The Basement Yard - #558 - FRANK FIRES JOE!! + New Tour Dates

Episode Date: June 8, 2026

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Welcome back to the basement yard. You're flashing your tits? That was flashing my tities. Okay. Do you want to flash your tits? No, that would be cool. You want to flash your fucking tits? Why are you getting mad at me?

I don't know. That's a good question. That is a good question. You remember those fuck. Oh, well, welcome back in basement. Remember those like, oh, I don't know if I can bring it up actually because I think they got in trouble. Remember those commercials like Girls Gone Wild years ago? Yeah, we talked about this.

They got in trouble. right? The dudes who, yeah, of course. No, because I think like they had someone underage in one of their videos. Oh, yeah. Well, I just thought they got into it because it's like, it's kind of a busy thing. They're douch bags. They're pieces of shit. But like, it's Mardi Gras. Yeah, it's like, welcome. Girls Gone Wild. Like, you're a loser, dude. You've never seen. That's the, act like you've seen a boo. Exactly. But they're great. I'm never going to argue against that. Yeah. But like, you know how, like, they say like, you know, when an athlete wins a championship and they're just like, act like you've been here before.

Well, it's a championship. If you're going to win a regular season and you're going to pop champagne, then you've got to act like you've been there before. Yeah. I do honestly, like, I do sometimes feel away about that. I know that there's so much hard work that goes into like winning the division or winning the conference or something like that. You don't like champagne?

I meant like champagne at celebrations. If I am. The New York Yankees. Yeah. Not a player. If I'm like in the front office and they like win because they like got in because another team lost, not because like they like won the division. You know what I mean?

Like remember a couple of years ago where like I think it was last year the Mets lost because the Reds won a game like across the fucking country or something like that? If you win under those pretenses, I'm like you don't deserve to pop champagne for that. I mean, you play the whole year. They play 180 games. I know, but if your fate is in the hands of another team's success or failure, for me, that is like... I mean, that's always the case, though.

Not necessarily. I mean, you could win 80 games and that last game, well, whatever. That is the exact situation where I'm saying, I don't know if that is pop champagne worthy. I mean, I understand what you're saying if it's like you, like if you win the first round of the playoffs Poppin Champagne is probably a little crazy I'm not even saying the first round of the playoffs

I honestly almost I believe I think it's fine the deeper you get into the playoffs especially the first round I think it's fine if you win the thing the whole thing also like you don't think like if you win the championship like the division series that like pop and champagne is like cool I don't know

I don't know it can't mirror like it can't mirror the finals or the world You know what I'm saying? Like, if it looks the same, then why do we do that? That's a great point. Honestly, you're more now on my side.

Well, yeah. I'm like, I'm thinking like if you're going to celebrate, how the fuck are we talking about this? Why do we paint this up? I don't know, because I was showing you my tits. Oh. And when does that come into the celebration? Well, have you seen the, like, the thing that people are doing at baseball games now, the tarps off? No.

You haven't seen tarps off? No, I mean, I know what tarps off is. I mean, two and two together, baby. Just put them together. Tarp. Get off of me. me. Yeah. Is it because it's really hot out? You know, I don't know the reason they started doing it, but like, Aunt, pull up a... Wait, people are dumping their boobs out at baseball games?

I don't think it's tits. It's like the male fans, male nipple, are going to games and like, it's, maybe it's a rally thing. They're popping top. They're just taking their shirts off to the point where, like, mascots are doing it now. Maskots got their tits out? Yeah. Like, I saw one for the white socks that, like, the white socks, I forgot what their mascot is, but it's taken. It's harps off. Okay. And like mascot tits are out. It's got anything good under there? It's like, just hair, fur? It's like fuzzy

like Elmo, you know what I mean? Like, it's nothing to. I mean, I'm not against that. You're not against Elmo's tits? No, I meant like furry. Well, not like fur, not back up. About that. Not like fuzzy. But like, you know what I'm saying? Do they have, like, I know

have a pair of fuzzy handcuffs growing up? That's such a Frankie thing. Shut the fuck up. You definitely did. I don't think so. You carried it around in a string backpack with your axe body spray. Say it. No, I remember.

Back up! Okay? I definitely had the string backpack with like things in it that I guarded with my life. Axe body spray was definitely in there. Obviously a Swiss Army knife. A Swiss Army knife. It wasn't a switch blade. Like I was fucking like a switchblade.

Like I was fucking like a greaser. It was just like one of those like knives that like you go like this and it just like opens up. I believe that's called a switchblade. Is it? No, because switchplate is like spring loaded, which those are illegal. Because it's spring loaded? Yeah. But I don't think I ever had.

Maybe I have and I don't remember. Fuzzy handcuffs. I remember I was once gifted like gummy handcuffs and I was like, these are going to get eaten. So antithetical to what they're supposed to be. Yeah. Like you think I can't break out of gummies? I'm going to eat these things But also

I've gotten fuzzy handcuffs I don't know if I've used them maybe As like a you know Because you get them as a gift I remember we had a Remember the dice You get dice The dice are like

Suck nipple Rub neck Pinch inner thigh Sex dice are the dumbest things on the planet It's like they have a couple of dice The first one says like Suck lick Tickle rub or whatever

And then the next one's like neck, knees, thighs. But it's never like the things that you want to suck, suck, sip, nipple, tuck, tug. Exactly. You know? It's none of the things you want to nibble on it. It's always like rub, knee. I'm like, what are we doing here?

Well, I think of the idea is like it's supposed to like walk you to the front door of the party. It's like, oh, four plate dice. It grabs your hand and it's just like, here's the front door, walk on in. Bro, if you're a person out there and you and your significant other are getting in the heat of the moment, I mean... Dice? I don't... Dice!

You know, hold on, back up. I am going to... Playing Yatsy! First of all, fuck Yatsy. Second of all... I love Yotsi. What the hell are you talking about? You don't like Yatsi?

Do me a favor. You need me to change your diaper, your geriatric old bastard? You love Yotsi? What did you also your next favorite game, Parcheasy? Fuck you. Dude, you love trouble. Or risk? Who doesn't love trouble?

And I've never played Rist. Trouble! Trouble... Who doesn't love trouble? There's no trouble! There is trouble. when you get into trouble because it's like, oops, you're going back.

That's every game. Trouble and sorry are basically the same thing, but one of them has a super cool poppy, dicey thing in the middle. Don't talk shit on trouble. I don't hate trouble. Hear me out. Because how board games are all like rebranding and stuff.

There's like 40 different versions of Uno out there. I know. If it's like trouble, but it's with sex dice, worse. Now that I'm saying it, it sucks. You're going to pop this thing and it's going to be like,

Suck teeth. Suck teeth. Go four spaces. Yeah. You know. But what was I going to say? Yeah, Yatsi sucks. I think that you ever hit a Yatsi, like a real Yatsi.

Dude, I haven't played Yatsi or Boggle in not even a joke 25 years. Is Boggle the words? Boggle is the one where it's just like, let's get a word in this cup. Yeah, yeah, I'm good. It's so stupid. Yatsy's cool, though, because you know, five dice landing on one thing. The idea of, like, rattling together five dice. sounds cool. I wish I could do it in my mouth, though. Like the idea of like, you want to bounce

around five dice in your mouth? Kind of. Time to grow up, Peter Pan. What the hell is that? Fantasy. You don't know? Yeah, what are you talking about? I don't know. It's just like, like, the idea of like, like, you want a bunch of marbles in your mouth. Oh, I do want that too. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie about that. I feel like it would definitely fuck up your teeth, but I would do it. I understand sex dice. Not everyone is so confident in like being able to like engage in like foreplay. So like maybe it helps them. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe it, like, I think it's more of a crutch than it is like a tool. What about the other things where it's like, here's this lube and it tastes like strawberry lemonade?

I'm like, who needs that? We did a full episode trying stuff like that. Do you remember? Didn't we like chew, you chewed on a cond of something? I broke, I don't remember doing that. I remember breaking a pair of fuzzy handcuffs, though. Like I was. Yeah, you blast it like.

First of all, they were fuzzy, but they were also like leather. And you blasted them. You know, I fucking absolutely like supermaned through those things. Yeah, it was like the Hulk. And, like, horny. Quite impressive. I'm also on a streak.

I mean, I don't want to spoil it. Maybe we'll get into it. I showed my strength yesterday. Shady, strong guy. We'll say this. Frank. Limber. Yep.

