The Basement Yard - #546 - Protect Punch The Monkey At All Costs

Episode Date: March 16, 2026

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Welcome back to the basement yard. Oh, you get a little red. Big red today. I don't really wear red that often, but I feel like it's a red day. It's a red day. It works for you. I think it works. You got a little red on. I got a little red on.

You're always promoting on this show. I haven't said anything. I haven't done anything. You went like this. I was pointing at the red. He's a promoter. I was pointing at the red. You know, like.

That's strike one, I think, right? Yeah, yeah. Could we agree on that? We'll see what happens if he strikes out this episode. Big Red, like one of your favorite sticks of gum? Yeah, I like it. I mean, you were a hot tamales whore, dude. I was a hot tamales whore.

You would sit and spin for hot tamales. I would. I would throw a couple in there. You know what people say sit and spin? You know what I did the other day? You sat and spun. Nope. But do you remember this?

Like, Nicole had no idea what I was talking about, but I was like, sit on it and rotate. Do you remember that? What? No. Sorry, brother. I know sit and spin. I don't want to do it to you, but sit and spin.

Oh, I've heard sit and spin. I also heard this was the Chinese middle finger. Remember that? I thought this was the Chinese middle finger. One of them. I think this is made up. But you don't remember someone giving you the finger being like, sit on it and rotate. I mean, rotates more sexual than spin.

Well, that's the point. Because there's like rolling to it. You know what I mean? I think rotating is. rotating is slower than spinning. Spinning's like, I mean, demonic. I guess in demonic.

I'm thinking of like the, the, what's her name, the exorcist. Was she spinning? Her head spun. Her head spun. Technically it rotated, though. Yeah. And there's a difference between revolving. Revolving goes around, rotating spins on an axis.

Before I, you know, get into the physics of that, a revolving door to me is so stupid. I kind of love revolving doors. They're like little like, it's like a fun way to enter and leave a building. You know what? It is fun, but I feel like it just slows everything up.

I, well, because like, they've never, they have not perfected the speed at which you go through a revolving door. It should be a little quicker. Like you need, like I always feel like I can rush through this thing,

but then I, it stops me. There's like, I'm like this. Oh, that's what you do? I'm at like a jog. I hate the self-revolving doors like at the airport.

Bro, I don't like those. One mile an hour spin! Because like I stop and then I take two steps. And then I have to stop and take two steps. And then like as soon as it opens, I like sneak through it. Like give me the fuck out of here. Also, automatic doors open earlier. I am like two inches from this door and it's still close. Vemently disagree. I think automatic doors, like double doors. Not like, uh, single automatic doors.

Like the double where you can use the force and open them, I think those are peak design. You stick your hand out? Still to this day. Oh. It's all right. We'll blur it. It's all right. Believe it or not.

Believe it or not, a lot of people aren't as upset about that as you'd think nowadays. Jesus Christ. Morbid Frank. That's some political commentary for you guys. Bang. No, but like still to this day I'll walk up and like by myself, not with the kids. I'll walk up and I'll just be like, open. No, I don't do it like that.

I go, oh my God, you're such a nerd. Do you want a fun fact about revolving doors? It's not that fun. Go ahead. Well, now, now it, hold on, now it better be so fun. So it's not for speed of entry or anything like that. It's to prevent outside air and noise and dirt from entering the building. It's because, you know, how you open a door and you get a draft?

I feel like, if anything, that does the opposite, because it takes big gulps of outside air. Because, like, once that door comes in, it's like, that's kind of true. And then it, and it's making that sound. It's like, it shums it. Yeah, it does. And I don't think that there's got to be a slur in German. Yeah. Sorry, guys.

Do one more time? No, I don't want to upset the Germans. Remember what happened last time? Oh, God, yeah, that was tough. I need to hear it to be able to check. So you want to do one more time? No, no, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.

I don't think those things are, like, well ventilated either. Like, there is a, depending on the size of this, like, revolving door, you get in, and you're like hot boxing, steam and fucking musk. Also, they should be bigger. I'm in a little tiny triangle pizza in here, and I'm stuck. You know what I mean? I don't like it. Yeah, I agree. And if the person in front of you, bro, have you ever been, I almost broke my nose in a revolving door once.

I just stopped on you? Because a woman in front of me, I guess she, I don't know what she was doing, but she, like, ran into the door and it stopped the whole mechanism. And I kept going. Well, yeah, there's, like, certain ones, like, the ones at the mall, not the mall, excuse me, the airport, where, like, if you touch it, it'll just, like, seize up. It jams, yeah. And stop everything. I don't like that. I think that the theory, like the belief or the logic or the concept, if you say one more, or the, I'm going to wrap the phone wire around your neck.

Of a revolving door is there. It's great. Execution has been missing something. You know what I do like? You know when some doors have a pad outside and when you step on the pad it opens? Where's this guy going A billionaire building are us? It's pretty rare I don't think I've ever The only time I've seen that is like during Halloween Where it'll have like a jump scare activated like welcome mat

And they'll say like And if you dare And you step on it and a fucking like Pops out at you I feel like I don't even know if that's true But I feel like that is like if I could step on a mat What's the last time you went to like a spirit Halloween Or one of those stores?

Ooh I haven't been to a spirit Halloween a long time because I order my costumes online. No, I went to a party city. Does that count? I mean, Party City in the 90s was the coolest place to be during Halloween. Do you remember going and seeing all those masks and being like, Bill Clinton, a werewolf? Ronald Reagan.

Ronald Reagan. It the clown. Love it here. Now it's Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton. It's all the people. Yeah, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, which I wouldn't. Yeah, I don't think we're allowed to wear that. Yeah, I wouldn't.

But yeah, those are very interesting. But you, so go to like a Spirit Halloween. Like headquarters is in New Jersey. It's open year round. I haven't been to that one, but apparently it's like an amusement park for like, you can go to the HQ? Yeah, you can go to the Spirit Halloween HQ and it's like crazy shit. What do they do all year round?

Well, they're developing and creating and designing. Yeah. Mario Luigi and a slutty nun. Well, it's not just the costumes because those are market, those are like third party that they have to get the license for, but like their own decorations and animatronics and stuff like that. Oh, yeah. And also like the ones that they can't get the licensing for.

So like they won't get from Netflix, K-pop demon hunters, but it'll be like Korean pop star bad guy getters. Yeah, yeah. And they'll look exactly. Mario and Luigi, it's Plummer. And then it's Plummer's brother. And it's put it they look like.

Really? Yeah. Yeah, I mean. You got to go. Those places are cool because like some of those animatronics are pretty intense, dude. like they're like hundreds if not thousands of dollars and people just put them on their front lawn to get you know eggs thrown at them and shit like that some people there's there's a house in Astoria that like sometimes when I go to my mom's and I'll drive home it's on like 21st Street and like right by

the Astoria projects there's someone that has like not even like a big front lawn but it's like an older house so it has a yard and they have a I'm not kidding it's got to be 20 feet tall skeleton. Yeah. It's massive. And there's another thing. I don't remember what it was. But I'm like,

where do they put that in the off season? I have no. I mean, I'm sure it comes apart and folds and stuff like that because they're, they're just, it looks like bones. I don't think it's like blown up.

It looks like no. Well, yeah, yeah. I know which one you're talking about. They're huge. There was one I remember I would see all the time that they put a Donovan McNab jersey on it. I was like, okay. That's so random.

Yeah. But they're, they're fucking huge. And now they do it where, where it's like, bro, I remember there was one guy that I had seen once taking the kids truck a treating that had like a 30 foot, like, tall, like, evil pumpkin skeleton thing. And I'm like, yo, that's got to be hundreds of dollars. And it wasn't a big house. It was like a little ranch. Like that's, that's a lot of fucking shit that have to store. Or like a Jack Skellington,

Jack Skelton? John, come on. It's a Jack Skelaton? No. Jack Skelton? No. I think you had it. Don't, don't. I think you had it the first time. Jack Skelton. Oh, Jack Skelington. There it is. John Skelton. I'm thinking of. the quarterback. You remember him? John Skelton? Wasn't it his name? John Skelton?

He played for the Cardinals or something. I don't remember. I'll try. That was. I don't know. But yeah, dude, go into a spirit of Halloween. Just play around a little bit.

I mean, there's not around me. There's one that opens up, like, in October in, like, Williamsburg. So I haven't been in there, though. Just give it a gander. Go in there. It's kind of a cool thing they got where it's like, we don't, we close down stores, but then we're back when it's time. You know?

