The Basement Yard - Drinking with Frankie & Espo

Episode Date: January 12, 2016

In this episode, I'm joined by Frankie & Espo & we just drink & tell old stories. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. It's what day is it? It's it's a Friday. Yeah, Friday. Don't know the date fuck it Doesn't matter. I'm here with two of my friends Espo and Frankie Frankie being My brown friend Kaki, I'm his cat. Yeah, you are kind of khaki. You're not really brown all the way brown. You're beige. Um, yeah It's like it's like pants. I'm I'm the pants like target worker beige. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah In the summer though, you're brown right now. You're baby. I am during the summer. I am

Full on like leather. Yeah, we're gonna start this. Oh, you're gonna start it We're gonna start this podcast by taking shots of jack daniel. So I don't know if you can see this It's a person. They have two personals of jack daniels. I don't have mine. Thanks for thanks for bringing me one You guys are sick. We'll share. We'll share. It's fine. All right. Take your sips We're friends and then we'll go so you guys take your sips and then I'll take my sip and then we'll just say a bunch of We're going one at a time Uh, no That's so communist. I we go at the same time. Yeah, don't be a commie, bro. Cheers

Put your fucking drinks up Here you go, Joe Thank you. I will take this. Why are you giving me that one because I want you to have both No, jack daniels guys. Live it up and suck it down. Suck it down. Oh, that isn't that is a euphemism for Oh, yeah, it's so good. We've I've known Frankie pretty much my entire life. Yep. We came out we shot out of Of gin as same day high-fiving. Uh, we high-fived But like our legs hit and we scissored. Yeah, I told the story before

Yeah, we did it in a youtube video years and years ago years ago We did just answering a question we're answering questions video like in 2011 First of all me and Frankie we used to make videos when we were younger Called the 48th street files 48th street is the park that we grew up going to This was way before my time. Yeah, it was way before espo Espo, I don't know what the hell you were doing back that Rubbin is a nub. Yeah He was just checking the situation. I would make sure it was all acorn down there

Do you remember when you first started jerking off? He would just look down at it like what do I do? And you just kind of like I remember the first time I felt any sensation I was watching wrestling tristratus and I was so like my head got hot. I was like, what's going on? Yeah, I was like this is my pants Yeah, I remember looking at my dick and just kind of like moving it around like what is this thing slapping it I used to like slam it in the door What was I talking about we took a left turn out of the 40 issue files, right?

So we had we were doing these videos called 40 issue files. I have the camera still It's like an old-ass camera where it records on cassette tapes on cassette tapes That's right cassette tapes and you couldn't edit obviously So what I did is I had to rewind and shoot over it and it took so long because we would Do something so dumb First of all the first couple videos were us like wrestling wrestling the dumbest Like it couldn't have gotten more homo erotic Then you were like the bus driver. I was the shoe polisher. No, that's how stupid it got. Um

You were toothpick something I was toothpick tom and you were you were the bus driver, right? It was so bad and we were the announcers and the wrestlers so we would be Out of breath throwing each other like he's slamming and and then like as we were doing it common like doing our own commentary like Oh my god Oh Jesus he he's Okay, all right. Yeah, he's he's got him It was so weird. Um, but that's like the first videos that I started doing was with Frankie in my yard and shit. Yeah, we got pretty creative after that

We did we did like our own like where's it a vase? We did a hide-and-seek one, which I was so Pissed that you I deleted that by accident and we also did um Uh, the drop kick originated there. God. What the fuck else was that? Oh jerry springer and we did american idol too american idol We filmed a piece of paper that just said american idol on it and freaky in the background went Why have I never seen these yeah, because they're awful because they are yeah They are hidden whoever like as I was explaining that went. Oh my god. I would love to see this You know way you never see them

They're burning a fire right now. They're so bad and I'm so young two prepubescent teens Just filming the dumbest thing not not one hair on my dick. Yeah, not one I was lucky if I had a hair on Anywhere below the waist my my legs toes Grundle anything there was there was not a single had one grundle hair There was not a single Joey had a long grundle hair. It was like it was like four inches long And he kept it the whole time Anyway, um

And then like growing up We would always like play sports in the neighborhood and we came across these kids Which is where espo comes in. Yeah, he's a year younger than us. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a bad friend Well, we we met espo because espo and I grew up. Yeah, you guys knew each other. We knew each other since birth literally um from our summer house and um I always knew him from the area. He always went to st. Francis You know, which is

Couple blocks from us. It's across the street It's across the street But it was crazy because the people that went there were so far removed from our group of friends who went to public school Yeah, you know because we all knew each other from school and then him and ralph and eric and a bunch of friends that went there You know, they slowly started to integrate themselves into our little our little crew language this kid I was at during the school year. I never saw you. It was more just like during the summer then I remember there was one school year where we spoke to you in like october

And your mom told my mom that you had the croup and I cried because I was so upset the croup like the walking pneumonia like The cough that's like the croup. That sounds like an std. It's a croup like a croup. Oh like whooping cough. Yeah whooping Is that what it he had? I don't know what I guess I did. Yeah, I remember it You thought he was dying. I I cried in like october. You cried for me. Yeah, dude I feel a lot bro. I remember that as clear as day where my mom told me to we were in the car and I was playing with a pez Why the fuck do you remember that because that's what I had as a toy a pez a pez. No, I had a great childhood a lot of toys My mom threw him out though. I'm still mad at her for it, but Your mom I used to we used to get in trouble with your mom all the time. I remember specifically

