The Basement Yard - #554 - The Amazing Race

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

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Welcome back to the basement yard. Hi. Hello, everyone. You're all buttoned up today. Yeah, it's because I'm wearing an undershirt under here, but it has a logo on it. Oh, I see. So I don't want to show the logo. Okay.

Not that it's like someone I don't like, but like. Now it feels like you have to show it. I know, no, but now I... You know what I mean? You got to prove that it's not an offensive one. Well, no, it's not. What could it be? I don't know.

Like a swastika or something? I mean... Whoa, dude! Hot start Dropped it off Oh the hard eswattas kick on Yeah Yeah well now you gotta show it

Yeah now I have to show it It's very clearly not It's Comptus Very the furthest thing from What One of them, yeah Now that we know who it was I don't know if they want it that close

Nobody wins right now No We'd doubly lose Yeah yeah yeah yeah Sorry we can just take that again From the top All right Welcome back.

Oh wow. You got a way. That's, I'll let you know whatever. You got some new hardware over there. I got some bling.

Look at that. Look at this. Ant ran his first half marathon. It's real. By the way, is it your first half? There we go. Is it,

is it your first half marathon? Or was it your only half marathon? Got it. You know what I'm saying? That's an aggressive question off the fucking off rip. Well,

I don't know how he's feeling. Well, start with that question then. How about that? Sorry. Sorry. What did I? Sorry. You're right.

You're right. You're right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You guys were accusing me of wearing fucking propaganda on my shirt and stuff like that. We were making sure that no one was coming to that conclusion. Now it's propaganda. Yeah.

Whoa. But anyway. Right. Sorry. Ran the marathon. Half marathon. Yeah. The Brooklyn Half marathon.

Yeah. You did it. And you just, let's get this out the way. Yes, sir. awesome congratulations oh thank you that is really really cool thank you just decided you wanted to do it and just did it it was it was something it was something to do a lot of people a lot of people did you you you just see like this is what people say like hardworking should be gen z are you listening he just decided he wanted to do something and pulled himself up by his bootstraps

and did it yeah he came out to see me at least he did and um that's fucking wow that's fucking bananas Now I need to be on the attack. Yeah, yeah. Is that how you attack? One more time, just give them an attack? Very good. I mean, how should I attack? Tell me, fucking Boxer Joe, definitely not like this.

That's all I know. I know, that's incorrect. No, I'm playing. I'm playing. It was nice. How are your legs feeling? They hurt today. My right foot is not working.

That's about it. It's just like, Not working. I'm dragging it? Yeah. You're walking. I'm dragging it. I'm limping a little bit.

Okay. What shoes did you wear? Do they do like a thing where like you can like run in like silly shoes? Has anyone done like a marathon in like high heels? Bro. When I ran the marathon, there was people barefoot. Well, that's not cool shoes. That's just no shoes.

You can wear whatever you want. Someone, someone ran a marathon in snow boots. I mean, ski boots. That is insane. Your thighs must be on thighs. Thighs. The whole, the whole legs. Did you see the guy running the London Marathon with a fridge on his back?

Yes, I did see that. Wait, why? It was symbolic of something. Oh, I don't know if there was symbols. I don't know what that was about. I think it was symbolic of something. I did see that, but like, yeah, I mean, you're asking for an injury at that point. I mean, I mean, yeah.

All power to you. I mean, someone would argue that doing the marathon in and of itself is asking for an injury. Kind of, yeah. Yeah, I couldn't walk last night. I was just on the couch. I was just sinking into it. I was fine until mile like 9 and 10. And that's when I felt like my legs were going to explode.

Oh, did you take a bath after? I did. I took an ice bath, actually. Oh, did you throw some Epsom salt in that bitch? It was a very crude ice bath. I didn't even know you're supposed to put salt in it. I mean, Epson salt. You know what Epson salt is. What? Is that the stuff you put on the street?

No. Why would you take a bath of stuff that melts snow? Wait, Epson salt might melt snow too. I don't know. I don't, if it does, I don't know. But I don't think like when you get like ice melt, it's not absent salt. I don't think. I mean, you know what?

I have no knowledge of salt and I have nowhere to go from here. Right. But you've never heard of like when you're taking a bath and you're trying to recover. There's some like some salts that you could put in there. So it helps. No, I just don't know what it does. It just makes me smell like lavender and I like that. Oh, yeah.

We have a eucalyptus one. I like that too. Eucalyptus is cool, but like it's so. much. I love it. Sometimes it's too intense for me. I got a sensitive nostrils. We one time got like actual eucalyptus and like they say like if you just like put it

in your shower, it like there's like health benefits to like all that shit. I can't I can't keep up with oils and health and plants and shit. There's a lot going on. There's so much fucking going on about it. Yeah. People are just like oh oils and crystals and shit like that. Let me just fucking breathe

oxygen and live that way. And ingest my microplastics that's in everything? I don't care. Of course there's microplastics. Of course there's forever chemicals. Yeah. What am I going to fucking do? If I have the forever chemicals in me, which we do. We're locked in forever.

Which like, it's not an if. We do. Yeah. Does anybody want to raise their hand if they've won some sort of medal for running a marathon of any kind? Don't fucking do this both of you. How about this? How about we raise our hands for fucking raising three.

children. Neither, you put your hands down, bitches. Well, that's not what we're saying. Yeah, no, no. That's a different... You're just throwing it in my face that I haven't run a marathon or half of one. I said type of marathon. Way to go. You did half of an actual marathon. I said type. I said type. That's crazy. I'll say what. After running the half, it made me think that while doing double this and running a full marathon feels impossible. So the fact that he did it is incredible. I can't, I would never be able to do it. It's mental. I also had not run. I practiced. I trained horribly for

the marathon and I ran two halves before but never ran further than that. You hear this fucking guy Mr. Like oh man I like didn't train right before I finished the full fucking marathon. I didn't train enough so I only could have been better at it. That is true. I couldn't have been much worse but you finish you just finish. That is and like in all the conversations we've had about this because jokes aside that is to both of you one of you more legitimately impressed. One of us double. One of us, yeah. Like what you did was impressive.

Yeah, yeah. Times two of that. That's very impressive. Don't you. It's the mental, it's the entirety of it is the mental aspect for me. I just can't do something that continuous and not get bored and money. What if we bully you? Bully with your wallet.

Then we're talking. Bullie with your wallet. Then we're talking. Then we can at least have a discussion. Well, what if? Oh, we're making deals. Don't you want to just shut us up? Yeah.

I mean, I think my pure existence to some degree just shuts you guys up. What does that mean? I don't know. But I think that, you know, me being an upstanding member of this office, a contributing factor, despite what aunt says to this podcast. And doing it while also being a model. husband and father, I think that that does pretty well for me. Now, I do have a question about that last sentence when you said model husband. Was there a comma in between those two things, or is it model husband? Or model husband and something else? I mean, I believe it. Technically, you are a model.

Technically, we are models. We have done modeling. You're a model. We are models. Don't just throw it at me. Well, we're talking about you right now. Thank you so much. You're a model. Say it more. I tried it, then you stopped me All right, keep doing it again then. You're a model. Thank you. So now he has the model and the metal, so not really won up. I'd be a metal model. I can't even keep up.

Yeah, that's too much. No, no, no. What if we all ran a half marathon together? I just, I'm not kidding. Here's the, where I am mentally today. Yeah. Two, five-ks. What?

Like, what does that mean? I could see myself doing two five-ks. Yeah. I don't think I could do, which is what, a quarter marathon? Do they do quarter marathons or third marathons? It's a 5K or a 10K. So it's either 3.1 or 6.2. I could do a 10K.

Or 6.1? I don't know. I could do a 10K. A 10K would be a quarterish, a little less than quarter of a marathon. Yeah, I just, like I said, I am, I know what's going to happen to my ego now that someone else here has done it. He's going to, he's wearing it too. And he's rubbing it in, too, which I don't like. It's the day after.

