The Basement Yard - #574 - The Sauciest Episode Ever

Episode Date: September 28, 2026

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This family is on the brink of Civil War. Mobland, the hit original series is now streaming on Paramount Plus. The other Harrogans don't know than it? In Google us. From the underworld of Guy Ritchie. Do you want to step up the ladder? I won't come up dead. Starring Tom Hardy, Pierce Brosnan, and Helen Mirren.

Do I have to do everything myself? You want to want! I'll give you a... Moblad, new season is now streaming on Paramount Plus. Welcome back to the baby. Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, how's it going, Chief? I'm not a Chief. I'm a jet.

Yeah. Oh. Don't do that. Sorry. I don't like that. And for about seven minutes, you were at the top of your division. Still there. Dumb bitch.

All right? Let's make that abundantly clear. We'll take any win that we could get. It's a time for New York sports right now. It is a, you know, honestly, everyone seems to be doing okay except for one team. One team. One team. Over there.

It's the New York Metropolitan. Well, you're there too. You're there by proxy. First of all, because I like the facilities. How you have been and supported the Mets more this year than you've been in support of the Yankees. It's true. I don't go there and cheer for the Mets. I go there and I like get free. All right, forget about the going and the cheering.

How many games of baseball have you watched this year with your eyes, whether on TV or in person? Oh, oh. Yeah, it's not good for you. I would say like seven. It's not good for you. It's not. And how many of those on TV or in person have been. Mets games?

Or sure. I was going to say the inverse. Yankee games. So Mets are winning 3-1 at the moment. Yeah, yeah. I've only been to one Yankee game, which you take. What are the other three that you've been to that are including neither team? No, I'm saying 3-1, meaning three Mets games and one. Yeah, you said seven, though.

Oh, I thought you meant TV, too. Yeah. Oh, just like regular Yankee games. I meant like in person. Oh, all right. Yeah, yeah. So, all right. So, like, the Rays playing.

Some people do that. The guardians or something. Some people will see that on and they'll watch it. Yeah, I'm not that. kind of baseball fan. Can you really not call yourself a Mets fan when you have an Andy Chavez jersey? That's true. It was happened to me by you. I will say that is probably like the coolest Met thing that has come out of this year because everything else has not been cool. Not good. Andy Chavez jersey. 20 years since that catch. Isn't that

crazy? 20 years? 2006. Good Lord. Also you see who's on this jersey, right? Alvarez. I thought it was a wang for Bet jersey. Oh, baby. It's in mine jersey. Is that like a brand new Yeah, they gifted it to me. Oh, nice, nice. Yeah, they gifted it to me. That's cool. They give you 80.

I, I, I'm, they asked for that? Yes, I did. Oh. I was like, yeah, did they just guess that? No, no, no, no. They asked what numbers and I sent two. I said 80 or 85. That's a sick jersey.

And they gave it. I am not upset about it. I will say I'm jealous of the green and white. I think it's mad clean. I kind of, like, I don't hate any of the Giants jerseys. Like, all the Giants jerseys, they're a little plain, but some of them are ass. I like the blue and white. I'll tell you this, the ones they did a couple years ago that were like the throwback ones that were like brown and blue.

I'm all set on that. Those are really bad. Super all set on that. What are, well, how do you feel about adult men wearing personalized jerseys? Um, like, would you ever actually in your real life wear a Sanagado giant's jersey or a Yankee jersey?

No. No. Why not? No. I don't think so. I don't think so. Well, maybe for like an event. I mean, just saying I got a studios is different.

Yeah, I mean, Jersey. You got it's different. It's a company. Okay. The word studios is there. Yeah, it's a studio. It's a collection of people. That's an actual team.

Okay. Because we've been gifted some personalized jerseys. Have you ever worn any in your like day-to-day life? Yeah, but a lot of them don't have like our name on it. Am I crazy? No, they do they? The only one that I think didn't was the Raptors jerseys we got. and it just said basement yard on the back.

But every other one has said Sanagato and Alvarez. I will say, I appreciate that as a gift. There's no way in hell I'm wearing a basement yard on the back of a jersey. Yeah. That I was like, you might as well just put up a big neon sign that says, hi, it's me, Joe Sanagato. Hello, it's me. And yes, I am self-indulgent.

That's why I really don't ever wear any of our torties outside of the house. Because I feel like if someone were to see it, they'd be like, oh, there's someone in that tortie. Wait a sec. That's him. That's the guy that, look. looks like he's on the tour tea. Right.

So I wear him around the house for little things here and there. Yeah, it's like a nice, it's a nice t-shirt. So you wouldn't wear like a, if the Giants were like, we really love Joe Sanagado, the guy. Yeah. We want to be, you, here's a custom jersey. I would accept it and be like, oh, this is awesome. Thank you. Like, an official, but I wear my, like, I would feel weird wearing that to a game.

Oh, why? Because people would. I know why you're asking. Yeah. Because I just think that I'm there cheering for somebody. But you're a part of the, like, cheer for me. We cheer for each other. Everyone's cheering together.

Well, I don't know that they cheer for me. Maybe they will if you guys all cheer together. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Like, what if, like, you're walking on the sidelines and people see you and there's like, wait a sec. Is that? Are you just injured?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not dressed today because. You come out of the blue tent. Maybe if I was on the sidelines, then I would wear my last name. So people would be like, oh, that guy's probably hurt. Just like grab a helmet and walk on the sidelines with it. Yeah, I'm just like shaking my knee. I'm like, oh.

You know, that's why I'm not playing right now. I think you should. I see nothing wrong with it. I see a lot of, you know it's a good time for New York sports because you see a lot of it on the streets these days. I mean, and I don't know if we have openly talked about this, but like I do legitimately feel like the Knicks did something for this city that no other sports team has done in a very, very long time.

It revitalized New York. It like, I mean, I was going to say it put New York back on the map, but it's New York. We're the map. We are the map. We are the map. But like now everyone, like, New York culture is becoming, like, bigger and better than ever. Like, you'll see, like, you'll hear of people, like, doing, like, the New York outfit. It's, like, Tim's and Blue Jeans and a Yankee fitted.

Well, I also just think, like, it's revitalized people's, like, there's more of a chance that, like, people. Like people are like back into sports because everyone was behind the Knicks. And then they won. It's like, we want to capture that feeling again. Like, let's go Yankees. Yeah. Let's go Knicks again. Let's go Knicks again.

Let's go Yankees. And the ticket prices are also reflecting that. Well, I mean, to be fair, a Knicks ticket has always been expensive. Yeah, they're always the most. MSG is the hardest place to get into as a sports fan. I think it's just because it's not that many people. Like a baseball game is like a lot. It's a huge stadium.

This is 19,000 people like, um, yeah, you know, people like, I don't mean to like kind of hurt our own case here, but like MSG is smaller than it appears on TV. You know? Well, just like it's so impressive. Arenas and stadiums are different things. But even like stadiums are crazy to me because stadiums is a lot of people, but the, the field looks smaller. Yeah. Like you get there and you're just like, oh, that's a regular ass football field.

Yeah. It looks so much bigger on TV, but like you see it and you're just like, you know, I could do that. I could get a couple yards. Yeah, I could do it. Which, no shot. No, absolutely no shot. With the right blocking. Yeah, with the right O line.

With like the O line. Yeah. If you could handpick. And a whack D-line. If you can handpick your like all-time offensive line going up against a high school D-line, you might be able to get it. Oh, yeah. If we can get like Prime Jeff Saturday under center. Or Jason Kelsey.

Kevin Mawai, I was going to say. That's a good one too. Then you have who's the dude from the Cowboys, the left tackle? That's savage. Don't look at me. Forget his name. I mean, we can go to Prokishaw Ferguson. You can get Nick Mangold under center too.

Yeah, and then you guys are on the D-line. I'm getting yards. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. You think. Frankie. Yeah, I would be willing to bet that if you put Jeff Saturday today, who I saw in person once at MSG, he lost a lot of weight.

Yeah, he did. As soon as the players stop with their regimen, drop. All right. This is a good question. This is a really good question.

