The Basement Yard - #550 - We Are Podcastmaxxing

Episode Date: April 13, 2026

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Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, how are you doing? I'm doing well, how are you doing? I'm doing great and want you wear some more stuff and plug your own podcast. It's getting ridiculous now. This guy is fucking crazy, dude. It is right? It's getting crazy. Just like the product placement.

This guy, he's giving away free plugs on a shoulder. It's not fucking hit! I don't know which one you're talking about. What's the name of it? Yeah, I don't know. I like that hat though. I like that a lot. That's really nice.

That's it. That's all you're getting. Yeah, I'm not. That's enough for me. I will say those candies that you're wearing, love them. You don't like them? God, those suck. Those are one of the worst all-time candies. No shot.

We are in a great candy season. We are in a great candy season. Easter, our Lord, and he came back. He are risen. What is it? Is Frank. He is risen? He is risen.

He did rise. I don't see, like, that's why I don't like old-timey English, because it's not good. Like they were all like He has risen? Yeah, that's what I would say If I were But he is like a capital H

I know, I know So if it's like, you know But that's not the part of it that bothers me It's the is risen What so has risen Yeah, he has risen He's gonna be rising Take a look

There he is Like yo, he has been What'd you say? He's gonna be rising He's gonna be rising I wonder He's gonna be rising I know that they make like

Miles has a Bible that's like a graphic novel comic book and it's called like the action Bible. I wonder if like someone would like take the Bible and like translate it into like modern lingo. I'm sure. And it's like the apostles are like, this is giving resurrection right now. It's funny. It's giving leprosy. This is this. Oh my.

This is giving frankincense. Pontius Pilate is like. like giving mean girl right now oh i don't like brutus was that the one no that was caesar i'm not who's the one that like went against judas judas judas judas judas judas brutus and caesar was in caesar was in that was a different yeah i think so and a salad yeah dude where are you on caesar salad i like seizure salad but i think that people when they have like their first caesar salad they go down a rabbit hole like people when they try cich's salad for the first time they're like Oh my God, this is the greatest thing and then everything.

Like, Caesar salad wraps, bro, they're good, but everyone chill. It's like drugs for people. I do think that we're getting away from, like, the point of Caesar. Like, Caesar needs to be a salad dressing. And, like, I don't want this, like, bagged. I want it, like, real Caesar. You know what I mean? Bagged?

Yeah, like, pre-made Caesar. Have you seen those, like, the, like, people at the restaurants making it with, like, just two spoons? Yeah, yeah. Whoa. Yeah, I went to a restaurant. the Caesar and then they like take a little anchovy and they crush it up and they like fucking that's the only place that I'm like cool with mustard knowing that it's there you know what I mean in a C's in a Cesar like I'll allow it yeah you like Cesar salad wraps um chicken Caesar salad

salad wrap sure what I was going to say is isn't it weird what's the lettuce where they kind of just put a head of lettuce on it on the plate like a wedge like a wedge salad yeah weird I love lettuce You're never gonna get an argument with me about lettuce I like it's like a boat It like fills it What's the red ones? Undives, endives, I believe

Those are good because they usually pack those I like well I like when it comes in like the Like romaine and you can like peel it And it's like you can make like a A lettuce wrap with it Yeah yeah yeah That's cool I like what it helps me eat Not what I need to like do the work for

I like when it's like a shovel Like shovel shit in my face I do like that Yeah Caesar salad's great It's a great salad. You know what is weird? You've ever had butter lettuce?

Yeah, what is that? It's like, it looks like a full head of lettuce, but there's like eight leaves in it. Yeah. And then they're just like super crunchy. I want all the leaves, all the time. I can eat a whole head of lettuce at will. I'm gonna an arugula groupie. Like, I'm into it.

Arugula is such an underrated form of greenery. Yeah, dude, it really is. Cale? Cale's kind of, uh. Here's the thing with kale. It holds dressing well It's pretentious to me Because it got like

It got like little nooks and crannies in there Where it'll like just hold a little bit Yeah It's a very outdoorsy looking Lettuce Like it looks like this You got this from outside I'm sure it is

Which you did but like you know what I mean I'm sure it is healthy for you But like it seems like it's the type of lettuce Or it's not lettuce It's the type of greenery that like You have it to like Appear more healthy You know what I mean?

It's the caviar of greens Yeah like you don't know what you're doing you're just eating kale because you're told it's the best. Yeah, like this isn't like a kale salad? No, not for me. Too much. That's like having a bowl of caviar. Like, you're not gonna have, this is like a little.

Yeah. It's gotta be mixed in with other shit. I'll tell you who is a pretentious bastard? Who the fuck does spinach think it is? Spinnish can kiss my ass. Whoa, I feel like I kinda like spinach. I like it, but like not to the point where everyone's just like, oh my god, spinach.

It's just like in everything. They kind of like throw it in your shit. I don't mind it. I don't like when it gets, When they start all bunching up in my wrap, and then I take a bite, and I'm like, I mean, just spinach now? I had great salads in my life.

I've never made a great salad. Because all of my stuff gets to the bottom, and then I have to like... Yeah, I got to do this thing. I got to, yeah, and I can't do that. I got to, like, fluffily, like, air it up, you know? I don't like it. It's too much work to be healthy.

Have you ever used one of those fucking salad things? Have I? Have I. Oh, I don't have the crank. I have the button. those are cool too and my mom has that and I'm like oh and it's spinning that bitch like to crank and I'm like yo there there's a lot of G in here like there's a lot of G force oh I'm there for the Gs I like doing that too with like when I wash fruit and then I take because it has like the removable strainer and then I look at all that dirty water down there and I look at the fruit and I was like look what you did you little pig yeah that's it whoa and then but also like that makes you feel good because you're like I could have eaten that yeah which I don't really care much about like yeah I'm not like hyper intense on like you're eating fruit, you're eating bugs. Just what it is.

And germs. Like, I think that the good parts of whatever you're eating are going to outweigh the bad parts that are on it sometimes. What's the worst thing you've found in your food? I haven't really, like, found anything like too insane. Yeah. You ever bit an apple, find a worm? No.

No, that only happens in like Disney movies from the 40s. I don't think that's ever been a real thing. Or like an apple on a teacher's desk. It's like a fucking... Bro, if I was a teacher and a kid was just like, I like you, here's an apple. I'm fucking smacking that apple and then I'm gonna yell at the kid I'm not gonna hit him

Yeah I'd be like yeah I'm not eating your fuck Who fuck are you? I'm not eating this How many times have you gifted a mug To a teacher? Once I think maybe I don't know You were big on that I don't know if I even got my teacher

What are you talking about? My mom was like Boys with all of my teachers She was like part of the staff Yeah so like I had to Around Christmas time It was like you need to get gifts For all your teachers

So they got mug Like the ones that they saw at like Starbucks that come already wrapped with like a gift card in it And then like a bag of instant coffee or some shit Yeah, I did that for the ice cream man once What? It wasn't my idea Hold on It wasn't my idea So you won't give gifts to your teacher who arguably has more of an impact on your life

But you will to the ice cream guy that was Yeah, he got in trouble What did he? What do you do? You didn't hear about this? You're making this up. I swear. What happened to him?

He got in trouble for like... For what? Children? No. How am I supposed to guess then? Stabbing? No. You think I stabbed like that?

I thought you had a knife and you stabbed someone. Is that drugs? The rumor was drugs, yeah. Oh, whatever. That's fine. I mean, as long as it's... No, it ain't. Well, to children or to other...

I don't know who it was to or if it's even true, but I'm going to take it as it's real. Get it how you live it. I mean, I understand drugs are bad, but as long as you're not someone's in... children are you're not stabbing anyone not that that you know I don't know I was forced to just give me my great white shark I don't want some of that great white you know what I'm saying yes my dad made me do it that's I swear to God if you

had asked me to pick between your two parents I would have said your father of course of course my I don't even know if my mom ever like met this guy my dad knew everyone in the neighborhood for some reason I was like oh go go do something nice for him you know what I got I don't know what the the with the actual like gift was, but I do know there were scratch-off tickets in it. That's such a popular gift around the holidays. Just like buy 10 scratch-offs and just give one to someone because it could be either a meaningless gift or a $30,000 gift. I honestly hate it as a gift. If you gift somebody a scratch-off and they win a million, are you, I don't think any scratch-offs can win you a million.

