The Basement Yard - #561 - Born In The Food Court

Episode Date: June 29, 2026

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Welcome back to the baby. Welcome back to the basement yard, Frank. Hey, hi. Love the sweater. You're, fuck. I don't know where I was going. Don't know whose voice that is. Nicks won the championship.

Nix did it. They won the finals. I, as we previously spoke, I'm still relatively new into my basketball fandom. So, like, I made it a point to not say we won. I don't feel like I'm in that yet. I don't even get it. Like, you know what's so unfortunate? Like, I feel like, I mean, I, I, I, we, we,

grew up in New York. I like watching sports and stuff and then I get on the internet after the Knicks win and people are like there's a lot of transplants who are supporting the Knicks. I don't give a fuck. I hate that mentality deeply because you're actively

like in a sense rooting against your own team by doing that. Like you're gatekeeping fandom for your team because you watch them go fucking 12 and 70. Yeah, I'm not I'm not really into that. I get the in New York the transplant thing when people like they just like want to say they're New Yorkers and that kind of feels weird or if they're like hanging out in certain areas and calling it different names like behavior like that.

But if we're cheering for a basketball team here. Yeah. I think it frustrates me because I don't know many transplants. So I can't sit there and like really rally against them. But like I think what we have. seen over the last 10 years is like New York culture has become like if you're here you're part of it now and like you could be a part of it now like you're you know you hear Bing Bong you know if you grew up outside of New York City you're shouldn't leave your fucking

mouth Bing Bong shouldn't even be ever said like that's that's the part where the but like the people that are like gatekeeping fandom like you're not a Knicks fan not that anyone had said that to me, but like, I have seen that. And people do that with all sports, across all sports, you know? I just don't understand that at all. Like, because, I mean, for me, dude, like, I get so frustrated in, like, close games for, like, all sports that if I'm with someone who's cheering for the opposite team or just, like, being a troll, it, I can't be around it. Really? Like, it fires me up so much. Why? I don't know. Like, I get so, like. I hate when, when, and we're definitely not going to throw it to anyone else for this conversation. I

kicked him out of the chat twice. I know. Because he was fucking around. Once a year, I get kicked out of, I get kicked out of chat. I wasn't talking as per. Because you're, because you are an asshole. This is what you do. This is what you do.

I wasn't talking crazy. And I was just going to say, this is the thing that, that bothers me is when there's a, there's a difference between rooting for your team and then just rooting against the team that you're playing, if that makes sense. I wasn't. But you're a shit starter, which is why I kicked you because I didn't want to get to the point where I'm like, am I going to have, because he said one thing. What was it?

And was it even that bad? I don't even care. To me, it was. It was. It was. It was not. I was protecting you by kicking you out of that chat because if you were to kept going, I would have driven to your house and then dragged you outside.

Oh, I would have came to see you. Well, that would be very nice, actually. Now you know if there's a game on. You'd get him pissed. I haven't seen Joe in a while. There's a chat with me, him and Josh in it. And not Frankie. And Greg is in it too, by the way.

It's okay. It's all right. But this kid during the Pacers series, just going. I know. I know. So I'm like, yo, this kid. as an asshole. So your reputation proceeds you. Yeah, I got kicked out of that chat as well.

Yeah, I kicked him out of that one too. That one made more sense. But then he came back in in this one. Then in this, during the game where Wemby's doing this, like I'm in your head type of thing, while that's going on, which by the way, I'm pacing like a bobcat in my

living room. Freak, like I'm so angry. They're down 24 at this point. Literally. I'm like freaking out. I'm screaming into pillows. This kid goes, Wemby's laughing at y'all. I said, shut the fuck up. And I kicked them out. You got the boot. You're like DJ Jazzy Jeff and Fresh Prince.

By the way, zombie kicked him out. And then two seconds later, no one added him. He's like, I'm back. Kicked him again. I honestly, I thought you added me back. I don't know how that. I don't know how I got there. I don't know how that happened.

I thought you let me back in. That's why I was like, what I was going to say was, when he's laughing at y'all, you got to hit him. But I, I, I know, I'm trying. No, no, I text in like tens. I just wrote in all caps, Yo sent that and said, shut the fuck up.

And then I went to text. I went, ooh. And then Josh texts me. And then Josh texts me on the side. He goes, see, I really don't like,

I do take an approach of just like, I ride for the teams that I ride for. You know how I am. But like, if we're watching a Yankees game and there's a Red Sock fan there, it'll be playful. But like,

if they seriously get, like, rude about it, that's what I, I do take it like, I mean, they're beating the Yankees. I need to take it on the chin here. You know, but that's the approach that I take. But what you do, I could see that driving me up a fucking wall.

And also at this point, they're down by 30 points. Yeah. And I could not be losing my mind more. And then just to see you being like, ha, ha, these left. I was like, no, no, no. The way he was taking it, you know, it's hard to read over text. He was taking it a lot harsher than I was saying it. I would have taken anything harsh, to be honest, at that point.

So you were trying to give it nice and smooth. but you just took it hard. You have a knack for doing what you just did. I mean, and you're a bastard. I am a bastard. I mean, technically not, but in fun, playful ways I am.

Oh, wait, and we're in another chat that you're in, I believe, and he said like the Knicks did or something like that, and I just wrote, shove it in your ass. Yeah,

yeah. That one I saw. I said GGs. Shove it up your ass. GGs. Yes, GGs. Shove it in your ass.

Well, even GGs is like a bit of a bitch of a way to say that. that, you know what I mean? Like, I can't say anything. No, you can't. Honestly, no, you can't because we know your, your fandom. We have, we've spoken about this like three episodes in a row now. Honestly, if you were a Spurs fan, I'll just fight with you.

Yeah. But you're not. So now it's like you're just provoking me. I think he is just trying to fuck, because he's also not trying to fuck, trying to fuck with us, is what I was trying to say. We don't know. Uh, maybe. Um, but I also imagine that he's on his fifth fucking Jameson in toilet water or wherever you drink.

and he's just like, I'm just going to be a prick. And I can guarantee, because I know you, your boys are also Knicks fans, I can guarantee you do the exact same thing to them. No, it's way worse to them. It's way worse. At least he gives us the respect at not, it's way worse. Stepping that boundary. The Pacers one, that was, I deserve that, probably.

The Spurs one, I was just, we were kind of like, it was good back and forth. Like, oh, gee, got to do this. Oh, my God. You know, Darren Fox is a loser all back and forth. Now we're down 30, though. Right. And it's like, yo,

he's laughing at you guys. And it's like, okay, this is, now you're, this is, you know what this is? This is the prime example

of a fan that has never been there. Like, that has never won. Because he's a fan of nothing. So like, he wins every year that the Knicks still win. Yeah, he wins every year that everyone wins.

But like, you don't, you don't give yourself to one team. So, like, you can't like, know the feeling in that moment of like the intense heartbreak

or the intense, like, you know, adoration or love. That's also what me and Josh on the side. I was like, even after all that, I'm like, being a Knicks fan must be real nice right now. Yeah, dude. Yeah, Josh

multiple times has texted me and been like, you guys are going to have such a great summer. I'm so jealous. It's literally like that. That doesn't make sense. But that's also I just want to feel what you guys feel. But he also has like the Pistons, for some reason, Josh is the Pistons fan. They won in 2004. I'll tell you this right now, by the way.

You do that to Josh? Yeah. Like, if the Pistons were making a run and you do that to him, I'm not kidding. can't save you. Yo, I cannot save you from Josh. Jokes aside. Like, he's itching to beat us up just because that's how he. A little bit.

He's angry when they're winning. Like, you've seen them, like, they're winning games. And he's like, yo, this fucking. That's how my mom is, bro. My mom with the Yankees. You know, the Yankees can be up by 12, but judge will strike out. This motherfucker. Yeah.

Pieces of the shit. That's it. They're going to lose. Here it goes. Here come all the home runs. Yeah. That's exactly how she is. Josh will, without exaggeration, put you in a leg lock.

some sort. Yeah. But the Knicks did win. They did. And it was, it was amazing. And I, I, I was home at the time watching the game. And I just, the game ended. And I just put my TV on mute and I opened up my window. And I could hear the entire city. I was getting, I've spoken about this. Fireworks everywhere also. I've spoken about this a couple times. I was getting emotional seeing the reaction of the fans of the Knicks. because there are fans that legitimately have been fans their entire lives. Like, my mom, as an example. My mom's been a fan since she was 10. Yeah.

