The Basement Yard - #541 - How's Your Algorithm

Episode Date: February 9, 2026

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Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard, decked out and all white. There he is. Why do you say it like that? What? Decked out and all white like that. It felt wrong, right? You try to make everything like a thing.

I don't know, and I don't want to offend anybody. So we're going to pivot. Yeah, I'm going to have CNN's going to pop up. No, but it is really, really cool that, like, I do think. And this isn't cool. I do think, though, that, like, when we get together, your algorithm is, like, listening to what we're talking about and I'll be like, let's send this. Because how many times have we talked about something, whether it be on the show or off

the show, we leave here and then immediately a TikTok of it posts. Like, it pops up in my timeline. Mine is, like, pretty, see, the problem is, like, sometimes I'll, like, what I really don't like, and this is why, yo, Twitter's horrible. Like, it's so bad. Everyone is, like, miserable on that app. And like TikTok, you can get to a point where there's a lot of just misery back and forth. And I'm like, I can't.

Like, I will purposefully, like, get out of those and try to watch, like, nice stuff. Like, I just want to be warmed by the heart. You know what we should do? We should do a Patreon episode that it is niche. But we each bring in, like, our five favorite TikToks. And we show them to each other just because, like, it's such a sense of camaraderie. Like, Becca and I will lay in bed and I'll be like, you like anything for me? and should we like come look and we like sit there and we go through like her TikTok.

Oh yeah, I do that like. I don't do it every day, but like definitely like there's a check-in of like, let's see what we've like. Yeah, let's see like what did you like. What did I like? Let's combine. Also, obviously mine is the best and you think yours is the best. I've never met anyone whose likes are better than mine.

It's just a thing. I think I don't like a lot. I am very selected with what I'm going to like. Oh, you're trying to build a portfolio. Bingo. I'm trying to. I'm trying to make it like, oh man, like, these are good likes. This is a good like over here.

You know, a well-placed like. Yeah. I also get a lot of, I don't know if you guys get these. It's like TikToks have like, like, not, I don't want to say poorly drawn because that sounds disrespectful, but it's like, it's like, it's like animation that like looks more. Sketch? Yeah, like sketched animation. And it's like, to my partner. You are my home.

You are my life. Like, fuck are you watching. It's like cute little. And I said, now. Now they, I sent it to Becca once. Oh, and now it's always. So now every time I see it, I'm like, all right, I'll send it over to her. Oh.

But like, it's like, it's like a little drawing and it's like, you don't realize what you mean to me. But it's over like hand drawn animation. And then you take credit for the words and you're like here. Of course. Yeah, absolutely. This is how I feel. My thought. Instead of me.

Instead of me saying it, instead of me saying it, I'm just going to show you a video, someone else doing it very well. And I'm taking credit. It's the equivalent of like a Valentine's card. You just, dear, dear babe, love me. And whatever's written in it, you're like, you underline some words. Dude, I've done that. You do that? You do that?

I don't, I've changed words so it makes sense. My. Like, as a joke, like I'll cross it out and like, do it. Like a word that like, you know. Instead of saying love, you say hate. No. No, I'll change some of the words so it makes a little bit more sense. Or like I'll put like an inside joke instead of like your hair's like the ocean and the breeze.

Like I'll like cross that out and put like something that. Gotcha. I, uh, my parent. I thought it was only my parents. Really my mom that does this. We're like, she like triple underlines the part of the car that she wants to like really draw home. You are the best. Yeah.

Yes. Literally. Yeah. I was like, that's just such a my mom thing. But I guess it's a your parents and you guys as well. I've done it. I like underlined. My parents.

Oh, my mom. Yeah, not your dad. No, I don't know. Yellow ain't giving you any cards. No. Bro, me and Keith used to give my... When we used to get my mom, like, Mother's Day cards, Keith used to write Keith Santa Gatto in the car.

Yeah, we've got over that. Like, it's the most insane thing in the world. I remember I... You are definitely a huge card guy, right? Oh, big card guy. Like, no, you fill that bitch up. Um... I, yes, yes, I like to, like, write.

Write a lot. You know, I do. I think that it's heartwarming, you know? Do you do it for everyone, or just... Becca? Like your brother's birthday, you're going to, like, give them a card? It's gotten shorter on siblings. You know, now my attention is, like, going toward kids and Becca.

Do you give your brother a card? No. I can't even tell you last time I gave my brothers or my sister a card. But, like, nieces and nephews, they get cards. Sure, sure, sure. You know, you reach a point in life where a birthday, like, it's just like a high five. Yeah, like, oh, Miller Light. Yeah.

That's what we're... Uh, but... I'm a big card guy. I have cards from like high school, middle school. Yeah. I have one that someone got me a high school musical card and you open it up. And it was like, when you open it, it sings. But the battery's so fucked that it's like,

everybody can freeze. You know what I've done sometimes? Like sometimes like for a birthday or something, I'll just get like a happy birthday grandma. Or just like a completely separate card. Yeah. Just to try and make it work. My siblings and I used to do that for like

birthdays, like a 20th birthday, we got like a Kinteniera card in Spanish You know, because it's hysterical Does you get your dad cards? I haven't in a while because again, I'm an adult now But when we did like He's one of those people where he has all the cards we've ever given him Yeah, that's where you get that, I'm sure

And he's like, I'm telling you right now When you cremate me, I want all my cards in there with me. He wants to be creamed? Your dad wants to be creamed when he dies? Creamated. Yeah, I mean. I mean, I want to make sure we're establishing that as the proper way to say. Yeah, yeah. He's getting cream. Dad wants to be cream. Right that down. Exactly. Why must you write that down? Also, just a note, just to take a note. Also, first of all, please don't. My dad will hear this. No shot in hell, dude. He's checked out already. He's gone. Yeah. He's in Columbus. He doesn't give a fuck about this right now.

Yeah. Oh, I'm going next year. Oh, you are going to Columbia? Yeah! Where? Medine? That's where my dad lives. Dude, imagine I accidentally...

