The Basement Yard - Are They ACTUALLY Royalty?

Episode Date: May 21, 2018

On this episode, @DannyLopriore & I are talking about the royal wedding, tying sweaters around your waist, & how gangster women are. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices...

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome back to the basement yard today. It's just me and good old Dan. What's good? What was that? I don't know trying to stuff. You're singing. Yeah Well, that was pretty good, that's pretty better. Yeah, pretty better pretty better your English sucks I know I don't mind it though. No one of my friends earlier today. I was like on fortnight and he goes He goes, I don't have good vocabulary He goes, I don't have I don't have good vocabulary. Yeah, I was like all you had to do was throw an a in there I don't have a good vocabulary. That would have been fine. That's it He's dumb. He's right on the fence. He's right on the fence. He's close. He's dumb. Yeah, I keep him
Starting point is 00:00:38 Anyway, I feel he would be we were doing injustice and we weren't talking about yanny and fuck it Laurel Yeah, I Don't know which one you heard But I heard Laurel hard. I heard yanny. I Did I heard yanny. I heard yanny you heard yanny. Yep Here's my thing. How does the word Laurel? Even come close to yanny Yanny look at my man. Look at my face yanny. I know and now look at Laurel
Starting point is 00:01:16 Here's why I Think it's a conspiracy and here's why I think that here we go. I think They're layered vocals What does that mean like let there's Laurel and a yanny in there and they're playing at the same time That's just me I think that's honestly one of the dumbest things I've ever heard no I'm saying it's definitely top three Domest maybe it's up there But I feel like this is this is a conspiracy. It was something with the frequencies There was a bunch of like yes ear scientists on Twitter like oh you see what the thing and here's the thing too
Starting point is 00:01:54 now I start to think I'm insane because Someone put out a video with three different clips You know like this is the regular one and I hear Laurel And he goes here's with the high frequency and I hear Oh, yeah, and he goes in here's with a low frequency I'm like am I fucking nuts now or is what's going on the thing that worries me the most about these is How do they become so popular? I Think people are just I don't know I don't know there's a conspiracy in that too. Why is why is the human brain?
Starting point is 00:02:30 Just so dumb. Why can't everything just be a thing? Why is it got to be two at once? You know am I am What do you blue dress or gold dress? I was blue dress. I was blue dress too. It's a blue dress. It's a blue dress. We're in agreement there I mean, you know this this thing's a little harder, but like I can see this being blue. It was 100% blue anyone who saw a white Just piss on their face because they're wrong. Wasn't a great dress either. No, I hated it. I Wouldn't worry. I wouldn't worry either So you're really 100% team Laurel. I'm Laurel. I haven't heard yanny. I'm team Yanny, but I'm willing to switch You know, you're not you're not loyal. No, I'm not loyal to yanny
Starting point is 00:03:14 Yeah No, I'm loyal to Laurel. I'm very loyal Loyal to Laurel. Yeah, exactly. Listen, sometimes you gotta do that. It's like Is there an answer even I think it's in due time there will be one I hope so because I can't handle this Yeah, I can't handle this. This is what up there one of the greatest American mysteries of all time It is Who killed Kennedy? Is it yanny or Laurel? Yeah, I'm telling you which one is it? Yeah, it's it's it's up there Government conspiracy Russian probe
Starting point is 00:03:49 Do you think that like they put out yanny and Laurel because they're trying they're like bomb my village overseas that we don't know about Like they're trying to like make us not look like a magician It's like look at this bird, but I'm really picking out your card over here. You know what I mean like David blamed us Yeah, I don't believe this is one But I do believe that they have done that. Yeah They tricked us. Well, I just feel like with social media. It's easy. It's so easy to start like mass hysteria Oh, like over the smallest thing. Yeah, like I feel like anything Kim cut like If I was the government, I'd hit up Kim Kardashian be like, yo, do me a favor
Starting point is 00:04:28 Throw a tit-pick out there. Yeah, cuz we got to handle some stuff Throw over by wherever the fuck we are throw them off the trail a little bit exactly everyone's like what you named your kid Pineapple and then you know, no one sees that nobody cares about anything else that happened that day. It's like oh by the way They took all of our rights or whatever. Well, also like yeah, they censored the internet while you were looking at Kim K's Tipped it just it just is crazy to me how people care about it so much. I'm like also another thing that people care about way too much Is The Royal Wedding Dude first of all my sister is obsessed with the Royal Wedding. I don't get it. I
Starting point is 00:05:14 Are they royal? Are they royal or just rich people? Technically they are royal, but mostly they're just rich people. We don't live in a royal Time am I crazy? No, you're not got they sacrifice some people up there. They got like a it's just weird. There's a queen That's what I'm saying. And what the fuck is this? Yeah, this isn't a wave queen No, this is like a bullshit is what it is. This is this is horseshit. It's like telling somebody's future. Yeah You're rubbing an orb in the air. Yeah, you're just like just a circle a lot of orb rubbing Did no one teach the queen does she really not get out that much? It's like hey queen This is what we're doing out here. I think this shit. She's so old
Starting point is 00:05:57 She came in way correctly and she's in charge. What does that say about their whole country? Sure, you got a queen up there who doesn't even know how to fucking wave correctly I don't know how I feel about this this country moving forward. We get someone in there who could fucking wave Well, she I wonder what like she does every day. She's not I don't know Because she's like kind of old right? Do you think she has like foot slaves? Yeah Like naked dudes that she could just put up her feet on like an Ottoman She's like put her feet up on I really wonder what her bed looks like. It's probably fire. It's probably just ridiculous Like the the bedding has like gold flakes and like the seams like quadruple king-sized bed
Starting point is 00:06:35 She gets a whole bedroom. She just gets lifted out of it like every day But like three like huge Jack dudes. Yeah, who are just hot as fuck just like a bunch of John Hamm's the other thing He's got the hammer by the way John Hamm's got a hammer apparently Make sense. Yeah, it makes sense. It's also not fair. Yeah, also not fair. Yeah, can we just take one of them? Don't take both. Yeah, he's a bastard. He's a greedy fuck fuck John Hamm Who are those people that guard? Of the dudes with the hats the dudes with the hats what they guard the Queen They guard the Queen