Yeah. Yeah. And bro, they get them shits up quick. Like, they'll be like Spirit Halloween coming in a week and then it's the most insane places up.

Yeah. It's crazy. Do they have big bowls of like loose candy? Because I enjoy that about Party City. It's like here's, it's 25 cents and it's just like a giant bowl of like wrapped. Oh, I don't know.

But like, they have the one that I, I never got it, but I thought about getting it one year. It's like a bowl and it's meant to be a candy bowl, but it has a motion sensor in it. And like you put, you go together.

Get it and like a creepy hand like grabs your hand or some shit like that. Yeah. I love creepy stuff. For Christmas one year, I had this a prank box. You would love it. Oh, I know which ones you're talking about. And you pull it and it looks like a spider. Oh, I don't know that one.

It's like, it just looks like a box and I gave it to my mom. My mom cries anytime you get her anything. So as she started crying, I was like, oh my God, this is going to be so good. And then I was like, oh my God, what if she has a heart attack? Like immediately that's where my head went. Yeah. And we gave her this little box. and then she slides it,

and then it looks like a, it comes out fast. And a spider, and she screamed. And I was like, all right, she's good. She's a lot.

I learned about prank's gifts after I broke my grandmother's finger with a, a gum mouse trap. It was one of those. Did you ever see those? I've seen them. You pull the gum and it snapped,

and it broke my grandmother's finger. Did it break it immediately? Like, was it like crush in there? Like, gross? It was a 78-year-old woman's finger. Yeah. It was broken. for fucking eight years at that point probably.

But I'll tell you this. Did it turn black? Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah, of course it did. Bruised up. Yeah, it wasn't great. Imagine thinking you're going to have a lovely piece of gum,

and then that results in a broken finger. Well, imagine being 80 and thinking you're safe from that, too, which is a fair assumption. Yeah, like that age group is like, we made it through a world war, the Korean War, Vietnam. I'm in my golden years. I'm enjoying my time with my grandkids. Here comes my incredible grandson.

This little piece of shit. Grandma, take a pitha juthy fruit. It just fucking slaps her. Polverizes her fucking poor index finger. Did she scream? Yeah, you got in trouble. Probably. Your mom was Bart.

I know that she did. I don't remember it. Oh, my God. That's so funny. But to bring it back to what you were saying, I don't remember sit and rot. tape. Oh wow, that's how this started. Yeah, I don't remember that. I do remember

read between the lines. Do you remember that one? Yeah. Read between the lines. You didn't have any cool? I didn't have that one. How did you tell people to go fuck themselves if you were young and couldn't curse? Oh, he's probably Big Balls, remember? He'd be like, I just said it and they didn't do anything. What it is? Yeah. No, it was just the finger.

Do you remember? Yo, you just awakened a fucking Like, I forgot about this. grabbing my dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you remember when people as like a fuck you would just grab their dick at them?

Yeah. What the fuck was it? Hey, hey. They'd be like this. They'd go, hey, yo, oh. Yeah. Suck it. You just unlock it from me.

You remember that? The dicks are unlocking thoughts. There was one time we were in front of a diner and it was just me and my friend, and this jogger was running by, just grazed one of my friends, screamed, turned around, and did that. It's like, we're children.

Yeah, like, it was such a thing. Like, it was like, hold my dick. Remember, Marshawn Lynch did it when he scored that Beast Mode touchdown? He, like, jumped and he, like, held his dick, like, yeah. That's a weird, like, let's break that. Bring it down? Oh, I thought you said, let's bring it back. No, that's weird.

Like, I got you, hold my dick. Yeah. Huh? It's an interesting, uh, it felt right when Marshawn did it, though. He earned, he earned it because his dick was, that run is crazy. Yeah. Crazy. It's one of those things that like, it's like a diss that you don't fully understand.

I remember there was one time, I don't know if you were there, but I know like Dominic was there. And we're sitting outside of PS2 and it's at night. We're young. We're like, I don't know, 13, 14 or something like that. And this car pulls up and this girl rolls down the window. And she goes, she's clearly drunk and she goes, you're a hoss, you're a horse, and you're a horse. You're a horse? You're a horse and then and then Dominic just goes thank you

And she drove away and I was like what just happened right now? I don't understand you're a horse You're a horse and you're a horse I don't remember a horse being a diss dude I have no idea. I was so confused I was like what the fuck does that mean such a weird one I also I I now get it but like even still this Like up yours Yeah like it that just seemed too aggressive for what you're saying like hey buddy I think it's like an ultimate middle finger or something no it's like it's like shove it up your ass yeah blow it out your ass no that would be a different one shove it up so I

think your ass is your hand that's slapping your bicep oh and then and then this is we I but that one I don't remember as much oh we what like where do these things come from what was like the diss when you kids were in school I don't know. Like, I don't know. All right. I don't, I don't know. I can't remember.

I don't know. Like, you know, you know what I was thinking about this morning? Oh, boy, this would be good. I was just going to say that, like, when you're young and you're a group of white people, balls are, like, a big part of that. You know what I mean? Like, it's a weird sentence to say. Thank you.

But, like, people are constantly pulling their balls out. Dude. Check the time. And it's like your balls are on your wrist. Yes. Like, I can't tell you how many, how many of my friends put their balls on their wrists and say, you know, what time is it? And I'm like, and now I'm looking at their balls.

And I'm like, why am I looking at balls? Yeah. Dude, thank you for saying that because as, as a, you know, a film lover, a lover of film, a cinephile, as people may call me, as I just got done watching all the jackass content. Like, all that stuff. Like, I look at it and remember, like, I see it now. I'm just like, yeah, that's kind of crazy that like, you're pulling your boy's balls out to like, so he could pee. Well, that is crazy.

Wait, wait, what? What is crazy? Wait, wait, what are you talking about? There's one part where like, uh, Ryan Dunn pulls, like, Bam is wearing a fat suit and he like pulls his stuff out so he could pee. I agree that's crazy. Oh, we didn't do that. I know we didn't do that. I know we didn't do that. I know we didn't do that.

I know we didn't do that. But I'm saying like, it was a thing for like teenage boys. You just be like, here are my balls. I just tricked you into the look. looking at my balls. And you're gay for doing it. For looking at my ball. Not me, the one that wants you to look. Wants you. And also, logic stands to reason that if you did the whole, like, got you to look at my balls thing, there were times where they didn't, and then you were just sitting there with your balls on your wrist.

Your balls on your wrist. Did you guys show each other with balls? I saw a lot of balls. Well, he didn't show his. That would be like giving a free ticket to Disneyland. It's like, look at these balls. There was one time where my friend was and he was peeing in the cold outside, and he couldn't get the dick and balls back in his pants

because he was just stumbling. And his girlfriend came, fully grabbed them all and put him back in his pants. And to me, I felt like that was love. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you have a very flawed view of it. But also, what do you mean he was stumbling?

Was he on ice skates? Yeah. It was like winter and it was cold, and he was just drunk and he couldn't get it back in, his pants. So he was sober enough to pee, standing, but he wasn't sober enough to just... The jeans caught under the balls, and once that happens, it's... What are you going to do?

Very simply, yeah. He couldn't do it. He couldn't do it, but there was someone there to help. I think he was just looking for an excuse to get his girlfriend in touch his. No, he didn't say anything. We were trying, we were all like, please put it away, like, and he just couldn't. Oh, he was just standing around with his whole thing out? He was stumbling.

And he was like, yeah, I can't figure it out. I was so confusing. Yep. I don't know, that sounds a little fishy to me. I'm in. But, yes, I saw it. Balls was a big part of, like, your childhood.

Growing up with your boys. God, that's just disgusting. It is gross, but like, there's a certain dynamic that, like, large male friend groups have that, like, to the outside world and once you say it, like, out loud when you're older, it's like, what the fuck?

Yeah, I don't know. But, like, that's what it was. What a time. What a time to be alive. What a time. Honestly, insane. And then Joey would show his balls and ask people to sit and rotate on them.

No, sit on my balls. Have you ever accidentally sat on your balls? Dude, I sat on my balls. I've only sat on my balls like twice in my life. So much, dude. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure. Big balls over there. I'm not even going to ask you.

You're probably sitting on them right now. It hurts. But I sat on my balls one time. It must have been just humid out. And they were like, you know, your balls are like, yeah, we're getting down here. I mean, just like there are good and bad hair days. You got good and bad dick days. Dick and bald days.

Yeah. And I mean, there have been, you know, there have been times where they're, They're just a rowdy group and they just want to get out and chill a little bit. They're like off leash. They're off leash. I think that's the exact way to put it. Yeah, I sat on it and it just like, man, that just hurts so bad. It's like someone takes a thumb and like puts it right into a bruise.