You can hang out with my father. Can you... You better be careful, so you said to your say, my dad is creamed. You're going to where you're fucking... I know what you're going to bring up. I know exactly what you're going to bring up. He's going to... He's calling 30.

He's calling 30. I am... I'm going to say, I'm going to... pivot before he does this is a real story. Because I get second-hand embarrassment from this story. I knew you were gonna put this up. It reminded me. It was so fucking bad.

You often in life, catch yourself saying something stupid and it was like, that was so fucking dumb. I will allow Frank to fill in the blanks after I tell the framing, but we were younger and we were going somewhere. No, I'll tell the story, because it deserves to be properly. Joey had just purchased a fucking apartment in Long Island City.

The place was sick. And it was, for those of you guys that don't live in New York or no Long Island City, it's fucking awesome. It was like cool bars, cool restaurants before it became like cool to be cool. It was Long Island City. And my uncle had always lived in Long Island City. And when he got the place, I go, oh my God, this place. This is dope. Where is it?

I'm like, oh, it's a Long Island City. Oh, dude, we can hang out with my uncle. I said, what? I said, why would we hang? And I could see as soon as the words left his mouth that he was like, what have I done? And I was like, why? And I still was like, why would we hang out with your uncle? Like, it was just like, and it's funny because like, if it was like an uncle that was like,

I love my uncle. younger, cool, you know? I mean, I'm not getting crazy. He's a cool dude. He's a cool dude. But like, not like, if it was like, I have an uncle that works for the NFL, we can hang out with him. No, he was an electrician. So like, hey man, let's go hang out with my uncle.

He's an electrician. Or if he was like 30 something. Yeah, no, mid to late 40s, maybe even 50. Oh, dude, we can go hang out my uncle. I said, what? I said it and as the last syllable left my mouth, your brain just instantly registered. This is the dumbest thing that I've ever heard. I can also see on your face that you did, like, it was almost like you didn't say it.

It was like someone else did it with your mouth and you were like, what am I? Well, it was a prime example of like, I had the idea and the idea went from my brain out through my mouth at the exact same time. There was no filter. Like, people think like, oh, he's not filtered. Like, he says fucked up shit. No, it was not filtered in the sense of like, the idea should have stopped right where it was. Right in the throat.

It just kept going. Oh, man. It was bad. It was bad. That's so fucking funny. Yeah. Dude, he'd go hang on my uncle. By the way, we have, we have not addressed.

Ants sweatshirt. Oh. Oh. Dude, first of all, I was in my office. He comes over, knocks on it, and just goes, Look, it's cool, no? The ant colony? I will say.

You're leaning in. You're leaning in. I got, though. I will say, you, from Greg's TikTok to that sweatshirt, you expedited that process. It was actually already in the works, believe it or not, before he made that. Really? Yeah. I saw a comment on it.

I went, like a while ago on an old episode, I went doing that. Oh, someone said the ant colony. Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue. Sue. Cease and desist. Leans into it and then Greg made that social media post and he named the aunt colony. I went and I sent them the design immediately. It sucks since it was someone else's comment.

We can't sell it now. So too bad. Well, they didn't make this. It's true. I mean, first of all, why not just commit to just being an aunt, not being in an aunt suit? I am an aunt. No, but like you have an aunt suit on because you have human face. But he's always got sunglasses on.

Yeah, he's always got the sunglasses. But like you're, that's. You're a human in an ant costume. Yeah. Why not just be an ant? And there's an ant colony and there's little ants. So what you're saying is that you are standing on a fabricated ant colony, so it's not real. What are you even saying?

What are you talking? It's real to me. You know what I low-key liked a lot? Antaraj? Ant farms. The ant farm? Like, you know, like, the big glass. Oh, you're actually like them.

I thought you meant like the name of it. is like following. Oh no, no, no, I meant like an actual ant farm. I mean, I wouldn't want one in my house because, ew, but like, I would love an ant farm in my house. That's really, that would be really fascinating. Be careful what you wish for, buddy. I'll get you a big air farm. I mean, I think that would be pretty cool. You know what I like? Alien ant farm. What's the other song? That's the only one that I know that they did. No, I mean, obviously they covered that. What was the alien at farm song?

I think that's the only one I know. Alien in the sky. You don't know that song? It's called satellites or something? I don't know. I wouldn't even be able. That's probably not the right song. Yeah, I mean, it's crazy.

They got big from taking a Michael Jackson song and doing a cover of it. Bro, how about the dude in that music video used to scare the shit out of me? Because his eyes were like all black. What? You don't remember that? I remember the guy who was, I think, the guitarist for, definitely not Led Zepplin, limp biscuit. had like the white

contacts. I wanted those so bad. I wanted those so bad too. Oh my God, I wanted them so bad. I, thank God I didn't become the person I wanted to be in middle school.

If I had choices, like if I didn't have siblings, this would be so much worse. Like I'd have flames going up my arms or something. Honestly, my sister, like, saved you.

No, she pushed me down the fucking worst parts of town. Um, because she's, was the first person that put a Yankee fitted on me and she was like, you do it like that. And I was like, Jay, okay, you know. You took the ball.

She may have been like here and you took that shit and you fucking threw the legs, slammed it. I did. Because Frank was out here. That is fair. But she was the one that was just like, you know, don't listen to Pokemon. Here's Nina Sky, which to her credit. To her credit, a good pivot in some regards as I was growing up.

But like, she was very supportive of you getting spray-painted t-shirts that were way too big. I don't know if she was supportive of that. Okay. I can say, that might have been the fully created monster. You know, eventually Frankenstein's monster broke out from the lab. At that point, you can't control. You need the torches. Still big.

Yes, sir. Are we going to keep the hat like that? Fair question, to be fair. Unbelievable. Unbelievable amounts of disrespect. How does he take off the hat and the hair looks good? I don't know. How do you do that?

Really? It's not moving. The sound you're making. But I forgot I was saying. So your siblings like reel you in from like making terrible choices. Earrings. I mean earrings wouldn't have been bad. There's people watching this have been like, Joe Sanagato had a diamond stud in his ear.

