The Basement Yard - #553 -The Worst Urine Sample

Episode Date: May 4, 2026

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Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. Hi. What's the matter? You're not having a good day? It's been a week for the good old confidence, a good old Frankie. Oh, you've had a bad confidence week? It's not been a good old confidence week.

You know what I mean? Like, you know, you know, like you wake up certain days. You're just like, feeling good, feeling great, feeling good, how are you? Had a rough performance yesterday. and just trying to get over it. Just like the whole day? Yeah, how are you doing? I'm all right.

How about you, Aunt? I'm having a better day than Frankie, I guess. Well, my day's great. Don't talk about my day. He said his last week was bad. The last, I think it was really just yesterday. I had to give a urine sample, and I just didn't, like, I was not happy with it. He didn't like the way it looked?

I'm pretty, I like my piss. What's up? What are you? What do you like about it? Solid color. Uh, seemingly not cloudy, which I hear is an issue. Yeah, uh, okay.

I think that's a bad thing, right? Cloudy, I mean, I think. I don't know. Also, I saw one thing and it was just like, if you have bubbles when you pee, you might need to go to the doctor. Have you ever pissed? I think it depends how hard you're peeing. How hard do you pee?

I mean, if I'm in my house, am I trying to pee as hard as I can? But if I'm in public, then I want to piss as hard as possible. so people think that I have an alpha-sized wiener. They want to know. They want to hear and they be like, that's a big stream. It's got to equal big dick. Literally, and that's,

I will go on record and say that this is a universal fact and every man on earth that when you're at the uneral, you're trying to make as much noise as possible so that the other guy's in there know, big dicks in town. You're at the urnural? That's what you said, urnural.

It's a funeral for your piss. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he is right. You're right. Technically, you are right. Yeah, it's a weird thing. But like also, but if you're with like the first like 25 times I hung out with Becca, I pissed on the side of the bowl. So I made no noise.

Yeah, you don't want to. You don't want to, you don't want to fucking show off your piss stream. You're going in there. You almost want her to be like, did he even do anything in there? Well, well, also because of the inverse. Because in public, if you do strong stream big dick. Yeah. In, you know, private, you want it to be like no sound.

Because if you do a stream and it makes a little sound, they're just like, oh, look at little trickle dick. over there. Yeah. Yeah, that's the... You know what I'm talking about. It's not interesting, though, when you're in public, you want people to hear your pee, but you don't want them to hear your poop. Yeah, I... Like, no one's like pooping mad hard and being like, oh, what a good asshole on that guy. Yeah, well, it says a good butthole on that guy. There's a haggard's in there firing off a fucking wizard shit. I'll do you one better. Like, it becomes like, I've been in like bathrooms, like public bathrooms where when people are having a rough time, it's like a universal, like, everyone feels bad for that person.

They could just be having a normal BM with like normal noises and stuff like that, but like, people are just like, oh man, feel bad for that guy. Yeah, you're kind of looking around you like he's having a tough, tough time. They're having a tough go of it. I've ever been at the urinal and there's like an older guy next to you and you could just

hear that he's having trouble. Yeah. I feel so bad for them. I feel bad because there's a part of me when I see old people like, like I try to hold doors open and like, you know, like I want to help them with stuff in public. like, I'll draw the line there. You don't want to help them pee.

She's more like help this guy piss, like punch his bladder or something. Or do you ever, like, encourage him? I was like, you got it. You got it. Is that a real thing? Did you guys ever see that movie waiting? Yeah. Remember the guy in that movie, like, has like an irrational fear of pissing in public?

Of course that's real. Is it real? Yeah. I didn't know it. I thought it was just like a movie thing. I mean, I don't have it. I'll let it rip anywhere. Oh, yeah, baby.

If anything, I'm more afraid to be in. That's a weird. In my own home. I'd prefer people to listen. No, I had to go for like, do like a urine test and it was just such a, for lack of better terms, piss poor performance. In what regard? I was like embarrassed. I didn't pee enough. Oh, you didn't pee enough.

Yeah. What kind of did they give you like a like a champagne flute or was it? They gave me, I was very confused by it. They gave me like a disposable coffee cup. Oh, you're going to do the pouring? No, no. I had to pee straight in. it, but they say like, I don't know if you guys have gotten these directives.

No, they capped it, but it just looked like a coffee cup, which is dangerous, right? In why? Brother, if the difference, if there's a, if there's not a very clear discernible difference between a coffee cup and a urinal sample cup, oh, that's scary. Did it have a drink spout? No, but like, if I put both in front you real quick and said, look at them, you would have to go, wait, oh, you know what I mean? I mean, you would notice the contents of the cup one is piss. If they both have a cap on them? Oh.

Were they clear? No, they were paper. Like, go to like a fucking coffee shop, like the paper cups, that coffee comes in. Sounds like you're not as a doctor. Where were you? The person kept collecting it. The person kept collecting it. It goes, no, no, no, no, no.

So how big was the cup? A solid, like 12 ounces. How much piss did you put in it? Frank. I was disappointed in myself. What were you? Like, the fuck, come on.

Well, I did. I did the whole like, the sink. The direct. Like, when you hear water? No, I did the directive of like, pee a little. They say when you pee in a cup,

like pee a little, like start the stream and then start it in the cup. Right. I don't know why, but apparently that's what. Get her going. Yeah, yeah. You need to warm the car up. before you drive on the highway.

I go straight. Really? Yeah, I just go for it. I mean, I imagine there is a medical reason why they tell us not to do that. So I'm just going to listen to doctors. Oh, I didn't think that. Well, if there is. But now that I think about it, that was, that piss could have been used to make me look

like a better pisser. Do you think they got to the lab and they saw the amount of piss and they were like, what the fuck? What the fuck is this little bag of piss? Just like, they used to like, oh, look a week. got here. Yeah. Little pisser.

Yeah. You know, I, I, I, I, what's the matter though? You just couldn't squeeze anything out? I, I, I had peed right before I left the house. Frank. I know. It was, it was like a clear, and by the time I realized it was too late to like go and drink water because, you know, like I wasn't going to do much at that point.

And my weight was like two minutes. So I had to just give them all I had, which wasn't much. How'd you, how'd you get there? You drove? Yeah. So didn't you just have pissed bottles in the car? You can't just dump old piss. First of all, I am so far, I am like really good on not pissing in this car.

I am like really, really, really doing well. And if I did, you think I'm just going to be like, just be like, hold on, let me go to my reserve. Yeah. You know, I feel like. If that's not enough, I got a trunk full of this stuff. But that's also not going to give me an accurate reading of what a good, like what they're probably looking for. Right.

If it's like, oh, this is from four weeks ago, like. Four weeks. Well, I don't have four-week old piss in my car. Let me make that clear. This is three-year-old piss, Frank. I don't, I don't, I don't. But you're pissed in your car more recently than I have. That's true.

I don't know how, if it's more recent. We, you know. No, it absolutely is more recent. I think it's more recent. I would be very forthcoming. I can't tell you the last time I pissed in that car. How was the color on it? Solid.

Solid. Solid yellow? No. Like it was a slightly darker than yellow. A dirty blonde? No, I would say like an Arnold Palmer. Not that Arnold Palmer. No, no, no, that's a little.

Where you bleed? No, no, no, no, no. That's a little too dark. Like a lemonade-ish, but like a lot of water mixed in. If you had dropped like a single drop of iced tea and a lemonade, because they say too clear is not good, apparently. Oh, lemonade, okay, yeah, yeah. So like look at a lemonade, but not cloudy.

Yeah, yeah. No, I got you, I got you. You know what I'm It was a hydrated pee. It was, I think I'm doing okay. So I would rather have that because there was a time that this wasn't the last time I gave a urine sample, but it was the time before that I gave a urine sample. And man.

You pissed. I mean, I peed in it and like there was enough in there. But boy, oh boy. It was brown. It was like, no brown. I mean, people pissed brown. I know, but they're like, I mean, this was just like, it was very, very, like a skiddle yellow. And I was like, damn, I'm dehydrated.

I'm not even kidding. I've pissed that color before of like the green screen. I have. I remember when I was in college. What were you drinking? Just mountain dew. No, no, no, no. When I was in college, I...

It's called something else. No, I was not drugs. I mean, maybe. I was taking, like, workout supplement pills. And I pissed like neon green. And I was worried. But I read the thing and it's like, that's normal. It's just excess vitamins and stuff.