If you put, let's say Jeff Saturday, Jason Kelsey, Joe Thomas, Debrickshaw, Ferguson, give me one more

offensive lineman. I can't even. You know, I don't think they need another one for the question. David Deal. If you take that that O line,

yeah, not in their prime, where they currently are in their athletic regimen. Yeah. You think I or you can't get around No.

What? Really? Frank, are you insane? Seriously? Yeah, it's like a It's a skill thing. But I think how much of that skill

is lost with the passage of time. But what are you bringing to the table? What am I bringing to the table? Where are any of us bringing to the table? We have never played

on, like, in the NFL. I think I am in where I stand today. Yeah. Whatever day today is. Yes. I am currently in better shape than any of those five people

in their current day right now. I think you're wrong. Really? Yes. These are professional athletes. I'm sure they're taking care of them. I understand that they were professional athletes.

Have you seen Joe Thomas? Him alone, you're not getting it wrong. I haven't seen Joe Thomas in quite some time, actually. I mean, he's still, I mean, how long ago do he play? Bro, also, this is a guy who never missed a game for like 10 years. Look at him. Let's get the tail of the tape. 41 years old.

Come on now. 41, bro. That's not old. I mean, who's this other random Joe Thomas? That's just kidding. I don't know. Look, he's in shape So this is when he was on the

team, right? And this is him. Bro, now, Frankie, come on. Yeah. This is fucking knocking. Just hear me out, though. Hear me out. I'm hearing it.

I understand at the time when he's, like, playing why I won't be able to get by him. I think I might be able to do a little shake and bake. I think you could do. You're out of your mind. I think you're downplaying your skills. I think we both can't get by him.

That's it. He's one of the best of all time. It's crazy how big these players have to get to play their position. Yeah. Also, where do you put your... You don't even know where to put your hands. Just put your hands, they got me. Watch this.

Watch this. Put your hands up. Down, dude. You know what? Yeah, you're getting by Miles. Yeah. You're Miles Garrett. Oh, he's hurt.

I know. You'd be able to get him right now. Not great. Yo, also... I mean, no, he could probably... Miles Garrett right now, injured, will still fuck me up. Make that very clear. It would just make you feel horrific.

What was that? What did you just do? He was grabbing you. Oh, that was as close as we're going to get on this show. Bro, by the way, this morning. This is that was... morning. I, uh, so I, I, I like to sleep in like, if I can, like a pair of like sweat shorts, no underwear, you know, just, just, just so, like, just get some air in the thing.

You're playing with fire there, brother. I mean, you're playing with fire. What, what fire am I playing with fire? What if there's a, what if there is a literal fire and you need to run outside? I, I have shorts on, I run outside. You're too exposed, but go on. The giblets were loose. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So this morning, I woke up and I'm like, I just was, you know, I, I, I have, you know, I got up a little earlier than I usually do, and I'm like, I'm just going to walk the dog now. So I was walking the dog in these sweatshorts with no underwear on. So you're walking the dog while your dogs are getting walked.

Yeah, they're walking around too. They're definitely not on a leash by any means. And that's fine. I feel like I've done that before, not a big deal. It's a little colder in the mornings in New York now. Now there's like a nice little fall breeze. And I'm walking my dog. He takes a dump.

So I'm like, okay. he's taking it down. I put the bag on my hand. I'm ready. And then I bend down in a way to pick up the poop and I'm like, is that a breeze on me? Bro, my whole bang and bang is out.

I literally, just the way that I bent and I get in the shorts like rowed up a little bit. You know, Bing and bang. And boom. Frick and frack. Yeah, Bing, bang and boom are just like, I literally looked down and my dick and balls were like, touching the pavement? Or touching the Shit? No. Oh. How low do you think I got? I mean, apparently low enough that they're coming out.

Or you were wearing short shorts. I think they just rode up a little bit. And just like, everything was kind of off to one side. Was it dark out? It was this morning at 8.30. Not dark. No, and there was other people like plain fetch with their dogs and shit. And I looked, I was literally like, my God, it's cold.

And then I'm like, yo. And I stood up real fast. And I was like, looking around because I was waiting for someone to just be there like, yo, your whole cockabaw. Because my cockabaw was out. So the world got to, like, what was the last time you were that exposed outside? That's a great question.

So your, your TPD was outside getting a fucking breezy. Yeah, dude. Like, I've literally felt it, literally, I think it, like, moved with the wind. Because there was a breeze, and it hit me. Take it easy. All right, right. Moved with the wind.

I mean, if anything, that means, if it didn't move. That means you have a skinny little penis. No, but I was like, dude, I just looked at it and I had dipped out. It wasn't like fully like, yo. I mean, but enough to kind of fucking, you know, peer out and see if it sees its own shadow.

That's, that's, that's, yeah, it definitely like poked its head out. Was that like, did it, are we getting an early fall or are we getting like three more weeks of summer? Honestly, it was something like that. And I feel like it's going to be an early fall. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, I think it saw its own shadow. Have you ever, like, accidentally, like... Like... Probably not as to it. But, like, accidentally in that situation, like, have you ever, like, sat on them or something like that? Where they're just out of place? Sat on my balls? Yeah.

I've sat on my balls. Jungeon bunge. Yeah, yeah, I've sat on my balls. Okay. There's not a pain that's worse than that. It feels like you hit an ejector seat. I mean, you go to sit down and hit your balls You're like, oh

Yeah, come right back up And you bounce on that god damn thing Okay My friend's dad My friend's dad did that once Your friend's dad sat on his balls Yeah When I was when I was young

And I'm like, how'd you even do that? Yeah, and then you grew up and had giant nuts And now you understand I understand the pain You got long dangly balls? No, it depends on the day Depends on the, I mean depending on the day It's still, that's still impressive enough

It's a weather thing I just, I, you're, you got to be careful because that's a perfect example of like you could have like someone is out recording their dogs and they look over they see Joe Sanagato from the base video are kneeling down and then what is he did he sit in gum or something and you're like no that's his whole shebang I was thinking about like someone like Harry Styles if that happens to him like yeah you just got to wear underwear if you're that guy because if you're out there and he's like from you know UK Europe yeah so he's got to Or are they out, whatever. They're from the, like, they wear a little shorter shorts. They go a little shorter. So imagine he's picking up dog poop. I mean, I feel like it can happen to anyone.

What was the last time your winner saw the outside? That's a good question. I don't know. I can't think of it. You would pee outs. Well, yeah, I think like that was like at the lake, like, you know, going behind the cabin and peeing in the woods or something like that. It's fun.

Peeing outside's fun. We're not made. Humans aren't made to use a toilet. Bathrooms are stuffy. It's like, fluorescent lighting. They tend to be smaller rooms and like the grossest stuff happens in there. So like make it a bigger, better well ventilated room. I agree.

Like we don't need all. Like put some more, just better options for stuff in there, you know? I'd rather just pee on the ground. I just thought of an idea. A toilet that has vents built into the toilet. Vents? Yeah. So it contains whatever is happening.

Like pipes? Yeah, what do you mean? Like, because let's, let's, you're describing a toilet? I don't know, let's look at a toilet, right? Yeah. It's got the pipe, you know, that does its thing. But like, what if underneath the seat there's vents with air constantly blowing? Like an air conditioner?

Not an air conditioner, but just like it keeps, like, you know how those, the smokeless, the solo stove, the smokeless, you know, fire things. They figured out a way to get the air ventilation and just keep the smoke going out that way. What if we do that for toilets? Wouldn't it just be blowing around the room? No, you get it to like, it has like a vacuum chamber and it could like blow through the pipes. I mean, I don't know if I'm envisioning. Yeah, sure. Sure.

I just think it's amazing. I'd rather be outside and pissing onto a tree like a dog. I peed out the back door at the Air Band B. What? What do you say? At the Airbnb We all shared The second one

Just peed out the back door Everyone was Everyone was going to bed And everyone was in all the bathrooms I'd pee really bad Just peed out the back door The back door was a balcony Yeah I guess so

You peed off of the balcony Yeah it was nice But you're an adult human I had to pee somewhere And it was just grass This isn't even our house Yeah but it was grass I peed in the grass

Yeah why didn't you go into the Outhouse that was basically there It was like a separate little... There was a separate little guest house. That's a far walking. I'm about myself. What if someone is in there?

