The Basement Yard - #542 - Fully Dressed In The Steam Room

Episode Date: February 16, 2026

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Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. What are you congratulating yourself for? I don't know. I think about waste hope in the show. And then I started doing this and thinking about how stupid this is that people used to do this. Why do they do that in the 50s? Like, I don't understand.

Like, that's a way to say thank you to a crowd. Yeah, like, what is, is that supposed to be like when someone shakes your hand? They're giving you like a something so you're doing it to yourself? Like, oh, like you're giving. Like, I'm awarding my. I'm showing you a handshake that you're giving me. I don't like it either. Yeah.

Whoa. It's a white person thing. In this shit, the handgile. I like the hand. I'm not gonna talk shit about the handgive because I love grease. I guess I love the country. I do like the material too. How do you feel about the oil?

That's the material I'm referencing. Oh. I love it. I love those videos. Have you seen like the videos that like TikToks of people just taking... It's like a vat of grease and you just fucking dig it and then you just slap it on their truck? Why are they slapping it on their truck? Like their chassis or something if they're like a truck driver. It's not a word I'm familiar with.

You don't know chassis? You don't know chassis? It's like the thing that like the truck hooks up to. Oh. Like if it's like, you know, like one of the... Like a train. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Well, not not this, but it's like a... Right. It's like a this. Wow. Hell yeah. That's what I'm talking about. All right, cool. Everything is sexual.

Truck? I think trucks are sexual in their like design. Are they not? Look at that. That's what that is. All right. We're going to get demonetized. You keep doing that.

I don't know what's going on. I'll go back to. We're all wearing black. Black boys. Oh, definitely. We're not. We're not even a minute in. Fuck.

No, no, no. I'm going to. We are. That was on me. It's in my notes. Yeah, write that down. Write that down. Let's also make sure we identify that we are not.

We are, we're wearing black If that's not abundantly clear Yes and we're all wear Actually the one time I'm not wearing a hat You're both wearing hats Yeah but it's a different hat Yeah what are what's my first beanie in so long Maybe yeah I don't know

I just I told is it I walked here so I was like Walked here? Yeah That's cold I don't know why I said yeah Like I walked from fucking I don't even know What is I like a mile? A half I walked from the gym that I go to now So that was like So you walk?

Probably like a mile. You walk two to the gym to over to here. Yeah. You're getting those steps in. Over the river and through the woods to the grandmother's house. We go. Oh, so you're freshly jimmed. I'm full jimmed, yeah.

Showered. Showered in public? Hold on. Hold on. Showered in public. You showered at the gym? There's a sauna. So I'm not going to like just be soaking with sweat and not shower.

I mean, that's what I do. You're supposed to go home and shower and then... What? You go to the gym and sauna and then you go home? Covered and sweat? I'm not even kidding. I go home soaking wet. like in your car like your backs against your seat yeah what's wrong with that oh eventually it

will soak into the seat no i mean car must reek fuck you my car smells great what kind of material is the seat is it like a it's leather that helps that does but it does eventually get through the you think it's get a steep through the leather i don't think it's like surely surely will real leather i don't know it's not about the leather it's more of like yeah so there's there's like holes in it. It's a Kia, so I'm not working with like Italian leather over here. You take your clothes off, go into the sauna.

Yeah, do you take your clothes off? See, you guys don't even know. You're fully dressed in the sauna? I'm being judged for my sauna clothing here. I don't want to be those guys that go in raw dick to a sauna because that happens and that fucking drives me insane.

Yeah, I think that's a little European for me. But these are just like white men from New Jersey. They're not like fucking They're not like the Polish. If I'm in Swedish, I'll dump tongue. But I'm in, I'm in New York. You're not. Yeah.

Yeah, you're, you're, if you, I understand. Did I just say if I'm in Swedish? You did, but we're going to, we're going to pass it. If you're in, like, fucking Romania, that feels like something that you could do. Yeah. Dicks out for Romania. Dicks out. Finland.

Yeah. Absolutely. Certainly. Dicks for Finland. What was that? Why are you throwing it up? Why you, I was agreeing. You ever been to Finland?

You ever finish? That's not good. That's pretty funny. That's a good one. I think you're going to get me with something. But no, I've never been to Finland. Finland, Finland these balls in your mouth. Finlendling my balls until I come on. I'm not even kidding.

We'll get back to that. I have been trying to get someone the way that you've gotten us so fucking bad. But like, it's the classic example of like I was talking to my brother the other day. Or like someone in a group chat. And they were like, yeah, we were talking about juicing. I was like, yeah, normally I make a juice with like some lemon, some celery, some slobony. and they just completely moved past it. Like, didn't even be like, what's that?

So were you left just like waiting? Basically, yeah, like I was just sitting there waiting. Yeah, you ever do this thing? I did this the other day. You know, like, when you're just being a fucking moron and you're like, I'm going to play a stupid prank, you know? I mean, I know you know me. I love.

Frank, Frank. Have you ever? I think it's a problem I have. Here's an example of what I did. I'm certain you've done this, but like, you hear Becca coming and you're like, I'm going to scare her. Yes. But she doesn't come into the room. Oh, so now you're just there and you're committing.

And the other day, I, like, Nicole left the room and I got next to the bed in a way that if she walked into the room, like, if I'm low enough, like, you can't see me. And I was basically face down, ass up. Dude, three real minutes. Dude, I know. And I'm like, at a certain point, at a certain point, you got to, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta take the loss. You have to take the L on the chin. And I, and I just started laughing because I realized I'm tooting it up. There, I mean, yes, there are so many instances where like, Becca will like turn around or like, she'll be like there or like not looking or whatever, whatever the situation.

And I'll do something to elicit or funny response, but she won't look. So like, then I'm just there doing it. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, it's funny. Then I'm just there doing. It's doing it. The example that I could think of, the example I could think of, do you remember a clip like, I recently saw it on TikTok that came up and my algorithm was like, we were at the old studio and you pull, I pulled it. I was parked and you pulled in after me and I was pantomiming jerking off in my front seat in the parking lot. Yeah. And I'm just like at the time, it's like, it's a funny joke. Ha ha ha he he's. But like the chance that you're not seeing it that. I need to live the rest of my life.

Yeah. That's someone else that didn't know me, did see that. And how long can you actually just be like... Exactly. Come on. And like... Look at me. Yes.

But that happens to me all the time. Yeah. All the fucking time. Back to what you were asking, though, about my sauna etiquette. Mm-hmm. I take my shoes off. I have a little... Thank God.

I was going to ask that. I used to not. You would go in there with outside shoe? Yeah. Okay. Those must wreak. I think... Yeah, those are stinking.

But also, Frank, you're going into a sauna with shoes. All right, I'll take that one. But also, publicly health hazardly. No, for some reason, mine doesn't have signs that say no shoes. It's a coffee. Your life is run by the sign. I mean, I'm going based on, because I, it's a little bit of wishful thinking. No, no, no, no, there's no police.

You can just do whatever. Well, I mean, different places have different rules. Yeah. So I'm like, all right. Like, if I saw a sign that said, don't wear shoes, then I would never have worn shoes in there. I was not barefooting it. That's how you get a staff infection. Okay.

So I got slide, like only indoor slides that I only wear there. And I just take my shirt off and I go in. And I sit on a towel. Okay. Because the hard tile could hurt my bottom. Your bottom. It doesn't. Tile.

Did you say you took off your pants? No, those stay on. Wait, you wear pants? Yes. Pants in the sauna. Yep. And the steam room. You get in the steam room with sweatpants on?

Yeah. Dude, this is like insane. Wait, whoa, why? And there was a point where there was also shoes on. Yeah. So you're in shoes and sweatpants in the steam room? People must have thought you were lost. Like, he got out.

Now he's in here now. Bro, aren't you, like, in a steam room, I feel like there's a lot of water in the air. Is your sweatpants just not filled with water, like a sponge? I will take a picture next time I leave the gym. You will see, I'm not kidding. I am drenched when I leave. Like, I get home and my kids say, why are you wet? Like, not like...

