The Basement Yard - #539 - The Heated Rivalry Review

Episode Date: January 26, 2026

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Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, how's it going, bud? He's upset, aunt, you upset? I couldn't be more upset. We're all upset because YouTube is being a little bit, a little, you know... Homophobic. Say it, say it, well, just be careful. You're pointing at me. You saw that point? Shit, yes. No! No, no, no! Damn, you actually did.

And this counts in addition to... So for those of you guys that don't know, if you're seeing this, you're probably a little confused. You're probably doing the old-timey, like, cleaning of the eyes, who-hmm, thing that they did back in the old cartoons. This is attached to an episode that we previously recorded. Yes, we're wearing different outfits. Joe is also, what you don't see, he's wearing a butt plug. Why?

Because we have to revisit the conversation of heated rivalry. That's not why, wait, hold on, I'm not wearing it. We have it, like, you have one? We have to, no. They also technically don't know we're wearing different clothes yet. That's true. We had to record the beginning of this episode again, because we put out an episode talking about

he did rivalry and we watched the first well I watched two episodes and they watched the first episode so we all were getting an idea of the show and we started reviewing it because that's what people wanted and we put it out on YouTube for our patrons a week ahead and it just kept getting age restricted. Yes. Why? Because

YouTube was just like, hold on. They were twirling their mustache. I imagine big YouTube has a twirling mustache. And they were just like what are they talking about? We got to make sure they don't pander this to the youngest. To their defense, it was a pretty graphically discussed episode. Yeah, I mean, they were probably right.

I will take full blame. I think that I didn't hold back on the review. You are the Hollander in this situation. No. The blame, if the blame is. No, if the blame is Ilya, you are Hollander and you got to take it. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. Oh, right.

I have to take the blame. But, yeah, so we're... The long shaft of the blame. Right. Be careful. Be, please. But we have to rediscuss it so we can put it in this episode, but we don't want to throw out the episode completely. So we're just going to redo our review of heated rivalry,

because last time, I got a little too hot, a little too heated. Yep, yep, yep, yep. And so we're going to just be careful about the way that we... Hot in the language that we used, we didn't get like hot and bothered. Or at least I didn't over here. I think I can confirm you didn't. He seemed to get a little hot mother. He seemed to get a little.

Ancient B. Yeah. Ancient B. He's like, and then they were doing this. And then they were doing. Yeah. So you guys will never be able to cross-references because now this is basement

yard lost media. Oh, so now Frank's going to just lie. So Joey was sweating. Yeah. And he opened his chest midway through the conversation. Opened my chest. Like his shirt. You like zipped your quarter zip down.

Down, you know. How's that catamaran he just got off of? No No No all right But he was just like He was doing this Like an old timey

Racist Southern woman You know what I'm talking about You know what I'm talking about Just like that's what you were doing So No no There's no way to There is no way

To cross-reference what we're saying It's fine But we watched the first episode Of Heated rivalry And now You know time has passed I watched A lot more of it

And now I know it happens in this first season. Oh, okay. Yeah, so I have an idea, I'm not going to spoil the entire thing, don't worry. I mean, we're definitely going to spoil the first episode and probably the second one, but like, we're going to spoil a little bit of that. But we also need to talk about it in a way that we are allowing our video overlords to accept, you know, we got to, you know, we got to get around this so they don't unalive us, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We need to make sure that we need to make sure that we're using. We need to make sure that we're using. the right terminology so big YouTube

doesn't take the as you were saying the long shaft of blame and giving it to you again right you know and he and just you're walking on thin ice yeah I think if anything first of all skating on ice hockey now we're here now we're here now we're here

let's just let's just go for it heated rivalry I knew going in that this show was G A G-G-A-G-A-Y and it gets really off to a good start immediately. Well, so people told us to watch the show, which we so many people. We openly were just like, hold on a sec, like take a step back. Right. You know, like, we get that the internet is like fully shipping us, but we were like, wow, are we proud of Frank or what? And I just pointed, fuck.

Oh, oh, cursing. But I'm proud of you for knowing that, that terminology. That's old. That's a, that's a term as old as time. Don't ruin it. Yeah. But they were just like, you guys have to watch this. And we were both like, before we recorded that Patreon episode, we were just like, why did they want? Why?

Like, they really are like, really driving this home. But Joey, after that episode, he came to Ant 9, he was like, Mm-hmm. Okay. He popped his collar on his, you know, vineyard vines quarter zip. Yep. Vineyard vines. Columbia.

Hey. Hey. Hey. And he was like, let's watch it. Give the people what they want. Yeah. Give me a nice review. Initial reviews.

Yes. Yes. How do I, how do we make sure we kind of? I want to say I thought that there would be more of a warm up before we got to. You thought that they had to make the call to the bullpen before they just started pitching. Well, okay. I thought we would see. a slap shot of something first.

I mean, before you get a slap shot, you need a wrist shot, I think, is what you're referencing. I know hockey. No, that's not how that would happen. See, too much references now, it's not going to be a review. We're not going to know what we're talking about. What I meant was, because I'm confused by what you're saying. What I meant was, I thought we would see hockey first to some extent before, like, a kiss. Well, I did see it before like a kiss.

Yeah. Well, you need a wine and dine, aunt. He's a little, like, you need to take him out for, and then he'll order to. the lobster. Yeah, there's a lot of sexual tension between the two main characters. And in my eyes, they kind of like signify Sydney Crosby and Alexander Ovechkin.

Now, imagine those two dudes were gaining in love in the NHL in 2008? Like, they had like blackberries in the show. Yes, I think we, what we said in our initial review, as people that grew up at that time, that was the, we were 16 years old when the show, when the first episode is set.

Because I understand that there are some time jumps. What a tough time to be gay in hockey. Yeah. I mean, anywhere. Let's make that abundantly clear. Anywhere. Definitely in professional sports.

Because I don't think at that point in time there had been any openly gay athletes. I'm not sure. I think Michael Sam was the first. But that wasn't until like 2010, 2011. Wow. I thought it was after that. But I don't know. Regardless.

We understand what it was like because back then, you know, we've openly said like, you know, you know, You use hand lotion? Your friends would call you gay. Yeah. You know, you're, you like girls. You know, you're a romantic. That was gay too back in 2000. Apparently that's coming back as gay.

Don't get me started because- Simp? When people are like, you like your girlfriend, you like your wife, you're a simp. Yeah. I'm like, what am I supposed to do? I don't get me started on it. You know how I feel about it.

My brain melts down when I try to figure that out. God, I hate that. But it really did like, you know, you're seeing like the first episode, you're like, about an hour long, maybe like 50 minutes long and you're like maybe at the end they'll do like a little like wink and nod to like this is going to be romantic yeah they like they like got in there like 12 minutes in oh they're lusting they're there and they're like lusted and boston can we say that no i don't think

judges take that out i think we're okay no that's fine i think lb a little lb a little lb yeah yeah and like the camera shots are like like it's like a shot like z zooming in on like a load of laundry. You know what I'm saying? Like not a literal load of laundry. Like a male load of laundry. Yeah. Oh.

Well, sorry. Balls. Can we say that now? Oh, oh. Oh, you're talking about a full bag. A full bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A full bag of dumpster bag of laundry.

Yeah, exactly. You know? Let's be careful here. And like they're like panting. Like there's that scene where they're like, they get to the, the gym and they're like working out next to each other. And it's like, oh, yeah you know and like they're just working out yeah yeah and it's have you ever done that by the way

like do you go to the gym and if someone's on the treadmill next to you you're like I'm racing this guy absolutely not really yeah no no way I mean I usually lose but like if someone gets on the treadmill next to me I'm like I'm not getting off until they get off it depends how many treadmills we're around if it's just me and them no it's whoever's right next to me I just I just meant like I'll do it to a woman too if she's there I'm just like I'm not getting off until she gets off and then I usually get off because I'm like I'm exhausted I am so in my own zone. First of all, I hate cardio.