I was taking, like, like, like Arnold classic what you were taking bodybuilding supplement yeah yeah yeah wow you know I'm 21 at the time like if I'm ever gonna do something stupid that's the time

so you're pissing electric green basically yeah wow and what would have terrified me what are you so giggly about over there that's funny did you pretend you were like Shrek or the Hulk or something no you know what no I didn't

I probably should have though what is your reaction when that comes out of you immediately the first two or three times I was just like hold on what how many times did you pee and that lasted a long time I mean it's like a 30-day supply of the workout supplements oh oh okay yeah damn that's terrifying I don't know I got head and shoulders in there once bro I don't know where that story was going I was like I got head and shoulders and then I'm like also what wait you what I got head and shoulders in there once in where oh in your hole why do you have head and shoulders on you washing your

tubes. Well, like, a dandruffy dick? What's going on, dude? Just ran down and got in there. Ran down and got, oh, because he's got such a big hole because it goes with his big old, big old wang. Yeah, exactly. I mean, you need a big enough hole to let the pee exit that big off.

Yeah, this guy's running through with a queso burrito in his pants. So you're saying you put head and shoulders on your head, and it ran down your body and got into your pee hole? Well, it was probably just while I was scrubbing. I got, I'll say this. And then it burnt. I will say this. If any soap is getting a.

in my pee hole. One of the top ones that I don't want to have in his head and shoulders. That shit is strong. Yeah, when it's on your head, it's like an icy hot. And it burnt. It burnt for like two days while I was pan. You know what? You know, I got freaked out. Have you ever heard of the Dr. Brauners soap? It's like the pure Castile

soap. They have different flavor. Flavors and shit like that. Right's eating it. No. It's like, I'm shocked. It's a very famous. It comes in a really recognizable bottle. It has like, it looks like the fucking entirety of the Bible's written on this bottle. Okay. And Um, it's like super runny and the first time I use it, my dad got the peppermint one.

Oh. And I like used it everywhere. Brother, it was like I had just fucking face fucked a snowman. Yeah. Like my shit was ice cold. You're the weiner? Brother. Like, wow.

Like, it's like someone, like you just like put your dick and balls in the freezer and then put them back on. That sounds kind of nice. Then I'm shocked you don't have a hot summer day. Pull up the soap. You'll know what I'm talking about. They have like different scents and shit like that. What was the name? Dr. Bronners, like the fucking the peppermint one will just, it'll burn the hair out of your nostrils.

Dr. Bronner. Yeah, there it is. Let me tell you. I've never seen this. It looks like you clean carpets. I mean, it's like on the bottle. It looks like an under the sink type of thing.

No, no, no. It's used as body wash. That's soap? It comes like that. Oh, it's magic. But like, you can use it as like. Table cleaner you can use it as laundry detergent like you can use it for a ton of shit you just need to dilute it This is too much for soap

I mean I'm not diluting it they also make the bars brother This is wait so you can use the same soap for your balls that you can for your floor Yes, it's an 18 and one so yes, dude I'm serious Yeah, that was there 18 things to even clean Yo this shit see there she's got it she knows can you pull can you pull? Can you pull up the 18 she's probably got the coldest tits on the planet yes oh the peppermint one yeah yeah i'll look up what you guys keep going i'll look up what the 18 things you could use right i need to know

yo i can think of body counter floor what do we talk it's like it's like you can like sprinkle it on your fucking your car like you could use it as like in the toilet cleaner like it's bro it's it's it's super intense and it's fucking crazy how is that possible i don't know they make this shit i don't fucking make it That's insane, dude. I've never heard of this before in my life. But I'm cleaning and I'm just like, yo, this is crazy, dude. And it just like lit your body up like a Christmas tree? I'm not kidding. It felt like I was standing butt naked in Antarctica.

Did you feel like super clean when you got out? I felt like I was the cleanest since I had come straight out the womb. Wow, yeah. Like I've never in my life been that clean and I never will ever again. That sounds like nice. I kind of like that feeling because like I've used head and shoulders before. before and then your head is just like it feels like there's steam coming off of it. It's called head and shoulders

because it feels like your head and your shoulders are one. Yeah, yeah. Kind of numb. They're all numb. They're all of it is numb. It fucking runs down before it gets to his dick. It runs down your shoulders and it just feels... I don't know how that got in your pee-hole. This is one like... Yeah, also just like pure, just gravity. Like...

It happens. Were you just like showering with a boner? Yeah, is your pee, is your peat hole facing up? Yeah. It was just like, while I was scrubbing everything I guess I got brushes. Oh, I know what it does. You were scrubbing and you were scrubbing. Everyone's having a good time. Do you want to hear the 18 things? Where the hell did that come from? What even was it? I don't even know. Oh, that's what you were doing earlier. Before we started, he was like, oh, I, before we started, he was like,

oh, I just got to like fix myself, whatever. And I was like, yeah, you get over there? Like, what are you doing. So you had that, you had that stroke yourself bit for like, he held on to it for 15 minutes. What is that? Yeah. Right. I don't know. I just found it in the garbage over there and I decided it'd be funny. What? Where is this coming? Is this out of your back? Some prop comedy would be funny. Some prop comedy. Oh my God. He really enjoyed that. I don't even know what that's from. Are you crying? I was doing some desk cleaning.

I threw that out. Did you go through my garbage? It was right there. It was over there. In the garbage? Yeah. So you walk around this place and you saw a piece of garbage and you're like, I have an idea. It's just fall like it up to look like a weener.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. And God Almighty, I'm fucking crying. It's kid, bro. It loves it. Did you find the 18th thing? I found something, yeah.

Is there anything strange? Well, it could be used... So Frankie's soap that he used as a child. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, use it now? You're an adult? I still use it now. Right. You still have that?

Oh, yeah. Can be used for face, body, hair, bath, shaving, teeth, feet, congestion, dishes. Hold up. Back up. Teeth. Soap for your teeth? I mean... Maybe mouth... Yeah, why can't you? Wait, you're a little...

Your speed running this. Oh, sorry. Start from teeth. Well, I was trying to get to... Start from the beginning. I was trying to do the normal things first. Start from the beginning. Face body hair.

Yeah. The bath. What is the bath? Put it in his bubble bath. Makes bubble can make... Okay. Shaving. Shaving.

It's like a, maybe like an after shave or something? Soap? I don't know. Teeth. Teeth. Teeth is insane. I'm gonna brush my teeth with soap. Teeth.

Feet. Congestion. Congestion. No, dude. I'll tell you. You rub a little bit of that under your nose You'll breathe fucking better than you ever have Shoot this thing, it's my sinus

And then it goes Dishes, the laundry The laundry And then it just goes Your floors Your general cleaning of the house Windows Yeah dude

I can clean my windows And my teeth simultaneously Your windows and your asshole The two cleanest parts on the fucking house Then it goes toilets You can clean produce Dogs plants Dogs

and it could keep away ants It can keep away ants Yo, what is going on with this thing This is an outrageous marketing scheme Yo, I mean, no, dude, it's like magic Keep away ants Yo, I'm not kidding some of the shit I like one day, like, you know when like you like

Don't go to the bathroom and you don't have your When you go to the bathroom you don't have your phone on you And you just like read whatever is in like arms reach I read the bottle and it's like, this is miracle from God's soap that could do anything. Oh, so they're humble. Are you fucking kidding me? This fucking soap will do everything. You know, it's-cleing your teeth, suck your dick, keep away to roaches.

You can put it in your mattress. You can sleep on it. You can jerk off with it. You can eat it. Yeah, I'm not kidding. If you jerk off with this thing, you would, you would burn them. fucking skin off your body. That's great.

Does it have any other sense? Yes. So there's like lavender. There's like I think a eucalyptus one. Which one are you currently using? The last one, we haven't used it in like a couple. We ran out and we haven't gotten a new one yet. But the lavender one is fucking good.

