The Basement Yard - Are They ACTUALLY Royalty?
Episode Date: May 21, 2018On this episode, @DannyLopriore & I are talking about the royal wedding, tying sweaters around your waist, & how gangster women are. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Welcome back to the basement yard today. It's just me and good old Dan. What's good?
What was that? I don't know trying to stuff. You're singing. Yeah
Well, that was pretty good, that's pretty better. Yeah, pretty better pretty better your English sucks
I know I don't mind it though. No one of my friends earlier today. I was like on fortnight and he goes
He goes, I don't have good vocabulary
He goes, I don't have I don't have good vocabulary. Yeah, I was like all you had to do was throw an a in there
I don't have a good vocabulary. That would have been fine. That's it
He's dumb. He's right on the fence. He's right on the fence. He's close. He's dumb. Yeah, I keep him
Anyway, I feel he would be we were doing injustice and we weren't talking about yanny and fuck it Laurel
Yeah, I
Don't know which one you heard
But I heard Laurel hard. I heard yanny. I
Did I heard yanny. I heard yanny you heard yanny. Yep
Here's my thing. How does the word Laurel?
Even come close to yanny
Yanny look at my man. Look at my face yanny. I know and now look at Laurel
Here's why I
Think it's a conspiracy and here's why I think that here we go. I think
They're layered vocals
What does that mean like let there's Laurel and a yanny in there and they're playing at the same time
That's just me I think that's honestly one of the dumbest things I've ever heard no I'm saying it's definitely top three
Domest maybe it's up there
But I feel like this is this is a conspiracy. It was something with the frequencies
There was a bunch of like yes ear scientists on Twitter like oh you see what the thing and here's the thing too
now I start to think I'm insane because
Someone put out a video with three different clips
You know like this is the regular one and I hear Laurel
And he goes here's with the high frequency and I hear
Oh, yeah, and he goes in here's with a low frequency
I'm like am I fucking nuts now or is what's going on the thing that worries me the most about these is
How do they become so popular? I
Think people are just I don't know I don't know there's a conspiracy in that too. Why is why is the human brain?
Just so dumb. Why can't everything just be a thing? Why is it got to be two at once? You know am I am
What do you blue dress or gold dress?
I was blue dress. I was blue dress too. It's a blue dress. It's a blue dress. We're in agreement there
I mean, you know this this thing's a little harder, but like I can see this being blue. It was 100% blue anyone who saw a white
Just piss on their face because they're wrong. Wasn't a great dress either. No, I hated it. I
Wouldn't worry. I wouldn't worry either
So you're really 100% team Laurel. I'm Laurel. I haven't heard yanny. I'm team Yanny, but I'm willing to switch
You know, you're not you're not loyal. No, I'm not loyal to yanny
Yeah
No, I'm loyal to Laurel. I'm very loyal
Loyal to Laurel. Yeah, exactly. Listen, sometimes you gotta do that. It's like
Is there an answer even I think it's in due time there will be one I hope so because I can't handle this
Yeah, I can't handle this. This is what up there one of the greatest American mysteries of all time
It is
Who killed Kennedy? Is it yanny or Laurel? Yeah, I'm telling you which one is it? Yeah, it's it's it's up there
Government conspiracy Russian probe
Do you think that like they put out yanny and Laurel because they're trying they're like bomb my village overseas that we don't know about
Like they're trying to like make us not look like a magician
It's like look at this bird, but I'm really picking out your card over here. You know what I mean like David blamed us
Yeah, I don't believe this is one
But I do believe that they have done that. Yeah
They tricked us. Well, I just feel like with social media. It's easy. It's so easy to start like mass hysteria
Oh, like over the smallest thing. Yeah, like I feel like anything Kim cut like
If I was the government, I'd hit up Kim Kardashian be like, yo, do me a favor
Throw a tit-pick out there. Yeah, cuz we got to handle some stuff
Throw over by wherever the fuck we are throw them off the trail a little bit exactly everyone's like what you named your kid
Pineapple and then you know, no one sees that nobody cares about anything else that happened that day. It's like oh by the way
They took all of our rights or whatever. Well, also like yeah, they censored the internet while you were looking at Kim K's
Tipped it just it just is crazy to me how people care about it so much. I'm like also another thing that people care about way too much
Is
The Royal Wedding
Dude first of all my sister is obsessed with the Royal Wedding. I don't get it. I
Are they royal? Are they royal or just rich people?
Technically they are royal, but mostly they're just rich people. We don't live in a royal
Time am I crazy? No, you're not got they sacrifice some people up there. They got like a it's just weird. There's a queen
That's what I'm saying. And what the fuck is this? Yeah, this isn't a wave queen
No, this is like a bullshit is what it is. This is this is horseshit. It's like telling somebody's future. Yeah
You're rubbing an orb in the air. Yeah, you're just like just a circle a lot of orb rubbing
Did no one teach the queen does she really not get out that much? It's like hey queen
This is what we're doing out here. I think this shit. She's so old
She came in way correctly and she's in charge. What does that say about their whole country?
Sure, you got a queen up there who doesn't even know how to fucking wave correctly
I don't know how I feel about this this country moving forward. We get someone in there who could fucking wave
Well, she I wonder what like she does every day. She's not I don't know
Because she's like kind of old right? Do you think she has like foot slaves? Yeah
Like naked dudes that she could just put up her feet on like an Ottoman
She's like put her feet up on I really wonder what her bed looks like. It's probably fire. It's probably just ridiculous
Like the the bedding has like gold flakes and like the seams like quadruple king-sized bed
She gets a whole bedroom. She just gets lifted out of it like every day
But like three like huge Jack dudes. Yeah, who are just hot as fuck just like a bunch of John Hamm's the other thing
He's got the hammer by the way John Hamm's got a hammer apparently
Make sense. Yeah, it makes sense. It's also not fair. Yeah, also not fair. Yeah, can we just take one of them?
Don't take both. Yeah, he's a bastard. He's a greedy fuck fuck John Hamm
Who are those people that guard?
