The Basement Yard - #564 - The Funniest Things We've Done For Attention!

Episode Date: July 20, 2026

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The Hulu original series Furious is coming to Disney Plus, starring Emmy Rossum. Furious follows FBI agent Alice Black on the hunt for a mysterious and calculating serial killer. Both walk their own paths toward justice, and as their lives start to intertwine, the line between right and wrong begins to blur. Don't miss the three-episode premiere of the Hulu original series Furious on July 27th, only on Hulu on Disney Plus. back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. Will I can stay awake in your sweet? Hello to you as well. Ant? Hello. I've got a headache, a little bit of one. So I'm trying to...

Is it a hot headache? Because it's one million fucking degrees in here. It's a hot headache. Yeah. Hat might hat, white hat might have been a mistake. This hat is about to turn like Ant's pants after he saw me coming. What does that whole thing mean? What why would your hat change color that part was more important than I saw him coming what is that? Yeah that is like coming like arriving Not like that's what they call it not yeah. Yeah, that's what they say in Britain not like a jaculate Okay, uh oh like he saw like you saw my presence was nearing near here his and what are you saying that is doing for him? I was gonna turn his pants into piss so like this will be yellow with sweat Having to explain it really ruined it

I thought I actually was cooking there for a quick sec. Unfortunately, it made zero sense. Unfortunately, I thought it was perfectly fine. If you would let me get it out. But the minute I bring up coming, you're jumping down my throat. I heard it. I heard it. First of all, I didn't bring it up.

I heard it. Yeah. I heard it and I apologize. It's okay. That's a minute 30 in. What are you going to do? Things happen. Things did happen.

Bing, bang, boom. You know what I mean? I am asking. It is that time. I am asking for a update. a dog out update oh i had one yesterday have you guys been getting dogged out lately i not how you ask it but i did have a hot dog yesterday way to go wasn't real it was the fake sausage ones the sloppy ones that nicole makes that are like hot as fuck what i mean brother we're allowing you to call it a hot dog

we fully support your hot i definitely had one and and it was steaming hot and i didn't get a warning spit in your mouth i don't know if i have a sensitive mouth but whenever like whenever i eat something I'm like, oh my God, I like burn my mouth. Other people eat it and they're like fine. Well, you have a sensitive mouth. The thing's been beat up for years, so I can imagine that it is, you know. It's like seven in a row.

Yeah, I mean, I mean, that way you have to understand. You immediately walked into that one. Let's just wait for the roar of the crowd and die down before we continue. If there was a crowd here and I made that joke, I think they would laugh at it. I would hope so.

You'd have someone laugh careful. We're going to find out on tour. Well, it's weird because, you know, if you think about it, Like, you know how, like, people that, like, work construction, they have calloused hands because it's what they do for their work. And it kind of leads them to have, you know, there's their personality to their hands. Professionally, you use your mouth and your throat the most. So I would imagine that it would be less sensitive.

You couldn't even get that out without smirking. It's the worst joke ever. He's kind of cooking a little. I'm kind of, right? Who are you? I don't care about your opinion either. Jerk. Uh, I just meant you.

That was unnecessary. That was rude. He's hot. He's hot. He is hot. And I get it. Honestly, you're allowed. I will say you guys are now teaming up against me and bullying me, and I will get physical. Oh.

Which way would you go first? What does that mean? Like, let's say you had to take both of us down right now. Where are you going first? Whoever talked last. So you were talking about, yeah, that's fine. You were talking about getting dogged out yesterday. It was good.

Yes, it was. We're referencing hot dogs, everyone. Take it easy. You're obviously not going to come on here and tell us about you getting fucked in the butt. This can't be. You can literally say anything but that, and it would have been fine. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Be honest with me, am I being too much right now?

Not that you're being too much. I think that sentence was like. All right, all right. We'll back up a little bit. Don't say it again. I know, I'm not going to. Obviously, we're not, we're just going to take it again from the top. No, we're not.

Obviously, we're not talking about, we're talking about hot dogs. we're not referencing you, um, getting, uh, see, this is the problem with you. You don't think. You're just going to start again and say a whole thing and you have nothing there. And now we're starting over. You want to start over again? Let me guess, right? No. Yeah. Anyway, what's on your t-shirt before I freak out? No, was that a good hot dog? It's where my parlay goes to die. It's a grave parley. Wow.

My parley sucks. It is 100 million degrees and you're wearing a crew neck. I thought it's making me hot. I thought the AC was going to be working. It's cold outside. It is colder outside than it had been over the last week. It's like 75 outside. And also, you know what?

I'm about to show the world your sausage and how it's made. You were here before you put that on. So you put that on knowing it was hot, so you want to be a sweaty, stinky little fucker over there. I'm sorry. Yeah, that sounded horny. I'm not gonna lie. Why? You did. The heat is too. You want me to go back and put on my swoop?

No. The heat is doing something to me. It's making you turnt up. I guess, but I had four hot dogs over the weekend. Thank you for asking. Four? Yes. Oh, that's low.

It was, actually. I kind of. Was that in one day? It was in one day. Okay, so that. I did also have a cheeseburger while I had that. I was in a hot dog eating contest. How do you break that up?

What? I do like hot dog, hot dog burger. I started with the burger in my own words to, you know, just kind of prepare everything. And then I went just straight, four dogs just bang back to back to back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, sir. You said you had a hot dog eating contest? Yes. Wait, what?

I wasn't in like a legit one. It was my 13 year old nephew was there and we were there for his little birthday get together. And I was like, let's do a context. And he was like, why? I was like, because I need this. Right. and we both had four. You couldn't beat a 13-year-old?

I opted not to, honestly. I was going to let him have the last one, because there was only like two more left. I was going to let him have it to win, but he didn't want it, so we both left having only had four. You tied with a 13-year-old? That's crazy.

As like the hot dog guy, I don't know. If anything, he's the embarrassing one for having lost to a 33-year-old. Why is that embarrassing? He's only 13. He didn't lose. He tied. Yeah. If you're not first, you're last.

baby, you know that. Your last thing. I know. I know. I fully agree. Wow. It is. It is the burden I must bear now.

Did you put anything on it or were these raws? I mean, I was just catch up. They didn't have, I didn't want to ask for Sourcraft. Catch up. Yes. Ketchup, though. Ketchup, right? Ketchup, everyone, not ketchup.

Because it's not tag that we're playing here. Oh, hold on. Hold on. Let me take this again. Yeah. Catch up. So the only thing I put on it. while you were getting dogged out in the butt.

I can't. I can't laugh. Yeah. He's faking a laugh here. I'm not faking anything. Ketchup. Is that better, sir? No, it's correct. Hold on. I had my ketchup while I was, there was a photographer there, and I was having coconut water. Is that what you want? For you to say words correctly? Is that what you want?

Sure. Let's everyone, let's let's be the version of ourselves and join us. he wants us to be or else he's going to go fucking you know get mad at us it sounded like you farted how would i have farted through your butt oh yeah how would i have farted i don't know you said it sounded like i farted i was talking i just heard it it sounds like a i do think that the the heat is making us all just a little silly today i think silly is i think we're all a little bit angry at each other i think we should restart okay all right and we'll we'll just be in like a good graces right now okay okay okay refresh refresh

All right, all right. No, no, no, no. Don't say anything. Don't say a word because you're going to do this whole preamble that we don't need. Let's just go from here, okay? All right, all right, all right. Anyway, we should probably talk about Captain America's big fat dick. Can we pull up his wiener?

Because I saw a picture of this before the show started. I have questions, and I know that you guys have answers to it. We do have answers. So this is from the hit game Marvel Rivals. Yes, which this is a video game. This is. Okay. This is a skin of Captain America for the summer. Yeah.

That is the most insane. Yeah, dude. Yeah, brother. That literally looks like someone put their foot in there. And here's the thing. It looks like a shoe. It looks, I'm not kidding. It looks like he crapped his pants in the front. Like, if there was a human that, like, had some sort of irreversible condition where they shit out of their pee hole, that's what it would look like. That just looks like if I shoved my knee in it.