Starting point is 00:07:12 Do they have guns even or they have swords? I think they might have both me. I don't know They might have both they might have both, but those hats are ridiculous change the hat change the hat Change the hat. Get him. Get him. Get him a Yankee hat. Take your hat off. Take it. Take your fucking hat off Take your hat off. Hey, hey, take your hat off. I love that crazy how they can't Why can't they speak like why can't they slap someone for bothering them and yeah, that's the thing That's unfortunate too because now they're like You know, I'm supposed to be hit here Just chilling not doing anything and then all the tourists are like, let's go fuck with this guy
Starting point is 00:07:49 Yeah, you have to be a real asshole to do that too. It's ridiculous. I By the way, it was weird. I'm an asshole. I would be over there like Touching that dude stick But yeah, oh, you're making a move like I try to make them flinch by punching them in the balls I've heard me wants to say I wouldn't do it, but a part of me would have to do I'd have to yeah, but the royal wedding. It's like What's what's there to watch? I Don't know. I don't even like regular weddings. Is there like a red carpet. I Don't know
Starting point is 00:08:20 I'll watch for Megan Markel Markel. Yeah, she's she's cutie. She's just Yeah, she's 14 out of 10. Yeah, she's up there. She's up there And she was hitting a jackpot though. Talk about hitting a jackpot for both of them I guess she was on like FX or like the one with the frog. What's the one with the frog that dances with the hat? Yeah, WB 11. Yeah, that's the one she was like on a show for that CW or CW what I say WB Well, that's what it was when we were kids. Well. Oh, all right. It was WB. Okay. Good. Yeah, the frog Yeah, I think that's what he's saying. Yeah, that wasn't it. All right, so Maybe that was your impression. I didn't think it was good though. Yeah, we'll fix it in post fix it post
Starting point is 00:09:01 Yeah, we'll put a better sound in it. Yeah No, but the fucking the wedding so like I don't even like going to weddings Anyway Like the actual wedding that we're gonna see on TV cuz I mean correct me if I'm wrong. We're not gonna see the party No, definitely the party. Yeah, you can watch, you know Prince Harry get fucking smashed He definitely gets mad. He fucking gets wrecked. Yeah, they probably all do. I mean, yeah, you grew up in a fucking castle It's just weird. Yeah hammer. Yeah, she's weird like magic is waking up every day. She's been like, I'm a prince. Yeah, it's fire Wow, like a real prince. You're blowing my mind
Starting point is 00:09:43 It's crazy think about thinking about what princes used to do back in the day like they'd wake up In a big-ass bed. Yeah, and then like 15 fucking whores would come in and you'd bang them all Yep, and then you would eat food off of their titties Yep, and then just just discard and then do nothing and then make some like very Like you'd you go on a ride with like three of the best swordsmen in the land. Yeah, and then like beat up homeless people Yeah, throw like apples at people. Yeah, that's a dope ass life fire last life Damn horseback. Do you think he's doing that now? Do you think that Prince Harry's just like fucking like chamber maids? Do you think they have a chamber maids? I wonder like what like Prince Harry's bachelor parties like? Oh
Starting point is 00:10:27 That's probably pretty crazy. Probably a lot of polo. Yeah rich people shit Yeah, you know what I'm saying like a horse horse bedding. He doesn't know horses. You definitely fuck somebody He fucked tons of Prince. He's a prince, dude. What do you think? Yeah, I mean you marry into royalty You gotta expect someone to get fucked here. Yeah, you think you would hope I don't know. I didn't know like they can marry normal people You know what I mean, like I thought you would have to marry like the daughter of a duke or something Yeah from a faraway land. Yeah, like somewhere like it's an arranged marriage. Yeah, like another kingdom or something All right, you're trying to like yeah, exactly. We watch a lot of Game of Thrones. I think yeah
Starting point is 00:11:09 This is gonna sound dumb, but is there is there any other king somewhere in like another country? Or a queen I don't know. I don't know. I only know Queenie True. He Elizabeth. Who takes over she dies Prince Charles. I Don't even know the fuck that is. You know who Prince Charles is. I know Prince Harry Prince Charles was Princess Diana's husband. I Was that was before my time I think yeah, what did Princess Diana die? In the 90s when like how did she die? She died in a car accident. That's I'm looking it up right now. You're gonna Google it
Starting point is 00:11:49 Just when she died. Oh when she died. Yeah, because like I don't remember living through that at all She died 1997 Yeah, I was five. Yeah, I didn't give a shit about royalty Like that's like why he hates like paparazzi because like they were like chasing her in a car taking pictures she crashed and died Which part of me thinks he's a conspiracy too. I know there is a conspiracy with this I think somebody killed her like had her killed or something. Yeah, but that's not how you kill Princesses you never know man poison them in the bread or like at a banquet or poison them in the bread
Starting point is 00:12:28 You know what I mean? It's a fucking 14 BC or that's what I'm saying But if you're gonna be a princess you should die like a princess you get poisoned or you die of old age Yeah, yeah, that's it. Those are the only two or you get stabbed with like a sword by a lover at least yes Yeah, I'm a strange lover. Yeah died by the hand of my love. Yeah, some shit something like that a lot of thy They or how in the so happy we don't talk like that anymore. I'm not I wish I could You know it was weird to like in the 20s like every kid wore like a suit Like like you know what I mean they wore like a suit vest and like rolled up like shirt sleeves Yeah, why did they do that? No t-shirts back then. No, throw in a Yankee shirt, dude
Starting point is 00:13:11 Yeah, why the fuck you dressed up like you're going to a funeral Why do you have like a beautiful fucking like three-piece suit on you're like eight? So I'm saying no wonder they called it the Great Depression. Yeah, wouldn't be depressed I gotta get this dressed up for no fucking reason where those fucking big-ass hats kids always wore hats Like too big for their like the paper boy hats. Yeah hated those hated those looks like you're working like you're like a chimney cleaner or something Yeah, that's a thing everyone was dirty. Everyone was dirty. Everything was like like sepia tones There was no color back now when you would look around everything was a shade of brown Yeah, yeah, never take those weird pictures where they don't smile
Starting point is 00:13:48 Everyone's like It's like dudes at a club Yeah, yeah, basically. It's like you just got out of jail. Yeah Stereco, it's crazy Be a tone that is hilarious. I will not be watching the royal wedding though. I won't I mean I probably will cat wait I think it's today. So we probably missed it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is another country Yeah, but you probably have to wake up mad early to watch it. Yeah, what a waste of time. I know We'll probably get burned probably have to YouTube it honestly. Yeah, well with Twitter you could probably want to probably have it live
Starting point is 00:14:22 I'm there. Yeah, I don't know. I mean I'd like to see Megan Markle See now I want to see her dress You want to see her dress? Why wouldn't you want to see her dress? See I don't see anything about it yet About the wedding? No Yeah, I don't know Maybe they didn't get married yet. Maybe they called it off