I believe the peppermint one specifically is probably for ants because I know ants hate peppermint. Like anti-ant spray is peppermint sprays. I know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. So if we want you to get out of here, we're just going to dump this on you. You filthy little

and we'll make sure it doesn't get in your pee hole Yeah, please Dude, they have I'm telling you right now That's insane Do you, I'm sure Nicole probably knows about it Because she, I know she's very like

Help conscious and like, you know, stuff like that That is something that you should have in your home Bro, I'll tell you this right now Love her to death But if she brought this home And was like And it replaced our toothpaste I'd be like

What are you doing? I'm not, I didn't know the tooth one, I might try that. I might try it. Why not? Please, please brush your teeth with, like, whatever. I mean, the magic soap. I mean, how, I don't know how you could. What would you, like, mix it in with your toothpaste? Maybe it's a, just, just, like a mouthwash, maybe. But it's not, it's very thin. Like, it's very, like, it's non-viscous. So like, it's like water. Really? Yeah. So you're, it's not like a gel soap. Okay. It's just like pure fucking soap. It comes out like water. Yeah.

dude. Fucking, pull up a video of this shit. I don't need to. I'll take your word for it. You pull up a video of soap. I can take your word for it. But that's,

okay, so maybe you just, you just soak. But they say, like, dilute. Like, if you were to, like,

sit in it, I'm sure it probably wouldn't be very good for your skin. You'd get some form of irritation. You don't have to sit. Well, I'm not saying sit in the thing.

But also, like, I'm sure whatever you're cleaning or using it for, it's different levels of dilution. Like, you put, like, a little bit

into your, your laundry. A lot of people swear by that stuff because it's a more natural like detergent, soap, cleaner than like if you go and buy, no offense to fucking big laundry detergent, but like, what is the blue goop?

Yeah, I have no idea. I mean, I am open to the idea that this works. It's just funny. Yeah. You can, it's like teeth and dogs being on the same list as windows. Like, and you're,

own face and butthole. It's like outrageous. And it keeps away insects and pests. Right. I mean, it's not cheap. Like, that bottle right there is probably like... It said 18 bucks. It's not cheap.

That's a lot. But you don't need a lot. Like, that bottle will last you like two, three months. Yeah, they can take out a whole ant colony. Bro, that'll fucking do everything you want. Spring cleaning in a single bottle. You know the jokes that people make of, oh, Guy, shampoo, 13 and 1 hair conditioner? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You managed to find an 18. 18 goes out of the bathroom. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that cool? It's something. It is. It's not nothing.

Well, the ones that you're referencing is like it's hair, it's shampoo, conditioner, body wash, aftershave, and fucking who knows what else in one. You know what's funny? I don't know if you guys did this when you were younger, but when I was super young, my parents would be like, all right, you got to go take a shower. So I would take a shower and then I would come down and then my dad would. I'd be like, did you use soap? And I didn't, but I would lie. I said, oh, I use shampoo. And he's like, what?

Oh, like you would, you would shower without bathing yourself properly. Like, I would, I wouldn't use soap. I vaguely remember that, but I could, I don't know if that's still a thing. I don't know why, but I just like wouldn't use soap. Not all the time, but there would be times I wouldn't use soap. So every time I would come out, my dad would be like, did you use? soap and I would be like oh no I'll tell you this and they'd be like get back upstairs and go take a shower or I would lie and I'd be like oh I use shampoo which I also didn't do so you just

walked in got wet and walked out yeah this is when I was like super young but I remember it so I must have been I imagine that still does something though like you wash away you wash away the stinky the sins of dude maybe maybe you never washed away your something and that's why you don't stink under the armpits. Maybe. It's not that I never did. That's a great point. But it was like, I was very young.

Like, I was like under 10 while this was happening. Well, first of all, that's when kids are like fucking filthy, like rolling around in the fucking, literally like in the dirt and shit like that. Like that's when you probably need a bath or a shower the most. There is like, kids are deathly afraid of like soap and shit like that because it's about getting it. Once you get it in your eyes once, you're. You're like terrified. Yeah, it's the devil. You know?

At what age do, like, you, like, take a bath with your siblings? Young. Like, because I, like, remember. I have, like, a memory of it. Yeah. Yeah, I recently went through a bunch of family pictures, and they were pictures there. And I said, like, we didn't need to take a picture of this. You know?

But, like, do you know what age? Like, four? Um, I would say, like, four and under. I think around five, it gets a little. Like, you got to start. start separate. Yeah, like it gets a little weird. Yeah, but I have a memory of like, I think I've told the story before, but like I was in the bath with Keith and he laughed and a giant blood clot came out of his nose. It was just like this and I was like, and I think we all screamed.

Yeah, I think that kids are just afraid of soap because of like the thought of it getting in their eyes. And there was so much when we were kids, soap like marketed. at us is like tear free you know like remember the ones that came in like it was like the loriel the fish yeah you know and then they had the ones i didn't remember what they were called but they were like bars of soap that were in like a mesh pocket yes i forgot those forgot what they were called oh that was a good one they tear free i think they still they still probably do bro i love the like johnson and johnson like gold baby shampoo is the best smelling one of the best smells on the planet yeah i don't know that one I got head and shoulders in my eyes.

See, you have to stop. You have to stop with the pausing. I got head and, uh, head and shoulders in my eyes yesterday. That hurt. Are you head and shouldering every day? I guess it's just inside of me. What?

You haven't said anything on this episode that you can't, like, that isn't sexual. Oh, yeah, that's a good point. You use head and shoulders every day? A lot, yeah. I mean, you probably should. You should, didn't. No, you're not supposed to, but I do. No, you're supposed to use it very regularly.

I, like, sat through, like, a presentation from them once. You sat through a presentation of head and shoulders? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He did the, he did it, too. He paused a little bit after head. Did I? Yeah, you did. Oh, oh.

I was like, I wasn't at the presentation. I did a deal with them. Oh. And they were just like, it was like at a football game. It was at a Giants game, and they were just like, our head and shoulders guy is here. So we're going to like teach you guys about it and it was honestly like insightful like I can't say anything bad about it I thought it was like a not medical grade

but it's like above shampoo in my way of like if you're dealing with dandruff use this well to my understanding it's actually meant to be more and I should probably contact my head and shoulders connect and see if they can give us more accurate info but like it's meant to be more preventative than it is to like deal with it so like they say that you're You're supposed to use it regularly because it's like it kills a certain bacteria that creates dandruff on your scalp or something like that. I thought it was interesting, you know, but like... I'll throw it on every now and again.

If I don't use it for, like, if I use different shampoo for a few days, like, I'll get dandruff bad back. But do you, do you, do you, uh, shampoo and conditioner? Like, do you condition your hair? I don't condition. Well, I think that's a problem. I don't, I don't, you don't condition your hair? Well, first of all, conditioner is not supposed to be used on the whole head. It's only supposed to be used on, like,

hair. End of the hair. Yeah, yeah. But that's not where Dandruff comes from. Dandruff comes from the scalp. I know, but I'm assuming that if you have

like dry hair that has some sort of effect. But I don't think the hair matters. It's the scalp. It's connected to the scalp. Yeah, but like you're when you're doing, to my understanding,

when you're doing like, my hair's not long enough right now, but like the conditioner is supposed to be used on like the outer part of the hair. In theory, it's not really supposed to get on your scalp. saying like if but if but if you don't condition your hair right and it and it gets a little dry or if you have that type of hair that does get dry i would think that the thing that is coming out of

your head would have some sort of effect on the moisture of i don't know no but the we're all guessing the issue of dandruff is at the base of your hair like on your scalp so if you're conditioning your hair you're not attacking the the issue no i understand what you're saying i i mean i just i just don't know is it is it bad i didn't know know that conditioner was only for the tips? I didn't, I didn't, I learned that late in life too. I don't know that that's like a gigantic issue. Oh, okay.

I mean, I don't know. I learned that late in life as well. I have not recently, but when I was younger, I would condition my people. Hell yeah. Yeah. Just because. Now we're getting somewhere. I was like, I would just condition these.

Let's get these more. Can you show us how you would do it? No. Um, I would just be like, you know what? I'll just like get these things going so they're nice and silty smooth. But we do have some sponsors. Oh, we're going from silky smooth pubs to our sponsors. Yes.

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Yeah, every style, every home. Get to it. Wayfair. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. Listen, I'm not here to mess around right now, okay? I'm strictly business, Frank. You wanted business, Frank? You got business frank. Let me take off my Frank hat and put on my business hat. Listen, I don't know if you want more of us in your life.

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and I'll tell you right now, they get crazy. Okay, on the last one, aunt was bending over the table and we were spanking him with stuff. It was kind of all out of control. I'm kidding. We didn't do that. He asked us not to put that in the episode. So go check it out. Patreon.com slash the basement yard.

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You know, you can give it as a gift as well. So patreon.com slash the basement yard. Thank you so much. Let's keep rocking and rolling. Back to you, Joe. Let's keep rocking and rolling. Yeah. Well, what's wrong with that?

You don't like to rock and or roll? It's kind of a... What is rock and roll? Like, I get the rock. No, but why is that what they call the music? But like... Yeah, I mean... Because you rock and roll to it.