Do you remember the thing that people would do where they would kick their leg out and clap their balls against their thigh? And it would be like, kutk. Wait, what? You don't remember that? Kick their leg out. Yeah, there was like a thing. My cousin used to do it. I gave a picture.

My cousin used to do it, and it was like, he would, like, kick his leg out to the side, like, that. And, like, I guess the... He was like a pendulum? I'm not a physicist. This guy's built, like, a grandfather cloth? Yeah, he is. And it, like, would smack his balls against his thigh, and it would, like, make a, like, a clapping noise. And he would do it all the time?

Yeah, and it was, like, a thing that he could do. I almost dropped his name, but I didn't. Could you do it? No. Is it one of these things? because I can't do that. Yeah, I can do that. But that's what it sounded like.

But, like, not like repeatedly, but it would be like, yo. That feels disrespectful. Yo. Yeah, dude. And I remember just be like, that's pretty cool. Can you do that? I can't. I know what you're talking about.

I can't. I can do it with this hand, not this hand. Can you show me? So you, like, limp your, your forefinger and you grab, you know. Do I grab hard? You too sweet it? You can. Actually, no, it's probably a softer.

And then you just kind of. I can't. I can't do it with this one. How can you not do it with it? I don't know. Have you ever broken that finger? No, I've jammed both my ring fingers, but... The only reason...

The only reason I learned how to do that was because I went to college with a bunch of kids that did dip. Yeah. Like chaw, whatever. And I would make fun of them. And in making fun of them, I was able to do it. I was able to do it. Because they would have the, like, oh, I thought it was... there, but, like, they have that, like, tin.

Yeah. And they would... Oh, fuck! You gotta do it with Altoids. And then they would just fucking... No, because that rings around. Like, the tobacco doesn't. And then they would just be like, I'm ripping a fat fucking gagger right now.

That's what they'd call it. That's a tough sentence. And they would sit... Oh, God, it was so gross. Sit there and spit in a cup. They'd sit there with a cup and a paper towel crumbled at the bottom of it. And they would... I don't like that at all.

I mean... To be fair, you spit into a cup, too. Sunflower seeds, baby. Yeah. Better than, I'm also not spinning like, it is better. It's not health-wise, yes, but also, like, they're just spitting spit. Like, my spitting sunflower seeds is just the shell. Like, there's a little bit of moisture on there.

Do you ever pack lips? I did not, no. Fat chaws? No, but it's hard to, cheek me chaw-me. It's hard to sound cool calling them gaggers. Yeah. Especially in, like, 2012, where. You know what I could use right now?

The gaggers. I need a pack a lip. Just a giant fucking chaw-fat gagger. Isn't it like you swallow, you throw up? You get very sick, yeah. Because you're swallowing like, just like flavored tobacco. Yeah. I would make fun of people by naturally.

I'd put tea bags in there. Did you? Yeah. You like it? It's kind of good. It probably has a similar effect. I can almost guarantee it doesn't Okay

Who was rolling around on the floor laughing that you had tea bags in your mouth Like who was What was that for? I think it was just to make fun of them I also don't remember this It was in college It was when I was in college

It happened at another school People you never met, you know Oh yeah You know Oh, your old girlfriend Yeah from Canada You know, goes through another school Yeah

Yeah no but those I remember those people Like those New England boys thought they were from Alabama and they were packing lips. Packing lips and sucking tits. That's college, baby. Maybe, I guess. Sucking boobs and showing your balls of dudes.

Gaggers. Don't write gaggers. I'm writing my notes. Don't write. Just do it. You know what, on that note. We do have some sponsors. The first one being Squarespace.

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Thank you guys, seriously, for all the love and all the support. We love you. We thank you. We're ready to give you more of us in a good way, I think. We're ready to give you more of us. More content. That's kind of like when you're like losing your virginity. It's like, you know, I think I'm ready to give you more. more of me.

I don't know if that's my line. What's that, Joey? I'm saying that's not my line. Whose line is it? Oh, like, whose line is it anyway? In the heterosexual sexual encounter. Yes.

It's the female one who would be like, you know what? Sometimes hearing flirting, even though you see it's working, it's a little tough to hear from the outside. Hearing flirting is tough. It's tough. I don't admire, like, not admire, I do admire. I don't, like, I can't, like, I can't imagine. imagine people that have to like write romantic movies.

Oh. Because like there's like the intimacy that you have to like things that you say or do might not translate well to like the written word. Does that make sense? I get how you're saying like, I'm ready to give you more of me. Like if you heard that, you might be like sick. I mean, if I'm in the moment, you could say whatever. Yeah? Not whatever.

I mean, I don't know why I'm asking like I'm going to try it. Yeah. Yeah, bro. You said that like you're about to test me. Yeah. Yeah? How about this? No, I don't know.

But do you, have you ever been out at a restaurant or a bar and you, you can hear that someone's on a first date? Yes. And you're kind of like, I don't even like you're, I'm sitting across from you, but I don't even care. I'm listening to this. And I love playing the game of, oh, that worked. Oh, that didn't. Yeah. I love that.

Is this going well or not going well? A hundred percent. I become like a relationship guru. Witnessing another person on a first date and just be like, oh, look at the Biden language. Yeah. Yeah. You know. She's not into it.

She's not into it. Oh, ordered the lobster. Okay. Maybe she's back in. All right. It's like, who's going to pay? I'm never around for the check.

But I do like listening to conversations. I hate going to a restaurant. Well, I kind of love and hate it. But if I go to a restaurant and they put people right here, like when it's very close, I feel like now I've got to whisper my conversation. Yeah. You know, like I hate that.

And there's also a weird part of me that, like, feels like you need to acknowledge the people that are sitting that close to you. Because they're like in your view. Because like, fuck in view, but like they're basically within arm, you know, reach. Yeah, our wienesses are touching. It's a weenie touch. You feel like, I feel like you're a start of like, oh, that looks good. Like that's how you would start that.

I have, I've done that. I have done that and just been like, oh my, you see what they got? Yeah, yeah. You know, like, I would never do like, that right there. It's like, hmm. Yeah, just be like, can I just? What? You know what we should do?

I definitely scope out the food that's arriving at tables. To be like, oh, that's the potatoes. I'll be honest with you. I'm not even just a visual scope or a food. If I hear food come out sizzling, I'm like, what was that? Yeah. Because I know it's a gimmick. Like, they cook it on the thing and then they just put it on a wooden tray and then they send it out.

But like, the sizzle adds a lot to me. So if someone's sitting next to me and I see sizzle on the table, I'm kind of in. Or if you go to a restaurant and it's like they make something next to it. your table. I'm like, I want the show. Give me the show. Oh, you want to pay for the, the... I want to show, show up, make the thing like the head port of the thing. Like table side guac? Yeah, something like that.

Here's the thing that is tough about that though. Every time I've gotten table side guac, it's done by someone that hates doing it. So like they're just like so you turn into like a construction where you're like, oh, smile. Yeah, smile for me.

Give me a smile. This should be better if you shake your head. Well, you did it, sweet I'm giving you a compliment. I'm saying you pretty. Oh, what? So now I can't tell you to look happy? It's just like they like I know what you're saying. The theory of like table side food prepared for you is nice. But they do it with such a puss on their face that like it's not even worth it for me. Now I don't even want this. I also just feel so self-conscious about having conversations. Like if I'm out with Nicole and we're talking about something, especially if it's like, meaningful is not the right word,

but like something that I wouldn't want random people to hear, but they're right there. It's kind of like, no, I'm gonna talk like this and I'm gonna like, you know,

because it's weird. You're right here. You're gonna listen to my shit. Dude, I can name, like definitely there have been like, conversations people are trying to spark and I'm just like,

not here. And I'll be honest with you. I'll be honest with you. I'll be honest with you. Like, it is like more difficult now that like people recognize us when we go places.

So like I don't want something I'm saying to be taken out of context. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? That actually happened to me once where someone thought I was listening to them. What? I told you this. Did you? I won't say who it was or where it was, what it was about, because I don't want to expose anyone or anything. But I was at our old job at the Navy Yard. Oh.