And also, there's a lot of power in the legs. Show the tarps off going back. Show the tarps off before I argue about how fucking dog shit, what's it called, Yotsie is. But like, I'm not gonna do it because I'm definitely not that confident in my body. But if I went to a game and I saw this, I would be hype, dude. That's a weird thing to say, oh, hold on, let me back up.

Yeah, all those kids are- If I was that age. 18-19? If I was that age. Yeah. Hold on. Can you pick up the phone for a second? Yeah. Clarify that the idea of 19-year-old boys doesn't get with their shirts off gets me excited. I didn't mean- But I already wrote that down. Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, fuck. If I was like, if us and all of our friends went to a game and this was like a trend, I would be pumped. Well, it was a thing that you would like paint your chest. I never did that because I didn't go to a fucking school that was in a 1990s like rom-com teen rom-com movie. But like it's not like a thing anymore, but like back in the day people would go to games and all the big fans. I mean, they still do it like Oakland. Like they'll have, well, not RIP. But the Raiders, they like, Las Vegas.

They like paint their faces. I know that is a level of, that's a level of fan. That's a level of fandom that I am not. No. For like my biggest fandom, I am not there. But if you were in the MLB, like, I think I would show up with like a couple of our friends and I would paint like a big F and then like in an R and A. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Like it would be funny for a time. There were people in my college, they did that. But I was like at the time because they recently have gone D1. I guess it's a cool plug for a school I'm no longer at. But they were D3 at the time. And I remember being like, this does not match the level. of skill this team has. What? Painting your chest?

Yeah. They called themselves like the big blue wrecking crew. And I was like, this is a D3 football stadium. Yeah, but you- Stadium, it was some bleachers. I think that if you're in college and there's enough beer involved, go nuts. Paint your face. I, yeah, you know, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna either, definitely not confident.

Good for the people that are to do that. Not me. I feel like you would have, you've painted your face before. Such a Frankie thing. I mean, what are we doing? I mean, have I painted my face? face for like birthday parties. I can't think of like outside of a birthday party painting my face.

But above the age of 14. Painting your face. I used eye black in a non-racially insensitive way, like a single line or like that. Wait. Answer. Yeah. When you played rugby, you didn't use eye black? No, I never used eye black.

Honestly, it didn't look like it did anything. Oh, I used it once and then I sweat and it came down my whole face. First of all, that's the best part. Dude, I use it for football. I remember doing it and then being like, you do like the fig rub down and it just looked fucking mean. Yeah. That shit was cool.

That's the whole point of it. It's not because of the sun who cares about the sun. This is for looking cool. I mean, Joe looked like the guy that put like a cross on it or something. Yeah, no. No, Joe, I know exactly what Joey would do. He would do the cross on one side and then his number on the other.

Like, because he was, by the way, you know what his fucking numbers were. Do you know this? I know you know this. One of them was 22, which is a legitimate number. Why? Because he liked Clyde the glide. Clyde Drexler.

No, it was my brother's number. Also, you like Clyde Drexler. You openly used to say that. Okay. Which I can guarantee your dad liked Clyde Drexler, and you had no idea who this person was, and he was like, I like Clyde Drexler. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah. And two, you know what his football number was, brother? Well, first of all, when you played for your school, I believe your number was 92. No, no, no. But... It's not a tight end? No, no, no.

So my... My sophomore year, I joined the team late. Like, I didn't do camp, but I joined late. And I was given 92 because there was no more numbers left. But then I got 18. Yes, which is a fine number. What do you think is like, I can pick my number football number was? Dude, it is the most, like, attention-seeking number on the planet.

Attention-seeking number of planet. Well, it can't be 69, right? No. It's not that kind of guy. No. So depending on position, what, it's just one, number one? No. No.

It was zero. Yeah. That's the second word. That's the second worst. And he would call himself Agent Zero. Because Gilbert Arenas would call it. Because Gilbert Arenas. That sucks.

What are you writing down, a piece of shit? Don't worry about it. Don't write it down. They're going to see it. Don't do it. But it was, I forgot how we got there. Oh, the tarps off thing. The tarps off thing.

You wouldn't partake? I'd pop it. If it was hot enough, bro, when I went to the fucking baseball game with him, it was scorching. I could have used to. the pop of the top of the tarp and the bottom like anything, that would do you more harm than good. Yeah, I would have burnt this body

if I covered myself and screen. Yeah, no, you wouldn't. And I wouldn't allow you to honestly. To pop? If I was with you at a baseball game and you were like, I'm taking my shirt off, I would say, please don't. What if I was painted? That makes it somehow worse because you're a grown man. But what if you got free tickets for being

painted? Where are the tickets? Where are the tickets? wherever you want anywhere I want not anywhere but like within reason no they're anywhere but there have to be a seat

like you can't sit I'm not again I just I don't like if you got the tickets because you painted and I can keep my shirt on I'll be fine no what if it was like there was like a brand deal came in

it's like you can go to you know the Knicks finals game but you guys got to you're going to be on TV and you're going to be popped and you're going to be fucking painted for the ticket I mean dude the tickets are I don't care

I'm not comfortable taking my shirt off and putting that on fucking the internet. For the finals? What if it was game seven? Oh, Frankie. But here's the thing. You popping? I would do it for... Game seven, I'll pop.

Game seven, I'm not there. I would do it for game five, they're up three one. Because if it's game seven and they lose... Okay. Now you're just going home a loser. Now I'm going home with a painted fucking... That's a good point. You know what I mean?

Like, if it's game five, they're up three. then then for the right price maybe okay maybe but like I'm seriously not confident enough for to allow that that so like the price would need to be like there has to be like a plus confidence rate you know what I mean okay but like plus confidence game seven is tough because if they lose that's winner take all you know yeah you can't go home a loser covering in paint that sucks aren't you a good like price per value guy a game seven ticket is worth so much more but the price of me to like the price that I would have to it would cost me more if they lost than it would for me to go to the game

because of now they fucking lost now they lost being fucking painted I look like this and now the image of me like this is all over then you gotta go home and wash it off and you're a loser like and like with like aloofa like yeah like yo we just lost in the finals and now I'm covered in blue and orange that would be tough yeah that would be rough that would be really really lost mental you units that day. Bro, also, not for that... Speaking of tickets!

Sorry. People are certainly deaf at the moment now. I'm so sorry. Can I scream again for you? We want people to know what's about to happen. Oh, well, the scream is going to get them. They'll see the spike in the audio and they'll be like, what happened there? That's...

Well, now you're thinking. I don't know that people see the audio levels, though. Yeah, they don't see that. The audio only listeners scan through and they're just like, we need a check for any spikes. What the fuck is going on here? But listen, the boys are coming back on the road. I don't know.

I don't know. I think whoever edits this, can you put like... No, no, no. Keep whatever you had. Really? The forts are staying. Oh, well, we have been talking about it. We announced when we did late night night with Seth Myers, and we said we were going to be doing

shows toward the end of the year. And we got them, bitches. Yeah, listen, we, we, we did at a certain point say that we were going to do shows this year. After MSG, we were like, ooh, shouldn't have said that. Shouldn't have said that. But yeah, we're going to be heading out on the road. Frank, and also the return of Greg printouts. Yeah.

We haven't had a Greg printout in quite a while. I'm going to read this word for word so I don't get in trouble because there is parentheses that says, don't fuck this up, exclamation point. And it's bolded and underlined. And he doesn't get the opportunity to do printouts like this, so you know he was pumped. And I don't blame him, honestly. It's pretty fun. Listen, this is coming up.

All right. So we have the presale starts Wednesday, June 17th at 12 p.m. Eastern. That's noon through June 18th midnight. There was one person you had to specify that for. The only person we know that didn't know that noon was 12 p.m. I bet. Yes. Or you go.

Well, just again, Wednesday, June 17th at 12 p.m. Eastern. So if you are anywhere that is outside of the eastern time zone in the United States, do the conversion. You need to do the conversion. Okay. Presale code? Duh. Basement. Easy. Gonna be basement.

Where, you know, it's been the same pre-sale code for every other fucking show we did, idiots. Also, sorry, that was too much. Also, it's at the basemeyard.com, as always. So the basemeyr.com, the presale starts Wednesday. day, June 17th at noon, okay, Eastern. And it's going to run through June 18th midnight. By the way. I mean, technically through 1159 p.m.

Greg, you fuck this up. Yeah, it's a little confused. Whatever. But the pre-sale, just for everyone who, like, because I know that people are like, what the fuck is going on here? The presale is when you want to buy tickets, okay? So we put these things up. There's the pre-south code basement.