Give me a day. Oh, yeah, it was yesterday. It was yesterday. As of recording. As of recording. As of recording. As a recording. I just, I don't know if that's a question I need answered right now.

I did tell you guys full transparency. Tomorrow I'm going to go to the gym and just see what happens when I get on the treadmill. But I'm just... What if something good happens? We needed to find what would be good. I mean, it would be good. So help me. So I told you, I haven't run in three weeks.

Yeah. So what would you guys say? I'll let you set the standard for what you think good is, which can then adjust my mental capacity after. Based on what you've said already, you said that you've gotten on the treadmill. mill and you've run for like 25 minutes straight. Mm-hmm. That is all you need. That is a giant starting point.

The best, like the longest I have run was 30 minutes straight. That's hard to do. At 5.5 miles per hour. I mean, that's hard to do. So if I do that tomorrow, yeah. You think that is a good jumping off point. Of course. You're essentially crushing 5Ks already.

You're like right there. Yeah. That's what that's. It's only 3.1 miles. I just, I want to make it very clear. I can't commit to anything. Running, running wise. But it's five, let's make that clear.

I can't commit to anything. Running wise until I start seeing like a, well. What does that really matter? What results, training? Who cares? It's also six months away. I, I am just, I'm saying like, I need to like, you guys are going to bully me.

doing it. I'll sign you up. I know what you're doing. You're going to bully me into running. I'll go with you. I need to bully you into making it fiscally more. Well, how enchanting for me. Enchanting. Enchanting. Enchanting. Okay, Prince Charming. Start a go fund me. Go fund me. I think we could do this. A go fund me that get to $200,000 and then Frank will run a 5k. 200k for a 5k yeah how about this good for you 50 for every k what what happened what would you do or how would you feel if because you signed up for october right i didn't sign up for anything yet just in case we did do something does that make sense yeah but we would do that oh so yeah sure um what if we both ran

and then you didn't run it and you were just kind of left out now we got two metals I mean, are we metal chasing now? Because then... We're not metal chasing. The reality is that I would do it and with you two, and then you'd have two medals, you'd have two medals, and I'd be at one. But then you... But you could beat him. You could beat us both.

Let me be very clear. If I'm running something with hand, I'm beating him. Well, that's what I mean. You're not beating me. See, you're kidding me? He knows what he's doing. He knows what he's doing. If it's a competition now, it's like, I was running to finish.

But now you're trained... If we trained hard to beat him from him for a friend here... now if we did a 5k oh 5k I am fucking dusting you whoa I'm letting you know that's my ego see you did it are you guys happy now we go I don't think there's medals in a real American athlete out of me there are medals in 5ks I've gotten one before there's medals in 5k you're getting oh you so you have multiple metals yeah yeah I'll never catch up to you don't need to out it's about just doing it when you cross the finish line you're gonna feel so good

about it's about the metals baby why do something thing. It is what to matter. If there is not a tangible thing to be given to you to say, good job doing it. Well, that's, that's my only rule when it comes to race is if there's not a metal, I'm not doing it. The only reason, that's how important the metal. The only reason that I did Radio City and MSG is because they gave us a cool little ticket. We didn't know that we were going to get that. I don't know about you. I knew I was getting that shit. Oh, really? No, I didn't know. Oh. Yeah, no. You're going to pull out a real fucking American athlete out of me now? That's what you want. You want to Americanize me like some fucking old-timey football

player or something. Born here, whole life, our American. But like you, like I just... I mean, I think it's clear that you, I mean, I mean, we just figured out we did some math back there. We did math.

You've run close to 50 miles already this year. And I've taken a couple weeks off. And have you enjoyed that? No. But you enjoy being able to say that I've traveled that far on foot. I like looking. at numbers and saying like that's that's a number you know what no i don't know at all what that means i like looking at numbers and being like correct but it's just cool like you texted us yesterday like

i just ran my hundredth mile yeah and like looking back and putting a number to something like that is cool to me yeah so that's why i did that and i was just like wow i've ran 50 miles so far this year you would be surprised how much of what you're describing is the reason behind me running I just like to know that I've traveled that far I don't care about traveling that far I don't think of it I don't think of it's like wow I could dry I could have I've ran enough to go from here

to fucking you know great neck No no no I'm not thinking about that I'm thinking about like Wow cool A hundred miles like That's wild That is a crazy number I don't know

You don't think that you would finish a half marathon And be like holy shit I actually did it I'm sure I would I know myself When I dive in, I'm fucking in. You know what I mean? Like, smoky. When I, I'm letting you know, I'm like jokes aside.

In a what? In a 5K, I'm fucking dusting you. I'm talking, I'm at half marathons. I'm past 5K, dude. Whoa. That's crazy, but also true. But we should do a 5K. I don't know.

I'm not committing to anything yet. I just need to make that abundantly clear because I'm a little baby boy too. What's that mean? This is me. What does that mean? You just, you want to bully me? me into being a version of a... This is...

This is... This is... You're going to bully me into being a virgin? You want to bully me into being some, like, athletic version of myself. And I don't like it. What did I have for lunch today? I don't know. A chicken parm sandwich.

That's what you get with Frank. It looked real good. It actually was, like, seriously good. Yeah? Like, I was kind of impressed. Wow. I just didn't expect that. Side note.

You want... me to be like an athletic version of myself when like I'm BLT's megazords and fucking Miller lights baby I'm not asking you to say you want me to be fucking Peyton Manning fucking Doug Whitechoff or some shit like that Doug white cough why cough on these nuts when you could swallow him oh god him oh no why cough on these nuts when you can swallow them that is insane I never heard that one. It was really good.

Just kidding. No, yeah, you got him. Come on. Come on. What is he giving you? You already hit him with him. You want to hit him? No, no, I got to do a proper one.

All right, hit him would have got him. Got him. You got me. Why cough on these nuts when you can swallow it? And I didn't stumble through it. No. I waited. I sat back.

I sat fastball and I fucking swung away. Well, there is consequences to things like that. Yeah. And it's me filling out your information. Yeah. I mean, they... You're gonna get something in the mail at your house. It's gonna be a bib with a number on it.

And now you're gonna be the guy that signed up and didn't do it? Crazy. No, listen. He's not fucking metal. I know what you're doing. This is what he did when we were playing fucking Mario Kart. Just like, it's not that I'm good. You're just bad.

You know what I mean? He's playing mind games with me. You'll probably, I mean... What will happen if he commits to doing a 5K and he smokes you? He probably could. I feel like I'm more endurance. So what happens, though? What is, I don't know.

Well, when is the 5K? Like, it's all important. Well, it doesn't. There's 5Ks all the time. If it's tomorrow, yeah, you probably go. No, no, no. I do think, and I'm not, because I'm also just not a runner. It's like teaching a fish how to climb a tree.

Neither am I, though. I have forced my way into this. But you have forced your way into becoming a runner. And now you are one. But you saying I'm not a runner is like this admission of like, I just can't do it. Like, you can. No, but like there's a level of like natural ability. you need to have to kind of make the insertion into that lifestyle easier.

Insertion. Like, for instance, are you a gymnast? No. Could you be a gymnast? Sure. Yeah, that's everything. But it would be a more enjoyable experience if you had more natural ability to, that would be better suited for being a gymnast.

How am I going to get natural ability to get on the pommel horse? That's what I'm saying, though. People have that, whether it be flexibility or speed or dexterity or anything. you ran for a half an hour straight, dude. That's, that's not nothing. I will tell you every second of that was miserable. I know. Every single second. It's terrible. I hate it. But I love finishing it. You all you care about is finishing. I care about the road toward finishing. I don't know. I feel like you're trying to. Yeah, I'm trying to do it. Equate this to a vagina. I just, I don't know. I mean, maybe we'll talk. We'll talk candidly. amongst ourselves. I mean, committing to like a 5K in June is not crazy. I think if I were to wake up tomorrow, I could do a 5K.