And, like, for them, it's a big thing. And then I'm seeing, like, the camaraderie. And, like, it is true. Like, you look into the crowds of people. And yes, they're rowdy. No one is saying that. And no one is saying that that is right either. The people that got, like, hurt and lits up on fire.

Crazy. When be getting hit with an egg, also disrespectful. But seeing, like, people, of different race, ethnicities, sexual orientation, all like in the streets flooding and celebrating together? I got emotional seeing that. It was beautiful. You know?

This is funny. People, uh, black, white, gay, even. No, it was, it was, uh, no, it was awesome, dude. I love shit like that. Like, it was really cool to see all the videos and whatnot. My whole algorithm is still just Nick Celebration. Completely just Nick's shit. Just all of it. And it's like, uh, uh,

review with they had like the starting five they were even in on like good morning america something like that and ogy is just you could tell he's fried like he asked the question he just didn't move i saw the exact same video he's he's i mean unbelievable series from everybody if it wasn't if jb wasn't getting the mb was going ogy a hundred percent yeah he went crazy he had 45 in the fucking close-out game god i gave it to him um but you know because of that but did you go out and celebrate it all no i didn't because i i wasn't i wasn't feeling well so i just like stayed home, watched the game. But I was thinking about this, like, I could have gone out, but I was not really in the mood

to do that, because, again, I wasn't feeling well. But I had, like, a really good experience with it. Like, I was home by myself, and I watched the game. And like I said, when I opened up the window, because I watched the game and I had, like, tears in my eyes when they won. And I'm like, I literally can't believe what I'm watching right now. And I was still nervous, like, there's a game coming, you know, like, because we were winning games and that was a game.

exciting, but I was just like, yo, it's over. Like, they, they actually won like they actually fucking did it. Yeah, it's over. It's done. And so I was like emotional about that. But then, and then I heard Kat talk about his mom. And I was like, yeah, that was a good one. So I was just like, fuck. So then I put it on mute because fireworks started shooting right outside of my building. So I opened the window and then you could just hear people like, I feel like I could hear Manhattan. It's funny because- You could hear them talking. I know I couldn't hear them. Well, sound travels weird on water. I remember that from my old apartment. Like you can hear in my room people talking like eight houses down like you were standing next to them.

Yeah. Um, but, uh, like I felt like I was going to sleep. First of all, I was too excited to go to sleep. So I was just scrolling and I was up all night for a little bit. But, um, I, even from where I was. I know I couldn't hear people, but like felt like I felt like I heard people. I felt the energy of the city. I felt the energy of the city reverberating through the suburbs. You know, bro. Speaking of like, I, I was like, I was like, well that night I didn't sleep at all so the next day I went to sleep and I was like dying and I sleep with this this app that records me

the only reason why I have this just because I don't care about that part it's just part of the app the alarm is like it's soothing so that it's not like this which I like because it helps me like wake up slowly oh so you wake up like fucking snow white like

opening the old German windows and like there's birds and shit legitimately Yes, that's how I wake up. Like, it's like, oh, ha, hoo, ha, hoo, ha, hoo, ha, who. Like that? So it's, it's, they do it. You can either set it to a time, and it will wake you up at that time, or you can give it a 15-minute window.

And if at any point during the 15-minute window, you, like, roll over or whatever, you're slightly more awake, then it'll do it then. It's on your phone or a watch? My phone. How does it know if you're rolling over? You keep your phone in your pocket? It records you. It can listen. No, it's like right on my nightstand.

That's not fucking spooky? What do you mean? That's not spooky? That it's listening to me? Yeah. What am I saying? I don't know, but like, well, this is my point. I was saying stuff, so I called.

Well, there you go. So, like, yeah. I mean, I don't care. First of all, if I'm talking to my sleep, I want to hear what I'm saying. What if, like, in your sleep, you're just, like, a super racist. Yep. I wouldn't start the story. Yeah.

If I'm just ripping slurs in my sleep. It's just like, in your sleep, you're just like, fucking Hispanics. Yeah. Yeah. First of all, I was nervous for some reason. Dude, honestly, I was going to say a real slur. Really?

I was like, come on. Well, because you do it so. You just set it up. Nice try. Nice try. Yeah, you let it fly all the time. Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But this was, this was, this was three in the middle of the night.

This was 3, 14 a.m. One, two, three, one, two, three. One, two, three. I don't know. Was I singing a Cia song? Yeah, a chandelier or something? One, two, three, one, two, three, binch. Yeah, I don't know, but I caught myself asleep talking.

That was so funny. Wait, but why, even in his work, this guy is, even in his sleep, he's working. I'm recording. I'm always recording. He's doing sound checking his sleep and stuff like that. Like, so good. I can do it with my sleep. Sound check.

No, I don't know. Like, I'll look sometimes because I'd be like, oh, you know, it'll tell you, like, if you were snoring or if it tells you if, I don't know, you were, like, rolling over. And that part I don't really look at, to be honest, not all the time. But I did see sleep talking, and I was like, what is that? I, there are times. where I wonder if I still sleep talk because I can't remember last time that like Becca said that I sleep talked sleep toke um but like there have been times where we've both been asleep and she'll be

like what do you say? I'm like what? I'm just sleeping. I didn't say anything. And she's like, no, you said something. So like maybe I should get this app to record if I am actually saying stuff. It could be fun. I mean, imagine imagine imagine imagine tomorrow he comes in and he was like, I was cursing out the Hispanics in my sleep. Yeah. Oh my God. You should have heard. me sleeping last night. Oh my God. I was going crazy. If that app worked in Staten Island,

I could only imagine the things that would be said. I'm sure it does. It's an app. But you have no context as to why you counted in your sleep. No idea. Because I don't remember like the dream I had.

One, two, three, one, two, three. He sounded scared a little bit. It sounds like, remember, what was that thing that people would say during Manhunt? Mano, Mano, Mano, One, Two, Three, when they'd grab them in order to catch them. Oh, man, man, man, two, three.

Maybe you were playing manhunt in your dream. That sounds like a good dream. like that's not the first time that I've heard that, but sometimes, like, an overwhelming amount of the time when that's happening, it's because, like, Nicole can't sleep and she throws on the TV, so it'll show up as sleep talking.

Oh. And if I see that, then I'm like, oh, okay, so then I could hear it. But have you ever been able to hear what she's watching and be like, I know what that is? From your sleep? Yeah. Like, if it's like the office or Seinfeld or something.

It's kind of cool. It's not that cool. But. So usually it's that, but sometimes when I see the sleep talking thing, I'm like, ooh, like I'm afraid to play it. Because what if I just hear like, hello? Well, that's why I'm a little. Let's leave. He's sleeping.

I'm like, bro, chill. That's why I said it could be a little spooky because what if it caught like a ghost or something? I could just be like, I fuck you. Yeah. Fuck you. Yeah, I don't know. Or like, you ever see those videos of like, I think it was one. It was like a Japanese woman hid in a crawl space in this guy.

Yes. No, bro. I would have lost my fucking mind. Like the guy, like, recorded his kitchen and then in the middle of the night, like, a Japanese woman just, like, crawled down and took food back into the crawl space. Got like a bowl of cereal and bounced. Like a banana's gone. Yeah, that would fuck me up. That would fuck me up.

Freaky as hell. Big time. I would not deal with that very well. And also, I wear contacts every day. So at the end of the night, I take my contacts out and I put my glasses on. So when I go to sleep, I can't see. Like, I can see, but, like, it's dark. my vision is not the best.

So sometimes I'll just wake up in the middle of the night and look over at stuff. And I'm like, you sit in a person? I'm like, yeah. Sometimes when you, you know when you have like a, I don't have this anymore, but in my old apartment, I used to have like a chair in the corner that we have a clothes or something. And it just looks like someone sitting there like. Yeah. I have a tree, not a tree.

I have a plant that's like a bigger plant that's in the corner of my room. Yeah. And sometimes I'm like, well, there is what there. We have a bush in the front yard. And every time I walk is like. Like I sleep on the side where the window is. And every time I walk, I look out and I see it. And I still, I still do a double take because it looks like it could be someone just standing like that in my yard.