Our old job at Target. Yeah. I was like, where did we work? At the old, the old office. And I was sitting there and there was a celebrity that came by. Oh, right. And I didn't hear any of the. conversation, but they were like, they were there. I was here. And then midway through, like, I like, you said like, hey, by the way, I love it. Big fan. Keep going. Congratulations on the success. And then I kept eating my lunch. And then another like 15 minutes went by and they said, like, hey, um, if you had heard me say anything, you know, please don't like, I don't know if you're

press. And I was like, oh, I didn't hear anything. Don't, don't worry about it. But like, even if I did, I wouldn't say anything. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know, I mean, I guess you gotta worry if you're like an actual celebrity to people being like, I heard so-and-so saying this about blah-b-ba-ba. I mean, there's a whole fucking Perez Hilton and TMZ and page six. Like, that's their whole thing is like gossip columns, right? Meanwhile, I mean, I'm at dinner. Like, all I want to do is talk some shit and eat a Brancino.

That's what I can't do that because you're right here. That's why I got to say the times that I've been to dinners, whether it be like little pizzerias where like, they're like, we got the room in the back. unbelievable. Because you get the experience of being in a restaurant and you get a little bit of privacy. Yeah. Or I like being against the wall. Because it's like, now we can use the wall. I gotta tell you a secret against the wall.

My dad was that guy. My dad was the guy that any restaurant we went into, he asked for the table all the way in the back corner. And he wanted to sit where he could see everything. And I was like, who are you? Yeah. Jason Bourne. You're gonna take everyone out, dad. Who are you, dad?

You're an overweight Colombian that has no fucking work. working knees. You're fine. I just like to see a lay of land. So let me ask you guys, when you go to a restaurant, right, with your counterpart, and it's a booth chair, what are we doing? You want the honest answer? Yeah. I want the booth. You're not supposed to have the booth. I want the booth.

Right. Why do you want the booth? It's just comfortable. For your butt? Yeah, it's just more comfortable. Yeah. And also, I like, Frankie's dad, I like looking out. Okay. But if there's a bunch of people in a row

and all the guys are on one side and all the girls are on one side, I'm not going to be the different one. Sure. So here's the thing. I'm only going to take the booth. Yes, I'm going to offer it first to Becca or whoever I'm having dinner with. But if there's more than one person

in the booth where like if I have to get out, they have to get out, I'm not doing that. I'm taking the chair. Because then you got to bounce. Yeah, yeah. Get out of a boot. There's nothing worse than this. So, so humbling to just be like, I got, guys, got to use the bathroom.

Yeah, you got to bounce out. It sucks. And I'm like shifting my butt. Like, I'm like, what am I doing now? I'll be honest. As a grown man, I am more inclined to go under the table than I am to wiggle my ass through a fucking boot. Frank, if you're, let me give you some advice. If you're at a restaurant and you go under the table,

you better be three years old. You cannot be the age you are and going underneath the table. That would be so much. Can you imagine? Frank being like, I got to go to the bathroom. And just sliding other, and then crawling on the ground through my legs.

I'm telling you right now, if Tim Robinson watches this show, we just gave you one, buddy. That's a layup and a half. It's like, no, no, no, don't get up, don't get up. And just go under the table and they, like, you just like accidentally hit someone's feet and stuff like that. No, I said I'm more inclined to do that, but I'm not going to.

It feels like option one for you. I'll be honest with you. It's option two, which is a problem. I always do the booth because I feel like the, well, I don't get in the booth. I'm saying I offer up the booth because I feel like the chair, you're like in the way of traffic. So I don't want it like you don't get hit in the head with a tray or something I'd rather do that because then if I get hit in the head with a tray or something

I'm getting a free meal a free drink or something You spill a coffee I also don't I also don't know how this is going to sound But be good I feel like the ability to signal a waiter And stuff Doing it from all of them behind you The other person

Never good at it How do you signal a waiter? Be really fucking on it Only when they're in I'm not saying when how Just, oh. Just bang it. Okay. I thought you were going to be like,

no, snapping. If you had snapped at a waiter, you were fired on the spot. And I think I could say that. Snapings, hey, that's crazy. Oh my God, I could never. Oh, my God, I just watched Marty Supreme, and he does that at one point in the movie. Snaps at a waiter?

I was just like, oh, my God. Do you guys see it? You know what I did one time by accident? Who cares? Oh, wait. The answer. No, move. Have I seen it?

Yeah. No. Cool. I, you know what? I did by accident, that's really bad. This could be, I don't know if it's worse, but it's up there. I came out of the elevator in my building, and I was whistling. And then, like, I was, like, getting, as I was whistling, I was also getting the attention

of my doorman, because I was checking to see if we had packages. And I was, and then I, when I got the packages, I was like, oh, my God, does he think that I just whistled at him? They're like, hey, here's packages, right? That's pretty bad. What was the whistle? You got to give us the whistle. Do you remember? No, I mean. I mean, does anyone remember a whistle? I do. Thank you. Dude me up. You remember a whistle?

Yeah. So when I was in R.A., I used to have to do rounds of the building that I was working in. And I would go in the one building in particular, I'd go into the suites, which is like people's living quarters, basically. And I would always whistle, because it had been stuck in my head for some reason, and I loved it. The whistle from Kill Bill. and I would do that and then but like when there's a group of like 18 year old girls watching TV on the couch

and you're whistling walking through it's like what the fuck so I learned very quickly to stop Yeah it's like yeah you Also you just look like a hardo Being like no mind me I'm just doing the rounds I mean that was my job I know that was my job

So like whatever What were you looking for that make sure they weren't doing drugs I mean it's just like you're supposed to do rounds of the building You're supposed to like check the emergency exit It's supposed to make sure, yeah, you don't hear anyone playing beer pong or, like, you know, smoking a doobie in their room. Smoking a fad dupe. Smoking a marijuana cigarette.

Yeah. You know. I have something for you if you want a surprise quick. Oh, yeah. We found a picture of your fridge. Yeah. So this woman went viral because of what her fridge looked like on the first date. What?

Hold on. Oh, that's a woman's fridge. Yeah, that's a woman's fridge. This is interesting now because that looks like it. man's fridge, I'll be honest. Hold on. Man takes photo of woman's fridge on the first date and it's going viral. Be honest. You walk into a woman's house on the first date. You open up the fridge and she's like, I get you a glass of water. You're standing right there. You peer in and you see 500 fucking hot dogs. I mean, there's, I obviously have several questions. Yeah. But I'm not upset about it.

There's two different types of milks if I'm not mistaken. What is that? Yeah, it looks like one is like a creamer. One is like almond milk and the one's a skim. If I see skim in anyone's fridge, I'm fucking never again am I talking to you? I knew you were going to bring that up. There is a whipped cream though, to be fair. There is a whipped cream. It looks like there's two things of, whether that's

sour cream or cottage cheese. Yeah, maybe cottage cheese. This is a disgusting. I'm pumped about that. Disgusting for wham? Because it's not very balanced. It's just all processed meat. Also, unless this is the 4th of July. This is a garage fridge.

That's a garage fridge. That's a garage fridge. Or you're doing like a fundraiser where it's like cook out for the fire department down on Main Street. And it's like come support the local boys and girls in red by having a dog for a dollar. Initial scan and I can only see the front here. That's 34 packs of hot dogs. And if there's more eight, if there's more hot dogs back there. Oh, which you know there is.

Well, we can only go by what we see. I mean, Schrodinger's cat. if we're going 34 times 8. So what's 30 times 8? No, I didn't know that was going to be mad. Right? 4 times 8 is 32. So you got it?

72. I get that right? Sure. In what planet, unless you're trying to feed a wedding, why would you have that? And those are also, it looks like their ballpark, Frank. Those are thick bastards. Yeah, those are my dad's fingers. Those are your dad's fingers.

I'm glad you went with fingers. Yeah. Frankie. Frankie, first date's going. well, you come home, you see this fridge. You want a hot dog? Let's act this out. You'd be the fridge like person. Oh. I'm me. I was like, what would you have me do?

I'm me. Hey, I'm a little thirsty. First of all, we're going back to someone's place for first date. Game over anyway. Yeah, I ain't thirsty. Yeah, I mean, I'm thirsty. I'll put up with the thirst. I'm thirsty, but just not for whatever's in that fridge. You know what I'm saying? For intercourse. For sex. So I want the lady fridge. Yeah.

All right. There's a lot of balls in this for a weekly. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Dementi. Right. All right.

Is that the French way of saying that? Dementi. Hey, I'm a little thirsty. Do you have something I can drink? Yeah. Beer or something. I'm fine. Whatever you got.

I'm easy. I might have a beer. Let me see. Wow. What? Why do you have so many hot dogs? What do you mean? I mean, I love hot dogs

I just like you clearly have an abundance of them What's going on here? That's a lot I mean, you're right A lot of subjective I have a lot of Yeah, I mean, I like hot dogs Do you want a hot dog?