Yeah, you absolutely could. It's not like you can't finish a 5K. I mean, I could walk it, but I'm saying like I could do it nonstop running. Yeah. But I just don't want you. Like that's my thing, guys. The noise is coming out of you. What would you rather do?

Close your eyes real quick. Both of you. Close your eyes. I'm serious. Close your eyes. I'm not going to do anything joking. I'm going to fall for this. too. All right, fine. No. I'm coughing on nuts already, so where am I going to go from here?

It's not a joke. Yep. Saturday morning, June 23rd. Okay? You wake up. You have a hot dog or you go run a fucking marathon. What would you rather do? Oh, by the way. Why did I close my eyes? What was the point of that? I'd rather have a hot dog. It's 85 degrees and sunny out. but I'm not saying run a summer marathon. That's hard. You said June. I said a 5K.

I'm okay. A 5K. Think about this. You run a 5K in the morning in the summer, right? And you're all sweaty and whatever. Then you have a crisp fucking light beer and a hot dog after. That's honestly probably the closest thing that'll get me to do it.

I'm saying that nothing feels better than that. I just, I just, I just fucking hate it. What do you guys not get? I mean, so do I. You don't have to do it, obviously. I know. But you do.

I mean, I figure, I know that too. No, no, no, no. I also figure, I just got a got them on you. I pretty good got them too. So, like, I'm riding high right now. You are? If there's a chance to convince me, it's right now. Is there a need for convincing when I just have all your info already?

You know? Like, I could just. sign you up. And then if you lose to him in the race who's to say I mean, I will flat out say that if Frank's going to come out I'm letting you know right now.

One of you guys is going to end up in the tent. I will pass out and fucking need an oxygen tank before I lose a race to you. That's, I think you would win the 5K. I don't need that. I think you have time. And you just

just ran a half. You also have, this is like, you know, you just, you just fucking one MVP. This is like next, if I beat you, that's like you coming out the next year and hitting 200. Yeah, it's true. So if anyone here has something to prove, it's you. Oh. Yeah. All the pressure, all the pressure's on you now. Oh, I promise. So there is pressure, so it is happening. I didn't see that. Yeah. I didn't say that. Don't worry. I think you'll win it. See, the hesitation. What is he saying here? I could run it in work shoes, like dress shoes, and I could beat you. Oh.

Work shoes. Yeah, I don't work. I don't get dressed up for work. What's dress shoes? Like, fucking like. Like loafers? Like loafers, yeah. I would just...

I think I would just take it more serious than you would. And you would win now? I mean, no. I don't get that. What do you mean you'd take it more serious than me? You would train harder? Absolutely. But I think you'd win.

I don't know. I think that. I do believe that if Frank committed and being like, okay, we're going to do it, that he would train harder than you. Let me make something abundantly clear. If I commit to anything, I'm confident I could do it well. I live life by a very strict set of guidelines that if I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it well. Yeah, we got that New Year's episode. I'm just saying, like, you guys think it's a joke. It is not. I don't think I remember someone in college, I got into an argument with someone in college, because hindsight looking back on it, it was probably tone deaf that I said. it, but I don't give a fuck.

They said like, here we go. Oh, man, everyone that takes organic chemistry fails. And I was like, oh, I probably wouldn't. And they're like, well, it's hard. I was like, yeah, I get that. But like, I just, I'm confident in my skills. Right.

Same situation here. How is that tone deaf? Because it got to a point where I was just like, I'm not saying you're dumb. I'm just saying I'm smarter, you know. I'm not you. I'm better. is that I'm trying to say to you.

Did you take the class? No. Ah. Yeah, Phil. No, no, no, no, no. But you know what I'm saying? Like, it's, it's, I'm judging on how much you trained. I think that he will train harder than you.

Yeah, but it's like, sure. There's also a whole other part of this that I'm not even referencing. Yeah. I'm worried about my tummy. What about it? You know how. Oh, there's, it's lined with.

ports. If I stop, I'm not starting. You're fine. It's a half an hour. It's 40 minutes of your life. June, what? Will you late June? We're not...

You would have to look at the schedule. First of all... All right, I'm in. I never committed. It's a 5K. So now you're forfeited. I went automatically. First of all, I hold the fucking power here, bitch.

Okay? You can mark that in your little fucking notebook. You have no more paper left because you're unprepared. Just like you were for your half marathon that you did finish. actually I have the backside of all the sheets It's like double it. I would just need to be a really sick metal. Honestly, that is very important.

And it's in it and I I try to know what the metal is going to look like before I get there. How about the loser gives the winner their medal? One of these? Yeah. Oh, like I like he's got to get on. Yeah, yeah. You stand above him on a like a bench and then he has to,

and you bend down and he well no i'm supposed like the winner's supposed to be on the bench that's what i said oh i thought you meant like the no and he's like you know and he's like put it on you or you have to kiss my feet okay now we're getting into crazy fetish stuff whoa whoa why not if you're so confident i mean we're talking about fetish stuff after the race barefoot i'm not saying sexually kiss my feet after the race barefoot after the race barefoot do i have to watch i don't want to be there for you absolutely have to watch i don't want to see it joe watch that's a punishment joe watch joe joe watch okay all right the joe i also think that there's the joke that he would dust both of us.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm smoking, you guys. Unless you know. I'm in really good shape right now, too, running-wise. Unless a cramp happens, you never know? No, I would... 5K, I will let my legs break in half. I've seen enough videos of, like, people running,

and then that song pops up to... Heinz, home, my... Yeah. Lumber than I... I would stop and, like, put your arm over me and we'd finish together, you know what I? I mean, I wouldn't be able to do that. You, I'm going back, fucking pissing on your face, and then I'm running more.

Damn, it's crazy. It's going to be one of those moments where Frankie's at the finish line and he sees me coming, but he sees Joe stumble. He's like, I gotta go back. I can't. Here's the only way I would do it. If we all wore shirts with Mario Kart buildouts on it, like our character, our cart and everything, so I could say I finally fucking beat you in real Mario Kart. What we would have to do is pick each other's shirts probably.

Right. That's funny. Okay, let me now start putting what I need. in order for this to make this happen. And that's just the freedom to wear whatever I want. I think that makes it less interesting if you get to do whatever you want. Do you want me to dress up like Bowser? I mean, you said Bowser.

Honestly, though, that's pretty cool. That's funny. I'm not dressing up like Bowser. Why? I don't know. Do they have like Nintendo 5Ks? They have everything. What could that possibly mean?

I don't know. Like the metal you get is like the power up mushroom. Oh, honestly. Honestly, they could. I don't know. People had that on signs throughout the whole race. It was very nice. Oh, like, power up.

Yeah. I hit them all. Yeah, you got it. We know you did, dude. Whenever I see a dog. Wouldn't you drink for your pre-race prep? You-hoo? No, intellectualites.

Mile 10, though, Danny and JT hit me with a surfside. Crucial. What flavor? I see. Crucial surfside. Yeah, it's kidding. Crucial surfside. It was really crucial.

Okay, so there is one on June 21st. No. There's also June 16th if that makes you feel better. Oh, also no. Right. June 21st? Okay. I mean, that's, first of all, that's the day after my son's birthday, which you both have been invited to.

You have to get up early. So we'll be there. The day before, I will be eating all of the hot dogs and every beer. How about this? There's the Brooklyn Ice Cream Social 5K. Do you like ice cream? So look at this. Look, this is the metal.

An ice cream cone. It's a shrunk. Oh, that's actually pretty cool. That's good. That's a cool one, but. And you get ice cream at the end. Oh, so I can run with a bunch of Brooklyn hipsters who are probably walking it with their dog? No thanks.

When's that? July 25th. Five days before your birthday. Actually, I have something the day before in Atlantic City, so we'll be there. There's no way. Blasts. I can't do July. Then there's the Haunted Island 5K in October.

