The Basement Yard - #568 - Frankie's Birthday Episode

Episode Date: August 17, 2026

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Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. Birthday boy. I was going to keep going. I'll be honest. Yeah, I thought I didn't want to show. I was afraid you were going to pass out for a second. You know, I was going to put it in the weirdest way. I was going to say like what that thing do, meaning my vocal cords,

but I don't think anyone's ever referred to their throat as that thing. You're old now. You can't say stuff like that. I can't say things like that now. And we got you a little birthday cake. Oh, really? Oh. Wait. It's royalty.

I swear to God. Neil, please, Neil. It's royalty free. I'm gonna talk over it. I'm gonna talk over it just in case it isn't royalty free and they lied. Those candles are going out, if not already out. Oh, they stayed on. Yo.

Thank you. Hell, yeah. Yeah. Do I put these out like an adult? What? Do I... You can stop. I think I pulled this muscle on my neck.

Do I put these out like a... No, no, no, no, no. No, no. You gotta blow, you idiot. It's your birthday. I mean, first of all, you got to make a... You don't deserve to see what that thing do. I got it in. Okay.

You have to make a wish, obviously. Do I? Oh, should I do Joey what I wish for every year? It's like, just permanent wealth and health. And what are you going to wish for? An item? Money. I mean, technically, if I wish for something and then I get it myself,

wish came true. Yeah. Which came true? I should probably go, right? What do I do? I don't know. There's a lot of pressure on me now. You can't tell us, though.

Frank, it's a birthday cake. Do you close your eyes for wishes or you keep them open? It's amazing that you can't do anything. It's amazing. It's also rare. It's on your actual birthday today. Damn, that was good. And now we have to eat that.

Now we got. Still same way. That might set something off in here. Be careful. No, it would be fine. Yo, what would you do if we're recording and then the fucking sprinklers start going on? Probably freeze. That's really bad.

That would be really bad. We keep going, right? I'd be so upset, dude. Yeah, well, because of the thousands of dollars of equipment that would get in trouble. That would be the part that would upset me, yeah. I can't be the only one that's having this. Where are the plates, bitch? You know, you should have thought about that before you hawked a lungi on it there.

I didn't hunk a lungi. Hungung a lungi. I didn't hunk a lungi. I gave it all. You also have to... This is a wish, too. First cut, wish. Oh, do you, my family does the whole, like,

Cinco, Pil, Dantu, Bealantu, could be a bantu. Wow. No, my family doesn't do that. Oh, it's like a Greek thing. Does your family do the, like, face in the fucking cake? No. And I'm glad we don't because I saw one where it was like,

you know how, like, certain tier cakes have, like, they have stakes in them to, like, keep them from toppling over. And I saw one, and it was a fucking steak in someone's eye. Good. Don't want to do that. I hate that tradition. Also, like, there's too many traditions around birthdays. Wipe the name.

Cut the cake, sing the thing, make a birthday. Wipe the name like it's a diaper? What the fuck? I've never even heard of that one. You wipe the name out? Oh, I've never heard of that one. Yeah, you got a shmee your name. Shmee your name.

I will tell you, it was always a fight in our house, because Carvel ice cream cake was always the ice cream cake to go to. Yeah. It was always a fight to get the gel writing or the gel balloons. The balloons I wanted, but the balloons looking back are like, all right. There's a lot of goop. It's just like a, it's almost like waxy kind of. Oh, I haven't had any waxy.

It's not like as tasty as I thought. Ooh, but they... I thought that was gonna make noise. You gotta blow hard enough. Show us with that. I almost forgot. We got you birthday, Matt. Oh!

Oh, I hit the camera. It's all right. Trilled the camera. What, uh, first of all, this is certainly not royalty-free. You know, someone's gonna want their cut of this hat. That's true. We paid for it. That's also true.

It's got the big four on it, the original four. All right, so what am I doing? Wait, wait. What is this? Oh, a little sad. Why is it pink? Birthday girl. Right. Gotcha. Yeah. Okay. This is the sash, which also... Says birthday girl. Yeah. Yeah, they didn't have many options.

What is this thing? Is that the tag? Well, so what? It says on off. Does it go on? I don't know. The fuck is this. This is probably... You bought an electric one?

Is it light up? I don't know. Does it? Is it light? Nope. I don't know. Here. It's broken. It's your birthday. It's your birthday. Wow. Enjoy your birthday.

Oh, they're supposed to be lights. Yeah. I don't know, man. Well, Frank's turning 34 years old today. Today is it his actual birthday. A recording. Yeah. We should specify that.

There we go. By the time. Yeah. Oh, that looks nice. Well. There he is. Wow. The birthday girl at a birthday world.

Damn. I think it's the only time we've recorded an episode on a birthday. Probably, yeah. I think we've somehow done it for like five. times for you. Not on my birthday. I think so. I don't know. Yeah, you're new.

Yeah, who fucking, you don't know what the hell you're talking about. All right, give it a cut. Give us a cut. Do I go for it? Give us a wish. I already blew it out. The wish is gone. No, there's another wish. Oh, the sample of binkle. No, you just make the first cut and wish at the same time. Do you do the first piece? Why are you holding a knife like that? Do you do the first piece goes to the birthday person? Yeah, if you, yeah. Gender's non-specific. Yeah.

Might be hard. Well, it's an ice cream cake. God, I love ice cream cake. It's so good. Oh, yeah. Let me know how much crunchies are in there. I'll tell you right now, where's my fucking plate? Oh, I have birthday. Joe also have plates?

They're gay. They are gay. So I'm the gay birthday girl with a Pokemon hat. Yeah. We're going to all basis here. I mean, I don't hate that. You want a piece of cake? I wouldn't throw that.

Oh, you think you'd do it? Yeah, look. Oh, what a professional cut on my part. Well, I didn't get that. How about that? Oh, I almost nail it. That's all right got that. Come on, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Go, go. You can do it. Oh, you had it almost again. Throw it more to the... Oh, throw it more to the left. No, that way. We're running out of plates, I think. I fuck it up.

Yeah, no, I'm sorry. You gotta get one of those. He did that on purpose to see you crawl like a little pig. Probably. We're gonna let that go because it's his birthday, but that's all right. Oh, do I got free carte blanche to say we would do whatever I want today? You know, sure, no. Let's be honest. So that's for you. What's gonna stop me?

Yes, this is the first cake piece for the birthday boy. You want to give me your plate? That sentence, whooped your ass. I can't be one. Alright, wait here, take one. Oh. Yeah, you're scooping it. I'm scooped. Oh, that's a perfect... Yeah, you're cutting thick mamas. I'm not gonna lie.

I got ya. I got ya. I mean, it's ice cream cake at... You guessed it 11 in the morning. Yeah. Woohoo! And I'm sure this isn't gonna turn my mouth blue. Where's your plate? I need to give you a piece. Because if you don't have a piece, it's bad luck for birthday person. Now we're just making them up.

That one. But you know what? Who's going to fight me on that one? Honestly. Little piece? Little piece. You're getting a little piece. You're getting the same size as Joey and I.

The way that you cut all equal parts. It's driving me up the wall. Why? Because you're cutting like this. I mean, I want to be delicate and gentle to this beautiful birthday cake that you guys took the effort to get for me. Look it cut like that. Oh, you've made a mess. You said that like a mess.

Come on. Oh, you've made a mess. Give me this. So it's gonna melt. Give me the cake. No, you get it. It's my birthday. I got you, I got. He's that guy. He's not he's stopping.

You know what, it's gonna melt. No, no, no, here, here, here. Here, here. Ooh, ooh, I'm a fucking filthy pig. Yeah, you're hype. I like, I like, you like my birthday. I do. I enjoy my birthday. Back on the way here was just like,

I was talking around the phone and she's like, are you gonna be one of those people that doesn't enjoy the birth anymore? I don't think so. like my birthday? I don't think so either. Always have, always will. I think that you're like, since you like the nostalgia and like childlike, you know, you have like a childlike wonder, like, of course you would like birthdays.

Because like that's like, I feel like a birthday is nostalgic. I feel like there's a tinge of something there that you're trying to. You have a childlike wonder and you love nostalgia. I do. That's why I said that. And there's nothing wrong with that. Who said that? You're on the defense, buddy.

I am. I'm sorry. I'm excited. God, this is perfect. I will tell you this, this is now taking my second place. This is my second favorite cake now. Becca's cheesecake is bop, bop, bop, bop to the top, baby. I'm back.

Did you miss me? O'ridescream cake? Yeah. Whoa. Did you miss me? I'm back. Didn't even know you were gone. I don't know what this is, the blue.

Whatever the blue is is the greatest tasting thing I've ever had. Ganesh? No, there's no way they're pumping out ganache. I may not have no fucking idea what Kanash even is. It's Carvel. It's not, you know, French. Oh, it's cold. It's ice cream. That's true.