I mean, how, yeah Okay How do you like, you want me to boil water Are you want to microwave it? I'll take it right out of the package, I'm okay You're going to eat it raw? Yeah, I'm raw are you

okay it was getting I was believing it I was believing it I do you eat hot dogs out of the package no could I yes will I probably have you maybe you bastard

I might have I can't with confidence I haven't I definitely have eaten frozen like pizza pockets before though frozen yeah like out of the thing like they're just they're just frozen I was just frozen I was What's pizza pockets?

Pizza pockets? Like a hot pocket? Pizza rolls. You ate frozen. I was, didn't that hurt your teeth? Your little teeth didn't feel good. Don't, don't, don't. No, no, no, don't do that.

Back to the hot dogs. Yeah. I will say this. I will immediately worry about this person's cardio health and their, their cholesterol. I'm worried about their asshole. I mean, I'm not going to jump to be worried about someone's asshole on the first day. Yeah, I'm not worried about the asshole on the first day.

Hey, I'm worried about your fucking. an asshole. Hey, Marissa, I can't help it notice all the hot dogs. I'm worried about your asshole. I'm really just worried about your asshole. I love hot dogs. No one is a bigger hot dog fan than me. I'm just really worried about like what could be going on with your asshole right now. Hey, uh, sorry it's so late. I just, I've been up all night thinking about your asshole and just how it could be in bad shape. Yeah, hey, that was a fun date. Let's do it again sometimes. Is your asshole okay? So many ways to go about that.

I don't hate this. As soon as I open the fridge, I'd have to explain this. You have to explain this. Yeah. Well, I would take out that middle pack. Like the first, the ones in the middle,

the two on top, I'd pull them out and be like, how far does this go? Right. You know what I mean? I would be more impressed at the level of, like, Tetris-like packaging

that this person clearly went through in order to make this all fit. Because this took taking stuff out, putting it back in, in order to make it all fit. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that looks like it's, like, is that the plastic is still on those bottom parts of the fridge?

So, like, they might have, this new fridge. They might have gotten this fridge just to hold the hot dog. Yeah, it's a brand new fridge. My last one couldn't hold all the doggies. That's my hot dog fridge out there. Damn. I kind of love that.

I'm hoping this is a garage fridge. But you wouldn't have creamer in that. Classic, that's a great point. You wouldn't have a half thing of skim milk. You're going out to the garage and drink some milk. Can you imagine? This does have classic, like, we're having a barbecue. Do you have a garage fridge?

Yeah, it's got a new one, actually. What's in there? Like, meats and shit? It looks like this. No, I'll be honest with you, right now, it's mostly beer. Okay. Because, like, we had people over and like, whatever alcohol doesn't get drank, we just put it back in there. Right.

And then the freezer is most, if not all meat and frozen vegetables. Nice. And if we get like a costume, order of like almond milk or something we'll put one in the regular fridge and then the rest will go back in there is it a regular fridge or a dead body fridge regular fridge i don't want i don't like chest i don't like the chest um freezer or chest fridge or anything like that because as someone that had them i think you have a chest freezer like the bottom part of your freezer right oh my actual fridge yeah you put stuff in there and then put stuff on top of it and forget about the stuff on the bottom and it's gone

forever yeah yeah you'll never ever ever ever experience it ever again yeah yeah Ever. You ever play Kill the Garage fridge when you were kids, younger? What? Killed the Garage fridge? Like if your friend had a fridge in the garage filled with drinks, you never played Kill the Fridge? Oh, like just drink at all? Mm-hmm.

No, I've never heard of that. No, but that does sound like a game we would have played. I feel like I was like the only person who had a garage. No. Josh had one. Oh, Josh had a garage. Josh had one. I think.

Who else? It's not how many people had garage. Yeah, we had an alleyway and an abandoned van that we would go drinking. Yeah, we used to live in Frank's van for an afternoon. Yeah. Oh, it was your van? It was our van that we left in the backyard. It was abandoned, and we would just go in there and drink.

What is that? What is, if it's your van, what is abandoned? I was picturing something on the street. How could you abandon something that is yours? Because you don't use it. Feels like neglect more than abandon. What's the difference between neglect and abandon? I guess abandon is like you drop it and then leave it.

I don't think that, yeah, You don't think that you could abandon something like in your own home. You can. You can neglect it. Abandoning is like driving out to the country and leaving it and bouncing. You're probably right. But like... I was picturing a van on the street.

Where did you guys drink when you were younger? One of our friend's house. Oh, wow. Yeah, we all had a friend's house. In the basement. We would hit the park a lot. Park. But then once one of our friends, like, we realize we can just go and drink without any worry whatsoever at one of our friends' houses we would.

Yeah, I mean. There was also someone. house here that was kind of also a party house at times. Me too for certain things. Your basement. Super Bowl. Super Bowl. I'm saying like younger than that. Oh yeah. Like your basement. Younger than the Super Bowl? What?

Like you are like Super Bowl was more in like a college years. But like... Damn, what was the last time you had a keg? Oh my God. I don't know. I'd like to do a keg stay. Wait, we did a keg for your birthday, didn't we? Or someone's birthday? At your house. Am I making that up? Not my house. I think Danny had one. because they had like people over for a party where I swore you had a keg

You know why I remember? No, Danny and my sister had one Because my dad They set the keg up and everything And my dad just showed up And he goes, look at this And he just poured salt all over the ice And I was like, yeah?

And he goes, makes it cold There he goes Which I think that's true It is, but like the fact that my dad Was just like, watch this Yeah I was like, you're an idiot, dad Oh

We were freshmen going to to a senior party, and we got there early, classic, and the guy who was running it said, you know how to tap a keg? And I went, yeah, and he handed me to stuff, walked over to the keg, and I looked at everybody else, and went, how do we do this? Yeah, yeah.

The most, like, the worst, like, getting drunk on a keg moment I've ever had was at Pete's graduation party. That's, I think, like, it was, like, keg stands, and then I got down, and then his brother handed me, like, Jack Daniel's honey. Ew.

And I was like, get this. And it was also, like, like, like they had like kegs of like lion's head. Yeah, yeah. Like heavy. Because Pete and his brother like love like craft beer and stuff like that. Yeah. So they had like a craft beer.

It was like a mini keg, like an eighth or something like that. Yeah. And it fucked ruined my day. I hate keg stands, man. I kind of don't hate them. Be you've got them upside down. What are we doing? I just think it's funny that like you can drink that way.

I can't. I'm not really good. You can't do a kegstand? I mean, I can. It's just not very good. Especially if it's like a new keg and this thing's blowing at me. I also just like the feeling of like everyone's putting their mouths on this keg, like tap thing. You know, not something I ever thought about.

Well, because we were fucking immortal. We were a child. We were childs. Yeah. Children. I don't know about, you went away to school, right? But I didn't go away, but we used to go to Binghamton parties. Like, and dude, there were frat parties where it was just a garbage can.

Yes. Just a garbage can with drinks, and I went, I'm not drinking this. Yeah, I went to- Wait, what do you mean? Like, the frat parties, they would set up just garbage cans of drinks in it. And that's how you- But like closed drinks. No, no. What do you mean?

No. It was literally like you'd go in like a like 48 or 125 gallon garbage can. Yeah. And they would put a garbage bag in it and they would pour ice in it. And then the drinks like open. So it was just like a punch bowl, but a garbage can, bro. That's crazy. Yeah, I've been to a couple of those.

You went to the fancy ones with bags. Well, yours was just in a raw garbage can? Some of them were, and I wasn't drinking out of that, but everyone did. Yeah, it was a thing. It was a thing. It was like, and they'd call it jungle juice, because they would just get everything they could get their hands on and just put it in a tub. Oh. Oh, I remember that.

Like a hotel room. Yeah. Yeah, that's disgusting. That's fucking atrocious. Sometimes. But I guess science allows, it dictates that, like, alcohol kills the bacteria. It kills the bacteria. So, like, we're same, right?

If you're sick, like, a little bit. And you're, like, take a shot of whiskey or something. Like, is that doing something? I should have a-fucking Dr. Mike, that. He's not here. The next best thing. And you're sitting and you see it. The next best thing.