Like when you made your screen name His screen name was lil columbian pimp and I spelled columbian wrong. Did you? Oh, you put the u I put the u not columbian Not columbia columbia. Yeah, so he did that and he's like I'm I'm so cool. I'm sick and then Like a day later. I'm at his house. His mom comes upstairs fucking Livid yeah, what the fuck you're not a pimp. She was not do you know what a pimp is? Yeah, you don't even know what a pimp is. Well, the reason she did that The reason she did that is because

You know on like old windows like everyone had their signing accounts remember that on like windows xp And mine was a picture of the pink panther like a spray painted picture of the pink panther that said pimp The pink panther did I say that right and it said pimp and my mom came up furious I My social media presence in 2006 to 2009 Was disaster. Yeah, it was rough I got in trouble one time because my mom checked my myspace because back then like my space was on the news My space was on the news. They'd be like watch out for pedophiles. They're gonna get your kids

So my mom's like I gotta check everything So she went on my myspace the only time she's ever done it in her whole life She goes on another shot of jack another shot of jack. Oh boy. Here. So she goes on my myspace and she's looking at everyone's profiles There's nothing really bad on mine and then she goes on frankie's Right because he's like he's on my top friends She goes on and there's like a survey because everyone used to do fucking now. Remember this is 14 year old Yeah, frank 14 year old frankie and like the third question down. It was like name age Favorite food name favorite name frankie age 14 favorite food pussy. Yeah

And my mom's like what the fuck is this Dude I was I don't know if I told you this but I remember one time you were sleeping over This is when I had bunk beds and we were actually both sleeping In the bottom bunk together. Yeah as we still do now So we're there and he has a wrestling magazine Right and we're flipping through it and he's and my mom's in the room and she's like plugging something into the outlet She's like four inches from this kid's face. He's looking through

He sees a pictures of all the divas and he looks at me and he goes Which one do would you want to be in bed with? And my mom didn't say anything and she left the next day. She's like, I don't fucking want you hanging out Well, it's frankie. I remember we were in like second grade and there was so We don't have the luxury of having like backyards in our neighborhood. We have alleyways basically and In joey's alleyway at the top. There was this like abandoned little like fucking shack I don't know what it was a garage garage and behind it between like the shack and the fence There was like a super cool spot for us second graders to like go in and we went in there was like cigarettes on the floor

and there was at the end like Really well preserved playboy magazine that we used to look at we used to go in Look at like three pairs of tits and run out like scared And cops were just like helicoptering. Yeah Helicoptering and we were in we were at our school like our school's playground And in second grade and I in front of like all the parents because they used to of course pick us up at that time I used to go joe i'm going to come over and we can look at the playboy and

Before we both knew what we did joey comes up to me. He goes you go shut the fuck up I don't really yeah. Oh, yeah, I remember that he was like shut up I'm not supposed to know what that is And then after that it disappeared that that that area actually got like paved in i'm pretty sure no It's like it's they knocked down the thing that was next door. So it's like it's done now. It's over It's r.i.p. R.i.p to the playboy. That was a good time. Um playboy in 2000 and 2000. Who knows joe I was seeing titties early. That was nice Yeah, it was not actual titties. Well, but just do you remember when we used to go to mikey's house?

Yeah, and he would put on playboy on the tv. I was like is that a rosebud and I was like scared. No, it's not. Is that a What is that a hershey's kiss? What is that? Um, anyway Segway um segways are weird We used to play manhunt every night like during the days during the day We'd play basketball and then we'd go home and

Then we'd come out and play football at night We're we're so backwards. We would never play football during the day never We would always play at night and we would spray paint the football white so we could see it No, that's not entirely true. We actually 100 percent It depended on the season if it was like the summer we used to Alternate days between basketball and football And we never used to spray paint the football is white. We used to we swear to god Joey, you remember this s-mo this might have been the tail end of when you started hanging out with us

We used to pass the football around and each of us spent that entire night White outing the football with white out the little with white out with a little brush And each of us used to do the amount of like one bottle and we pass it off So at night we can still play Yeah, and I remember like if you walked by because nick Was always like the quarterback So every time you would walk by his house if you walked by his house like on his windowsill It would be a white football outside like drawing like he was waiting for it to dry

So if you walk by his house, it was out there like on like a little fucking kicking tea aspo What year you started hanging out? I was 0708 Uh Oh But I remember when we started playing manhunt and like shit Manhunt was fucking great. Manhunt was crazy including around our area because there were so many yards That we used to go into that we had no business being in they would call the cops on us like every time Yeah, and we used to play by a church like a school and like church and the priest used to come out and be like

You guys all have to stop and be like, yeah, whatever Yeah, all right. We're like, yeah, whatever. Jesus. Who's telling you this god? Come on Like we're just having fun. We're not sinning and we just yeah, but It was a disaster and I remember nick one time when we were playing by garden bay Um, those like apartments over there. This kid's playing manhunt and he's like this is how serious we used to take it He's hiding

But he doesn't want to get caught and he has to take a shit. So he's like Fuck this he takes a dump and takes his boxers off and wipes his ass with his boxers and throws them And then played the rest of the game like free balling. I will say we had good commitment Yes, first of all, that is absolute commitment, but nothing was compared to the manhunt. We used to play in canada kid Oh, wow, canada kid was great. That was something else. We used to wait till the sun went down We just watched him like is it dark yet? And we used to get espo correct me if i'm wrong We used to first of all we used to do boys versus girls, which was a slaughter because obviously Never mind