It's a little cold than I expected. Ooh, it's cold. Mm-hmm. Now we're talking, baby. The fucking episode is going on. I can see the ice cream melting in your mouth when you yelled that. This is a great cake. The chocolate crunchies and an ice cream cake are outrageous.

You know what these fucking? fucking idiots do from Carvel. Who? Carvel? I'm not what. They make an ice cream flavor in their ice cream shop. That's just the cake, but in a big tub. And it's fucking good, dude.

It's got the crunchies in there. It's got it all. I'm not quite sure what this is because I know it's vanilla, but it's not at the same time, you know? It's like white, but like also like... Nah, it's vanilla. Come on. Nah, it's something.

There's something else in there that I can't quite put my finger on. Crack cocaine? I might, y'all honestly, I'm not kidding, it might be. I like to separate, oh boy, I probably shouldn't say this. You'd like to separate the white and the brown? Yep. It's his birthday. You know, I can just tell from that bite too, you put the black crunchies with the brown and separated that from the white.

There's an equal distribution. Of the black. I don't like how you're making this a race thing. Really? Me. What? I like to separate my foods on my plates and stuff like that. I will say, you're back.

Sorry. It's just for me. That's a thumbnail right there. It's Frank's birthday. You're not going to, yeah. What are you doing? That's so good. Are you making your mouth blue?

You have a lot of pictures of me with my mouth blue. I think the, proper way to say that is that your mouth's blue a lot. Not that I hoard pictures. You hoard, you probably have more pictures of me with my mouth agape on your phone than any other person. Certainly not the way to say that. Certainly not.

Certainly a misleading sent. I mean, it's true. We have the one from San Diego. Yeah, because you ate cotton candy. I was at a baseball game. What was I supposed to do? I don't know. Not eat cotton candy.

No one else we were with a cotton candy. Yeah, because no one else is as fun as I am. You like cotton candy. I just like being the fun, like just enjoying the fun parts of life. And guess what? Sometimes it's free cotton candy. Yeah. I'll tell you this. You put me somewhere where there's free food.

I'm trying everything they got. You tried all the food in the thing? Yep. Did you? Yeah. It was good. Are you a big buffet guy? Bro, that was a big buy. Hello, brother.

I love a buffet. You love a buffet. Just taking a little bit of this and that. How do you go about choosing? You know what I'm saying? Do you take the one at the front? Do you try to get the middle? You're like, let me go on the back.

It depends on what it is. Like, if we're looking at like the thing of bacon, I look for the crunchiest pieces, which are normally sometimes in the middle. How are you still chewing? This cake is whooping my fucking ass. He's chewing a meltable. But I look for like the crunchiest.

And then, with the sausages, if they're links, I'm fully in. If they fucking dare to give me sausage patties, I'm not taking a single one. Oh, wow. Yeah, fuck that. I actually enjoy a patty. I mean, I like a link better, but... A patty gets drier quicker because there's no fucking protective layering.

You know what I mean? Protective layering. Yeah, I know what you mean? Like a link, it's snappy and shit, but I take a little bit... Let me tell you something. You're going to be... I love this. So yesterday, you know how, like, sometimes I tell you Nicole makes those, like,

hot dogs that aren't hot dogs? Yeah, we're getting there close. Close. So she ain't gonna. But she made those hot dogs yesterday. Dude, I don't know what was going on. I bit into this thing twice. Same dog.

It squirted across the room. I'm not kidding. Yeah. If I bit into it and it landed like on your desk, it flew. But be honest. I got in big trouble because it ruined some books and they got on the rug. Oh no. Oh, no, the books.

Yeah. Well, don't get me sorry on these fucking coffee. table books. There's a million of them. Dude, I think, like, that made you, like, you wouldn't have said that that was a measure of success of a good sausage or a good hot dog, but then it happened and you're just like, I kind of need my hot dogs to squirt across the room like this. The second one I learned, so I started, I put holes in it and I turned it upside down, and then I took a bite and then she started peeing out her, you know, out the bottom.

Yeah, she sat and squirted. Yeah, well, she was kind of like peeing out the front of the bun, and I was like, all right. And it was kind of like, it was like a milky text. Ooh. Yeah, I didn't. It was kind of like, not appetizing. That's why I'm like not fully on board with healthy hot dogs because like I don't even know what it was. I'm exactly.

If I get a regular hot dog, I at least know that I don't know what it is. Well, it wasn't a veggie. It was like a. Like a soy or like a tofu. I don't think it was tofu. I'll tell you right now, I will call up Nicole and scream into the phone if I, I hear that she gives you a tofu dog. No, tofu I'm not like crazy about it.

It's like I'm eating like an eraser. Yeah, it tastes like I'm eating nothing. Like a marshmallow that doesn't have a taste. It tastes like I'm just biting into the like underside of a mattress. Or like, you know what it, you know what it reminds me of? You know when they really compound like recycling and they make like big whatever? But they if they did that with moths, that's what that's kind of. You know what I mean?

Like a lot of compendons. Like a lot of compounded moths. Like if I just like somehow got a silk spider to just shoot it silk into my mouth, I feel like I would get more nutritional value out of that than tofu. Is that all spiders or are there specific silk spiders? I believe silk spiders are a specific set of spiders. And is it jizz or is it P? Or is it some other?

That's a good question. I don't think it's jizz. Is this a silk spider jizz? Do you want to do your job for a second? I'm trying to pass you a secret note. Try to pass a secret note that you forgot to start a timer. Yeah, add 15 minutes of that. Okay.

Yeah. Hold on. Is spider silk jizz? I heard it, though. Yep. I'm going to take a big old bite. Yeah. I don't want you to watch.

I feel like it's going to be a mess. How could I not look? Do we want to phrase exactly like that? You're disgusting. Jesus. It's not semen, but male spiders do use a special amount of silk called a sperm web to handle their reproductive. fluids. That feels like a yes and no. That feels like a certain regular spider silk is made of

strong protein fibers. That's jizz, baby. Well, huh? Yeah. How do you know that? Protein? Yeah. Don't worry. It's just all over. Sorry, I know people are going to hate me now. Um, yeah, I don't know. So when a male spider grows up, he weaves a small silk mat, then ejects sperm onto it. I mean... Oh, so that's kind of like the sock. Yeah. Except...

The towel. I never got that. I mean, people jerk off in socks. Why would anyone do that? I'll be honest for you. I've never done that. Me neither. But apparently they like loaded up...

Excuse me, let me fix my sash. They like loaded up with like lotion and then just crank their shit into this safe space. I don't. I don't. I've never done. Have you? Uh, no. No?

That's a yeah. No, it's a full yes. No, because I was just, I was under- Watch this, watch this. Have you done it? No. Have I done it? No.

See? But I was just understanding of why, I think. I mean, what could that mean? Like, it was like just to no cleanup kind of thing. You have empathy for the way of people jerk off in a socks. But also like even in like movies where you're like a guy like is sitting on his bed and he's got a mountain of tissues and jerkins, I'm like, I've never done that either. Brother, I will tell you I have seen people. Let me back up a little bit

Back up, birthday girl When I was an R.A. At the end of the year, after everyone moved out, we would have to... Oh, no. Yeah, dude. We would have to, like, go through the rooms to make sure, like, oh, this person didn't do any damage

of the room or leave anything behind because people would get charged, you know, to, like, have a store it or ship it or repair it or whatever. There was one kid's room. I remember very specifically, we went in there and it first of all stunk

like what you know what it smelled like you know those those fucking trees in Astoria that you walk by and they had the little shit berries on them the cum trees the cum trees it smelled like that

mixed in with like the upper inner parts of your asshole what kind of weekend did he have fuck a weekend it was a whole year and then we moved the bed and we saw tissues and socks.

Oh, you saw paraphernalia. Fuck paraphernalia. We saw the fucking murder victim crime tool, whatever. God. He was murdering sperm. What an insane episode. I mean, if the music didn't get us demonetized, it is absolutely gone. No, I sang over it.

We're fine. Yeah. But then there was another story that this didn't happen to me specifically, but someone I worked with told the story that they found someone's used fleshlight. And it like, we're going off this. It's your birthday. Are you kidding me? Well, you don't want to talk about used flush lights on my birthday?

No, I would rather talk about you and your birthday and not a random person's. I'm not opposed to that. So you're 34 now. Damn. See, first of all, that was Kevin Hart. It was Kevin Hart. You're just doing Kevin Hart on, what was that?

His own show, I think. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Don Cheadle, I think. It was Don Cheadle. Sorry, that was just, that was coming. You're 34. 34.

