The Basement Yard - Don't Pregame And Podcast

Episode Date: August 23, 2016

On this episode, I have my buddies @RalphieSpamps, @Frank_Alvarez80, & @D91Emigholz on to talk about my first live show. We also drink the entire time. BLUE APRON: BlueApron.com/BASEMENT Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

They hear me make it a drink please stop shut up everyone shut up Welcome back to the basement yard. It is Friday August 19th. There's a lot of people in here right now I usually never record on a Friday, but we are kind of I guess we're pre-gaming right now We're gonna go out to a bar. So there's one two three four five people in the room We got my brother Keats over here, and then Frankie who you Well, you guys met if you went to the show my cousin Pete Danny who was on the first ever basement yard episode and

and Ralph is here as well Popping my podcast cherry All right, go easy there, buddy Anyway, so this past Wednesday was my first ever live podcast at Caroline's and it was fucking absurd. It was pretty lit dude Fucking Fucking it did no it was really wild though I was nervous all fucking day like just I don't know it's more anxious than anything like I was I

Barely slept the night before and then I woke up and I was just jacked up the entire day I knew you were like really anticipating it when you texted me like yo come for vibes You didn't say anything else. No, I said I said I need the energy you know I need the energy and vibe yeah, because I was like I was in here and like what I did was when I first got out there I was just kind of I Had like five or ten minutes wherever it was and I just did sort of like a stand-up be type routine And then I had people come on the first show I had my brothers come on the second show I had Frankie and DeVino come on and then

So like I was here before I left to the city and I was like rehearsing and Then I just felt like like I started drinking and then I was like yo I need I was like you I just need to be like in like a Jokey mood. Yeah. Thank God when I went on for the second show that I stopped drinking because I was what I Stood up at one point during the first show and I was like wow Way too drunk. Yeah, Danny didn't Danny didn't make it to the show You don't think the drinking made a little bit easier. No, I want to go We knew it up there as soon as I went up there. I was sober as hell Yeah, that's because you were so focused on what the heck was going on

Yo, the fucking lights were beating on me. It was hot as balls up there. It was I Do first of all, I when I got there I started drinking I like had Jack and coax and I was just throwing them down and then I'm in the green room and like I was like I'm fucked up Because I didn't eat because I was like nervous so I wasn't I didn't have an appetite So I had like breakfast in the morning and then I'm just sitting there and I'm just like yo I'm fucking hammered and I'm looking at myself and I'm like I don't want to get out there and like slurred my words And just be all fucking shitty or whatever so I was just staring at myself literally the whole green room was covered in mirrors

So I'm just You know you get really drunk and you get to a mirror and you just start looking at yourself like Get it to get what have you done? Well, there's one person you know who is really drunk at the show Second show don't Keith was a little lit up But you missed it Danny you really fucking missed it He missed it, too. Don't forget people. Oh, yeah, unfortunately. Yeah, my cousin didn't come either. It's very nice I was there in spirit. I didn't really I

Didn't really tell anyone that I was doing it honestly. Yeah, we didn't really tell anyone but It was crazy because I The guy's like the guy you're here to see Joe And then I walk out first of all my leg my knees fucked up So I can't get to the stage quick enough right because it was a pretty decent walk I had to walk through the crowd 300 people are just staring at you and it's just like this is the weirdest fucking thing ever any cock grabs no cock grabs

Surprising I was I was hoping very surprised, you know, you walk by a table someone gives you a nice swipe of the elbow They stick out their elbow like too much Yeah, nice little brush pretending to itch their back and just Whatever I touched his cock as I was scratching my back The second show was great though because Frankie and Davino came up Davino was hammered. Yeah, he was conspiracy I say it here. Yeah, I don't know why you think he wasn't he was clearly drunk No, I think Davino was way too nervous to get up there because of Whatever and he was just acting up just to hide it. No, I mean

I think that's true, but he was he drink fucking five beers and that's it. Yeah, it's over That's like a 15 hour day for him with drinking Davino kept looking at me like Ralph don't take your eyes off me because if you do when I get off the stage I'm gonna fuck you up. That's exactly what he said And then every time I looked he was looking at me like he was looking at me making trows looking at me He's like Dude, he was he kept telling people because like during the show whatever like I was making fun of people that were just like There's this one table of girls from Jersey that if someone mentioned drinking or shots or anything

They just like whoa, I'm like, yeah, we get it. We understand Davino. I don't know our stand up. Yes And then some other like I was like, you know talking to the crowd a little bit like where are you guys from this guys from, California? Stand up. Fuck it. He's making everyone stand up. All right now sit I was like, what are you fucking priests like everyone rise and then he was like calling out our friends He was like our friend a med is here a med stand Schmetti That was that was the greatest moment and he was a he was just looking over at the table of all our friends going like You got you want to shout out in the middle of everything you want to shout out you want to shout out