You have the first dibs on the tickets. You're going to buy for those. You go to the basement mar.com. You'll have all the links there to each show in every city. and we're going to go through that right after this. But you go to the basement yard, you put in, you know, you click on the show you want, and then you put in the code basement, then you could buy your tickets. The general sale is whatever's left after the presale, basically.

And sometimes they release a little bit more tickets on the general sale, so if you couldn't get a ticket on the presale, sometimes there will be tickets, but those are much harder to get because there's not a lot left there, usually. Let me just say this, too. We don't control that. Yeah. We don't. It's just so everyone is clear, like, I don't.

The misconception that it's just like, you could do whatever you want with the tickets. Yeah. No. Yeah. And also, if it was up to us, we would just release the tickets, and that would be that. But pre-sale, this is why we push everyone to go to the presale and get the tickets. Our shows have sold out a lot in the past, so I would be quick with it. Quick with it.

Sorry. Completely unnecessary. You have a question? Question. Pre-code basement, all caps. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Just put in basement.

It is not case sensitive. Perfect. Wednesday, June 17th at noon, eastern. That's when the pre-sale starts. Also, basement is one word for those of you that may not know that. Yes, it is. The baseman.com. Okay, let's go to the shows.

Oh, this is what the people want. Okay. September 10th. Whoa, wait, hold on. We should also specify. This is the first batch of shows. I was getting in there, yeah. I got there first.

Well, okay. Yeah, so there's going to be like more to come. We're probably going to space them out a lot more and just kind of keep a trickle of stuff. But we have a decent amount here going into 2027, but these are in 2026. So September 10th, 2026, we're starting in Durham, North Carolina. What are you pointing at me? Do Durham. Do Durham?

Do it. Oh, like an accent. I feel like North Carolina. Like here, like a North Carolina? Well, we're going to have to show up and do that show because so that Frank can learn how the people sound because I'm sure that's not it. Also, wait, before we even get to the right.

But like the people right now in Durham are just like, ooh, got one. This is a brand new show. Also, we're getting rid of a bunch of the, like, this is not even going to be similar to the other shows. It's going to be a lot more fun. It's going to be interactive. We're going to get some people on stage. probs we're going to interact with you guys in the crowd point your finger if you're going to do nudity

point my finger no i'm not doing nudity so there will be no's going to have fucking tarps off basement out friend that one i can't base for that no no no no we're not that's not but yeah it's going to be a brand new show uh we have obviously now two years of experience of being on stage we're a lot more comfortable doing it so it's going to be a lot more fun and we just want this round to be super like interactive and just like a fucking great time. So we're very excited to do this and like I said. Exarted.

So I'll say. Fuck you. September 10th. Durham. We're starting off with Durham. Have you ever been to Durham? No.

Let me answer that for you. September 12th. Where are we, Frank? Charlotte, North Carolina. Two shows of North Carolina. I've never even been to North Carolina. Charlotte, the city's so nice that they gave it a name with two T's in it. I don't know. I've never been. I think I've driven through it.

That should be fun. You know? And then, oh, after that, couple weeks later, September 24th, Minneapolis, Minnesota. We're back. We're back. We did Minneapolis last year, Mall of America. What's up? Gonna go back to that. You think so? Why not? They have a rainforest cafe there. They do. You went there. We should go just so I can see it and see what you love. I would go there so I could. could piss in the corner.

They probably get kicked out. September 26th from Minneapolis over to the other police. We're going to Indianapolis. Yeah. Indianapolis. Two up up upaluses. I know I mean, you know, I thought one was going to be too much. Now we have to.

Now we have two appelluses. Yeah. Minneapolis, uh, the Minnesota. Minnesota they're here. Right. Oh, Minnesota. Why are you saying Minnesota. Minnesota.

Minnesota. Minneapolis, Minnesota. Oh, but you said Indianapolis. I said Minneapolis, Minnesota. Oh, okay. Indianapolis, Indiana? I don't know. I have no idea.

I'm sorry. Okay, let's go over the dates we have so far because I feel like we're a lot of time in between. September 10th, Durham, North Carolina, September 12th, Charlotte, North Carolina. September 24th, Minneapolis. September 26th, Indianapolis. October 2nd, we're going to Charleston, South Carolina. That's where. I'm so sorry.

It's okay. So sorry. I mean, Charleston, South Carolina. That's where we're getting into the, like, the Bible built. Like, it's melting out. Molasses. You went out your mouth in the office. But yeah, so October 2nd, Charleston, South Carolina, October 3rd, ATL Jojo, what a do foe. You coming back. Back in D.A. The boys are back in Atlanta, Georgia. and maybe the ATL Joja line will hit this time. I'm sure it will now.

October 16th, we're going to Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. There's a, yeah, Bethlehem. The Bethlehem. Bethlehem, I believe it's Wind Creek. Yes. Is the casino in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. And then November 7th. Ooh.

And I'm kind of excited about this one. This was one that people have asked for. Buffalo, New York. Listen. no one moves the herd circles the wagon no one circles the wagon

like the Buffalo basement yard fans what did you say no one moves the herd no one moves the hurt in Buffalo Buffalo New York November 7th we're one that we haven't done

we have to jump through a table at some point yes holy shit we have to we officially join the Bills Mafia I'm a J. I feel like That's like sacrilege. That is pretty bad, but they're not even there that weekend. I'm so fucking angry. So, uh, and then, uh, another, the next show after November 7th, Buffalo, New York,

December 5th, Baltimore, Maryland. Mm. Going down for some crab cakes, some oysters. How you doing? Uh, and then a couple days after that, we're doing a leg back in. Tess! This is Texas. Or this ain't tech?

I'm just gonna, yeah, it's, but it is Texas. December 10th. We're getting weird again. over in Austin, December 11th, Dallas, Texas, and then December 13th, ending in quite possibly. I'm not going to offend them because I want you guys to buy tickets. Houston, Texas. We're going back to Houston, Texas. That's all we're doing for 2026.

Yeah, because the holidays. Grow up, guys. But we're not done. Bitch. Also, January 15th, we're going to Frank's back. It's still closer. It's closer. Newark, New Jersey.

Okay. We'll be in Newark. now. Our first ever show was in New Jersey. We're coming back and doing Newark. And guess what? We love New Jersey so much that after the January 15th show, the next show we have, February 5th, that's my backyard, baby. There it is. Red Bank, New Jersey. Count Basie Theater. I'm excited for you guys to see Red Bank. Is it Count Basie Theater? I don't even know. I believe so. But it's a crazy thing to say and we don't know. I'm pretty sure you will love Red Bank. It's fucking awesome. We're going to check it out. out. Then, now this is my birthday trip that we're going on here. Oh, yeah. February 23rd and February

24th, Vancouver. We're coming back. We did just for laughs out there. We had two amazing shows there that kicked off our last tour. So we are coming back for that and we're coming back for my birthday. So those are going to be my birthday shows. My birthday is February 25th. So February 23rd and February 24th in Vancouver. And then February 26th, we're going to be in Los Angeles. Oh, L.A. California love. Right, right? Exactly. Give me that, please.

And then March 12th. Coming back to Chicago theater. Oh, you know, what a time. What a theater. Back to the bean. Back to the bean. Joe's gonna flick it. Yeah.

If he could ever find it. Ha ha. Dastard. But yeah, so those are the shows that we have booked for now. just to run through them again, September 10th, Durham, North Carolina, September 12th, Charlotte, North Carolina, September 24th, Minneapolis, Minnesota, September 26th, Indianapolis, October 2nd, Charleston, October 3rd, Atlanta, October 16th, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, November 7th, Buffalo, December 5th, Baltimore, December 10th, Austin, December 11th, Dallas, December 13th, Houston, January 15th, Newark, February 5th, Red Bank, New Jersey, February 23rd and 24th in Vancouver, the 2nd. 26th in LA and March 12th in Chicago, okay? Like Frank said earlier, these are just the beginning. We're going to be spreading this out over the course of the next year, too, in 2027.

So there will be more shows book. I can't guarantee where those are going to be or when they're going to be. But, you know, we also, you know, there will be more shows out of it. It is what it is. I don't know why I kept laughing when you were saying my birthday, because I was thinking to that TikTok where he's just like, it's my birthday. and I want to show you my girlfriend. You remember that?

And like a bunch of people kept quoting it and it was like showing the dude's hand and it looked like the girls like tied up or something like... Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. We're very, very excited. We have done a lot of, you know, kind of conversations on our end on what we can do to make this show

entirely new and entirely fresh and like give people something so like there is not the feeling of like, oh, I just saw them like, this will be new, this will be tailored to make it the most. interactive, fun, borderline crazy experience that it could be. And I'm excited.