34. And how are you feeling and you feeling you feeling you feeling you feeling you're kicking your necks and stuff? Oh yeah I mean the the the necks you're cracking you're making them a lot of moans Yeah my my toes hurt randomly your toes hurt yes they do interesting I did have a I did have like an old person moment last night oh last night yeah it was in the shower and um I was getting ready to like wash myself what does that mean So what do you mean you were getting ready to wash

I was like, just like, so I do a pre-watt. I go in, I do a rinse. You know, I do my things. And then I, then I lather up and get the soap ready. To get everything wet. That was you spreading your ass to be clear. I mean, there was no specific. You went like this and then also this.

I'm just doing hand things. No problem. You're soaking wet now. I'm just, and then I was getting the soap all conjured and bubbly and soapy. And I smelt my grandmother. like a holy spirit not like a like she is coming down and watching over me which what a time to watch over yeah but like i smell and it was like oh my god that's what my grandmother smelled like and i realized that like i'm approaching that but but mathematically you're not i mean mathematically

but you think that like you just naturally as you age you will start to smell like your grandmother yeah okay i feel like i've smelled your grandma before and i and i and i i don't want to to, I love her. She didn't smell great. You know. I know. It's all right. That's why I was worried. So you were in there going, what's that? You've never been in the bathroom and smelled something and just be like,

Dad? Uh, no. Yeah, you have. I've been in a deli and smelled my dad for sure, yeah. You sure? He smells like prosciutto. I love that. I don't hate that.

Yeah. Like a spike. meat like a dry cured meat just a just a counter yeah like a deli I mean I mean maybe we can get into therapy about this because you do love your cured meats hey maybe we should talk about you in the shower smelling your grandma yeah that feels like a different type of I just like it was a moment where I was just like oh my god like I'm gonna grow up and smell like my grandmother did which was not pleasant did you smell like your grandma was this before or after you spread your

butt cheeks it's after we got that well hold out No one said I was spreading anything. No, we saw from the hands. I was just doing hand things. But you do spread. Of course you spread at your ass in the shower. We're all spreading our ass in the shower. If we're not, we're not cleaning our ass.

All right. Since we're all in this together, I do spread my ass. You spread your ass. Oh, don't we're going to get them with a ha-ha. Oh, my God. He got him. What an idiot. No, dude, I'm over there.

I'm letting to, you know. Yeah, I just don't smell my grandma after. No, me neither. I get direct contact with the shower head. to my heinie. Oh, you're betting over like that? I mean, I'm not like... I'm not like going over and like getting this thing to pressure wash me.

No, I'm not like a trapeze artist. That's what the bidet is for. Yeah. No, it's not pressure washing my ass. It's not doing that. Bade's got some, they got some pressure to it. But I'm not like, you know, banking on my spine, funneling the water down perfectly through my crack to clean my butt. I'm cleaning my butt.

I mean, I think I've figured out a way to... to kind of like maneuver my back. So it creates like a river delta right above my asshole. You know what I mean? Like it knows the route. So you don't open up, you don't park to sea? A little bit, but not to the point. Brother, you gotta get in there and fucking,

he-le-listen. Not to brag. You use your back to get to your asshole? Yeah, brother. It's like you're like, you can figure out how to get the water to go a certain way. What do you, an air bender? What is that?

What is that? Not an air bend, it's like fucking. I believe it would be water bend Water bending. Water bending. That is true. Yeah. I'm just bending. We've heard. I'm bending and spending. I mean, it's like one of those things where like you can like go like this and do that to yourself right now. You could feel like a trench in your back. Peks and valleys.

So if I create a valley going down my back directly into my asshole, the water has one way to go. Yeah, but you're just relying on like, you know, are you familiar with erosion? Yeah, I have human skin. It takes thousands of years. It takes thousands of years, Frank. Yeah, I have human skin, not constantly running water down my fucking, you know. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying if there is residue in your...

In order to erode that away, it's going to take thousands of years with your little river. But this is why you gotta get in there and fucking... But the river, the river is not meant to clean it. The river is just meant to like... You know how when you fucking have a... What's meant to clean it then? This is the issue. The soap! The soap is meant to clean it. How's the soap get in there?

That gets nice. next. That's the next part of it. This is like the idea of when you have a bowl of cereal, you pre-dunk your cereal into the milk just to get it wet to introduce a little moisture. How's the soap get in there? I lather it up and I fucking throw it in there. Oh, so you get in there. I get in there, but I'm not at that point yet. Oh. If you took 10 seconds to let me explain, I was just asking if you're bent over in the shower on your birthday. Is that a big deal? I thought you're also putting soap at the top like a butt cleaning luge. That's what I thought. I'll tell you exactly how I shower, because I know that's what you guys are afraid to ask.

I feel like we've heard this before, but now I, this, this back luge is a new thing. The back luge is just to introduce water to my body. It's not in replacement of soap. It's not taking the place of cleaning. It is just like pre-dunking my butt into water. Got it. That's all it is. Okay.

And there's nothing wrong with that. I didn't say that. And then after it's wet, I feel like the soap. does a better job at adhering and cleaning when there is also water there. Yeah, they're boys. You gotta make the soap feel comfortable. I know what water is. Like go go into the shower and try to dry rub your skin with a bar of soap. It comes out like a film on there. You want to get it a wet on wet so it soaps up. Yeah, yeah. That's all I was saying. I'm familiar. Well that's all I was saying. Well you danced around your butt a little bit.

I think you were just astonished at the fact that I can bend water down my back at will. At will. Yes. No, I'm not astonished. I'm just saying, like, you know, you're taking the long way. You could just like take a direct flight, bang right to your butt. Do me a favor. Next time you shower, go in there and just be Goldberg.

Just like, you know, like, and like you'll see you can maneuver water down your back. Yeah. I know that the water gets there. Would this be a FaceTime situation? No. Just to prove it? You're a freak. That's my alone time in my shower.

I mean, that was my, like, I was known as like a shower face timer for years. Exclusively. I stopped picking up FaceTime's. I forgot. I'm like, I know you're showering. Was I allowed to say that you FaceTiming in the bath or no? I think we said I was going to do it on this episode. We said I was going to do it, and then I did confirm to it.

Yeah, he did do it, yeah. Oh. And you made sure that your penis wasn't in the, reflection. Oh, it was just face. It was just face. Neck up, baby. Yeah, it was just face. Also, you couldn't have seen anything. Bubbles. And dark. What? Dark. It was dark in there, yeah. Oh, I might have lit candles. I think I might have lit candles.

Oh, shit. You were taking yourself on a little honeymoon? Listen, man, I like to promote my own self-care, and I'm going to light some candles for myself every now. And he was a man of his word, and he did it. Duh. And then you called me. He was in the tub. No. He was streaming. It was during the cardathon.

But I got we, and I sometimes joke like the scariest thing that can happen is just an unannounced phone call from Joey. Oh yeah, it's the worst. Or an 8 a.m. text, yo. No, that's actually the worst. That's scary. But, I mean, those are just reserved for things that are fucked. Exactly. Just imagine though, like, because he doesn't call people often and I don't think he's a big phone call type of guy. But imagine just an unannounced phone call from him.

Yeah. At 10 in the morning. The problem is when he texts you yo at 8 in the morning, you know it's bad. But the problem is he doesn't start the text any different at like 2 p.m. Well, because I start, because if I'm going to text you and I need you to answer quickly or like I or something like that, I'll say yo hoping that. Unassuming. By the time I'm done telling you what's going on. Got it. You know what I mean?

Got it. So he like sneaks, atrocheon horses me with the yo. I'm actually trying to help. No, no, no. 8 a.m. yo is bad. Oh, no, I know. But if I. but if I wrote out this whole thing and sent it to you

and I didn't hear from you for like 45 minutes that would be 45 minutes of like I'm in my own hell yeah that that happens to me because I often put my phone down so I'll text and then put my phone down for two hours and then pick it up and be like I didn't I never answer two hours there have been longer 15 there have been frankly will continue a conversation 15 hours later like like 15 hours

didn't pass. And I'm like, where were you? Cryogenically frozen? And you're just like, oh, oh, yeah, no, yeah, no problem. I'm like, what, no problem? It's a different bay. It's bad. It's bad, and I've been working on it. I think you could say that I have made passes in the right direction.

But the point that I was trying to make is that you unannounced calling me at 10.30 in the morning, scared the fucking shit out of me. That's fair. And it was just so I could sing Aerosmiths. I don't want to miss a thing. I want to say, How much of the song did you do? He asked me to do specifically the like the high note.

And even when I dread that one, yeah. Can you do it? Seriously. No. Why not? I mean, I'm saying no.

Can you try? I'd like to not. Damn. That's fine. This guy doesn't understand entertainment. That's how you say no, ladies and gentlemen. He's setting healthy boundaries. That's what it is.