Of the dudes with the hats the dudes with the hats what they guard the Queen
They guard the Queen
Do they have guns even or they have swords? I think they might have both me. I don't know
They might have both they might have both, but those hats are ridiculous change the hat change the hat
Change the hat. Get him. Get him. Get him a Yankee hat. Take your hat off. Take it. Take your fucking hat off
Take your hat off. Hey, hey, take your hat off. I love that crazy how they can't
Why can't they speak like why can't they slap someone for bothering them and yeah, that's the thing
That's unfortunate too because now they're like
You know, I'm supposed to be hit here
Just chilling not doing anything and then all the tourists are like, let's go fuck with this guy
Yeah, you have to be a real asshole to do that too. It's ridiculous. I
By the way, it was weird. I'm an asshole. I would be over there like
Touching that dude stick
But yeah, oh, you're making a move like I try to make them flinch by punching them in the balls
I've heard me wants to say I wouldn't do it, but a part of me would have to do I'd have to yeah, but the royal wedding. It's like
What's what's there to watch? I
Don't know. I don't even like regular weddings. Is there like a red carpet. I
Don't know
I'll watch for Megan Markel Markel. Yeah, she's she's cutie. She's just
Yeah, she's 14 out of 10. Yeah, she's up there. She's up there
And she was hitting a jackpot though. Talk about hitting a jackpot for both of them
I guess she was on like FX or like the one with the frog. What's the one with the frog that dances with the hat?
Yeah, WB 11. Yeah, that's the one she was like on a show for that CW or CW what I say WB
Well, that's what it was when we were kids. Well. Oh, all right. It was WB. Okay. Good. Yeah, the frog
Yeah, I think that's what he's saying. Yeah, that wasn't it. All right, so
Maybe that was your impression. I didn't think it was good though. Yeah, we'll fix it in post fix it post
Yeah, we'll put a better sound in it. Yeah
No, but the fucking the wedding so like I don't even like going to weddings
Anyway
Like the actual wedding that we're gonna see on TV cuz I mean correct me if I'm wrong. We're not gonna see the party
No, definitely the party. Yeah, you can watch, you know Prince Harry get fucking smashed
He definitely gets mad. He fucking gets wrecked. Yeah, they probably all do. I mean, yeah, you grew up in a fucking castle
It's just weird. Yeah hammer. Yeah, she's weird like magic is waking up every day. She's been like, I'm a prince. Yeah, it's fire
Wow, like a real prince. You're blowing my mind
It's crazy think about thinking about what princes used to do back in the day like they'd wake up
In a big-ass bed. Yeah, and then like 15 fucking whores would come in and you'd bang them all
Yep, and then you would eat food off of their titties
Yep, and then just just discard and then do nothing and then make some like very
Like you'd you go on a ride with like three of the best swordsmen in the land. Yeah, and then like beat up homeless people
Yeah, throw like apples at people. Yeah, that's a dope ass life fire last life
Damn horseback. Do you think he's doing that now? Do you think that Prince Harry's just like fucking like chamber maids?
Do you think they have a chamber maids? I wonder like what like Prince Harry's bachelor parties like? Oh
That's probably pretty crazy. Probably a lot of polo. Yeah rich people shit
Yeah, you know what I'm saying like a horse horse bedding. He doesn't know horses. You definitely fuck somebody
He fucked tons of Prince. He's a prince, dude. What do you think? Yeah, I mean you marry into royalty
You gotta expect someone to get fucked here. Yeah, you think you would hope
I don't know. I didn't know like they can marry normal people
You know what I mean, like I thought you would have to marry like the daughter of a duke or something
Yeah from a faraway land. Yeah, like somewhere like it's an arranged marriage. Yeah, like another kingdom or something
All right, you're trying to like yeah, exactly. We watch a lot of Game of Thrones. I think yeah
This is gonna sound dumb, but is there is there any other king somewhere in like another country?
Or a queen I don't know. I don't know. I only know Queenie
True. He Elizabeth. Who takes over she dies Prince Charles. I
Don't even know the fuck that is. You know who Prince Charles is. I know Prince Harry
Prince Charles was Princess Diana's husband. I
Was that was before my time I think yeah, what did Princess Diana die?
In the 90s when like how did she die?
She died in a car accident. That's I'm looking it up right now. You're gonna Google it
Just when she died. Oh when she died. Yeah, because like I don't remember living through that at all
She died
1997
Yeah, I was five. Yeah, I didn't give a shit about royalty
Like that's like why he hates like paparazzi because like they were like chasing her in a car taking pictures she crashed and died
Which part of me thinks he's a conspiracy too. I know there is a conspiracy with this
I think somebody killed her like had her killed or something. Yeah, but that's not how you kill
Princesses you never know man poison them in the bread or like at a banquet or poison them in the bread
You know what I mean? It's a fucking 14 BC or that's what I'm saying
But if you're gonna be a princess you should die like a princess you get poisoned or you die of old age
Yeah, yeah, that's it. Those are the only two or you get stabbed with like a sword by a lover at least yes
Yeah, I'm a strange lover. Yeah died by the hand of my love. Yeah, some shit something like that a lot of thy
They or how in the so happy we don't talk like that anymore. I'm not I wish I could
You know it was weird to like in the 20s like every kid wore like a suit
Like like you know what I mean they wore like a suit vest and like rolled up like shirt sleeves
Yeah, why did they do that? No t-shirts back then. No, throw in a Yankee shirt, dude
Yeah, why the fuck you dressed up like you're going to a funeral
Why do you have like a beautiful fucking like three-piece suit on you're like eight?
So I'm saying no wonder they called it the Great Depression. Yeah, wouldn't be depressed
I gotta get this dressed up for no fucking reason where those fucking big-ass hats kids always wore hats
Like too big for their like the paper boy hats. Yeah hated those hated those looks like you're working like you're like a chimney cleaner or something
Yeah, that's a thing everyone was dirty. Everyone was dirty. Everything was like like sepia tones
There was no color back now when you would look around everything was a shade of brown
Yeah, yeah, never take those weird pictures where they don't smile
Everyone's like
It's like dudes at a club
Yeah, yeah, basically. It's like you just got out of jail. Yeah
Stereco, it's crazy
Be a tone that is hilarious. I will not be watching the royal wedding though. I won't I mean I probably will cat wait
I think it's today. So we probably missed it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is another country
Yeah, but you probably have to wake up mad early to watch it. Yeah, what a waste of time. I know
We'll probably get burned probably have to YouTube it honestly. Yeah, well with Twitter you could probably want to probably have it live
I'm there. Yeah, I don't know. I mean I'd like to see Megan Markle
See now I want to see her dress
You want to see her dress?