Like, and also, this is a before and after Because I'm assuming they dialed it back a bit Yes. Still a massive, massive dog. That's America's cock and balls. That doesn't even look like, what's his name? Captain America. I mean, it's not, it's not, so it's not meant to

Why is he wearing a bikini? So it's like the summer thing. He's like a lifeguard, right? Is that the skin? Yeah, I think it's like, Captain America's a lifeguard? What happened? What happened is saving the world? We're watching a pool now?

I mean, hey man, sometimes the pool needs saving. Sometimes the world needs a saving. They're also saying that Marvel rivals sneakily did this. They sneakily reduced the size of this. You added a 10-foot-long wiener to the video game, and you wouldn't know if you made it a 5-foot-long? You think we wouldn't know? Listen, that looks like that there is someone with just standing in his pants.

Like, Ant-Man is in there, and he is growing. Dude, you're going to put this guy in a video game that children are playing, and you have literally, this guy's dick looks like a crocodile's brimps. mouth. Well, yeah, I don't want to comment on that in regard to that, but it's certainly, this game is also, though, because I can almost guarantee you've not played this game. No. It has some questionable, like, design choices. Like, they are kind of very... Sexual? I don't want to say sexual. Scantle. Scantle. There's a scantle to them. Scantily clad? Some of them are scantily clad. Some of the female characters. They got big.

Some of them. And there's jiggle physics. There are jiggle physics. Not a term that I'm familiar with? Well, you can imagine. So you've played video games. Correct. You understand that those games are, you know, made with code and all that.

There is code in those games to make body parts jiggle. Boobobs and butts? Boobes and butts, dude. And this is a game where they're fighting. Yeah. So there's going to be a lot of jiggling. A lot of jumping, too. A lot of jumping, a lot of flying.

A lot of getting hit, you know, like hit back and stuff like that. You know? So he just got boobs flying all over the place. I played the game when it first came out for like a week and then I stopped because I was, you guessed it, dog shit at it. Nice. But like they have some other like squirrel girl was a big one that was in there. Squirrel girl.

Squirrel. I don't know how that is, but. She's a, she's a character. She's strong and she could like hang out with squirrels. Can she fly like a flying squirrel? You know, that's a really good question. I don't know if squirrel girl can fly. But what's her, what's her like?

Strong. Talk to squirrels. She can talk to squirrels? I believe that's her thing, right? That's her power? I think so. She's not one of those, like, super popular ones. But she's...

But why are we bringing them up? Because she was one that, like, people, like, the fans of the game were, like, gooning over. Oh, because she had a... She was scantily clad. I mean, this is the thing that video games do sometimes, and I think people are starting to kind of not like, you know, when they do it. Isn't that an anime thing to, like, make women like... I don't want to offend the anime fans because they'll... Be careful.

Oh, you're an anime fan? I'll offend the fucking. I'm asking. What was the question? If in anime, they, like, do that sometimes. Like, sometimes the women are like, she's got the huge boobs and she's got tiny little waist and she's in school. What the fuck?

Very big. Well, usually the ones that, usually the ones that are younger, they're actually 3,000 years old. They kind of get away with that kind of thing. Wait, what does that mean? Oh, where they look like school girls, but it's like they're an ancient deity from 3,000 years ago. Yeah, no one really, no one really vibes with that too much, but that's what they, that's how they get around.

Well, I can tell you, like, I know for sure that, like, in video, games, there have been characters that have been depicted, like, overtly sexual like female characters, because let's be honest, it's mostly the females. I mean, outside of Captain America's big old way. I mean, that is a crazy thing that we're doing here. That is a crazy piece. But, like... That's not all out of me, by the

way. I'm not going to... I don't want to say that either. I mean, I'm asking a question. Joey would love Jeff the Landshark. You know he'd play with Jeff the Landshark. I wouldn't play with... I wouldn't play with... All the people in the world, I'm going to play with a shark. He's like a little dog shark thing. It's kind of cool. But, a lot of heroes.

Like, this happened years ago with Mortal Kombat. There was a Mortal Kombat. I think it was Moral Kombat 9 where, like, one of the alternative skins, like, for Molina was just basically her with, like, tape over her tints. Right. And people are just like, this is guiding too far. Yeah. This is gone too far. It's too much at a certain point.

I feel like you can't just be, you know, we've got to play the video game at the end of the day. We can't be distracted by a jizz. Jiggle. What was it? Jigel. Jizz physics, too, I'm sure, are in there somewhere. somewhere. Jiggle physics. Jiggle physics.

I think people, like, apparently that's going to be a big thing in the new Grand Theft Auto game, too. That, like, jiggle physics are being added to it. And it's taking place in the game universe, Vice City, but what we know as South Beach, Miami. So, like, apparently the game is being modeled to have jiggle physics. So people are like, if you could go to a fucking Miami beach or Vice City Beach, it's going to be crazy. There's just going to be a lot of butts. I imagine. Miami was the first place that I ever went

where I was like, wow, thong bikinis. That was the first time in my life because I was just up here, you know, with regular bikinis. I mean, I was a young man having seen Lita do a swan ton bomb off of the ladder, so I had seen a thong before. Well, yeah, but she was wearing pants. Yeah, but I do like when pant,

and then it's like the thong is up there and you're like, whoa, this is underwear. Like when you're young, that's like the coolest thing ever. You're like, I can see it. a little underwear string. I'm into this. Dude, early 2000s had like low-rise jeans. Yeah. And thongs basically pulled up to

the shoulder blades. Yeah. And it was like getting out of hand. Yeah, it looked like Borat. As a young man, I was not opposed to it. No, I liked it. As a now a man. Yeah, no, it's cool. Yeah, but like,

have you ever worn a thong? Great question. What's up? To you. Great question to you. Uh, I don't think so. I don't need, I can't, I don't think I have, e, uh, no, I haven't. I don't think I've ever worn, like, women's underwear. I don't think I've worn women's underwear.

I think, uh, no, I don't, I can't recall. So you're doing that and fumbling over your words? I know the answer. No, I'm trying to honestly remember if and when I have. What you're trying to do is black it out, it sounds like. If I, let me tell you something very clearly. If I have worn women's underwear and I recall it, I'm telling the story, brother. All right.

You think I'm not fucking. getting that out there. Are you above a thong? I don't think I am, I don't think I've been gifted by the gods to, to, to, to work a thong. What do you need? You got good butt. Captain America. No, you don't need a huge hog. You can't wear a thong. Brother, you put on a thong with a small, like your, it's like etch a sketch. You could see it. You don't know how that's like etch a sketch, because, well, I did a, extra etch. There, etchish, etchish, etchchch. Um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um. Um, um. Um, um. Um, um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um, Um, yeah, what about a speedo?

Would you wear a speedo? I don't think I have the confidence for a speedo. Do you? I would do it like ironically. You need to go back to Europe like three or four more times to be like fully speedoed in. I'd speedo in Europe. I haven't. I was at the gym at my building.

It like faces the pool. And there was a dude out there in a speedo and I was like, I for him. I don't think it's for me, but I have the utmost respect for men that could pull off a speedo. I think I could. I just don't. It's just not... It's tough. It's just like, it is so... But it's also like... It's there. You know, like, you wear, like, the shorts.

You can, like, wear that around. I would feel weird walking around on the... You know, like, if you go to the boardwalk or something... I will say this. It's like, now I've got to speed a lot. I imagine it is quite freeing. Oh, yeah. I probably could run real fast enough. Dude, I'm telling you right now,

I think I would probably be able to, like, wrestle an alligator in a speedo. What does a speedo have to do? It's just the confidence it would instill in me. Oh, I don't, I get on. I don't have it to even put it on. Do you think it would make you confident to wear a speedo? I need a certain amount of confidence to wear a speedo.