I was gonna I know I was gonna try to make a joke Obviously dudes are better than girls. Yeah, I was gonna make a joke But in today's political climate you can't make a joke without having We're gonna hold back Frank. We're gonna hold back. Yeah, but Stephen we used to get dressed up for this all black All black heads and sweatpants long sleeves black hat. I can definitely see both of you going mad hard and like painting your face Oh the hardest we should put eye black on What sucked was when me and Frankie we got picked for different teams and like we were just so competitive Like we hated each other the next day. We wouldn't talk

But when we were on the same team for a better we were on the same team It was literally a cheat code that you put into a game like We were not found No one could no one could catch us because at the time we were the fastest kids in the world the oldest and the fastest in the world Yeah Running four flat 40s. Yeah, dude, and I remember I remember when I went to canada kid the only time I've ever played there It was like not recently, but I was like 18 years old

18 that late I think I think so. No, what year is that? I've only played manhunt and kind of get one one time when you guys started coming That's when we started like the whole partying and we stopped playing manhunt. Yeah We stopped playing manhunt and just started getting fucking lit up, but um I remember we We were playing and I went on top of this house that's up there And then someone saw me so I was like, oh fuck so I go to uh get down from the house

And there's a tree with like whatever and I'm climbing down it as fast as I can and I lose my footing And then I fall like in a fucking um Like in a cartoon breaking all the branches on the way down And then the tree like came to like a like a it was like a y-shape They came there was like a fork in the tree and my foot my leg got caught in that and I landed on my other foot So I just ripped my foot out and kept running and my whole leg the next day was bleeding I couldn't even go in the water. I was like pissed But it's amazing how we got up and down that's the price you pay for manhunt, you know, there was no

See like there was never a minimum Like amount of blood spilled for manhunt like we went hard. I'm not even kidding you We went so hard the effort was through the roof. Yeah, we we used to be in trees that were Like 50 feet tall like swaying back and forth on roofs and like fuck this Remember that one time we played manhunt in the white house She's white house like a mansion and somebody stuck there Lawrence Lawrence fell through the ceiling If Lenny ever heard this which I know that Lenny is listening to a podcast If he ever heard that he would flip out because Lawrence we were playing in this old old old white house, which is at today's standards

multi-million dollar house mansion. It was built in like the 1800s our friend Fell through the roof like fell through the ceiling like and that's what you remember. We were walking We just saw a leg. Yeah, it was like a leg in Jumanji where you just see the feet going But it's like dark in this house. It's kind of scary when we're at that age. Oh, yeah I'm just like I was terrified. Fuck is that I used to bring girls in there to like show them off To what the ghosts I used to shoot not even a joke. I used to it's gonna be like to get a beach

Yeah, no, that's what it was. Oh, but like oh look at how scary it is Yeah, so I feel like I'll protect you they used to because we you know, we always had to hook up you know, like we're we're very close with you know, the guy that owns the property and The house was always so like mysterious. We used to walk by. He's like, you know, like it's so big and there's so many rooms Like that's well. Tell me not there were staircases to nowhere. Oh, yeah You know the first floor second floor. You got the basement. Yeah attic The attic was pretty scary actually creepy and I once bought a girl in there And we were walking around and I brought her into like the shadiest room and I was like

Isn't this dope? That's so creepy. Broder's the shadiest room. There was no windows. She was so wet and no way out WWE presents no way out. There's no way out of here. We gotta Keep warm. Yeah. No, it was I mean Perfect place for a serial killer However, I I guess I missed the train on that On that fad. I'm not a serial killer But now for the most part when we're up there, we just just get hammered Pretty much like during like during the day. It's like 11 a.m. And you just crack open a beer. It's disgusting. Wake up

Yeah, we wake up. I Whoa Fucking I don't know what that was almost died Oh, fuck. No, but yo, I remember I don't know Memorial Day some year whenever it was it was a moment in time I know that much, but we went and we brought So much beer like 600 of them and we drank all them I was drinking like 20 beers a night and I was like 19 years old. It was gross Yeah, dude, how about get closer to the mic? Why don't you talk from outside better? Yeah, that's good

No, but yeah, we stacked them outside your shed and like it was like a pyramid. Yeah, I still have those pictures dude We were fucking It was it was gross. I can't even drink like that anymore. No We can it was a week. That's that's how messed up it was. It's all a blur I don't know like Memorial Day 4th of July and then the four loco night. I'll never forget that. No, that was bad Actually, I will forget. I haven't I haven't had a four loco since that night. I don't want to say name We fought no, I fought Josh fire. We fought. No, well, hold on. Let me tell you what happened So we bought four locos

Before they got recalled so like I read online that they're Like that drinking that can is equivalent to snorting a small mountain of cocaine Those are the exact words small mountain small mountain. Have you ever seen a small mountain of anything? Yeah Like what the fuck does that mean? Yeah, so I was like, yo, let's drink two each It would be sick. So we Yeah, they were they're tall boys bro. You're so far from the mic move that shit in move that boy It was not it was not sick. Yeah, so we we uh, we go up there and it's just it's us It's us three josh

Keith and I think that's all that was there. So we were there and we were drinking wasn't that the night that I hit Um Sean O'Brien with the fucking piece of wood. No, there was no one else up there The only other person I could remember that was there was alex. That's it Alex was there. Yeah, class. I remember. Yeah, because I'll get into that right later, but um So we we start drinking these things and like they're gross, but we're drinking them and uh, we are just Hammered right me and frank here like bouncing off the walls. So is josh Uh espo though is a rock. He's sitting in the chair not moving. Like you could not pick this kid up