I'm like, you know, what the fuck's wrong. Just kidding. He told a story about Vegas Which Vegas story nothing literally it wasn't it was the most simple story He basically we kept saying like New York you got to go to Vegas, right? And then he goes I made out with 18 girls at Vegas. Yeah It was so fucking funny. I was like, yeah, this Fucking crazy. Like, yo, you're fucking dope dude after he went on this whole like rampage. I don't know what the fuck that sound is When he went on this whole fucking rampage, we got static. All right, it's gone. No, it's not He went on this whole thing about Vegas and then I was just like basically

He went to Vegas and hooked up with a girl in the pool, you know Just rare shit. We're talking about gay Ahmed, right? No, no, no, we're talking about Davino. Oh So but anyway after the show after the second show we're there and and we're taking pictures I'm taking pictures with people and the guys like you got to get out and You got to get out of this room so we can clean the room and then I just take everyone into a lobby because I was like Taking pictures with people as I walk into the lobby All our friends are scattered and just look like and like fucking Lions right just attacking not attacking. Well, there was about 50 girls outside 50

There was a lot more than that and I'm pretty sure you guys were jumping. That's what like Yeah, it was just like, you know, if someone, you know, everybody gave us the right time of day But you know, there was something for everyone There were there were girls that had no idea where they were for Ahmed and Davino. There were there were milfs For me, which I was I lost my mind Then there were girls that were too young like Nick, you know Yeah, I'm gonna be careful couple 14 year olds out there that we're trying to you know We talked about that on veterans minimum actually how some girl went up to Nick

It was like if you ever needed girls to hang out with when you're in I think Connecticut or something Then hit me up He was like cool and she gave him his phone and he types in 646 and he goes how old you she goes 14 He gave me gave her his phone back and just fucking walked the other way. He's like, yo, I'd left a six-four six What is it six four six six four six six four six four seven push it push and then I just walked away But yo, I walk out I'm taking pictures with people and then all of a sudden this girl gets through the crowd and She looks like Robin Williams when he got out of the fucking Jumanji game

Because she is sweating and just like scared-looking and she gets through the crown She goes your friends are fucking animals and I said why As soon as the sound of the why in the word why left my mouth the way you say it is crazy. She goes No, I hear Eric And then I hear Nick go And I was like never mind don't fucking answer that so these kids were just fucking going crazy Making out with people and it was definitely wild Everybody was offering to buy us drinks for a change. It was like it was great

Usually you're at a bar girls like, you know, you're they're expecting to drink from you There was the opposite they were buying us drinks a med was going up to people and he was like hi I'm Schmetti rubbers want to take a picture They had no idea. They were like want to know okay. Do you want to know then the next day? He puts up pictures with all these people like thank you for coming, you know for Schmetti rubs. I was like, all right Whatever whatever gets me going. Yes, that show was fucking insane. I still can't believe that that happened I'm so glad it's over. It was pretty awesome. Yo, I'm like so glad it's over You know like not because it wasn't fun like it was tons of fun. It was just that yo

I was jacked up for hours. Yo, I said ours I said this after the first show and I said this to my sister when I was telling her about it Keith killed it. He did He did You missed a lot of golden gloves like you did Yo, it was really something else. It could have definitely been one of the best nights. We've had as like friends I Did I paid for like two drinks and there was this one woman who had a daughter who her daughter was like begging us like

Please stop. She's so drunk like stop talking to her. This woman bought us so many drinks So many I think I bought more drinks for Joey's mom than I did myself Well after that story you but I didn't buy any drinks myself. I heard that my mom was doing shots of Chardonnay. Yeah So I don't know if she was she was taking this like them as shots like shooting them I don't know they were shots. They were in shot glass I know because someone was like I want to buy you a shot because your Joe's mom and she's like I'm drinking Chardonnay Fucking filled up with Chardonnay

I don't know if she was well with the shouting it or just like you guys were saying she definitely needs some shots Just for everyone just so everyone knows I'm not uploading the live shows To it or to SoundCloud or anything Friends praying right now some of the stories like in future shows if you come and you haven't been there Like there might be one or two stories that you hear again. That's not them for sure We basically there were you know some stories in the second show that I didn't want my mom to hear So I told her not to come But she stayed as like you know, I just go home after the first show. Thank you for coming very nice whatever

But she's ended up saying she's having a great time and I was like, all right, whatever, but she was cool about it She was dope. It was a lot of fun. She learned a lot about a fisting. Yeah, she did learn about a lot learned Wow learned a lot about Keed's dick and asshole that night. Oh, yeah No, no, she she learned what as it happens. Trust me. I think I might have told that story on this podcast, too She's alive. She's got it. What story are we talking about? What asshole? When he when I came home when we came home drunk and he was naked in the bathroom when I opened up the door Shannon and my mom were in the hallway and he's just ass naked But hole first I opened the door but hole first

Right there Merry Christmas. Sorry. I could have put my thumb on it. Well, I chose to do to not do that Smart move I withheld that ability and just didn't I just I got a bottle of Chardonnay and I went fucking knee-deep Anyway Should I tell my story or should I not tell my story Ralph you can do whatever you all right I'm gonna tell my story. So one of the funniest things that's probably ever happened to me All right, give us the abridged version. All right. We know you woke up. We know you woke up that morning Okay, so what happened? I had a waffle, right?