No, there are. If it's a $20-buck one or something, probably. I don't know. But regardless, I'm saying $100,000. No. A hundred thousand. Would you be, would you not a little bit of you? No, no. This is an age old question because it'll be like, I buy you a powerball ticket and you win 35 million. How much you're giving me? We've talked about this at a ton. That's different.

No, that's different. That's not what I'm saying. Scratch off? Scratch off is a gift. Like, like Merry Christmas. Yeah, no, you can. And then you win 100,000. Next time I saw you.

Just to be a better person than Joe, I'd give him a little something. I would do, I wouldn't give them like a fixed amount, but I would be like, like, you know, like a dinner or something like, like something really nice. Like an like an elevated version of whatever. Are you telling them that you won the money? You're saying that I win the $100,000. All right. I was saying somebody else.

All right. I would not expect any. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Hey. Oh, we're acting. Yeah.

Acting. Yeah. Acting. Action. Merry Christmas. I got you this. Scratch off ticket. Yeah, just a little something.

You know, thank you for all the ice cream. you've delivered to my kids. Oh, I'm not an ice cream guy. Yeah. Okay. So, um, that's for you. Just best of luck. Ha ha.

Oh my God. I want $100,000 on this. Wow. Wow. Did you? Thank you so much for this. No problem, man. How, let me see that.

How did you win that? Wow. $100,000. $100,000 big ones. That's so, bang, boom. That's so cool. Fuck ice cream. You know what I'm saying?

Oh, with, you're retiring? Yeah. It's $100,000. What year is this? 95. Not enough. Right. Um, that's, I'm so happy for you.

I would thank you so much for it. This is unbelievable. No, I gotta give you something. I gotta give you something. No. I gotta, dude, I gotta, no, you don't need. You don't need to do that.

You don't need to do that. You don't need to. At least let me take you to dinner. Where? At, uh, whatever you want. All right. I know, I know this is a really nice, restaurant. Yeah. It's really nice. What's your favorite cuisine? Wine. Oh. They have a good wine list. Yep. Sweet. And seen. We crush that acting.

That's what I'm saying. So you got to offer. I got to get you something like, no, at least let me take you to dinner. Now you're in the clear. But, but here's the thing. At what point is the, no, do you say like, okay. Because I know you as an individual. If this were actually happening and I would say no, you'd be like, okay. Okay. So, I know you as an individual. If this were actually happening and I would say no, you'd be like, okay. Okay. After the first time. No. Yeah. No, I would not. Yeah, because, yes, you've, I think you're... What kind of... What are you basing that on? Because you're the type of person, you've openly spoken about this that like, if someone, like, if there's like one thing of food left, if there's one mozzarella stick left, you'll be like, anyone want it? No, no.

You'll just go, okay. Frank, we're equating mozzarella sticks to $100,000 that I got from a gift. I see a very clear parallel between the two. Okay, you're ignoring nuance here. You think that I would be like, let me give you something. You go, no, I go, okay, and I'm out. And I'll just walk down the street. I think you're more inclined than I am.

That's bananas that you would think that. I would sneak the money into your, like, and you'd be like, no, and I'd sneak it into your pocket or something. I will go on record and say that, like, if someone is offering me money and I am telling them no, I would be offended if you snuck it on me. I'd be like, get this to fuck off me. Oh, see. Because I'm, because I think it's just like a little place. thing back and forth. It's like, no, yes. But I'm also not like that with like the bills with dinner or whatever.

If I'm out with people and I would like, I usually if I want to pay, I will wait until like before the check comes because I don't want to deal with it like in the moment. I don't want to put pressure on anyone. But I'll say to people like, I would really like to pay for this if that's okay with you guys. Because if there's like, you know, whatever, then we can kind of settle that. whatever if people are are like I want to pay and I'm like it's or or if they say that one time then I will let that go because that's different than like are you sure no you don't have to but if they're like no I really I would like to pay for this as well I'd be like okay no problem because I'm not trying to fight you know what I mean like but I definitely offer it's just a little

back and forth but I also know that if I'm in that position and I say that because if someone's like oh you know we want to pay for dinner I'd be like oh my god thank you so much like I appreciate that because I know that I will pay it forward at some point or whatever. But if I'm like, no, no, no, like I would like to pay for that. The last thing I want right now is to have this argument where it's like, who's nicer than blah, blah, blah, because it's not even a matter of that. I would like to pay for my end. You think someone would be trying to like big dog you? If they just pay and don't tell you and they're just like, now you're my bitch. First of all, at a restaurant, big dog me. I don't care. If I'm at a restaurant, someone's like,

I'd like to pay for this. I would be, and if someone that I know, this happened to me recently where I went out to dinner with people. I was fully like expecting to pay, but they ended up paying and like their wife was there and you know, someone else was there. And they were like, oh, like I'm going to handle it. Don't worry about it. And I was like, all right, like no problem. Like I'll just get the next one type of thing. But I'll remember that. So like the next time I'm not dealing with this shit two in a row. I'm not doing this. It's like the scene in the Sopranos where Meadow's boyfriend like pays for dinner and Tony. And she's like, oh no. He's like, listen, you fuck.

Yeah, and he's like, you fucking, when you have your own family, how would you deal with that? Like, I'd be okay with it. I don't get the, even in that scene, it's just a disrespect thing. Yeah, it's like, how is it? It's like, I'm the one that, you know, like, I'm the one that's supposed to pay. I'm the head of the household. Like, that's back when, I think now, obviously, it's a very different time than it was when they,

whenever they made that show in the 90s. If I went out with my daughter and her new boyfriend and he paid for the bill without me knowing, I would think that he's doing a nice thing, but I also would probably explain that, like, you don't need to do that. And also, like, you're a kid. Like, they were, like, in college. It's like, you're not paying for the dinner.

Yeah. I don't know. I think it'd be like, I appreciate this. Never do this again. And then I'd flash a gun in their face. Tony over there. I mean, thank you. I don't know about that one.

Yeah. You're a little, like, old school. Not a little. I think you're very old school. Like, you're traditional in a lot of way. In what way? Like in ways like that? I'm fully joking.

Like, anytime I've been out to dinner with my father-in-law, I don't let him pay, you know. What? You're an adult. You don't let him pay, you say? Yeah, like, I'm like, I'm going to get this. Like, please. And I mean, there have been times where like, but like, I always, like, listen, please, let me do this. Like, yeah.

But I don't, I don't think I'm pretty, I'm pretty new wave. See what I mean? A pretty new wave. I'm pretty hip. I'm pretty hip to it. It is going to be really interesting to see when our kids are, you know, at dating age what, like, the things to do or not do are, you know, because those things are evolving. Like, if you had told our parents' generation that, like, you know, the son will pay for dinner, they have the Tony Soprano reaction. You know what I mean?

So, like, I wonder what it will be, like, how, like, the cultural norms will shift when they're updating. age. Well, now we know they've shifted and it's like, if you're a guy and you pay for on the first date, you're a bitch or something. Yeah, you're a little sim bitch, you're a sim bitch. You're a sim, cuck. Beta. Soyboy. And a Democrat. And yeah. Cuck, soy boy, Democrat. Lib. Yeah, she's free food maxing you. Free food maxing. Jester maxing, free food maxing. You're jester maxing. Pocket maxing with. Pocket maxing. I can't.

I can't even keep up with all this. Yeah, yeah. I saw a tweet the other day that was just like, clavicular, jester maxed after the, but, and someone like retweeted and said like, yo, things are being said that have never been said before. Like, this sentence would kill someone in the Victorian era. Things are being said that I've never been said before. What is jester maxing?

Bro, you're, I mean, I'm too old. I don't, I don't even know that one. It's just anything maxing is something you're doing better. I do think it's funny. I think it's hilarious. I think the maxing shit is hilarious. And like, what is this whole shit with like jaw muscles? Oh, I mean, this is strong gum.

The looks maxing thing is like now becoming like a thing where like that kid that you're talking about, like he would hit his cheek with a hammer so that it would like, the idea is that you would break the bones and they'd grow back and be stronger and you have like better cheek bones. So it's all about like to be like more symmetrical. Like fucking Gaston? Classically. It's a bad example. guess that I was ripped.

Or traditionally attracted. But who, pull up the picture of the guy I'm talking about. Like, who would find that? Like, convic. I don't know who, but the kid that chews strong gum. Who the fuck is that?