You literally just asked me about the way in which I spread my ass cheeks. And you could have said, want to answer however we got the luge you know what that's how we get the luge baby he got it he figured it out um but yes you get to right after you know what why don't we do an easy segue from your asshole to the assholes assholes to add add rolls okay i like that all right first one we have here allie pop delicious right i'm actually gonna pop it i was waiting to pop it i don't know if we could sing i don't know if that's yeah is there a song i just said it once no but there's a

Another song that sounds like Olipop. Wouldn't do that. Yeah. Oliop, it's a feel-good soda that combines the classic soda taste with the benefits of high fiber to support digestive health. I have a mini-fridge in my apartment. There's always Oli-pop in it. Okay? I love these because this one specifically, only three sugars and six grams of dietary fiber.

I want that fiber. Okay, it's an easy way to get fiber. I prioritize fiber in my diet. So if that's something that you want to do, this is a cool way to do it. They taste good. This one is the root beer. Tastes like root beer just like when you were a child. Okay.

But only three sugars, 35 calories, and like I said, six grams of fiber. So it's good. High fiber, less sugar, traditional soda. Real ingredients, thoughtful formulation. They have a bunch of different ones too. Frank's got the cream soda over there. There's grape. There's other ones that I don't know the name of right now, but I've had pretty much all of them.

And I like all of them. I think they're all great. So, Olipop. You gotta take that again. Oliop. You gotta take that one more time. Just say Olipop and...

Olipop. Just pop me. Shouldn't do that. No, no. But you could buy any two cans of Ollipop in store, and they'll pay you back for one. Go to drinkollipop.com slash basement, though. And it's available in the soda aisle,

probably in your local spot. So go check it out. Get yourself on Oliop. pop and you can go to drink olipop.com slash basement. Get some. Get some. I'm going to suggest these two are my faves. Root beer is probably my favorite. Cream is sometimes the cream jumps over the root beer, but these are my favorites. But go go to drinkollipop.com right now slash drinkollipop.com slash basement right now to enjoy some of that. We also have Squarespace. Square space is where you're going to build your website. It's a platform that's going to help you build your website and

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that code basement. And we also have skims. Skims. Skims, they make underwear, not just for women, but for men also, and they're very comfortable. They've sent us a bunch of pairs in their, they're very luxurious feeling, okay? I like, I like wearing them. They're nice and breathable, and their colors are really cool. And yeah, they're like a, they're not like a cheap material. I've never had a pair that have, like, ripped or just, like, got worn out or anything like that, had them for a while now. So definitely go check them out. I think it's a good gift for anyone, especially if you have like a friend or a, you know, a relative or whatever. It's always, it's just a, it's a solid gift to give somebody. And it's also a good gift to give yourself as well.

So for all the guys out there, skims is not just for women. And for the women out there, skims, you know. So you can go to skims.com slash a basement right now and shop the best underwear for men and women at skims. Let them know that we send you after you place the order, select podcast in the survey and select our show in the drop-down menu that follows. But again, that is skims.com. Go get yourself some underpants. Love that. And listen, do you want to make the birthday girl happy?

Why don't you go to a couple different websites for me, okay? Number one, stop number one, Patreon.com slash the basement yard. It's a subscription service where we give you us a little earlier and a little bit extra. You can take a gander at what we got going on at patreon.com slash the basement yard. And you'll see that the first tier, to where you get these weekly episodes, one whole week and advance, seven whole days. That's beautiful. And then that second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday.

So you'll get a new episode Monday. You'll get an episode on Friday. And you can watch everything that has been there for years and years and years at this point. So if you're new to Patreon or you ducked out for a little bit, there's hundreds of hours of unseen footage that you have not yet gotten your beautiful little eyes on. So go check it out at patreon.com slash the base vignard. Your guys' support is we cannot keep up with it. Put it like that.

We are at over 52,000 paid patrons, and the love and support is not got unnoticed. We are figuring out what we can do to thank you for 50, and by the time we get to 60, we might need to figure that out too. So thank you so much for all the love and all the support. Go check it out at patreon.com slash the basement yard, and save yourself a couple extra bucks when you're doing it by going on a web browser. If you use the smart app on your phone, it's going to take a couple extra bucks from you, and save yourself some money while you.

you're trying to save yourself from the sadness and you're being happy with us. So patreon.com slash the basement yard. Thank you. And we'll see you there. Next up, the boys are going back on the road. That's right. If you go to the basement yard.com, ooh, my sash fell. Let me pull it up over here. If you go to the basement yard so what's that? If you go to the basement yard.com, you'll see that we have our live shows listed on the website. We might be coming to a venue or a city near you or if you take a trip, go check it out. A lot of tickets have gone. I'm not going to sit here and try to, you know, sugarcoat it for you. A lot of them are gone and you might not be able to go to your

first choice of a show. But take a gander. See if you want to come out to another show. We are trying really hard to make it as unique and fun as possible and we want to see you there. So go to thebaseman er.com and check it out. And while you're doing that, if you go to thebasemanero.com and you just put a little backslash submit, you're going to see a submission form. If you came to any of those shows during our first two live show tours you will see that we did or you will remember that we did those live card submissions so you guys would go to the basemanyard.com slash submit and you would submit a card and we would talk to you about you with you it got fucking insane and all crazy well this time we're doing

something a little similar but also a little different so what you could do is go to the basemanyard.com and you could submit an out-of-context picture from your camera roll and we're gonna pull that bad boy up so you go to the website you use the drop-down menu let us know what show you're coming to, submit the picture from your camera roll. It could be crazy insane. It will be vetted by Greg, so best of luck. And then you could tell some story behind the photo, so we have some context if we need it. And then you can put your name and if you're going to be at the show, maybe we'll talk to you or whatever. But we're really, really excited.

This is going to be incredible and super fun. So go check it out. Again, that's the basemanyard.com slash submit. And just to kind of refresh everyone's beautiful memory, patreon.com slash the baseman yard, the basemanyard.com for live show information, and then the basemanyard.com slash submit for those photo submissions if you're coming to any of the live shows. We're excited and the day is rapidly approaching. So first stop on this tour, we'll see you there. All right. What a beautiful, the birthday girl, like this keeps coming like turning and shit like that. it's yeah i don't know um so i have another question for you

about your birthday oh sure yeah you just turned 34 yes so what do you think was your most memorable moment of the year 33 wow not including the obvious uh i mean i i i can't tell you how much fun i had on our like first family trip because that was our first family like trip on a plane Just snuck it in right before. Right before the birthday. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I can't tell you how, like, personally rewarding that was to me to like, I've shared with you some of the challenges of being in our position, you know, and like, you know, live shows and stuff like that and being a father and, and, you know, having a family. So being able to see the fruits of my labor, like, on a vacation and seeing the kids enjoy themselves and being able to give them. something, along with Becca, you know, like us too being able to give that to them was, I will never, like, you will never be able to take the, the memory of their smiles and excitement and happiness from me. I, I, I love that so much. Fruits of his labor, that shit was a villa. That's what that sounds like. To, to see the fruit, yeah, the ceilings are 14 feet high in here. Listen, man, we opened up to a fucking lawn and then the beach, bitch.

No, that's awesome. But, uh, Ow! I got pinch. Oh, no. Fuck. No, but it's been an incredibly memorable year. I mean, just like so dense and just fucking.

What? Oh my God. The year's been so dense. Just like it's been such a dense year of like, you know, like that and then, uh, uh, late night and, you know, MSG. Uh, you know, there's just been so much and I'm so lucky. And then also, what are you hoping to accomplish in our year 34? The year of our Lurdthort 34.

Man, that's tough. I mean, I really want to just kind of double down on the things that make me happy and continuing. I need to work better at like removing stress. I found recently I allow stress to get to me really, really bad. Like I become not a joy to be around and I just, I'm not good with dealing with it. So I really want to double down on the things that make me happy. And then my family, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, you want to double down on your family.

I want to double down on my wife. Oh. Oh, Debbie, Debbie. Oh, I can't do that. I can't be involved. No, it's just like, the things that bring me joy is like really, continue to focus on those and then remove stress as much, as, or just be fucking a little more Teflon, you know.

Just like, allow there certain things to roll off my back. because I direct them Into your ass Allow things to roll off my back And into my ass You know what I mean? I mean, what is life If you're not

If you're not making stress Roll off your back Into your fucking asshole A bunch of stuff I think Really? Other than that, yeah Like quarters

Quarters That'd be a cool party trick If you could do that You think you could do that Roll it down from your spine To your, and catch it with your butt cheeks I think you could do that

Get a quarter Naked Top of your neck drop it down your spine, catch it in your butt. I guarantee I could do that. I feel like I could too. I know a good trick with a quarter, but I don't think we have the equipment for it. A quarter?

A quarter, a pencil, and a blank sheet of paper. Oh. What? Actually, I don't know the trick. It's like, I'm impressive. You don't know. Actually, not how I think about it, that's probably tough. To like guide a quarter down into your asshole?

I mean, it's not going to go in my hole, but it's got to catch it with my butt cheeks. I mean, first of all, there is no realistic way that we are going to do this. No. I'm saying, like, on our own. Scouts honor. I think Scouts honor's three. Who's this, then? I think that's Dr. Strange.