Huh? The next best thing is here. I would imagine that it just, like, doesn't do anything great. Like, it just, like, if anything, it probably makes it worse because alcohol is a blood thinner. So, like, if you have, like, a runny nose or something, it's going to just make it worse. Just a little shot. I mean, I'm not anything that I, like, when I drink, like, ginger ale, I've convinced

myself that the bubbles kill if I have a sore throat. I know it's not true. That's funny. My dad said, taking a shot, clears the sinuses. That may be true. I think that is true. He had a lot of colds. You know what I used to do?

Not used to do. I did this, like, twi, a couple times. I would take like two shots and then go out in the cold because I thought it would warm me up. I think it does. It like raises, it increases your heart rate. My face gets red.

Doesn't it say it? Like, I do think that alcohol increases your heart rate. So like, scientifically you're there. Yeah, I guess we go out a little bit. You're there.

You're not wrong. Oh, man. I know it's gross, but like nothing tasted better than putting just vodka in like a snapple bottle with snaple. Yeah. Like, it's gross. But like, it's so nostalgic.

You know what was a great drink? One time, this was like eight years ago or nine years ago, something like that. And it snowed like crazy. And we built an igloo in my front yard. And I took a bottle of Jamison. And it was just me, my brother-in-law, and Keith, and we sat there and just drank out of the bottle. In an igloo, dog.

It's amazing. I don't know if I was telling you guys this story recently, but myself, Espo and our friend Pat would take a not a regular bottle of Jack, the Magnum one that like was like the big mama. The big mama. And we would kayak across the lake.

And we would, there was, I know, don't do this. And there was a part of like where the shore, like the shore was back here, but like trees hung over it. So there was like 25 feet

where you can just park your kayak and you could see clear. Like it was, It was beautiful, and we would sit there and just drink the bottle, and then kayak back, and we would be obliterated. Yeah, I'm a way back. We used to do all those, like, uh, like buzz balls and shit like that. I've never had one of those. They look good, though.

Never had a, no? Not good. You guys did the BBC challenge, right? We did the BBC challenge. We could do that. I don't know what? You did a BBC challenge? What are we talking about here?

We did. They sit and spin. Yeah, we did. Yeah, that's what it sounds like. This is getting me excited for the 40 hands. Did you beat the challenge? Did you conquer the BBC? We did conquer the BBC. It didn't end well.

What's going on over there? Did you have, did you guys ever have the sour drinks, the suck-ons? Huh? The suck-ons, the sour one? I don't know what the-suck-on- these. I didn't say it, I didn't- Did I say it? I definitely got him. I definitely got him so good.

I feel like I didn't say it. Every time he says something, you gotta look at me. He got you, you got a half got him. You got a half got him. That's two. That's two. Oh. You thought there was a drink called suck on me? I don't know.

I mean, you're talking about BBC's. Like, there's fucking anything as possible. That's true. That's true. There's anything as possible. Oh, God, it feels so good. You're going to have to do something about that. I'm going to bring them.

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That you did that. That's two. You upset him. What? You upset him. I mean, that's... I'm mad at you. You brought that into the world.

That's two. I got to be honest. I think that I'll probably hang it up as far I get you maybe one or two more times, but be on your toes. It's got... But also, to my defense, I set that up well. Because they... Suck-ons?

It's just the whole sentence. Well, there's like blow-job shots. Remember those where it'd be like, you ever had a blow-job shot? How do you do those again? You want to demonstrate, Frankie? I don't know. I wouldn't be able, but it's like they put like... Whip cream?

It's like Kalua or whatever, and then whipped cream. And you're supposed to, like, with your mouth, go over it and take it and put it down or something like that. I can't drink like that? Me neither. It's impressive that people do that. Can you do that? I think I... Can you drink with your mouth?

open? I think I can, yeah. Because that's why I was so good at, like, uh, when I'd go to, like, Habachi, like, sake. You know what I'm saying? That's why I was so good at going to Hibachi. Yeah. I'm serious. The guy would hit you with the, he'd hit me with the thing and he, you know, they, do the impression. You were just doing it. Well, I mean, it's close. Yeah. But they would, and I would just keep going. You know, I'm not. Yeah. You've already done it. I'm not going. But like, it was like a thing. But like, it was like a thing. and I would drink a lot of sake because I could swallow...

I can't do that. Can you do the thing where, you know how you see some people take a beer and they just open their throat and it's gone? No. No. I gulp. I have to gulp.

I don't understand how that works. Me neither. Well, Dr. Mike did tell us it was just a big straw, so I guess if you could figure out a way to open it. I think that if you, yeah. Once you, like, have complete control of your throat, you're doing pretty well for yourself. Like that dude, Bivo.

Remember him? Bivo? Yeah, remember Bivo? The guy who would like take a... bite or something. He'd go like, let me taste this. Yeah. And he'd swallow a whole potato after a bite.

What? It's just, now I'm thinking, now I remember, like there was something that he really struggled on. This is also pretty niche. I don't know. Yeah. But it was just funny. He made me laugh. I think it's it's certainly a skill. Have you guys seen Punch the monkey?

Do you know Punch? I've heard of, what is this? It's a monkey. but like okay why do people care because it was a monkey that was like abandoned and then the zookeepers

to my knowledge is of the story zookeepers gave the monkey a like a teddy bear but it's like also a monkey and he just carries it

around and he like hugs it and like he's in it look how cute dude that's an ugly monkey Frankie be careful there's a lot of punchies out there

yeah really like people like strong like people love this monkey dude you want to see what the homepage of Google looks like when you search them look at this get the fuck out of see like it's a beloved monkey and I love this monkey so much because well you just feel bad like a lot of them other monkeys are like not nice to them and they like push them and they're like

no I'm out of here how do we know it's not for like a good reason like what if this he's just a little punch monkey what if he's a bad guy monkey no he's just sad what if he's just like an antagonistic little prick no he's nice frank he's sad and he's dragging his fucking fucking teddy bear around. So wait, these other monkeys are like bullying him? Kind of. I've been hearing stories that he's being more and more accepted. There's so much more going on in the world that we need to be paying attention to.

I agree. I agree. At a Japanese zoo, lonely baby monkey. Who gave it the name Punch, by the way? Yeah, that's a great question. Also, that's another thing. What if they're just like, go hang out with Punch and he's like actually hitting people? No, no.

People. I don't like that. Look, he drags it around. It's so sad. I did see an article that they're coming out with a video game now where like you can play as Punch the Monkey and like beat up other. Oh, come on. Oh my God.

Come on, Frankie, come on. That doesn't make you want to cry? It's cute-ish. But like, I have kids. You're a heartless print. I'm not a heartless. How am I heartless? Because that's cute.

That's okay. Oh, you're heartless. I'd be nice just in case it turns into this situation. That's a great point. I'm not saying that that's actually a really good point. I should re-I should recant all that. What if it turns to the planet of the apes and now? Yeah Um, just edit all this out. No, we're keeping it in. So ask me again what I think about punch the monkey. No, I'm not gonna do you the no, come on too late. That's a pretty good picture. I like seeing monkeys. Oh, don't do that. No, you flip. Punch. Remember this. I do. I do like that punch. Punch. Punch, I've always been as as as as also someone that was outcasted by society. What the hell are you talking about? And ridiculed because of their... ...looks, whatever you're being ridiculed for.

You also carry around toys. As a fellow person that loves to carry around something that brings them joy. I'm not heartless, you're heartless. If that was your child, you'd rip that fucking stuffed animal from that poor monkey's hands and you'd say, it's time to get rid of it. Okay, you don't know me at all. Really? Yeah, because I had tears in my eyes the first time I saw a video part.

You had tears in your eyes crying for what? Because it's sad. they're pushing him and he's just sad and lonely. It's a lonely monkey. Look, I got a tear right there. You just licked your face. That's disgusting. It's not that gross.

Have you seen videos on TikTok of people like in Bali or something like that? And then they come back to their hotel room or their Airbnb and there's just a fucking monkey in there? Dude, I'd be hype. Hype, brother. I'd be scared, but hype. Dangerous. If it was a big monkey, I'd be scared. I mean, even a monkey that size could do some fucking damage.

No, no, no. Bro, I would try to hug it. I have learned through watching the show alone that smaller animals can still be very dangerous. Yeah, but me too. But like, yes, but like, for instance, there was an episode, a season of Alone where they were like, the Tasmanian devil,

you've got to be careful. It's a little rat. No, apparently they're really dangerous. It's got the word devil in its name. Well, that's just because of the screens. Can it also create tornadoes that suck me in? No, I wish. That'd be so cool.

That's Taz. Isn't that what you said? The Tasmanian devil's a natural animal. He's still thinking about BBC over there. He's still, yeah, he's. I don't feel that bad for this little monkey. I feel bad. I mean, I think that he's okay now, and he's got some friends with him.