Why wouldn't you want to see her dress? See I don't see anything about it yet
About the wedding?
No
Yeah, I don't know
Maybe they didn't get married yet. Maybe they called it off
Maybe she saw one of my videos and she was like, I can't do this. Yeah, no, of course not
Of course not. Maybe she's on her way here right now
So she was an actress. I believe so never heard of her until this. No, I didn't either
It's a CW probably sucks to CW
Then like the whole stuff with her dad
What is that like her dad was like
Like who's gonna walk her down the aisle or like maybe pretend like pretended he had a heart attack or something
So he didn't have to come to the wedding
I'm not sure but you're gonna have to look it up. But there was like stuff with that too Prince Charles
He's gonna walk her down the aisle. I think
If I read that correctly her dad doesn't want her to be royalty now. I'm confused. He's not going to the wedding. Why?
He said he had a heart attack
So why didn't why couldn't he just have a heart attack, I don't know they'd like but everyone's like yo
He didn't have a heart attack
Apparently. Yeah, they think like he might be faking
Like having a heart attack. So he doesn't have to go. Yes
Because he's like too hurt to go apparently
I'll hurt about what I guess their relationship. I don't know. I'm not that close to the Marcos
Go get some info on the royal family for God's sake. I know
But do you like fly a drone over there and like see what's up people will definitely be doing that
They'll shoot that shit down. I would love to get my drone shot down
by like
The Queen's Guards, it'd be so sick
Oh
Yeah, right that'd be sick. Yeah, they'll be drones flying over there, but there's media coverage
They know they're gonna be watched over there
Is there do they get like knighted or whatever? I
Love how dumb we sound. I know I know everyone's gonna be so great
I was knighted me like Paul McCartney sir Paul McCartney, dude like pull and Elton John, right?
These people are knighted
But I could beat this shit out of both of them. I know why are you knighting those dudes? I know
It's like the key to the city. I think
Like don't make him a knight. No
You know, I mean, he's not good. What like I like the army reserve. It's like, you know, once we run out of guys
Yeah, get the knighted ones. We're gonna call you guys in but it's like I look at I look at that
Like when you think of a knight, you think of a badass. Fuck. Yeah, dude
Think of like Orlando bloom Elton John's not I practice with these ten hours a day
Nights tail. I thought it was Heath Ledger. I'm talking about Pirates of the Caribbean
Jack Sparrows. He's a pirate
Yeah, but I'm saying he's good with a sword. Yeah, all right
Yeah, it wasn't a night. He wasn't a night. It was Heath Ledger Heath Ledger. By the way jousting
Fucking stupid. Yeah, pretty dumb. You ever been to medieval times?
Yeah, that's it's pretty awesome though. It was cool because you got to eat with your hands. Yep
It's the best. She's like, where's my fork like nah. Yep. He was here fucking hands. I'm like, yeah
This is fucking baller right now. It was very baller medieval times. It's fire. Hell, yeah
Now if I went I would just do a lot of wagers. Yeah, I got $500 on the blue guy. I
Never I went twice my night didn't win both times. I
Only went once my night got smoked
And I was just like, all right, this chicken's good though. Yeah, I was eating corn with my fingers
I was having a great time, but you want you want your night to win when you fuck. Yeah, you want your night to win
Where is medieval times? Does that exist? Yeah, there's one in New Jersey pretty close to us actually not too far
Yeah, I might have to hit it might have to go
Bring the whole gang out there make a day out of it. How much can medieval times possibly be?
It's not a lot. I went on a school trip and all my schools were just fucking
Cheap as fuck. Yeah, so like it's not gonna be that bad
Shall I look it up? I'm excited
I'll look it up, but look it up because I need to go and we need to make wagers on a fucking night
Yeah, that's the only way and I need a lot of merch as well. Oh, that's another thing
They have a merch store where you can buy shields and like wooden swords for real
I thought probably not anymore because like there's you know, it's mad dangerous 37 dollars
We're going. Yeah, ten times that day. Yeah, for sure
I'm in there. Oh, yeah
I'm excited. I mean if we really do it, I'll get excited. Oh
It's doable. I want to wear like chain link like over my head like fucking Scott Steiner. Yeah
Yeah, he was the man. Yeah, he was a lot of steroids. Oh, yeah, his balls are probably like
Tiny dude the steroids shrink your balls. Yeah, I think so and about yeah, yeah, they get up in there
Which is fine. Yeah
They got after those balls
Yo chain link whoever came up with that it's like a genius because I don't think you could stab someone through chain link no
Another thing that's crazy running on a battlefield like that and just like the first three people always die sitting the back
Yeah, like yo hang back a little bit you guys go ahead. I'm not I'd be over there like fake time my shoe
I'd be like, yeah, hold on. Let me just get a second running real slow
I'm gonna just throw some oil in my chest plate because it's a little rusty rain or whatever running super slow super afraid
Dude think about the way people used to fight wars. I know they're a bunch of idiots
Do you remember there used to be a guy that would just stand there with a flag no gun and then be another guy with a drum
Yeah, no gun
Dude get out of the way
You're gonna die we don't need a soundtrack right now
Saving private Ryan like the opening scene. It's like one of the most terrifying things I've ever seen. Oh my god
I'm just like yo, this is terrible. This really happened. I know I get scared in my call of duty. Yeah, like yo, there's mad bullets
I know I can't
Do yeah, so like that's dumb. That's very dumb and like how they used to have like
Rows of people. It was like neat
What are we doing? Yeah, we synchronized swimming. Are we fighting? I'm drawing like we I mean we just said it
But I'm making sure I draw that other straw where I could be in the back. Yeah, like I definitely want to be in the back
Yeah, like I want to be an archer. I'm not done. Yeah, I want to shoot bow and arrows from the back very safe sniper or something like that