I was convinced he was nailed into the ground Right alex was there because she took the pictures of the fire that we we started Yeah, there was a small fire a regular fire made out of wood Which it's supposed to be and we put cardboard in it tons So then pieces of fucking cardboard were flying everywhere and to put it out I whipped out my ween. Yeah, me too in front of this girl. Yeah, and just Pissed on it. I was like, I got I'm a fireman And I peed on it. That's exactly how I probably said it to her

Yeah, I was like you're aware. I'm a fireman. I still have pictures actually of that fire It's like you see the fire in the middle now for those Excuse me. Those listening Imagine like a little fireplace in the middle and then just scattered fires around. Yeah, there's like The size of large cardboard boxes because we put these boxes on top with no Like it's fine structure. Yeah, we and they just fell everywhere. We're sitting there. We're just looking We're like no winds blowing the fire everywhere. Yeah, so it's like I put it out and pissed on it and I peed all over it And then I remember you someone threw a can in the in the fire and Frank is like

Oh, I got it and reached into the fire to grab the can and burnt his fucking hand um, and then I remember josh walked down onto the dock by himself. He's on his phone And he's he's like texting or like bbm'ing someone shout out to blackboard. No, he was blackberrying someone bbm'ing bbm was where it was bbm was fucking if someone updated their bbm status And it was like a subtle like You know like sub sub status at you everyone know. Yeah, everyone knew everyone knew anyway So he's out there. He's on his phone and I just walk over to this kid and I go

Yo, who are you talking to and I didn't even get two out like I said Who are you talking to and he turned around and punched me square in the mouth And I was like, are you fucking kidding me? So I grabbed this kid He's like a he was a small skinny kid at the time So I grabbed him and I threw him on the ground and I'm fucking teeing off on his head Like just swinging at him and I think keith and and maybe frankie were like Pulled us apart and then me and him were like laughing hysterically me and me and josh were like laughing not taking it seriously Even though we had both just punched each other in the face

And as he was coming up I smacked his phone out of his hand and it landed like half on a rock It was like about to fall in the water and he went to go get it and I was kicking him down the fucking hill It was this fucking disaster as well. Do you remember the night that when we were at Jackie's house And we ended up going to Connecticut that night And we we like divino like passed out ralph passed out Yes, he passed out with his face in the toilet. No, I I pretty much in the toilet I swear to god because he was somebody's wrong on this piece somebody. Yeah, it was me. I have this

I have the picture. Was I there? No shot. We were there for like we're at Jackie's for like a pool party Yeah, I think you were like just messing around like oh, let's go to Connecticut And then I think our parents and they're like, oh you guys want to go? We're like, yeah, sure. Well, yeah, we'll go Jumped in the car and left. Yeah. Yeah, and Divino passed out in the toilet and I have I still have the pictures I literally so first of all I covered half of his face in shaving cream classic You're a good friend and then I didn't have a marker So I had a pen and it wasn't writing on skin. So I scratched

I scratched most people would have gave up at that point. You're like, no, no I scratched a dick into his neck It might it was like Like it wasn't like there was no ink on his skin It was like I took away like four layers of skin and like yeah Yeah, I gave this kid a skin deep tattoo of a dick on the back of his neck And Ralph was thrown up over the deck. I wasn't here. I remember right outside my door right outside your door

And he was calling for boss. He said go get boss He wanted he wanted boss to come help him or whatever. I remember I wasn't there And the two people that were taking care of him the worst two people to take care of anyone in their lives Dom and Danny Our friends Dom and Danny are pretty I mean at this point in time. They were ahead of their time. They were If you needed they were a year older, but like if you needed someone to take care of you Back then the all of our friends. We would take care of you. Dom and Danny would destroy you Like take pictures do whatever the fuck they wanted

Oh, man Dom Danny was on The podcast first ever episode actually really? Yeah, he was on the first ever first ever episode of the basement yard I was talking about like a huge yeah, some guy had a 19 inch dick. Whoa. Yeah flaccid Does it matter? It's it who cares Flaccid this guy who wants to know details. Vanny. What else? What are the balls like? What did it taste like? Was it salty back on track though? I was I'm sorry in Connecticut We're around the fire and we're just shocking them beers all night. Oh, man

And we just grabbed some random cans and I think we threw them in the fire after and yours was a sierra I missed you know, I think you shock on a sierra mist. I don't remember this at all Dude, and I can't Drink soda like I can't like I if I take two sips my stomach explodes and I fart for three days So if I shock on a sierra mist, you know, that's all I'd never heard that story ever You were the one that pointed out to me. I was no I don't at all a sierra mist We through we like we shopping it threw it in the fire and then everyone's looking there like That's a soda. Well, that's good. Do you remember?