Starting point is 00:14:46 Maybe she saw one of my videos and she was like, I can't do this. Yeah, no, of course not Of course not. Maybe she's on her way here right now So she was an actress. I believe so never heard of her until this. No, I didn't either It's a CW probably sucks to CW Then like the whole stuff with her dad What is that like her dad was like Like who's gonna walk her down the aisle or like maybe pretend like pretended he had a heart attack or something So he didn't have to come to the wedding
Starting point is 00:15:19 I'm not sure but you're gonna have to look it up. But there was like stuff with that too Prince Charles He's gonna walk her down the aisle. I think If I read that correctly her dad doesn't want her to be royalty now. I'm confused. He's not going to the wedding. Why? He said he had a heart attack So why didn't why couldn't he just have a heart attack, I don't know they'd like but everyone's like yo He didn't have a heart attack Apparently. Yeah, they think like he might be faking Like having a heart attack. So he doesn't have to go. Yes
Starting point is 00:15:50 Because he's like too hurt to go apparently I'll hurt about what I guess their relationship. I don't know. I'm not that close to the Marcos Go get some info on the royal family for God's sake. I know But do you like fly a drone over there and like see what's up people will definitely be doing that They'll shoot that shit down. I would love to get my drone shot down by like The Queen's Guards, it'd be so sick Oh
Starting point is 00:16:19 Yeah, right that'd be sick. Yeah, they'll be drones flying over there, but there's media coverage They know they're gonna be watched over there Is there do they get like knighted or whatever? I Love how dumb we sound. I know I know everyone's gonna be so great I was knighted me like Paul McCartney sir Paul McCartney, dude like pull and Elton John, right? These people are knighted But I could beat this shit out of both of them. I know why are you knighting those dudes? I know It's like the key to the city. I think
Starting point is 00:16:49 Like don't make him a knight. No You know, I mean, he's not good. What like I like the army reserve. It's like, you know, once we run out of guys Yeah, get the knighted ones. We're gonna call you guys in but it's like I look at I look at that Like when you think of a knight, you think of a badass. Fuck. Yeah, dude Think of like Orlando bloom Elton John's not I practice with these ten hours a day Nights tail. I thought it was Heath Ledger. I'm talking about Pirates of the Caribbean Jack Sparrows. He's a pirate Yeah, but I'm saying he's good with a sword. Yeah, all right
Starting point is 00:17:21 Yeah, it wasn't a night. He wasn't a night. It was Heath Ledger Heath Ledger. By the way jousting Fucking stupid. Yeah, pretty dumb. You ever been to medieval times? Yeah, that's it's pretty awesome though. It was cool because you got to eat with your hands. Yep It's the best. She's like, where's my fork like nah. Yep. He was here fucking hands. I'm like, yeah This is fucking baller right now. It was very baller medieval times. It's fire. Hell, yeah Now if I went I would just do a lot of wagers. Yeah, I got $500 on the blue guy. I Never I went twice my night didn't win both times. I Only went once my night got smoked
Starting point is 00:18:02 And I was just like, all right, this chicken's good though. Yeah, I was eating corn with my fingers I was having a great time, but you want you want your night to win when you fuck. Yeah, you want your night to win Where is medieval times? Does that exist? Yeah, there's one in New Jersey pretty close to us actually not too far Yeah, I might have to hit it might have to go Bring the whole gang out there make a day out of it. How much can medieval times possibly be? It's not a lot. I went on a school trip and all my schools were just fucking Cheap as fuck. Yeah, so like it's not gonna be that bad Shall I look it up? I'm excited
Starting point is 00:18:33 I'll look it up, but look it up because I need to go and we need to make wagers on a fucking night Yeah, that's the only way and I need a lot of merch as well. Oh, that's another thing They have a merch store where you can buy shields and like wooden swords for real I thought probably not anymore because like there's you know, it's mad dangerous 37 dollars We're going. Yeah, ten times that day. Yeah, for sure I'm in there. Oh, yeah I'm excited. I mean if we really do it, I'll get excited. Oh It's doable. I want to wear like chain link like over my head like fucking Scott Steiner. Yeah
Starting point is 00:19:16 Yeah, he was the man. Yeah, he was a lot of steroids. Oh, yeah, his balls are probably like Tiny dude the steroids shrink your balls. Yeah, I think so and about yeah, yeah, they get up in there Which is fine. Yeah They got after those balls Yo chain link whoever came up with that it's like a genius because I don't think you could stab someone through chain link no Another thing that's crazy running on a battlefield like that and just like the first three people always die sitting the back Yeah, like yo hang back a little bit you guys go ahead. I'm not I'd be over there like fake time my shoe I'd be like, yeah, hold on. Let me just get a second running real slow
Starting point is 00:19:56 I'm gonna just throw some oil in my chest plate because it's a little rusty rain or whatever running super slow super afraid Dude think about the way people used to fight wars. I know they're a bunch of idiots Do you remember there used to be a guy that would just stand there with a flag no gun and then be another guy with a drum Yeah, no gun Dude get out of the way You're gonna die we don't need a soundtrack right now Saving private Ryan like the opening scene. It's like one of the most terrifying things I've ever seen. Oh my god I'm just like yo, this is terrible. This really happened. I know I get scared in my call of duty. Yeah, like yo, there's mad bullets
Starting point is 00:20:41 I know I can't Do yeah, so like that's dumb. That's very dumb and like how they used to have like Rows of people. It was like neat What are we doing? Yeah, we synchronized swimming. Are we fighting? I'm drawing like we I mean we just said it But I'm making sure I draw that other straw where I could be in the back. Yeah, like I definitely want to be in the back Yeah, like I want to be an archer. I'm not done. Yeah, I want to shoot bow and arrows from the back very safe sniper or something like that Yeah, just like I know I don't want to be in the front lines. It was like a curved sword. No, none of that Like a general on horseback think about fucking badass
Starting point is 00:21:18 You have to be to do that and just be like charge and then everyone follows you. It's weird Did no one go like yo, let's just talk about this before we just brought in here another thing I don't think it was crazy too is you could do like a duel Yeah, you can challenge someone in the Wild West. Yeah, you just go back to back It's like take five steps turn around and like like yo, this is like the honor system Like how do I know he's not taking three and a half and turn around and shoot me in the back? Yeah It might have been a law like if you didn't take a fifth step like who's reffing that It didn't matter. Anyway, if you went to jail in the Wild West, you just had your buddy with a horse tie a