Again. Literally, maybe goes, Daddy, why are you wet? I'm just like, oh, I went to the gym. It's a known thing now. And, like, your ankles and your, like, shins are wet. head to toe, I'm dripping. Dude. And then you get in the car and drive home?

What is the drive? What is the time? It's like, I mean, it depends. That's not true. When I leave, I, every time I go to the gym in the morning, I leave, I stop at Starbucks. I get back a drink and then I get home. So that's like seven minutes. Oh.

So I'm going into a Starbucks soaking wet. It's not a drive-thru? No, I get out. Frank, we got to work on this. Why? This is insane now. Why is this insane? Because you look like a crazy person.

in the steam room with sweatpants and shoes on and then you're walking into a Starbucks in public soaking wet I I refuse to think that I've done anything wrong here I don't I don't see I think of anything I'm being more hygienic than the people that are going in there bear fucking balls and ass if they I mean what would you take would you rather sit next to someone that's in sweatpants and slides or sit next to someone that's basically staring at you with their balls I if someone's completely naked that's a little uncomfortable I will say but I do think 10 times out of 10 if someone gets into the sauna and they're wearing sweatpants and sneakers I'm taking a photo of them

going right into my group jazz being like look at this nut job in here I mean when we used to go to the gym together like the times we've been to the gym together we would both wear sweatpants and shoes or shorts yeah shorts I mean sometimes it's short maybe then in that gym

I wore shoes the gym that I go to now was pretty new, so I have, but I have like slippers. But I'm an adult. Well, like I don't chalk this up to being an adult or being a child. I have like a little slip. I mean, the slip on the, so the steam room is tile. I did raw dog at the first time I went in that.

I'm not going to like that's crazy. That's crazy. But it's a brand new gym. It doesn't matter. Because you're sitting on, guess what you're sitting on? Balls. You're sitting, you're basically bouncing on someone else's shit. No one's naked in there.

Brother. I mean, not that I've seen. Maybe not the one that you go to. The gym that I go to. Did you say there's a lot of old bags? Well, it's predominantly Like, people that have

retired and live in the area. Old bastards? Old fucking bastards, dude. And, like, that love to just talk about nonsense. They talk in there? And they wear the fucking, like, sauna hats. The, the... What do they look like?

They're, like, wool triangle hats. Come on. I swear to God. And they fucking sit there. dick and balls in the wind, dude. And the other thing is they shower in the gym, which you do, which we'll get back to. Yeah. And they shower in the gym fully naked with the curtain open.

Curtin open now you're asking for it. They don't get a lot of people that look at that stuff anymore, though. But you know what? That might be the reason. Yeah. Because why? Why have it asked if you're not going to display it? But why is it that old men at gyms need to let you know they're naked?

I think it's like an animal thing. It's like when dogs pee and other dogs pee. like old dudes get to the gym, they're like, I'm going to put my ass in a hole out. And like, I, maybe, maybe I'm just, because, you know, for high school sports and stuff, we didn't have, like, we had a locker room, but like, you didn't, like, shower with your boys, like on your team. So, like, maybe that's just a part of life that I am the, like, exception to the rule here. Maybe I'm just weird and I don't, I'm not crazy about that.

Did you shower in high school? No, but when we went to, uh, like a sauna thing. thing. We all showered. What does that mean? It was like a place that has a gym, wreck, and sauna, all that stuff. But like I'm saying, like, high school sports, did you not shower at school? No, no. It wasn't like, you know, like...

The showers didn't work. A giant room. There was. But there was a giant room. Like a prison. Did you do it? I think I did, but no one was naked. Actually, there were a couple of kids that were naked. People get naked. Because they're like... Big Dicks. Well, it's like a... It's like a...

It's like a... Like, there's a couple of kids. couple guys on a team that are like jokers. So it's like, I'm naked. And that's the joke. Gotcha. I remember. And we all don't laugh, you know? Yeah. When I was in the gym, this old guy was blow drying his balls. And then he clipped his, while he was like blow drying, he clipped his, like, wean and it looked like it was floating, like indoor skydiving for a second. And it made me laugh. How powerful was this blow dryer or fucking light as a feather with this guy's cock? I don't know. It's old. question how long were you looking well I heard the blow dryer so that I put the first part together and you saw and by the loading wiener and by the time I

looked it was floating I I'm still trying to get over the fact that you guys think that I'm weird for wearing pants in a steam room and sauna I mean you know that's unorthodox I mean I stopped the shoes the shoes though because I made the decision what does that count for absolutely nothing but don't you think you'd be more comfortable if you just brought a bag with a change of clothes and you took a shower. I do bring a bag. What's in the bag then? Just the slippers. And like my lock. Like a duffel bag? Yeah. It's a green duffel bag and the only thing that's in it is my my slippers, my slides, whatever you want to call them. Yeah. Uh, my lock, my little padlock. Uh-huh.

And my headphones. Right. Why not a change of pants so you at least don't have to be soaking wet? Because then I'm dirtying two changes of pants instead of one. That's not how you say the units of pants. Two changes. Two changes is also three pairs of pants. That's a really good point. Two changes of pants. I just, I don't, I don't think, like, that logic is ridiculous.

Like, so when I, like, when I do laundry, do you get, nothing over here is ridiculous. That's ridiculous. No, I don't think so. Sweat pants in the steam room. First of all, sauna. Okay. Steam room is legitimately. psychotic. I will say that I do leave there like not like a little wet. Dude, I mean, you must be

pouring. I'm boring. And I know you. You sit in there. Oh yeah. So how long in there? You're in 20 minutes? I do 10 and 10. 10 and 10 and 10. So see moves been, seamooms been hot lately, so I had to get you about at six. He's in there. That's about all I can take. It's about all my pants can take. Yeah. You walks out of there and he's dragging his pants with him. I also, Becca, Becca pointed to this, I had no idea.

So I go in the mornings, and it's been really, really, really, really cold. So when I get to the gym, like, I get changed and I get, you know,

I put myself in the locker, and then I go in the steam room just for like 30 seconds to just warm up. But she's like, you're using it as like, a defroster for your bucket. Defrosting in the sauna.

But I'm like in there, and I'm going like this. Oh, to get your fingers ready. Yeah. She's like, you probably look psychotic. Yeah. And I'm like, why? She's like, because it's a big glass room and people just see you in there going like this.

Like, don't go in there. The grabbers in there. The grabbers in there. Most people do a warm-up set. I'm just going to do five minutes in the sauna and stretch my hands. Yeah. I mean, I think. So.

Dude, also, I didn't even think about that. It's literally been like two degrees out. And you're soaking wet walking to your car. It's a miracle. I'll be honest with you about something. I kind of like that. Like when I leave the gym, I don't put my jacket on. And I walk to my car because I like seeing the steam rise off me.

You have a shirt on? Yeah, of course. It still rises, though. He's just making sure. Sopping wet. The shirt is saturated. Sopping wet. And I just two minutes earlier got out of 190 degree sauna.

Of course, if I'm going in five degree weather, I'm going to be steaming like I'm straight out of hell. I'm picturing the people who work the front desk when he's leaving. Have a good day. So, you know, I will say, do you have a towel? I sit on a towel. But do you, I mean, do you like dry your hair? No. I put my shirt on and put my head on and I get out of it.

What would be the reason to do that? Yeah, you're right. I mean, stupid of me to even ask that. If you have the pants on, why sit on the towel? It's for comfort. The tile and the wood could be a little hard on my bottom. as I explained before. He's got a sensitive bottom.

Got it. I'm like you pointing that out. Yeah. I can point it out. All right, so you're saying that I should go in. Well, let me tell you what I do. Okay. Right?

I pack a bag. Like today, I packed a bag. I had to put my laptop in it. Don't love that. But then I get to the gym and you go to a nice gym. Yes. Tell the people with Jimmy go to. No.

Tell them right now. Tell them right now. No. Does it happen? Like you have to bring your own lock or does it have like locks? They're digital. That's so nice. Yeah.

That's really nice. Probably narrowing it down a little. Yeah. You know, care. It's not a big deal. He goes to a gym in the Bronx. No, I actually met someone there who, who recognized me, but I didn't know if they'd recognize me. They were just like, oh, hey, I haven't like surprised I'm seeing you here or something like that.