I do like spooky stuff Yeah but at that point we're so close to the October Just do the half marathon It would be smart if they did like a 5K But like you're chased by zombies or something That would be cool That would be kind of cool Because then I would I think I'd do better

Because like when I get chased by things Which doesn't happen often But like The idea Definitely motivates me more to like Oh no So how about if I just pay An extra participant in this 5K

And I dress them up as a ghoul and I have him about six steps behind you the entire time. Why do you get in touch with Doug Wycalf's family? Yeah. Why cough when you could swallow these nuts? And on that note, we do have some sponsors. Yeah. We do have some sponsors of the show.

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That's what you got. That's the best of you got. Well, listen, the best that we got is over at Patreon. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. I tell you about it every single week, folks. And it's the subscription service place that you, you can continue to support us. We thank the almost 48,000 of you guys that are supporting us over on Patreon. It is tremendous, and we appreciate every single second of it. Thank you so, so much.

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Okay, so thank you again. We love you. We appreciate it. Go check it out. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. Ooh. All right, I think it's my turn. Can you guys close your eyes for me?

I want you to imagine something. I'm closing my eyes again. This is crazy. Oh, God. Now, see, are you going to prank me? No, no, I won't break you. So your eyes are closed. Yep.

You are seeing a big tray. of Buffalo wings. Hell yeah, dude. Now this is what I'm talking about. Fuck running. Okay, you open your eyes and these are the options you have. Which one are you picking first?

Which wing are you selecting first? That's a good quam, Jim. I have an answer. Those are sauced bitches, too. I think I have like the answer. I think I know. I have the answer as well. Should we say it at the same time?

Probably not. Okay. I'm going to go my number one. I'll tell you the worst one I see right now as well. Oh, you want to do that? Let's start with the worst one. Oh, worst one I think is number six. No.

Six. Eleven. Eleven. Dude, 13. 11 has nothing on it. Yeah, but 13 has the broken bone thing. I hate that. Oh, yeah, that's bad.

No. That's bad. Eleven is pretty bad, but also six, like, that's the one you bite into, and it's mostly cartilage, and it's not, like, enough actual meat. Six looks fine. The best one. Okay. Easily.

Easily, the best one is 14. Yep. 100%. 14 is the one. 14. What? You don't like 14? The best one is seven.

Are you out of your fucking mind? What the? It's a drumstick. Yeah, it's a drum. No, flats over drums. Flats, baby. You're a drumstick kind of girl? You two are those. All right.

Those. We're everybody. We are the world. We are the world. We are the world. We are the world. We are the children We are the children

We're not to fight We're seeing a better place So let's start giving And you're nobody If you're going flat The 12 is better The 12 or the 10 is better than the 14 What?

Here's the thing about 14 Is that it's an even cook And it's a good sauce application on there And she's got meat on her And there's a ton of sauce on it Yeah, hell yeah Like that's number one I will also

First of all I would go any flat on there over any drum on there. Seven is an outrageous answer by the way. It's the best looking wing. No, it is absolutely not. Four is better. Three is even better than seven.

Three is really good. Wait, there's one that's not labeled that kind of has a fat ass, right under six. What is that about? What's going on? Yeah, I think it got cut off. I don't know what's going on there, but she's got some potential to her.

16, throw it out, or I'm going to scream. Well, 16 might be a deceptive picture because it just might be from a weird angle. Maybe. Maybe. 13 is bad. Really, really bad. 11 is probably the worst one. I would say the best drum on there could be three.

I would agree. Three looks like a drum stick. Three and seven have the best ones on here. I can't believe you like drums. Seven is not even like top five. Oh. Yeah, seven's crazy. Seven is so bad.

Nine is better than seven. I agreed. Eight. Oh, my God. Eight, it's a lovely little lady. Dude, four is a good. looking wing, you know it's a sneaky good one? Five, because you get your thumb in there and push the meat off. Whoa, thumb, dude. That was crazy. Thumb? Get your thumb in there? You know, it's like you, I'm not doing. Dude, how do you eat these things in public? First of all, yeah, why are you using your thumb to eat chicken wings?

No I'm saying, you push, like, you grip the bone, you push it down. I can't be doing this. I mean, people who are just audio are probably like, what are they talking? Yeah, go, show us how you grip from the base and push down with your thumb. With your thumb. Yeah, yeah. Two's got a good coding on it. Wait, how do you, serious question. If you're, and I want a visual representation of what I'm asking. Oh, boy. If you're going to eat five, how are you eating it? Depends how I'm feeling. Normally, I would just rip the bone apart, take one out, and then I eat it like a drum anyway. See, but why are you trying to civilize chicken wings?

Civilize. They're meant to be filthy. Okay, so even if you do it the way where you just put the whole thing in your mouth and you pull, the five has a good thumbhold right there. Wait, how do you eat chicken wings? Well, a flatter drum, you got to tell me. A flat? A flat?

You shove the whole flat in your mouth? The whole flat in my mouth and I pull out. And then if there's anything in the middle, I hold it sideways and I break through. Oh, I see. How do you? I'll do that if they're like super tender, but I don't like leaving a bunch of meat in the middle that I got to like fish out. No, I'm telling you right now, there's more meat on a T-Rex carcass than there is on. on those wings when I'm done with them.

Okay. There's no meat left on a Derex. Right. I was trying to figure out what you meant by that. They're fossilized bones now. Got that. Oh. Yeah, I didn't know.

I felt it. I was like, what? But, or there's sometimes where like, if it's not coming off like that, then I'll, I'll, uh, you ever do the thing where you just press down and just comes off? No. That's what I was saying.

Well, I've never done that. That's what I was saying the thumb thing. But, like, it looks cool when people do it. Wings, are one of the foods that, like, Like, I fully sac-like, I submit myself to the mess. Because, like, there's certain foods that, like, you know they're going to be messy, but you try to not get it, let it be messy. You know what I mean?

Like, everyone does the twirl with the spaghetti, and, like, you avoid the mess. Oh, my God. People who eat spaghetti with a spoon and a fork. Come on. People do that. Come on. I get it. I'm not that upset at them.

But don't slurp either. Don't be slurping spaghetti. I understand the upset. Do you slur? I sneak a slurping every now and then. What about soup? Are you just like a loud slurping? But I'm not doing it to be like annoying.

Every now and then a slurp sneaks in. And that's just because it's just sometimes it's too hot and I want to eat it. So you slurp? Just like just like like I said, it's like a bit of a litmus test. Just to see how hot it is. Yeah, but that's not slurping. Slurping. Well, then I have to.

Yeah. You know? But then once I'm like, oh, this is good, I'll either just drink it or I'll just like spoon it. Yeah. Most of the soups that I have now, I drink like it's a cup. Like you ever order like sushi and it comes with a miso soup? Yeah. I just take it and I drink it like it like that.

Yeah. Yeah, it's fun. Yeah, I like it. New way of doing stuff. Oh, what do you do? Me? With a straw? No.

You are a straw guy, though. I love straws. Huge. I don't know if this came up on the show or not. when we went to Austin, this dude had straws in his fucking luggage. All right. You brought straws. Hey man.

That's stupid. And shot glasses. We used both things. First of all, you and Greg used the shot glasses to take shots of rosé. It's such a great thing. It was Greg's idea, yeah. Yeah, of course, that's Greg's idea. That is, I mean, I get it because you don't want to share the bottle and stuff like that, but there was also cups.

There's also cups everywhere. There's cups everywhere. And, like, normally, like, normally, like, I don't want to share the bottle and stuff like that. like Airbnb's will have wine glasses as like one of the like cup options. Yeah. So I don't get bringing shot glasses. Oh, you know what? It's the party.

Yeah. The party's here. I don't know what you guys do without me. Don't take shots. No, no, not the shots. We didn't even take shots. I'm saying like, you guys were playing with my switch. If I wasn't there, I don't know.

The switch was massive. What were you guys doing? If I wasn't there, just staring at each other. Conversation. Which was massive, I will say that I'm not, I didn't say anything about the switch The shock glasses though What would we do without you?