And then putting the speedo on would give me extra confidence. How do we get to that confidence level? Pay for me to get a weiner injection. A weiner injection. Oh, so you would rather it be a big mess in there? I mean, mess is not the word I would use. A bigger mess is what I mean. You still didn't specify the word that I said isn't the one I would use.

Mess is the problem there. Dude, wait, I think you were there. There was one time I was in the water in Miami. And then this dude came up behind us. And we were at like a certain depth in the water that it's kind of like near your waistline, but a little lower or whatever. So when a wave comes, you're kind of a bagamba. Probably hidden. But this guy's talking to.

to us about something, whatever, and then a wave passed, and he was wearing a bright yellow Speedo, and I'm not kidding, it looked like this dude had a cat in there. I'm sure. It was insane. I was like, brother. I'm telling you right now.

Brother, you're hiding a swordfish? I'm not even saying, like, I'm not even saying that like everyone that wears Speedos looks like Captain America and Marvel rivals. You know what I'm saying? But they carry themselves with BDE for sure. Yeah. If you're walking around in a Speedo, you can't be like, oh no, I'm wearing a Speedo. But wear that shit.

And, and like, you also, like, I know this isn't the place to do this, like the beach, but like I close my eyes and I think of a man in a speedo. They've got a bunch of rings on. They've got a big gold chain on. I'm not thinking of that. They've got those like glasses, the sunglasses that have like the bar at the top that like Tony Stark wears. What? I don't picture this at all. Really? What do you picture? Close your eyes. I don't picture anything, really. Close your eyes. Close your eyes. Imagine a man in a speedo. Got it. Yeah.

Why are you touching yourself? That's for our audio only listeners. Oh yeah, we're all dying, laughing. I think that, uh... What? You keep making like gay jokes at my expense. Why are you being mean to me today? Me!

You're being kind of mean. We're joking around. No, because everyone's laughing. Because you keep making the same joke at me. That you got dogged out? Seria, there we go again. I don't like how all this is being said with my face all the time. Well, I'm doing it this one.

Oh, yeah. When you said cat, I thought you're referring to his bush. No, no, but seriously. Oh, no, he wasn't, no, it was just a large, any small animal. He's got a tabby cat or shabby cat, which one is? What's a tabby cat? I think it's a type. It's like a tab.

Siamese? No, no, no, no. A tabby, American tabby? Speaking of cats, do you like those hairless cats? Only when they're kittens. When they grow up, they look evil, dude. I don't know if I've ever even seen. A kitten. Oh, as a kitten, they look cute because they're smaller, but then when they get bigger, it's like, this is too big to have no fur or hair anywhere.

I feel like, all right, not now. Why are they hairless? Like, that's my question. I think it's, uh... These don't look cute as a baby. That looks like Me Too. What a problem? What are the coolest-looking Pokemon? This one looks kind of cute. They really, they're really, they're too nut-sacky for me.

Yeah, they're very wrinkled. I don't know, man. That one's kind of cool, though, the one with the blue eyes. That one is blue eyes too. Yeah, that looks like a cool one. I don't, like, I don't dislike them. It looks like my grandmother. I feel like your grandma looks like that.

That's what your grandmother looks like. Your grandma looks like that. Oh, she's dead? This is the dead one. Oh, nice. Well, she doesn't have blue eyes anymore. Not nice. That she's dead.

Nice that she used to look like that. Yeah. Your grandma was hairless? That's what I pick. That's what I imagine. So you don't know? What do you not know? Yeah, it's a hairless-ish.

Your grandma was bald? Do you know anything about your grandma? What do you know about your grandma? When did your grandma pass away? Years ago. Same question. A few years ago? Within five?

Yeah, within five. So you should have an idea to what she looked like. Well, like, you know, it started getting hairless. Do you know, what did Nuna look like? Because I know that's what you called her. Not just Grandma. Really? Wow, you're one of those.

Well, one side's Grandma, one side's Nona. Oh, okay. So they're in Italian. Nonna. Nona. Nona. We mani mani mani mani with Nona. Did she,

was she Italian? Oh, yeah. But like Italian. But different Italian. But like American Italian? There's an American Italian and Italian. That's why I want his grandma was. Oh, gotcha, got you.

Which one was she? American Italian. So she didn't hit you. Both of them did not. Well, no, actually the American one a little more. It doesn't matter. So if I, so this is what your grandmother. So send this picture to whichever one of your parents

lost their mother and then be like, look, grandma's here. That's probably not a good, my mom just, what animal would you say your grandma looks like? I'm not going to even go animal, but, and I hope you pull this up. I will. I'm not kidding. You're going to see this. You had an answer to this cute up. Oh, yeah. Okay. My grandmother looked like the grandmother from the early 90s show dinosaurs. You get the reference? Do you remember that show? I know, your grandma. I know, Your grandma, not the mama, not the mama. Oh, is that the baby, gotta love me. Is that the live action?

Yes. Wait. Yo, you know what's crazy, guys? Yo, you know what's insane? He's right. He is so right. Click on the first one. That's yaya, dude.

That's yaya. That is so, like, her, dude. That's so insane, dude. Yes. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. All right, now we're going to spend this whole episode coming up with different characters from TV or anything.

God, dude, that's your grandma. I know, dude. I need to see a picture. That was yaya. I mean, by the time, it would take me a while to pull my picture. No, it's okay. Can I? Yes.

Will I? If you want me to. No, I mean. Well, Joe, you know. Don't give it away. Don't give it away. This is. Her legacy lives on better as the grandmother from the show dinosaurs.

Wow, that's extremely accurate. You're going to have to answer. What? Your grandmother? Oh, my grandma? What did she look like? She kind of looked like a cue tip. Okay

Like in a way She had like You have We had a picture of you Looked like a Q-tip also Yeah She looked like You know who your grandmother

Kind of looked like Um The cartoon version of Egon From the early 90s Ghostbusters show This is gonna piss me off No no no no

It's the tall white hair It's not that bad It's she would She had like a tall hair That was kind of see-through It just looked like smoke Like a cloud of smoke It did

She had a good head of hair, I remember until... Yeah. See what I'm saying? Like, it's not awful. How are you doing that? How are you just pulling this out? Oh, wait, this is accurate? It's not terrible.

Not this one, the next one. This one? Yeah. Do you know how much time? That kind of does look like my grandma. She had way worse legs, though. Yeah. Dude, those legs, your grandma, the wish she had.

That's a man. It's a man. Your grandma would wish she had those legs. Yeah, yeah, she does. But her legs were like definitely translated. I mean, she wishes she had any legs right now because she has none. I mean, she didn't have much legs at the end of it, to be fair.

I have a lot of time on those long drives to and fro. And you think about what our grandmas look like? I just think of just random shit, and this is definitely one of them. I mean, I always told you, when I think of your mom, I think of Oprah. A lot of people have said that my mom, like, ruined, like, Oprah? No, no, no. In, like, the mid-2000s, someone at work told her she resembled, like, a cross between Evil Angoria and like Fran Dresher

And I was like well there it goes Well that's That was it was gone You know who my mom reminds me of Sally Fields I could see Sally Fields With your mom 100% I could see

Nicole's mom looks exactly like Sally Fields By the way To me I saw on a buildboard once It was like a fucking Patriots movie Yeah I could see the similarity 100% Um

Now I gotta think of your mom gotta think of your mom that's what my mom kind of looks like Sally Fields Yeah I definitely I could 100% see that Okay okay You know especially that That picture with the glasses

Yeah with the glasses That's your mom right there 100,000% Someone once told me And I don't know if you had co-signed this opinion That my father was a spitting image of Pedro Martinez Yes that was me bro

I don't call your dad Pedro I don't think that that is accurate in the slightest His dad does look like Pedro Martinez. I don't see it at all. Okay, I see it. Why do you spell Pedro like that, right? I actually see it here.

Yes. I don't see that's fucking Frank. I don't see that at all, dude. Yeah, that's Frank's dad. I see it a little bit here. The young one, not really, but it's like more than the eyes. Like your dad has like, like Pedro Martinez eyes. Yeah, they're a little droopy.