Why, I would have had double earrings. Oh, that's right, because one of them, you would have been. It would have been gay, yeah. Well, what was the gay ear? Uh, the right, the right one. The right one. And can you do me a favor in Google? Which ear is the gay ear?

Which, which such a crazy, how was that an indicator? How did we assign straight ears? I don't know. Was that based in any reality? There was a saying, I'll tell you what, in Queens, there was a reality. Yeah, there was a saying that was just like the left, like... If you just get just the right or just the left, it was like gay or some shit. The right.

The right was the gay one? Yeah. Just make, just, you know. That's my dominant ear, though. Dominion. You have a dominant ear? I mean, I'm right-handed. I assume this is doing a better job than over here.

I don't think that's how that works. I think you pick to be dominant in your hands. That I pick right ear. I will say this. Thank God you did have your siblings because I was probably the one that was pushing you down the path of just like... Yeah, you would have made me worse too. I mean, both...

Do you remember... I mean, I've had some tattoo ideas that were pretty bad. None were as bad as yours. Yeah, that was bad. That was a pretty bad one. I also, like, again, we were big fans of need for speed underground too. And I, with every part of my soul being serious, wanted to get like a souped up Nissan 350 Z.

Or a fucking toy... With neon lights on the floor? A Toyota Selaica with neon lights on the floor. around, you know. I did too, to be fair. Like the one where like the tires for some reason go out like that, like I'm drifting. What is that about? It's a drifting thing. It's got to be. Is it? It has to be. I don't know. I thought hydraulics are really cool. I'm like, yo, do you get this car bouncing? Yeah, because I'd be watching a fucking music video and I'd be like, these are the coolest people I've ever seen in my entire life. I still don't get hydraulics and

like, why that's cool. Like, it's like, I think we have since come around to be like, that's a little ridiculous. But like, you're going to tell me if you're riding down the and you got a car that's just fucking... This is kind of fire. You know what? I'm coming back around on it. Back in. Put them on your car.

This is the worst time for me to get back into it because I could make these decisions now. You could technically put hydraulics in your car. What would you do if I pulled up here and I said, look out the window and it was the g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-gag-gag-gag-gag-gag-gag-gag-g-the horn. And then my fucking car is just, I have like a 67 coop and it's just bouncing down the street. I would immediately be like, like, like, like, how much money did you spend on that? And also, you hate your children, I guess. Because I know this costs too much money. Can you do me a favor, aunt? Can you go to a website

where we can build a car? And I don't think that. Literally don't do that. I would have to make the website. Just look up how much it would take to get hydraulics to make a car fucking bounce. How much does it cost to make the fucking hood blow off? I'm just talking like, I want this shit to just be fucking hopping down the street. Yeah, like a bunny. We should ask exhibit, dude. He doesn't know. He used to.

It exceeds $10,000. I figured it would be around there. That's a lot of money. But you would need custom paint. So look up candy paint. Like a prolessent green or cany. Candy paint. Candy paint green.

Green candy paint. White on top? Just look it up and shut up. Candy paint. No post Malone. All right. No, I know. Look at the 24-inch spinning Spreewell rims.

Do you remember they would sell like those as hubcaps? And they were like the flimsyest plastic. Candy paint green cost. Because I wanted to be green on the inside, green on the outside. Oh, my God. It could be from 2,500 to over 15 Gs. See? Well, it depends on the...

It's the amount of candy. It's the amount of candy green. It's a candy paint. Damn, I might... I might kind of want to, like... I'm not going to. Cany paint your car? That would be insane.

I would... I would like a cool color car. That would be... Don't you have like enough candy in your car already? No, he's got piss. No, first of all, both of you cut it out. No, you got seeds in there probably. I got a lot of sunflower seeds.

I got a lot of... Is there still like a lot of seeds in there? Oh, yeah. bags. bags. I mean, I empty the bags out. Yeah, yeah. But like, I get about 10 bags every time I go. That lasts me a couple weeks

and then... 10 bags of seeds? Yeah. Every time I come in, it's one bag. I split it up, so it's half on the way in, half on the way out. And it's all big bags, too. The 300 grams the Tatum Red. Where do you get them now?

I got my places. I'm not going to say where because then people are going to fucking go and buy them. No one's going to do that. You're the only one buying them by the tens. There is a Turkish supermarket in Tom's River that I

frequent and then there is a very specific supermarket directly off the BQE in Staten Island. I know. I know. That also has them. Wow. And it's perfect. Wait, how did you find have you, are you just driving

around to supermarkets and trying to find them? I have my methods of finding things. I like my sunflower seeds. Why are you making it sound like you're a secret agent and you could find things and well because we live in a time now. Yeah, I'm not listening to this. I'm not listening to that.

No, no, no. Now you opened the canopy, allow my baboon ass to fly out at you. That was one of the greatest things. And I actually love that one. Out of all the ones, usually they're bad. That was amazing. Open the canopy and let my baboon ass fly out at you Makes it that's insane

Oh man Yeah we're gonna also I guess we have some sponsors to get to now Right after the baboon ass Oh and good It's a brand new sponsor we've never done before Isn't who I think it is Kachava

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But go check it out. There's, you know, you'll see all the nutritional facts on the website. You'll see how much it has to offer. But really good. Kachava.com, the code is basement, okay? And sorry, we also have HelloFresh. HelloFresh is going to bring the joys of, you know, cooking right to your doorstep. They make it easy for this time of year.

you can choose for more than 100 recipes every single week, including cuisines from around the world and meals to help you beat the winter blues. So you go on to their website, you pick out, you know, what you want. They also have categories. So if, you know, you want to do a Mediterranean type of diet or, you know, protein-friendly or low-calorie, things like that, they can have the food for you. But they have wholesome ingredients, sustainably sourced seafood and 100% antibiotic and hormone free chicken. Okay. So you can go check it out. Go to Hellofresh.com slash Basement 10 FM to get 10 free meals and a freezwilling knife, which is a $145 value on your third box. Okay, the offer is valid by supplies. Alas, free meals applied as a

discount on the first box, new subscribers only. It varies by plan. But again, that is hellofresh.com slash basement 10 FM to get 10 free meals and a free zwelling knife, which is a $150 value. I've used Hello Fresh. Numerous times before, my mom is a massive Hello Fresh fan. So it's awesome. Go check it out. Yeah. You know what else is awesome? Patreon. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. I tell you about how awesome it is every week. All right. And if I have to say it again, I'm going to be mad about it. But you know what? I'm not going to be mad about it. And I am going to say it again. You want more of us? Go to patreon.com slash the basement yard. Take a look at those tiers. That first tier that'll get you these weekly episodes one whole week in advance. That's right. You'll get in it on the jokes. You'll get in on the