This by the way, that's how Davino told his basic Vegas story. He's like so we went to this place What was the place? It was oh, it was our car. Okay, so we went to our car, right? We're walking there We get there and where then I'm in the pool Dylan sitting here. There's someone sitting spot I'm like just fucking say early like a second-by-second Everything and then I started making fun of her in the middle story. I'm like, yeah I was partly cloudy that day. It was 68 degrees the water in the pool was lukewarm Yo, he literally told every detail. Sorry. I'm sorry. Good. All right. So basically I had sex with the girl in the bathroom of Caroline's I had sex. I'm gonna let you guys get out of your system. Go ahead. All right. So I

Had she was into it basically she was you know, I met her at the bar You know started hooking up whatever and meet being the more on that. I am whisper in her ear that I'm rock solid Just like that. Just like so she goes to me calling you Geo, dude So she grabs she looks over she looks at me and goes you want to go to the bathroom, so I was I was hammered I looked at I was like all right So we go to the bathroom I go to walk into the woman's bathroom with her and another girl walks out of the stall So I was like we got to get the fuck out of here, right? so five minutes later we walk into the men's bathroom and

The guy that's in there that usually hands out like the paper towels and so you can wipe your hands after you fucking piss and wipe Your ass whatever if he's not in there for the two minutes the whole night is not in there It's fucking great and I wind up banging this girl in the bathroom And then I go to hobo with her after oh boy, and then nice the next morning I had work at 6 a.m. Didn't sleep went straight to work, and it was probably one of the most memorable moments of my life Thank you Joey for that. Holy shit. That was nice. I like this girl. Do you have like her information? Yes, but I'm not gonna be putting that out over. No, you don't have to put it out I'm just saying what's her social social number?

I'll probably she's gonna hang out. We're going to a bar after this. You never know This bathroom is the bathroom is pristine. It was Yeah, it was perfect. It was the handicapped stall you know how they like fucking three times Yeah, it could have been a lot of room. Yeah, could have had a fucking orgy in there It was a clean bathroom. It was very clean. Well, then you could thank the guy who was handing out That's what I'm saying. You don't want to see me again when it was time to leave, you know He was banging on door. You guys gonna get the fuck out here. How long were you in there? 10 minutes? 10 minutes. All right, let's say 20

Wait, you got wait you had sex with her and then went to Hoboken and had sex again exciting for a night Yeah Yeah, you how was her apartment? Was it nice? It was all right. Was it more than 10 minutes? Was it more than 10 minutes? No, good. I don't know. It wasn't just the reaction. It was more than 10 minutes I'll sober it up a little bit, but it was more than 10 minutes. Oh Did you guys hit traffic? We did in the Holland Tunnel. Wait, what time did you guys leave? Was it like midnight 12 30? It was traffic at midnight. Yeah in the fucking Holland Tunnel like 30 minutes

Like let me out. I'm taking it over. No I was a man on a mission that night I went to Hoboken once it was the worst place ever honestly. I really did it for the story They got flooded by sand. I did it for the story because I told you guys story next day You guys were fucking in tears for like a good two years of my life. That was what motivated me to do anything That's what I'm saying. Like it's like this is gonna make a great story one day Pete and I learned from my friend PJ Do it for the story. Yeah all about the story or about the story. You gotta just fuck it, dude Never mind the story. Jameson completes my life

Dude, I went to I went to I went this was like a couple years ago. We were at one of my friends Like concerts or something in the city because they died because some crazy shit where they were driving car and nailing Bitch at the same time and Right into a tree. I don't really know what the fuck you're talking We were at this fucking show and I met this girl there and she lives in Hoboken So like two weeks later, like I was talking for about two weeks later. I went there I drove around for 45 minutes looking for parking. You can't park anywhere There's 30 minute parking. I'm like, what the fuck is the point of this?