Yeah, just like I know I don't want to be in the front lines. It was like a curved sword. No, none of that
Like a general on horseback think about fucking badass
You have to be to do that and just be like charge and then everyone follows you. It's weird
Did no one go like yo, let's just talk about this before we just brought in here another thing
I don't think it was crazy too is you could do like a duel
Yeah, you can challenge someone in the Wild West. Yeah, you just go back to back
It's like take five steps turn around and like like yo, this is like the honor system
Like how do I know he's not taking three and a half and turn around and shoot me in the back? Yeah
It might have been a law like if you didn't take a fifth step like who's reffing that
It didn't matter. Anyway, if you went to jail in the Wild West, you just had your buddy with a horse tie a
Fucking rope around the wall. Yeah, rip the wall out. You're good. Yeah. Oh my god
Wild what I wouldn't want to grow up in that time either. No that time is insane
Like bounty hunters and shit and like everyone was on a wanted poster. Yeah, so like when bill
2000 shillings bill bear always has it like you could buy like a whole like city with like one gold coin. Yeah
Leave the bottle I do wish we had like shillings
Yeah, and that's cool little pouches. It's kind of sort of like that
Yeah, they have like a bunch of like dollar coins and like little pouches of gold and yeah
You know what I would love to do
Rob a train like a locomotive
Like for real Rob a train or like Westworld Rob a train. What does that mean? Like it's not real, but you can still do it
No, I want to do it well not now there's no cool trains. Yeah to Rob, and I don't even know like they don't keep
Treasure chests around anymore either. That's another thing too. I wish they still did that. Yeah, like a treasure treasure treasure trove
Trove, I think that's a word. I don't know. I don't I'm not sure but I thought I always thought like in Westworld
where it's like they just
You just get up to the side of it your buddy jumps off the back you kill like a waitress. Yeah, everyone has a specific job
Yeah, you take this safe. There's always one guy dressed in all black. That's like nasty with like two revolvers
Yeah, and he's always like they save him at the end. Yeah. Yeah every fire
So say by the way if Westworld it existed so for everyone who doesn't know about the show
It's basically like a digital world where you could go and you could just like fuck whores and kill people
It's a me a cowboy. It's amazing, and then you just come out of it and you're another person
Would you do it? Would you kill people in there? Fuck? Yeah, I knew it wasn't real
I'm so glad you said that cuz like I'm fucking killing people. Yeah. Why not? Is that psychotic? No
Maybe a little bit. I think it is
Is that kind of like weird are we gonna go to jail probably?
at some point
It's like uh, but if I have the chance to kill a person. I mean, I'm not a real person. Yeah, I'd fuck a digital whore though
Yeah, it's not a real person
You got to like pay for them with like shillings if they're real
Then it's a different story different story, but if she's got a petticoat on
What what and like a petticoat it's I have those like big-ass dresses and then they have like this like under
Nightgown dress thing. Oh, okay. Yeah, how do you I don't know it. What are you gonna ask?
I was gonna say how do you spell petticoat? I think petticoat is P-E-T-T-I-C-O-A-T
I gotta I gotta see it now. Yeah, Google the petticoat petticoat, but I feel like you know
I'd rock one a petticoat. I'd rock one. I'd kill a fake person. Oh
Definitely a fake person one. Yeah, I'd fuck a fake hooker or whore
They called them whores back then which is a little more aggressive than hookers very aggressive whores is like very secret
Like in in Game of Thrones where it's like when they talk about whores
Holds like they just say it like it's like. Yeah
Like waitresses a
whole
Yeah, women had a rough go had a rough go of it
Most things yeah, yeah, yeah
Bring in the horse bring in the horse or like the king like some dude would show up in the king would be like
Yo, just pick one out
From the whole kingdom. That's crazy. It's fucking that's like the ultimate pimp and that was like I guess that was like real at some point
Of course it was real like based on that people were getting
Thrashed. Yeah, whores thrashing whores and it's it's unfortunate because maybe they weren't whores
Maybe they were nice girls could have been but they're whores by association. Yes
The fuck was that?
Am I babysitting a baby that I don't know about right? Yeah, I guess like I definitely just heard a baby
It's like I don't know. Is there a baby in this room? What is it down?
You have baby downstairs. I
Don't have a baby anywhere. I think there might be a baby downstairs
Has to be I hope it's not in this room. I know
It's a fake baby fucking baby in there speaking of babies creep me out
Crying babies scary
What that baby crying just now scared me a little bit why because I had no idea where it came from
What'd you think? I don't know demon baby. I don't know how this building is built
I don't know what babies are running around here. I've never heard a baby crying here ever. I
Mean yeah, but I thought you were saying like babies like crying babies
No, no, I was just creeped out by that baby. Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah, a surprise baby is definitely scary
We got so caught on guard by
I have no idea I was robbing a bank or a fucking whatever. Oh, yeah. Yeah Westworld the fucking fake horse. Yeah
Yeah fire. Oh, you're talking about how women had it pretty rough. Yeah, it was pretty rough
Yeah, they were like beating them up and then banging them against their will. Yeah
Crazy
I know that's what it was for so long. It's so crazy. Yeah, you gotta change this
What did you want to talk about? Wasn't there something you want to talk about? Oh, um
Some wallet placement. Oh, yeah, cuz I was driving in my car the other day and it just popped into my head
I have no idea why but I was like, I'm gonna bring this up to Danny. So like
Which wall which pocket do you keep your wallet in?
My front left
Why why you keep your wallet in your front left. Yeah, or right I keep it in the front
You keep it in the front at all times. Yeah
You ever sat on a wallet?
I put it in the back. I've sat on many a wallet. It hurts. It doesn't hurt. What kind of wallet you got?