So my only mentality doing cardio, I've told you guys this is like how much until this is done? Right, yeah. I need to get off here as quickly as I can. That's why I'm trying to create a competition. So maybe I'd stop focusing on that. I'm like, how fast is she going? I'm going to go quicker. And then I just burn out and I'm on the floor.

But that happened to those guys and they were on the floor across from each other. Then they got some crotch shots going. They got crotch shots? I think, weren't they like sitting like open-legged? Like a praying man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were like almost scissoring from across the room. And then he was just like, we can't say that.

They were doing arts and crafts. It's true. Yeah, they were doing arch and they were doing arch and crafts. Playing rock paper scissors. Rock paper scissors from across the room. And he's just like, there was tension was building though. He was like, take my water. Yeah.

And it was just like, whoa. And then he starts drinking it and he's just like more. Yeah. And that's when you know you're like, this is this episode. I mean, we knew what it was. Can you imagine being like, America is known for the people in the South is where like the open racists and homophobes are. Okay.

Okay. That's where like the open ones are. They're sprinkled everywhere, but you find them most. The fobs. And could you imagine being like a 70 year old, just racist piece of shit? Because racism and homophobic. tendencies tend to go hand in hand. Just like, well, I like hockey.

I'm going to watch this. Heater robbery. It's about the two men playing a game. Yeah. You know, play it. And then you find out they're watching that they're playing a game all right. Yeah. The game of love. The game of love.

I will say this, and I said it before. I will continue to say it again. When I saw it from the episode, I thought it was well acted. I thought that... Are both those kids first, like, job? You know, that's a really good question. Maybe not their first job, but like their first big... I think the dude that did, that played Ilya, the Russian,

I think he, like, was in other stuff, but nothing on the... The scale of that. The scale of this in terms of people talking about it. Yeah. But I thought it was well acted. I thought the story from what I saw was well done, you know, typical romance. I could tell you that, first of all, when I watched the first episode, I was like, damn, they're getting after it.

But then, like, I watched the second episode. Also, I said this when we recorded it the first time, and this is a real thing, but I really thought those episodes were 30 minutes. So like it felt like they were flying by, but they were an hour long. And I was like, time flies when you're having a good time. It's got its hooks in me. I will say that. Oh, yeah. It's got its hooks in you, maybe.

Don't. No. But it's got its hooks in me for sure. But then as the story progresses, you're like, oh, okay. This is like a, you can kind of see where it's going in the first two episodes, but when you watch the rest of it, you're like, this is, it's got a tux in you in you. It's a, it's a feel good thing. I mean, I'm going to be a typical lefty and say like, you know, I love a good love story.

You know, like, of course, like there are certain things I can and can't connect to, but I thought it was well done from what I saw. You know, I know that people have said like continue watching. I haven't yet. but it gets to a point where like it continues the story and it is very much in the zeitgeist. People are talking about it and I think people are talking about it because it goes from zero to 60 in like five seconds.

Dude. And also like the way the Russian dude is he's the Dom. Like he's Dom and what's his name? Hollander Russianly. And he and the way that he sort of like flirts at times, like the text messages that he sends are hilarious. Yeah, because they text each other under a pseudonym. Jane and Lily.

Jane and Lily. And people like, I think if they took all of five seconds to see that and figure it out, they'd put it together. Well, that was another thing. It's like, you're getting a text from Jane. And it's like, oh, we play Boston tonight. Are you hard? It's like, yeah, they're going to know who that is.

They're going to know who that is. Come on. Yeah. But in between the sexual messaging. It's just like, like very in-depth stuff about hockey. You know what I mean? Good luck in the playoffs. I'm jerking it right now.

Yeah, exactly. Just like getting it. We're getting excited. We're getting excited a little bit. I mute that. It's fine. Where's this thing that again? I'll take that out.

I'm getting excited. But yeah, it's like stuff like that. Like those hilarious. But yeah. Go ahead. I think it would be remiss to not bring up the fact that how like bad Shane Hollander is at kind of like. Yeah.

and hiding it a little bit. Well, it's tough because I think that the story that I saw is that there is a sense of like, I'm finally being able to be myself, but I do need to restrict it to a degree. No, that's not what he means. I mean when like other people are like, oh, yo, your boy's on TV talking about the Russian. He's not my boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like a middle schooler.

We're not in love and kissing. Yeah. It's like, bro, be a little more cool here. Well, maybe that's part of the layering of the story that he is not allowed. to be at an emotional maturity level to deal with something like that because society at that time didn't allow people to be open enough

to deal with that on their own. Oh! I'm like fucking Eepard Ropert. I don't even know who that is. I know the name but I don't know who that is. I just say you ate something? Eepert Ropert. Oh. I'm like Eepard and Ropert. You thought that he said something? It was like, whoa, that's like I ate Roper. I don't...

What is it? What is it? That? You don't know who Eepert? I think it's two people actually. I think it's like Roger and Roepert. Ebert and Mike Ropert. Mike feels wrong, but...

Mike is right. But they were like famous movie reviewing duo that would like... They... No, I think they're just... They were very good at breaking down symbolism and allegories and film. That's why I know those names. The Drake song, Two Thumbs Up, Eepard and Roper. I was likening myself to the skills of Ebert and Ropert.

And saying that I was able to break it down because as you're sitting there and oogling and ogling and making, you know, oh my god, these guys are baking a cake together. Yeah. They looked like a Pisces at one time. Oh, did they? No, but they took turns. I mean, you did watch, so like during the initial review,

you were open that you watched more episodes than we did. I did. And then since then you have continued to watch. Yeah. So I just got his hooks. I mean, yeah, good. I mean, I'm not, what am I going to say, don't watch? No, no, I'm just saying.

I'm not waiting for you guys to watch every episode and review together. I'm saying I'm off to the races here. It's got its hooks in me. What am I going to do? No one is. Yeah. I got the bug. I got the hockey bug.

Oh, okay. I was going to say. What? I got the bug. You know, you got to be careful. People thought it was an illness at one point in time. Gaines? Yes.

Oh, that's not what I meant. And I believe in the DSM 3, maybe earlier versions. It was diagnosed. When you start talking about acronyms, I get a diagnostic statistic, manual. It's like the like, say it again, two times fast. Diagnostic statistic manual, diagnostic statistic manual. It is, we're on the DSM five. It's pretty good. But in previous iterations, I never told you, I think I've, I've told you this story. I had a class in college of normal psychology and we just went through like mental illnesses and understanding, blah, blah,

it was a very interesting class. And we took a test and one of the tests was what was pre, what, what social norm now was once diagnosis of mental? illness and I knew our teacher was gay. So I went to her and I was like, listen, I know the answer or I think I know it. But I don't want to write this out and you think I'm a piece of shit. And she's like, what do you think it is? I was like, I don't want to say it. And she's like, what is that?

I was like, gay. She goes, yes, okay. And I was like, all right, go, but it was categorizing. Oh, you like got up in the middle of the test? Yeah. Because I'd finished. I'd finished and I went to hand it in, got a budget and five. and five.

But it was. It was diagnosed as a mental illness. When you said the bug, I thought you were like doing one. No, no. I meant like, you know, I'm hooked. But I will say that this doesn't happen often, even though people think I look like everyone in the world,

but there's a guy in the show that I actually feel like we look alike. But he looks like, this may be too niche. I don't know. But if you've ever seen the TikToks or people will take like, they'll take like Timothy Shalamey's face and it'd be like, This is what Timothy Sheldonleby's face. If you made it look perfect and they like... Oh, like the symmetry?

The symmetry thing? Perfect symmetry. Yeah. Like, that's what, like, I feel like I would look like if you did that to my face. If you made my face like perfectly symmetrical and I was in a lot better shape. Look right into the camera. Let's give people a chance to do it. I know that there's someone that's going to be like, let's move his eyes here and like, you know.

