The Basement Yard - Donating Sperm & Fighting Alligators

Episode Date: April 24, 2018

On this episode, @DannyLopriore & @FAlvarez8085 are on to talk about a ton of interesting topics.. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome Welcome back to the basement yard today. I'm joined by Danny and Frankie. It's a it's a What was that? Was that a gun? Someone's calling you right now. Yeah, your brother's calling you forget that By the way, someone was complaining that you were too close to the microphone Danny. Oh, sorry. Yeah, so back. Oh How should I be that good? You should back the fuck off and Then we'll figure it out back that ass up. By the way, we're having a couple beers today We started drinking over here to Vici sadly passed away

Yeah Shouts the levels levels. It's levels is a banger banger this banger So we had a couple we had a couple beers honestly I'm grabbing for excuses to drink nowadays. Yeah, when I see the Sun. I'm like, let's go. Well, there's a lot to drink about It's still fucking 40 degrees out and it's mid-April. That's true. So why not be fucking pissed about it and drink? When you curse it's very angry. I know you know, I did this again the other day I was on the phone with my girlfriend and she's like Saying something and I couldn't hear her and I don't know where I'm like

I just can't fucking hear you and I don't mean to come off sounding aggressive very very. Yeah, you're you're very aggressive I'm sorry. Did you guys hear about? The fucking there's a youtuber. I don't know who the fuck it is But they're apparently going to jail not going to jail but like facing two years in prison for like giving a homeless dude An Oreo that had toothpaste in it What is that video title? I don't know, but I want to find it giving homeless guys toothpaste cookies Why some reason anytime I hear a youtuber gets in trouble. I think it's one of those like Aaron or Logan Paul

Did you say Aaron Paul? Hey, yo, bitch Logan or who's the other one? Jay Hey, yo, mr. White eat this toothpaste bitch bitch eat this mr. White bitch Eat these are reals bitch But anytime I hear someone's in trouble it's a youtuber I think it's one of them too because they're just so fucking dumb, but see your credit though Aaron Paul did get at Logan Paul That's right on Twitter. That's right. He did he did given the poll a bad name. Yeah, first of all

Me and Danny saw our video today where Jake Paul goes This he goes It was like vice did like a documentary on him He had like a pop-up shop in New York or some shit and Jake Paul goes like this. He goes he goes, you know He's dead serious, there's like dramatic lighting he goes, you know, I used to be Jake, but you know now I'm just like Jake Paul Like three seconds of silence too. It's like I used to be Jake. Yo, how how hard do you think the people fucking filming that? We're laughing. Oh, they were probably just like what the fuck does that mean?

Zoom in to see how stupid he was like dude. What are you talking about the girl interviewing him? It's just like dumbfounded. She was literally like yeah, she's like I I don't even know You know how you can what I didn't know is that he found out he calls his following Jake Paulers. Yeah, that's awful. How creative. What do you call your following? I don't call him anything cuz I'm not a fucking god or Santa Godites. Yeah, like I never got into that I always thought that was super weird like I would never want to label someone like yo, are you a fucking Joe? San Agato, we're yeah, but I'm San Agato clown. It's me Joe But like famous people have it too. They're like Swifties

Grandes Bayhive Bayhives. Yeah, but I think that's all like Created on its own. It's not like yeah, it's like yo, you guys are like Bayhive. It's like the subculture within it but there are certain people that like Like love it like fucking Lady Gaga calling the little monsters. She loves that shit. Yeah, that's a little I swear to God I think like her like following he's gonna come and just like fucking kill us one day Yeah, probably the little much. She'll be like come on little monsters And there'll be fucking hands out the wall just grabbing us. Have you guys seen that video of Kanye talking about her like? Being the creative. Oh my god. He goes. I like Lady Gaga. She got some good songs. What the fuck does she know about cameras?

Because she's the creative director at Polaroid. He's I like some of them Gaga songs But what the fuck does she know about cameras? You know, I love Kanye for that reason. Yeah, he's so true. It's so true It's a hundred true. It's like yo, she's the creative director like fruit. What did she do? And not even that but like what do they need to be creative with just make a fucking camera It's not hard. First of all, I love the the idea that there's a title Creative director. Yeah, I don't even know what that means. It's like yo, this is not a one-person thing for the most part like a creative is A group thing I think in my personal opinion You can't you get to like that level too. Yeah, it's like you come on and you don't have to fuck you

Oh, maybe she's the director of a team. I can kind of get that But it makes it never in the building. Let's be honest here. Oh, no never. It's that's what I'm saying It's yeah, it's it's a name she's a she's a celebrity ambassador It's not like she's like in some office and they like go up there and like so what what's next? And she hands them just like a piece like a raw steak and they like pick it up and it's a camera Now imagine you're someone like fucking Lady Gaga, right some random-ass companies like yo, just fucking Say it in passing. Yeah in a fucking interview just like pay you a hundred thousand you literally like Athletes will just wear a pair of sweatpants and be pictured in it and they'll get

Hundreds and thousands and millions of dollars. Yeah, it's fucking absurd and I'm sitting here, and I can't get fucking dick It's just a gen. It's just to use your likeness. Yeah, which is kind of show just to put like Gaga on their packaging You know what I mean like they don't give a fuck about the person themselves I just want their following so it's just like just say it just say like like fashion No, but I think some new one that's like it's everywhere everywhere now But like Cardi B really was like the first person to really like start that up, right? I mean, she's the biggest one who's probably promoting it so big. Yeah, what the fuck is that? I don't know. I think it's it's like it's like cheap like sexy clothes. It's like Netflix, but for clothes