I know you're excited. Aunt, don't care how you feel about it. But, you know, you guys were so incredibly supportive and fucking unbelievably, like, passionate during our first round of shows that we're just beyond elated at what this could be. I do want to say that truly, um, every time, like, because, of your support, we are able to kind of like brag in some sort of way of like, yeah, we've like done these places and all these people show up for us and it's like this awesome thing. So you guys have like literally blown this out of proportion and now we have a legitimate

like touring career because of all you guys. And we truly didn't think that we were going to do shows this year because we didn't know we thought that like, ah, they're going to be like kind of sick of it. But the support has only gotten more and more. crazy and... Yeah, we could talk that shit, baby. Well, I'm just saying, like, talk that shit, baby.

I feel like we got nervous of being like, you know, we've done it for two years. People have already seen us, like, I think they get it or kind of that thing. I'll tell you this. I don't know if this is like two baby girl of me though, but like... Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive.

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BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. The feeling of like maybe people won't come is still there. You know what I mean? I'm panicking. But like, it's just like we, it is such an honor. I know that's a weird, like I hope that doesn't sound like dramatic to say that. But like, it is such a privilege and honor to get to do this stuff that, like, it's not lost on me that, like, people may not show up. You know what I mean?

So, like, when, you know, I can speak for myself here. And I think I could speak for Joey. But, like, every show that we've done the day that the tickets have went on sale, it's a line. I'm scared. Like, it is, it is crazy. So you guys have put us in the position to get that opportunity to explore a talent and a, skill and the opportunity to try to make you guys happy and laugh and thank you. And the shit is so fucking fun too. And, you know, I think, you know, we just, we just really

appreciate being able to do this shit. And like I said, we told ourselves we weren't going to do any shows this year. But there just has been like a lot of growth. And we're having a lot of discussions internally about like, we really want to see how far we can push this and see, you know, if we can create another show, like a brand new show from scratch that is like, you know, even better than the last one so we can create an experience for people that have been to shows before that they're like, holy shit, that was like so much better. We'd like to believe that the first round of shows and the second year of shows were very different as far as like how good we felt about them.

So this one is going to be definitely like obviously the best work that we could possibly put out. But again, Wednesday, June 17th at noon, eastern, go to the basemanyard.com. The presale code is basement. Get those tickets. I would be ready for them because, like I said, you know last time like a lot of people were buying tickets immediately at that time so that is the pre-sale the general sale starts on uh Friday June 19th um but again I would get to the pre-sale but we're going back on the road please God help us

Toapolis is you never talk about bro we're doing back to backapolis back to back alex that's got to be sure sure that's got to be sure that's got to be your shirt, right? It's the back-tobacalyps. The back-to-back-lips. The Appalus. Apollos. It's not Ack-A-L-Its. It's the Apple Apocalypse. No, it's the back-to-back-to-back-lis. Appalice. Back-to-back-a-lips. Lips. No, not lips. P-Lis. It's the back-to-back-to-back-a-lis. Back-to-Bacolus. It's got to be a P-E. I'm going to have a heart attack. Back to Back to Backpol. Back to Bapolis.

No, it's got to be the K. Back to Back to BackPolis. It could be mini. Maybe don't put indie. Is that like a bad thing? That's a whole genre of music, Frank. Oh, cool. I don't know.

You know I'm not as chronically online. Indy music? I don't know. It's a music. But like, it could be like Apolis. Just do me a favor. Move on. Take your fist.

And ball it up. Hit me repeatedly in this fucking square inch of my face. Do the ads. And then I have a question for you, a legitimate question for you. Not compared to a fake question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, most of this show is fake questions. Fuck you.

Sorry. Okay. We do have ads with the first one being. How you doing? Kachava. All right. This is a lovely product that I was using way before they were a sponsor on this show. But they are great.

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select podcast in the survey, and select our show in the drop-down menu that follows. Let them know. And while you're browsing the internet, while you're hot on the web, go over to patreon.com slash the base of a yard. And what will you see? Us. And what will you get? More of us. What is that? That's crazy.

That's what you want. I hope. And if you do, great, then it's there for you. If not, whatever. This isn't for you. Patreon.com slash the base of a yard is the service that we use to give you guys more of us. And it's one of the best ways to directly support us. So go check it out.

There's different tiers and you get different things with different tiers. Okay. that first tier, you get these weekly episodes seven whole days in advance. Okay, that second tier? Well, you've got exclusive episodes every single Friday. So you go really only four days without seeing new episodes by us.

That's kind of fucking sick. That's kind of fucking rad. So go check it out. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. You guys have helped us break unbelievable amounts of records. I think we are somewhere like fifth in the world in podcasts. It's because of your support

and we do not take it for granted. So thank you. Go to patreon.com slash the basement yard. check it out. Give it as a gift for family, for friends, for whomever you want to give it to. And if you want to do that and save yourself a couple extra bucks while doing it, do it on the web. Do it on a web browser. If you use the smart app, they're going to take some extra money for it from you. Okay. So patreon.com slash the basement yard. Thank you. We love you. We appreciate you. Go check it out. Yes. I had a question since we're hot on the tails. Off the tails. Hot on the trail.

Off the tails? Since we're hot. Off the heels. Off the heels. On the heels? It doesn't matter. Wearing heels. Sure. Hot wearing heels. If you could go and rewatch a video of our very first show, would you? You know I can do that. How?

The episode exists. What are you talking about? No. Oh, our first live show. Live show, brother. Oh, I was like, bro, it exists. Live show, live show. Would I watch it?

Yeah. I'd attempt to. And... Hell? Yeah, I don't know. I think it would be like uncomfortable for you? I mean, all of that is uncomfortable for me. It is.

I don't watch any of this stuff back. It's uncomfortable for me. You don't hear actors and interviews and they're like, yeah, I never watch it in my movies. Like, part of me thinks that weird, that's weird, but then at the same time, I'm like, yeah, I don't. I get it completely. I wouldn't want to watch that either. Because I, I, I don't watch parts. I have, I have, I see clips and I'll, like, I'll be like, if I see a clip and I don't

remember the context or what it is or what's coming next, then I don't. I'll see it. I'll be like, oh, yeah. But I get the thing of like, I see it. I'm like, who's that? That's not me. I don't, I don't, I don't, you know what I mean? Like that, I guess imposter syndrome. But I think like the first show is, it would be tough because I just know how fucking nervous I was. Like, I just know how like, I wasn't fully comfortable yet with that. So I was just kind of like trying really hard. I just, I don't know. I, I, I don't want to bury us. But like, I just think that we were just not good at what we were trying to do. The first try. We were not good at what we were trying to do yet. Yeah. And then that's why it's so exciting to do these shows because now it feels like,

okay, we've gotten to a place where we're a lot more comfortable on stage. So now it feels like we could really just have fun doing it. Like now I'm just like looking forward to doing it. Also, couldn't hear you during that first one. Yeah, I couldn't. I could. It was like very difficult. I think I came out. The first thing I said is like, oh my God, you guys are so close to the stage. I could pee on you. I was so nervous. Yeah. It's all right. We accepted an award and I said I was going to piss my pants. What's with us in urine? I mean, it's just one of the things that happens to a body.

It doesn't happen to a body. It happens because of a body. True. But I see you got something there and I'm afraid because it's a box with a hot dog on it. Yes. But it doesn't look like a hot dog's in it. I have a box here that says, you de wiener. Is that how you say that?

Can you pronounce it one more time? I think it's like eau. Eau de wiener. It's so French. E-U. E-A-U. E-A-U. First of all, all vowels.

So how does that work? Or is it like, ooh, the weaner. Frank, I can almost guarantee it's not that. You doing pronunciation? How do you spell it? E-A-U. It's pronounced exactly like the letter O. Oh.

Oh, the weiner. Oh, the weiner. Oh, the weiner. Oh, the weiner. Oh, the wean. Yeah, those stupid French people. This, I think it's eh. Oh, eh.

But no, it just said it's pronounced like the or L'O. Well, like, phonetically, like. Oh. Oh, de winna. Oda wino. Is that how you said? Oh, de wino. Oh, da win.

Yeah, Frank wants, what do you want, what do you want, all the weiner? No, stop. That's what I heard, I think. You remember, remember that like mid-2000s Pink Panther movie, the clip of fucking Steve Martin? Like, oh, da Boko! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Clearly French. Wait, what the fuck is that?

