The Basement Yard - #547 - A Scientist Joins The Show

Episode Date: March 23, 2026

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Welcome back to the best. Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, what are you doing, smoldering, smithing over there? I'm trying to clavicular looks max, jaw max. Oh, no. Oh, you're doing it too? Oh, that would edit it. Did you guys have a conversation before this?

No, honestly, but I really appreciate you kind of picking up with my vibe here. I got you. I'm going to pick up. Fuck your Mets hat, but good job. Now you brought down my vibe. Wow. Who cares? You know, you didn't smell as good as you usually do today.

How about that? Well, you didn't. Does he usually smell good? He does. Well, how's his fucking back smell? Yeah. That's it for patron. That's the only for thing.

So they know that one. How do you smell me on the normal, like, you walk by him? Yeah. So you get my, like, with? Let me ask you this. Do you wear cologne at all? No. Never.

Not only for, like, events. Okay, but when you, so you have cologne. Yes. And you wear it. Yes. How do you apply it? I go two sprays on these two fingers. I go like this, and I go behind my ears.

That's it? Yeah, that's what you're supposed to. do. It's colonists. So many other things that I've never seen sprayed on your fingers. I remember because I heard you're never supposed to rub it. Oh, I mean, but then why do like the women do this? Why do women, why do ladies do this? If they are not supposed to, I follow the ladies lead ladies. Um, but you're not doing that. You're using fingers, but it's still the rubbing motion. Right. Why did you, are you just using the fingers or someone taught you how to do that? I, I remember, because,

With my fraternity, there was like a, like, we, like, went through, like, etiquette, like, proper etiquette things. And... What? Yeah, it was like, you're not supposed to, like, walk into a room and people go off! When smelling your cologne. It's supposed to be for people that get close. Yeah. It's supposed to be, like, a pheromone thing.

Like, they get close, and they're like, whoa. Which, I guess the only person I would do that for is Becca, but, like, it's supposed to be, like, a... Not everyone can smell you from across the room. Right. You know, like my father. I'm not kidding. 30 sprays. You're good at making that sound.

Thank you. How do you apply? Do you apply? Cross section. Just one, two. You go an X? You put the seatbelt off? Why are you doing it?

You're doing it like a Pokemon trainer. Wait, you just do one seatbelt spray? One, two, three. Oh, you go one, two, three? Yeah. I used to, I remember when like middle school and high school when I had, I would spray in the air and I would just walk through like I was God. I've done that.

of like axe. I would just spray my entire room and be like, all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I, like, thought about this the other day because how I usually do it is I just spray like here and here. And then sometimes like in my shirt. That was just like pure guess though. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure there are proper ways to do it.

Oh, you did. I did. So like, please tell me I'm right. No one does this. And I've seen like a bunch of people do it like a bunch of different ways. no but they say I've seen two behind the ears and then one on the back of the neck

because that's like a trail so as you walk it kind of like oh like you're a slug sure like you're a slug but instead of slug you have sent gotcha instead of slime yeah yeah slime is the word

slime is the word I want to use ew gush yeah it's a nasty word that's gross oh my god I got so much Gush. That's crazy. Yeah, I used to at one point, I had like 15 bottles of Cologne. Like, there were like two Christmases where my mom got me like three or four bottles each.

It's a mad Colombian. I mean, what were the ones that you had? Cologne? Yeah, because they were like, for our age group, they were the big ones. I had, well, I didn't have any, but my siblings had like fierce. Amacromby and Fitch. Okay, I didn't have that one, but I know what you were. Curve?

Curve. Yep. Curve was a big one. Curve was a big one. Do you remember Kira? No. It was like the skater one and you got it from like, look up K-I-R-R-A from like the mid-2000s. It was like at Paxon.

Oh, yeah. And it was like you went in there to make fun of the skaters and get your Kira Kloon. Yeah, you don't remember this? No. Oh, yeah, baby. I might get some just to remember what I smelled like in middle school. Oh, wait, the top looks very familiar. What else?

What other ones do you have? The curve one is a classic. Ahmed where's the Dior one? Savage. Yo. You brought it up. Dracar noir. I had that curve.

I've had this one for quite some time. You've had Versace? Who the fuck are you? It's $140. I didn't know that. Oh, brother. That's nothing. That's nothing.

There's some other ones that will get up there. Really? Yeah. I bought one. I have a... What's that shit called? Fuck. It's like Lelabo or some shit?

I don't know. I don't know. I like to smell. It smells good. But, yo, a med, like, uses Cologne. Like, he goes after that. We'll go. Like, when we were on tour, we would go to a city, and he would buy a bottle, and it would be halfway done by the end of the trip.

A three-day trip, by the way. Do you guys deodorant your balls? Who's up? Who's down? What? No. Wait, you take your deodorant and you go, well, it's a different deodorant, and only sometimes. Do you do the one that's, like, the plastic ball and it's a roller?

No Because then you hold it up And it's like you like Microsoft paint under your balls That sounds better I might try that That does sound pretty cool right You have a full separate deodorant stick And you do like your goochin balls

Sometimes Why I feel like that's probably Smell like dog whistle No but it'll never No but it'll never smell bad I mean my I'll be honest

Sometimes my bansch Smells like it got dragged by horse Through human shit Good God lady I mean that's It's a very, you know, hot, moist, tightly compact part of the human body. It's going to, you know, breed bacteria, which is what feeds on your sweat, which is what causes the odor. I feel like I'm getting piggybacked onto that.

That does not happen to me. Well, well, your giant balls, you got to fucking look through them and fucking, you got to, how much you go? You go through a stick every time you apply? Do you do? What do you do? How do you do it? Like, how would you do that logistically? Like, you just open up and you just get in there?

Open up. Open up what? What? Do you mean lift? Do you go from the front or you go back toward? The front. So you like, you like get in the stirrups, hold your nuts and dick up and then like. Sure.

It's like, it's like, it's much simpler than that, but yeah. We're trying to get to explain it. I open it up and I get just get in it. Stop saying open it up. Yeah, brother, nothing is closed. Pull it open? Pull it open. No.

Like my pants. Bro. Uh, my underwear. Wait, oh wait, so you don't do it naked? You do it clothed? Yeah, actually, yeah. You're talking through and realizing it's stupid, right? No, no, no, no, no, I think it still makes sense.

So you get fully dressed and you go, oh, forgot my ball cologne. Sometimes. Or my ball deodorant. Yeah, my ball deodorant. And then you undo your pants and then what? You jam the stick in there? Pretty much. And then you go under the balls?

Under, yeah. Is it the same stick that you use on your underarms? No, different stick. I'm saying, is it the same, like, make and model and stuff like that? Oh yeah, same thing. I don't care. That's crazy. I mean, I'm sure they make bald deodorant. They do. I think, well, we're not sponsored, but some people do, yeah, for sure.

Smart man. I got you. Smart man. I've never heard of that ever. I've never done that. I mean, you were big on Axe. I'm sure you, like, sprayed your basage. Spraid my bizazage. Are you kidding me? It would look like when you walk into a space station and they have to like, yeah, you would spray the hell out of that. My pants would be smoking when I would leave my room.

What is it that when you're young? Because I feel like I was like doing that too. What was I thinking of that? People were going to get near my penis. I'm fucking 12. You had to be prepared for any outcome of life. Bro, if a girl wanted to get near my penis at 12, I'd be scared and go home and cry. Yes, but like some of us weren't afraid.

Oh, talk to me. Mac Daddy Pimp you ever. I'm not saying that was Mac Daddy Pimp. You're MacDady Pimp. you have for a Playboy Bunny. I'm not saying that. Well, I needed my balls to smell good because I was ready for the action. I was ready for whatever curveballs life had thrown at me. I was walking out of the house that day that'd be like, you know what? This could be the day that fucking 2004 Carmen Electric comes up to me and she's just like hunkah, hunkah. You know what, I agree.

Thank you. You would agree, you bald deodorant wearing bastard. I just think that preparation for life is not anticipation of something. It is just just simply preparation. I vigorously wop my ass a little bit. Big word for Elmo. I'm going to come over there and cut your head off.

By the way, it's cookie monster today. Or Grover. He's full Grover without. Elmo the other day. Talk like Grover. I don't even know who that is. Welcome back to the basement yard. Who's Grover?

I know Grover Cleveland. You know him? No, I don't know him. He's the president. I know who he was. I didn't know. Yeah. Oh, that's him?

That's Grover, baby. Super Grover! But, uh, continue. You kind of got his build, too. All right, no, we're not doing this. We're not doing this. We're not doing that. If you want to play a game.

We're not doing that. If you guys want to play the game, we will start playing the game, brother. Cub chew. That's for my Pokemon fans. Fucking loser. No, I, I feel like... Yeah, baby. That's Joe.

What about that is me? That's you. That's you. The color. It's actually kind of cute. What is that? A fucking bear? It's got a severe cold?

Yes. It's an ice bear. And then it involves into Obama snow. Show him that bitch. Bottom right picture. Obama? Obama snow. Like abominal.

Yeah. Cool. Abominal. Big word of realm. I feel like Cologne is no longer as popular as it was when like, definitely before our generation. And it has continued to die. I think that it's popular. Like a lot of people wear Cologne.

I've seen like TikToks. of people that are like fragrance TikTokers and they have hundreds on the wall behind them. That kid that's just like, let me smell this. And he smells this like, oh, yeah. I'm getting good and great and spice. Yeah, yeah. Good for him. Yeah, you know what I used to love to do when my mom would get a magazine?

They have like the sample tabs and you'd rip them off and I'd be like, that'd be sniffing the shit out of this. Hell yeah. I remember it. Rub it on my face? What's wrong on me? Have you seen those TikToks that are like people trying the different atomizers on colognes? Yes. Dude. It's like look how good this one sprays. There's one that it sprays like it feels like just looking at it, it's scratching my back. Does that make any sense? Zero. Are you sure? Yeah. What do you mean? Like just like looking at the speed ferocity and and just intensity that it sprays, it's like, oh, that could scratch my back. And it feels like it's like, oh, yeah.

Okay, I have a different appreciation for that. I do like when things are like spraying really well. Like when I have a spray bottle, I'm like, ooze, ooze. Like when you spray like a windex, it's kind of like a, it's, it's, and you're like, okay, this is whatever, but sometimes you get a good spray. Oh, when it's like, I have like an all purpose cleaner.