Starting point is 00:21:52 Fucking rope around the wall. Yeah, rip the wall out. You're good. Yeah. Oh my god Wild what I wouldn't want to grow up in that time either. No that time is insane Like bounty hunters and shit and like everyone was on a wanted poster. Yeah, so like when bill 2000 shillings bill bear always has it like you could buy like a whole like city with like one gold coin. Yeah Leave the bottle I do wish we had like shillings Yeah, and that's cool little pouches. It's kind of sort of like that Yeah, they have like a bunch of like dollar coins and like little pouches of gold and yeah You know what I would love to do
Starting point is 00:22:36 Rob a train like a locomotive Like for real Rob a train or like Westworld Rob a train. What does that mean? Like it's not real, but you can still do it No, I want to do it well not now there's no cool trains. Yeah to Rob, and I don't even know like they don't keep Treasure chests around anymore either. That's another thing too. I wish they still did that. Yeah, like a treasure treasure treasure trove Trove, I think that's a word. I don't know. I don't I'm not sure but I thought I always thought like in Westworld where it's like they just You just get up to the side of it your buddy jumps off the back you kill like a waitress. Yeah, everyone has a specific job Yeah, you take this safe. There's always one guy dressed in all black. That's like nasty with like two revolvers
Starting point is 00:23:21 Yeah, and he's always like they save him at the end. Yeah. Yeah every fire So say by the way if Westworld it existed so for everyone who doesn't know about the show It's basically like a digital world where you could go and you could just like fuck whores and kill people It's a me a cowboy. It's amazing, and then you just come out of it and you're another person Would you do it? Would you kill people in there? Fuck? Yeah, I knew it wasn't real I'm so glad you said that cuz like I'm fucking killing people. Yeah. Why not? Is that psychotic? No Maybe a little bit. I think it is Is that kind of like weird are we gonna go to jail probably?
Starting point is 00:23:58 at some point It's like uh, but if I have the chance to kill a person. I mean, I'm not a real person. Yeah, I'd fuck a digital whore though Yeah, it's not a real person You got to like pay for them with like shillings if they're real Then it's a different story different story, but if she's got a petticoat on What what and like a petticoat it's I have those like big-ass dresses and then they have like this like under Nightgown dress thing. Oh, okay. Yeah, how do you I don't know it. What are you gonna ask? I was gonna say how do you spell petticoat? I think petticoat is P-E-T-T-I-C-O-A-T
Starting point is 00:24:39 I gotta I gotta see it now. Yeah, Google the petticoat petticoat, but I feel like you know I'd rock one a petticoat. I'd rock one. I'd kill a fake person. Oh Definitely a fake person one. Yeah, I'd fuck a fake hooker or whore They called them whores back then which is a little more aggressive than hookers very aggressive whores is like very secret Like in in Game of Thrones where it's like when they talk about whores Holds like they just say it like it's like. Yeah Like waitresses a whole
Starting point is 00:25:14 Yeah, women had a rough go had a rough go of it Most things yeah, yeah, yeah Bring in the horse bring in the horse or like the king like some dude would show up in the king would be like Yo, just pick one out From the whole kingdom. That's crazy. It's fucking that's like the ultimate pimp and that was like I guess that was like real at some point Of course it was real like based on that people were getting Thrashed. Yeah, whores thrashing whores and it's it's unfortunate because maybe they weren't whores Maybe they were nice girls could have been but they're whores by association. Yes
Starting point is 00:25:51 The fuck was that? Am I babysitting a baby that I don't know about right? Yeah, I guess like I definitely just heard a baby It's like I don't know. Is there a baby in this room? What is it down? You have baby downstairs. I Don't have a baby anywhere. I think there might be a baby downstairs Has to be I hope it's not in this room. I know It's a fake baby fucking baby in there speaking of babies creep me out Crying babies scary
Starting point is 00:26:24 What that baby crying just now scared me a little bit why because I had no idea where it came from What'd you think? I don't know demon baby. I don't know how this building is built I don't know what babies are running around here. I've never heard a baby crying here ever. I Mean yeah, but I thought you were saying like babies like crying babies No, no, I was just creeped out by that baby. Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah, a surprise baby is definitely scary We got so caught on guard by I have no idea I was robbing a bank or a fucking whatever. Oh, yeah. Yeah Westworld the fucking fake horse. Yeah Yeah fire. Oh, you're talking about how women had it pretty rough. Yeah, it was pretty rough
Starting point is 00:27:06 Yeah, they were like beating them up and then banging them against their will. Yeah Crazy I know that's what it was for so long. It's so crazy. Yeah, you gotta change this What did you want to talk about? Wasn't there something you want to talk about? Oh, um Some wallet placement. Oh, yeah, cuz I was driving in my car the other day and it just popped into my head I have no idea why but I was like, I'm gonna bring this up to Danny. So like Which wall which pocket do you keep your wallet in? My front left
Starting point is 00:27:43 Why why you keep your wallet in your front left. Yeah, or right I keep it in the front You keep it in the front at all times. Yeah You ever sat on a wallet? I put it in the back. I've sat on many a wallet. It hurts. It doesn't hurt. What kind of wallet you got? Yeah, was it made out of fucking metal? It's not healthy spiky wallet. It's not healthy apparently. I Keep my wallet slim. Yeah, you know, I don't put like 50 receipts and like 97 credit cards or anything like that Could you have one of those wallets? That's like on your phone case. Yeah, I hate those I I would lose my phone. What if I lose my phone? I lose everything life
Starting point is 00:28:26 The main reason for losing my wallet like that. I hate losing my wallet is because I just don't want to go to the DMV to get another license Yeah So like that's why I'm like if I lose my phone which is my phone or if this thing slides out Let's party's over. I can't I hate those phone cases that are like books like like they're like, oh, I got a text Oh, yeah Yeah, those are stupid as hell. What the fuck is this my brother never one of those does it? Yeah, it's trash Not into it. He loves it like wallet slash. What is this? Is it a Kindle or a cell phone? See, I don't like it because I've sat on wallets that hurt. I
Starting point is 00:29:03 Love how you're saying That's because you're like I've sat on wallets that hurt as if you're like you were trying out a bunch of them You're like, yo, how many how many walls you think you've had in your life? Probably like three. I was gonna say this is not a lot Yeah, no, no, I think I have maybe I think three as well Yeah, my first wallet was like Velcro had nothing in it. I didn't have a license You never had a wallet on a chain. Did you know because I didn't fucking hate my parents Wallet on a chain Yeah, like if you had a wallet on a chain, you definitely smoke cigarettes in like eighth grade