Let's look at the 33 years of history before I don't know what you guys are doing We were partying I don't know what you guys are partying Beer Pong Beer Pimp Cup guys Hey guys guess you showed up The guy that has shots in his luggage

Oh yeah, yoy I have Yeah I don't know I don't know I get like the idea I was just prepped It was just in case. It was just prep.

Also, we got stuck there at St. Patty's Day. They came in real handy. I like how you say came in handy as if you were in the third world and you wouldn't have been able to find shot glasses anywhere. We didn't have to. You were in Austin. You were in Austin, Texas. You could have walked down the street to a CVS

and gotten disposable shot glasses. We did do a shot of Jamison, which I did not want to do. No, he did not. But I was bullied into that. No disrespect to the Jameson team. Days of Drinking Jameson are long behind me. Just like Days of Dr. Dude, I was a big Jack Daniels fan to the point where it was a problem.

I loved Jack Daniels probably as much as I assume Kid Rock does back in the day. I had Jack Daniels and probably had a picture of me holding it and then the picture of, you know, John Belushi chugging it with a sweater that says college. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm talking about? Also, when Jack Daniels came out with like the honey. Dude, that's... Hold on, though.

I do want to say that... Remember, this was a couple years ago, but Jack Daniels and Coke made the Jack and Daniels. Those are good, dude. The Jack and Cokes in the can, I was like, this is innovative and genius. I'm not kidding when I say this. I was a big Jack and Coke drinker for years and years and years. It was the only cocktail I knew. Years and years and years.

I've seen bottled or canned cocktails, and I've tried a couple. The only one that I believe is like exactly what. it was when you get it made at like a bar or something or make it yourself. Was the canned Jack and Coke? It truly was like, well, you would hope because it's both brands. I know, but like, this really does taste like that. Sometimes they like, you know, they like overengineer something. Yeah.

And like it takes away the spirit of it. Like, no, brother. This just feels like they went like, they literally went Jack Coke. Boom. And I was very, I was happy with it. Yeah. They have Jack and Coke Zero ones too. That's the ones like it.

Whoa. You're a savior for drinking Coke zero. I've just gotten into the Diet Soto, like, universe. I never got into, like, I feel like Diet Coke people are, like, fiends. Like, there's a cult behind Diet Coke. Yeah, there are. It's wild. Yeah.

They must make so much money just from Diet Coke. I mean, I imagine the fridge sigs is, like, a thing now. What the, oh, a fridge. A fridge sig. That's what they called Diet Coke. You haven't seen, like, people making, like, shirts that say, like, pass me a fridge sick and it's like a, like, clearly looks like a pack of cigarettes, like a marlborough red, and it's open, and it's just a thing of Diet Coke. I love that. That's so funny. Yeah, no, people that, like,

there's two types of people. People that just don't drink Diet Coke, or people that have it with every ounce of their being and will defend it until the day. Or aspirate is not even that bad for you. I mean, it isn't. I know, but I'm saying, like, those are the people. It's not like casual diet Coke drinkers. Bro, I, like, I guess I just, it was just one of those parts of life that you don't think about for so long. But now that I'm like conscious and realizing what's going on, it's kind of like incredible. A diet Coke is zero calories. I am holding on to whatever of my youth I have left by refusing to drink diet soda of any type. What do you mean? Because like I will convince, not will, I fully have convinced myself that like cane sugar sodas, like, you know how they do

like the Mexican Cokes. And like I think a lot of soda brands are now rolling out more like cane sugar options than high fructose corn syrup. But like I will convince myself to the day I die like, I'm being a healthier person by having that compared to the high fructose corn syrup. I think that as long as you're not abusing either, you're being healthy. No, high fructose corn syrup. I like, oh, there is high fruct. I thought if you had cane sugar, then you don't. That's what I'm saying. A high fructose corn syrup in any capacity, I can only speak for myself is not good for me. Right. Like, whether it's one or whether it's five.

But I'm saying I have convinced myself that just the exact same drink with the exact same sugar content, but just with cane sugar, right, is better for me, despite the fact that it's 130% my daily value for sugar. So like, I am not there on diet soda of any child. Like someone once, where were we recently that someone had a diet orange soda? And I was like, just don't have it at that. that point. I mean, it probably tastes the same and it's zero calories. It's absurd. I am one of those people that I believe with so much confidence I can taste the difference between diet and regular.

You probably could, but it's not worth the health difference. The health difference. Yeah, because something like orange soda too has like a lot of sugar. But like I do look at like I know I like I am a skeptic. I think you know that about me. I look at diet soda and just say like we, There's something we're missing. Like, this is too good to be true. Yeah. To be a real thing. And for it to not, like, in 10 years, it forms into, like, a glob monster in our stomach

and eat us somehow. You know what I mean? Like, there's something we don't get yet. Well, that's a thing. Like, people say, like, the aspartain is, like, the bad thing. Which is technically, like, not good if you had a lot. But the amount you would need to drink in a single day is, like, 30 cans. Like, Dr. Mike says it all the time on his show.

the dose makes the poison. Yeah. Not the other. Like water, which too much would kill you. Yes. Exactly. I,

but yeah, it's outrageous. I don't really, like, I guess just not drinking soda at all for so many years. I don't really like crave it. But I find it fascinating.

I will tell you right now. We have the many ones of like. That's smart and responsible. Ginger ale and whatever. Yo, I'm gonna tell you right now. Real, like,

I've had like, you know, like you have like, Coca-Cola and then you have like off-brand like real cane sugar cola. Nothing is as good as the real stuff except for ginger ale. Yo, I had real, like real legit ginger ale and I was like, what have we been missing out on our whole lives? This is so good. What are you talking about?

It's just so much better than like Schweps. What's real ginger ale? Like, when you look at it. Look, when you get ginger ale, like a Canada dryer, Schwepps, no disrespect. It's like, high-furtos corn syrup and, you know, like, ginger extract and stuff like that. Like, when you get, like, legit ginger ale. Where would I get that? What is it?

They bottle it. They sell it at the store. It's just ginger? It's basically just, like, soda water, a little bit of cane sugar and, like, ginger juice. Okay. It'll fucking blow your mind. You'll be like, wow, that is, like, a significant difference. Yeah.

In quality. Just better. yeah I don't know it's fascinating diet snapple doesn't get it right that's that's the only that's the only diet product where the calories of regular snapple is 100% worth it because it tastes awful diet snapple I've never had it I just don't understand like people are like I'm gonna have a diet mountain dew like you're already there just what I know there's a massive just have but I'm saying like if you're going to the point where like you're having I feel the opposite than what you're saying like if you're going to have soda just the one that has 40 grams of sugar.

I think I'm more referencing the fact, like, if it's like a niche soda, like, oh, man, I really love Mr. Pib. Like, just have Mr. Pib. Don't have diet Mr. Pib. You know what I mean? I feel differently. I feel like if you can get... You went to the park.

Go down the slide. Yeah, but it's so different. Is it? Yeah. Because, like, the, if I, like, the only soda that I've consistently liked has been, ginger ale. You're not a Coca-Cola guy? No.

I'm not. Oh, no, no, no. I like it. You and your cream soda or root beer. Well, like, I don't, I don't like drink that. I haven't drank that since I was like nine. But a diet, but a diet, like Coke to me, because I don't drink the, like, the regular stuff.

It tastes, it, like, does what it needs to do. That's fine. And that's good. Like I said, you are we, I don't think there's any. one sitting in this triangle right here that is going to say that you're not being a more responsible version of a human being. I just can't wrap my mind around

like if you have any insert brand name of a soda and it's whatever amount of calories, 200 to 300 with like 50 grams of sugar and then you can get the same thing that is very close in taste and it's zero. What? Yeah, but then you're going to look at it

and you're going to be like, why? Like, that's me. Like, I, like, there's an answer. For some reason, and I know this is stupid. It's the aspartame. I know, but listen, I know this is dumb. I know what, I know what I know it. In my head, though, it's like,

I feel like I'm getting more of an answer with the one that has the sugar in it than the one that tastes the exact same and doesn't. Does that make sense? Like, I feel like I understand that. Right. What the fuck is that over there? But all that requires is for you to,

be open to being wrong about it. But listen, you know me. I'm not going to do that. I'm going to do that about certain things in life. Not soda. You think I'm going to be, you want me to admit that I'm a human and I can,

and that I'm wrong about soda? I'm an idiot, yeah, what am I thinking? Who do you think you're talking to here? That's so funny. Are you diet guy? Yeah, Diet Coke. Oh yeah, you're big on Diet Coke. I mean, it's just wasted calories the other way.