Like all over the place. It's the worst place in the world. I hate it Was it worth it? No Oh god, Frankie. What are you doing? I'm just about to do a raffle. Oh, because his his mouth opened up It was like over the mic. I thought he was gonna eat it get real sensual with the microphone Yeah, it's getting really hot and heavy over there for just do it frank 45 minutes For a spot. Oh, I swear to god Literally 45 minutes and I parked in a spot and then I got out and guy was like can't park there. I was like

Fuck, that's why I have to get out and drive. Is this a former lover? Was a former lover Are we all gonna do that? Was this a former woman? Yeah, we take a drive around 45 minutes to hang out with a guy. Oh, were you in England? Speaking of former lovers Speaking of former lovers, we were thinking about what's what's it talking about when we came on here And Frankie was like we should just talk about our ex-girlfriends

so What a trip that would be Why give me that look like don't say I don't know where you're going with this I don't know. Wait. So is it just girlfriends. Are we talking about like, you know, oh here? It goes Ralph like second girl friends are like all the girls Sexual acquainted to see dated one and she ruined everything She took half my house. I have some pretty good stories. I'm not gonna lie. My mom sleeps in the shed. They're real, by the way Frankie used to call my house and do that voice when I was in eighth grade

I was dating a girl named Daphne and he would call my house go. Hello. Who's Daphne's daughter? And my parents would be like your girlfriend's on the phone. Yo, this girl was the Boricua mommy of fucking wherever she lived. Yeah, she was She was poor. I think she was Puerto Rican. Oh my god. She was so gay Yeah, she was my middle school was mad ghetto like I was mad ghetto like I wore big-ass shirts and like Jordans Yeah, I would call joey's house and I'd be like, yo, it's fucking Daphne And his parents would be like, yeah, give me one sec and joey would pick up the phone like hello Maybe like, yeah, what's up? I'm like, yo, you're fucking asshole. Really? But hello

And it was one time he took my cell phone and changed His name to Daphne and her name to Frankie. So I was texting him and he was texting me as her That's a really good prank for if you have never done that the next time I'm calling it here And he's too dumb too dumb to realize the next time I see a med I'm doing that with every girl's number In his phone with my number. Do you know any people in his phone? He has under like their name best and best friend or best. I met has a lot of bff He's a walking friend zone. Yeah, he's the king of the friends

We're gonna get a text. Yo, I love when it comes on the podcast Because whenever he's on there's usually like a big story around a med about how like, you know, like with the car He missed 18 like 1800 bucks or something And then on twitter you see people tweet him like, yo, you don't have money Yo, don't don't get a start. He doesn't don't get Frankie. Sorry. I meant exactly not me. Don't get Danny started Wait, so wait, what story is uh enough? Oh, no, he's do not start what he said. Whoa time the fuck out Okay, so I was too drunk when I recorded that podcast that I forgot to do a sponsorship in the middle So I'm gonna do it right now plug it in real quick and we got blue apron

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Okay, that's a blue apron dot com slash Basement now. Let's get back to these drunken disasters that I have in my podcast right now First time first place we had sex. That was a good one to talk about Oh, shit 48 street park In the middle of winter right into it. Look at you. I do remember that first of all it was for raising that That night I crashed my car and I was like fucking I'm doing some dumb shit tonight. You crashed your car My mom's truck. Oh boy. I drove past like a Sanitation truck and it had the plows on it. It was snow and I ripped the side of the car off

And you could not have done something or someone but I thought that was gonna be the dumbest thing I did that night, but then About two hours later Sex and about 10 degree weather On a bench with snow on it and I somehow managed to keep a boner So that's what I said to him because they picked me up afterwards God damn and uh, I got in the car and they were telling me like around just fucking around I was 17. I don't know but then uh I was like, how the fuck did you even have sex because I walked from my door

To the curb and I was freezing But when you're horny and you do like an igloo Like it's just like you guys are one like Danny you what the fuck fuck me then I was a mess I was drinking I was drinking out of a bottle of absolute with about 10 people That's what I'm saying. That's even worse That's even worse. I was drinking out of the fucking bottle. I was drinking dollars

Fucking polin spray eight out of the 10 people. I had no clue who the fuck they were. I was drinking a fucking hypnotic dog And they were alize fucking crazy. Alize, which I've never had a sip of by the way Alize is one of our friends dated a girl who got drunk off alize after like two calls. Oh dominant drop it Drop his name That's all I'm gonna say. Where was alize being drank. I've never even she showed up to my house with it Oh, okay, and was drunk off like two cups and almost fell down the stairs I felt like instead. Do you remember as well? First of all when we were like all underaged We used to go to Frankie's house and drink there. Yo, I thought I broke my leg down that staircase

I fell from the top stair all the way down like In like an indian position all the way down to the bottom and I was like, oh my god. My right like feels so weird It's broken for sure So before we hung out with like Ralph is like a year younger than us and there's like a group That's his age and before we like started hanging out with him a lot like we would drink like by ourselves Whatever so we had somewhat of intolerance like a little one, you know so When we started drinking at Frankie's house and we became friends with them like that was like

Maybe their first time drinking I'm assuming right for the most part for most of them and our friend espo. My heart liquor There we go. So our friend espo would try to keep up with us and drink like hard He would drink hard for 45 minutes go somewhere throw up pass out and I remember there was one time where he threw up Into impi's lap. Yes on your stairs on the staircase I'll never forget and then we put him to sleep in my sister's room like a fucking vampire like arms crossed against his chest And someone opened the door at one point in the morning and he He popped up and it was the scariest thing I've ever seen. Yeah a lot. We had a lot of fun times there. I remember we woke up It was Friday