And I was like, yeah. I was like, do I know you? Because it was, I almost like felt back. I don't know who this is. I thought it was someone that I knew. And they were like, no. I was like, I thought I fucked that up. I love the honesty.

I was like, no, no, no, no. I was like, oh, all right. But this is my first gym that I've gone to where people like film and do like workout shit. Oh, yeah. I hadn't seen that. I mean, I've been working on my building for the last couple of years. So you go, you put your stuff in the locker. Put my stuff in the locker.

I'll usually wear like the show. shorts that I wear have like a lining in them. Oh for like running? Yeah but I'll use them for the gym too and I'll wear sweatpants so I just take my sweatpants off today I I use like a different pair of shoes but like most of the time I'll just walk in like whatever shoes I wear at the gym but put those in there do my workout come back then I throw everything into my locker same and I take out the slippers put those on just have my shorts and my uh

just my shorts on and the slippers and then I go sit in the sauna wait a sec. Hold on so I'm being ridiculed yeah we do basically the exact same thing sweatpants is like and socks and shoes but I do it with shorts too

okay that's different I think that's fine like this morning it was shorts yeah but like when I do it with sweatpants it's out of fucking control Yeah. I don't think so. If anything, also I wouldn't dream of going in the stable why not? It's if anything. Well, I'm wearing also nylon shorts like a bathing, that's like a bathing suit material almost. Okay. I mean, my, my, my shorts are like workout shorts or like basketball shorts, which are. Yeah, I don't think that's crazy. But like,

if anything, I'm being more efficient in what I'm getting out of both experiences because I am I have clothes on that are trapping the heat It's like the people that go into fucking steamroom and sodas And like like the rocky training montage sweatsuit Yeah the efficacy is not the problem I think the problem is leaving the place and being soaked I mean who cares I like if anything

Well what are you you care Why do you care if anything people see me They're like damn that guy he had a good workout Because look at how fucking soaking went I'm sure they are thinking that Because I do think that about people However if they left that way I'd be like what's going on

I'm going home I'm getting undressed What's wrong with the shower though? Like you just think it's dirty or something? I just don't understand When I have a perfectly nice shower at home Just to avoid the Like wearing the sweat

It's a car I'm not like driving a fucking mazorati It's just uncomfortable being pouring sweat I thought I personally It's kind of nice Because I don't sweat otherwise Like I understand like you are

Oh steam room Yeah, you're getting wet. Like, I do not sweat, period, ever. So, like, the only time I experience sweating is when I go and I get it in the steam room. So you want to keep it for as long as pause. I want to hold on to the feeling. Yeah. You know.

And, again, people look at it. Like, damn, that's it. Now, what do you do after, though? You protein it up? What are you doing? Where, when? After the gym. Like when I get home?

Oh, you know what? I actually just, that's funny you bring that up. There's a, now we're really an hour in it down, but like there's a fucking, what's it called, like a smoothie place, like, not a place, but like they have a smoothie bar. And I was like, let me check this thing out. So I go and I see a smoothie. It's got peanut butter, banana, you know, some protein and whatever, some other shit. And I'm like, oh, that sounds good. The name of it is naughty monkey.

Why are you doing this to me? Okay, can I please get the, Frank? Naughty monkey. Legitimately how I did it. And I was like, can I get the naughty monkey? And she's like, yeah. And she's like, what flavor protein? I was like, just vanilla or whatever.

And she's like, okay, cool. So I just sit down. There's like no one there. Then all of a sudden these like four girls come in. And they know the girl behind the counter. So they're just congregating. And then naughty monkey? And here comes the naughty monkey.

And I'm like, thanks. And I can get the fuck out of there. I'm like, this is what I'm trying to avoid. You know what, though? See, I kind of love that because I feel like that brings us together closer as a nation. Because the naughty monkey. We are so much of like branding now is like, like, let me get to fucking like men's soap is like thick and, you know, like fucking barrel roasted. Like stuff like that, the naughty monkey.

I don't want to. That makes people feel more like connected, you know? If anything that makes me feel embarrassed. And to be fair, I would be. equally as embarrassed to order like Bullet Blood or something I'd be like I don't need that either Well I think what we need to do is we need to find the racist What?

Follow me here Follow me here We're following We need to find the most like racist Per capita area in our country Yeah And open a shop like that Which one?

Like the where it's like smoothie Where it's smoothie No no no where it's all smoothies but the names are still stuff like that. Because I feel like that immediately kind of lets your guard down a little bit. It softens you up. If you're going in and it's like,

Jimmy Johns, give me the fucking double fucking stack sandwich of big muscles. People are going to be like, this is appropriating hyper-masculine, toxic masculinity. But if you're in

West Bumblefucking fucking doodoo-d-d-d-d-town. And what would it be called? It could just be called. I'm saying, what are they ordering? What's that? It doesn't matter.

It could be any, it could be smoothies, it could be sandwiches, but give them a fun, cute name. So people are just like, you know what, maybe the way that I'm going about living my life and seeing the world is a little too intense. Do you believe that the people who are turning off the halftime show to go watch Kid Rock perform at the same time are going to be interested in buying your cute name smoothies? Because I don't believe they will be. Depends what the name of the smoothie is. That's what I'm saying. Well, I'm just saying in the example of naughty monkey, I think that would be a deterrent. So then you know what? You're right. You are correct. I should have thought of this sooner.

Open it up with hypermasculine names for their smoothies. You know, lib tier, lib tier banana chunk. Right. And then get them addicted to it. What? Get them like really into it. Like the people turn it off the halftime show. And then 180. Then you'd. name it something because then they're just like, well, I need my shake. Let me get the chunky, naughty monkey. All you have to do is get them addicted to it.

We'll slip nicotine pills into the smoothies. I'm not saying physically, like chemically addicted. I'm saying mentally. Hmm. Okay. You know what? I'll get back to you on that. I have no idea how we're going to go about that at all.

But I mean, you can do it because now, now everything is protein. Proteins in fucking everything now. So like you could do it. Yeah. You know, protein to Dunkin' Donuts. What? Bro, do you even seen Dunkin' Donuts protein drinks? Dunkin' Donuts?

Dunkin' Donuts. What about it? Bro. They got protein drinks? Bro, what's the last time you went or passed by a Dunkin' Donuts? I mean, I've passed by them. I haven't gotten in a Dunkin' Donuts in a while, but they got great hot chocolate. Do they?

Yeah. I don't think I've chocolate. By the way, fucking hot, bro. They got the hottest hot chocolate ever. They deliver. It's so hot. Listen, if you, there's many things you could say about Dunkin' Donuts. You're not going to criticize their hot chocolate branding.

It is so hot. I don't remember the last time I got a hot chocolate for Dunkin' Don't. I always tell people that where I'm like, they actually have a very good hot chocolate. And it's like surprising because this is Dunkin' Donuts, but like, it's good. I like it. I mean, but if you go or pass by or something, next time, keep an eye out. Big poster, protein matcha drinks, protein coffee is. What are we doing?

It's getting out of control. Can I can also, you know what? I'm going to save this for after. Let's get to the sponsors. I do have a thing that I want to say. Go get to them. But this is where we're starting here, folks. We have Squarespace.

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Patreon.com slash the basement yard. We love you. We thank you. We kiss you. We spank you. I don't know if we could say that legally. Didn't you get in trouble your last job for spanking, too? He told me not to.

Okay. What was your last job? Oh, God. Yeah, wait, that's a good question. Have you ever worked a job pizza delivery? That was your last job before this? Yeah. Wow.

I went on... Me too. Look at that. Look at us. Trying to be me, dude. Be you. I try to go on some interviews and finance, and I went, God, this is awful. Oh, really?

So then I started YouTube. Did you get any cool questions? Like, what's your best quality? Yeah. No, I really didn't. It was so... It was so entry level. It was right out of college that it wasn't anything crazy.

Did you get the job? I didn't go back for the next interview. I just didn't want to do it. They invited you back, but you said, no, thanks. Yeah. Wow. Did you get any of those, like, questions that are, like, they're meant to be, like, critical thinking questions?