So as I shock on the sierra mist, I was probably fucking do you remember when Lawrence and Dennis threw the can of shaving cream into the fire And it popped and it and it we're sitting there. Stephen and I with two of our friends, uh, Lawrence and Dennis And one of them threw a shaving cream bottle can excuse me into the fire and all we hear Stephen and I are looking at it Now there was like a blue flame right there was a blue flame and There was a guy that has a cabin up there that was a fire marshal on Long Island. So he knew what he was doing So we thought So all we were looking at it. Oh here. It's

Boom and we're looking around like seeing stars And the fire marshal comes over to us. He's like, let me see your fire And he's looking in the fire and there's clearly a can right there. Yeah, and he goes All right, nothing nothing nothing out the ordinary and as he's doing that our friend Dennis is screaming screaming Yo at the top of his lungs. Yo, yo Speak to me. Yeah, they speak and everyone went deaf Lawrence and I like Lawrence Lawrence is he was all sorts of fucked up and then And then Espo and I are walking around like we had no clue what was going on We thought we were gonna get in trouble because these kids threw a can of shaving cream in the fire

First times you brought them up, right? Yeah years and years ago. I was like, oh wait. Oh seven everyone went deaf Basically That was the start of the downfall dude. I remember the first time I went up there Your dad drove us and I remember him playing Yeah, my 16th birthday. Yeah, but I had went up before anyone else No, that was the second time I went the first time went up. I went up for a weekend It was just me and you who went up with your dad and we were in the car

And I remember that the song party like a rock star was like the hit at the time Party like a rock. What? Yeah, that song. So he was blasting that It was fucking disaster up there, man. Yeah, well, do you remember the time that You and I decided we wanted to polish off an 18 rack and then a bottle of smear and off See, I can't drink like that anymore. There's no way. Yeah, and I don't have any desire Espo could do it Espo's in college. He's like uh

Yeah, because espo. Yeah espo took his first two years of college to drop Basically, but he took he took them off so he could play uh junior hockey So he could play junior hockey for this team because he's a good hockey player. So he didn't he basically Didn't go to college for the first two years and just drank and played hockey pretty much and then now he's In college drinking and playing hockey drinking and playing hockey and and winning national champions and winning national championship. Cheers to you Yeah, and why you cheers to you? I'll say that that's a that's a

Resume it's a fucking resume. So espo probably could drink like that. There's no way today I can go up to the Connecticut and drink nine beers and then a fucking half a bottle of smear and off That was the grossest night too. I remember I remember um, oh my god I remember drinking all the beers at Frankie We're just like sitting on the dock and we would we would drink a beer and then we would shock on a beer And like that's how we got him down And then we were hammered. Yeah, and then Frankie had that bottle of smear enough and we were drinking it and they had like a club house Like water literally like chugging it. It was disgusting. Oh, it was like the worst. Don't don't recommend it. No, um

We I didn't throw up. Did you throw up? No, I haven't thrown up since December 26 2008 That's so where they know the date It was oh, you want to hear something else? This kid claims he hasn't jerked off since 2008. Yeah, I was there for that I haven't I have I have I absolutely have not. I swear to god. Yo, that's a lie, dude Priest jerk. I don't have a penis. You've seen my Remember it in your mouth Like Damn, I'm throwing shade

No, um, they all make fun of me that he blew you now. That's whatever It no everyone makes fun of me because I no, just don't believe you. That's fine. If no one believes me I have no reason to lie. It's it's such a natural man thing to do Like it would make me actually probably more of a man if I said like I fucking pulled one out every other day, but And I say it like that pulled one pulled one out. What the how do you jerk off? Me and Joey do not believe this at all. Yeah, I don't and that is completely fine. But guess what I Stand by it. I you haven't jerked off since 2008 2008

Why do you remember the year one person listening to this? Did you from that day on you you jerked off and you're like, okay This is getting out of hand. Oh, no. I'm done. No, I I had a Like a a significant other at the time. Do you just get so much fucking pussy, bro that you don't need to Yeah Like no, I just to be completely honest I I thought it was kind of weird Like pleasuring yourself like as a guy pleasuring myself. Who's a guy like That sounds homophobic. I'm not homophobic

But like I know you're not that's such a dumb thought. I'm just it's just very strange Can you do it for me for my birthday? It's coming up february 25th All I want is we did Or didn't happen You gotta take a video and uh, you gotta send it to me. Um, you gotta broadcast it. Um live stream it Yeah, no, I I just I I thought it was weird like Pleasuring yourself and I just I've never been one

Do you realize now that it's weird that you thought it was weird? No, I still think it's weird I I also I think it's I I think the concept of porn is very very weird Who just don't was here for this Well, nick nick would uh, you know, he would have thrown out some, you know Vh1 classics, but like growing up you had to have been jerker when I was younger I could jerk it to like Seriously, I swear on my life. I'm not god strike me dead if this isn't true I have jerked off to I don't know which magazine

It could have been It wasn't a porno magazine It was anything and the woman who I was jerking off to had a sweater on But I just saw the curvature of tits and I was like that's good enough. I'm good. I got an imagination Beat it and I was good to go. Just beat it And you're over here. You're not even fighting the urge. You don't have an urge No, I I it's crazy. I just I get laid so much. I don't need it. No, that's not true. That is absolutely not true I just I like I said, I always found it very very strange

For someone to so like wait Everyone and everyone in the world has dry spells where they just don't have any action for months at a time So months at a time You're not Emptying the gun the tank So what happens I'll take tank over gun I just roll with the punches roll with the punches. Yeah Jesus christ

With adversity like I said, I just I think it's it's a it's such a strange Like action to me it really is like and I understand it's completely Natural for someone to you know defy the laws of nature and not procreate with you know someone And you know do it themselves, you know completely natural, right? Everyone listening is like this kid's full of shit. That's completely fine. Um, and uh, he's also fucking weird And I hate his fucking face if this is what makes me weird. I will take it All right, he just gave me a look Well, that's horseshit, what else is it?