We drank the night before fell asleep. We woke up Keith wakes up Is it ash wednesday? I'm like it's saturday. No, it's not ash. No, it was sunday because I remember him saying that because we opened the door to leave And the church bells were going off across the street. Like is it ash wednesday out here? So fucking funny. Oh my god. I was dying and there was another time with him and josh Everyone passes out from drinking him and Keith and josh wake up before anyone and then find a permanent marker and draw on Frankie

Not me apparently of Draw an impie Draw an impie and then draw on themselves to make it seem like they didn't do it Listen, right? So I woke up and I'm the only one that's not I don't have anything written on me So it kind of looks like that I did it so I wake up See everyone covered in shit and I'm like, yo, what the fuck and then I'm telling them I'm like because I see josh had like baby written across his forehead He did it in the mirror

What'd you say? He did it in the mirror and in the backwards Oh Fucking war Yeah So when I see it, I'm telling them. I'm like, yo, I know Frankie's handwriting. That's Frankie Frankie did that right? So then I go downstairs to Frankie and he's got shit written. I was like, what the fuck happened? I was so confused

That's not even the worst. Remember in connecticut when we drank at espo's house and divino fell asleep on the toilet bowl And I and they chiseled a dick into his latched chiseled like scratched it and it was there I took to his neck point pen. I saw pictures I because divino had a burger king crown on divino Divino and ralph got sick that night. Oh There's pictures of Danny and dom with ralph throwing up over espo's dead over the deck And divino got sick that night and just spent the night holding the toilet bowl And I was trying to draw on his neck with a ballpoint pen, but it was like the ink wasn't coming out

So I ended up scratching a dick into his neck and it stayed there for weeks Yeah, because it was it was wild Frankie took the vacuum as fucking sucking like the skin on all parts of my body fucking just sitting there Smack you're welcome. He was smacking pans together waking everybody up fucking kid I don't even was I there for that? You were there. Yes, everybody was there for divino the scratch dick Yeah, I feel like I would have stopped that No, no, I let it happen. You let it happen. I don't feel like name-dropping. You know who else was there the week in a female Jessica fissan. Oh, this kid went first and last

I don't feel like name-dropping. That's his first and last name. She deserves to be mentioned. What's her middle name? I don't know probably uh There was all I'm gonna say is there was also a lot of jizz there Where's that mean? Oh, you know what that means. That's fucked up. Oh You should have never went that far too far Frankie if I if I die after this it's been it's been real. Thank you very much. Have a good night Oh my god, yep Me and Frankie one time There was a girl there. See I'm not gonna name-drop. I'm not gonna be like, hey, I'm not gonna name-drop and then go first and last name

Like you She's in like America anymore. Anyway Yeah, she was like 28 when we were 18. Well, so was divino. So it don't matter And it would be fair now. No respect He has no respect. Me and Frankie one night. We were up there and we're we're drinking whatever Is this a naked party? No, no, no. What? So They didn't happen

Wait, hold on. I'm gonna get to that. Okay. So anyway, me so we're sitting on the dock We're sitting on the dock and we're drinking whatever and this girl's like if you guys skinny dip then I'll skinny dip And I was like And then Frankie looks at me. Wait, wait, I know this person. Yeah, you do. So so Frankie. So Frankie looks at me He gives me this He gives me this look like Fucking whatever and I was like, I don't give a shit like whatever So we jump in the water. We're ass naked, right? And then she jumps in the water

Ass naked. Good. So she starts swimming. She's a lot more drunk than we are as we're in the water We see his brothers start coming down the hills. We're like So we jump out of the water. What was that? Yeah, we were like, whoa So we jump out of the water. We start putting our clothes on we're dressed this girl Fucking little mermaid starts swimming all over the place. We're like, she's gonna die. We're going to jail now We're, you know, that's it. Good night. So she's like, I'm a lifeguard. I can do it and she's swimming And just go and I'm like, we're like get the fucking what they're coming down the hill They're coming down the hill

So like get the fuck out. She's they're coming down the hill and then she's like, I'm good And she swims and she just hides behind a boat Right, so we're just like whatever and then eventually she got out, but we barely saw anything She she would yeah, I was so disappointed. So was I it's black. I would have done and I'm pretty sure I can speak for Most of the people in this room. I would have done anything to see I really would have like if she would have been like, all right, just like Touch joey's sphincter. I would I would I would have hesitated, but I would have been like bokeh Wait a sec joe and