Bro, the house in L.A. Before you got there, we were like looking at all the rooms in the house. And it was in the bathroom, you walk into the bathroom. And the wall all the way on this side is the whole thing's a mirror. So I walked in and I thought someone else was walking out on the other side because it was me. And I was like, oh! That shit scared me, bro, because there was that. one bathroom in there. It was like a half bath that was the floor, the walls, the ceiling

was not the floor, but the walls and the ceiling was just mirrors. I don't like that. So I go and I like look up and I freaked myself out because I was thinking of that scene from weapons. You remember the scene where the dad is, you still haven't watched it yet. And I was just like, holy shit. And then I fucking saw my stream. Wait, you go to the, you went to the bathroom and look straight up. I look around when I pee, don't you? I think I look at the ceiling. No. I look everywhere. There was my friend in his old apartment. He had a mirror in front. In Toronto, every arrival is a statement

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extraordinary. Let's take the Cadillac. Find out more at catalack canada.ca. Luxury sales claim based on SMP Global Mobility Canadian new vehicle total registrations for calendar year 2025 for the Cadillac definition of luxury. And while you're peeing, you're just staring right back at it. I have that in my apartment too. In one of the bathrooms, it's like, I'm peeing and I'm like, my penis is right there. And I walked out, I was like, why do you have a dick mirror in there? Yeah, I just see my penis peeing. I feel like bathrooms really should have just the vanity mirrors.

Like, you don't need to, you don't need to put more mirrors in there. Because that, that's, you get yourself like, when you want to get yourself. You know what I mean? If there's like a standing mirror or one on the wall or something, you might catch a stray of yourself that you weren't expecting, and you don't know what you're going to see. Yeah, I don't need to see my weiner, peeing. I'm good. When's the last time you saw your weiner in a mirror? All the time?

He just said. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Oh, all right. I mean, also, like, in front of the mirror, like, when I'm getting dressed, I see my weener. Really? Yeah, I'm, like, getting dressed in front of the mirror. You don't get dressed in front of the mirror?

No. But how do you know what your clothes look like? Because I have eyes, and I see them like this? I know, but don't you want to see what the outfit looks like? I mean, you know me. I'm pretty, it doesn't take much to put together a blank t-shirt and sweatpants. I guess. What about if you, like, walk past the bathroom?

Usually the sink, at least above the sink has a mirror and so. That's what I said, the vanity. Like, so you don't see your wiener and wears? Whoa. You don't see your wiener and mirrors? I don't really, I'm not a, I don't see my wiener and mirrors that often. When are you naked? In the shower?

Sometimes. Sometimes. You take a... Sometimes I wear boxers in the shower. If, like, the door is open and the girls are running in and out, I don't want them, their first memory to see Daddy's balls. It'll probably be their fifth or six memory. You don't... Why can't we close the door?

Sometimes I do. Sometimes I leave it open because they're, like, they're in the bath or they're going to come shower with me or something like that. So I keep boxers on, or swim shorts. Okay. I just, I don't want... I sadly remember my dad's balls and I don't want my kids. have that. Yeah, I remember my dad's winner too. That's a lot to have to parse through with a therapist eventually.

Do you remember your dad's penis? No, I've only seen it like twice. I mean, you remember that. Yeah, that's enough to remember. But it was when I was older. It's like, you know, sometimes you catch a glimpse out of urinal. Older. When you were older, how do you forget? I'm saying sometimes you catch a glimpse at a urinal, you know?

Yeah, yeah. No, no. Oh, so you've, like, seen it peripheral? I tried. I tried, but yes, you gave up at the end there. Yeah. So you've seen, like, you know, like, the shadows. The answer is yes. I've seen, yes. Shadows. I mean, I've seen this thing. My dad. No, you're not. You're not. No, no, no.

Yeah, I just like, so like, I'm naked in the shower. So like when you, okay, so you get out of the shower, right? Let's say there's no children around. Yeah. How much time are you naked for? And when I mean naked is like no towel. I, here's my, here's what I do. Yeah. I shut the water off. Right. I squeegee the glass. And then I put every time you're squeegeing. Yeah. Wow. And then I, I, I put my, I towel and I put it around my waist and I go get my clothes. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

And then I, you go get your, so you go into your bedroom. I go to my bedroom. I get my clothes that whatever I'm going to wear out. And then I go back into the bathroom or sometimes in the room, most likely in the bathroom. And I just get dressed right there. You get dressed in the bathroom? Sometimes. Yeah.

Why do you get dress in the bathroom? I don't know. It's not like an active thing I'm doing. It's just, what do you mean? That isn't a completely active thing. It's a different. No, it's not like I'm like, I'm not going to get dressed in here. Sometimes I get dressed in my closet.

Sometimes I get dressed in my room. Sometimes I get dressed in the bathroom. Okay. I would say most of the time, probably the bathroom because, you know, like. But you don't spend any of the travel time naked. No. Hmm. I got little kids running around.

Like I said, I don't, I don't want all that. I don't want it all that. You have a door. I know. But also sometimes I'm getting out and like, you know, Peck is doing her makeup and like, you know, the kids are running in and out getting dressed or something. So I keep the towel around me.

And then I get in the bathroom. and I throw my boxers on. What if you didn't have kids? Are you naked walking around? That's tough. I've never been a big fan of being naked. You don't like being naked? No, not my favorite.

You know that. I've told you that. You know that. Do you know that? I've told you that. We've talked about that before. I do like it. How much time do you think in a week do you spend naked?

Oh, not insanely long. Can you narrow it down to like minutes or hours? Um, if I had to, I'd say probably around like in a week. We're not including like in the shower, obviously. That's when you're naked. Oh. Oh, I mean, but yeah, but like obviously you're naked then. I would say like two hours a week, maybe.

I'm not naked often. I was thinking about just the time that's obviously not in the shower because everyone's naked during that. Like how often are you naked just kind of standing around? Oh, never. I'm never naked. I mean, that's not true. But, you know. Yeah. Okay.

I don't know if we needed that. Yeah. I'm glad you. So for, what, three minutes? Yeah, you got it. Absolutely. Nailed me. Pile driver over here. Yeah, big old, big old fat dick pile driver over there. But I was going to say like 20 minutes a week, maybe. 20 minutes a week?

Yeah, because I like to get out in the shower, though. I get out of the shower and then I like, I, I, sometimes I just, you know, if I'm, like dry, I just take it off. And then I'm kind of like doing, well, I don't do like a ton of stuff. But like today I was like, but your, your apartment is also like a lot of like windows, brother. You're not afraid. Yeah, but no one can see in my windows. How do you know people? There are, there are voyers that have binoculars and there's like, where let me zoom in all the way so I could see Joey. I mean, if they did that all the power to him, I don't think they could. I have windows and then there's like kids that live in the neighborhood. So like, yeah, you can't go into the like.

the living room or whatever. I mean, even my bedroom, there's big windows, you know. So, like, I don't want to be naked in front of a window where there's an outdoors. In my bedroom, there is a big window, and I can be naked in front of it. Because no one can see into that. How do you know, because it's facing Manhattan? Yeah. How do you know someone isn't across Manhattan with, like, an old, like, pirate hell of stairs? I wouldn't care at that point. Hotel rooms. Naked as hell? Yeah. That's pretty naked in hotel. And that's where I'll stand by the, window because you know they can't really see in oh you're you're you'll just look you're looking over the land like you're simba sort of mufasa come on um well simba gets it eventually eventually but like

mufasa is the one that shows him i'm just thinking about everything the light touches yeah just think about when i do it because you know a lot of times they have that glass that's like almost a one-way mirror they can't see in the hotel it's like tinted yeah super tinted so i'll just look out there if someone could see me naked from that far what do i care they don't know it's me i mean we're starting to get big you got to you got to think about the paparazzo, they're coming for you. A paparazzi has never taken my photo ever. How do you know?

Well, I feel like you do know. A person runs upon you with a camera and takes your photo. This is a real thing that you need to start thinking about. As our growth continues in the right direction, you have to worry about where you're naked. If someone takes a picture of me from my apartment, like my apartment and finds out where I live, it takes a photo with me naked. Can I sue? Isn't that crazy?