Oh, you're talking about the kid with, like, the jaws like that? Yeah. Oh, I don't know who you're talking about. You've never seen this dude?

I saw, I saw it on like, Instagram, like World Star posted it or something, and I was just like, this is fucking crazy. Wait, he's got like balls over here? Like, you know how like when you're sitting,

and this is the only time I've done it, but like when you're getting a haircut and you're getting it like a shave and you look and you do this you know what i'm talking about you're like clench your jaw yeah but you like pop it out to see like maybe i got i put on a little bit of weight so maybe it's not looking like it did when i was 18 years old well i can see your head move but you have a beard so i can't really yeah i guess so but like apparently this dude like choose strong gum strong gum like yeah it's like workout like workout gum not even sticky but like you might I remember, oh, do you remember the jawser size?

I was, no. It was called like, jaws or size. It's like a thing you put in your mouth and you, like, chew and it, like, supposed to work out this, like, muscle or something. Why were you working out that muscle, Joe? It was a commercial. I didn't buy it. I don't know about that there.

It's a commercial. I was going to say, like, you know, like, the gumballs that come in, like, the ice pops when we were kids, and, like, after, like, three minutes of chewing, they basically became, like, chewing on dust. Not dust. It was, like, industrial. grade rubber. Oh, yeah, yeah.

You know what I'm? It became like super intense. Yeah. So like this kid chews on that and has a jaw that... Like, it looked like if you put those chairs on either side of my face. He's looks maxing. Looks maxing, jaw maxing. Simp maxing.

Simpsing. Yeah. That's a big one, I'm sure. I'm trying to find a good picture of them. This is, is this real? This guy's jaw is big. All right, I got one. You said that kind of sexually.

I'm not going to body shame, but... I'm not body shaming. I'm body looking at and being like, all right. Just with this kid. I mean, I also, I don't know who this. Hmm. Okay. It's just a big, it's a big jaw.

Never skip jaw day. Yeah. Is this? A yo, by the way. One. Is this real? I don't know. I don't know.

And or is it cosmetic surgery? It could be. I don't know. and just like a classic American I'm not gonna go and figure it out This is the strong gum guy This is the strong gum kid There's like videos of him like talking

And like the dude's got a strong jaw Is he American? I don't know You heard him talking No like it's like with music And like And he just gets got like Muscular jaw

That's very interesting Or maybe he's got the stuff That Marlon Brando had And the godfather Yeah that was down here Yeah but he's got it stuffed in the back So this is a This is jaw maxing.

Yeah, this is jaw maxing. If you were saying you were good at maxing one thing, what would it be? That's a great question. What am I good at maxing? Shit, I don't know. Maybe nothing. Maxed out? I don't know.

Whoa, what am I looking at here? I got him. Why does he got a? Strong gum. Look at that, dude. No, no, no. Wow, that looks, I guess that is real. Yeah, I mean

It looks real I mean also Judging by what I'm looking at right now That's not an American Yeah, that he's very European looking Very very European yeah I'm with you on that one Well

We could be we're podcast maxing True Yeah We are we are podcast maxing I guess You can be maxing anything I think it's funny like if you were closer to the frame Than jelly like look I'm frame maxing you That's so funny

Like that's so funny to me Oh it's like used against someone Yeah Yeah, yeah, it's competition. Like looks maxing, you're trying to outlook. And like, mauging is like, if you're, if you look better than me, then it's like Frank's mog and Joe. A maug in you?

Yeah. These are all words that I don't know. Well, yeah. Or we're learning something today. Who told you that the basement yard podcast wasn't educational? Like, you're, you're, watch mugging right now. I mean, you said it now me. But he's, he's bank account mocking all of us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's bank account maxing. He's cash maxing. He's cash maxing. He's investment maxing, too. Yeah, yeah. Just the fact that he has this studio, he's studio maxing us. Studio maxing.

So I guess he's maugging our studio, he's mag. He's mocking you in a studio fashion, yeah. Yeah. It happens, you know. Studio magging maxing. And you know we're all jester maxing. What is that? It's like funny, like a jester.

Oh. So I mug jester max you? That I don't know. Now I don't even know. I might get a nose bleeding. I honestly don't know any of how this works. Yeah, I don't know. Jester Maxing describes as behaving overly funny, entertaining, or foolish to attract attention from women and friends.

Well, I'm not doing that. I guess we're not doing that. Well, I'm just going to leave out that part, but. Yeah, because, like, we're doing this to have a successful podcast. It's not like, it's like, let's get the ladies. Yeah, yeah. So then, jester maxing. Podcast maxing.

I think let's do that. Well, that's the title? No, please God, no. Jester maxing with Frank Alvarez. Podcast maxing. That's got to be a podcast. Podcast maxing would be the, I think that's what you're doing. Okay.

We're going to advertise max. Advertise maxing. We're advertised maxing. We're advertised maxing real quick. And then I'll Patreon Max. So we are podcast. We're no. Advertise maxing right now.

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And listen, you want to subscribe Max and subscribe Mog the people in your life that aren't members of the Patreon? Go to patreon.com slash the basement yard. We're podcast maxing on there. And what you could do is you could sign up and you can get these weekly episodes one week in advance. Then that next year, you'll be view maxing exclusive episodes on Friday. So you start and end your week with the basement yard on Patreon. Patreon.com slash the basement yard is the best way to support us. And we thank you the over 50, 45,000 of you.

I'm getting ahead of myself. but it's okay. I'm getting ahead of myself maxing. The over 45,000 Patreon members, thank you guys so much. We hope you enjoy it, and we want to keep giving you guys what you like. So go check it out. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. If you join and you're new and you've never been, everything that's that's that catalog, you'll get it.

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You'll let four of them rip. I do want to talk about there was a story of chocolate. There's Viagra accidentally in the chocolate. There was like a recall. I don't know if it was like one of the popular ones, but dude, can you imagine? Wait, like it's boner chocolate? I don't think it's meant to be boner chocolate. Oh, it's like straight up chocolate.

Like it needs to be. Yeah, yeah. It's like chocolate. How does that happen? I don't know. Maybe there was like a spill in a Seattleist factory. But why are they making chocolate? in the Seales factory.

That's a great question. How would that even happen? Someone thought like, this is going to be a big prank, and they dropped a handful of boner pills into the chocolate batch. Isn't chocolate an aphrodisiac to begin with? That's what they say. We've looked it up a ton of times.

Chocolate, strawberries, oysters, something like that. But like, I think I'm into strawberries now, by the way. Just deciding a strawberry max on people? I just I was never really into them And then the other day I had one And it was like a fucking apple It was like a wet fucking strawberry bitch

And I was like I was like yo I'm drinking this thing See now how do I What do I even do with that? Yeah take a time out Dude you need to have like proper strawberries Why can't the one that I had be proper Because it wasn't the one that you got

What is a proper strawberry? Like real strawberries are like this big The ones where they're like apples are not as like, bro, when you taste the ones that are like real, like this big, they taste like strawberry flavoring. I've had a Japanese strawberry. They make, they're like oishis or something like that. I forgot the name of them.

I've seen them at like Whole Foods and stuff. Yeah, I don't know. But like, it's like $20 for a pack of six strawberries. Yeah. We're not there yet. I mean. I mean, some of us. Podcast pocket maxing on them.

Frank, you're not poor. You're not poor. 100%. I was poor. Oh, I can't buy a $20 strawberry. Brother. Pull your fucking sweater down. Yeah, this was a gift.

This was a gift from the guy that watchmogged me on fucking on stage. Watchmog. You watchmogged me on stage. I just, I hear what you say. I want you to experience the good parts of life. And the best parts of life are better strawberries for you. I can't do anything without you trying to say that I did it wrong and I need to do it better. I'm not saying you did it wrong, but you could do it better.

That's what I'm. some intense points. I'm going to be honest. I'm trying to better max your life. You're trying to life max me? I'm trying to life max you so you can have... Chocolate boner pills. Imagine eating chocolate and you're just hard as a demon.

I feel like that has happened to me before. If I get like a good Girardelli, like the caramel ones, I'll get fucking steamy penis, dude. I'm for real. What? Oh, I heart like a demon hit me so well. You ever get, all right. It's weekly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, so take it easy on the demon boners. I know that, I know that like, the story, can you just pull up the story? Just type in chocolate and boners. Yeah. Well, actually, hard penis chocolate. No, chocolate recall boners. Yeah.

