yeah.

So like in those circumstances, like, that's, that is an objective piece of like, oh, something did, a mistake was made. Yeah. Let's, let's, let's fix this. Well, that's the difference. If a mistake is made, I'll call the restaurant, be like, you guys made a mistake and we'll figure out if they can either refund something. or send it, you know, I forgot this or whatever. Done that a couple times. There was one time I saw my pizza delivery coming down the block

and it was this person on the back of a Vespa and the pizza just horizontal. Vertical. Oh, oh, like they were holding it under their arm like a briefcase. So you got it and it was just up against the fucking. Dude, I saw them coming down the street. I opened the door again. I said, guys, order another pizza.

Yeah. They came, box. So in a situation like that, well, it really depends where I am too. like if if I'm ordering pizza and it's just me I'm going to eat whatever shows up okay I don't care what I wish I hope I still have a picture but if it was something like that I would call the restaurant and be like hey like your guy served me a pizza that was completely up against the side of the thing like can we get another pizza going and like make sure it straight this time and I would just wait for it but if I leave a review and be like this pizza showed up and it was fucked up and blah blah

That could potentially, like people are going to read that review and go, oh, this place serves fucked up pizza. I'm not going there. I found the review. Oh my God, please read it. Please. And I'm just reading it and I sound a little more cunty than I think I meant. I read it. I'm going to read it.

I'm going to read it. It's from January 10th of 2025. Oh, we're coming up on the fucking anniversary. One year anniversary, yeah. I put the thumbs down, didn't like. The order was for 15 piece wings. Buffalo and a milkshake. Oh, we're going big.

You go big, you go home. Yeah. You know? And here's what I wrote. Kind of milkshake. Probably. It definitely wasn't for me because I'm not a big milkshake guy. It was probably for Becca, so chocolate.

Nice. And I quote. I will obviously be omitting the name of the place. Yeah. Second time in a row that they didn't sauce the wings. Didn't sauce the wings. Verb. It's been a row.

recurring issue and I gave it one more shot after last time so far so good okay so good okay here's where this place has had a steep drop in quality jeez and the place won't let me request additional sauce because that's what I tried to do I tried to like go like under like special you know how it'd be like special requests yeah you can some of the places I'll be like they don't take special requests so right right right basically Unfortunately, I'll no longer be ordering from in this place. I would give it zero stars if I could.

It's like the lowest you could give is one star. Yeah. The fact that you made me give one is sickening. That's not that bad. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's not bad. I found the other one. Is the other one bad?

It's for a Spanish place. Okay. Empanadas and yucca fries were solid, but everything else was flavorless and bland. That was bad. Who does that help? That was Cunty. That one's bad.

I'm a bitch there. I'll agree on that one. That one sucks. That one sucks. Everything else was flavorless and bland. Yucca fries, really? Unbelievable. One of my favorites.

They, so they had reached out to me. Which, the Spanish place? No, the other place. The wing, the sauceless place Sauseless flame Yeah, didn't sauce the link And I, they had reached out

Five days later But I had deleted the app And I swore off I would never use it again Right Not to do it, I don't know 10 days later Yeah, yeah

Yeah They wrote Oh So this is terrible Your feedback is what makes us better at the end of the day With your feedback We're going to add extra sauce

As an option Not getting your wing sauce Is Concerning And we will address it With our kitchen Here's some money if you want to order again from us and they sent me

how much did they send me $25 they did the right thing did you I honestly I don't think I ever ordered from them again it would be so funny if they kept your name you did it again no sauce bro if I was that place

I would have sent up 15 chicken bones I was going to say I would have said uncooked chicken it would just be no meat no sauce just bones it's just bones and the sauce to know me. So 15 sauces. That wasn't too bad, right?

No, no, no. But I do know people that are like, I know, like I said, I know someone that got fired from a Yelp review, and it was the funniest thing I've ever read. The review was just like, we came in like an hour before closing and this person was pissed,

so they threw the menus at us. Shit like that. Yeah, they deserve to get fired. That kind of stuff, like, I think is fine. Like, things that aren't a mistake. You know, like if the food is cold or you forgot something, I think those are mistakes. People mistreating you, like, I agree.

That's totally different. The only place that the wait staff has, like, they're bulletproof is at diners. These people, you, they should, they, honestly, it's almost better if they're more miserable and they hate you. Because if you get, like, a happy person at a diner, not getting the diner sucks. You need a, what do you want? We don't have that shit. We don't, like, and I'm not talking like Dick's Last Resort. You remember that place?

No. You don't remember it was like a chain restaurant, like Hooters where like you walk in and the people are just like, all right, what do you want? Smallcock and they write like, you know, loser. Loser on a hat and put it on a person. Yeah. I'm not talking that. I'm talking like a legitimately miserable person that's worked at the same diner since the 50s. Yeah.

Put a cigarette on me. But give me my lumberjack special. You know what I mean? Humberjack special. What the fuck is that? It's like a lumberjack breakfast. Is that like pancakes? Pancakes.

Pancakes. Sausage links, bacon, eggs. Toast. See, now I'm hungry. It's the new year. So now I've got to go now. I've been on my new year's resolution kick and eating like a fucking deer. So any talk about pizza and then this and bowling.

Now I'm hungry. Get this kid in a bowling out of you and let them run wild. But yeah, that's all we have for today's episode. episode folks thanks for uh tuning in frank where can they find you the frank alvers all over social media and then uh patreon patreon patreon dot com slash the baseman yard and uh yeah and where can then out a chance you guys can go follow me at joe sanangado go follow the show at the basem yard on tictock and instagram that is all i'm kidding do you want to say what your thing is just kidding again you can find aunt at tb y tormerch dot com tb y tormerch dot com yeah yeah yeah yeah we'll see you guys next time