Where's the rolling? Like, you roll on the floor? Like, they were used... That music came along and they used to like... to it. You know what I mean? I guess. So they would be like, whoa, and then they'd like fall over themselves. You know what, uh, what dance move white people love?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I fucking, I don't hate it. Boomers love that. I don't hate it. Well, because the boomers were like, you know, in their like 30s or 20s in the 70s. And that's when that was big. Because it would be like this and then every now and then they throw in a. Yeah.

Oh, my God. My mom's a big pointer. She likes to point. She's always like, there is, I, point in a, I one time came across at TikTok,

and it's like someone, their whole account is just dedicated to, like, dancing like a middle-aged white woman at a party. Yeah. And it's just that. It's just like, you know,

just all that while they have a, yeah, yes. Who taught white boomer women in America to dance with pointing? Also, uh, when they clobber women. at weddings, I've noticed, that that generation, they clap, but the fingers are out.

So it's like Nicole Kidman. Do you remember her clapping? Yeah, she's got hands like the Grinch. Brother, she clapped and her fingers were behind our ears. I was like, yo, see if you could find that clip. I'll try. She clapped and it was like, it was like the Grinch's fingers. You know what I'm talking about?

Like they curl backwards or something. She's like double triple jointed. I, yeah. And like, that was also like how they like danced suggestively in like the 70s. They'd be like. And then they'd do the point at themselves. Come over here. Come over here.

Point of you. Yeah. Point of me and you in here. Have you ever, have you ever, um, you know in movies where there's that moment where you're kind of like at a place, then you lock eyes with someone across the room and then everything kind of like gets out of the way and then you make your way over? Have you ever done that in real life? I mean, I think I've done it with Becca, but like not like,

No, no, no, I'm talking about like... Where it's like, it's no one and I just like... Yeah, it's not a person you know, it's just a person. No, I, I, I, when we were like of like dancing... Club age? Club age, like, it was, I was always like, do you want to dance? I always made it a specific point to ask. Well, that's what I mean.

Like, if you saw someone, you'd be like, ooh, and then you walk over and then you kind of ask. You like, you get here and then you're in it already? No, no, no. I'm saying you're in a place, right? and you see this girl across and you guys kind of make eye contact and then you're like you're looking and it's like

oh we are staring at each other so it's like I'm gonna go over there and then like it feels like everyone's kind of moving out the way and then you make your way over and you're like oh like you're in some Truman show shit like everyone's just like all right they've made contact everyone back up something like that

I think that happens in movies the only time I think it was ever like when I danced with that old broad at the fucking wedding I went to there's got to be a better way to say that Yeah Pull it I don't know

If this is real and not edited These are long fingers This has to be I think it is real Because when it happened at first Everyone was just like Yo Oh my God

Bro her hands Like it looks like she's clapping Like it looks like Two Venn diagrams Are meeting in the middle Dude I don't even I don't even think I could do Yeah

She's like It looks like the Zodiac sign for Pisces Yes It looks like when you like those like Newton balls on the string or like hitting each other. Listen, no disrespect to Nicole Kidman, but if that's real, you got long fingers. Also the Instagram handle. Oh, I didn't vet that.

There are gay animals. You know that, right? Yes, penguins are gay. Not all of them. Not all. I'm not saying all them. Do you guys know about the penguin, the lone penguin? We talked about it on this episode.

Oh, that was here? Yeah, we talked about it. Yeah, you've heard this. No? Bro, you know the long penguin? Bro, they were like... Long? Lone.

There was like at this zoo, I think it was in Australia or somewhere. There was gay... No, it wasn't zoo. Wait, what are you talking about? Like, the gay? No, that's not what I'm talking about? Oh, wait, what are you talking about? Nothing gay, nothing gay.

Oh, mine had gay penguins. No, no, I know the gay. Yeah, the gay one. But this, no, this is like the, um... Type in like, look at, don't... Sorry, damn gay penguin. Type in, uh... A penguin walking away.

Just do that. Lone penguin walking away. away. There's penguin walking away. Walking to Mountain. Yeah, yeah. Do that, do that, do that. Where'd you see Mountain? I mean, you got to back up. Are you type like you're a thousand years old? It's over there. It's over there.

This one? What do you need? A Werner-Herzog one? That's going to blow the fucking... I mean, let's not play the audio here. But just go to the image. It's fine. There is a penguin, and here's walking away. So this is... So all the way to the right. You see all the way to the right? Click that. I mean, I guess these are all like photos, but there's a video of this of a penguin who's just taken off for the mountains.

Just doing its thing? Right. Doesn't give a fart? And look, look, look. Where is that? Japan? He like, I don't know. But he broke away from the pack and he was just going for it. And then people turned it into this thing that's like the penguin obviously is never going to survive without the colony if he goes for the mountains.

But he just like desperately, he's. Oh, so they're using it as like motivation to like, chase your dreams. Something like that. And it's like, but why? And like all this stuff and, you know, it's supposed, it's the interpretation is this very motivational. Like, nihilist. No, up, uh, nihilist. I don't, I don't know what that word means.

Penguin mean, like. But then I, so I watched a video on this and it was so moving and the music was just like incredibly motivating and all the stuff. And the, the explanation. and the interpretation of what was happening was like, you know, a moving. And then in the comments, there was someone being like, yeah, what actually is happening is that there's something going on in this penguin's brain. And it's like basically going off to like, you know, that's up.

Oh, no. Like, not that it's going to go and grab the gun. I was just thinking, I was looking at it. It was just like it's running like the kids from weapons, you know. Well, that's how they kind of run. I guess. Penguins are so cute. Penguins are cute.

We were talking about the, we were referencing the one where it was like a story of like two male penguins got together and they were like, their soulmates and stuff like that. And then one of them died and like the penguin like

crew like in solidarity for this morning gay penguin like sang a song for it. It's beautiful. It is pretty touching. You know penguins, they like take rocks and they put rocks in front of the female?

Well, penguins are one of the, few animals that like mate for life. It's like penguins, lobsters. Mate for life? Yeah. Like they, what does that mean? Like they're like, yo, this is my oh, oh, this is my penguin lady or oh, oh, they're loyal, you mean? They're monogamous. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think lobsters are like that too, you know. Really? Why would? I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I'm gonna, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, look at the lions. Lions will, like, go in, fuck someone and be like, I'm gonna, everyone here is getting it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know? I think gorillas, I like that too. It's like, yo, I'm the biggest one. I beat up everyone else. Yeah, and then I was at the zoo, and I read a thing that was just like, if a fucking, like, new lion comes into the pack, they'll like, if there are any cubs, they'll fight the head of the pack or pride or whatever they're called. Fuck them up, kill them. And then if they had any cubs, they'll take them out too. And it's like, yo, this is fucking, this is some crazy shit, dude.

Lopsers do not mate for life. Really? No, they do serial monogamy where it's kind of like the lions where there's a bunch of females and they... Oh. Oh, so he's like, yo, I get my eight, but I'll keep it. Oh, so he's like Mormon wives shit. Sure. Like sister wives and the shit.

But, yeah. Because I remember something like they lace so many eggs and they have to either way. I mean, no, no, I'm not, I am, that was what was like a thing. Like, you've never heard like people. on like, remember like those old like tumbler-coded things where it's just like, you're my lobster because lobsters are, they mate for life or some show. I guess I'm a fucking idiot and I just bought into it. I'll tell you what, you know what, uh, termites, termites mate for life.

Yeah, they can go and die. Isn't that surprising? Termites can go and fucking die. I know they're, I know they're important to like the ecosystem. I don't think they are. Bro, so hold on. They definitely are. I just found this penguin thing, right?

Listen to the song. So it's just like that, right? And then this is what the caption is. It says, in 2007, Werner Herzog, oh yeah, Werner Herzog, filmed a lone penguin breaking away from his colony. Instead of heading to the sea to feed, he turned toward the interior of Antarctica,

a 70-kilometer death march towards the mountains. Science calls this disoriented. Biology calls it a mistake. But perhaps this is the same mistake that drove our ancestors out of the caves. The urge to discover is a dangerous one. It defies the logic of survival. It demands that you leave the safety.

of the crowd to pursue a mountain that only you can see. Civilization wasn't built by those who stayed at the feeding grounds. It was built by those who asked, what is over there, regardless of the cost? If you feel the pull of the unknown, you aren't broken, you are just one of the few heading for the mountains. You were having a very self-reflective day that day. Why? I mean, like, I could see you just being like thinking back on San Antonio Studios and, you know,

everything and like, I'm the penguin. No, no. I just think that's like a, that's not a bad thing. I mean, it does apply to your life. Like, you did do that. I kind of just think it was a dumb penguin maybe. But also. Well, that's what the comments eventually went to, like, which I, it was just funny.