But he would try to hang out, and the other monkeys are just, they're kind of ruthless. They're like, fuck out of you. Punch. No one cares about you. All right. So put your money where your mouth is. Fucking adopt punch. I mean, they definitely don't allow that.

Why not? Bring them in. His motherfucking abandoned him. That's what the story is. That sucks. His mom sucks. I will say that. Yeah. Probably. Probably a bitch. I mean, jokes on us. Once we get the opportunity to like talk to animals and hear what they're saying. Oh my god. I'm telling you, Punch did something bad, dude.

I really? Oh, that's a good picture. Oh my god, I'm gonna explode! If that's even real, it's from Facebook, chances are it's not real. It's a good point. But it's fine. But you got the idea. It's the idea. Oh my gosh, such a cute photo. You should get some punch merch. I want to hug him.

This is adorable. Oh my god, give me a fucking break here. Frankie said that he despises this. I didn't say despise. I said I just don't care. You said... Yeah. I mean, what?

He's kind of stuffed animal. My kids are cuter. That's the thing. Who's comparing them? Me! For what reason? I have a certain amount of love that I can give, and I'm choosing to not give it to this... Don't put a limit on your love.

I don't have a limit on my love, but I have a limit on my love, but I have a limit on my love. on where I'm putting my love. That's a limit on your love, buddy. No, no, the amount of love that I have is limitless. Okay? Like that Bradley Cooper movie. But the amount of love that I have for this,

I don't need to put my love in that. You know what I'm saying? Here's where my love is distributed right now. My kids, my wife, retro toys and video games. My friends. Minor league hats. Yes, hats in general.

King crab legs. King crab. Fuck yeah. Absolutely. desserts. It seems like you're taking an approach of this that is becoming mean. Yeah. You love to. Yes.

But I don't like hearing. Correct. I don't like hearing it from you. Hot dogs. Having hot dogs tomorrow for dinner, by the way. Oh, am I excited. You're going to post some stupid shit? Suppose a dumb dog.

Like something stupid. You should I? Like load it. Load that fucker. Like load it up? Yeah. Some stupid shit. Geared up and ready to go.

Are you against, like, put it? putting like mac and cheese on a dog or something like that? I'm not against anything except for mustard. And even if you do mustard, just don't do it by me. Do it do a fucking like, uh, some fucking mac and cheese. Maybe a little bacon, grumble on that bit. I mean, I'm not. I do have mac and cheese and bacon in my fridge right now.

So maybe I will. Just an idea, a suggestion. What if? I got one. What if it's a, a hot dog and I cut it up into sections? And then in between the two sections, I put it. of mozzarella stick. Would it just be the ends of a hot dog?

It would just be the knobs? Yep. And then a hot dog. Just eat a mozzarella stick. Okay. What if you cut up equal parts, hot dog, mozzarella stick, and alternate? Can't cut the mozzarella stick.

Then you lose the pole. That's true. Oh, God, it's a good point. Crazy. Yeah, no. These are a problem. It's going to be a big, fat, filthy gagger. We could call it that.

How many you think that you're going to go you know. Let me ask you a question. Well, I did the responsible thing and I only bought eight. So I'm, I'm, Frank, you're not going to eat eight. That's insane. I mean, I won't because, like, I'm sure Becca will have one. I'm sure Miles or one of the kids will have one or two. All right.

Like, but if you lived alone, you would, you'd eat eight. Frankie. Eight hot dogs is outrageous. You're not going to eat eight hot dogs. I did like 10 in a weekend last year. You think that. Yeah, but that's. Yeah.

Eight in an evening where baseball's on. What game are you watching? USA Brazil. For every point, the USA scores have a dog. It's called a run. It's called a run. Yeah, this guy. For every, you know what?

I'll do that. But I didn't get enough. So like I'd be captain. A grand slant. I just get more. I mean, if we're being realistic, I will have at least four. Yeah. Realistically.

Yeah. I might have more. Right. So maybe it is a runs thing. Yeah, just do it. Not in the game, but by USA. Which, I mean, they could run it up against Brazil. Yeah, Brazil doesn't have a really great team.

I don't know who's pitching for Brazil. What do I do? Like, what do I do if they score nine? Buy more hot dogs, frankly. You want me to stop? No, you got to max out. No. I have to max out.

I mean, again, I have to feed my family. Well, do you? I mean, well. There's, there's mozzarella sticks. Oh. You said they were mozzarella sticks. There are. And bacon and mac and cheese.

You're fine. Oh. The mac and cheese. The game does start late, so I will push back dinner as far as I can move. So this is what you do. You take the bun and you put mac and cheese in it and then we'll count that. As a hot dog? Yeah.

I can have a whole box. That's not good. Don't tell me to do that. Yo, you could eat a whole box of velvita mac and cheese very easily. Without question. Without, with ease, brother. I think I used to do that. Yeah, probably.

Like I just would crush a whole box. You know what's really good if you. you chop up a chicken cutlet and throw it in there. Something to my eye. That's weird. Something in my eye is at the exact same time. Whoa, what's going on here? Weird. I think Joe spit-ass.

Oh, what the fuck? Yeah, no, nice try. Nice try. That was good acting. Thank you. Very good. Jesus. I don't know.

But yeah, this monkey punch, I hope it finds a caretaker. Well, it has a caretaker. Bro, what else do we got to do for this thing? It's in an enclosed space. It's kept safe. It gets free. Fed for free. This thing is living on taxpayer money in Japan.

You see where I'm going with that? More political commentary. Yeah, I don't even know if that's true, but obviously it's not. It has to be. Yeah. What time is the game on? 8 o'clock, baby. You got to watch it?

What time do you usually have dinner? Oh yeah, you have like an early dinner. Yeah, we have it earlier because of the kids, like 5.30, 5.30-ish, you know. That's a launch. that's crazy That's not lunch You the other day said that you went to dinner at 10 p.m. And I was like,

well, it was just a tough reservation to get so like that's all they had. I wouldn't opt to go at 10. I wasn't. It was good. I had a fried mackerel. Oh, I thought a mish.

I was still on mac and cheese so I thought it was mac roll. I had a mackerel. Ooh. No, it was a fried mackerel. Did it come out like? Fried? It looked like a whole fish, though.

No, no, no. It was like a healthy like square. I love when they come out like Bronzino, like a whole fish, and you can dig through it like you're like a bear. Yeah, I do that at places when I get the Branzino sometimes they're like, oh, you want us to do it? And I was like, I'll just claw at it. But debone it. Yeah. But I'll claw at it.

Yeah. Be a filthy little slut for it. I went through, I went to a place once and they gave you the cage. So you know how they cook it on a cage sometimes? No. They like put the fish in like this cage thing and they shut it. And then they cook it and they like just turn it. And they'll put it on a place.

plate. I gave you a cage. Really? Yeah. I was like, it's cool. I got the cage now. I'm certain. There are some places in Jersey that are like, just like shacks where you can show up and eat a bunch of seafood. I'm kind of starting to want to do that because I like the idea of going to like a little building on a dock and just be like, we just caught what did we catch? Yeah. We just caught. We just caught monkfish. We just, we just caught talfish. And it's got like, it's got like barnacles on it. Still got barnacles and sand on in shit like that. And you eat it with your hands. No, you're not into that. Not one part of that sounds enjoyable. Do you like seafood or no? I like...

I like seafood. What was that? I don't know, just in case. Now I'm on edge. Seafood dick! Like, what do you think I'm gonna say? I like... Seed through my nuts?

Um... I like shellfish. I don't really like seafood. But a tuna tartar is really good. A tuna tartar. A tuna tartar. So, like, wait. Sheelfish.

So you like shellfish. So you like shellfish, but you don't like... So you don't like salmon, but you like shrimp. Yes. Like, weird. That's weird. Usually it's the opposite. Yeah.

Is it? Yeah. Oh. Maybe I'm just an opposite today. What about lobster? You like lobster? Yep. All right, good.

So here's what we're going to do. When the weather gets nicer. Oh, my God, I'm so excited for it. There's a place in Greenpoint. Yes. Fucking good lobster rolls. And then we'll get a nice bottle of white wine and go with it. Oh, my God.

That sounds a lot. I'm writing that down. Write it down. I'm writing it down. Yeah, like that. I've been there a couple times. It's fantastic. Uh, no.

Sounds lovely. It would be better if we could walk. Joe? Maybe we could. I actually have no idea how close it. Joe. I love... This is a little further from my apartment.