That's what I see you're saying. I'm trying to think who would my mom. I guess my mom had the big. hair like Oprah. Yeah. She was missing some key you know, what's the word I'm looking for? Features. So this is Frankie's mom? Yeah, the hair. To me, yes. She gets absolutely. Like obviously Oprah's black and his mom's not black, but she was

darker skin. Also, because my mom during the summer gets a dark deep golden. Yeah. Her skin is quite tanning. That's why I was like, she reminds me of Oprah and your mom has a very big personality because she's like, yeah. Not that you get a car, you get a car, but like she was probably like, you know, you're going to get a talking to you're going to get a talking to. No, no, no, no, we didn't get, it was, we're going to have family meeting. We're going to have family meeting. And then everyone's in trouble.

Everyone was in trouble during every family meeting. Family meeting just meant that everyone's getting screamed at. I've been there too. One time my dad was like, get down here right now. He was in the basement. And we went down the stairs and I slipped on a, I slipped on a walnut and did like a, there was a walnut on the floor. Hold on. I slept on a walnut like a cartoon.

What fucking cartoon-ass world did you grow up and that there was just a walnut on your step? No, it was like on the bottom, like by the basement, like on the floor. Did you? Legitimately went up in the air. Really? Home alone, landed on my back and then he forgot because he laughed so hard and he went upstairs. Swear to God. Oh, you got lucky.

I know. Because you were going to get your dad was going to let you have it probably. Probably. Trying to think who your dad would look like. Your dad had always reminded me of Fred Flintstone. Yeah, he looks like that. He's got like the thicker features, a strong nose. Fred Flintstone is so funny.

The John Goodman one or the? No, just the cartoon. Yeah, just the cartoon. Yeah, that's my dad. My dad is Fred Flintstone. I'm telling you right now, like, the way that, like, people have, like, found Shrek sexy, it's only a matter of time before they re-find Fred Flintstone. Fred Flintstone was a cool guy.

Was he? There's some stuff in those cartoons that are a little... They had dinosaurs running around. I mean, it's more of like that time where it's just like, I'm the man. I'm going to set the rules and you're going to listen, woman. You know, like that. He was yelling at her like that?

There was some shit. I watched the movie recently and I was like, ooh, some of this doesn't hold up. And who does your dad? You mean the man in prehistoric times wasn't as progressive in 2026? And who does your, who do your parents look like? My dad got Johnny Barabo a lot when he was. Get the fuck out of it!

Johnny Bravo! Speaking of not holding up, there's one. I would say that the only thing that your dad and Johnny and Bravo have in common is they both have worn black t-shirts. If your dad ever in his life looked like Johnny Bravo, I will shove this up my butt. Minus the blonde hair. Minus the blonde hair. So minus the thing that makes him Johnny Bravo? Yeah.

Oh, mama. Like that. Also, this guy, big creep. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, bad, bad, bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That one has not held up as well. That one has probably held up the worst.

Yeah, yeah. I think of any other, like, or like, fictional characters that our family could resemble. We, we joked around and called Keith Harry Potter when we were younger. Yeah, he looked like Harry Potter. That's an easy one. Edna. No, no, no. Who does Edna look like?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, before you go anywhere. Go back to Edna? Who's this? Who's this, smoke? She was, like, one of the... No, she wasn't. Was it his sister or his mom? I don't know, actually.

Because Fred's Flintstones... She looks like Fred. Fred's... Yeah, it must be a sister or mom. Mother. Yeah. Fred's wife was Wilma. And then there was Barney and Betty.

And Bam Bam. Bam was Barney and Betty's son. My mom gets this a lot. Edna Mode. Yeah. I don't see it. Your mom looks like that? I don't see it.

She used to have a Bob, so we called her that. She wore glasses. I don't see it. I don't see it either. But I'm also not. Yeah, my, I'm not kidding. I think my shin is sweating. That's bad.

Yeah. You're all right. Also, I, uh, your mom reminds me of my high school Italian teacher. I don't know the reference. Well, I'm just saying, like, when I saw your mom. She was a teacher. She, she, like, reminded me of her. And I was like, oh, is that?

I've only met your mom twice. Imagine. And I can't, I can't, like, pinpoint who she reminds me of. But she, it's like one of those things where it's like, it's on the tip of your tongue. She does look like someone famous, but I can't, for the life of me, iron out exactly who it is. And that's not a bad thing.

Oh, no, yeah. I mean, I asked my Italian t-shirt. I don't want fucking Johnny Bravo to beat me up. You asked your Italian teacher to prom? Yeah. Really? Yeah. How'd that go?

I didn't go with her. Doesn't mean she said no. She had just gotten married, although I don't think that's why she said. But she was like, no. And I was like, joke. I mean, I was joking. But if she would have said, yeah, I'm like, oh, well, now I've got to figure out.

Yeah. There's not really a chance that could have. No, no, no. Also, fired. I mean, also. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She said no. I think that she may have been at the prom, though.

I mean, yeah, they used to do that where the teachers would go and they would chaperone and just make sure no, you know, nothing crazy would happen. I had a teacher once come up and separate me and a girl from dancing. One time I had this girl, this girl, this is the first time I ever. heard this term, but I was dating this girl and her grandfather died and I felt really bad, but she lived all the way in Jersey. So I asked my mom, like, can I take the car and go visit her and whatever? And it was kind of late at night. I think I remember who this is. And she was like, she was like, no. And I'm like, why? Her grandfather just died. Like I just want to like go there and like kind of comfort. She's like, no, I know what this is about. This is hanky-panky.

That's what she said to me from. I mean, be honest, Joey. It wasn't. Be honest. Your grandpa died. Have you not seen wedding crashers? It's a movie! I mean, some people live by that shit. No, she was very upset. You were going, be honest, if, if, all right, so let's play this out. You're you.

I'm the girl. Yeah. Okay? And you're coming to see me because my grandfather died. Okay? Yeah. Hey, sorry that your grandpa died. Do you want to like fuck right now?

Do you're, Ken? End scene. That's not how it would go So, all right, if this girl, if you had driven there Not the point, the point is You might not be, Joey, Joey, and my mom's like, no, you're making up a dead relative You want to go there and stay.

All right, your mom is wrong. Your mom is wrong. Correct. For, for not believing you, correct. But if Hank, if your pankey was going to get Hankied, would you have denied it? No. So your mom was right.

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Luxury sales claim based on S&P Global Mobility Canadian New Vehicle Total Registrations for calendar year 2025 for the Cadillac definition of luxury. hanky but you definitely were welcoming a hankying. Those are different things. I don't think so. I was saying that I was going there to be comforting and she was like, no, you should have said to your mom. Hanky, panky.

No. No, what I said was what the fuck is that? You cursing your mom? I probably didn't say fuck. Sally Field. I actually was mad at her that night because I was like, why are you assuming that I'm lying and I'm trying to just like. That's fair.

It like, whatever, but hanky panky. I truly had no idea what she meant by that. I don't think there's something to call sex that would turn me off more than hanky-panky. How about you come over a little bit and we have a little bit of hanky-panky? I'd be like, you need to grow up a little bit. How old are you? I would be like concerned. Like, let me check your birth certificate.

Yeah, I was like 20 at the time, I think. Oh, it's not patron. I wanted, the first thing in my head was like, should we look up different like terms for? I mean, it's not Patreon, but I already. Oh, like a midnight rumble. Yeah, I sound like that. Backseat. Back door blast.

While you look it up, I heard one calling it bashing guts. That's too. That's too much. That's too like visceral. Yeah, what are we doing? You know what? I'm going to do some, I'm going to do some.

I'm going to do this before. Before we get into these, I do we have some sponsors. The first one being Squarespace, okay? Squarespace is going to be the website where you build your website. If you have e-com business or you make content or anything like that, a website is very important. It is the one-stop shop. It is the first impression where people are going to come and check out and see if you're legit or not. So if you have a bad-looking website, maybe it'll be

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Thank you. We love you. Back to it. Yeah. Also, what the fuck website is this? I don't know. I was just trying to find a bunch. This is the one that listed them all. There's a door. That looks like a good door. Okay.