It's like, ooze, ooze, ooze. And it's like, oh, I can clean my whole apartment. I love, and then I love when it, like, for like one spray, it sounds like an 80-year-old smoker. It's like, oosh, oosh, you know what I'm talking about. It's like GERCH!

Yeah. Yeah, like, oh, yeah, that's the one. It looks like that would scratch my back so fucking good. Wait, is there a bunch of these? All right, let's see this one. That's in a ridiculous about that. That's impressive. Yeah.

I don't mind that. I don't mind that. That might be the one that I have, to be honest. Super. Ooh, that's a good one. That's a good spray. That's a good spray. Show us something nice now.

Okay. It stays in the air for a while. I appreciate it. Oh, that's like a shot. That's like a shotgun blast of the back of the neck. Oh, I hate that. That's 100 out of 10? Oh, actually, I like it now.

No. I don't like that bottle either. That's like it's spitting in your face. Poof! Oh my God. What the hell is that? When I see this thing dribble at the end, I'm going to be mad. Yeah, it's disgusting.

There are other ones that are just little... That is a giant spray. That's so good, dude. I feel like that much cologne would really... That was all you would need for the year. Yeah, I was insane. You don't need... eight streams coming at you like a hydro pump.

Yeah. That's my second Pokemon reference of the day. I'm sure there's going to be more in that already said that. Absolutely will. But let's get back. Let's get some vintage Axe Kelo body spray. You think we can do that? I don't, I never, I barely liked it back then.

Oh man. I would spray. You know what I would do also? I would spray it into my shoes. That was, I think. Yeah, but I'd fill my shoes. I mean, that was probably a very normal thing to do because our feet probably stunk.

Do you know, have you ever smelled a mothball? I love that smell. I kind of like it too. I love, because we used to, at the end of the summer, put them in the, at the cabin. And we would, what are they supposed to do? Keep away moths? Bingo.

But people put them in their shoes. Maybe for the smell. Yeah, yeah. They also smell like that thing that they, like, swing around at church incense. You know what I'm talking about? The fucking, like, the, like, lantern mace that they got going.

on there but they're like fucking love that like incense and church, the best part of the church uh, the smell of the church. Yeah, yeah, I was there. Yeah, I love the smell of mothball. My dad just have mothballs in his shoes. When you sprayed your shoes with Axe, did you spray so much where it looks like there's a little fog

in the shoes? Yeah, yeah, of course. I mean, that's the whole reason that's the way to do it. I would hold it up to the light and be like, oh, look how fast I is Axe spot? Like, I know. It's smoking because I ran so fast. Like, I know like they have like axe body wash and I think deodorant is body spray still a thing? I'm sure. If it once was, it probably is.

The ones that had that twist can. Whether it'd be the twist can or just like the regular, like... I'm sure, I'm sure. I mean, is the deodorant, that was, there was deodorant and body spray? Like, I thought was different? Yeah, of course.

Body spray was just for fragrance. Deodorant is supposed to be like antiperspirate or, you know, deodorant. Yeah. Ent. Right. you know anti- odor yeah um yeah no i've never i've never really part to taken do you have any like funny or interesting cologne stories from like any time you applied it or anything like that

no no not really i mean i definitely the first time i did it um i had a bottle that didn't have a spray it was like you're supposed to just like kind of dab it oh and i went a little overboard by axi Yeah, I've done that before. And my hand was just staking. I mean, my dad, you definitely smelled it. Smelled your dad? Yeah. I mean, I've smelled your dad.

Yeah. He had this cologne. I forgot what's the gray flannel. It was called gray flannel? Yeah. And the mixture of that smell, because he would put a lot on him and the combination of his hair gel, this guy smelled like a fucking nuclear power plant. Yeah.

Like, it was impossible to not. smell him coming and going all the time. What about, are you a fan of car air fresheners? I mean, I like air fresheners. I like good air, but I don't like the smell of new car. That smell gets me sick, honestly. Really? Yeah, I don't like it.

I think it's a hot take, I think. Really? I don't like, I don't, I mean, it's not a take. I'm not saying it's bad. I'm just saying I don't like it. I don't love car air fresheners. Like, I know, like, everyone loves the black ice form. But see, that doesn't make sense because, like, you like air smelling good.

No, I'd rather air just be, like, neutral. I don't want it to smell bad, but I don't need it to smell like a thing. Like, eucalyptus smells good, but I don't want my apartment or my world to smell like eucalyptus. Oh, like eucalyptus and mint. That combination could bend me over and just spit in it if it wants to. Yeah, in a steam room maybe. But, like, if you're in your apartment, your whole apartment smells. smells like that, I'd be like, this is so intense.

That's so interesting that you say that, because I feel like, first of all, once you are in it, your body gets used to it, and it doesn't smell like that unless you were like walk out and walk back in. I feel youcalypice, like, in your sinuses. Like mint. Like, it smells like that. Mint is sharp. Mint burns the sinuses, 100%.

Yeah, it does. It'll get you. Do you know the square ones, the gel ones that people attach to their... Yeah, the Fabriz one. Those I hate. Why? If you're driving too long, after a while, the smell, like, it starts to hurt almost, if that makes sense. I don't like them because of how quick they go, if that makes any sense.

Like, I want, like, give me an air freshener that lasts months. Like, those ones that you put in, like, the air vent, I put them on the lowest setting, and they're still gone in two weeks. I also just don't think that looks nice. Oh, you're a big aesthetic guy? Not really, like, you know, but I just, when I get into someone's car, I would rather it not smell like anything. Like that would be like my idea. Yeah, but that's not the experience that most people have.

Like a car, if you think about it, it's a confined space that doesn't have a lot of airflow unless you're driving with the windows down all the time. I mean, I would assume, I would say that most of my car experience is pretty neutral. Like, it's rare that I get in the car and I'm like, what the fuck? But there's other times I'll get in the car and I will clearly smell the freshener.

And I'm like, all right. Really? Yeah, I'm just not. I don't know why. That is a strange, like, and so you don't do, like, air fresheners at the, at the apartment? Like, you don't do, like, spray or... If, if... Well, when we clean, there's, like, that smell from, like, sprays or stuff like that.

Yeah, I'm not saying that. I'm saying like a candle person. Like, I'll light a candle. I mean, but that does the exact same thing in just a different way. I agree. I just think that they're different because the spree. the sprays and stuff are like have more of a

it's it's more of a hurt it's more of like a sharpness it's more of like like it's the the scent is attacking you compared to it just like lingering like a candle yeah I also if there's a candle on in my apartment and I walk in like obviously if you're in the

apartment you don't really smell it because you're like kind of adjusting to it being in the air but when I first walk into my apartment and I could I smell a candle. I don't really enjoy that. Like, I will enjoy it when I start to adjust to it, and it's not as intense.

But when I first walk in, it's like, I smell Christmas cookie? Like, this is crazy. Oh, man. But food, however, that I'm very into it. Well, I think because you know that you can control the scent in the air through the candle compared to the food. Like, the food is a little more temporary. Like, you have to, like, cook it again in order to get that scent back.

I think I just like the smell of food. Yeah, duh. I mean, I like smells across the board. Farts? Okay, gotcha. But I hate farts as an entity, so I hate what comes with them, which is the shitty smell. As an entity. Yeah.

Right after, so on garbage day, where we're cleaning, right after I put out the garbage, I'll open up my front door and my back door at the same time, create a wind vortex, get all the smell out, and then I'll clean it. Bro, I came home one day. Thank you fucking so much for bringing that up. I came home one day. And it was not long ago. The dead of winter, it's like maybe 20 degrees outside. And the back door is open.

Several windows are open. And I go to Beck. I'm like, what are you doing? She's like, oh, I'm burping the house. I'm like, what? You probably hated that terminology. Dude, I fucking, I was like. Disgusted by your own home now.

I mean, I hate the word burp. It is a shitty word. Burping is worse than burp. But I'm, was just like, I was like, what? And she's like, I saw a thing that like, there's stale air in your house and you need to burp it in order to get fucking, and you know, every time she said burp, I cringed. Yeah.

And I was just like, I love that TikTok could really send her down a fast. Yeah, she went fully down. Like, that's not the first time that's happened. I love her to death, but she is like very susceptible to those like TikTok trends. But like, yeah, she was like, I saw a TikTok and they said, you have to burp your house once every couple weeks. That is a real thing, though. Not that you have to burp your house.

I've never heard that term. But like... I mean, if you have a working ventilation system, doesn't that do that? I don't know. I mean, if you have like... What's that called? Central. Central air?

I don't... I think that's like more of like an AC unit that's kind of distributed. It's not necessarily like bringing air from the outside. I'm sure there is air. Like... I mean, I think that is exactly what it does. Like, because when you have central... which we have now,

there's a big vent on the outside with a fan. But that's where the air's coming in. Yeah, so it's fresh air coming in. When it's on. Yeah, but what you think your house just doesn't breathe? No, it does, but it's like... I mean, in the winter, everything's kind of like closed. No, dude, there's also other ways.

Like, do you have everything sealed? I don't know. I mean, I'm sure there's like some seepage. But you got to... If you want to like reset, like, let's get some fresh in his bitch. He hated seepage. It's just tough. You don't like seepage?

So I've accidentally been burping my house? I think that's the thing. I mean, I do like, like, Becca will do that during the spring and the summer where she'll open the front and the back door and you get a vortex and it's a beautiful. Sometimes if I'm not careful, my paper towels will fall over. Oh, we didn't. Thanks for adding that. Who cares? Why did we need that?

She'll like that happens though. Like all the doors in my apartment when one of the windows open, slam. Yeah. Yeah. Is that happening in? Yes. One window could be open. I step outside, bang!

I'm like, yo, and it will scare the fuck out of me. I'm thinking fucking Nicole slamming doors. I'm like, what? Windows open, she goes to the bathroom and it slams. I'm like, what now? Yeah, I think that one of the kids like fucking closed the door on their hand or some shit like that. Yeah, it's terrifying. Yeah, but I get what she was trying to do, but I think that like, in her calling it burping, I was just like, I'm not, I'm not allowing this.