This is Dr. Strange. Yes. That's also. This is nipples. There's a three-finger difference between nipples, Dr. Strange, Scouts honor. And then who's that? You're getting pretty close. This feels like Dr. Strange.

No, Dr. Strange is actually. this. Yeah, yeah. This is... The shocker is in there somewhere. This is Smashmouth. Sure. Yeah, Smashouth can have that one.

I feel like two is Nixon. He has two for a while. So... This is Jeff Hardy. These are the Hardy boys, but you have to put them in your mouth. Or go out. Yeah. You know?

That's Spock. Spock. That's Spock. That's Spock. Clingons. Yeah. This is... Can't forget that one.

This is Mittens. This is... Oh, I was good. And this is Ninja Turtles. Or this one is Ninja Turtles, actually. Yeah. You can't do it, can you? Oh, yeah.

Do it high. Do it high. You can do it down, do it up. Tupac? You careful? West Coast. I mean, you don't want to upset anyone. Definitely not that I'm on the West Coast.

Look at what just happened. What happened? Kendrick will make a song about you and then you're going to get flamed on the internet for the rest of your life. What about that one? Yeah. That's the shocker, obviously. And then the reverse shock.

This is also Matt Hardy. Reverse shock. Version one. Reverse shock. Oh, this is dog? Yeah. This is dog. This is dog.

Yeah. No, that's dragon. That's dragon? This is dog. I do this thing now with Nicole when I'm at night when I'm tired. Because she refuses to get into bed before she's like going to bed. I'll just like look at her. and I'd be like, and I'll do like a BT with my hands.

Oh, B-T, bedtime? I used to be able to do every letter with my fingers. I used to, but I've stopped. You make it sound like you was something you were struggling with. I mean, it's pretty impressive. God, I used to do it, but I had a kick. It's pretty impressive. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, G,

H was a little tricky. Yeah, I bet it is. It was like... How would you possibly do a Z without two hands? It was like this. It's not... Again, I've not done it in a while. My finger dexterity is not where it was and...

Used to be more loose. Now you're all stiff. Well, I'm getting older. That osteoporosis is going to probably come get me eventually. Knock on the door, say, hey, we're here. Wow. Is there a lesson you learned in 33 that you're taking with you to 34 and beyond? I didn't know we were asking like deep questions today.

We were just talking about guiding water through my ass. Bro, this is a peaks and valleys kind of show. Okay, yeah, sure. Can you repeat the question, please, sir? Is there anything in 33 that you learned that you're going to take with you to 34 and beyond? No. That could be the answer. No, I mean, of course there are.

I mean, I can't think of any for the sake of answering the question right now. What if I was Seth Myers? What if I'm Jimmy Kimball? What if I'm Jimmy Fallon? Why are they all named Jimmy? Yeah. There's a bunch of Jimmy. What is this?

I think, you know, like humility and like trying to remain humble. You know, like we've done some cool things. But I really struggle with like acknowledging that we've done cool things and then like also remaining humble at the same time. And trying to be like generous with giving back to my community and stuff. You know, I really, really, really. Really, like, I don't think you realized how much I enjoyed the happy cry partnership with sharing excess. Like, that, like, Becca and I, the rest of the night kept talking about that. Like, it felt so, again, rewarding.

And, like, being able to do that and see the fruits of my labor. More fruit. And more fruit, baby. And we were giving out a ton of fruit, too. That's true. A lot of mangoes. A lot of mangoes. And pie, uh, plantains.

brother. Oh yeah, they were going nuts. Mananas, dude. The bananas were so green. Very good. But who cares? Like, I mean, it's good. Leave them on the counter a little bit. Yeah. And they give off a toxin that ripens everything around them. Nanners? You didn't know that? Wait, green ones are just nanners. Nanners. If you put nanners next to like an unriped fruit, it gives off a toxin to help speed up the ripening process. Yo, fruit are great. Fruit's nuts, dude. That's, I know, I know. He's fact checking you. Yeah, they do. Ethylene. Ethylene.

Yeah, baby. Breaks down cell walls, turning starches into sugars and softens the produce. This AI, like, answer on Google, I only don't say it's a piece of shit when it proves I'm right. Right. It just summarizes all these things. Yeah, things.

I don't believe that, though. Because look where it's pulling from, the fruitball effect. Oh, actually, yeah, that's probably not good. See, that's like that's happened before, too. That's bullshit. Leaving bananas loose in a fruit basket causes nearby sensitive products to spoil and overripe in much faster. I believe that as well. It would cause that as well. Yeah, thanks, Reddit.

You know what I hate when bananas get wet? Like, eventually they get overripe and they shit. Have you ever seen the guy that just eats those? Yeah, he like sucks it like a... Yo, I'm not getting... I'm not kidding. It's like fully brown. He opens it and it's like literally a stick of poop and he eats it. Look up the video because I'll try to find it. I've never seen that

It's literally like a stick It's literally like he cuts the top And then just goes He drinks it like it's a gel Well they say that's the time To make banana bread Yeah you have to wait till they're like that And then you get the best banana bread possible

I have Basically black bananas in my freezer right now So do we And it's because like you like let them thaw out And you make the best banana bread Like Becca makes like Banana Nut muffins sometimes Completely unnecessary

Yo, and very painful. Honestly, I feel like I heard your teeth in clash. That hurt because I'm wearing a ring, too. When was the last time you touch your teeth? All the time. You touch your teeth all the time? Yeah. Why?

I mean, I bite my teeth, yeah. I like to like... That doesn't count. No, but I get in there with my fingers. Oh, yeah, I do that too. Look at this guy. Oh, God. Oh, it's going to make me gag.

Is it this guy? Yeah. Wait. Oh! It's a bunch of... It's a bunch of... This one, it's... Oh, this guy's a...

bastard, dude. He can't like that. I can't. See, he drank that one. Oh, come on. That was insane. As long as I don't look at Frank, my eyes are watered. That's insane, dude. Yo, the double-handing doesn't help either. That one, that one's really visceral. That one's so bad.

Did he just eat the skin? Did I just use it? He's the skin? Did he eat the skin? Did he eat the skin? Yeah, that one's insane. Like fucking K-Pax. He literally just like ate that. You don't have to suck it off the plate. All right, is this on loop now? No, yeah, it's not enough. We're giving this guy more views than he's gotten all fucking week. You can watch him meet the peel again if you want.

That's not true. There you go. Look, he's got 39 likes. This guy... Is that his page? It might not be. It might just be a compilation. Oh, look, it was posted the day after my birthday.

Hey! He likes things like that. Yeah, he does. That's cute. Oh, God. Sorry, that got me to gag a little bit. I apologize. Birthday girl wanted a gag.

Yeah, but what I'm trying to, like, a big takeaway is being, you know, giving back to my community. and trying to pay it forward when I can because I fully acknowledge that I am in my position because I am A, very lucky, and B, I've been given an opportunity by whether it be the universe, different people, whatever.

So I want to make the most of it. It's beautiful. That happy cry fun event that we did, like the volunteer, that shit was mad fun. Yeah, that was awesome. I will tell you this. I'm not going to say it,

never mind, I don't want to give these losers any fucking attention. Who? Not sharing excess. They're not losers. They're really cool. Yeah, who are you talking about? There was, like, someone in the comments, I was just like,

these guys are cool, but like, just fucking do it and don't post anything. And I just wanted to, like, respond, like, you're a fucking nerd. Well, also, like, the whole point is, like, we're trying to raise money. People should know where their money is going. Yeah, well, but the, Joey, the internet. No, I know. It's smarter than anyone ever. I just think that, like, that's a gut reaction to anything like that,

because there are people who film stuff that shouldn't be filmed, and they're kind of exploiting, you know, whatever, a homeless person is like, oh, I'll give you a, dollar and they want to film it. Well, that's the thing is I honestly, like I used to have that mentality, but with stuff like that where it's just like I'm posting a video of me giving a homeless man a bag of McDonald's. Like, just do it. If you're trying to profit off of it for yourself, but that's not what we're doing. We're filming these things because we put the videos out because we're raising money. This is other people's money that we're using to make these things

happen so they should know where the money is going. And I mean, also, in essence, it's costing us way more money than it is. I don't even think it's making any money. No, there is no profit. There is no profit at all. And we have to pay for everything, the transportation. I submitted my, uh, my reimbursement for that, by the way. No problem. Yeah, you keep saying we and I'm like, oh, okay, well, I'll send that right back to you. Yeah. Um, yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. Sorry, I have some more ads here. Oh, you do? Those bananas fucked me up. Yeah. The way he two-handed it was gross. Um, two-handed. Um, two-handed. Two handing bananas into the rest of the ads. Go ahead. So we do have Rocket Money here. Rocket Money is an all-on-one personal finance app that's going to put money back in your pocket. They're going to do that in a couple of ways.