I'm sure you can, but... Then it makes you look like a real asshole. That I'm suing someone for taking... Yeah, Joey. They should be like, oh, why? Joey sued us because now everyone has seen his microcock. Yeah. Wow.

Well, not fresh out the shower. Right after a workout, though. Oh, that's the best? No. Oh. I don't know why. After a workout is like... Are you working out in a freezer?

After I ran the half, it was inside my body. Bro, what is that? I don't know. I think that's a thing. I don't know. I've never ran... To have that experience. It's not all, it's not every time, but there are times where I, like, will hit, like, a pretty good work, or like a run.

And then I'm like, dude, this is, you know, I can't. I cannot speak to that. Well, that is what it is. I bring my underwear into the bathroom and, like, my undershirt while I'm showering. So right after the shower, I just kind of put on, like, my, like, bottom stuff there, and then I'll walk out. So you're just putting it on wet? No, no, no. I have a towel.

I'll dry myself off, like, in the bathroom a little bit. I'll put on my, like, under shirt and underwear. Okay, that's not crazy. Like, I'm saying, I bring my, my bottom stuff into the bathroom. I don't go to the bed, get the clothes, then come back to the bathroom. It feels like a wasted trip. Well, you also basically live with, like, in a college dorm, so I can understand. Still travel.

Still travel. I remember, bro, that was a crazy concept. There were, in my school, there were residence halls that, like, the bathroom was, communal, so, like, you had to, like, get in your towel and clothes and walk down the hall to shower. Yeah, I do that at the gym. I take a shower at the gym naked. Yeah, you're a grown-ass man, but, like, 18-year-olds? Oh.

Weird. Oh, I see what you're saying. It was weird, dude. That, like, that sense of, like, a shower caddy and walking in flip-flops and a towel to the bathroom past everyone's door. And R.A. Frankie's like, that towel's not gray. Give it to me now. Yeah. Give it to me right now. Absolutely.

No, there was no rules on towels. There were rules on the size of refrigerators and on certain lights. Okay, before we get into that important conversation, we do have some sponsors. The first one being Seekekek is where you want to go to buy all of your tickets. You're going to go a baseball game or, well, you can't go to a basketball game because the Knicks already did it in five. But you want to go to a baseball game this summer, you want to go to a concert or anything

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Go check out both. Thank you. I'm getting really good, like skilled. What'd you say? At? Oh, like doing an ad, a commercial. Oh. Yeah.

Yeah, I agree. You heard that, right? Like, I'm not crazy. That was a little disrespectful. Wow. You don't think so? I don't know. Listen, there's a new trend.

Apparently, South Korea invented a fake shopping website where you can browse, fill a cart, and track a delivery, but nothing ever gets delivered. And it's just to like hit that dopamine. Dopamine sites, baby. Just from shopping, I guess. That's what I'm talking about. Listen, if you're a seasoned window shopper like me, this ain't new, dog.

I love doing shit like this. I feel like that's a pretty common thing amongst women, at least in my experience. If I can throw some sexism out a little bit, I think it's a common thing amongst... Ladies be shopping. Yeah, I think they do be shopping and spend into money. But my sister does it, Nicole. does it, uh,

and I think you do it too? The three women in your life, yes. The three women in my life, uh, they throw a bunch of stuff in a cart, but they don't buy it. Well,

I do that sometimes just because I, I, it's like a form of like controlling my discipline. Does that make sense at all? Like, you're like a shopping edging? Like you'll throw stuff in a cart that you want? Yeah.

I'm bringing myself right. I'm blue balling my shopping balls. But will you come back to it? Uh, it really depends. I mean, I need to, I am in, like, I go back and forth between like, I want to buy stuff for myself and I don't. So I'll keep stuff in a cart. And then, like, if I ever get in the mood where I'm like, yeah, you know what?

I should just pull the trigger. I can just go right over and pull the trigger sometimes. I also then, if it's not there anymore or like the cookies were deleted or whatever, I'll be like, I wasn't meant to be. I wasn't meant to have that Yankee hat. Wow. Okay. You don't do that? No, I think that, like, I don't online shop often.

And so when I do, I'm like going with a purpose to purchase. Do you, how do you, like, what do you think about online shopping? Are you getting this, this, this, or this? I almost exclusively do it. I know that you don't like it. I hate it. Yeah. I hate online shopping.

Why? Are you worried about like the sizing of things? Yes, that's part of it. Also, I just, I'm a tactile person. So like, I need to see and feel something before I purchase it because I can tell if it's a good quality or not. Yeah. I mean, you could also, like, read the description. Yeah, but that, but the description is made by the people that want you to buy it,

so they might not be as forthcoming. And then I'll also check the reviews sometimes, but also that could also be bullshit. You know what I've been doing? Like, I will put, sometimes I'll put an item that I like and be like, oh, I'm kind of on the fence about this. And then I'll put it into, like, TikTok and see if people made, like, review videos on it. So I could actually see it on a purpose. I've done that with pots and pans.

I've done like, oh, I'm going to check out if these are actually good pots and pans because I should be like, and then you go and this is someone that's dedicated their life to reviewing it and they're like, they're all right. Right. You know what I do? No matter what I'm buying, I'll just put in the name of the store or if it's, you know, whatever it is into Google and just go discount codes. Usually I find one. That's interesting. I'm not kidding.

A lot of places also do price match. So like if you were to go to like Target. I don't know if Target.com has this. I can remember when I was in. store. But like if you go to Target and you see an item and it's 50 bucks, but then you look online at Walmart and it's listed at Walmart for 40 bucks, you'll tell them and they'll price match it for you. See, see, I'm a lazy shopper. You just don't care. No. You don't care at all. Well, I just, yeah, I just, I don't know. I like the dope. Which is bad. I know.

I will say this, the worst part of, and this is one of the biggest reasons I dislike online shopping is the waiting for it to come. that sucks. Yeah, but it's not that long anymore. I mean, but it's still like a day or two. I like, if I get something, I'm excited to have it and I want it right now. But isn't it more convenient to be able to shop from your house, even if you have to wait a day or two, rather than like, I have to get up and go and go and search and I also want to know what all of my options are and it's easier to know that online. I mean, I think that like, well, like retail is moving away from brick and mortar stores.

Like I went the other day shopping and the guy straight up just said like, oh, we don't have that in stock. It's just an online only item. And I'm like, well, why do you have a display in the store? Yeah. And he's like, because if you want it, we'll just order it online. And that's where retailers are moving toward. It's just like we, it's easier. I guess it's bigger business and there's less overhead when they do an online store than a brick and mortar store.

I do think that like, I, I mean, there are stores I like going to, but a lot of stores, like, don't have shit. That's the thing is now it's easier for them to just keep it in a warehouse than to stock and employ. There's certain brands that I do like. And anytime I've been in their store, it's like there's slim pickings there. But then there's other stores like Zara where I'm like, this is a good store. Zara is an anomaly. I went in.

Zara's good. I went in the other day with Becca, and I was like, there's more. stuff here than I've ever seen online. Bro, also, I got to say this about Zara. And I, you know, potential, I don't know. The store, incredible. The website, the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. Really?

Yeah, because I think it was, like, what I heard was that it was made to be like a magazine. Pull up the Zara website right now. It's horrific, dude. Right. Zara's just getting absolutely love and hate in this. Well, that's the thing. Like, I feel okay saying that because I feel bad about, you know, I mean, they're a big corporation. They don't fucking care.

Like, if this was a smaller thing, I'd feel worse. but the site is like, it's just hard to find shit. See, this is what we're talking about. Oh, wait, yeah, where? Well, there's a search in the top right. Oh, and it's over. What are we doing here? No one's going to see this.

So, I mean, I feel bad for the people watching. I mean, like, whoever Zara is is watching, and they're just like, I imagine a German name like Zara. It's like, this is so mean. What are we? What are these lines? Yeah. And then you have to go to like, what the hell is that?