Someone had tweeting me. It was like, oh, wait until Joe finds out he's in this show. Yeah. And I saw the picture. I saw that. too and I was like well I saw that and I thought it was like a joke or something but then I saw the dude on you were fully like yeah I saw him like I think maybe it was at the Golden Globes or something but he was on like a carpet and they're

taking photos of him and I was like oh it does like that kind of looks like a handsome Squidward version of me I don't know if this will be a spoiler does he bake cakes at a certain point a lot of batter oh all right well I don't know no no answer mine first then we'll unpack that what are you asking about piggyback if he's if if he if he is also baking cakes with there jane and lily he's he's he's in love he there's a love story with him good getting into spoilers i'm saying like past episode one here i think we are way past episode that's what i'm saying i'm just just freaking yeah i don't even know who he's referencing that arc is very interesting okay the dude's name is kip i believe but he's got

an interesting arc okay second to last episode something happens oh my god something happens something Something. Oh, wait, so you finished it? Well, yeah. Okay. Well, yeah. Okay. I mean, yeah.

But yeah. If you were to do the Siskel Epo, Roper, are you giving it? How many thumbs up? What is the? Four thumbs up was like really good. I honest, all jokes aside, like, I do think the show started out super hot and there's a lot of gay scenes. I don't want YouTube. But, like, there's, like, right off the bat, you're kind of like,

lustful, lust, let's get after it. But then it slows up, but I think that's the natural way that would go anyway. Most TV shows, you know, first of all, they used to be called pilots because this was the show that was getting the show off the ground. They would have to show that. So they would have to end with some, you know, like punch metaphorically to get people to be like, I need to come back. I need to come back for episode two, three, four, whatever. as we are talking about this, it's because it starts at fucking a hundred.

Yeah. Like, a hundred, dude. And like, no issue with that. But any show that starts that aggressively, like,

you're just going to be like, whoa, I was not expecting that at first. What is the show? There was a show recently that was like on Netflix and it's like, and everyone record their reaction to watching it.

Because the opening scene is like, this guy and this woman laying in bed, and he's just. hug it. Like he's just hot. I don't. Do you know what I'm talking about? I remember the trend.

I don't remember the show. I don't. I mean, I remember when people would record to the documentary that came out where it was like the mom was cyberbullying her own daughter.

Well, yeah, no, that I watched. I don't remember. This was like older than, this might have been like during COVID or maybe a little after that. It was a while ago. It was a while ago.

But like people would record themselves watching like, oh, watch the beginning of this. I think it was either a TV show or like a series or like a series or something like that. But the opening scene, so I'm like,

I have to see this because everyone's always like, oh my God, but it's a dude lying there and he's hogging. And I was like, yo. I don't know. And it did,

no warm up. No warm up. It's like, title screen right there. Well, that's how the show, The Boys is. That show goes, like,

and not even just like one episode. Every episode of that show goes from zero to 100. Yeah. Instantly quick. And like, you might, if you've not seen that show,

it's on prime. video, you might think like, oh, how, like, I'm talking like exploding wangs. You see how, we see what I did there. That wasn't what I wanted to say. Yeah. Like that quick. Yeah. And it was like, so like any show that is like that, it's going to be a little bit of whiplash. I think that, you know, I saw like some of the people saying like, you know, of course, because people that don't know our show are going to see the clips of us talking about it and be like, you know, this is, but da-da-da-da-da. I think it's an important, again, let me be lefty-frank for a sec.

I think it's important to have queer representation in TV and film. I think that from what I have seen, it's a well-done show. I don't talk to the president of the gays, so I don't know how the gay community feels about it. Who's that, by the way? I was Ellen DeGeneres for a while. Oh, she's not. She was taken from her post. I don't know who would be in that role right now.

I don't know. Andy Cohen is in conversation. He's at least on the board of directors. I was thinking Andy Dick when you said that. I was like, what? Andy Dick has got some other stuff going on that needs to figure out before.

Wouldn't know. You didn't see that clip that went viral of like someone found him on the street like ODing. Oh God. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus. No, I did not see that.

Yes, sir. Any idea on who the president of like the gays is? Would it be Lady Gaga? Wouldn't it technically be like Jonathan Bailey right now? That's a good one. You know what though? He might not be, he might not have newly elected. He just got this.

Newly elected. I don't even think of elected president yet. I think that. Like a OG. Yeah. Like you need like someone that is like consistently like. That's why I said Lady Gaga. I think that she has probably earned her right on the Mount Rushmore.

Sure. You know who I really like? Who's the dude? Oh God. What is he in? What was the show with Steve Carrell? Morning show? No, four seasons, something like that?

Okay, yes. Do you know that show? Yes. The black dude in there. Coleman Domingo. Bro, that guy. He might be the current president. He could be.

Bro, that guy's style is unbelievable. Dude, super town. I remember the first time I saw him in Euphoria. Beck and I were watching the episode where it was just him and Rue and I was like, yo, this guy is fucking good. That show, by the way, mad underrated. Euphoria? I love that show.

Or four seasons. Four seasons. You know, I started. Where's the other show you were talking about? Euphoria. Oh, I mean, Euphoria is a, appropriately right yeah yeah it's a very popular but like four seasons i feel like went under the radar like that shit was fire uh i didn't you know you want to know something it's filming like

at the jersey shore like it was oh there's new yeah they're doing a new season i didn't so we i think back and i watched like the first two episodes it's good and we just never picked it back up i liked it i love the cast so much yeah i mean you can't go wrong with will forte tina fay steve carrell coman domingo yeah well forte's in that i forgot um but yeah just i just kind of bringing it back full circle in terms of heated rivalry, like, they, they, they,

they, they, they, they, they definitely, like, you know, like,

you ever heard of like, don't show, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the cat? Let him know there's a cat there.

Shrodener's cat? No, no, Shrodinger's hat is something different. Don't show whole. No, I've heard that one. That's also different.

What do we, what do we, that was saying. Ant can take the shaft of blame after this one also gets. Yeah. Also, they didn't follow that rule. A lot of butt. A lot of dude.

Round. Round butts. I'm not, I wasn't going to say it. Round. Really round. No? I don't. The Russian dude.

You're like impressively round. I'm like, wow, that's round. Dude. I didn't see anything about the butts that you see. What are you talking about? The Russian dudes butts are right there on display. I mean, they're in good shape because they're athletes. I didn't see anything where I was just like,

that doesn't mean that you're not being like, bro, Jesus. Like the guy's got a BBL, basically. BBL. BBL. A lot of, I guess I, you weren't looking in the right place. I guess I was not. Yeah, we were slow blinking over there because I mean, I was going to figure out. I was holding my breath while I was watching.

Round, really round. They didn't say they were. That's the, only, that's what I thought the whole time. That's bad funny. Interesting. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, definitely, I think if, if you want to see a good love story, start off aggressive.

go watch the show yeah definitely like you know it gets its hooks in you dude I'm telling you if you continue watching it you're gonna be like

that was a good show yeah was there any more hockey yeah oh nice there's like there's like you know because the first episode

I don't think the equivalent of the Stanley Cup a bunch of times right but they do the sneaky thing where they actually don't play hockey they kind of just film on the ice

that's what do you what what what what is that you know what what i mean no nope they film on the ice like they're just like what are you going to show a whole hockey game yeah that's what he wants he's watching it because he's that guy that's just like i like some hockey let's go watch this right now i don't think there was a puck until 45 minutes yeah slap shot well now i'm watching heated rivalry for to hockey i want to see i want to see how good they are just a little bit of both that's it you know that's it right little more hockey, you know? Like, what do you?

That's like going to the car. You got the NFL for that. Yeah. You know, I'm here. I'm just here for the hog. I'm not here for the Russian round, but. Just, you know, just say the quiet part out loud, my friend. It's okay.