Yeah. So I was like, shut the doors. I'm not burping. Leave us our stale air. Apparently it is a thing like with like really, really big like expensive houses. They get like pressurized. Like a plane? Yeah.

Like if they have like, because we know our contractor we were talking with like I like joked with him about it. And he's like there are some like multi million dollar estates that like they have such a well functioning like. air, like, ventilation system and, like, all their windows are, like, super new and sealed and high end and, like, the doors and blah, blah, blah. That, like, that's a real thing. That, like, there will be a sense of pressure. So, like, that's why, like, sometimes you'll, like, open a door and it'll go, like, scah. Like a, like a Coke can. That is crazy.

Yeah, but, I mean, burping it is stupid. Yeah. So I was just like, you want to go on the back of the house and pat the fucking back of the house up? Yeah. No. Also, you mentioned plane. I was like wondering this for you guys, but I'm going to create a hypothetical situation for you. If you are in a city, you're not home. Just want to be, we are flying in a couple days, so please be very cognizant of that anxiety. It's not that. Okay. So let's just say that we're in like Denver, which is like, what, four hours away? Let's just call it whatever is exactly four hours away. And then you're on the plane on the way home. And they come on the thing. and they're like, we need someone to get off, we're offering this much, what's your cut off?

And there's nothing that you need to be home for. Cut off, like minimum? No, like, yeah, like, what is an amount that you're like, I'm getting off this plane, taking that money? And you get on a later flight like that day. And I'll say this, the flight that you're going to get on is like five hours from where, like, now.

So there's a five-hour wait. Yeah. And then it's the normal, like, like, uh, duration of the flight. It's not like it's like a connecting flight. No, no, no, it's a direct flight. It's the same flight just five hours later. Ant? Question. What was I doing in Denver? See, come on, man. Why does that matter? Because I'm planning that I would take half of what my

trip was. I, it's up to you. I don't know. How much was the flight? That's a big part of it, too. Like, is it going to be more expensive than what I, is it going to be more money than what I paid for the flight? Like, am I walking out? I mean, you're paying for the flight. Regardless. Yeah, but if I pay, say the round trip hypothetically. Yeah. Not that this happens much anymore, but say the round trip is like 500 bucks. Okay.

And they're saying, we'll offer you 600 bucks. I'm in the green there. So like, if anything, like, I've made money on the trip. So let's, let's say it was, let's say it was 500 bucks. Hmm. I think I'd do 1.5 times. I'd be fine with 750. And you would get off and be like, I'll wait.

Yeah. If I have no reason to get home And I'm just getting And I'm going to be walking away up I think 1.5 times Whatever you paid for it is fine At five hours You start adding more time on there

Then we're talking more money You never take the first offer It's not the first offer It's like they continued offer I gave what I thought was a reasonable amount Like there's like an amount that they'll say And you're like fuck that I'm taking that I like the math

I like 1.5 times the flight I think a flat 1,000. A flat, a fowow? Yeah, thowow. So you're telling me that if your trip is over, if the flight is over $1,000 and they offer you $1,000,

you're good with that. I see, because then the math goes away. Yes. Profit a thousand. Profit a thousand is crazy. There's almost no way. Yeah, there's no way. If you're going to like Japan,

where it's like a $1,200 ticket, they're not going to be like, we'll offer you $2,200, brother. Yeah. It depends how desperate they are, I guess. I mean, if anything, they will ground that plane before they gave you $2,200. Oh, yeah, I'm not planning to get that. It infuriates me that that happens because, like, I'm sure there's a business reason to it,

and big airplane will come on here and tell us. I think it's more about weight. Like, when the, when, but why do they, why? They should book one person per seat. No, what I'm talking about, it's about weight of, like, cargo. Like, if, if all of our luggage is just more. than whatever. Because you know you could pay,

like when you go, especially on a bigger flight where you, by the way, this is based in nothing. Just like 90% of what we talk about. When you bring your luggage and it's like,

it has to be like under a certain amount, I think you pay a fee if it's above that. So if enough people are doing that and it's like, oh, well, it's a full flight and the luggage like the plane is too heavy

plus the fuel. Like, we just need some people off. So you're telling me that like the reason that you pay an extra $50, if it's over 50 pounds luggage is because in theory

enough people will do that to justify pulling one person off that plane. I think it's to avoid, like the reason why you pay a fee there is so you avoid people just bringing like hundreds of pounds of luggage. Yeah, but then, but also in theory if five people bring 150 extra pounds,

it comes out to 250 extra pounds. Right. The amount that it would cost could be the amount that a ticket would be. Sure. Maybe that's part of it. to. I mean, like, there has to be a limit. But I think it's between that and they also overbook flights. I don't know how that's possible. I hate, I'm, knock on wood, that is yet

to happen to me to be overbooked, to be overbooked, where it's just like, oh, sorry. It's like, I, I booked. Like, I will go full Karen and that's it. Well, I don't think they kick you off the plane. You, they ask people to get off. Yeah, but that's someone else over, they overbooked So someone else that also booked is fucked. Yeah. Like, that happened to me and Danny. What happened?

They overbooked and we just didn't have seats. Like, we got there. We didn't have seats on the plane. Well, if you do that, so if you book, there's like different classes, classes, I guess. But, like, yeah, it's like Maine and then Maine Plus,

or I don't know, some shit like that. Where it's like one of them is a little cheaper and you don't have a seat until you show up to the gate. So that's the risk that you run. Yeah, never making that mistake again. Right. That's never happened to me.

And I've flown like, main cabin or standard, whatever it is. Yeah, they offered us money, though. But you, but you have a seat. You've booked and, like, got to the... But why, can I... But why does that happen where, like, then they go, you don't have a seat?

Because that does happen. I know. That does happen. Is it like just part of the risk you run? You get a discount. I think it's probably... I mean, again, I'm sure someone that works for the fucking FAA is going to be in the comments.

Just be like, let me tell you. It's probably more confidential. It probably has to do with like the inherent risk of someone backing out or not showing up. So like probably, yeah. It's probably like on average 1.8 people just don't show up for their flight. So they'll book three extra to like just take that risk. And it ends up, if anything, making them more money because they're booking it and then they can just throw them on another flight. Can you look that up how?

Why are they? Yeah, I am. It's pretty much what you're saying. It's just a practice that started in the 50s. And it's just them compensating for people who cancel flights. It's insane that, like, they can't eat one seat. Like, whatever that would cost. Well, I, I, especially then.

How much was a ticket in 1950? Oh, my God. Look up what a round trip ticket to Boca Raton, Florida is. Don't ask me why that's where. Now? In, in 1950. Oh. Or, like, the average ticket price in 1950 and the average ticket price now.

Because we know it's ridiculous. But back then, it was also a different flying experience. It was just like, you could fly for 30 bucks. A round trip ticket in the 50s from New York to Florida was 75 bucks. Crazy. But also, you're sitting next to someone who's ripping darts, dude. I'm talking like, you are getting hotboxed with tobacco. And you're in a suit.

Yeah. Did you see that there was, I don't know if it was an airport. I think it was an airport. I think it was the Tampa airport banned pajamas. Yo, I'm kind of into that. What? I mean, I'm not showing up with the cookie monster pajamas and fucking SpongeBob slides. Well, people are.

That sucks. But, like, where are we cutting off pajamas? Like, I show up in basketball shorts and slides sometimes to some flights. Yeah. I think, yeah, I think that's okay. I just don't think, like, pajama pants and, like, fuzzy slippers is, like... Yeah. Like, you're in pub.

I mean, that's not even just for the airport, I think, anywhere. Like, I was, I mean, I personally wouldn't wear that. I mean, that was, like, a meme that was born in our age bracket for people in high school. Like, everyone remembers the kids that would show up. It was mostly girls that would show up to high school in these SpongeBob pajamas. Yeah, you know. I have a clarification here. Of what?

For the price ticket of the 50s. Okay. It's equivalent to 1,000 to 1,200 today. It was technically more expensive than back then. 40% more expensive because of just how difficult it was for planes to fly. So inflation, so when they take inflation into account, it was, oh, wow, that's pretty interesting.

It was actually more expensive back then because planes weren't as efficient. Wow. Ratio was. Yeah, because people were making less planes, too. Yeah. Less planes, less flights. You know, I'm sure they were also less technologically advanced. Yeah. I, if, let me ask you a serious question. If someone were to

like, do, if, if, We were to get a brand deal with, like, Delta. Mm-hmm. And they were like, we want to fly you somewhere and you make content. But you're flying on our vintage 1950s plane. You doing it? No. No, really.

No shot. I thought you were going to make it something easy, like, get in the cockpit. I'm like, I'm dying to be in a cockpit. Oh, yeah, that would be cool to see a cockpit. I'm waiting for a fucking pilot to recognize that. Yeah, like, give me my wing. Oh, my sister was on a plane. They went to the Bahamas, and the kids got little wings.

I was like, I didn't even know they did that anymore. I got one of the air attendants, what are they called? Flight attendants. Yeah, one of the flight attendants recognized me and gave me a bag of candy with like a little like United pin on it. And it's like the United logo and like a bag of candy. Yeah. Were you with your children? Solo, do low, baby.

Wow. By my Sizzy. That's nice. Yeah. But, oh man, a pilot was just like. You want to go check out the controls? Dude, I love the show. We listen to it when we're flying.

First of all, that actually would make me feel worse. I mean, they're not even doing anything. Somehow, it would still make me feel not good. Imagine they're flying the plane, and then they just hear my roar. They're just like, fuck. Well, they're not flying the plane. I know. They're just scary.

I would like to go in there and just, like, keep my hands in my pocket and just go, whoa. I'd get in the seat, put the hat on. Really? I don't think you could take pictures in there, can you? Probably not. Didn't someone get in trouble for this? Charlie Sheen. I was going to say, was it, was it Katie Perry?

No, it was Charlie Sheen. Katie Perry has been randomly getting in trouble for stuff lately, so. He was, like, hammered and, like, high off Coke, and they let him in the cockpit. Well, hold on. What? The first two parts were probably why he got in trouble. No, no, he got in trouble because, well, the pilot got in trouble because they let him, and he took. So here's the story with Charlie Sheen, is that he was like,

high on coke and like drunk or something like that. He was on the plane. They recognized him. And then they let him in the cockpit and they put him in the seat. And then they took the autopilot off. So now Charlie Sheen is driving the plane. And he goes, and I took the wheel and I just went like this. And the plane moved a little bit. And the pilot was like fire. It got a lot of trouble for that.