I mean, I don't know, but. Benio. And then you got to go to man. And then you got to go to the shop all. Go to shop all. I mean, this is ridiculous what we're doing now. This is not part of the podcast, but it's fine. The point is I don't, I'm not a fan of the website,

but I think that they're clothes and being in the store. Yeah, I've gotten some stuff from them that I enjoy. But like, it is like, but that's what I mean. Like the shopping experience for me, it's more rewarding than the conveniences for doing it at home. Because then it comes to your, then you have to wait for it. Then it comes to your house and then what if you don't like it?

Then you need to go out of your way to ship it back, which yes, they give you like most of the time they give you like a free shipping label or whatever. But like then you need to package it. You need to put the label on it, which, oh, do you have a box? Hope you have a box. If now you got to go get a box or you got to UPESA and they got. Well, you go to the UPS. They have boxes. I know, but like it's fucking, like, this is so annoying.

I like going to a store and being like, I like that. You've never gone to a store and then bought something and brought it home and put it on and been like, I fucking hate this. No. not once. I feel like I've done that. I have not one. Also, like, if I am unsure about, like, fit or how I'm going to look, I'll just try it on at the store.

I'd rather just let shit rip online, because I also like getting boxes, and it's like, oh, Christmas, I know. I love getting boxes. Like, that's the thing is, like, I don't like online shopping, but I love getting packages. So, like, I want someone to online shop for me on my behalf and send it to me so I can be surprised and happy when it comes. What a world do you live in there? Yeah, I don't know.

I'm, you know what? I'm going to give you homework. I'm also not really good of returning thing. Yeah. I'm bad. I'm not good with it either. Like, especially if it's like a t-shirt.

Like if I got a t-shirt and it was like 20-something bucks, like I waited this long, it showed up. I'm not going to return this. Unfortunately. And I know that's a luxury and that's a stupid thing to do with your money. I've been doing it forever. I've been doing it forever. Shopping online for something remedial like a T-I.

shirt is so stupid. Like a t-shirt is a t-shirt. You can find a t-shirt. You will not go out and have trouble finding t-shirts. But I'm not buying just a white t-shirt. I mean, regardless, like, the shirt that you're wearing. I'm not referencing the quality or anything of it, but like, you can go out and find a shirt similar, if not the exact same one, somewhere. The thing is, though, sometimes I'll go like this. I'll say, I need a green pair which i'm still on the hunt for a uh olive green pair of pants that i like right you're still on the hunt for like someone's gonna be i got you joe well i've been trying to find like a good pair that i'm like seeing and i'm like oh i like these but i can't find a good one but so i if i

find a site that has those pants what's going on um that has those pants i'm not going to just buy the pants you're going to buy extra i'm going to get a few things So, okay. Because I'm like, I don't want to just, because if I open a box and it's only got one thing in it, I'm like the kid from Harry Potter. I'm like, last year, it was 34. Like, I need more shit in here.

When is, since when is Dursley or Dudley, like, Hispanic there? 34. I was, I think I saw my tongue was going crazy there. I just, like a T-shirt, if you're online shopping and one of the items that you're getting is a T-shirt, in my opinion, I understand what you're doing where it's like I bought other stuff and then I'll just throw this in there. But like if you're online shopping and it's for T-shirts, just go out, just go out to a store.

Yeah, I want, I mean, rarely does that happen that I'll just like, I'm just going to. Also, I've bought and clothes off Amazon. Boughton. Sure. That feels wrong, right? You've what? I've purchased clothes from Amazon. That feels wrong.

Like, Amazon is not for clothes. I feel like everyone does that. It's for, like, lighters and stuff like that. I've bought clothes on Amazon. I have too, but I'm saying like it feels like wrong. I mean, it's Amazon. There's like everything. I know, but it's just, I bought like weird shit.

I'm telling you now, if and when Amazon starts selling like luxury items, all of retail is going down the drain. All of retail is going down the drain. I think that would defeat the purpose. Well, yes, absolutely, you know, but... Luxury items can't be that accessible. I think I actually saw that. that I think it's like Long Gene, the watch company.

I think they sell on Amazon now. And that dude... How much are those watches? I don't know. Honestly, I imagine they're expensive, like at least 1,000. Yeah, I've seen some items on there that are like... It's like a generator or something that's like $2,000. Is there anything on Amazon that you would buy that you wouldn't buy?

Because you're like, I wouldn't get this from Amazon. No. Really? I think that I would get anything from Amazon. Oh. Especially like, bro, pretty much exclusively underwear socks. If I'm purchasing them, I'm going to just get them from Amazon. Really?

No, I don't like it. And maybe I'm being boomer, but like underwear I'll buy from places that as an add-on. Like, I'll throw an underwear. Sometimes. But like, I need to feel the undies. I need to feel them. But I know what they are. No, so like if I go to Target and I like a pair of underwear, I'll like try to, you

how they had that thing at the bottom where it's like feel me and it's like a little cut out yeah i'll like dig my finger in there and finger it just i'll finger the bag just to see if i could feel that it's a good pair of boxers okay am i wrong i mean i no i mean i'm not judging you i just i just i don't care that much i don't care what the item is if there is a little like try me or feel me cut out in the packaging i'm the fingers going in yeah yeah you know what i'm walking around toys or us and all the toys are like try me finger me or whatever well they're not going to say finger me or whatever well they're not going to say finger me. What was it? Feel me. I'm doing it. 100%. They got me. Because like, or like it's like a toy that has the like on the back of the box.

It has like the string that you could pull. I'm an adult. I'm going to pull it. Ripping the string. I don't care, dude. Yeah. If you're going to give me the opportunity to try something in a store, I'm going to try it. This is a stupid thing. But like, you know when toys like the battery, the pack in the back, it kind of has like a plastic thing that you rip and then the batteries will work. Yeah. I fucking love that. I do too because it always comes out so smooth. I know. I also love when you can put batteries in something and there's that like piece of like ribbon and you pull it out and then you pull it out like you're fucking killing it. Yeah. You know like you're ripping it inside. When you get an iPhone in this case, the screen for the first time, you're like, yeah. I fucking love that shit. I, I, do you keep that on? Are you that guy? Yeah, sometimes.

Oh no. Sometimes. I've had like TVs and stuff like that. TV's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That I've kept it on for years. Why? The screen, what do you, throwing tomatoes at the screen? I mean, it's just to keep, it's an extra layer of protection to keep it cleaner. But you're not getting the full experience of the TV that you just bought. Yeah, I am. No, because there's a screen on it. I don't have the eyes to be able to go, you know what, this isn't 1080P. You definitely do. No, I, I do definitely not. You do definitely not. You don't have good eyes? You squint a lot. Don't you dare say that like that. Don't you? I do. But you're not allowed to say it.

Wait, when you go to the eye doctor, what do they say to you? I got to the eye doctor. Because they're not good. Like, clearly there's something going on. Wow. You're starting to piggyback on me and I don't like it. But they don't tell you get contacts or anything? No. I mean, I have glasses and I haven't gone in like three years. What's your prescription? Do you know?

I don't know the actual number. Ever since my employer got me vision, uh, vision insurance. I've made it a thing to like, I went and got glasses. Yeah, what the fuck was with that, by the way? Because when we got insurance, you were like going crazy about the vision, but now you don't wear glass. Because I wear them mostly for drives because I was finding that after long drives, I was having headaches. You squinting the whole time. I don't know if I, I don't think I'm squinting.

Danger. Danger now. I'm doing it now because I'm angry. This is an angry squint. Both of you, you fox. I have a pair of glasses now and I'll get another one. How about that? Yeah.

I'll get two more. What is that going to do to me? I don't know you're acting like that's my punishment. But we do have some more sponsors. Do we? Do we? We should get to those instead. Yeah, you probably should.

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So just to put a poll in that conversation, what are your thoughts on this whole dopamine sites where they're fake online shopping? I don't know that I would get anything from that. I get more, like I do get something out of, because I do find myself shopping. online when I'm like bored. Like you'll go look up things to buy? Yeah, like if I'm just sitting on my couch and, you know, I'm just kind of like whatever, I'll be like, you know, I'll maybe I'll buy some clothes. I'll like go to the sites that I like to go to and see if there's anything.