Starting point is 00:29:43 Yeah, and you're like drove a motorcycle to school in third grade. Yeah, like like listen to some 41 all day Yeah, some that's exactly what happened That's songs fire though fat lip. Oh my no, I'm not the one used to new back in high school I know the words dude. It's pretty damn good. I'm out here I could I could I could do like a punk rock band. I could be the lead singer. Could you? No, probably not. No, no, I just thought about it Give it a shot. I would try I'd give you karaoke next time you do karaoke try Try some 41 fat. Let's see how it goes. Oh, you know, it's another one you do
Starting point is 00:30:25 I did it all for the nookie. Oh the nookie. So you could take that cookie. That was good song I still don't know what that means. I don't either. Yeah, the nookies of vagina Is it? Yeah, you really have to do with like nook and cranny probably Like I want every nook and cranny to be cleaned, you know, like like get everything, you know I never thought of that and then nookie could be like because it's like kind of like a a crease You're on something here. I think I just figured it out. You you knew it the whole time. You just unraveled it
Starting point is 00:30:57 I it honestly just came to me Like a dream. I'm blowing my own mind. It's amazing Nook and cranny. What is a cranny? I don't know. Sounds like yanny. Oh Team yanny for sure. No Before we move on, let's get to the sponsors. We got quite a few today starting with hymns hymns is a one-stop shop for hair loss skincare sexual wellness for men They offer medical grade solutions real doctors And there's no waiting room. No awkward doctor visits. You could save hours by going to forehyms.com
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Starting point is 00:34:29 at get quip.com slash Basement g e t q u i p dot com slash basement And last but not least the final spot we have is for wing, which is The phone company that I am a part of If you guys Want to save money on your phone bill? Definitely switched to wing what we have done is created this thing called what we call dynamic pricing
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Starting point is 00:37:06 It's kind of it's a little shit. It's like 60 degrees Like, you know what? I'm just gonna bring like a light hoodie Zip up You leave the house you go do what you gotta do. You're having a good time Then it's like 3 p.m. Suns out its highest point It's getting a little hot. Yeah, I gotta take this hoodie off. Mm-hmm. So you take it off. Yeah You don't want to carry this thing around. You don't want to you don't want to drag it around of course not You tie that thing around your fucking waist
Starting point is 00:37:38 If I'm Yeah If I'm being active What does that mean? Like if I'm like turning up the heat a little bit like getting after it like walking hard I'll tie it around my waist, but if not, I'm just gonna hold it Danny I gotta be honest with you. I will throw that in a garbage can before I tie that around my waist You never No
Starting point is 00:37:59 And if you think I'm tying it around my neck, that's even worse like I'm scott disick. Yeah, it's even worse You're you're you're lost. That's terrible Tying a sweater around your neck. Yeah Is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life. Oh, yeah, you pretentious Fucking polo playing piece of shit. Yeah, it's terrible. It's awful I've never I could never I could never First of all, you have to have a certain amount of money to even do that You have to have a certain amount of money and a certain amount of horses in your stable
Starting point is 00:38:30 Yes Because if you have if you're tying your sweater around your neck You own you own land and a stable. Yeah I wonder how much it is to own a horse. It can't be that bad. They're expensive They're like 20 g's or something like that. It's by a horse. I'll be honest with you. I threw that number out there You're probably not that far off. No, because you gotta think they're kind of like a car. Yeah, you get around You can't be that far off. Yeah, by the way, a horse is fucking stupid Big ol floppy dicks. Oh, I know dude crazy dicks beautiful animal though
Starting point is 00:39:02 beautiful shreddies Oh, yeah You ever touch a horse? You ever ride a horse? Yeah, touch a horse. It's like very weird like touch like a horse's face. Yeah. Yeah. It's hard as fuck What it's like a rock. Oh, yeah, it's like this fucking wall. Yeah, there's a horse's head But like a little soft No
Starting point is 00:39:25 It just feels like cast iron under a fucking little fucking flab of skin. They're fucking brolic, dude And their eyes are huge. Yeah, they're scary Yeah, I always feel bad when you walk past central park and there's like Horses dragging around. It's like swedish couple. Yeah for like eight dollars I just got to these states and then are fucking dragging these horses like ten dollars a minute. Yeah Sucks sucks. I feel bad for the horse. Yeah with that horse to run, of course get him out in a meadow. Let him chase a sheep or something Is that what they do? I don't know. I don't think horses do much chasing horses do for fun. They run That's it. Yeah
Starting point is 00:40:03 animals like don't have good lives I think they're ignorant enough to having a good life. They just live their life like they don't worry about like other shit except for like Animal shit. Yeah, no, but like so like my dog the best part of his day is when you take him out and he could smell other piss and shit Yeah, that's his favorite thing. Yeah, my dog's favorite thing is to smell piss and shit from other dogs loves it Kind of existence is that he doesn't know any other one if he knew another one If he'd be like this sucks, I mean he's walking around the world. He sees me doing stuff. Yeah I'm watching the game I'm having a beer
Starting point is 00:40:44 I wonder if they could you want in on this or no, it's weird because like Have you ever talked to your dog through a phone? What like I said hello like say like Somebody facetimes your sister. Oh, you go. Hey, they don't respond. They have no idea what's going on, but if you do it in person You know what I meant You You sounded They don't even respond
Starting point is 00:41:24 No, but like if it's you calling their name, they don't they don't like it doesn't they they can't hear it. Yeah the same way No, I know. Oh, man. That was fucking funny. It's funny. They don't even talk back to you We've been in real life in real life though. If you say his name once he's gonna come running up the stage. All right, all right It's weird. It's the random dog question I had. Yeah, I don't even know where we were. I was talking about horses digs. I don't know either Oh my god, you know animals are weird, dude. And like why and like there's Like, yeah, what is the sloth doing? Why did we make that? I don't know. They're cool looking though Yeah, they're cool. Look like fun to hug. Yeah But like those claws but dude move quicker and just get some like muscles going. Yeah
Starting point is 00:42:11 I mean, they're strong. They can hang from you know, uh Branches and stuff. So I know there's some some bicep in there. Just a little fat. Why are you moving so slow? Yeah, it's true. Get busy living or get busy dying. I agree I agree I agree I can't I can't fight I can't fight you on this. I know you're not gonna fight me on it I just I just don't understand their existence Are you cool with zoos or no?