You can watch it for. Oh, that's so funny. You know? Yeah. So, well, watching it for the hockey is great. But yeah. A lot of stuff there. But apparently there's like a lot of books, too.

So like, maybe there'll be A series of books and like I think we looked it up during our initial review The first, I think the first one is called Heated Rivalry And there's like game changer The long shot The long shot

That's the one Crazy Tremend rolls Common goal Common goal that's a good one That one feels like a Like a Like a

DP So we're so close So close So close So close I was just using letters. I'm letting you know now. But doesn't that sound like that though? Common. I think the common goal would be in reference to reaching a oak. It's like you say it really

yeah say it really fast. Say it really fast. Oh that's not like like like like you know got to pay the troll toll to get into this boy's soul. First of all you know you know don't do this. Already in the beginning you both were wrong about what I was saying and then that was that was completely not what I was saying. I'm not jumping in in that. Well, you've seen that episode I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, you know that episode of Sunny where they do the play where they do the night man. I saw it. Okay. Thank you. I said. One of the best episodes of TV I've ever seen in my entire life. Full stop. You know, when he goes, what is that? And he cocks and he goes, you know what in his bitch. Oh man.

I'm got to pay the trottoe to get into this boy's hole. You got to pay your trotto to get in. Yeah. I can recite that whole episode, I think, line for line. It's a great episode, honestly, one of the best ever on television. Yeah, well. But yeah. Yeah, I don't know how when we send it off to past selves, how the vibes of the episode are.

If it continues this. Yeah. Well, listen. Yeah, I don't know. We don't. We don't, we apologize for the, because we're obviously in different stuff, you know, like, and it, it wasn't our. fault we wanted to make sure that you guys didn't miss out an episode so we wanted to give you what you like which is joe ipin and roper can i say gooning you guys what can i say gooning

gooning oh you say me yeah no i wasn't gooning well we got it i like rom-coms even though it's like more of a rom yeah it's more of a rom-drom drom a rom-dromdram a hawk rom-dramms now it sounds like we're going to conjure up spirits yeah i know the first furniture is going to start levitating here. But yeah, so that's our new review, I guess. Let's go over to our older selves. Yeah, so let's... We'll just do editing.

We'll just do the editing, though. We don't have to do that. All right, see you. There's no easy way to transfer to this, but we do have some sponsors for it today. The first one is Hungry Route. Hungry Root plans my groceries for the weeks. It shops for me and delivers everything that matches my goals, delivery preferences, and budget.

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We appreciate you. And thank you. Beautiful. And speaking of holes, I have something for you, boys. Holes. Oh. Oh, okay. So this has been bouncing around TikTok.

I'm curious, how would you count the number of holes on this source? Fault Shaker. What would be your method? Let's just start with like, what's the first hole you're looking at? I'm looking not at a first hole. I'm looking at a series of holes. Right. And then how would you count those? Which one? I'm doing the circle around the middle hole. So I would go with those six. Wait, this here? Yeah. Okay. You count those first? I would segment it that way because it's easier for my eyes to.

to do that. Interesting. Personally. So I would do that. So I see that that's six, then one in the middle, and then the five dots around, the six dots around the end. So seven, 13, 13, right? 13 holes? So you'd count it this six in the circle.

Yep. One in the middle. And then the outer ring? Yes. That is very interesting. It's easier for my eyes to break it up like that. Yeah. Because like I break it up in the, I take the middle part of it, break it up.

and then I can count the outside and inside. Easier, personally. Why? What are you guys doing? I feel like if we added one more ring of circles, you're not counting this. I mean, to be fair. You're asking me how I would count this one. Okay.

I would only really count this if I was in a very awkward, like socially awkward situation. I'd be like, let me just count these things because I don't want to look up. I think I would start in the upper left, like there, and just kind of like get the ones that are near there. and then kind of go like to the right?

Near there as in you go one. One, two, the one across mid and then maybe that one in the middle and then like maybe I would continue that way. I don't know. I'm also thinking of it. I would also count it by line. So one, five, eight,

12, 13. Honestly, what you said, I'm like, I feel like I would do the opposite where I would count the out in. So I would go. go one, two, three, four, five, and then count the inner ring and then the one in the middle. Yeah, I just, in my head, the way that it works is to break it up into different sections.

You know, and just looking at that shape, that seems like the easiest way to do that, to look at it as three different shapes. Bro, I'm staring at this and I'm like, there's holes appearing and disappearing. Yeah. Like, I'm like, it's like a fucking, it's tripping me out. I think I would do just lines. So I would go one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, seven. 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13. Just lines?

That makes sense. I honestly don't think I would be good at counting this. Usually, if I have to do something like this, I do it more than once because I'm not very like. I'll randomly be, like, the other day I was in the steam room, and I was like, let me count the tiles in here. And like. Oh, you got a little bit of the, you got the, you know what I mean?

You got a little bit of it. It's got what's going on? A smidge, I would say, at least a smidge. I like to count stuff. Counting is cool because it's something I know I'm good at. Counting. Yeah. How high?

Pretty high. Wait, you counted the tiles? Yeah, but I did it by using mathematic equations. So I was just like, I'm not going to sit here and count every single tile, but I'll count across, I'll count down, and then you'll take the area of that wall. And then I'll look over and do that one. Sometimes I'll get into this mood where I'll just start counting my steps. Like, I'll be walking on the sidewalk and I'm like, one, two, three. And I'll get up to over 100 and I'm like, what am I doing?

Dude, what I used to do is when I used to walk home from the train when I lived in Astoria, I would at a random point on. the walk, I would say a number guessing how many steps it would be from where I was to my house. Out loud? Out loud. So I'd be like on like Dittmars and like Steinway. Yeah. And I'd go like 1,406. And then I would walk and count every step.

And then I'd give myself one time to adjust and then just play a little game of myself. Did you ever like nail it? Yes, one time. Really? Like nailed it. Like, like Hollander. Dude. like

yeah well Hollander he was the nail he received he received the nailing yeah from the hammer

yeah right exactly but I was like a couple blocks away and I was like you know like 684 and then I was like

two blocks away and I was like I can adjust but no I'm gonna stick with 684 and it was 684 did you start like these were your

normal steps but then you no no no I and like I kept the same stride and pace you know I did my best

you know there was no like puddles or anything. That's funny. I just love doing stuff like that. I count stuff. Do you count stuff? Sometimes. Sometimes I'll count. Do you know how many stairs you have in your house exactly? No. Well, I live in an apartment. Okay, well, what about, yeah, that you don't count. So then he does know how many he has. So let's say your top floor. Do you know how many, the exact number of stairs it is from your middle floor to your top floor? I feel like it's important to know. I don't know that in my mom's house that I grew up in. I have no idea.

Because, like, you ever carrying something and it's blocking your vision, I know my steps. Oh, I can do this. Oh, I just, I stop and I wipe my foot. So, like, I go down and I like, I kick my foot around. Yeah, just to see, like, is there another step? Am I on the ground? I could also tell by the, like, the texture of the ground, if it's wood, if it's a tile or something. I also am so bad at that that if I, if something is impeding my vision, I've, because my mom's house is like two steps and then like a little landing and then the stairs go up like that.