Sexy clothes. I think it's just like clothes. Yeah, I think it's like Netflix like blue apron for clothes Oh, they send like a package. I think so. I think it's like they send you like so there was a thing that I a Couple buddies of mine did at college where it's this clothing company. They literally send you a crate Like not a fucking box a crate of clothes and whatever you want You just take out and you send the rest back and they charge you for whatever is not in it I'm really bad with sending stuff back. Yeah, I would send this so like I have one of these Services that I sign up for fuck it. Let's shout them out. It's called trendy butler I found it on Instagram and it's like a right. It's not like amazing. What is trendy butler? It's just like you sign up and

I Don't know how much it is I think it's like $50 or something like that and every month they send you just like a package of like two or three items But like what kind of items like cleaning stuff. No, no, no like clothes. Oh When you I heard trendy butler, so I thought it was like trendy like fucking like Dope ass Yeah, this trendy butler's Lufa's fire. This is a fire ass bar so I was like, yeah, you know what though? There actually are some fire bars of soap. I'm not gonna get into it

You ever been to like Lush work? No, I'm not gonna get into it. You ever been to Lush? No, is this like a is it Lush work? Is it Lush Lush work? I think a friend of ours Band or something. Yeah, Lawrence shots. I was Roman. Yo, shut. Yo, Lush is definitely a band man Go check out Lush work on SoundCloud. They have some good music, but anyway, I think it's Lush It's lush dude I walked in there and like they literally have like buckets of soap that you can like it like you put your hand in and like Take out a whole scoop of it. It's fucking it's pretty sick. Do you use the Lufa?

I don't course I do I use the Lufa I have to my body is way too disgusting to know. Yo, I don't I I really stand by the fact that I don't wash well Joe Sanagato everybody Stinky Joe Stinky Joe, that's a new one vanilla Joe Stinky Joe. I really like I really don't think my hygiene is that all right? Let me ask let me ask you a question Yeah, do you wash your back? We've had that conversation. Oh, but like no like you get real into it I have to dude. I have to like your arm like what do you do with your arm? I do that. You don't luff it up. What's the difference? I'm like a mile here. So it's like it gets deeper

It gets like yeah, you can scrub it you could actually scrub we've had this conversation But all I'm gonna say is like if I can reach it. I'll wash the shit out right if I can't reach it It's not yeah, it's always a good Lufa helps dude You get no I don't got that kind of time don't got that kind of time You're so you're crazy and you go you bear you bare knuckle wash like you're in nether regions Yeah, yeah, I kind of feel better when I do that my bear first of all what what is it in there? Yeah, yeah, yeah, wait wait wait, you don't you don't like Raw dog wash your ass. No, you know that Lufa goes in that shit is fucking it gets places

I can't and I don't want to get I'm getting in there. I start I start with my hand finish with the blue Yeah, let me ask you a personal question you guys are on a first-name base the loop He's got a nickname for it. I start with the hand finish with the Lou always finish with the Lufa No, no, no, I know but I get my hand in all kinds of places. That's my body Yeah, no, I get it it's your body But like I don't know like I just feel like I'm getting a better clean when I use not my fucking hands Do you shower gel or bars of soap bars of soap shower gel is the biggest fucking fraud

In the world what is waste the money to the shit has gone in three days. Yeah, I don't shower gel I don't know. I swear to God. I don't get it because I'm out of the bottle. They're like, oh eight and one It's also soap also shampoo conditioner. I get the fuck out of here. So I can't do that fucking three and one bullshit My fucking hair comes out like awful. We get so damaged. It's so fake. So so bullshit So bad. It's just you're telling me I can wash my dick and my face with this Those are completely different things completely different things and and like I want them to smell different I don't want but like also like I don't want my face smelling like fucking pure sport No, old old spice. I want my balls smelling like that right always. I want my face just to be just clean

Yeah, I agree. You ever I used to hate like showering like if you ever showered somebody else's house They didn't have like shampoo or like actual soap. I hated that shit. I know it's worse I'm like and I have to use shampoo for my whole body fucking parents First of all, you ever show at someone's house and they're like Mike yo, what the fuck is going with your shower? I know sucks. Why is this a Rubik's Cube? Yo, I can everyone kind of showers awful, but no, I'm convinced. No shower is the same They're like snowflakes. Yeah, so yo like which one do I twist and there's always some fucking Button or some shit like it's like oh pull it out. So it's the shower. Yeah, I'm like

You gotta like twist it I'm over there like Steer in a boat and the guys like yeah, just pull this now You need like two people to put hot water on yeah So yeah, you got to turn the cold water like a little bit more than the hot water for it to work Yeah, you ever go to someone's house bullshit You ever go to someone's house and they go by the way the cold water is the hot and the hot water is the cold Yeah, does anyone know fucking know what's going on here the difference between like comfortable hot and fucking burn your skin off is like