Starting point is 00:42:36 When I'm there, I'm cool with them When I'm not I'm like this is bad depends who I'm around If I'm around people that don't fuck with zoos, I'll be like, yeah, no, it's kind of terrible I'll do that too. But if someone's like, you know, let's go to the zoo. I'm like, I'm fucking down. Yeah Yeah, but I'm not gonna go and like hand out Papers that say like, you know what's happening to the animals? It's like, yeah But they're cool to look at it. It's a giraffe. I want to see a giraffe. I think that zoos are kind of like I might get some flak for this from pita, which I'm not in really good standing with to begin with
Starting point is 00:43:13 Like I think they're necessary What else am I gonna see a gorilla? I'd like to see a gorilla. Also the people that were like This is gonna get me there too. Like, yeah, they shouldn't have shot that gorilla to save that kid rombay I'll be honest you gotta shoot the gorilla you You gotta shoot the gorilla man. I'll shoot that gorilla, man. We're gonna rip that kid in pieces. We're gonna fucking kill that kid Yeah You're like, it was just protecting it. Yeah, maybe
Starting point is 00:43:43 But also definitely wasn't maybe he was getting ready to take his fucking ankle and just rip it off Like remember how the Hulk slammed fucking Loki. Yeah, and that's exactly what you would have saw And that would have been a different kind of video. You got to kill that gorilla I think you should have tranquilized it Yeah, but they said if you tranked it like it would have went nuts like it would have went to like Like oh, yeah, then really killed him. Yeah Yeah, yeah, you blow that fucking things out of then. Yeah, I think so too I'm not taking it. I'm taking a risk. No, fuck that. Especially like, yo, you gotta think about it
Starting point is 00:44:18 Like I understand like as a bystander and after the fact you're like, oh my god, don't shoot that gorilla Which is sad. You got to kill a gorilla gorilla. Yeah, of course at the end of the day I don't care who if anything's in a cage and my kid falls into it. I'm shooting whatever's in there I don't care if it's my fucking grandma Yeah If my grandma's in a cage is for a reason my kid falls in that cage. I'm fucking Lighten up my grandma. Oh, yeah Save my kid's life. It's your kid. What's I'm saying? Crazy
Starting point is 00:44:46 That story's still crazy to me. You can't fall into a cage and expect me not to shoot you. No, you're gonna get shot Don't be in the cage Don't be in the cage. I'm sorry. Don't be in the cage Hashtag don't be in the cage. Don't be in the cage if you don't want to get shot. All right Yeah, we're gonna get we're gonna hear about this one. Yeah, we're gonna hear about that. We're gonna have some heat We're gonna have some heat backstage Yeah, back backstage backstage heat for sure. Damn It's the best though
Starting point is 00:45:17 No, I mean zoos like zoos are fun Yo, the last one went to the zoo. There was Matt peacocks walking around Yeah, they get like out of the fence. Sometimes you're like, yo, is this cool? I saw like four peacocks just like chilling I'm like, are these like Is that It's like Yo with me with animals Like if I don't if I don't think like yo a peacock you think like I probably shouldn't be around this thing
Starting point is 00:45:41 It's too majestic. Yeah, so I'm thinking like, yeah, I want to pet this thing But like are there like poisoners or something? Yeah. Yeah party. He was like, I don't want to touch this It might be poisonous. Like I don't know why they like When people tell you not to touch birds like don't touch that bird's gross Yeah, Mike, what does the bird have? I'll just wash my hands. Yeah bird flu, I guess Maybe that's a good one. Remember West Nile. Yeah, I do remember SARS. I do we've survived some great things Did you live in an area?