So coming down those steps and getting to the landing and you're just, just anticipating another step and I just go boom like that. We're just like, because I'm like thinking there's another step and I just like hit the, hit the deck or some shit. But I've done that so many times in my life. Joey's childhood house also had famously one of his staircases was missing a step. So like,

it was like it was a hole. Like on several accounts like several occasions we had told people like, careful of the sixth step and they'd say, why? Like, because there isn't one. And it was just a hole into the floor. you know it happens things fall apart a time and they last a long time which is an issue but was it a stairs to the basement kind of situation it was in the basement yeah yeah if it was you know the middle

floor or something that'd be that'd be tougher to explain yeah no one we were only we were going into the basement i'm sure we were the ones that caused it to break in the first place I'm certain of it I mean my mom would do laundry in the basement like that's where the laundry machine yeah but your your mom has steps like a little pixie you know what I mean like she walks like she basically on air. She floats down the steps. We were running down those steps. Yeah, dude. Feels like a keith through the, like leg through the stair kind of thing. I actually don't remember how that happened, but I mean, that's a, that's a very safe bet. Could have been. Do you remember when we tried to put me down the stairs in the sterolite, like storage bin? Oh, yeah, that was like a,

so many times I've done that. Yeah. Yeah. Or a hamper. You ride it down the stairs in the hamper. If don't do it, kids. And if it goes well, if it goes, if it goes, goes the way you want it to go. You slide right down. But you actually hit the floor and topple over. And that's probably what you don't want. No, I imagine you would want that because your momentum brings you. If you hit the floor and stop, you come to a complete stop.

That's what I mean. And you just flip over. But the flip over is better because your momentum is continuing and it can die down a little. But if you just hit and you don't move. I actually think that one time, We did do something like that. And my foot went right through the closet that's right there. Because it had like those slats.

It slats. Yeah. And I just like kicked it open. God my parents. I mean, whatever. God bless them for raising all of us in that house. See, my steps had like the metal track on the, you know what I'm talking about, on the tread. Yeah.

So like if I went down those, I was, I wasn't going to be in good shape. Yeah, you'd be roughed up for me. And be a little roughed up. But, you know, everyone takes a nice good roughing. Just like. Holland. Holland or took a rough angle. And we'll probably continue

taking it. My grandma's old house had a boxing bag hanging from the ceiling in the basement. Like a heavy bag? And we would swing from it. You would swing from the heavy bag?

I mean as a kid what else are you going to do? Punch it? Yeah, that's stupid. It hurt my hand. Yeah, I imagine that's the thing to do. Just swing from it. That's cool.

What's in those, by the way? Sand? Gotta be. Yeah. What else would you put in there? Water? Mm. I mean, you pop it.

I think of the scene of the Avengers where Chris Evans, Captain America hits it, and the sand just bursts everywhere. Because he's so strong. He is so strong. Bro, speaking of Chris Evans, I just watched a show

Defending Jacob. Did you see that? You were telling me about that. I didn't watch it. Is it good? Dude, embarrassed to say this. But me and Nicole

watched the entire series in one sitting. Why is that embarrassing? Because it's fucking like seven hours. I am a big proponent of smoke it if you got them. You know what I'm saying? If they're giving it to you all at once, just do it.

Seven hours of television straight is bananas. But it's one of those like mystery things. And you're like, I gotta fucking know. So I couldn't stop watching. I love a good mystery. I love mysteries. I watched weapons and I was like, oh, what's going on? I love detective shit.

Like I wish I could be a detective. Or sometimes I watch shows where detectives are like figuring stuff out. And I'm like, oh, I love that. Like the first 48? or something like that. Also, all her fault is another one. And it's like, what's the guy? Pena, Pena, Pena.

Michael. Michael Pena. He's like a detective and he's like figuring stuff out. And he's like, oh, okay, piece this together. Blah, blah, blah. He's interviewing people. And I'm like, I would love this. That's why I really enjoyed rewatching Dexter.

And that's why I like the new Knives Out, Wake Up Dead Man. Because he does it in such a, Daniel Craig does it in such a bombastic, you know, coming to Benoit Blanc and he doing it like that. I love it. That's what he does, dude. That's what he does. Well, that's what he does.

It comes in his lock, mouth, go so. I wish I talked like that. Do you ever wish, like, give me your top five accents you wish you had? I wish I had some sort of, like, UK accent. UK? Yeah, just any, any of them. There's a hundred million, but, like, one of them would be nice. All right, so give me your top five, as I asked before.

Okay. Take it easy. Should I count that? That was really... No, that was not. It was really sassy. No, that was not. Unlimited sass. I've been sassed up.

Unlimited sass. No, we said it was... Okay, like I said before, you fucking idiot. We said it would be verbal bitches. Not... But that was that was a bitching. Yeah, a little bit. Throwing that sass around, Frankie.

Yeah, yeah. That was crazy, dude. Who side are you on? Who size are you on? Who size he's supposed to be on? Mine. the money together. Oh, so he is splitting it. Might be on Frankie's side.

Well, I know, I mean, like, you're also getting $10 and I'm also getting $10. Whoa, now it's $20. Back to Joe side if I get $2 per. I'm not playing this. I'm giving you $10 per. No, you're making him spend $20. He's not going to do that for me. All right.

I'm not doing any of this. So top five accents you would most want to have. I would say that one. You just said European. I said UK. You said UK. British. Okay.

British accent. What kind of British are we talking like high in Brit? Are we talking like a fucking vlog? Yeah, like Tom Hardy in Bronson or peekie blinders, okay. Yeah, I love that accent. I think that's awesome. So you want to be a blinder? A picky fucking.

Fucking. Fucking hell. Yeah, I would love that. Okay. I think also. And the people that are watching this in England are just like, that's a very specific. Like they know exactly which one it is. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, because like I said, there's so many of them. Like, I think you go, like, 10 miles north, and it's completely different. I would like that. I think, like, having a Spanish accent would be cool. But, like, what Spanish are we talking? Or are you talking, you know, which one. Spain? Like, Spain, both of the truth.

But we don't eat even eating until midnight. I'm talking about, like, Dominican? I'm trying to think of an actor that would have. Javier Bardem, Antonio Ben. Vendaris. Who's the guy that voiced death in Puss and Boots? Come on, Frankie. Pousin Boots is actually a good accent.

Wagner Mora. That guy, that's... Oh, he just won. He just won. Yeah, apparently that movie's incredible. The Secret Agent is something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would love that.

I would love that. Yeah, that's a good one. I like that accent. I like that. I'll take that. I want like a Scouse accent. That's fun. Which one's that?

That's like, you know, Patty the Batty? Or Owen Cooper, I think. is he's I think he is I don't know howdy the baddie he's in the UFC you never seen him he don't get knocked out Patty Pemblet yeah okay

I didn't know his nickname was the baddie Yeah dude No offense Come fuck him off dude But yeah like an accent like that I think is so fucking funny Who is the Like Scottish like sounding

Scottish I mean yeah It's hilarious Well I mean careful You don't want to offend Patty the Batty He might come here and take your hatty off. Yeah. Put me in a fucking rear naked.

Scottish would be cool. Like a David Tennant, Alan Cumming, Scottish. Or like a real Italian would be cool too. Okay. I think that's such a, like a nice sounding language.

I mean, the language, but it's a little dramatic for me. If you had the accent but not the language, doesn't that kind of take away from it? Like, to be clear, I'd rather speak these languages

than just have the accent, obviously. Gotcha. Okay. But I like the Italian. You want like a Southern accent a little bit. it? No. I'm talking...

No, not at all. What about Boston? Certainly not. Certainly not. What about like Delaware water gap? Like Philly. Yeah, I will say the Baltimore accent is... Stavros that bit he does is so fucking funny.

Yeah. I feel like the Baltimore accent is so funny. Like I wasn't really aware of it until, you know, the last like five years really. Like I knew they had an accent, but I never like really like Mary Beastown was the first one to like put it on TV and stuff like that right

Wow that was a good show Speaking of detectives You know Another and see I'm all over the detective shit The like Delaware Water Gap You know like we're going for a hoagy Yeah Go birds

It's also like what are you Like how did this come there? Yeah why Like it's very specific spot It is it is It makes no sense Yeah It's like only you have it

It's so strange It is crazy to think about accents Because like we live in the same place but it's so, like people say that a lot about New York. Bro, you ever hear the Memphis accent? Oh my God. No, I don't think I've heard of Memphis accent. So like, when you say human, but they say Herman.

Herman? And Merzic. Merzic? Yeah, like, you ever seen like Glorillo get interviewed and shit? She says... I thought she was from St. Louis. Nah, I think she's from... Or maybe I'm mixing people up.