But you're fine whipping your fucking bunch out. I'll tell you what. We were so far deep into the woods that I don't think anyone would have seen it with the Hubble telescope. First of all, you're dangling chum. You're chum in the forest there. People are seeing it. And you get one wolf that's just like, and then it's, you know. Or like a mosquito on that.

Like, what happens if a mosquito bites your weener? I'm not peeing that long. How quick you pit? brother. The mosquitoes work out. They operate very quickly. Yeah. I feel like it was pretty quick. Everyone was in the bathroom. Everyone hog the bathroom. 30 seconds. Are you not piss in the backyard? I gotta deal with an Airbnb host being like, well, I just smell you're in the backyard. I'd be like, I don't know, not us, but I got some fucking

kid in the backyard pissing everywhere like he's a warrior. There's animals. Also, also, also hold your bladder for 30 seconds. What do you mean when everyone was going to sleep? We all went to sleep at the same time. What happened to knock it on a door? I did. There was someone in there. And then all the bathrooms were in your rooms that all the doors were locked, so I had to pee. There was a bathroom near Franks room. It was occupied. By whom? Because I know that all the other

people that were used in that area were already asleep. Myself, Greg, I'm starting to think. I think this is just bullshit and you were just a lazy piece of shit. He was like, oh my God, it's down the hall. It's funny because I opened up the side door first and I went, oh, no, this is a patio. And I went to the back, like I chose a different door. It was just fun. That is crazy because

it's disgusting. It's the grass. There was no one, no one, no one, no No one has stepped in the spot I pissed in 20 years, I promise. That I don't believe that. Yeah. There was so much space. Who cares? Open space.

That was a nice Airbnb. It was very nice. Now you, is this what, like, how I, like, touch the walls at some of the shows and stuff like that? Is this going to be your thing now? Yeah. You're like a chihuahua mark my territory. You're like a little fucking chihuahua marking your territory with your piss everywhere.

Please don't do that. It was a nice place. We needed more bathrooms. It's only, only critique. He's, he's complaining about the Airbnb he stayed in for free. It was fun. I didn't pee in the sink. Yo, you know what happened?

Were you there? Was Frank there? Oh, you were there. When Pete opened a beer from the fridge? Dude, I've never smelled a beer like that. Just for everyone out there. If you're going to stay in an Airbnb and you open up the fridge and you're like, oh, they have like a beer and two white claws or whatever. We get to the Airbnb and we had our own like kind of drinks and we're kind of sitting there and playing cards or whatever.

And Pete goes to the to the, uh, aunt goes into the fridge and he finds a, he finds a, um, he finds a, a white claw. He's like, oh, they have white claws here. So he opened it and he's drinking it. Pete goes into the, uh, in the fridge, comes out with a pilsner. Opens it. It smells like the sweatiest dick ever. Well, I was going to go with high tie, uh, low tide, but like a low tide covered, a covered dick with eggs. Like it was disgusting. Like an egg salad. I didn't even know that could happen to a beer. And he's like, oh my God. He's like, I've never smelled something with this before. I have never, ever ever. Like it legit smell just like straight sulfur, like rotten, rotten.

It's just terrible. And then as he's saying that, I just watch Ant, like his white claws right here, and I just watch Ann do this. He's just like, just slowly start staring at his drink. I'm like, yeah. It was, yeah, it was, I wouldn't, I still think that Pete should have taken a sip. Maybe it was like it's gimmick. It's like it's the stinky beer. People love doing shit like that now.

It's like beer brewed with buffalo chicken and stuff like that. Bear scat. Bear scat. Like the one that you had. Yeah, but that one just smelled and tasted like beer. Yeah, the confidence I had in my white claw once Pete's beer was essentially rotten didn't really Yeah, but you're also like a fucking psychopath Like there was two white claws he finished that one and drank the other one

Yeah, like you're the type where like you'd just be like no whatever No, it's fine, it's fine, it's all right. I'll be okay, you know That's what he says it's probably fine you you need to be more afraid of things We need to we need to instill the fear of life in you because you're kind of just like going through life He's like, yeah, it's okay. It's more fun this way, I tell you. I don't know about all that. It's more fun this way.

I do not know about that. Yeah, dude, I don't know. That's terrifying. No, that beer smelled like actual. That beer was like the craziest smell ever. It was just nasty. Not good. When was the last time you smelled yourself and you're like, yo, I fucking reek right now?

Every other couple days. Really? It happened to me the other day. I, anytime I go to the gym and I come back, I'm astounded at what. odors my body's able to endure. Dude, I don't know what happened to me the other day, but like, I woke up, I usually I don't smell. I don't really have body odor for whatever reason.

But sometimes it just happens for me. It's like random. So this day, I was like, I put on shorts to go to the gym. And I was like, are these shorts dirty? So I take the shorts off and I sound like, no, they smell fine. So I think it was just me. You want to just crapped your body? Yeah, like maybe my body's like, you know what?

I'm just going to shit myself through the porch. Well, remember, Dr. Mike told us that if you're holding in too many, or something like they'll like come out through your pores or something i'm not holding in farts yeah those are coming out yeah that's right you sat at the first Airbnb we stayed at you sat next to me and it sounded like you ripped a zipper i i just i couldn't believe i was so i between your farts and this kids burps i'm not going to make it through these fucking shit i'm telling you right now because they i'm gonna aunt was already called a pig a couple times you're getting at least one or two of them I'm sure I will.

Yeah, I will go to the gym and I'll come back and I'll just be like, is that? Yeah. And it is. And I can't believe it. It's a combination of like going in the steam room and then just like, you know, sweat. I don't know what it is. But like, so I was just like, I'm not going to shower. I'm about to go to the gym and sweat my ass off.

So like I'll just be this stinky guy at the gym. So I did that. And then when I got home, like I was like four steps into the apartment and Nicole's like, what's that smell? And I'm like, I'm taking a shower now. You know what's crazy is, and I'm not saying this, like, that is an untapped market. Like, you, Joe Sanagato, you could be like, I'm going to work out, and then I'm going to wipe my banch with a piece of cloth, and I'm going to sell it. I'm not doing that. I know you're not going to, but you could.

Joe, stink candle. But, like, there is a way, like, people do, remember the girl we spoke to years ago that was farting in jars and selling that shit? Yeah, she was making a killing. I mean, you could probably rip a fart in a jar. Joey, I guarantee if you did it, you would be making a good amount of side income. Not that you need it because we get it. Because we get it.

But like, that's an untapped market for you, babe. I don't have it in me. There was one time we were staying at an Airbnb. Hello. There was one time we were staying at an Airbnb, and we walked in and it smelled so bad, so bad, that the only thing we thought happened, is either a sewage pipe burst or there's a dead animal in the walls.

And after an hour of searching, turns out it was Danny Shoes. Shoes? Shoes. My dad told the story about that once that, like, I was like, when I was like, during peak puberty years, he, like, came into my room when I was sleeping one night, and he was like, it smelled so bad, and I realized it was my sock. He said it was my socks. His own socks?

My socks. My socks. And he's like, I didn't, I, like, on the floor, and he's like, I took him and I threw him out. Those things were gone. Do you ever do that? Like sometimes you're like, yeah, this fucking, this is disgusting. I've thrown out underwear because they were so, like, sweaty after a workout. I'm like, this is so gross to me.

I'm throwing it out. Yeah, you're not throwing shit out. You think me, baby. Do you think me? I have pairs of underwear that are older than each of my children. And they're like hanging on by a thread, but I have like a, like, it's like good for them, you know? That's not that crazy. Your kids aren't that old.

Miles is 11. That is insane. Eleven's wild. So do you, do you have certain? underwear that's like it's just barely hanging on there's like holes they're like holding on to the no no no no once it gets to a certain level i will like once i feel uh rip i'll just like let it rip myself like i'll rip it myself you know what i mean okay but like i do have one or two pairs of underwear that have just like they're in good shape they're sturdy you know like they they they are still going

strong but then it's it'll be one and you're like all right it's time to go everyone has a favorite pair of underwear also. Like if you see it in the drawer, you're like, yeah. I order, I organize mine. I know that I need to do laundry once I get to like the pairs of underwear I like the least. What do you mean you organize her? So like I have my drawer where like my socks and my boxers are and I'll organize my boxers with my favorite on top, my middle favorite in the middle and then my least favorite on the bottom. So once I get to like the bottom, I'm like laundry time. Yeah, yeah. And I have, I'm not wearing this bullshit. I have two separate piles. I have my socks and boxers and my other stuff.