No. It really wasn't like that. It was just personality hire, you know? Oh, you were the personality hire. You probably would be the personality hire. Interesting. thing. I got one of those. I'm sorry, you wanted to say something about about to go on a rain. I felt it brewing. I just wanted to

say that like, I think we need to cut it with matcha. Like, I think we need... Don't! God! Fuck! I think we need to cut it out. This is way worse than I could have expected. And I'm okay with it existing, but I think we need to dial it back. I... It just feels like it's gotten out of hand. It's gotten out of hand because you go to some fucking, you know, a fucking underground basement speakeasy

uh fucking bdsm coffee shop in brooklyn where they're just like we can whip you with this whip and we can give you a coffee it's brewed out of the asshole of some fucking you know Guatemalan person like it is getting it's been bastardized you're proving my point you're right but that's what I'm saying is that it's like it's like it's a little too much for me well has there been anything that we can think of that like became a huge trend and then died I'm sure we could

One thing I just want to fit in about the matcha Nope Taste like shit No Taste like shit Dude I Alright I'm bringing in matcha Next time we record

And I'm making you A stupid cup of it Great Ask me my opinion No You don't There's no way in fuck I can almost imagine

What do you Do you like it? No it's awful Thank you God fuck Have you had it I have What does it taste like

The ground but bad Oh my God no I've had ground stuff that tastes good ground. But this is bad ground. You guys have not had good matcha. Dirt tastes better. I want to cry. I think and throw up and piss on you at the exact same time. You love macha like that? What's the last thing he had macha?

Yesterday? Really? I have it often and plentiful. It's so, like, listen, I will, I will do this. I will, I will, I will, I will give this up. The popularity of, like, matcha is not what, like, real macha is. that's like someone saying like I'm wearing a fucking you know sweatpants in a steam fucking don't do that no but that's like someone saying like

you know oh I'm wearing a watch from fucking McDonald's all watches need to chill like uh no because I know that you get into this thing and I hear it a lot too it's ceremonial grade and I'm like what does that mean one that's just the level of quality But does that mean it's appropriate for ceremonies? So the Japanese and the Chinese, I say that. Like, I'm going to offend them.

That was like a hard J and a hard C. The Japanese and the Chinese. Like, take it. You know what? I'm just going to hold this. Just smart to have that. Just call and say it. Stand by.

Just saying a hard J and a hard C. The Japanese and the Chinese have tea ceremonies. Right. That's like a whole thing that. they do. I think the ceremonial grade just has to do with the quality of it because below that, you get like restaurant grade, which is what is used in baking and cooking and desserts and stuff like that. Got it. So it is a significant quality, like as someone that has had a lot of macha, it's a significant quality jump once you get. And then you're just like, oh shit, like this is,

have you ever had something that like people talk about? And then you have like a good version of it? You're just like, oh shit, that's not that. That's like if you're having fucking franzia wine and you're just like, all wine is this. No, you know, I've never had fronzie a wine. Consider yourself lucky. It's a hangover in a bag. Well.

And a box. Yeah, who thought of that? That's crazy. Put it in a box. Dude, good matcha has such a variety of flavors because you're getting... What is it, by the way? It's stone, ground. Japanese tea, green tea.

Got it. So what they, the Japanese, sorry, I'm worked up now. Whoa, you got me worked up. The Japanese, again,

I went with a hard. Yeah, no. They make, they process their green tea different than the Chinese processed their green tea. The Chinese roast their green tea

to keep it green. The Japanese will steam it or they'll, in sweatpants. And then what they do is they take that tea. Yeah. And they put it.

in a big stone mill and they fucking grind it into a very fine powder. Yeah, I see people where they got the thing and they're like, shish, shh, shh, shh, shh, yes. I actually like watching people make it. I love watching people make stuff like that. Also, oh, you don't, like when you get, if you get matcha at like a place, does that like automatically come with milk? No, I mean, you could get it with milk if you want, like a matcha latte, but like normal

matcha is just water and matcha powder. Right. And it's like a size of an espresso, I'm assuming. No. More? It could be more. So, like, I have it in bowls that are like this big. That's a lot of matcha. But it's not. Like, you use, like, a small scoop of it because you think about it, like, the amount. Like, look at, like, let's use this tea as an example.

That looks like a lot. But when you fucking grind it into a powder, it's nothing. So you use a little bit of green tea, like, matcha powder, because you're drinking the whole leaf. You're consuming the whole thing, not just an extraction. Sorry, my voice just came up on me. I don't know. But, dude, I hear what you're saying, and if you've had bad experiences, fine. Just think you got to chill. I don't think.

That was a long lesson for something that tastes like that. It's a long lesson for something that tastes like shit. I didn't say that. That's what you said. I want to strangle both of you right now. Because I don't like matcha, and I think it's gotten out of hell. I mean, I'm being hyperbolic for the sake of our show. Nonetheless, if you don't like it, whatever.

If anything, it does me better. Do you like macho lattes? I prefer not to have them that way. It's bastardizing. I don't like any really bastardizing. It is. It's like, personally, if you like it, good for you, fine. I'll make it for you if you want.

I prefer, like, to drink it the way that it's supposed to be drank, which is by itself. The way that are good... Japanese! The Chinese have laid out for us. Okay. What's your coffee order? Are you a black guy? That's two and one episode.

It's crazy, yeah. Milk, skim milk, and one sugar. Skim? By the way, when I was younger, I thought skim milk was breast milk. Like I... Like skin milk? I think that's why I thought that? I...

When someone was like, oh, I'm drinking. freaking skim milk. I was like, is that your mom's? Like, I literally thought it was like a tit milk. It looks like just water and milk. Like it doesn't know what it is. I, I'm sure there's a difference. But is it like, it's like whole milk, 2% 1% skim? Maybe I'm thinking 1% then. I also could be wrong. How do you not know? You don't order coffee ever? I do, but it's just, I think it's 1%. I get 1%. You tell them, give me 1%. I want 1%. Can I ask why, like what's the difference between that and 2%? Well, you are a whole milk guy.

Like, I could actually say it. But how is there a big difference between those things? I haven't had a cup of 1% milk since I was four, so I can't sit here with confidence. I don't know if I've ever had that. Exactly. 2% I used to, I used to let rip. Let's do a taste test. Oh, I can't.

For reasons we can't get into. I drank too much milk recently. Yeah, me too. And I don't want to see another cup of it for a very long time. Yeah, that was a rough one. So you just do your coffee black. Yeah. You do...

I'll get a cappuccino like six times a year. Oh. With whip? Whip? Whip cream on it? Whip cream? Or just like cream? No, whip cream on top.

Like an ice cream sundae? No. No? Do they do that? Is that a thing? Yeah. Where? I hop?

I mean, I've been to places. I've been to places. This is where it's like they bring a cappuccino and they put a little whipped cream on top. Oh, I mean, if that's the case, I am not familiar with that. I've only gotten it when it's like, you know, because I want to see what they can do. You like to see. Do you like those TikToks that are like people that make like espresso like in their home? Like they have like the whole grinder.

I actually love watching that. I feel like it's great. The spray is wild. But like I do enjoy watching it. But if I go into a coffee shop that I've never been to before and the girls behind the counter are wearing beanies and glasses, then I'll get a cappuccino. Oh, let's see what do. these girls can do because they look like they can do you commit to like the hipsters do have the

best coffee places or like um i think that they care enough to be good at the art at least but i don't know i don't i don't like i'm not well-vers we'll never find you in like uh i don't seek out coffee a starbucks i i would go but i don't seek out coffee i was talking to greg the other day i know you'd get a kick out of this i went and got becca a thing of like cold brew yeah from this place near us but I didn't realize it was cold brew concentrate. Oh, dude. So I gave her a cup like this, Frank. Of cold brew concentrate.

You're trying to kill your wife. She had it. And she's like, my stomach is not feeling well. Not on your stomach. Check your heart rate. Dude, she had quite a bit of it. Oh, my God. I just, uh, I, I can't do, I can't, I can't do the macha slander.