Half a millimeter. So true. Yo, it's the worst cuz that I'll be like fuck out and I'll just go a little and then I'm frozen I know or you had the friend's house where you knew it always took forever to get hot Yeah, it's just cold water forever. Nothing is worse than like low water pressure. Yeah We were just talking about taking a bath in a fucking was a bird basically. Yeah, I'm like a fucking will Ferrell and up I'm just like I have to literally hold my hand say will Ferrell and up not up elf. Oh, the other three letter Yeah, for a second though, I thought about it. I was like, yeah, was he I didn't know I was like, you might he played. Yeah, did he play you might have been but you ever get out of the shower And you still have a little soap left on you and you're like god damn it. I just leave it

You just it's there. Yeah, there's no I think about getting back in the shower in my mind It's like it's soap like it's literally not gonna do bad things, right? No, and also can a bar of soap get dirty That's a yo, that's an ingenious question. I Don't know. I don't know but you know, it's fucking terrible You know what a bar fish wet. Do you know what a bar of soap? Yeah is like Just Like the disgusting like top layer Oh, no, I fuck I use that shit. I take it off and play with it. I like throw it. Oh my god. What the fuck

Yo, and I never take Where you throwing it Frank I take it off I throw it You ever take like two old ones and put them together and they like it's like a fucking science experiment, you know I swear to god. What the fuck are you guys talking about? I use old pieces of like why you had two bars of salt When the soap gets so thin you can't use it anymore, and you need to like fold it in half Wait, wait, wait, what are you doing when the bars of soap gets so thin and you can't use them on your body anymore You hold it like a piece of paper. Yeah, and then like it's the point where you're literally like going like this on your body And you're using

Oh my god, it's so true. Yo, and you're rubbing it on your body and it's just like moving around your palm And it's not watching What does this have to do with what I was talking about? So then you take a brand new bar of soap and you lay it on top and let the water get to it So like it like mega soap. Yeah I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. You never made mega soap? Yeah You're a bitch, bro. He doesn't understand mega soap. You never made mega soap. Yeah, that's so true

It's the fucking worst Holy shit, man. I just brought back so many memories for me. What what memories what possible memories? This has happened to me so many times though in life Just combining two fucking of the same withered away It's the ultimate poor move you have two bars of soap that are this big and you put them together to make a mega soap Oh, it's so funny. There's this It's so Yeah, like what memories

Just being fucking poor growing up. Yeah. See poor dudes poor dudes combining soap getting through it poor dudes Also, the other thing about soap when you get a hair on there Why do you have to be like a fucking rocket scientist? Oh, I just do it. Just put it in the water and let the water wash I know but you have to like hold it at a certain angle for like the water Yo, I was I was showering at my girlfriends recently and she hates dude. She has a fire She has a fire shower. Wait. Was she in it? No, not yet. Oh, that sucks So she like she was no listen So I was using the bar of soap and she hates hair on it and for some reason

That thing is literally covered in hair after I use it Not your body hair. Well, I don't wash my hair hair with bars of soap. That's just sorcery and I'm not fucking about it Bruh hoes do that not fucking who? Witches come on. Yo, sorry. I'm not Spanish like you guys But yo, I got hair on the I got hair in the soap and she's like, oh, I'm deciding I'm gonna come into shower now Yo, I I felt like a fucking crack addict like in the corner back to her like trying to get the hair off I felt so bad

Oh, man, you know, I also can't like get out of the shower until like my fingernails are clean too Oh, that's literally I stand there like this. Sorry. Don't you do that? I go like please get out of there Please get out of there so I can get the fuck yeah, like I like hold my fingers all back So I could get water and I do the same thing. What I did that literally today that's Did you guys have the the bar of soap that like came in like a mesh like luffa So it's like you know, but I know you're talking. You know, I don't know you're talking about. Oh, yeah It came in like a net. Yeah, it came in like a net. It was like pink and red. I remember it was watermelon

And it was like a fucking weapon because you can swing that shit Like I remember swinging that shit and fucking hitting my brother's not in the shower. Yeah soap on a rope Well, you're taking the soap out of the bathroom and using it as a fucking weapon when you have to you have two brothers Yeah Younger brothers. You got to find anything you could use so what you got to get creative. Yeah, sure Dude, I you have two older brothers, right? I have two older brothers One time me and my brothers had a crazy pillow fight and Keith

Like I swung at Keith and he bent over to like duck it and he did and then my brother thomas Simultaneously came over the top hit him over the head and his head hit the radiator Or the radiator no radiator and radiator is one of those words I was definitely just thinking as soon as you said it first of all I said it once in a video and people went fucking ape shit like oh my what do you say the way he said it Well, because I say both. No, you because you radiate heat. You don't radiate. That's what I say radiator Yeah, I say I say both to be honest with you. It like switches for me. I don't know. I like aunt and aunt I also say both fucking we've spoken about this. You're an idiot if you say aunt

Or from like the 1940s. Yeah, my aunt My aunt auntie my auntie. Well, it's like auntie. It's not auntie Yeah, but no one says auntie people say auntie. I say aunt I've never met anyone say that's my aunt ever I've never heard somebody present some buddies Aunt to me as aunt. No, I I've definitely only said get that out Remember the power strip deodorant No, but I remember the the the gel balls that were like the green balls, you know what I'm talking about and deodorant