Other stuff? Yeah, like shirts and pants and stuff like that. They're all in the same drawer. What? Is that what you're saying? No, in my laundry piles. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, like, it's like laundry for socks and boxers. Like, that can wait longer because I have more pairs of socks and boxers. We've discussed this already. Yeah. I'm in the 20s or something. Maybe 50s. 50s of underwear. Oh, probably.

That is way more than you need. Pretty big jump from 20. 20 or 50 You're not allowed to talk Mr. Pissing out of the Airbnb That was fine It happens Watch this

You think it's fine Certainly not It's not Unless it's that one Airbnb Where the fucking guy Was a prick Yeah he was an asshole Then you can piss away

That's the least of their problems Yeah they don't even care They're pissing it roaches They don't get them fuck They're praying for piss at this point Yeah This would be a blessing at this point I don't know I'm talking to two people

That never pissed outside I've pissed outside I said I like pissing outside, but I was on my own accord. I guarantee. I've pissed outside for cumulative time more than you have in your entire life. You bitch. I have donated way more pissed than you to the earth. Yeah.

So I was trying to contribute my, I was trying to contribute. You do it not on someone's property. It was. You do it on like the side of a highway. So the deer can do it. Do you think you pissed enough to fill a pool? No. In your life?

In my life, certainly, right? No. You think so. Bro. What size? Kitty pool? Olympic pool? No, let's say,

Olympic pool. Do you know how big an Olympic pool? Yes, that's why we're not saying Olympic pool. I would say like a pool. So like a four foot deep, like your pool that you had at your house. I think so. Four feet deep.

Well, we're talking about 34 years of me just straight, ripping piss. I'm filling up a pool. Dude, there were some days, like those like heavy drinking years. Pissing. for like a whole hour. Brother, I've lost probably in a day, like an hour of piss time. Without a doubt.

Like, and like a little trickle pee. Like a lot, dude. I mean, you probably piss like, bro, you got to piss like a half gallon a day. Maybe more. I mean, you probably piss at least a quart a day. Some people don't pee as much as us. You might be a little bit more hydrated. I know we recently looked up how.

much we pee. I can't remember what the information was, but I feel like you probably piss enough to a day. I could fill up a pool with piss. A week, you could fill up a sink. This kid's backtracking. You see how upset he looks because you know that we crush pools. It says over a lifetime. So you got some years on you still. To fill up a pool? To fill up a pool. How about this? No, this thing doesn't know me. Google this. If I'm 34, how much have I pissed? sure let it spit something out let it spit something out and let's see what it says

how much of I pissed on average on average 34 years of or whiz as the New Yorker even babies piss like crazy yeah but baby piss doesn't count it's not as it's not as like it's not as like yes yeah I can do the average person I can't do Frankie piss that's fine okay

well you can add you can add a couple of gallons on there for me. It's about 8,000 gallons. Dude, that's a lot. You can't fill a pool with 8,000 gallons? You can.

Yes, you can because I'll tell you right now. My pool at my house is 13,000 gallons. And he's got a big pool. And I got a big pool. You do have a big pool. 13,000 gallons.

8,000 gallons. Ripping a fucking pool. Yeah, brother, that's a lot. Easily. That'll smell real bad. It might. It would be disgusting. Did you guys see,

it was jackassie? Oh no, maybe it wasn't jackass. It was like Steveo's own show. So, Steveo does, like, he's touring. And he does a stand-up show. And in his stand-up show, he has, like, bits that he filmed that, like, are too gnarly for, like, other thing. One of them that he did is he wanted to, I think it was, like, have a record. Or maybe it was a jackass, but it was, like, hold a record for swimming in the largest urine pool or something like that.

Of course he does. he got you brother he had a pool of piss and like it was like a golden amber I'm sorry talking about it makes my stick I hate yellow piss I kind of respect it more than regular ass piss I do too like when I have like a clear pee I'm like you're not even piss

Like if you're going to like cartoonishly draw or imagine close your eyes yellow piss Imagine piss It's yellow. There you go What are you going to say? If every time you peed, it tasted like a random liquid. Hmm.

How often you taste it? Bro, I'm going like this to the stream, giving it a sniff. Oh, don't. I mean, you're going to face it up at yet? If it tastes like. But you don't know. It's random. Like, you don't know.

I mean, as long as it doesn't taste like piss, I'm fine. Well, one time it will. It's random. All right. One time. How many, there are countless amounts of liquids on the planet. Even if we narrow it down to a hundred, I'm taking those chances that one time it might be urine.

It might be. Those are good odds. One percent. Have you ever accidentally gotten pee on your hand? Oh, piss. No, no, no, no. With like, I don't know, changing a diaper maybe? No, I never changed a diaper of a boy.

I hear when it gets to boys, that's when it gets a little dangerous. Yeah, it starts fire. Because it starts, it's like a hose, you know, like a fucking, it's shooting out all over the place right but well well if they make they call them peepit-tipies for changing yeah yeah they're literally cultural appropriation by the way just want to throw that out there they it's like to be put over when you're changing a boy so you don't get pissed on i got fired on yeah you've probably got yeah changing my brothers no no no i don't think my mouth but oh yeah one of those crazy Airbnb nights because it's been like a whoa oh it gets on you let me ask you

If you could cycle five different liquids, one of them has to be piss for your P-stream, what would the four be? The other four. Can I give an answer that you'll probably hate? Is it going to be like kombucha? No, first of all, you're the kombucha queen. I love kombucha. I do every morning. I was going to say water just in case it's like you're desperate.

it. Let's let's let's let's go outside of water because are they are they pissed with just a different taste or am I no you'll you'll be pissing you'll be pissing the thing oh I mean I wouldn't do water that's why I said no water like imagine like you're you're living your current life you're not stranded in a desert like you're living your current life but like every now and then I'm telling you this is like the next round of like luxury is like we could alter your body so now you piss fruit punch or something. Now that is a cosmetic. surgery I would probably get.

I would say some kind of like soda. What would I do? That would be hot coming out though, brother. You think the carbonation would feel good? No, that's what I'm saying. No, I don't think so.

I'm not imagining the feeling. I'm imagining it feels like piss, but it tastes like something else. So a soda. So some sort of soda. Maybe like a strawberry milk. Oh, my God. Just falling.

Like a childish kind of drink. You're like, oh, is strawberry milk today? Well, first, what are you? I'm gross. You're making me pissed out. It's a little thicker than piss. It's a little thicker. We're not going with the feeling.

I didn't think you'd go to dairy. Yeah. Then you got to really clean your pee-p-hole. Yeah, so it's smelling like milk. Yeah. This isn't how it was presented to me. Okay? All right, so you're going with a soda.

You didn't specify the soda. I didn't. Maybe it's just like a Coke. Vanilla Coke Vanilla Coke Grow up Peter Pan I would shoot you But I don't have a gun

I would say coke I would say Ooh Can I get like a You could get whatever you want Blue Gatorade Oh okay That's also appealing visually

I just got a fire idea Yeah A Guinness There we go Now we're talking Get a Guinness Imagine imagine Imagine you're at the bar

And you're drinking Guinness And you're like yo I got to go Hold on And then you're going to to the bathroom, we're like, hold on. She's like, let it settle. Yeah, I got to. It's like, buddy, hurry up.

It's settled. You got to, like, pour it the right way and then tilt the glass the other way. Yeah, like, bro, if you could piss out, I mean, you would save so much money. Yeah. So I would go Guinness. What did I say? So you have Coca-Cola, blue Gatorade, Guinness, and you get one more. One more?