Be very specific because. I'm pretty sure that, like, there's a, this is an actual issue because they put too much of it in or whatever. this one? Yes. This is four minutes ago. Holy shit. I mean, there's other stories. Life-threatening amount of Viagra?

That I didn't know. Okay, that I understand why it's scary. I mean, a recall is scary because... Hold on. Which ones? Because I love chocolate. I mean, if it's called fantasy aphrodisiac chocolate, though, that's bono chocolate. Oh, yeah, no, they're trying to go for it.

Make love making more desirable, exciting, and pleasurable. I looked it up a little bit on my phone too I think this was already Boner chocolate Oh They just added too much Way too much Got it

You can buy boner chocolate You don't need to get it prescribed by a doctor Bro they put everything in chocolate Fucking mushrooms Yeah but like I imagine that boner pills are Which is hysterical that we're calling I mean they're boner pills

They're a controlled substance So like you can't like buy it over the counter Can you? I mean you can get horny goat weed over the counter? Yeah, but horny goat weed is not, I think it's just like, like an herb. It's like, it's like, what's the one that cats use? Catnip.

Catnip. It's just an herb. Wait, does catnip make cats horny? My guy. I thought catnip was like a slang for food. No, catnip is a real thing. It gets them like ready to fuck. What?

I thought catnip was like, just like a, oh yeah, no, it's their catnip. No, catnip is like a real, It's like horny goat weed, but for cats, dude. What's it for? Why do they need to be? I don't know to get them ready to fuck. Why do they need to be? They're animals.

Aren't they ready to go? I mean, I don't know. I don't know the libido of cats, but catnip is a real thing. Look up catnip. Can you look up and make sure that catnip is like... Yeah, well, there's also a chance I'm wrong. I don't think you are. What is catnip?

Don't type in... Just type in what is catnip. What is catnip? What is catnip? Why do we need to specify what is catnip? What does it do? I don't want to see no AI answer. Give me the real fucking thing.

It's an herb in the mint native to Europe and Asia. Now widespread in North America. Come on. Oh, there it is. Oh, it's ability to induce a temporary state of euphoria or relaxation in many cats. Is that horny? We don't know. I mean, horny is euphoric.

I agree. I agree. Relaxation feels like after horny. It feels like this is, yeah. After the completion of horny. Yeah, then I'm like, all right, I got to take a nap. After the successful completion of horny. After a cat nip, I need a cat nap.

Yeah. Just so you know, I like what you did there, but that also kind of sucked. I guess it's more like they get high than they get horny. It causes hyperactivity, rolling, rubbing, and playful silly behavior. This is horny. That's horny, dude. You're getting cats to dry hump? And that's if they smell it.

But if they ingested, it often acts as a sedative causing relaxation. Okay. This is kind of like... Because I remember... We had like... We had like... Like, it was like a catnip... Like those cardboard, like, things.

They have like holes in them. They're almost like like scratching posts. Okay. And it had catnip in it. And my cat used to fucking... Go grind up on this thing. Like, it was making dough. Oh, wow.

Yeah. So I... I mean, it's a safe assumption. I mean, based on what that, that means horny to me. I don't know. Yeah. I think that's...

I think we have seen enough to scientifically say that catnip is meant to get cats horny. Damn, and I'm eating a lot of chocolate this weekend. I mean, it's Easter. Oh, so you're just going to be horny around your family? I'll tell you what. I haven't not been horny around my family because of those Cadbury eggs.

My God. Oh, all right. Once I start popping those, I'm fucking lit up. That's not where I thought that was going. I mean, I mean, we also have been young boys before. I was horny in front of my family, not in front, but like around my family because that's where I lived. All right.

Sorry for being 11, dude. Sorry for party rocking, dude. Yeah, sorry for, I didn't put the good housekeeping magazine in the bathroom. Someone else left it there. Okay, and that's all I needed. It was horny maxing. I was horny maxing. Bro, I was horny maxing.

We all were. We all were horny maxing. I got caught, like, grabbing Becca's butt in front of her family the other day. Is that crazy? I think it's a little weird. What kind of parents? What's a grab? All right.

Did you, was it the cheek? Or were you like? part of her butt would it have been her whole? No, because... Yeah, did you... That's what I mean. Well, that's what I mean. Like, some people are like,

they go in between and kind of like, that's crazy to me. I don't know who does that. I mean, some weirdos, but I don't do it. I mean, you go for the sheep. What was, so... Stop asking me about how I touched my leg's butt, you freak.

No, not that. You brought this. I know. Wait, did they say anything? This question. Yeah, Becca was just like... No, what did they say? Becker was like, babe.

And then her dad was just like, he laughed, laughed at off. Does he laugh like a cat? He does. I thought he was like attacking. But in that moment, I was... You thought you were free? Yeah.

Like there was no one around. I mean, I can't help myself, you know, sometimes. Yeah. So like, I say her butt. I'm gonna grab it, you know? Yeah. But I learned time and place. So she was like, oh, my dad right there.

Yeah, but if I had, why did she talk like a... Oh, you fucking idiot. My fucking dad. Like a sanitation. Like a sanitation worker. Yeah. I see why this is dangerous going back to the boner chocolate. Can't have too horny chocolate.

You can't have too much horny chocolate. But like, they got their name in the press. I've never heard of horny chocolate before of you. No. Boner chocolate? So, like, no bad press is bad press, right? I'm too afraid to indulge in that kind of. thing until I absolutely need it. Yeah, I would be afraid. Because I'd be like,

yo, if I do this, is my body going to be like, this is what I need now? And then I can't get boned up. Well, like, you drink coffee and it doesn't do that with coffee, right? What? Not that coffee's giving you boners, but like in terms of like caffeine dependency. I kind of have been flirting with decaf now because I'm like, I'm heart maxing at the moment. Your heart max. Oh, your V-O-2 maxing. That's what he's doing. can't go from my runs with my heart rates already elevated from the coffee that makes sense but i i don't i think it would have been way cooler is if i got a kick hat and i'm just eating a kicket and i'm like whoa yeah you're like whoa this is a really good kick cat oh like this is weird yeah that'd be way cooler

than have you ever you start like undressing the kid cat bar and like it's like whoa whoa splitting it open oh have you ever eaten something and been like oh that like that like that's Now I'm horny. Really? No, I'm asking. Have you ever done that? I can't think of anything. Like, what would be horny food to eat?

Because I know, like, the aphrodisiac stuff, but like... I just mean that it was so good that you're like, I've had some flons where I've been like, this is the close to sexual. Flawn? Dude, flan? Because it's like silky smooth. And it kind of goes like that. You know what I mean?

Like an ass. Yeah, yeah. So it's like, oh, my fucking God. What's going on? And you're like, yeah, chill out. Spoon me. Yeah. I'm like, I will, but chill.

Yeah, yeah. But that's the only one I can think you. Knowing Joey's going to be like, I had a real good turkey club. No, turkey club. I had a friend when he was younger would just, after school, just go get Zeppelies, sit down in his living room,

just watch porn eat Zeppleys. Yeah, that kid's a fucking nut job, dude. It's a maniac. Yeah, what's going on? What kind of fuck? First of all, where the fuck was he getting Zeppelies all the time of the year? I got a better question.

Why the hell do you know? He told me He's like, yo, I just go home And I pop over in these 12 zepplies And I just like let a rip Would he use like the zeppily powder Like it was like Jim chalk No, I don't

I just like, good, can't ready No, I think that's as far as it went Well, good session And then he just put good sessions Wait so no he was watching it for like It was like game tape Yeah yeah like game tape Just nothing just eating zepleys

And watching like you're watching a cartoon Yeah no he's a porn addict brother Yeah When was this? This guy's still still alive? Like middle school. Middle school? How about a parent? How about one parent? No one's home to be like, hey, not Zepley's

every day and also, this is the living room. Also, where the fuck was he getting all year round Zepleys? Dude. I don't know. That's a fair question. I don't know why it's his first one, but it's a fair one. I mean, the obvious Pizzeria? Insanity behind the fucking jerk maxing of his dick with Zepalies is crazy. Yeah, it's just

It's just what he did I don't know Everyone has their You know It's what they did When they were younger Everyone has it I mean

Everyone has something But like It's not that Yeah I wasn't watching Like that's a little out there Like you're wasting Perfectly good Zeppelis

Do you want I mean he's eating him Yeah he's eating them This is a very weird Is this kid still alive Yeah he's still around What would make you assume That he died

This maniac Maniac heart's gonna fucking explode. He's inside. He's protected. Oh, he might, yeah, too many Zeppelies will put you down. Bro, the Zeppelies clogging your arteries and then the jerking off bringing your heart rate to a fucking 200 beats per minute is going to kill you. I don't think, I think it was strictly game tape. I think it was strictly game tape. That's worse, dude. I agree that it's worse. That's way worse. Yeah, like, I don't even know how to, I don't know. That's strange to me. He was view maxing. I am getting out of hand. now I need to stop. We all are, to be fair.