I understand why it's gotten to a point where it's just like, all right, it's blowing up in popularity that needs to fucking chill. but at least acknowledge that, like, you haven't had the good stuff. I'll try it. But, like, I'm going to give you an honest opinion. I'm not going to try to hate it either. That's what I'm hoping for. Isn't it not weird that we order coffees and some of them just taste like shit?

Like, their taste is so, their taste is so. Come on now. What happened over there? I don't know. You shoot your pants? The taste of coffee is so different. so many different places. It's not like, if you order pancakes,

you probably know what it's going to taste like, but I feel like coffee is so different everywhere. Well, also if you're, yeah, if you're getting like espresso drinks, you know, the way that I have a coffee machine now

and it is a nightmare. Like, getting it right is like impossible. That's what I'm saying. But, so I, yeah, I don't know.

But isn't that kind of the beauty of it? Isn't that kind of nice that like every single brew or whatever you're, making it gives you a different there's different notes in there sometimes you're getting some fruity sometimes you're getting some earthy so right now just getting garbage right now we're not getting a variety we're getting all dog shit so that there is no variety yet but I agree I think that like different beans tasting a

certain way and a dark roast and a light roast and the fucking blah blah blah that would be nice but you know we have it's gonna take some time to dial it in go go commit to being a coffee stop I'm more of like a drip guy Like a pourover? Sure. In the summer, I'm iced coffee. Easy. Oh, you change with the seasons.

Yeah, I got a, I like a nice ice cough. That makes sense. I mean, it's hot out here. You know what I mean? I get, so it's to cool you down. But I can't have an ice coffee outside. It's two degrees right now. My hand will freeze in half.

Just commit to being a coffee snow. I don't like it enough. Just do it. I don't like it enough. Just fucking commit. to doing it. No. Why not?

I'd rather just be like a wine snob. Hmm. Even though I haven't had like wine in a very long time. You've not been drinking. So like coffee you could drink and not feel guilty about it. Yeah. So just, just fucking commit to it. I don't know that I want to be the like I'll hook up.

Then it's, it goes and it crushes and it grinds and I click in them. And then I slap it and then I. But it's a little moment of fun. And then I'm blowing hot air until my. milk and then I'm and then the thing sucks it in and then I'm look look but guess what what morning it's a little moment for you that is a job I'm a barista in my own home it's a prison that's okay I don't I know something for you guess what that's a form of self-love baby I that's a form of being able to sit down and just being like I'm

gonna tinker over here and I'm gonna do over here and you're making something for yourself you're putting kindness and heart and passion into it yeah I just don't think the payoff is like I I agree that I think the notion is like that's nice. I don't know that the payoff is worth it yet. Just do it. Buy all the gadgets and just fucking fully commit to it. I'll tell you the part that I do like, tamplin.

Oh, when they... Stamping shit is fire. Like just stamping. You know like a stamp? Or you know what's fire? I know what you're going to say. I know what you're going to say. Wax!

Yeah! Bro, I should be writing letters. I don't know who I would write them to, but I should write letters, but I'll get some fucking wax and then you go or even cool if you get like your thumb in there I mean you're talking about

you're not gonna be incarcerated dude but that's what you do when you get arrested I mean you're not gonna get arrested for writing a letter to someone

I'm not worried about being arrested I just think that like you're fine you know what I'm rather stamp with like with like the one that yeah like it has like you know J and S and then you

yeah I'm telling you wax doesn't get the love that it deserves. As an entity. I like and don't like when wine bottles have the wax on it, I'm like this looks so far. But then when you try to open that bottle, oh my God.

I like wax because, like, I feel like I'm, like, a whittler. Like, I can, like, whittled. You know, people how they, like, whittle wood? I can't do that. So I do it with wax. And I feel like this is cool. It just sounds like you're saying little wood. in an accident

in an accident it's just a widow wood you're saying it in an accident I used to do it all the time my mom used to yell at my brothers and I because we would always take forks and just carve into her candles

and carve into the candles that's fuck what was her candle like a Yankee candle she would have candles like decorative candles for Christmas but they're raw yeah they're just like raw

And then there's just a four more. This kid. Walking to his house, it's like, it's the cat. The cat got it. It's so fun to play with wax, though, dude. I don't enjoy wax. Dude. I like tape.

I'm a tape guy. I fuck with tape. Tape's a good one. I like tape. I can't talk shit about tape. I like taking tape and wrapping it around my hand. And then looking at my hand all flat. You know what?

We should do an episode because I did that episode. I'm saying. Covered in tape. You should do an episode covered. Yeah, if you like tape down your nipples, it like, your nipples looks different. Why do we got to go with nipples, brother? I mean, you taped down your nipples that day. I did.

I know. I did. But like, it was, it was a lot of tape, too. I think I say tape. Tap's fantastic. Rank these in terms of bestness. Okay. Tape?

Yeah. Wax. That's another one I want to put. You did this without a third? Just the ones we've talked about already? Tape? Yeah. Wax.

Yeah. Rope? String. Yarn. Yarn. Tate. Wack. String is so ass.

Yarn, though? I'm like a kitty cat around. Like twine? Get it the fuck out of here. But yarn, baby. Twine. Go to hell. Yeah.

um twine pretentious I love yarn wait what am I doing wax based off tape wax is number one wax is cool

you think wax is one I like wax but tape tape's got a place what kind of tape oh we've recently talked about tape didn't we did we I think we said like the tape that like

shits its pants when you open it yeah I'm into it but I don't like that I got to try and find the edge because I fucking accidentally like it's impossible. Yo, low-key electric tape, that shit is dope.

Yo, I would, I'm not kidding. Chew on electric tape like bubble gum. You chew on it? I would. Have you? Not recently, probably, but you have it. In your life. Yeah, you have.

You chewed on it? What about that blue thumbtack stuff? That shit is, that Don't make it look like gum if I can't chew on it. You know, that's, that's, that's how you know, God's real because that shit exists.

That fucking, what's it called? You used to love that. Thumbtack, yeah. Thumbtack, yeah. I used to collect it, dude. Yeah. Huh? I was a kid.

You used to collect it? Yeah, I've told the story. What is collect? Oh, you had like a, wait, why, why did I know this? What did you say? Are you put it in your pants or something? No, I like, I like put it on my chin. I would go like this and it would wag back and forth, and it looked like a dick.

Yeah. Yeah. And I brought it to my sister's play and got in trouble probably. Yeah, I did. get in trouble. I did love that stuff and they were just coming like the little packs and I just would just ball them up and then that's how we used to hang up posters. Are posters still a thing? Yeah, are bulletin boards a thing in schools? Yeah. Posters. No, I don't, your, your mom's a teacher. Yeah. She's got a bulletin board? I assume. Does she go by like her first name or something? Like,

is that something they're doing now? Yeah, is it Miss Yellow or is it, or she's just like, yeah, just call me Ann or whatever. No. Oh my God. It's last name. Okay. It's Mrs. Priscoe. Okay. Mrs. Prisco. Mrs. Prisco. That's such a teacher name. That's such a teacher name. I did like the teacher that I would just be like, call me.

Steve. Yeah, call me Steve. Mr. Steve. We had a teacher. Oh, yeah. Well, Mr. Yeah, that's fine. Well, his last name was impossible.

It was the exact same as our teacher's last name. Oh, shit. That's right. Yeah. Who am I thinking of then? I don't know. You know, one time I saw the payroll at that school. Oh, shouldn't have said that.

What are they going to do? You're at school sweetheart. It was 20 years ago. But I saw the payroll and I was like, you were a 13-year-old kid seeing the payroll? And you thought it was rough back then. No, no, no. No, my mom worked there.

No, no, no. You don't need to. I know a lot. I'm bringing her down with me. You're going down. She didn't like show me it. It was like on her computer because she was a secretary. And I like came to see her.

here one day and I was just like sitting her chair and I was like you're a kid and you're like I'm gonna start throwing stuff around and then I looked at the screen and there was like I then I noticed that it was a payroll because I had teachers names that I like whatever and I was more fascinated by finding out these teachers that I had their first name because that was like but then I was like let's see what they pay. Let's see what they pay in rent. What are these numbers? Yeah let's see what they pay in rent. Not good. No I think I think one of them that like was tenured had been there was making like 92. That's a lot.