Well, yeah, absolutely. I mean, wasn't there also the story of him on a private jet where he's just like, how much do I have to pay in damages to smoke cigarettes? and they were like $10,000, and he was just ripped and six. He's like, I'll do it. I'm Charlie Sheen. I think Tom Cigura told that story and crazy.

I can't. Name a celebrity that this is dual-ended, double-sided. You know, before you get into the double-sided, let's get into the, let's get into something else real quick. We do have a new sponsor for today, and you're looking at it.

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And we'll keep giving you what you want, which apparently is more of us. Back to it. I thought you came up with Don't Get Angry, Get Angry Orchard. I mean, I did. I thought it was going to be like that like Romeo on TikTok moment where it's like, Dr. Pepper, baby. Oh, no.

It's good and nice. A doodoo. I really did try to open that. I did take a giant shock I could see the dent from here Well you're supposed to use a bottle opener Wait for the There are people that use their eyes and shit like that

Which is crazy Yeah but they're you know Yeah crazy I was gonna ask a double-ended question Right Let's imagine everyone has the same Exact training The training is not like they're the best in the world

But they are adequately trained to fly a plane. Name a person, a celebrity, an athlete, whatever, that you would be the most confident in landing that plane and then the inverse, the least confident in landing that plane. You just said we're all have the same training. Yeah, but, I mean, you still have to take into account who the individual is.

Like, for instance, I would really trust definitely not you. Are you kidding me? You'd be hammered. Me? Yeah. I can land. I would really trust.

Who would I trust to land this plane? Matt Damon. That's a great pick. That's a really good pick. Didn't you go to Harvard? Might have. Denzel Washington? That's a good one, too.

He landed that plane drunk, didn't he? In that movie? Tom Hanks? Tom Hanks? I was thinking Tom Hanks, but I was trying to come up with someone new. Is that a boat or a plane? No, that was Captain Sully Sulemberger.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or maybe I would just choose a pilot. Yeah, but like, it's not what the question is. Right. Samuel Jackson dealt with snakes on a plane. He did deal with snakes on a plane. I'm thinking, though, like, who is responsible enough to be, like, an awesome plane lander? Like, Gibbs off responsible, too.

DeVeed Diggs. You know who David Diggs is? No. From Hamilton. Oh, yeah. He would be, I feel like he would be good at landing a plane. How did you... He just looks like he's just got his life together.

Idris Elba. That's a good one. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. And I think Bill Byrd is a pilot. Yeah, he flies helicopters, I think. I would... Better than...

He said we all have the same training. Oh. Yeah, it doesn't matter helicopter or plane or anything. Everyone has the same. I would also... I would put Bill Burr on my... I'm a little worried here.

Why? Because I can see him, like, just being pissed about something. Like, he's flying to, like, fucking Buffalo. And he's just like, fuck this place. Yeah. You know what I mean? So who's the least? Well, Charlie Sheen's up there.

And I'm talking 2006, Charlie Sheen. I'm not talking, you know, 2026. I put my dad up there just because I've been in the car with him a lot. And I know that he likes to do everything except drive. Yeah, you don't like your dad as a driver? He's a good driver. We've never been in an accident. Or at least I've never been in an accident with him. But he does do everything. thing about drive. Like he looks for stuff, he talks,

he's back to you, check it for whatever, and I'm like, just you know what I mean? Yeah. I would not trust, I'd say either of the Paul brothers. Why? I don't know. McGregor. Yeah. Well, that's a good answer. I don't think I trust him. Conno McGregor, I'm not, no way. Reasons to not trust him in any capacity. Exactly. Still applies.

Oh, I would trust Morgan Freeman a lot He's getting up there He's getting up there, but he still has it Yeah, but I know, but like, you know, bad turbulence I wouldn't hold it is I wouldn't trust like Pacino No, he's dead He's getting there

Oh, okay Oh yeah, like he's like, I was like Do you know something I don't? No, no, no, like he's, you know It's knocking Yeah Morgan Freeman is 88 That's wild He was born in 1937.

That's crazy. Dude, he's not that much younger than my grandmother. You know what's crazy I heard recently? Who's dead? Dead! You know? Yeah, she's gone. Yeah.

Like, filthy, like, gone. Filthy's crazy. She hasn't seen his last, like, ten movies, though. Oh, who? Morgan Freeman's? Yeah. I think Morgan Freeman has probably done more than ten movies since your grandmother died. Since 2012, you think?

Pull up the filmography, babe. no one cares that much. Yeah, all right. When it was Bruce Almighty, it's all that matters. That was in 2005, I believe. So she saw that one. I mean, everyone saw Bruce Almighty. That was a great movie.

That's true. What I was trying to say is I saw, like, a thing that was just like, Samuel Jackson didn't, like get his breakout role until he was, like, in his 40s. I'm like, how old is Samuel L Jackson? He's old, right? I mean, he's in his 70s, I believe. Bro, he also has one of the most. impressive filmographies

Samuel Jackson Yeah he does So he's like in all the Quentin Tarantino movies So those are good 77 Wow It's a real shame that he's a weird fuck He's like doubling down on how weird he is

He's just like a weird fuck But the movies are good But he's a weird fuck Jackson or Tino Tino Oh yeah he's weird Oh yeah Samuel Jackson Not only do I not think

I think he's weird. I wouldn't call him weird because he'd come here and beat the brakes off. He's like a good dude. I think he's like a philanthropist also. Yeah, I think he was one of the pallbearers at MLK's, like Martin Luther King Jr.'s funeral. What? I think so. How? He's 77, dude. That's insane.

That was 60 years ago. Can we fact check any of this? I'm trying. This seems like an intense. intense uh was samuel jackson i and maybe i'm mixing him up with somebody else but i he was an usher at okay he was he was an usher at his funeral so yeah that's still like that's a yeah shows you how recent all that stuff was pull up samuel jackson's filmography on the screen here well all right name i mean of course all the avengers movies i can go on forever oh wow yeah i also low-key the

kingsman movies i liked them uh he was only in the first one you know what movie he was shady in that People forget. Jurassic Park. That's right. He was on Jurassic Park. Yep. Django. Pulp Fiction.

Django is such a crazy. Unbreakable. I forgot about unbreakable. Mr. Glass. They called Mr. Glass. The Kingsman movies. Jackie Brown. Good fellas.

Oh, my God. He had like a brief cameo in good fella. But still, look at these movies that he's in. He was in that. Die hard, right? Die hard. He was in Die Hard? No, that's Die Hard with a vengeance.

That's not. Oh, yeah. Deep Blue Sea. Wait, he wasn't coming to America? Love Deep Blue Sea, dude. Bro, Deep Blue Sea is so good. Is so fucking good. Really?

But it's so bad, too. Well, that's why, yeah. Isn't like Michael Rappaport, like a scientist in that or something? Oh, cool. Jay's a chef. It's great. Yeah, remember he saves his bird. That's right.

I remember that shit. Yo, that movie is so sick. Triple X. Bro, I loves that movie. I don't think I ever saw that one. He's Joe Bill. He's Frozone. He is Frozone.

A lot of people. He's in Kong Skull Island? Yeah. I don't know if I saw that. That was a good one. I like Kong. Swat. Low key good movie.

I don't remember that being good. The sum of all fears. That was good. Oh, he's in, how are you in all these? That's not him. He's in the Garfield movie? The new one.

Yeah. He plays Garfield's dad. It's like Chris Pratt is Garfield. And his father, Samuel, Jackson. Damn, dude, look how many fucking movies he's done. Yeah, that's right, he's Mace Windo! Yeah.

Purple Lightsaber. Dude, so sick. Coach Carter? You remember Coach Carter? Wow! Dude, what a movie. That movie is low-key, incredible. I think I saw an interview recently that said that he got mad at the cast because there's

like a party scene in that movie and they were actually like drinking and having a party. And he was like upset with them because they weren't taking it serious. Which, I get it. Look at that. The films in which he has appeared have collectively grossed more than 27. Billion worldwide. And he's still not the, like, the highest grossing. No, he's not anymore.

Making him the highest grossing actor. He's not. I saw, I saw someone else. Who? I'm going to have you guys guess. I know who it is. You know who it is? Yeah.

It's an actress. Yeah. I mean, it's a tris. It's a tris. It that narrows it down. But don't say it. Is she older? Than Samuel?

Or, like, around that age? No. No? So she's young? Fairly young. Yes. Well, fairly young. Definitely young.

Yeah, yeah. But I'm saying, like, not Zendaya age. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I figured she was like, probably got to be at least 40 or something like that. Okay, okay. Think of the biggest movies of all time.

Just start naming them. Start naming them. Scarlet Johansson. Okay. Margot Robbie? Definitely not. Yeah, I mean. I swung with Barbie there.

The answer is going to blow your mind. It's like someone I would not expect. Yes. But, like, once you are like, oh, oh, yeah. Jennifer Lawrence? No Not as mainstream I mean that sounds disrespectful

Uma Thurman No but you're going in the right track A little bit Carrie Washington That's not it No but you're also kind of going on the right track Allie Berry No no

Fuck You know like Avatar Marvel Oh is really Zoe Salada Yeah dude Yeah What? What?

The avatar I guess she's in fucking What's it called too? She's in the Avengers Yep. She's in the Avatar movies. I think those alone. Like in Zoe Saldana.

She was in, wasn't she in, she's the, what was that road trip movie that she was in? Huh? She was in like a road trip movie with like Britney Spears, wasn't she?

What the fuck? Guardians. Whoa! That might not be accurate. This is less. She's officially right there, right there, right there. Where?

On the right. This? Yes. Yeah, I saw a report that she is. this says that she is has taken over the world's with 15.4

well this isn't what are we doing here I've seen we're seeing conflicting reports here maybe this is a domestic I thought I saw worldwide no they're even talking about how now stands

he's third so whatever I guess you that Google AI that you were using Gemini lied to you AI is inaccurate all time But yeah, dude, like Zoe Saldanya has the Avatar movies. Is it Saldanya?