Baboon ass, you'll get in whatever you want to get in on one week before everybody else. And the only other people that have it are our patrons are incredibly loyal, fucking amazing patrons. Thank you. And also that next year you get exclusive, exclusive episodes every single Friday, Patreon exclusive episodes. And if you join, you can see all the previous ones. If you're brand new or if you were gone for a little bit, whatever you miss, you'll see them. So every single Friday morning, you'll get the opportunity. opportunity to get an exclusive Patreon episode that'll be right into your eye holes, baby. So go check it out. Patreon.com slash the basement yard.

Thank you guys. We're approaching 40,000 patrons. Are you fucking kidding me? This is incredible. You're how passionate I am about it. Are you going to get friend to commit? Commit to what? 40.

Oh, I don't know about that. But go check it out. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. And while you're doing it, if you want to save yourself some money, go do it on a web browser. If you use the Patreon app, they're going to take extra money from you because they have to pay our tech overlords that are going to enslave our minds one day. So until then, go to a web browser, patreon.com slash the basement yard, sign up. We love you. Wow. So really quick,

I'm sorry. I know, please just give me 10 seconds to explain what I wanted to say before. Sure. We are in a society where people aren't gatekeeping cool things anymore. We need to be better at that. Gatekeeping? Yes. So like, I am not telling people where I get my seeds, like everywhere I get my seeds, because then they're going to get it and they're going to take it from me. So it's the same thing with like, if people find like a cool, like niche restaurant, they like, I have to tell the world about this. No, no, no, keep it amongst your small group. Other people will find it naturally, but like, we got a, we got to gate keep cool things more. Yeah. If you think your sunflower seeds are that cool, I got news for you.

They fucking are. Okay? Just like our fucking patrons. I got something Oh boy So I found this guy on TikTok That plays a note on his keyboard And he asks you What does it sound like more This item or this item?

What are the items? Well one example is One time it was either Gushers or Olive Oil And he plays a note And you have to think What does it sound like most to you? I feel like gushers would be like

No it's like musical It's not the sound of gushers Can we have an example Olive oil would be like Oonie Ooh, this looks like Sean William Scott. I tell a little bit. Sean William Scott and Diplo.

Okay. So, for example, does this sound more like windshield wipers or an etcha sketch? I don't even know how you say that. Okay. Do you think this looks more like windshield wipers or an etch a sketch? This is easy. The fuck is that? First of all, that sounds like a video game.

But which one does it sound or taste? He said looks. He said looks. I don't get it. I just was going to sound. All right. So then do it again. close your eyes. I'll close my eyes. Let's go.

So, do it again. Does this sound more like... Do you think this looks more like windshield white? Close your eyes. Or an etch a sketch. I mean, that's easy. That's an etchish sketch, obviously. Like, it's the... You can hear sand. It's sandy. It's a sandy game. Frankie, you were listening very intently. What'd you think it sounds like? I would say etchice sketch. It felt like shifty.

Like, shush, shh, shh. Yeah. I would say etchish. Did you get that? Yeah. All right. Yeah, that one's easy. I feel like that's like, is that all this is? It's not like, well, I mean, but. All right. Do you think this smells more like roasted garlic? Smells. Smells. Smells. Smells.

Smells. Oh. Oh. Oh. Hold on. Smells more. So he's going off of his smelling now. So we're going to have to close our eyes and we're going to have to sniff. Frank, do it the first time. Please do no, do it. Do it again. Go. You guys are going to close your eyes? Close your eyes. All right. I'm closing my eyes. Do you think this smells more like roasted garlic or chocolate dipped ice cream? You fucking bitch!

I heard you come over and try to scare me! I got him. I got him. All right, seriously, do it again. I'm not doing it a third time. No, no, no. I will actually close my eyes this time. Why don't we try something different?

Try something different. Okay, all right. Do you think this smells more like campfire smoke or copper? What is copper? I don't even know what the fuck copper smells like Like a penny To me that was To me that was

Aggressively copper Oh really? I got smoke on that I got smoke too It's like it's like airy yes Yes it's like it's like that And it's like Play it again

Play it again and watch me It sounded like metal but okay I'll watch you Watch you think this smells more like campfire smoke Or copper Do you think this We both were smoke on that I was smoke too. But it still felt like

comfort to me. Cobra! It was so funny. Sorry, just a laugh snuck up on it. One more, one more. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Give me a taste. I don't know. There's one right there. He's got his tongue out. Oh, there is a tongue out. Oh, tonguey. Listen closely. Pause it. Do you think this taste? What the hell was that?

Ooh, tonguey. Okay. Listen closely. Do you think this taste more like smarties or an ice-blown? Wait, pause it. It was about... What was he saying? I don't know.

Smarties suck. Yo, I think they're super underrated. Smarties? They are appropriately rated. No, I like Smarties. Like, they're just... I used to love them as a kid, and then I grew up, and I stopped wanting to drive at Nissan 350 Z with blue neon lights underneath.

Allegedly. I think they're good. Also, Canadians, Smarties is different. Yeah, it's called like Uses. No, they call Smarties Rockets. They're definitely not rockets. No. They're definitely not rockets.

All right. What do you say? I probably have to... Listen closely. Do you think this tastes more like Smarties or an ice blue Gatorade? First... Whoa. That woke something up in me.

I was just like... I'm going Gatorade. Blue Gatorade. I guess so because Smarties to me would taste like... All right. Do more, do more, do more. Okay. One more.