Oh yeah, that's a lot for fucking... And that was a while ago. 2006. That's why I was just like, damn, bro. Damn. I mean,

let's make this very... Remember Ms. Franco? God damn, bro. I don't know. I don't even remember what she was making. I mean, I imagine. They were paying her in fucking like,

$2 bills. This woman was so old. Bro, yeah, she was so old. Yeah, I'm convinced that she had the fucking Tony Stark thing in the center of her chest keeping her alive

because I'm like, dude, you're dead. I mean, let's make sure we say this. Teachers are criminally underpaid for what they have to do. Yeah. We have to end like, who signs up for that? I don't know. Dude, there are times where I've done cameos or people are just like, oh, so-and-so's a teacher. And I'm like, what a thankless job. Bro, my God. You're signing up to get screamed at by children. You must want to educate the youth so much. And like, you have such a passion for that. And I respect that so much, but my God, if I had to go to fucking work and deal with these dumbass kids all day

and then go home and grade 30 papers about Abraham Lincoln, I'd blow my head off. How much you think they're actually grading at those, though? That is a fair question. How much you think that they're actually grading a fucking book report on Catcher in the Rye? Our friend Tim growing up, he's a teacher, and I used to talk to him about that exact thing, and he's like, oh, that fucking grade it. And then you have to also lesson plan for the next day. It's never ending.

That is crazy. And then now I got to go online and pray to God someone can help me with my Amazon list so that my kids can have shit and I can actually teach them. What the fuck are we doing? Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. What are we doing out there? Why'd your mom get into teaching? I think it was a family thing.

Like my grandma taught, siblings taught. Oh, you should teach. I think so. Your grandma was a teacher? I believe so. She mean one? Probably. Why?

She's a mean grandma? No. But did she ever give you money? She's fiery. Yeah. She gave you money? Yeah. A lot of money?

No. Oh. You were hesitant. No, because I was like, no. Okay. But my grandmother used to write me checks for $20. Imagine giving him to a child to check. The fuck do I do this?

I used to get checks for like birthdays and stuff. I remember just handing it to my mom. Be like, what the fuck do I do with this? Yeah. I mean, you know. What did you do with it? I gave it to my pay. parents. Yeah, and they figured it out. I don't understand. By the way, I've never seen a dollar

of that money. Like my checks? That, that disappeared. They spent it. Yeah, something you'll learn when you get to have kids is you, their money is your money. You know, like, but my money's not their money. I'm kidding at this. But I like, don't think I ever saw that. Like, I didn't like get to a certain age. My parents were like, here's the bank account that we have for you. I was like, oh shit, I got to go to the bank and get a bank account. Really? I think they had a bank account for me, like a savings account, and I have one for the kids, but I don't think it was like.

It was because it was like you get like $40 in cash for your birthday. Yeah, but it's years of that. Yeah, but what are you making off of $80 a year for 20 years? Well, my extended family would send letters to the house and those would have checks in it. Okay, but so you're maybe getting how many a year? I don't know, dude. Maybe you're, it's something. Maybe you're getting...

I also in fifth grade, I won an essay writing contest. That was $500. That went straight to the electricity bill. Really? Probably. I mean, I never saw it. $500. Jesus Christ, you...

You're rich. What was the essay about? 9-11. Truly about 9-11, yeah. Okay. Say it. Say what you wanted to say. Nothing.

I think it was worth the 500. Probably got a little more. Yeah. I mean, I knew what I was doing. He was playing it up. He was prime for, like, winning that. His dad was a firefighter. Are you kidding me? It was, it was like, the theme was like, what do you think a hero is? And I was like, I'm tying in 9-11. If they don't give it to me,

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Seventh. That's a tough one. That's when I was the worst. That's a tough one, yeah. Everyone was the worst also. I feel like I was a little worse than sixth, but seventh is like where... Sixth I was in a new school, so I was on my best behave. I was definitely forged those reading logs like crazy, though.

Dude. My teacher, Ms. Gross. That was her name. Ugly? Come on. I don't know. I remember we used to get those reading logs that had like the smiley, face. It was like you read this, this page

of this page, put a smiley face for how you like it. Fuck that. I don't know that I've ever read for my reading log. I know I did. There's like, I've read the Harry Potter books. I've read the Chronicle of Narnia books. I've read the series of unfortunate

event books. If I wasn't read one of those for those logs, it was fake. Yeah, I mean, it was fake. I would make up titles to books. I'm like, they're not checking this. Oh yeah, it was, this was, this was early, early internet that you think they're going to check the name of fucking... What do you know? Every book?

Yeah, no. I'm making up a book. I don't care. Do you make up... Do you remember any of the ones you made up? No, it was probably like, you know, the biography of Michael Jordan or something. Oh, yeah, you were probably writing those. I was just like, you were just like, heard your dad told you something about Clyde Drexler, and you were like, I read that from a book. Yeah. And then I, you know, made up a reading log of that. Can we move past, like, the traditional, like, reading things that kids have to read, like,

Catcher in the Rye. Hatchet. All the other stupid ones. All my bones. What's that called? The fuck. The lovely bones? You had to read that as a child that's about murder and like...

I think we read that in high school. Did you read that? No. I read the... In your guys' high school? That was about like... Lovely bones? Yeah, wasn't it about like assaulting a child and then murdering her?

There was definitely a dead woman's bones. I heard it's very good. But... I just watched the movie. Yeah, I mean the Catcher in the Rye I completely bullshitted my way Through those tests somehow I'm not kidding

What the fuck is that book about See, I wish I knew the answer But I didn't read it People are just like holding Caulfield is a martyr Oh yeah, that's his name What the fuck does that even mean? Of Mice of Men, that's another one that I read And I remember liking that one because I felt bad at it

Yeah, whenever I think of of Mice of Men I think of this one English class That I had in high school And I and we were talking about the book and I remember that teacher had asked me a question I hadn't read anything and then the bell went off

so I just got up and left and when I walked out into the hallway it was a girl coming down the hallway and she was like this and throwing up through her hands so whenever I hear of wise of men I think of that throwing up girl my English teacher

her whole like thesis was on the Great Gatsby and she hated Daisy I don't know if that's too diva cut she hated this character I mean I've never read the Great Gatsby Like just every time she spoke, she's like unlike Daisy. Like, like, she's like, an enemy from the past. I understand.

Listen, I'm not sitting here and like not advocating for books because I do think books are cool. But like, read the, read the, watch the movie. Do you guys think this is weird? So I've been reading a lot lately. And I'm reading this book now. It's fucking 550 pages, but it's fantastic. But is it the mushroom one? No, no, no.

I actually put that down. and I'm trying this different book. But I noticed because I tried to do audible like recently where I'm like, I'm going to get on the treadmill and I'm just going to listen. But it's like hard for me if I'm doing something else. Like I can do audible if I'm just sitting and just like listening. But I can't do it while running. So I was like, all right, I'm not doing audible.

And then I was like, I'm going to read the physical book. And then I would get distracted doing that too. but then I do I listen along to the book and I follow along on the actual book so you're double paying for the book

yes but I have credits I mean I got I got 12 credits for Christmas so it was free I mean I was someone else paid for it but they yeah yeah yeah I'm paying double for books so that I can read them so you're I'm listening and following along on the pages brother but I feel like it helped me

retain the information, like a lot better. I just, just like double read the single book. Double read. Yeah. Like, my issue with reading is like, I'll read a page and then I'll be on the third page and it'd be like, oh, fuck, I don't remember a page and a half ago, so I have to go back

and reread it. Well, this is the thing. You can save time. If someone's reading it and you're kind of following along, you're getting it in two ways at once. That's how it feels. So double penetration. Say it. The book is DP. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. But I'm getting gang banged by information. You're getting gang banged by words, dude. And I, and I, but, and that's the thing. And the, and I'm, yeah. Yeah. I'm getting d-ped by this book and the information is sticking. I think I might start picking up reading again.