Do you think online shopping makes it feel less like shopping than shopping in store? And that's why people are like more. But like, isn't it like, that's why people are more inclined because there's a sense of like, I'm not physically handing money over to someone. I'm not physically taking my card out and doing it. It's just like now you can preload your card, your credit card or debit card into your phone, and you can literally see something

and just click one button and you're done. What was the question? Do you think that online shopping, people are so in love with it because it feels less like shopping than actual in-store shopping? I think it's just convenience. Like you don't have to get up and go.

Why does everything need to be convenient, though? I agree that things shouldn't be like that. Personally, for me, I don't like, I never felt compelled to go out and go shopping. Not a thing that I like. Oh, I like it.

I feel like it's like nice to like, you also feel like rewarding. Like it feels rewarding. Like, it feels rewarding. Like you're looking for something and then you go and you find it. You're like, I got you. But it's rare that I know what I'm looking for

before I see it. Really? Yeah. Like, I don't, I know like, if I need something. You don't go in saying like I have this event or this something coming up and I want to get closed for that.

But I So no Really? No Like that's what Because we're going on vacation Soon And like my approach was just like

Oh I want to get something for the vacation For like Yeah The beachy You know stuff like that So like you go in with like An idea At least a general structure

You're going in just fucking raw dogging stores Yeah I feel like that's what makes shopping more fun Is when you don't know exactly what you want So you're going in your browsing You're like oh look at that I feel like that makes it more dangerous If you go

go with like a sense of like yeah it's like going to the supermarket hungry if you're going to a store just because you want to shop like you're doing yourself a disservice you should be going and just like but what do you describe are you describing something that's different than what i'm saying like if i'm if i know because i'm going to portugal soon of like i need some new clothes for portugal but i don't know what i want i'm just go simple flex what's a simple flex going to portugal no i i i hear what you're saying i just feel like will you go to stores know like I want that item. Yeah.

Sometimes that has happened. How do you know that like you? Sometimes I'll look up and I'll say like, oh, Target carries it. And I'll go to Target for that item. Okay. You know? Because I don't like waiting. The waiting.

The waiting is the hardest part. You remember that song? Tom Petty. Yeah, it's a good one. I just, because then I buy it and then it's like, it'll be there in two and a half days. And those two days I'm just seeing refresh, refresh, refresh, all the shipping, you know, And I just want it. Give me what I bought.

I don't know. That's interesting. But you're talking about convenience. What about patience? Fucking both. Well, there you go. It's solved. I do it more as like a discipline thing.

Like you said, I'm edging my, my shopping skills. Do you shop a lot? Not a lot. Do you fake shop a lot? Oh, yeah. Really? Often. Every day?

I have like two dozen tabs on my phone right now of stuff that I've added into carts. I can't even think about that. Yeah. I'd never have tabs. Oh, I have like, because I use Google Chrome and it'll say like inactive, like I haven't opened them in like two weeks or something like and I go through a separate tab. I'll just go in and reopen all of them just so they're all there. What is that about? You can't even throw away tabs. You can't even throw away away. I can't even throw them away. I'll throw them away right now. No, I don't, not Frankie. I don't want to be the reason why you're throwing these tabs away. You're not doing anything. Frank, no one's going to think anything of you because you change your tips. Just keep your tabs. Yeah. We're thinking. We're thinking. We're

of something right now or thing you know i think that if anything it makes me a more disciplined person and better than you okay um i feel like uh so how so you say like every day you'll throw something in a cart yeah every day just to do it yeah why not and like things that i have no intent on buying sometimes too like i'm not going to buy you know a new like watch right now but i'll just go and I'll be like, that's a nice one. I'll put it in the car and then I'll just back away like that episode of Homer, the Simpsons where Homer's in the bush. Yeah.

You know, I'm just like, don't you like get an email and they're like, hey, you'll have something back here. Sometimes, sometimes I do, yeah. But sometimes, good email, dude. I hate that. I don't, that's why I don't give, when you go to, the times you go to brick and mortar stores and they say like, what's your email? What's your email?

What do you say? I give them my email. Oh, I say no, thank you. Well, I'm not brave, so I can't say that. I, the guy goes. I asked my social, I'd probably give it up, honestly. I was shopping the other day, and the guy goes, can I get your email? And I go, oh, no, thanks.

And he goes, it's for the receipt. And I go, I'll take a paper receipt. And he goes, this guy's relentless. That's what he said to me. I mean, yeah, I mean, at the same time, I think that, like, bro, stop. I just, like, any time a business asks for your phone number or your email, just say no. Just say no.

Part of my, part of, I guess that's part of the reason why I don't even like in-person shopping. Do you have to deal with people? It's a whole song and dance. Well, Zara now has self-checkouts. Do they? Yeah. Wow.

So you can go up, buy your shit, and get out of there. You don't need to get checked out by a 19-year-old that has like eight bracelets on one arm. Why do they all like that? Dude, and they're big. Like, all the people I work at Zara are covered in bracelets like it's Coachella.

Yes, yes. And then you go across to like zoomies and it's just like the skaters. I've never been in inside of Azumis I've been inside of Azumis before I used to go to journeys all the time though

yeah journeys I've gone to journeys I don't know if I've ever bought anything at a journeys I have I love going in there and be like let's see what they have they've had the exact same stuff since 2006

yeah there's nothing different see that's the other thing too if I like if I'm like all right I need a shop for a trip and then I go to the mall and I go to the mall and I don't

see a lot of stuff that I like, then I'm like, yo, I just wasted a whole day on this. When I could just be sitting on my couch and like going to five stores at once. Ooh, ooh, look at your standards. Lower them a little bit just to get something that scratches the itch. What? Lower your standards a little. What does that mean? Well, like, you don't need to be like, I have this idea in my mind.

If you see something that's kind of along the lines of what you want, just get that. You're already there. Well, no, I'm not going to do that. That's stupid. How is that stupid? Because I said so. Right. I'd rather just I'd rather be able to be like okay let's see what they got over here

whatever like a lot of places are are like dropping new stuff all the time so I'm like what's new I want to check out what's new at this store so I'll just go and I'll look I won't put something in my cart unless I'm buying it how do you feel about all right how do you feel about I'm going to give you three places you tell me you rank that's six good ahead I'm going to give you three places you rank your favorite to least favorite okay okay a strict mall, an outlet. Are those different? Yeah. What's a strip mall? Like a strip mall is like...

Like Portobello? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that. But like if there's stores there. Yeah, yeah. An outlet? And that's... Just like a mini city of stores. Okay. It's like a little village of stores. Oh, okay. There's like walkways. Yeah. And it's also different. Like, it's like they're like... The clothes that didn't sell well on, like, actual price, they send them over to the outlet. Right, yeah. Or... It's like one floor of a mall.

Yes, or like a mall proper. But the outlets are normally outside, too. Yeah, I don't, I haven't spent too much time at outlets because they don't really exist out where I am right now. In New York City? Yeah, like they don't have outlets. Yeah, but you can, they're very popular outlets, not that far from here. Yeah, and I've gone to them a couple of times, but, eh.

Which ones do I hate going to? Or which ones do I respect at least? Oh, that's, are those different? Yeah. Okay. I think I know which one you're gonna say you respect the least. What? Shopping malls. Like, like a mall? Like Queen Center Mall. No, I I respect a mall. I hate a mall. Why? Because it's like I just don't like it. Why? Are you one of those people that walk in and you're just like capitalism? No, I like I hate a food court. Oh, shut up. Do you like the food court? Food courts are the best parts of every mall. We're all adults and we're back in fifth grade lunch.

Bro, the quality of a mall, it lives and dies with the quality of its food court. I will not eat. That is so crazy to me, dude. I hate a food court. It's insane. Dude, a food court is so cool. Where else can you see Taco Bell and a fucking Chinese restaurant? And Sabaro's coexisting in the same.

That's what I'm saying. There's like three different cuisines all lined up next to each other. Beautiful. I'm going to take a high school tray back to my table. What are we doing? This guy is so, oh, well, let me guess. You want them all separated and you don't want them to all talk at all. You want segregation of the food chain stores.

It's all fast food. It is, but who cares? Me, I don't want it. A lot of them are now, like, it's becoming a thing where, like, malls are, like, they're, like, veering away or staying away from, like, big chain places like that. Because the current generation of people that are spending a lot of, time at them all are a lot more health conscience. Yeah.