Yeah, was it made out of fucking metal? It's not healthy spiky wallet. It's not healthy apparently. I
Keep my wallet slim. Yeah, you know, I don't put like 50 receipts and like 97 credit cards or anything like that
Could you have one of those wallets? That's like on your phone case. Yeah, I hate those
I I would lose my phone. What if I lose my phone? I lose everything life
The main reason for losing my wallet like that. I hate losing my wallet is because I just don't want to go to the DMV to get another license
Yeah
So like that's why I'm like if I lose my phone which is my phone or if this thing slides out
Let's party's over. I can't I hate those phone cases that are like books like like they're like, oh, I got a text
Oh, yeah
Yeah, those are stupid as hell. What the fuck is this my brother never one of those does it? Yeah, it's trash
Not into it. He loves it like wallet slash. What is this? Is it a Kindle or a cell phone?
See, I don't like it because I've sat on wallets that hurt. I
Love how you're saying
That's because you're like I've sat on wallets that hurt as if you're like you were trying out a bunch of them
You're like, yo, how many how many walls you think you've had in your life? Probably like three. I was gonna say this is not a lot
Yeah, no, no, I think I have maybe I think three as well
Yeah, my first wallet was like Velcro had nothing in it. I didn't have a license
You never had a wallet on a chain. Did you know because I didn't fucking hate my parents
Wallet on a chain
Yeah, like if you had a wallet on a chain, you definitely smoke cigarettes in like eighth grade
Yeah, and you're like drove a motorcycle to school in third grade. Yeah, like like listen to some 41 all day
Yeah, some that's exactly what happened
That's songs fire though fat lip. Oh my no, I'm not the one used to new back in high school
I know the words dude. It's pretty damn good. I'm out here
I could I could I could do like a punk rock band. I could be the lead singer. Could you?
No, probably not. No, no, I just thought about it
Give it a shot. I would try I'd give you karaoke next time you do karaoke try
Try some 41 fat. Let's see how it goes. Oh, you know, it's another one you do
I did it all for the nookie. Oh the nookie. So you could take that cookie. That was good song
I still don't know what that means. I don't either. Yeah, the nookies of vagina
Is it? Yeah, you really have to do with like nook and cranny
probably
Like I want every nook and cranny to be cleaned, you know, like like get everything, you know
I never thought of that and then nookie could be like because it's like kind of like a
a crease
You're on something here. I think I just figured it out. You you knew it the whole time. You just unraveled it
I it honestly just came to me
Like a dream. I'm blowing my own mind. It's amazing
Nook and cranny. What is a cranny? I don't know. Sounds like yanny. Oh
Team yanny for sure. No
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So there you go. Try it out. It's legit. And yeah, by the way, let me ask you another one
Because this this the reason why this happened is because I saw a guy doing it. Okay
Do you like let's say, you know, it's 8 a.m
You leave your you leave your house. You got a long day ahead of you. You're not gonna be home for a while
It's kind of it's a little shit. It's like 60 degrees
Like, you know what? I'm just gonna bring like a light hoodie
Zip up
You leave the house you go do what you gotta do. You're having a good time
Then it's like 3 p.m. Suns out its highest point
It's getting a little hot. Yeah, I gotta take this hoodie off. Mm-hmm. So you take it off. Yeah
You don't want to carry this thing around. You don't want to you don't want to drag it around of course not
You tie that thing around your fucking waist
If I'm
Yeah
If I'm being active
What does that mean? Like if I'm like turning up the heat a little bit like getting after it like walking hard
I'll tie it around my waist, but if not, I'm just gonna hold it
Danny I gotta be honest with you. I will throw that in a garbage can before I tie that around my waist
You never
No
And if you think I'm tying it around my neck, that's even worse like I'm scott disick. Yeah, it's even worse
You're you're you're lost. That's terrible
Tying a sweater around your neck. Yeah
Is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life. Oh, yeah, you pretentious
Fucking polo playing piece of shit. Yeah, it's terrible. It's awful
I've never I could never I could never
First of all, you have to have a certain amount of money to even do that
You have to have a certain amount of money and a certain amount of horses in your stable
Yes
Because if you have if you're tying your sweater around your neck
You own you own land and a stable. Yeah
I wonder how much it is to own a horse. It can't be that bad. They're expensive
They're like 20 g's or something like that. It's by a horse. I'll be honest with you. I threw that number out there
You're probably not that far off. No, because you gotta think they're kind of like a car. Yeah, you get around
You can't be that far off. Yeah, by the way, a horse is fucking stupid
Big ol floppy dicks. Oh, I know dude crazy dicks beautiful animal though
beautiful shreddies
Oh, yeah
You ever touch a horse?
You ever ride a horse?
Yeah, touch a horse. It's like very weird like touch like a horse's face. Yeah. Yeah. It's hard as fuck
What it's like a rock. Oh, yeah, it's like this fucking wall. Yeah, there's a horse's head
But like a little soft
No
It just feels like cast iron under a fucking little fucking flab of skin. They're fucking brolic, dude
And their eyes are huge. Yeah, they're scary
Yeah, I always feel bad when you walk past central park and there's like
Horses dragging around. It's like swedish couple. Yeah for like eight dollars
I just got to these states and then are fucking dragging these horses like ten dollars a minute. Yeah
Sucks sucks. I feel bad for the horse. Yeah with that horse to run, of course get him out in a meadow. Let him chase a sheep or something
Is that what they do? I don't know. I don't think horses do much chasing horses do for fun. They run
That's it. Yeah
animals like don't have good lives
I think they're ignorant enough to having a good life. They just live their life like they don't worry about like other shit except for like
Animal shit. Yeah, no, but like so like my dog the best part of his day is when you take him out and he could smell other piss and shit
Yeah, that's his favorite thing. Yeah, my dog's favorite thing is to smell piss and shit from other dogs loves it
Kind of existence is that he doesn't know any other one if he knew another one
If he'd be like this sucks, I mean he's walking around the world. He sees me doing stuff. Yeah
I'm watching the game
I'm having a beer
I wonder if they could you want in on this or no, it's weird because like
Have you ever talked to your dog through a phone?