Starting point is 00:46:13 Where the planes were flying by and dumping that shit out? No You did. Yeah, it's weird It's like, yeah, it's very weird to kill. What West Nile West Nile They said West Nile was so bad and people were dying from or whatever that at certain points They go inside. Yeah, because we're about to dump some shit out And planes would fly by and dump this like powder out That's weird. You wouldn't ever see it like hit the floor or anything. Yeah, it's still a little strange though. Yeah, it's scary It is scary because is it
Starting point is 00:46:45 or is it like Yeah, you never know that's what I'm saying. You don't know they're dumping out of a fucking plane Yeah, or is it like a mixture of something? It's like, yeah, we'll kill the mosquitoes and also fuck you guys They also give this to uh, like they're down the street for me. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, it's a little two-way business Yeah, I don't trust planes like that. No, I don't trust anything that falls out of a plane. No even myself If I were to jump out of a plane, I wouldn't trust that Even myself, no, I don't trust me. I don't trust me on a plane No, could you ever jump out of a plane? No, no 100% no
Starting point is 00:47:22 I think we talked about this, but did we? Yeah. Yeah, I think that's like psychotic. It's terrifying Who's the first person that's like Let's just jump out of this thing. Just thinking about it gives me anxiety. Like, you know, imagine testing parachutes I know right Like the first people to do it you're fucking nuts How how did you jump from that it worked and then you went let's go fucking 5,000 feet in the sky. Yeah, they probably like broke their legs so many times trying to do it So I'm saying or the planes the fucking right brothers. Yeah, just crash your plane all the time
Starting point is 00:47:58 No, thanks Dude Hold on There's this kid on youtube. I wish I remembered his name. He builds planes No, he fucking Well, he well kind of like he he has this it's basically a seat a chair like this And then there's a big-ass fan on the back of it With a parachute that goes on over the top
Starting point is 00:48:25 And he can fly in a seat Mad high. I gotta see this Mad high. Is he like jetpack boy or something? Yeah, apparently it's a thing like it's like a a thing that people do and he records them like he has like a gopro On his foot Yeah, and he records it and then he has like other cameras like on his shoulder But dude this dude's above the clouds in a chair. No doors. That's crazy. Just in a chair I gotta see this. I don't believe this and he uses the parachute to like
Starting point is 00:48:56 Steal it himself. Yeah, he had a video where he like flew to mcdonald's and like landed packed everything up. How's that legal? What how's that legal for him to like fly like I think he might you have to have a pilot's license I guess he also lives like In the middle of fucking nowhere. Obviously he's not flying around Fucking new york city like in between buildings. I'll look it up after this I want to find it so bad because it's yo, it's honestly one of the craziest things I've ever seen I think i'm trying to flying to mcdonald's This is it his name is uh
Starting point is 00:49:31 This video has 11 million views. His name is tucker got holy shit. It's like an actual fan You see yes, dude. Look He's flying i'm gonna sneeze so hard. Holy shit Bless you sir bless you again One more It went away Dude look how high he is Look at this shit. It's gorgeous
Starting point is 00:49:55 It's insane anyone who's listening go to youtube type type in flying to mcdonald's. Oh, they're called paramotors paramotor Yo, that makes sense at no point in my life. Will I ever be attempting something? I would never do that ever as brave and Insane as that no chance. I don't have it in me. Nope. I don't have it either I don't not one bit Not one bit for any of that type of shit I don't like being high and I don't like going too fast same I get scared when I don't feel like I'm in control or like yo if we stopped or I like it I don't know. I don't like it. I don't like it either. I get scared. Do you go tubing?
Starting point is 00:50:34 Like on water. Yeah, I would do that So like I don't even like doing that really. Yeah See I would do that That would have much I have done it like I have done it. Yeah, but the first time I did it we're like whipping around and everyone was like
Starting point is 00:50:53 Slipping off and I was holding on mad hard and everyone's like weight was on me and then we just flipped When we all hit the water everyone like collided someone like collided me. It was like head their head hit my head Yeah, so you got you got a little you got some baggage PTSD. Yeah, you got some PTSD from tubing But now I just feel like yo, we're going pretty fast on this thing And if we hit a wave and I'm not holding on I'm going to be jolted 50 feet in the air. Yeah, no, thank you Not 50, but you know, yeah, no, thanks. It's probably like eight feet in the air and then like hit the fucking water mad hard Yeah, no, no, thanks. Not into it. Not into it. I can't do it. What the fuck's going on? Stuck you stuck. I'm stuck. Fuck you stuck
Starting point is 00:51:35 Anyway, any who's here? What's going on with you? Nothing. Just living life Living life living life tacking it one day at a time Trying to at least Do you think I'm here every day as I know I was gonna try and do a small talk. Yeah, that's all right How you doing? You know, you know, it's small talk when you start talking about the weather. Yeah, sure How's the well? It's a real nice weather. It's cold. Yeah, that's a line I always drop when it's like someone I don't want to talk to anymore. Yeah, me too
Starting point is 00:52:02 It's just like cold. I don't know why For whatever reason that's always the one I go to to being like it's cold Yeah, like, you know, because small talk is fine most of it is but It's got an expiration. Well, it's like uber small talk too is like But that's okay too because we know when this is gonna end when we get there Right, but when you just run into someone you haven't seen in a while on the street
Starting point is 00:52:26 Yeah, and you guys are small talking There's an expiration date on this dude. Yeah, you know at some point somebody's gotta have the last word small talk is like maximum 78 seconds How are you? I'm good. I'm good. How are you? How's everything good? I mean, what are you doing around here? I you know, I just worked this job over here. So what are you up to? I'm doing I am doing this and like whatever Like the walk away like I'll talk to you later, man Exactly you already have you have to like kind of like start moving around 45 seconds
Starting point is 00:52:55 Yeah, and then everyone knows like this is gonna end soon. Yeah, but those people that just flat footed They're cemented into the ground That's no self-awareness. That's what I'm saying. I can't and that's when I have to be like It's cold. It's like cold today. It's like the third time you probably said that too. Yeah Yeah, exactly. It's like, ah, man, but it is cold, but it is it is it is cold, you know It's like a crazy winter. Yeah. They said we're gonna get a lot of snow this year. We got lucky We got lucky. We got lucky's a big one. We got lucky is a great one. We got lucky's a big one You know, I'm just glad that the you know, it's starting to warm up. Oh, yeah, that's another big one
Starting point is 00:53:33 I'm glad it's starting to warm up. Well, it looks like winter's over. Thank god, right? I'm just glad it's starting to warm up. Thank god, right? That's a big one. Yeah, it is a big one. I know, I know, I know The most fun else. I know, I know, I know so funny. I hate it. I hate it too. I hate small talk I also hate going to family parties Because There's small talk on top of there's relatives here that I have no idea who you are. Yeah, that's the weirdest thing It's like, why do you have my sisters getting married and now we're gonna have to say hi to people and I'm like, hi Joey, how are you? Hi