Oh, what's that? No, do you like 10 more. Ten more. Why not? All right, all right, all right. Listen closely. Do you think this looks more like a cracked phone screen glare or fireflies flickering? Ooh, you know, I was on fireflies in the beginning.

I was too. I swear to God, I was on fireflies, but then I was like, it's too fast to be fireflies. Fireflies would be like, yeah, it's more like, pop, pop, pop. It felt more like a cross the screen glare. like, oh, yeah. It felt like if like, yes, yeah, that's exactly right. I can't say it better than that. Yeah, no.

I would say, yeah, when was the last time we saw, oh, you probably see fireflies. Yeah, we get it. We, not used to. We get them like all, like a lot in the front backyard. That's a cool animal. They're also cool because they let you catch them. They're slow. So like you can catch them and hold them and then you look at them.

And they're willing to hang out in your hand. They hang out and then they fly away and it's cute. And they're not really gross. They fly like this kind of. No, they don't. They have wings. No, dude. Yeah, but it looks like that...

No, it's out of their butts. They open their ass. And yeah, their ass opens up into wings. Is this a lightning bug? Yeah. Oh, okay. Firefly. Yeah, they kind of fly like that.

No. They don't have wings. Where do you grow up? They have like hands, but it's on their ass. Their wings are on their ass. Yes, brother. They're like, they're... And their ass is on fire.

They're like quadrapods. What you're referencing is like bipods. Like if they're bipedal. Well, I don't have wings. So my hands aren't the bug's hands. These are the bugs's wings. But they don't even do. They do like...

They're more back here. And they're back here and they go like this. Like this is like a firefly. See, I'm a firefly. Yes, not this. This is nothing, really. That seems almost kind of... This is nothing.

But aren't they butt down when they're glowing? They're like this, dude. This is a firefly. You see this? He's right. That's what a firefly is. He is very right. And why does their ass light up like a Christmas tree?

I think it is like a communication, mating thing. You know, like... Oh, look at my hot. Look at my... Look at my fucking sweet ass. Come fuck it. That was so aggressive. It was crazy.

Yo, you, are you gay? Like, if you are. I wasn't talking for me. I was talking for the firefly. I'm just saying this in conjunction with like, you know. Because I said, fuck my firefly ass when I'm not the firefly. I'm not the firefly. Careful.

I just want to, look, if you are, I want you to know. I love you and support you no matter what. Thanks. To attract mates. You got it. Oh, so it is like that. So you're right. And it's every night in the summer, so they're horny.

Dude, so horny and like a lot of horny. You know what I mean? Like imagine if you look down at one time too because you're like, yo, there's a hundred horny. Oh, imagine looking out at like Times Square and like someone was doing, everyone was doing something or people were doing something to indicate their horny. I guess that's actually a bad thing because there are people doing that. Illegal. Yeah, I think that's illegal. But I'm saying like, bro, look at a crap.

Like look at a field and you just see Horny. Sex. Yeah. Or does it, do they both light up if they're doing the deed? What is a female lightning? I guess, well, what do the different Yeah, is there?

The mating patterns of lightning bugs? Do they both light up what a male lightning bug is, like, looks like, and a female lightning bug, what they look like. They both light their butts up? Do they have a lightning penis? Give me a second. You guys could... You would think that would light up. If I were to pick anything on my body that can illuminate at will.

It's my penis. They both light up and they often use their light different for mating. Males flash as they fly to attract females who respond with their own specific flashes from a stationary position. Oh, so it's like a horny light morse code. It's like, it's like, that's exactly. It's like horny flash tag. Yeah, it's like SOS, but like come fuck me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like S. DTF. DTF. DTF. instead of SOS. DTF. Isn't it want to me like DTL down to light? No, dude, they're fucking. Down to firefly.

Down to firefly, yeah. It's a good point. Or lightning. What are they? Insects? Oh my God, dude. You think that the male lightning bugs are like, I'm a lightning bug, but I'm bringing the thunder. No.

I also, what do they eat? Probably leaves. They're herb. That's not the word, herbivore. I hear herbivores. I imagine leaves. Like, what else could they eat? Ant's really earning his paycheck this episode, huh?

They eat snail, slugs, worms, other insects? Snails? Slugs and worms? Bro, these things are half the size of all of those. I feel like a snail could kick the shit out of a fireball. Maybe like a decomposing one? Some do, like pollen, nectar. Oh, okay, that makes sense.

females eat other fireflies. That's like very common. That's a common thing in the bug world. They'll just be like, I'm going to fuck you and then I'm going to rip your head off. Oh, and the women are like, I'm just going to eat the body. I think, isn't that what praying mantises do? Like praying mantises, I...

Those guys are crazy. Dude, have you seen one like in the wild? I don't know why I went in German. What was that? Yeah. Have you seen like one in the wild? Yeah, I saw one upstate once. It was in a tire.

Dude, first of all, big bugs. I thought they were poisonous. My parents were like, get away from it. I was like, well, they are protected. From what I was told. Maybe someone was just making shit up. But like, we saw, like, at our old house,

we were like, I was like mowing the lawn and I saw a bunch of things crawling up the fence. We had like the white privacy, like PVC fence. And then I was like, I stopped and I looked and it were baby. Babies. praying man says, bro, hundreds of them. Were they praying or they're not there yet?

They weren't there. Well, maybe. I couldn't see because they're so small. But then I saw like their like, I imagine parents, people were like, oh, stay away. Don't fuck with them. Like, they're protected. Like, you don't want to like get in trouble for like killing them. Which how the fuck would anyone know? But yeah, they're sick. Yeah, I mean. My uncle's friend convinced me that those red ants, the very tiny one, suck blood. And I cried. Why do you fire ants? Because it was on you?

Because they were on me a little bit. I don't even think they're technically ants. I think they're like spiders technically. I don't know. You know what I'm talking about those? The really like dot red ones. Very dot red ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I thought you're talking about like fire ants.