Right. So this is hot dog cologne. Shut the fuck up. All right. You got to. I mean, I gathered that. I've stunked a little bit of it. You stink it did.

So it's for you. Ready? Oh, for me. I think you'd be fine. Don't throw it over the camera, dude. That camera's like $40,000 million. It certainly is not. Yeah, that was a perfect throw by the way.

That was. I love the box. Frankie, I want Frankie to just like, taste, taste, dice. Well, first of all, you know I'm not doing that. It's got to be a cool bottle. If it's not a cool bottle, and be so pissed off if it's not a cold bottle.

That sucks. I'll tell you what, it looks like dehydrated pee. It does look like pee. It does. I've pissed that before. Am I going to vom? Am I going to bomb my little pants? I think you need to, you need to,

I'll do this. I think you'll be surprised in a good. That's up to you. I think go, I'm not going to spray it on my body. I mean, I don't, but like, I'm going to spray it in the air. No, that's worse.

Then the mist will get on your body. Direct the spray at your, your at your at your arm no i'm gonna go in the air it's gonna get on you brother i know that's bad you're you're saying put it on me yeah but like that's gonna get more on you than that if i if i limit it to there your brain is an interesting place wow what the santa claus fuck was that really why is it burnt it's a burnt oh i love burnt dogs How does it feel? Toss that.

I feel. Toof. Toss that. Here. That was the most dangerous way because look at how it landed. That could have hit you right in the face. If that would have hit me in the funge. That could have hit you right in the teeth.

All right. I'm going to do it the way I said you should. Oh, wow. You're not supposed to rub cologne. This fucking guy. Well, how weird is that? What is that? It stinks like suck.

Yo, it's not off. Look at how he's smelling this thing. Can you go back to smell it? It's like a smell vortex. Yo, it smells like a, honestly, it smells more like the like, burnt. The burnt pretzels that they have at the dog stands. But old.

I'm not getting weiner. I'm getting, I'm getting more like, like, City Street pretzel. Yeah. Burnt pretzel than I am dog. And dirty shoe. I'm getting dirty shoe. I feel like it.

There's a scent of like something in there. It was a little sweet, wasn't it? Yeah, for a second. I think after a little bit, it starts to smell like dog. I feel like you doing that is completely unnecessary to the, to smelling. So. No, it doesn't smell like hot dog at all. Maybe you didn't put enough.

It's by Shynesty. Shineasty. I have a question. I think Shinesty. I have a question. Yeah. What if it tastes like hot dog? Nice try.

Yeah, you're gonna get me. You're not fucking doing that. Yeah. Double dog there, though. How about that? No, how about you do it? Double dog there, yeah. How about you do it? No, to spray a little and it's going, eh?

You didn't get any. He didn't get any. It tastes like Frankie. Oh. No, you fake. That's crazy, dude. That was fake. It was prank.

I know, we're old. You can't prank us. We're not jail around. It doesn't taste like any. It tastes like my skin. Well, I think you didn't get any. That's why. Nice fucking try.

You just taste the skin. Fucking try. It does say warning to be sniffed and spritz not sipped, which is fair. Damn it. Yeah, I'm glad they specified that because you know that there's someone that did that. A good novelty, a novelty thing does not smell more taste like a hot dog in any capacity. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they also fucked up by not making this hot dog shaped. Yeah, make it a fucking glizzy shape. I'm sure that costs a lot. And for a novelty thing like this, like they need to think of. Oh, you getting the stink. It's coming over here now.

Really? You get a burts. It's cock. Watch this. Oh, I can smell it on its way. I think it's passing you. It's smelling it's way to you. Here it comes. Big bad Frankie over there. Yeah, Jesus.

Yeah, no. It blows house down. Oh, there it is. You got it? Wow. Took a little pass. It doesn't smell like... It doesn't smell like...

It doesn't smell like... It's like sweet wood. It's not like bad. It's just something. I think you expected us to be gag boys. Frank. Really? Sorry.

I didn't mean to. Take out the fucking gag boys. That was a legitimate. My mom. Mom watches this show. That was a legitimate, like, mistake. Yeah. Here, you can take this back.

I've never, I want to, I want to get one of those, like, have you smelled the ones that are, like, farts? Do you remember? Yeah, yeah, fart sprays? I remember fart bags. Do you remember when the first time you came to my home? It was right after I did it on an episode, yeah. Oh, you threw a fart bag? One.

It was, like, three, I think. He threw three at one, so by the time you gathered two, one of them's going to go off. Yeah. I mean, they just stink like a butt. Like, it's just like... Yeah, that's the part that sucks. I remember I did it in the studio. And then I broke a mug on my fucking wall.

Yeah, that was a crazy episode. First of all, the studio at that time, my apartment. So you fart bagged my apartment. But it was one room that was far enough away from like the rest of your apartment. Let me ask you, do you know how wind works? How you work? You know air? How things spread via air?

Yeah, I don't think that was like a big concern. It was a small room. Play stunk like, hey, sh. I honestly don't remember. It was at the beginning of the episode as well. I remember doing it. Yeah, and I remember throwing it, and we, like, fucking, like, threw it back and forth,

and then it popped on the floor. Yeah. Those things are, they smell. And they pop. They smell. Have you ever seen the glass ones? Glass. The glass stink bombs?

No. They come in, like, a little glass vial. I had one in middle school, and I broke it on the ground, and boy, that smells. It's not like a big poop of shit. That is a rough one. Like a tough one. Oh, it's starting.

gonna get you? God damn, it's like it's your breath now. Wow, he says your breath stinks. No, it's because every time he breathes, more air comes this way and I'm getting it. Oh, wow. I mean, I don't think I have that strong of a breath. Bro, if you could smell his breath from there, big trubs. No, I'm not smelling his breath. It's just the wind.

I think it's just the circulation. It just smells like a, like a... You're also, like, look, that is going to... They can't see it, but like that's going to blow it right at you. It smells like a corner in Manhattan right now. It really, absolutely. It smells like the corner of like 34th and 9th Avenue. new. Like, it's just like right outside of the garden and you're getting the fucking like hot dog

cart smell. Hot dogs. I mean, they don't shout at you anymore. Yeah. Well, it's the people at stadiums and and arenas that shout at you. You ever see that one guy at like Cubs games? Hot dogs where he goes, hot dogs and scares the shit out of everyone here. Yeah. That's a guy dedicated to his job, dude. I fuck with that. I mean, that's how, and especially in the like today's world that's going to go viral but that's not going to do anything they're not going to like give them a boost like hey good job here's an extra couple bucks do you think that maybe those people get paid based on how many they sell no so what's the incentive to like go so hard i guess just like enjoying your job i mean yeah it's just like you might as well have fun doing it

i think it doesn't look good if they sell none right i mean yeah i'm sure correct i'm sure i just be eating those bitches then I mean if I went up a whole section and no one bought I'd be like I'm popping one I mean but then you need to pay for it no shot so then they'll say you have sold none but there are three missing

they're not gonna count the hot dogs it's food brother I can almost guarantee inventory I can guarantee that they will to some degree no there's breakage bro they count in everything bro I'll make up another lie then I was punched in the eye and someone stole a hot dog

There's hundreds of cameras in these places. This was a silent assassin. But the cameras still capturing the video. I had to test the fucking hot dog to make sure a lady wouldn't buy. Okay, why three then? Why did I eat three? Yeah, Joe. You know what?

This is a great. I'll be the boss. Okay. Why are there three missing hot dogs from your hot bag? There is three missing? There's three minutes. We clocked you at going out there with 20. and they're 17 in here now.

I mean, I sold all of them. Maybe there was like something with the transaction. You sold, because your transaction say you've done no transactions. Maybe it's something with the reader. I sold all the hot, what do you think I ate three hot dogs? Where did you sell them?

To the people. What section? Because you're working this section. You're working section 112. Which specific section? Yeah. I was set. I mean, I'm in 108, 109 and 110.