I'm pretty sure it was... Well, it was like Chingy, right there. Well, I don't think it's St. Louis. I'm pretty sure it's Glorillo. Because she didn't... She didn't. interview with with Speedy

where she was like bearded for spirit like she can't I don't know who the way she is he's an interviewer for complex um

that dude's hilarious too but it's like is she from Memphis I don't I think that Justin Triplake is that

that ain't what I'm talking about yeah because he talks like this that doesn't sound like him at all that sounds exactly like yes Glorilla Memphis Tennessee

yeah yeah so they so they say like Herman like it's a human like it's a human So I'm like that's why I would need to hear it before I can ever make any judgments about it I'll tell you which ones I definitely would want I've openly said I don't like the Boston one I think that I don't like it it's just it's hilarious to me though yeah but also it just feels like I don't want it I don't know how I know you're gonna say you know what I'm saying

you say it's gonna feel is dumb is that no no no no that's not what I was gonna say okay but also I would hate the like Valley California yeah the vocal fry I hate that. You know, like here, like that. Yeah. What the fuck? Shit. Shut up.

Yeah. I'm surprised. Australian's not in there. Oh, that's a good one. I like that's a good one, too. Australian just feels like it's a cool club. But I can't be in. You know what I mean?

I can't do it. Like, it seems like they're in it and they're like, oh, good eye. You know? Yeah, fuck, mate. Yeah. Fuck. Fucking. Fucking.

Like, yeah, I love how. I like, yeah, they're just cool. Yeah, that's a good one I'd like to. I don't really, the only two accents I could say I really don't like are those two I just mentioned, Boston and, you know, like that valley, so, so cow like that kid, you know. But I also, like I said before, I dated a Brazilian girl in high school and I hated that accent. Yeah, you do. You know, because it was like Hispanic and also Russian. Yeah.

So it'd be like, oh, just do the spooing. I'm just to Dubai, you know? Yeah. It's just like, yeah, you know. I just wish I could speak anything other than English. I mean, you can. You can sit down and, you know, pop on one of those speaking apps. What are they called?

I feel like I'm... Doolingo is one of them, right? I feel like I'm surprised, like, when I was in Spain, I was able to understand, like, a decent amount. I'm like, okay, so it's like, I have something, like, some people have absolutely nothing in just English. But like when you are in Spain, everyone knows like five languages and I'm just like, I'm an American loser. I always think about this. My grandfather spoke seven languages. He was polylingual. It's so sick. Which what the fuck are we doing? Like I can barely speak English.

Yeah. You know? Seven is probably four too many. If you had to pick two more. For me? Yeah. You know, my Spanish is so broken that I'm not even going to be able to say that I speak it. Yeah, Spanish has to be in there. I think it would have to be Spanish. And then, what would you pick after that?

If you know Spanish, you kind of know Italian. Like, they're so similar. You'd be able to figure it out. You could more than get by. You know. Can you speak Italian? I used to be able to fully understand it, but now I'm losing. I lost it.

Does your dad speak it? He can, but even he's starting to lose it. Can you say something in Italian? Just pizza? All right. You know, see, that was so disrespectful. Yeah, this guy. Does he, does he warn a bitch?

I don't know. You want me to call on yellow right now and fucking tell him that you're disrespected? You know what? Your dad's gonna see this? You've been really mean to us lately. Oh my God. And like, the cameras are on so I want to make sure that the world sees this. Like, if your dad sees this, I...

It's kind of crazy you talk to your boss like this. And I feel I'm legitimately bullied. Like, I feel like you hurt you, you hurting me and... And I just... I think we have been, like, he's here. We try to talk with him nice. Like, we try to, like, bring him stuff. And then it's just like making fun of us.

And it almost feels like your job's probably in peril a little bit. This is preposterous. Like I feel like I don't know. Like I get like I don't know how to feel. I like to have a good environment. But then you come in and you just kind of car crash. Well, so much of this show is a dynamic and being able to like move well and talk well. Exactly.

And then he comes in and he's just like, I got a big penis and got a big dick. Got big balls. Imagine dragging them across your face. Exactly. You know. Yeah, I know. He will see that. Yeah.

Yeah. Good job. Yes. Thank you. If we can get your multi-billionaire dad with giant nuts to fucking like us. That'd be sick. But are you full Italian? Yes.

Like, why did you look down? Like, I asked a disappointed like, yes. I think my mom's side had a little bit of Irish, like English. Ah, okay. I mean, technically, all of us are not full anything. You know, like, even if we're half, it's like 30 things in there. Definitely, definitely Italian. majority Italian.

Have you been to, what's that place called? Italy. Yeah, I thought that's that way. Have you been to Italy? I have, I've been to Italy. Okay. Would you,

you love that one? It was. It was. It was. It was really good. Have you been to that place? Where the fuck is it? Room 40.

What the fuck? The Italian spot? Room 40. Suck my ass, dude. You're not. Have you been to Room 40? Nice try. Nice try.

You have some sponsors, though. It's more like, know what? I read the ads and then I'll let you have your moment. We have some sponsors. You know, we have Seekek. You know, Seekek is where you're going to buy all your tickets to any events that you want to go to. They have more than 70,000 events listed on there every single day, concert, sports, festivals, whatever you want. They got it on there. Their interface is very easy to use. They let you know if you're paying a good price for a ticket or a bad price for a ticket. The dark red ones, stay away from that because that's when you're going to be overpaying for stuff.

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Just do it again. For the clip. We got it. Have you ever been to room 40? Room for these nuts in your face. What the hell? Got them. Drilled them. Wow. Absolutely got them. You got me so good. You know what? I applaud that. effort. Yeah. Oh, I think Joe pointed at you actually. He did. That's another one. I got insulted and I made some money.

That's the internet today, baby. Yeah, you want to play around? I'll call your dad right now. I'll call your dad and tell me. Did you tell his dad what he said to us after the Boston show? Because his dad was at the Boston show. He came to us and came up to us after the Boston show and he said, my dad might be here, but I want you to know you embarrass me in front of my family. You son of a bitch. You embarrass me. He said, you embarrass me in front of my family. He said you embarrass me in front of my They were here and excited. And now they're pissed off because you guys suck. Do you know how like your phone gives you random pictures like memories or whatever? Yes.

I got one the other day from the Boston show and it's just you with the bluest mouth I've ever seen in my mouth. They gave us a cake after we won World Sexy's Podcast. Huge. And they gave us a cake. So if there's a cake, if I walk into a room and there's a cake addressed to me, I have to at least try. Try it. Did you eat the hot dog cake? I had a, I think a little bite of that. I didn't think I tried that. I had a little bite. What's up? Hot dog made a cake or cake made a hot dog? A hot dog made of cake. That was at St. Louis. We've openly spoken about. We keep track on the green rooms at these places. That's still up there. That's still up there. That was a great one. That was a good green room, man. Yeah. I actually, it's funny that you brought up hot dog. Boys give me strength. I almost had a hot dog the other day, and I really tried not to. In the winter?

Tried not to. I'd actually... That means he had. No, no, no, no, no. I succeeded. I walked out of there. Back in our last year. Walked out of there.

Yeah. Where were you? So, there's a place in Jersey. It's, like, iconic. It's called Jersey Freeze. And it is, like, an ice cream spot, but it's been around since, like, the 50s. But they also do, like, dogs, burgers, chicken fingers, and stuff like that. So we got ice cream.

And then you can go. sit where they have the food and I'm sitting there and Becca and there's a there's an old lady double double my age at least old bags sitting right behind me nice and she's got two dogs she's double she's barrel dogging double barrel dogging on a date with her prop I would believe husband it was very cute actually you know that's a part of me I'm a soft boy now and Becca's like apparently the hot dogs here are really good so I was like how what is she doing by saying that. Well, she's supporting her husband.