But like reading like classic pieces of literature. Like I might start reading some, some Shakespeare just to fuck around and, you know, smarten myself up, you know? I don't know how much you're going to get from that. I mean, probably not a lot. But I think. it's a good way to just keep the brain moving. Right. And you will get a lot from learning how to read. See. I fucking read so good. Are you a good reader? I think I'm a great reader. Put something in front of me. Watch how good I read it.

Look up a random, random set of words. No, you fucking did this. Now I'm pissed. Look up a sentence of words and I'm gonna read it so goddamn well. A sentence of words? Yeah, that already were at a hot start here. He didn't say he was a writer. He's a reader. I'm a good reader, dude. Are you a reader louder? Any sentence you pull up, I'll read it fucking perfectly. Not a sentence.

We need something here. All right, just read that. I mean, I can't see that. That's fair. Frank's blind. We've got to pull this in. No, we need more. We need more.

All right. How much am I reading? Just this first. I don't even know what this is, but this first thing. Go. Okay. Strange Bedfellows lamented the title of a recent letter to museum news in which a certain Harriet Sherman excoriated the National Gallery of Art in Washington for its handling of tickets to the much Ballyhooed Van Gose Van Gose exhibit.

Honestly? You can stop. You got it. That's crazy. But you hit Ballyhood. That was crazy. I didn't even know they were going to throw three of those kind of words at you. I mean, I saw excoriated at what I got through that.

I was like, I'm coasted. Do you even know what that word is? I don't know what that is. Is like when you like attack something or like tear it apart. I was impressed with the Ballyhooed. Yeah. The much Ballyhooed.

All right. Give Joey another one of those, the second one, Joey do. Or the third one. The last one, that's about the same length. Come on, Joey.

Let's text out. Let's see your good... The last one. All right now. Go, Joey. What am I doing? Read that. Ethical appeals,

notwithstanding great art with increasingly devolve into big business. Does that business? Oh, no, business. Firstly, great art can only be certified. by its market value.

Moreover, the world at large hasn't the... Why am I sounding like I'm on the news? I love those people. Moreover, the world at large hasn't the means of acquisition.

Only one museum currently has the funding to contend for the best pieces. The J. Paul Getty Museum founded by the billionaire oil man. The art may disappear into private hands,

but its transfer will disseminate one static fortunes into the hands of various investors collectists. Occasionally the artist. He's,

We have a better reader amongst us. There's been better. But I think that... Sorry. Back to the pizza shop. I'm just good at reading, dude. You're a good reader. I thank you so much.

I do love those TikToks that are just like pretend to like follow along like you're a newscaster. And it's like tonight at nine, you know. That's tough. I think we would be good newscasters. Hey, news. Are you watching? No, I'm not. I'm not good at that. Well, you've been saying that you've been applying for jobs with Fox News.

Why don't you just show them what you could do? Well, that was good. You know it. Good. Who side are you on? Now I'm confused. I don't even know who's side. Oh, wait. Can we quickly do the 612, 1824? Sure. 612, 1824.

You have to do. So wait, keep those numbers in mind. And it's jerks. Or rubs. Oh, like jerking off. Yeah. Gotcha. Oh, you.

Donuts, beers, and miles. So how many of those you do in a 24-hour period? You have to assign one of those to 6, 12, 18, and 24. Oh, my God. Yeah. Let me write this down. So it's donuts, beers, masturbations. Yeah.

And Miles? Miles, yeah. Holy fuck. I mean, I don't think anyone can crank their fucking hog six times in a day. You'll come out looking like, I mean, if I had to, I would put that one at six. There's no way I'm going at 12. I can't imagine. I can't imagine that even.

Me neither. I think the beers. I probably got up there like three, four times when I was like in like eighth grade. I think the beers would be 24. Now, hear me out. Because 24 donuts is going to kill me quicker than 24 beers. Is it? Probably not.

But I would enjoy one of those significantly more. 24 beers is probably more doable over the course of an entire day than 24 donuts. That would hurt me. Think about it like this. If you drink one beer an hour for an entire day, you technically don't get over the legal limit. So like you're not going to be drunk to the point of like, oh my God. I also would be drinking a beer and like shotgun in a beer and then like not drinking for like a bit. Yeah, drink three in an hour.

Don't drink for three hours. do that again. Yeah, something like that. So that's probably doable. 24 is probably right. So we're going to go jerk six, beer 24. Now we have 12 and 18. And what's left?

Miles and donuts. Miles and donuts. I mean, Miles has to be 18. What? I was going to say half marathon. And then what am I saying? Donuts? Oh, fuck.

12 donuts is probably not hard. Over the course of a day. Brother. I think just the thought of eating that much of anything in a day. You'd rather run 18 miles? Who said run, brother? I can walk while I eat these donuts and drink. I can walk the whole day.

Start to front. Face to ass. Start to front. That's the same spot. Not if you're starting to back. Yeah. Start to front. I think that if you walk at a rate of three miles per hour and you walk that's walking for six hours straight,

you can do that, dude. Okay. You could, I mean, it's gonna be tough, don't get me wrong, but you could definitely do that. I guess you could walk and chug beers. Don't you think jerks gotta go in the 12 or 18? Dude, your penis would be mush. What is wrong with your fucking, dude. Your penis would just like...

It would look, your dick would look like the... Where's my chocolate lady from... Yeah, dude. It looked like someone crocheted it. I think you gotta put it in the 12. 12? What would go six then? You could do 12.

Maybe donuts? Six donuts? 18 miles. Brother, six donuts. Let's make it hard. I can eat six donuts easy. Right. But you can't j at 12 times.

Correct. Yeah. So that makes it hard. Oh, fuck you. Yeah. That was disgusting. He said the question. I think 12 Js.

And then six donuts, 18 miles, 24 years. Brother, I don't. No shot. I can't imagine. Twelve Jays is wild. You wouldn't be able to breathe. How are you? Yeah, how is he going to be?

He's an orotic of fixiation. Never going to say that. Never going to get that right on the first try. I don't, I mean, I think that, I think the 24 has to be beers. I think the 18 is miles. I'm aligned. I'm aligned. I think the 12 is donuts.

Yeah. You know, because you can bang out three donuts. Is this a bad day also? Like, am I not enjoying this day? This sounds awesome. It's been an interesting Santa Dino's video. This sounds miserable. I mean, I think that part of the day would be fantastic.

I think once you get into the wee hours, we're going to have some trouble. Yeah, no, this sounds awful just because you're going to, bro, you're going to feel like shit. You're drinking. Yeah. All day, the only thing, presumably, the only thing you're consuming is donuts and beer. That's why I want to bring it down to six donuts. Dude, a couple donuts, a couple jays, a couple beers in the beginning of the day. Yeah, we're off to a hot start there.

That's a good day. It's a good morning. And then you go jog some mild. That sounds miserable. I think I've an easier time. A beer and a donut? Yeah, that doesn't sound like a good combination. It doesn't be combined.

Frank, what are you talking about? Last Memorial Day, you had like 13 beers. You had 11 hot dogs. Oh, that's a better combination than beers and donuts. Beers and hot dogs are beers and donuts. I'm not done. I need to defend this. Espresso martini. Stop what you're doing. Taco Bell probably. Two burgers. It was a couple burgers. I'm not, I'm not sitting here and saying that I don't have the capacity to do it.

What are we talking about? Why were we talking about something you ate recently? Oh, when I went to Jersey Freeze with the kids and Becca. I ate everyone's food. Listen, I acknowledge that I, I don't know is not even food. It's butter and dough and sugar How many donuts are you guys eating? 12. I'm saying 12. I think that'll ruin your day more than the other things.

12 J's? I wouldn't, I can't imagine your dick working after. Yeah, I don't think it'd happen. I don't think I could. It would be tough. It would hurt. Sure, there's a little bit of pain maybe. But I think Joe eating 12 hot dogs would give them

some hurt too. Wait, hot dogs are in here? No, no, no. Donuts. Oh, okay. I'll say no. All right. What if it's not donuts?

It's hot dogs. 24 hot dogs. No, realistically, in a 24-hour period, I can eat 12 hot dogs. I could do that in 24 hours. I would not be happy, nor would I, it would be easy. We still need to do the, the, the, um, pigs in a blanket. How many we can eat in one episode? We didn't, we didn't do that.