So in there. Okay. Do you mind if we pull up the video? Pull up the video. All right. Let's look at the video. It shows you eating the hot dog Well yeah, I had a hot dog

You had three No Here's the video of you having a first hot dog Yeah A minute later having the second one I'm allowed to eat the hot dog Not ours Who's am I allowed to eat

You can take it out of my paycheck I guess Okay, we will be docking your pay And also you're fired for eating on the job That's not yours First of all That's theft First of all I am That's theft

One hot dog theft theft theft I'm a employee here I need to eat I'm starving I had a headache I was that's why you have a break I'm walking up and down stairs all day long I have one hot dog and now you're going to fire me yes that is theft so this is absolutely ridiculous so what if I what if I get so hungry that I get a headache and I fall down because those things are very heavy I don't know if you've carried one of those if you have a medical condition we hope that you would have shared that with HR

people just get hungry on the job I'm working hard and it's hot out That's why you have an allotted break period where you can eat on your allotted break time. The expectation is that during work time, you are working, not eating. Joey, it was a long inning. And they told me to go out during the inning. I had to go out in the third inning twice. So you cannot go an inning without eating. Then you're in the wrong line of work, which I am doing you a favor by firing.

So medically you're filing me because now you're my doctor. No, I am firing you because what you did is theft. Period. End of story. You will be docked and you will also be... If you're going to dock my pay, it's not theft. But if I dock your pay this time, then the next time you will do it again and just be like, docked my pay. And that's setting a standard that is not good for the company culture. You will be fired.

You need to be an example. Whatever. And guess what? We're going to murder you in front of your coworkers. If this is the type of company that you're worried about one hot dog from one of your employees who ate because of a medical condition, you're going to fire me because of that? I don't even want to fucking work here. There's millions of dollars being generated here

and all of us are working really hard and we don't get paid that much. I eat one hot dog and now you're going to fire me. Wrong. I quit. Fuck this club. Fine. No severance. Severance.

You were getting severance for your hot dog theft. You were being fired with cause and we would have given you severance. Now you idiot. I don't need the job. Now you get nothing. Now you get nothing. Now you get nothing. I get another person.

I get a higher for cheaper off the street. You get nothing out of life. You're worried about hot dogs. It's $12. You put down the P&L sheet. You'll be fine. It's a fucking baseball team My job requires me to care about this. It's a baseball team Guess what I have a job. Guess what you have nothing and a fucking higher cholesterol for it now You have nothing because you've never you have nothing to show because you've never eaten a hot dog You think that you're gonna start some fucking movement of the masses where you stood up to the big fucking big team because you ate a hot dog you really stuck it to the man you're out of a job

You are nothing. You are the lowest of the low now, and you're unemployed, you fucking idiot. You're going to die early. You'll die before me because you ate three hot dogs in a 10-minute span. First of all, it wasn't a 10-minute span. It was the length of the game, and I also didn't eat three hot dogs. I ate one hot dog. Where'd the other two go?

I don't know. Logic stands to reason that if you lied initially about eating the first hot dog, you're probably lying about the other two that are missing. What does it say about this company that I have? to lie about eating a hot dog. I'm so scared of my superiors that I eat a hot dog and I have to lie about it because I can't even eat a hot dog. Just feed us. If you're trying to tackle company culture, do it on your- Tackle company culture. Do it with a lawyer on your unemployed time. You're not going to do it now. You're done, dude. And you quit. So now we have no reason to give

you severance. Who are you calling? No, I was recording our conversation. So explain that to the fucking papers, you bitch. I got you and you're going down. It's over. You never talk to an employee like that. And I don't give a fuck if you fire me because guess what? Fuck the $13 you're taking out of my pay for the hot dog, which by the way, now it's not theft.

I'm coming for all of it. Well, guess what, idiot? You're getting fired. Guess what? I work and live in the state of New York. I understand that you need two-party consent in order to record someone. And you didn't inform me that I was being recorded. So that is inadmissible in court.

Now that's an admit. Call up the legal eagle. You're fucking done, idiot. You think you played Perry Mason gotcha on me? You don't even know. I know about recording. I record people all the time. Another admission.

You're fired. Inadmissible in court. But the papers will hear about it. And you will be fired. The papers. You think I'm real worried about the fucking New York Times hearing about Joe Sandozada got fired for eating a hot dog on the fucking job. They're going to be like, what an idiot.

He should have just not ate the hot dog. No one's going to think. think that way. Yes, they will. Who are you fighting for? The common man? Yes. You're a fraud. You got caught red-handed, red-glyzzied down your throat, and now you want to try to be some fucking, some martyr for a movement. I work at this ballpark. Not anymore. And I sell, I worked at this ball, this big bowl of shit, this place. I did work here. And I got paid minimum wage to sling hot dogs for you guys, which I did. I ate, one hot dog and now you in a senior position are not only firing me but stepping on my head on the way out the door

and which means you're stepping on the heads of all the employees who work on the same level as me and i have you on tape doing that you're done but guess what guess what if you would be honest if you have been honest from the jump this is now no longer about the theft it is about the character if you had been honest i'm sure you care about that you know what i ate the hot dog because i was hungry, we would have had a separate conversation, but you do you completely absolutely. So it's not about what. It's not about funny. Because if you're lying it no, no, no, it is that. But if you now on top of it, you're lying about eating the hot dog, now it's it's like, okay, what else is you gonna lie? I gave him you the

opportunity to be honest about it and you lied to my face. You're a sick man. Look at the video. Look at you eating in that fucking video. You're a sick man. You're a sicko. I'm sick. I'm sick. You're sick. You know what I am though? I might be sick, but I'm employed. Yeah. Not for long. You jerk. And scene. Great job, dude. Great to work.

Really, really nice and really fun job working with. I love what you did. I really, really appreciated the passion. I love your choices. It felt like I was arguing with the movement. I was in the ballpark and I felt like you were there. I could see your suit. I could just feel the energy.

I could taste the hot dog on your breath. And because of the smell, I was there. I was smelling the ballpark. Yeah, you actually helped us set the scene. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Really, class act, really enjoyed working with you. Thank you so much.

If you ever want to work together in the future, no hesitation, please. Yeah, it really, yes. Joe versus the state of hot dogs, case closed. Well, it's kind of a cliffhanger. We don't know what's going to happen to these characters. We don't know if it actually will be held up. It is actually art, so it can be interpreted it anyway that anyone wants to interpret it. Blade Runner, you know, the ending of Citizen Kane, the ending of this argument.

You don't know. there's no clear answer as to what happened. You ever see the end of inception? We don't know if that thing's going to topple over or not. It's kind of the same deal here. Christopher Nolan, uh, uh,

fucking Stanley Kubrick, Joe and Frank from the basement yard. Exactly. What are you going to do? Someone better fucking hire us after that. After that. You know? We are really good.

At what? Improv? I like just being... If it involves yelling at each other, forget about it. Yeah. Also, I have more ads. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I probably get to that. I actually have three more here. Three? Three? Packed episode. Listen, whoa, I don't know what sound I just made to be honest with you, but it's totally okay. But listen, this podcast is sponsored by Better Help.

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Love that. Love that for us, honestly. Yeah. Love that for us. What was the thing with the cruise line? You brought that up before? I saw something that a cruise line, I believe in Europe, is starting to find people that bring food from the, like, from the cruise back to their rooms. Have you been on a cruise?

Are you insane? Cruise. Cruise. I'm thinking, I'm thinking Tom Cruise. I've never been on a cruise. Not my thing. I don't like being trapped. You seem like you're a big cruise guy. Like a Disney cruise?

Oh, you would. He's like, no, I would hate a cruise. You put Mickey Mouse on that bitch, though. He's gooning for cruising. Yeah, are you? He's gooning for cruising. Have you been on a cruise? Just once.

It's where my dad won Mr. Sexy Legs, famously. Mr. Sexy Legs. Yes, we've talked about this. Wow. You dad's a good looking guy. I've never seen his legs. I don't know if I've seen his legs to confirm that they're so hot his legs because they're so sexy.

Exactly. He's got sexy legs for real. Apparently. He's got a big calves or something? Can you pull a picture of your dad's legs? Not sure how I would. Does he... Do you have a picture of your dad in shorts?

He's got ankles, like nice ones? No. I love ankles. What makes a leg sexy? And obviously, talking about male legs because... Oh, we're talking about male legs. Well, you're his Mr. sexy legs.

Right, my father. I think like a tanned muscular leg. Your dad's not tan. Well, it was dead of winter when you saw him, but... He can't. gets tan. Yeah, he's Italian. Not all Italians get tan. I mean, is he full Italian? Yeah, they get tan. He can, he could, he could, he could all of him. He depends on where they're from in Italy. I mean, he tans with the best of him. He's out there. He can olive it up. Yeah.

I guess what, but like, what, like, so you were on the cruise. You saw him win Mr. Sexy. I did indeed. How old were you? Oh, man, I might have been like seven. Oh, wow. So you know you know what was going on. I didn't know what was going on. I just know he got a ribbon. That's it. still have it? There's no way he's... Did he give him like a margarita or something? No.