So we have them broken up in the classics, one word, food related, and then just the random weird ones that happen. Just go to the random ones. Oh, right. Okay. We got, uh... Well, hold on. The food related ones are pretty... What are those? Oh, yeah, what's that?

Can you zoom in on the page? Baking the potato? Some of us are older than others. Baking the potato, buttering a biscuit. I've heard that. I've heard that one. Buttering and biscuit, I've heard. Putting the bread in the oven,

but that's like a pregnancy one. Yeah, it's a bun in the oven. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's still, like, insinuated. Getting ones kettle mended? Who is this? John Snow's getting railed? It's like, oh, listen up.

Oh, I hear you need your kettle mended. That's fucking David Beckham. Yeah. Horizontal refreshment? Don't like that at all. Wait, wait, refreshment. Yeah. Bam, bam in the ham.

That's a good one. Taking that with me. That's a really good one. What do you say? We slip into the bedroom and bam, bam, bam in the ham. Bam, bam. What does that mean? Ham?

I'm pretty sure is in reference to a vagina. The vagina. Isn't fresh ham? Like, give them the fresh ham. Isn't that a butt? Ham? Is it? I'm going to give you a ham?

Like, when someone's, give them the fresh ham, it's like they pants them, right? Oh, I've never heard of that one. I've never heard of that one. I just grew up. Who was a ham in a movie? What movie was that? Sandlot. Toy Story.

Hey, I mean, that's the, yes, that is. The Great Hambino. Planting the parsnip. Yeah, hey. Also taking that. I like that one a lot. Yeah. Feel free to use that one.

You don't like it? I mean, parsnips are not, like, I don't want to, parsnips are pretty big. Are they? Parsnips are a larger carrot? Whatever. We're having fun. Sending up.

for sushi, disgusting. Yeah. Tossing a hot dog down the hallway. That one I heard is like... It's a dis. It's a diss at someone. It's like, you got such a cavernous vagina. Yeah, so it's like tossing a hot dog down a hallway.

Yeah. Yeah. So that one seems mean. Also... Having your corn ground? Excuse me? That's a butt one for sure. Who's the corn?

The butts. Corn is butt? Yeah, I've always heard corn is like a butt thing. No. Like I'm... He's corning. Huh? Oh, God, it sounds so gross.

I'm not the only one that have heard that has heard that before. A corning? This one, groping for trout in a peculiar river. What planet would that mean sex? I don't know if any of the food-related ones that I've heard so far, like, if any of them were used, it would be a conversation. Like, we're not going to do what you want to do. We are going to talk about why you use that phraseology. You ever see the videos of them trying to catch fish, like catfish in the

river they shove their hand in the hole and that's called noodling I like that speaking of noodle bringing an al dente noodle to the spaghetti house I guess the vagina is the spaghetti yeah which I love spaghetti and you love the house so I'm not opposed to that one many also al dente noodles are the best way to cook them I would say that an al dente weanors if I were to be into weeners would not be the way that you would want one how would you want one I imagine that weeners are considered best when are fully erect.

Oh, raw. So it would be an undercooked. Or just raw. Or just, yeah, an uncooked weiner. It's fair. Doing squat thrusts in the cucumber patch. That one's kind of... That is quite the visual.

Also, wait, squat thrust. Isn't that, like, the air squats? What's a squat thrust? It's like a... Oh, so like you go down? Oh, a hump. Yeah, I got you. And now for the what-the-fuck version,

We have bedroom rodeo. I think that's a fair one. That makes sense. Basket making. Doesn't make any sense to me at all. I don't know. I mean. Basket making.

Yeah, I can't imagine also what would, why a, you're not making anything there. No. Outside of maybe a child. Doing the devil's dance. I can guarantee you that was said at like some like hardcore church down south. My CCD teacher probably said that too. Yeah. You're doing the devil's dance?

Hot yoga is a. You need to be careful with that one. It's an exercise class. Yeah, because if someone were to, if Becca were to ask me, you want to do some hot yoga? I'd say, fucking, oh, no. Yeah, I'd like too hot. If she meant engage in sex, that I would say yes.

If she, you know, yeah, if she said that, but she really meant groping for trout in a peculiar river, then you'd be like, yeah. It's just too long. Yeah, it's too crazy. Also, why parallel parking? Parallel parking? I guess because you're both.

Parallel. Go forward and back. You've made it more confusing. I don't, I don't particularly enjoy parallel parking. Rolling in the hay, I like that one. I've heard that one before. Hey, we're going to go roll in the hay. Although having sex in hay sounds miserable.

That sounds like a farmer thing. Like that's a, oh, we met in the hay house, and we rolled, we had it roll in the high. I mean, if I lived on a barn, I would definitely, like, get in the barn and go crazy sometimes. Brother, hay is sharp. It is sharp. Sharp. Yeah. That's gonna fucking, ooh, that might end up in places you might not want it to be.

Wedding the Willie? Okay. I don't like that one. Matrimonial poker. Maybe if I hated sex, I would like that one. Poka. Bumpinogglies, I've heard. We've heard that one.

Yeah, that one's a good one. Chesterfield Rugby. What the fuck is that? Chesterfield Rugby. That just, that sounds. Who's calling it this? Dancing the Goaties. jig. What? That sounds like doing the devil's dance. That's pretty much the same.

Because goats aren't they like symbolism? A black goat, yeah. For the devil? Yeah. Yeah. For like, uh, for that stuff. Two-person push-ups. How to, going heels to Jesus. That's fucking scary. Heels to Jesus. Jesus is up. Get those heels out. I heard, have you ever heard of one that you haven't seen on here? I've heard of, uh, wearing ankles as earrings. Um, no, but that sounds like going to heels of Jesus. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Putting the wand in the chamber of secrets. Love that one, honestly.

Oh, no, I mean, I hate that one. This one just says seeing a man about a dog. What the fuck is that? This has got to be people that, like, they're just like, oh, what do you, what are you doing tonight? Um, it's going to see a man about a dog. I mean, I imagine someone said that in the context of like. I'm sure that has been, like, I could see that one, honestly, more than Chesterfield rugby. Like we're out

and you're like leaving a place. I'm like, you're going to go see a man about a dog? Yeah, I could see that being one for like, you know, I can see that being one, for sure. And then lastly, here we have taking old one eye to the optometrist. Old one eye in reference. To the weiner.

Pete has one opening, most of them. But. I got jumping bones once. Jumping bones, I've heard, knocking boots, I've heard. Oh, hanky-panky's up there. Hanky-Panky sucks. Tapping ass. Bro, clapping cheese. is so funny. Clapping cheeks, that's one that I've heard a lot.

Amorous Congress. Why the fuck is that in classics? You literally could convince me that is a branch of government. Yes. Jumping bones, I've heard, knocking boots I've heard. Funny business. But see, funny business was not just sex. It was just like everything, like, it was anything.

It was anything. It was anything. Like, you know, you and your friend, what are you guys doing down there? No funny business. Yeah. Did they mean? something. You know, now that you say that, maybe your parents thought we were hooking up.

No, Frank. They did not. So then why would they say it? Because it probably doesn't mean that. I'm using your logic against you. I'm not. There's not. What? I'm not.

Wait, I actually just remembered something that I wanted to talk about. Love? Love when Joe remembers something. I feel like it's going to take a while, though. I feel like... We can wait here in silence.

What do you need? What do you need? No, no, no, no. I mean, like, I want to do it, but I think it's going to be a funny conversation because it's such a frank thing and I just remember that. We got time. We got time. No, I know, I know.