Dude gel and power balls or whatever the power balls. What was the power balls? There was the power strip, which was a deodorant literally with a strip running through it I remember that it was like a green one, right? Yeah, but then there was something like the head like these green balls inside of it They're like micro beads like yeah, I'm so about green balls No, dude gel deodorant is the biggest fraud like it's the dumbest shit on the planet It's so stupid because it makes you wet. Yeah, it also makes you smell like shit Yes, like after a little while weird Dude, what about you smell like yeah, we had we had a friend growing up who had sprayed deodorant

I'm like dude. This looks like oh sprayed deodorant. Never has made me smell good. Oh, well, David smells like shit Okay, this mic just came back him you're writing the fucking nose and now I'm They also karate chopped it at one point This mic just fucking crushed my disclaimer. David does not smell like shit, but Dude, but we were growing up in the time where it's like axe deodorant Was like a big thing. It was like a big thing. I remember I used to carry like nine cans of kilo Shout out to you. Yeah, because you're Puerto Rican. But do you remember what they called axe? The Puerto Rican shower. Yeah, so racist. Very so racist. I thought it was the mexican shower

It might be that too. I don't know. I think all races. Yeah. Yeah. I think the mexican shower is like just using a sink or something as well I don't know. Say like you like you're at an event or whatever. Yeah And you do like you just wash your armpits and like other stuff. I've done that before call that the mexican shower Wait, what if you're at an event? Yeah, like somewhere where you feel like you're a little overly sweaty. You want to get cleaned up, dude I've never done that. I was on medication once I had to take prednisone. What the fuck is that? Which is a steroid it kind of like boosts your fucking body. Yeah, yo, I I would be sitting like this

I kid you not go like dripping sweat. I didn't understand it It was fucking crazy and I wore it like deodorant like four times. I used to sweat like you would not believe Like it would be incredible. I would be like, I don't I don't know. It like it has slowed down a little bit It's weird because I used to have like crazy IBS And it would be like as soon as I ate I would have to shit like immediately And then I also would sweat Even if I was just sitting down at like like outdoors At a you know, a lunch spot or whatever eating lunch. I'd be sweating profusely. That's the worst

But like that's all slowed up. It's weird. I don't know why yo I kid you not my my family tells this story all the time when my brothers were young like between the ages of like three and five They when they would sleep they would sweat to the point where it looked like they were pissing the bed Like they had so much energy like and they radiate so much. I'm serious Well, when kids go to sleep like that energy gets burnt off in their sleep. That's how it burns at all Yeah, but that isn't like dude. They sweat so much They sweat so much it looked like they pissed the bed

I don't know if there are signs backed behind this Yo, it is That when he goes to bed Dude, I'm telling you your kid's sweating a lot now. He's just sweating off his energy. No, no, no. He's just like energetic Oh my god, that's so fucking funny. Oh my god The worst is when you shower on a hot summer day and you're like nice. I'm clean and you get out and you sweat You feel that one beat of sweat going on your head and you're like it's over I did all that for nothing for nothing. It's the worst

Dude, you ever get out of the shower and immediately fart and go lucky to get back at this shower right now I've had that but like I've had the shit as soon as I get out of the shower Yeah, that's bad sitting on the toilet when you're in the shower as soon as you're done with the shower Is one of the most uncomfortable like feelings. I know we we've spoke about this. Yeah, yeah awful Those microbeads. I'm trying to remember the name. It's not coming to me though. I think it was like Gillette microbeads I remember there were green little beads and and you know what fucking sucked too Sorry, but I got it on a shirt that I loved and it fucking like bleached the shirt

Oh, I hate that when you use what do you use antiperspirant? Uh, what is that? That's it's a different deodorant and antiperspirant perspirant. Wait, so people are putting like Deodorant and then the shit on top of it. No, no, no, they used to do that Now they're built in so like you'll get deodorant. That's just deodorant. Yeah And that'll keep me from like smelling like shit And then the antiperspirant actually keeps you from like keeps you dry. Have you ever have you ever used like the dust? Yeah, that's disgusting. I've only used that. That's such a spanish thing I can't it's not racist because I'm hispanic, but like no, that's such a just just is terrible

And just fucking yeah, my like my well my abuelita used to do that shit all the time Dude my abuelita. I don't know if she did that, but that was yeah, like she was a big like wait. Why are you saying that? What are you talking about abuelita? That's grandmother. Yeah, but you're saying it mad american Isn't abuela? No, no, no like what abuela is like the term for it But like when you call someone like your friend or it's like a like a friendly term like abuelita Abuelito it's like my it's like my grandma. Yeah, my like little like my people say like hermanito Yeah, I got my deli dose of reserve stone We were speaking fake spanish to gary yesterday. We got in trouble. It's not in trouble with the guy

I Needed I needed a run to cover one and a half. I know it didn't happen. It's all right It's all right. I crushed but that's the weirds like it's weird because that you said that like acts actually started and like In our lifetimes, dude, I like that whole phase became like if you were you know, I wore I wore a lot of it I used to go to uh back in the day. I used to go to uh like a day camp during the summers There's the fucking like Pretty dope actually, but what they used to do is they used to go into the kids bunks And poke the like two or three cans of acts and throw them into bunks because it was like a fuck