What did he win for being Mr. Sexy? He got like a... Just a sash. Just a sash. Oh, that's kind of dope. But it was in view of the whole cruise. Would you, honestly, from what you know about your father, would you say his legs are sexy?

He's the reigning champ, I mean... I mean, when you were seven, brother, this was 15 years ago? I don't know how old you are. He might be out of his sexy legs prime. You ever walk around your dad and be like, damn, he's got some fucking good legs on him? Yeah, probably.

That's fire. I just don't know. What are your dad's legs? Shit. We comparing dad legs? My dad, well, he got his knees replaced. Both? Yeah.

My dad walked around like a, like, so. I made this joke before. It looks like someone took a bat, put it in between his legs, and just fucking went like that. Bro. Now what I think about it? His knees look like dog shit. I don't really know your dad's knees because I feel like when he does wear shorts, they're below the knee. So I don't really see it.

that? Yeah, my dad does. I feel like that generation, it was like, no one's going to see my eyes. My dad doesn't wear caprice. He just wears long shorts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I feel like I've only seen your dad in sandals, like literally everywhere. He's either wearing sandals or pumas.

Nothing in between. He had like at one point, like five pairs of pumas. Like those like pumas that like Ralph we used to wear. You know which was Italian dude. The like ones that like they are meant for athletes. but my dad has not been famously in 50 years. Very, I

want to make sure I make that very clear. Did your dad play sports? Yeah, he said he was soccer and he was big into handball. Handball? Yeah, like handball, like. I know what handball is.

I just want to make sure. Not everyone that knows that it would be handball. Well, it's like a very New York City Hispanic kid thing to play. Yeah. Which he probably could have went pro, but. In handball?

He was playing handball every day for like 10 hours. What is professional handball? Is it? Yeah. There's like pro leagues of handball? Yeah. Bro, our high school was mad good at handball.

Mad good. Mad good. You guys had white preppy kids. We had, it was strictly Asian kids. No, there was one, there was one star white.

Our shit was heavily Asian and they were nasty. Bro, my high school, it was like the Hispanics. They were good. They were, I think they were like the city champs. Bro, these Asian kids would have.

whoop their ass. Nah, no shot. Bro, they were like back to back to back champs. Your St. Francis Prep, handball team wouldn't even

fucking sniff a candle. I guarantee. Against any one of the fucking like, bro, Hispanics, Puerto Ricans that lived in the Ravenswood

projects at Bryant High School. Sorry, dude. You guys might have had fucking us beating everything else. No, definitely not Hamble. Bro, I'm telling you, these Asian kids

were savages at handball. I know. They're not beating. Because they're like they're playing like they're not beating like inner city public park handball kids. I don't know, bro. They were good. They might have been good.

They're not. I would love to go back in time and really put. You take your best player, put it up against a Brian high school Puerto Rican. Those are your dad's legs. At the time, I think. Honestly? I think this is at the time he won it. These are my dad's...

I gotta be honest, dude. And those are your dad's legs? Those are some fucking, like... Your dad's legs are like Pierce Brosnan's. Yeah, I'm not even kidding. I was thinking James Bond. Yeah? Yeah.

Dude, your dad's got fucking legs on them. Mr. Sexy legs right there. Damn, what beach is this? It's a great question. I have no idea. That is a nice beach. Also, the water looks gorgeous. Yeah.

Those are really good legs. See? And those are tan legs? Those are tan legs. You guys super fucking... Also? You know there's a big pair of balls right up to the...

Oh my god, yeah, you know it. Because this guy talks about his giant balls. I know. The yellow shorts. He's probably in pain by the time he walked back from the water. Yeah, he's going to get out the water and he's just like, he's going to hate I did this. He's going to hate it. Well, they're not seeing his face.

No, I know. No one's going to be able to put this. His alleged leg. Alleged legs. They're not going to be able to put a name to the legs. Yeah. A face to the legs. Yeah.

That's Mr. sexy legs. Wow. But yeah, I'm not a crew. I don't know if I'm a cruise guy. I open, I've been very public in my disdain for the open ocean. Yeah. Also, if I'm on a cruise and you're telling me I can't go back to my room

with food, the fuck are you going to do? Yeah, dude. Like, what are you going to do realistically? I also imagine it's like, no, you also have to, I've never been on a cruise. I imagine it's not the greatest quality of food. So, like, you're going to be like, you're not taking this food back to your room.

Like, you should be fucking thankful that I'm taking this dog shit burger. I think that cruises probably go out of their way to make sure the food's good. I mean, I'm sure at a certain level, but like... Like the restaurants. Like at a certain, because there are obviously tiers.

Wait, there's no room service on a cruise? I thought it's like a hotel. Ooh, that's a good question. I can't bring food into my fucking, where. I know. I think they're saying like if you take it from the restaurant or the buffet or something, and bring it back to your room. I guess because it's all inclusive?

There are different tiers to like. Wait, all inclusive, you can't get room service? I don't. Oh, that would drive me. Do me a favor. I mean, look it up right now. Look up all inclusive cruises and see what it includes. If it specifies it,

there's no room service, I'm going to be angry. Those are two different searches. Yeah, just ask if cruises have room service. If it's all-inclusive, everything better be included. It's in the name. All-inclusive. Shoot me with a gun. What does it say?

He's panicking right now. He's panicking right now. I saw a video recently of someone taking like a bucket of something and dumping it over a cruise ship and you just see what's around and it's like terrifying, dude. What does that mean? Bucket of what? Food, chum.

I don't know. Bro, that could have meant anything. I don't know what you're talking about. What do you think I'm talking about? They're dumping a bucket of, like, a human hair? No, I just didn't know what you meant. But they were dumping stuff to, like, attract animals. I showed you, like, what fucking got after it.

Yeah, dude. That's terrifying. It says there's room service, but not all items could be free, even in the all-inclusive. It depends per cruise line. I think it's just more how you get charged extra if you have meat, even on like the Korean like barbecue spots

sometimes you know you have when you have meat at the Korean barbecue spot you get charged

like you get charged extra if you order more meat but you didn't eat it because it's like oh I see what you're saying

a buffet style I think it's just kind of like that brother if I'm going to an all-inclusive and I get charged for anything extra I'm getting

burning that place to the ground yeah are you a like a when you go to hotels do you take stuff yeah take what

you take stuff Take what? Take what? Like soaps. It depends. Like, so when we were doing our, our last two rounds of shows, when we would go from like a hotel to an Airbnb, I would take soap because sometimes they're not well stocked. And if it was like a, or if we were going from a hotel to another hotel, because hotels that give you this much body walks, huh? Bodywalk? Bodywalk. Come on. But like, it depends. Like, when we went to the, in Toronto, the no boo, the. They left like a thing of chocolate. I took that to bring it home.

You know, like I take, I take little trinkets to memorialize. I don't know if I've ever actually eaten it. I've eaten it sometimes and it's like, oh. That place in particular gave me a fucking edible Zen garden. Bro, that was actually delicious. I was eating sand and raking it at the same time. So when I went back for the World Series for a day, the Zen Garden was there. Because they have, they, oh, because Greg was like talking to that

hotel via email. It was like a new hotel at the time. So that person hit up Greg and was like, we saw Joe's video because I talked about the Zen garden. I thought it was a legit Zen garden. And then I found out in the video and I was eating it. Oh, they told me because like it came with a card that said what it was. You don't read. You just, just like, I'm not even kidding. It might have taken me seven seconds to figure it out. The issue that I have with reading is if there's a picture, I'm just going to go off of that. And it looked like a rake. Yeah. Like they gave me a rake. So what am I to believe? Well, was it? It was like...

Boys, I mean. It was like Graham Cracker Crums. I know what is that in Garnedarnes. It was like Graham Cracker Crumbs and like there was like a thing of like, you know, like a cream cheese. It was like a cream cheese, but like a crem fresh almost and like... Interesting. And the rocks looked like real rocks, but they were chocolate. Yeah.

Did it not look any form of edible? Bro, it looked mad real. It looked very real. I think I could find a picture of it. So they give you it and they give you a little rake and I tried to rake it and then I was like, this isn't rakeable because I thought it was just going to be sand. So then I was like, oh, it's edible. then I started reading. I was like, oh, shit is edible.

And then I started eating it. Because there was a spoon now that I think about it, and I just kind of ignored that. I was like, that's weird. Maybe they want me to dig a hole in this thing. Someone left a spoon here. I thought it was because the whole place is like very, it's like wood and it's like no boo.