No, no, no, no, fire ants are like. Yeah, they'll, you want to talk about fucking a butt. Are they around? Not here. I think they're indigenous to Africa. Or maybe South America. Yeah, I think I remember watching an episode of Wild Boys. And there was a tribe that

Steve O and Pontius visited that like, in order to like, become a man, you had to put your hand in this glove, and the glove was filled with fire ants. Bullet ants, I think. I think bullet ants would kill you. No, it just hurts really, really bad. Damn, I kind of want to get bit by one.

It's the worst bite on the planet. Really? Bullet ants are the worst. No, no, no. It's like... It's an ant. What about a shark? That's got to hurt.

Duh, but they're saying, like, in terms of, like, stings... Oh. They say that bullet ants... You guys never saw Coyote Peterson? Hi, I'm Coyote Peterson, and this is the... sting zone, the bite zone, the bug zone, I don't know. Coyote Peterson is a crazy name for a human. He just got, he did a tier ranking.

Bro, pull up the animals. Have you ever heard of a- Type in Coyote Peterson. I know, I'm serious. He did like a series of videos. He does it like educationally where he's like, I'm getting bit or stung by these things in order to like tell people how to deal with it, if they come across them or shit like that.

He has a ranking, you said? Yeah. and there was one that was called Executioner Wasp Excuse? There are some that it's like Yo, the tarantula hawk What the fuck is that?

Yo, you'll see this thing You'll be like Bullet dance number three Bro, that's crazy Oh, I always thought Pain lasting up to 24 hours I'm good

Then there were some that like a stonefish They have some of the worst venom on the planet And this guy like gets stung by them To like show you what happens And then what just takes a bunch of antidotes? Well he like shows you like what happens, like how your body reacts if you need like some form of a

anti-venom. So tarantula hawk is a big wasp? Yes. But look at the size of it. I wish they could show you it in comparison to something. I'm getting really uncomfortable looking at this stuff. I'm sorry, I got you. I don't like it. No, no, keep showing. Yeah, I'm okay.

He got bit by a fucking snapping turtle. Maybe on hand? On hand. Oh, excuse. See, that makes, this makes me on call. Oh, no, no, not. Dude, look how big, look at that thing. Why are they all spread out like they're getting a massage?

Dude, isn't that crazy? Yeah, those are disgusting. I think that's the video where he got stung. Because he holds him with those forceps. By the abdomen, he said it's very safe. Oh, yeah, brave wilderness. Yeah, brave wilderness. Coyote Peterson.

Why don't we get him in here? We get bit by a couple things. Does he like just eat it? He's like, oh, yeah, that hurts. No, he's like, burr! And he like rolls around on the ground. Can I see a picture of this guy? It's bald white dude

I mean coyote Coyote Peterson That is such a crazy name Dude try to pull up a TikTok Where you could see It's kind of porny That's coyote That's coyote Peterson

Yeah this guy looks like A guy who stings himself Ooh would you Excuse me Is this like what am I doing here The snapping turtle They're big dude Dude they'll fuck you up

When I was younger I wanted a snapping turtle Like I just Stupid I wanted like a big cage And like put a snapping turtle in it One of my earliest memories is at the lakehouse there was a snap because that water

the lake there's snapping turtles there and there was one that like I'm trying to explain to you this will make no sense of them but like

you know where my dock goes out yeah and you know that like the family next to us has that little cove right next to us and then there's a tree

that little island that little island not not an island it's like attached I guess it's technically a peninsula but it's a lake but like right in front

of that big rock underneath there a fucking snapping to a big snapping turtle. I remember, like, one of my earliest memories of seeing my father and our neighbor wrestling to get this thing out of there. And it was giving them hell, brother.

Like, can you just pick it up? You could if you get in the right position, but like, they could be huge. Bro, they could be like this big. So cool. And they will take your fucking fingers clean off. I got to go to the Galapagos and get in the water with like a tortoise.

See, that's different, my guy. That's a sea turtle. I'm talking like a, a, like, a, Like a nasty fucker. A Louisiana Bayou Snapping Turtle. I want to do that too. Like fanboating, boat fanning, whatever that's called, where you get a boat with a big fan.

No. That'd be cool. No way. You can do that? No fucking way. Come on. Let's go to Louisiana and do that. Oh.

And then we'll eat some like jumbalaya, crawfish and stuff. Are you done? No. Absolutely not. And how can we bribe them? Let's get a bribe. Dylan. You got a bribe. Here comes. Oh my God, he's going to sting himself.

Bribed him? It's just... I mean, physically, you would need to monetarily pay me a lot of money to do that. Do you want to see him get stung by this? Sure. He doesn't have an accent? No, he's a white guy. That's a person. Oh, that sucks.

Look at that stinger. Oh, yeah. By the way, the audio on this is off. That's not what he sounds like. Yeah, it's slow. down I guess so he'd think someone can post it. Let's get him, let's just sting the boy. There it is.

God damn. You guys already? Oh yeah. Show them the goods, baby. I don't like the feet. I hate the feet! Just go already, coyote! Aw!

Watch, watch, watch. Bang! Here's the thing. Pause it? Here's the thing. Bro, first of all, you know what I thought he was gonna do? Fucking slap this thing. Dude, I thought he was reaching for someone who was gonna smash it.

It's like, now that I see it, because I watch it like with my kids, but like seeing it now outside of that context, like, he's just writhing in pain on the ground, rolling around. Dude! God, that's gotta hurt like hell. Bro, and he's done it with like other shit, like crazy shit too, like the stuff. Stonefish, just pull up a picture of that bastard. It's got blue venom coming from its fucking pussy. Did you get venomized? What's that called? Poisoned?

Venomacized. Yeah. What the hell is that? Yeah, you think it looks all fun and games. Show them those fucking... Those are them, baby. Dude, what a crazy guy. Shout to coyote. Dude, the ocean is just disgusting. Disgusting. I hate it. So gross. Blood worms. I don't want to know. Speaking of copper, they got

copper teeth, I think. What? The teeth are copper. Do you never seen a bloodworm? It can't have copper. No, I believe their teeth are made a copper. I'm serious. How is that pop? I don't know.

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prescription required. See website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral monocidal and finesterite. Great. All right, show me the stone. What am I seeing? Bloodworm, you got one? I was more looking up if their teeth are made of copper.