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Okay. Beautiful. Do you have any more questions? No. I want more. Oh. Let's ask you. Because I didn't ask you these questions on your birthday, did I?

I don't know. Probably didn't care enough. But I care now. What have you learned over the last year? More Spanish. More Spanish. That duolingo's working overtime, huh? I haven't done it in a bit, actually.

I'm surprised you're going Spanish and not French. Why? One, you spend a lot of time up in Canada. Two. Yeah, but none of them are French speaking. You would love to spend more time in parents? Yeah. I mean, where did you get that?

What? You would love to spend more time in France. I think it's a safe assumption because you enjoyed it when you went. It doesn't mean I want to spend my time there. I said spend more time. I don't think I need to learn French. I wouldn't really use it. It doesn't have a lot of day-to-day, like, application.

You don't want to go hang out in Monaco? It's not high on my list, to be honest. Really? Isn't the South of France, like, where people want to go? Yeah, I mean, Monaco is its own thing. That's its own country. That's right. Like, I would love to go to Nice.

Go. Marseille. Go. Yeah. Versailles? That's a place, right? I know because of the treaty. In France.

I know because of the treaty. But yeah. But yeah, Spanish, I think, is, you know. I'm shocked you haven't been to Italy yet. I know. That's bad. Your parents, well, your dad is probably pissed. My parents aren't even Italian.

Your dad is? No, they're both. Well, I don't even know. You literally were just saying how your dad smells like prosciutto. Nothing is more Italian. What I mean by that is that he's Italian, but he's like American. Like, he's not like in touch with Italian roots. Do me a favor. Next time you speak with him, just be like, Dad, how do you honestly feel about Christopher Columbus and see, like, just report back on how long the answer was. You don't

need to tell me what he said. Just how long. I don't think that he's going to have an opinion at all. That's like, that's like a thing. Like Italian people love him. They love like Christopher Columbus. Yeah. Which is, he, didn't he sail for Spain? Yep. Yeah, but he was Italian. but he was Italian But he was like I'm gonna play for Spain though Gotcha So it's like messy

Playing for Inter Miami It's like messy going and playing for Barcelona Yeah Because he's Argentinian But he went to Spain Or that's like Louis Hamilton Driving for

Mercedes Or Cadillac Because Mercedes Mercedes is an American company I don't think so I don't know Japanese Look it up

Is it? I feel like you kind of I might be wrong I might be wrong I might be wrong I don't want to make anyone upset. Mercedes? Yeah, I'd love to keep them in good graces,

just in case they send me at SL. Oh, they're going to be like, you don't know where this is? It's Japanese. No, it's not. German. German. Okay.

Surprising. Yeah. I think Mitsubishi is Japanese. Yeah. I mean, it's right there. Hyundai, Honda, Mitsubishi, those are all Japanese. Yeah. I feel like you kind of crushed it with a messy analogy, probably.

I should have just left it there. Probably, yeah. Because he literally played for Spain. He's not for Spain. Quit while I was at. Can I say, something. I think we brought it up last time he wore it too. That sweatshirt. Oh, you like this? Yeah, I was in love with that dog. Yeah, me too. Yeah. Was anyone not?

There are certain like 90s cartoon icons like like like Roxanne, uh, Jessica Rabbit, but I guess that was the 80s. Lola Bunny. Lola Bunny, dude. We did one of the first one of the first Patriot episodes we did or maybe it was like a year after I joined was we did like those like, cartoon heart throbs from when we were kids. We should revisit that and see how he feels about it because no one knew you're going to be like, oh, I love so-and-so from Stephen Universe. We're going to have to take him off the fucking camera if we do that. Get too excited.

Oh, don't do that. Yeah. You're going to be like, oh my God, Kira from the last airbender. She's from. It's pretty good poll. Yeah. I don't know how that is. Yeah, that's a, I haven't watched that show.

That was like, I was cool. Is that the one with a, it's like a bald dude with an arrow on his head? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is the arrow signify? That, it's an air, it's like a purity airbending thing. I think it's Kara, by the way, but it's fine. Kiara? I think it's Kara.

Forgive me. It's his birthday. Let them miss behind stuff. They're going to, I'm trying to help. What do you want for your birthday? Good question. I don't know. I'm not like, hot dog.

Well, yeah. I want that always. Not food-wise. Ooh. Ooh. That's tough. I mean, I just enjoy hanging out.

Yeah, he's media trained. No, I'm serious. Like, I like gifts. Brother, I fucking love gifts. Don't get me wrong. But like, I'm not at an age where I'm gonna be like, ooh, I want this, this, and this and this.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just not who I am. Right. So like, I think I just want to just hang out. What about something that doesn't exist? Like a Lego, an official Lego Megazord set or something. See, but we're getting that soon, though. Oh.

I mean, if you want me to start naming like things, but that's a thing. Brother, I love Legos. Oh, I thought that was like a Miles thing. It is. It's an all of our kids thing. It's like a household thing now. Yeah. But Becca actually got me last year for my birthday.

I haven't built it yet. It's a Lego set of Madison Square Garden. Whoa. It's like not Lego branded. So I hope they don't fucking like punch me in the face. But like Lego? For what? Saying it's a Lego.

Yeah. I mean, if anything, that's good. Yeah, but it's, it's an MSG one. Is it inside or is it just the outdoor? It's the whole thing and they took the top off and you could see like the inside. Got it. Okay. Because I was to say the outside feels easy.

It's so cool. It's like this. It's a mini figs, I think, or mini bricks. Oh, mini figs, careful. Oh, yeah, I don't want to get in trouble. They're going through a whole thing right now. Yeah. What?

No, minifigs is the name of those people, but it might be, it might be that. No, that's it looks like someone built that like the Fogo one. The Fogo one. down there to the left this yeah yeah that's it oh that's so cute that's cool yeah dude does have nix on it yeah it does sick but I'm gonna try to print that's super cool that's super cool I'm gonna try to print the yeah so but big you were into Legos for a little bit we got you a couple Lego sets and then where are you now where are you landing on the Lego where are you now in your Lego journey uh I haven't done one

They make some really cool ones. Yeah. It's shocking how expensive these fucking things. Brother? It's insane. Brother. Like, they just released like the biggest set or it's coming out soon. It's like some church in Spain or some shit like that.

Did you see that? Did you see it? Well, I know the church. Dude, look it up. It's like, I think it's over at that. I don't remember. I don't know. You just do Spanish.

Spanish church Lego. Spanish Church Lego. go. Sagrada familia. Whoa. Yeah, brother. Look at that shit. That's crazy.

That shit, and it's a lot of pieces, too. I gotta go to Barcelona. Over 10,000 pieces? Fuck that. Dude, Legos are such a... 200? That's a steel. Oh yeah, I thought it would be way more than that. That can't, no, that's definitely not official Lego.

There's no way that's official Lego. I agree, yeah, there's no way. There's just no way. There's just no way. Go to the Lego website. There's just no way. There's just, bro, I mean, here's a thing, though.

Oh, it's $800. The reason that Lego can get away with it is they make the legitimately best quality, and I've never gotten a Lego set with a missing piece ever. Their, like, quality assurance is incredible. Bro, if I bought a Lego set for $800 and it was a missing piece, I'm going deaf kind. Well, you can order just that individual piece,

and it's like a penny or like $0.8. But you have to pay the shipping, which is like $16. That's a crazy one. It's over 12,000 pieces. Yo, no way. And it probably comes in, what, 100 bags? Yeah, that is crazy.

Dude, Legos are a lot of fun. Look at some of the, like, top ones. Yo, you haven't seen the Pokemon ones. I want to get this for myself. The big Pokemon one, it's like 600-something piece. It's like 600-something bucks. But it's the Holy Trinity. Hit that surge, baby.

What's what, Pokemon? You just type in Pokemon. What is it you're looking for? The Holy Trinity. Not the Arcanine one, which is fire. Go down, baby. Go down. You go down, baby.

You're going to see it, and you're going to fucking cream to the left. Oh. $650. Brother, look at that shit. That's crazy. And you could build them each individually. How fucking sick is? is that. Yeah. Yeah, that's wild. Let's get Joe some Legos. I'm not gonna do it. Why? It's a lot of time.

So how you would do it, Frankie, is you would get all of these and then we would make a YouTube video about how long it takes for someone to build Legos and then that's how you do it. Oh, brother. What do you mean? Like a live stream of doing a Lego? And now it's, you know, you don't remember that Smosh clip? A second Lego tower has hit the stream when they build the Lego. They build the Lego Tower Dude, so fucking cool God And then they make it for like movies and shows now

Have you seen the Lord of the Rings ones? I know that'll get your fucking pants stiff What does that mean? Boner Right Minus Tirith Oh yeah baby Sauron look at that

No down down down down The I is Sauron God these are This is crazy prices Oh my god the Shire is $200 I mean you gotta think Lego is expected and then they're paying for the licensing.