So and so this thing just fucking died. So that's what happened. It just cut out and it died I believe that you were talking about uh, the last word I was correct. Yo, remember we had we had an overrun Do the night on how many times joey's voice was gonna crack when he's on it It did for like the first three in the first show it cracked because I guess you're like the nerves were still there But then it was it I was like joey has at least 10 in no my voice cracks when either I have a lot of mucus Or just like none at all That's why like when I do like podcasts and I'm talking for a lot of What the fuck are you guys doing over there? You guys are like

A lot of mucus or no mucus at all there's no in between No, I'm serious the extremes then it just it starts cracking shit But anyway, so we were talking about Connecticut and I wanted to talk about the night That we went up there with four locos the real four locos before they got recalled They had like cocaine in them or something. Yeah, literally I saw an article that was it was said that a four loco Was equal these were the words in the article. It's equivalent to a small mountain of cocaine Small mountain. What's a small mountain? It's a big fucking mountain is what it is A small mountain is a big mountain in any type of cocaine. Yeah, I had two

Four locos like original four locos Fucked up dude. The night was over at 10 o'clock As soon as you had the last morning and wonder No, my dick was not in her. Yeah, did I kill someone yesterday? Yeah Literally we had we went to we went to Connecticut. We're like, yo, let's not get booers. Let's go four locals It's gonna be dope. Meanwhile. We're all sitting around a fire with these four locals in the middle of the woods So if something goes wrong, no one can help Yeah, or it was a bear or yeah or that which which probably would have been safer a bear

Someone someone can get away But anyway, we drank these first of all Espo drinks him. He's a stone. He became a statue. Whoa, wait a sec Yeah, so he he sat down and didn't move. I'm convinced that he couldn't get his feet off the ground Like I don't know what happened Frankie was what is happening Yeah, he didn't commit a felony either Anyway, so So we went to the we went to the dock I went to the dock because Josh was out there

He was on his phone and I woke up to him like, yo, who you talking to he turns around punches me in the fucking face and I was like What the fuck so I just mean him start fighting and I throw him on the ground and I really threw like two big haymakers at this Get to face and then we and I think Keith came down and broke it up And as on our way up I kick him and his phone goes flying And it hangs like half on half off a rock about to fall into the lake And he went to go get it and I was holding onto the railing and just fucking kicking this kid trying to get him in the water But he didn't fall in and then I come come back upstairs

Frankie's slouched into his chair like you look like you melted. It was just Your fucking chin was in your neck and he was just all fucked up And there's this girl girl sitting down over there and then he's putting Frankie's putting cardboard into the fire There's fucking pieces flying everywhere all this other shit and then I walk over it It started to get dangerous because he was throwing like entire boxes Into the fire. So I was like, I'll take care of it crazy. I'm a fireman. So what do I do?

I pulled my dick out and started pissing on the fire, which by the way did zero You're a fireman though. It did absolutely nothing So I was trying to put a fire out of my dick From the stories I heard the other night Put out a fucking building fire Can we please tell the finn's story when all chaos broke loose Did we ever talk about that? No, I don't think we've ever spoken about finn's house on here Or have you spoken about finn's house? I don't know. I don't think so. I remember one thing from finn's house

I remember I'm talking about that one incident where like Ralph see finn's house was before you shotguns and nipers are brought out. Yeah Finn's house was like before me and then like it kind of like phased out as like I I caught like the I caught the back end of like the finn's house. I was there like twice I remember because one of the last times we hung out was dylan's birthday Which I was in florida for and I heard it was just a disaster like david came in and basically was like green I was there when impi fell through the floor. Like no, you know, you weren't I think I was no, you weren't That was one of the first times we ever went. Yeah, that was really that was that was hilarious

He opened the door and just fell like he walked in and it literally disappeared like four and a half feet I think he felt he was yeah, he was pretty far and his whole ass looked like wolverine grabbed it Like it was all he had scratches up the side. I don't know the stories. I heard he shut the door. It's like what? Oh my god He comes crook the door opens. He's crawling out like that's how deep it was. Yeah, it was they just had a trap There was the That place had no rules like at all. We have a good stories Josh's grandma used to walk downstairs from what I remember and fin used to flip out on her

Like get the fuck upstairs like shit. You don't say to your grandma We tried to prank people by putting lysol all over the ground at the bottom of the stairs It was not it was fucking pinesol. It was I was the one that it happened to enjoy that No, it sucked I came down the stairs like you know like walking down the stairs like a normal human being and hit the pinesol And fucking went up like a cartoon and came straight down on my ass I remember hearing this. I remember hearing a story I remember hearing a story of like you guys going there and like the older brother was like

Danny Danny start the story off because that's the story. Danny was telling That was the night. I I had to save josh's life. Yeah, I heard like people were lives were in jeopardy then I had to save josh's life Yo, literally like he he came down with his friend and his dog went to and his six pack came back No six pack. No dog. No friend and soaking wet and no shirt So we were all like something's happening. He's like, where's my dog? We're like, dude, you had that fucking bite imagine like airbud mixes with