Already, you know. If you're drinking already, getting those calories, do the Diet Coke? I just, I also, fuck, do I need to try a diet. No, I'm not doing this. We got Diet Coke in the fridge. Wait, if you, you've tried one before. You've had a Diet Coke. I'm not even kidding.

I can't tell you the last time I had a Diet Coke. Bro, it's kind of incredible. I'm getting the Diet Coke. He's going to try it, Diet Coke. It's kind of insane. I guess I'll try one now. Yeah, it's kind of wild. Oh, look, yeah.

Oh, yeah, you're limping. He's limping away. Some big limpy. What does that mean? All right, before we get to Frank trying to diet go for the first time in 10 years, probably more than that. Maybe 20. We do have some more sponsors. The first one being Rocket Money. Rocket Money is an all-on-one personal finance app that is just focused on putting money back in your pocket. So they're going to do that in a couple of ways. One being

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use that code basement, get 10% off and enjoy. All right? There you go. Now, Frank, you just took a deep breath. I'm just, I'm not even, like, I can't tell you the last time I had a Diet Coke. What, what, give a, when do you think the last time you had a Diet Coke was? Truly.

Truly, like, what are we saying, like, had, like, ordered one and got one or bought one from the store? Did it touch your lips? Yeah, when was the last time you drank it? Maybe 15 to 20 years ago. Wow. And when was the last time you had a Coke? Coca-Cola Saturday. Okay.

So you're not a stranger to the taste? Yes. I have gone on record. I'm going to be a real fucking hero here and say that I believe Coca-Cola is the best soda. Okay. You know. But like I'm just looking at this.

It's a DC, babe. It was to the point that like Coca-Cola came out with like a line of like vintage glass bottles when I was in high school and I like bought some for my dad and I. You love it. Don't you? I do. Well, then you'll love that.

You're going to think this is, I think I actually brought it in on that episode we did months ago, years ago, like bringing in old stuff. I saved one and filled it with sunflower seeds, put the top back on it and wrote Frankie on it because I was like, this is me in a bottle. What the hell does that mean? Well, you put sunflower seeds in a... Yeah, I drank the soda. Out of a Coca-Cola bottle. Yeah. Filled it with sunflower seeds.

Like a plastic bottle. No, a glass. It was a glass bottle. Yeah. And then you filled that with seeds. Yeah. And you put the cat back on. Yep.

And you said, this bottle is representative of me. You got it. Just a simple guy. Just give me some seeds and some soda, and I'm chilling. Frankie. Yep. That sounded good. Give me the sound.

I... You're smelling it like it's wine. I mean, air-rated. I can already... Well, I can't say anything. because I know it's a Diet Coke so I can't see it and be like I smell a difference but like

you give that a big taste that tastes like the 90s it tastes like the 90s we always had Coca Cola at my house in the 90s and Diet Coke my mom was one of those people that was just like Diet Coke yeah

yeah dude is it good yeah I mean it's definitely diet you can it's like it's extreme for you again I'm I it could be mental because I know I'm drinking it So like, if you would be able to tell the difference.

I do too, but like, to be fair, I can't sit here and say with 100% certainty. I think I could tell. You'd be able to tell. Because then when you drink a normal Coke, you go, whoa, it's a lot of sugar. And that's zero. So imagine the guilt you have from having like, why am I peddling? Like, why do I do? You're really working hard for Coca-Cola.

No, it's honestly, like, because it's very recent to me that like I just started like having like the little, little nips? No, the, you need your fridge dart? My fridge dart. No, they're like, whatever, the smaller cans. And I'm like how, like it's just

zero calories is crazy to me. And it's a soda. Like I'm tasting soda in my mind. Yeah, I mean, it's just a weird another thing that makes it really cool is that like they have their recipe like in a basement in like a vault somewhere. I think that's pretty cool. Do they?

why do you know that that's like the thing that people know about Coca-Cola they have a recipe on like papyrus and they have it in a basement yeah in a vault you never saw the Coke vault

pull up a pull up a picture of the Coke vault the cocoa vault if this is a real door and not I was tricked it's a fucking sick vault

dude fuck off I thought that was that's real yeah I trust this image Yeah, all the other ones could be Potentially artificial Yeah, but this one looks like there's a line and a thing

Oh, you can like walk by it Yeah Dude, like that's a cool I think in Georgia? Yeah Atlanta Like it's like a thing It's a sick keyhole

Yeah Look man I think that makes it also Way cooler Like no one's like vying for I guess technically it is but Diet Coke also But like It's like a legit secret

And it's like you'll never know It's like where Mr. Crabs has the crabby-paddy formula. Sorry. I mean, we are just on the cusp of understanding SpongeBob references. Oh, you guys don't? No, we do. I mean, it debuted when we were like eight. Of course I know SpongeBob.

Oh, me. It debuted when we were like eight. I loved SpongeBob. Big SpongeBob. You don't even know SpongeBob. Yeah, I know SpongeBob. You know the new shit. You know where SpongeBob is like a fucking full idiot.

We remember when he was annoying. Huh. Hmm You know the episode where it's like Yeah And they keep talking like that Oh I love that That's the old animation

And it's not just a boulder It's a rock Yeah how about Hinymi noi me noy Who's that Who's that bitch Doodle Bob It is doodle Bob

You remember doodle Bob right That's a very easy one Yeah yeah yeah What about the crusty crab pizza Is the pizza For you and me All right he knows that one All right

That's the same thing As the Boulder in the rock Sorry to bring up Spongebob Everybody God. Why are you sorry? I don't know. Is there like a point of, is this like a hot button subject here? No. I think SpongeBob is still a universally loved piece of intellectual property. I don't think there's a lot there for people to get upset about. You ever see the dude who does SpongeBob's voice? Tom Kenny. Whenever I see him do it, I'm like, I don't know if I like that. He, I don't like seeing.

If you would ask me to draw the guy that does SpongeBob's voice, that's who I would draw. I would draw Ariana Grande's boyfriend for sure Yeah Oh that video that went viral of him singing At the like Because that's how a lot of people don't know that That's where Ethan Slater got big Is he did SpongeBob on Broadway

Yeah Which is a sentence that's never been uttered before I got big on Broadway Because of SpongeBob And he looks like Yeah that's SpongeBob He's a C SpongeBob He's a season SpongeBob

Yeah Like he's a well Do you ever see the guy Does Mr. Crabs? No You know the actor You've seen him in other things, but like... Pull him up. Mr. Krebs.

Clancy Brown is his name. Clancy Brown? You could just write Clancy Brown. Yeah, you know this guy. He does a lot of voice acting. Yeah. So does Tom Kenny. Wait, that's him?

The dude from fucking Shawshank? Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah. That's Mr. Crabs, the guy from Shawshank? Yeah, dude. Just want a bucket of suds for me, my fellas. Yeah, he's done a lot.

Wow. Dude, being a voice actor is probably a pretty cool gig. I would do it. I think it's cool. I would love to be a voice actor. Can you do voices? I'll figure it out. Well, no, that's not how the job works.

They're not going to hire you. You can figure out anything. All right. Do like a... Do Mr. Crabs. Yeah, do Mr. Crabs. But I'm not Mr. Crabs. Do a crab that's greedy and loves money.

I don't know. Yes. You're fired, actually. You'll never get it. I feel like... We would be good voice actors. Me? That's it.