Yo, it was like a smoke bomb. You couldn't breathe when all that shit was in the air. You went to like jewish camp It was very jewish. Yes, it was uh, well like and I used to I used to like sneak onto the because dude It was kind of like fucked up but like You used to sneak in the can No, listen like there was like two lines for lunch And when you got online it's when so there was the regular line and there was the kosher line and the kosher line always went first And always had the dope food like the kosher chicken nuggets were like crunchy

And like fucking like inside who's like what the fuck does kosher mean like just it's been blessed by arabas But it's just it's religious but it's religious. You ever see like that seltzer that has all the hebu written on it? No It's kosher hebu national hot dogs Well, I'm saying like, you know, like in like I'm catholic when I go to church like the little fucking pieces of bread like post or whatever You gotta think is blessed Is it different? You have to think it could be cooked with like or made with different stuff Yeah, they don't like preservatives or like things like additives that are put into like regular food might not be in kosher food

Dope chicken nugs But kosher chicken nugs were dope. Did you guys ever eat those chicken nuggets or cheese in them? No It was gross. No, but I was No, I was one of those pieces of shit that that had the uh, the hot dog lunchables Yeah, you're a fucking gross piece of garbage. Yeah, then we were just talking about how we hated lunchables hated lunchables You're fucking both dumb asses. Yeah, they were like sweaty food. I'll hit you. You're fucking both stupid You were the king of the classroom if you had lunchables that day Frankie Don't even fuck around lunchables were the shit. I'll hit you

No, you won't Yo Frankie was super lunchables because I remember this motherfucker always had the pizza lunchables and he'd be out there You know, he would do too Mixed with the finger, bitch I want everyone to look at his face This piece of shit He they they they have the red stick that you used to like it never came with a stick It came with a stick. No, it still doesn't come with a stick

It did you piece of garbage because it went still and no stick in lunch Frankie would pour the sauce onto the thing Fuck you both and then uses index finger and spread it out onto the fucking thing like a piece of garbage You're damn right and I still do it today sprinkle that that fucking ridiculous mozzarella cheese that isn't cheese And then fake fucking pepperonis on it and eat that shit. I'm gonna fight you tonight. I swear to god. I'm gonna fight you That's fine. I'm letting you know lunchables. Where the shit a hot dog lunchable sounds. Yeah First of all hot hot dogs like normally

Lunchable hot dogs dude lunchable hot dogs. You're bad. I'll give you that but pizza lunchables were to this day Fire No, yeah, we should have a lot. We should have a taste test. You're crazy. I'm not eating them Dude, I will eat every lunchable. You present me with your lunch. You'll eat the ham and cheese lunchable. Oh, yeah Sweaty ham. Yeah, Frankie Frankie ham turkey. Give them all to me. Literally get out of my home Get out of my home You're gonna eat that. It's not ham. Yes. It is

Call it what it is. It's definitely not ham. I look it might not be like top quality ham But in today's fda standards in order for them to get fda regulated It's got to be at least like 80 ham. There's no way it's 80 I would say 40% and I'm being generosity. I'm being generosity. You're being generosity. I'm being generosity with 40% There's no way it's 40% ham. No way that cheese is get bitch. No way You're out of your fucking mind. It's delicious. It's mostly dude. That sauce is amazing Yeah, but why is the meat sweating like what is it's so wet when you take it out because they I don't know Maybe I got to put it in there with like some salt make sure it preserves a little bit and salt, you know

Induces me it holds in moisture Fuck you all You know another thing though. Please if there's anyone out there that loves lunchables as much as I do Please say something. I need you right now. No, no, no, they came out I would love to interview the like CEO of lunchables and go. What are you doing? Dude? I once that's like the laziest parent fucking lunch lunch. It really is. All right. Take this thing I don't mean a brag, but lunchables follows me on twitter. Do they? Oh, see it's a cheap plug That's why you're doing them and be like send me the ingredients. I won't and they're gonna go. Okay 30 ham

40 plastic and then 30 Ace listen I'm if anyone from lunchables is listening. I will be your fucking poster boy. Oh here's Here's your Enjoy your poster boy right here. Do I know it's weird is that I can see him on the box. I could also it's just like I love lunchables like fucking saucy fingers just like

Frankie loved fucking lunch. What was that cheese that you did use a red stick for also wait also the other thing Did you guys like those crackers and peanut butter things? Yeah, but I take crackers and cheese over crackers and cheese or crackers and peanut butter I was a cheese guy. You're talking about the the like long crackers with the cheese on the yes. Yeah. Yeah That's disgusting to none of that. You're fucking dumb. Wait. No. No. Those are good. You like those Yeah, I didn't like I love cheese whiz and you know why I love cheese whiz because a goof true. Yeah. Yes Don't fuck with me. Yo rocks and yo rocks and from goofy movie I literally would sell the rights to my mother to make out with her mad hot

She's so good. Kind of reminds me jubilee from uh X-Men the character or the like no just the way she like oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah You know the the character of rock sand Fuck yeah, that's like super if I could be honest. That's probably my number one most like If I could nail any like fictional character, that's her dude over jasmine Yeah, that's that's rock sand. She's also like a teen though, dude. Jessica rabbit Yeah, yeah, I'm a yeah, dude. Jessica rabbit, but also y'all call me crazy post fish puss little mermaid