Like some crazy war movie And they don't have enough bullets, but they have like four for the fucked up people that are left and they're like We're gonna kill everybody that's left We're gonna find a way to do it. It was really like terrifying. That's how it was and at like 15 16 It's it's really fucked up like you're you're sitting there like oh my god My life is gonna end tonight. I had three beers and I can't even fucking do this anymore So we imagine like shut your eyes. Imagine just a house Shut them shut your eyes was dark imagine your eyes and duct tape your asshole

Real quick this place had no supervision Then throw into the probably no locked doors either that we were all 15 16 year olds that were out of our minds Then we used to order so like it was easy for us to get alcohol at that point in time Elmo drinks, but we used to someone had given us like me and a couple of our buddies had A business card that all it said on the business card was sesame drinks with a phone number So we would call this number and they got to be like Yeah, what do you want and We would just order either a big bird and Elmo an oscar or a cookie monster, which were

Just it was grain alcohol with ice and food coloring and we would be obliterated After one like even if we still had them to this day one would put us Under the table like there was no chance that we were waking up so It was it was a a blast blast to say the least I wonder if they were worse than the four locals we used to drink. No, I don't I don't think so At least those were really fucking dangerous. I had two four locals on a fucking uh party bus once I really thought I was gonna die. Remember party buses from 06 to 09. First of all, I've only been on one. Yeah

Have you ever been on one? Yeah one, but I can't say I've been on like Crazy one I've been on one and the mom of the person whose birthday it was was more drunk than you were No, she pinned like sat me down and like put her nose in my mouth and was like, are you drunk? Yeah, she was more drunk. Oh, I thought like she was trying to no, I wish Are you more drunk than my fucking daughter? If not, come here I try to suck something I tried to set up a party bus numerous times for us, but like it never got done

The bus wouldn't like get to where it's still wouldn't get done now. What are you talking about? It wouldn't there was one night that one of our friends uh He well, he's not one of our friends He's just some kid that I used to know he calls me. He's like I came across a bunch of money Which that wasn't it came across I know who it is came across money came across money. Not like a bag of money. Yes, basically Okay, and I want to you know make that clear that he didn't come across like oh, I got this job

He came across A bunch of money. He found money. I followed a rainbow So he had a bunch of money and he's like, I'm gonna get a limo get some girls. Let's go and I was like I'm in So we did that and that was the most shitty fucking night ever It was fun for a second like it was fun in the beginning and then you're like this is absurd I need to get the fuck out of here Literally, I ended up when the as soon as the limo stopped in the middle of some random neighborhood

Got out got a cab went home because it was like the fucking weirdest thing It started to get crazy. It was sloppy There was like people were drinking the vodka that comes in the limo that tastes like Fucking acidic dick Toilet water. It's not the word is not acidic. It's it's acid. It's toilet. It's according to eric Or if you want to dumb it down like five levels toilet, I don't know This sounds like a pretty good night to me when you're when I was 16 Okay, you want to hear something that makes it worse? So a girl throws up

On the limo and said I was gay not on the limo in the limo girl throws up in the limo and then Two minutes two minutes later Someone's making out with her And I watched the whole thing in slow motion I saw her because she threw up like Upward and I'm like that's disgusting. That's disgusting. I see it. She's like

And then someone it wasn't two minutes. It was way quicker than that. I want to say it's like 75 seconds 17 45 no, she was like projectile. No, no, no. It was like a like a like a baby spit up But I I could see it Yeah, I like that and then someone made out with her 17 seconds later. There's no way they did not know that he Like they had to have tasted it. You have never seen pussy if you do that. That's fucked up What? You've never seen pussy if you do that you don't it's disgusting

I almost threw up on top of both of them when I fucking saw you gotta have literally no other options If you're hooking up a chick that you knew Just probably threw up. I don't think they knew because they were really well, you know like a second in once you taste those fucking That's alive. It don't taste good Last time take me to town. If you never had throw up sex, you never had sex Do you know that's a thing throw up sex? If you never if you never if you never had throw up sex, I love them You ain't living

Yeah, I because I I do those I did two videos on like the strangest fetishes and one of them I looked it up and it was like throw up sex. I've never talked about it because it's really disgusting Okay, but literally people throw up on each other Mid-fuck Like on purpose like they'll jam their fucking hand down our throat. I hate throwing up to begin with Yeah, yeah, like yeah, like how do you there's nothing when I'm nervous cold? Like cold Or throwing up my dick. I swear to god is

Under two inches. Yeah easily Easily under two inches if any of those moods you just don't want to you just don't want to move If I jump in a pool under two inches not a lie, but those are things that they say your dick loses inches Those are all things that they say like yeah, I know so I'm saying The fact is how did you throw up and then grow dick? No, no, yeah, if you throw up subtracting if you're throwing up and your cock grows There's something you have like a 19-inch cock. Maybe and they're saying that when you're throwing up. It's probably like 13 You need to