The comedy in it is that you read that and you're like, wow, that's so cool. And then you read the comments. And someone's like, while that explanation is poetic, science suggests the penguin isn't actually trying to end its life, but its internal GPS is basically broken. This happens because of brain injuries, sickness or parasites that mess with their navigation. The penguin thinks it's headed towards the one. water, but its broken compass is actually leading it the wrong way, and its instincts are too stubborn to turn back. Yeah, I mean, it's also like...

Like, just let it go! I mean, it's also, it helps, like, you reading it doesn't do it justice. When you have fucking German-ass Werner Herzog and he's just like, this penguin is going to discover, you know, like, that shit sounds cool. Yeah, it's kind of like, you remember the angler fish where they're like, oh, it never saw light and it desperately wanted to see light. You don't remember that? No.

We talked about it. The little one. That has like the light. I know what you're talking about. Oh, and you didn't see it. Oh, is that like the evolutionary, like evolutionarily, like evolutionary explanation for it? Like, it didn't see light so it wanted to so it made its own light? Sometimes like, I don't know, but it was like all this thing lived in the dark and it just wanted to see the light before it died because it died.

But there's a comment. There's a comment that's good? And it's an AI photo of the penguin walking. with Jesus and it says he was not alone. I don't know. It's just funny. He was not alone. God woke with that penguin that had the parasite in this head.

No, Jesus. That's what I meant. This guy doesn't even know his own hierarchy of deities. People are getting deep in the comments. One person posted a photo of a random person looking at the stars and it said, should I go left where nothing is right or right where nothing is left? Damn. Honestly, that kind of hits.

That kind of fucking hits. Whoa! I'm not gonna... What was it? Should I go left where nothing is right? Or go right where nothing is left? I have to like once a week, if not once every other week, my TikTok algorithm turns into that where it's all just like emotional, motivating. A lot of it is also like letters to my wife and it's just like, you are my home and stuff like that.

So like, I need a, like, I'll do that and then I'll reset it back to like the Sopranos or, you know, people. Did we? Why? Because like I get too emotional with that stuff. Yeah. You know, like I said, I think I said recently on this show, like, it was like, for a while, it was videos of like people giving little kids baseballs at baseball games. Yeah, yeah. And like that shit fucking, it punches me in the chest. So like, I have to like come back down and just be like, all right, this can't be like sappy stuff. I need to laugh every now and then because if I just get sad and cry, it's not going to be good for me. You know, you want to hear something cute that I'm like, this is such a great. tradition but like Gio when he goes to hockey games he'll immediately before we go to the seats he goes to the store and he buys a puck and he gives it to a kid that he just sees a kid and he gives him like a little kid I give him yeah dude and so now but like he kind of like it has included us in that so he'll go and get three pucks for like me and espo and we just give him out to kids dude when when I know like I said this when I went to the the Pokemon card show like I was talking with my brothers and I found myself I wasn't getting emotional but like I was getting worked up

also had a drink or two. And I was saying like... He was fresh off that peppermine shampoo. Yeah, the peppermine shampoo and a fucking... And like two Guinness. No, I said like... Stuff like that, like... I have like issues with like a whole like Pokemon card collecting it like world right now

because it is in theory as it is bigger now than it ever has been. It is kind of gatekeeping its fandom. Like you're putting these cool cards that are... to be for kids and accessible and accessible and there are hundreds if not millions of dollars hundreds of thousands of dollars and shit like that like it so like what we what my brothers and i did is we bought packs and we were going around and like we saw like there were like two kids sitting on the floor and they were having fun like looking at their binders and shit like that and we gave it to like so shit like that with the pucks bro that fucking gets me man like i'm not even kidding it gets me emotional

because it's the stuff like you are in theory something that was emotional and happy and brought you joy. You're just trying to give that to somebody else. Like in that moment, it's not about what you're giving them. It's about the memory and the feeling. And that's fucking incredible. Especially when I was like young, I mean, I would barely go to games. But if I caught a foul ball, dude, that would be like the highlight of my life.

Dude, have you ever caught? Oh, you have caught a ball. I've caught home runs. I, no. So I caught two balls in one game that I remember. Maybe there were other ones that I don't. Two in one game. Two in one game.

So we were sitting, it was Yankees at the time, Indians. And I was sitting behind the bullpen. And we, you know, like the kids are leaning over the bullpen. And Mariano Rivera threw a ball up. And it, like, rolled around and I grabbed it. And I still to this day have it. And I couldn't believe it, bro. I was, I was, I was.

Yeah, Mo threw you a ball? Mo gave me a ball. Also, you got me that Mo ball. That's cool. Because he held that. You know what I mean? Yeah. And then at the end of the game, the game ended with a pop out to center field. Johnny Damon caught it. And he turned around and he threw it. And brother, I was looking at the person next to me talking to him and it landed in my lap. In my fucking lap.

But you're ready to balls? Yo, and I gave it to our, not like a friend, friend, but like we know him through like friends and stuff like that. The neighbor gave it to his little brother. I was like a, you can have this. Yeah. I was told a week later he like drew on it and ripped it up and shit like that. Ripped up a baseball.

What is he? Like a, I mean, just basically like playing catch with it and shit like that on the pavement, you know. But yeah. So like that was fucking cool. What was the moral of that story?

It goes against what I'm saying in my current. But like at the time, I was just like, don't give them kids. Yeah. That age. I was like, I'm the little kid here. Give it to me.

Right. You know. But, and then I got one when we went to the Padres game. That's right. I was, all I wanted was a ball thing. Oh, yeah. At the Padres game,

they would get the balls afterwards and then the kid would just like sit with them or whatever. And Frank's like, I'm going to try and get a ball. He's wearing a bucket hat. He has a blue tongue because he just ate an ungodly amount of cotton candy. I was like,

I think they're going to give you one. Well, no, because it's a difficult. different thing now. If you go to any like baseball game, every one of those balls, they're tagged. They're tagged and they're sold in the store. And then you can scan a QR code and it'll tell you all the pitches it's used for what happened within yada yada yada yada. Oh, that's kind of cool. Yeah. And so like I thought like there's no way they're going to give me a ball now because they're just going to lose money. Yeah. I got the ball brother. Hey, you got to ask. And do you remember what I did

with that ball? Nope. You don't remember? No. kept it. It's mine. No little kids getting that ball. Oh, yeah. I was like, I feel like you kept it, but I don't know if you did something. Did you, do you get them like framed? No. You just have them. Yeah.

Well, that one is in a bin. I still have my first pitch ball. Oh, yeah, I still have that. Yeah, I still have that from both of them, from the buoy base. I mean, I assume you have everything that we've ever had. Oh, yeah. Anything. Yeah, I do.

You must have like a random bin with like the most random stuff in it. Oh, yeah. I mean, we did an episode years ago. Like when I first joined where we like went through our childhood items and just brought random things in. Yeah, but so with the tour, you would take a lot of stuff. Yes, I would. So with the, with that bin, if I opened it and went through it, what, four bins? Four bins. Good Lord. So if I went through these bins, would there be stuff in there that I'm like, what even is that? Yes, yes. Like is it like a four. Oh, it's the first place we ate, like a fork or something? No, no, no, no. I didn't get this.

that level. I mean, I have shirts and hoodies. Yeah. I have the, you know, a pair of the socks that we had. I have some stuff that some fans gave us, you know. There was one in particular, I know I told you this, where like

it was from a like an indigenous tribe at, it was a, in like the Vancouver area. What's that called? Dreamcatcher. But it was also a ring. Right. And I was just like, I can't get rid of this because I don't want to, like, upset me.

Disrupt a spirit. Yeah. Right. Yeah, there's some stuff. I could bring one or two in them in, and we can go through them and talk about them if you want. Frank's bins. And you also have, like, your jars. I have jars, yeah, yeah.

I get it. I know. I have, of what? Yeah, I guess that's a good question, too. I mean, what do you think is your strangest jar? Jars, for anyone listening, he can. keeps a lot of stuff in jars so he'll collect like match boxes.