Dude that red hair gets it. Yeah Yeah, but like rocks and dude rocks and it's super good. Don't get me wrong rocks and also. What was the song in there? Remember when he's performing it, but he's lip-syncing it song is fire. I don't remember he's up on like strings and shames It was fire. That's a good. Yo, that's a great movie. We're gonna have to bump that later That's a great. Yo, you know, it's crazy all the pizza in that movie looks so good No, pizza and Ninja Turtles cartoons when I was young I was like this makes me want to eat the shit out of some pizza I want pizza right now. I'm so awesome. You guys want to be a pizza. Yeah, pizza. Shall I order pizza? I just got empanadas. So no, no, no. I'm like literally dead serious. Do you want pizza? I'm good. I had empanadas

I like pizza It's seven o'clock Hope I don't have a ticket Oh, yeah, that's right. You're 60. Oh, you're on the block. Wait. No, no 11 minutes over 11. Wait, where'd you park? 649. I parked down my gutter. What do you have to move every half hour? You have to you have to every hour. I paid for it I don't know. Yeah, but dude Jessica Rabbit They literally like I was watching something about like the making of who frame Roger Rabbit

And Jessica Rabbit was created with like fucking like ignoring physics like when she walks her boobs like bounce up Yeah, her titties were insane. Yeah, Jessica Rabbit titties are so dope. So fire Yo, Lola bunny was fired. Oh, she had a bad sexual swag in space. Yeah Dude, Lola bunny could catch a hook and they play like that fucking like slow jazz music Lola bunny's getting everything that I own. I know Everything that I own. I would fuck the shit out of Lola bunny. All right. That's that's that's a lot, but I would Wait, how old is Lola bunny? She's an adult. She's dude. She's gotta be an adult. Bugs is in his like 60s and Lola came out Came out in the 90s. So yeah, she's we're okay. She's probably like 23. Yeah, we're okay. Yeah, Lola's getting punched

Mad thrashable. Oh Lola's hot as fuck dude. Just yeah, ridiculous quick one off the cuff Fruit roll up or fruit by the foot fruit roll up No, no, no, no fruit by the foot. You thought fruit by the foot was the long one. I liked Yeah, I like that. I didn't like punching the shit out of that I like fruit roll up was cool because it had like the the tattoos on it and you can like sit there with it Or you can roll or you can roll it up We used to like roll them up like when we played baseball we'd roll them up and just like pack Yeah, because we used to like you pack it as like a lip. Yeah, because we wanted to be we wanted to be cool

Chalmy cheek me. Chal cheesy I think I think by the foot is better. Yeah the roll up, you know, it's funny at one time in second grade I had a roll up For lunch because my parents loved me Yo, it was literally like a holiday when I got then that's not like that's not shitting on fruit roll up that we Pick all picked fruit by the foot. Like yeah, they're both amazing rolls. We're still awesome. Yeah By the way, anyone who just like uh like just bit into a fruit roll up. Yeah idiot I I I I would like to hit you. Yeah punch those things out. Take those things out. Yeah, like tic-tac-toe. Remember

You're confusing roll up is the long one No, no, that's fruit by the foot Yeah, you're right fruit by the foot is the one that comes in a I've had too many. I've had too many foot. I'm gonna remember everything I've said just now, right, but If I had another one, it's already do after that one. I'm not gonna really like Remember every single word And with twitch, I know I'm gonna be like, you know, let me just drink while I'm fucking streaming while playing That's a dangerous game. Yeah, so I'm gonna be like, so I'm just like I'm gonna go back and watch streams

And be like, yeah, you were fucking hammered Playing this shit. It's gonna happen for sure. Yeah, I when and he knows this too because he plays xbox with us a lot but like When you're playing video games, you say the worst shit like obviously we don't get racist or fucking anti-semitic or anything But like but like the shit that you say is out of control and I worry about that sometimes Yes, it's tough. It's just weird like In your head, it's so justifiable that you're telling somebody from across

The country to suck your fucking asshole But then if you really think about it, you're like, why am I doing this? I'm a grown man screaming at somebody like one in the morning When I was like 11 years old, I called someone a bottle of cum Like that's advanced for 10 It's advanced Like I think back on the shit I said So fucking bad and like but then I remember like it was a different time

Like we didn't know like we didn't have the brain power to understand that what we were saying was hurtful Think about how much a bottle holds. I know that's a lot of that's a lot of cum. Yeah, would you ever donate your sperm? It's a lot of money. I don't know it's kind of scary because Wouldn't it be weird knowing like like your kids walking around somewhere? Yeah, I don't know if I would want that like I want to know who my kids are Yeah, I do too. I want to know who my kids would you ever donate it? If I get to know really if I like if I get to know I don't know that's really tough I would like to mean to be like, yo, I'm kind of your dad if someone came up to me like a very good friend of mine

I was like, listen So and so want to have children however we can't for this reason like would you be the donor? Like I would then be a lot more inclined because it would be meaningful And it would be someone who I could at least see they'd be in my life You know what I mean, but like that's nice if like it was just like it's going to be shipped to fucking Michigan and you're never going to see the person like that's kind of yeah, like like like uh, They're gonna cut your cable off in a week. I gotta go get some money and you could jerk off. Yeah, I don't yeah That's tough