We talked about it. Just a max amount. Dude, I could fucking ruin some pig. in a blanket. Like, I don't know what it is about them, but like just that combination. How many you think you could eat in an hour? If you were like paid per, you know what I mean? How much are we getting paid per? Now we're talking, now aunt perked up. You saw that? He was like, oh, well, whatever, whatever. It's a thousand dollars per. Tax free? Yeah. Ooh, a thousand dollars per hold on. Yeah. $1,000 per pig and a blanket and it's whatever I can eat in one hour.

Yeah. And I can't throw it up. Uh, no. For how long after that hour? Just the hour. So as long as I don't throw up, it could be an hour in one second, I throw up, I'm good. Yeah. I think realistically I can eat 32.

32? Yes. I thought that number... Is that number? I thought that was going to be way higher. I think I could eat 32. Really? 32?

I feel like when I'm at... I feel like when I'm at somewhere that has them, I eat like over 10. All right. You have to eat one every two minutes essentially at that rate. This is very simple. Which I don't even think. I think that's harder to do.

If I have to stop myself and eat one every two minutes, we should do the power hour. This is a very easy thing. You could get 50. Do you think so? I believe in you. I feel like you're thinking of it like popcorn when you should think of it like, you know. Oh, you're thinking of it like a dirty bastard.

Yeah. You got to eat dirty. You got to get dirty. No, dude, you got to respect the blanket. This is $1,000 a dog maybe. And we're also dipping it. Yeah. So how much ketchup do you end up having, too?

Yeah. And I also sprinkle a little sourcrow on it. Do you? Yeah, I like to. Why not? Wow. Treat it like a full dog. So what if you did just put it in a bowl and like mix that all in like a salad?

And then you were just shoving it like a pig. Yeah, that sounds incredible. That sounds honestly really, really yummy. There's just ketchup and sourcrow. I wouldn't, I wouldn't be able to do. Like at a certain point the ketchup needs to fucking chill. I agree, yeah. Like, because then you'll just, then you'll fill up on ketchup.

So if we're doing this, I'm doing this no ketchup because I'm saving as much room. You know, if there is, hold on, listen, I follow my math here. Okay. If there is. My God, the Fourth of July episode is going to go insane. If there is a fifth of a pig in a blanket amount of ketchup per pig in a blanket, five of them would be an extra pig in a blanket. So 10 of them would be two.

15 would be three 20 would be four What am I supposed to know What that it means? They get what I'm saying So that's Potentially 10 extra pigs in a blanket That I'm missing out and if I do ketchup on every single one

Oh okay So I think if we do this no ketchup Maybe one just like you'll have a dipping You can dip or not dip it's up to you You're saying the ketchup would take up dog space Correct got it Correct locked in 100 per dog

100 per how many how much money you walking away with 5 Gs 4 Gs 3 Gs I think just to be safe I would say 3,500 I think I can with confidence

if it was just like a Am I bugging? I feel like in an app The time will get you The quantity sure doesn't sound like a lot The time will get you Brother

You think about it If I'm eating 7 in like No time No time. Yes. But then your brain catches up eventually. Like, then your brain is going to be like, oh, should, I just hate seven doggies? Oh, what am I talking about?

No. You could definitely get 50. You could definitely get 50. I'm like, am I crazy? No, I'm thinking about it. 30 is probably a lot, but not when I'm going for it. I think, I think collectively we can easily do 60. Also, you said 30.

Like, oh, yeah, yeah. 60 collectively would be insane. No, no. between me and you. I'm not choosing him because I'm still mad at him. What if it's the, like, two people, so you're competing with someone, and to get the money, you also have to eat more than the other person. Who is it against? I have an idea. I have an idea. When we surpass 40,000 patrons, we each get a plate.

A 40. Of what? A 40 pigs in a blanket. We each do that, right? And for each one we eat, we'll donate the money to something. But we have to figure out what the amount is per. I don't think that's for me to figure. Well, I think if we're doing 40 for 40,000 patrons. 40 each, 40, 40, 40, 40, 40. Yeah, but we would have to finish all of them.

It's only the ones that we finish. Yeah, so it would be whatever we finish times. I don't want to. This is crazy. I don't even know if I want to eat 40 pigs in a line. And is there a hot dog charity? Now it's for charity. Now's for charity, so if you don't eat it.

Is there a hot dog charity? Listen to the words you say. Charity. Wouldn't it go to the, like, animals or something then? Like, that's what would have a hot dog charity would be? Hot dog cherries. I'm not saying that's where it's going. I'm just saying that sounds closest to a hot dog, like a dog charity.

Yep. So first thing that popped up. What? You're twisting your head like a German Shepherd. I'm sorry. There is apparently a charity called Hot Dogs That Help. Hot dogs that help incorporate It makes fundraising simple and profitable

We partner with schools A full free plug by the way Also we're not a school They sell their signature hot dogs And fresh squeezed lemonade Goals to keep the profit to fund what matters Oh lemonade, hell yeah I can't even tell you the last time I had a lemonade

That sounds fantastic But if some toddler was selling it on the side of the road I'm getting it You know what I see videos of sometimes People make lemonade and this girl There's like girls working there and they have these machines where they, like, cut a lemon in half, and they put it in like a little mini bucket,

then they throw sugar in there, and then they put the lemonade in, and they shake it up. And I'm like, that probably will put me in the hospital, but it probably tastes good. Yeah. These look like good fucking hot dogs. Yeah, they do. It's a good-looking dog.

So between the three of us, we assign a number. It's 120 hot mini-weeneyes. Hot mini-weeneyes? If it's 40-40-40. Don't call them hot mini-weenies, by the way. They're pigs in a blanket. What? Did I say hot?

You said hot mini-weenies. What am I saying? Did I say that? Yes, you did. Run the fucking tape back. We don't have. We don't have a curse. That wasn't the first time I heard it.

Mini-weenies, for sure. I said that. I don't know if I called them hot. I don't think I attributed any attractiveness. Well, I was thinking more like temperature. Oh. Yeah. Well, see, now it sounds like you did attribute it intractiveness to them.

All right. So what? 100 a mini weenie that would be that'd be a lot that'd be a lot six geez or something that's not that's yeah doing math for 40 yeah you're locking that one in do I want to eat all that hot dogs that's 12,000 by the way is it 100 times 120 that's a lot I don't think I don't think you'll be able to finish as much as you're that's true that's also assuming we all eat them all that's true yeah I don't think there is a reality. We should do it. I like that idea. What about if we do 40 each? Like

40, 40, we keep it all 40. That's what? That's what we said. No, I mean like 40 dollars per dog. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. That's cute. That's cute. Like 40 for 40. It was more and now it's less. Well, I'm trying to be like realistic in a. Yeah, I know, I know. I'm down. I'll eat for charity. Oh, I'll eat hot dogs for anything. Okay. Also for charity. Well, there you go. 40,000 patrons If we surpass 40,000 And we get to 41 Then we'll make it

We'll do 50 Like every thousand will go up a 50 If it does, I don't know I don't if there's gonna be a rush I doubt it But oh you mean by the time we Yeah I don't think people are gonna see this and go We fucking cheese

I thought you were saying We're gonna do this for every thousand Oh no that's not what I'm saying How many hot dogs can one person eat Oh it's mini we get that many fucking many hot dogs Dude they come and copy Costco packs of like 50. We'll be good. We'll be good. All right. Well, I like that.

We're going to flush that idea out, but like 40,000. We'll make it happen, all right? Anyway, Frank, where can they find you? You know, I was almost going to say chomping on weaners, but I... Chomping on little weaners. I didn't. I don't know. Patreon.com slash a basement area. The Frank Alvers everywhere. check it out. He took up a lot of my time.

What's up? I think he took up a lot of my time there. Where can they find you, Ann? Find me at Aunt Priscoe on Instagram. Wow. You let him get it? You let him slide in there? Nice guy.

Go follow the show at the basement yard on TikTok and Instagram, and that is all. See you guys next time.