Oh, you know what? You know, I don't believe him because he's lied a lot in the past like for instance For instance, what am I lied about? Here we go. Give me another espo. Yeah, I need a beer. Come on. Yeah Yeah, take a fucking beer because you're about to listen to this so in fifth grade Right school gets out We're all running around having a good time. You pushed me off the slide And uh, Frankie gets gets to the top of a slide push me off And uh, I come up behind him and I push him thinking I'm gonna push him down the slide But for whatever reason this kid nose dives off the slide lands on the ground on his head

He immediately gets up And he and you know, you remember kongies It's like jacks, but like it lands on the top of your hand was Japanese. Yeah, it was mad Japanese So like he had one in his hand this little game by kongies, right? So he goes. Oh my what's going on? What where am I and then he reaches in his pocket and and takes out these kongies and he goes Who's kongies are these and I was never like scared. I was like, what the fuck are you? Dude, stop like enough. Okay. First of all, you did that. I know I'm not I'm not absolutely Not saying that I didn't do that. Yep, but as a fifth grader. I got pushed off of a

Spiral slide which is five feet off the ground. Okay. Have you ever fell five feet directly onto your head? Man, exactly. I was concussed I was a victim I was concussed. I was cussions. I don't go up top. Remember that time in Connecticut when nick jumped on my head I've had three concussions in my life. Each is as embarrassing as the last So hold on. Let's get into that the the the next one too. So that's the first time this happened where he was like, I don't know Do you know who's kongies they were? Yeah, so glad they were in so they used to come in like a like a glass case Yeah, a glass case and it was cracked on top

And I'm assuming at the time I didn't know who's they were so I wanted to know whose Kungies were in my pocket guys let the record show that he's already admitted. There is no stenographer. There is no stenographer He lied he's lying now again to you But I know the truth let the record show that I am not lying I don't remember getting in your mom's car and she was screaming at you Frankie. You're fine. Shut up the brown Astroven. Yeah, because my mom always knew my body when I was okay. Yeah, he was screaming crying in the car I don't know when I had an upper respiratory Infection and my mom made me go to school and I had to go on to like

A freaking almost into an iron lung to survive So wait on so years later Uh, I'm at my uncle's house and I get a call from Frankie And I'm like, what's up? And he goes Yo, I ran into a tree in central park. It's true and I don't remember anything when you were playing football, right? Yep. Yeah, and I was like, what do you mean? And he goes I ran into a tree. I don't remember anything I'm like All right. Well, he's like, yeah, I don't but he was just saying a bunch of weird shit

So I was like, okay hung up the phone two seconds later. He calls me again Yo, I'm like, what's up? Yo, I ran into a tree in central park. I don't remember anything. I'm like, you just called me Dude, what I called you. I'm like, frank. You're gonna pull this shit again Just like in fifth grade with the kookies and he goes, yo, what are you talking about? I hung up the phone on him. He called me back again. Yo, I ran into a tree. I'm like, goodbye. Stop it Hung up the phone. I was mad upset calls me again. And he goes, yo, I ran into a tree. I'm like, frankie Now I'm scared. I tried to play with you. I was like, yo, now I'm scared I told my mom and dad and they got in the car and we're on the way to get you and he goes, okay

I'm in central park. I ran into a tree hung up and like I just thought I got him, you know And then two seconds later to call me again. Yo, I'm in central park. So I knew he was serious. I'm like, oh, fuck this kids What's up? Yeah, so I was I was with my then girlfriend at the time and her family And we were throwing around a football in central park. Ha ha fun and games Until yeah until us growing up and espo And joey can both you know relate to me on this growing up sports was number one No matter what we did Like all we want to do was like be the best in football baseball hockey basketball. That's what it was, right?

Yeah, forget about our friends every single person that we had ever met we wanted to be the best in sports and So this dumb ass threw a football and Of course, I'm gonna show off for my then girlfriend at the time So I ran and I tracked it down and I was looking over my my right shoulder. I I you know And I caught the ball and bang I hit a tree as hard as the day was long and I like I cut my like eye open. I had a bloody nose And the rest of the day was an absolute seriously like the rest the rest of the day was an absolute That's great blur until

I got home at night And my sister found me pitch black in my room like it's black. It was the black. Do you mean? No pitch black my skin. There were no lights off. There were no lights on in my room I was in my room not laying on my bed in front of my bed sitting on the floor watching rosanne And my sister walks in and I am hysterically crying and I look at her and I go What's my name and I lost and my sister and my dad And my brothers brought me to the hospital and guess who got me into the hospital I suppose grandmother. Yeah, and uh, I had a minor concussion

And it was legendary. That's great What's my name? I want to shit my pants That's great. I got a concussion once we had some memory loss, but I didn't like when But we were playing football at st. Mike's and like it was funny because it played before dominant was playing quarterback And that's that's how you know He threw me a ball and it was like over my head and like I couldn't get to it And he's like jump. I was like I did you just can't fucking throw and he's like, yo you fucking suck Next play I run like this deep pattern

He throws a ball and I make some crazy catch I like turn my body and I catch the ball and as I'm in the air There was some soccer player like right on the field next to us and he bends down and bridges me While I'm in the air and my head slammed it to the ground and I was like wow Like I'm fucked up. Wow, and I remember Donnie coming up to me. He didn't help me up. He just looks over me He goes, yo, yo, yo, that was mad good and he walked away But I then after that we went to a pizzeria and then went back home I just don't remember like any of that like I just was all fucked up

Right to bed too like dumbest thing never never had to play hockey. He's never had a concussion. Yeah, the fuck goes on That's not really. I remember when you knock on something. Nope. I remember when you cut your eye open We were tubing his eye open or his eyelid back. I came back. Yeah, of course. Well, we all came back. We're not dead Now like weeks later. I came back as soon as I got back. We went to him again Well, no the next day we went to uh late compounds for any of those in Connecticut great Waterpark espo. We were tubing and we had a tube That fit three people it was a it kind of looked like a like a big triangle And him and I were sitting right next to each other and you would like sit with your legs out

Like you were sitting in a chair like a recliner chair almost and I remember a tube hit us and espo's Espo's knee hit himself in the eye and he We've never been hurt like tubing ever before and I remember he's holding his right eye And he's like he's bleeding and I was like pull us in pull us in and his dad Espo's father is the greatest slash scariest man And he pulls him in and espo and he looks at him and we're like, oh my god, he's bleeding and he goes, ah, he's good And he went he got some uh some like dissolvable stitches, right?