Starting point is 00:54:09 Hey As soon as they walk away, I'm like, who the fuck was that? I'm not a big greeter like mom. Who was that? Yeah, I'm not great at greeting I don't know who these people are Just gotta play the role. You're good at it. Also, like you should know if I know who you are I don't really forget like I'm an adult. I'm you know what I mean? Like if you met me when I was four I don't have no fucking idea who you are, dude, right and don't be surprised if I don't Yeah Yeah
Starting point is 00:54:35 You should state your name before if it's been like over 10 years definitely state your name. I think at all family parties There should be name tags. Yeah, let's get some name tags. Why not buddy system get after it You know what I mean? I'm down for it. I can't do that. I don't have I got too many ants Yeah, that's a problem too when you have too many too many like Yeah, and everyone has too many ants because everyone was fucking like crazy back in the day Oh, yeah, my dad is like one of 12 or some shit. Nobody wore condoms. Yeah, but at what point do you go? You know what? Let's just start jerking off They were doing their fair share of that too, but they were just fucking
Starting point is 00:55:11 Too much too much Just enough how many like 12 is too much. Yeah, how many kids do you want? two I'll take two definitely don't want one. No Only child are terrible. Yeah Awful people. Yep two I think ideally I'd want three
Starting point is 00:55:32 Three's not bad I don't want twins. I don't either. I'll never be ready for that. I feel like twins are always weird No, I just I just I just think of it as like You know, I'm mentally preparing for one and now you're throwing me a curveball here. Yeah, it's a lot It's a lot of work, especially the first time around. So I'm saying yeah No, thanks. Like, you know that lady who had like eight kids at once. Yep How the fuck is that lady's vagina even like on this earth anymore? I have no idea and it's gross That thing should have been thrown into space. Like I don't even know how that's even possible
Starting point is 00:56:05 How do you have eight kids come at you at one time and you're just like all good Just how do you live in life? I don't know. It's scary though People were dying back in the days with one kid and like a barn. Yeah, they were dying like diarrhea They were dying from diarrhea. Exactly. It's crazy. Hey over here Squirting out eight kids Thank god, I have a penis Yeah, I'm so happy about that. Like they're women are so gangster. Yo, they're insane. I like I need to have a clear head in order for me to function and be able to do what I do. Yeah
Starting point is 00:56:39 And I know How strong women are because I know that if I was a woman Mm-hmm Even if I'm having a good time, I'm like fuck. Yeah, I gotta get first one day Like you gotta always look you gotta always you always gotta hang with you at some point Yeah, I have to do this if you'd like to have kids. What's your for the most part? I think people do. Yeah, I would say you You have to do that So gangster, it's insane
Starting point is 00:57:05 I said this to my sister and and my mom the other day I'm like, yo, I feel like I would just have this dark cloud over my head like, you know, I gotta have a kid one day Fuck. Yeah, and my mom's like, well, you can have a c-section. I was like, oh, so you can cut open my fucking whatever And pull a child out of it. Yeah, that's better. Ma. This is alien Yeah, what is this? Yuck Not making it making a sandwich Fuck is going on
Starting point is 00:57:29 Doing an art project. Yeah, what is this? Yuck I don't know how people do it. God bless them I can't even imagine what that feels like of course and thankfully we'll never have to know I don't want to be around. I don't either. I mean, I'm gonna. Are you gonna watch? I can't watch. Oh, I'm not like looking in Like getting to like a Uh bird's eye No, no way
Starting point is 00:57:52 It's crowding. Do you want to see I'll just I'll see I'll pass. I'll I'll see it I'll see it event. I'll see it another time another time. I'll go. I'll get back to you. Yeah I don't know if we have time to make it Just let me know I'm in traffic. Yeah, let me let me I'll be out here. Just let me know You know what I mean? Give me a ring. I don't I don't want to see it. Have you ever seen um, you know that Educational video they used to show kids all the time in school. Yeah, of course. It's a birth. Yeah, it's gross Dude giving births nuts gross placenta
Starting point is 00:58:26 Yeah, ah People eat that. Yeah, I'm sure it's gross. No like vegans like now Like adults Ew. Yeah, like they yeah placenta Fucking disgusting. Yeah, that's kind of that's too much for me. But anyway that video I remember seeing it for the first time and the first thing I thought of was like, yo, this lady's got some bush on her Yeah, she did have a huge bush. You didn't have a huge bush. Which is understandable I'm not saying hey shave your shave your vagina like you're giving birth
Starting point is 00:58:52 You're doing one of the greatest things a human can do. Yeah, that's fine. And you put nine months of work in I understand however You knew this was gonna live like this was gonna be cemented in history as the video that they're gonna show everyone You know we'll record in this, right? I would shave it up I'm not saying go go full balty I'm not saying get a brazilian clean it clean it up. You know clean yourself up a little it just was a little crazy I hear you. I agree. It's all that's all I'm saying clean yourself up a little and hey, I'm not saying she should have
Starting point is 00:59:26 I'm just saying I would have You know what I mean agrees agrees Is that wrong? No, no, no, no you're expressing yourself you're expressing yourself. Yeah, that's that's how I feel also Uh, that kid had a gigantic head. Yeah, I did because I wonder where that kid's at right now A miracle of life kid. Yeah, his fit is probably like Seven and five eighths. Yeah, that kid's got a big old head That was so weird, man. I can't it's it's weird to it's weird to think that that happens
Starting point is 01:00:01 Yeah Women are gangster like yo, we're we're blown away by like iPhones and shit like are we just gonna forget That women that we're making people It's crazy. Yeah, it is crazy to think about it's like yo like a technology school and everything but like These women are making people. Yeah chill It's insane and then they grow up. Yep, and then they have people. Mm-hmm scary Scary stuff. We're all this scary. It's really weird. Yep. And all we have to do is just bust a nut. That's it
Starting point is 01:00:38 Yeah We're pretty much useless. Yeah for the most part Yeah We don't have to do anything. Nope We just got to like hang around for nine months and like go buy you Yeah, go to the mouse class not be a dick and rub your feet Do some yoga with you. I almost threw up. What was it? Yo, if you would have thrown up That would have been the funniest thing ever. I'm actually a little nauseous right now to be honest. That's fire
Starting point is 01:01:05 You're gonna throw up. I might actually That'd be sick. I know please don't throw up in here. I will not throw up in here I promise you ever cough like to the point where you kind of have to throw up Yeah, and it gets really close and like yo, it's in the back of my throat right now Yeah, that's basically where I'm at right now. Yeah, I don't want to talk about it because I don't want you to throw up a little I don't want to throw up in here either Oh man, anyway, I think we can wrap this up. Oh, yeah I think we can wrap this up. Oh, yeah
Starting point is 01:01:33 Danny, where can I find you? Uh in the bathroom. It's just uh, uh on twitter and instagram at danielopiori Whoo, I'm okay. All right. Go throw up. All right. Um, you guys can find me on twitch at twitch.tv slash joe sanagato And like my instagram and all that shit is the same stuff joe sanagato You'll find me there and that is all thanks for listening you motherfuckers

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