Um, um, um, you can have your milk. Yeah, you can have your milk. My strawberry milk. My strawberry milk. You can have your milk. Don't want strawberry milk or, like, chocolate milk? That's two browns Oh chocolate milk I think

I would give me chocolate milk Oh chocolate milk now we're talking Now that's a good fucking That's a good piss That's a good piss rotation Yeah it is let me tell you Okay What are you pissing out

Should we get to the ads before I get mine I was looking at I was like Does he realize if you have to do ads Oh listen we do have some sponsors The first one being Squarespace Squarespace this is a platform where you're going to build your website So if you make content or you have an e-commerce business or whatever,

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and santa gotos studios.com for the new merch we love you we appreciate it now let's talk more about my piss right so I think for the sake of the argument I'm going to pick different ones because I would I would love to have Guinness as my coming out of my urinal urinal tract what's it called urethra that's it If I could have that

I would be a very happy man But I need to be honest I will go Coca-Cola That's a tough one Because that's a really good soda I mean you could

You can pick that No I want to be different I want someone to make a graphic That is Joe's piss rotation And it's your choices And then it's my piss rotation And my choices

So I'm gonna go I'll stick with a soda But I'm going orange fanta Or a crush Whoa. Dude, could you imagine? First of all, the carbonation will get to me a little bit.

Yeah. But it's what you got to do. So what? It's going to hurt a little bit, but the, you know, the sweetest of fruits have the juiciest of nectar. Every rose has a thorn. I don't know what I'm trying.

Not that. So I'll go orange soda coming out of my pee hole. Boy, I have to stick with tea. I have to be on brand. You're going to piss some tea. A little bit of tea. Which tea?

Oh, man. I mean, it depends on the type and what time of the year it is. Depends on the type. That's what we're asking. I know. I would love a really good bug-bitten oolong. You know what I'm saying? I don't know what I was expecting, but a really good bug-bitten?

A good bug-bitten o'-lorn. Does that mean that bugs chew it? Yeah. And that does what to it? It actually, first of all, it's a very sought-after tea. because, you know. Am I going to regret asking? You might.

Yeah. What? Do you want it? Sure. And here it is. It's just, it's like a sought after tea. That's really it. I don't want to get.

What kind of bugs? I don't know. But like, so caffeine is, is an insect repellent for, to my understanding, I could be a little wrong here. I'm sure people are going to fucking punch me in the face. Caffeine is given off by plants as an insect repellent. Ah. So when bugs bite the tea, it, makes it more caffeinated.

Ah. So it's good. So I got orange soda. I got a bug-bitten U-Long tea. Okay. I can't wait to see that. A bug-bitten U-Long tea. Oh, man. Let's go with... I'm going to switch it up a little bit. Okay.

I'm going to switch it up a little. I love, like, fresh-pressed juices. Okay. So like a beet, ginger, apple, carrot. What the hell? You know what I'm talking about? I mean, I don't like beats. I feel like ginger coming out of your pee hole.

That's going to set you ablaze. Brother, it's going to be hot. Yeah, it's going to come out steaming. It's going to be hot. Bro, imagine pissing out ginger. Oh. Yeah, no, it ain't good. No, it's good.

But you know what? That would be really good for me. It's a, it's a, yeah, I mean. It'd be really good for me. Sure. And then last but certainly not least, I'm not doing any favors here to sound, make myself sound like

not an elitist piece of shit this is going to be good champagne no I've really been man I need an alcohol in there I need an alcohol in my pee hole let's go just the fucking absolute like run of the mill dragged through a swamp

dirty martini oh wow yeah like I'm talking like this thing is basically more olive rime than vodka I already taste like this kind of then yeah but it needs to be cold so like yeah yeah i'd make like a thing so like i pee into like an ice luge a very cold dirty martini yeah was the point of this to have people want to drink from it i don't really

know how this started to be honest with you but we're here because i don't know if i want to drink any of frankie's pee first of all you'd be honored to drink my urine you wouldn't want an orange crush no i don't like orange crush just be like yo anyone want a guise first round's on me no that's joe's piss that's right And it's frothy. You'd have to drink Joe's piss. You don't like orange crush. It's like genetically modified for humans to like and be addicted to.

Yes. I don't kill. I don't like when things try to be different fruit, except for peach snapple. That's coming out of my piss. Oh, so you're going. Peach snap? Yeah, for sure. I like that.

I mean, I like regular snapple more, but it's your piss. I could toss a lemon snapple in there, too. A double snapple? Do you have two fun? Honestly, then let's just. do half and half snapple too let's just do all snaple oh that's napole oh mohito never mind oh and you're gonna piss a mohita yo the mint is gonna hurt that mince gonna fuck your peehole he's pissing ginger and be yeah that's gonna beets not that bad ginger yeah beats will make you

concerned but it doesn't hurt yeah but just look gross and now it hurts that is he is honestly correct i didn't think about the the optics of my urine if you told me that i could piss out like a guinness and it's gonna taste like a guineas and everything's gonna be that's what we're saying i know i just don't think i could get over the fact that i'm it out. Like, I don't know if I'd be able to drink it. Yeah, I mean, there is that part of it. I'm drinking a beer from a dick. At the end of the day.

That is, that is part of it is that it is still coming out of a wiener. A penis. Which doesn't make it like ideal. No, I'd rather it come out of a draft. Would you rather drink a beer out of a wiener or a butt? It's a good question. Ten dicks over a butt. Ten dick.

Whose butt? Any butt. Any butt, yeah, brother. Bro, think of the hottest butt you could think of. Yeah, and then imagine it should be in Guinness out. What did matter? But this is our show. But it is Guinness.

What are we talking about? The kind people at Guinness are going to see this and be like, watch is this. We're technically being nice. But I just wouldn't, out of a butt. What we are saying, out of a butt's crazy. What we are saying is that our ideal biological makeup would be us being able to, at will, piss Guinness.

Yes. But not shit it. No way. We would never let a beautiful drink like a Guinness anywhere near my butt. To be fair to Guinness, we are saying that it tastes so good we would drink an ad of a penis. I am saying that. Honestly, I am on that as well. Also, if Frank was the one who pissed Guinness, I would say no, like the first three times.

The fourth time I'm going to take a sip. After your fourth Guinness. After the fourth Guinness, it makes you more susceptible to want to try. All right, five Frank just pissed one over here. This is a little bit. Yeah. What the hell are we doing? It was pretty long on P, probably.

Yeah, that was a huge. Who cares? It's a big piss episode. That's what the title is going to be. I don't know how Neil is going to like that on YouTube. And I don't know if our sponsors are going to be pumped being like the big piss episode brought to you by Squarespace. Yeah, I don't know. Speaking of piss, I have something.

Okay. It has nothing to do with piss. I was kidding. Oh, come on. Come on. I was excited to keep talking urine. I have How would you guys

Do your breakfast You know there's different ways to do it Different kind of cooks on toast Different kind of coffee Okay Have we talked about this before? Unclear I don't think so Oh

Not like me maybe I mean you know me I'm a black coffee guy Yeah it sucks Let's start a coffee Okay I mean let's or let's imagine it's tea for me Do you put anything in tea?

Nothing Those bug bit new lungs Don't need it They're already bug bitten. Yeah. No, but every now and then

I'll fuck around and I'll make a macho latte for myself. Oh. Just because I'm a little dirty more sometimes. Yeah, little bitch.

With whole milk. Oh, I mean, I, I, I mean, we don't have whole milk in our house

often. Okay. I'm the, I'm the whole milk guy. Yeah. But, yeah, I think we could both

with confidence say whatever A would be with his nothing. Yeah. And where are you at? Because you're a milky master. Yeah,

I like milk, man. I mean, I'm E. E? Yeah, I'm E, dude. What's the point of having coffee? Well, because it picks up, but it tastes good. To your credit, not your credit, your defense, milk?

It's like a splash makes it pretty light. So it doesn't take much to get it to E. A splash would be like C. That's a splash. Really? Yeah. I feel like a splash would be D. Maybe D, but E is the F is too much, obviously.

F's bananas. I will tell you right now, my father, drinks coffee if there was an H on that coffee level. Really? Because it is mostly milk and mostly sugar.

Ugh. E. I want to just enjoy it. Black coffee just tastes like ass. It doesn't. But cold brew black coffee actually tastes good. I don't know what that's about.