It's come like expensive I I think probably because I think now though The cum is very advanced. Wait comes it's expensive. Yeah, because people can get like exactly who they want like, uh They can literally pick like I want I want a six-foot six-foot doctor Yeah, you could do that. They have like profiles that customize customizable. Imagine mine Six-foot hairy, right all over the place. Guess what unemployed I just walk in they're like nah Now we're good. We're good on the on your car. You want me to turn around? No. No, it's all right. Don't worry

We don't need any more from you actually. There's still a whole closet of your stuff like there. You could make a super human That's what they want You can literally It's literally customizable. I could take like your singing voice and your eyes. I really like your eyes I could take like I could take like your fucking complexion like dude. Do you have nice eyes? Dude, honestly, so you like if I was like, yo I came to you one day. I was like, yo like I'm trying to have a baby

But like my jizz is all like poopy like would you be like if you said my jizz is poopy? I'll do anything you need me to do. Yeah, I feel yes. Yeah, I got poop If anyone I know was If anyone I know was just like, yo, I need your I need your cum ASAP. I'd be like, yeah for sure Oh, I don't know. It would have to be someone like all due respect to you. I love you, but like I haven't known you that long That's what I'm saying like, you know, you might turn around tomorrow and just like fuck my dog Like I don't know. No, it's true. There is there is a feeling up here I just it's so weird. Like is it five years? I would think at five years. I'll give you my cum

Yeah, I think in five years That's the level of maturity of a friendship like no, you know how they say like seven years If you're friends with someone for seven years, they're gonna be with your in your life for the rest of your life Right if your friends with them for five years, they can have your cum Yeah, I'm not ready. Can I ask you one question though? I can't if you could play any superhero In the that universe, who would you play? Oh in the marvel universe in the marvel universe or whoever you want Any superhero you want you can play them and you get a trilogy. Oh, I get my own trilogy get your own trilogy You have three movies

That's really really tough. I'll say captain america. He probably fucks mad puss But he doesn't in the marvel cinematic universe. Technically. He's a virgin Wait technically or actually so He's a virgin when he gets the super Soldier serum and then he never gets the fuck peggy carter and then he goes and he's frozen until he comes back And then you go straight into the avengers and then he meets agent 13 Sharon carter who's technically peggy's Granddaughter niece or whatever he never like he's never been with anyone

So the thought is that he's a virgin like I would want to play like a darker Character just to see if I could play it like falcon like yeah, just to see if I could play a dark side Like if I was Like dark like in the soul. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be that'd be hard. Why are you going like? Like you gotta remember like say batman. Yeah, you're not even an actor and you're already taking risks Yeah, why not take risks and everything you do if anyone out there wants us to be actors though We're talking about throwing gist. It's just strangers. I want a dark role too. See I'm thinking I'm thinking I'm not gonna do someone that's been perfected because then I'm gonna be the awful one

So I'm thinking like you can't be aren't yeah, you can't be I mean you can't be batman What about what about hulk though because a lot of that CGI I can get a good check off of that and just chill But it's not even that kind of hulkish Yeah, but it's not even just CGI anymore. It's like motion capture So like you're gonna have to do a lot of work like that dude Andy circus kills amazing dude fucking Super sweet. Yeah, you actually do have to act yo ant man What dude Paul Rudd's an american treasure. I love I love Paul Rudd. Have you seen ant man? No, I haven't I haven't I heard it's really good ant man as a as a superhero. Nah, dude. It's kind of dope

So stupid if I had to play one a Thor I guess I would want to do Johnny storm Dude, you're not playing Thor because chris hemsworth. I know he's so he's mesquite smoky Yo, chris hemsworth is beyond hot. I know. Yeah, long hair hemsworth or short hair. It doesn't fucking matter I'm going shorty. No short hair is hot. Yeah, long hair. It's like dude. You're good anywhere on earth He can do anything. No, but it's weird though. It's like and most like animals that can fuck us up though Dude, I don't think that I stand by us. We had this conversation like I think like lions tigers bears They could fuck me up, but like Like a dog, I don't see a dog beating the shit out of me

Yeah, but bro if you get a bit by like a raccoon with rabies, you're fucked. Please go get the fucking I know, but I'm just saying just in terms of like Most animals could fuck you up, but I could fuck up a raccoon. Most animals you're bragging I could fuck up a raccoon. No, they can't fuck me up. They can fucking scratch me. How many animals? That's what I mean. Fuck you up. Name an animal. I'll tell you if I could fuck it up alligator I'm running away from it. I'm not gonna try to fuck it up. You can run away from any animal quick Try to run away from an alligator and crocodiles though. Their power is closing down not opening up So you literally people fucking hold down an alligator's mouth

If vagus was going to take odds on who would win in a fight you an alligator. What do you think your odds are? I'm fucking I'm the I am the favorite by like a thousand points. Do you think mine is one thousand? Dude, that's retarded. Dude a human. What do I get anything? No, you're fighting that shit to the death with your bare hands. With my bare hand, but I can craft What do you mean craft? I can craft like so like say there's like a fucking table over there I can snap the bottom of that. No, we put an alligator in here and you in here I'm sorry. They don't have the ability to fucking think and and craft shit with thumbs I'll give Frankie like minus one fifteen at the most. Yeah, not no way minus a thousand. I'm fucking that thing up