He got some dissolvable stitches and the next day he was swimming with us like he was good. Yeah Yeah Fucking psycho way better than us. I'll tell you that by the way it's tubing. It's like a Competitive sport for us. We take it very seriously back in the day. Oh, yeah I remember frank used to tell me stories like you know you got it tubing. I was like You don't go tubing with it. Joey went. I don't enjoy it with us. You're scared. Joey went once. No, I'm not scared You deny that you're scared, but you are I'm not scared. I've done it before How can I be scared if I'm if I've done it he had done it but like once or twice

And I just don't veto cut his lip and divino cut his lip. No, that's not that's not it It's not Do you want to wrestle? Yes. No, but No, I'm not scared. I just don't like it. I don't think it's fun when espo and I were growing up It was everything to us like Three four times a day. Yo, by the way, hold on moralized that franky told me This kid used to tell me that he had like held the world record for like rock climbing. First of all, I did First of all, I never said world record. All right, that's that's very unlikely

And if I did say that I was I was stupid fucking nine-year-old, but shibbly day camp He's like, yo the people in my camp call me spider-man. I'm like, whatever dude. Shibbly day camp Roslyn, New York. I haven't been there since the last time I left Shibbly day camp Obviously I haven't been back since the last time I left all right, okay

Shibbly, that's The beer and the jack that jack hitting you Shibbly day camp roslyn, New York There was a rock climbing wall And I used to climb and there were two guys that ran it scott He was bald. He had glasses and a guy named steve I I know he has recently passed away. God bless his soul They used to be my belayers

And I climbed up this wall, which is about 35 feet tall In four that was a bore it rhymed 4.54 seconds If anyone has ever been to shibbly day camp if you ever ask If they still have that rock climbing wall there and they never Did anything to it on the inside of the wall. I signed my name and it is spider-man That was my nickname. I swear to god. That's where I'm gonna cut you off here frank I think me and joey agree. This is one of those times. We think you're full of shit I know listen. Listen. I promise. I promise. We got a kid, right? We got a kid

We got a kid here a kid. No, no, no, we got a kid here sitting at this table Who is a world record holder for rock climbing? Hasn't jerked off since 2000. I never said world and he loses his memory Of a fucking hat. I was not the world record holder. Okay, but I was the shibbly At the point in time. I was the shibbly day camp record holder for 4.5 four seconds Look man, you know what let's take a trip out there and let's see if Let's take a trip. No, you're not beating me up that wall now. No way. First of all

Yes, I will Both you up there. No, no, dude. I was I was spiderman. That's what they called me my nickname on the inside of the wall spiderman I remember I dipped my fingers in the paint and I wrote it in my finger Whatever dude No, I have no reason to lie about it. If I was a liar, I would say yeah, I was an idiot You know you're lying though. Yeah, okay. This kid tries to disguise his fucking lies with with with his fucking condescending tone Oh, no, he's like pretentious tone. Oh, no, if I was a liar, I would totally find you Fucking bastard. I have no reason to lie and if you hasn't beat it since 2008

I'm gonna go black light your room and see how much jizz is on the walls What you can do that, but I don't I don't think That'll be that's that's Don't do that, please Christ Frankie used to believe he used to be the most ghetto kid. He's always speaks now. He used to be so ghetto I was that I will go like that as I don't even know like you just were so ghetto I used to tell people I bet the way that people typed on like my space and aim

Frankie spoke that way like in real life uppercase low that is fat That's the fattest We went on my space to check messages. I used to get from him. His my space name was Shake dat laughy taffy Shake dat laughy taffy You ain't as fresh as I'm is. Oh my god. Betcha can't do it like me. Nope dot dot dot dot. Nope Oh my god That was Frankie though. I was and I was like the quiet

Reserved kid. I was never like, you know, you know, it's crazy and I was 180s. Yeah, you did absolute 180s I I don't think anyone who's ever gone to school with me would Would in a million years think that I would be doing what I'm doing now Because I was always like a quiet and reserved kid And like with you guys, it's different like I've known you guys forever. So it's like I'm me around you guys But in school, I was just kind of like quiet Frankie though was fucking loud as shit And it was everyone's friend

It was great. Like Frankie was always like the Cool kid. Would you say cool? Well, like me and Frankie growing up or like kind of Popular kids like there wasn't any of that though. We were growing up. There was not like, oh, this is the popular kids There's just like none that existed like we had we knew everyone because we were really friendly and shit. So but he was like A not a bad kid, but he was like more of an outlaw than I was I was like a reserved and I used to get like Eight pluses on everything a student of the month all the time Frankie never like and then uh middle school came and we did 180s like I became

fucking A bad kid this kid's getting 99 averages He's crazy. You dropped out of college dropped out of college. Frankie's got a master's It's completely different. Well, we were just you know Very very different Joey as much as he says like we were both like very social But Joey was the jock Joey was