That's even steeped in fucking. That's more coffee than coffee. Yeah. I don't know the magic. All right. So I'm going A here. And then for toast? See, this is what's tough about toast

because what are what are we assuming that we're just eating how I like my toast and my bread for breakfast is different I think I can with confidence say five and six need to be brought behind the shed and never seen again if someone's going to eat six like what are we doing here six is danger six is dust it is danger you bite in it's dust it's basically just like pure carbon at that point in time I'm probably I'm a little two guy whoa that's crazy Light toast. I'll be honest with you.

If I'm getting, like, if it depends on what I'm eating, I'll eat with just like one. I'll eat like. I mean, if I'm eating like maloney, I'll eat that. No, I'm saying like if I have like eggs and hot dogs, I'll take a one and I'll just throw it in the soft bread with a little ketchup. Oh, hell yeah. How often do you have eggs and hot dogs? A couple times a month. Well, I'm two.

What are you? Three, four. I'm probably in between four and five, honestly. What? You're a filthy bass. I like a... I like a... No, I don't like that. A what?

A quch! He likes a real big crunch. I love crunchy food, but I think the crunchiest I'll go is four. I'm in between three and four. It's toast. It's supposed to be crunchy. Mine, I'm like... Three is like my max.

Here's my thing that really pisses me off, though. If you're giving me toast, give me soft butter. If you give me toast and then you give me ice cold butter in this little packet, so then I put it on there and it makes a crater in my... bread, I'm gonna fucking lose my mind. I hate spreading butter on shit for that reason. When I go to a restaurant and they have like warm butter, I'm like, this

is an established. I want to, I'm not kidding. I want to like take a picture and show it to other restaurants. Be like, fucking do this, you dumb bitch. When it's those little ones in aluminum foil. Oh, don't get me started. I hold them in my hand. I do that too. What that's what people do is they say hold them in your hand to soften them up. Yeah. But

I have to like do work to get butter. I need to like peel its fucking top off and then I need to like Scoop it. No. It was something sexy about it. You undress the butter a little bit. I don't like it.

One time. Just have sex with a woman one time. That'll satisfy that. All right. Let's look at bacon here. I might be a hot take here. I'm cool with E. I like my big extra crunchy punch.

Oh, my God. I like it. No. I like biting into it. It's just like I fucking just bit into a building like Godzilla. Right. What? D is like.

Like, I mean, E is like you bite it and most of that is dust. Yeah, it turns to nothing. My mom likes F, dude. Your mom? Your mom likes F? Yeah, it's bad. Your mom probably needs to go for a checkup because that's also probably dangerous. And she's the one that cooks the bacon.

So, like, obviously, if you're cooking it, you're going to do it how you like it. Which is fair. And so no one likes the bacon. She should just, yeah, I mean, she should just eat the coals in the grill. I'll tell you right now. First of all, no one's grilling bacon. Who are you, Joey? I just meant like that's what it looks like.

It looks like coal. Yeah. I love crunchy bacon. I'm fine. I'll eat bacon at any level except for A. My dad loves A. My dad loves like you put it on and it's still kind of white and he's like, oh. Well, because I think, unless I'm wrong, bacon comes cured.

Like, real bacon is cured. You can't just rip bacon, right? I think that's turkey bacon. No, I think, I think like bacon is cured. So, like, it's kind of okay to eat at that level. Well, I mean, he's survived so far It's like prosciutto It's not as cured as prosciutto

But it's kind of there I don't know I remember though my dad would put it on the pan And as soon as like it would start to bubble And like you know how it kind of lifts up Yeah like it starts throwing his ass out He'd be like all right that's done And I'm like leave mine

I remember those mornings Because your dad would ask if I like my bacon And in his words, snotty And I wanted to fucking lose my mouth Yeah that's what he would say Also don't eat raw bacon Do not eat raw bacon It is

cured, but it's injected with just water and flavoring, so it's still raw. Ah, okay. Don't eat it. Okay. So, good to know. So my dad's beating this. Whatever this would cause, he's beating it. I'm not kidding. Your dad is a walking scientific anomaly. It's a wonder, honestly. He is, you know, eating basically raw bacon for 50 years.

I'm going to go C here. I think C is like a good, like it's got a crunch to it, but it's still like bacon. It still tastes like bacon. It doesn't taste like the and it doesn't taste like volcanic ash like the rest of them I think C is the correct answer but I'll say this if I'm at something and there's a plate of bacon

I'm taking mostly C but I'll throw a D in there I like I mean I think we can meet in the middle and say D because I like E I love E but I'm cool with D D D I would throw a D in there it's also bacon brother I'm gonna eat it no matter what it looks like let's be honest yeah I mean it needs to be

basically ripped out of the package for me to be like, nah. A is bad. A's disgusting. A is actually probably dangerous. A is bad. B also, I'd be like this place is like, doesn't know how to cook bacon. Here's, I do want it to be a little. B looks like burger bacon.

You know, it's sometimes a little soft burger bacon. Here's the thing about bacon. Bacon is one of the rare foods that it is an incredible thing. And it's like almost universally liked flavor-wise because people get upset about like, you know, the ethics behind bacon. Flavoring? Atrocious. Nasty.

Absolutely atrocious. Like bacon flavored anything? No. Disgusting. No fucking way. I only want it like bacon. What about? Have you ever had chocolate covered bacon?

No. Oh. Were you with us at that time? Where were we? And I got a, I don't know if this was on tour. But we, I believe we were in Denver. We went to a place and they had bacon. flights were you there I mean I was with you in Denver but I don't remember a bacon

maybe it was a different time that I went but he went to this this brunch place and they had a bacon flight so they did bacon like four or five different ways so it was like candied bacon which is fucking stupid stupid it's just like it it it's sugar and it was like maple fuck ass like stuff on it and it's like crazy they didn't call it fuck ass they didn't call it that um me say it yeah I've had bacon in a Bloody Mary. Very on board with that. Sure.

Very much so. It's just a good... How many pieces of bacon, by the way, is like an appropriate amount? What is the terms of this question? Appropriate amount for what? Because I will be honest with you, I can eat a whole pack of bacon, but I won't. Yeah, you're... Yeah, I know.

I won't, but I could. Let's say, uh, let's say, uh, so if there is a... Let's get two answers. There's an unlimited amount of bacon And you're going up to like a buffet essentially How many piece of bacon do you think you're going to put on your plate? Four That's a respectable answer

I think that's a respectable answer for like the other question Which is going to be like there is a fixed amount There's other people around Oh, you're going with like how rude I'm going to be All kindness in my body goes away with bacon Well I'm just saying like what What is an appropriate amount Like I feel like it's like serving size is like two or three pieces

Yeah, yeah. I am very okay doubling that serving size. But like six pieces of bacon, I feel like that would be fucking crazy. Yeah, who would do that? Really? Six? Brother, I'm not kidding. Right now, if you had cooked to deperfection a plate of bacon, I'm putting down 10 pieces

without even coming back to life. How many do you do usually? I don't think you realize how calorically dense bacon is. I don't you. You can have a lot of bacon without realizing it. Bro, 10 pieces of bacon is probably like 15,000 calories. That's too much. It's like 2,000 calories.

It's like 900 calories. It's like 90 apiece. No, I think they're like 100 calories. It's crazy because it's... That math still wouldn't work. It's like a bite and a half. I think one more piece than however many you're putting on your egg sandwich. So if I make an egg sandwich, I'll put two pieces of bacon.

on it and I'll have one little side piece of bacon so I could have more bacon just in case I need it. I fucking hate that answer. Yeah, you gave us a riddle. The answer that you wanted was three. Well, it could be four. It depends on the size of the sandwich. So it's all about how your sandwich is made. So if someone makes it with 8,000 pieces of bacon on it, you'll have $8,000 and 1,000. Technically, yes, by that math. All right, before we get to the egg portion of this, I have other sponsors here. We have Rocket Money. Rocket Money is an all-in-one personal finance app that is going to be focused on putting the money back in your pocket, folks.