Yeah. There's an enya. There's an enya over the end. Type in her filmography. I want to see what she's in. I mean, hold on. She's in the Guardians movies, the Avengers movies. She's in the Avatar movies.

You ever see the losers? I know those. I think she's in the losers. Oh, Amelia Perez. Amelia Perez. She won the Oscar for that. Pirates of the Caribbean. Yeah, that's right.

Oh, fuck. She was in the Losers. that too. Oh, Crossroads. Maybe that's what you're thinking of? Crossroads, yeah. How the fuck did you think of a 2002 movie that no one knows, Frank? The Losers, okay.

I never saw that one, but I know that movie. I don't know most of these movies. It's a good movie. Pretty sure she played Nina Simone in the movie Nina. Scroll more? I don't... Oh, yeah, the Star Trek? Star Trek, but they were not as big as you would have thought.

Yeah, this feels like an avatar cheat. Avatar Marvel. It's Avatar. I mean, Avatar, I think, is... like, it's three movies and it's like $6 billion. Yeah, it's crazy. And then Marvel is up there, but they have more movies.

You know, I've never seen a frame of an Avatar movie? I saw the first one, and I vehemently refused to watch any of the others, because I just didn't get it. Like, I got it, but I was just like, this isn't what it needs to, like, the hype is making it. Yeah, yeah. You know? Because it's like, yeah, the biggest movie ever, and you're like,

yeah, like, it felt like, it was, like, I remember the first movie like watching it was like whoa this is stunning like it's beautiful but then like there were other parts for i was just like it's kind of stupid is it poop it's poop like they like the thing that they have to get is called unobtainium and it's just like be a little more on the nose yeah let's let's avoid that like come on like use some different words that's like we came up with the name of it that's like if our children like and you cannot obtain this precious mineral what's it called it's untainable and it's like uranium unobtainium it's so so Are there any other movies that, besides rage baiting me with the mask, that are like, well-known, great movies that just for you, you're like, eh.

Um, hmm. I have, I have one for sure. What? You're going to hate me for this one. I was like not all, like, I didn't think intercellar was all that great. I know you love that movie. I, I disagree. I think that Interstellar is a good movie.

I think that some people... I'm not saying it's a bad movie. I didn't think... You think it's overrated. I was just like, all right. See, I feel like Interstellar, the problem with that movie is the same problem with the Wolf of Wall Street.

I think they're both great movies. It's just that when the Hardo's come in and like identify so much with it, it just like ruins it. Yeah, but... Because the Wolf of Wall Street is a great movie, but like, The people who are like,

and it's like you go to work and this is who you are now. Like, it's just nerdy. But if anything, them doing that, it highlights the message of the film. Like, oh,

people don't get it. Yeah, yeah, but that's not the movie's fault. I know it's not the movie's fault, but I'm saying like, the movie gets a bad rep because the people who like the movie are like dweeps.

I mean, I like, I love that movie. I'm not a dweeb. I'm not a dweeb. No, I know. I'm saying,

say I'm not a dweeb. I'm saying the people who think that they are Jordan Belford. I am Jordan Belford now. And now it's like, you know, it's just corny. But yeah. But I feel like Interstellar like every like guy on Hinge. Like I've seen it on TikTok with girls saying like every guy in Hinge says like interstores' favorite movie. And it's like, all right.

Now it's becoming like now it's a little corny. You know? But I like the movie. I think it's good. I can see how you're like, nah. But I just felt like I was like, okay. It's good. But then again, like I'm also a grumpy little bit.

where people would be like, oh my God, and I'm just like, mm-mm. Yeah. You know why I kind of felt that way about Tenet? I never saw Tenet. It's good, and I could recognize that it's good, but at the same time, I'm like, there's too much of this guy. I think a lot of people talk about Tenet, Intercellar, Christopher Nolan, like, that's a movie where he was just like super overindulgent.

Like, it was like... Dude, I blink, and I'm like, the fuck is this now. Yeah, it's like... And now it's backwards now. And now it's backwards and forward, but you're at the first. and then, bap, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, my understanding in the movie is that a lot of the criticism has just been that it's just too much movie.

Too crazy. It's too much movie the movie. Yeah, I don't like it. You know, that's why I like something simple. What's a movie that you can watch, like, all the time? Like, you'll throw it on every single time. Or, like, what's, like, your top three funniest movies? Funniest movies.

I'm going to remove the mask because I feel like that's an easy answer. You think that's, like, the funniest movie? I, I, whether it be because I have rose. tinted glises rose tinted glasses on when I watch it I do think it's an incredible movie okay um forgetting Sarah Marshall I can watch that

that's a good answer forgetting Sarah Marshall is I love that movie so perfectly funny like I think it is like a perfect movie it is so good and like I'll even throw in super bad like yeah there are parts of it that don't age so well but like it is so fucking good yeah um and And then a perfectly funny movie.

I mean, okay. Also, Just Friends. I think Just Friends is so fucking, like... Christmas movie. It absolutely is a Christmas movie. But, like, every part of that movie is funny. Like, there are certain parts that are just, like, a little bit.

But, like, Anna Ferris is so fucking good in that. Oh, my God, dude. Dude, she's so good in that movie. I love Anna Farris. What about you? And don't give the three that I gave. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to think of, like, other movies

because you took super bad and forgetting Star-Marcial. but also a movie that I just think is just incredible. Maybe the funniest we've ever seen is Wedding Crashers. Yeah, Wedding Crashers is up there. Good answer. It's like one of the funniest movies I've ever seen in my life. Old School is also very, maybe I'm just a Vince Vaughn fan. Well, yeah.

Dodge Ball. Dodge Ball is good, yeah. See, Ben Still, Ben Stiller movies are also very funny to be. Dude, Tropic Thunder. Tropic Thunder. It is heavy weights? Oh, my God. Miles was watching that the other day.

Really? She's like, good on you, Miles. Yeah. Happy Wates is a funny movie, man. Dude, fucking Tropic Thunder. And it's such like a thing to talk about now, where it's just like, why is that okay? That movie, and yes, I agree.

Like, they probably shouldn't make that movie today, but, like, it is so fucking funny. Because it is a commentary on actors. You know what I mean? Like, it's not like, it is, at points, but, like, it is more about. There's certainly some stuff there for sure. I know, but I'm saying, like, it is just a commentary on, like, the industry.

Like, those, like, hyper-intense, like, Daniel Day Lewis method actors that, like, I saw one thing, like, a story that he did a movie where he played a paraplegic, I think. But, like, they made him, he, like, wouldn't walk on set. He had to be carry or some shit like that. I heard that for There Will Be Blood, he, like, didn't shower the whole time. I think that was Gangs of New York. Oh, maybe that one. Which both good movies.

I love Gangs of New York. Dude, I just watched Marty Supreme. Have you watched it yet? No. It's a movie, brother. What does that mean? Correct. I already know it's a movie.

It's good? Bro, it's like, it's uncut gems, but like a little dialed up. Why did you say that when we were talking about gangs in New York? I don't know. Because he's in, gang's in New York, they're going to go. Well, because gangs in New York takes place in like the 1800s in New York and, and, Marty Supreme is in like the 50s. Oh, okay, okay.

You know? Yeah, Gangs in New York is great. Love that. Yeah, he's a sloppy fucking mess in that movie. He's a stinky, like, greasy fucker. Oh, my God. And there will be blood, too. I've never seen it.

Yeah, it's it. I got to watch that. That's a really, really good movie. My boy! No, what's that from? That's from Harry Potter. Well, that's also from There Will Be Blood. Yeah, yeah.

You know. But I was thinking, My son. My boy! I think the famous one from that is the milkshake part. Well, yeah. I drink your milkshake. What's going on?

I don't know. Like something rang up here. What? I hope I'm not having an end here. What was that? I don't know. I love talking good movies. Get to the other ads and I'll bring up other movies because I got a movie question to ask you.

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So the question I was going to ask you is, I don't know if you saw, but the prosthetic but, like prosthetic rhino, but from Ace Ventura when Nature calls is on auction? I was going to say one of my answers is Ace Ventura, too. Really? One of the funniest movies you've seen. I feel like number one is better.

He said two. Two. Is that, that's the rhino? When Nature calls, yeah. I feel like one is better. One is the football. Yes. I mean, there's also some stuff that has an age well and one.

It's pretty transphobic. Is it? Yeah. You don't remember the whole, like... It's a big twist of the movie? Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's right there, brother.

I forgot. Right there. I put it on for Miles one day, and he was watching it, and, like, I forgot that there's, like, a full-on sex scene in a, that first movie. I don't even remember. It's like him and Courtney Cox, isn't it?

That is Courtney Cox. Who's that? That's not anyone. Courtney Cox. But are there any like movie props that you would just open up the checkbook for?

Like if you saw that they were on display, you'd be like, I'll have that. I don't know, but I just saw a clip of Ed Shearren saying that he like collects these things.

Like he said he just bought Edward Scissorhan's hands. Oh. He has a Dr. Evil suit. That's cool. He's got Batman and Robin from Batman and Robin the movie, like their suits. Oh, okay.

From the George Clooney one, I think. Okay. Um, I wasn't gonna ask, but I'm glad you specified. I think. I mean, the Ruby slippers, that's like an easy one, but like that's on the, I think that's on display at the Smithsonian or something like that in DC. Maybe. Oh, give me the golden snitch. Oh, that's a good answer.

You know what I'm talking about? Just like the little fucking golden. Oh, I want the, the, what's that shit? shit called, I don't know, the wand that they're all after. The elder one? The elder wand? The elder one? The elder one. The old one wasn't as cool. I'd like, I'd like, uh, Voldemort's wand.

That was the elder wand. No. Well, technically he never owned it because he wasn't the one that had disarmed. That was the one he was using, though. He was using it, but it was breaking in his hand because he had not technically been owner of. So when you say Voldemort's wand, which one are you referring to? The one that has the hook on the end, that he holds like a fucking, like a whore. You know what I'm talking about? It has like the hook on the end. Yeah.

That's what I'm talking about. Oh, it looks like a cane. That shit is cool as hell. You could have that for 10 bucks. And there's only two left if you want. No. I mean, yeah, I'm completely okay. Oh, it's Halloween.