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purchase today. That is naturium.com slash basement spelled n a t u r i um dot com slash basement get that 10% off of your first purchase today folks okay um all right i'm sweating but i wanted to uh bring this up because i'm like i saw this tic-tok and i'm like this is the most frank thing in the world but i i hold on i saved the ticot so i have to just find i have to pull that up because the original one is is also hilarious but it was a girl talking about when she was in junior high these are some things that she did it are you fanning your wiener no under my shirt oh so this girl posted a tic-tok and it says things i did in junior high to get attention and then the first one she said that she put her fitbit on her ankle so that people

would think she had an ankle monitor and i'm like yo that's hilarious so i was laughing at the video already then i went to the comments some of these are so good okay some of these are so good. I don't, I've never had a Fitbit. I cannot imagine I would have done it. No, but like these things in general like, are, like, so. I like how he started by Frankie would love this. You know, like, yeah, because

I know what he's, I know what he's referencing. Like, I was in middle school, like one of those kids that's like, my uncle worked for Nintendo, like, yeah, but he gasses it up to a point where it was like, great. No, but some of these are so funny, so I screenshot some of them and it says, this one

says, I wore colored context and would tell people my eye color would change with my mood. Damn, that's, oh my God, do you remember mood rings? Do I? They were big when we were in middle school. Wait, you had one? Well, I would put someone's on and I'd be like, oh, it's red because you're in love. Yeah, or something.

Or horny? I don't know what red would mean. I remember, like, my, like, middle school girlfriend had one, and I would, like, look at that shit. I have a, I'm sorry, I have a question. Yeah, the colored contacts. When I was in high school, I was, I walked up to, this guy, walked up to me or was talking me, I'm like, yo, dude, your eyes are so blue. Like, random compliment the first time talking to this guy. Turns out he had fake contacts the entire time.

When do you tell somebody? I think it's an immediate... How do you not tell me? I think it's an immediate thing. I think if you wear contacts that change the color of your eyes as an adult, that's a little crazy. It was in high school, but like, how do you not tell me, like right there when I'm caught? If I had no plan to talk to you ever again in my life, I would let you think it. Turns out of... Oh, okay. That's fair. Like, I'm not going to, I would tell someone that I'm going to have to see again, but I'm not going to tell, like, a random person. He was dating one of my pretty good friends. I talked to him a bunch. I will tell you that I fully in middle school said this out loud and planned on getting the, like, the contacts that, like, made your eyes all white except for the

black dot. Like Ray Mysterio. Exactly. Exactly why I wanted it. I used to want those two. Because he'd come out and, you know, just like, you know, looked sick. And I'd be like, yo, that would be cool to have. Or the other ones like Limbiscuit were turned it all black. Oh, the guitarist or bassist for limp biscuit. Yeah. Speaking of limp, this one says I would limp around for no reason. Maybe someone would ask if I'm okay. I'm sure I did.

I don't think I did though. I definitely, if I had an excuse to limp, I would take it. If there was an ace bandage in my house, I was wearing it. Yeah. And it was, oh, oh, I got hurt catching a touchdown for the championship. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, one of the, like, oh, well, my elbow hurts because I had.

to walk off Grand Slam to win the World Series. Oh, and we won money. Did that ever work? I'm sure it did. You get attention. Yeah. Got it. Got it.

There's no end goal. Oh, I thought the goal was like, I kiss someone's... No, because that would be way too far. Yeah. I just wanted attention. Yeah, whoever would think that far. Definitely why you're doing it. I wasn't always like, oh my God, I'm so hurt.

I'm trying to get some ass right now. I just wanted some pity. But the pity would be, you're so cute. I could take care of you and kiss you. Yeah. Touch your butt. I mean, I thought of it more as like, not that I'm hurt, but I'm like, I'm fine. Well, that's the thing is like you would prove like, oh, I'm just, I've been through things.

I'm tough. Like, I've brought this up before, but I remember years ago I found like, remember how you could save logs of like conversations on aim? I found one where I was talking to a girl and I was just like, you know, like telling you I like you is the scariest thing. And I'm not scared of anything. I've been bungee jumping and stared a rabid raccoon in the face. you wrote that yeah yeah dude

and that's just what we remember that's yeah yeah this one says I never did anything outward but alone I'd act like my crush could see me

through hidden cameras in my house I also act like Backtree boys called me up on stage for my favorite song to dance with them oh I would do

the whole like laying down in the shower thing I would like I was doing like waking up like yeah or like You know, like I was in like the burn music video.

Yeah, and you're like kicking the water. Like, I was kicking the water and, you know. Have you ever pretended like your crush could see you through hidden cameras in your house? Ooh, that's a good one. No, I don't think so. That's a good one. That is a good one. I'll, like, if I throw something and it goes into the trash man, I'll toss like a to nothing.

Oh, what? Really? Yeah. Oh, like, oh, you saw that? Like, yeah, yeah. I, I mean, I was never a big, like, Kobe Bryant fan, but like, I would hit Kobe Bryant, you know. On anything. Like, I'd just be like, oh, Kobe.

Oh, my God, do you see the video of the little kid going, I'm not Kobe? Oh, Steph Curry. No. God, it was adorable. Loved it. Times are changing. People probably do the Kobe thing and don't even realize where it came from.

Probably, some people. This one says, I wrote about myself on the bathroom wall, then cried about finding it. Oh. That's a good one. It's like, Sarah's a slut. It's like, who the fuck says that? I got accused of that. Of what?

Of like something like that. Of writing something about someone else or writing about yourself? No, no, writing something about me. I was in college and in like the school newspaper, someone wrote, Frankie Alvarez, you're so cute. X-O-XO, your secret admirer. And my buddy Sly sent it to me and he was like, yo, this is you.

I'm like, I swear to God it's not. He's like, I'm not going to believe it's not you. So someone was flirting with you via the school paper? Yeah, that's how old we are, dude. Good Lord. They put it in like the like, What was the place on the, like, the newspaper back of the day where it would post, like, you'd like, that's how you'd find jobs. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Or, like, the movies that were coming out that week, the movie times. That used to be a thing on Craigslist. It would be misconnections. And it was like, I saw a girl on the, whatever. Me and Greg, when we first started OPL, we were trying to reach out to people and we would go through misconnections. And sometimes you read some crazy shit. Like, someone being like, you were in line at Starbucks and you farted. And, like, you said, excuse me, but I, like, I don't want to see you again.

I love the smell of your farts. Like, legitimately, that was one of them. Oh. Like, who knows if they're actually, like, legit and real? I mean, but here's why I would think that they are, because they're posting that anonymously, and they get nothing from it being... That's fair.

Like, they get no attention. You know what I mean? Like, it's not like it's like Joe Sanagado wrote this. Yeah, this is a good one. I went on vacation at Disney World and met a girl at the pool and told her my name was Dragon. That's fire, dude. That is so sick.

Told her my name was Dragon. I think I didn't really go on many vacation. when I was younger, but that feels like an easy one. Like if I was on vacation, I'd probably lie about everything. I went on a vacation and I lied about my age, my job, all that. Your job, wasn't, weren't you on a vacation when you, when you were lying about sleep talking? Yeah. Yes, I was.

So what if I like her? Yeah, it's exactly. It's such a good story. Don't cover your face with your face. I was, uh, it was around middle school time. I went to see my family. I have family in sunny Jacksonville, Florida. Oh, yeah.

And my cousin took me to a party, and there was a girl there that, you know, was cute. I thought she was cute. And I told her I was a 19-year-old actor that drove an escalade from New York City. Frank. You drove an escalade from New York to Jacksonville, Florida.

That would cost thousands of dollars. But here's the thing. That's the funniest part. my idea of immense success at 15 was being a 19 year old actor driving an escalade that's amazing how old were you actually I must have been 15 14 that's great around that time

this is a good one too I said I had to ask FM do you remember that like you remember FormSpring yes where you can just ask questions anonymously yeah people would ask you questions you just answer them said I had to ask FM and posted a link to my Tumblr Facebook Instagram so people could ask me questions anonymously I would ask myself questions about my crush and low-key cyber bully myself

and answer them defending myself with witty comebacks. You know what? That's amazing. I feel like that's something that probably happens a lot still. First of all, I had a form spring, and of course I was asking myself questions about, yeah, about like my crush so that she would see it. Oh, really? Yeah.