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So there you go, folks. All right. So this last part of it is the egg. and I'll go out here and say this. When it comes to eggs, I think scrambled. You know, actually, I used to think scrambled was the ultimate. I'm getting into...

I don't know, eggs. What's the one that, like, it kind of runs? Sunny side up? Well, sunny side up is when they don't flip it at all, and it has, like, the cartoonish-looking egg. Yeah. Where they flip it, and then they basically take it off after a couple seconds.

It's over-easy. Over-easy eggs, I think, are the superior eggs. I fully agree. That's how I cook my eggs. I like crispy sourdough, cold slice of cheese, over easy egg. And it kind of, it pisses a bit, right? Oh, that son of a bitch, pisses, brother. You could do like an over medium where it's more of like a two or three consistency, but I like a runny yolk.

I like to, like, pop it and this thing is just... Yeah, I love that. It's like, oh, he's bleeding. If you're getting into over easy eggs, get a bacon egg and cheese with an over easy egg. It's like it comes with its own dip. I know, I know. I love it. I get that. And I'm just like, oh, and then it spits everywhere.

And I'm like cleaning it up. Well, I'm a wet eater. Like, when I eat shit, this shit needs to be soaked. I need to dip it. I need it to be, like, fucked up. Like, I like that. Now we're talking. Like a saucy?

Who eats shit without a sauce? Bro, don't get me fucking dry food. I hate this. It's so stupid. Get a wet fucking sandwich in your life. You haven't lived until you just had a soppy, disgusting wet face because there's just egg, raw, raw egg yolk all over the place. All the foods that make you look like a filthy bastard are the best.

Like ribs. It's all over your face. It's on your shirt. You look like an idiot, but it tasted really good. You and I could not be more lined up on this. I love food that comes with a mess. Like it's just like, oh, you're ready? Like, I remember there are old, like, restaurants.

I haven't been to one, but I imagine it's pretty cool. They give you like a fucking bib. At a seafood restaurant. You're going out here. You're getting, and you're going to get dirty. Come here, you fucking baby sit out. And we're going to throw a hundred crab legs from you. We're leaving here and we know that yours

gonna get fucking lost in the sauce. I love that type of shit. Messy food is the best. You know what I love when they just dump it on the fucking table. Why are you got a smirk like that? I agree. He's got a smirk. You like dry food?

No, no. People who just eat fries like fries, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah. Get a sauce in here. Sources? Just like all, just make it as sloppy and fucking disgusting as possible. Also, if sauces are watching right now, I just want to say, I think that you're so integral to the food experience.

I will go as far to say is a dish is not complete without a sauce. Yeah. That has to be true. And if Big Sauce is listening, which I hope they are, I have yet to find a sauce that I hate as much as mustard and honey mustard. I hate all mustard. You know that. Honey mustard's good. But like a barbecue sauce?

Anything orange. I fucking love. Barbecues. Like buffalo? No, like a Chapoli mayo. Chipply mayo is insane. I guess that is technically kind of orange. It's like pink and orange. But anything that, any sauce that looks like color, I'm gonna like that one. Also, a fucking aoli.

I have a hard time understanding what you are exactly, but I'm fucking outboard. Yes, I'm with you. Anything, like, it could be literally dog shit aole. I'd be like, well, I'm getting it. And I like when, like, you know, a sauce like evolves using a firestone into a dip. I love that. Like, it's like dig evolved into a dip.

Like they add a little bit of thickener So it's like now it's like a full on dip Which you could still use as a sauce Yeah You know but like now it's just like It's like when you watch fucking haunt or going to Gangar You're like this is somehow just as good if not better Yeah

You know what I'm saying? I also am not afraid of Of integrating dips That don't even make sense Just because I want it that way Give me that give me Like if this happened yesterday Nicole made these like a snack wrap type of things

and there was like a sauce in there. Hell yeah. And I was like, I'm still gonna dip this bitch in barbecue sauce. Anyway, because now I got two dips. I love when places also,

like, I've not had enough to be able to crown it the king of sandwiches, but a French dip is such a confident fucking prick. Like, the absolute confidence to be like, not only you're getting a sandwich, I'm giving you a pool for this thing

to fucking swim in. Like, that is such game, dude. Like, the only thing better than having a side sauce is a side pool to drown my fucking sandwich

like it has secrets. Fucking bitch and then you eat it. Oh, I need a French dip now. Yeah, I couldn't tell you. I think I've only had like one or two in my life and they don't, they've not been great. Let's put it like that. Really?

They've not been great. Friendship's got to get in line. Getting in line. Or like, or like, media tacos. Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. That I'm holding under, literally. I'm telling you right now,

there's a place that I've gone to that gives you Bidia tacos, and it gives you, like, a fucking, like, trenta size. That's what I'm saying. And I'm going in with my wrist. Yeah. I'm coming out, and I want my hand to look like I just shoved it in the heart of someone in Mortal Kombat.

Yeah. And if it was deeper than that, it's going to look like I put my hand in a horse's ass. Like, it's so tough because, like, the, there's only one way to do a biddya taco. And basically, I won't be content until I'm swimming in it with the tacos in. my hand. I also fuck with the fact that those tacos are like, we dipped the bread in it. Then the second bread, we dip that fucker too. And it's got more sauce on it. And we're going to give you more sauce. This is, I mean, that might be the iconic. It's a triple dip. It's a triple dip. It's a triple dip. It's a triple dip. It's a triple dip. They dip it from the start to the end. I mean, like, there are so good. Like, baptisms need to take. I will get baptized whatever religion you want tomorrow if they're dipping me in me in Bidia. Yeah. Don't pour this little water on my head that's blessed. Dip me in some fucking house.

I want to go and they're just like, you know, baltido, bad-da-l-l-da-da-a-ba-and-and-then they just fucking bang, just like the beeria sauce in my fucking mouth. Oh my God, dude. Hang me upside down and dip me in there. Can you, just for me, aunt, can you pronounce what we have been saying? Biria. Beeria, but say it, but roll your ars.

But say it what they are rolling. Because that's how you're supposed to say. Bria. Bia. No, you're saying Bidia. Bia. No, no, no, you're saying Bidia. The Italians come up.

beeria no no no beeria beeria yes I mean that one beeria no it's not if I say it fast they'll know

it's like biria biria biria biria thatcos I just that was a little too much I love it

do you like that do you like yeah yeah like I love a restaurant like I love a nice restaurant that's like the food is intricately made

and everything and it's good pork but then I love you go to some places and it's like fuck you yeah we're gonna just

fucking throw this into that old like that that checker paper, you know what I'm talking about? And this dumb idiot is going to spit in your face. Or if they bring something out in a basket, I'm like, let's go. Baskets. But don't do the millennial burger place thing.

You've seen those online, right? People making fun on clowning millennial burger joints. Yeah. Where they're like, they call them handheld instead of burgers. The gun's back. The gun is back. But I like when, also, if you're going to put a side dip or a sauce, I'm dipping everything that shows up to this table in that.

I will put my foot in this thing before the sauce. Like, the sauce will be completely dried up. It's a really good point. Everything goes in the dip. As far as these fucking eggs go, I don't really like this type of egg. Like, I don't fuck with a hard-boiled egg, to be honest. Do you eat ramen?

This is more like a ramen egg. Oh, yeah, and when it goes in there. But, like, I've eaten it, but, like, I don't like it. I just don't like the texture of, like, the egg white? Yeah, I just. I will tell you. I'm eating an eraser. I have found this stuff.

It's called, like, chili crisp. Have you ever seen it or had it? This house? It's like in a jar and it's like chilies and garlic and it's like kind of crunchy. I'm telling you right now, put that over one of those bitches and you'll be flying high. Frank, if I put that over my own ass, I would find a way to get back there and chill on it. That's how good that chili crisp fucking shit is. I got like an extra crunchy version and it has like edamame and chickpeas and stuff in it.

Yeah, baby. But I'm fine. Honestly, like I know people clown on. E and F, I'm fine with any version of that. Oh, you're talking about five and six? That's what I mean. Sorry, five and six, yeah, for the eggs. Oh, I mean, yeah. I mean, five and six just don't look like real things. I feel like a six egg.