Well, yeah, matchboxes back in night. Anywhere we go, whether together or individually, we try to get a matchbox to bring home. Cigar wrappers, that's a big one. There's a jar for that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Rappers?

Yeah, like the ring around the- I know, like, what? I'm not, I haven't smoked a cigar on how long, and sometimes there are some that I had that I just didn't keep because whatever. Well, the matchboxes, right? I don't mean to dissect. this but the matchboxes they have like the names of the restaurant on them usually so you can

kind of like piggyback off that and oh i remember scar rappers like how do you it's more of like this is just the cigar it's not like i wrote on them like january 44th you know smoked it with my yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah we talked about politics yeah i didn't yeah no i definitely haven't anything like that. But you used to collect bottles. You remember that? When we were in high school. Let's make sure you very specifically say that. Yes. Yeah, I mean, I think everyone did that at a certain We had on my, so like the way that like my childhood bedroom was from like high school, it was like there was like a window sill and it was lined with empty bottles of absolute patron. Some of the grossest alcohol you could. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know. Yeah, like a big bottle of

And at the end of the night, we'd be like, we finish this bottle. Everyone sign it, and I would keep it and keep it in my room. Yeah. I remember those? No, those were all gone. Okay. All them are gone. Thank God.

All right. I mean, could you imagine? Have you still had the bottles? If Becca and I moved into a home together and I was just like, I need to figure out where to put my bottles. Oh, I mean, I wouldn't respect you. But I would, I am shocked that you got rid of them. Like, I think it's okay to keep that, like, if you're storing it. Well, you know how I am.

I'll keep them. I'll keep them. And then at a certain point, I was just like, it's not cool or funny to have a bottle of vodka from 2010. You know what I mean? You guys, I remember the only thing that I remember you keeping was like you bought an original four loco and had it for years. That was accidental. I found it. And I was like, oh, this is an OG.

And then you kept, do you still have it or is it? No. Do you have anything? Yeah. Not that your parents kept that you kept. Yeah. I have stuff. But like, not a lot.

Podcast, we talk. I mean, I told you, I keep funeral cards because I'm afraid to throw them out. Yes, I have those. I'm like, oh, now I'm going to kill them. I have those, yes. So I can't do that. I've misplaced some of those. I have all the Polaroids for my first apartment where everyone had to take those.

Oh, shit, yeah. Yeah, so I have all those. and what i remember the picture i took yeah frank was naked wearing a uh a wwee belt around his waist uh well it was lower than my waist let's let's put let's point that out yeah yeah i was covering the his thing uh but yeah i actually was you know what's funny about that i have so i have all those pictures and the first time i met becca she was at my apartment so she's on there And I was going to put that in your, like, wedding card. Gotcha.

Because I still have it. But, I mean, it's in my nightstand somewhere or some shit. But now they're all fucked up because they were all, like, taped. So I would put them on top of each other. So some of them, like, ripped. Yeah, that sucks. So I don't know which ones are ruined. But I recently went through.

My brother came over a couple weeks ago, and he showed up a two, like a giant storage bin. And he's like, oh, when mom moved, I took all the pictures. So these are all of our family pictures. And I went through. There was some of you in there. I think I sent you some. Did I send him to you? No.

Ui talked about something. You were like, oh, guess what picture I found but I forgot what it was. Yeah. Don't remember. But there were some of you

like we went to like a pre-K trip. That's what it was. You were like, I picked up the first picture. Who was in the picture? Yes. Yo, yes.

Shane Gorman again. Yo, I'm not kidding. I opened the bin and I look at a picture and it's, and like the only one of Shane. Yeah.

And I wonder if when that episode comes out because it hasn't come out yet since we're recording this. if he'll reach out. Will we make contact with the Gorman family again? What's the sister's name? First of all, we're going to first.

Yeah, we're coming out of control. We're getting out of control. You want to give the mom's name too? Yeah. They were cool as fuck, dude. I remember being like super cool with him and he was, he's a little crazy at times. I remember his dad was a lefty. I look as that was the first lefty that I had met in my life.

I was like, this guy is so cool he throws lefty. I remember like his dad looked like the, like when he, you would picture like a musician that like grew up on the West Coast. Yeah. Like long, wiry hair. I thought it was like curly kind. I don't remember curls, but like was like, yeah, man, you know, like that's what they both looked and reminded me. I do remember one time Shane getting in so much trouble at my house that his parents took him upstairs in my mom's bathroom and made him eat soap.

Like I remember that vividly and I don't know what he said. Yeah. I mean, he was also like a nightmare. He was a kid. He was a kid. That's for sure. He was definitely like a little nuts. Him and Keith were like psychos.

I remember, because he lived around the block from you. Yeah. And I remember going there and they had this dog named Molly or Dolly. I think it was Dolly. I don't remember. And it was like a big white, almost like looked like a big doodle. Okay. And this fucking poor dog, man, like, you know, having to like run back and forth with Shane because he was a bit of a psychopath.

and like, you know, it was so weird. Like, everything we went through with O's, everything we went through, like it was traumatic. I mean, honestly, I almost got sick. Yeah. I don't know if we said, I don't know, have we spoken about what happened immediately after we finished recording? Oh, with you? Oh, yeah. Yeah, hold on.

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Boom. All right. So obviously you guys at this point have seen the episode that we do with O's. And we recorded that, mind-blowing, whatever. I stepped away for a second just to get like some water and like figure out my life. Not passed out. And I come back and aunt has his phone like this. And he's in a defense position. And he's over here.

And then he goes, he's like, all right, aunt, think of a globe, right? I don't know if you appreciate me like paraphrasing his trick. But he's like, think of a globe. spin the globe and then you put your finger on a place what we like and then he's like type it into Google right mental globe by the way there was no globe it's like essentially just think of a place on the entire world yeah and then he was like type it into Google but don't

press send yeah and then he goes okay delete that well first he goes would they guess it and aunt's like probably not and he goes art if you're not 100% sure think of a different one he goes delete it think of a different one now ant is O's and I are standing here, basically. And he's over, and aunt's over there. I'm far. And he could not see my phone.

And I was making sure he could not. Yeah. Like he, and he could not see. He didn't touch any, he was standing here. Yeah. You were over there. And then he goes, okay, and he looks at me and he grabs his whiteboard. And he goes, this is the second place that you typed in, right?

Yeah. And he goes, go to images. Yeah. And then he's like, look at images. Look at the first image. He's like, now, now, picture that. And then he starts writing on his little, once he said images, I'm like, you're like, you're caught. I'm like, yeah, you're fucked. He's got you. So I had to pick a spot

on the globe. I got it. He said, all right, get rid of that. I had to pick another spot on a whim, and I got it. And then he told me to show you. And then I looked at it. And you looked at it. Again, he couldn't see anything. And then he asked me to go to images, like just the pictures of the place. Yeah. And then he wrote down. Well, then he goes, he goes, say the, he's like, say the place. Oh, no, he was like, when you were like, he was like, when you go to images, what was the first thing you saw? He was like, pyramids. Turns the thing around. He had drawn three pyramids. Yeah. And then we're like, what the fuck? How do you do that? He goes, oh, by the way, your first one, Madagascar. Yo, we were, yo, I, we couldn't. I, I, like,

and I knew you were fucked because you went, I guess you went, okay, now hold on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, immediately went, like, what you guys don't see about aunt is, like, when we're not recording, he's very like, I consider you very analytical. Like you're trying to understand things and like break things down. It's like how they work. And you immediately went into like, hold on a second. You couldn't physically comprehend. He immediately turned into the thinker.

He was like, hold on. Yeah. Yo, seriously. Let me figure this out. And yo, legit. There were comments on some of those clips that were just like, this is acting. This is staged. Not at all.

If you trust us for nothing else. Yeah. Trust us for the fact that we meet. If not Joey, I would have been like. like, gotcha. You didn't do it. I couldn't fucking believe it. Well, I honestly had so much anxiety because I was like,

this is going to be so weird if it doesn't work. So I was so nervous the whole time that it wouldn't work. And then once he did the first trick, then I was like, what is happening now? Bro, I was sitting there and I really genuinely had like, like a, like it felt like I was experiencing nausea. Because I was worried, like, yo, there's no way this kid's going to know Shane Gorman. That's crazy. And like, there's no way that, like, not only that, he got you to think of that person.

I was thinking of him. And like, because he said at the beginning of it, too, like, all right, I'm going to get, I'm going to see if I can get both of you guys to think of this person. And like, did he say that? I was doing it because he was asking you, think of someone that you haven't seen in a while. And I was like trying to think of who you would think of. Bro, I was thinking, like, I don't know. I don't know. I do not know.