Also, I would want, like, expensive. Oh, my God, no! Do you remember that TikTok I showed you? Where it's, like, fucking, like, kiss, merry kill or whatever that. Yeah. And it's just like, oh! Just a little parcel time. La, well, wow.

but any others that you could think of. The Ghostbusters pack would be pretty good. Proton pack? Proton pack? Where are you on Ghostbusters? I've always seen the first one a few times and it's fine. I was a big fan of the second one. I like Bill Murray, like especially like back then, like watching the movies that he was in then.

I think that he's like funny. Okay. Ooh. I know one that would scratch both itches you have. I didn't even know I had one. Yeah, I was going to say. Let alone too. The T-Rubes.

Rex like or I'm not even going to go that big because that would be way too expensive. The cane with the mosquito amber in it from Jurassic Park. That's cool. Yeah. That would be cool because it's like you're getting a fossil and you're getting a movie prom. It's not real. I'd rather get a mosquito.

Like a real mosquito amber. Are we allowed to own those? Yeah. I don't see why not. I think the science in that movie has been very debunked. Okay. Like I don't think you can drill into a fucking 65. million-year-old mosquito and get any DNA out of it.

That's fair. Do they have, can you actually buy, like, mosquitoes and amber? I have no idea. Can you just buy amber? That would be really cool. What's amber? Amber is, like, solidified, like, uh, like tree sap from, like ancient times. That would be cool.

Like, you can buy, like, petrified wood. I know that. What is that? You don't know petrified wood? Not really. It's like ancient wood that has been burnt. and like charred basically and it becomes almost like glass like

what never heard of that like glass like see through no but like it's kind of a similar like hardness and like texture to it I really yeah no I don't I might be fucking this up when I think of petrified I think back to Harry Potter

yes I mean you can you could buy petrified you know moaning myrtle if you really want yeah um having Harry Potter stuff would be cool I mean, you can just go to Universal and get them No, no, no, like the actual Oh, like you want like the real shit

Yeah You don't want any of the fake shit I mean, dude, if I was an actor You're like Daniel Radcliffe And you're doing Harry Potter I'm taking mad shit Yeah, I mean they probably would get in trouble Not bro, I'm Daniel Radcliffe, I own this shit

Technically you don't Bro I mean, sue me They will All right And guess who will win The major motion picture studio that is going to, yeah, dude.

Yeah. You're not going to take me down, bro. I made you all this money. Chill. I don't think that's how that works. I think so. I think you have some bargaining ship. I mean, maybe some.

Just like a few things. I'm not saying, take the, you know, whatever. Hold the horse nose off his face. I would want the actual owl that uses headwig. Like, then you get an owl, and you get a fucking cool thing from a movie.

I would get the Nimbus. Oh, Nimbus 2000? Or the Firebolt. That one was cool. Yeah, that was cool. Cool. I mean, I'm an embus guy. If they sold those and they were real, would you get up there?

Absolutely. Would you? One million percent. But you don't like flying in planes? Because I'm not in control. You don't know how to fly a plane. You're damn right. You don't know how to fly a broom.

I would learn. If I'm getting a broom, I'm learning how to fly a broom. It would be cool. Dude, I would just be like, yo, I'm on my way into work. Probably so cold I mean it would be a little cold It would be a little cold But I would dress appropriately

Yeah Dude are you kidding me Yeah That would be cool You think they have a seatbelt No have you not watched Harry Potter But you have to add one Why?

Because you're flying on a broom I mean if Also Think about how you're sitting on it Wouldn't that hurt Yeah my nuts would be split in half The Nimbus or the Firebolt I don't remember which one

Had like little like foot stirrups on it So you can kind of Kind of take a little bit of pressure off of your coom. Yeah, but my fucking balls are getting beat up, dude. Also, I'm getting ch- Don't talk about my balls. I didn't say anything. Also, just leaning on a broom.

If anything, a broom is more well-equipped to deal with your balls than most other things you ride on. You can just have one nut go one way, one nut go the other. That's not the most comfortable way to have my nuts. Why? Because they're a packaged deal. They'd rather be together hugging each other. All right.

So put them on one side, then the broom will just hold it against your leg. Still pressing up against me. I mean, if you got good enough nuts, it'll just press up against, like, in between. Tell you what, I'd rather imagine a carpet. You can lay down, bro. You can lay down. Well, hold on to it like this. I feel more in control when I have the thing in my grasp like this.

You know what I mean? Hold on to the edge of the carpet like this. And you can just like... Yeah, but like you, like... So what am I going to do? Actually, yeah. You don't even fly it. You just tell the carpet.

He's a guy. You tell him, bro, get me there. Let's just go, dude. Yeah, it's like having an Uber driver. That's a really good point. And you can kind of talk to it. You know, it has a personality. All right, all right.

Here we are. Here we are. Now we're talking. Would you rather have a magic carpet, a magic broom? I realize you didn't think further than those. Or DeLorean. Does it go back in time?

Yeah. Yeah, but then you got to get back here. It's lightning. Easy. I'm taking the fucking. carpet every time. I think I'm taking the broom. I kind of like the... You're passing up a literal time machine. A literal time machine. I don't know. What do I need to go back to? I'm fine. Think about this. If you were to go back in time,

how cool is that actually? Unless you're going to do something that's going to like, you know, benefit the world, which I am incapable of doing most things. Well, it also depends on what logic of time travel and, you know, time, like affecting the future that you subscribe to. If we're going based off of the back-to-the-future rules, you could actually do more damage than you think. You know what I mean? But even so, even without that, like, how cool is it to go back in time? Like, what am I going to do?

What are you going to do? Like, you want to go back and see what? A dinosaur, then what? No, I wouldn't want to get stuck there. But that's what I mean? So what would you even do at a time machine? That's what I said, and you're stuck there and you need to get back. I'm assuming I have two trips.

Take as many trips as you want. What are you doing in the past? I don't know. I mean, can I bring out that? Hold on, wait, hold on, he's on to something here. The sports ammanac. I mean, that's not a bad idea. That's that that was going to be my question. Can I bring stuff back with me? The sports almanac? Yeah, you don't remember Back to the Future too? The winner of every sports team for like 100 years. I'd never seen any of the Back to the Future movies. Well, that's why he's, that's why he's arguing like this.

Well, no, if anything, if anything, his point, his points would only be strengthened by watching those movies because there's, there's shenanigans and whimsy about because of the time travel. Quimsy. I just don't think that time travel backwards would be actually that cool that I would pass up a magic carpet. I mean, it would, you would be able, hold on, you would be able to reap the benefits of it financially. For instance, go back in time and pick up like 30 Pokemon first edition shadowless booster boxes. Bring them back with you. You're sitting on a couple millie, baby. So, we do know that the DeLorean can go. to the future. Does it, right? Yes, it does in the second one. He hasn't seen it.

It's called Back to the Future. So, like, it goes back and forth. Yeah, but if you're back, then present is the title of the first movie. They, they then, the second one was back to the future. But if you're going back to the future, that just means the present, because that would mean that, like, you were in the future because of the present. In theory, they do go to the future. They do go to the future. They go to the distant past. The back to the future name is in reference to in the first movie, they go to the past and they need to. to get back to their timeline, which is the future of where they currently are. Even the future.

Being able to time travel to the future, what can you do there? You're basically an idiot now. I mean, no, he's right about the sports almanac. That's a big thing. And that's the part of the second. You want to be spoiled? You want to know who won the World Series? It's not about knowing.

It's about being able to financially capitalize on it. I'm good with that. If they're at like the beginning of the season, like remember a couple of years ago when the Washington Nationals won the World Series? If you have all of the money, then what? You still don't have a magic carpet. How long do you think you're going to keep your magic carpet once people see you have a magic carpet? Yeah, exactly.

People are going to want that bitch. Yeah. Can't get it? How can they not? You're not a magic person. You don't suddenly have fucking security. You don't have the genie? Okay, you have a magic card.

They can take that. Boom. Well, they wouldn't know I'm going back and forth because there's no proof. And you also blow that up. And they also wouldn't know how to use the Delorean. So the magic carpet is a person. It's sentient. It could be like, I'm not flying for you.

I'm not carpet. Well, you would have to build a really good report with this carpet. Yeah, we're fucking boys. If we're arguing like going to the future and reaping some sort of financial benefits, I'm with me. I'm with you. Okay. If we're talking about just purely living in the, because like, you also need a hit 88

in order to get the Delorean to go. And that's not necessarily easy everywhere you go. I mean, I could get it to hit 88. Think about it like this. If I put a Delorean outside right now, you're not going. going anywhere, buddy. I mean, once you hit the highway. Yeah.

What highway in New York will you open it up to hit 88? 4 a.m. any of them. That's unsafe, Joey. I mean, yes. You know what's easier? Flying a magic carpet. Yeah, but if you watch, I guess you know what? If you watch the original Aladdin, they go from like Agrabah to like Greece and like somewhere

else very quickly. So the speed of the magic carpet is pretty fast. That's what I'm saying. But also, if I have... And it saved his life! But also, if I have a magic broom, magic could also exist elsewhere. The implication is that if this broom is magic...

No, that's not the implication. Also, if I jump off the Empire State Building, my magic carpet could just capture me. I mean, you're... Why are you jumping off? I'm saying that's an option. Yeah. Like, your magic harp is like your bodyguard.

You can't fall. And I have the option to go see a dinosaur. That does stuff. Congrats! But this is what I'm saying with time travel. You go back and actually think about the utility of this, right? If you have a time machine forever and I have a magic carpet forever in my experience, you can go back and then you can like invest in Apple or whatever the fuck you want to do

and then you have all the money in the world. That's a great point. And what are you going to do with it though? What is that? Bro, I have a magic carpet. Do you know what I could do with that? I would pay people to steal your magic carpet. They can't get it.

Well, also, here's a thing. you go back in time to the time of the dinosaurs, the terrain has not yet had the effects of humankind on it. Where are you going to drive to open that bitch up to 88? That's also fair. Just open land. I'll drive it.

Open land, brother. It's not necessary. Off road tires. Off road tires. So you think with off-road tires, you'll be able to get to 88 doing this all the time? So you're both in on the Delorean just for financial gain?