We need to stop. It's collective. I hope that no one gets seriously heard from this bone or chocolate because that would be sad. It's life starting. Speaking of cats, last thing. When Frankie walked in today, I thought his hat was a cat sandwich. Can I see it? I don't even know.

And I said the same thing. I was like, where do you see cats? I don't see cats, but I also don't know what's that... Is that a sloppy Joe or something? It's a beef, a slice... It's like a beef sandwich. Okay I think it looks like a bunch of jumbled cats

I guess If I squint and turn it sideways Maybe I could see it like a cat No no bunch of cats It's a bunch of cats No no I get what you're saying Got it What

It's a we got it when we threw out the pitch For the Bowie Bay Sox They were like If you want a hat with a beef sandwich on it And I said yeah Oh we had the beef sandwiches Yeah And it had cheese on it

Yeah I'm very happy about that Sorry Last thing on cats Yeah sorry Yeah I don't think anyone's gonna I mean hopefully no one

They say that like it could lower your blood pressure And then you can You know it's Well because it takes your blood And puts it in your penis Isn't that what it does? Yeah I think that's Is that what Dr. Mike told us?

Yeah It sends a lot of blood there It's just like calling all cars Calling all cars We need you in the dick Everyone gets to the penis stat. How does it know where to go? Well, I mean, when you get a porn, that's what's happening.

Yeah, but, like, how do you, how does your blood know, like, how does the pill make the blood know, like, go to the boner? I think it's just a, like, circulatory thing? Yeah, like, it's just, it just makes that, like, easier. So, oh, okay, so it's like your brain knows that you're trying to get a boner. So you take the pill and it, and it works in tandem with the blood. So it knows where to send it. Yeah, it's optimizing. Your brain is playing crossing guard.

I thought you were going to. Yeah. What? Your circulatory maxing. You're not. I mean serious saying I need to chill. I was going to stop. This does feel like something if you were younger, you'd be running with.

Oh, I would have been miserable with this. I would have been a not good version of myself with this whole maxing thing. Have you ever taken it like a Viagra or Cialis? No, I haven't. You? I have the same fear you have that it's going to like ruin you. I'm going to need it. And I'm good.

That's why I was. Yeah, things are all right. Yeah. I'm working. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. You know, don't fix a leaky pipe. Well, no, you just too fix it.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it. There it is. That's all. Hey, don't fix a leaky pipe. Let it get all over the ground. Cars broken down, don't fix it. Don't fix it. Don't fix it.

Don't fix it. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. That's what I meant, you know. But what if you double fix it? What does that mean? Like, you don't just replace the tire. You add spinning rims if you take it. You know?

How the hell would that happen? I don't think that's what that does. It doesn't give you like a permanent boner. I think if anything, that's not good. I do know people, but I don't know them personally, but I've heard of people taking some of the pills like that because it's like,

I'm fucking gonna be on my shit tonight. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. And it's like, you really want to like really have like one of those crazy boners. Like you really want to be like, yo, you know? Like don't know. You know? say who

you know do it with your arm that would make more sense for you right I'm not trying to boner max you know you boner max by sitting there baby yeah

I don't know anyone if they do it they don't tell me yeah you know but like I feel like having like a really really really really really really really really really hard boner would be painful I think that is like

an issue yeah like that's why they say like after four hours like all the blood is there i mean think of like if you put like if you have something that's like cutting off circulation in your finger all the blood is there is to start to build up of pressure and shit like that you need to like alleviate it so i imagine it would hurt yeah yeah i don't know how do they even do oh did doctor might say they like drain it yeah they drain it with a needle chill bro putting a needle into my wiener would be like it's like how they do like cauliflower here yeah i've seen videos of that that sucks

Oh my God, can you imagine? She's like, yeah, I just literally can't stop having a boner. I know I can't imagine. I can see that being incredibly painful. But then also, how do you like, you have to like hold it down? Yeah, when you're in the emergency room, you're just like standing like this. Yeah, I need to see the doctor. I'm fine.

I wonder how long that would take. Because the emergency room, have you ever been to an emergency room? Yeah. You can take hours, dude. Yeah. So, like, how long are they? there? Like, are you there with just this boner? God forbid someone comes in with a gunshot wound, dude. So, like, keep that thing. We got to go deal with this guy over here. I can't even imagine

that. Isn't it like four hours? If it's, if it lasts more than four hours, I'll be, I'm panicking on an hour, dude. At 53 minutes, I'm going to go, I'm dying. 53. That's very specific. I know. Oh, because he's a big, long last guy. I'm saying the opposite I'm saying that if my boner lasted bro four hours is such a crazy amount of time I can't even like what do you do with a four hour boner

what do you do with a three hour boner the dishes can you just got to stand a foot back yeah whoa gotta stand a whole foot back to my giant cock

Jesus You know what I mean Do I can't How am I going to do the dishes From across the room Because I'm so boner You know what I mean You know what I mean

Yeah Jesus That's gonna be scary If you if you were to make How they have boner chocolate Yeah If you were to make like Your business Joe

Boner or something A boner version of a snack Or a drink or something Because there's like Everything is protein now I would put it in a dessert Ooh Because I feel like

If you Like hide it in like a slice of cake Like I'm a dog Well I wouldn't hide it Why am I hiding it? I don't know Oh like mix it in with the ingredients Yeah I thought the question you were asking

Yes I am asking that question I just forgot I would put it in dessert Because I feel like that's the last thing you eat Like when the meal is over And it's like you had a nice meal It was a candle at dinner You kind of like throw on eyes

Okay You specified the dish but like what is the actual item? Oh, um... Oh, I know what Joey's would be. Maybe like an ice cream? Oh, I was gonna... I thought you were gonna go,

Tiramisu. Um, Tiramisu isn't that sexy because you could choke on the cocoa or whatever that is. By you, you mean you. Yeah, yeah. I've almost died at restaurants because of Tiramu.

I'll get some of that and I'll just like, and then the dust hits my back and I'm like... Yeah, and it's like the cinnamon challenge. Yeah, it's bad. If a restaurant offered, like, the menu, on a dessert menu, it said Afrodisiac dessert or something. Yeah. Would you get in it?

I mean, if it's on a menu, you kind of need to. I think that if the date was going there, yeah, I'd be like, I feel like even if it's, like, you wouldn't want to be presumptuous, this is what you're meaning. Like, if you know the date is like moving in a good steady. Yeah, it's like, we've been like

looking at each other or we're like robin feet and shit. I'd like, you'll get the fucking aphrodisiac dessert in here. You pass me the cake. Yeah, it's a fucking ice cream. in here and let's go crazy. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. You need something with spoons, though, because spoons are, like, sexy. I know it.

Forks aren't sexy. They're mass sharp. Spoons are like, mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm. You know what I'm saying? You know, like a spoon that's kind of like, you can do a sexy fork. Yeah, but I don't like teeth. Like, when you bite it?

And they, like, pull it out? I don't like that. Really? When people eat like that, like, they bite forks, I'm kind of like, oh. Yeah. You see them, like, clean off a spoon full of? and you're just like, yeah. Because it's like lip.

It's like, m-mm. I mean, you can lip a fork, too. You could, you could. What would you say the ratio is of sexiness for a spoon this way or this way? If it's, if it's, you know what I mean? If it's spoon down, like if it's hump up, that's sexy.

It sucks. I thought that one was sexier. Oh, like when they do it and they pull it that way. Oh, because you don't want them to be like, mm-mm. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, because it's like, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, no, when you can pull it down, like, like the ratio of spoon sexiness is very high.