Oh, you sleepy little bit. See, and then he, I'm glad you admit that because if you were to ask, that would have been me, but no, I would have been the one that wrote a letter and be like, it's facts. This is a tear because I was crying, thinking about how beautifully you are. I was diabolical in middle school in other ways. I would definitely have it cyber bullied myself and like, you had witty come back through a cyber bully.

I don't think I cyber bullied myself, but like, like, people do that with like burner accounts and shit like that. Yeah. I do not have the time or the care to have a burner account. Bro, the form spring days were... It was crazy. There was another one that was on my college... Oh, also, I would be in other girls' form springs asking mad questions. Yik-Yak!

You remember Yik Yik! Oh, yes. That was like a college campus one. They had it at my campus. And it would just be like, oh, R.A. Frank is so hot. and I'd be like, who the fuck? And you would do it? No, no, no, no, no.

But I'd try to figure out. I'd be like, ha, ha, ha, who are you? Oh, Andre, a burner? Yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha, right? We should meet up. Ha, ha, let's meet up and talk about how hot he is. Who is this?

At the dining hall. That is some pure diabolical shit. I've done that, though, where I've gone into, like, other girls is, like, ask FM's or whatever, and I'd be like, do you have a crush on someone in your class? or something like that. I mean, I was notorious in middle school for being like, you know, not seeing the girl and not talking to her, getting the screen name, talking to her online. And then it's like, let's play 21 questions. Yeah.

You know, and it's like, question one, what's your favorite color? Question two. What is your, what's your favorite song? Question three, how far have you gone? How far have you gone was such a question? Such ridiculous question looking back. You know? Or what do you think?

about me you know shit like that how do you feel about Greek and Colombian men if you were to say like you prefer Greek or Colombian or criminals who would you say criminals yeah but yeah there was there was so many good ones I remember in high school it was like a like to like try to get people to like you is like that you partied like I remember I remember in high school just being like, yo, we'd get so fucked up. Yeah. You know what I mean? It was a big one.

Or even in like the early years of college where it would be like, yeah, you guys party, not like us. We get so fucked up, dude. Yeah. We drink so many beers. Like someone's going to see that and she'd be like, ooh. Yeah, when you thought it was just like so cool to be drunk and you're like, you have one drink and you're like, oh, God, a fucking funnest. Yeah, it's like, honestly, I'm fucking like already like, this is the most drunk I've ever been. I'm already feeling it.

Like, that was not attractive in any capacity. This feels like a frank one. It says, I used to wake up and tell myself, I'm not going to talk today, just for attention. Always failed. Yes. I'm not talking. How's that?

There were, there were, I remember, I did this a lot as I was younger. And honestly, sometimes I do it now. Like, I just, I go as long as I can in the morning without talking. Yeah, you said that. But also, in my middle school, they had a day where it was like don't speak day and it was like

you'd sign up for it and it was like you'd get a laminated card and it was in support of marginalized communities men and women of color people in the LGBTQIA plus community to support them you opt not to speak today

and my school was like my like the school baccalaureate was like super progressive and they like really honored it so I would sign up for it every year so I'd have one day where I didn't have to do any work I would just I'd be like

Oh so they would just be like You don't have to talk? Yeah You didn't have to do work that day You didn't have to do group projects You basically had a free day And he just didn't talk That's kind of cool

The Frankie comes in with the lanyer And every teacher goes Yes Thank God No I wasn't getting in trouble for talking I was just getting in trouble for existing It was kind of a badass honestly I got a lot of trouble

I got a lot of trouble at school We had detention I was there for sure This person said I would trace drawings And pretend I drew them That's a pretty good one too I would do something like that

I don't think I ever I can't remember anything that I did Like that But there was a lot of like Trying to get attention via pity. Like if I got a black eye, I'd be thrilled. I'd be so thrilled.

Because I'm like, oh my God, I look like a, you know, whatever. And also, I could lie. Well, that's why when we were younger, like... Gone to a fight with eight guys. We would do, like, those, like, jackass-type stunts. And I was like, I hope my, like, girlfriend's coming around to see us do this where I get kicked in the ball. Because I'd be so in pain and I... But I'm okay.

You know, like, there was, like, a machin- You would like a machin. Yeah, there was like a machin. Chismo. Look at me get hurt. Look at me and get hurt, but I'm fucking, I'm good. And like, oh. It's so dumb what do you think is cool. It is so dumb. Like, when you're young, you're such an idiot.

It's funny because if I had listened to what, like, the older people said was stupid, like, it was stupid. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, it was not like it was like, no, actually, that was pretty sick. Also, do you remember how fucking much you thought that a brand new pair of sneakers would make you just infinitely faster? Well, that was like, like Mike. did a whole number on us as kids. That's like kind of later, I feel. Like I came out, I think, like 2003?

Really? 2004, maybe? Look it up. I remember, uh, I remember there was this kid on my, my blog, this kid Omar. And he was like, I could definitely beat you in a race. And I had just gotten a new pair of shoes. And I remember saying to him, like, in these shoes and no shot.

Really? Yeah. Like, I remember vividly being like, not in these shoes. I mean, I think, I think, though, like, that has been proven. Like certain shoes are made for running so they're lighter, they're bouncier, like they are going to help you. I'm wearing basketball sneakers. It's not like running sneakers. Yeah, but like there is a difference 2002. Wow. So we were not 10 years old when it came out. Fifth grade? Wow. Actually, it was fourth grade going into fifth grade. Oh, that's right. Yeah.

We were like, like, I remember to play kick. Whenever we were playing kickball, I would specifically wear my, boots, my Timberland boots, because I convinced myself that kicking a kickball with Timberland boots made it go farther. I mean, maybe they're heavy. I feel like the logic's there. I mean, I know, but as a 10-year-old, or a 12-year-old, it shouldn't have been there. Yeah. It's better than flip-flops, break a toe. Did you ever do any of that stuff? I was trying to think this entire time. I'm sure I did. Nothing really comes to mind. Did you guys have like screen names that you were big on that? Or no? I think they were just after 8. It was like popular.

Was AIM only popular for that long? Aim, I remember it dying down around 2009. So you were what, like 11 at that point, 12? Did you have BBM? I had a sidekick slide, so probably. Well, that's not. But I'm talking about like Blackberries. Like the phone.

No. No? That was like the biggest thing. What about Nextel? That was even older probably. God. Yeah, nextelps was 100% older. I had like Samsung phones.

Before the iPhones were cool. kind of. Oh my God, Samsung's. I had, we had AIM and then we had I had NextHells. I remember Sprint, because Sprint bought out Nextel. So, like, they incorporated that into their phones. I never had a phone that did that. I was furious with my parents. The reason that

the Nextel was cool is because you would press up on the volume button and it would play your ringtone. Yeah. And I made my own ringtones and it was just the full song. Right. So I would just sit there and play the song that I wanted to. Everyone would do that. They would just play the song. Yup in my white tea.

Yeah. And then also the talk to it was like a walkie-talkie. You could just hit your friends like, and then you'd say anything. And I think it was bleep-leep. And then your phone would just play someone's voice. That's dangerous. Yeah, that happened to me in school, like once or twice.

And they'd be like, yo, what's up? P penis liquor. And I'd be like, I'm sorry, Mr. A. You know. Damn, that's such a stupid feature now that I'm thinking about it. Like, I could literally just hit you at any point. Well, I think it would go, I think at a certain point it would go off.

like a call is incoming. It was called PTT, push to talk. Yeah. And it would say PTT Frank, because you had to have a separate number for PTT. Oh. So, like, I would need, like, your PTT number in order to do that. But you can't stop me from talking, right?

I think I, fuck, I can't really remember now. But I think they put it in so, like, it would be, like, incoming PTT and you'd have to answer it. Do you remember people used to, like, customize their shit? Like, my sister had a case that, like, lit up. Yeah, dude. Or they had, like, see-through red ones. I remember the one that I had, it was the first one that had a camera on it.