What like I said hello like say like
Somebody facetimes your sister. Oh, you go. Hey, they don't respond. They have no idea what's going on, but if you do it in person
You know what I meant
You
You sounded
They don't even respond
No, but like if it's you calling their name, they don't they don't like it doesn't they they can't hear it. Yeah the same way
No, I know. Oh, man. That was fucking funny. It's funny. They don't even talk back to you
We've been in real life in real life though. If you say his name once he's gonna come running up the stage. All right, all right
It's weird. It's the random dog question I had. Yeah, I don't even know where we were. I was talking about horses digs. I don't know either
Oh my god, you know animals are weird, dude. And like why and like there's
Like, yeah, what is the sloth doing? Why did we make that? I don't know. They're cool looking though
Yeah, they're cool. Look like fun to hug. Yeah
But like those claws but dude move quicker and just get some like muscles going. Yeah
I mean, they're strong. They can hang from you know, uh
Branches and stuff. So I know there's some some bicep in there. Just a little fat. Why are you moving so slow?
Yeah, it's true. Get busy living or get busy dying. I agree
I agree
I agree
I can't I can't fight I can't fight you on this. I know you're not gonna fight me on it
I just I just don't understand their existence
Are you cool with zoos or no?
When I'm there, I'm cool with them
When I'm not I'm like this is bad depends who I'm around
If I'm around people that don't fuck with zoos, I'll be like, yeah, no, it's kind of terrible
I'll do that too. But if someone's like, you know, let's go to the zoo. I'm like, I'm fucking down. Yeah
Yeah, but I'm not gonna go and like hand out
Papers that say like, you know what's happening to the animals? It's like, yeah
But they're cool to look at it. It's a giraffe. I want to see a giraffe. I think that zoos are kind of like
I might get some flak for this from pita, which I'm not in really good standing with to begin with
Like I think they're necessary
What else am I gonna see a gorilla? I'd like to see a gorilla. Also the people that were like
This is gonna get me there too. Like, yeah, they shouldn't have shot that gorilla to save that kid
rombay
I'll be honest you gotta shoot the gorilla you
You gotta shoot the gorilla man. I'll shoot that gorilla, man. We're gonna rip that kid in pieces. We're gonna fucking kill that kid
Yeah
You're like, it was just protecting it. Yeah, maybe
But also definitely wasn't maybe he was getting ready to take his fucking ankle and just rip it off
Like remember how the Hulk slammed fucking Loki. Yeah, and that's exactly what you would have saw
And that would have been a different kind of video. You got to kill that gorilla
I think you should have tranquilized it
Yeah, but they said if you tranked it like it would have went nuts like it would have went to like
Like oh, yeah, then really killed him. Yeah
Yeah, yeah, you blow that fucking things out of then. Yeah, I think so too
I'm not taking it. I'm taking a risk. No, fuck that. Especially like, yo, you gotta think about it
Like I understand like as a bystander and after the fact you're like, oh my god, don't shoot that gorilla
Which is sad. You got to kill a gorilla gorilla. Yeah, of course at the end of the day
I don't care who if anything's in a cage and my kid falls into it. I'm shooting whatever's in there
I don't care if it's my fucking grandma
Yeah
If my grandma's in a cage is for a reason my kid falls in that cage. I'm fucking
Lighten up my grandma. Oh, yeah
Save my kid's life. It's your kid. What's I'm saying? Crazy
That story's still crazy to me. You can't fall into a cage and expect me not to shoot you. No, you're gonna get shot
Don't be in the cage
Don't be in the cage. I'm sorry. Don't be in the cage
Hashtag don't be in the cage. Don't be in the cage if you don't want to get shot. All right
Yeah, we're gonna get we're gonna hear about this one. Yeah, we're gonna hear about that. We're gonna have some heat
We're gonna have some heat backstage
Yeah, back backstage backstage heat for sure. Damn
It's the best though
No, I mean zoos like zoos are fun
Yo, the last one went to the zoo. There was Matt peacocks walking around
Yeah, they get like out of the fence. Sometimes you're like, yo, is this cool? I saw like four peacocks just like chilling
I'm like, are these like
Is that
It's like
Yo with me with animals
Like if I don't if I don't think like yo a peacock you think like I probably shouldn't be around this thing
It's too majestic. Yeah, so I'm thinking like, yeah, I want to pet this thing
But like are there like poisoners or something? Yeah. Yeah party. He was like, I don't want to touch this
It might be poisonous. Like I don't know why they like
When people tell you not to touch birds like don't touch that bird's gross
Yeah, Mike, what does the bird have?
I'll just wash my hands. Yeah bird flu, I guess
Maybe that's a good one. Remember West Nile. Yeah, I do remember SARS. I do we've survived some great things
Did you live in an area?
Where the planes were flying by and dumping that shit out? No
You did. Yeah, it's weird
It's like, yeah, it's very weird to kill. What West Nile West Nile
They said West Nile was so bad and people were dying from or whatever that at certain points
They go inside. Yeah, because we're about to dump some shit out
And planes would fly by and dump this like powder out
That's weird. You wouldn't ever see it like hit the floor or anything. Yeah, it's still a little strange though. Yeah, it's scary
It is scary because is it
or is it like
Yeah, you never know that's what I'm saying. You don't know they're dumping out of a fucking plane
Yeah, or is it like a mixture of something? It's like, yeah, we'll kill the mosquitoes and also fuck you guys
They also give this to uh, like they're down the street for me. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, it's a little two-way business
Yeah, I don't trust planes like that. No, I don't trust anything that falls out of a plane. No even myself
If I were to jump out of a plane, I wouldn't trust that
Even myself, no, I don't trust me. I don't trust me on a plane
No, could you ever jump out of a plane? No, no 100% no
I think we talked about this, but did we? Yeah. Yeah, I think that's like psychotic. It's terrifying
Who's the first person that's like
Let's just jump out of this thing. Just thinking about it gives me anxiety. Like, you know, imagine testing parachutes
I know right
Like the first people to do it you're fucking nuts
How how did you jump from that it worked and then you went let's go fucking
5,000 feet in the sky. Yeah, they probably like broke their legs so many times trying to do it
So I'm saying or the planes the fucking right brothers. Yeah, just crash your plane all the time
No, thanks
Dude
Hold on
There's this kid on youtube. I wish I remembered his name. He builds planes
No, he fucking
Well, he well kind of like he he has this it's basically a seat a chair like this
And then there's a big-ass fan on the back of it
With a parachute that goes on over the top
And he can fly in a seat
Mad high. I gotta see this
Mad high. Is he like jetpack boy or something?