That's what she's fucking doing. She knows what she's doing. She knows what she's doing. It gets better. And then I was, because she's like, oh, we used to come here all the time as kids. She's like, it was perfect. We'd have a basketball game. And then after the game, we'd all meet up here. Nice. And she's like, we'd come with like three bucks. We'd get two hot dogs and a soda or a hot dog soda and a burger or whatever.

And she's like, how much you think a hot dog is now? I was like, let's go check. So we go to the front. And I'm looking, can't find the price of a hot dog anywhere. So she's like, do they even have hot dogs? I was like, they got them. Look at them right there. They were glistening, shiny bastards.

Oh, they looked good. They were spitting out of you. And she's like, it'd be crazy to have one. And I'm like, post-ice cream hot dog is kind of a wild move. It's a genius move. Or mid. Mid? Was it mid-ice cream? No, ice cream was great.

It was gone? No, no, I'm saying, were you in the middle of the ice cream? I finished the ice cream. I'd fully finished the ice cream. ice cream. Oh, I want a classic vanilla soft serve with rainbow sprinkles on a cone. No sauce? No sauce. Okay. I'm a classic American baby boy. You don't go caramel? Not on a soft serve. It'll melt it. Not hot caramel, just a boom temp caramel. If you're not going hot, why are you going it? I go cold. I want this thing to be shot right out of a

warm machine. I get you. You know, that saying that in our episode talking about Peter I love when it comes out hot. But we walk out and she's like, oh man, that would be really good. And we get in the car and I go, I will go get a fucking hot dog right now. Yeah. And I didn't. Wow. I maintain my strength.

So you still don't know how much they cost? No, I'll be honest for you. It doesn't matter. I know. It doesn't matter. $10. What the hell? I bet they're good then.

Yes. And then if it's really like, it's a dollar, we can't pass up on that. Yeah. So it really does. So I'm really trying my best. The other night, she goes, she goes, we should, we should do a hot dog night soon for the kids. And I'm like, oh my God, yeah, but let's wait until baseball starts.

Because every year for the start of, like, opening day of baseball, I come home and Becca has hot dogs about. It's a hot dog night. With just unlimited condiments. I mean, I'm a simple boy. I get two condiments. But it's nice to have a choice, though. Oh, yeah.

And, uh, oh, yeah. The place is creaking. Oh, okay. But, uh, creaking, fuck me up. Oh, wow, you're scared? I'm scared, bro. No, that's fine.

I'm trying to fucking talk about my hot dogs. You're talking about the hot dogs and there's 50 fucking condiments or whatever that you can choose from. So she's like, we're going to have a hot dog night. I was like, let's wait because the world baseball class is coming so we can early, we can jump early on the hot dogs. When is this again? World baseball classic? March 6, I think is the day. I know you know the day.

Even then, though, it's pretty early. It's of the game. No such thing. And then, um, she was like, no, let's bring the kids to go get hot dogs. at Jersey freeze. I was like, let's go tomorrow. Let's go back. I thought she was saying like, let's control it at our home. And then I could be like, let's wait, let's wait, let's wait.

Yeah. So now it's like, you want me to go into Jersey mics? What's it? Jersey freaks. Jersey freaks. It's Jersey Frees. It is like really, really good. Do they wear old-timey, like ice cream man hats? No, but they do have like the old-timey machines, like the big fucking big machines that dispense the cold. you know, like the soft serve. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it was good. Nice. But I want to go to one of those places that, like, it's like a candy shop, but they also, it looks like a bar, but they serve ice cream and shit. Well, there's that place on the Upper East Side, isn't there? Is there? It's like they still serve Coca-Cola the way it was done in like 1901. Yeah, that's what I mean.

Sam's cocaine. Yeah, it's like they put syrup and they just like mix it or whatever. Syrup and fucking soda water and then they go like that. I've seen those videos and I'm like, I know that sucks. No way. I know that sucks. That's got to be amazing. I feel like it, you know, aesthetically it looks cool.

What are we got to do to get you an egg cream in your body? Oh my God. I guess I go to lunch with my mom. She loves them. Because it's just, isn't it just like? It's ice cream and. Seltzer? Yeah.

It's like, why, Mom? I've had one in my life. She made me have one. Really? Yeah. Let's do one. I would have it. I mean, it's ice cream, so I'm going to be happy.

I mean, I won't be happy. You know what I haven't had on a long time that I would like? An E. Claire. What is one of those? What, you mean like an ice cream, a clear or a... No, no, no, like a pastry. Yeah. You know what?

Oh, boy, are they? Oh, to the brim? They're filled, brother. Wow. Custard. Nice. Custard. I want one of those.

There was something else recently that I was like, oh, man. Oh, you know what I hate? I think this is a hot take because people love them. Black and white cookies. Discussing. Wack. So trash. They're so whack.

So trash. Also, and I've said this to you guys, the rainbow cookie. cookies, whack. You need to be sent. You need to send up states and you need to allow me to take a bullet and put it in the back of your fucking head. People love those cookies. They're not that good.

You're bugging. Italians love it. I know you guys. I love the Italian. I know you guys. I love the Italian. I love them too. For such a smart guy.

They're so good. I don't like them. I think that place actually Jersey Freeze does like an Italian cookie ice cream. Oh, nice. Like it's like they mix it in with like, yo. Anything that, like, when the cookies come in a tin and they have like those and then they have like the real dusty ones, I'm like, all these suck. I, for the first time recently, there was a deli that I went to that gave me some butter cookies. Butter cookies are the like, the Italian ones that come in like the bag on like that flower shaped golden plate.

You know what I'm talking about? First time I've ever had one of those, I was like, wow, this is actually a good cookie. Every other one I've had, they just crumble in your mouth in their dust. Yeah. I actually will admit the rainbow cookies that come in the pack. you're talking about aren't great. You need more wet ones. Yeah, you need like legit deli ones. Yeah, you get like mass produced, they're garbage.

Yeah, because they're hard then. I don't like the dusty shit. No, a good Italian, a good rainbow cookie is kind of wet. Wet. It's wet as hell. It's really wet. And like, I'm not like, like a trest-lechis almost. Like, not soaked, but like you bite into it and you're like, this is more water than it is dry. I'd rather that.

It's, what, Tresletes? Well, I love Treslaches almost. Love transletches. I love, you know, give me all three of them. Give me a three milks. No, dude, you're crazy. We need, you know, you know, listen, you got a guy that was a tier of bakery. You got a tiramisu guy.

Get a fucking rainbow cookie guy. Dude, I will so quickly get rainbow cookies in here. Get the fucking rainbow cookies. Not just rainbow cookies, though. Let's get an assortment going. You want an assortment? Yeah. We should do in a whole episode on Patreon.com, that's the basement yard, where we review

pastry on. This is incredible. really good. This is absolutely. Pastery on. Get a bunch of pastries and then, oh, get a schoedel. A schvoiadelle. A lobster tail. The fucking pinolies, which I don't like. Isn't a lobster tail the same thing? No, there's a, there's difference. Okay. I think, uh, you know what, um, you remember uh, uh, luguli's? So.

Exactly. Love that place. Great Italian icees, but you... The best orange ice I've ever had my entire life. They have great ices. What in simple concept. Spamoni, though, shut up. Spamoni is like a Frank Sinatra. It reminds me a Frank Sinatra. Yeah, and he's a good musician. But he is dead. He's dead and old.

But they always had, you know the rock candies? Yes, they'd have them in the thing. Yeah. People use those for like cappuccinos and stuff like that. Really? Oh, to like mix. Beck and I went to a steakhouse the other day. They had rock candy?