I don't know. Maybe. I don't know. I could do my voice, but I don't think it's interesting enough. I think you could do like... I don't have like an interesting voice. But like, I think the part of voice acting that you would be good at is like you're not just doing your voice. You're like turning it up for a little bit.

You know what I mean? Like... Yeah. Yep. You're Joe. Hello? But you're a skater that really loves to hang out and eat tacos. I'm a skater.

Yeah. Like I just like, like skating. Yeah. Okay. That was not bad, see? I wasn't doing a voice. Exactly. You were so enveloped in the character.

Is that the word? Invelopped? Enveloped. Yeah. Is that a word? Yeah. Like an envelope. That's my.

Yeah. Yeah. How would that? It's okay. When you're like fully in something, you're enveloped in it. I had no idea. Or buy it. Enveloped buy it.

Maybe. Thanks for that. actual syntax. Thanks for that. You're welcome. That's the only one you get after you fucked the way you spoke to me earlier. I didn't say nothing. After you fucked. Yeah, come down. Whoa, what happened? No, so you're like a, like, you're a, you're a, you're a skater that just loves tacos. Like a Californian skater. Yeah, but see, like, there you go, dude. Like, you just got to be yourself but, like, draw it up a little bit. You know? You would have been really good in, like, those 90s, like, like rocket power. That's what I was

thinking, honestly. Yeah. I think we would have been good in rock Power. Real quick. Rocket power, right? You watched that and obviously you're like, which one of these guys am I? Which one did you think you were? I wish. And which one did you want to be? I wanted to, who didn't want to be Otto? Everyone wanted to be Otto. I didn't. Who did you want to be the other ones? What's his name? Squid? No. Squid. Who's the, I don't think I want to be. Well, no, that's why I'm confused. Who's the other guy with that, with the backwards hat? Auto. Twister? It's a Twister. It's a Is his name Twister?

Do we know? Otto Twister squid? What's the girl's name? Damn, I don't remember anything. I guess I don't remember Rocket Power as well as I thought I did. Aunt earned your goddamn paycheck. Yeah, bitch. Otto.

Largina. You wanted to be law. Oh, no. Maurice. I had no idea. You wanted to be Maurice? Off the name alone, that sucks. Click on Maurice.

This guy had a nickname. He needed a nickname. He's played. Twister, bro. Twister. Oh, it is Twister. Damn, I thought it was just like, I want to be Maurice. No, no, no, as soon as I heard Maurice, I'm like, I'm out, dude.

No, no, I wanted to be him, though, because I was like, yeah, I'm probably not Otto, but at least I could be Twister. I, of course, wanted me auto, dude. Look at Otto. Look how fucking rad he, like, those glasses, are you kidding me? It's kind of crazy. I mean, I don't, well, I don't know where the mustache thing came in. That's a later version.

That's honestly a weird one. Twister? Twister's a sick name. I will, the backwards cangle is kind of bananas, to be honest with you. Yeah, you know what, though? I'm confident you could pull it off. I don't know. You could have like the little hair flip in the front like that.

Like, I think you do all right. Did you watch this show? I didn't. I was on during my time. I just, I never watched this one, though. Oh, yeah. I loved, I loved that show. I think it was a code name kids next door.

Oh, yeah. Where is that? It was like kids that are like spies and they're like, this is number one, number three, number two, number five. They're like spies. They're like spy bases. Oh, they were numbered? Yeah.

They would call each other like number one. And he was like a bald kid. Also, yeah, why were they bald kids? There's always a bald kid. Yeah, I guess. Wait, there was bald children in the show you're talking about? Yeah, number one was bald. Pull it up.

Number one was bald. And also, Kalul? Kalu. Kalu? Can't believe I knew that and you didn't. Kalu? Kalu. I've never heard of this show.

Oh, I've seen a picture of this. Yeah, you've definitely seen it. Oh, I've seen that. That reminds me of Danny. this guy my Danny yeah you're Danny that's definitely my Danny

that's number two that's number two oh yeah yeah I can tell by his hat yeah dude they lean into the numbers pretty hard and the kid thing going back to rocket power

hindsight I think if we watch it it wouldn't be very well representative of like the guy that plays Tito how he's just like a caricature for like the like Hawaiian man

yeah I mean you know and it's like what am I gonna do I don't know we could repeat some of those sayings. Frankie, you want to do a voice acting thing for me? Yeah, I, I, sure, yeah.

Do you have something? I have a villain released after a thousand years from a crypt who sees an old friend. Give me more here. Do villains have friends? Let's get that. Other villains, dude. That's fair. But do they even like each other or they could use each other?

I mean, even, I'm not going to say it. Yeah, they have friends. Or, you know, like a companion that has released this villain from the crypt. Ah, yes. So am I the other one? I've released you. Yes. How many years?

Thousand years. Thousand years. You're probably like sore a little bit. Am I like, what kind of villain am I? Am I like a real like cheeky son of a bitch or am I just like? You're an evil bitch. I think, but I think I'm like funny and witty and I try to be like ha ha ha ha. Like Hades from Hercules?

No, no, no. You're a fucking evil. Oh, I'm a real scumbag. Yeah, yeah. Like a real douche. There's a reason you were locked up for a thousand years. It was like now within this prison of mine. Yes, sir.

do I have access to speak or is it like I'm like in carbonite like I can't no this is your first time this is like genie coming out of the lamp like 10,000 years it's such a crick in the neck yeah so that's you but evil okay all right that's tough I think I can do it I would say even you are stone and you're kind of like breaking out you're coming out of it you're coming back okay all right so give him you have to release me but you have to say something to release me I can do a what's that called? Incantation?

Yeah. Yeah. And then you start breaking out of your show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, go ahead. Follow me here. I don't know how to do this without sounding offensive.

Drink a Diet Coke. What is the evil dead one? Noss, Farokta, Nicto. Oh, I don't know the evil dead one off the top of my head. Isn't that like... It's like Kunda. And I'm going to stop there just in case. Something like that.

Yeah. That was the bad one. Let's pretend I did it already. Yeah, okay. All right. And you just break it. Oh. Oh, yeah.

Okay. Oh, I'm back. Yeah. Why am I evil? Who am I evil against? Let's make that clear. Those damn kids. Oh, soon as I get my hands on those damn kids.

It's pretty good. Please don't take that out of context. My God, the government, will be already second. Okay, all right. I'm like Scooby-Doo. Yeah, yeah. Please don't take that in context. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, you're really having... I mean, I'm stretching. I'm just in stone. I feel like you're twitching up the cowboy a little bit. Can we get a little more skeleton in there? Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I finally got it. No? I mean, I appreciate your commitment. I'm trying. Oh, man. It's good. It's good. I'm thinking like,

Elitore from like the old new man ones, you know, where he's just like, yeah, you know, something like that. I don't know. We should do a whole episode. You give me this. What does that mean? All right. Oh, wait, I don't. Okay.

You're an old evil genie. Genie. Yeah. But like you're kind of like you think you're like you're funny, but you want to take people's souls. Can genies do that? And I let you out. And I let you out, but I think you're going to do good. Right.

But like, you're like, you don't know who I, you don't even know who you let out. Who are you? I'm just me. A dude? Yeah. But you're just like. And you found my lamp? And I found your lamp.

And I think like, oh man, great. Now I got out of a genie lamp. Yeah. But like, you're an actual bad person. Genie. An old guy. I mean, you are thousands of years old, but you were genocized. Genified?

What does that mean? Turned into a genie. when you were 34. So I'm just me? I mean, that's for you to decide, my friend. So what am I doing again? I rub the lamp and you're coming out and it's like, I think, I'm like, oh my God, yes, I have a genie, but you're like, little do you know who you just let out, big boy.

You don't need to say that. Big boy. Yes. You have no idea who you just let out, big boy. What wish do you want? Let me know what wish you want, big boy. comes out, he's just hitting on you. Ooh.