Yeah, apparently it's a thing like it's like a a thing that people do and he records them like he has like a gopro
On his foot
Yeah, and he records it and then he has like other cameras like on his shoulder
But dude this dude's above the clouds in a chair. No doors. That's crazy. Just in a chair
I gotta see this. I don't believe this and he uses the parachute to like
Steal it himself. Yeah, he had a video where he like flew to mcdonald's and like landed packed everything up. How's that legal?
What how's that legal for him to like fly like I think he might you have to have a pilot's license
I guess he also lives like
In the middle of fucking nowhere. Obviously he's not flying around
Fucking new york city like in between buildings. I'll look it up after this
I want to find it so bad because it's yo, it's honestly one of the craziest things I've ever seen
I think i'm trying to flying to mcdonald's
This is it his name is uh
This video has 11 million views. His name is tucker got holy shit. It's like an actual fan
You see yes, dude. Look
He's flying i'm gonna sneeze so hard. Holy shit
Bless you sir bless you again
One more
It went away
Dude look how high he is
Look at this shit. It's gorgeous
It's insane anyone who's listening go to youtube type type in flying to mcdonald's. Oh, they're called paramotors paramotor
Yo, that makes sense at no point in my life. Will I ever be attempting something? I would never do that ever as brave and
Insane as that no chance. I don't have it in me. Nope. I don't have it either
I don't not one bit
Not one bit for any of that type of shit
I don't like being high and I don't like going too fast same
I get scared when I don't feel like I'm in control or like yo if we stopped or I like it
I don't know. I don't like it. I don't like it either. I get scared. Do you go tubing?
Like on water. Yeah, I would do that
So like I don't even like doing that really. Yeah
See I would do that
That would have much I have done it
like I have done it. Yeah, but
the first time I did it
we're like whipping around
and everyone was like
Slipping off and I was holding on mad hard and everyone's like weight was on me and then we just flipped
When we all hit the water everyone like collided someone like collided me. It was like head their head hit my head
Yeah, so you got you got a little you got some baggage PTSD. Yeah, you got some PTSD from tubing
But now I just feel like yo, we're going pretty fast on this thing
And if we hit a wave and I'm not holding on I'm going to be jolted 50 feet in the air. Yeah, no, thank you
Not 50, but you know, yeah, no, thanks. It's probably like eight feet in the air and then like hit the fucking water mad hard
Yeah, no, no, thanks. Not into it. Not into it. I can't do it. What the fuck's going on?
Stuck you stuck. I'm stuck. Fuck you stuck
Anyway, any who's here? What's going on with you? Nothing. Just living life
Living life living life tacking it one day at a time
Trying to at least
Do you think I'm here every day as I know
I was gonna try and do a small talk. Yeah, that's all right
How you doing? You know, you know, it's small talk when you start talking about the weather. Yeah, sure
How's the well? It's a real nice weather. It's cold. Yeah, that's a line
I always drop when it's like someone I don't want to talk to anymore. Yeah, me too
It's just like cold. I don't know why
For whatever reason that's always the one I go to to being like it's cold
Yeah, like, you know, because small talk is fine
most of it is
but
It's got an expiration. Well, it's like uber small talk too is like
But that's okay too because we know when this is gonna end when we get there
Right, but when you just run into someone you haven't seen in a while on the street
Yeah, and you guys are small talking
There's an expiration date on this dude. Yeah, you know at some point somebody's gotta have the last word small talk is like
maximum
78 seconds
How are you? I'm good. I'm good. How are you? How's everything good? I mean, what are you doing around here?
I you know, I just worked this job over here. So what are you up to? I'm doing I am doing this and like whatever
Like the walk away like I'll talk to you later, man
Exactly you already have you have to like kind of like start moving around 45 seconds
Yeah, and then everyone knows like this is gonna end soon. Yeah, but those people that just flat footed
They're cemented into the ground
That's no self-awareness. That's what I'm saying. I can't and that's when I have to be like
It's cold. It's like cold today. It's like the third time you probably said that too. Yeah
Yeah, exactly. It's like, ah, man, but it is cold, but it is it is it is cold, you know
It's like a crazy winter. Yeah. They said we're gonna get a lot of snow this year. We got lucky
We got lucky. We got lucky's a big one. We got lucky is a great one. We got lucky's a big one
You know, I'm just glad that the you know, it's starting to warm up. Oh, yeah, that's another big one
I'm glad it's starting to warm up. Well, it looks like winter's over. Thank god, right?
I'm just glad it's starting to warm up. Thank god, right? That's a big one. Yeah, it is a big one. I know, I know, I know
The most fun else. I know, I know, I know so funny. I hate it. I hate it too. I hate small talk
I also hate going to family parties
Because
There's small talk on top of there's relatives here that I have no idea who you are. Yeah, that's the weirdest thing
It's like, why do you have my sisters getting married and now we're gonna have to say hi to people and I'm like, hi
Joey, how are you? Hi
Hey
As soon as they walk away, I'm like, who the fuck was that? I'm not a big greeter like mom. Who was that? Yeah, I'm not great at greeting
I don't know who these people are
Just gotta play the role. You're good at it. Also, like you should know if I know who you are
I don't really forget like I'm an adult. I'm you know what I mean? Like if you met me when I was four
I don't have no fucking idea who you are, dude, right and don't be surprised if I don't
Yeah
Yeah
You should state your name before if it's been like over 10 years definitely state your name. I think at all family parties
There should be name tags. Yeah, let's get some name tags. Why not buddy system get after it
You know what I mean? I'm down for it. I can't do that. I don't have I got too many ants
Yeah, that's a problem too when you have too many too many like
Yeah, and everyone has too many ants because everyone was fucking like crazy back in the day
Oh, yeah, my dad is like one of 12 or some shit. Nobody wore condoms. Yeah, but at what point do you go? You know what?