But like this is the thing We're not made with our bare hands to kill them Like look at that fucking height. What am I gonna focus eye? Yeah, that's what I'm saying But you did just say you were minus a thousand against the alligator. I'll kill the shit out of it All right crocodile Well now that's way that's I wanted to start small is what I'm saying Frankie. Definitely can't fuck up an alligator I just think I don't think I could eat away. I could fuck up an alligator. There's no way dude. I could fuck up an alligator I will kick the shit out of it until it can't fucking see

And then I'm gonna fuck it up. I'm gonna swing. Maybe we just love to see you do it Dude, I'm gonna swing that thing like a fucking never watch planet earth like they could fuck you up dude. Listen to me They you can hold their mouth shut and that's all they got going for them What are you gonna do fucking what alligator to it also depends on the arena? Because if it's on land, I give you way better odds in the water in the water I'm toast But that's like putting a fish to fight me on land I'm putting a fish to fight me in the water if you grab their mouth. They also like roll

Yeah, yeah, but on in this room bringing an alligator in this room. I could fuck it up I could I would love to just clear this room Put you in this corner. Well, and they fucking slide open the glass door. Funny thing is Yeah, I don't know. I'd be terrified. I'm more scared of a bear than I am alligator. Oh, yeah Yes, because even like a smaller bear dude lions tigers bears Cheetahs the mountain lions Leopards mountain lions think how much is a tiger away like 300 pounds dude. Have you ever seen really? Yeah, I think so dude tigers on their tongue

Can lick human flesh off the bone because it's so barbed and so strong. What? So cats tongues baller. Shit. I've ever heard dude cats tongues are barbed. Yeah. Yeah, I always like even Yeah, yeah, yeah, so they have the power and strength them and lions to lick Human flesh off the bone. Do you want to know what the average? The a male lion could get up to 670 pounds tiger Dude, that's insane can get up to 670 pounds of females can get up to 370. That's insane Uh, I'm not I'm not fighting any sort of cat. Yeah cats are out cats are out and bears cats and bears I'm pretty sure elephant will kill you

But just size wise. Yeah, elephant will fucking kill you bro. I know but an elephant wouldn't fight me giraffe I would kill a giraffe frank the animal kingdom is beating the shit out of you. You're not no way, dude I'll fuck up a giraffe What the fuck is that? That's your phone man. Is that my phone? Fantastic I don't know what that was. Oh, I know that giraffes are beating the shit out of frankie though. No way A giraffe swings his head by me. I'm fucking putting it in a headlock. It's done like you could could you beat up a ram?

The rams are kind of weird rams are weird because like they'll just run at you with their heads And I'll just fucking take it and snap. Yeah, you gotta try and get a hold of it Yo, I don't know who the fuck you think you are but none of this is happening I'll just take a tent snap it. What are you fucking crazy, dude? I can grab onto a ram's head and snap that neck Oh, man, he's kids. So fucking dumb. You know, they have like triple skulls I don't give a fuck what they have they got a single neck like how we have a single skull They have three of them. That's fire. Yeah

So I got a rock out of ram. That's why they that's why they don't get concussions when they fight each other Because their shit is mad protected. I would say most animals. Oh gorillas I cannot fuck that thing will rip you would have like a fucking loosely paper dude The gorillas would fuck me up. Look about how fast you would die. Yeah, gorilla tried to fucking kill you If like you're done a gorilla, right? No hope if you can't even pray for like no If you gave it if you gave me 10 minutes straight up to hit a gorilla as hard as I could I could beat the shit out of a gorilla for 10 minutes And after the 10 minutes is up it would blink its eye and beat the shit out of me

And that's why they would fuck me up that's why even back with the like when that kid fell in that gorilla thing And they were like, they didn't have to kill this rambe. They didn't have to kill it. Probably had to kill it If they could have to kill it, well, they could have shranked it. Yeah, but that thing probably would have tripped out and ripped That couldn't have if they shranked it Can you bad? I don't know no gorillas honestly That would have been a way more viral video if you ripped that kid in half Oh, that'd be super dope. But like go to the zoo

Oh, also like those fucking like 20 foot pythons and the fucking amazon or in the congo. Yeah, that should have Fuck you up. Yeah. I'm not I'm not surviving that fucking my dick because like they don't even think they get hurt in those things Yeah, I don't think they have like impenetrable skin. Yeah, I wouldn't find anything in the fucking you know what fuck you up to like an eagle I would beat the shit out of you those are huge any bird. I'm fine birds. Yo, I'll fuck any bird I'll fuck no ostriches are dangerous Fuck you ostriches is not a bird. That's a fuck. That's a mother for her. It's I guess it I guess Yo, I should go fuck that ass I should you'll beat my shit and beat you in a race ostrich beat me in a race

Yeah, do they do they run like 30 miles? That's what I'm saying. Like, you know, they'll fuck you up and bear ostrich lion tiger bears Elephant's gorillas. That's the only thing on this planet that could fuck me up. Anyway, uh, we're frank. Where can they find you? F alvarez 8 0 8 5 on twitter and instagram I do a wrestling podcast if you guys like wrestling called the squared circle jerks You can find us on itunes on soundcloud and you can find us on twitter at scj pod And I got a twitch account playing some fortnite playing some other games. You can find that also at f alvarez 8 0 8 5 fire danie At danie low priori on twitter and instagram

Hala at your boy. But yeah, that is all. Thanks for listening. Bye