So like, there's a couple bucks in there. They made a home alone one. See, like, why is the Jaws $150? This is just a boat and a shark. Yeah. That I'm doing in like, hammered in an hour.

Ooh, this is a good question. Who could do a thing of Lego's quicker? I don't even know. Me, probably. Shut the fuck up. Why, you think you? If you gave me that Lego. Yeah.

I don't even... No, we're talking about like... Or any comparative Lego. the church in Barcelona. I mean, that's going to take anyone a couple hours. I think more hours? Yeah, that'll probably... 12,000 pieces?

I'll probably take about 12 hours. There's no way I could sit and do it for 12 hours straight. Oh, the Legend of Zelda one, that Ocarina Time one is sick. No instructions. You just got to build it. That would take my whole life. It would. No, dude.

You'd surprise yourself with how quick you do it. Oh, Harry Potter, you're getting me now. Harry Potter's in there. You didn't see the one last page? It was sick. They have some sign. I think that's one we got you. We got you the Seinfeld one, didn't we?

Yeah. You see this Hogwarts one? It's kind of sick. It was fire. It's a big, brother. And then they have one that's like Diagonelli, Hogsmead. Yeah. They got them all.

Where do you put this? Miles has shelving in, I mean, I didn't show you Miles's room because it'd be weird to show you my 11-year-old son's bedroom. I didn't need to see. We had a good time without that part. I feel like... Now you sound like you and I were doing something, like, sexual. Did I imply? that? We had a good time.

You guys need a minute. I feel like this would be a good stream thing. Every day you sign on and you just talk to a chat and you build Legos. I'll tell you that, brother. You need to make a couple. You need to make a couple bucks to justify streaming that many Legos.

What does that mean? I mean, look, if you're doing, if you're streaming once a week and that Lego set right there, the Castle and Grounds is 170 bucks. These are props now. You'll be fine. Oh, it's like slow. I would only do it for like an hour and a half a day. Oh, and then stop and do another one the next day?

No, no, no. And like, you keep coming back to the same one and like build it. That's boring. Do it fast. Do it fast. Oh, man, I love Lego, dude. Do you? I'm such a slut for stuff like that.

Yeah. Yeah. What are you a little whore for? Great question. What am I a little whore for? Like right now. What are you slutting yourself out for right now? FIFA

There you go I love playing FIFA Really? I didn't play video games For like Legitimately three years And then I started playing FIFA again And I'm like I just love this

Wow God, love it So good I mean you could play something That's more like fun and imaginative It's opinions based I love how even in your video games They have to be like

About like conditioning And They're not about conditioning If they're not about conditioning If they made a video game where you could train for a marathon would you play it no just play that game in real life i think i have a feeling he would where it's like it's called like marathon simulator and you're just like i have to like rapidly press the buttons but then next time i run i i can

spend my points on like better v o2 max that sucks that sucks we're gonna let it go because this is his birthday thank you i appreciate it uh did you guys hear this thing about these Sex robots Sex robots on your birthday Tell us more Not me So there was a school in New York That was gonna like

Put robots in their classrooms And then now they're like To do what? Help teach, I assume Oh like a teacher's aide? Yeah, I imagine Brother, are you letting a robot teach you? Letting?

I don't think I have a choice I mean, do you think that a robot will be able to teach you anything? Or are you just looking at it and just like, you're a fucking robot? So I do think that, unfortunately, I do think that will probably happen at some point in our lives. That, like, a teacher who, like, you can download all of the lesson plans and whatever into is just going to, like, teach. I don't know how you're going to, like, have the human, like, maybe there will be an absence of the human connection that you have, but. I mean, if any work center, you know how I feel about AI and all that, but if any work center were to have it integrated, the last should be teaching.

Like teachers now are just not real people and they're just AI? Again, unfortunately, I think that's where we're headed for sure. Would you try to like think you're smarter than the robot? I would not. I never thought that I was smarter than any teacher I had I never I did think I was more athletic than my gym teacher in high school though I think you were more athletic than every gym teacher you've ever had

that's true because we had an old degree we had an old decrepit Greek guy no but he would have smoked me I was in fifth grade smoked you in what smoking cigarettes sure not in running definitely would have been on that definitely not yeah no I've never had to teach you I'm like all this person person's an idiot.

No, I didn't have that. I've had a couple, but like, I know they were an idiot now, but at the time, just being like, this dumbass. I think my mom, being a teacher helped me be able to, like, reason more with, like, them instead of, like, just straight up fear or, like, it was me versus you kind of thing, if that makes sense.

That's an interesting perspective. I feel like I had an opposite experience with that too because I feel like I growing up like when it came to teachers I I did feel like they were kind of like out to get me not like personally just like in general I thought that was like teachers versus students type of thing like not like me personally but there would be times where I'm like I definitely didn't feel pressure like I have to listen to this person well it's unfortunately it's because our parents like painted a picture of teachers that were like they're going to beat the living dog shit out of us if we don't listen well my my parents

definitely, you know, this is actually kind of weird because I had more of a thing in my head to like any coach growing up I would listen to like blindly. Like if they told me to do anything, I would do it. But like a teacher, I'd kind of like run it through a filter and be like, I don't know, do I like, should I do that? There was more of a, I'm kind of with you on that one. Like there was more of a sense that my, is that sexism? Well, I guess if you're relating it to their gender, but like, I had a lot of female teachers growing up. Yeah, but I did have some guys. Even my male teachers, like, I felt like my male teachers were more trying to prove that I was an idiot.

And my coaches were trying to prove that I'm better than I think I am. Does that make sense? Which I, it was probably the opposite. But, like, I'm with you on that where, like, this sense of, like, I always, like, I felt like my teachers were not on my side quite like my coach was. Because my coach, we would all win if I did well. where like my teacher if one of us was an idiot they would be like

well that one's an idiot I was definitely not like a problem in school but if a teacher like this happened multiple times in high school where a teacher the one time that I can remember

it was a male teacher but I'm sure there's some like internalized sexism in what I'm talking about unfortunately yeah but my male teacher was like were you just on your phone

and I like looked at my phone to like check the time real quick and I was like, I was just checking the time. And he's like, give me your phone. And it was on Friday. And you remember in our high school, they would, I don't know if they did it by the time you were there, but they would hold your phone over the weekend. Yeah, dude. And I was literally like, I'm like, I'm not going to give you my phone. And he's like, give me your phone right now. And I was like, there's no way. Like, in my head, I'm like, what's it going to, what's you

going to do? Grab it from my pants. Like, you're not getting it. You know, like, I would never just be like, oh, it's my teacher. I have to do this. I'd be like, no. Like, that's what I'm, That's kind of what I... I'm not saying that's good, by the way. No, honestly, I think sticking up for yourself in that sense is actually good. Like, there's unreasonable things for sure. Because also, it's like they aren't in charge of this phone. Over the weekend, what if you're doing something and your parents need to contact you or something?

It's like, it's just an unreasonable request. I wouldn't have gave it to him if it was Tuesday, by the way. But I think, okay. I get what you're saying, though. I think that there is a sense of, like, anti-authority that kids go through during those teenage years. So when it comes from a teacher, Like, that's who you're with most of the time, if you think about it. Like, you're with your teachers more than you are your parents at home for those years.

So, like, that's the authority that you're rebelling against them most frequently. So when something gets introduced like a coach or something, you're a little more, at least for me and sounds like you, you're a little more willing to like, oh, this person wants to see me win because we're working toward a common goal. It's not like they're trying to single me out and prove that I'm a dumbass. I don't know. I think I was just socialized into thinking that there was more slack with teachers than there was a coach. Because it was drilled in my head that like there is no slack. Like even if they're asking you to do something that you don't want to do or whatever you do it. Well, it's also the team mentality. Like if I don't do my homework, I don't do my homework. Right. If you don't run the right route, the whole team is at a loss.

you know, like something gets fucked up on a team perspective. Yeah. But bro, I remember, I, I mean, I loved playing organized sports, but like, if I was a parent and saw the way that my coaches spoke to me and like our team,

and I saw them like doing that to my kids now, I'd be like, yo, what the fuck? Like, yo, this shit is crazy. Yeah. Like, what age are you talking about, though? High school. That's tough. But like, not even just like,

get your fucking ass up, you know, because we had that too. Of course. But like, there was also some, like, it was a different time. And they would just be like, you fucking ugly Greek fuck, you know, like, shit. Like that, yeah. Wow. It was all right. It was all good.

I know that the person didn't mean it that way. Oh, we've had it, brother. I've never had that. We've had it. It was just, like, hard. And like, yeah. I mean, there was just no room for anything. Like, with sports, it was like, you do the thing or you don't do the thing.