Sometimes, like, you know how some people when they eat, they can eat chicken nuggets with the can't even wings? Because it reminds you you're eating an animal. Like, it's like, oh, it's a bone. I feel like the six egg, it's like, it reminds like, oh, I'm eating eggs. Does that make sense? Nope. Like a, yeah. Like you realize, like, oh, I'm eating eggs.

I don't know if that makes sense. It doesn't. I promise. I'll help you. Because it's just like, I'll help you. I don't know. But it's like the furthest from the form in which. But it's the closest to the form of the animal.

Like consistency-wise. Yeah. Like, I guess. But that's also a dumb-ass thing to think. All right. A dumb-ass thing to think. I'm two probably. Yeah.

I think I would probably go to. When I make mine, I aim for a two or a one or two, but they come out three, four. I'm not upset. Also, like, hard-willed eggs, it just reminds me of, like, Easter. Yeah, with the... Oh, well, no, that's traditional Easter with the Easter Bunny. But, like, the Greeks do the game, where they're, like, Kasserica, buddy, you know? Who?

Gritho Theretti, and then they bang the eggs together. Oh, yeah, what's with that? It's, like, good luck if you... Oh, it's like the person that wins... Wins. It's like whoever doesn't have their egg cracked. We, every year, get the, uh, with the bread thing. And you have to find a coin.

Oh, yeah, the Vasalopita. Yeah. Love that bread. Yeah, yeah. I mean, the bread's fine. I'll say it's very hit or miss. No, no, no, no, no. If you go to, there's a place in Steinway in Dittmars called Victory Sweet Shop.

Yeah, in between Dipmars and 21st? Yeah. Yeah. That's the best. That's the best. It's the best. And then afterward, you use it for French toast. It's a good bread.

It's good bread. You don't know what bread we're talking about, right? I haven't been paying attention. There's a good consistency of the bread. And I've had good ones, and then I've had ones, I'm being like, what is that? Yeah, oh, good. It just tastes like I'm eating baking. I haven't had that in so long.

I want to get one now. I don't think I've ever found the coin. I got it one year in like 2010 or something the last time. You know who we used to buy them for us, Ms. R.G? She was Greek. Yeah, yeah, she would get one for our family, so that's how we, like, got into it. Made sense. But that's funny, because you lived significantly closer than she did to that.

Yeah, I guess. Yeah. What were you just talking about? Eggs. Did you guys have pizza day in school? Of course. We were getting from this one pizza spot sometime. I don't know what you've unlocked in me.

And the pizza was so good. And then we switched pizza places, like four years in. And everyone hated the pizza. Everybody. And the principal, the new principal, came up to me, and out of everybody, X me how we like the new pizza. And it was all on me.

It was all on me. I had like an assembly? Yeah, just like in the cafeteria. It was all on me. And everyone's looking at me. And every single person hated. the pizza. And I went, taste good. And I ruined it for everybody. Oh my God. I ruined it for everybody. It was so much pressure on me. That really sucks. Was it like a microphone situation? No, it was just like,

they just came up to me, hand on the shoulder. I was like at the edge of the table. They just ax me. So you, you're responsible. You spoke for your peers and you led them down the path of destruction. Wow. Yeah, I knew what the people wanted and I couldn't do it. Classic politician. I love it. You got his own interest in mind. Yeah, you son of a. a bitch. Not the voting body. And I've learned from that. So I'll speak up for the people.

If I was in your class, I would have been really pissed at you and probably done nothing. But I'd been mad. Yeah. Yeah. I used to love that. Or like the day they'd be like, all right, today we're not teaching. We're rolling out of TV. I'm like, yes.

Yeah. Oh, I mean, we've talked about it. Pretzel day. That was every day. No. Oh, Friday. It was like one day a week, whether it be Wednesday, Thursday or Friday. They would, during lunch in elementary school, they'd, the oldest.

This looking woman rolled out the oldest looking box of the oldest, wetest, coldest, coldest giant pretzels you've ever seen in your entire life. They were salt. And I'll tell you right now, they were the best pretzels I've ever had. I think that was the best bang for your buck on the planet back then. We're talking like the year 2000. 50 cents for the greatest pretzel. that was like at the bottom of the Marianas Trench.

It was like also like it was, it was clammy. It was wet. It was wet. It was like kind of clammy and whatever, but they were good, man. God. And they were so salty. Yeah. Like, and even like the parts that didn't have salt on them, you'd lick them and it's like,

yo, this is salty, brother. I fucked with pretzel day. God. Pizza day. Like having a pizza party. Well, pizza day was tough because for school lunch, they had pizza days. And they had either the round ones that were unbelievable. or they had the long ones that looked like a slipper and they sucked balls.

I'm going to have to back up here. I kind of like the pizza boat. You like the slipper pizza? Yeah. Oh, no. The only thing is, I will say, slipper is a good name because there would be times where you would bite that and the whole cheese would just... That's why I hated it.

At least the one that came like this, first of all, it had pepperoni options and those pepperonies were great. They were. They were thick cut pepperoni. They were thick cut pepperonies. And like, you could bite it. and not lose everything. Yeah. I actually don't know what you're talking about.

Because you went to a fucking, you went to... You went to Catholic school, right? Yeah, you went to Catholic school. So they had either like these round pizzas, but then they also had these pizzas that were kind of like oval, like this. And like, yeah. And they were like pretty saucy, though.

I fucked with the fact that they were pretty saucy. Look up... Like, I know we joke about what I tell you to look up. No, yeah. Look up 90s? School lunch pizzas. None of these. No way. No.

Type in NYC. Yeah. Those were not ours. So that top one, that's the slipper. Bastard! That's the slipper. And then there's the round one. Where, where?

Where the guy's doing the salute. This? I don't know if it's a video. Oh, like this one? Nope. No? More like this. More like that. Oh, here we go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. More like that. So they had those or they had the slipper, but I fucked with the slipper. Slippers sucked because it was also like soft like just raw bread. Yeah, it was. It sucked. Also, the lunch lady knew our moms.

So when they would serve pizza, sometimes they would run out of pizza. So by the time you got up, because it was all over a free lunch. And when you got up to the front, sometimes they'd be like, oh, all we have is like a cheeseburger or like a fucking. A cheeseburger that came in a plastic bag. Crazy. Oh my God. It was so bad. Or the peanut butter and jellies.

But then we would get up to the front and she'd be like, I saved you guys pizza. Yeah. And she'd give me pizza. I was like, yo, thank you. Miss Donna? Yeah. That was my lady, dog. Yeah.

I was hype. That's the best nepotism you could possibly get on the planet. Yo, nepotism was sick in the 90s. Nepotism when it's happening to you is so far. Yeah. I'm so sick. I hate it when there's other people. I'm fine with it when I'd like some, though.

Yeah, I would love some nepotism. A free piece of nepotism? I'm in it. My parents have given me bad cholesterol and possible anxiety. Come on. Yeah, no. But that was the best back then. God damn.

The American dream is to make your children Nepo babies. I mean, yeah. That's it. Technically. That is it? Wrong. There's probably some other stuff in there.

Yes. Nope. That's just that. It's all we want out of this life. But yeah, I guess that is all for this week's episode. Hot episode. Hot episode. Hot.

The saucy episode. Saucy episode. Do we call it the saucy episode or do we call it the... We got to go saucy. I don't know if we can put piss in the title. Yeah, we can't say, oh, drink my piss. I have eating it sloppy.

We're definitely not making it that. Oh, I mean, not only would I not make that. I wouldn't trust our graphics guy with that. Yeah, eating it slop style. I don't know what the fuck, man, it would come over. Oh, slop it up. Extra sloppy. Sloppy steaks.

Well, that's my bad. It's all good. Well, thank you guys so much for watching. Frank Rick, and they find you. The Frank Alvarez is all over the place. Go check out the, countdown to Avengers Doomsday podcast on Disney. Go check out patreon.com slash the basement yard.

The basement yard all over the socials. We're everywhere. Ant you find me at Aunt Prisco on TikTok and Instagram. Ooh. And you guys go follow me on Joe Sanagato everywhere. Go follow the show on TikTok and Instagram at the basement yard. And that is all. See you guys next time.