I guess that's a great point. I never thought of it that way. But like, you can pull it out that way, too. You're just going against the grain. It would, like, catch your lip. It's like, that's okay. That's all right. Yeah, I mean, you know, if you got to dessert and it's horny time, it doesn't matter what you eat.

I'm telling you right now, what if it's like Cheetos, but the dust is like boner dust. So after you eat your bag of Cheetos, you're like, I will say it would be strange for you to be the one being like, you know, like, because there's no phallic. Eat this fucking. Take the Cheetos and eat as if you were me. Eat it as if you were a me. Wait, wait, wait, now that's a good question. Do they make lady boner pills? I guess it's just, I don't know.

Oh. That's a great question. Like, do they make, like, lady, like, because guy boner pills, I guess. Because he had boner. It gives you a boner, but, like, do they make, like, lady boner pills? Google. Google lady boner pills. One day we're going to stump you. Is it just, like, compliments or something?

Being kind? Is it just being nice? Being not a piece of shit. It's a fortune cooking. Just like thinking like about someone's feelings. I think it might be listening or something. Yeah. Guys get Cialis and fucking Viagra and women get just like.

It seems like. You did it. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Just chemicals to boost libido. Is there like a popular one? V-Y-L-E-E-E-S-I.

V-L-Y. V-L-Y. V-L-Y. Blessy? Oh, I think I've, like, heard of that before. But it's not very... Yeah, I guess it's just dude. Well...

How are we considered the horny race... Or race. The horny gender. But we need bills. Yeah, I don't know. If you would ask me at, like, 15, like... This conversation would... blow my mind. I'd be like, what?

I swear to God, I just thought of this, right? When you just said that, if I could ask myself at 15, if at any point we get to a place in the world where we can actually, we have the technology to go back in time and ask our younger selves anything,

that would be the greatest episode of a podcast ever. I would be astounded if we can take the 15-year-old versions of ourselves, edit it. Oh, yeah. But just ask them questions and like it would probably be the dumbest thing. All I pray. We would undo so much that the world has made.

Yeah. All I pray is that if that technology does exist like, it's like we're getting there. Make it just for podcasting. We don't need to make it for anything else. We don't need to have like LeBron James talk to himself on draft day. I don't need to know what Abraham Lincoln's voice was like. Yeah, I don't care about it. about that.

Okay. Someone tweeted recently and it was just like, you know Abraham Lincoln's hat went flying at the play that day. I don't know. But, dude, that would be the single greatest episode of a podcast

that has ever existed. Can you imagine being able to ask 15 old Frankie like, who's the coolest guy in the world? Like, you probably say like something crazy. I mean, yeah, I would, I would,

who was popular and we were, in 15 in 2007 You probably say like Germain DePri or some shit Damn he's still pretty cool He made it quite the bow wow So So

Death me We did an episode of that Maybe we should revisit an episode of that For Patreon years ago Where we did like a mice Do you remember that? We did a Myspace Like quiz

And you wrote what you thought My 15 year old answer would Oh right yeah I wrote what yours was Remember Po De Lica Po de Lica Po de Lica No, Joey, you were very like, minimize maxing back then.

What do you mean? Minimaxing. You'd be like, the answer would be like, what's your, what's a big turn on for you? And you'd just write like, like, I was trying to be mysterious. It'd be mysterious and shit like that where I'd just be like, tits. Well, I would also, I feel like I would like, I would also like always have some girl that I was thinking about and be like, I'm going to make sure she knows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course.

And then I would be like, you know. Brown hair. Being able to rip a Superman and Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3 with Bucky Elastic. Wow. Yeah, that's a poll. All right. We have to go back to advertise maxing. Advertise maxing.

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I'm fully aware of that too that I'm being the issue. What are you doing? I'm sorry. Oh, okay. What was I going to say? Oh, also, you brought this up beforehand,

but the giant Costco chocolate bunny, dude, how much is it way? Ten pounds. And it's like hollow, which I'll be honest, my first thought is I want to break it. Yeah, you got to break it.

But, like, I want to, like, drop an elbow on it or something cool. Does it have, like, one of those eyes, like the eyes you can eat? it does. It has like one of the ears is down so it's like, oh, it's got a little personality, but it's like 140 beans dude. $140?

I mean, it's 10 pounds of chocolate. That's insane. How much of that do you think realistically you could get through? In a day? Yeah. You could probably do two pounds. Yeah. Think so? It really depends. Like, yeah. If I like it? If it's milk chocolate,

I could do some damage. Oh my God. If it's dark chocolate, I wouldn't even bite it. Yeah. I hate dark chocolate. It's too, like, I like things that are bitter. That's too bitter for me. I don't like it at all, man. It's just not for me. This is the thing? That's 10.

What? Why does it come with an egg? This is it? No, it's like for scale. It's like for scale. Because there's no other way to show it. That's big, dude. That's chocolate bunny maxing.

There's no other way to show reference. You need something. So this is the size of it. I'll tell you this. That better be good chocolate. Because if it's garbage chocolate, that's such a waste and I'll be so pissed. It does look milk. Also, I will say this too.

So not doing America any favors by making this. We look as gluttonous as ever. Do we know how many calories this is? 10 pounds of chocolate? 10 pounds of chocolate. That's a great question. I'm going to assume the whole thing. Type in the Costco thing, like, exactly.

They should have it, I assume. Yeah, I'm sure they have the nutrition facts somewhere. It made me type in, like, have to type in a zip code and shit, so I just went straight raw. Okay, I have the details. Can we guess? Yes.

Go for it. I am going to say. I wouldn't even have a guess. whole thing. Well, is it broken out by serving? I do have servings. And how many servings are in a billion? I don't know. 10 pounds of chocolate? Do you want the answer? I'm going to say it's broken up into about a cup. A serving is a cup. Or is it an ounce is? It would be grams, right? Grams. Yeah. Okay. So I'm going to say. Well, is this helping you? No. How many calories are in the whole thing? Yeah. This 10 pound chocolate Costco bunny.

Um, $2,600. That is insanely low. $2,600? $2,600? And like a, like, a Kiket has like $400. Like the big Kiket's are like 400. I'm fucking sorry.

We're 10 pounds of chocolate. Jesus Christ. Why do you have to fucking belittle max me? I'm going to say like $12,000. Okay. There's no way it's $12,000. Do you want, that's too much? I think that's way too much.

Do you want it to change? your answer or? Uh, I'll tell you, you're low. All right, I'll low. I'll change it one more time. All right, one more time. I'm gonna say, 4,200. Um, would I say 12?

Yeah, I'll say 12. Total calories, 151 servings, 22,650 calories. 22! Yo, that'll kill somebody if you have the whole thing. Dude, it's 10 pounds of chocolate. Yeah, that's... 22,000... calories.

Brother, that's more than I have in a week. Yeah, dude, do you kidding? That's fucking crazy. What's 2,000 times 7? 14,000? Yeah. Brother, that's almost two weeks of food. Why don't we just not do this?

Are you eating 2,000 calories a day? You try, right? That's kind of low. I mean, you try to not have more than that. Scared me. Yeah, it's somewhere around there, but, dude, 22,000? That's double what I thought. Bro, even the rock.

He said 2,600. $2,600 has been out. Yeah, forgive me. I don't know. I'm not. A Ben and Jerry's crushing that at $12,200. I mean. Dude, that is, that's crazy.

That's almost like, sad. Do you know how much sugar it is? I don't know. I don't have all that. I don't have the breakdown like that. 150 serving. So then what's a serving?

Uh, 100 grams? No. 150 calories per 30 grams. Serving? 3 grams, dude. I mean, I don't even know how much that is, to be honest. I don't know, like, if I'm being, I would just gnaw on this thing's ear. But I don't understand how someone would get this, like, for serious.

Because, like, this would have to be for a classroom of children. Bro, let's get one. Crack it open right here. Let's eat a little bit on it. I actually, I think I have the total sugars here now. I think it's 2,900 grams. Yo That is fucking unbelievable

This is kind of like It's over six pounds of sugar Across the whole Across the whole bunny I understand It's 10 pounds and six pounds of it is just sugar Well yeah I mean it's chocolate Dude I understand

Things being released for like novelty items Yeah This is fucking crazy This is up there with the supercharged lemonade That killed two From Panera You remember that? Yeah

It had like 300 mills milligrams of caffeine in it? Are you sure it's hollow? I believe it is. Because it says the novelty factor of this thing is it often requires a hammer to break it apart. Well, yeah, the shell could be so fucking intense. Oh, you think so?