In gym class, you know scoring touchdowns and I was ahead of my time. I was y'all. I was like a pro Everyone thought I was gonna be like a professional athlete. Yeah, I was like I was nice But then I just everyone else caught up. Yeah, and then I was the one that was You know Okay in my grade like that's that's another thing as Joey was this jock in elementary school basically up to middle school he was 99s on sims test on on spelling tests on everything and I was Made it to the spelling bee spelled travel wrong. Oh my god

I remember mad because I spelled what grade was that fifth grade? So we were in the in the the qualifying rounds and joey was given the word like like Door stop and I was given the word subtle Fifth grader spelling subtle. That's hard. Yeah, I didn't get in joey got it I can almost guarantee some of our friends would spell subtle wrong. Yeah. I know absolutely silted this day I spell spell subtle There's a bee in there

S-u-b-t-l-e subtle. Yeah, so I should know this I remember in in the first round joey spelled travel wrong. He goes t r a v L e and I looked down into my into my lap and I said this is how I die Yeah, this is how I got I didn't get the goofy pad. I remember when um I spelled it t r a v l e the lady who was the judge just like looked up from her fucking uh Notepad just looked up to me like are you fucking kidding me kid and I was like shit Damn it and like I knew though. I remember sitting there like fuck. I fucked up and then uh

The rest of the words for the rest of the Spelling bee I knew how to spell all of them the game winning one was like treasure and the girl who I had to crush on Won the whole thing. Yeah gillian gillian the one that got away The one that got away in fifth grade. I was actually in my school spelling bee too It might have been fifth grade also And I was so excited when I qualified. I was like mom dad. I made it and they actually came And I got this word. I got the word costume Oh, and I couldn't I couldn't do it. I don't remember how I messed it up. I have no idea

You know, I could see why that would be tough I sat down. I was so upset. I could see why you could be like goes goes in there. It travels. No excuse, honestly Bro, we got auto correct. Well, I mean you have spelling bees and shit Dude, you know, it's crazy. We had travel and treasure. You see the fucking spelling to me on tv Yeah, it was great. It was a cyclitis. What grade are they in like six? Fuck knows. How do you know how to spell shit like that? I don't even know how to I don't even know what iridosa colitis is and then this kid is spelling it Yeah, it sounds like a like a very itchy

Skin disease. It's it it sounds like I would be coughing a lot Iridosa colitis all over my arm and I can't Like yeah, like I need to like tickle the back of my throat I just I just makes me believe that it's some sort of awful. Yeah, like I can't come out and I have iridosa colitis all over my groin Um, and I can't run because it hurts when I run because of the iridosa colitis. Why can't you leave? I've got iridosa got iridosa colitis And if anyone out there does have iridosa colitis, I'm sorry and let us know what it is. Yes And how do you know? No, it's good. Can't spell subtle. You're thinking about iridosa colitis

S u yo fuck one of our friends used to say the word debt Debt debt. Yeah dept because it's yeah, it's it's debt So he's like, yo, you know just mad dept And like I let it go the first time because I was like maybe I'm giving him the benefit down. Maybe I'm my ears going crazy nick And he's like, yeah, I don't know about credit cards because like mad dept Second time and I was like, what are you saying? Is like what that's why I don't want to get a credit card. I'm like, no the word

Credit no the other one dept dept. I'm like, what the fuck is dept dept dick He's yelling at me like I'm stupid dept dick. You don't like no money. I wish it's debt. You dumb dick I wish we had um recorded remember that day that my brothers said something wrong and my father Fucked and my father Corrected them with something that was all so wrong And I sat there like dumbfounded like how am I in this family? Yeah Or nick he tried to say coconut and he said coca-cola. I was like What I want the kahoon wings. Oh, that was espo. We were out on a bar us three

And then we're like there's a menu for wings and there's a bunch of different flavors And uh, espo's just like reading them up. He's like, all right. We got mild barbecue, honey mustard And we're like and then he stopped at at Cajun and we're like, yo, please just try and he goes It's kahoon. We're like, yo, what is Cajun? That was great. Oh, man. Love every second of that. We all have those times. I've said dumb shit I say dumb shit all the time. I still do what I do I'm not good with Frankie says dumb shit all the time. I mean, he just said before they hasn't jerked off since 2008 Yeah, that's really dumb. Yeah, that's not true. Spider-man. I can't. Spider-man shibbly. Yeah. Oh, we're sitting with spider-man guys. Holy shit

Anyway, uh, we'll wrap this up now Um, espo, where can they find you if they want to contact you? Um, honestly I don't really tweet that much. Yeah, but what are you doing on instagram? I'm espo underscore 15 Let's go Frank, do you want to say incognito or people are going to find you? No, no, no, no, no. It's it's uh 2016 frank. He's raw Oh 2016 frank. He's raw as the day is raw That makes no sense. What is you so where can they find you if they want to contact you? Um, so I am on instagram and

twitter So on instagram, it's f alvarez underscore 80 um alva are easy underscore 80 and um Let me find out what my twitter is Yeah, what's yours? I'm espo underscore 17. Let's go So that's me and then my twitter is frank underscore alvarez 80 same spelling

On 80 very sexy nice um And that's all That's all for this episode Also, if you guys are uh interested in sports at all of me and some of my other friends We run a sports podcast called veterans minimum. You can find that on itunes and soundcloud Veterans minimum and that's all and thanks for listening. Yeah, motherfuckers. We're sorry