Like, there, there wasn't even a choice, you know? I guess in sports, like, if you're slacking, you're wasting everyone else's time. In a school, if you're not doing it, you're just wasting your own time. That's not, but that's like not why I'm... No? Like, that wasn't, it was more of like a... Just a reaction. Like, I just knew that, like, I wasn't thinking of like, well, if I don't do this, then everyone's, you know, suffers or whatever.

Like, I wasn't even thinking about that. Like, with school, I also was just kind of like... Again, I would listen to my teachers. I was a good student, like, my entire, like, academic career. but in the times that I would get in trouble I would run it through a filter of being like is this a big deal so that sometimes I'd be like

bro what? I also think the content that we were learning like it immediately like the first thing to do is immediately just think like why the fuck do I like why do you care so much that I didn't do my homework on the industrial revolution I'm never going to use this so like it's easier but then like the stuff that you take

from a team setting like socially and in a work setting you are probably more likely to use it. So, like, immediately you're just like, why the fuck do I care about, you know, proper syntax in a sentence? Like, I'm not going to use it to that degree. It's to teach, like, discipline, obviously, in homework. The tricky thing Joe was caught in is that he already had the discipline

just for the things he wanted to do. Right. So he found out this is boring. There are some kids that need that, like, structured discipline of, like, homework because they don't already have it in them. And that's like, Joe was just in a tough situation in school where I don't know what that was. I mean, I think that it's because I also in high school I had a male teacher that I felt like didn't fuck with me. So I just like didn't fuck with him. And there were multiple times where he would like yell at me for things. But it felt like I've done something wrong. But your reaction is out of control. And I, my parents got so mad at me once because they found out that I told him to chill. Like they were so mad that I said that to a teacher. But like, so in that instance, right? I forget what I did. Maybe I like, I like, I forget what I did. Maybe I was. was talking to someone or something or whatever and he freaked out on me. And at the time,

I believe that he was freaking out on me because he just like didn't like me. So he like freaked out on me and I was just like, yo, chill. And he was not happy about that. Told my parents, my parents were livid that I did that. I would never dream of saying that to a coach. Like if they were freaking out, be like, yo, chill. I would never dream of doing that. That's interesting. Yeah, that is interesting. I also think that like, I forgot my thought. Yep Nichols. You saw it go right?

You might still be able to grab it It's not It can't be that far I mean I'm not jumping for it It's my birthday Do you believe

That thoughts are physical And they're floating Yes we've talked about this He were No he's talking about neurons though That was a different thing Yeah but it's the same

It's energy It's going You can probably get it back I think the point That I was going to try To make was just like I think that there's also Like a little bit

Of The coach is just Like They're not doing it In a work They're doing it Because they want to do it You know what I mean?

Like a teacher, it's like their job is forcing them to be this strict. And it's just like it feels less personal. You know what I mean? Or at least maybe that's the way that I'm completely misinterpreted. There's also a huge part of this that we're forgetting that like these teachers were overworked, underpaid, underappreciated too. So like if they were losing their mind on one of their 400 students, like it made fucking sense. No, yeah, sure. You know, numbers wise, it just makes sense that they're going to lose their cool.

Yeah. And then be told to chill by 14-year-old Joey wearing a, you know. I was wearing a uniform at the time. Oh, that's right. High school. High school, baby. Crazy. But, yeah, man.

That was my guy, though. By the time I left high school. Drop him. Drop him. Drop him. Drop his name. Mr. Hamilton. Hamilton.

Yeah. You know what? What was his first name? What was his first name? Alex. Alexander. No. A-E-X-A-N-D?

I don't. remember his name, but his name is Mr. Hamilton and like the first, my freshman year, I had him and that's when I was like, this dude doesn't fuck with me at all. And he could have failed me because my grades weren't great for that. And passing our school was fucking 75. Yeah, that's crazy. Ours was 65 and then it went down to 55. Really? But I think if you got a 55 in our school, they would just be like, this is even going on the report card. They would shoot you in the face. Yeah. But I remember I could have failed and I was like, we had to take regents, I believe,

our freshman year. So I was taking the regents and I like did okay on that. Like I think I got like an 83 or something like that. And he like bumped my grade so that I wouldn't go to summer school. So I was hype about that. And then the first day of sophomore year I come to school and I have him again. And we both kind of looked at each other like, oh, God. Oof.

Happens. And then we had another run in. But then after that I didn't have him anymore. and then we were super cool. Yeah. I've said I was a pain in the ass for a couple years, but I do genuinely, and if it were just coming from me,

I could see you guys calling it bullshit. My mom agrees with me on this, which you know my mom loves teachers. Like, I was kind of singled out as a troublemaker. Not saying that I was not, to some degree, a troublemaker, but like those years that I was at Baccholiet, I was like, they made it a thing to be like. Bro, yeah, because you're the easiest example to be,

like, you have to make a, example of you. Exactly. But you stood out amongst all of those kids. I stood out. I mean, I'm not going to get into the weeds of it because that's another conversation for another time, but like, yes, exactly. Yeah. You were like a ringleader. I was popular. Like I was, I was, I was, I was, I was me. I was the man. Yeah. I didn't think they could catch me. It was just too cool. No, that's not what I'm saying. Like, just the personality and the loud shirts and the boisterous. It's not, it's not to sound like, was it how you looked or how you acted. Now I'm confused. It was a column A, column B. Like, it was a little bit of

both at certain times. Got it. Take all of column B. Oh, don't. Yeah, I'm not. Don't. Freshman year, I just didn't go to school on Fridays. I was like, I just don't want to do it. That's psychotic. Can I ask you a serious question? I was fine. Do you ever wish that you knew him in high school? I would have never. I'm saying if you were at school at the same time. Oh, we're same year? Yeah. What would that do? Just like, see, because like, like, your such a mystery to me. I would have liked what he was. I probably would have been the only one liking what he was doing. What is that? What was he doing? Oh, you weren't doing in high school. No, I was, I thought he's talking about making videos. Oh, I was going to say, what was he doing?

Oh, yeah. You weren't doing it in high school yet? Yeah, I wasn't really doing it in high school. I was like, kind of fucking around or whatever. I'll tell you this, though, if you thought I was popular in high school. I was not like, people. It's kind of tough. In the high school we went to, it's like, you're popular in sections. It's like, there's a lot of kids in that school. Yeah, that's a thing. Like, there was no, like, that's the pop. Like, if people were, like, the captain of the football team, like, you knew that. For sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like.

He's being humble. Everyone knew Joe Sanigato. All right. Every, I'm telling you, like. Completely not true. It is absolutely true. We had 2,000 students. Brother, I remember, because I knew people that you went to school with.

Like, I knew, like, people, everyone knew you and, like, you were very popular. All right. I'm not saying that I wasn't popular, a person that you would know, but it wasn't like, you know, the whole school's like, look at that guy. Well, no, because you were a pin squeak. No one was, like, amazed at your physical stature. I was. I was a tiny little boy. Wow, look, it's Joe Sanagano. Oh, my God, he's got to be 120.

Oh, my God, he's smoking hot and 100 pounds. Yeah, 100 pounds. Probably really fast. The way that he wears those all-black starberries is so impressive. We needed to do that. I never, what did I wear? All-black shoes, right? You're saying? Yeah, you had to. I got away with a little bit of color

They probably got more lenient Now they have like cool stuff apparently Yeah, well I don't know now Yeah, a little far removed now What are you gonna do? Well look, happy birthday Frank Thank you so much, I appreciate it I appreciate it I appreciate it. I appreciate it now

Ants turning 30, when's your birthday again? January 16th Oh, we're never, oh that's forever Oh, that's your 30th birthday? My 30th, yeah I'm gonna punch you in the face with a cake That's fine You know, I'm not gonna say anything

The Newark show is January 15th I'm not gonna say anything We're going to bring you out and just pistol whip you on. I'm just putting it out there in the universe. Frank apparently has a violent gift for you. Yeah, I don't know what that. I don't know what it is, but it's coming. I got him a beautiful button.

I'm getting pistol whip. You did this? That's the only thing they had. That's fair. I do appreciate it. And you know me, I'll keep these forever. I'll write on the back 34 and then I'll keep them forever. Eventually you'll look back and be like, why the fuck?

Into a bin, they will go. As is everything else. That's right. I don't know if that's the right way to say that sentence. But anyway, thank you guys for sticking around. Frank, where can they find you? The Frank Albers everywhere. Patreon.com slash the basement yard.

If you're coming to any of the shows, which you could see the shows on the basemanyard.com. Go to the basemanyard. dot com. com slash submit. The basemanyard.com slash submit to submit your picture for the shows. We're really excited. Aunt Priscoe on Instagram.

I'm also thinking about making a TikTok. Oh. You don't have one? No. And don't think I forgot. You're also on the other show. That too. We're starting a war.

I'm telling you. You guys can follow me at Joe Sanagal. I'll go follow the show on TikTok and Instagram at the basement yard. And that is all. See you guys next time.