You need a therapist To to fucking just like dude. I don't know I don't know I don't and I don't get pissing porn when you don't you go on porn sites And all of a sudden there's that one category was just a girl pissing in the alleyway That's the least ridiculous out of pissing shitting and throwing out and he's into that That's what it is. No. No, he's been defending himself with handles this entire conversation No for pissing. No when they said 19-inch cock. I pointed at you you piece of shit

Thanks for that one and he's into he probably is Fraggie's just into alleyways and then whatever goes on in them Look at the end of the day, that's a no day Yeah, it's a no day. Yo, it's fucking hot as hell in here. It's hot as I'm pouring sweat How does the devil's I'm wearing gray basketball shorts. Can I go to the bar like this? They don't have enough James in the bottle. They're not gonna say anything I'm wearing red basketball shorts. Yeah, he's going looking this in a tank top. No less. I'm going this way Frank's going with his hair like that Frankie's hair, which is extremely hard looks like it's made of steel honestly literal helmet

He's got a helmet on it's not that Pete touched my hair today and said wow. It's not that hard Because he used to be worse You see even put a lot more gel in it. No, I really don't like people have watched me like do my hair Like I don't put that much gel in it. I go and fucking rub my hands together Bring it back down Will you ever go short? So what exactly are you putting in your hair? Are you gonna cut your hair like ever? Or are you just gonna grow it out until you're like I I'm dateable until until you're undateable. I already am

I want Astros like alternate hat Fucking iron man Skinny jeans Frankie. Oh, oh you want Frankie back. You want I want the hood I want the hood. Yeah all the way past the face Frankie. I want the ice man I want the ice man back. All right. What they're making fun of is I I went through a bad ghetto phase, but let's not Danny went through a similar one. Yeah, Joey was right there with me Hold on before we get into it. I never know. I was really and Ralph was too young

This kid was fucking everything. He had an Italy belt buckle an Italy jacket before the white framed sunglasses And before the social during the social Jeans that was like mf plus g lrg jeans, I think no no they were like jeans that were literally like One at the bottom they were velcro. You had talking to the microphone Excuse me It was like mf

Or I had large I had really really large clothing and some shirts that were ridiculous, but I never had like Fucking like two-tone pants or no, I didn't have two-tone pants. I didn't have two-tone pants. They were all fucking sky blue pants Do you know but they had velcro across the fucking kneecap and oh so they'd become shorts No, no, no, they literally had a velcro. It just it was a style. Don't get into I don't know It was it was fucked up. I don't understand it either. I I know what you're talking about. I don't know the name of them No, I know I had that red stripe across the knee. It was like mf plus g or something like that and like on the velcro itself and had that

That fucking logo and everything the worst shirt. I had was either the I got that snowman young jizzy shirt That was a cocaine shirt at the age of 14 or no, I never had a coat. Yeah Or I got that snowman. I had a shirt that was it was glitter by the way It was it the snowman was in glitter Um, it was a 4xl long sleeve white tea with On the front was the life, you know life cereal the box. Yeah, but it had gangsta in front of the word life That was a good one and it like instead of like a bowl of cereal was like a bowl of like diamonds

And like a chain and a Rolex. That was a really good one. So you wore a shirt that most lime in the nfl Don't fit in but you're a 14 year old. Yeah, I had a spray painted dipset shirt And I would walk around saying dipset get your lips wet Knowing Frankie for this I want to name the podcast dipset get your lips wet But guess what at that age who was the only one Getting their lips getting their lips wet. Frankie was getting their lips I don't even know when you made the change from like ghetto like what you want to know I can tell you exactly when it was 2008

I started wearing polos, but a lot of them were echo and limited That's when I started like hanging out with you. It was a rough transition 2008 was like when I when I was hanging out with you I don't want to blame it on my uncle dying, but no Wow Oh my god, um, I'm gonna sweat my ass off and we've been recording for a while here. That's a good place to end So I'm gonna yeah, I'm gonna wrap this the fuck up. Yo, come on. I could go off of that so much. Oh my god, you fuck I'm sweating. I'm dying in here Uh, anyway, Ralph, where can they find you if they want to contact you? Ralphie spams on twitter instagram snapchat

And danny d 91 e m i g h o l z And frankie You can find me You can find me on twitter at frank underscore alvarez 80 I also am on instagram at f alvarez underscore 80 And if anyone listening likes wrestling, I do a wrestling podcast I do a wrestling podcast It's at scj pod. We're the squared circle jerks

Let's go. Wait, should I like spell mine out? No, I hate you Okay, thanks. Do you want to get anything Pete? You hate that? Pete's very shady on social media at meat polino at meat polino drink beer We'll save that story for a future date Anyway, that's all I'm really pouring sweat. I don't know why Uh, but that's all thanks for listening. Yeah, but the fuck is