So like it'll be more like pokey bowls and healthy salad places and stuff like that. So it's changed, dude. You got to go to a food court. No. And then there's like... I literally don't need that.

Yes, you too. Why would I need to go to a food court? Because a fucking food, bro. A food court is everything at times that is right with this country, dude. Everything. Like, don't make me do this, Joey. I don't like it, dude.

You know why I'm passionate about food courts. Well, what does that mean? What were you going to say? I think he should go too. I think it'll bring him back. Oh, yeah. Let's go on a field trip to a food court. What are you talking about, guys?

Dude, and then you go and you always get free samples of the greatest tasting orange chicken you've ever had in your life. And then you get it from the Chinese spot. And it comes by weight. They give you eight pounds of rice and noodles and orange chicken that doesn't taste like the sample you just had. I don't like the idea of any of this. I don't know why you guys even enjoy it. The way you're describing it doesn't even sound good. Because it is, it is at times everything that is right with this country.

It is the beauty of coexisting among different people with the shared goal of wanting to consume food in the basement of a mall most of the time. Yeah, it's always in the fucking basement. There's no windows. It is in a basement. And I'm like, I'll just eat before I get here. No, dude. I'm not going to the mall shopping starving. I don't like, I don't need to get Panda Express right now.

Here are the rules. Here are the rules. I'll get a pretzel though. I was, I'm not against, you know what I'm not against? Kiosks. I'm not against those. So here's the way to do it.

Go to a mall, get a pretzel. And I'm talking to an anti-Anz. If Wetzels still exists, Wetzel is fine as well. But you get one of those fucking, whatever they actually are, mall pretzels. Yeah, they're ridiculous.

You eat that with a fountain drink. It could be water. it could be soda whatever and then you shop and then you go to the food court with all your bags and you're like

let me go and get a fucking empanata from this place that is not gonna be here in a week and a half just not my vibe at all yeah you made it sound worse somehow how also I'm done shopping

and then I'm going to the food court or you could go in the middle yeah it has to be before but like here's my thing when would you go to the food court Going after you're already done shopping, to me, is like, Yeah, just go home. What are we doing?

I can go anywhere right now. Because you smell the beautiful aroma of the combination of a cheesy gourgita crunch, a Sabarro's six inch thick slice of pizza with the reddest pepperoni you've ever seen in your life. And then a fucking three piece of Popeye's fried chicken. No, dude. Oh, if there's a Popeye's, I'll do that. Life begins in a food court. In a food court, dude.

No, life doesn't. And then you go and you're like, wait, why are Taco Bell? It, like, blows your mind and you're like, Taco Bell and Popeye's are boys that they share a counter and like you could get them both there together? No. No. You have lost your way. I fear. I legitimately have.

I fear that you have lost your way. Because I don't like food courts. Yeah. And I don't like malls. You forgot where you came from. I came from the food court? You came up a very. version of Joe Sanayano was birthed in the food court basement of Queens Center Mall.

No, he wasn't. I've hated it my entire life. No. Frank, when did I go to the food court? There were times we had gone together because you would take the bus sometimes to meet up with me there. And I've done it before, but like I didn't like go to the mall a lot. I feel like the food court and like that mall was such a big part of the prep experience. Yeah, because the bus dropped you at the door. In between both of the buildings.

My entire high school career, I've probably walked into that mall like when I got dropped off there, like under 10 times. Whoa, wow. I used to, well, you know, my like middle slash high school girlfriend, I used to pick her up from the bus there. And then we would go in, she'd get a drink from her Dunkin' Donuts, and we'd walk them all a little bit. I just wasn't.

And we would go see the awesome Warner Brothers store and be like, that's a fucking cool store, dude. Oh my God, yellow rat bastard. We could see yellow rat bastard upstairs, then we can go downstairs and go to Spencer's, and we could fucking see if they have nipple gummy worms or some shit. Hell yeah. You know? And they had a game stop right by the food court.

The game stop, that's where I pre-ordered and got and waited online for Super Smash Bros. Brawl. I used to go every day I would pick up my then girlfriend, and I would give $3 every day, because my mom would give me $3 in the morning to get breakfast, and I wouldn't, And I would just eat breakfast at school because it was free. Way to go, Ma. And every day I would bring $3 that I'd go to the mall. And eventually, after a couple of weeks, I paid it off.

And I got my Super Smash Bros. Ball. Wow. So, I mean, yeah, I don't have nostalgic ties to the mall. I respect it as a building because if we're going to do this, I'd like it to be contained in a building. All stores should be in a building, in a, in a, like a contain, a, let's, let's call it a confinement. Well, if we're going to make something insane where it's just like, let's put as many stores as possible in one place, like, okay, let's just put them in a building. Mm-hmm.

And we'll close it off. So what you're saying. There's no fucking windows. What you're saying is you want to separate the stores that you like and don't like. It's a, but all the ones that you don't like in a building where they can't get out. No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying that like, if we're like, oh, we're going to do, we're going to shop and you want to put them all and you want there, you want to be like a prison and it's just going to be no windows. Like, I get it.

I respect the fact that the mall exists. The outlets are, you know, they're, you pick aside, be something, like stand for something. I mean, they are outlets. They are the kind of middle, like, they are the clothes that are. They try to be parks kind of. It'll be like, oh, you. Do you want to shop at J.Crew? Here's the J. Crew Factory outlet.

Oh, and everything in here is 85% off. And you're like, what the fuck? Yeah. Where am I? I don't. Also, when there's really good deals at all the stores out of an outlet, I'm like, what's going on? I get suspicious.

Like, I don't like this. Like, I feel like I'm being, like, I'm, you know, someone's doing something. I agree. I think like, it's like the closest I've ever gotten to feeling like I'm in the Truman show. When I walk to a place and everything is on sale at all the stores I want to go to. I'm like, who the fuck did this? Yeah, and also, I don't like when the signs are bright orange, 80% off. Everything must

go. Now I just feel bad for you. I want to, I don't want to help you. Yeah, what do you think everything must go? I don't work here. You throw it out. Like the fuck? I don't want it either. No one wanted it. Yeah, I'm with you on that one. When they're just like, going out of business, everything must go. And I'm just like,

everything doesn't have to go. And it definitely doesn't have to go home with me. Yeah, I'm shocked, Joey. I like that they're a little bit outdoors. I don't like that they're this in-between. Like they like to be, they put trees. They like to be like a park or whatever. It's like, yo, you're a fucking mall, but not even really. Like you're almost a mall.

Yeah. Put a roof on this thing and call yourself a mall. Moles are cool, man. And I'm sorry that I like a strip mall. I do feel that you have lost your way. I haven't. I do feel like that. So much of the American experience is going to a shopping mall.

And I think that we're seeing. That's terrible. I know. And we're seeing that now because all the people that are here for the World Cup are like experiencing America. Yeah. And they're like, seeing a cheeseburger in a shopping mall and it's some poor Norwegian person that's never been here before and they're like what is this? Yeah.

What's the mall called? The American Dream. Yo, that place is... You could surf. You could snowboard. You could surf. You can go in a water park. A full...

Like, I've been to a full water park there, dude. You went to the water park in a mall? Yeah, a couple years ago we brought because it's like they have a theme park, a Nickelodeon theme park. And then a full fucking water park with like a late. River and a fucking wave pool. I can't I can't get behind any of this. Yeah, I don't know about it. And then you could go outside and you could go and get a shirt from fucking yeah, you know, airy. What is that? I don't know. It's just a store. The first one I thought of when I or like then you go downstairs and there's, you know, anthropology. Right. Or Francescas is that one of them? I don't think I could do a lazy river in a mall, Frank. What part of me is going to a water park? in a fucking mall. Yo, to be fair,

it was kind of not the worst. You miss out on the best part about being at the water park. The sun. I mean, no, the whole ceiling is like fluorescent lights. Like we're bugs? It's like,

it's like a see-through glass. So the sun is still coming in, but you're in a fish tank, basically. Yeah, and it smells like iguanas. I will say that. It does smell like an iguana. Bro, I went to that mall recently. I'm like, this whole place smells like iguanas.

Dude, I hate the mall. I love the mall. It's just, but all the floors in a mall are, are a bathroom floor. And I don't like that. No, no. It's not charming. Although the one that we went to in Texas, I was like, this is a nice mall. Guess what it was?