Yeah, we need to get one. Can you buy one? Brother, you, if that thing was solid, it would be 40 pounds. I'll try to get one. Chocolate is dense. I mean. Order it to the studio right now. I mean, is it that much?

I mean, of course it's bigger, Is it that much bigger than like a chocolate bunny? Dude. Like that you would just get? I got it. You know what you use this for? I'm afraid to hear what you're going to say. You go in the sauna.

And you lay down a blanket and you go in with that and you put it down. Then you and your partner just roll around in it and just get fucking color and chocolate. You're a disgusting freak. Okay? What the hell are you talking about? How is that the thing that popped into your head? Take this thing into a sauna and let it melt on a towel and roll around in the towel chocolate? Because, like...

I'd get in a chocolate bath, though. That's basically what this is. Yeah, I'm going down like Augustus Gloop, dude. If you've got a river, I'm fucking drinking out of that. Just like imagine, like, you're outside in, like, a hundred degree weather, and then you're just like hug in the... It's in between you and you just... I'll be honest. That sounds disgusting.

Why? Because 100 degrees, I'm like sweating, I'm gross, and now there's chocolate involved and I'm sticky. And then you just go at it. Yeah, but just like sticky. I don't like sticky. Chocolate's not sticky. In 100 degrees, I'm sure you'll stick. I mean, it's like, not sticky.

It's just kind of like thick. You know what? Yeah. This is insane. That is so, so much. I'm into it, though. I am a little disappointed. I think I can get it.

Get it. I think I can get it. Do you have a Costco membership? I don't think you need one if you're going online. What is, I mean, you think that'll stop me? Bro, yeah, I think that fucking Dolores at the front. The rules? I would hope so. Bro, the rules.

It's got a nerd over here. Not a nerd. Yeah, but if you ever try to go into a Costco, fucking Dolores at the front and she'll kick your fucking head. Yeah, they'll beat the brakes off you if you try to go into that one. I tried to go with my mom. And she's like, where's your? I was like, I'm with her.

Yeah, they'll get you. This is kind of like, I don't know why, but this is sad to me. This? Yeah, like there are people that like can't afford groceries. And it's just like, have this novelty 10 pound chocolate bonding, dude. It's $150 also. We'll be fine. Anyone who's buying this to eat it is nuts.

Well, instead of buying a bunch for a party, right? Like a bunch of kids, you can just buy this big one. Yeah, but like, how? 150 servings. What do you have at a party with 150 kids? Yeah, what is this? A fucking assembly? Yeah, but once you're having chocolate, you don't actually... Okay, but still. You don't do that.

Okay, but still. So what? Each person's having double the amount? 75 people at this party? Also, children don't like to share? I'm gonna also take this bunny. Oh, cute bunny, I'm gonna slam it with a hammer. Yeah. This is terrible. That wouldn't be cool when you were younger? When I was younger, right now it would be cool to break this thing apart. Oh, I'm looking forward to breaking one if we can get one.

Should I get two? Get to and let's have a challenge who can punch through it. It's not a good idea. I don't want to... He just looked at the camera and goes, that's not a good idea. I'm afraid for Frankie to have his own because of the ideas that he had already.

I mean... For him and his partner. He's going to come in and be like, if I come back... My chest broke out. If I come out, yeah, I've like broken out in like hives or like some form of like rash. Beck and I rolled around with this bitch.

My pores are stuffed with chocolate. I can see... This is crazy. This is like... This is what everyone believes America is. You know what I mean? Where it's just like, everything's bigger, and it's all chocolate, and it's sugar too.

I can't... I can't imagine. And also, who's selling this? Like, I know it's Costco. Who's the seller? And how much is this cost to make? I see. Like, what's the markup on this, bitch?

I mean, actually, I don't know why I grab my phone. I can't. How can I find that? Like, how much you think this is to make? I don't know. What's the cost? Where does it land? Yeah, landed.

What's the landing price? What's the landed price? I don't know. It's probably like fucking five bucks. That's bananas, dude. Yeah, it's a lot. Now, if this was stuffed with marshmallow. Or if there was a bunch of jelly beans in there.

Then it would be 40. pounds because you'd put 30 pounds of jelly beans in this thing. I cannot wait to eat jelly beans on the weekend. Yeah, you've spoken about your love for the Starburst jelly beans. I don't really care much. Those are great jelly beans. I am ready to be a little prostitute for peeps because I love my peeps. Oh, boy.

I like this time of the year, I like drop hints to Becca just to remind her to get me peeps because every year growing up, my mom would get me peeps for like every major holiday. Uh-huh. Wait, what? What? Like, you get peeps for Christmas? Yeah. Like.

Snowman, Christmas tree. Fourth of July, peeps. I mean, that was not like a peep holiday. Like, it would be like Halloween. Thanksgiving? No. But like, not every major holiday. Fucking excuse me.

Well, I didn't even know they fucking did this outside of Easter. Easter, Halloween. Halloween peeps, they're like little ghosts or pumpkins or Frankenstein. I can't believe you like that. Dude, there's so. I don't like Peep's. And I've gone on record and said the best like, you know how Oreo makes these like cool little flavors.

They'll do like Cinnabon or, you know. That is such an insane cookie. It's such a good one. But they had it one year for Easter, they had a Peep's flavor and it was unfucking believable. What was it? It was just like Peep's fluff in between, like the peep fluff cream in between the vanilla cookies.

Oh, what? Like a, oh, like an Oreo. Oh, that sounds gross. Oh, yeah. Do you have a fluff in your house right now? No. I haven't had that in a while. We used to, like, Miles...

You've had it. You've had fluff in your house. Yeah. Miles, we used to make them fluff or another sandwiches. Yeah, yeah. Those are good. Dude, I love fluff. Yeah, fluff is...

What is it? It's just like whipped marshmallow. Yeah, it's fucking good. You can make it with your hands. I... We had fluff for a very short period of time growing up, but I used to get in there whenever no one was looking. Like I would literally just stick my fingers in it.

It was disgusting. I used to, there was like, in middle school, there was a girl that like, we were like talking online and she said she like fluff. So I went in with a tub of it one day. And I like looked at her and I fluff maxed her.

Girls said you like fluff and you brought a tub of it. And ate it in front of her. And just didn't talk to her. I was just like. I fluff mugged her. Yeah. You, I bogged with fluff.

Did it work? No. Got it. Hold on. Wait, let's back up before I gave you that answer. What do you think? No. Yeah.

What grade? It must have been like seventh or eighth. Oh, okay. Young. Yeah, yeah. A real dumb, ripe, dumb age. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know?

We were all doing crazy stuff back then. Yeah. I was flogging it. I wasn't doing that. You like fluff? No. Like, yeah. Fluff needs to make a comeback

Those are opposite answers I never Like not enough to buy it or have it I never really had it Fluff needs to make a comeback I'd like to see like It is very old school Yeah

Like It's like a Very early 2000 How everything is like Everything is protein Everything is dill pickle Everything was like Buffalo chicken

Like let's bring fluff back in Just marshmallow Just like different Like fast food chains Making like fluff Seasonal sandwiches or something. Like fluff on a burger doesn't sound that bad.

I mean, dude. No? I mean, that's a little crazy. Really? Yeah, it's a burger. I don't think so. I think it could be fun. There was at one point I wanted to make a dessert company where, and it was called spaghetti

and sweet balls, and it would be like dessert pasta. Love that. You could do it. Dessert pasta? Like the noodles would be, like spaghetti noodles, but maybe cookie or some kind of, is sauce. Syrup. Thank you.

Done. Chocolate syrup. People do that with, like, pancakes. They'll put pancake batter in, like, a squeeze bottle, and they'll make pancake spaghetti. Yeah, it wouldn't actually be pasta. Like, you know, it'd be some. I don't want to make it myself.

Let the fast food companies make it. And then we'll buy it. There's a place. I used to go to my cousin's house for Wildcar weekend, and there's a place that they were ordered pizzas from, but they also did dessert pies. Bro. Yeah.

Yeah. Everyone has had a banana. a strawberry Nutella pizza pie. No, this would have like ridiculous shit on it. Like, I mean, obviously it would be like a Nutella like pie or whatever but then there would also just be like

dude, I don't know. There's like fucking chocolate. There's brownie and like in the whole, it's like a pizza but it's like brownie and fucking marshmallow and like I'm like like yeah like smores.