But then, like, I'm sitting there and I'm, like, worried, like, yo, there's no way he's going to come up with Shane Gorman. Like, that's such a, like, who have you? Gorman? I don't know, man. Dude, couldn't. I don't know. I was like.

I did see comments. These guys are actors. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, bro, thank you for the compliment for thinking I can do that. Yeah. And also, where's my phone? fucking Oscar because if that was if that was acting we deserve to be recognized because

boy oh boy we yeah that was that was crazy so the fact that he got madagascar he got madagascar and egypt but i'll tell you what as soon as he said take out your phone i went oh here we go he wants to do one on it it's supposed to do magic on me so i don't want it was that your first time being magicked upon no when i was younger a magician i don't think o's would consider this guy the same was like a table magician yeah yeah he stole my wife watch one of those. Oh, you like, I've seen, I've seen those people that'll just like, they put their arm around them and then they just like slowly take it off. Fully took my watch. Had, I had no idea. I went, don't do that. I, I like that. Pick pockets. I like watch

YouTube videos because there was a time where I was like, I want to pick pocket. One more time. Pit, pick. No, no, no. I'm not this. The, the pronunciation of that is not what I'm harping on. It's the fact that you wanted to aspire to be, you probably watched Ocean's 11. That's what it was. I mean, I definitely enjoyed that. If I could, if I could knock off a casino, come on. Yeah, you're like, damn, Matt Damon got it going on. Yeah, dude. I can't, I've seen those videos. And again, I'm one of those people that's just like, I'm not going to believe it until it happens to me. And lo and behold, O's did his thing. Yeah, it's kind of, like, it's wild when it happens to you because you're like, it's hard to, because then you see the comments and you're like, this is funny. Also, I did see some comments being like,

this is dark magic. He's a demon. I'm like, all right. There's an explanation. Becca, she goes, that's cool, but there's some darkness there. And I'm like, what are you saying? And she's like, also she said to me, she's like, he grabbed your hand and said he took your soul. That felt like, I don't know.

Like, babe, come on. And then she goes, are you sure? Well, he also openly is like, I'm not doing magic. I'm doing like, clearly there's an explanation for the thing I'm doing. It's not supernatural. I mean, I feel supernatural. I can't even begin to explain the experience. But like, yeah, Becca was one of those people that was just like,

it's a little dark, you know? And then she said later, she's like, he touched your hand. Did he feel something because he knew that you thought Rafael Nadal was handsome? It was like, what do you mean? She's like, you know, you just let me know. Like it was written on your hand. He's just like in my head, like, figured out I'm secretly gay. for Raphael Nadal

of all people I mean he's not a bad looking guy during the U.S. Open I am Frankie's Secret Yes Don't do that Don't do that He's writing it down

I know you type down You write down these time codes My God That was incredible I mean I love magic man Damn shit What else can we get in here

I mean we have to get We've gotten a doctor Right We've gotten Oh we gotta get What's his name Neil deGrasse Tyson First of all, I was thinking Neil Patrick Harris and I was like, that's not right.

I mean, we could get NPH2. I know, but I was thinking Neil degrass Tyson. I mean, Neil deGrasse in there. Like he will, like what made O's did his thing. Dr. Mike did his thing, but he was very patient and kind with us. Yeah. Something tells me we would break Neil deGrasse and he'd be like, fuck you guys. To be fair, I think I did see a clip of him on Theo Vaughn's podcast, and I'm pretty sure Theo Axum if space was gay.

Yeah, he did. And then he just gave an answer. Yeah, which is... Which is crazy. So, like, it makes me pretty confident that, like, he would have an answer for stuff. I just think that, like, there's so many... Like, we can do a body health doctor. We could do a space doctor.

We could do a food doctor. Space doctor. You know what I'm talking about? Like... Yeah. A magic doctor. We got magic doctor. We got YouTube doctors with, you know, right the link.

We could do space doctors. next, who doctor, what else is there? Neil DeGrasse Tyson would be a funny, uh, that's funny one. I think that's got to. I would love to speak to, have you ever seen those, those videos that are like, um, they're, they're called like, I think they're through, I don't remember, but it's like tech support, but it's like paleontology support and they'll have a paleontologist answer questions from like people that submit them online or like, you know, astrophysicist support.

Yeah. They're actually pretty interesting. But like a fossil doctor. that'd be a cool one Fossil doctor Is it like a title? Paleontologist I think

Oh well that's yeah You know they're doctorate of paleontology Yeah There's got to be What's someone that's found treasure or something Like Indiana like National Treasure Indiana Jones or something Like a pirate

No Like a treasure I know what you're talking about Like a treasure hunter or something Like national treasure Yeah something First of all that also is very very high on my bucket list.

To find the national treasure? Yeah, to like, that movie is like, like, that is a great example of what, if I kept my childhood brain and never matured, that's what I would do with my life. I mean, I'm shocked you haven't seen any of the Indiana Jones movies. Yeah, I got to, I mean, it was,

you would fall in love, like, each of them kind of, like, I love national treasure. Like, I love the fact that he's like, oh, there's a shadow. and then it's like these glasses and you can read and there's different things to read.

Raiders of the Lost Ark you're going to like really? What have I? Why have I not? And also have you seen the movies the Indiana Jones movies?

Yeah. Of course. Big Disney guy, of course. That's a little bit of fun. Yeah, it's fair. They were Lucasfilm. I like the first one and then

the last crusade because you were a kid of God you would love the last crusade. I was a kid of God? Yeah, it's like them searching for the whole. Holy Grail. Oh, okay.

And there's all like booby traps and shit. No real boobies, I don't think. I love booby traps. Dude, why do you think I love legends of the hidden temple so much? Booby traps are just so good. Like if I, if I got caught in a booby trap, a part of me for a second,

would be like, what innovation? Well, like, whoever put this together is modern ingenuity. Yeah, like it's like a spike thing that I get caught. But also like, this is unbelievable stuff. The idea of going out, like, dying, Because, like, if you say, like, oh, he died because he fell in a pit. Boo. But, like, he died by booby trap?

Yeah. Awesome way to die. Like, if I was, like, walking through the jungle, first of all, I wouldn't be doing that. But if I was walking through the jungle, and then all of a sudden, like, I step somewhere and a rope pulls me up. And then, like, there's, like, a nest of monkeys. And they're, like, ripping my face apart. I'd be like, for a second, I'd be like, this is someone has to be so validated. And, like, oh, my God.

Do you know how bad I'm like? want to get caught in a net. I want to walk through leaves and then a big net just swallow me and pull me up. You know how fucking cool that probably is? Yeah. For like maybe a minute. You know what I actually want to be

tied to a big stick of bamboo and carry to a village? And that's dangerous. Yeah. Oh, you mean like over the shoulder to like slow roast you over a fire? Like it does look kind of fun like on the way there. I mean, it looks like honestly it would be painful because they like tie they like hog tie you yeah so like you'll be like tied with a thing

of bamboo going through your arms and like you're like hanging and shit like that but in the movies they always find a way out i do want to be treated not always yeah sometimes they do you ever see what was it uh green inferno oh don't even that way yeah yeah yeah i'm thinking more of like uh pirates of the caribbean that you know they should have experiences where like you could be treated like you were captured in the jungle. You know what I'm saying? Like they do escape rooms, cool, whatever, for the intellectually inclined, fine.

You just want to get caught. I just want to be like, go run through this jungle, and then you step on a rope and it fucking swings you up, and then you need to cut yourself with like a jagged rock. And then you hit the ground.

Dude, when we were kids at the lake, we used to, we thought we were building a tree house and we were like, we're only going to use rocks as tools. and we didn't Sure Well you and like

My brother's Brian We're gonna We're gonna use Rocks as tools But build a tree house Yeah Yeah yeah yeah The parents are probably thrilled about that

They're like They'll be at that The whole summer Well because it was like You know next to where my cabin is There was like that little cove With like that little island on there If you go to it

I don't know if it's still there But we had like nailed a plank into the tree And it was like the first step and then we like found rocks that were like jagged and we were like we can cut stuff with this yeah we never did uh when you're a kid god there's nothing better than that of like what this is possible or you just get a stick and be like i'm a wizard and now it's a sword and now ow ow my elbow i was playing outside with the girls yesterday and i found a stick and we were playing like magic wand and i was just whee whee yeah and it was so fucking cool i wish

I remember after the last Harry Potter movie, I was like, oh, we're not going back to Hogwarts next year. And I was like, damn, wizardry is not real. And this pisses me off because I would love to go to Hogwarts and just like, I've yet to go to the Universal Hogwarts experience. I have a feeling outrageous. It's going to cost a couple bucks. Sure. Are your children into Harry Potter? Miles big time, loves Harry Potter.