A luxury mall. Apparently the mall at Shorthills. Was it? Yes, it was. It had a Rolex dealership. Yeah, that store. Dealership, like it's a car. But there was like a lids.

There was like not luxurious stores. So there are, malls are doing now that I have seen. I'm keyed in on malls, Joey. Clearly. they're trying to transition toward being like half luxury half um like kind of like regular consumer stores so like there's a mall i went to which it currently holds the record for my favorite mall um it it's what's so funny about that how how far is the gap between first and second place i'll do a better one how many malls are on this fucking list i at least five or six i've been to like

four malls in my life the big mall the It's called the king of Prussia Mall. It's like half like luxury because think about it, the people that are shopping luxury in store are people of an older demographic. So like they have so they have like YSL, Rolex, Breitling, Chanel. And then you go further down and you'll find your journeys. Right. You know, your color me mine.

Your, you know, fucking synobun. I'll do. I'll do, I'll even, I'll meet you here because it's not about. luxury. I went to recently the, uh, in, um, what's it called Hudson? Why? Hudson Yards. Hudson Yards. Hudson Yards. Hudson Yards. Like, like the vessel. Like there's like a mall kind of in there. And those are all like luxurious places. Didn't like that. I, but, but man, I don't know. Like, apparently the mall at Short Hills is really, really nice. I've never gone, but apparently it's really, really nice. I can't do a mall. I love malls because it reminds me of where I came from, which is

that we all need to hold hands and hold on to. But I didn't come from a mall. You kind of did though. I didn't. There's not even a mall near us. You were berth in the Queen Center Mall. You were- I was not. Do you remember how fucking cool we felt going to Roosevelt Field Mall? And just be like,

damn, we're going shopping at Roosie? Yeah, I went to Roosevelt Field Mall. And you felt rich. Well, I assumed that everyone there was rich. And you felt like you're walking amongst them. First of all, I felt poor going there. Well, because they had a lawn, they felt rich. bitch, where the reality is, you laugh in their face now, bitch.

I've never liked a mall that has nothing to do with that. And we didn't grow up going to the mall. We did grow up going to that strip mall. We did. We grew up hanging out in the strip mall. That's fine. We would hang outside of a subway on a bench. That was like most of our childhood.

That was, that strip mall was like a department, whatever, like, whatever. It was Genevies, then it was Eckerd, and it was Wright Aid. Who knows what it is now? Then it was a pet store. Then next to it was a pet store. Right. And then next to that was the entrance to the gym. And then it was like the headquarters for like the Iron Workers Union.

Right. And then it was Subway. And then it was King China. Oh no, Portobello. Portobello. Then King China buffet. Now it's like a 99 cent store. Is it?

I think so. And then there was like a Mathnasium. That's where the team club was. Yes. That's where we used to go and fucking throw ass at the 13, brother. Yeah, dude. You walk past Subway, a pet store where I used to buy a ton of crickets to get to the, place where we would go shake our asses.

To go fucking listen to D4L. Yeah, and Sean Paul. And drink a Shirley Temple while someone weirdly overage was there. I would wear a button down that fit my oldest brother and not me. Yeah. Because I thought that's what you were supposed to wear. 100%. I would wear a shirt that elicited that, excuse me, I would wear a shirt that assumed that I was a cocaine dealer.

Right. To not only a cocaine cocaine dealer, but the best ever. The best, the best cocaine dealer. Yeah, like the one. The one that had all a debt to snow, man. Right.

Man, I, I, you know, maybe the mall is a thing for me. I do feel like you were there more than you're giving it credit for. I really didn't spend that much time in malls. Did you do that? You probably went to the mall a lot because you live near the mall. We were a big part, like, when you said the mall wasn't part of your prep experience, I believe you, because. That was a big thing why I liked the mall

Is because after prep we used to go to the mall all the time Really? Yeah like because the bus left you right there and then we would some sometimes like kind of just walk Would you live? Yeah well I live cut me the I live much closer Like we were near the mall we had to like take the fucking bus to the mall Or the train the train when the R went right to the stop to the door I've done that too That's what I used to do is I used to after middle school I'd get on the R train You had to take the fucking end to the R the R the R sucks no I would take the bus to My middle school was down the block from the R train.

Oh, well, see, yeah, that's different. And then I would go, I'd meet my girlfriend there, we would hang out, and then I'd take the R train to drop her up, that left her at her school, I mean, at her house, then I just walk home. Yeah, I mean. The mall, man. It was out of, it was out of, it was.

And you don't remember the gay hairdresser at the mall? You remember the Queen Center Mall. Wait, is that the guy used to just spray you with shit? Yes. Yeah, there was a gay guy at the mall who worked there. Bro, look up Queen Center Mall. Is he going to pop up? There's no.

I guarantee he will come up. Queen Center There was like this very like Notorious gay guy there Who would sell He was selling like perfumes and stuff And he would just let it rip on you

Oh yeah You walked by you were getting it It hit me in the mouth multiple times I was like dude But also like it was just flat up Like flat out doing people's hair Next to the escalator Like that's what they do

The kiosks man Bro do you know What was the last time you were in a Sephora? A couple Maybe within the last two years Bro Sephora is a battle zone, dude. Like, it's a battleground.

Brother, Macy's. People are, fuck. Sephora's insane because there's women everywhere. They're, like, everything's, and it's, it's madness. Then there's three people getting their makeup done professionally. Yep. In the middle of the store,

before you even get to the register, also they have a wild return policy. Like, you could return this thing like after you've used it. They don't care. Yeah. It's like, what is the store? Macy's is the same way. Macy's, you walk in and it's like, the fragrance section, you're going through, like, chemical warfare, basically.

I feel that way about Yankee candle. I walked into one. I shit my pants because of the... My body didn't know how to process all of it at once. Not only that, Bath and Body Works, that's a store with a lot of smells, dude. Yeah. The deeper you get into Bath and Body Works,

the nerve endings in your nose are just burnt away. Yeah. Because you're like, wait a sec. I could smell apple here, peach over there, vetiver over there, lavender, like you... It's all over the place. I do like bath and bodies. Dude, Moles are awesome and they're going away, which also sucks but also doesn't suck.

I used to fuck up bass and body works, to be honest. I had a streak up every time I walked in there. I would accidentally spend $150. Really? Accidentally. We would get, so before COVID, we went in, like, not thinking we should go. And they had like, for, like, they had dollar hand sanitizers that were 80% or 70% alcohol. And we went and bought like 30.

just to have. And then we were like, then COVID came. We were like, oh, we're kind of okay. Because remember like, wait, there was no COVID and you ripped $30. $30.00. Yeah, dude. Just like for. Because like we would keep some in the house, some in Becca's bag, some in the car.

30. Yeah. That's a lot. I mean, but we. You're huge on sanitize. I love my hand sanity. Handy. I don't know, man.

And look, we're all better off. For me doing that. And by we, I mean me. Right. Which, in theory, is also you and you. Yes. Sure. All right.

Well, yeah, I guess, I mean, maybe I'm in the minority. I'm sure people love malls, but I just, I'd never really like the mall. Mals. I'll ride for malls, always. Unless they do some stupid shit. There's a mall in Jersey that sucks ass, dude, and they deserve to not be around anymore. Why? Just because they suck.

Oh. Well. also food courts can go straight to hell nah that's crazy dude go to hell I'm not even joking like I know sometimes you accuse me of like just like trying to bait you and rage bait you that is legitimately upsetting to me

that's crazy that's like enjoying airport food you're like oh my god I love the airport no it's different it's it's the communal airport is a food court it's a communal experience airports try to appear like they're like restaurants but it's just it's fast food What is a food court then?

It's fast food appearing as fast food. I don't know how that's better, but let us know in the comments if you think, if I'm just being too bougie and I don't like food courts or malls. I think you might be. Maybe. But yeah, I guess that's all. Frank where's going to find you? The Frank Alvarez all over social media, Patreon.com slash the basement yard and the basement yard everywhere.

Ant. You can find me at Aunt Prisco. And go follow me at Joe Santagado. Go follow the show at The Baseman Yard on TikTok and Instagram. gram and that is all see you guys next time beautiful