You'd hit a button and it fucking, this shit flew open and it could have knocked someone's teeth out. The I-570. Look it up. The Next-Tel I-5-70? No, my God, this guy, you've got to type Nextel, N-E-X-T-E-L. Hell yeah, now we're talking. These things look insane. That's what it was.

It was that. It was like a giant phone Dude these phones were so fucking cool Remember the razor? Yeah I saw there was a bunch I remember There was the um the chocolate You remember the chocolate

Was that the brown one? It came in red and white I think there was a brown color They had the chocolate, the juke Remember the juke? No The juke looked like an MP3 player And it slid open

Okay I had like a pretty cool phone My first phone was like all of my phones were first my sisters. Oh really? Yeah, they were always Shannon's and then she would give them to me. Like my phone number is her old phone number. This was the later version. This is what I had.

This was a later version. The first one, the sidekick one and the sidekick two were like iconic. Yeah, those were so cool. There was one that looked like this and you click it like this and goes, yeah, that was the sidekick. Oh, yeah, yeah. Then there was the Google phone, the phone and the screen would open like this. Oh, I also had the phone.

one. That's the, is that the Google phone? This is the psychic slide. Oh, that shit is ass. Dude, phones used to be fucking cool, dude. God, see, why do you bring up nostalgia? Now phones are all just the same. They're just the same and they don't look cool anymore. It's just a screen in your pocket. Let me touch a button and this thing does a fucking gainer in order to open. It's... Have you held a Blackberry recently? No, but I had the Blackberry Storm. Bro, the, I, um, I A Blackberry, I picked one up in a store once, like recently. How we were able to type on that is beyond me.

Well, we had little baby fingers, that's why. I mean, just adults had them. I'm getting, I'm being honest, I'm getting to the age where I'm not able to type on my iPhone anymore. What does that mean? Like, my fingers are too big for buttons, and I'm pressing, like, the wrong button or two buttons at once. Frankie, you're like 34. Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about? Oh, who cares?

But, like, what are you talking about? You're not old. What are you talking about? I'm getting there, and I'm 33. Do you think that when you get older, your fingers blow up? up. Like, what are you talking about? I mean, as keyboards stay the same size, our fingers and dexterity becomes bigger and worse. Bro, put, is that true? Frankie at 33 types like if you had your hands in the snow for a while. Yeah, like, I honestly do. Like, I'm not really good at it. Um,

that's a different thing. Sometimes I type like this. Like, I'll put my phone down. Like, if I'm texting, you know, you won't. I swear to God. You put your phone down and type. Go ahead. Send you off. I'll be like this. So I'll pull you up. Send you a full text. Okay, what do you want the text to say? Hi, Joe, good morning. I'm Frank. You do this?

Yeah. And see, my fingers are too big. I just put... That's because you're typing like a... I do that sometimes. But it's just because like this is like, I'm just like... My finger... If I'm going for F and G, like...

Yeah, what are you typing? What are you typing over there, buddy? What the fuck was that about? The fuck is that about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't know what he was typing. What the fuck? A missing letter on his hat.

Stop that. Hey. It's hot. It's getting hot in here, huh? Hotter now, I bet. It's going to be hot in hell. You ever see that episode of Sunny? Where they're doing the Times Up episode,

where they're in the hotel. And then they do like, Times Up. They're like, oh, it's getting, it's getting hot in here. Now I know Frankie's taking a while, text me back, it's because he can't even pick up his phone. I've got nowhere to put my phone down to type. Look at what other, like,

I had the Nokia brick was my first. Yeah, that was mine first too. Do you remember my keyboard, like, ripped off? So if I had to text people, I had to, or if I had to type a phone number, I had to use a stick from the ground to poke my number. Man, these are cool phones, dude. You know what made it cool

Is that it looked like a phone? Does that make any sense? Nope. All right. I one time for Christmas I was like, ooh, I asked for a phone for Christmas and I was like looking for my presence and I went looking and I found two of those phones

and then I was like, let's fucking go. They were for Keith and Shannon. I didn't get a phone. Wow. I was tight. I was tight. The only reason I got a phone. was for seventh grade because I was going to be taking the train to and from school.

Yeah. So my parents were like, if you're going to take the train, you need a phone just in case. And smart. I don't know that I had a phone. I think you got one in eighth grade, if I can remember correctly. Maybe, yeah. I got one just when, like, when a majority of people had one is fine. That's when I got one.

But you grew up like your first phone was probably a smartphone. Does Miles have a phone? Yeah. Yes, he does. Like an iPhone? Yep. Unlimited? His dad pays for that one. No, no.

That's not what he meant. I meant like unlimited access? No, so he only is allowed to use it for texting and calls. Yeah. And when he's home, he doesn't use it. Yeah. His dad pays for that one. That's so funny. But yeah, I guess. What other phones were cool?

Also, did you ever have anything that had parental lock on it? My parents never did that. Not only did I not have that, I had where anything I did on my phone, I was worried they were going to see it. Like, you remember the anxiety of accidentally opening the internet and it was like, the rumor was like, every time you open the internet, it's $30. No. You don't remember that? No, but I have let it rip on the internet and cell phone before and got in mad trouble. I got in trouble because remember, this is before Wi-Fi was like.

super available. Yeah. So like you were using the internet on your phone, brother. It was expensive. And I got in trouble once because there was a website called 3G for free. And it was ringtones. So like I would download like 12 ringtones. But the amount of time and data that it took I got fucking barked at, dude.

More than once when I was in high school, the bill I put it up to like 300 bucks. Yeah. My dad parents were so. mad at me. My dad shut off me and my sisters because one month we both had a $300 bill. In 2005

paying $800 insane. I mean, now paying $800 for cellular service is crazy, but like... Then it was even crazier. That was when you had to... And I know we've spoken about this before and like we sound like boomers, but like

it mattered who your mobile carrier was. You had to like... So if you had Sprint, I had Sprint. I waited until after six people. to call you. Yeah. That was the reason to have Sprint

because it was free calls after six. Other carriers, it was nine. So, like, if you had singular, it was like 9 p.m. you had to wait to call someone.

You and I thought about the other day that I'm like, yo, this is kind of wild. When the, before caller ID, that was in our life. Bro,

I remember the first time. That's insane. I remember the, I remember my family getting the caller ID. It was a separate machine. Oh, my God.

That you had to hook up, like, in between the, the, phone cable and your phone and it went in the middle. Yeah. And like, it would be like, who's calling?

And it'd say like, Santa Gato. Yeah. And I'd be like, oh, fuck, Joey. Oh, fuck. Yeah. But dude, that's so crazy. I was thinking about that.

I'm like, yo, in my lifetime, there were so many things that like happened. And you're like, gay people couldn't get married. There was no caller ID. Brother of those issues is bigger than the other.

Yes. Yeah. And also the, the universal rights for for gay people to get married. was like 12 years ago. Yeah. That's like...

Not long, brother. That's not long, dude. That's so funny. That's like a blink of an eye. That was yesterday, basically. Yeah. What a crazy time. Well,

caller ID, text messaging, the gays can get married. What a world. What a world we're living in here. Weed is legal. Yeah. That's another one,

honestly. That's pretty, like, I remember thinking like, that'll never happen. I don't know if they've ever really thought about it. but once it hit medicinal it was all the time yeah you were like 10 the fuck do you know sorry i'm hot i think i was right let's get out of here before we start sweating i'll even more thank you guys so much for watching don't forget to subscribe you can uh what am i saying right now

you can no they can don't forget to subscribe that's fine subscribe yeah do that like and subscribe smash that like button smash it kick it smash the bell take that little bell it fucking ring it. You guys, you go follow the show at the basement yard on TikTok and Instagram, Frank. You know it.

Aunt Priscoe. All right, damn buddy. You guys go follow me at Joe San Diego. Go follow the show on TikTok. I said that already, but I'll see you guys

next time. Bye. Bye. I'm a baby name.