It just looks like a worm, but it is. It's like how we have a little bit of copper in our body at all times. They have a high concentration in their teeth. Yeah, I learned that the hard way about iron. You did. You did. You did. You did. We benefited greatly from my stupidity. Well, I guess that's what the whole show is. I mean, our individual stupidity has only, for some reason, done well for us.

and then our combined stupidity now we're talking about now we're talking about Madison Square Garden you know what I'm talking about now we're talking like imagine being so dumb so stupid so fucking absolutely stupid that you dumb your way to the top and you get nominated for fucking

ihard podcast best comedy podcast best ensemble podcast what a time it's a really good thing to be stupid sometimes sometimes but we're also kind I think that's the difference between us and the rest of the world. Kind of stupid. Are you bullying? Is that what we're doing?

No, I was clarifying. To be clear. He's bullying you. Did your father ever see, like, the clip of us talking about you? He did. He actually. He was pissed? He talked to me about it, and I said, this is what they want.

Please stop. Well, does he know what you recently did? This can't be. What do we have? So I invited Aunt and, you know, to come to my daughter's birthday party. Mm-hmm. I was there. I didn't see him. No, no, no, no. The one that you will not be at.

Oh, the one coming up. Yes, the one that you can't make. And, and aunt said to me, he goes, do I need to? I said, well, no, man, I'd like for you to, you know, if you want, you know, no pressure. And he goes, how can I be less supportive of you? And I said, I mean, this is starting to border on the line of you being mean and disrespectful. and then he pulled out a picture of you and spit at his own phone. What was the picture for?

To show that he disrespected you too. Oh, okay. I did ask him one time to come to my birthday and he said, how much does it pay? I was like, it's just my birthday. It's not part of your job. Yeah. And he was like, he just kept going like this. He's like, what's the brass tax with this whole?

Like, are you getting my Uber? Well, when I asked him to come, he's like, could we post a TikTok in your house and I said, why? And he said, optics. I'm only coming if it looks good. Which? Optics. Which is fucked. Mr. Prisco. I want you to know that we are inviting your son into our lives, like our home, our personal life. Yeah, now I got to pay for that. $10,000. That's what, that's all he charged you? Would he charge you? Joe, you're blowing up the spot right here. What do you charge you? 12,000. I thought I could get a little That's insane

What'd you think that he wants to be your friend more? He paid it He paid it Oh god We've not yet been asked by a billionaire to do a party Just want to say that Yeah I mean I would rather not Shut the fuck up

What do you mean? If a billionaire calls you tomorrow And says I'm gonna pay you and your dumbass Hispanic friend $250,000 cash each To show up to my party If he used that language You're going to say I'll take it for free

It's like What the fuck You and your dumb ass Hispanic friends Hold on Serious situation Do your Elon Musk impression Wow Glad I asked

Doesn't Elon Musk look like If you shoved a baby Into a water bottle He looks like When you watch a horror movie and you see someone's face in a jar? He looks like if you sneezed really hard and slow motion

and someone got like a screenshot of it at the perfect time. Do you remember the original X-Men movie? Do you remember when Senator Kelly becomes a mutant and melts into like a blob? Yeah, you said this. That's what he looks like. Yeah. Oh, have we done this?

Have we talked about Elon Musk? A bit. What do you think he looks like? Mashed potatoes. That's a great example. I love mashed potatoes. I do too. I like when they're more creamy, though.

When they call it not mashed potatoes? Yeah, they call it like whipped potatoes. Wipped, whipped garlic potatoes? Whipped potatoes can take me across its knee and whip me. Whip you? Right in your boy potato. Right in my fucking baboon red ass. Until it's red as a baboon, spank it.

I also, do you ever go to a restaurant and they bring out the, like, CO2 can of it? No. They have like a... Batman. They have like a metal can and they come... Why am I getting small? But they have like a metal can and they come over and they just go, and it's whipped potatoes and then you taste it and you're like, oh...

I've figured out how to make restaurant-style mashed potatoes. This is serious. Butter. Also a potato ricer. That too, yeah. I have that. And let me tell you, those mashed potatoes that I've been making, it's that good.

Yeah. So, as I was saying, a billionaire calls you up. Yeah. You know, hey Joe, it's me. A billionaire. A billionaire. It's me, the billionaire. Yeah.

You and your buddy, I'll pay you guys a quarter of a million dollars each. Come to my house. I said buddy. He wanted buddies. Sure, you can come too, but you don't get the money. We're an ensemble. Honestly, I'll come and not get the money. That's fine.

You're right. He charging me $12,000. No, no, no. If they said, like, a billionaire, it's like you and your buddy and the guy that bullies you off camera. Yeah. Come to my party. I'll give you $250,000 each.

Cash. You'll walk out with a briefcase. Walk out with a briefcase. You're not fucking doing it? Oh, of course. Oh, and the party is in Manhattan. Why Manhattan? Okay.

You can think of it. Different, but not a single other place. Dude, do we ever tell you this that in my pool growing up had a small pool and we had this like a, it was mad heavy and it was like a rocket and you could throw it under water to each other and we would go in the pool and sit on the bottom of the pool and throw it at each other's penises. And you weren't allowed to block it. If it hit you in the penis, it hit you in the penis.

This thing hurts. Was solid rubber. Like dense solid rubber. And it was bouncing off of my weiner as a young boy and hurting me. Joey also had the like the flapper in his pool would come down and we would make whirlpools and they fucking caught me on the back and shit hurt like a bastard. Yeah. Used to have a little deck that my dad built and then we broke that down by accident jumping off the railing.

Well, Keith did it. Keith, we have videos of Keith. Oh, one of the Keith videos. Oh, he jumped off the top deck. Do we ever show that? Dylan has number two. He sent me a picture of it recently. Have you been in my mom's backyard?

No. Well, no, you don't have it. You have to pony up and pay him if you want him to get him. Oh, yeah, that's true. So expensive to get him places. Pony up. But Keith used to be a fucking nut job. He would just jump off a shit.