I love food. I feel like towards the end of every episode, we start talking about food and I get really hungry. I think it's... We're like a shoe in for the... Oh, yo, we can certainly walk. It's a 12-minute walk. Yeah, yeah, we gotta go.

12 minutes, baby. That's eight minutes New York. Yeah. I mean, excited to get a lobster roll? I could get there in fun. Here's the thing, though, is that I'm going to go there and I'm going to have to eat three lobster rolls, and I'll be $85 in the hole.

That's the only thing that's tough about lobster rolls, is they're this big. These are decently sized. And how much are they? $30. I have no idea. They're probably $30. Why are you ruining this experience?

I'm just letting you know, this is my issue with lobster rolls. They're delicious. They're great. They're done well. But for what you get and what you pay, clear difference right there, baby. Warm or cold. Couldn't care.

They have an option. Couldn't care. I'll take them both ways. Hell yeah. I'll take them both ways. I'll take them both fucking down. Make half of it hot, half of it cold. Oh man, you want to know how much this fucking lobster roll is? I'm going to bet.

What's it come with? Is it just a lobster roll? Is it come with like chips or fries? Um, I think it comes with fries, yeah. Okay, I'm going to say $32. Okay, what do you say? I couldn't even begin. 28.

20 feels right. No, it's 30. That's what I'm saying I'm gonna have to eat three of those suckers You might not have to There's other stuff though Spicy salmon Company card

No this one's on you Oh it's on you hell yeah On me? Or maybe I was looking at you I saw where you were looking at Frank Alright I'll pay We can go as friends I'll pay no no I'll pay Oh we have to go three times then

Sure okay Dude that's yes we do There's shishitos on the menu Come on dude I am a little fucking slut first shishito peppers. Holy shit, some blistered shishitos? God almighty.

Padron peppers? What's that? It's basically the same thing, I think. Oh, yeah, baby. Yeah, they got some stuff here. It's like getting rounds at a bar. You know, everyone takes a turn. Yeah, they say that that actually encourages more binge drinking than anything else.

Because it's like, well, everyone has to drink. So if there's seven people there, you have to have seven beers. I mean. I don't know who made that rule. I think if I'm buying... No, no, no. Like, when I learn. about like because I took a class in college about like drinking like bartending

how have you taken a class in college about every topic we've ever said it was my senior year I took mixology class which was you get hammered dude the greatest college course ever taken and in the spring we took history of beer which was just drinking beer every single class and learning about a different type of beer and And we had field trips to breweries, breweries, restaurants, bars. I take it back. That's cool. That's fucking cool shit. But I forgot what I was trying to tell you.

Oh, we learned about like binge drinking and like blah blah blah. And they say that like that, like they teach people not to do that because it like encourages more binge drinking and not healthy alcohol consumption. Hmm. Sounds like a bunch of nerds. Some people care about it. others, about their brothers, about their sisters, about their siblings that may not be related to them. But yeah, we're going to get the most expensive lobster rolls this world has to offer one day,

but it's got to be nice out because we got to sit outside. Okay. Oh, and like a picnic table, like a wooden picnic table. It is a wooden table. I love that place that we went to in Long Island City, something basin. Animal Basin. Animal Basin. That place was good.

Yeah, like they had good bites. Yeah, what did they have? they have like bison burgers. I'm in. That's what I usually get there. I am in, baby. I watched a soccer game there once by accident. I didn't know there was a soccer game on.

World Cup this summer too? Oh, that's a good idea. Outdoors, lobster roll, white water? On the water? On the water? Soccer. Oh, yeah, baby. Yeah. I'm in. Are you in?

I hope. Are you one of those nerds that roots for Italy during the World Cup? Yeah, he is. Yep. If Italy's on, that's cool. but U.S., whichever one, whichever one's on, you know. Did you have a tooty jersey?

Toti, toti. That's what I said. Okay? No, um, Bafon, 2006 World Cup. Buffon these nuts? I said, I said it, though. You can't piggyback off of that. I mean, it's fine.

Pickyback these nuts. You'll get there. I want you to go home and just write as many of those as you can to try to get us. No, because I know that's what you did. Yep. I can't even defend it. He was in the car like,

you can. Yeah. Well, they might have seen that if it's on Patreon. Well, I'm riding a hot streak, baby. And it's so funny because I saw a TikTok that was just like, it was when I tried to do the whole like slobony's or something, you know,

or whatever. Gargolese or Slobanies or whatever. And someone was just like, one day I want them to get them once. And I was like, your wish will be your demand. The Yukon was bad. Youcon was great.

Well, no, I mean, like, Like, that was, like, completely... Getting both of us will be tough. Getting Joe seems pretty easy. I think you're so on guard. Yeah, you're so on guard. All right, I'll lower my guard. Joey said before, like, oh, I want to go to the store and you're like...

Or seafood. You're like... Seafood, I'm not seeing your food. Food, dick. Well, usually I forget, but then once it happens, you know, I get... Guards go back up. I don't know. You'll never get us again, that's for sure.

I'm going to get God. Probably every attempt that you guys have. Don't say that. You will never ever get us again. I'm never expecting someone to be like, my nuts? Oh my guy, right.

We should have a rule. We should write in a rule. You know how like he points at me, I get $10. I say, bitch, he gets $10 or something like that. We should have a rule that whoever gets got has to like.

100 bucks. 100 bucks. But like, starting now. No. Absolutely. I'll do that. I'll start.

No, I can't. I'll start. I can only do so many or else you guys will stop talking to me. Well, yeah. Yeah. I'll make them perfect.

Hmm. I don't know about that Yeah, don't, don't, don't What are the rules here? Oh, we're making the rules on this? Well, like, you say Yukon And then I say, I have to say Yukon You definitely have to say it

You have to say it back like, what's Yukon? Or, yeah, or just like in a question But like the Imagine Dragons one, We didn't say like, imagine dragons Watch the clip again, buddy We did say Imagine Dragons Did I? So, no way, imagine dragons, what?

We both said Imagine Dragons. He was trying to get it out. out so bad. He was like, I got a little excited. Imagine dragging these nuts across your face. Got him. Got him so. Got him so. Okay. So that's the roll.

And every time someone does a hundred bucks, okay. Right in it, right now. 100 bucks. Which, where are we at right now? How much money does he owe me? Do you actually have a counter over there? Joe has 12 and you have nine. You've been, you've been bitching it up.

What? 12 is like what? Did I, he? Oh, yeah. Got him. Thirteen. Thirteen. Oh, he owes me 130.

I don't even understand the pointing thing. It's definitely not as bad as the bitch. Well, for some time, a couple bitches counted as two because some of them were bad. Wait, what? Just a couple times. Wait, who's making these? Also, people in the ant colony keep going back

and sending me different bitches I missed, so I keep adding. I love why he says people in the ant colony. Yeah. Like, they are a part of it now. That's basement yard lower. And you're the queen bee? Sure.

With the fattest butt. Absolutely. Bees and ants are different. I know. Animals. This queen ants. I know there are queen ants But he called you Queen B

But they have the fat butts They got huge asses Dude the queen aunt Shake your ass for us Oh my god Queen Aunt An aunt Oh wow

That's why the aunt colony You Yeah Wow Yeah He just doesn't He doesn't get it sometimes It's okay

I can see Your brain turning right now About what? You're trying to do a suck On my nuts thing It's definitely thinking And you're like Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, you're like, pensive. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just thinking like, oh, I could get one in before the end of this episode. That's what I keep thinking too. I'm like, like, I can get one, you know. All I keep thinking in my head is suck nuts. Like, I can't. Yeah, I'm not going to, I'm not going to show you.

I'm not going to show my bare bottom here. You'll have to wait for that. All right. I guess that's all. I thought you were going to say something. No, I wasn't. I wasn't. Oh, God.

Frank, where can they find you? You find me the Frank Alvarez everywhere. All of us are on guard now. I like it. We're like waiting for something to happen. I need something to drink. I need a cup of something. Okay.

This is the bad. This is bad. We probably shouldn't do this. Couple of one. Couple of my nuts! Yeah. The Frank Alvarez everywhere. Go check out Patreon.

Patreon.com slash the basement. You guys wild. you went on Patreon. Thank you so much. Incredibly, incredibly gracious for that. So thank you. Patreon.com slash the basement yard and the basement yard on all socials.

Yeah, we're going to find you. Don't tell them. No, no, no. You can find me Aunt Priscoe on Instagram. Go follow me at Joe Santaghan. I'll go follow the show at the basement yard. And that is all. See you guys next time.