I honestly, I'm kind of standing my ground on the magic a broom? That's the worst one. I don't think it's the worst one. Easily. Easily the worst one. Easily the worst one. Because it hurts your balls.

Guess what? Guess what you can't do on your magic carpet. Guess what you can't do? Have your girlfriend with you. You damn right, I can. Oh yeah. Get on this thing. We'll both sit on it.

Get it even more uncomfortable. What is more romantic than being able to be held by your partner behind you and they're looking over your shoulder and you're fucking bobbing and leaving? I'll tell you what? A fucking picnic in the sky on the way to Greece. Yeah, but first of all, that would be incredibly. cold. Okay. The air pressure is significantly less up there. So what, you're up there eating grapes and

fucking cured meats at minus 30 degrees? Who's going to 35,000 feet? We go over here. Camera's getting hit by a plane. But then also... But then also, guess what? You need to hold on to a magic carpet. Guess what a magic carpet...

No, you don't. Guess what a magic carpet famously does not have? Handles, brother. Go watch the movie. Yes, Aladdin is like this. Yeah, when it's intense. But when he's flying with Jasmine, they're just like, ha, da, da, da, da, da.

And they're just chilling and fucking falling in love. They are chilling. They are falling in love. Splendid. Tell me, princess. Now, where did you last? Let your heart decide. And it's when.

I'm sorry, guys. I can open your eyes. Take you. Wonder pie Wander Over sideways and under This is Disney Oh yeah

They'll fuck us out They will hammer up It's a weekly It's a cover It's a cover I know you guys are doing Really good Like I like it

Yeah that's right The Backstreet boys Are gonna fucking bend us over For some money If this happens again I swear to God Damn right Disney's gonna Thank you for stepping in

Because that would have lasted Another 10 minutes See this is why he earns his keep here Yeah I'm taking the magic carpet though Let's not be crazy Because guys what

Watch this, watch this. Watch this. All right, I'm going to do a little thing here. Yeah, yeah. I forgot I kept this under here. Watch this. You're getting thrown off. You know what you're not bucking me off of?

A fucking magic broom, baby. I'm holding on for dear life. Like this. You think you're breaking that grip? No. Don't you have to learn how to fly the broom? Yeah, I'll learn that. Yeah, I'm not even flying.

Yeah, he's chilling. So you're at the will of somebody else. You are willing? I know how. you are. You're willing to give up. In such a vulnerable state, you're giving up control to this sentient carpet. What do you think flying in a plane is? The exact same thing and you've expressed that you don't like that for that reason. What I do it? You do it. But so you're in a significantly more vulnerable state when you're on a magic carpet. Yeah. And you're just going to give up and just

hope that this collection of threading is going to not just fucking lose its mind and kill you one day. Yeah, it's magic. You know how you're in ultimate control? If this thing isn't sentient and you have it in your own Frank as soon as that thing decides it's not magic anymore you're on a broomstick in the sky moron. You get makeup shit like that. You just did! No, I'm presenting a potential hypothetical. There is no world in which any of these stop being magical because you have the

exact same argument. If the carpet is magic that means that it is the magic carpet that we know from Aladdin. And you're just, you believe that this magic carpet is just a hundred percent completely neutral good all the time. Yes. No chaotic elements to it. When was it bad?

It was, there was some points where it was a little cheeky in those movies, you know, it's being a little funny and silly. Not what it came to Aladdin. It did save him a couple times. Multiple. Mine's science. You guys have their Latin magic.

Yours is the dumbest. Yeah, yours is the dumb. I mean, actually, you know, Franks is pretty bad. No! He's a broom. It's a boom. Yours is the worst answer. His doesn't make sense.

Yeah, yours is a car from the 1980s. If science doesn't give up, then the transmission is going. Are you fucking kidding me? It's true, it's true, it's true, dude. I can go back in time. You're going to need a new car. You're going to need to get the tires fucking redone, dude.

Imagine this too. What happens if you got a flat tire in the Mesozoic era? Bro, who's cooler? That'd be a problem. Who's cooler, right? You pulling up to the bar in that car with a fucking mad scientist in the fucking passenger seat, by the way, or me standing.

and just landing with my carpet. And then it takes off. You're going to fly standing? Ew. Dude, not always. That is disgusting. When I'm arriving,

also it turns into stairs. I walk down it. What if I walk out of the car with Einstein or something? What's going to be like, who the fuck is that guy? Yeah. What is that going to do for the normal person today? Oh,

look cool. Einstein. We have eight million of him now. Or Freddie Mercury. That would be cool. Only if he's singing, though. Of course he's singing. That's the agreement.

Are you, can you bring people to the future that are coming back? They do that in Bill and Ted. Yeah. It probably messed up some things. Not if you bring them back to the exact spot they left. I mean, again, it depends on what logic of time travel you subscribe to. You also assume that Freddie Mercury is going to be like, yeah, sure, I'll get in, kid. I mean, there are ways that you can get Freddie Mercury there.

There are ways. Cocaine. Cocaine. He'll get in. Orgies. Orgy. You just tell, y'all. You won't even believe the orgies they're having nowadays.

No, I'm taking the magic carpet. What's cooler? You showing up on fucking carpet or me pulling in like a fucking BMX like on a fucking magic broom. Yeah, me being like, yo, that's fire. And then people are going to be like, what are you supposed to be? Elfabah? You made it cooler. No, I didn't.

Yes, you did. That was the standard. That's what I was saying. Could you imagine me wearing a flowy black gown on this magic fucking broom? And I go to the top and I'm like, if you care to find that sky. Dude, what? The government's shooting you out of the sky. Yes, they are.

However, that's what I'm saying about your carpet. I'd be low. You think they're just going to be like, we can't find him. He's just right there. I'm underneath the radar. Yeah, but guess what everyone has nowadays? Phones, brother. Yeah.

They're finding all of us. especially you, dumbass What's going to happen when you go back to the past and there's no more gasoline? I wouldn't, I would monitor it properly. Yeah, but you would go back in time and go, and then you go home. Yeah, and you'd also go and get mauled,

whether it be by animals or any fucking illness or sickness that has since been long dead that's going to fucking kill you. Also, think about this. You're going to go in the past and then you're going to make a bunch of money so that your present self can have a bunch of money. Then you're just, why go to the past again

if you have all the money in the future? You don't have it in the past. I go to the future, see what's going on. Yeah, you'd be the dumbest person there. But then I go back. Dumbus is a stretch. Because if you put Albert Einstein here today, he's still smarter than any of us. That is a, like, I don't even know how, whatever.

I don't even know how true that is to be on. I don't know. I don't really agree. Because you would put him in front of a computer and he'd probably be like, what is this? You know, like, I think we're all smarter than Einstein. We've had this argument. We're not doing this again. I don't think that we're smarter than Einstein.

Not smarter than Einstein. Duh. Um, but I don't know We have more access to knowledge than Einstein did That's what I'm saying That I could say that We're not we're not relitigating this argument

I hear what you're saying A magic carpet is incredibly cool It's but it is not Like that's like saying like what's cooler Laying on a fucking like Matt in a pool Or someone that rides up on a chopper What's cooler Joey?

That's not what we're saying That's exactly what we're saying No What's cooler? A Segway or a motorcycle? Okay. Flying in an airplane, would you rather be laying down

or in the back sitting on a bike? If I was in control of it. I mean, but like, sure, there are some design flaws that maybe I would be able to edit at different points in time. Yeah, there's some flaws, all right. That maybe there are some design flaw.

You're on a carpet. Your life, your well-being and safety is just basically at the will of the thread count. Yours too. No, mine's a piece of sturdy magic wood. Also, it'd be more like a bike without the bike seat. You're just sitting on raw, thin wood. Yeah, dude.

Your butthole is post. First of all, do not reference the standard at which my asshole will be after riding on a magic... Post. Post. I'll just get some biker shorts. What are they called? Biker shorts. There you go.

I'll get some biker shorts and I'll fucking throw a pillow. pillow in my pants. I'll be okay, dude. Throw a pillow in my pants. I'll be all right. Got him throw a pillow in your pants. I'm gonna like take a nap on my carpet. Yeah, and then you're gonna roll over and roll to your doom. No, because it could catch me. You better hope it can catch you. Because that's the other part of it, is that it needs to find you and get you. Because if you remember in Aladdin, like he falls, and that thing needs to go and get it. And sometimes it's not, it cuts it a little close. So the anxiety of possibly falling to your death

better be worth it. I mean, I'm not going to fall asleep, but I could. I could lay down for sure. You can lay down, sure. But then you're laying on a carpet. Could my Delorean fly? Like his? It does have the ability to fly.

It does. Oh, my answer is so good. Your answer sucks. Your answer still... He doesn't need the ground to even teleport. He just flies at 88 miles per hour. Boy, that does add a bit of a monkey wrench into my argument. So it's kind of like the Harry Potter car? Sure.

Yeah. Except it could teleport. Can't teleport. It can go back in time. It wasn't like teleporting from like here to France. It was going back in time. So you're not getting that. You also can't go anywhere like cool, except the past or the future.

There's no practical use for it in today's like day and age. I mean, you can take the car. You can drive a car. I have a flying car at the end of the end of the future. the day. I still have a flying car. Yeah, that does change things for me now, because the carpet is like... But the other thing is the accessibility of the carpet. You're also getting something in the carpet that you're not getting in the DeLorean.

You're getting personality. You're getting something that you might enjoy. Yeah. Compared to you're just getting nuts and bolts. I get heat and AC and time travel and flight. All things that don't matter when you have a cool carpet. I'm helping you hear. I still think my answer is the best. The weather is a toughie. That's another one.

I mean, all of us. I mean, you and I are both fucked with the weather. Don't say all of us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, in a thunderstorm? That would be cool. No, dude, for you? I mean, why?

It's wood. Yeah, but... It cracks wood? Yeah, when it strikes it. Yeah. I will take the chances. Yours, if fucking thunder hits yours, it's literally turning to dust and you're falling.

This is a stupid question, maybe. I mean, what is the show, if not a collection of those? I mean, the last hour and a half have been probably pretty stupid, but lightning, right? It strikes. That bolt, is it like, like, the damage that that bolt can do? Like, obviously it does damage to where it strikes, but can you get damaged by this part?