Let's just start jerking off
They were doing their fair share of that too, but they were just fucking
Too much too much
Just enough how many like 12 is too much. Yeah, how many kids do you want?
two
I'll take two definitely don't want one. No
Only child are terrible. Yeah
Awful people. Yep
two
I think ideally I'd want three
Three's not bad
I don't want twins. I don't either. I'll never be ready for that. I feel like twins are always weird
No, I just I just I just think of it as like
You know, I'm mentally preparing for one and now you're throwing me a curveball here. Yeah, it's a lot
It's a lot of work, especially the first time around. So I'm saying yeah
No, thanks. Like, you know that lady who had like eight kids at once. Yep
How the fuck is that lady's vagina even like on this earth anymore? I have no idea and it's gross
That thing should have been thrown into space. Like I don't even know how that's even possible
How do you have eight kids come at you at one time and you're just like all good
Just how do you live in life? I don't know. It's scary though
People were dying back in the days with one kid and like a barn. Yeah, they were dying like diarrhea
They were dying from diarrhea. Exactly. It's crazy. Hey over here
Squirting out eight kids
Thank god, I have a penis
Yeah, I'm so happy about that. Like they're women are so gangster. Yo, they're insane. I like
I need to have a clear head in order for me to function and be able to do what I do. Yeah
And I know
How strong women are because I know that if I was a woman
Mm-hmm
Even if I'm having a good time, I'm like fuck. Yeah, I gotta get first one day
Like you gotta always look you gotta always you always gotta hang with you at some point
Yeah, I have to do this if you'd like to have kids. What's your for the most part? I think people do. Yeah, I would say you
You have to do that
So gangster, it's insane
I said this to my sister and and my mom the other day
I'm like, yo, I feel like I would just have this dark cloud over my head like, you know, I gotta have a kid one day
Fuck. Yeah, and my mom's like, well, you can have a c-section. I was like, oh, so you can cut open my fucking whatever
And pull a child out of it. Yeah, that's better. Ma. This is alien
Yeah, what is this?
Yuck
Not making it making a sandwich
Fuck is going on
Doing an art project. Yeah, what is this?
Yuck
I don't know how people do it. God bless them
I can't even imagine what that feels like of course and thankfully we'll never have to know
I don't want to be around. I don't either. I mean, I'm gonna. Are you gonna watch? I can't watch. Oh, I'm not like looking in
Like getting to like a
Uh bird's eye
No, no way
It's crowding. Do you want to see I'll just I'll see I'll pass. I'll I'll see it
I'll see it event. I'll see it another time another time. I'll go. I'll get back to you. Yeah
I don't know if we have time to make it
Just let me know I'm in traffic. Yeah, let me let me I'll be out here. Just let me know
You know what I mean? Give me a ring. I don't I don't want to see it. Have you ever seen um, you know that
Educational video they used to show kids all the time in school. Yeah, of course. It's a birth. Yeah, it's gross
Dude giving births nuts gross
placenta
Yeah, ah
People eat that. Yeah, I'm sure it's gross. No like vegans like now
Like adults
Ew. Yeah, like they yeah placenta
Fucking disgusting. Yeah, that's kind of that's too much for me. But anyway that video
I remember seeing it for the first time and the first thing I thought of was like, yo, this lady's got some bush on her
Yeah, she did have a huge bush. You didn't have a huge bush. Which is understandable
I'm not saying hey shave your shave your vagina like you're giving birth
You're doing one of the greatest things a human can do. Yeah, that's fine. And you put nine months of work in I understand
however
You knew this was gonna live like this was gonna be cemented in history as the video that they're gonna show everyone
You know we'll record in this, right?
I would shave it up
I'm not saying go go full balty
I'm not saying get a brazilian clean it clean it up. You know clean yourself up a little it just was a little crazy
I hear you. I agree. It's all that's all I'm saying clean yourself up a little and hey, I'm not saying she should have
I'm just saying I would have
You know what I mean agrees agrees
Is that wrong?
No, no, no, no you're expressing yourself you're expressing yourself. Yeah, that's that's how I feel also
Uh, that kid had a gigantic head. Yeah, I did because I wonder where that kid's at right now
A miracle of life kid. Yeah, his fit is probably like
Seven and five eighths. Yeah, that kid's got a big old head
That was so weird, man. I can't it's it's weird to it's weird to think that that happens
Yeah
Women are gangster like yo, we're we're blown away by like iPhones and shit like are we just gonna forget
That women that we're making people
It's crazy. Yeah, it is crazy to think about it's like yo like a technology school and everything but like
These women are making people. Yeah chill
It's insane and then they grow up. Yep, and then they have people. Mm-hmm
scary
Scary stuff. We're all this scary. It's really weird. Yep. And all we have to do is just bust a nut. That's it
Yeah
We're pretty much useless. Yeah for the most part
Yeah
We don't have to do anything. Nope
We just got to like hang around for nine months and like go buy you
Yeah, go to the mouse class not be a dick and rub your feet
Do some yoga with you. I almost threw up. What was it? Yo, if you would have thrown up
That would have been the funniest thing ever. I'm actually a little nauseous right now to be honest. That's fire
You're gonna throw up. I might actually
That'd be sick. I know please don't throw up in here. I will not throw up in here
I promise you ever cough like to the point where you kind of have to throw up
Yeah, and it gets really close and like yo, it's in the back of my throat right now
Yeah, that's basically where I'm at right now. Yeah, I don't want to talk about it because I don't want you to throw up a little
I don't want to throw up in here either
Oh man, anyway, I think we can wrap this up. Oh, yeah
I think we can wrap this up. Oh, yeah
Danny, where can I find you? Uh in the bathroom. It's just uh, uh on twitter and instagram at danielopiori
Whoo, I'm okay. All right. Go throw up. All right. Um, you guys can find me on twitch at twitch.tv slash joe sanagato
And like my instagram and all that shit is the same stuff joe sanagato
You'll find me there and that is all thanks for listening you motherfuckers