Now just imagine how good it would be if like a fast food company got it. Why do you love fast food? I'm just saying like it's easier when they make it. Oh my god, you know what would make this idea better? A corporation. They've never...

Just like in the trusted hands of fucking Wendy's or something. Well, trust them. Everyone does. Not I. Why not? I don't know. They are... They're Wendy's. Not necessarily Wendy's.

I'm not talking about... I bet you'll love it. Wendie's nuts go drag across your face. Yeah. Yeah. We do have to do something though, because... Yeah. The thing is... Ah!

You laugh like a wicked witch. He does. And also, let me give me my space one sec. Give it to me. I've earned this. Frank, hit him when I got him,

please. Got him. First of all, can we, the only problem that I have with him doing that is that you, you stumbled through the goddum.

I still got you though. Wendy's, you could love Wendy's on your balls in your face. I get too excited. I start to see stars a little bit. What did you say? I bet you'll love them

when you, Wendy's nuts drag across your face. As soon as he said Wendy, I was like, all right. As soon as you. How long did you have that geared up? I mean, the first time I brought up fast food in this episode. I was wondering. That was 20 minutes ago.

I was wondering why you kept doing it. I was trying to bring it right back around to it. Give me some credit. Give me some. Right before this episode, I said to Joey, I was like, are we still doing the Gottoms? Because it'll reach a point where Joey's just like, all right, enough.

And I think I might have just got us there. No, I mean, you know. He's saying you just be more classy with it. Not classy. Like, he gets open excited. He's like, when you're going to go on your wendy's on your face and your balls are out, you fucking idiot, got him. But you got to understand. It's so, it's so like, I got you.

Like, it's perfect. I set it up and it worked. I get very excited about it. That's like four Gautoms I got on them. You, uh, you worked on that one. for a while too so and I found a nice natural way to work it in too natural I mean because now I feel like you always like oh I know all of them when they're coming we're gonna I'm gonna get you now I'm not even going after him I don't even think he

you you won't be able because he's a little sneaky boy over there he'll be like this he's a little sneaky boy over there sneaky boy you'll be like hey and how was your day and he go oh was that was my day in your mouth Yeah. My day in your nuts. You could try. You were the coolest kid at lunch. I know you were.

We get it. No one's going to got you. No one's going to be in Mario Kart. You win. No, my friend had the fruity pebble bar snack. That's a great snack. He was a coolest one. Remember kudos bars?

Those were cool. Oh, what was? They were the ones. They were like granola with chocolate underneath. And on the top, it would be like M&Ms. I do, I do, I do. Cosmic brownie. That's basically plastic, though.

I love cosmic brownies, but if I had one, it's not a brownie. Do you know, it's gum? Do you remember the pink snowballs? Yeah. Never ate that. I wasn't big into those. I did like Twinkies. Yeah.

Did like Twinkies. Why did you just Twitch? I thought about Twinkies. He's like, I like Twinkies. No, but Cosmic Brownies, I get why you. you were cool for having them, but like, if I'm buying a box of 10 and they're 30 cents each, something in this is not real. Also, little bites.

Little bites. We still get little bites for the kids. Do you? Yeah. Mini muffins, they call them. Yeah, yeah. Ruby loves her mini muffins. My house was not a little bites house, but. You guys didn't have a lot of snacks.

You had a lot of drinks. We would do. I remember a lot of drinks. You always had like breakfast shakes and you had juice. What? You had juice. I mean, we had juice. But what do you mean breakfast shakes?

The breakfast shakes that Keith would have all the time, dude. Like an insurer thing? I don't know what the brand was, but like it was like a packet of breakfast shakes, and he would have them all the time. I think one time there was insure my house. I believe it was for my grandma, but we used to crush him. Have you ever had an insured? No, what is it?

It's like a, it's like a, it's like a something. supplement drink, but it's like, yeah, there's like a meal, a meal, a meal, it's like a meal, it's like a meal replacement, but it's, but it's small. And it's like they're like chocolate milk, but they have like nutrients in them or whatever, like vitamins and shit and like protein. I don't know. What's the one, what's the

the one that, like it's like a juice though? The eight? No, no, no, no. It's like pediolite. Is it like pediolite? No, no, because that's just for like hydration. That's just like electrolytes and vitamin B or some shit. I don't know, but no, this was more of like, if you're deficient

in certain things, then you like drink and drink. I know what they look like. They look like the little cans. Yeah. They look like little bottles like this. It looks like cat food kind of. Like catnip. Looks like catnip?

No, I don't know what catnip looks like. I thought they come in bottles and like you crack the top off. Yeah, there was something like that, but there was some that was kind of like cans too. I don't know, but we had snack. We had, we were, we had a lot of fruit roll-ups. You always had, you always had ice pops and chocolate in your freezer. We always had ice pops. Always had chocolate in your freezer.

Ice pops were big in my house. Brother, the first, I remember the first time in college when I realized, like, I can buy those ice pops myself. I had a freezer full of fucking 400 of those ice pops. I really do appreciate how... I took a picture of it because I was so impressed. I'm impressed with myself here. I really appreciate how you can only buy those in the hundreds.

Like, it's like a box of a hundred. Because one of them. One of them is gone in 40 seconds. Once the last time you had one? Don't even know. They're not great for you, but it's like, each one is like five grams of sugar. It's not as bad as you would think.

Wouldn't even stop me. I like, there's nothing like a well-placed ice pop. Those flavor ice is the one. Yeah, flavor ice. Name your favorite colors from least to most. I got a hot. See, I go back and forth with shit. got a hot take for you.

I feel like your hot take I'm going to agree with. Okay. But I like, like, the green's very good. I like the green, but I also like, like, like, because it's lime. The pink is great. The pink is the best one. The pink is the best one. Pink is the absolute best one.

So I go back and forth from pink, but low key, I fuck with the grape. All of them are good. I love, my top two are pink and orange. Orange was like my favorite, like ice pop flavor as a kid. Really? And then I bit into a creamicle one. and I was forever ruined. Creamskills are tough.

Dude, creamsicles suck so bad. I don't know where we've come as a society that people are just like, you know what's going to make this ice cream better? A layer of orange? Yeah, I don't know. Get the fuck out of here. You know what's crazy? One time I went to the Poconos with Greg.

And we stopped. Is that not the weird part? It wasn't just us. No, we went to the Poconos as just like a summer. vacation thing and we went to the supermarket there and we were like buying stuff for the house and they had ice pops but they were alcoholic dude each ice pop was 8% alcohol yeah dude i've had what i've had those they'll get you yeah i had them at the lake of course because they're all alcoholics up there i mean when i was with you uh with the the 80s theme top of the hill party

when we had the ice pops that's when they had them yes and we were quite inebriated Good times. I was smoking a cigar. That was probably the last cigar I've ever had. You were, and you had, I'll never forget, it's the video of you dancing, but you're just stepping forward and back with a cigar in your mouth to like, we're in 70s attire, which I don't think you were wearing 70s attire. You just had a bandana on.

I had a wig on. Did you have a wig on? I did have a wig on, and I had a headband, and I had a tie-dye t-shirt. Oh, yes, I remember the t-shirt now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you were just, you were smoking a cigar, living your best life. Yeah, that was probably my last cigar. It was also probably my last ice pop.

It's got some iPops in here. Yeah, that's, that's depressing. He's got some ice pops in here. We can't have your mouth with an ice pop in front of that mic. There's no way. I don't mean for when we're recording, brother. I would like an ice pop, period. Oh, yeah, we do.

Just to have. I got you. Yeah, I got you. Not the alcoholic ones, you freak. Because I know he's going to come in and you like, you like those. Those are 800% alcohol. That's saying it for you Well I guess that's all we have for today

No ice pops But yeah thank you guys so much for watching Frank where can they find you The Frank Alvarez everywhere Go check out Patreon patreon.com slash the baseman yard Thank you guys for all the continued support That you guys are support maxing Big time

Big time I just looked at the screen And one of the suggestion buttons is lemon button. Oh, yeah. Probably got to bury that. You gotta get rid of that? Yeah, I'm probably got to bury that. Oh shit. Ant, where can I find you?

Find me at Aunt Prisco on Instagram. All right. Hell of you. Go follow me at Joe Sanigal. Go follow the show at the basement yard and that is all. See you guys next time.