And she got a cappuccino and they put a thing of rock candy on her plate and she, to sweeten it up. She stirs it with that. that's actually very useful yeah oh I thought you were going to say so I'm going to yell at him again for not getting more fucking pastries we'll get a bunch

did you just text your pastry connect I texted the person who will text the connect yes also get some Greek pastries because the Greeks know how to do pastries also get more Tiramisu Tira missou and 80 pastries gonolis

rainbow cookies Pinolis whatever that one is that looks like an ass huh you know what I'm talking about do they do donuts there No, donuts are not Italian. We're fancy.

Fancy place. Fancy place. It's not even yours. You don't even like, you got to text a guy and text the guy. You don't know how to fucking a hell. We don't do it. And I'm talking like, get some Greeks in, get some Greek stuff in here. Get some fucking baklava.

Oh my God. Galax da buriko. Oh my God. Where'd you go? What I said? Oh my God. Oh my God. The Greeks and the Italians know how to do their fucking face.

Yo, baklava is sticky. You've been to Stamattis, right? When they give you the complimentary. No, I never been there. Wait, what? No. Bro, I actually had this, like, I think it's Arabic. I was at a coffee place, and I was like, oh, this is like our pastry and whatever.

I forget the name of it. But I had it. I was like, this shit is fucking crazy. So it's called Galak the Boutico. I know I'm saying it right. I don't know how to spell it. Don't even ask. The booty go?

Yeah. Don't let the booty go. Don't like, Gala, where did the booty go? Right. And it's like a custard and then it's like flaky filo dough on top. And then it's covered in like a vanilla honey syrup. Oh. fuck my balls. It'll fucking, yeah, it will. It'll take your balls and it'll shred them to shreds.

What is custard? Uh, it's just like a thickened pudding, kind of like pudding. Like, pudding is, I think technically a custard, but it's a little thicker. Okay. I'm into it, I'm into it, bro. When shit is, when shit has custard, I'm like, this is probably, I think what's in, because you love, uh, French cream donuts, right? What are they called? Bosting, that one. French cream. Yeah, yeah, Boston cream. That's custard in there. That's custard in there. That's custard in there. Oh, yeah. It's like pudding. Am I right?

If I had that accessible to me, I could literally drink it. What's it called? Crembleau. That's a custard under there. Fuck with that. Is flan technically a custard? Flan? Get some flan in here, by the way.

I will fucking dog. No way you Italians flon it up in that bakery. No, that's the Hispanics. Yeah. That's the Hispanic. You know how he hates them. Right, right. Hey, by the way, Aunt's Dad, and if you're still watching this,

he said he hated me because I was Hispanic yeah he did say that and that was so fucking sad it was and that's you know I've never been identified and attacked because of my nationality and heritage it's not really something I want in the workplace either

it's something that like I feel like I I can't I can't let go you work your whole life establishing the basis for your self-worth and in a minute that can crumble and you know

And a part, I mean, it's jeopardizing everything that we're kind of trying to stand for here. We're very forward-facing with our personalities. I think a lot of people like this show, like us, like the studio, because the people that you see are the people that you get. We're trying to keep it light and silly. And unfortunately, there's a person that comes in and does stuff like that and is now mocking me. Do you see how he's mocking you? He's mocking me. And like a mocking bird.

Completely undercutting your ability to feel real emotions. You're mocking me like a mocking bird. And which reminds me of tequila mockingbird, which... Which also tequila tequila. What? Tequila mockingbird? Oh, tequila. Yeah.

Oh. What? Well, tequila mockingbird and teal tequila, two things that say the N-word. I thought you said... I'll say that. I'll say that. I thought you said tequila mockingbird. I know...

To kill. I know to kill a mockingbird. I didn't know. I was waiting for the what tequila mockingbird. Bird is. Oh, I don't know what that is. But what that fuck is that, by the way? Wait a sec. Business idea. I already bought this. You know, we almost got out of the episode with you doing that.

It was close. A tequila brand called Tequila Mockingbird. Just don't even... What is that? It's a little violin. I saved from when Frankie was, you know, complaining about something. Oh. So you're saying Frank complains so much that you're like, I got to get a toy. Yeah, but then it turned... It was just useful here. Yeah.

I complain about something a lot I don't let them turn us against each other here don't point at me I'm not my hands down don't you worry yeah I didn't say you complain a lot I said if you've ever complained like in the future I don't know if you said that no no no you said when Frankie complains you know saying that's inevitable just play it off here it's actually a beautiful instrument I wish I really wish

that just reminds me the godfather by the way it just sounded like the godfather meets titan I think it's just a violin, that's why. Yeah. See how rude that was? Do you see how rude that was? You don't got to tell me. I'll get in touch with...

With the powers that be. Was your father? Yeah. Went to your father gets the word of this. Yeah. That's been on my desk for like two months. I've been waiting for a moment. This is going to be the second worst day of your dad's life, dude.

The first one is when they were like getting rid of Christopher Columbus Day or whatever. Yeah. I imagine. I imagine he was not happy about that. I imagine. How much more can they take? How much more? What the hell?

Yeah. We don't have anything. It's just a day. You know? Oh, man. Well, I think that's all we have for today. What a fun episode. Yeah, that really was a fun episode.

Hey, great job all around, boys. I will say that the best thing to come out of this episode is the fact that we had the idea of the pastry on. Oh, my God. I am ready to eat pastry. I am so proud of you. I'm so. For pastry on.

I'm so. excited to eat pastries. There's nothing better in this world. A few things are better. Just do me a favor. If we do get these, a cup of whole milk. You could get your almond milk or whatever you fucking drink in Brooklyn. You probably, I would just like, I need when something is that decadent and rich, I need a cup of whole milk. It's also going to dry me out, so I will need some wet. Okay. That's the way you put it. Yeah, I will need something wet to wet me up. You need something to fucking wet your throat. Yeah. At the end of the full circle, baby.

First circle. Heated rivalry. Start with wet throats and on them. There you go. Whoa. All right. Well, I am not looking. I want to make sure I say this openly.

Yeah. Make sure you tell the person that does our graphics to pick the one for this one very carefully. I wonder who's gonna be who. I mean, I hope that neither of us are, I think it's maybe just us in hockey stances. Well, one of us has to be the Russian. The other one has to be the Canadian. Okay, but we don't need to be like, fucking like, oh yeah. you know

yeah I don't think it's gonna be two guys you never know because you guys have had to give some notes in the past we would yeah this feels like one that we're gonna have to go back and forth with man who about yeah I'm imagining just the hockey face off thing hockey face off is good

I don't know if you two have to be stacked yeah yeah we can't have to I want to make sure I say that on the record Frank's kids are gonna see this photo we can't we can't do that yeah that's so funny

all right where can they find you Frank uh the Frank Alvers all over social media. Make sure you check out the Patreon. Patreon.com slash the basement yard where we will have a pastry episode soon. You fucking believe it. Okay? And you know what? We could sprinkle in some like pastry facts. Like where does the word canoli come from?

These are all good things that we could possibly do. We're going to leave that part out. It's Italy. We're just going to eat them. We're just going to eat them and talk about life. Let's have a real like the pastry episode. Let's make it like we're old Italian men sitting at the table and there's you know. Oh, should we wear glasses?

and um cangles candles glasses wigs newspaper newspaper you know let's really commit like a like a fucking frenze Italia shirt yeah yeah yeah

an undertone of like general racism and stuff do you still have your tutti jersey I never bought a tocti jersey oh okay but I definitely would want one I wanted one maybe your dad can come in here so we can have some positivity in this room I don't know if he's the one you want in here

for positivity in the room I don't know either. What would happen if on the episode I asked him about Christopher Columbus Day? I don't think it'd be like, who's that probably? Really? Who's that? The guy who directed Home Alone? Look it up.

It is. It's Chris Columbus. Where can I find you, bud? You can find me at Aunt Prisco on Instagram. You're welcome. And that just bought me something with custard, hopefully. We could take away one of your points. you. I appreciate it. You guys are going to follow me at Joe Sanagado and go follow the show at the

basement yard on TikTok and Instagram. And that is all. See you guys next time.