Come here. Who rubbed my lamp? Who needs a wish? A shirtless wish. You honestly sound like Will Ferrell right now. There was a little Will Ferrell in there, you know? That would be a funny movie. Like, did you ever see, do you remember the sketch he did with Garth Brooks in the 90s where he plays the devil?

And it's like, the devil's going to play this guitar, but he sucks at it? Yeah, yeah. You remember that? She's like, oh, I'm going to shred this. And he's like, oh, oh, hold on, hold on now. I'm getting it. Oh, dude, imagine rubbing a lamp and a genie popped out. Yo, after I saw Aladdin when I was a child, I was rubbing everything in my house.

Yeah, I mean, I bet you were. Yeah, it's fair too. Yeah. I was. Myself. Jesus. I used to like, I'll skip that one. Yeah.

I don't got to write that one. Too close. Yeah. I used to think the same. thing. Like if I were to like just like, remember how in like Dexter's laboratory, he like lifted up like a family portrait and there was like a button. I love that. I would like search behind like things hung up in my house, be like maybe there's the button to like a secret lab. I think that when people have shit like that in their house, I think it's so cool. Do you think when you have a

giant house because we know, you'll have like, because people have installed like, modern-day bookcases where, like, they move a book, and it opens to, like, the man cave. Yeah, yeah. Which we can agree. I hate the man caves are so stupid. I just have a house, and I feel like this is the man cave. This is the man cave. What gave it away, this sign that says parking for Yankee fans only?

I hate that so much. Oh, the bathroom? It's a urinal, and guess what's in there of David Ortiz's face. Like, I don't need all the signage. I don't want this. Or like even worse, not even worse, but like, in addition, people's like man caves and there's 80 TVs. Who needs this? Yeah.

And it's like, that's my chair. That's the holy, that's the holy throne. Here's the rules. Rule number one. No bitching. Why? Rule number one. I'm always right.

Rule number two, fuck the Patriots. It's like, all right. And rule number one. Yeah, you've been to Hobby Lobby. We understand. Yeah, it's rough. What was the question? Oh, will I do the bookcase?

I could see that being, like, cool for, like, a reading nook. I would love that. I mean, yeah, I don't know that, unfortunately, it would make a lot of sense. But I think that it is cool. Or, like, a button. You could have a button on, like, a bust of William Shakespeare, and you, like, push his head back, press it, and a door opens. I could see you having, like, a room. that has like floor to ceiling bookshelves.

Ooh, I really like that. I like a book, like a library ladder. Oh, you want a library ladder? When I could just like kick off and be like, what do you need? Yeah, but here's the thing. They used to be filled with cool looking books. Now the spines of all the books are like white and colorful. Like back then it was like old bound leather.

Yeah, like spell books. Yes. You know what I mean? I want to open a book and cough. Bro. Yeah, I want it to be dusty and have like asbestos in the pages. I could see you having something like, I am going to go out on a limb. I think you should, and if you don't, you kind of suck.

I'm dropping the ball. I should just buy encyclopedias. I don't even know what they do anymore. Having over to one since. Third grade? Literally, like an absolutely defunct form of technology because of the internet. Also, an almanac? Forgot what that is?

I think it's just like the world, like pictures of maps. Yeah, like what is an almanac? It's like, something with agriculture? I feel like that word's there. No, it's stupid. It's just like, oh. Here, here's a map of America. Also, here's a map of the eastern part of America.

And also here's a map of the northeast. And it's like, I don't need a whole book for maps. Yeah. It's stupid. Although, when I was in London, there was a store we walked into and they had a bunch of old maps from like old, bro. Those are kind of cool. Books after 1999 suck.

Yeah, whack. So trash. I need an old book that smells like shit and probably has like some blood on a page or something. And I'm going to go further. like not what they called soft cover books yeah paperbacks paperback books are stupid oh I like paperbacks

nope hard covers hard covers are way better dude no I'm reading the I want to put this thing down and it makes a stunch yeah like paperback is just like like

fuck we got books around here somewhere right there oh yeah perfect oh you got two examples Yeah, yeah. Look at that. So this is Greg's book. No disrespect to Greg, but it's a paperback, so it's... Right. It's a Greg book. Yeah, careful. He'll text you.

I do. Oh, wow. There's a... There's a quote from you on the back of this. Yeah. You don't know the story behind that? No? Bro, me and Greg were like friends, but not really yet. And then he asked me to be a part of his book because I had a YouTube channel that was popular at the time and he was trying to use me. Classic.

No, that's the joke that I make. But he had approached me and was like, hey, I'm writing a book. I would love for you to do this thing. And I wrote something. What does it say? I loved every second of it. I wrote, the actual quote that I wrote was I loved every second of it

and I don't even read books. And the person was like, all right, we're shortening this. Yeah, I mean, jokes aside, it's wildly impressive that he wrote a book. Yeah. To publish books. I've heard nothing but good things about it. I've not read it. However, listen to this.

All right. And then this is a book, this is not a t-shirt. This sucks. I don't even know. I don't even know what that is. I don't even know what it is. I had no disrespect to Gary V. Jessica Alba and Tony Hawk, but... They're on the back of that? Yeah, they wrote something. Listen. You ready? Just listen. Okay? Actually, I'll give it a more fair shake. I'll drop them both like this, one like this. Okay. Come on, dude. You like a big... I just want like to like... A booming... Yeah. That's like I'm smacking my ass with a roll of fucking newspaper.

And when would that be appropriate? Well, like, I want to put a book, big... A big book down and, like... Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. I like old pages. Do you remember when there was a video that went around of, like,

like Joe Biden was getting sworn in with a book? that looked insane. It had a lock on it. When books have locks on them, I like that. Name two incredible movie books. Well, something from Harry Potter. I just can't remember the name of the books. I wasn't going to think of that one.

I was going to go with the spellbook from hocus pocus. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good one. Or the book from the mummy? I don't remember the mummy. You don't remember, dude. What a book. It has like a lock on the front.

that like it like opens like scarabs like that and they put it and they turn it and it's it's fucking good dude this isn't gonna work the mummy book oh yeah there it is wow it worked i think is it a real book that thing dude that looks a little too mechanical i know that it's it though yeah it's the death book and the oh spoiler but death book in the life book nice spoiler the movie's from like fucking 1999 it is great great great great great job there with the year It was right? 1999. I'm on it.

Yeah. Good movie, by the way. What about the necromicon? Necronomicon. Whatever. Yeah, that one's just a scary looking book. What's a necrid? It's from the Evil Dead series.

It's like, it's bound in human. Oh, well, those are real versions of it, which is kind of creepy. Why? It's bound with human flesh and all the pages are written in blood. Ew. Yeah. I mean, it's from a movie. Ew, like a book made out of flesh is probably disgust, train.

Yeah, let's not sit. Let's not look at the image. just in case. Just in case something pops out. So, necro, what was it? Necronomicon. Necronomicon. Yeah.

It's like necromancer, but a book. What's that? A necromancer is like someone that does like evil dead, like, magic. Raises the dead. Yeah. I'm only familiar with necrophilia. Not that I'm familiar. I'm familiar with the term.

That one I'll get. Yeah. Necro. Yeah, necro is like, the prefix for like having to do with the dead, I believe. And then Phileia is obviously the Greek. What's, what's, it's prefix in Sussex? Post fix. For like love.

Right. You know, that's why it's called Philadelphia. Fila. Right. City of brotherly love. It's ironic because I hate it. Oh yeah, that place. I hate their sports teams.

Yeah. Well, maybe we can end on necrophilia. Nope. Shouldn't we? we started with swastika ended on necrophilia what an episode bookends of this episode are very interesting yeah what are we going to name this one oh that's a great question

I have no idea um that's a problem for another time frank where can they find you the Frank Alvarez all over and uh Patreon patreon patreon.com slash the basement yard and the basement yard all over social media and nope nope he doesn't get one today nope you could find me at the finish line of the half marathon

and you guys can go follow me at Joe Sanagad I go follow the show at the base yard on TikTok and Instagram and that is all see you next time