Great. Bro, speaking of crying like a baby. Watching that movie with him having to explain spoiler, I'm not going to spoil it. Like one of the, you know what I'm talking about? Like I was getting choked up explaining him like, it's all about love. You know what I mean? It's all about love. Ant's looking at me like someone that couldn't care about Harry Potter.

I feel like I was following along and then I didn't know what movie you were talking about. I feel like I just lost myself. You know? The first? Part one? No. Do I need to say the line? Always.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and I was like... Part one, I think. Am I bugging? He's talking about Deathly Hollows, part one, right? Yeah, I think it is part one. But like the arc... I like cried explaining it to him.

That's so funny. And the kids, you know, if it's not K-pop demon hunters, the girls don't really care about it right now. That sucks, but... No, it's good. No, no, I mean, like, it sucks that they're not into Harry Potter. Harry Potter's amazing, dude. They'll get there, like...

Dude, in Harry Potter, like, if you have children that are really into Harry Potter, and then you walk into islands of... Is it Islands of Adventure that I'm thinking of? Well, it has both. Well, I'm talking about when you get to Hogsmead,

it's like... Unbelievable. I can't wait. Was that a question? Yeah. I can't wait. I want to go. Like, we've discussed going soon.

It's so good. But I'm going to need help. I literally have recruited so far one person to assist me with everything. I'm looking. We're going to need to go fund me too. I will need both of you. I know, I know.

Bro, I talked to my neighbor, and he was just like, we literally hired someone who scheduled and paid for everything, came with us, waited on lines for us and shit like that. Waited on lines. Yeah. I mean, you're going to have to do fast past. But he said, he's like, we did all that stuff, and they waited on the line. So, like, when it was our turn, we just walked up and took her spot. Wow.

I didn't even know that was like a thing you could do. Take a wild guess what something like that costs. Just for that part or the whole? whole trip. I think he said that they went for like three days. The whole trip? Yeah. I mean, it's over 10 grand. You're close. I'm not going to give away like the actual amount. Yeah, it's a lot. Are they staying on property or off property? Yeah, it's a big one. That's a great question. I didn't specify. If you do stay on property, oh, I'm not, I'm not talking about what the whole thing costs. I'm talking about what that service cost. That's close to 10 grand. Like the VIP stuff, kind of.

I don't think that's worth it. You got a handler. That's what the person was. It was basically a handle. like this is through Disney no oh it's like a just a by itself service oh oh I don't know then replace that AI damn I miss it I want to go back already I'm getting such a good time

that time I'm going in like four days fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck you you're gonna get a butter beer yeah is it beer no damn it Oh, yeah.

Do they sell alcohol there, but they call it like a cool Harry Potter thing? There's alcohol everywhere. There's a bar in Harry Potter world that has like the hog on a head. It's a hog's head, but it talks to you. It's called Hogsmead. You get beer there. It's funny. Yeah, how stupid do you think we are?

We know Harry Potter. You don't know the place exists. But I know Harry Potter. I know Hogsmead. It's a fucking guy, bro. But also Hogsmeet's called the place, not the bar. I believe it's a leaky cauldron. Oh, shit.

He might be right. Oh! He might be right, actually. What, that the place is called? Yeah, he might be right. I mean, that would make more sense. But there's a hoghead. Because hogs means like the town, dude.

It's like Steinway. That's for no one. That's just for me and you. We know Steinway. That's like Steinway. Damn, I'm jealous, though. Have you ever bought a wand there? No, they're bread.

How much? Yeah. How much? It could be like 180. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. $180. Yeah,

but you can go around to specific points, and if you have the wand, you could do magic and, like, it does stuff. I'm letting you know, we have already publicly announced that we're doing more live shows. Yeah. We're going to need to get those if I want to go to Disney.

Oh, man. Especially if, like, your daughters get into Harry Potter and you got three people. Bro, if Miles looks at me with, he doesn't even even. You know sometimes kids can play into the whole like, please. If he just looks at me happy, I'll be like, whatever you want. Yeah, yeah.

I don't care. And you watch the families where the three kids have the full cloaks that they bought in the store and the three wands and they're going around doing magic. Like, God. This guy must own a hedge fund. I'm telling you, I might be that guy. And it might. I mean, you're going to. I think you will.

I might like, but I'm telling you right now, if I get put in a slitherin or something stupid like Hufflepuff, I'm going to be pissed. You can buy them. You could buy them. Yeah, you can pick. Yeah. Don't they have the sorting hat there though and he's just like Filty Stinky

Slingy Sliberin It's a pretty good impression They put it on Joey's head they'd be like All right I smell money Okay What if I smell money

White Yo you know that fucking sorting hat was racist as hell dude God, that's true. Which house would he be in? You gotta finish. We know what house he'd be in, because he'd pay his way into Gryffindor. We've already gone over this a bunch of times. We've looked at what houses we would do in. What do you think you are? I don't know. Slytherin probably. You're not fucking cool enough for Slyther. Who do you think you are?

I also love that before the movies. You think he's evil caneeval. I also love Slytherin before the movie. It was fully based on being racist. I love how people are just like Was it? I love how they're just like, hmm, well I'm cunning. I would be a Slytherin. It's like, the founder was just like, if you're a mudblood, you're out. Yeah. Like, also crab and barf or whatever their names are.

Was it crab and puke. Crabbing goil? Yeah, ew. Wasn't Slytherin before the movie, like the powerhouse of the school? And then Gryffindor just became cool because of her. Yes, Salazar Slytherin was just like, I don't want anyone. Ew. Your parents are fucking.

and not just magic, get out of here, dude. I guess I don't know the lore, maybe Hufflepuff. I believe that was like, I don't really, there's not, if they do more Harry Potter stuff, we should probably dive into those two houses a little bit. Because I don't, there's not really a highlight of them. Yeah, I mean, the game kind of like, if you could, if you get placed in one of those, I know that there's so much lore. Frank, if the game placed me in anything other than Gryffindor, I'm snapping it in a half.

I believe that first, because it was like they place you, and then you could say, nope, I want to go there. I think they had placed me in like Ravenclaw's. They did and you're so much. You're like, yo, fuck this game. You'll fuck it. Because Ravenclaw is like the studious ones, right? And Hufflepuff, aren't they just popping potions? I might do that one.

Yeah, they're like drug addicts. So you have Gryffindor that are just like, they're kind of like, they're like the heroic, but also arrogant. Yeah. Slytherin, they're like, they're cutting. They're just racist. Yeah. And they use slurs. My blood.

Yeah. And then Hufflepuff was just like... I'd be popping potions. I'll be Hufflepuff. The fucking stoners. I'll be at Hogsmeet getting after it. Hell yeah. You're at Ravenclaw.

You're walking out into the forest. I mean, Ravens is not the worst in my opinion, because the name is pretty fucking cool. Yeah, I like Ravens and claws are cool. Both cool, yeah. Hufflepuff? It's a little... Get the fuck out.

It sounds like a Pokemon. It does. Yes, exactly. Like it would be like a ball of smoke. What are you researching? Just looking at what Hufflepuff does. What do they do? It's operator's community acting as the glue that holds people together through dedication and strong moral compass.

Wow. That's nice. Yeah. Feels like me. Fine. What do they say about Slytherin and immediately just add a couple hard hours to it? Oh, God, I have to spell Slytherin. Oh, yeah.

You're probably over there having a tough. A drive to succeed, often aiming for leadership. positions and striving to be the best in their endeavors. I could love Slytherin. Yeah. If you're white. Yeah, white nationalism. We'd strive to be the best at all endeavors

if you're blown hamble mind. The ends justify the means. Yeah, this is all sounds very proud boyish. It's a little tough. Oh, man. All right, well, there you have it, folks. I don't really, I mean, I had to do a stretch like

that. I don't know. It just felt good, but Frank, can they find you uh the frank alvers all over patreon dot com slash the baseman yard and the basement yard in all forms of social media go check it all out aunt you can find me at aunt prisco on instagram and you guys who follow me at josia and i got it'll go follow the show at the basement yard on ticot and instagram and that is all see you guys next time