So I thought it was just kind of like a, I don't know, some like over-the-top luxurious little thing. And I was like, it's kind of ridiculous that I'm to sit here and like play in the sand. But it was edible. It was, man, good. trying to air drop it to you but it's just waiting just slack why didn't you oh my god

but it was good um but yeah whenever i go to a hotel and they like leave a bit of chocolate unlike your nightstand or you pillow that chocolate is usually ass also chocolate on planes disgusting when i was in switzerland though that was good chocolate that was good chocolate this is taking too long the payoff is not actually it's not going to be worth it honestly i think you've ruined it the swiss chocolate was good though

dude the swiss know what they're doing with their chocolate oh yeah and uh not not great swish cheese is in my favorite i can't remember the last time i had swish cheese yeah i had a i told you this i told you i had a goober recently that just completely like it was like aged i still got some home i have a piece what are you going to do about it me nothing damn right you're not why am i being threatened yeah if i was on a cruise and they said they were taking extra money because I took food back to my room. I am... Now that I think about it,

if I'm somewhere on a ship and I'm getting food and I take that back to my room, what am I doing? I mean, like, what am I going to bring my plate up there? Sometimes people will. They'll eat the food, like they'll put it in their little fridge

and like save it for later. But would you do that? Brother, that's a fucking look at that. I know. It doesn't not look tasty. Bro, it was tasty. It was really good. It was like,

so like, it's, It's like that crumble, and then underneath it was like a cream cheese almost. And that little sign where it says Nobu Hotel, that's edible. Wow, that's crazy. I know. You know what they're doing. Look at that. We're really giving a promo shout here.

If we do more... A little bit. Sorry, my bad. If we do more Toronto shows, we've got to stay there. I mean, if they hear this, that'd be great. A little disc out would be nice. Yeah, because some of the people that stayed there with us... Oh, yeah, the room service there.

It is a very nice hotel though But what are we talking about Remember that bath? Deep fucker Dude it was like a wooden box Yeah I was slight My ass slit It took like an hour for the water to fill up

It was like not That is not in the quality of the spout Or the water flow Just how big it was It was a big fucking tub You ever been in those rooms Where there's a hot tub Kind of just in the middle of it

When we were in Like a hundred Moon Suite at a motel? Not really, but like, sort of. The, the, what's it called? The hotel we stayed at when we did the Vegas show, it had, oh, yeah. It had like, like, the bed was here. It was like the TV, and then it was like a half wall, and behind it was a tub.

Yeah. And, but, like, it wasn't a tub. It was like a square. Square, but it went down, like, far. It was like four and a half feet deep. It was very horny set up. It was weird. It was a very horny setup.

Like, literally, like, you're facing. the wall and there's a section that's just open and you can see like part of the tub so it's like you know someone could take a bath and you're watching tv and you're watching someone put soap under boobs yeah it was lovely it's Vegas you two seem like the type that you would get caught in a situation where well the only upgrade is the honeymoon suite has that ever happened to me no that happens in like movies in the 80s that's what I'm saying well we have left is the honeymoon yeah yeah Get there and the whole bed's a heart shape or something. Like, you look up and it's the heart shaped mirror.

I honestly think that if I were to walk into a hotel room and it was like a honeymoon suite, I'd be like, this place is covered in juice. Like I wouldn't want to live there. 100% yes. When you really think about hotel rooms, that's why I don't. You don't think about it? I don't think about it. But it's like anywhere that's not your place.

Yeah, that's why I don't think about it. We've been to Airbnb's and like there was one time where I was just like, oh, This is someone's bed. Something happened in here. When I was in London, recently, I can't get the stink out of my fucking... It smells like burnt hot dog in here. It's crazy.

But when I was in, the room that I was staying in, there was, like, pictures all over the wall, and it was like this girl who looked like she was 18 years old. And I'm like, am I laying in this girl's bed? Like, this is weird. Yeah. Like, I'm in her bedroom. Oh, an Airbnb.

It was an Airbnb. Yeah. But that happens. They looked American. Like, I think they were American. And they had... Having a place in London and you're American? Flex.

These people got money. Flex. I was like, this is so weird. I'm in someone's bed. You'll have it soon enough. A place in London? You're a big enough Arsenal fan that you'll have a place in London.

You'll have a flat. I got a flat. Flat. And then you'll be like, oh, well, no, I have to go at least three, four times a year to justify it. Whoops.

I really liked it. I could see it. I could see Joey having a place like that. I might. Fuck it. I won't. I definitely won't. Why not?

Let's do it together. Let's go halvesies on it. You split? Havsies is two. We get three Zs. There is no word for three people. It's Habsies or... Three Zs.

No. There. I'll go three Z's. I'll go two and a halfsies. He's going to take Mr. SexyLeges' money. That's what he's going to do. That's what he's going to do. It wasn't a cash prize.

He just said you're going to take your dad's money because you're broke. That was crazy. I didn't say that. I was just trying. First of all, I didn't say that. Second of all, don't fucking point at me. So now it's just halfsies. He's out.

Wow. Yeah, do it. Do it. I'll go, I'll do it and see what happens. What's gonna happen? I won't show up to a single one of these live shows that we're doing. Which show? Maybe I won't show up to the September 2010, September 10th, Durham, North Carolina.

Maybe I won't show up to the September 12th, Charlotte, North Carolina. Or maybe the September 24th, Minneapolis, Minnesota, or the September 26th, Indianapolis, Indiana. What about the October 2nd show in, uh, in fucking, uh, Charleston, South Carolina? I don't know. What other one is next to that? Um, October 3rd, I think is a, Atlanta. That's so tough, but I'm really feeling like I'm in like a spiritual mood. So how about maybe I don't show up to the October 16th in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania? Well, you can't miss

November 7th in Buffalo. What about that one? Oh, I don't know. I think at that time, I might be down south a couple weeks later at Baltimore, Maryland. All right, but then you're going to, it's going to be cold down there at that time. Maybe we want to heat it up a little bit and go to Austin, Texas and December 10th. That's a good idea, but on the drive, maybe we can hit a Buckees going to December 11th, Dallas, Texas. And then we could also hit another buckeys or two more buckeys on the way to Houston on December 13th. That's not a bad idea. But you know what?

That's a lot of traveling. I don't want to do all that. I'd rather just do January 15th, Newark, New Jersey. Well, if you want to get real close to your house, then maybe we can go to February 5th, we go to Red Bank, New Jersey. Not a bad idea, but you know what? I am feeling a little like outdoorsy. Yeah. So like February 23rd and 24th in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.

Yeah, it could be cool. B, C, baby. That could be cool. The day after my birthday, though, we're going to have to go somewhere nice and warm. February 26th, maybe we go to L.A. Yeah, that's not a bad idea, but you know what? That's all fun.

But what's been really kind to us has been Chicago, Illinois on March 12th. Yeah, yeah, that's true. I do Chicago theater. And if you guys want to go, you guys can just go to the basement yard.com on Wednesday, June 17th at 12 p.m. noon eastern. And the pre-sell code is Bay.

I was just so worried that I was going to think that there was no pre-sale code, but there isn't. It's basement. It's basement. It is basement. Okay. So Wednesday, June 17th at noon. You know what, no. I'm afraid that it's just going to be the same old show. It's not the same old show, Frank. Actually, it's going to be a brand new show and a lot more fun. Brand new show. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Wow. The Newark one is my birthday show. What? I'm January 16th. That's January 15th. Oh, no one cares. No, that would be fun Wow

No birthday show for one of us Nerd You already had two birthday Oh wait, no you did Yeah, you did You had one I was saying happy birthday to you At the Vancouver show the second year

I wasn't there Did we? Yeah You don't remember It was a picture of you turned 40 It was like you with a cane And you were an old bastard Got it I remember that now

Yeah Well Well there you have it folks But yeah we're going back on tour Really hope to see you guys out there. We're super excited. But like I said, Wednesday, June 17th, noon, Eastern, the biggest mear.com. So fucking awesome. Thank you guys so much for always being supportive through Patreon, through watching this show. And, you know, hopefully we'll see you out there

at our live shows. We're really excited to put on a good show for you guys. So thank you so much. Frank. Yeah. Where can they find you? If Alvarez. No, I was going to say my email. The Frank Alvarez on social media. What about you, Aunt? Do Aunt Prisco on Instagram? And you guys can follow me at Joe Sanagato and go follow the show at the Basmeyard on all forms of social media.

And that is all. See you out there on tour.