You know what I'm saying? Like in the middle? That's a good question. Like the light part of it? I imagine. Doesn't it also strike from the ground up? Isn't that like a thing? I have no idea.

It's not what it does in the cartoons. Or it's seen it in life too. You're saying it spawns from the ground? I thought I saw. I'm not saying I know that. I thought that was something I had heard. I think there is something about the electricity in the ground. Like you can, like, rate where lightning strikes before it does something with the ground.

I'm sure that there, like, since it is like, it's a form of energy. so I'm sure there is a surrounding area that will also be affected by it. Yeah, I didn't know if it was just like where it ends up or the entirety of the strike like that could be damaging to some. Oh, well, maybe if it does hit something on the way down, it would just stop there.

No, I think it would be powerful enough to go through it. Well, planes get struck by lightning. Yeah, but it also probably then goes down. Oh, I don't think so. I think that it hits the plane and it kind of like distribute up. Does lightning strike the ocean? Of course, dude.

What? It probably mostly strikes the ocean. It's more likely to hit the ocean than anything else. Well, because of just there's more ocean area than there is land area. But like in the middle of the ocean is there lightning strikes. Of course. I mean, I've seen it. You could stand on the edge of a beach and watch like a storm or something.

But how do you know it's not hitting like a little body of land out there? What is it? Why does it need to be land? I'm asking. I'm saying. This is a tough question to find the answer to, but you are right. It's called the return stroke.

It's a... Hey, yo, it's like a reach-around. That's why they should, the gay community should rename reach-around to the return stroke. All right. It's a bright, powerful electric current that travels upward from the ground towards the cloud. It is extremely dangerous because it carries millions of volts

and heats the air to approximately 50,000 degrees Fahrenheit. Excuse me. Hatter than the surface of the sun in that flash. That's what it says. No shot. I don't believe hotter than the surface. I don't believe that either. People survive it.

How's that possible? 50,000 degrees Fahrenheit is not hotter than the surface of the sun. What fucking cider are you on? Let me guess. Google, bro. Let me guess. Let me guess. It sounds like you texted Frank for this answer.

Excuse you. That sounds like it's an AI answer. It is. Trust scientists. Is it... Well, how do we get hold of point? You know, again, you're Delorian. Go bring fucking Elbor Einstein back here.

I mean, we've talked about trying to get Neil on the show. We've talked about trying to get Hank Green. Like, we're going to have to answer. Is Hank Green a scientist? Is he? He's the scientist, dude. But he's a scientist? I don't know.

He knows science things. I guess what differentiates a scientist from a non-scientist? It's just they just know more. A degree title. I don't think that they are called scientist Joe, scientist Frank. No, they have. I think practicing. No, there's like, you're like a physicist.

Yeah, so they are studying They have a PhD in physics Frank, if you just know things about science You're not a scientist I think you are to some degree You need to be like certified But you can get a degree in a specialized field But like

There's no degree of scientistism Right, no, it's physicist It's chemist Yes, but those would be science Like, of the sciences, you're a scientist. Like, if you have one of those titles, then you're considered a scientist. So in theory, you need a degree, like a Bachelor of Science. I don't know if it's a Bachelor or if you need something else.

But you need a science degree. Yes. So one of us here is technically a scientist. No. Two of us here are technically scientists. Two of us? He's got a degree? It's not any degree.

It's not criminal. justice and you're a scientist. But the literal degree says Bachelor of Science. The major is was criminal justice. Now we have to look up who's a scientist. Like this is, I mean, what are you doing? What to what are we looking up exactly? Well, well, why don't you look up is Frank Alvarez from the dumbest podcast that's ever existed a scientist? Why don't we look that up? Better yet. Why don't we call up the national, let's call up the White House and let them know there's a scientist here that needs to a pay raise or something. Do me a favor. Don't give my full name when you call the White House.

That might be a little troublesome. I cannot believe the attack I would just on the receiving end on. Google that exact quote. But what? It's Frank Al on the fucking screen. Is Frank Alvarez from the dumbest podcast? What was it? That's ever existed.

That's ever existed. A scientist. A scientist. defined as a commitment to systemic inquiry using observation, experimentation, and scientific method to acquire new knowledge about the natural world. It's all it takes. You guys are... So I'm a scientist!

Hey, buddy, first of all, that octave? Very high. Second off, that doesn't make you a scientist? Yes, it does. So much of my degree was studying the scientific method in terms of social sciences, which can be applied to the natural world as a result of the societal impacts that criminal justice has. God, I hate this show.

Bachelor of science, dude. If anything, he's also a scientist. Numbers and men. Yeah, we're all scientists. No, you're not. That's my point. I wasn't in the liberal arts and science school. I was in the...

What's your bachelor degree say? Bachelor of... Business. I don't think that's... So then a Bachelor of Arts. So you're not. So see you later, bitch. It's just me.

You can't be a scientist. You don't even have glasses. I do have glasses. I just don't wear them all the time. That's because you're not a sciences. I am definitely... What was the last bit of research you did that wasn't about a toy from the 90s on eBay? What I am researching is completely irrelevant.

However, understanding and the proper way of researching something using peer-reviewed articles and being able to apply data to support or argue against something, I think that is in theory the scientific method. I have used it. I continue to use it in my daily life. I am a scientist. Well, there you have it, folks. The Baseman Yard podcast hosted by College Dropout, Joe Sanagado,

and the scientist, Dr. Frank Alvarez. And the other scientist. Apparently The scientist of business Over there Let's make something abundantly clear I did not receive my doctorate I did receive my master's

So if anything It's college dropout Joe San Diego No no no college dropout Joe Sanagano Scientist Dr. Frank Alvarez No not doctor Who's also

Dr. Frank Alvarez Because he's close to being a surgeon Let's not forget that argument too No no No No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't do that.

That's unfair. Okay. I have not received my doctorate. Okay. I am a master, though. I received my master's degree. So I am, this is the basement yard podcast hosted by college dropout Joe Sanagato. Yeah.

And master of science, Frank Albaris. Right. Because that is what my degrees says. say, I'm a Bachelor of Science, I'm a Master of Science. You are now a podcaster. Scientists, it's over. Hey, listen, the world that we live in. You left the lab behind.

The world we live in weaves a weird web. However, here I am. You know what? We're all, real happy that you hung up your lab coat. We're really happy that you hung up your lab coat. And what are you giggling about? What did I do? Because you hung up the lab coat too, apparently.

That's right. I mean, listen. If you were to say, here's the start of the race, here's the end of the race. Okay. It's a decent point. If you were to say, here's the start of the race, here's the end of the race. Yes. Here's where you are.

Yeah. Here's where I am. And if this, the end of the race is being assigned. Or a doctor. Yeah. I am just using plain logic. Closer. Why is, why do I have to explain this?

Frank, how does that make you a scientist? Because you studied 15 years ago. Well. Shit that you don't remember and you took a class. We just got hammered. It was mixology. Whoa! You think that scientists don't like to party? We love to party!

We! We do. I'm sick of this. I do. We do. I'm a Bachelor of... I will show you my degree. Ooh.

Bachelor of science. Master of science. None of your shit says Master of Science. I guarantee it does. All right. It says Master of Science. So, like, it's like Bachelor of Science. It's like, when they say like BS,

Oh, it's BS all right. You know, Bachelor of Science, MS in this major. Yeah. I'm writing down Joe's BS joke. That was really underrated. Oh, my God. I mean, it's just, it is what it is. You could be as upset as you want to be about it.

It's not me. The reality is. You want to be close. I'm not, I don't want to be anything. I am. A scientist? Factually. A scientist.

I have received a Bachelor of Science. Are you a scientist? In essence, I am. That is all for this week's episode of the fucking basement yard. Don't you dare! Don't you dare try to do that. You guys were all fucking, you guys were out here watching, I got shit in my mouth. What is this in my mouth?

A piece of turkey. This whole time I'm sitting across my scientist. I'm surrounded by scientists. Wow, this is the smartest company in the world. If anything. Jokes are. on me because one of the scientists here is there is a scientist here and he is working for the non-scientist no no no I'm surrounded by science oh I went out you know what that's the prerequisite

if you want to work at this company you got to be a scientist I think Greg is no Greg I think got his degree in the arts didn't he like journalism or something yeah that's not science he's not you guys why do I keep getting punched he's not a bachelor of science he's a bachelor of arts journalism which is impressive I'm not taking that away from him

but it ain't a scientist but he's not a scientist he's a scientist with words which is just a journalist Shakespeare but he's not yeah so that's how we're going to categorize all this

he's closer to being Plato than the rest of us. That is correct. Yeah. Yes, that is correct. I think I'm done. Right.

I think I'm done with the episode because I don't even know what to say. Do you want me to end it? Yeah. The resident scientist. I would like this to end scientifically. So yeah. Okay. Well, I believe I can unequivocally say I am, it has been a stupendous episode.

All right. And the, the passion that you and I feel for doing this show has propelled each and every episode to exponentially more heights. There's that science degree talking. Would it have been funny if I killed this mic. Exponentially more heights. I just want to say, yeah, from your resident, basement yard scientist. Right.

Curiosity and imagination is incredibly important. Keep that. Let it propel you and your loved ones into, a future of not just uncertainty, but seeking out life as it is and as it ought to be. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. If you would like to fund more research. That's right. What is the basement yard, if not a show, buy half a scientist, you know, half scientists. Yes.

Are we not a show for scientific? exploration. Should I talk? Don't shake your head in agreement. Guy, Mr. Giggles over there. I think he stomped his feet before from laughing. I was crying. It was so funny. Boy, people are going to have a field day with this episode. I can't wait for the scientists to rally behind me.

My God, Hank Green is going to lose his mind. All right. He's too nice, though. Hank Green is too nice. He would be like, technically. got some fire in it maybe. I haven't, yeah, maybe. Do some research in your lab and let us know. Yeah, I'll do it. I'll follow the scientific method.

Well, look, you guys, go follow me at Joe Standing out. Go follow the show at the basement yard, Frank. You know. And you can follow. Yeah, what? After that outing, you're lucky. You guys, we'll see you guys next time. Thank you so much.