He's that kind of guy. Used to jump into bushes. Bush diving. We all did it. Well, yeah. I did it because he was doing it. We all did it. What was my idea?

I told the story to Miles the other day when, like, because it snowed and we had snow everywhere and how they would put like on the corners and in Astoria, they would do like the big mountains. Mountains. And I like was cool and would run and try to dive through them and the last time I did it it was solid ice.

Yeah. And I was trying to do it to impress a girl and he was like, did it work? And I was like, no Miles. No it didn't. No it didn't do. The only thing that I took away from that was shoulder pain. Yeah. Yeah. Shoulder pain. It hurt. And he had amnesia and it

made him think that he's the Michael Phelps because he jumped in a pool. I drink tea. I'm a good swimmer. I'm around water all the time. I'm sure that's another part of it. Do you think... I am water. Do you think if you pee while you're swimming, you get a little bit propulsion? I feel like, yeah. That's a great question. And... I feel like it has to be yes. I feel like, even if I wanted to not try it, I will. You ever pee in the water and your penis is like, no, no, no, no, no. And then it finds it's like, okay. You know what I mean? Go ahead

Just take that out Just take it out No The times that I've peed in bodies of water My piss is like cool But apparently that's dangerous To pee in bodies of water They say that like worms can swim up your cock

It's in like specific lakes In places you'll never go Yeah like the Amazon or something I think in Connecticut you'll be alright I've ripped many a piss in that pod Brother, I've probably pissed in that lake more times than I have in a toilet up there. I've peed in the lake and the woods more than I have in a toilet at my lake house. Honestly, probably.

Probably me too. Dude, nothing was cooler than having a night of drinking and then just ripping the fattest fucking piss on a tree. What's better than taking a piss outside? You know what I mean? Taking a piss outside. In the woods. With a beer in your hand? Now we're talking about fun.

You know, like, and a cigar and you're hanging out of your mouth? Just pissing in the woods. Now you got too much in your hands, brother. Well, you know, you're drunk. You got to smoke a cigar. You, by the way. What are you talking about? Like two years ago.

A beer in this hand with a cigar like this and you're just taking a pee. Not even touching your wiener, just going like this and letting it hit the woods. Not having a care for where your stream goes is so cool. Like we have to like be careful of the seat and like not pee on the floor. You know, like, I'm talking like,

let this piss fucking rip and who cares what you get. If I'm peeing outside I will actively try to cover as much surface area as possible. I'm like I want to feed all the plants. And I will try to pee as hard as I can. I am convincing myself that my piss stream is going to break through tree bark. I, bro, yes.

Or I want to like, I'm going to shoot my pee so hard into the dirt that's going to kick up a bunch of dirt. And if it's a little chilly outside and you see the steam rising from your piss. I love that. Piss steam? Yeah. Piss steam is so cool. It's so cool. It is so cool. It is so crazy that our body operates at 98.6 temperature

like degrees all the time. Yeah. So then when you piss and you see that hot piss, you're like pretty cool science. Yeah, you're like, yo, I'm a fucking demon. I'm a fucking D-in-hot.

I'm pissing hot. I'm pissing so hot. I'm gonna burn it hot. I'm gonna burn the earth up to my fist. Scor-sturt! I imagine like devil went down to Georgia playing in my head. Dund-da-l-l-l-l-lid-lid-lid-lid-lid. And I'm fucking seeing the steam rise from my piece.

Yeah. Hmm Did you Do you know I was just enjoying here Did you be ever pee He hasn't pee outside I'd pee outside

He doesn't I think it'd be a cooler sensation If it was cold pee Shut the fuck off What the hell It's the opposite What a stupid thing to say Freezing cold

P coming out of your penis Your penis would be so cold You suck your piss sucks I feel like it'd be cool Like imagine feeling cold pee In your bladder You suck your piss sucks How about that

I feel good That would make my penis go No Yep. He's right. It's true. Yeah. You can't have it too hot though because then you're like, yo, it's going on. Well, yeah, if you piss too hot, then it's... You gotta hit the doc. Then you gotta go talk to the doctor. Like, I'll piss it too hot. But if it's like warm, that's good. Yeah. Sometimes I have a fever and then I'll pee, I'm like, yeah, I pisses. Hot. Brother.

My... Fever pisses are crazy. Fever pisses are fucking insane. Yeah, I'm like, yo, the water's gonna boil. It feels like I'm pissing Yeah, like I'm pissing lava Yeah, dude I'm like looking at the bowl I'm like you don't see bubbles And it's also sharp

You know what I'm talking about? Yeah sometimes it comes out I'm like what's going on? I feel like maybe that there's like rocks in this Which I kidney stones? No not those Like safer rocks

Uh huh I've never had a kidney stone Knock on wood Oh my God Oh I just drew on my pants We're talking about piss ourselves. Yeah.

Well, not peeing ourselves, but peeing toughly. Yeah. Peeing like men. Being in the wood so much,

you ever getting a tick? No, and that's a big fear of mine. No, never got one. Me either. No, all right,

well, I guess we can end the show there. Congratulations. That was the Ant question of the day. Don't put a fucking ant question graphic over that.

You ever get a tick? No. No, I mean, that's it. That scares me to death, though. I'm not even kidding.

terrifying to me. I wouldn't want one. Anything that could burrow in me, I'm good. Yeah. Yeah, I'm good. Anyway, Frank, where can they find you, bud? Frank Alvarez everywhere. Go check out Patreon. Patreon.com slash the Basemeyard. We love you. We thank you. And we'll see you next week. Ant. And Prisco on Instagram?

Ant. That's the Ant colony. Go follow me at Josanne. I got to go follow the show on TikTok and Instagram at the Basemeyard. And that is all. See you guys next time. In the city of Storm Cape, Adventure awaits at every corner. And heroes are forged in the heat of battle.

Who are we kidding? This is the incorrigible party. We're a rag-tag group of adventures who stumble their way through town, making more bad decisions than you can count. And you don't need to know anything about role-playing to jump in and follow along with a story. Click and follow now, because spelling incorrigible is hard. Storm Cape, brought to you by the Encourable Party. Happy adventuring.